And the winners of the Infidelity Valentine’s Day Contest ARE….
Boy, you guys made this difficult. Over 450 submissions! So much creativity, so much snark, so much gallows humor — I love Chump Nation!
But I had to choose. So I winnowed it down to four winners, two in each category. In limericks the winners were Bev and Stuntchump!
There once was a man named Steve
A germaphobe to the nth degree
He stuck his dick in a hooker
Every time he could book her
Could someone explain that please?
Their love is so great it was fated
They had cheating in common he stated.
Should I feel bereft
Now that he’s left?
Because all I am feeling’s elated.
Bev’s entry wins because I wanted to draw a germaphobe spraying Lysol on a hooker. Actually, it nicely sums up the whole disconnect between what cheaters think and what they do. For the win!
Stuntchump had many awesome entries, but I liked this one for it’s CL ethos of trusting that they suck. He’s gone, she’s elated! Life gained.
In the haiku category, the winners are Koru and Mommy Chump!
I gave you my love
You took it and left me with
Children and herpes
Agility of a small
Soap dish. Good riddance
In Koru’s entry, I loved the juxtaposition of herpes and children. In a very succinct way, Koru illustrates the paradoxical blessing/curse that is breeding with a fucktard. Upside — children you love. Downside — STDs.
Mommy Chump’s entry just made me laugh out loud. Cheaters think they’re so smart, but when you look at the stupid shit they say and do — it’s an insult to soap dishes, really.
Awesome entries everyone! Winners, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org so I can hand out the prizes. See you back here on Monday. My cartooning hand needs a rest. And Happy Valentine’s Day!