Dear Chump Lady,
Yup I was a chump to a compulsive narcissistic womanizer cheater for a decade, raised his three daughters from his first marriage, (yes he cheated on wife #1 but it was her fault, she was crazy ???? lies lies lies). No I was NOT the other woman I DON’T do that, but I was love bombed post his separation, romanced, and conned and when I finally got free after the rollercoaster of hell, three affairs that I KNOW of, and he knew it… he sent me this text message…. This is not because I’m stuck, this is because I’m free and I’d love you to take this and strip it down and free others.
You showed me great love
I showed you great selfishness
You showed me great faithfulness
I was unfaithful.
You were always there for me.
I was there for myself
You were super loyal to me
I was disloyal
You always wanted me
I wanted others
You were an amazing lover
I was a crass lover.
You were alone and I abandoned you.
You took such great care of me.I took it for granted.
You forgave me and I took advantage. You did my laundry, cooked my food, organized trips, even dressed me and I hardly noticed.
You took care of my daughters and I didn’t thank you.
Yes you had your flaws (small ones) and I didn’t help you.
I didn’t love you and didn’t lead you. I treated strangers better than my wife. You hiked with me, camped with me, liked being with me, loved me, and always complimented me. God gifted me with a second chance after I screwed up my first marriage. He could not have given me a better wife. Keys wallet cell phone in the morning (now glasses too)
Growing old with you would be any man’s dream . Coming home from work to your love and care was a pleasure. Kids pets church great family business and wonderful wife.
Who on earth would throw it all away.
I had everything a man could want but was not satisfied. Natalie Natalie I miss you I love you (if I even know what that means) Bear and Bug were a special couple and our friendship strong. Yes our love was real I just don’t know where I went wrong but I went horribly and terribly wrong. God has abandoned me for abandoning you and he will never forgive me neither will I ever forgive myself.
Bear and Bug
Bear and Bug
Bear and Bug did love each other
Bear and Bug
Bear and Bug
Bear and Bug
Bug and Bear
Bear and bug lyky loml
Good bye my love. I will forever miss you.
Wow. Sad Sausage channel is cranked up to 11 with this one.
What are you supposed to do with this? Feel sorry for him? Return to him? Go fetch his keys and wallet?
Notice that at NO point does he say, “Please, come back!”
He doesn’t have to. He’s trusting you’re a chump and his distress will compel you to return to him.
But he does give you a powerful kibble. Many a chump has fallen off the path of no contact and tried to reconcile when thrown this kibble — he gives you insight.
He admits he was wrong. That he behaved badly. That there is a norm for how you treat someone you love, and he transgressed it.
Now ordinarily, when making an apology, the first step is admitting wrongdoing — but also notice, he NEVER SAYS SORRY. He just gives a list of the things he did wrong. You’re supposed to infer the apology.
When you’ve been gaslighted and told that you were selfish, and NOW he tells you, no, you were unselfish — it’s powerful kibble to a chump. I wasn’t crazy. You WERE wrong. You admitted it! The person who harmed me will now heal me and unicorns will prance at our vow renewal ceremony….
He has INSIGHT! He has been HUMBLED! And now we can work on US!
Way to be cynical Chump Lady. Who wouldn’t thrill to this kind of sorry! He admitted he was wrong! What’s wrong with that?
It’s incomplete. It’s cheese in the mousetrap. It’s chump bait.
Time to trot out the Dr. George Simon axiom: “It’s not that they don’t see, it’s that they disagree.”
Meaning, Natalie, he knew EXACTLY what he was doing — he just didn’t care. He disagrees with the idea that he should conform his behavior to what anyone wants. You’re Not the Boss of Him.
So when he didn’t thank you for raising his children, he knew he was being ungrateful — but he didn’t care enough then to thank you. Notice he doesn’t thank you now either! He never has to humble himself to that position! He merely points out his AWARENESS that he didn’t thank you. You fill in the rest.
Chumps are always spackling in these kinds of gaps.
He’s dressing this shit up as an insight problem, not a character problem. Because he is, after all, someone who deep down loved you and valued you. His actions don’t matter. His insights matter. And now that he has enlightenment, everything will be better!
I miss you I love you (if I even know what that means)
This is the tell. He doesn’t know what love means. But if he strings together some words for a target who actually feels emotions like love, he might get the results he was looking for.
Bear and Bug were a special couple and our friendship strong. Yes our love was real I just don’t know where I went wrong
I have all this insight that I did terrible things, but I don’t know where I went wrong. So actually… I’m not that insightful.
Woe is me! All these Bad Decisions keep happening to me! I don’t know who’s making these decisions (sob) but I know that he loves you!
but I went horribly and terribly wrong.
Left out: BECAUSE I WANTED TO. Because I did the cost-benefit analysis of your pain versus my desires, and I went with ME, every time. Because I feel entitled to your caregiving and childrearing. So why should I thank you, for what is rightfully mine?
God has abandoned me for abandoning you
Woe! I’m the one who Really Suffers here. Okay, so a mere mortal like me abandoned you, GOD abandoned ME. So, like I WIN. God hasn’t paid his subject support in months.
and he will never forgive me neither will I ever forgive myself.
But YOU could forgive me! And then you’d be bigger than me and God put together! Such would be your munificence!
Now fetch my wallet, bitch.
Natalie, this guy is a mindfuck. But you knew that, right? Thanks for sharing the bullshit.