UBT: That’s What You Get for Loving Me
The Universal Bullshit Translator digests the breathtakingly misogynistic oldie by Gordon Lightfoot, “That’s What You Get For Loving Me.”
***
For some reason the Youtube algorithm goblins presented me with Gordon Lightfoot singing a 1967 tune “That’s What You Get For Loving Me.” It’s the most honest presentation of a f*ckwit singing about his f*ckwittedness that I’ve ever heard, and now I cannot get it out of my mind. So I must release it to the Universal Bullshit Translator.
But first some background.
Apparently, Lightfoot wrote it as his first marriage was breaking up from his many infidelities. It’s a taunt to a chumped wife. The narrator rejoices in her pain, tells her she’s nothing special, and that — chef’s kiss! — just as she’s getting over him, he’ll probably hoover.
He positively exults in her heartbreak and blames her for it. Kibbles! Have a listen.
The lyrics
[Verse 1]
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
Everything you have is gone
As you can see
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
[Verse 2]
I ain’t the kind to hang around
With any new love that I found
‘Cause movin’ is my stock in trade
I’m movin’ on
I won’t think of you when I’m gone
[Verse 3]
So don’t you shed a tear for me
‘Cause I ain’t the love you thought I’d be
I got a hundred more like you
So don’t be blue
I’ll have a thousand ‘fore I’m through
[Verse 4]
Now there you go, you cried again
Now there you go, you cried again
But then someday when your poor heart
Is on the mend
I just might pass this way again
Thanks for ruining Gordon Lightfoot for me, Tracy.
I know. I’m sorry. He was a Canadian treasure.
He came to regret the song and wouldn’t sing it in later years.
“I was married at the time, and it was a damn poor song to write when you’re married to somebody,” he said.
Gordon Lightfoot
“I learned a lesson from that, because after I sang that song for a while, I asked myself, What am I saying?! Even long after I was divorced and separated and she’d gone her way and I’d gone mine, I would sing this song and think, Geez. How did she ever put up with this?! I stopped singing it.”
Gordon lightfoot
Well, that’s all very fine and good. But as I say a lot here, sorry is as sorry does. Did you give your first wife some song royalties for her suffering and raising your children? According to an interview with his daughter, Ingrid, this is what the first wife got in the divorce settlement.
Gordon’s infidelities and his being on the road also put cracks in his union with Brita. They divorced in 1973, with Brita winning custody of Ingrid and her brother, $4500 in child support, and an additional $150,000 for a new home. During the court proceedings, Gordon had confessed to adultery.
When he died, he had a net worth of about $40 million. And other artists covered the song, adding to his wealth. But b*tch cookie, he stopped singing it and regretted his “chauvinism.”
It’s a good look into the mind of a cheater.
So now, without further ado, we’ll feed it to the UBT.
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
Everything you have is gone
As you can see
That’s what you get for loving me
It’s your fault it blew up. That’s what you get. Read the room, IT’S ALL GONE. Why are you still here?
I ain’t the kind to hang around
With any new love that I found
I ain’t the kind to hang around. I’m sorry you misinterpreted marriage vows, a mortgage and two children.
‘Cause movin’ is my stock in trade
I’m movin’ on
I won’t think of you when I’m gone
Are you sad? Crying? I never think of you. Some people might call that sociopathic. I prefer to think I’m a romantic troubadour in the Gentle on My Mind tradition. Just a rascally hobo, who leaves his knapsack on your sofa after a refreshing f*ck, leaves, but will gift you with a thought! Only in this case, no, no thought. The p**sy buffet beckons.
I don’t care about your suffering.
So don’t you shed a tear for me
‘Cause I ain’t the love you thought I’d be
I got a hundred more like you
So don’t be blue
I’ll have a thousand ‘fore I’m through
How dare you expect love from your husband! Your tears are ridiculous. Just as you cling to me kinda sorta caring “don’t be blue” — I’ll twist the knife some more. “I’ll have a thousand more.”
Now there you go, you cried again
Now there you go, you cried again
God, you’re pathetic.
But then someday when your poor heart
Is on the mend
I just might pass this way again
Your suffering (and my centrality) turns me on. I can’t wait to hurt you some more in the not too distant future.
***
Well, that was depressing, Tracy.
Wasn’t it?
But come on, it was 1967. Almost 60 years ago! We’ve come a long way since then! Um… well… okay. Maybe not.
Used spousal appliances are still a thing. That’s what you get for loving a FW.
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There’s also a version by Waylon Jennings, who I think seems like he’s in on the joke. But maybe not. Ugh. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa3I7wTOO8k
Me too. Ugh. I used to really like Lightfoot. 😳😤
There are a lot of songs out there that sound great, but don’t stand up to scrutiny when you read – really read – the lyrics.
I used to love “run to You” by Bryan Adams, until I found out it was about infidelity. Similarly, I used to love “Always the last to know” by Del Amitri, as I thought that it told my story (I was literally the last know about Ex-Mrs LFTT’s cheating, as the kids found out and then told me) …. but the line in the last verse when the songwriter sings “If he’s cheated on you like I cheated on you” still leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
Getting back to CL’s point though, it sounds like Gordon Lightfoot could have been a lot more sensitive about what he wrote. That song wasn’t a confessional that was pleading for forgiveness, it was a “I’m going to rub this in your face” kind of thing … I wonder if there’s a word for that?
LFTT
Ditto re “run to You,” until I read two interviews with Bryan Adams, and he explained that he was running away to his guitar and his music. He said that’s apparent in the original video, based on the footprints (or lack of another person’s footprints) in the snow, and the presence of his guitar. I hope that’s true.
Lightfoot had to know that his lyrics would be another stab in the heart any time his wife or anyone else he slept with heard the song. He could have avoided that by writing “him” instead of “me.”
And yes, he could have and should have turned over royalties for that song and more to his child and ex-wife.
His song would make an excellent solo for an unapologetic cheater in a musical. Despicable level of cruelty and self-satisfaction.
If that was made now, I’m sure someone would come up parody, “That’s What You Get For Cheating on Me.”
When people show you who they are, believe them. I’m sure Lightfoots wife had been pick- me- dancing long before those lines were penned. Gentle on my mind sing by Glenn Campbell was for women who don’t mind being of use, hoping to win the turd…sigh *
Oops, sorry Chumplady, I forgot about the censorship gauleiters.👿
Fuckwittery. I can’t listen to, or read, anything that romanticises cheating. Sends my blood pressure sky high.
While we’re going back to the 70’s, try this one from Lobo on for size, reaching number 22 in the US in 1973 —
A cheating FW prattles on about the amazing qualities of his partner to his OW, then begs the OW to alleviate the burden of coming clean:
HOW CAN I TELL HER
She knows when I’m lonesome
She cries when I’m sad
She’s up in the good times
She’s down in the bad
Whenever I am discouraged
She knows just what to do
But girl
She doesn’t know about you
I can tell her my troubles
She makes them all seem right
I can make up excuses
Not to hold her at night
We can talk of tomorrow
I’ll tell her things that I wanna do
But girl
How can I tell her about you?
How can I tell her about you?
Girl, please tell me what to do
Everything seems right whenever I’m with you
So girl, won’t you tell me
How to tell her about you?
How can I tell her I don’t miss her
Whenever I am away?
How can I say it’s you I think of
Every single night and day
But when is it easy
Telling someone we’re through
Oh girl
Help me tell her about you
How can I tell her about you?
Girl, please tell me what to do
Everything seems right whenever I’m with you
So girl, won’t you tell me
How to tell her about you
Sounds as if he fully expects both women to perform the pick me dance to that tune.
Haha– retch.
Sounds like they were missing their frontal lobos…..
Barf! I didn’t have time for it but I did think that’s what you get for loving me… rhymes with STDs.
FWIW, I’ve never been married and I stopped dating in my mid-30s. Yet, this song is giving me flashbacks because I got a lot of the victim-blamey “It’s your fault if I hurt your feelings”, too. Whenever some of the guys I dated gave me the silent treatment, whenever they flirted with other women right in front of me, whenever they told me how “hot” other women were (while criticizing my own appearance), it was usually followed by: “You’re too emotional”, “You are loving too much”, “You are too clingy” etc. Sadly, pop culture kept reinforcing that (misogynistic) message, particularly in the 1990s and early 2000, as I remember it. It wasn’t just that one song.
A few months ago, my ex tried to hoover. He sent me a sadz textz: “I haven’t spoken to you because I want to respect your wishes about distance, but that doesn’t mean I want it like this. I still care about you. We should talk.”
I said, “I assume this new-found interest has to do with financial trouble that you are in, and that you must have heard that I have a good career and a house of my own now.” He was furious and sent snide, nasty texts until I blocked him.
Well, yesterday, it occurred to me that my wedding anniversary was last week, and it was the first time it had passed and I had totally forgotten it was my anniversary. I was pleased about that and also slightly curious, so I googled my ex’s name… and found that he is being sued for unpaid debts. I had been 100% right about the motive for his hoovering.
If I went back to loving him, Gordon Lightfoot would be quite a prophet. I’d lose my savings, my house, my career… he would destroy it all in less than a year. Absolutely not!
Caroline, I love your badass response to your ex!
Yes, knowing that bigger losses were likely ahead helps justify the refusal to reconcile. That was very much my thinking when I took that stand.
My exFW grew up musically playing in country honky tonks. I think he was more influenced by the conduct of starring performers and women fans than the lyrics. He required adoration without much reciprocity.
But.they. get.it
My ex loved country music, which, of course, is full of this sort of thing. I didn’t like the sound or the topics, and was always more about folk and classical.
And this one is just full of ugly words.
As a Canadian Chump, I am so disappointed in the late F*ckwit Gordon Lightfoot. Dark fact: he also wrote the song “Sundown” about his feeling of jealousy towards one of his affair partners during his marriage, Cathy Smith. You might recall her as the woman who administered the lethal dose of heroin to John Belushi :(. Good ‘ol F*ckwit Gordie paid her bail. She was later deported to Canada where she lived until her death. Gordon never had a bad word to say about her. Birds of a feather…He gives me major moral ick!
Fully agree! When I was younger, I was always puzzled by guys who were showing very little respect for women in general, but (for unclear reasons) adored one particular woman who had glaring moral flaws. I kept wondering: “Why is she ‘better’ than us?” However, as you say, it’s probably all just “birds of a feather…”
Infidelity comes with the gift of new glasses and hearing aids for all the art forms….music, movies, books, art….changed forever with the new perspectives and awareness.
Just two days ago my daughter and I were having a conversation about the very subject of wanting to scream NOOOOOOO! while listening to sappy songs with romanticized lyrics about cheating.
I loved the movie Arthur. After DDay, my enjoyment of it vanished. Susan, I apologize for failing to feel proper outrage about your betrayal. 😪
I’m sorry to hear this about Gordon Lightfoot. His music is part of the soundtrack of when I lived in Chelsea (Michigan)….a happy time in my childhood.
I’m focusing on Artemis ll right now……I am enjoying vicariously escaping from Earth.
This would be a cool Friday challenge: to weed out all the cheater songs we can find 🙂
A lifetime of alimony
Children you will never see
I rejoice in being free
That’s what you get for chumping me
And then you have ANNIE’S SONG written by John Denver to try to reconcile his marriage to Annie after multiple infidelities and his many other issues. Their marriage lasted a few more years after the song but now Chump Annie is in charge of his legacy. Okay….
I have always felt Annie’s Song is the most beautiful love song ever written. Too bad it was written by a manipulative, deceitful FW. That really tarnishes the song.
Oh I did not know. I love that song, reminds me of a happy period in my life. Well I guess one more tarnished memory is psr for the course
Not that I doubt you but I did a quick Google and came across an article called One of the Greatest Worship Songs Ever Written on a site called Flying in the Spirit, all about how it can also be a worship song to Jesus
I wonder what Jesus thinks about that
I’m apologize..I told my DIL the same and she cried. The song was for reconciliation…
For the win!!!
I confess that I always thought the song was a take-down of the “narrator,” who in my mind came off like a schmuck. It never occurred to me the lyrics were meant to be taken straight!
So disappointed to know these things about Gordon Lightfoot. More disappointed than when I found out what a schmuck John Denver was, because I liked Lightfoot’s music better. Part of the soundtrack of my college years.
I actually used to listen to the Waylon Jennings version of this a lot when I was freshly chumped – I got a good chuckle out of it. It’s a good look into the shallow mind of the cheater.
This post should be required reading for every marriage counselor. Narcissistic entitlement and lack of empathy, straight from the horse’s mouth!
And here’s the Chump’s song to the F*ckwit:
https://youtu.be/6xYrSbZUhzI?si=SNpTJjUchqyxnnZb
“Get your head out of your @$$ and get your @$$ right out of here” HA! ROFL
I am not sure I understand the post.
But, I don’t even know who he is or was, so likely I am not the target audience.
I am familiar with Dylan and a couple others of the era, but I never really liked folk music in general.
Honestly I think they for the most part just write what they think they will sell. Talented but not a lot of heavy thinkers.
So many songs, books, movies, celebrities (authors, poets, artists, heroes as well as movie stars), politicians of course. Gets you wondering if everybody just stinks. 😔
I just watched a PBS documentary about the Amish. I admit I didn’t know much about them. Thought, oh!, the people with the apple butter, the ones with the cute bonnets, straw hats and horse and buggies, living a “It’s a gift to be simple, it’s a gift to be free” kind of life. (Yes, I know that’s a Shaker song.)
But no, sexual abuse of women and children is rampant. Doc cited a study that said up to 80% of Amish women are sexually abused. (Plus, they are told it’s their fault, of course.) Also, physical abuse of children and mistreatment of their animals. (They run puppy mills.)
Sigh. Is it just everybody?
My #1 cheater told me that crying was not like the strong woman he knew. He told me to GET UP off the floor where I was begging him to stay, holding our newborn and clutching our 6 year old son. 38 years have gone by and I will never forget that. And those 2 grown kids wonder why I won’t go on a nice family cruise 🛳(including cheater and wifetress) ever never.
#2 cheater was hoping for my reaction to his cheating to be begging and upping my pick -me -dance to include his 4 recommendations for him to stay with me. Instead he got served divorce papers as well as a protection order. After a 30 year marriage, he never ever was in the same room with me again.
So no songs were written about my broken 💔heart and it is good to know I am not the only one crying after being dumped by a cheater with a microscopic heart.
“And those 2 grown kids wonder why I won’t go on a nice family cruise 🛳(including cheater and wifetress) ever never.”
There are divorced couples that can do this sort of thing. Or to a lesser degree anyway, maybe the divorced couple get along well, and ex wife is genuinely friendly wth new wife. Crusing with your ex and his new wife is probably incredible rare.
But to be on exceptionally good terms happens sometimes. It’s not common. And it probably takes years to get to that point. But my guess is that isn’t happening when divorce is over infidelity and new wife is the AP.
It’s one things to see amicable divorced folks and think, “that is aspirational”. But to expect a chump to hang with FW&AP is crazy.
Also, I am not getting on a cruise ship with my ex. Someone is liable to end up overboard. I like my FW-Free life, don’t want it to end early and don’t want to go to jail either. lol
My #1 Cheater I grew up with from 2nd grade up to marriage He turned into a bully and mean with alcohol..He’s never communicated with me outside of kids. on his own except to write me a letter of complaint.so there is zero to..work with. Wifetress is my complete opposite…which made her attractive to ex..we have nothing to say to each other. It’s better this way.
In the 70s, I had a boyfriend who played this album often. I didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics. I was a grad student, and he was a med student. He had a zipper problem,even in his 20s. He went on to 3 or 4 , or maybe more marriages. Had not thought about him in years until I read this. He was FW #1. Better looking and more intelligent than FW #2, but a FW all the same.
While I don’t much like the songs about cheating, I can tolerate it for the sake of a great voice and a fine tune. Unfortunately, Gordon and this song don’t meet either criteria. What really burns me up are the jokes about cheating. There is not one single thing about cheaters, cheatees, or the consequences that strikes me as humorous. I’ve become a true curmudgeon about it.
Same here, I am more offended by offhanded jokes about cheating. Not so much professional comedians, I rarely listen to them anyway; but just joking in general about such painful subjects to so many people.
There are older songs I like because of the music, I don’t pay much attention to the lyrics anymore.
Now do Melissa by The Allman Brothers! I hope next time that asshat shows up, Sweet Melissa has cleared out the house and written goodbye in lipstick on the wall.
Thank God this song did not age well, and the lyrics are now obviously alarming and disgusting. About 10 years ago I wateched an old version of Little Shop of Horrors and the hilarity of the abusive husband was another pterodactyl past its prime and fit only to be shot down.
Infidelity. Domestic violence. Not entertaining any more.
I hope the next generation is just as horrified as we are now when they see an old Balenciaga child sex abuse-themed ad. Not edgy, not avant garde…just evil.
It’s worth nothing that Lightfoot stopped singing that song a long time ago. He’s embarrassed by it, has said he considers it sexist and egotistical. Given his past troubles with booze, he was probably drunk when he wrote it. He wrote so many great songs that I think I’ll give him a pass on this. If You Could Read My Mind and Early Morning Rain are particularly sublime.
Well, he died in 2023, so he’s gone on to his reward, or punishment, or nothing, depending on your school of thought.
Oh man, I had no idea he was a cheater! Another artist whose work I’ll be avoiding from now on.
And he had a couple of really big hits a few years later. I guess there was no way his wife could get a percentage of his future earnings. But if she had..
Oooh! I’ve been learning how to play the guitar now that I’m FW-free and just started learning “Take it Easy” by the Eagles. I was absolutely stopped mid-strum!
“Well I’m a-running down the road trying to loosen my load
Got a world of trouble on my mind
Lookin’ for a lover who won’t blow my cover
She’s just a little hard to find
Take it easy, take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Come on baby, don’t say maybe
I’ve got to know if your sweet love is gonna save me”
Geez! Seriously, meanwhile God save us chumps!!
A few months before my ex left, I noticed his playlist was very limited. We’d listen to the same songs and watch the same videos over and over again. Many years after the divorce, I realized that the songs were all about how much he hated me. Gives You Hell, by the All-American Rejects, and Breezeblocks by Alt J are the worst. The video for the second is particularly scary. It’s so insane to imagine I pick-me-danced for this person.
One of my all- time favorites is Linger by the Cranberries. It’s a song about cheating. One time I was listening to this song and my ex said he hated this song and I always wondered why. Of course now I know why…
Some of the lyrics:
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey, so did you
So why were you holding her hand?
Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time?
Was it just a game to you?
But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?