Where You Thought They Were, Where They Really Were
After you’ve been chumped “working late” takes on a whole new connotation. As does “Appalachian Trail” and “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”
We’re a trusting bunch, and if you say you’re doing a Thing, we’re inclined to believe you’re doing that Thing. When in fact, you may be Doing a thing. Trust being the social glue that holds us all together and all…
So, today’s Fun Friday Challenge is to tell CN all the crazy places your cheater was when they weren’t. Any elaborate artifice to pull this off? Fake airline ticket receipts? False testimony from a bud? Or just your continued cluelessness?
Why dwell on something so unpleasant, Tracy?
There’s some benefit to naming all the cons. I think of this place as a great big data repository of the the Suck. You realize someone is going to read your story and think, “OMG, SHE TOLD ME THE SAME THING. Bible verses! Crown Plaza hotel! I-35!”
Lay it on, CN.
TGIF!
Here’s a **Duh** that now I can tell was complete bullshit:
“I need to be in nature alone to re-energize.”
In Iowa. Not alone.
I was pushing my wife out the door to get exercise: biking, walking, hiking, kayaking. She was using that time to slurp cocktails and bar food with her ex-girlfriend.
Mine was a critical care physician….a compassionate, good one I thought. Now I will never know how many “emergencies” actually involved patients.
In Key West for a “guys trip”. He asked me to pack some incense and also asked for a few photos of me and our dog to take in his suitcase. I happily did it and sent him off for a good relaxing music recording session with his guy friends.
Except it was with his office ho only, sharing a hotel room on the ocean, snorkeling, dining out, etc, etc, barf.
I found out because when his phone wasn’t working for hours after he’d said he’d call when they arrived, I texted his friend to see if they made the trip okay and his friend was like “Huh? I’m in Jacksonville for work all week and weekend. Sorry, UC!”
Then I began checking our joint phone record and discovered the whole ugly 1.5yrs long lie. Felt pretty naive for that one, for a while.
XW, in Mexico, for a “girls trip”.
Incense, and photos of you and your dog?? What’s up with that?
I’m guessing incense for the ho and photos of me to keep me from thinking something was up??
And it worked because I bought it hook, line and sinker! Had absolute trust that he was going for a music playing relaxing guy’s weekend. Until his friend told me different…
These fuckers sure do like camping, don’t they?
Mine was similar. He preferred to sleep in our horse trailer– whether parked outside or in a building, claiming it was darker and more quiet. Helped him to sleep better. More likely all the phone sex he was having out there helped him sleep. What a moron!
Ditto????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????!
OMG I got this same one!! He wanted to go camping to be in nature and find the answers to his inner turmoil …turns out he was camping and white water rafting with the OW!
Never got that one. I was the one who didn’t mind camping. I took the FW XW and the kids camping three times total. All because in the beginning of our marriage I wasn’t making the big bucks yet, and she was being a SAHM, so we had little to no other income than mine. These three camping trips allowed us to take trips and vacations it would have been hard for us to afford otherwise at that point. I was used to and enjoyed camping, and I thought it would be economical for our family (it was) as well as a great learning experience for the kids. Plus it allowed us to easily bring our then dog w/us.
Fast forward to a few days after D-day, when the FW XW tells me in angry tone that she “never enjoyed camping!” I guess I was supposed to mind-read that from her. Also, I guess I was supposed to put our family in debt to go more in style. Well, too bad, FW. As the marriage counselor told her, if you don’t bluntly tell the person you’re in a relationship w/that you have a problem w/something at least two times, you’re asking for them to mind-read, and none of us are good at that (ideally tell them three times. I got nothing until after D-day, and her now clear choice to leave me).
And if I should ever get in a romantic relationship again (hard to imagine right now, even almost 2 1/2 yrs out from D-day and almost 6 months out from absolute divorce date), you can bet one thing I’ll be looking for is a woman who ENJOYS camping. Not to mention a woman who will be honest and tell me if they don’t like something I’m doing w/them, for fuck’s sake.
Mine too! Had to go to the mountains to ask God what he would have him do about his family
Asked me to find his Bible and get his sleeping bag out and told me he’d borrow a ”1 man tent” so he could put it up by himself!
Really he Went to the beach and enjoyed his ho worker
Meanwhile, I never seen God photobomb any of their lovely pictures! ????
Raising hand here! Except mine wasn’t camping. He was cycling along the coast and sleeping in campsites along the way. Damn if I didn’t get out his bike packs and clean them up, and get his gear ready and set him up with provisions. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want the portable solo man tent I had picked up for him.
One text over 4 days. No calls, nothing. No photos on his phone from the trip to share when he returned. He claimed no cell service. Funny when one of my girls did that same route by car she never had trouble using her cell service.
Then he supposedly arrived at a nice coastal town about 50 miles from our house at dusk the last night, so he asked permission to book a room at an expensive hotel. That overnight turned into him wanting to take advantage of a nice day on the beach before arriving home. So he rolled in at dusk the following day.
Did I mention this occurred at what was the start of our daughters’ Spring Break? So by the time he got back he said he had to work round the clock to catch up for having been away.
It took me more months than I care to admit to figure out he wasn’t alone on that trip.
I read these camping comments and boy it sounds oh so familiar!
My “former” booked a camping trip with white water rafting a month in advance on a long- weekend three years ago.
A solo trip in a remote area- I was to expect spotty cell phone reception but he would sent me a couple of updates.
Our relationship was based on trust and I bought the story hook, line and sinker.
For heavens sake I even cooked up some potatoes for wonderful hashbrowns over the campfire!
I found out after a second camping trip the following month that this was no solo event. And the rest my friends is now in the rearview mirror…..
My ex really did go camping for a week in our RV with our two toddler granddaughters during the summer when he was off work (teacher). I just didn’t know that he stopped to pick up his skank prior to going out of town and dropped her back off before coming home.
My ex moved out. He’d been out all night for many weekends ‘taking pictures.’ Taking pictures during the day hurt his eyes. One weekend he wanted to pick up our camper/toy hauler to take our 12 yo camping – with his 22 yo girl friend – in the new truck he’d asked me to cosign for,several months before, so “we could be safe towing the toy hauler.” One of his all nighters taking pictures he said he slept in his car. He’s 240 pounds and had a Kia Spectra. Lol. I found the hotel receipts. When I confronted him on the lies he was so insulted and informed me of my insecurities.
My name is now off the truck, the camper is sold, and I am free of a soulless nincompoop.
Divorced for a year now. Their baby is 2 years old.
Sweet freedom.
With your GRANDDAUGHTERS?! I thought I’d heard it all. I’m so sorry, there are no words.
Mine too. Camping to clear the mind!!! Total BS. Mine sent me a picture of him in the woods, saying how much he was clearing his head. 2 days later I realized it wasn’t a selfie. Started going through his online accounts and his “Whore” was posting from same location. Amazing, the how they try to cover lies.
God, he’s stupid. Love it.
Her go-to was “helping a friend.”. This usually was in the context of a coworker who was having a bad time or was drunk and needed a ride home. Always something virtuous.
At least a couple of times she talked about sharing the Gospel with them. Even asked me for Bible verse references.
Then she would be gone for hours.
There’s also the binge drinking with coworkers which included her disappeating. These episodes also were described as “having one drink with a friend” while putting then straight on something. Again, gone for hours, friends didn’t know where she went. She was near blackout drunk by the end of most of those nights. I often had to come get her somewhere downtown where she would immediately try to start a fight with me.
There were late nights at the gym for a while, and late nights at work. These were about 50/50 on truth, I think.
I put up with it for too long, but had to have evidence to do anything about it.
Your ex sounds just like my ex’s OWhore. A group of us would have dinner once a month and she loved dining out on her ‘shocking’ stories of drinks after work that found her passed out drunk and her ever patient husband having to collect her in the morning (picture timid forest creature). Until the husband rings mine one morning (by this time they are rehearsing songs for about a month) asking if he’s heard from her (drinks after work, phone dead, can’t find her). Suddenly not so funny. He doesn’t want to ring the ‘girls’ and out her (sorry dude, we already started to realise she identified with her ‘crazy’ self not herself as mother to 3 beautiful kids with a gorgeous devoted husband). Fast forward 6 months and these calls between her husband and myself are so regular… neither are home, ‘rehearsals’ have gone all night, both roll gone drunk sometime the next morning. Looking back, I was pretty annoyed he rang my husband that morning (she was my friend, what’s it to do with my husband?) … now I wonder if this was her pattern and he was just cutting straight to the chase and contacting her (potential) AP. So many red flags but I was so naive and trusting back then.
I know exactly the BS Canadian RCMP same thing these lying pieces of shit get away with murder because unless you can “AFFORD” a private investigator you don’t have proof! Mine was lying and scamming everywhere, a mechanic training on the companies money in Red Deer Canada!
My ex cried saying she needed to go home to Canada to visit her dying grandmother. After several trips over the years. Her grandmother was still living. But I find out she had at least two boyfriends up there. After I caught her and tried to reconcile. She still insisted she wanted to go to Canada for the summer because it’s not fair that she spend all summer bored. My marriage counselor actually suggested I trust her and let her go. Looking back, I’m just dumbfounded I put up with this ridiculousness. Never again.
As a Canadian and a Chump – I am sorry !!!
No need to be sorry, I got two great half Canadian kids out of the marriage. I know my ex is definitely not the model ambassador of your country. There are just as many angry Canadians wives as Americans wives at my ex for sleeping with their husbands.
What I thought things were (with Rhys) – an essentially good man getting out of a dead end relationship and having fun and falling in love with me.
What it really was – a snobby Brit sowing his wild oats while making me think he cared about our possible future together. I still wonder sometimes if he lied to me about how his relationship ended, he said he and Minnie were no longer sharing a bed, but I’m thinking she just got sick of his bullshit.
You sound like my husband’s OW. If he was “still getting” out of a relationship with someone else when you started seeing him, you are the Other Woman. ????
And yes Minnie was sick of his bullshit.
To clarify, we didn’t start going out until he and Minnie actually broke up, but he was still waaaaay too flirty when we first met. Silly me, I thought him waiting to properly ask me out was a sign of integrity.
Mine is so mundane. He mostly visited prostitution massage parlors while he was out of town working and sometimes while he was going out to food shop. I used to think it was so nice that he did all the food shopping…and wondered why he didn’t want me to come along and help. Also can somebody explain this to me? I read in his journal that he used the girls and then he would give them a massage. Who massages a prostitute after he’s done with them? What’s bad about?
To make him feel like he cared about them, that he didn’t just use them for sex. That way he’s not part of the sex trafficking problem.
Yep like mine in Thailand, he treated them really nice like a girlfriend so you know it’s all ok.????????????
You totally sound like my other woman too lol
When I thought he was at church preparing his Sunday School lesson, he was really at church fucking his secretary.
When I thought he was at the hospital visiting a woman who was dying of cancer, he was really at home doing the dying woman’s daughter.
When I thought he was caring for our young children while I was out of country, he was really out clubbing with whores while the kids cried at home behind locked doors.
While I thought he was out in the mountains praying, he was really visiting “massage” parlors-only for oral though because he didn’t want to be unfaithful.
When I thought he was having a business lunch with a future customer, he was really “doing” lunch with his now wife.
When I thought he was missing family time for difficult work problems, he was really a restaurant (he would never take me to, because he’d heard the food was terrible) with a mistress.
YET, IT WAS MY FAULT FOR NEVER TRUSTING HIM! ????
Your post reminds me of my first cheating ex-husband . . . he was the church organist — in more ways than one. I thought he was at church meeting with Sister Margaret about the music for the next service — that’s what he told me, and that’s what I believed. Instead, he was following his organ into “Sister Margaret’s” pants. He later told me he was “helping her to see if she had a vocation.”
I divorced my second husband, a former Benedictine monk, because he tried to kill me. I didn’t see it for years later — probably because I wasn’t looking for it — but his relationship with Father Stephen was VERY close. When he told me he was going to see Father Stephen for help with his habit of physical violence, I believed he was going to the priest’s residence for counseling. Instead, they were at a popular gay bar picking up friends (and perhaps strangers, too — who knows?) for “parties.” There were hints before the divorce — for instance when he told me that “orgies at the monastery were so great because everyone was into everyone else.” And then he’d quickly say, “Of course, I’m straight so I didn’t participate.”
I cannot look at religious leaders with any sort of trust or respect any more.
I am so very sorry this happened to you. And I am so glad you got away.
I know good people in different churches – I know they exist – but I am not blind to the corruption either.
The ExMrs.,
I can’t look at religious leaders with respect either and I have a ministry degree and served in ministry myself as week as mine time as a pastor’s wife.
So very minister are horribly corrupt in the filthiest sense of the word and the ones who aren’t are usually chomping at the bit to cover up, reconcile, “heal”, and restore to ministry the ones who are.
Disgusting doesn’t even begin to describe what I have seen on the inside of the church. For all the talk they do about holiness and decency and morals, I’m hard pressed to find any of those things in actuality. The dirty little secrets are oozing out of every organization if people only cared enough to look.
Hope what I wrote was understandable with all those autocorrect errors.
Trust? Let’s consult the dictionary: Trust is “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” How do we come to have that belief? Because someone is consistently reliable. Consistently tells the truth. Consistently shows “ability and strength” in those ways we interact. So trust comes from observing a person’s behavior and character and noting consistency over time.
Once trust is broken by lies, betrayal and deception–even if only ONE TIME, you’re not just back to NO TRUST. You are at MISTRUST. Because you cannot have that “firm belief.” Because you know that the person is not reliable, truthful, or acting according to mutual interests.
What cheaters excel at is DARVO–denying, accusing and reversing victim and offender. They turn an issue in their character—that they are not trustworthy—into an issue in their victim’s character–“You fail to trust me!” They aren’t talking about “trust” at all. They are asking you to deny reality. Don’t fall for this move. It’s gaslighting of a high order.
Wow. This.
Exactly this ^^
When I thought he was caring for our young children while I was out of country, he was really out clubbing with whores while the kids cried at home behind locked doors.
That is HORRIBLE.
I think there is a chance that he left the kids to play video games in a store when he was in a city north of us whereupon he disappeared for a while. When he got home (After not telling me for hours where they were) he said he was giving me some “alone time” without the kids
I have so many. My favorite was when he said he was hunting with his friend last winter.
He left our house with a small duffel bag.
He wore Allbirds(felt sneakers) on his feet. He did not bring boots (snow on ground), a winter jacket, gloves, hat, orange safety gear or his guns.
Hunting something other than birds!
Wow he didn’t even try to cover his tracks. Left everything you needed to hunt
He should be arrested for child emdangerment. What an absolute monster! It takes a lot to shock me, but locking your kids in the house to go out whoring does. Imagine if there had been a fire or a break-in.
I hope this child-abusing bastard does not have any custodial rights now.
Chumpup,
After I discovered what he’d done, I never left him alone with the kids again until the oldest turned 13. To my dying day I will never forgive myself for not leaving him then. I was stuck in the church and since he always seemed repentant divorce wasn’t considered an option.
The separation/divorce happened after the kids were mostly grown. They were teens and would have fought spending time with him, but he didn’t even try. And he was on a cruise with the latest OW when he should have been at court to seek visitation. But he has managed to make an excellent show of being a broken father who’s ex turned the kids against him. It is part of his game as he cons the new chump and his other supply.
Child endangerment, lol. 4 lawyers and they have all told me I need to show up in court with cigarette burns on the kids’ arms for the courts or CPS to do anything. You would have to wait for the fire or the break-in to happen and the kids to be hospitalized for smoke inhalation or be kidnapped and THEN the courts will consider calling it neglect.
This ^ is unfortunately true.
Unicorn,
Wonder what he was up to ????
Yeah. I found out about the locking the kids up part about three months after reconciling, having a vow renewal, and moving to another state where I had no job, friends, or family. I felt stuck back in the marriage and didn’t leave.
Ugh
You deserve better!
Good riddance
Xo
Oh gosh, he’s just disgusting thing. I have no english words for “it”.
My X’s OW was living across the country. So it was a lot of long calls. He was: going upstairs to meditate, walking the dog for an hour (and oh, no need for me to come along).
Almost forgot about that 3 hour dog walk late at night. He wouldn’t answer his phone. I was worried. When he got home he was pissed because he saw all of my calls and thought there was some emergency. How dare I scare him like that. ????
Having a “Girly Night” with her friends, some of whom are keen social media users. The check-ins and status updates were non-existent.
They were to drink prosecco, and dance to the Greatest Showman.
Which is were she got her bruises. The symmetrical on both wrists, finger shaped grabbing bruises.
“I’ve not been grabbed!” She said, “I got them when my friend helped me up!” She said.
Pinned against the wall or pinned to a bed bruises. I’m not an idiot, I pressed the issue.
“Don’t text for a bit” was her hurried last text message before I got her phone.
“Come get me, Husband knows, it was the bruises” I added now in possession of her phone.
“OMW baby, stay safe” said the fucking white knight.
She left on her own accord.
Oh she’s safe as houses all right! She’s left this 22 year old relationship bruised and marked by the affair partner.
Fuck them both, I hope they enjoy battering each other. I’ll be busy raising our legendary 14 year old daughter.
Hi spencer
You are awesome my friend stay strong for your daughter, they think the grass is greener when they swam out of the door in there love bubble, but when that bursts and it dose, they are only seeing there kids half of the time they come to realise what shits they are in side , stay strong
Spencer,
I can only imagine what your soon to be legendary daughter would learn if her mom raised her. ????
I’m glad she’s got you.
Thank goodness you can be the safe and sane parent. That’s nuts.
This makes me sick to my stomach. I’m so very sorry. I wish I could jump on the “men are pigs” bandwagon but my wife was the one doing the cheating. Ugh.
It’s not “Men who are Pigs” it’s “Cheaters who are PIGS”. My EX is a Cheater = Pig.
My Dad and Brother are honest, trustworthy, hardworking men. = Great Guys
Thank you for saying that, FindingPeace. All men are NOT pigs. Nor are all women whores. It’s the low state of their character, their shitty behavior, their lack of morals that identify them as the fuckwits they are, be they male, female, transgender or whatever. WE’RE the ones that have integrity. They are full of shit. Which is why they don’t mind handing out shit sandwiches all the time.
MINE TOO IN OUR “MARITAL” bed, GROSSE!
Daddypants,
Mine was usually with a married woman, so I know that they can be sows.
His friend’s mother was ill, so he gave xhole his cruise tickets. xhole was gone a whole week, he only called to rub it in and make fun of me for being hurt that he just up and left me with the kids for a week at a bad time. I thought he was on a free cruise with a friend on his friend who couldn’t go. In reality, he met up with an old girlfriend in Miami, took a week cruise with her, came home to berate me again for not wanting him to go. Such a catch he was.
Switzerland
My ex travelled for work.
He said he’ll be running a workshop in Singapore.
Turned out he was in Phuket with his girlfriend 35 years younger than him.
They’re married now with a one year old. A baby at 62? Good luck with that.
Indeed.
Boy was i fooled so many times!!! The working late bullshit when he was either taking her to dinner or the motel. Or he was shopping for xmas with his sister for six hours and he hates shopping. Visiting family in another country for weeks, probably took his slut. Or stopping at sluts house on his way to work, probably fighting and just had to make up with her because she is his latest victim. So many things to name. Never again…
The Worm used the Christmas shopping excuse but he bought everyone gift cards.
I was the exception. He bought me a duplicate of the purse he bought the OW and a Fitbit (D-day was six months prior and I was suffering from anorexia at the time).
Needless to say that shopping took an entire weekend.
My three favorite excuses;
I was in the ER for my stomach,
I got arrested but they let me go after 5 hours because they didn’t have anything on me,
and picking a fight so he could go “cool off”.
My XW gaslighted all the time so she could leave. When she had to “run up the the gas station for a minute” she would be gone over a half hour. It was 5 blocks away in a small town. I would ask her when she came home why she was gone for a half an hour and she would literally say that she had only been gone 5 mins. I know how to tell time and was making a point to watch the time after a while. She would actually call me CRAZY for saying she had been gone so long. You really can argue with the clock, can you? Crazy making and gaslighting just to start fights and justify to herself that the relationship was bad. It is such a cowardly way to go out.
Omg, we lived in a small town and the liquor store was 3 blocks away. Only thing is we are/were not drinkers. I found it odd he suddenly was in a panicked hurry to make it the the liquor store, hours before closing and we were people who might have a drink twice a year. He was gone for 40 minutes. She lived 2 blocks past the liquor store.
This is giving me flashbacks of memories. My stbx had a standard line when he left to go out. When he left to go out anywhere. “I’ll be back in about an hour.” He never came back in an hour. It was always several hours. Over time the trust in that “ about an hour” statement was gone.
Every time he uttered those words I knew it was a lie. One time he said I’ll be back in about an hour. I said no you won’t. It’ll be several hours at least. You always tell me an hour and it’s always many many hours you are gone. He smiled and chuckled and he walked out the door.
My ex liked to make up elaborate tales. At first I believed them. Then slowly the truth was revealed. One tale was his kids got into a fight with their mothers new husband and he was SO worried and upset he didn’t answer his phone all day. Or the one where he had diarrhea and just couldn’t talk.
So ‘rhea and on the toilet-can’t talk ?And then there are the ones who spend HOURS in the crapper texting their other people.
It’s all bullsh*t.
XW would take 3-hour baths 4-5 nights weekly, with her phone of course. When I’d check on her or want to talk, she’d get irritated or say “I’ll be out in a minute” [never happened; I usually went to bed alone].
Hahaha, diarrhea, I hope he really gets a case of diarrhea that is so bad his vocal cords stop working!
I was totally clueless. I trusted the bastard when he told me he was going to Kevin’s house. He also had a friend named Bill(whom I never met) that he went to play pool with and overnight trips to his cabin in upstate NY. He even told me he was going to Bill’s 50th Birthday party. Yup, the 50th Birthday party was for Skankella. You would think I would have been invited since I was her cousin. Oh, chumpy trusting me believed that he was going out with his friends. Looking back the signs were there I just trusted him and thought he would never cheat. He took full advantage of my trusting nature.
Yep, same here! Looking back, all the signs were there, but, like you, I trusted her…completely and consistently. I never thought she’d cheat, let alone leave and treat me with callous indifference.
How did the rest of your family not tell you?!?
Cheaters lie out of their lying liar hole. Probably said “Oh spouse couldn’t make it so I’m representing the family with my attendance.”
Not sure where my response went?? She does not talk to any of her family including her parents. The party was thrown by her best friend. The only people invited were friends. I suspect my ex double dated with Skankella’s friend and husband. Nice people aren’t they?
Always “working overtime” yet we were always “broke”
Cuz its hard to have money to pay the bills when you are “working overtime” sneaking in and out of McFakeboobs (which I paid for) house while her kids were sleeping bringing her food and gifts.
Switzerland but actually Indonesia
Ha! JD, mine was in UK but in Colombia.
Actually, most of the places I don’t even know. He used to travel a lot for work and how would I ever know where exactly he went? Said one thing but did another.
Oh, and once he actually told me he was going to Mexico to be around pyramids and nature and contemplate on life. I thought he was depressed and wanted to support him so I let him go. He pulled Mexico again in a couple of years. I later found his Colombian owhore was meeting him in different places. But I also found out about others: howorkers, ex gf’s, wifes of business partners. I kept digging and finding more until I no longer wanted to look. Done now.
Fantastic that your posts are separate. Kinda like the real experience the lie, then the truth. (at least for me)
When I discovered that he travelled all the way to Indonesia whilst on a work trip to Switzerland, I was hoping he was actually some sort of undercover agent. But alas, it was to f*** some lady he met on an app. The hilarious/worst part is, he went for ONE night and flew right back to Europe to go to his conference. I would’ve stayed at least a few nights to justify all that travel time and effort.
Screwing over the chump AND the environment all at once! Smh
“Out for a run…”— in reality, at Super 8 Motel fucking his research assistant
At an international Alzheimer’s Disease conference in Copenhagen, having continuous “meetings”— in reality, barely left his hotel room due to wooing/ fucking his research assistant
Working late— in reality, getting bjs from his research assistant in the graduate student apartments’ parking lot.
But usually, he just wouldn’t even tell me where he “allegedly” was, he’d just leave me and our young child for several nights in a row and refused to say where he was, if he answered the phone at all.
Where she was supposed to be: at a family Xmas party with me and our daughters
Where she said she was going: “I just want to have a day to myself, where I don’t have to think about [all of our recent marital troubles]. I’m going to go to the new Star Wars movie and forget about things for a while. You and the girls have fun, let me know how things are going.”
What she said ended up happening: “Well, funny thing . . . you know how sometimes when you’re driving, you just space out and don’t even remember the previous 5 or 10 minutes? That happened to me. I was just driving along, when suddenly I realized I’d gone much farther than I’d intended and I didn’t even remember the past 15 minutes. So I just kept driving. I drove around for another 20 minutes, then grabbed a coffee and came home. How was the party? . . .”
Where she really was: fucking the Carrot Singer at his house 55 miles away, after getting word from him that morning that his wife and infant daughter were going to be out of the house. “Just hang back until you see the black minivan pull out of the driveway, then come on in. Can’t wait to see you and taste one of your cookies ;)”
Any partner that needs “alone time” away from the house, the city you live in, or in multiple days is full of turds.and should be treated as suspect. I hate to think about this as the Dickhead would often work on holidays or leave the house to go a “friend’. Thank goodness I do have work my brain into a pretzel worrying about that anymore.
I think I see what her next project will be after the podcast… Kunty Kibblers Kookies, maybe copy write it before she has a chance to?
My Ex drove over two hours to his ho-worker’s home to help “fix” her broken clothes dryer. My response, when I found out was, “A pharmacist making her salary can surely afford to have an appliance repaired or replaced locally.”
Not missing that drama.
NCMountaingal,
As a pharmacist that hasn’t practiced pharmacy since 2013, I can tell you she DEFINITELY could have afforded to have it repaired or replaced. Unless her drug habits were sucking all her money away, ha-ha. Another pathetic bunch of fuckwits. So sorry you had to deal w/that.
My stbx is a contractor. Many Saturday around brunch-time he left the house dressed nicely saying he was going to “fix a leaky faucet”.
OMG can we UBT the leaky faucet???!!!??!!! If the point of this exercise is to show others what happened in our lives so they can open they eyes to the horror, then I hope this helps.
Gotta say I don’t know where he actually was. But he would come home with packaged desserts, or restaurant lunch for me. (Wasn’t that nice?). He would ask if he could drive my car so he could look nice on his job. Being the chump I was, I said yes take by black Dodge Charger to work to fix a leaky faucet in your nice clothes. I’d ask him why are you dressed nicely to go to work? Oh I want to look nice when I show up, then I change into my work clothes to get dirty, then back in my nice clothes.
No UBT necessary. His faucet was feeling leaky so he went to fix the situation.
I figured it was HER leaky faucet he was fixing. But yes his leaky faucet needed to be fixed. Drip drip. They were a couple of leaky faucets.
My X went to fix his secretary’s faucet, too! Now it just makes me laugh ???? What an idiot!
Now that I think of it he’d bring that food home and say he wasn’t hungry, go ahead and eat as much as you want. I bet his Schmoopie was pissed as hell that he’d buy me a to go meal at their lunch out!!!!
He was getting her to pick-me dance by doing that.
Ahhh good point. I can see lots of ways he’s getting her to pick me dance even now. He loves the centrality of it. But I don’t think he loves either one of us. He adamantly told me that he would not live with anyone ever again and deal with all of that.
I was 35 weeks pregnant with our 3rd just out of a hospital stay for high blood pressure. And he was supposed to go to a concert with some buddies from his motorcycle group. I asked him not to go he layed on the biggest guilt trip since the tickets were bought already. He actually went to the concert just the buddy was only one buddy his other woman. And she rented them a cabin for the night. hE spun a whole story about the concert and the crap hotel he stayed at. Went really he was with her the while time while I was at home hugely pregnant with our two other young kids. 🙁
My ex used to tell me he was out “mall-walking” with a support group he found for parents of autistic kids. He’d get dressed up in sweats and sneakers and everything, when he was actually meeting the OM at a local hotel.
He didn’t even believe our kid was on the spectrum…
Yup, I got that one also. Our son has no corpus callosum and he said I was making it up. Asshole.
This one takes the cake!! Fuck’n cheater.
If course working late( all those years when he never made it home to eat with us when the kids were little and he never bothered to be there for their bedtime stories). Helping neighbourhood single ladies by plowing our their driveways. On a business trip to scout new used car suppliers—but couldn’t provide a ticket or receipt for it( he took his skank( our friend) somewhere I’m sure—nobody goes to Winnipeg in February unless the have to)), oh and “ but she’s my friend” when I told him he couldn’t be her friend anymore after the affair. Ya right!
“Ploughing out their driveways” ! 😉 A bit like fixing the leaky faucett… So much helpfulness…So much imaginative metaphor. There is room for a whole article on UBT’ing the helpfulness
Yup. Sounds like some of those single ladies were getting ploughed, all right!
He got rid of me (go to your parents for a couple of weeks, it’ll be great for the kids), then flew to Russia to meet with girls looking for a visa to Europe (he’s Italian). He wined and dined them, fucked them in an expensive hotel, then got home in time to feed the cat and greet his wife and kids.
On call.
There were so many call shifts.
Years ago he dropped a receipt which showed he’d been out to lunch during the time that he said he was called in. When confronted he fessed he went to lunch with a drug rep & that it was a one time thing & he was sorry. I was angry & hurt but i let it go at that.
Now many years later I discovered that he has been in a long term affair with one of the nurses (yes, he’s the boss doctor). This hit me like a mack truck. I never thought this was something he was capable of. I couldn’t imagine he could live such a duplicitous life. There are so many why’s. Saturday “on call” was actually yoga with his whore. Only god knows the rest.
Yep….I was married to a cheating doctor too. They are a horror. Mine was also always on call, being called in, staying late for an emergency. Pay never matched and he was always complaining about HR and mistakes. I will never know how long or how many–whole marriage a lie, I suspect. God only knows how many nurses he fucked until he got one pregnant–22 years younger than me.
My whole 15 year relationship probly mostly a lie too.
My Ex has his own business. He would often be out very late and claim that he was “networking.” Whenever I questioned him about his frequent late networking, he would go on the angry offensive, claiming that I had no idea what it was like to run my own business, how important networking is, how I’m crazy, etc etc etc.
He also frequently went “car shopping.” He does love cars, and so car shopping made some sense, and yet. Looking back, I cannot help but marvel at what a Chump I was. But, as Tracy says, I was a trusting person — if someone tells me that they’re doing a thing, I am inclined to believe that they are doing that thing. I don’t lie, and I didn’t expect others to lie either.
I am now 2 years post-separation, 2 months post finalization of my divorce, and essentially no contact, and all I can say is that I am SO HAPPY to be free of my Ex and his endless, endless lies. The path to this point was not easy, but it was sooo worth it. I no longer spend each day with an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach wondering what is true and what is a lie.
Life is infinitely better here on the other side.
Mine too owns his own business he was:
1 Working
2 Fishing
3 Checking the cottage Up North over night
4 Traveling “no Out West, you don’t need to know what hotel I’m in, just that I’m gone from Aug 1-16”
5 Working some more
6 At the boat
7 “Taking care of my mother”
8 At a funeral visitatation (for 7 hours, we were late for a ski meet, I drove alone with kids and gear after
waiting 3 hours for him)
9 Picking up a pizza — took over 3 hours and the pizza place called
and the best one was he went to the ‘gym’ on Christmas Day because “I deserve some ‘me’ time on my
birthday”. He was two hours late picking up his mother, my daughter and I had made a complex
birthday cake and he swore at me because I wasn’t cooking the meat the way he “told me”. That was
fun. I yelled at him in front of the kids and his mother to “go fuck yourself”. Little did I know that he
already had a “good fuck”. That was during the time of my detective work and in May I had him
served.
Oh, those were the days 🙂 as I sit here on a Friday morning drinking coffee and playing with my new puppy. I’m at the point where I feel I’m ready to meet someone, my past forays into dating I have been able to identify red flags very quickly. I’d love to meet a fellow chump but I’m at that place where if I am alone for the rest of my life, I’m ok with it.
Cheers to Chump Nation, it get’s better on the other side!
10 is the great Christmas debacle!
The “you have no idea what it is like to own your own business”.
LOL
Everyone who owns their own business has to mount up on whatever bitch catches their eye. Oh, the stress. ????
Going to a mens group at church.
I had a flat tire.
I need to get away for the night..
Just to name a few….
Divine,
They need that accountability to be close to the Lord. ????
Ex had heart bypass surgery a couple of months earlier but the angina came back. I was worried sick about him. He texted me at work that he was so upset he needed to spend the evening alone getting his head straight. I spent the night doing medical research and worrying. He took the OW out to dinner.
Sorry Bypass Chump. You have great name though 😉
Oh my, this hurst! I was so stupid, he even didn’t have to lie, I made it so easy for him.
He was always where he said he was and with whom(?) he said he was, fuckity fuck (seeing red). Climbing with the fucking red haired monkey (sorry monkeys). She was my friend and I cooked special dinners for her! They were climbing buddies. I feel anger coming up after al these years.
al K, I did the same thing. He was where he said he would be. Dinners with his male boss, they were having sex. He even sent me pictures of them too at the restaurant.
Vegas trips with his boss and his boss’s wife. I was invited, but he knew I would say no because I never wanted to leave my daughters without at least one parent at home. I wonder if the boss’s wife ever found out.
Working late with my “good friend,” she was actually my boss when I used to work with all of them. I was so naive, I trusted him and her, after all she was a married woman and her husband and my STBXH were buddies.
But, I feel sorry for him and all the other miserable people. They have not and will never know the feeling of love. They will never be content with their lifes.
“Those who have indulged excessively in pleasure have a certain grin on their face that is of a leery superiority, but there is no joy in them… because physical memory entangles you in a way that your mind cannot even figure out…they do not know where they belong, because the body is confused.” -Sadhguru.
Sooooo many work events, so many ????
What a sucker I was.
Where I thought he was: in his office (he was an academic, and had a flexible summer) busily revising his course notes for the fall.
Where he was: taking her halfway across the state to the city where she was transferring into a graduate program, to look for an apartment.
Clueless me: when I asked him why he failed to answer his cell phone a number of times, he told me he silenced it to keep from being distracted.
I get a clue: in his email 2 days later is a form from the apartment complex that he needs to fill out in order for him to guarantee her apartment, as he’d promised her.
Mr. Fitness decided he wanted to start commuting on his bicycle to work. So he needed to leave the house extra early. So he needed to build a bathroom at our business so he could take a shower after he got to work. So he needed to add a room onto the bathroom so he could keep clothes there to change into for work.
Gee, that’s weird. For all those weekly miles on your bike you’re not losing an ounce of weight.
The government was offering a tax credit for business owners who bought new trucks in 2015.
We had just bought a truck the year before. It should have been a red flag that a skinflint miserly parsimonious Scrooge wanted a new truck, but he threw me off the scent by giving me the Toyota Tacoma we had just bought when he went out and got the Dodge Ram 8000.
I thought it was the Dodge Ram pickup truck.
It was actually the Dodge Ram Pickup then Hookup with Craigslist Casual Sex Listings truck.
Early on, I realized the cheating accomplices ALL live in the phone. The phone the cheaters are glued to.
There is no there there, and no there or where even necessary anymore. They are always present, in the phone.
Thanks, Steve Jobs.
VelvetHammer, don’t blame Steve Jobs. He wasn’t the greatest guy, but that’s not on him. Lay the blame where it belongs, which is on all these adulterous, lying pieces of shit that we’ve all had to deal with. They would have found another way if Steve Jobs hadn’t help create the iPhone.
The Dickhead drives a gray 2014 Dodge Ram. I can only imagine the sordid tales it would tell.
the story: at the coffee shop
The reality: on a “date”
Unless she met him at the coffee shop?! cheap date
He said he spent Sundays with his family, extremely ill aunt, nephew with a traumatic childhood etc. He’d go to the church with his aunt. How good and selfless he was.
In reality, he was stalking his ex partner (that I didn’t know of), visiting sex workers, going on dates with women he met online, or stalking women in FB.
I believed everything he said because I trusted him. Never would have I thought that he’d toy with his aunt and nephew’s life. It turned out that the so called aunt was his ex partner’s mother (he lived with her, making me thing it was his aunt), and the traumatized nephew was his ex’s nephew, not his. The poor kid was just fine, no traumatic past.
It’s been six months since all of this happened, and I’m still baffled at all of his lies. I was in so much pain when I found all of his lies…
It’s been 6 months for me as well since I found out. Discovering the lies upon lies and having this reality sink in has altered my DNA.
1 week before he moved out we took a drive out to the country and stayed in a hotel. As we drove away from our home he pointed to a restaurant and said oh look “ blah blah “ restaurant. I heard that was good. So directly behind that restaurant is an apartment and it just happens to be that his new apartment’s balcony looks out over the restaurant. He had obviously already toured the apartment, picked that unit, and put in an application. So he was pointing out his new apartment to me as we drove by it on our way out of town for a romantic reconciliation trip.
Where he said he was- homeless staying in his truck
where he really was— went straight to at Schmoopies house when he moved out stayed there 2 weeks and then moved into that apartment behind the restaurant.
I Want My Fairy Tale,
Well said–Hearing lies on top of lies has ‘altered my DNA,’ too. I hate the fact that not only did several of my partners, including the last two (now ex-husband and now last ex-boyfriend), repeatedly lie to me and abuse me, but also I have become cynical and wasted precious decades of my life mourning the loss of jerks.
Rockstarwife, you’re not alone, I feel the same. I’ve wasted precious years being naive, gullible, sacrificing my career and myself. I repeatedly ignored my gut feelings and spackled ex’s abuse, believed his lies and questionable stories.
I didn’t realize people could be as evil as cheater, I was under the assumption that everyone had a conscious.
Our marriage, 25 years building a life of memories together meant absolutely nothing.
Heart wrenching ..
He was in a fishing tournament. But he didn’t win! He was in a golf tournament. But he didn’t win! Myrtle Beach with the guys golfing. Yeah strip clubs! Helping friends on their house. Yeah he was banging the hammer of whore in Buffalo.
Camping at a family reunion that was actually happening b/c I attended. I was 8 months pregnant so I was not camping. He stayed till I left then left himself. His family was confused as well.
My wife was in bed in pyjamas when I ‘set off to evening martial arts class’. She was still in pyjamas when ‘I returned’, having stayed in drinking wine.
ONLY I never went to class, I hid crouched in the rear of her car and enjoyed the trip she unknowingly took me on to meet AP in a car park!
OMG! That’s crazy. Did she notice or did you pop up when she returned to the car?
Please tell the story. Did you sneeze?
Kudos to you DoAD for not losing your cool and ending up on Snapped!
Story please!
Wow!!! That is amazing!!! Yes, please tell the story!!
DadofAll,
OMG! Pray tell the story if it doesnt make you barf.
Did they find you? Didnt they jump in the back seat? Did you stay there crouched the whole time?
Bravo for all the amateur sleuths among us! Well done – though I feel for your pain, at least you were no longer paddling up the River DeNial.
no way?!
I thought things like that only happened in Frasier
The first one he flew into him while away for work.
The current one, he was going to “get help to figure out all the negative thoughts in my head because I hurt Mommy and you guys so much and I NEVER want to do that again”. “You guys” being our 3 young kids and “help” meaning abandoning us for a teenager he’d never met and spoke to online for 3 weeks. That was over a year ago and we haven’t seen him since. 11+ years of marriage.
My stbx claimed he needed to be at his parents house (they had both died in the previous 2 years) so he could “find himself”…. Yeah, he found himself – drinking with his hunting/drinking buddy who also walked away from his wife and kids. His hunting buddy lived with my stbx out in that house for a year!
Oh my goodness, so many places and times! But my favorite was when he was helping his best friend, who lives a 2 hour drive away, repair his swimming pool plumbing one weekend. If only he hadn’t forgotten to take the American Airlines cocktail napkin out of his pocket before he put those pants in the wash basket when he got home. 🙂
My XH went on a business/golf tournament to FL with co-ho(?)-workers. Flew Southwest. He came home with a swizzle stick that he saved from the flight. It was red with a heart on the end of it. I questioned him what it was and why he saved it. He got on the Internet to prove it was from his flight. Okay, “But what did you save it?’ Crickets. Why would a 40ish man save a swizzle stick if it didn’t have some meaning or memory behind it? God, I do not miss AT ALL all the lies and mind fxcks!
Working late = strip clubs and banging strippers in the family minivan. I want to vomit when I think about the pillows and blankets I kept in there for the kids to use on long drives. Apparently he paid the strippers with gift cards? Once when cleaning out the van I found a bunch of gift cards in a storage compartment in the back. He said he took a bunch of guys from work out to lunch and they must have left them there. Yeah, I was so chumpy I believed that. Years later I still can’t see a man driving a minivan without cynically wondering what he’s up to in that thing (sorry all you good dads who are innocently driving your children around).
CL, I laughed out loud when you mentioned the Appalachian Trail. My cheater (married 20 years) for the first time in all those years gave me a special birthday to remember. He was stationed in another city and surprised me with a visit home. We had just built our forever home he was going to retire to. He had a new hiking pack delivered to ‘myhouse’ and I bought him hiking boots for his first hiking excursion. (He never hiked before that).
Fast forward two years later and I’m now friends with the poor woman he’d deceived into thinking he was divorced when they met (we were building our house for real though) and I find out he’d left me after “the best birthday ever” and flew to the city she lived in and stayed there instead of hiking. The best part is he knows that I know and that his other victim and I have shared all the REAL stories behind his lies.
One Sunday morning I was making his favorite breakfast and planning a nice family meal. Nope, he had to go off to fly his airplane and it couldn’t wait. He had to go fly it right then because he hadn’t flown it in a while that wasn’t good for it so off he went. The airport was about ten miles away. About the time he would have been at the airport but not yet in the air we had a massive Thunderstorm followed by torrential rain. I called and asked him to come home and have brunch with his family because he couldn’t fly his Cessna in a thunderstorm anyway. His response: “It’s not raining here”. Yeah right. Asshole.
In general he usually was where he said he was just not with who he said he was with or doing what he said he was doing.
He needed space to clear his head, he’ll be back he’s just not sure when. He’ll be around and let me know.
But actually he flew across the country to his girlfriends new residence and planned to catch the red eye back on Monday morning and show up back at home with his head fully cleared.
Too bad I found his car at the airport. And moved it to an undisclosed location. #win
You’re my hero.
You actually DID what I have only fantasized about! FTW!!!
Awesome!!! 🙂
Hahahahaha Bwahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahaha!
I only wish you could have videoed his confusion. “ I know I left my cheatermobile right here.”
You ARE mighty.
Cheatermobile ????????????
Hilarious!!!
Hahahaha!!! Love this!!! So proud of how mighty us chumps can be 🙂
That is hilarious.
OMG, that was brilliant!!!
The Dickhead was deep underground with his secret life. The only times I now wonder about were the times that his sister supposedly contacted him and he had to drop everything to go help her out. He never acted that enthusiastic to help me with anything. Or maybe the holidays he said he worked and maybe didn’t. There was even a hunting trip to Colorado that may have never happened.
I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to know.
About once a month, Fuckwit would offer to take our daughter someplace fun (local amusement park, movies, go-karting) to have a Father-Daughter Day and I could have some “Me Time.”
I thought this was so sweet.
That is, until my seven-year-old daughter told me about the “lady” who would always join them and make daddy take off his wedding ring for the duration of the outing.
He’s a filthy bastard dog. Unbelievable.
Awful! He’s the scum of the earth!
Ninth circle of hell.
On Christmas Day: I have to go see a friend
Refusing to go on our Disney vacation: I can’t be around you, thus I can’t go on our family vacation
My ex was a Scout leader and a Mason ( think Shiner) and he used both of these institutions to cover his tracks. Every weekend he either had a cub or scout camp to go to, or he had a Lodge meeting in the city where twatwaffle lived ( 2hrs away). It got to the point where I was getting very pissed off. But the absolute best lie he told myself and our son was this…. he was so stressed from work he needed to take a week off work and just go hiking in the forest. He was going to stay at a friends cabin for the week. The week he chose Dec 26 to Jan 1st. He was so “stressed” he actually left Christmas Day right after dinner.
The reality was he drove up to the OW city, picked her up and then went to a casino resort in New York for the week. When he came home he was more exhausted than when he left.
One time the ex was going to upstate New York for a “business trip.” He made a big deal to tell me that his boss didn’t want him to go but he told him that he already registered for some seminars and he was going no matter what his boss said. I thought I was crazy at the time but he made this declaration so defiantly that it felt like that message was really for me, which would have been weird because I never had a problem with him traveling for work. After dday I realized I wasn’t so crazy after all. He went with the OW.
Not long after that episode, he told me he was going to the gym. It was a Sunday around mid-morning. My sister called and our phone call got away from us. We had talked for almost three hours. I had mentioned that the ex went to the gym earlier in the conversation and she asked me when he got home when we realized we were talking so long. (He was an infant when I spoke on the phone to anyone for any length of time and would rudely turn the volume up on the tv or interrupt me a thousand times) I told her he hadn’t gotten home yet and she said something along the lines “Cheater doesn’t have the body of a man who spends 3 hours at the gym.” She was very suspicious. I was a very big chump!
« I never lied to you. I said that I had to stay late at the office; I never said that I was working late.» Accompanied by a creepy little grin of duper’s delight. Their first fuck was on the sink in the employees’ bathroom – so romantic!
I got the ‘I don’t have time for you. I’m working late/on weekends’ from my last boyfriend. Little did I know that he was working late with the young work subordinate that he soon left me for and married. I think that he was just waiting for confirmation that she would have him to leave me as he often voiced that he missed being married (he cared more about his serial cheating ex-wife than he did about me, who would have died for him, but didn’t want to marry me) and was scared that he might be alone for the rest of his life. He wanted me to comfort him as he was dumping me, the one who probably WILL be alone for the rest of her life. (All the single men I meet these days seem sleazy, disordered, gay, or young enough to be my son.)
My ex-husband didn’t make excuses. He just left our young kids and me without explanation for weekends away–after being gone for two months on business trips. (90% of his work was outside our geographical region.)
The one that still hurts the most:
He was supposed to go home the morning after our son was born, spend some time with our older kids who were with their grandparents, and get some decent sleep so he could help with the baby more.
He did go home…to chat with Schmoopie…about the timeline for him leaving me…while I was in a hospital bed with our newborn son.
Absolute total failure of what a father is supposed to be.
I feel you on this! While I was on maternity leave with our second, my now xh had the roof and windows redone because in his timeline for leaving me, the house would obviously need to be sold soon, and he wanted top dollar. I suffice to say that I am still in that house now, and own it out right. Thank you again, doofus for the new roof and windows 🙂
Before D-Day #1
Mostly it was music “practice” and working late, but once in a while it was some weird thing that was pretty surely a lie, like getting stuck talking in a parking lot at some store chatting with someone he ran into.
After D-Day #1
He said he needed to move out to think.
I said people who move out do it so they can fuck other people unobserved.
I loaded his truck.
There was no D-Day #3.
Ugh. Such bastards.
During OW#1 in 2008, my X Asshat asked our teen daughters if he could move out for a while “to think.” They were horrified and told him so. I didn’t know about this until after the truth came out and our girls had the horror of realizing he was ASKING THEM if he could go fuck around on mom.
9 years later when he abandoned me for OW#2 our daughters, as adults now, see what a completely inadequate father he was and are fully NC.
He will never know his grandchildren. Hope the sparkletwat is worth it (I actually believe he would say that yes, the twat who is the same age as his daughters IS WORTH IT.)
The question is, is he still worth it, being much older and balder. I personally think most probably not.
She will find someone her own age
Just give her time
He thinks he has the magic dick?
Karma
Xo
Ex cheated during workday with secretary in downtown hotels that he rented by taking out cash from the ATM or on top of the grocery bill and buying Visa gift cards. He was always like”I can’t understand where all the money is going” and he’d blame me for household expenses. So while I thought he was working he was screwing. I busted him because one afternoon I kept calling him and when he finally picked up he said he was in the elevator at work and I could hear the beeping as elevator was descending. His work elevator doesn’t beep. That’s how I busted him. I felt like Agatha Christie solving the mystery of the missing douche nozzle.