What You Thought It Was… What It Really Was
In the early days after D-Day, caught up in the Pick Me Dance, chumps have a tendency to romanticize cheaters’ affairs and the affair partners. Part of that is on the cheater, goading the chump to greater feats of humiliation to prove their worth. Have I mentioned Pamela’s firm bottom? It’s so much better than yours. And part of it is the chump, in it to win it. I WILL MAKE YOU LOVE ME!
Of course you can’t compete with a fantasy. Cheaters never have to adult with each other. It’s just salmon dinners and clandestine fucking. You’re the obstacle to the happiness of stolen hours spent fucking and dining. You there, paying bills, rocking babies, and cleaning out lint filters. How could you hope to be as fabulous?
You fail to understand their sophistication, you with your monogamy hang-ups. The heart wants what the heart wants. Life’s not so “black and white.” Run along and be a good chump and go pack a lunch or something.
Chumps often internalize this mindfuck. Feel frumpy and less than. We imagine all the Fabulous Fucking and perfectly poached salmon.
But think about it. What happens when you remove yourself from the triangle (hexagon, dodecahedron…) and the two Schmoopies are left with one another? Adulting is required. WHO WILL DO IT?
What you imagine: Perfect Christmases at Chez Schmoopie. The children in handknit sweaters, crooning Christmas carols, receiving perfect gifts selected for them.
What it really is: Chicken nuggets shaken out of a bag for dinner, unkempt children plopped in front of cartoons, while Aunt Hazel regals everyone with her views on welfare cheats and the Gold Standard.
Cheaters win turds. Their lives are never as enviable as you might imagine. Sure, they have escaped with half your pension, and go on more cruises than you do (no adulting at sea! plus buffets!) — but I guarantee they’re still the same crappy people making crappy life choices.
Your Friday challenge today is to tell me What You Imagined versus What It Is (or suspect it will be, based on your knowledge of this person). Bring it!
And TGIF!
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Every time you support Chump Nation on Patreon, Esther Perel breaks out in boils.
What you imagine: The lovebirds living a full life of enjoying movies, visiting with friends, laughing…sexing.
What it really is: Cheater has developed a penchant for watching stand-up comedy on Netflix ( he needs a laugh?), trying to follow my niece on Instagram and coming to visit daughter on Father’s Day to remind himself he’s a father..
What she thought she was getting – an adult who would provide her and her children with a home and money to do fun things.
What she got – a broke-a$$ MF who can’t keep a job, couldn’t afford a home if his life depended on it, and no money for fun things (cause lawyers, fines, etc…lol).
And CL totally triggered me on the salmon thing. Years ago I would make a smoked salmon dish that was amazing And one day, also years ago thankfully, when I was trolling her FB I saw where she had attempted to make the same dish (ok..it had salmon but that’s about all it had in common with mine) and he was raving about it in the comments. I remember feeling so hurt at the time but now I just think about what freaks they must have been to try and re-create our lives and make it theirs.
To all of Chump Nation – never forget NO CONTACT is the path to a cheater-free life.
Happy Friday Everyone!
@WhoamInow, “I remember feeling so hurt at the time but now I just think about what freaks they must have been to try and re-create our lives and make it theirs.” <<<<<THIS!! My ex and his wife (married howorker on marriage #3) used the same decorator we used during our marriage….and their home is practically an exact replica of our former home. I don't know about y'all, but if I were the lyin', cheatin' homewrecker, I'd hire my own NEW decorator. What's that about?? Pathetic.
Agreed mine thought he could have his cake and eat it too, the minute I set a boundary he went ballistic! I was so not playing the pick me dance
Yep cheater ex asked the kids to get my buffalo chicken dip recipe. He also now makes a fire pit outside and roasts weinies and marshmallows with his schmoopie and my teenagers. I bet their no more engaged in this now than they were before he blew up the family for his young whore. They are teenagers and want to do stuff with their friends! DD16 said she’s not allowed to do anything on Friday nights at all and she doesn’t invite friends over to his house. DS18 probably tries to play video games the entire time.
They sneak to my house after school until they have to go to his house. They part with the words ‘we were never here’ as they know he will rage!
My cheater,whom loved my cooking and would rave about it to anyone who’d care to listen, all of a sudden, became disgusted with my food.
So much so that he charged after me one day, (in front of a friend) because I put mayo on his grilled cheese sandwich. Something I had done for years PER HIS REQUEST. That was before I knew about the cheating but it was certainly an initial indicator that something was terribly amiss. Imagine a very petite woman, about six months pregnant, balled up in a corner, hands up, preparing for being hit because of mayonnaise on a freaking sandwich. This coming from someone who had never paid a hand on me prior.
Omg!!! That’s crazy batshit crazy
This reminds me of when I was first dating skankboy. His Red Sox lost, started an argument with me because he can’t deal with his own feelings and picked a fight with me. He got into my personal space! *I* said to him, my grandfather and father were drill sergeants, I have 6 brothers and a 6 feet tall son…..if you hit, I hit back, then my family will dismember you without batting an eyelash! Your serve!
Fuckwit did passive aggressive shit.
Like the time he slammed on the brakes on the car and I bashed my forehead on the dashboard.
But there was this time I got the feeling that he was going to try it and I just said to him flat out:
“If you ever hit me just remember this I’m going to be waiting for you some night behind the kitchen door with my cast-iron frying pan. ”
Never felt scared after that.
I love it ! A band of big brothers to beat his ass !
It must have stuck with him because on Dday when I got into HIS personal space, he cringed and covered his face. Fucking wimp! (Whispering, I’m a catch and release kinda gal with insects and truly would never had struck him!)
OMG! That disgusting piece of Satan’s shit!
This is unthinkable FedUp. Trying to hit a woman, let alone a pregnant woman? Pregnant with HIS OWN child? When you think you’ve heard it all, they still can surprise us. Hugs to you.
It’s disgusting… brings memories…finding craigslist adds on his computer while breastfeeding our first child… waking the lying cheating fucker up to hear that someone “ broke into his computer”, hearing insults and basically being accused of being a crazy person, while he was “ killing himself” for his family… next two days went on stonewalling me… going to work… getting drunk out of despair of being accused of “such a horrible stuff” …. finalized with me taking care of the newborn baby, house, and everything in between in my own….
15 years later I know what this devoted husband and father was doing the whole time.. oh my oh my
Oh that totally triggered me @WhoamInow. I used to make this goddamn amazing fish and olive tagine dish that we all absolutely loved (even my preschooler kids) with couscous and everything. I remember STBXW trying to make it once – the results made me chuckle. Definitely freaks if they think they can just move on as if nothing had happened. NC is awesome!
Mine. Made me teach him my faboulous Thai Basil chicken dish before he dumped me. Who does that? Who thinks I’m going to get her Basil Chicken receipe and then dump her??
I can guarantee you what he makes is not one tenth as good as mine.
Fact is I never gave him a few ingredients. In my heart of heart I never really trusted him. Even with a receipe.
Glad he didn’t get the ingredients
Mine stole a page out of a cookbook. For ribs. It was a three ring binder and he must have not wanted to make a copy so the whole page is gone. Kids and I laugh about it. A liar, a cheater, and a thief. Lol
Oh…that KILLED me when, in a rage, I asked if she had cooked for him and he said yes. I’m Italian – food is love. I love to cook and I shower my family with delicious food that tastes like love. Hers had to have tasted like guilt and despair. But he probably ate her shitty chicken parm (have not made it or eaten it since D day). I hope it gave him the shits.
Confised123, I get a laugh trying to imagine them making your fabulous chicken and scratching their heads wondering why it didn’t turn out.
He hated to travel,at least with his family, but had no problem running all over who knows where with the ow and putting it on social media. He’s in prison now so I doubt there’s much traveling..lol. I on the other hand have been to alot of new places and experiencing life with my children in the fabulous land of meh!
livedtotell…he is still travelling….from one inmate to another….Have a great butt f****** time! Won’t see you in hell, Loser!
LOL, I love it he’s in prison now so I doubt much travelling!????????????????????
My 18 year old self so in love. I expected to be loved, protected, to be taken care of. I expected from my stbx to be there for me when I needed him the most. Oh if I could just tell my 18 year old self not to get married so young. That I would be verbally abused, called names. Responsible to pay all the bills while he kept more than half his paycheck. Refused to put me on his health insurance when I lost my job. Then when I was going through a bad time in my life because early menopause kicked my ass. He cheats on me with my cousin. His excuse was he wasn’t getting enough attention. I did not go out enough with him. Instead of helping me through my bad times he abandoned me for a short fat troll.
Cuzchump i so get it, I was married at 26 and him at 30 and still it made no difference! He wanted cake and he was determined at the Demise of our family, dog and home
Carol- you are absolutely right, it makes no difference!!!
Mine was hooking up for romantic dinners, hookers etc. while making wedding plans with me… later on- blaming our non existing sex life on my “ post baby” body ( when I look at my pics right now I just cry for that attractive sweet girl who was played so cruelly) on getting weight while pregnant ( my poor mind couldn’t connect dots with all the mind games, body protective mode kicked in 10 lb gain / two weeks, with almost not eating a thing… stress)
On not cleaning enough… name it- it was there.
Ugh….
I’m so sorry cuzchump! Family fuckers are among the worst!????????????????????????
My take on this is the point of view of the AP (now wife): What she thought she was getting: Jet-setter high power executive who drives a BMW. Tragically trapped in a loveless marriage, and his love for her is powerful, deep, and real.
What she actually got: Unemployed middle-aged shmuck who is struggling to make his business work from home in his pajamas. Hasn’t showered in three days. The BMW towed away and sold for parts. Endless promises that the business will take off and it will be raining money once again. Lied to her as much as he needed go to keep cake going.
what she was going to get, what she was waiting for, what she was f**cking for :
high powered executive that could take care of her, jet setting all over the world, salmon dinners, , romantic getaways, lots of money rolling in, good looking guy etc etc
what she really got: Dead man. NO more gravy train, NO more money, NO more jet set trips, the life of her dreams, the best man she ever had, will ever set her eyes on, will ever be interested in HER…
Me: LOL that she never got to grow old with him ! That she has to pine for him the rest of her miserable whore life…..LOL ….did I really get the last laugh…NO she did because she got away with it…but I can still laugh LMAO at her because she had the dream life all planned and the ‘house fell in on her !”
Public service announcement to the whore: what comes around goes around, Karma is definitely a F bitch, YOU HO get what you deserve ! Good luck with the next married exec. you slore ! And maybe just maybe you learned a lesson to keep your nasty body off of other peoples husbands BECAUSE it ends VERY VERY VERY badly….
OH and one more thing…she killed him with all her pressure, the deeply pathetic lonely slut that she is
“Slore”….that’s awesome and hilarious!!
Tracy, please make a cartoon of fuckwit working in smelly pijamas aside schmoopee on dream business while his BMW is being towed away to sell for for parts. It will sell like hotcakes among CN citizens.
Omg good one I love it!????????????????????
Struggling, I could copy the first paragraph of your post, except for the make of the car, but also expensive and above our financial capacities; the idiot actually had the nerve to tell the judge he was in debt because he “needed” three cars. I was driving an old car with 140K km on the odometer.
What schmoopie (same age as oldest son) really got was a failure who is president of a tax payer-supported, going-down-the-drain think-tank (i.e., bull shit factory, I cringe in shame at what comes out of there). Half of the staff has just been fired.
I guess schmoopie saw the writing on the wall because she has dumped her four children by three different men on her parents and is working thousands of miles away in Africa for an IT company. Judging from her facebook posts she is having lots of fun here. Really. Her profile on facebook: “mother, Christian, IT analyst, lawyer, business woman, daughter, woman, not necessarily in this same order.” barf! But, hey, schmoopie was the reality, anti-spackle treatment I needed.
Baron Sparkledick von Glitterballs is supposed to be a specialist in foresight studies. Imagine if he weren’t!
And His Lordship is not in to smelly pijamas, but when I was collecting evidence of origin of fuckwits debts I found a a medical leave to treat “hypopragmatism” (bullshiteese for: I am in deep financial shit and need to rest?). Lots of $ spent on schmoopie.
I second that!! Couldn’t sleep tonight and this has me doubled over!!
Baron Sparkledick von Glitterballs .
????????????❤️
That’s because the best thing they ever had ( us), makes them look great. When we’re gone? All that’s left is them. On their own. No foundation. Nothing!
Shmoopies end up with nothing!
Shmoopies end up frustrated because they have to try to live up to your memory and that’s impossible when your a just a whore!
This, Egans. I was what made him look great, because I took care of everything, including managing the image of normalcy for my disordered fuckwit. He still took credit for it all but I knew the truth.
Now that he doesn’t have me, his life is falling apart piece by piece. In my anger, this used to make me laugh. Now, from the Wonderful Land of Meh, I just see it for what it is: tragic and pathetic.
I’ve become Mighty and Moved On. Compared to fuckwit, who is still wallowing in the same filthy life circumstances with Craigslist whores and God knows what else.
Lol, car towed away for parts! And him in his dirty pajamas all day. Wonderful 🙂 Oops, no money for fabulous meals out and vac-ays!
Thanks, you helped remind me of what I’m (not) missing out on. I was having trouble coming up with how their life isn’t perfect, but you brought me right back to reality.
What she thought she was getting: A high paid professional who took on paying all the bills in his horrible marriage, where his (second) wife was abusive and mentally ill. A man whose first wife cheated on him, making him the victim in all of this. A generous, giving man who would give you the shirt off his back and love you like no one else existed.
What she (doesn’t yet know) she actually got: A high paid professional who spends faster than he can make money, paying for everything all the time for everyone (oh all those gifts and money he was sending you? You didn’t know that all went on his ever expanding credit? hahaha) Someone who has been bailed out multiple times. Someone who professes his undying love….to everyone. Those boundaries that don’t seem to exist? THEY’RE A RED FLAG.
Ahh, but since she was also cheating on her husband, I’m gonna go ahead and say they deserve each other. And just so she knows she’s special….they married the day before what would have been our third wedding anniversary.
I’m hoping he took the debt with him!!
My goodness! If I didn’t know I hadn’t written this, I would have thought I had. My ex-hole didn’t marry his skank the day before our anniversary, but he did marry her. And they truly deserve each other. Can you imagine being married to someone that you KNOW is a liar and a cheater? They will ALWAYS wonder if they’re being told the truth by their spouse because they KNOW that the other one lied multiple times before. Now that’s playing the marriage police from the beginning. I wonder just how “romantic” their life is now that they’re adulting. And I’m actually quite thrilled knowing that the man I was married to for 30 years, and that she coveted for about 15 of those years, is now all hers. The dick hasn’t changed. Now she’s doing the pick-me dance because he’s telling her that he doesn’t feel appreciated, that he doesn’t feel loved enough, and all the other hogwash he put me through. Yes!
Yesssssssssss! There is a God.
Definitely I cannot imagine the new woman they know the man is a cheating dirtbag. The one my ex husband is shacked up with is so desperate it’s pathetic! I told her about a year ago he’s not divorced but she didn’t care!
Keep the anniversary the same, and you don’t have to learn a new one!
Wow, fast mover on the new wedding!!
Hi, he liked the ow because she didn’t want her own kids, ow child neglect. She let him do what he wanted – she doesn’t want to loose him. She actually wanted to be my kids aunty, but doesn’t want her own kids. He asked me to share him, she gets the money, I pay for all the kids and home. He asked me to feel sorry for him, but I’m not worthy of sympathy (wouldn’t ask him anyway). Fake suicide attempts, etc
YUP, they want your sympathy and money, but when YOU need some help or attention they bail. They are creeps. Major creepers.
No kidding unreal and mine is a half bald 53 year old to boot!????
In the beginning my chump curiosity forced me to occasionally prowl social media looking for the things I imagined they’d be doing in their new found glory: sunset dinners on the top deck of OW’s enormous house, blissful fun family outings with her son, and vacations to Europe.
Instead, it became clear they were staying in my ex’s rather small suburban house, the OW’s enormous house eventually became a crash pad for my ex’s crazy broke mother, and they got married choosing a fantasy theme complete with their idiot friends dressed in poorly made renaissance type outfits.
Meanwhile, I made trips to Hawaii, Vancouver, and landed my dream job across the country from them.
I’m so happy for you that’s awesome!????
(Again with the salmon, Tracy?…)
There’s very little under the “What I Imagine” column, because “What I Know To Be True” is so obvious: everything —EVERYTHING — is all about her.
She still obsesses over her appearance and is convinced both men and women look at her with great longing, yet behind closed doors focuses so intently on imperfections that she has panic attacks.
She still thinks she is owed “common courtesy” (read: “special treatment”) when she experiences anxiety or frustration, but thinks that anyone else who does the same in her presence must “just get over yourself, for god sake!”
She still cannot function in social situations unless she can find a way to steer the conversation and attention towards herself, and must rely on tired jokes and puns if all else fails
And … she still wears the mask, because the cost of letting it slip is just too high and could be catastrophic
Omg this is my ex husband a total Narc psycho!
“Can not function in social situations unless she can find a way to steer the conversation and attention towards herself and must rely on tired jokes and puns if all else fails”
You would think I stopped spotting new ways they are alike but no, here is another. Narkles the Clown tells the same jokes today as he did 20 years ago. Maybe that’s the real reason they keep finding new AP’s, they’r looking for someone who hasn’t heard their tired jokes before.
Or the same stories of their amazingness that they have told for 35 years. I used to recite them in my head as he was telling. ????
Me too!! I can recite his repetitive stories word for word, all about him and his greatness, how he won the war in Desert Storm, he was the best drummer in high school band, sadly, I even know his high school music teacher’s name. Yes, the painfully dumb jokes that he thinks are hysterical, in reality people only laugh at to be polite. His stupid comments to people that he thinks are charming and funny which are dumb and make people feel uncomfortable would make me cringe, even now.
Omg my ex too !!!!! He would repeat the same stories over and over….sports analogies. I can see him winning her over with his free personal training sessions and little home workouts (he is a personal trainer…no offence to the good ones, never date a trainer …..constant inflow of hot women becomes hard to resist as your ego blows up ….I guess after 6 years and a fiancé)
Ps anyone can help me? He left his ipad here since leaving me after I forgive his cheating last year. I can see everything. I can’t stop looking at his texts to her but it throws back my healing….. 🙁 I kept it until his shit got moved out yesterday, and wanted to maybe let go…but now I can’t seem to. I want to see him get dumped by his new gf he just met a few weeks after leaving me. So far she is into him :(. Why did the universe give him a replacement so fast (she is literally me…banker, smart, shy….and he is using all his same tricks) ugh
Mine is also a personal trainer, he’s been giving his new girlfriend now wife personal training lessons and she’s entering body building competitions.
I don’t know her but from what I understand she’s all about her and I know Cheater is all about himself. Makes me wonder how their relationship will play out in the future. My wish is that cheater someday gets what he deserves.
Until I met Cheater he only wore the color grey, he didn’t celebrate birthday’s, holidays were just another day. I love holidays, and enjoy making birthdays and holidays special, I’m sure she’s benefiting from what cheater learned from me and that she’s getting the polished version of all my years of influence and hard work.
Reprogram it. Sell it. Get rid of it. Donate it. It isn’t helping you.
My ex also tells the same stories over and over. Esp. when drunk which is all the time since he’s an alcoholic.
When I wrote a letter to warn his new supply (after the ow was out of the picture) I wrote all these stories down in the letter to her and his ex wife read it and howled with laughter at the truth of it all. She has been divorced from him for 4 years and knew all the stories. And they are all “poor me, I’m the victim here…”
I give up warning all the new supplies to come. There are too many.
And the timing while telling the stories was the same too; I had the cadence down pat, along with the word-for-word repetitions. Boooooorrrriiiiiinnngggg!
Not just the same stories told, but the same sharing of “spiritual” new-agey crap to hook the shmoopie that he used on me (and as I found out later, his first wife as well). He drags around “The Glass is Already Broken” and “Season For a Reason” like his well-worn playbook. Can’t even find new ones.
Yes, so many similarities. UXWorld, that whole description is just perfect.
“Convinced both men and women look at her with great longing”…this line should be added to the DSM’s diagnostic criteria.
Yes, and it also applies to my stbx, who when cross dressing thinks he’s the most seductive person on the planet!
Yes with the salmon! It’s a continuation from yesterday’s column… salmon being the unifying theme. IS IT THE BEST SALMON?
My ex currently with the other women cooking ‘tuna steak’ at her house. (he left his Ipad and I can see his texts to her)
OMG how are they all so similar?
What’s up with the fish dinners? How eerie how this is all so cookie cutter across the globe
I couldn’t agree more. When I first came upon this blog I was horrified, and later comforted, by the similarities between everyone’s stories.
maybe the fish they think is an aphrodisiac
what should I do with all the fresh pasta in the refrigerator that was all set to be brought to Italian schmoopie’s house to impress schmoopie? Wondered why the fascination with fresh pasta all of a sudden In the fridge ! I guess it’s classier than the other dried pasta that does not come in fancy packaging, just a box. It’s so much better for schmoopie, it will impress schmoopie the alley cat….He must have been thinking “only the best for schmoopie, I better give her the fancy gourmet pasta to bring to her house “
Your right what is up with fish dinners it must be the Omegas, lol
With my STBX, it’s sushi. I have never cared for it. He enjoys taking Shmoopie and his other ‘flying monkeys’ out and treating them to it. To the tune of 80 to $100 a pop (for lunch, even?)
Fishy is as fishy does, maybe? LOL.
My ex liked to cook and NEVER cooked anything that didn’t have at least 2 lbs of butter in it. It would swim in the stuff. I hope Schmoops likes taking out the seams of those tight dresses!
LOL!????????????????????????????
My salmon story: when OW was my “friend” and supposedly going through a hard time because she was divorcing her supposed cheater husband we had her to dinner where I thoughtfully prepared expensive wild caught smoked salmon with all the trimmings. OW got to the table and told me how I could buy smoked salmon at Costco for much less than what I had paid. At the time I just ignored it but really who does that??? In retrospect I should have told her to leave and get herself some but don’t ever bother coming back to my home. This was not the only time she was nosy and critical, and I heard the same from others who knew her. It’s not just our X’s that suck, OW and OM suck too.
We had been married about 12 years the day that he came home and I was making salmon for dinner. He walked in and said “What are you making?” I said “Salmon” and he said “Salmon? I hate salmon!”
I said: What do you mean? I’ve been making you salmon since before we got married?
He said: I just pretended to like it to get you to marry me.
^^^^Fish poseur! Whatta maroon!
Lemonbirch that pretty much sums up these freaks. They can hold so. Much. In. Or actually pretend. About really stupid stuff.
But when they find someone else they really let the mask slip. They want you to know they played you. They dont care. They feel they have nothing to lose.
They enjoy your pain and confusion.
And they feel its totally justified. After all you made them eat salmon. You should have known better.
They really are as horrible as we think.
I still find myself thinking maybe he really wasnt so bad. But he was. He really was.
Exactly, mine would brag daily about how amazing he was at work over every other mechanic. I didn’t ask for the big bucks they offered it to me because I’m so wonderful or so they thought until he got served divorce papers at work!????
My take on the salmon fetish:
“Look how healthy I am! I read about Omega 3s in a five-year-old GQ magazine at the mechanic’s office.”
“Look how high brow I am! I don’t eat CHICKEN like you pathetic little Chumps — I eat SALMON!”
Bow down at my greatness, MotherFuckers!
“I don’t drink beer anymore, I drink wine” “it’s classier”
LOL!
What he said it was: she only eats pure organic food – reality was her family fed on pizza by the slice from a kiosk called ‘eat me i’m famous’.
His fantasy – she gets up early every morning to go for 12k runs – reality is coke and pot hangovers that left her barely functional before midday.
His fantasy – she was forced to sleep over at a friend because her husband was so unreasonable (didnt like her going out with other guys, getting high/drunk, not coming home) She only took all her clothes off because she likes to keep them nice, and there was only a single bed, which she was safe to share because the other guy was so drunk. Reality: cheater was chumped and evolved fantasys to explain it away.
More like, “chicken is $15 a plate, and salmon is $26. Salmon must be better.”
Meanwhile the mercury is affecting her brain.
Haha! For me it was Kahlua Pork…since my ex wife left me for a Hawaiian and before I knew she was even seeing him she was making Kahlua pork at home and stupid me was the guinea pig..I was the taste tester encouraging her attempts, not realizing she was perfecting her recipe for him! So I was shelling out the money for all this damn Kahlua pork so she could get it “just right”..I can laugh now but God the depths these fuckers sink to.
Consider yourself lucky. I had to shave the Worm’s back constantly.
It makes me ill to think about it.
On to the fantasy……he told me,
“She thinks I’m fascinating.”
I’m told they fight all the time and never show each other affection in public.
Now that the OW gets all of the blame for everything ( it used to be my full time job ) he’s probably not the fascinating guy he used to be.
One day I’ll pick up the newspaper and see an article about how they beat the snot out of each other……We signed the settlement papers! I am almost completely Wormfree!!!!!
Your blessed I know all about the worms! I also got blamed for everything I was supposed to make certain that the house was always perfect, perfect meals every night and that all his sexual fantasies were taken care of weekly. While I took care of all the kids needs, the dog and my son has a learning disability so I was a bit tired by the end of each day!????
I thought the life he chose would result in his being happy. I lived for too many years with someone who always complained about how hard his life was and how much he hated his job.
One divorce and 8 years of living with the OW and he is still miserable, looks like crap and tells everyone how miserable he is and how he hates his job (after 9 law firms, stop complaining or find something else).
Oh well, it was all his choice.
Typical Narcissist. Will NEVER be happy and you will never be able to please a person like this, ever!
LOL, these types are never happy they go from one to the next and still misery!
narc sociopaths love to find out what you like and then they buy that exact same thing for whore alley cat/pussy cat or puddy tat or whatever I feel like calling that narly slut….but I digress….
What I imagined: (Before finding CN, and STBXH saying they had the same personality & amazing chemistry.) Unicorns and rainbows for them.
What it has been: (we’re almost divorced, he’s been living w her during our separation.) She got fired (they were coworkers), he’s gained significant weight, she’s gained weight (according to his Amazon purchases), she’s been found in contempt of court regarding her losing custody if her daughter, judge ruled he had to pay a healthy amt of temp child support to me, his credit cards are sky high due to spending money on her & her non-custodial daughter. He’s a narcissist…and I’ll bet she is too, due to his remark about having the same personality…bet that’s fun.
I hear you on that Cuzchump! While I was working 50 hours a week and taking care of a large home at age 54 fuckwit was enjoying his hobbies and having an affair with his hoeworker. On dday his reason for leaving was so he could “ do what he wants”. I found out later doing what he wanted was hiding money and buying a business with his schmoopie before the divorce was final. POS ????
ironbutterfly
Yes, they hide money with their puddy tat/alley cat whore worker. They even move their stuff over to the whore’s house, live a double life, go on work trips and take the whore along, and they hide money. They always hide money with the whore because they are so sure that the whore is so trustworthy. Yep, I cannot prove it 100 percent but I do know Howorker had a non profit business in our town that I am sure my husband set her up with, she was also his Howorker and I would not be surprised if he owned something with him…With enough investigating I found out that there was a beachhouse being rented in my town when we were newlyweds and guess who lived in it, yes ALLEY CAT pussy cat Howorker ! Wonder why she conveniently moved to my town? Oh, no reason, just to F my husband that’s all
I meant to say SHE owned something with him…it was a typo….but come to think of it…maybe She was a man….no only kidding…but she sure wasn’t pretty !
I love it his HOEWORKER, lol
He is a c.r.e.e.p.
What I thought it was :
What it was: a sham.
Cheater left in January 2015. We are yet to finalize divorce as we cannot agree on maintenance. I late he has increased his texts requesting ‘reconciliation’ and inquiring about a path ‘back home’. I never reply. I’m happy and oblivious to him. I’d block him but I use the text message to communicate and document.
I need not dig. One does not request reconciliation via text. This is not him seeing the light. I’ve seen the woman driving her son in his car. He refuses to pay his part of our daughter’s lessons. He won’t agree to enough money so that his children can live comfortably. He’s still spreading his lies. He’s still filled with his own self-importance.
Why is he messaging? If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say he wants to be able to say that he sought reconciliation but ‘mean ole Mandie101’ refused to hear it. He’ll usually send these messages after the children have had a crying episode saying how much they miss him. Even if I wanted to consider it, the thought that he could do what he did to us a second time and put my children through it is a big decider. One does not walk out on family and if one does, all exits are final. That’s me.
Meh! Whatever! Call me whatever you want, just stay gone!
To you new to this inhale the good moments and exhale the bad. Set yourself new goals bi or small ( ice-cream on Saturday, ten push ups, meet up with loved-ones, a good movie.) Make new good memories. You will get there.
He probably wants a reduction in support payments, or at least to delay them by making you take him back for a bit.
Good point.
As if he could make me take him back! One of his issues was the fact that he had no ‘ control’ over me.
I agree wholeheartedly anyone who fucks over the family the exit is final! These types of people are GARBAGE!
What I imagined: her to be thin, blonde and beautiful, to be better than me in every day, for him to finally find happiness that he couldn’t find with me, for him to quit his job, be content with her and her to nicely replace me in the life that I created, for him to learn from his mistakes and become the person I knew he could be but with her because she was better
What actually happened: she is shorter,fatter, albeit blonder and older than me. They tried to replace me in the life that i created but my kids arent taking to it, mishtress has assaulted him 3 times, she has a daughter so there is never any kind free time, he isnt allowed to drink and she is affecting his career and he is resenting her hardcore. he has come crying back to me over 6 times now, he isnt happy and he will never learn.
I am focusing on the kids and moved on with a mutual friend (oh he hates that burn) going to new places and learning myself again. I’m not at meh but getting there
“he has come crying back to me over 6 times now”
ha ha – You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, because you never thought you would lose it in the first place.
Absolutely agree, except that he left me, but he thought I would stick around and give him more kibbles. I exited stage left and just sat back getting the parenting orders and property settlement into place.
His most recent one, “I’m not going to ask for your forgiveness as I know I have done irreparable things”
Like no shit Sherlock, don’t waste my oxygen and move on please
Blee, yeppers!
I actually don’t imagine a happily ever after for them. I don’t even know if cheater wife is even in communication with massage boy. He has a girlfriend his own age.
Reality is cheater wife trolling bars, clubs, concerts, other women’s husbands…. living a life of being nothing more than an orifice of temporary happiness followed by the sadness of reality. And then repeating.
Yep, it sounds like that’s all she is …the grand canyon of orifices…she probably trolls online dating sites which an article that I read said ‘stay away from online dating sites, they are rife with narcissists” Pretty scary.. I think one narcissist is enough for a lifetime…don’t want to ever meet another one. Sure, they are charming, and could be good looking and nice but underneath the mask lies somebody that would be willing to destroy you at all costs, whether financially emotionally, or professionally. Well, that’s what I learned.
What I imagined for them: She’s desperate and dumb with low-self esteem or desperate and sly with a plan to get as much as she can out of him. He’s stupid.
What it really is: The two women are users, don’t think very much of themselves and dumb.
I never imagined that a woman who knowingly becomes involved with a married man is any kind of awesomeness. She is always a woman with deep-seated issues. A man who cheats? Same thing.
Yup, I never imagined it would be better. What he got was an idiot woman who has never worked a day in her life, 4 kids from two different fathers. All she wanted from him was to get away from her husband who was supporting her, but cheating on her, and have my idiot move right in and take up that job-and he did. 9 days after leaving me. They now have a kid so she can keep making excuses to never ever contribute anything to society but spreading her legs and popping them out. So now, 5 kids three different baby daddys at like 36.
He now has two repossessions and a bankruptcy. Can never go anywhere or do anything because…money and supporting 7 kids (child support) on a cops salary instead of having a lovely, faithful, fun lawyer wife, two incomes and only 2 kids (who are all his own!) Yea, never any fantasy about his reality. Now I am meh..so just laugh at his stupidity and spineless behavior.
OMG did your ex ever blow his life up! What an idjit.
Yes, a woman who knowingly becomes involved with a married man is ALWAYS a woman with deep seated issues…..
What I imagined they had: myriad of kid-free romantic lunches and dinners, weekends and holidays away.
What it really was:
Weekends away to all the same places he took me…doing all the same things we did, going to the same restaurants etc…
But no lovely dinners out in our home city…. because even though I had kicked him out, and she had left her husband, Mr Manipulator was worried about impression management….she had started working for a rival company and he didn’t want people to see them out together….she was not happy! They had been having an affair for 3 years, they had both left their partners and he still wouldn’t go public!!!
What else she got…..
An alcoholic…
She couldn’t trust him….
She stalked and followed his wife (me) and kids, even followed us out to our Mother’s Day lunch!!!
She hired a private investigator to watch my house, to see whether MY husband was cheating on her with his own Wife.
She set up his phone….so that copies of all his email, texts and call logs also went to her phone.
She used his phone to locate him at all times…
Whenever he dropped kids off at my house, she would ring and text incessantly, because you know, he’s with his family! She needed to remind that she should be his priority, not his kids..
She rang my workplace incessantly too (apparently the first thing to do when you can’t find your cheater boyfriend is check to see whether his wife is at work….)
What else she got….,
Boyfriend who was addicted to porn, masturbating and unprotected sex with strangers.
Boyfriend who was also active on multiple online dating sites…
Boyfriend who cheated on her…..with people he met on Tinder, and another married woman from work…..the human resources manager, (who should know better than to get involved with a senior employee…and what about company policy on workplace relationships??!!)
Best thing she got????
Superceeded!!!!!
by another stupid, already partnered woman who is in awe of Mr Manipulator cheater…
Me? I got the kids, the house and the dog and I’m well on my way to gaining a life!
Woohoo! Karma! How nice to hear. Maybe someday I’ll have a karma story to relate too.
What I imagined: Jackass discarding me in order to be with the married hero-worshipping sister of his friend. And, based on her Pinterest pins, a wedding on the beach. Happy ever after, once he broke up her marriage.
What it was: An actual discard, first of me, then of the MOW, who ended up divorcing and is now in a relationship with someone else after 3 tough years. The next victim is all teed up for a discard. It may take a few years, and it may be more in daily interaction than an actual break up. But to be sure, she will hear the scorn, experience the disdain, see the smirk. And he will be off somewhere texting someone who is either married or who represents a conquest of some sort.
When I dumped the cheater, he pulled the “I can do better anyway” card, and announced that he was going to find a sugar mama to spoil him.
What I imagined he would get: A sexy sophisticated older woman of means who treated him like a pampered boy toy and lavished him with exotic trips, boutique hotels, fine dining, designer clothes, and a generous allowance to live the leisured life.
What I heard he really got: A middle aged, middle class, average looking woman with a modest divorce settlement who blew it with him on national chain hotel weekends at a tourist beach, dinners at Red Lobster and Olive Garden, shopping for clothes and shoes at J.C. Penney and Macy’s, and who let him sit around her townhouse smoking weed and eating Domino’s delivery pizza during the day while she worked her office job, until the settlement money ran out and she sent him packing to go live with his elderly mother.
Maybe she was a “Splenda mama”? Sweet, but you know from the first taste that it’s not the real thing. lol
If I wasn’t no-contact, I’d heckle him mercilessly over his failed attempt at being a 40 year old boy toy.
“Splenda mama”? Sweet, but you know from the first taste that it’s not the real thing.
‘Splenda mama’ … I love it!!!!! Thanks for the morning chuckle!!
He thinks he’s getting a tru luv because she is easy to talk to and validates his complaints about his fat, lazy,stupid, wife. She thinks she’s getting her knight in shining armour . Well quess what ? I’m the common denominator that binds them together. He complains….she follows with I’d NEVER do that to you. They dress up and sneak around and isn’t life great. Wait until she realizes that comes with a price…she can have no opinion ther than his, he makes all the decisions, he will control her life, only his friends and hobbies come first. That he is a prick when he doesn’t get his way. That he controls the money.That making you feel like dirt 24/7 is no reason not to want sex with him. And he will see that she is no prize, 50 lbs heavier than I am , uneducated, low paying job, drinking is her hobby .And when I’m out of the picture they will only have each other for a bond based on infidelity, lies,loss of family.I will be still rocking my “A” game, great job, HIS family on my side, back in school, owning my own house , college age kids living with me.
GrayDivorce – they sound like they’re #winning!
Your story sounds just like mine and we could have told them all this before they made the decision to fuck up their lives. No, grass is not greener – we learned that in kindergarten.
X is one of the most controlling people most people have ever met, always gets what he goes after, and is a successful business man as a result. (you know, no empathy or feelings underneath all that glitter) I understand Schmoops is a controlling person herself. So, how’s that going for you, Schmoops?
Since I’ve been no contact, I don’t have a clue what he’s up to but I do know they live together and she has about 4 grandchildren and counting. We never had kids. So, right there…how’s that going for ya now, asshole?
Me? I have the freedom of a bird and I am flying. It may have taken 5 years to get here, but life is definitely worth having another shot at.
husband got even more polished for schmoopie, put her in favorites in 2014, had snoring fixed for schmoopie, was allegedly living with her on the sly at her house, was probably planning the exit strategy of me (wife) and taking care of image management in the process…Him and Mangey dog Howorker were living the dream….Her and her high pitched fake voice was telling him everything he wanted to hear to boost his ego; so that she could get more diamonds; so that she could get into his wallet a little deeper. He was eating it up and waxing his image at work pretending they were just working closely together. It was all working out cuz he had it all under control. They were fooling everyone because she was slipping in and out of the office with her fake consulting business and that made it less noticeable in their eyes. Oh boy ! They had a good thing going ! They were just the best lying cheaters that ever lived. They had their game all polished up. And there was no shame in either of their games !
Me: I’m glad I don’t have to put up with the friggen deceit and lies anymore. and am glad Karma got the bitch.
My cheater ex left me and our autistic son for a multi millionaire. He got a huge house, a Porsche, his own business. What she didn’t know was that he was a serial cheating drunk. I definitely didn’t play the pick me dance – he was all hers. And the karma bus has already rounded the corner.
I realized that I don’t care what it really was because someone who could be such a dick can fuck off to Europe all he wants, I’m not sure I’d want to go with him anyway.
We had the same issue TwiceaChump. Midway through his junior year, my son was struggling socially and I realized it was because he was gone every other weekend. So I asked my teens if they wanted me to go back to court and request they be let out of the Friday night obligation. Too many missed football and basketball games, hanging out at Starbucks, and other things that teens do. They didn’t want it official so then I told them they could stay home on Friday nights if they wanted but they’d have to tell their dad why. Notice I didn’t say ask, I said tell. I’ve been in the courtroom enough times to know the judge would never force my teenage kids to skip school and social events to go sit around dad’s house 30 miles away. And I’m not required to kick them out of my house either. So it’d be an issue between the kids and their dad and a judge and I knew he’d never win if he ever chose to pursue it. This approached opened up the whole weekend to events that they’d been skipping because they didn’t want to bother him or make him angry though it was making them sad and distanced from their friends (many tears shed over instagram and Snapchat photos of friends having fun without them). With this approach, they’ve had a lot more opportunities to live a normal teenage life.
What I imagine: we’ll she’s quite a bit younger than me and I don’t think she has my problems with cancer, and with a chump to do the heavy lifting at home, despite us having started out in an almost identical place career-wise, he was able to focus on his career during our decades-long marriage, with the result that his salary is several times what mine is, so things look pretty good for them. Flaws can be overlooked given enough money, I imagine. Maybe she can overlook how he smacks his lips and chews with his mouth open when he eats, or how he tends to douse himself with an eye-watering amount of cologne.
What it is: it is too soon after D-Day for anything to have gone sour and I haven’t heard about anything tarnishing their bright future together, but someday maybe. They both are serial cheaters so perhaps the karma bus is warming up its engine.
intothelight
Don’t worry the Karma bus will round the corner, and hit them when they least expect it !’
I know what you mean about the money because the Howorker was obviously so good at manipulating my manipulative husband that I knew that she hit the jackpot with my husband because he was so handsome, very successful and she was after the good life and the money. He was easy on the eyes and she went for it. And yes, the money would make their life together super fabulous because they worked together and she knew exactly how much he earned and she was being made successful with his brains helping her behind the scenes. But all in the name of stomping over me and deceiving me. But guess what , he ended up dying and the whore never saw that dream of having my husband..so the Karma bus got her ! Yep ! I think it drove over her and then backed up and ran over her again…OR maybe the part about her being run over twice was just my fantasy !! LOL No but seriously, her little scheme backfired on her when he died. So wait for it…wait for it….the karma bus will get there eventually.
I wish mine would die.
What they have already lost is human decency, the moment they cheated. The apparent sweetness was sour from the beginning and they didn’t even notice! Hang in there, awesome woman. Their bus is coming.
I cant believe how similar the cheaters are, Ironbutterfly. This could have been my ex-ass.
I imagine they have a perfect union of dinner, truly meaningful conversations and supported by her grown kids looking on admiring their love and wisdom in getting rid of their exes.
In reality all his promises still unmet, dinners and holidays paid for by her salary, conversations ruled by his loudmouth entitled opinions and my kids on the outside waiting for some attention from their father.
Some things just dont change. Trust that they suck!
“loudmouth entitled opinions”
Love it! Too true!
What I imagined would happen: fastest divorce ever, cheater and schmoops married and on an over the top honeymoon before the ink on the decree was even dry, they throw sparkly champagne parties in their showy mansion with their private chef forevermore, I am homeless and hungry and die on a park bench under an autumn maple tree somewhere, grateful to the end for the beauty of an October tree in its full flaming glory. My children party in chez cheater, clinking crystal flutes even as leaves drift down, landing softly on my poor unnoticed corp
What has happened so far: no divorce yet, two more years of the schmoops who yearns for a wedding waiting for cheater to come through as her youth slips away and spinsterhood threatens, life as the unwilling hypotenuse to the triangle they apparently require continues, miraculously got myself back into the professional world, the kids find the whole cheater deal deeply repulsive, and that transcendent happiness the cheaters were supposedly sneaking around and snatching in every available shadowy moment seems not to have made an easy transition into the light of day.
Still lots to worry about–settlement, finality, whether I will be solvent and have my home–but what is up with those two is no longer of interest. Figuring out how entirely the cheater is spun of lies and assorted narcissistic to sociopathic characteristics and strategies was key in helping me get past the stage of thinking that I must be inherently unlovable. Turns out that, nope, the real deal is that cheater is inherently incapable of love.
So, even if the park bench thing is my fate (probably not, but even if), and even if the cheaters have that seemingly perfect wedding/honeymoon/house (pretty likely, eventually), I now understand that I got the far better end of this deal.
Oh cashmere
You had me laughing. So eloquently and brilliantly said. Not the part about your corpse on the bench but all the other stuff you said. Loved the part about the old ho waiting in the wings or words to that effect. Yes, the old HO will wait with baited breath for married prince cheating, probably bragging to her mom about he man of her dreams about to dump his wife for her ! I imagine that they got engaged on valentines night last year and she was sporting the ring in a youtube video a week after he died, the video dropped on youtube. Interesting how she had ‘no boyfriend to be engaged to’ yet she had on a band of diamonds AND she dropped that video after he died. Hmmm. So who was she engaged to ? AND the ring was exactly the same ring I got for my birthday. So what just happened here? Well, he got me a ring then he bought her the exact ring for valentines day (while I worked on valentines day) and the he became her fiancé ! Well I would not have believed it if I had not seen the ring in the video (she makes videos for her job, the old fake skank) the videos are just a front, I am convinced that she services married execs at corporations…
She was hitting the jackpot…the narcisstic pot of gold
Who the fuck would marry a known cheater???? I don’t get it. Women out there seem to be so desperate and will try to steal someone’s husband and then expect to marry them?? Life as a chump has been extremely difficult but I would never stoop so low as the OW did. Not to let the STBX off the hook but as a woman to another woman in our mid sixties, who the fuck would do that???
islandgirl
then why do so many of them marry the OW and it’s usually a howorker, why do they marry them right away after their exit plan gets executed? Also, I will never get over it, nor will I ever wrap my head around why a howorker will pursue the married guy, that wears his ring everyday and has his wifes pic on his desk (me) and knowingly interfere with a marriage just because she is a lonely pathetic slut that a) wants my life b) wants to F my husband and made it her business to do so because 1) she wants money 2) he looks good 3) she knows how much he makes because she ‘works’ there 4) he has a stable job and could provide for her narly ass 5) if she sucks it good enough, she figured she could win him over (or as she put it in a work email “I’m going to dive deep” ) sorry but that’s just pretending that they are talking about spreadsheets….yeah F NO to the HO, I have spent time going thru the ‘work’ emails that they tried to use their crafty little work speak, and as a woman I figured it out. She was trying to own his ass. I think it got to the point where I (wife) was becoming the OW and that big company whore was his ‘wife”…because she sure as hell knew she had him wrapped around her fingers….all because I am sure she envisioned a nice life complete with all that his earnings could offer….and what I imagined was her freakish off the chain skills excised his brain….because dicky was obviously his brain ….anyway…I’m with you. What kind of a skank HO would want to marry a guy that is lying and deceiving his wife to screw her ugly ass… seriously…and she then wants to marry him? That old HO’s been doing that routine of screwing married men Waaaaay too long. That was not her first rodeo obviously. I wish she would die next In fact it probably would have been better if she died instead….then I would get to see if he shed a droplet of a crocodile tear !
Maybe Karma will get her yet?
Is this a universal truth, or what?
Even when the cheaters marry and hang in with each other, it sure seems as if the losses of both the hypotenuse and the need for secrecy immediately degrade the twu wuv so it doesn’t seem quite as twu.
I thought I was losing a difficult, yet upstanding, unique, and committed partner. What I really lost was a flaming narcissist with the emotional maturity of a four-year-old.
I thought the OW was a sexual siren who knew the secret to making my ex-husband feel loved, when I realized I hadn’t a clue. What she really was was an frumpy, middle-aged, insecure serial cheater with an unfortunate resemblance to John Goodman who was desperate to find a new husband before she got too old.
She thought she’d found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. (“We can finish each other’s sentences!” “You’re my Prince Charming!”) What she really found was a flaming narcissist with the emotional maturity of a four-year-old.
John Goodman! That’s very funny! Why do they all seem to downgrade? My stbxh’s married f-buddy looks like donkey from Shrek, if you gave donkey from Shrek beady eyes. She’s incredibly homely.
champchump
LOL John Goodman ! NOT even Roseanne ! LOL Love it !
Well Hoser Howorker was so botoxed up and filler’ed up in the face that she had what I call plate face …she was really living it . I imagine my marital assets paid for her to be ‘well fed’ heifer, along with her beauty treatments (Juvaderm or whatever to maintain that big buffalo face) that were all being supplied with marital assets. And don’t forget that big broad ass that she managed to sling over the back of his motorcycle’s one of his many toys. OH YES, she just must have loved and showed an interest in every single hobby and thing he liked to do. YOU KNOW that made her look soooo special because she pretended to be so agreeable and likeable because she Fake liked all the same interests as my husband. The big heifer that she was. Now I know why my husband’s biceps got stronger, it was because he had to Life and Throw that big heifer on the bed and into the air ! It must have been like Cirque du soleil ! Him and the Big job Howorker ! That f’ed up bullshit ‘relationship’ what a crock !
Absolutely perfection of writing this! And you wanting your kids to be happy and you grateful for the magnificent beauty of a maple tree on a fall day. Chumps find beauty and happiness in the every day things. Cheaters need more and more of sparkly to fill the empty void that is their life. Who dies happy in this scenario? Surprisingly for us who have been gutted, it’s not the cheater. They are full of misery and blame for why their not getting theirs.
I’m sure there are plenty of people in CN who would let you couch surf in their home for a few days Cashmere
Park bench under a tree, lol. You write so wonderfully!
Oh, I could have a field day with this but I can’t really unpick my good work of processing what a lying shit he was… I’m on my way to meh!
Suffice to say everything he painted was false, inaccurate or unbelievable! My anger has turned to pity. She is welcome to him. No money, no home,no business, in debt, not seeing his kids, was living in a caravan in her parents back garden in the back of beyond…. That’s what happens when you use people then get found out. It backfires and it’s one step away from homelessness. Without her gullibility he’d be on the streets or living with his mother!
I got the house, the kids and my own money repaying back to me. Other woman got a (now successful) business (that I paid for) and third little fool got a turd that she now has to babysit.
What she thought she was getting: a handsome, rugged, romantic whose just never found the right one. A kind soul who has been down on his luck in love and life, but fights to keep moving forward and meet the her, the woman he’s been waiting for. He’s her knight in shining armor.
What she’s getting: a still married to his first wife (something he lied about to me – we were never married, just an 8 yr LTR), narcissistic sociopath who is still sleeping with half the Eastern Seaboard and not a penny to his name despite saying he does. His lies have cost him numerous jobs, friendships, and relationships with family members. The absolute worst part is he never sees his 4 boys. Those wonderful kids don’t deserve his pathetic lying ass as a father.
Regularly attempted to keep the lines of communication open with me until I made it abundantly clear I hoped he got hit by a train. Choo choo mf’er.
“Sleeping with half the Eastern Seaboard” Lol!!!! Yup.
Hahhahaha! Choo choo mf’er!
What I imagined: My (Ex) husband whisking away a leggy babe to a sun-soaked paradise. Blissfully happy without me…the ol’ ball and chain.
What it is: A woman who wears face makeup like a clown (think Mimi off the Drew Carey Show) with two small children and a crazy ex husband of her own. Lots of working (since she’s a night shift nurse) and he only gets to see her a few weeks out of the year since my Ex works overseas for months at a time.
Hardly the fantasy that my mind built it up to be. If you just in the thick of this from DDay fall out, trust me it will get easier down the road.
What I imagined him to have. Lots of amazing sex with younger sexier women.
What he actually has lots of meaningless sex with tinder hookups and prostitutes.
Really though he just has a life (Thanks to my restraint) that he’s quite happy with. Good luck to him. I’m living my life my way and am quite happy with it too. …..is that Meh?
What I thought ….. she must be beautiful, in terrific shape, so much better than me in all ways. He did say she kept herself in good shape, went on long bike rides etc, he does not exercise. I envisioned an athletic beauty.
What she is……….. frumpy, way older looking than me though she is several years younger, resembles a leathery chicken with big orange glasses. Wore ugly unsuitable clothes to MIL’s funeral where I finally had to see her from as far away as possible. Looks like a life long smoker and is skinny with hacked off hair. I used to joke about her being trailer trash but that is what she really looks like.
All I could think was OMG what is he thinking !! Not that I am gorgeous or anything and I am a little chunky. He did tell me she has had a hard life so he must feel like a knight in shining armour rescuing her from her sad life. I hope they are happy in their adulterous life style since they are both still married to their spouses which apparently is alright in their minds.
A leathery chicken with big orange glasses? HAHAHAHA!
What ARE they thinking?? Seems as if none of these adulterous relationships are destined to end well…
What I thought it was: that what he said was true, that I was negative and critical and broken and unattractive and not worth his energy. Also my desire for monogamy was stifling.
What it actually was: I set reasonable boundaries and was intolerant when they weren’t respected, especially when he pretended to honor them on the surface, then snuck around secretly doing something different (the negative part.)
I expressed my intolerance by naming specific behaviors and evidence, refusing to be gaslighted and saying it wasn’t acceptable for him to lie and sneak (the critical part.)
I have a traumatic history and I am emotionally fragile when I discover I am being betrayed or abused, which means I cry, a lot (the broken part.)
I’m not as pretty as a model, skinny as a model, 15 years old or younger, or a person he has not met before (the unattractive part).
I do think it is reasonable to want my partner to want to spend some time with me and enjoy sex with me, and that’s a completely reasonable expectation of a healthy relationship (the not worth his energy part.)
And, finally, monogamy is a totally reasonable desire and some heterosexual cisgender men actually do want to live like that. Wanting monogamy is not an unsophisticated failure. It’s practical and reasonable. It also opens up certain specific emotional doors that can’t completely open in any other relationship structure, doors that I find important in sustaining a healthy relationship long term. I don’t have to apologize for wanting it or justify wanting it. I only have to let it be a deal breaker as I use my new picker to assess relationships going forward.
@Amiisfree- Word for word, this describes what I have been through and am still going through with my STBX. I nearly fell off my sofa reading it. Thank you for putting this so beautifully, and for giving me hope for the future. Big hugs to you <3
???????????????????? Rightbackatchya, Friend! It took many years of therapy to get here. Anything I can pay forward is a joy to me. ????
What I thought it was—– a remorseful husband after his affair was discovered. Marriage counseling, trips, loving behavior. A man becoming a better husband and person.
What it was — a man that was lying and continuing his affair. A man that daily lied and betrayed me while telling me he would never hurt me again.
Ditto
Same here, ChumpChick. He left the kids and I 25 years ago for his married other woman. She cheated on HIM (go figure, she was married when they started their over 2 year long affair), so he came crawling back. I thought that he came to his senses and would never cheat again. He stopped for 5 MONTHS before he started right back into his cheating ways. Many unexplained sexual health issues for me over the years: STDs (which he tried to blame me for !WTF!), yeast and bladder infections. Devaluing, anger and alcoholism. May I please have some more spackle? Now I am waiting for the results of my latest STD screening. Fuckwit never felt like he needed to use a condom. Apparently his golden penis is immune to disease. Thank you for playing Russian Roulette with my life with your Craiglist M4M hookups, you selfish, entitled bastard.
same here chumpchick…after 9 months of this circle I finally took steps this week to end it… best wishes to you
What I imagined: STBX would become the most amazing, loving, kind person for the married howorker and she would reap all the rewards that I was holding out for.
What it actually is: STBX hasn’t changed one bit. He is still an entitled, selfish loser pretending to be the poor little victim. She has to live with the sad sausage now. Ahahaha.
Been there, done that. Never, EVER again ????
Yup, Aussie! For me, CL’s most valuable words of wisdom—adopted as my own personal mantra—are “Trust that they suck”!
The proverbial sparkly turd is still a turd.
Yep. This is exactly my ex and his whore. He’s already lying to her, hiding things from her. Glad he’s not my problem anymore. He hasn’t changed one bit.
What I imagined:
He would find happiness when the Flying Whore found out I divorced him, she would leave her husband and move here to be with her twu wuv. After all that horrible thing, AllOutofKibble, wasn’t standing in the way anymore, making everyone miserable. They would fly all over the world working together in exotic locations, making big money.
What is:
The Flying Whore still hasn’t left her rich husband and huge house. He can’t make ends meet with his old line of work since he must be present to parent now that the wife appliance isn’t there to watch the kid all the time. He still travels to meet the Flying Whore but not as much as before. After being on public assistance for a year he found work in the service industry where the pay is good but there are no benefits. I met his boss and I can tell she is the new woman in his life. I also met her boyfriend.
She thought she was getting a man who had a military retirement, his own successful business and tons of money for romancing and doing expensive things…..what she actually got was half his military retirement, he lost his business because their affair was ILLEGAL, she also lost her job because of it… chump here gets about half his monthly income and they have very little….including the job that brought them together…OH and they argue constantly and their romance is on again off again ALL the time… plus narc cheater is not allowed to be around her 4 yr old so their stolen time together is very limited…. they both live in the basement of their original homes and have to find places to meet….
I just smile….while I sit here with his money, the kids and a grandchild on the way…happy family here
forgot… I thought they would live happily ever after with all the money we had worked 28 yrs to achieve while I was poor and lonely
28yrchump, it’s not HIS money, it’s YOUR money. You earned every penny you’re getting, and don’t you forget that, honey!
What he thought: That he would marry me. Own me. And then scare me into keeping my mouth shut while he collected women and lived single with my income.
What it looked like: Nonstop party alcohol and women. Vacations. Everyone smiling and happy.
Reality: He used our marital money for his partying and vacations and single while married life. He cannot afford our lifestyle without me and he hates me for it. He’s struggling to keep all our things that he used to attract the shallow stupid whores. The life he was offering to other women was dependant on me sticking around. Without the wife, the thrill of staying out all night and being bad is gone. Now he’s just a regular 40 year old Peter Pan waking up on some losers couch the next day and no one gives a shit. Those amazing funny sexy perfect whores that he traded me for…
????????hello? ????????whores?????????where’d you go? I thought you had a special bond. He needs your money for the dock slip before the end of the month. ????
LOL ‘whores were did you go” lol lol buh bye !! Well, I know where one whore is…she’s less one boyfriend/fiancé cheater husband (my cheater husband) because he’s gone now …she can’t get at him anymore….
Does the song “Sail Away,” as the wharf personal cut the line to a late paying loser’s slip? Enquiring minds want to know???
nomoreskankboy????
????????✂????????????
B-e-a-utiful!
LOL!!
LOL!
What I imagine – happily ever after for my stbxh and his married donkey face ho, because they have “so much in common”, and he is so gloriously happily in love with her.
What will probably happen – he will lose this new job, when it gets too hard, and he stops doing the work he is paid to do (a 30 year pattern). She will never leave her Chumpy husband, which will prolong the excitement of sneaking around for her, but not for him. She will look more and more like a donkey as gravity gets ahold of that nose. His belly will get bigger, he will continue to drink himself to sleep every night, and the viagra will stop working. When his viagra stops working, he will blame her for it. I hope I’m at meh by then.
I so wish the viagra will stop working…
@islandgirl – he actually blames me for his need for viagra! Shouted it at me. I was shocked by the rage of it, but it made me finally believe in my soul that I couldn’t believe anything that came out of his mouth. He is truly ridiculous!
What the AP thought she was getting: a savvy business man with piles of money and a life of traveling and partying.
What she really got: a un-educated broke-ass middle-aged loser with a heart condition (from using drugs)who burned all his business bridges
and can’t afford to go anywhere. (stuck in a third-world country, he’s currently trying to sell the last piece of property he has to get a heart
transplant in Nicaragua). I wouldn’t know all this except I still have friends there.
What I got: a life free of fuckery, a business that I completely turned around (he neglected) and made very profitable, and a Very Nice Man (finally!).
Imagined: fabulous passionate soul mate relationship between late 40s high earning boss and 16 year younger MOW he promoted to become his junior partner while I melt away into a soggy lump of bitterness and ugly middle age.
Reality: high earner pays huge alimony for 24 year ruined marriage, child support and education expenses and has borrowed money from now divorced OW. OW eats her stress, drinks and drugs with the partying crowd often going out at night when Dad has the kids, nonstop complaining from both about the unfairness of me. OW deals with teenagers who loath her and worries that she won’t be able to have children because he says they can’t afford them yet while ex has secretly had his nuts cut and has not told her because “she would dump him if she knew” effectively squandering her fertile years without her knowledge.
As for my reality? Decided to work really hard to become a certified Yoga teacher to help others dealing with traumas to find inner strength and peace. Gained fit body, mind and spirit, happy children, a beautiful flower garden, well trained protective dog and fell in love with a fellow chump who has matching baggage and integrity and who makes spending time with family, expressing gratitude and demonstrating respect to all his top priorities. Life is good on the other side!!!
He never told her he that he got snipped and she thinks they are going to try for babies and her bio clock is alarming? woa…imagine how betrayed she will feel someday when she learns the truth. Sucks to be her.
You need to tell her
Fuck no. Let the OWhore run out the clock. It’s karma for being a cheating whore.
He better keep paying that alimony. It would be a shame if you had to spill the beans about his snipped nuts. I think he should increase the payments. Cost of living has gone up, you know.
Hearing OW was 20 years younger than him (18 younger than me), I thought she must be drop dead gorgeous. Reality is she’s not. She looks like a child, and she’s nothing to write home about.
What SHE thought she was getting: My life
What HE thought he was getting: His existing life, just with a girlfriend plugged in, and they were going to play happy family with my kids
What is really happening: My eldest knows too much and never wants to meet her. Says he would like to “poison” her if he does, or punch her in the face. Happy families! Ex lives in a crappy little apartment, realizing he doesn’t make enough money to support the lifestyle he wants. Yells at me and tells me I’m a nasty capitalist, then threatens to take half of everything. Takes the kids out for an afternoon and his girlfriend is posting photos of the same place at the same time, so she’s creeping around following them while he’s on dad duty. Nothing weird at all going on there.
Me? I’m hanging in, doing the adult dull shit, but I know my kids, I love my kids, and I’m here for them. Some days are worse than others, but I know things will be okay on my end eventually. I’m doing the work to get better and be better.
What I thought he was getting: A woman who loved him more than me. A life full of family, friends and happiness that far exceeded what we had.
What he really got: An ordinary looking woman who sags in all the wrong places, who wanted financial stability (not love), no friends from OUR shared life, their families don’t live close, their children will never respect them and just an otherwise ordinary life. Nothing special. They gained NOTHING and lost everything.
What I imagined life would be like after divorce: Being a very family oriented person, I wondered if holidays would forever be marred by the empty chair around the Christmas tree/ “family” vacations that no longer contained a family/days of solitude/ the pitying looks from other parents as I show up alone to school functions.
What I actually got: a life where I mentally shout “Alleluia” every morning upon waking to a day free of emotional abuse or the need to cater to a curmudgeonly, critical control freak/the highest quality friends imaginable/the return of my exuberance so that I take delight in conversations and small things (like the momentary joy shared with the barista that “Flashdance” on the radio was brightening both our mornings).
YES!!! I was envisioning completely having to re-do traditions with my daughter and enduring pitiful glances from neighbors…turns out nothing much changed (except now I have to mow the lawn) because, as I discovered, he wasn’t involved in ANY of our traditions…it was always just me and her without him decorating for Christmas and going to the pumpkin patch and getting a tree, etc. As for the pitiful glances, people have been rad. My neighbor has helped me with little things around the house and most folks are super enthusiastic about my new life.
It’s so amazing how our lives are filled with joy when the downbeat person finally goes away! My Ex insisted on sulking in the bedroom with the TV on all the time, and never turned a hand to enjoy his family.
Life is sooo much better when there is light and laughter in it.
Mightymightymighty!
What I thought cheater was: A poor tortured soul, who kept getting hit with bad luck. Where life never gave him any breaks, how he was a decent person like me, with integrity and someone who wanted to grow with a partner, but just couldn’t get ahead in life.
What the cheater really was: A certified loser with bad judgment, who was unappreciative of all the blessings in his life. Someone who would drag anyone down if you associated with him in any way. Someone who was a moron, with no common sense, and a total failure, who would deliberately remain a failure for the rest of his life. You can’t fix ignorant.
Kelli, you just perfectly described my XH!!! I don’t even need to write my own post now because you just said it all!
YES. Drama follows my ex around because he invites it into his life with his bad choices. I am SO GLAD to be free of that existance! Have fun, whore!
Mine too, I was always having to sort out his latest crisis/fiasco/meltdown because of his bad choices. Hope she’s enjoying that now. They’re back in the States now and I have a sneaky feeling the Americans won’t be so forgiving of his constant drink driving/drunk accidents or getting physically thrown out of a bar for pouring a pint of beer over a woman’s head. I am SO GLAD that’s not my worry any more. I was terrified I would lose my home because someone would take us to court for x, y, z.
It’s the same…it’s exactly the same!
I had visions of him doing for her all of the things that he wouldn’t do for me. Didn’t happen. That relationship ended, I can only speculate why. But every now and then I check in to see what he’s doing, the same way I found him out…and he’s exactly the same person living the same boring pathetic life where all he really cares/talks about are cars, cellphones and video games.
Good riddance.
My ex tried to Hoover me back 2 x since his breakup. Why did they breakup? She dumped his ass for the EXACT SAME REASONS that I did. I did warn her.
He’s an alcoholic man-baby who uses you for your money, time and adoration and wants you to raise his two horribly behaved children, clean his house and have sex on demand. And plus, he’s a narcissistic psychopath.
I love that she dumped him for the same reasons that I did. Plus she was depressed because she was just started her separation and custody court stuff with her husband. Say what? He was sleeping with a married woman? No way. He didn’t get along with her kids? He lived in her big mansion and didn’t contribute a dime? She babysat has boys while they broke everything in her house and told her to fuck off daily.
Depressed? Who would have thunk it.
And now within 1 week of their final dday he’s with someone new who looks like a mix between me and his ex wife? (She looked completely different from us.) Sounds like karma is hitting them all over. Like a double dose.
What I fantasized she was getting: the man he pretended to be when I fell for him – strong, considerate, ethical (HAHA), pragmatic, responsible, attentive, and completely and totally in love and eager to make a life with me. A guy who would be a partner in parenting, a man who would help
What she got: the “man” he really is underneath all his secrets; a sexually repressed, selfish man with latent, unexamined homosexual urges who – after two years – now sleeps in the spare room they turned into a bar (sons confirmed) and gives her a two-month, silent treatment when she has the gall to ask why he is on homosexual porn sites during the days he’s supposed to be looking for a full-time job.
I owe that skank a thank you note for getting him out of my life! 🙂
Thank you Jesus. Be Grateful. Xx
At D day, I was told that she was amazing because she ate vegetables for breakfast and was good at her job (that she got fired from because she was a vendor and he was a government purchaser). His narrative of his tragic life surely included getting married too young (I FORCED him, you see) and me being so involved with mothering that I didnt care for his needs anymore.
They played house in SF for much of an 18 month period when he claimed he was working far away but we were wreckonciled.
I imagine her dragging him to nail appts and telling him to sit and wait until she was done…the $39,000 ring from her actual fiance sparkling while she reminded him he would have to replace it with something bigger. She might have possibly been on the recieving end of one of his emotionally violent rages which his actually family knew to shield themselves from.
In the end, he returned home to his family and lived a life of passive resentment until he died. She married her fiance, had 2 kids, divorced and now lives the life she tried so hard to push me into.
Im happily married to a man the first husband would have hated. Im cultivating a worldwide reputation in my area of expertise and really enjoying life – and I will never, ever eat vegetables for breakfast.
KARMA Unicornnomore
For years I imagined that cheater ex took the kids to the same Christmas tree farm that we went to every year and had a great time playing hide and go seek between the trees like we always did. I found out this past year that they never went there again. So sad the destruction these people create.
My ex took new supply on our promised vacation to great wolf lodge. I imagined them flirting voraciously by the poolside with drinks and him admiring her thin blonde body. Them sneaking up to their room for some hot sex while the kids played at the arcade. I cried the whole weekend they were gone, picturing this in my head feeling so betrayed.
Reality: She goes yearly for her birthday to great wolf lodge, they fought the whole time because his boys are horrible to take anywhere and she begged to leave early but because they took one vehicle he refused. She was trapped crying to come home. He wrecked her birthday (as he did mine and all other holidays and all the kids got a front row seat)
Bonus content: I ended up taking my kids and my mom two months later and we had a blast. All my mom and I could say is: isn’t this a much better vacation without that asshole and his kids to ruin it? I would have been run ragged chasing all the kids while he sat like a king drinking his beer completely oblivious….
Yep I’m treading water atm. I figure as long as I’m not going backwards emotionally, spiritually or financially I’m doing ok.
Ok. I may need y’all’s help on this one.
Ex was actually pretty good at adulating for many years. He did a lot around the house. I tried to help out as much as I could because I didn’t want him to have to do everything and I also wanted him to have time to relax, preferably with me. When I took on more chores, however, he just found other things that needed doing. Eventually I found myself running ragged. I simply couldn’t keep up and I decided that I needed to take a break now and again or we would both burn out. Then there was also the fact that I didn’t do everything as perfectly as he did so he was never satisfied with my performance when I did help out. I used to tell people that his only fault was that he was nearly perfect and so couldn’t understand why the rest of the world wasn’t perfect (which I now recognize as lack of empathy).
Despite my efforts to help out, he eventually came to resent having to do more than his fair share. It didn’t matter that he was never asked to do so much, he did it so that things could be the way he wanted them to be. At some point (I now believe it was around the time that he started up with Schmoopie 1.0) he went on strike and stopped doing much of anything around the house. I did my best to pick up the slack without complaint, but of course I didn’t do it all as well as he used to do it.
Meanwhile, Schmoopie was always a stay at home mom so she knows how to run a household as she never had to do anything else. That’s her talent (that and fucking other people’s husbands). I can’t help but imagine that she knows how to do everything as perfectly as he did and that’s why he is so attracted to her. Maybe she really is a better lay too because she makes more noise and is willing to have butt sex and possibly other weird positions I found painful. Her fashion sense also seems to be more in line with his, so she dresses more to his satisfaction (in spite of my many efforts over the years to get that right). She is everything I wasn’t. I have my good points too. I am actually quite an accomplished woman really and not unattractive, but my good points were simply never a priority for ex and her good points are.
I can’t help thinking that perhaps we really were just a mismatch and he really will be happier with her. If that is true, however then why did he ever marry me in the first place? Why did he seem happy to be my husband for so many years. Yes he complained about my faults sometimes which is why I tried so hard to improve, but he also gave me cards with sweet messages telling me how great I was, how lucky he was to be my husband and saying things like “please be mine forever”. He made his choice when he married me. He must have thought I had my good qualities at the time and he had an obligation to be happy with his choice unless I abused him in some way (which I never did). Other than being older and wiser, I am pretty much the same person I was when he married me. If anything I improved over the years by trying to learn to please him. I keep trying to tell myself that maybe she will eventually not measure up in some way either, but right now it just doesn’t seem like it. Maybe you all can tell me what is really going on in their relationship.
@Chumpinrecovery – What’s really going on in their relationship is the exact idealize, devalue, and discard pattern of covert narcissistic abuse that you experienced at the hands of your ex husband, who sounds like a masterful manipulator indeed. He moved the goalposts on you, with criticisms of your work and odd one-upmanship of you in the home, “running you ragged,” then suddenly not doing the work anymore BUT not ever engaging in any good faith discussions about this with you, before discarding you and making you think his happiness was your responsibility. Meanwhile, ZERO of your emotional needs were being met. Mine was the same. Very subtle manipulations, sulking, silent treatment, acting happy, acting like a “Good Husband” in front of the rest of the world, but privately a hellion. Yours found a vulnerable, low emotional IQ abused woman who he could exploit and make her think it’s all her fault. You and I are mighty for being abandoned by shady characters like this— they knew we could not be exploited anymore and had to move on to easier targets.
My analysis: he is confused and immature, and he set you up to fail him, whether he realizes it or not. He sucks at adult communication. You can’t be “good enough” for a person who pre-decided to perceive you as a failure.
That complicated shit sandwich is not worth your energy.
THIS. Like playing a game of cards, where only he knows the rules and can see your cards, but you can’t see his.
There will be something else he doesn’t like about her. Also, she’ll never be able to keep house *exactly* how he likes it, and he’ll resent her for that, because why the hell did he blow up his marriage, if not for the perfect housekeeper? Meanwhile, she prides herself on her housekeeping, so she’ll take his judgment and dissatisfaction far more personally, because how dare he say she’s imperfect at this – this is her specialty.
Expect 5,983 arguments about how the other is Doing It Wrong when it comes to how to load a dishwasher or mop a floor.
Dr. Cheaterpants was a neat freak too. He wasn’t lazy. He even hung up his dirty dry cleaning and I would haul them into the cleaners and watch them snicker about it. A perfectionist. Poor lil you, just couldn’t live up to it now could you? I’m not exactly a slob but I do have a stack of kids/school stuff on my kitchen counter, a junk drawer, an unused bedroom where random shit goes to perch until I can deal with it. Don’t even get me started on my Christmas mess. He would all but be in tears over the clutter.
Never mind that I worked full time, more hours than him. I did the majority of kids stuff. And I really didn’t want to spend all my free time scrubbing the underneath of a cabinet so that our home was spotless.
He was high maintenance, needy, and OCD. A narc of a different flavor than some others have here. But a narc none the less. He was a martyr narc (okay I made up that term), but really that’s what he was. He never did things I wanted to do. Never found things I liked as important.
I think it’s a control freak thing. And you couldn’t measure up. Can you imagine the two of them together trying to out do each other?
I’m happy with my life now. If I want to leave a glass in the sink and watch TV, I do. My life is so peaceful!!
Holy cow Twice, my Dr Cheaterpants was also a complete neat freak. He would carefully inspect the cutlery that I had hand washed and if they didn’t pass muster he would contemptuously throw them back into the sink, to be done again. I wasn’t allowed a dishwasher in the dream house we were building as he didn’t feel they “did the job properly”. I managed to get one installed by insisting that it was required for resale value. This is the house I paid for half of, just by the by and I actually work longer hours than X. He walked out the day after the mortgage was paid off.
What I thought was going to happen: I’d be forced out of the dream house, with no $$$, no friends to live a grey, lonely existence where nothing ever happened. He and gorgeous schmoopie would party it up large and be the toast of the town, since he can be a charming bastard to the outside world. I thought I’d be a pariah, the idiot who managed to lose a high-earning dashing man.
What is actually happening: He hasn’t paid any $$$, so I’m still in the dream house. He’s paying for a rental across town. He wants “his” house back but can’t manage to adult with the bank despite his income. I’m free of a manipulative user. I’m deeply involved in the community via work, music and charities and have met loads of people who seem to like me for me (I never had time for this before since I was busy re-washing cutlery). The house is a slightly organised pigsty and I run the dishwasher EVERY DAY. People generally think he’s a sad bastard for what he’s done. His 25 year old Schmoopie is spending thousands re-training to be a personal trainer (she was broke, so I’m hazarding a guess that he’s paying for this) and enjoys making sugar free treats for the two of them. Despite her profession, friends and colleagues report back to me that she looks “interesting” and not at all like she works out. My STBXH has managed to lose a high-earning, dashing woman.
Our exes must have been clones. That all sounds so familiar. When he first suggested counseling (before I knew about any of his schmoopie’s), I tried to tactfully suggest that his perfectionism be on the discussion list. That sure didn’t go over well. “why should I have to lower my standards to please you?” Ouch!
I also had the junk drawer. He hated it.
What she thought she got – the perfect man, who keeps an immaculate house, whose “incompetent” ex-wife just couldn’t get things right.
What she got – a narcissist that is never satisfied. A man whose life is defined by control – control of himself, control of his spouse, control of the relationship, control of his environment. He keeps moving the targets and doing “more more more” so that he can keep being the martyr in the relationship. She is never able to relax, never able to just slob around in sweatpants and recharge with a novel, because it’s not worth the stress of listening to his unending criticism. She isn’t a person, she is an accessory in his dollhouse.
What you got – freedom to breathe, freedom to decide what you think is important, freedom to focus your energy on more important things than ironing the finger towels correctly.
Oh my god, my ex was the same. He hated it when I would read a book. He would keep track of how much time I spent reading during the day. It didn’t matter that the chores were done and he was just watching – and I shit you not, The Weather Channel for hours- he acted insulted that I would read a book.
He also hated it when we would read something at the same time and I would always finish much, much faster then he did. My one super power and he had to piss all over it.
Thanks for the reminder. That definitely helps. The first part is likely true, the last part is definitely true. Meanwhile she keeps him on a short leash in return. She is smarter than I was that way. Right now he takes it as “she cares”, but someday that collar is bound to chafe a bit.
If they have to be put on a short leash then they are too much trouble and infants.
My ex narc psychopath hated when I read a book. He took it as a personal insult that I would rather read a book than watch him watch tv.
If I even attempted to sit in the couch and read he would literally lay down and put his head in my lap so I would have to move my book.
Then he would do everything to distract me.
It got to the point where I would have to pat his hair with his head on my lap, if I want to read.
Relishing the days of reading now cheater free….
I have a kitty that does that, but she’s cute. And she doesn’t mind being a “book rest”, as long as she gets head pats. 😀
Mine mentioned my love of reading too when we got into fights about why he cheated And me liking to take walks! Jerks!