No, We Bitter, Hopeless Chumps Will Not Come to Your Dinner Party

Yesterday’s column was graced with a comment from the Other Woman/author herself. Apparently, she found the Universal Bullshit Translation of her essay hilarious, invited us all to dinner, and then remarked that we’re all bitter and hopeless. (And yet so much fun at dinner parties! You bring the wine, I’ll bring the schadenfreude and despair.)

I hesitate to publish this comment, because like wow, how much of a desperate kibble hound must this person be to google herself and defend her affair on my site? (I’ll play, Tracy. The same kind of desperate kibble hound who gloats about winning her married boyfriend in The New York fucking Times.)

Clearly she relishes the attention, and I hate to give it to her. On the other hand, how often does the UBT get such delicious fodder? The UBT’s transponders are just itching to decode it.

Here it is:

Oh dear, my friends. While this was certainly a hilarious revision of my essay (I laughed pretty hard), the version I wrote is the truth. It was so hard to reveal my sins and shortcomings to the world because, as you all point out, I am the jerk. Do you all think I exposed myself to gloat? Because I can’t think that my depiction of myself and my behavior is anything to gloat about. I made myself vulnerable to you all to thank Beka and let other people know that she and Josh have created something out of their divorce. What they have created has made both of them happier, but it was–and will continue to be–difficult at times.

This essay is my love letter to Beka. This is my attempt to express a gratitude that is inexpressible.

You all make a number of assumptions about Josh and me that aren’t true. You don’t know the circumstances of Josh and Beka’s marriage before they divorced, and you don’t know the things that Josh has done–and still does–to care for the children and for Beka. Come see us in Nashville, and you will see what I am talking about. Come to dinner with Josh, Beka, Rose, Alice, and me. Come see us trying and working to be the people we want to be. I fail every single day, but, thanks to the example set by Josh and Beka, I keep on trying.

As a side note, if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine. I wouldn’t want anyone to stay with me out of complacency or pity or duty. As my essay mentioned, he wasn’t able to “cheat”–he had to tell Beka. Again, though, you should meet Josh before you decide that he is the stereotypical boorish male. I think he might really surprise you. And if he ever wants to leave our relationship, he will go with my blessing and love and thanks. I’m sure you won’t believe me, but you would if you met me.

Many of you sound so unhappy in your comments. You sound like you have given up hope in other people. I’m sorry about this, particularly because I was trying to convey hopefulness in what is usually seen as a bitter, hopeless, ugly situation. But I know how it feels; I lost hope for a long time. I could write about that, but, given the unfortunate comments about my mental health, I think I will withhold that information.

Now you may all commence ripping me to shreds yet again. I hope, though, that you will stop and think before you write something that reinforces bitterness and hopelessness. Perhaps you need to know a bit more about me, about Josh, and about Beka.

The UBT just let forth a loud belch. Here’s your decoded bullshit:

Oh dear, my friends.

Oh dear, I loathe you. But let me cover the stench of my disdain with “friendship.” Really I’m about as friendly as a cornered ferret with a pin stuck in its eye, but this “friend” shit works on 7 year olds and Beka. Let’s try it on you.

While this was certainly a hilarious revision of my essay (I laughed pretty hard), the version I wrote is the truth. It was so hard to reveal my sins and shortcomings to the world because, as you all point out, I am the jerk.

I am the jerk.

Do you all think I exposed myself to gloat?

Yes.

Because I can’t think that my depiction of myself and my behavior is anything to gloat about.

Just the parts about “love at first sight” and being better than passionless, practical Beka. And winning her husband. Did I mention the children LOVE me? No. No gloating here.

I made myself vulnerable to you all to thank Beka and let other people know that she and Josh have created something out of their divorce.

I’ve taken it upon myself to tell Beka’s story. And Josh’s story. And their children’s story. (Spoiler alert — THEY LOVE ME.) And my vulnerable, sad sausage tale of being an irresistible middle-aged sex vixen on a barstool. I am a storyteller. And you are all my creation. Excuse me, Josh and Beka’s creation.

I must let people know that they have a better divorce than you do. You should all aspire to such enlightened arrangements. Book your pedicures at once, bitter masses!

#thankyoubeka

What they have created has made both of them happier, but it was–and will continue to be–difficult at times.

Like Josh needs to answer his goddamn phone. Where ARE you JOSH? Answer. Your. Fucking. Texts. But we’re all so much happier. Beka particularly. Why are you smiling, Beka?

This essay is my love letter to Beka. This is my attempt to express a gratitude that is inexpressible.

I express my inexpressible gratitude by detailing the demise of Beka’s marriage in the national newspaper of record. Especially the sobbing on Josh’s chest part. Where Josh is unmoved for the love of me. #feelthethankyou

Sure Josh feels bad, but not so bad that he won’t abandon his children. Which is Beka’s fault. Because Beka is practical, has no passion, and he only married her because all the other 20-somethings were doing it.

This is my love letter to Beka.

You all make a number of assumptions about Josh and me that aren’t true. You don’t know the circumstances of Josh and Beka’s marriage before they divorced,

Just the hanging out in bars on his anniversary and Mother’s Day and picking up strange women part. Beka made him do it. Beka and her goddamn tea parties. #putdownthedarjeelingandkeepyourman

and you don’t know the things that Josh has done–and still does–

… on his many dating profiles…

to care for the children and for Beka.

… like pay his court-ordered child support. #bitchcookie

Come see us in Nashville, and you will see what I am talking about. Come to dinner with Josh, Beka, Rose, Alice, and me. Come see us trying and working to be the people we want to be.

Come for my tuna casserole, stay for the impression management! We are all trying and working to be the people WE want to be. Especially the 7 and 3 year olds. They need to try a bit harder. QUIT SOBBING ALICE! Daddy can’t play Barbies now, he’s at the bar ignoring us. Maybe if we ALL try harder to be better people he will come back!

I fail every single day, but, thanks to the example set by Josh and Beka, I keep on trying.

I am not worthy of their fuckupedness.

As a side note, if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine.

I cannot speak for the boiled bunnies, however.

I wouldn’t want anyone to stay with me out of complacency or pity or duty.

Like you pathetic people do. #gladyoureoveritbeka

As my essay mentioned, he wasn’t able to “cheat” — he had to tell Beka.

Falling in love with strangers and picking up women in bars on his anniversary is not cheating. It’s acknowledging my super specialness. There’s a DIFFERENCE.

Again, though, you should meet Josh before you decide that he is the stereotypical boorish male.

Meet Josh! Instead of relying on his dating profiles.

I think he might really surprise you. And if he ever wants to leave our relationship, he will go with my blessing and love and thanks. I’m sure you won’t believe me, but you would if you met me.

Blessing and love, or the rabbit dies, Josh.

Many of you sound so unhappy in your comments.

I can’t imagine why losing a 30-year marriage or having to paternity test your children would make a person unhappy. Oh, but then again I never had children. But I did have a “messy divorce”!

You sound like you have given up hope in other people. I’m sorry about this, particularly because I was trying to convey hopefulness in what is usually seen as a bitter, hopeless, ugly situation.

I’m not gloating, I’m a messenger of hope, sprinkling blessings and love on the magic path that is the journey we all must travel.

What’s that bitter, hopeless, ugly people? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you up so high on my lofty perch of superiority. Let me send some doves of mercy to shit on your heads.

But I know how it feels; I lost hope for a long time. I could write about that, but, given the unfortunate comments about my mental health, I think I will withhold that information.

I can’t trust you with that sensitive information. Just the 10 million readers of The New York Times.

Now you may all commence ripping me to shreds yet again. I hope, though, that you will stop and think before you write something that reinforces bitterness and hopelessness.

(The UBT pauses for a moment. Hummmmmm. Flips the gears back into bitter hopelessness.)

Now you may all commence to discussing me yet again. More kibbles? No I couldn’t possibly. Okay, maybe one more serving…

Perhaps you need to know a bit more about me, about Josh, and about Beka.

No thanks. We’re good.

But be good chumps, CN, and do RSVP to Elizabeth’s dinner invitation. And let her know what you’re bringing.

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arlo
arlo
6 years ago

Sorry Lizardbreath, can’t make it. Have to clean my gutters.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  arlo

Elizabeth R. Covington is the name of the essayist. She is a leacturer at Vanderbilt and her FB and that of Rebekah’s is

open.https://as.vanderbilt.edu/english/bio/elizabeth-covington

Horrifying. Just simply horrifying to publicly disclose the childrens’ destroyed family in this shamelessly public way. I’m stunned.

hopefloats80
hopefloats80
6 years ago

She is quite a stunner on her bio…but my bitter comment is just the same…..FUCK YOU ELIZABETH R. COVINGTON

DemHoez
DemHoez
6 years ago
Reply to  hopefloats80

Really? I’ve seen this woman before. Pretty sure I know what bar it is she went to. I’ve lived near Nashville since I was 13.

She’s not really that hot….I don’t get it. Why light your life on fire for this? I mean…there are a billion thin, yoga pant wearing blondes in Germantown who will sleep with married men and not talk about it…I’m not advocating that. It just more logical sense to me.

TD
TD
6 years ago
Reply to  arlo

She must still be responding to the NY times comments, because there were several hundred, and almost all of them negative. The readers of the Times see pretty much the way people here do. Sorry Elizabeth, it isn’t just bitter adultery victims who see your behavior and choices this way.

That Is Not A Thing
That Is Not A Thing
6 years ago
Reply to  arlo

Sorry, I have to take my kids to see their therapist that day. Thanks so much, creators of multiple homes! Wheee! This is fun!

CheaterDefeater
CheaterDefeater
6 years ago
Reply to  arlo

Elizabeth, does your contract with Vanderbilt University have a moral turpitude clause? Because husband stealing falls into that category.

TiredChump
TiredChump
6 years ago
Reply to  arlo

Can’t make dinner but I am HOPEFUL that everyone who read that article felt nauseated. An Optimists Guide to Divorce? Please?!?! Elizabeth Covington has no credibility on said topic as SHE DIDN’T GET DIVORCED. She is simply a woman who cheated with a married man and then used gallons of spackle to justify her own behavior and the character of her now-divorced affair partner.
Blech.

Lynette
Lynette
6 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Yeah what she said….

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
6 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Yes, this, precisely. It’s like (childless) me telling my friends how to raise their kids — on some level, I just don’t know. I may THINK I know, what with all my world wisdom and all that, but I don’t actually. Neither does the OW every truly know the havoc they’ve caused/participated in/signed on for, even if everyone is pretending for the sake of the kids.

All I can say is that Beka must not have loved her husband the way I loved mine. (And I’m not sure OW loves her man, either, if she’s already so certain she’d be just fine if he ever left her….) But to post this story up as a parable of how it SHOULD be done is a slap in the face to those of us who actually meant the “til death do us part” bit. Those of us who ARE still bitter post-divorce may be so precisely because we’ve been served a big heaping dose of what the word “commitment” fails to mean to most people these days. Now that I know those people are out there, I can’t unknow it.

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
6 years ago
Reply to  NWBiblio

Beka either is trying her best to be the dignified woman in the face of tremendous betrayal, (in her own way)

AND OR is making the best of the situation and already sees that there is a huge upside to “losing the loser”.

Good for Beka either way – but don’t eat too much of the shit sandwich please.

If you eat it all and smile, then this or mentally ill woman who gives a bad name to those with BiPolar) -those patients who try NOT to destroy their own or others lives) may actually believe she’s done something mildly unfortunate AH but with such class!

If all of us could only see the beauty of the ear she cut off….oh wait, that’s schizophrenia, still, how hard it must be for HER…oh, and good old Josh.

Father of the year.

Let go
Let go
6 years ago

For a man to sit on a bar stool and declare love at first sight says soooooo much about him that Beka might be thanking this pos with every breath she takes.
Nincompoop, the fact that you let yourself be picked up in a bar by a married man says it all. May you two live interesting lives.
Beka, move on. There isn’t anything to see here except two narcissists.

Langele
Langele
6 years ago
Reply to  Let go

This.

Gato
Gato
6 years ago
Reply to  NWBiblio

You know, when I met the life coach that ended up being an OW, she told me she got over her divorce in 5 months, and the worst in something like 6 sessions of hypnotherapy. At the time I thought that was awesome, and I wanted the same thing. The truth was she is disordered too. So her attachment is shallow as well. I can’t do that, I love with everything I have.

kiwichump
kiwichump
6 years ago
Reply to  NWBiblio

So true NWB. Before DDay 1, no matter how difficult life with the Traitor was, I used to wish I would die first, rather than live without him. It used to worry me that he was in worse health than me and that he would probably die before me, one day. That kind of love. Losing him was more than I could bear to think about.
Maybe this trio just don’t love so deeply.

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Love it good post!????

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  arlo

I have to go vote for Pedro that day.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

“My family is insane.”

Yep, just because she grew up in a fucked up family, it’s required to go out and destroy another.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago

For the win!!!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

If you vote for Pedro, all your wildest dreams will come true.

struggling
struggling
6 years ago
Reply to  arlo

I think I’m having a root canal that day…

Lynette
Lynette
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Hope it’s not on the 11th my root canal is scheduled. However I do enjoy a foodalicious fight!

Heather
Heather
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

I like this. Even a colonoscopy would be better than dinner with barstool Beka.

Heather
Heather
6 years ago
Reply to  Heather

Oops I meant the ow not Beka.

itsmle
itsmle
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

I don’t even need a root canal, but I think I’ll get one that day too.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  itsmle

If I bring the E. Coli, will you eat it?

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Agreed this woman sickens me my God how can people get involved with married spouses no matter the problems? Stay OUT of their lives and let them fix their own problems you disgust me and how you USE the children!????

CakelessinKalamazoo
CakelessinKalamazoo
6 years ago

Nauseating. Why can’t we just be best friends with the cheater, the OW/OM and realize how very enlightened we are for doing so? #almostasgoodasconsciousuncoupling

I’ll be bringing a fresh-out-of-the-oven shut the f*ck up pie to that dinner party.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago

I’ll bring the whore-d’oeurves and some pity-fours.

But seriously, beka and whatever-his name is must be united in feeling mortified about having their business all over the place like this and bringing the kids into this is an awful, unforgivable thing to do.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

Agreed. It’s not just that there’s no need to make this story quite-so-public, it’s completely nutty for the affair partner to think that this story – which is essentially Beka’s story – should come from her, rather than Beka herself.

Perhaps Ms Affair Partner is a bit of a narcissist after all. Why does she feel the need to make herself so central to everything. Telling someone else’s story… With the excuse of making it a ‘thank you’…. Yeah right.

Ms Affair Partner – I’m not bitter – I’m incredulous! I suggest you go and have a long, hard think about your motivations…

Carol
Carol
6 years ago

Yes agreed I want to hear from Beka I bet she’s lovely!????

Resa
Resa
6 years ago
Reply to  Carol

I’m hoping Beka has been here all along, watching as the UBT validates her hidden pain.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago

Yes, Let’s get Beka’s response now!

What will Elizabeth’s next cause be? Normalizing pedophilia, animal abuse, armed robbery?

chumpnomore
chumpnomore
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Its really chilling what has been uncovered lately. Epstein, weiner and all their high level buddies…lolita express…pedophile island…

violet
violet
6 years ago

Ya think? This woman is just a whacko, plain and simple. An admittedly unstable bi-polar woman, who is fine picking up a married man in a bar and falling “in love” in three months. Someone please up this woman’s meds. She sound like she is in the middle of a manic episode.

I cannot imagine any qualified therapist not being very, very concerned about her actions in impulsively jumping into a relationship with a married man, and being okay with him imploding a marriage THREE MONTHS after meeting Mr. Wonderful. Frankly, if that is not a sign that she in a manic stage of the disorder, nothing is.

But I do want to address couple of her erroneous assumptions about the types of people who share their experiences on CN. For instance, she could not be more wrong about the lack of hope here. There’s tons of it, along with anger, disappointment, fear that our children will not receive what they DESERVE from our cheating spouses, and many, many other valid emotions and concerns. Perhaps her need to justify her despicable conduct has blinded her to the truth that was spoken here, yesterday.

I am further along in my journey than some who come regularly to CL. Still, I check in every day and read all the comments. Why? Because I love the wisdom I find in this wonderful tribe of strangers who help one another on a daily basis. Actual decent human beings reaching out to other decent humans to get through the trauma of betrayal. What could be more hopeful than that???

I have been through the forest of deception and lies, and I have not only survived, I have triumphed. There is a loss that will always be with me… after a marriage that spanned three decades, not three months. But I would never, ever go back to that cesspool I was in, and I feel more free than I have for most of my adult life.

I am Beka, who I believe knows what an absolute tool her X is, and is delighted to unload him. I can’t imagine Beka’s pleased about sharing her kids with a mentally unstable woman, but I will leave that to Beka. After all, she did have the good sense to dump that loser she was married to.

Like many here, I also have done the hard work that was necessary to be a health, loving, thoughtful human being. I am a warrior, not a victim. I care about the impact that my conduct has on others, including innocent children. And despite the horrendous way X and OW behaved, I am the one who is happy, not them.

Narcissists and cheaters will never find a quarter of the peace of mind I feel. Why? Because nothing will ever be “enough” for them. This “couple” is a one-dimensional cardboard cut-out of need. Their fate is being them, and that really must suck.

My fate is awaiting me. I call it the stew of life-love, loss, kindness, grief, joy, sorrow and everything in between, but above all humanity and the compassion for other human beings. So who exactly is the bitter bunny here?

reniak
reniak
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

“There’s a loss that will always be with me”…How true, I totally agree. How can anyone not feel sadness and loss, after their family is blown apart, after having loved someone for more than twenty years, had three amazing kids together, how can someone not care? And my cheater STBX has the nerve to ell me that “she’s better than you, I am better now”. Really how can those people sleep at night, having betrayed their long time spouse, destroyed the souls of three innocent children??? It has been more than a year that he has left us and I know I will never get over this, I will always be sad for our family and for myself.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
6 years ago
Reply to  reniak

reniak – I sure hope that you don’t ever take his projection to heart.
No, she may very well be better at sucking golf balls through garden hoses*.. or letting him belittle her as she flings kibbles into his disgusting mouth.. or, she may be better at faking a sparkly life as she slowly disintegrates from the inside…………

BUT, she is not a better person. She’s not a better role model for children. She’s not a better friend, because she obviously cares nothing of integrity or honesty or respect.

I wish you and your kids warmth and courage and unexpected joy. You’re SO much better than anyone who would be a cheater or an affair partner!

*(watch, relate and laugh at this mess! shmoopie luv iz real!)
https://www.youtube.com/user/moonlocks/videos

T.
T.
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

Well said. Thank you.

Capricorn
Capricorn
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

Violet and Chump Lady.
My hero’s. I would like to express my inexpressible gratitude to you both.
No words enough to thank people who keep you safe and sane.
❤️❤️

Move over pyramids, CL is now officially the First Wonder of the World.
#awesome&onfire????

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

Violet, I LOVED your manifesto.
This is why I check in everyday at CN.

“Because I love the wisdom I find in this wonderful tribe of strangers who help one another on a daily basis. Actual decent human beings reaching out to other decent humans to get through the trauma of betrayal. What could be more hopeful than that???”

Not a victim, a warrior who got out alive of the forest of lies and deceptions. Thanks to the wisdom shared here.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

Couldn’t agree more Violet.

“As a side note, if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine” This is the line that stood out the most to me.

I can totally empathize here. Initially when fuckwit cheated and left, I didn’t think I would be fine. I thought I would die of a broken heart. Now I believe that I am not only surviving but thriving without him. I am strong and I get compliments from people on all the steps I have taken to be independent and care for my children. They are doing quite well considering their dad abandoned them and is a cheater who says everything is 100% my fault.

My point is, just because I will be fine does not mean this is the path a normal person would choose. People have survived and been fine after all sorts of atrocities throughout history but it doesn’t mean we glorify the atrocity or choose it. Elizabeth’s comment is just absurd beyond belief!!!

Am I bitter? Yes, my situation with cheater fuckwit is quite unpleasant so I am bitter towards him at times. Yesterday I had to sit through three more hours of listening to the continuation of fuckwit’s deposition where among the boatload of shit I had to hear was that he did not even attempt to contact his children over Thanksgiving because they do not respond to his texts. I had to hear him say that his adult daughter “has her head twisted around backwards about 4 times” because she is holding him accountable for his cheating actions. When asked what he thought would repair that, his only answer was “time.” I could go on and on with examples of stupid shit he said. I wanted to come out of my skin when he said none of the issues with the relationships with the children were caused by him!

So I am bitter at cheater for blowing up our family and blaming me. I am not going to just stuff my emotions and move on telling my kids it is all normal and daddy gets what daddy wants because that is what creates the monsters who do this. Yesterday totally reinforced that I cannot wait until I never have to see this nasty to the core person again. (which may be awhile considering divorce and kids)

I am not bitter at life but I do have to change because I was a very trusting person and now I am forced to question everything because I completely trusted a liar and a cheater for nearly 30 years. I am not bitter towards friends or my children or the people who support in this mess. My bitterness is compartmentalized to this situation. I am hopeful and have much to look forward to but now I have more worries about financial security because my Stbx is very open in his deposition that he doesn’t think I should get 50% of the marital assets and he is doing much to liquidate assets and spend money. I came home after hearing this to a 15 year old daughter who wants to sign up for a school trip which is quite expensive. Her father could definitely afford to send her. She will babysit and earn some of the money but it would not be realistic that she could pay the entire cost in the time she has. Now, I am sure he will not volunteer to pay and I do not know if I will be able to afford it considering what I heard at the deposition yesterday. It will probably go to court and a judge will decide our financial fate which looks good for me but he also has a good lawyer and it is all up to the feelings of a judge on that day. I have been told that one of the judges is a mysoginist. So who knows?

So you, Elizabeth, should not put your case study of your bizarre life out to the general public as some kind of model. You have not walked in my shoes nor do you hold the biblical values of many. You will probably meet my Stbx and his mistress in eternity. You can all have a nice dinner together.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Feelingit,
I am standing up,cheering for you, for your strong words, for your children!!!

I can think of something of fuckwits that “should be twisted around backwards about four times!”

In many of your posts your lawyer sounds exceptional. We will hope and pray for a good judge, a person with high morals and respect for the truth, a judge who believes a father has responsibilities for his own flesh and blood children. That is asking for justice, for what is right, for what is fair. An honourable judge will expect, indeed, demand this and nothing less.

Feeling it, I remember being astonished that my cheater was willing to walk away from my tiny innocent little ones, ( one not even born yet). The fact that he could leave me, well, I am an adult, I knew what good bye means, but not so for an innocent child. Trusting that a cheater’s character sucks sometimes just doesn’t make us feel much better.

Hold your head high, stay Mighty.
Truth will prevail and YOU and your Children are the Truth!

Xxxxxxx
Peacekeeper

I am at a loss of words for him. He has five precious children and he does not deserve them or their love and respect. He has lost that at his own fault. It is mindblowng that he expects to walk off into the betrayal sunset with ow, accepting no responsibilities at all!

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

Peacekeeper, your posts are so comforting, I want to cry. You are like a voice from above. I feel like I don’t deserve such amazing support! ❤️ Thanks!

Gato
Gato
6 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

That line stood up for me as well. But she is not saying just that, there is am implicit “not like you, bitter people”. It must be sad not to have a heart so you have never felt it broken.

twiceachump
twiceachump
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

Thank you Violet for your insight. I really didn’t understand how the ex husband behaved the way he did for years. Sadly I now know he’s a narcissist and the pattern I lived, not just in marriage, but in every relationship and activity we participated, was his pattern of idealize, devalue, and discard. I so see this clearly now. And his fate will always be that of an unhappy man where nothing is his fault and no one understands him. Special snowflake, young 20-something, schmoopie 2.0 will likely figure this out but probably years down the road. His prospects are limited and she’s better than nothing now that I’m no contact.

My sister has bipolar disorder and takes medication daily. But she still has poor decision making, spending out of control and in constant debt, poor relationship skills even when she takes her meds. When off her meds she cycles between mania and depression. She has 2 out of wedlock kids with different dads although one just died of an overdose (I suspect she was undiagnosed bipolar). My sister was an OW but was devastated when the married man didn’t leave his wife and kid for her when she showed up pregnant. She can rationalize anything if it suits her and you will never win an argument with her. She always thinks she’s right.

Josh in this scenario is likely a Cluster B and sank to his level. He won’t have Beka to prop him up to normalcy. Beka thinks she has stability by winning this married man and gaining instant family with his kids. She will never be the mom though or the stable wife. It’s just a fantasy she has that no amount of medication will ever fix.

twiceachump
twiceachump
6 years ago
Reply to  twiceachump

Meant Elizabeth, schmoopie, won’t have stability. Getting the interchangeable women in Josh’ life mixed up!

Ihatehim
Ihatehim
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

I love this.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago

Wow. Just wow.
“Love letter to Beka”…
“Created something out of their divorce” (FYI, all of us mighty chumps do).

The first wikiquote or whatever that popped up when I googled “vanity”:
“The truest characters of ignorance are vanity and pride and arrogance.”
Samuel Butler

I have to get back to work.
Chump Nation can see through this ignorant, dumb idiot. But the UBT always makes our day.

Lyn
Lyn
6 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

“Love letter to Beka” is so delusional.

Hey Beka, I destroyed your life, broke up your family, and left you forever scarred because…

“I love you.”

—-

Image, a robber breaks into your home, steals your most precious possessions, and trashes your home. Everything is destroyed and now you’re homeless. Then the robber sends a “love letter” thanking you for letting go of your things so easily. Now the robber is happily living with your stuff, and you should thank him for it. After all, now you have a chance to see that it’s possible to live happily without the things you’ve worked for your whole life. You have the opportunity to watch the robber living happily with your things and want the best for him. This will allow you to be happier. You’re welcome. #thankstotherobber

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
6 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

My x’s OW actually told me that! “I don’t want to hurt you. Our (x & herself) relationship has nothing to do with you! I LOVE YOU because he used to love you!”
SMH!
I don’t remember my exact reaction but I do remember telling her that she’d been sorely misinformed about what real love is.

This was also the OW who told me that my husband and I needed to have “clear boundaries” while we were still cohabitating in our home, before I finally forced him to move into an apartment (I stayed in our house). Boundaries. Yes, this person who intruded into MY marriage was now lecturing me on having clear boundaries in my own home, with my own husband. Lol.

They really are all so delusional. Kind of sad, actually.
#nothatisnotnormal

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Exactly!

Elizabeth, you are a homewrecking whore. It makes me sick to think that someone of your low morals and character and utter lack of empathy is permitted to spend even a moment with those two innocent girls. You were an accessory to stealing their security, innocence, and intact family. You should be ashamed of yourself, but you aren’t because you are likely a flaming narcissist with borderline personality disorder, in addition to your other issues. You make me sick.

struggling
struggling
6 years ago

THIS (Hey Tracy we need a “like” button lol)

livefortoday2
livefortoday2
6 years ago

This mother chumper. Yep – she is horrid. Exactly like the whore my X has now. Same entitlement. Same shit – different pod whore.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
6 years ago

I think my “Oh-for-fucks-sake”ometer is busted….

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

This brought a huge smile to my face, and then a actual belly laugh. I’m stealing this one!

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

I can’t claim credit, the meter is part of a reaction image I see on tumblr sometimes.

GonnaBeOK
GonnaBeOK
6 years ago

How about some vegetable dipshit and some sad sausage weenies?

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
6 years ago
Reply to  GonnaBeOK

I’m not bringing anything to her party.
I’m just going to barge into her home without even knocking, take all of her food and wine and put it into bags that I stole from her kitchen. Then I’ll leave without saying bye.

I may or may not take her pets.. depends on my mood that day, my whims, yk. #theheartwantswhatitwants

I’ll be sure to thank her for being such a great and understanding host. I’ll thank her for creating so much for me to come and take without second thought!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
6 years ago

Love it, UC!

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
6 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Hey, ML! I think of you so often 🙂

Mg
Mg
6 years ago
Reply to  GonnaBeOK

I think Josheypoo called dibbs on the sad sausages months ago

Zell
Zell
6 years ago

This woman is going to like telling everyone she is a stepmom now, but not doing any sort of actual motherly work. No way she can sacrifice her own happiness for kids. The cheating husband must be in heaven being ‘weekend dad’ as well. They see themselves as somehow more evolved than others. I would like to see OW in a couple years if she is foolish enough to breed with cheater and then find out that he has cheated on her. Won’t be as enlightened as she considers herself.

Rarity
Rarity
6 years ago
Reply to  Zell

Yeah, I was like . . .

You snuggle with the brats on the couch? And you think that makes you a loving stepmother?

Bitch cookie! Call me when you’re picking their vomit out of your hair. ‘Cuz I’d bet money you hand them right back to Beka when the parenting gets hard.

Anon
Anon
6 years ago
Reply to  Zell

I’ll bet she sure as hell won’t be giving any mother/daughter tea parties!!! She’s got first hand knowledge what Josh does when you do shit like that! Um yeah. We should all be so “evolved”!

Betrayedbitch
Betrayedbitch
6 years ago

“You all make a number of assumptions about Josh and me that aren’t true. You don’t know the circumstances of Josh and Beka’s marriage before they divorced” PALEEZE….neither does she! Just another typical delusional OW!

Lady b
Lady b
6 years ago
Reply to  Betrayedbitch

Yep!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Betrayedbitch

Uh…..Yes we do know the circumstances . She was at home being a Mom while he was at a bar picking up skanks.

Zell
Zell
6 years ago

but she’s an enlightened skank. Totally different level. NY Times level.

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
6 years ago

And we know that when Josh was “unhappy” but didn’t quite know why, he decided to cheat, AKA “stop calculating” instead of tell his wife something was wrong.

Untold
Untold
6 years ago

Instant classic!

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago

To be honest, I’d rather invite Beka round for dinner to mine, or invite her into the Chump Nation fold.

But thanks all the same, Ms Affair Partner.

Chump Lady – I honestly don’t know how you do it – this is bloody hilarious, while also being so spot-on. We need some bullshit-translating /critical thinking masterclasses from you. Brilliant!

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Wish I could! I’m still waiting, hoping you’ll come to the UK. 🙂

Shechump
Shechump
6 years ago

Chump Lady – do you have a spot to go to find out more about booking the trip?

Shechump
Shechump
6 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

Nev-va mind! Found it in the forums.

Paula
Paula
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Seriously YOU are my hero CL!! What the hell kind of reality do these people live in!?? How dare she presume to call that piece of garbage essay a “love letter” Beyond belief…Empathy much?

Rebecca
Rebecca
6 years ago

I’d much rather spend time with Beka and HER daughters and leave you and your boyfriend home!

Get back to me about that dinner after you’ve been married or had kids or written too many checks to a divorce lawyer or found out your boyfriend gave you herpes or woke up to find your bank accounts emptied or found out Josh was at a bar with another woman or ________ (fill in the blank).

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

But all that hasn’t happened to HER because HER (oh, and Josh’s… and Beka’s) is SO MUCH DIFFERENT AND SPECIAL!!! Her presence has brought about ENLIGHTENMENT!! SHE knows how to fuck someone else’s husband (oh, she means Beka’s) THE RIGHT WAY!!! THAT was TRUE LOVE goddammit!!! You can’t get herpes from the TRUE LOVE developed from a bar stool on MOTHER’S DAY!!!

She’s not like all the OTHER other women, out there! She is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay different (cue the “credit Beka” in hopes her classiness gets this OW more kibble)

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Elizabeth:
snowflake

KathleenK
KathleenK
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hahahahahahahaha ????????????

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Oh!!! And if she ends up with herpes and her bank account wiped out, she’ll send Josh off with her love, blessings and thanks!

Supreme Chump
Supreme Chump
6 years ago

She has never married or had children but she’s more than happy to help herself to other women’s husbands and children. How many “tumultuous relationships “ did she have in that roughly 8 week period? Theses are the kind of losers that our cheaters go for. Our cheaters can sniff out these pathetic women in about 20 seconds of first laying eyes on them. The only effort needed is in keeping the lies straight. My exh said he fucked the women he did because they had no other prospects and he didn’t have to do much to nail them. LOL Real special.

Nora
Nora
6 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

She did marry. She references a “messy divorce.”

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  Nora

Probably “messy” because of her cheating. Maybe her chump wasn’t willing to play “I’m so happy for you and the skank you’re fucking,” the way Beka was. But to be fair, Beka’s children are being held hostage there and she wants to make it as smooth and painless as possible for them. No doubt this slut’s ex was not as cooperative. Maybe he refused to keep her super shitty character a secret.

Supreme Chump
Supreme Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Nora

Nora, sorry I missed that. Is it just one messy divorce she had? I wonder how many messy divorces she helped cause.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

“Tumultuous relationships” and falling “in love” in three months (instantly, actually) is all just code for borderline personality. Enjoy the fallout, Josh. Poor kids.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

Yes! My favorite UBTism from the “I’m deluded enough to believe it will work to say that it’s only cheating if genitals touch genitals” department:

“Falling in love with strangers and picking up women in bars on his anniversary is not cheating. It’s acknowledging my super specialness. There’s a DIFFERENCE.”

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago

Here is MY love letter to Beka:

“Please do the calculations — Josh has stopped the math, you see — and understand that:

Beka > (Josh + Elizabeth)*infinity

And if I am ever in the Nashville area, I’ll make you dinner and give you a pedi myself.”

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Dinner party with Beka and her girls?

I’m in!

struggling
struggling
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Cheers to that idea!

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago

And did she really say that this is her love letter to Beka? Really?! In the newspaper?

A-hem. If she’s not looking for attention and narcissistic supply, then why didn’t she just write the letter directly to Beka? Or even sit her down for coffee, after their mani-pedi, and tell her of her ‘graditude’ face-to-face? You know, like in private?

Ms Affair Partner – perhaps a bit of self-reflection is required here for you.

Plus, what’s the point in hearing this story from you? This story has next to no value coming from the affair partner. It’s only of value coming from the person who has been cheated on.

lyndaloo
lyndaloo
6 years ago

If she done that she wouldn’t have got paid for the article, I still think she made the whole thing up and she’s just having us on!

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  lyndaloo

If she got paid for the article (AKA the ‘love letter to Beka’), then I think she should answer on here what she’s doing with the money…. Giving it to Beka either for herself, or the kids would be the right answer. Providing she did so without any fanfare and she didn’t turn it into another ‘look at me!’ opportunity

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
6 years ago

Once again, she assumes marriage circumstances cause infidelity. They don’t. Circumstances don’t have agency. Cheaters do.

JABT
JABT
6 years ago

This^^^^^Thanks DM!! I am totally at a loss for words about this garbage. This homewrecker has all the attributes of serious mental health issue(s), multiple I think, to believe any of the garbage she writes. ?love letter… seriously WTF… you ripped open somebody’s heart and life and then fed on it and think that is ok and you are all special?? Not to mention those poor girls. Get yourself some help!

Thanks CL. You rock and this totally made my day!

Resa
Resa
6 years ago

DM, I always scan for your comments because they always cut to the chase.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
6 years ago
Reply to  Resa

Thanks, Resa.

kb
kb
6 years ago

This. So very much this.

I don’t know the state of Beka’s and Josh’s marriage. Elizabeth the OW implies that the marriage was absolutely terrible (and she should know because Josh the Adulterer told her so and Josh is oh so truthful!).

Certainly if Josh is hanging out in bars, the marriage was on the rocks. It’s just that Josh didn’t TELL Beka that the marriage was having problems. Instead of having an honest conversation with Beka, he went to a bar to pick up Elizabeth the Chickie (or any chickie-poo would do).

And that’s really at the heart of Elizabeth “I’m Sparkly and Special” and her message. She’s Elizabeth “I like to Sleep with Other People’s Husbands” and he’s Josh, “I like Cheating on my Wife.” This is clearly a match made in heaven. #canyouspottheirony

Beka, if you’re reading this, you are SO much better off without your cheating asshole.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  kb

You know what Elizabeth doesn’t realize? Josh could have picked up ANYONE. She was the most receptive target that fateful day in the bar…

Cheaters aren’t looking for specific people. They look for willing holes and sausages. Fact.

lyndaloo
lyndaloo
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

This is absolutely the case! Asshole was trolling all the time just looking for a willing partner. These idiots think it’s love at first site or kismet or some other nonsense when truth be told it’s anyone who will oblige.

YouDoYou
YouDoYou
6 years ago

Exactly. The bit from Tracy’s book about “If you’re unhappy in your marriage there are about 1,000 things you can do first. Go to counseling, get a hobby, talk to your spouse, divorce.” Choosing the infidelity route is the ultimate path of cowardice.

Chumped but good
Chumped but good
6 years ago

And what cheater did not also lie, steal marital resources, neglect the spouse and children and most horribly cut down the spouse in order to justify their cheating. The cheaters are not being honest and communicating their feelings, they are betraying and abusing.

So Done
So Done
6 years ago

Exactly right. I am so sick of hearing comments from affair partners like, “But you don’t know the circumstances of their marriage.” What complete and utter nonsense. News flash to all affair partners: You don’t know the circumstances of their marriage either. You only know what the lying cheater told you to rationalize his behavior.

Wake up, Affair Partners. There are no marriage circumstances that cause or justify cheating. Cheating is a choice. Honest people with character and integrity do not cheat, regardless of the circumstances of their marriage.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
6 years ago
Reply to  So Done

Exactly right and let me add this. As all of us chumps know, we are treated absolutely horribly by our ex cheaters during the “discard phase.” For me this went back as far as a year. My ex was a total shithead towards me and I chalked it up to his work stress. It got so bad I was getting ready to have an adult conversation that went something like this: “Something is going to have to change or we’re not going to make it” type conversation.

You know what I didn’t do during that time period that my marriage was legitimately shitty? Cheat on my spouse. I was unhappy and I was getting to the point where I started thinking about separating if he wasn’t willing to try counseling but I didn’t cheat.

Beka didn’t cheat either-even though her spouse was warming bar stools and telling woe is me tales to skanks while she took care of their children.

mommamarsh
mommamarsh
6 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

I experienced the exact same “discard phase”during the last year or so of my marriage. My total shithead ex noticeably had less and less affinity – or even tolerance – for me, coupled with more and more contempt and disdain. It was a miserable existence, but I also attributed it to work and other stress in his life. I finally did approach him with the “something’s-going-to-have-to-change” conversation….that’s when he admitted to his affair. I wasted another whole year with that ass going thru marriage counseling, while he continued to cheat with his co-worker (now his wife). At the end of that year, I found irrefutable evidence of his multiple affairs going back to the very beginning of our almost 26-year marriage. I spent the best years of my life with him, totally supported his career, including moving cross-country multiple times so he could climb the corporate ladder, had two kids that I pretty much raised alone, as he was zero help to me, and sacrificed my own career to be at home with them. And he was cheating the whole time, while I remained faithful and devoted. He could have divorced me early on – before kids and before we built what I thought was a good life – so I could have had the chance for an authentic relationship with someone else. The selfish is boundless.

Mjo
Mjo
6 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

You and I shared the same last year by the looks of it. He was not talking to me; even stopped saying my name. Now that I look back at it, I can see it was all calculated. Meanwhile, I’m running around taking care of everyone, have difficulty sleeping and waking up because I was so depressed. That ass had it all figured out. How sick. How utter sick.

struggling
struggling
6 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Hell to the yes here. I was in the same shitty marriage, getting treated like shit by my husband looking to pick fights so he could justify his cheating. I didn’t respond to this misery by cheating. I chose devotion, he chose destruction. Does that make me a better person? Goddamn right it does

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
6 years ago
Reply to  So Done

You are so correct. A few people have said to me “oh the marriage must have been waning”. How cruel and misinformed.

notadditctedchump
notadditctedchump
6 years ago
Reply to  So Done

THIS!!!
” Wake up, Affair Partners. There are no marriage circumstances that cause or justify cheating. Cheating is a choice. Honest people with character and integrity do not cheat, regardless of the circumstances of their marriage.”

Thanks So Done.

Sausalito
Sausalito
6 years ago
Reply to  So Done

“Honest people with character and integrity do not cheat, regardless of the circumstances of their marriage.” Can we get this posted on thousands of billboards throughout the country?? Especially one in my town…

CanadianDad
CanadianDad
6 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

Absolutely right. How delusional is this woman?!! I sincerely hope that Beka is just biding her time, keeping the peace for the sake of her children, and not actually accepting this crap as okay! It’s modelling some pretty crappy ideals, but maybe she knows that given a bit of time, Josh and Ms. Delusional will just go fuck off.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago

Brilliant. Thank you.

Mrsvain
Mrsvain
6 years ago

Not my monkeys, not my circus.. ..

I hate being called bitter because wasband cheated and betrayed me. I was a good wife, living, supportive, uunderstanding, caring. I gave him 15 years and 2 kids only to have him run off with the neighborhood party meth head a year after my oldest and firstborn past away.. .. his parting words to me was I “got boring”.. .. now I am just the baby momma who is trying to make his life miserable and doesn’t “let” him see his boys (even thou I have no phone number or address for him, it is still all my fault).. ..

Of course, I shouldn’t be upset about any of this, his girlfriend just treated him better then I did.. .. you know in the 3 months she knew him verses my 15 years.. .. I am only mad that I lost him not because he broke my trust and hurt me. Oh and I am just jealous because he wanted her and did not want me anymore (but we will not talk about all the shit I did for him for 15 years… that is in the past) .. .. he just can’t understand why I can’t get over it already (said to me by both him and his chick 2 MONTHS after I found out about her)

These people will change the story to make themselves look good. They are just GOOD people who just happen to duck a married man… .. Josh didnt want to cheat on his wife of 10, 15, whatever years. He is such a wonderful man, he HAD to tell her. Barf.. .. like it makes it ok . He STILL betrayed and cheated on beka huh.. .. and this xtra special cornflakes is trying oh so hard to pretend that what her, Josh and ex-wife beak is something glittery and extraordinary when basically she and Josh are basic homewrecker who put their own selfish needs over the children and the living, loyal wife.. ..

#karma

nomar
nomar
6 years ago

That dumpster-twat’s letter is verbal proof that cheaters who marry their affair partners often spackle even harder than chumps. “See how happy we are?!? See?!? See?!?” But there ain’t enough hamburger hot dish in the world to cover over the domestic disaster the The A-hole Author and Jack-off Josh have created. The stench won’t be denied. Like someone took a loaded diaper, set on fire, then smothered the fire with Donald Trump’s toupee. Hungry, anyone?

You’ve heard of an unwelcome guest being a turd in the punchbowl? This bimbo’s the c*nt in the casserole. Ugh. Just, no.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Maybe Cunty casserole could be the dish you bring to the party?

JABT
JABT
6 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

Hahaha… I love it!! CC my new favourite saying

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

You have a hilarious way with words! Loved your comment 🙂

I wish we had the option to ‘like’ comments!

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago

Right? Me too! So many time I’ve hit the reply button, just to like the comment!

struggling
struggling
6 years ago

Howling with laughter over here. Tracy I appreciate your hesitation to not give this ridiculous woman anymore kibbles, but you’ve said this before and you are right: This is a great public service announcement into the mind of the pathologically entitled narc.

Thanks for the dinner invite, psycho homewrecker, but I’ll pass. I don’t need to drive to Nashville for dinner with deluded narcs and secretly suffering children. I have my very own OW who fucked and stole my asshole husband but is really a Good Person who cares about me and my kids. And I’m not having dinner with her either.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Ditto me! She mindfucks my kid and ‘helps’ her make my Christmas present with her big fat mouth wide open to catch whatever kibble I might throw her way.

The big fat slutty pig…

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Like

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

I’d be happy to attend.

I will be bringing a list of professional counselors (with references) for those 2 children who are being fucked in the head by a bunch of fucked up adults who are unloading their fuckupedness on 2 undeserving, innocent victims.

I’ll also be bringing my new Tony Lama boots to kick Josh right square in his fucked up ass.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

This Sheer Piece of Narcissistic Maggot is an attorney. If you hired him, is he going to represent your best interest or his own?

violet
violet
6 years ago

Yes, please identify him before he steals all the money out of his clients’ trust accounts. This guy is a ticking time bomb to prospective clients.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago

I think his nuts would be a better target

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

He has nuts?

JABT
JABT
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Like!!!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

I consider that, but didn’t want to risk getting some nasty funk on them. There’s no telling how many different places his nuts have been lately.

UnflownKite
UnflownKite
6 years ago

This is what teenagers refer to as a roast. A might good one at that. LOL!

Onwards
Onwards
6 years ago

No thanks to dinner I have no taste for the company of cheaters. #honestpeopledontcheat #authenticfriendsomly

Besides only one year out from a decades long marriage I’m too busy being a mighty, and supporting my teen and early twenty something students #pedicurewouldntifxit

Oh a positive note the initial sadness and fear for my future is being replaced with confidence that I am better off, and positive interactions with genuine and wonderful new friends #CNarethebest #CLrocks

Nanki Poo
Nanki Poo
6 years ago

It’s a very good thing that she would be ok with that guy cheating on her. Because, well, yeah… the odds aren’t bad.

Lady B
Lady B
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanki Poo

I read a cheater is 3.5 times more likely to cheat again than a non cheater, good luck with that!

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanki Poo

William hill is taking bets right now but you wouldn’t get much of a win.

Goodness the comments are on fire today! I’ll try and resist saying anything bad because this woman is so puffed up, it could all pop and send her into a depression or something. She seems really unstable.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

Did you catch the bit about her being bipolar yesterday?

But she’s got a SPECIAL kind of bipolar… that kind that makes her SPECIAL and UNIQUE.

Beka, honey, that woman’s psycho. The less time your two sweethearts spend with her, the better. She is not normal and your kids are seriously in psychological danger with her.

twiceachump
twiceachump
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Beka has young kids. The old keep your friends close and your enemies closer is probably lurking in her chumpy mind. As long as the kiddos are making the special snowflake happy and look good, all will be okay. The minute they sass and/or call a ho a ho, watch out for the discard. Josh, your pesky lil brats aren’t too much fun anymore. When shit gets real, the ugly will reveal.

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  twiceachump

So much THIS^^^^! All narcs like little kids because they are very easy kibble. Wait until they are uncooperative fourteen year olds who have figured out exactly what was her role in the demise of their parents’ marriage. She will be eager to discard them and she’ll have no trouble convincing Josh either–he’s finds it pretty easy to walk away from kids.

Chumpiness
Chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

My now ex is desperate to visit with his almost 13yo daughter because he knows she won’t be compliant and hand out kibbles much longer. He told me this straight up, though without the word kibbles 🙂

Of course he’s not desperate enough to make the 1000+ mile trip HERE to see her, she has to fly there so he can play family with B-squared (big breasted, bleach blonde bimbo). And she’s terrified about flying, so he routed her through a major airport, how thoughtful. But she has to go to him. He wrote off my oldest because they aren’t handing out kibbles anymore, just handing out bullsh*ts by the dozen.

I am really worried about how to handle this, how to teach my daughter not to be a kibble machine. One of those “do as I say, not as I do” kinda things. I did not set a good example all these years.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Agreed

Ironwood
Ironwood
6 years ago

Good old Eluzabeth may just find herself serving shit sandwiches at one of her fabulous family dinner parties, when she realizes that she has to eat her own words.
Her rationalizations defy belief. The superficial attitude is a hard one to accept. The only explanation is that Beka is deliriously happy to have the cheater taken off her hands, but I don’t understand how Beka is so content with sharing mother duties with Elizabeth. Perhaps she thinks of her as an au pair, paid child care.
There is absolutely no question in my mind that discovering your ‘trusted’ partner is cheating is a horrendous life altering event. Nothing is more painful or traumatic, and there is no possible way to recover quickly.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Ironwood

Unless Beka had a lil’ sumpin sumpin on the side herself…

That’s why my ex’s OW husband was so “the heart wants what it wants” as he was helping his wife and 3 kids move in with my brand new ex husband.

Rebecca
Rebecca
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sorry, but I don’t think that’s fair.

It’s awful that this happened to you. Wrong, disgusting and horrible.

But let’s not make any assumptions about this woman who was cheated on…

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

I’m not assuming anything. I’m simply presenting a possibility that there’s much more to this whole skein of fuckupedness…

logo65
logo65
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

You dont think if Beka had something on the side it wouldn’t have been used as just another level of justification and Meanttobe-ism?

I would SOO love beka’s side.

Mjo
Mjo
6 years ago

Dear Elizabeth,

If you happen to read this comment, I would like you to define “cheating”. The reason I ask is because my ex-husband said he did not cheat either. Yet, for a good year, he was “at the gym” from 8:30 to about 1:30 (he called himself a stay at home dad). When he left me and reminded me that it was ME he was leaving and not the children, he said there was no other.
Fast forward in time, I discovered restaurant receipts from another town. When I confronted him with them he said yes, he was out with “her” and probably talking about our bad marriage. During that year, I had a broken foot and my father had open heart surgery (which meant I was driving my mom to and fro hospital in really cold weather) while making lunch for kiddies who ran home from school at lunchtime, and doing all the other typical things mom’s/wives do —I’ll spare you the details of my life on crutches and the near death experiences I almost suffered with them — while my husband was out with a friend. That’s what he called her. A friend. A friend he never told me about during that ugly time. But he wasn’t cheating, right? He was only shopping with her, drinking tea with her and having lunches with her. Well, they’ve been together for two years now.

So again, I’ll give you and your amazing lifestyle a second chance if you can define CHEATING to me.

I’m all ears.

logo65
logo65
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

I discovered secret conversations and lunches. My ex didn’t consider it cheating because naughty bits didn’t touch.

But heck, he might have been lying.

Lyn
Lyn
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

Mjo, isn’t it just great when they go shopping with the AP, while you put up with them sighing and getting pissed at the traffic in the mall parking lot when you try to get them to go Christmas shopping with you and the kids? I just loved getting gifts his coworker “friend” had picked out for me. So special.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
6 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

THAT was one of the explanations he had when he was caught shopping with the OW. “She’s helping me pick out gifts for my wife”. Strange, because he really never bought me anything!

Mjo
Mjo
6 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

For sure. And that Christmas he gave me a vacuum cleaner. I look back now and can’t believe that I allowed him to treat me like shit. But we had kids and I didn’t want to rock the boat. I was holding up that tent.

She picked the present for you? Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. And people wonder why we can’t just move along. Why we’re traumatized. I’ll tell you what though. I’ll tell you how I grew from this experience. Just let anyone try to approach me now and be all “just move along”. Before, little old me would agree so I wouldn’t stir anything up. Now? I grew massive balls from this ordeal. I don’t mind losing friends in the process of defending my dignity, my integrity. And I feel amazing about that.

SevenOfCups
SevenOfCups
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

Yeah, I got a vacuum cleaner for Mother’s Day one year. And for Christmas (one of the years I actually got a present) I got a “super special” coffee grinder that was like 3 feet tall and would barely fit on my kitchen counter. Why? Because Dr. Narc wanted it for his aeropress.

Spackle, spackle…
#neveragain

Lyn
Lyn
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

Yeah, she picked out gifts for me I later discovered because she was so nice like that. My husband also started selling candles that she was peddling to make extra money on the side. After he left, he gave our kids some of her candles for Christmas. I wanted to smash them when I saw the stupid things at my kids’ houses after Christmas. I wanted to yell, “Do you where these candles come from?” But I kept my mouth shut. My kids were already traumatized from dealing with my pain and anger, so I was trying to get on a more even keel with them. Still, it was infuriating.

I remember leaving those damn Christmas pillows she picked out when I moved out of the house. She also made him little crafty Christmas decorations that he’d tell me were special to him because they were given to him by a “graduate student.” He wouldn’t tell me they were from her. Once I found out, I’d take the dumb things down, then I’d find them back the next day. Now I can’t believe I was living with crap like that.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Cheater: Where are those pretty Christmas-ornament angels?
(After he kept putting them back up on our fucking tree after DDay; because she’d given one to each of our *children,* not me, and the kids thought they were beautiful.)

Me: They’re not going on the tree again. I wrapped junk mail around them and set fire to them in the sink. That’s the funny smell, lingering in the kitchen.

Cheater, terrified: Oh. Okay.

I got good mileage out of that one. Very satisfying.

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
6 years ago

Lol!!!!

Nora
Nora
6 years ago

Love this! Good for you.

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

You know what, I’m willing to bet that she defines it as “not confessing after the fact.” She says ‘he wasn’t able to “cheat” — he had to tell Beka.’ Okay, but do you see a word missing there? First. Not, “he had to tell Beka FIRST,” just “he had to tell Beka.” This was similarly glossed over in the first essay. If they really hadn’t banged first, she’d be shouting that from the rooftops. Instead, she’s playing Weasel Words. They were having sex before he told her, but she feels the confession retroactively fixes it.

WisedUp
WisedUp
6 years ago
Reply to  Traffic_Spiral

He waited a month to tell Beka about OW, according to OW’s essay. Cowardly and deceptive.

Jo
Jo
6 years ago
Reply to  WisedUp

Tennessee is a fault state, so lawyer Josh probably didn’t want to cop to his adultery… until dumbass OW Elizabeth went and confessed Josh’s adultery to the entire frickin world.

Elizabeth’s divorce lawyer’s case just got a whole lot easier. Thanks, OW!!

Jo
Jo
6 years ago
Reply to  Jo

Oops— that’s Wife Beka’s divorce case that just got a lot easier on publication of Elizabeth’s insane drivel, lol — all these Biblical names for the women he tries to juggle, can’t keep them straight. Josh can’t really tell these 2 women apart either, no matter what trite ass shit he whisper growls in bed to Elizabeth, it’s all the same lines and Josh never really sees any woman for who she is.

Mjo
Mjo
6 years ago
Reply to  Traffic_Spiral

Right. We had sex and/or fell in their version of love and then he had to tell Beka. No cheating there. Right.

Survivor
Survivor
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

If it was before cheating, shouldn’t Josh have asked Beka? Telling is something you do after the fact.

Nanki Poo
Nanki Poo
6 years ago

One more thing…

If that essay was supposed to be a love letter to someone else, why is it almost entirely about the author? I write for a living, so from an editorial perspective, it would’ve received a rewrite request based on that alone.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanki Poo

Been scanning the responses today to see if anyone else noticed the number of “I”‘s in that letter! Me, me, me. You don’t know me. If you knew me. Blah, blah, blah.

I’ll come to dinner after the kids are gone and living far away from that hot mess. Let’s see how that relationship is then. Anyone want to place the odds on where Josh’s Dick is then?

I got the narc out of my life and found a healthy relationship filled with loyalty, reciprocity and joy. No a contact is the path to the truth and the light! If that’s bitter, count me in.

#BitterBuuny and proud hair twig wearer since 2015.

Call me Beka. I’d much rather hear your reasoning from you – if you exist – instead of this self absorbed whore.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanki Poo

Exactly!!

12YearsWasted
12YearsWasted
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanki Poo

Cause in their world the only pronouns they know are me, myself and I.

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
6 years ago

Am imagining Becka is furiosly figuring out how to protect her two young daughters now that a mentally ill person has invited every single creepy person on the internet to just drop in on them – anytime -unannounced?

All without triggering a bunny backlash

How much does a former secret service person charge by the hour?

That Is Not A Thing
That Is Not A Thing
6 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

Measure of OW thoughtlessness: using Josh and Beka’s real names and location. Jesus.

JC
JC
6 years ago

“I made myself vulnerable.”

I heard this one a few times from the XW. Being a shit person is being a shit person, no matter how “vulnerable” you are about it. Being vulnerable after throwing a grenade isn’t being brave; it’s putting lipstick on a pig.

“You don’t know the circumstances of Josh and Beka’s marriage…”

Ah, the classic specious “cheating is okay if you’re unhappy” logic. By this logic, any immoral act is justifiable. If he was so unhappy, and he had genuine integrity, then he would have gotten a divorce without cheating. I don’t need to meet him to know that.

“Bitterness and hopelessness.” WTF?!? I have more hope and happiness now than I ever had during my XW’s affair. Seeing how this woman uses ALL the same twisted logic as my XW (such as, Josh is a *special* kind of cheater…not “boorish”) just makes me laugh and have so much MORE hope because you are all so predictable. News flash, EVERY cheater and his affair partner think they are special snowflakes, somehow better than the other, typical cheaters. But you’re not the “best of the worst.” You’re the worst, just like every other cheater and affair partner.

Free Vix
Free Vix
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

Every cheater thinks they’re the special kind, the different kind, the right kind. It’s called entitlement, as we know but Elizabeth is slow to comprehend.

Lyn
Lyn
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

I saw no vulnerability in that letter at all. Just superiority and delusion.

Free Vix
Free Vix
6 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Nope. She didn’t get anywhere on the “charm” channel, so she’s trying to leverage vulnerability on the “self pity” channel. That also failed spectacularly, so next up will be the “rage” channel. My ex’s preferred approach to rage was silence and calculated revenge, and given that we haven’t heard from Elizabeth today, I’d say she’s stewing in her rage.

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

She spends a LOT of time imagining that she knows how people feel inside. And surprise, surprise, she imagines they ALL LOVE her….

Strad
Strad
6 years ago

The only one I’d be interested in having dinner with is Beka, who I suspect is laughing all the way to the bank.

Dee
Dee
6 years ago

Wow. She specifically makes the point that Josh never cheated. Bullshit. You don’t need to have sex to cheat. Ending a barstool soulmate session with, “Can I see you again?” qualifies as cheating. Pretty sure Josh didn’t run home and tell Beka about the encounter. That’s CHEATING and it’s wrong. She is so delusional that she can’t even admit that this is how the relationship started.

Prediction: I’ll wager that this woman and Josh are on what my lawyer called “the 8 year plan”. By year seven Josh is befriending another helpless soulmate on a barstool… and he’s back at the lawyer’s office soon after that. After my lawyer met my cheating STBX that was her remark: “We have a name for clients like your STBX. It’s called repeat business.”

JABT
JABT
6 years ago
Reply to  Dee

I love that Dee… the 8 year plan!!

Isawthelight
Isawthelight
6 years ago

In the New York Times essay that Elizabeth wrote, she said that she had found the right medication. I doubt that. What sane person glorifies her adultery for the world to see?
Probably the best medication for Elizabeth would be a mirror.
Also, for an educated adult, she writes more like an immature girl. (Beka and I giggle, etc.) I am guessing that she completely underestimates Beka, and I’m sure that she underestimates the intelligence of her audience.
Elizabeth’s attempts at image management are completely transparent. She should spend more time looking in a good mirror instead of writing flaky, juvenile justifications of her “sin,” to use her own word.

Balesoflaughter
Balesoflaughter
6 years ago
Reply to  Isawthelight

You just gave me the best idea for my STBXH’s Christmas present from our kids. A MIRROR!

arlo
arlo
6 years ago

Genius, simply genius

Isawthelight
Isawthelight
6 years ago

Oh, and as a fellow southerner from the Nashville area, I should add to my reflections on Elizabeth and her essay, “ Bless her heart.”

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  Isawthelight

^^^^^^
Bahahah.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
6 years ago
Reply to  Isawthelight

THIS^^^^^^

Nothanks
Nothanks
6 years ago

I’ll bring the std creme brûlée!!!!

K
K
6 years ago

I think the biggest problem is that she is speaking self righteously about something she truly can’t possibly understand. She is naive, in the same way I was when I got married….thinking I would never be one of those couples who doesn’t have sex, is unhappy, or gets divorced, etc. OF COURSE you will figure out how to be happy together and stay together forever, because you LOVE eachother, duh! She can’t really absorb that at one point, that’s also how Josh felt with Beka. (I feel weird using their first names as if I know them btw). But he doesn’t anymore b/c let’s face it, this adulting thing can be a real drag and Beka actually expects him to participate, and DO stuff…..who can blame him for wanting to leave?! Ugh

And I’m glad to hear she will be just fine when this guy discards her in 5 or 10 years b/c he “just isn’t happy, even though on paper he should be”. And it sounds like she is ready to warmly welcome the next lady who makes Josh “happy” into the folds too, since she will be just fine IF he does cheat on her or leave her. Seriously?!

EVERY Other Woman feels like her married guy is just unhappy in his marriage, but is a good person so he stays to take care of the wife and kids. And the OW provides him with the much needed love, support, sex, understanding etc. that he DESERVES but his wife just won’t give it to him b/c she is controlling and only cares about her children. Well guess why his wife is so busy and distracted…..b/c he isn’t pulling his weight or showing up to the marriage!! And also…she’s a parent, that is quite the time suck if you do it right (and semi-alone)!!!

I just think this woman is so self involved, that she can’t see outside of her own perspective enough to even fathom WHY this is inappropriate, smug and self righteous. WE must be the problem….we just don’t get her. Or Josh. Because we are bitter. (eye roll)

NewGirl17
NewGirl17
6 years ago
Reply to  K

@ K!!! Omg! You nailed it! Thank you!

Lin
Lin
6 years ago
Reply to  K

This is exactly why my ex said about me. I was controlling and only cared about the kids. It’s like they share the same brain or get a script.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  Lin

Same script, different loser.

And then asshat reveals how jealous he is of me being a parent to the kids. And he’s jealous of his kids. They get to have a mother who would give her limbs for the welfare of her kids, not like the parents he has.

Cheating is an act of cowardness.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

If I had married an actual emotionally healthy adult, I would only need to sacrifice a few body parts as the other parent would gladly give up their’s too.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Notice how when child support is being set so many of thirst formerly resentful and uninvolved absent parents suddenly try to get 50/50 to reduce their support obligation? Makes me furious!

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  K

K,

Love, love, love this comment:

And the OW provides him with the much needed love, support, sex, understanding etc. that he DESERVES but his wife just won’t give it to him b/c she is controlling and only cares about her children. Well guess why his wife is so busy and distracted…..b/c he isn’t pulling his weight or showing up to the marriage!!

Sooooo beautifully said!!!

JC
JC
6 years ago
Reply to  K

Well said, K. All of this!! ^^^

struggling
struggling
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

Ditto!!!!

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Yes!

twiceachump
twiceachump
6 years ago

Sweet Beka donated her old faux fur coat she got the best use out of for years (while it was in style and before PETA spray painted it thinking it was the real deal). Actually I think she sat it out on the curb. Elizabeth found it and thought it made her worthy and high society. She doesn’t even realize she’s wearing old trash that is out of style and considered tacky now, flea ridden, spray painted, and only was beautiful because the woman wearing it made it look like a million bucks. Elizabeth is standing at the curb with it on and look, I think Beka may have waved at her from the front door. Oh, uh, no. Beka was closing the door. She was so glad to get that trash off her lawn.

Jody Nickson
Jody Nickson
6 years ago
Reply to  twiceachump

Fabulous lol.

TheBestMe
TheBestMe
6 years ago
Reply to  twiceachump

I wish this was the lady Beka was modeling for her children. You do not invite the trash in to have tea and cookies with a 3 year old and a 7 year old. The kids need one sane parent.

My heart is breaking for Beka, she must be in so much pain, I wish CN and CL could stand behind her and guide her to NC. Let this messed up Tramp and her dickless wonder go on their merry way, but teach the kids to set boundaries.

Luziana
Luziana
6 years ago

Every inmate in penitentiary is currently warming up the library iMac in anticipation of the following essays:

Conscious Purse Uncoupling- Thanks to That One Lady I Get Three Bologna Sandwiches a Day

He Thanked Me For Doing His Wife a Random Sex Murder. She Spent and Talked Too Much.

Bernie Madoff’s Plea- Several Investors Were Relieved to See Balances Shrink. Gold is Heavy and They Always Hated Maths.

The hilarity of it all, for me, is that Adultery is right up there in the worst inflictions to other human beings that every faith in world history agrees on. But you will hear time and again an expectation of Absolution by Adulterers.

Let me break this down for you over Virtual Nashville BBQ, Pantsless Contessa. Did he fuck you before the ink was dry on a separation agreement? Congrats. You’re both cheaters. Did he cup your tender lady heaves before Beka was invited to celebrate the demise of her life partnership? Hallelujah! Adultery is your shared hobby, soulmates!

No matter how lucky you were to avoid consequences, or whatever version Josh told you, you do not know what his marriage was like. What did Josh do to kill his marriage, other than sit in bars talking up strangers about it and complaining about Beka’s Failures?

I can guarantee you one thing, Sisterhood of the Knickerless Huusband. In a few years the Conscious Unfuckening you imagine with honesty and reckoning and Namaste isn’t going to happen. Josh will spread his ample cheeks on another stool and tell his Sad Sausage version of That Bitch is Cray to a complete stranger. Every trusted intimacy you shared will be fair game. You are not special, Sympatheric Vagina With Ears. Wonders yet, I doubt you were the first with every fiber of Statistical Evidence.

And here’s the thing too. Just because you hit the Chump Lottery, doesn’t mean everyone else has to follow Beka into the Kumbaya Hinterland. I mean, somewhere on Craigslist there is a guy just begging a girl or another guy to willingly cut off his penis and make chili con carne with it. That doesn’t mean it’s wise decision for the General Populace.

It also doesn’t mean the Shitty Thing You Did Becomes Less Shitty No Matter How Many Years Pass or Who Was a Bigger Person and Forgave You. It makes Beka stronger. It makes Beka better. And you don’t get to, in your Consummate Shittiness, get to dictate the Craigslist Dick Chili Path for anyone.

You gave up that moral ground the moment you gave your digits to an unhappy married man rather than recommending a marriage counselor.

And one last question, Chili Dick Whisperer- If Chumps and Chump Lady are so Bitter and Unhappy, why are we SO FUCKING HILARIOUS?

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
6 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Love you, Luz!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Luz,
I love your term “vagina with ears” funny sight!

????????????

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

“That Bitch is Cray” ????

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Yes, I wonder what her essay in Modern Love will look like in two years? I don’t give this “relationship” much shelf life because these two cheaters are just all kinds of fucked up. In just about every sentence, this woman has revealed her instability and delusional thinking. The love of her life hangs around in bars in the middle of the day, drinking and looking for strange (which he certainly found), but he is the catch of a lifetime? Not exactly a match made in heaven, more like a pact with the devil. But since neither of these cretins appear to have a soul, not much of a bargain for the devil.

Luziana
Luziana
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

When I think of Chump Lady and her Mr. rambling contentedly around Paris Museums and ordering fabulous pants they won’t take off for anyone but each other and maybe their doctor, I MOST DEFINITELY know they are just jealous of Josh and Deludezabeth tickling shellshocked toddlers in their fabulous stucco duplex. Damn. I know I am. In fact, I wish I could be more like Cold Slab O’Meat, paying Child Support to two different neck tattooed Baby Mamas until, if, when, he qualifies as a non citizen to draw his own Social Security. In a duplex he can barely afford. Oooh La La!

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
6 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Loved all of this… but especially this: “Wonders yet, I doubt you were the first with every fiber of Statistical Evidence.”

struggling
struggling
6 years ago

“You are not a special sympathetic vagina with ears” OMG you are killing me! lmao

LivingMyLife
LivingMyLife
6 years ago

Elizabeth, you are trying to control a family torn apart by divorce. In fact, when I read yesterday’s story, I had an inclination you were purposely finding him to accidentally run into him, ie, A STALKER. A Contoller, A Crazy. Here’s your reality, you can’t control others ! You haven’t added those lovely teenage years, another baby, another husband for Beka( possibly with kids of his own), bigger bills( that child support and alimony get harder and harder to pay), and your now the wife that he may want the escape from. You think you are different,your love is all powerful, “he could never hurt me, look what I do for him, I even take care of his leftover family he damaged, I take care of him sexually, I write love letters to the ex wife, I take on CL against the ample angry bitter exwives out there, and the other justifying bullshits you say to yourself. Have you watched all the celebrities at all? Have you not witnessed other second marriages fall apart?They all think they are different. They all think they have true love. You have your head stuck in the sand so deep, you can’t see what is coming. But alas, maybe that’s just what you are, a dumbass bird with big tail feathers.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago
Reply to  LivingMyLife

You know, growing up I’ve seen some seriously fucked up people, like sick, fucked up, take pleasure in hurting people, criminal sickos (you get the point) well I’ve seen quite a few of those couples stay together 20/30 years until now.

So I’ve seen the opposite of the second marriage falls apart theory

And they don’t get less fucked up either, staying together could actually be worse.

(One of the above 4 husbands possibly murdered his ex)

Aeronaut
Aeronaut
6 years ago

Fundamentally, what this is all about is the depth of commitment in marriage. Elizabeth makes it clear that marriage, to her, is the societal acknowledgement of couple hood, kind of like going steady in high school. Hence, “… if Josh cheats on me or leaves me, I will be fine. I wouldn’t want anyone to stay with me out of complacency or pity or duty.”

On the other hand, most of us here view marriage as something deeper, something that we admit may take work, effort, sacrifice, and putting the interests of others ahead of the interests of ourselves. That’s why it’s so galling (to us) when ‘daddy’ decides he was never in love and leaves his spouse and some number of kids to be with a childless younger model, or ‘mommy’ needs to spread her sexual wings, no matter how it hurts her daughters and her spouse. Daddy or mommy don’t accept deep real marriage, and spouse is left holding the bag.

Clearly Elizabeth is all about marriages of convenience – it was convenient for Josh and Beka to be married for a while, and now it’s convenient for Josh to be with her; “Why all the fuss about such a simple thing?” Elizabeth must think. News flash, sometimes marriage is hard, but it’s worth the work, if one is deep enough to fathom that.

Hugs. Strength. Peace.
aeronaut

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
6 years ago
Reply to  Aeronaut

And let’s not forget about how conveniently she’d find it to cut off contact with the children she’s lured in. I’ve been nursing that reality all day! She’d find it so easy to give up Josh, but she seems not to think at all about those girls–she claims she loves them like the kids she never had but they don’t even enter her consciousness of post-Josh.

K
K
6 years ago

The saddest thing about the point you make is I can understand why Elizabeth naively holds these views about marriage, but it’s heart breaking when you find out your spouse actually holds that belief too, and btw he never shared that with you. And you were married to him for xx number of years. Oh you don’t think you are cut out for marriage, or that marriage even works at all as a concept?? Hmm well that would have been wonderful information to know 5…10…15 years ago. And the truth is closer to the fact that it would take more resources than they are willing to give, because they consider it more of an obligation rather than a commitment. And we know narcissists do NOT like obligation and all those pesky mundane details and expectations that come along with that.

I think bitterness, anger and resentment is just a way of trying to cope with the all encompassing pain and sadness that comes with betrayal and someone blowing up your life and your belief system as you knew it. Beka is probably trying to deny those feelings b/c she wants to protect her children so much, but I predict that is not going to end well either.

struggling
struggling
6 years ago
Reply to  Aeronaut

Another spot on comment. Damn chump nation is on fire today!