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David Brooks Can Bite Me

I’m sure you’re all thrilled to crumbs to learn that New York Times columnist David Brooks — deli meat snob, scourge of single mothers, and misunderstood love moppet — has a new book out.

“The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.” From the guy who left his wife for his muse much younger research assistant.

Some quest. I imagine his morality has died of exposure by now, or was eaten by bears. But apparently Brooks is on a very well-funded book tour expounding on humility.

Where is the Universal Bullshit Translator? Balking.

David Brooks is to the UBT, what foie gras is to geese. Until I can find a big enough funnel, you’ll have to do some background reading (below) to prepare you for tomorrow’s take.

Here’s the UBT’s response to Brook’s entreaty in the Paper of Record that his soon-to-be-ex-wife cease her pick me dance, he has declared a winner — his ego.


I got a request to UBT David Brooks’ New York Times piece “Leaving and Cleaving.” It’s not the usual Universal Bullshit Translator fare. Instead of the drunken ex text, or breezy, blame-shifting clickbait like “25 Ways Your Outdated Haircut Made Your Marriage Fail”, Brooks has presented the UBT with a philosophical meditation on parting ways.

UBT translation of “Leaving and Cleaving”: “I Am Dumping You for My Much Younger Research Assistant.” We snarked about Brooks last week, but I felt it warranted circling back, just to dissect this enormous load of self-congratulatory wank. He wrote this about the time he was divorcing his wife of 28 years.

So much of life is about leave-taking: moving from home to college, from love to love, from city to city and from life stage to life stage.

The world is but a stage and we are merely actors. Your starring role in my life has been usurped by a much younger understudy. Exit stage left before I call security.

In earlier times, leaving was defined by distance, but now it is defined by silence. Everybody everywhere is just a text away, a phone call away. Relationships are often defined by the frequency and intensity of communication between two people.

In earlier times, leaving a wife was defined by riding the rails out of town, a Mexican divorce, or having them beheaded. But now it is defined by silence. Everybody everywhere is just a text or phone call away. Demanding answers, explanations, finding hotel receipts. I wish you would be silent.

The person moving on and changing a relationship no longer makes a one-time choice to physically go to another town. He makes a series of minute-by-minute decisions to not text, to not email or call, to turn intense communication into sporadic conversation or no communication. His name was once constant on his friend’s phone screen, but now it is rare and the void is a wound.

I love you, but I’m not in love with you. After 28 years, it’s more like a friendly roommate love. I’m moving on (with my much younger research assistant). I will think of you sporadically or not at all. Unless I need something. Like my pastel, tassel-loafer golf shoes, which I thought I packed, but apparently I didn’t. My name, once a constant, will fleetingly appear on your screen, and your heart will swell with love for me, as you rise from the wounded void of my absence to answer… I only want my golf shoes. Do you have them?

If you are like me you know a lot of relationships in which people haven’t managed this sort of transition well. Communication that was once honest and life-enhancing has become perverted — after a transition — by resentment, neediness or narcissism.

Some people have not managed this sort of transition well — leaving one’s wife of 28 years for one’s 32-year-old research assistant. Lesser mortals have mid-life crises. I, however, have managed it splendidly by writing a thinly veiled screed about your “neediness” in the New York Times. Really darling, you have failed to grasp your obsolescence.

Resentment = I resent your continued presence in my life. You have served your purpose as a birthing vessel to our three children.

Neediness = I’m a desperately needy man who needs the sensitivity and lyricism validating pussy of a much younger woman.

Narcissism = I am a narcissist.

We all know men and women who stalk ex-lovers online; people who bombard a friend with emails even though that friendship has evidently cooled; mentors who resent their former protégés when their emails are no longer instantly returned; people who post faux glam pictures on Instagram so they can “win the breakup” against their ex.

Instant communication creates a new sort of challenge. How do you gracefully change your communication patterns when one person legitimately wants to step back or is entering another life phase?

I’ve posed this as a question of modern manners, when really I’m asking: how does one dump his wife for his much younger research assistant gracefully? Without anyone thinking ill of him, or casting aspersions on his character? It’s a new sort of challenge. Can one legitimately step back from the same old tired snatch when one is now entering another vagina?

The paradox is that the person doing the leaving controls the situation, but greater heroism is demanded of the one being left behind. The person left in the vapor trail is hurt and probably craves contact. It’s amazing how much pain there is when what was once intimate conversation turns into unnaturally casual banter, emotional distance or just a void.

Be a hero and sign this nice divorce settlement I’ve prepared for you. I know you’re hurt, left in the vapor trail of my awesomeness. You probably crave contact — more awesomeness, David! MORE! But ask yourself — what would a hero do?

A hero would fuck off, Sarah.

The person left behind also probably thinks that the leaver is making a big mistake. She probably thinks that it’s stupid to leave or change the bond; that the other person is driven by selfishness, shortsightedness or popularity.

I am driven by selfishness. I am shortsighted. I am popular vapid.

Yet if the whole transition is going to be managed with any dignity, the person being left has to swallow the pain and accept the decision.

Eat the shit sandwich with dignity, Sarah. It’s a hero sandwich. Swallow!

The person being left has to grant the leaver the dignity of her own mind, has to respect her ability to make her own choices about how to live and whom to be close to (except in the most highly unusual circumstances). The person being left has to suppress vindictive flashes of resentment and be motivated by a steady wish for the other person’s ultimate good. Without accepting the idea that she deserved to be left, the person being left has to act in a way worthy of her best nature, to continue the sacrificial love that the leaver may not deserve and may never learn about.

It’s not enough that I’m leaving you for my much younger research assistant, I will now dictate to you from the pages of the New York Fucking Times exactly how you should feel about it, the deference to which you must treat my decision, and demand a “steady wish” for my continued good.

I will shame you with an appeal to continue “sacrificial love” for me. Because I have no shame.

That means not calling when you are not wanted. Not pleading for more intimacy or doing the other embarrassing things that wine, late nights and instant communications make possible.

I, the Great and Noble David Brooks, foremost expert on Character will now publicly humiliate my wife of 28 years by dissing her pick-me dance. You LOST, Sarah. Do not drunk text me with booty calls. You are NOT WANTED.

Who will rid me of this meddlesome wife? #imissbeheadings #makedivorcegreatagain

Maybe that will mean the permanent end to what once was, in which case at least the one left behind has lost with grace. But maybe it will mean rebirth.

Leaving you for my much younger research assistant is good for you too! Really it’s for the best and all part of God’s my bigger plan!

For example, to be around college students these days is to observe how many parents have failed to successfully start their child’s transition into adulthood.

The mistakes usually begin early in adolescence. The parents don’t create a space where the child can establish independence. They don’t create a context in which the child can be honest about what’s actually happening in his life. The child is forced to deceive in order to both lead a semi-independent life and also maintain parental love.

By college, both sides are to be pitied. By hanging on too tight, the parents have created exactly the separation they sought to avoid. The student, meanwhile, does not know if he is worthy of being treated as a dignified adult because his parents haven’t treated him that way. They are heading for a life of miscommunication.

I see you as mommy. It’s not sexy to fuck mommy. I want the liberation of younger pussy.

You forced me to deceive you with your constant helicopter parenting of me. I must have my independence. I am a dignified adult.

But if the parents lay down sacrificially, accept the relationship their child defines, then it can reboot on an adult-to-adult basis. The hiddenness and deception is no longer necessary. Texts and emails can flow, not as before, but fluidly and sweetly.

If you accept this sacrificial hero shit sandwich, my double life will no longer be necessary. I can marry my much younger research assistant, and hey, we can still be friends!

Communications technology encourages us to express whatever is on our minds in that instant. It makes self-restraint harder. But sometimes healthy relationships require self-restraint and self-quieting, deference and respect (at the exact moments when those things are hardest to muster). So today a new kind of heroism is required. Feelings are hurt and angry words are at the ready. But they are held back. You can’t know the future, but at least you can walk into it as your best and highest self.

Sometimes healthy relationships require not fucking the much younger research assistant. They require self-restraint, self-quieting, deference, and respect to one’s family. I am not that hero. I will fuck the much younger research assistant and I will justify my decision on the pages of the New York Times. I blame my wife for not being her best, highest, sacrificial self, when in fact, I was not my best self. I am a hypocritical douchebag. #character

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • “It’s amazing how much pain there is…

    when what was once intimate conversation turns into unnaturally casual banter, emotional distance or just a void.”

    He almost sounds proud of that.

    • So he purposely stops talking and communicating. He did that to torture her into breaking up but she didn’t so she forced him to be cruel. Fucker

      This is making me curse something fierce.

      • Trudy, Please tell me you are from Ireland. I use that expression all the time.

    • Oh he’s reveling in her pain! This infuriates me, what a sadistic SOB! I want to give his wife hugs and tell her she’s finally free of this narcissistic ****** ***** **** (I don’t want my comment eaten by the spam monster). This “man” should not be writing public pieces. I’m not happy with the NYT either. I’ve had to read many of their articles from 100 years ago, they have always loved stirring the pot.

      • It’s one of the reasons we all love the UBT – it reminds us what we haven’t lost.

    • He just wonders why..
      Dumb shit
      Would be fun to see how he feels when the muse gets someone her own age

      • I’m so glad he wrote this book. Will be so useful to him when his mistress finds a new man.

        Excellent reference for him on how to act.

        • I cannot finish reading this. It’s SO thinly veiled and cruel. It’s just cruel of him.

          That poor wife… But if this screed reflects what this creature is and that is what left her, she really will be better off.

          He has a darkness within him, covered by sheer audacity.

          In fact, he’s a bit scary to me. The layers of self spackle are so deep, yet he’s so transparent AND blind.

          Ugh…he’s very cruel, very dark and very blind.

          I’d say shame on him, but he’s literally shameless.

          • Agreed; I’m glad someone else said it. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh…. I only value it as an example of, “Hey, when you hear someone saying crap like this, remember who else says it and RUN.” Way too many people I’ve known use this kind of rhetoric to get their way, albeit for lesser things than this. I used to think it was “reasonable” and “moderate.” Now I think it’s “manipulative” and “scary” and “cruel” and “disgusting.” I wish I could take CN home with me sometimes…it’s nice to know how many other people get it.

          • Anyone who works as a pundit, er um “political correspondent” can be assumed to be an extreme opportunist by nature.

  • he person being left has to act in a way worthy of her best nature, to continue the sacrificial love that the leaver may not deserve and may never learn about.

    Excuse me while I vomit. OK – now I’m laughing.

    It’s always about them – thank God I dumped my cheater and gained a life.

  • “The person being left has to grant the leaver the dignity of her own mind, has to respect her ability to make her own choices about how to live and whom to be close to (except in the most highly unusual circumstances). ”

    Uh, no, no the person being left does not HAVE to do anything, especially not dignity of any kind. what a bunch of self serving carp.

    “Feelings are hurt and angry words are at the ready. But they are held back.”

    Or not, Fuck you and you kind Brooks!

    I hope Sarah has gained a life and wakes up as happy as I do every day. I am guessing his quest for a moral life is a daily endeavour of waking up and rolling over while thinking he’ll try again tomorrow.

    • ” I am guessing his quest for a moral life is a daily endeavour of waking up and rolling over while thinking he’ll try again tomorrow.”

      Almost did a spit take! If he’s anything like my EH he’s thoroughly convinced of his good moral standing. I’ve received many a lecture on how I need to own my part in the demise of our marriage. (barf) You see, I sustained a life-altering knee injury nine years ago. Concentrating on my physical and emotional recovery meant that he had an excuse to keep tabs in his head of all the extra things he had to do. Giving me unconditional extra support when I needed it the most is what it looked like from the outside, but in his mind he didn’t discard me until I got “better” (I have mobility issues and chronic pain, but whatever) so he’s a good guy. He actually told me I owe him. Gee, what a selfless guy. I just don’t comprehend these people, and I’m so grateful for that.

      • Yes, I had a very similar experience with my cheater. I was told I needed to own my part in the failure of our marriage. Apparently that part was my neediness through all of those life challenges where I expected him to step up and put someone else first: pregnancy complications, one child with behavior issues, work issues, my dying parents… You know, just the usual stuff you would expect a partner to be there for, he was unable to accept that he was no longer the “rock star” (his words) of the family. So, of course the only solution was to take off his wedding ring, and pick up women in bars…

        • So typical of the narc!

          And brooks talks about life being about moving from stage to stage while he is unwilling/unable to leave the toddler stage where it is Me Me Me at the center of the universe!

      • What a fuckin dick. Get every dime, Sarah! And grey rock this effin’ phony. God! Give me strength! Hope you lose your job, brooksy. What an asswipe.

      • That’s right, OWN your part. You had to have surgery, while HE fucked a mistress. TOTALLY equivalent.

        My STBX actually wrote these words, “Ivyleague was good for me until she wasn’t, and now the OW is good for me.” Because it is all about HIM, and I had the audacity to age, to gain weight, to want to be married to a responsible adult.

        The infidelity diet caused a 40 lb. weight loss. The divorce will help me lose another 190.

        • These idiots are really cut from the same cloth. I was chastised for gaining weight, him saying, “Would it kill you to try to stay in shape?” The person who had to learn how to walk again, was supposed to stay trim when I couldn’t even burn the calories you would normally burn in a day walking from one end of the house to another. I’ve lost 30 pounds in the last three months, and I’m proud as hell because I can’t even take stairs or step up and down off a curb. It’s taken me nine years to get to the point where I can briefly walk around the Home Depot. After 20-30 minutes my knee says that’s it. He gave up a strong, courageous woman who has never given up for some skanks he found on the internet. So yeah, I was good/useful until I wasn’t. So much for in sickness and in health!

        • Omg such s douchbag… I haven’t read anything do sickening in a long time…

          Leave your wife for a young pussy, demand no contact ( since explanation is not needed and she should just quietly leave .. preferably die) and talk about values like honor of being a hero

      • As much as it must have sucked for you, hold your head up high and realize that, at least it happened “because” of the knee surgery….and you were not left stranded after a stroke or heart attack or some other more inhibiting issue.

    • Even as he leaves, he is telling his poor wife what she should do! What she should do is find the best damn lawyer in town and make sure she gets every dime due her. What she should do is make sure everyone knows what a narcissistic old fool he is. What she should do is write her own book about the truth of this hypocritical “moralist”. What she never “has” to do again is anything he tells her that she has to do!

      Whenever I see this gasbag lamenting the loss of morality in government, modern life, politics, or drone on and on about his profound insight into the issue de jour, I am reminded that there is no fool like an old fool. What makes him think we give a damn about his moral pronouncements?

      He probably has kids closer in age to his fuck toy, er “wife”. Can you imagine how they must feel? Not that Mr. Brooks gives a damn about their feelings. Like so many moral phonies it’s all about,”Me, me, me.”

      I hope his new wife is good at changing diapers of the adult variety. If she sticks around long enough, that prospect is her future. Since she must be her own special breed of selfish, though, she’ll probably leave him at the first whiff of self-sacrifice.

      • The ex wife doesn’t need to lift a finger. Thanks to his compulsive need to share we all realise what a douche he is anyway.

    • I hate seeing the name “David ( fucking, spineless, ugly, crooked teeth, bald headed fibber) Brooks.” Every time I have to make a fast dash to the toilet to vomit.
      I have even seen his ???? face on TV once ir twice and it literally cripples me.

      I remember reading about the lovely gifts him and his schmoopie received for ther wedding.
      Sadly there were no gifts of honesty, truth, kindness or genuine caring, just lust and greed – two gifts that never last.
      People like them think their shit don’t stink.
      I sent him a case of super size Lysol for a wedding gift!

      Oh, I have to make another made dash, just thinking of his name and ugly mug, and that condensending grin!


      Sarah, you are Mighty and never forget it!

  • This is the absolute worst! But the world is buying it and blaming the chumps.

    I wish his wife would write something on this to tell her side.

    • Full of snark and posted in the New York Times so everyone can see what a complete waste of space this POS really is.

    • CL – for the Friday challenge… why don’t we all draft a LETTER TO THE EDITOR of the NY TIMES as if we were Sarah… after all, aren’t we all?

      • Meh, I love this idea! Maybe we should all send them afterwards lol!

      • This warrants chumps showing up in all the venues as he crosses the country on his “barf” tour, unfurling a banner printed with “#NARCISSIST” and heckling him. “Hey, Mr. Morality, didn’t you cheat on your wife and dump her ?!”

        But that’s just more kibbles for this jerk.

      • I just cancelled my subscription at $12.50/mo.
        Now I wished I had of told them why.

        • I was out of there for a lot of other reasons, primarily “access journalism” that normalizes corruption in political office. But Brooks is another great reason to cancel.

      • Oh hell yes. I’m totally down for that. CL,. Please please please can we ?????

  • As we speak this cheater is on TV, with another cheater, talking about the rise of narcissism. #hypocrisy #takesonetoknowone

    • LAJ, I was watching the same show. I turned off the sound when Brooks was on and decided to read CL instead.

      When I looked up I saw the next segment was going to be on Tiger Woods. Time to just change the channel! One douchebag after another!

      • I follow President Obama on Twitter. The other day he tweeted a congratulations to Tiger as follows: Congratulations, Tiger! To come back and win the Masters after all the highs and lows is a testament to excellence, grit, and determination. He got 470K likes for that tweet.

        My reply: He’s still a low life adulterer. He might be excellent at golf, but his character is in the gutter.

        Why are these asses never held accountable for their behavior?!?!

          • OMG that’s the excuse my ex uses. I no longer buy it, but I clung to it for way too long. Even after he told me that sex addiction is self-diagnosed, I continued to believe him. After all, he’d been in two separate in-patient recovery centers for it in less than a year. It MIGHT be a real thing, but I imagine if someone merely had compulsive sexual behavior, they wouldn’t also be looking for affair partners all over the internet as well like my sneaky ex did. At one point he cried crocodile tears and told me that their is no one better than me and that he was so sorry. So he was compulsively looking for someone better than me and getting his jollies while he was at it. Pfft

            • A “sex addict” is really just an orgasm addict since it isn’t about an emotional connection, giving pleasure or enjoying a shared experience, and what else is there to sex? There’s just a tingly crotch, pleasure and orgasm. So masturbation should suffice, since it has all that. They don’t need to fuck other people, they can just fuck themselves, and should.
              In both senses of the term. 😉

              Nah, they fuck other people to get an ego boost, not for sexual pleasure in and of itself. Diagnosis; narcissist, not sex addict. The narcissism could be from actual NPD, BPD, ASPD, or simply because it’s they are assholes and it’s a personality trait.

              Hypersexuality is real, though. These are people who have a high sex drive combined with a habit for using sex to self-soothe. They do become sexually compulsive, but again, masturbation and/or monogamous sex, if they promise to be monogamous, should suffice. It apparently did for my hypersexual cheater for a very long time. It stopped being enough only when he was angry with me and after he had been habitually using misogynistic porn for years. He then decided to fuck around to get back at me for daring to be ill and unable to cater to him, and to live out the creepy misogynistic fantasies he got from porn.

              I firmly believe that sex, in and of itself, is never the sole motive for cheating. It is mostly about ego gratification and/or to hurt/get revenge on their partner. The abuse is often motivated by misogyny or misandry as well as it is by personal enmity for the spouse. Being cheated on strikes at the very core of our feelings about ourselves as women and as men. Cheaters know that and love the feeling of gendered superiority and satisfaction of their gender-based hostility they get from humiliating, deceiving and betraying you. Like all narcs, they have mommy and daddy issues and they use their spouse/SO as a punching bag to express their hostility for their mommies and daddies.
              Sex is certainly part of it, but it is not the single driver by any means.
              In summary, no matter what flavor of disordered they suck the big enchilada, to varying degrees of suckitude. Nazi POS David Brooks is just a particularly egregious, brazen and shameless example.

              • Love your summation (minus the enchilada sucktitude due to my addiction to Latinos). ❤️

          • I don’t think he’s redeemed. He’s still a hollow man. Nothing going to change what his father did to him.

        • Yes– thank you! Tiger Woods is not a hero who rose like the phoenix from the ashes! He’s a cheating POS.

          • We had this discussion on C/L before. Love the talent; hate the character.
            Even Suess maintained his public legend.

    • Can we have a fundraiser to cover the cost of the ad in the NYTimes? The UBT would actually be providing a public service to the unsuspecting readers of Mr Brooks opinion pieces.
      Mr Brooks had his first wife convert to Judaism, yet writes extensively about being a “religious bisexual.” He had a few years of a Christian Education and will use Christian theologians (Catholic or Protestant) to bolster his arguments.
      His June 8, 2012 column titled “The Moral Diet” has the line “Next time you feel tempted by something, recite the Ten Commandments.”
      All Judeo-Christian faiths acknowledge the 10 Commandments. Faiths may have slightly different translations from the Aramaic or ancient Hebrew, Greek, Latin but they all include the word “honor” and they all include Number 6.
      If nothing else, the New York Times owes us the clarification that Mr Brooks means “YOU” in that essay, & that the author is exempt. We know he means “Each time I the Great One desire cake, I expect it to be promptly delivered.”

  • That poor woman, at least we don’t get this shit published (in most cases). Shall we all club together and buy a full size page in New York Times with Sarah saying to print the UBT’s interpretation of this vapid crap. I hope Sarah is just rolling her eyes, what a massively insecure, pathetic narc.

  • Anagram for “David Brooks” =
    Dark Void Sob

    Fuck Mr. Brooks sideways on Sunday. He is the Bernie Madoff of morality frauds and has as much character as Costco has caviar.

    • Well, Costco might have caviar, but you shouldn’t eat it. #gasstationsushi

      • TOTALLY OFF TOPIC but the Costco in Hawaii has a fantastic sushi/poke bar. Everyone loves it and raves about it ????.

        • After just being in Lima – they had Poke on every street corner.
          I had no idea what it was so I watched everybody make their own order from the fresh display of ingredients mostly starting with ahi – all raw. Obviously, their version of fast and healthy food – off the street is far different from our burger joints in ‘NAmerica.

          • ‘Gas Station Sushi’ – omg – that is hilarious.
            That would be like eating gas-station-deviled eggs but worse.

  • He should be ashamed of writing that article. No empathy, no character but lots of self serving bs. Get rid of him New York Times so he can devote more time to making a fool of himself. Hope his wife hires an aggressive lawyer. #new life stage without a David Brooks.

    • I used to subscribe to the NYT even though I live thousands of miles away. I stopped when the Modern Love column wrote yet another cheater-anthem. I voted with my cancelation.

  • Hi
    This is my 1st post . I became a Chump 4 weeks and 2 days ago after 15 years of marriage .
    This site has saved my soul and i will be forever grateful for finding this site and how many absolutely amazing people are on it . My new hobby is going through the archives .

    My ex dumped me on holiday when he could not live without Howorker and kept texting and texting her in front of my face . I came right out with it are you having an affair? He just said I’m not going to lie to you i am seeing Ho Worker and i am leaving you for her . His words were he couldn’t breath because he missed her so much when he wasn’t with her , but he didn’t want to annoy her because she was a bridesmaid at her sisters wedding that day !!
    He kept going through her messages in front of me and i could see some of them he just didn’t care . I asked him if he loved her he said he did , I asked if he loved me he said no . I asked when he stopped loving me he said it was in Feb when we had a tiny argument and instead of sitting with his moody face i went to the cinema . He said i broke him that night that is when he realized and in his words ramped it up with her . This has been going on Since their works Christmas night out so this is just an excuse i now realize ( Blame Shifting )
    I asked can you give her up and work on our marriage he laughed in my face and said NO !
    I just said well you know this is us over and you have threw away everything for a 29 year old girl ( we are both 45) he said i know the one thing i said id never do to you and i’ve done it Not a sorry not OMG what have i done just straight told me to my face the marriage is over .
    He left me in the apartment we were in on holiday i never seen or heard him again until we had to fly home .
    Once we were home within an hour he had packed and left . His last words were i’m not going to be a dick i want £30,000 and you can keep everything in the house . When i was at work he came and took all the rest of his things the week after .

    Since then i have not seen or heard from him ( or any of his family) SIL or MIL has even sent me a text message . Its like i don’t exist anymore! But he keeps getting things delivered to the house and coming and picking them up when i am at work . These being Viagra ( he doesn’t last long maybe he thinks this will help ) Victoria Secret lingerie , a Vibrator from Love bunny and Amazon parcels . Maybe he thinks i cant use google to find out the returns address of his parcels !1 I have no idea why he hates me so much to keep rubbing it in my face like this ??

    I have filled and served him with legal separation papers and i have my mortgage in place to buy him out of the house ( locks will be changed as soon as it is mine )

    As i say i can not get my head around how i never noticed he stopped loving me . We were still making plans still having sex I’m still coming home doing washing making meals, hoovering etc and i never even noticed !
    I still can’t believe he has chucked me away like a piece of crap on his shoe and not looked back not a sorry there is no shame in him at all . This is what i find hard that i meant nothing to him .

    But as i say this site has saved my soul there has been many an evening i wanted to do the pick me dance many a night i have wanted to say have her but have me as well please .

    I just wanted to thank you all for saving me xx

    • Karen B…were so sad for your pain. This is a terrible thing to experience.

      Isn’t it horrific when they have already checked out then pick fights and use whatever-our-response-is to justify “ramping up” their betrayal?…I got some similar tripe from nowdeadcheater.
      Betray someone who trusts you then make it THEIR fault.
      Its all crap.

      The me from a few years ago would remark that he has no staying power and his adultery partner is seemingly younger just wait for it to implode, but my older self says “move along and dont bother giving a fuck what happens to them”.

      Stick around and find Meh…it will come on a Tuesday.

    • Omg we have the same story. I even said to him you make me feel discarded like a piece of shit on your shoe. I told him to go fuck himself. He said my behaviour was irrational, my God I have developed a potty mouth, he is offended. Never mind he cheated, spent $1000s on Ashley Madison and turboeing his sports car. 30 years and 3 kids down the drain. Hey mate I feel for you, we are not to blame, what assholes they are. From your australian sister in arms, stay strong it gets easier ????????

        • Oh God – I’m so glad to hear I’m not the only one that swore.
          After the shock wore off, my anger stepped in, started to build up and build up and I would explode. I scared myself!
          And, by then, I had invented a brand new dictionary of curse words that came out of the devil himself, like I could have needed to be Exorcized.

          • inescapable – Please do not blame yourself for unusual behaviour from your normal self if your life has just been blown up…over an affair. My God – it’s survival instinct and you’ve just been conned (in my case 3 yrs) for the all the dignity and trust you had in your life. And, with children, even worse.

            I guess the simplest way to say this, I strongly believe if God gave man then temptation to cheat and they bite the apple….then he also gave me the tongue to lash that fucking apple out of his grinning mouth.

          • Can we have a fundraiser to cover the cost of the ad in the NYTimes? The UBT would actually be providing a public service to the unsuspecting readers of Mr Brooks opinion pieces.
            Mr Brooks had his first wife convert to Judaism, yet writes extensively about being a “religious bisexual.” He had a few years of a Christian Education and will use Christian theologians (Catholic or Protestant) to bolster his arguments.
            His June 8, 2012 column titled “The Moral Diet” has the line “Next time you feel tempted by something, recite the Ten Commandments.”
            All Judeo-Christian faiths acknowledge the 10 Commandments. Faiths may have slightly different translations from the Aramaic or ancient Hebrew, Greek, Latin but they all include the word “honor” and they all include Number 6.
            If nothing else, the New York Times owes us the clarification that Mr Brooks means “YOU” in that essay, & that the author is exempt. We know he means “Each time I the Great One desire cake, I expect it to be promptly delivered.”

          • I made up #dickfacedweinieassbastard because it seemed to cover it all! 😉

    • The stupid little disagreement was all he could think of to blame you for him falling out of love with you. What a weak little jerk. Cheater 101-blame the chumped spouse anyway possible. Good riddance! You are only 45, the best is yet to come. Especially since this lily livered asswipe is now with some 29 year old. It won’t last by the way. Please give a swift kick in the teeth when he comes crawling back.

    • I’m so sorry for your pain, KarenB. It may be hard to believe right now, but eventually you’ll look back and realize his abrupt departure & no contact is best. Prolonging the agony never helps, even when you think there is hope. He may vacillate and try to come back. Many here can relate to that scenario. But ultimately he will still be the man who betrayed you & humiliates you (wtf with the deliveries!) And can’t even muster an apology. be strong. Jump nation is here for you. Big hugs.

    • I would post a sign to all of the couriers that ex no longer lives here so you do not take any responsibility for any of his second toys or viagra delivered there and throw every single package away.

      • My thoughts were to wait until he asks where his packages went and reply, “What packages? I hope it wasn’t anything important.”

        Keep track of all finances; he’s spending.

      • I threw away the packages he had sent. Do it! It’s a small bit of satisfaction that you shouldn’t deny yourself. I also threw out all the SYMPATHY cards about our relationship being over that came addressed to him alone, because he of course told everyone we were over but not that it was because he ran off and was living with his slut. I was at home, our home, struggling to just get out of bed every morning, and he told everyone that I had moved.

    • KarenB,
      Welcome to the club not one of us ever wanted to join. You ex is especially despicable. But – they ALL are. Trust that he sucks. You can do SO much better. I know of more useful trash cans that wouldn’t do you so wrong. Alone is infinitely better than lying sacks of S#** who do this to their spouses. Conveniently falling “out of love” with you like it’s a switch on the wall? How deep is that puddle?

      Hang in there, KarenB – the feelings seem unendurable at first. Then just numbing. Then aching. Then – voila! – a good hour or two, then a great day, then the light comes back on in our spirits. Before you know, it you’ve weathered the worst f*-wit-created unnatural disaster imaginable and in the process you have polished your very own Mighty and gleam in the sunlight! I’m meeting new people and am thisclose to being divorced myself – 22 months, 9 days post Dday (#askmehowIknow). Dday#3 (I learned slowly over 3 decades)

      Chump Lady & Chump Nation have got your back, Karenb – stay close and ignore the flapping of that idiot. Return the packages to the vendors if that’s legal. (That is a particularly cruel twist. Mine also showered his ho-worker with Victoria’s NOT-AT-ALL-A Secret. he gave my daughter, 17, all the “gift bag with purchase” bags – that she now knows were skank leftovers) Ugh.

      Stay strong. Get that life!

      • Perhaps the most jarring statement we could make of and to this “man” would be to say “never heard of him…”. Ho hum.

    • God what a jerk. If you’ve been reading here then you probably already know this but it has nothing to do with you at all. It has everything to do with him being a weak idiot fool. He liked the attention from the slut and made up an excuse to justify fucking her. Then the hormones kicked in and now suddenly it’s “Twu Wuv”. Those hormones don’t last forever. Someday that relationship is going to implode quite spectacularly. At that point he is going to realize his mistake and will likely come crawling back. That’s when you need to be brave and just step around that pile of shit on the sidewalk. Ew. Some people are just so flipping clueless. It’s just so heartbreaking when you find out that someone you love is one of the clueless ones and there is nothing you can do about it.

    • KarenB….. the exact same thing happened to me— 25 year marriage. One minute we were having what I thought was a great marriage and family life and the next he left for a loser, gold digger 15 years his junior and he blamed me for ridiculous faults including apparently never buying a comfortable chair for him to sit in. It’s not us ….. it’s them. Trust they suck. I later found out there were many other women he cheated with… 20+ years. It was all a big con. He is a narcissist BPD and maybe even a sociopath. Not one ounce of remorse or empathy for me or our four kids. I couldn’t have been more blindsided. He was a master manipulator… many of these types are.

      Keep no contact and divorce him as quickly as you can. Better days are ahead I promise you. ????????????????????

    • Karen, your ex is a cruel human being. Return those packages to the sender, after all, it is the wrong address.

      You sound young and like you don’t have children, so you are lucky to have rid yourself of a selfish bastard: you have a life ahead of you. Even I do at 67.

      After 39 years of marriage my SILs did not contact me either, only two nieces. Most people are mediocre, lazy assholes and the earlier you accept this, the easier you will get over, even though it does hurt.

      Please, please, do not pick-me-dance: 100% certain it infects your wounds with dangerous germs! Read everything by Chump Lady on this. Keep asking yourself this: why do I want to be chosen by an asshole? Why do I want to win over a flatterfuck?

      As for getting your head around not noticing that he did not love you, that is a universal feeling around Chump Nation. Chump Lady has some good thoughts on this matter as well. It hurts to read them, but you will feel better afterwards. There was a post on this last week.

      Take care.

      • Hi
        Thank you again for welcoming me in to the world of CL & CN
        He wouldn’t dare contact me again he knows my limits ( i was cheated on before in my 20’s with my fiance & my sister ) He knew about this when we met and he kept promising and promising and promising he would NEVER do that – hay presto he did !!

        As mentioned all he said with a smirk on his face while doing it was the one thing i told you i would never do well i done it – trust is broken marriage is over just like that !! No sorry no maybe we can work on it just nothing . He threw money at the waiter for our drinks and left me in the bar and as i say i never seen or heard from him again for the rest of the holiday until we flew home .

        No we don’t have children it was a dream of mine but he said he never wanted and if i wanted to be with him then i had to forget about having children . My thought at the time was well you can’t miss what you don’t have !

        See what a chump i am even a few weeks ago i bought a bench in my favorite park as a child i put a plaque on it with my name . He said would you not be better putting your maiden name on it ? I said no that’s silly it has not been my name for 15 years ! He said just ignore me i am being stupid i thought that since you have not been to the park in such a long time then anyone who sits / sees your bench might not know that is your married name and not know it was from you . What a Chump that i still didn’t pick up on that !

        As for the parcels i asked my lawyer and she said as he still pays half for the house just now he can indeed come and go as he pleases and get his items delivered to the house .
        I just await the lawyer to draw up a contract to buy him out of the house .

        • KarenB, I’m so sorry for all you are going through. But just like everyone is saying — this is not your fault or anything you did wrong. I’m so happy for you that you found Chump Lady so soon. And your hobby of reading the archives is time very well spent! I did the same and it helped me tremendously. I honestly felt like I was going crazy for about a year as he started rewriting history, told me he wanted a divorce because he “wanted to be with someone who trusted him 100% and I couldn’t give him what he wanted. Trust.” My cheater also said something similar to yours about something broke in him the night you went to the cinema. However, my cheater had to go back ten years to a night that I have no memory of and he said, “Something broke in me that night.” It’s all a bunch of lies to justify their behavior and choices. I do hope you are not falling for anything he says to you about why he left you.

          As for the packages — I’d just ignore them. Cheaters are notorious for trying to push our buttons to get us to react. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised that he’s painted you to the ho-worker as the “crazy wife” and he’s trying to get you to react that way. My ex did this to me and I had no idea he had started a lie-filled smear campaign behind my back before I even knew what was going on. And eventually I started to react (act crazy) about six months after d-day, because he was pushing my buttons. So be chill about the packages. Just ignore them. He knows exactly what he’s doing and it’s a big game to the cheater. Hang in there, KarenB. I know it’s hard to believe right now, but it will get better. Stick with us at CN and we will pull you through. ((((HUGS)))

        • Karen,
          I think that many of us on this board can relate to what you poignantly described.
          I am sorry that you married a monster and wish you a wonderful life going forward. Oh, and remember, as some posters here have said, ‘Sometimes the trash takes itself out.’

        • Hold the phone, Karen. Your lawyer is wrong here. That is now your home, he’s physically living elsewhere. He does still have certain rights to the house but not to just come and go as he pleases.
          I had an issue with my ex doing that & my lawyer addressed it. He had to schedule his visits to the property with me and notify me when he arrived. He was not allowed to just let himself in unless I decided not to be home.
          It chapped his ass for sure, but it was no longer his home.

          • KarenB…your story is all of our stories. One day they are loving husbands and the next day they hate us. We start digging around in their bathrooms and find Viagra that they didn’t use on us in hidden. They become cold as ice to us but all happy and smug that they finally found twu luv with schmoopie. Fuck him.

            Know this: He may eventually come around as mine did, but you keep that door closed. Who the hell wants a man who can so easily turn on you? Mine threw me away like yesterday’s trash and never looked back until years later, when schmoops shine wore off. I couldn’t care less.

            No pick me dancing, no contact, get a good lawyer and take me for everything you can.

    • My cheater POSX blamed me for his affairs as well. He said “I realize you’re not coming back to me. You love our child more than you love me. You already checked out from our marriage.” Wait, what???? It’s my fault because I bear your child??? I got blamed for being a good mom??? What a fucked-up world. (So yep now I’m a single mom because I gave birth.)

      From the outside, we had it all, a picture perfect life and family. Then, I found out that he’s been fucking students behind my back. When I confronted him, he said “you made me do it!” Uh, hell no, I didn’t arrange this fuck festival that blew up my child’s intact family. It’s their own coward self to blame you for it. They have a life skill of a 6-year old.

      I didn’t do any pick me dance. So, he bought a new house with our joint money and moved in with Schmoopie (he said it’s a serious relationship) two weeks after in my neighborhood. Now the shit show is daily and involving my kid. So hard to get to meh!!! Being a bigger person sucks!!!

      • BA,

        I feel for you! My ex-husband blew up our marriage by not only cheating on me and committing crimes against me for years of our engagement/marriage but also getting cops to ‘search’ me on false allegations and making false allegations against me so that I could not get within 100 feet of our young children, who had been with only me for most of their lives as nearly 100% of his work was out of town in various states and countries. (Fortunately, kids are still mostly with me, where I can protect them.) My ex-husband also blames his employers/external circumstances for anything that he perceives as going wrong in his career, although he fairly abruptly walked off what most people would consider dream jobs, four in the last five years. He enthusiastically complains (to me and others) about men’s rights (his) being violated. Some men’s rights are violated, but he’s far from the poster child for male victims. HE is the perpetrator blaming (projecting his crimes onto) his victims.

        The one upside to all these abusive adulterers’ ‘suckiness’ is I appreciate the good beings in this planet even more than I did before the first D-Day.

        • Oh my, what’s wrong with these narcs to premeditate such character assassination? How could they purposefully hurt their once life partner like that? But, yes, now I know that this type of people exist.

          My POSX spreads some smear campaign at my work. My boss called me in last week to “keep private life private.” Huh? I have no idea what’s been said about me, but my colleagues no longer invite me to any work/social events. My students are quite awkward around me. One female colleague was pretty much sprinting away from me as soon as she spotted me. I gave up my tenured position when I married him and now my job is no longer secured. He has his persona of loving husband/great dad/ kind professor/poor victim. He’s awesome at being a fraud.

          I feel bad for my child to be used as a tool for their image management. My kid came home saying she loves daddy’s new girlfriend as much as mom. Daddy’s new friend is super nice. Oh, crap! It’s really hard to let go when I see how fake they both are.

    • Dear ((((Karenb)))),
      I am so sorry you have need to be on this site. There is nothing fortunate about being a Chump, but there certainly is life sustaining love and support, here, with CL, CN.
      Also post in the forums. There are so many wise Chumps who will guide you through each step as you go toward the light, as you leave a cheater, gain a life. Well, actually, he left you,but I think you have already learned this in itself is a good thing.
      Pick me dancing is exhausting and can strip a person of dignity and grace, slowly, without even realizing it.
      Continue on toward the light. You are never alone on this journey.
      CN’s door ( and hearts) are open 24/7.
      Big big hugs to you.

    • New to commenting, but I have been reading the site since finding Chump Lady’s book. Your story hits so close to mine. I was married 26 years and abandoned almost 8 months ago for a 23-year-old howorker–who was stepping out with a different coworker during her five-month (at the time) marriage. Hubby decided this cheater was the one for him! I got the ILYBINILWY speech, and I was told he was leaving me because I had too many books –and that she also understood him like no one ever has (vomit). Oh, and the ANGER he threw my way for just trying to get him to consider working on the marriage! I look back now and see that I have likely been married to a covert narcissist all this time. The girl is definitely an overt one. Let them have each other.

      I’m entering Meh. It was a struggle to get here, but I am here. I felt like that 10-of-swords Tarot card for the longest, just stabbed in the back and left for dead.

    • karenb6702, I’m so sorry. I’ve been there, it’s like a bomb going off and incinerating everything in your life. Weeks will go by and you realize you still haven’t hit the ground from the initial blast knocking you off your feet. It will take a long time to heal. In the mean time, he’s trying to hurt you even more by sending those packages. Never go back to this person, he is not who you thought he was. I have no doubt things will end with the younger woman because she won’t put up with an older Viagra d*** forever. Then he’ll come crawling back…don’t be there for him. In a couple years you’ll look back and wonder why you were ever with him. Good luck, and hugs.

    • You didn’t notice he stopped loving you because you were too busy making his life comfortable.

      What was he doing to make your life comfortable and happy?

      The other side of this is: did he ever love you?

      It’s not to rub salt in your still very fresh wounds, but I have to ask the question. If he loved you to any degree, he wouldn’t have behaved in such a horrible way. He also wouldn’t have broken things off in such a callous and insensitive way.

      I went through similar things in therapy.

      After having invested nearly 20 years of my life with someone, my therapist posed the rhetorical question of “did he ever love you?”

      It’s an interesting question because to someone like me (and you) who truly loved, the idea of not loving them (or stamping out that love) never occurred.

      So if they truly loved us, how could that love just vanish? How could they do what they did with love in their hearts?

      For me, when there is tenderness and compassion, I’m absolutely not capable of hurting someone else’s feelings like that.

      I can’t imagine how horrible you must feel inside.

      Keep reading the archives. I know this site has helped me amazingly over the last few months.

      • That’s exacy right. They never loved us and are too disordered to really love anyone. The new relationships with schmoopies will also fail. They will cheat on the new twu wuv as soon as the honeymoon glow wears off, if not sooner. The schoompies will cheat on them. It will be a giant clusterfuck of insecurity and raging fights and they’ll both get what they deserve.

    • Karenb, you are showing some mighty fine actions right off the launch pad! I’m 2 years from dday, almost 12 months from separation & 7 months from moving out. Unlike you my ex didn’t immediately come clean when confronted. Instead he listed my faults as the reason he was leaving. I’m boring, I’m the most aggressive person he’s known, he doesn’t like me, I never take responsibility for my faults, I’m toxic.

      In pick me counselling, after I found evidence of another woman, he stated “I’m not leaving OneThing for her”. Little did I know there were more “hers” and he left for a different her than the her I was aware of. Trust they suck, trust you do not!

      He’s now playing “happy family” with the howorker her who he left for. Our 7 year old is subjected to the image management circus they’ve got going on. Be grateful you don’t have kids with your scumbag ex.

      Sounds like you’ve got No Contact happening. Most commonly, these idiots DO cycle back. Be prepared for it.

      The pattern I’ve noticed is they cycle back when you’re no longer effected by their attempt to extract “pain kibbles “. This type need you to be in pain, hence the packages. They want to see the impact they have on you. Like skeksis in the dark crystal they want to feed off your essence. If you have to take it til you make it, remove the ability for him to feed off your pain. Show him nothing.

      We are here. Read often. Absorb the wisdom of CL & CN. Stay mighty, you’ve got this!

    • Unbelievable. He’s taunting you and laughing at your pain by having that stiff sent there.
      He actually laughed in yoir face when you asked if he wanted to work onnthe marriage? This man is a stone cold psychopath. With that level of cruelty and contempt directed at you, he’s lucky you didn’t fly into a blind, uncontrollable rage and kill him with your bare hands. I might have done it had my cheater dared to laugh at me like that. You’re a better woman than I am and far better than he ever deserved.

      • Thank You for all your kind reply’s
        You have no idea how grateful i am to have someone to let it all out to especially them that know the feelings i am going through .

        As i say he wont be back he wont knock on my door in a few months and say sorry i am not expecting that at all . He has never been wrong about anything in his life so he is not going to be wrong about leaving his/ mine marriage .

        Yes as mentioned when i asked him to give her up and work on our marriage he just laughed in my face and said No ! He had no interest in trying to save the marriage he just wanted out !
        While he was telling me about her he has a smirk on his face like he enjoyed telling me & seeing me cry .
        His exact words about her after he told me he loved her was he couldn’t breath he missed her so much when he wasn’t with her . She seemingly feels the same about him by some of the messages i seen so i can’t see this not lasting the distance . I was just a stop gap until he finally found his true love !!
        I don’t know why he is hurting me more and more than he has already has i truly thinks he hates me !

        Any way one thing i am glad of is i have always had my own money i would not trust him to go to the shop with £5 . We never had a joint account so whats mine is mine .
        I earn way more than him so i can buy him out of the house – mortgage is place to be drawn down when he accepts the pay off for the house . By the way it is no where near the £30,000 he said he wanted ! I owned my last house before i met him which we sold to buy the new house but i get all the equity of my previous house its all mine ! I think he forgot about that
        I have filed the legal separation papers and served him them – just in case he thinks he can take a loan out or anything like that i can prove we are separated so nothing to do with me .

        He has hurt me more than i even knew the pain existed . I have a pain in my heart that i can’t even explain . I can’t stop the mind movies or thinking of all we had planned or have done.

        But i do know he won’t ever beat me he will never ever get the satisfaction again of seeing me cry xx

  • I remember the first round of this and him explaining to Sarah precisely how she would swallow her shit sandwiches, but he circled back around and did it AGAIN, now BIGGER with a BOOK?

    And he thinks that an even more flowery, considered word salad is going to make betrayal seem like not-betrayal? He has ZERO humility and he writes about character?

    What the ever-living fuck?

    I really believe that he will sit in Purgatory for a while as he hears stories of the families he destroyed explaining calmly how and why to dismantle ones family and look like a great guy doing it.

    The cognitive dissonance is so big and stinky I just cannot even.

    Sarah, I hope you are here. Im sorry you gave your heart to such a colossal douche as him.

    • I would be happy to help DB to purgatory sooner. That Leaving and Cleaving essay brings out my inner Norman Bates. Horrible, pompous, self-congratulatory pustule of journalism.

      • Hi (((Tempest)))
        Send in your troops. First, please please get them to wipe that condensending smirck off his ugly mug!

        I can only think of one good reason for DB, good dart practice for all CN!

      • In purgatory, I hope he is left dangling over a lake of fire–so close–that his pubic hair catches eternally ablaze.

      • Well said, and concise, too, Tempest! Now I need to wash out my mouth as I just threw up a little at the image.

        So disappointed with NYT! And to think that it probably left out some letters and articles of merit and substance to make room for this harmful garbage (self-aggrandizing word salad).

      • Thank you! Hearing the screeching violins in my head makes me feel better… What in the world was this newspaper thinking?

  • I’ve haven’t been able to read David Brooks the same way since I saw this.

    It’s amazing that he can hold himself up as the arbiter of modern morality after pulling this. I guess the one constant is that all cheaters grant themselves a pass on whatever standards they claim to believe in. However high or low those standards may be, and however well or poorly expressed in newspapers of large or small circulation, they are always exempt.

    • Hello, IG!
      Well put. You are so erudite. I agree.
      Throwing all polite discourse to the curb: I threw up in my mouth a little reading this.

    • Personally I thought he was full of shit after he wrote that Deeply Concerned article where his Poor Uneducated friend didn’t have the college-learning to understand the sandwich options at the Italian Deli (because apparently a college degree comes with a certification in Sandwiches 101). The best bit is that afterwards they went to a Mexican restaurant – so apparently only the elite can understand fancy words like “mortadella” and “breasola” but any ignorant urchin can understand “quesadilla” and “carne asada.”

      Still, nice to see he’s just universally a pretentious moron.


      • @traffic spiral – as if he wasn’t offensive enough just being an entitled, self-absorbed fuckwit: I run a deli and my mom is half Mexican. And you have summarized my thoughts perfectly!

        I hope Sarah has found Chump Nation. She deserves meh and much more.

    • I wonder if some of them talk so much about morality because they’re already doing the mental gymnastics of justifying themselves, so they figure they might as well pontificate about it in public as well and earn even more credibility/money/kibbles. Flowering it up is just practice and gamesmanship.

  • What a POS this man is. Not only did he cheat on his wife of 28 years. He has the nerve to rub it in her face publicly. Shame on the New York times for publishing such rubbish. Maybe he will get his own Karma and the OW will use up all his money and dump him for a younger man. My heart goes out to the wife.

    • I hope the OWife–or maybe Sarah…yes, Sarah!–quotes his drivel back to him when the OWife finds another man for whom she can serve as “research assistant.”

  • Thank you Chump Lady! Commented on another article a few weeks ago. You continue to give me LIFE with your no-nonsense deconstructions of the cheaters’ moral vapidity and bullshit wrapped us as independence/issues/self-exploration yadda yadda yadda.

    In London (where I live), yet another revival of Betrayal by Harold Pinter is being lauded by the critics, with Tom Hiddleston as the male chump. Posters are everywhere on the underground and it makes me so fucking angry. Pinter wrote the play about his FIRST years-long affair while in the midst of his SECOND years-long affair, which he eventually left his wife for. The play premiered a few years before his scorned wife killed herself, having wandered the empty corridors of their marital home drinking liquor. Now, I’m not saying her death is 100% his fault but it makes me sick that decades later, we, the public, are still praising HIM for writing a shit ‘confessional’ play about his affairs, while everyone has forgotten about the damage he wrought on his wife’s psyche and her family. What a raging bastard and narcissist Pinter was. And I just remembered, when interviewed, he said the ‘Betrayal’ referenced in his play’s title is his AP telling her husband about the affair – he himself felt betrayed by this. Lolllll.

  • That is some serious shitty word salad the UBT had to choke down this morning. Yuck! When Sarah finally removes her head from this mindfuck blender and realizes that no contact is the only path to the truth and the light, I would expect some batshit crazy editorial from Mr. Brooks. Clearly he gets off on the contact and the kibble supply that goes along with it. Hell hath no fury when that supply is cut off.

    • Mega-dose of Pepto-Bismol for the UBT after that. And did I read it right that the poor UBT has to ingest D. Coli again tomorrow?

    • Insecure pussy is desperate enough to fuck much older married men at that age.

      • Plus they’re adult enough to be in the same social circles – can’t get much younger without getting into college, minimum wage jobs, nightclubs, etc.

    • None of us, at 32, will fuck them, so they have to troll for semen laden daddy issues.

    • Yes, there is something about that age. Can pass in social circles. Still very young looking. Sometimes desperate if not in a serious relationship with a ticking clock. Still feeling superior to older women. First life crisis after being out of college and in a more stable job. All other friends getting married.
      There is something about that age that makes woman act selfish and dumb.
      I was that dumb once, too, but luckily I went to therapy and picked up marathon running, not fucking around.

      • I wouldn’t damn all 32 year olds. It’s a character thing not an age thing.

  • This could be my stbx husband. (Except that it’s well written.)My ex is the king of dictating decorum and how I should act during the divorce. (Aka: How I should act toward him, forgive him, and continue to give him narc supply when he calls at at random times….. oh not to mention the children sake….) Sometimes I think we could all write our own book.

    • Omg mine too. Always telling me how I should behave, what “civil” means, how damaging my behavior is to the kids.

      Our court appointed mediator wrote into the divorce settlement that we only communicate electronically. No verbal communication required. Co-parenting counselor said we just focus our attention on the kids at transitions and talk to them. So I do. I ignore him and he HATES it and gets angry and aggressive and writes me hatefilled emails about how inappropriate my behavior is and tries to bully me into talking to him “for the kids”. ????

      I mean, wtf? How highly they think of themselves, the moral authority!

      It’s really – “you’re supposed to act nice to me to support my image that I’m a great guy” ????

      • During wreckonciliation my ex used to remind me that he was always careful about what he said about me to other people, and that he hoped I was doing the same for him. After we were headed for divorce he admitted to me that he had performed a character assassination on me with his family prior to D-Day. And yes, those were his own words for what he did.

        I swear they all share the same brain.

        • Oh, you are so right. My cheater told a LOT of people his tale of woe about living with demanding, unreasonable, won’t-give-him-what-he needs (AKA anal sex). He was such a HERO staying with me. Really, ANYBODY in his shoes would have a mistress, especially one as splendid as Shmoopie.


          Oh, and the OW had the audacity to want me to tell her whom I told after DDay so that “she could have her say”, untainted by my bitter, subjective view of their affair.

          I have yet to have MY say with any of those he or she told, and, at this point, don’t really care. The people who knew and didn’t bother to clue me in are not my tribe. Bye-bye.

    • Yeah, I hate these insults which show you what a piece of work these abusers are. The abusive, adulterous man I married and bred with (poor kids), routinely tells me to ‘Grow up!’ and threatens to take me to court again when I have to contact him on behalf of our kids—even if it’s just to ask for a bit of information that would take him a couple of minutes to find. He then asks for sympathy from everyone! Although I am not eager for my kids to move away, I can’t wait for our youngest to reach majority so that I can completely quit dealing with their father.

  • Why does an op/ed writer need a research assistant anyway? Fuck. Him.
    At least Tiger has the good sense to stfu.

  • Gawd. My skin is crawling.

    I want to take Sarah out for a drink & introduce her to Chump Lady. I hope she is getting past that sorry excuse for a human being she used to be married to.

  • The middle-ager trying to recapture youth via sex with younger adults (whether in person or in fantasy) is such a worn-out cliche. All I see is an immature toddler in a giant body trying to validate him/her/hir self by pretending to be a perverted version of the self.

    They think they are so subtle, so profound… while all they are is ridiculous, running at top speed from a reality that will never escape them. You’d have no better luck outrunning your own feet than outrunning your aging.

    I have no time or respect for these cartoons.

    Also, I wonder, always, about how many children they have violated. A fascination with youth is a HUGE red flag.

    (Sorry if this partially duplicates – first post went wonky.)

    • Ammisfree –
      you capture the essence so beautifully – as ALWAYS. The cliche part bothered me almost as much as the betrayal. It was so easy to toss those old dancing shoes into the garbage chute this time. They are pathetic. And doomed to live out their lives as themselves.

      We, however, get the chance for a truly NEW LIFE – appreciating what a real relationship can be, whether it is with ourselves, our parakeet/cat/dog/horse/plants/creations, or another (well-vetted) human being at some point. AFTER fixing the picker that brought that pain vehicle into our orbit. And celebrating our own worth.

      They never did deserve us. And we sure as hell didn’t deserve them!

  • Swallow the pain and accept the decision? OMG!!

    I actually wonder how long his affair lasted before he was caught? Did he tell her to react with dignity?
    Did he tell her they were just friends/coworkers? Did he tell her she was being paranoid? DID HE BEHAVE WITH DIGNITY?

    • Ugh, I can’t think of anything less clichéd than an old white guy going through a mid life crises (oops… “leave-taking” part of this “life stage”). Looking for validation much David?. ::eye roll:: ::yawn::

  • This may be the biggest steaming, heaping pile of cheater narc bullshit I’ve ever read.
    DO go on preaching morals & character, Brooks.
    DO go on about “Not doing embarrassing things that wine and late nights make possible”whilst glaringly omitting Pain. Lest ye cop to that, eh?
    Lest ye take silent, compassionate responsibility for the devastating pain that preempted those “embarrassing” late nights. No?
    Behold Brooks, man of “Character”, “doing embarrassing things” that penis, ego & pen make possible; cheating on & leaving your wife, then ridiculing her pain in a National Publication.
    Apparently YOUR parents failed in your transition to adulthood.

  • Not counting the hypocrisy in Mr. Brooks reasoning and excuses for getting “validating pussy”, it is immoral to write so damn boringly.

    His style reminded me of sparkledick’s monotone voice feigning serenity and composure to look righteous, cool and powerful.

    Even with the UBT I couldn’t make it to the end of today’s post.

    And I have the exact same question as Louisville Flower, above: ‘why does an op/ed writer need a research assistant anyway?’
    And Nomar above cracks me up: Brooks is the ‘Bernie Madoff of morality frauds’ and Costco caviar’.


      My kinda snark, not as a religious comment but because it is just so stupid.

      My long ago EX wrote a book and trashed me in it (so many lies). My family thinking it was funny bought the book on Amazon and sat around reading it last Easter… I laughed with them but cried all the way home. It is humiliating and chumps are just suppose to acknowledge they Suck and be ok with public humiliation. I did get ok with it, just took some processing and healing. Today I could care less and Trust that they suck. Guess this article triggered some of the pain.

      I really feel sorry for Sarah, I would not wish the public pain on anyone, and shame on the New York Times for allowing this mess.

      • Your family are assholes. The least they could have done was host a Write-Shitty-Amazon-And GoodReads-Reviews party.

      • Your family bought the book, read it and laughed? What’s up with that? or did they think there laughing at him and unaware of the pain it might be causing you? I am sorry you had to endure that.

        I bet he wouldn’t find it so funny if you wrote a book exposing all of his shit and you wouldn’t have to lie.

      • Your family are abusive arseholes. Fuck them. My family would totally do this and it’s shocking to me that there are equally fucked up families out there. I’m sorry. I wanted to cry for you when I read your comment, I hope you are living a Mighty life!

      • My husband, now ex-husband, the adulterous guy who abused me and others, wrote a ‘hate’ song about me after he left me. Guess I’m famous now…I hope that the proceeds of the song go to our young children—for the therapy that they may need in effectively, healthfully dealing with the abuse their father meted out to them and others.

      • That is so horrible, TheBestMe, what not only your ex did, but your family laughing about your pain That is so twisted!

  • Is this dude for real?!?

    Can we write to the New York Times about how absolutely gag worthy this is and our disgust that they publicized it? Will they hear that? Omg I can’t handle this. Whether or not I had ever been a chump would make no difference here…this is a sack of shit.

  • Douchebag and nut job. I hope his ex goes no contact with this wingnut and shame on the New York Times for printing his drivel. I think chumps should stop buying the paper.

  • Holy crap. I hope her attorney cleaned him out so he could go fuck the 32 year old while flat-broke. What a bleeding haemorrhoid.

  • Wow. It’s bad enough that he devalued & discarded his wife for a younger model, but to publicly shame her for not handling this “transition” to his satisfaction? What a self-serving narcissist. Reminds me of someone I (used to) know…… #goodriddance

  • I am currently in hysterics because directly below CL’s UBT translation of Douchebag Brooks’ narcissistic drivel is an ad for a “Scientific Buttock Injection Simulator”. I swear to God the universe could not be more in tune with my response to his bullshit! He, like every other cheater, is a giant asshole, so it seems oh so appropriate, don’t you think? I refuse to click on the ad because I really don’t want to know the details, but I picture chumps everywhere cramming all the turds that have been dumped on us right back into the gaping maws of our very own Mr./Ms. Wonderfuls. I know, a maw refers to a person’s mouth, but cheaters talk out of their asses with every word, so their anatomy is quite different from ours. Let’s hope that they all get a colon blockage.

  • And this is why I have Mr. Sparkles listed as “Bisexual Lying Whore” in my phone contacts (we parallel parent)… so when he texts or calls, I am immediately reminded of what I am NOT missing. #wrongnumber

    I hope his wife feels the freedom of no longer being tied to his vapid narcissism and is enjoying breathing fresh air and not his stale, aging exhumations (assuming he stops long enough from spouting to exhale).

    You win, Karen, you win.

  • Did he get lost on his journey looking for morals? I hope Sarah blocked him everywhere and doesn’t deal with his prattling.

  • “The Quest for a Moral Life”? Yeah, good luck with that. Let us know if/when you ever find it. I will give you a hint. Try starting with one huge, on your knees apology to your ex wife begging her to forgive you for having been the biggest douche to ever walk the face of the earth. Just ask for forgiveness, don’t ask her to take you back. I won’t hold my breath waiting for that to happen.

  • Is his soon-to-be-ex wife getting a big settlement and alimony? I sure hope so. That way, she gets paid for every one of these self-serving articles he writes.

    • He admired the “gracious and morally rigorous way” she lived her life. I’m speechless. And a bunch of Christians completely overlooked her carrying on with a married man because she might be able to bring him into the fold? I know as humans we are all capable of cognitive dissonance, but this is just too much for me this morning! Holy hell.

  • Wow, the shallowness with how he views relationships, It’s cold. It takes some real twisting and turning to compare a marriage to a cooled friendship. He also presumes to know a lot about what his ex must be thinking— maybe she was relieved.

  • He is completely exhausting…. Sarah must be thanking the universe right now.

    Surely no-one with a measurable IQ could get through such a chore of reading it all in full and then believing it?

    His OW has all this crap to look forward to as well… tick tock tick tock

  • Wow! and bloomberg news has a piece from 2015 that says this editorial is a must read! “On “Morning Must Read,” Tom Keene recaps the op-ed pieces and analyst notes that provide insight into today’s headlines. He speaks on “Bloomberg Surveillance.””

    They miss the point that David Brooks is telling his ex-wife to fuck off and focus on facebook and instagram. Thanks for the UBT! I would have missed the actual real message has I read the article. I hate David Brooks, he is a pompous ass and writes a lot about morals and being a moral person. He has another book I tried to read once called “The Road to Character.” Terrible book.

    • It’s kind of funny that he keeps publicly opining about the quest or road to character. I’m David Brooks, how does one find morals? What are they? Where are they? I’m hunting for them. In 2015. In 2019. The search is never-ending! They are just so elusive!

  • Wow – just wow. Although the one thing perhaps I agree on is narcississm seems to be on the rise. I want to know WTF is going on that so many “human beings” think it is okay to devalue, demean, and disrespect partners instead of being honest and upfront and leaving a marriage in a dignified way. Even many who don’t do it will waffle on whether it is okay. Are we evolving (or perhaps more accurately devolving) into a species who no longer has compassion and is only concerned with self-fulfillment? It is not only spouses or partners but many parents put themselves first these days and do whatever is easiest. I mean really WTF is going on in our society? Is this everywhere or is it more prevalent here in North America?

    • That’s a major reason I never liked Survivor and shows of the same ilk. It was about winning at any cost and scripted as such.

      • I saw “Survivor” for the first time the other day and found it sickening. What a bunch of scheming, conniving backstabbers. It’s not about surviving at all. It’s about who can be the most two faced and get away with it. No wonder our culture is so messed up.

    • Read Culture of Narcissism by Lash. He predicted current situation in 1980s.

  • I couldn’t even finish it. Can’t wait for the Karma train to hit his ass. Should be quick after a very public humiliation like that. Amazing how they forget who helped them get there. But the good thing is: “Behind every great man is a woman. Behind the fall of every great man is a woman.” Hope we all get to see the fall first hand.

  • These narc’s all seem to have a similar writing style. I swear without even thinking about the meaning of the words you can just feel the attempted reality reorganization taking place. This one was particularly hard to read, what a POS.

    • Yes! I noticed that, too. It’s becoming a gut-feeling for me, literally. Now I feel better about getting weirded out when I hear/see it elsewhere–I encounter it in person and in interviews, too, but usually try to make sense of the words in spite of it. Mistake. Now I won’t bother.

  • Oh, my god, I thought Brooks was obnoxious, anyway, and I’m not a vindictive person, but now I’m thinking, ” . . . car bomb?”

    Okay, not literally, but I hope that research assistant leaves him for Justin Bieber or something.

  • Seriously? David Brooks-okay..this is what I got out of this: self-righteousness bullshit. From what he said, jumping from humiliating his wife to how to parent-tells me this: He was never plugged in. He didn’t want his life with her all 28 years, no connection to his children, never plugged in. All about him and the narcissism just stinks off the page. Telling her how to handle being left? WOW!!!!! He mindfucked her for YEARS! Takes one to know one……

  • Usually I read CL in the morning and go about my day. But I had to come back to my phone to vent a response to this a**hole. How dare he publicly berate his wife of 28 years for her response to his inexcusable behavior! How dare he! How dare he take the moral high ground. How dare they go on as if they didn’t break a vow and the world just accepts it and them “you never know what goes on inside a marriage.” I am so angry, and I’ve been getting pretty close to meh lately, almost 4 years after d-day and 2 years divorced. My ex audiotaped one of our fights AFTER I found out about his affairs with women half his age and let important people in our then life hear it to prove why he was leaving me. Narcs. All of them. Pompous, entitled, insecure little boys who think they win because they get the “prize.” My kids have met his 25 year old girlfriend once, and never been to his apartment since he left us with a text. I may sleep alone at night and be doing all the adulting for my teens, but at least I have a family and can hold my head high.

    There is no fairness in this crappy process. Only one day at a time towards peace with some triggers thrown in for flavor! And if I’m really really lucky his girlfriend will leave him in a few years and they’ll stop producing viagra!

  • OMG, it’s like he pulled down his pants and took a huge shit in the middle of a crowded sidewalk. Then started shouting about how it was everyone else’s fault why he had to do it, while explaining to everyone how best to clean it up.

    • DrewtheShortStraw,
      OMG, I wish WordPress had a ‘like’ button. This is perfect!

  • Dear David, when your old worn out body is lying on the bed I hope your Chump visits you one last time and vomits on you, but that’s just me.

  • Wow! Well sanctimonious garbage peddler is a better description than I could come up with. Can I also add that people like him are responsible for the ultimate decline of decency in society? They insidiously tweak the minds of the masses to believe that commitment and loyalty are for the weak and breaking a commitment is some sort of demonstration of maturity and independence. Also my ex (from one of last week’s blogs-who didn’t end up showing up for my daughter’s performance with or without his ‘date’) seems to have subscribed to this view of the world.
    “We all know…people who bombard a friend with emails even though that friendship has evidently cooled” UBT: I have no respect for any relationship…don’t feel bad honey, I dump my friends”;
    “mentors who resent their former protégés when their emails are no longer instantly returned: UBT: And I also have no respect for those who have guided me to my current career success.
    “people who post faux glam pictures on Instagram so they can “win the breakup” against their ex.” I have alway been a little insecure about my round, balding head, my chubby face and my excess body hair. I also stopped modifying my ideas about female beauty when I was 12. The instagram photos of you with your friends, with people commenting on your beauty, are confusing-because you look like you’re in your 50s- but I am too insecure about my appearance to take picture. Also I have no friends to take them with, because I ignored all their emails. And I don’t want anyone to know where I am or who I am with because he mom thinks she’s at cheerleading practice.
    what a fuckwit.

  • I guess I’m not intellectual enough, but I have barely heard of this douchebag. Thank God, because this whole thing is enraging. Every chump should “be motivated by a steady wish for the other person’s ultimate good.” Really?? Good wishes for the person who screwed me over in so many ways? Fuck you David, you pompous asshole.

  • The self delusion of these older assholes who leave their wife of many years for a young gold digger never ceases to amaze me.
    They really think that these women want wrinkly, pot bellied, old, limped dick you who needs a viagra to get it up and snores and farts all night rather than a hot 20 something guy who can have sex all night and has a six pack ??
    Yeah it must be love and if the old guy ever loses his money, shmoopie will be gone so fast his head will spin. Watch any of the “Real Housewives” shows and watch the gold diggers with the old fools with money.

  • His words made me vomit.

    He is proof cheaters are incapable of self reflection and only value their own happiness.

    I hope he trips over his own book and finds himself in great pain and suffering.

    Cheers to the wife who inadvertently found herself in a shit situation and is now publicly vindicated. Her ex just proved he is a horrible and wretched human being.

  • NYT? He’s just down the hall; Ronan Farrow, can you look into this guy?

  • I wish for Sarah Brooks that she will be another Jenny Sanford. While her shit heel X writes for the NYT and Sanford tries to find some political roost or another I hope she can find some new peace away from this immoral dick head.

    I don’t recall if Sanford ended up with the Argentinian twat ultimately but it doesn’t matter. In both his and Brooks case they went fishing in the kiddie pool to get their arrogant ego stroked (as did my X) so that is all you need to know about he foundation of their relationships. I would not settle for such a shallow and fleeting connection with someone- what happens when the hardware stops working or another catches her eye? All you are is a bag of money with a bad reputation, Asswipe.

  • He’s always been shit, only now his shit comes into the laser-sharp visual territory of CL. He left his religion as well as his kids behind to get with the junior-pussy. He’s your average cheater jerk, but with a big salary and a huge megaphone. (Charlie Pierce at Esquire–of all places–has been skewering his writing regularly with the aid of an imaginary dog named Moral Hazard. It’s hilarious. Moral Hazard could do double duty as the UBT, or be its pet!)

  • I love when the UBT assassinates entitlement, lousy character, centrality, whores, selfishness, assholes, and the disordered. The UBT just affirms that in the end I won! I am FREE and living an authentic life! I love eating those kibbles ????! Thanks CL and CN getting my power back feels good.

  • Go on Amazon and review his new book—The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life. And then sit back and laugh at the hypocrisy of that title.

    I feel for his wife and I’m sending all my pixie dust for her legal journey. This is probably a move on his part to show the courts that she’s the crazy ex-wife and he had no other choice but to flee. Rejection is hard at first, but the best thing moving forward is pull your leg out of the 3-legged stool. It’s his actions that speak volumes, but I understand the need to feel vindicated by using your megaphone. What she doesn’t understand is that he stopped listening a long time ago and there’s no hope in reaching the “person” she thinks is in now located in the cowardice shell husk masquerading as a man. These guys are selfish pigs and don’t care about anyone but themselves. That’s the hard pill to swallow–but the sooner the better. I hope she realizes Schmoopie is getting the husk.

    I’m two years out after my children & I received an infantile text meant for the OW (A Vice President at his company, 51 and never married), sent on Good Friday!!! It’s been a rough road since, but I’m moving on after bad lawyering (over half a million left on the table), my Ex not believing my mother was dying when I asked for a continuance so he physically assaulted her on her death bed to make sure she was actually dying with the OW in the parking lot, the death of my father…….but I’m now free to do what I want to do. With two great kids and she has none–she even moved me out of my house and cottage, leaving my daughter’s folded baby blanket in my new house because my lawyer didn’t get any protective orders for me. My onslaught is over and my new adventure begins. His new adventure is now being known as the disgraced & demoted President of his company–ha! He’s even reached out to his first mistress on Instagram and she’s commenting on my kids’ photos. Good thing all is happy in his new life!!!

    And I wasn’t believing what everyone was telling me, but the kids figure it out. They’ve been upset with me but are now opening their eyes as to why I’m so angry. As she’s not a mother, she will continue to give my Ex bad advice on parenting, including emailing them about his impending nuptials. Keep it up Schmoopie!

    • Not Feeling Blue,
      I am sorry that you have endured so much hardship. You sound very resilient!

    • NFB—so sorry for what you and your kids and mother suffered through. I’m glad you are seeing the light about your X.

      As for the book— I think we all know what Brooks means by The Second Mound, er um, Mountain

  • What a pompous, vomit-inducing narcissist this abusive adulterer. I feel sorry for his kids and his wife. I wouldn’t cry if this guy drowned in his own filth. He reminds me of my ex-husband who is waging war against me, women, the Establishment—apparently nobody cares about him—guy who lives for free next to a beautiful beach, routinely travel around the world, staying in four star hotels, getting great food, and being chased by beautiful, brilliant, talented wanna be intimate partners. He wants to build a wall to keep out The Bad Guys. I’d like to build a wall to get OUT The Real Bad Guys—and keep them on the other side. I would feel bad for my foreign neighbors, though. They, also, don’t deserve dishonest, abusive, entitled F—ktards.

    • I’m sure they don’t want him in Mexico and we don’t want him in Canada, either. However, the Russians might take him. We should take up a collection to buy him a one-way ticket to Moscow and be met at the airport by a couple of ex-KGB private contractors, if you catch my drift.

      I’m in a bad mood today.

        • Great idea. Into the Ego Rocket he goes. Very appropriate. Then send him out in a spacesuit to fix something and cut his tie-line.

  • Gawd, what a sickening screed. It is absolutely unbelievable to me how these assholes twist shit to make themselves appear to be in the right.

    I love every minute of the fact that my cheater XH regrets blowing up our lives for the skanky schmoopie and knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will NEVER take him back.

    Take that fuck face cheater and David Brooks, your day will come too. I love it when these fuckers fall flat on their faces and find that their schmoopies are just stupid twats that spread their legs for anyone. They are not in the least bit special and neither is their schmoopie love.

    • Chumptopia!! YES!!!! I know in my heart that my XW completely Effed up her life and changed our sons forever!! KARMA paid her several visits and many more I’m sure. As well as her evil mother (she was in on it and helped her achieve her mischief) who is on her way out. When she is gone the XW will be alone and have to completely fend for herself and be utterly alone for perhaps the 1st time in her life. Things always drift back to me about both of them. Takes time and is old news by then but it finds its way to me.

  • “The paradox is that the person doing the leaving controls the situation, but greater heroism is demanded of the one being left behind.”

    Bite me.

    “The person left in the vapor trail is hurt and probably craves contact.”

    I craved nothing from my ex. He was dead to me. But of course you would assume that.

    I’m confused. Was this written about a divorce or a kid leaving for college? It was so vague and affective I had no idea what he was really garbling about.

    • THIS IS IT:

      “I craved nothing from my ex. He was dead to me. But of course you would assume that.”

      I was the one who had to set the boundaries, change the locks, limit the contact, find the scheduling calendar, and even FILE. He fought every step of the way, counterintuitive to his desire for his OW. Psychopath.

      • Are you kidding me? He’s a 57 year old man and he can’t afford to buy his own things? Complete fraud.

      • What!!? They had a wedding registry!? lol, immoral and crass. What a douche.

      • I think we need a divorce registry; we could send the chump spa gift certificates, vouchers for moving companies and therapists, replacement household items for those the cheater stole or destroyed, and voodoo dolls for those darker moments during the roller-coaster ride of recovery.

      • From the Slate article on Brooks:

        “Brooks urges the left to drop the “materialist fallacy” and embrace “bourgeois paternalism” as the only real hope for social uplift.”

        Says the man who registered for the Sissinghurst spoon rest.

        • “Bourgeouis paternalism”–is that a code phrase for someone from the upper middle classes fucking someone young enough to be his daughter?

      • I just saw their photo on their registry. Holy crap she’s young! I knew she was “younger” but not THAT young ????
        “Oh look, the bride is dancing with her father, I mean grandfather, oops I mean groom.”
        And it looks like they got almost everything on their registry. Who registers for a $100 gravy boat? And we’re supposed to take moral advice from this guy?
        I have to go throw up now.

  • This sticks in my craw both for the supercilious dictation of how one must act with grace when someone takes a dump on your face, disguised as theoretical ramblings and his overuse of the word void. He is such a pillock.

  • He’s on MSNBC right now. Andrea Mitchell–I’m so disappointed.

  • My ex had the same smug approach to rationalizing selfish behavior as being morally correct for everyone. So much passive-voiced bullshit…. “people change..,” etc.

    Does Mr. Brooks feel that way about his present relationship, you know, that life is about taking leave and moving on? Nothing lasts? I bet that if he was dumped tomorrow he’d have a slightly different tone to his arguments.

  • A hero would kick a Nazi POS like Brooks so hard in his micro-balls that he couldn’t get his research assistance ho pregnant and give those two cretins a chance to raise yet another cretin. A hero would tell the world what a disgusting hypocrite and psychopath he is so that others could be warned. Heroes do not keep quiet about injustice and cruelty. Heroes are not okay with monsters doing evil and if they can do something about it, even if it’s just to expose the bastard for what he is, they do, like CL is doing. CL is a hero. Nazi POS David Brooks wouldn’t know a hero even if his micro-peen, which serves the purpose of the cerebral cortex he lacks, pointed him at one.
    I do hope Sarah writes a tell-all book about her marriage to Nazi POS David Brooks.
    Just in case he reads this blog post and the responses (and considering how narcissistic he is, he just might); I hope you get ass cancer, Nazi POS David Brooks. That is now your official full name. Now stick your head back up your greasy rear and waddle off back to the klavern.

    • Feel free to go to Amazon and review his book. It has no reviews yet…

        • Damn. Amazon won’t let me review it because I haven’t bought enough stuff from them. I’ll try Goodreads. Can some other chumps slam him on Amazon?

  • I can’t wait for his much younger research assistant to dump his ass for a much younger man, AND she will take half his shit in the divorce rape stage.

  • Dear Chump Lady; Wish that all of the above could be forwarded to Brooks and/or the NYT, as a reminder that the narrative has changed. The world is wiser to narcissism and what passed as collateral damage in “self-realization” doesn’t fly anymore. I look forward to the day when Chump Lady is making the talk show, book tour circuit. The time has come!

  • I actually have no words. Except I hope his flaccid middle aged dick gets the lice of a thousand camels.

  • How humiliating for his ex-wife… he actually used his column in a public newspaper to send her a not-so-subtle brush off.
    Does nobody edit his stuff before it goes out? I can’t believe they let him waste space on this.

    I certainly won’t be buying his book.

  • JESUS H. CHRIST!!! I have NEVER read, heard or seen more psycho babble bullshit in my ENTIRE fucking life!!! WTF did I just read? Except of course outside a Will Ferrell movie! Is this guy a community college REDNECK graduate? Reminds me of a scene in Talladega Nights. Ricky Bobby comes home after losing his ride in NASCAR to his best friend who has moved into his house and stared an affair with his wife!! His friend tells him ” You just lost your job, your house and your wife! Don’t lose your best friend because of YOUR anger”. Ive spoken to many people about infidelity and divorce my whole life. More so with my experience with it now.
    Ive been told that they would move on and try to be happy for their spouse after the shit storm it will be bring them. I call BULLSHIT every single time. LOL. I tell them at BEST you strive for indifference. The idiots who will try to be happy are hanging on to hopium thinking they’ll come back one day and they’ll take them back. Effing FOOLS!!! How dare any other person especially a betrayer tell another person how to react or behave after such a soul crushing event!!! This dick face actually said the LEFT BEHIND should GRANT………… SHIT!!! WTF! These people obviously see VOWS and any life long commitments as temporary. THEY HAVE TO. Lets say after I………….Take bat to this guys knees and change how he walks for the REST of his life. I would say ” DAVID you need or have to grant me immunity from any medical or legal responsibility and liabilities from what I just did to you. Oh and wish me well sir. I think I can be a better and more understanding person looking down on you in agonizing pain. See, Ive grown already. Wish me well sir!

  • What a navel-gazing jackass. I’m sure he was a real peach to be married to, like Pig Pen from the Peanuts cartoon, except his dirt is a cloud of self righteousness and entitlement. Well, he’s the dumb chick’s problem, now.

  • Very disappointed in David Brooks, as I read his book on character and always thought he was a decent, thoughtful man. It’s things like this that cause me to wonder if there are really any people of character left in the world. The world looks pretty cheap, vain, tawdry, and cruel to me a lot of the times these days, and that’s coming from someone who is by nature optimistic and idealistic. On a more positive note, I realized this morning that today is my TUESDAY, both literally and emotionally, that day when hope for the future is bright, and the past doesn’t hurt anymore …and that is a really good feeling. The David Brooks’s of the world have to rationalize their hypocrisy. for the rest of their lives.. At least chumps don’t have to do that.

  • Very disappointed in David Brooks, as I read his book on character and always thought he was a decent, thoughtful man. It’s things like this that cause me to wonder if there are really any people of character left in the world. The world looks pretty cheap, vain, tawdry, and cruel to me a lot of the times these days, and that’s coming from someone who is by nature optimistic and idealistic. On a more positive note, I realized this morning that today is my TUESDAY, both literally and emotionally, that day when hope for the future is bright, and the past doesn’t hurt anymore…and that is a really good feeling. The David Brooks’s of the world have to rationalize their hypocrisy for the rest of their lives. At least chumps don’t have to do that.

  • All these side chicks are desperate ,flawed, delusional women who are happy with leftovers to prove their self worth. His moving out is just Darwin takin out the garbage. God keeps the cosmic scales adjusted Sarah. Know we are with you and care.

  • David Brooks writing a book on and pontificating about morality is the same as a pedophile writing a book on child care or Ted Bundy writing a book on dating. Let’s have R. Kelly write a book and make TV appearances discussing how to best relate to teenage girls. What in all the fucks! Self-parody, thy name is David Brooks.

    Jesus take the wheel – the driver is drunk.

  • While strolling around a flea market this weekend I stopped at a sign booth and saw a sign that read, “I have to stop asking how people can be so stupid. They seem to be taking it as a challenge.” Could not help but think of that sign when reading the Brooks article. If it is a true reflection of his views, he lives in the world of the terminally clueless.

  • “The person being left has to suppress vindictive flashes of resentment and be motivated by a steady wish for the other person’s ultimate good.”
    This guy makes me seethe.

  • Awesome post!!! I laughed so hard.

    David Brooks may be the “man of the moment” for now, but his appeal is dropping along with his balls. His “little girl” might be interested in him now. But, she won’t be interested in him in 10 years. She will feel massively DUPED. She will be in her 40’s and likely seeing HIS bags of Depends, his enema bottles, and hemorrhoid cream all over the bathroom. Also, there is nothing quite like the smell of Ben Gay mixed with hemorrhoid cream to deter a young woman.

    By that time, her star power will be on the rise. She will also probably have her own (male) research assistant that is 10-years-younger than her. One day, David will come home and find them having sex in his marital bed.

    When that happens, his research-assistant wife can print out his New York Times article and give it to him. She can pay him on his bald head and tell him that he has already written all the wisdom needs to get through the chemtrails of heartache that will be heading his way. Then she can issue him a restraining order (to ensure he cannot stalk her) and leave with her lover.

    Her parting words will be: “You taught me all about the power of muses… er young dicks. This is my rebirth. Now put on those Depends and step into the world as your best and highest self.”

    This may happen sooner than David thinks, if it is not already happening now. I hope that when it happens, his ex-wife, Sarah, has moved to the Italian Rivera and is catching some sun with a handsome man named Alfonso. I hope Sarah doesn’t take him back.

  • I forwarded the link to this to the NY Times. My guess is some intern will ignore it but I couldn’t help myself.

  • The only thing I have to say is WTF David Brooks and shut the F up David Brooks ….there are truly are no words for such evil in this world. Total hugs to Sarah and I hope she has found closure and has moved on to a better wonderful life truly leave a cheater gain a life !
    nothing else to say No longer her circus is no longer her monkey ???? now it’s the muses ????problem ! truly a narcissistic rant can’t believe he ever got a publisher☠️ pukes all around ????
    And as we say in the south when we want tell someone to F themselves and that they are too stupid beyond words “oh blessyour heart David Brooks”

  • After marrying him, wife not only changed her last name from Hughes to Brooks, but converted to his religion and changed her first name: she had been Jane Hughes but became Sarah Brooks! So, in marrying David she pretty much entirely erased whom She had been. Her choice to do so? Probably but still… what a kick in the teeth to utterly transform yourself and still be left after 28 years of marriage for a girl young enough to be his daughter. Gross!

    • Completely agree!! (I saw this after I posted my comment saying something similar.) Time to reclaim Jane Hughes!

  • You are making this up! The UBT didn’t even have to TRY! It was too easy! Why, oh WHY would any newspaper publish this BS?!

  • PS-

    This article got under my skin in the best way possible because it provoked me to do further research on WHO he is. Not who David Brooks is as a writer, but who David Brooks is as a person.

    So David Brooks was born as a Jew to Jewish parents in Toronto. He met his wife, Jane Hughes, while they were students at the University of Chicago. She was not a Jew and was therefore required to convert to Judaism in order to marry him, and upon conversion, she changed her first name to Sarah. Why is converting to Judaism such a big deal anyway? Because the halakha (from Wikpedia):

    “All Jewish religious movements agree that a person may be a Jew either by birth or through conversion. According to halakha, a Jew by birth must be born to a Jewish mother. Halakha states that the acceptance of the principles and practices of Judaism does not make a person a Jew.”

    David wanted his children to be “born Jews” and so he asked Jane to convert and change her name to Sarah so that he could have Jewish children so he could look like a “good Jew.”

    Sarah/Jane gave birth to three children. David showed his support for Israel and demonstrated his continued identification as a Jew by sending one of his children off to fight for the Israeli Defense Forces. That is a very large decision for an American Jew to send his child off to fight for the IDF. It is very common for American Jews to “make aliyah,” but not so common to sign up for the military. That shows a deep dedication to Jewish identity. And… sending your child into a war zone? How about you go into a war zone, David? If you feel that deeply about Israel, go fight with the IDF too. I would not be pointing this out IF David had not become someone so completely different in the blink of an eye. It is apparent that David doesn’t have any kind of core identity. If he were not such a large cultural influencer, I could care less. But, because he is a cultural influencer, it is NOT okay.

    If you are reading, Jane, it’s time to reclaim your real name: Jane Hughes. There is power in a name and power in identity. Reclaim who you were before you ran into this narcissistic train-wreck of a human being. Also, be glad he is gone. Watching him talk in interviews with his “goofy grin” and knowing who he is, makes me want to wipe that goofy grin off his face. It’s part of his facade to cover his malignant soul.

    Here is more on David NOT having a core identity. This information is from the article “Is David Brooks Converting to Christianity?” by Luke Ford:

    “He divorced his wife a couple of years ago (after converting her to Judaism) and now he is marrying a Christian. It’s wondrous the deep spiritual change a pretty young woman can provoke in a married old man. Anne Snyder came to work for David as a research assistant and went on to serve him in a variety of positions. Now it appears that she is indeed worth a mass. Apparently, David Brooks is jettisoning his wife, his family, his religion and his people for Ms. Snyder and her faith.”

    (She went on to serve him in a variety of positions? I am sure she did the congress of the cow all over the desk, all over the floor, and on top of the paper shredder (they are writers). Or maybe it was an ambiguous and Bill Clinton-type thing. Maybe David told his wife that he only penetrated Anne with his finest Waterman pen?)

    Here is a statement from the same article, with material sourced from a post by Jacob Bacharach. It is a quote by David Brooks about his book on “character” and the profound affect his research assistant, Anne, had on David:

    “If not for her, then I could not have written a book about man’s moral sentiments with such precision or such elegance; It was all her. I was merely smitten with the fine turn of her prose; once bitten by the sharp turn of her thoughts, evident on my mind like a sting on skin, and delicate and irresistible as a little kitten,
    I—I’m not ashamed to say—became a nobler man, a better author, bigger than my critics, certainly humbler in my own life. Can a muse be another half of the same person? She is the sole source of the vigor
    of my prose. I also thank my wife.”


    The biggest shit-sandwich bomb to be released in public. You thank your wife for what, David???

    That paragraph could be easily rewritten using dirty words. Here is my crack at it…all my dirty words and other additions in parentheses:

    “If not for (Anne’s pussy), then I could not have written a book about man’s (immoral) sentiments with such precision or such elegance; It was all her (magical vagina). I was merely smitten with the fine turn of her (bare ass on my dusty desk); once bitten by the sharp turn of her (teeth on my dick), (the proof) evident on my (dick) like a sting on skin (just like the song Hurts So Good), and (yet her pussy was so) delicate and irresistible as a little kitten (since she didn’t get Brazilian waxes), I—I’m not ashamed to say—became a nobler man (because of her pussy garden), a better author (because of the blowjobs she gave me under my desk), bigger than my critics (because I can afford an ENORMOUS Viagra supply), certainly humbler in my own life (because I don’t use Viagra with my wife). Can a muse be another half of the same person? (Am I becoming a crazy codependent high-school girl on crack?) She is the sole source of the (newfound) vigor (of my penis who I never thought would stand again. I missed by little buddy.). I also thank my wife (for ignoring the bottle of Viagra so that I could rise to the occasion when she wasn’t home).”

    Yup, I think that is closer to the truth of what happened.

    Now, let’s talk about Anne, the super-duper Mega Christian!

    And this is also from the same article by Luke Ford, but the original source came from an article by Oak Hills College:

    “I am currently reading a book called “Good Faith: Being a Christian when Society Thinks You are Irrelevant and Extreme” by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons. They tell a story of a woman they know named Anne Snyder, who attended a Christian school and got a job as an assistant to well-known New York Times journalist, David Brooks. After Anne had been working for David a few years, he published a book called “The Road to Character” which includes a lengthy excerpt about Anne’s influence on him in the acknowledgments:

    (From David Brooks within the article) “Anne C. Snyder was there when this book was born and walked with me through the first three years of its writing. This was first conceived as a book about cognition and decision making. Under Anne’s influence, it became a book about morality and inner life. She led dozens of discussions about the material, assigned me reading from her her own bank of knowledge, challenged the superficiality of my thinking in memo after memo and transformed the project. While I was never able to match the lyricism of her prose, or the sensitivity of her observations, I have certainly stolen many of her ideas and admired the gracious and morally rigorous way she lives her life. If there are any important points in this book, they probably came from Anne.”

    “(Continuation from the author at Oak Hills College) What a great influence Anne was to David! Did she have a degree or career in ministry? No, but she had a Christian background and let her moral character and faith shine in a way that significantly influenced her non-Christian boss. You may not be getting a ministry degree right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a light in this world in whatever career you choose!”


    Be a light in the world wherever you go! I guess that now translates to “flash your bright, white ass to married, Jewish men wherever you go and they may come around to loving The Church! Your bright, white blinding light of an ass will help them understand that they have a friend in Jesus!”

    So, what was my final straw on David Brooks? The article that he wrote for the New York Times yesterday (April 15th). That one sent me over the edge. He needs to resign from the New York Times. I read the NYT and his is no longer welcome there (in my opinion). His article from yesterday is called “Five Lies Our Culture Tells.”

    One of the quotes from his article about the lies we are allegedly told:

    “I can make myself happy. This is the lie of self-sufficiency. This is the lie that happiness is an individual accomplishment. If I can have just one more victory, lose 15 pounds or get better at meditation, then I will be happy. But people looking back on their lives from their deathbeds tell us that happiness is found amid thick and loving relationships. It is found by defeating self-sufficiency for a state of mutual dependence. It is found in the giving and receiving of care.”

    I bet David’s first wife thought that. I bet she loved being married and raising a family. Now that he is married to a woman young enough to be his daughter, he gets to experience a “thick and loving relationship.” He gets to experience the giving and receiving of care, while his first wife’s head is probably still spinning.

    So who is David? Is he a Jewish family man with a wife and three kids? Or is he a douche-bag who left his (originally non-Jewish wife) for another female non-Jew who alleges to be a moral paragon and shining light for Christianity?

    Tracy, please UBT this article about Five Lies Our Culture Tells. (Even the title can be changed to Five Lies David Tells).

  • His wife needs payback. Through a smart lawyer or in some way. She will have to put on her thinking cap. SHE should write a letter to the editor and explain her part of things. How she was duped, played, treated like yesterday’s garbage. She needs HUGE settlement from this dirty prick

  • Nice job. Have you noticed how much negativity you’ve generated?? Maybe you can land an hour on Fox News. Mom must be proud.

    • ^ Adorable. Certainly a man casting his marriage and family aside for whatever much-younger thing walks past him in the office like the typical, basic bro he is is not depressing and negative. Certainly it’s all Chump Lady’s fault. ????

  • Do you really know other people’s truth well enough to role play the aggrieved wife?

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