Joss Whedon, ersatz “feminist” and creator of the TV series “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” was just outed by his ex-wife Kai Cole in a guest blog post at The Wrap, a Hollywood news site, as being a serially cheating douche. It’s a sad day for vampire slayers and cake eaters everywhere.
Whedon apparently had a nice little mindfuck going — he told his wife he just loved women! But not that way. He was a feminist!
There were times in our relationship that I was uncomfortable with the attention Joss paid other women. He always had a lot of female friends, but he told me it was because his mother raised him as a feminist, so he just liked women better. He said he admired and respected females, he didn’t lust after them. I believed him and trusted him. On the set of “Buffy,” Joss decided to have his first secret affair.
UBT: Hey, what you call a blowjob in the parking lot, I call respect.
UBT: Do I fuck around on you? Blame my mother.
UBT: My “friendships” trump your discomfort. #nothingtoseehere #justadmiration
Then later, after he confessed everything, he told me, “I let myself love you. I stopped worrying about the contradiction. As a guilty man I knew the only way to hide was to act as though I were righteous. And as a husband, I wanted to be with you like we had been. I lived two lives.”
UBT: I let myself love cake. I stopped worrying. If cake is wrong, I don’t want to be right. But the only way was to hide my cake and publicly eschew carbs. NO! NOT ANOTHER BITE! I couldn’t possibly! Sugar is death! I’m allergic to gluten!
I wanted to be with cake. I stuffed my gob with Twinkies. I free-based brownie mix. I licked the frosting off the birthday cakes of small children when they weren’t looking.
I lived two lives.
When he walked out of our marriage, and was trying to make “things seem less bewildering” to help me understand how he could have lied to me for so long, he said, “In many ways I was the HEIGHT of normal, in this culture. We’re taught to be providers and companions and at the same time, to conquer and acquire — specifically sexually — and I was pulling off both!”
Joss was a victim of the patriarchy! He was just adhering to cultural norms! (Norms that sucked his dick, but must we quibble?) He was taught to CONQUER!
And doesn’t he deserve a Gold Star? He pulled it off! He was GOOD at it!
UBT: Good at gaslighting. Fifteen straight years of lies = The Height of Normal.
Fifteen years later, when he was done with our marriage and finally ready to tell the truth, he wrote me, “When I was running ‘Buffy,’ I was surrounded by beautiful, needy, aggressive young women. It felt like I had a disease, like something from a Greek myth. Suddenly I am a powerful producer and the world is laid out at my feet and I can’t touch it.” But he did touch it. He said he understood, “I would have to lie — or conceal some part of the truth — for the rest of my life,” but he did it anyway, hoping that first affair, “would be ENOUGH, that THEN we could move on and outlast it.”
UBT: I’m not a serial cheat — I have a disease. Other peoples’ diseases make them weak and splotchy. My disease makes me a Greek God surrounded by sexually aggressive women. (Okay Pandora! Hold back your minotaurs, I’ll fuck you again. Geez!)
The world is laid at my feet! (Or rather kneeling there at crotch-level.) I am a POWERFUL PRODUCER! #touchme
Despite understanding, on some level, that what he was doing was wrong, he never conceded the hypocrisy of being out in the world preaching feminist ideals, while at the same time, taking away my right to make choices for my life and my body based on the truth. He deceived me for 15 years, so he could have everything he wanted. I believed, everyone believed, that he was one of the good guys, committed to fighting for women’s rights, committed to our marriage, and to the women he worked with. But I now see how he used his relationship with me as a shield, both during and after our marriage, so no one would question his relationships with other women or scrutinize his writing as anything other than feminist.
I thought we were a couple, a team. I was a powerful influence on the career choices Joss made during the 20 years we were together (we lived together for four years before marrying). I kept him grounded, and helped him find the quickest way to the success he so deeply craved. I loved him. And in return, he lied to me. A lot. He said, after he left, he understood: “It’s not just like I killed you, but that I’d done it subtly, over years. That I’d been poisoning you. Chipping away at you.” He made me doubt my own instincts and watched me move further away from my personal values and social mores, trying to connect with him, never telling me it was impossible. By the time he finally confessed the truth, 15 years after his first affair on the set of “Buffy,” I was broken. My brain could not fit my experience of our life together, through the new lens of his deceit.
UBT: I was okay poisoning you for years. It’s the height of normal. It’s what conquerors do.
Editor’s Note: A spokesperson for Joss Whedon provided the following response, “While this account includes inaccuracies and misrepresentations which can be harmful to their family, Joss is not commenting, out of concern for his children and out of respect for his ex-wife.”
UBT: Serially cheating on my wife for 15 years is not harmful to my family. Talking about it is. #IgagyoubecauseIrespectyou
Hey, Kai Cole? Cheers from Chump Nation for taking hold of the narrative. We salute your MIGHTY. Thanks for your courage.