THE STARTER KIT
THE BASICS OF CHEATING
LEAVE A CHEATER, GAIN A LIFE
Cheating is an abusive power dynamic. It’s not about monogamy or midlife crises, it’s about entitlement. Cheaters manipulate to maintain their advantage over chumps (and affair partners). It’s all quite predictable, because there are only so many moves on the chess board. But fear not, here’s the essential Starter Kit to help you navigate these choppy and emotional waters. Scroll down to start the journey.
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THE CHUMP STARTER KIT
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1. Why Do Cheaters Cheat?
Because they can. Because it doesn’t hurt them to hurt you. Because entitlement. Read all about Ego Kibbles, a cheater’s currency of narcissistic supply.
2. Why Won’t They Choose?
Because they like cake — having both the affair and the relationship. It’s not a competition, it’s about maintaining an abusive power dynamic.
3. The Pick Me Dance
Why does it feel like a competition? Because you’ve been goaded into an insidious form of manipulation: the Pick Me Dance. Stop it.
4. Untangling the Skein
Figuring out your cheater is energy directed at them, which is energy deflected away from yourself. You’re asking why they are this way, instead of asking yourself the harder question of — why am I hanging around this megabitch who’s not my friend?
5. How to Leave a Cheater in 7 Steps
No one knows how to leave a cheater in the immediate aftermath of discovery. It’s a sucker punch. You’re in shock. So how do you do it? Here is your step-by-step guide on how to leave a cheater.
6. Do You Need a Pep Talk?
In the early days, immediately after discovering cheating, it’s hard for chumps to trust that their cheaters suck. They wonder what they did to make this person cheat. They wonder why their shared life together wasn’t enough.
7. Should I Go to Marriage Counseling?
Marriage counseling on infidelity usually presumes reconciliation. On the chance there’s a community of chump-curious therapists, here’s a blueprint of my “misunderstandings” (critiques) of marriage counseling when it comes to infidelity.
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A forum full of people who get it.
Tracy Schorn is a journalist who created Chump Lady in 2012 to be the sort of support she wished existed when she went through infidelity – a site not predicated on reconciliation but on self-respect. Since then, thousands of chumps trade advice, sanity checks, and the occasional dark joke. Reconciliation is for unicorns – support is for you.
FROM THE BLOG
The posts everyone sends their friends.
What Marriage Counselors Get Wrong About Infidelity
When Does the Pain Stop? (Tuesday)
My Ex Is Introducing Her Affair Partner to the Kids
