The Basics of Cheating

The Basics of CheatingCheating is an abusive power dynamic. It’s not about monogamy or midlife crises, it’s about entitlement. Cheaters manipulate to maintain their advantage over chumps (and affair partners). It’s all quite predictable, because there are only so many moves on the chess board.

Why do cheaters cheat?

Because they can. Because it doesn’t hurt them to hurt you. Because entitlement. Read about Ego Kibbles — a cheater’s currency of narcissistic supply.

Why won’t they leave?

Because they like cake — having both the affair and the marriage. It’s not a competition, it’s about maintaining an abusive power dynamic, explained here:

The Unified Theory of Cake.

It sure feels like a competition.

That’s because you’re doing the Humiliating Dance of Pick Me. Stop it.

I need to read a 1,000 articles about narcissists. 

No. (Well, okay, if you need a hobby.) Trying to figure cheaters out is Untangling the Skein of Eff-upedness. It’s a coping mechanism. Instead, you need to ask yourself is this relationship acceptable to you? And start protecting yourself.

Do you need a pep talk? Trust That They Suck.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.

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