Recent Posts

Dear Chump Lady, Did my being controlling make him gay?

Dear Chump Lady, I need some serious help. My story is unique in that my husband cheated on me with a man. 15 years ago, he left me because I was “impossible to live with” and went to live with a man from work. It should have been my first sign. He swore he was […]

The Ones Who Just Leave

A lot of the advice I give here is on no contact, or gauging the sincerity of a cheater’s remorse, or of decoding the mindfuckery of a cheater after discovery. But what about the ones who just go without a fight? Who just abandon? Who never come back? There’s no need to go no contact […]

Let’s blame the children?

An alert chump sent this article in Today’s Parent: “What happens after the affair—when you have kids?” Apparently, children are hindering Otherwise Good People from their journeys of epic self-discovery. What with their teething and their sticky fingers and inconvenient vulnerability, mommy and daddy can’t get any sleep, no I mean strange. What are you […]

Stupid Shit Affair Partners Say?

At Chump Nation, we’ve spent years lovingly curating “Stupid Shit Cheaters Say.” Classics like, “I wasn’t buying strippers, I was buying self-esteem…. You spend money on stuff you don’t need!” or “I wasn’t betraying you. I was betraying the thought that I might betray you.” So today’s (fun?) Friday Challenge is to share the stuff […]

UBT: ‘I hold no animosity for you’

Dear Chump Lady, I am a chump. I was married for two and a half years before I grew strong enough to leave. After multiple DDays and therapy, I finally got out. Last November, my then-husband became very sick while we were on vacation and I took him to the ER. He was in ICU […]

Dear Chump Lady, I don’t have any good memories of him

Dear Chump Lady, I am having a problem. I was chumped 5 years ago this month. I am in a good place now, remarried, etc. But my issue is — I have two teenagers and I cannot talk to them about their father. They know what happened and all that, but I cannot talk to […]

Situational Truth

Stephen Colbert coined the awesome word “truthiness” — when referring to politicians who spin their own versions of reality. They seem so sure of themselves, who cares if it’s not the truth? It’s truthy! Similarly, the food writer Michael Pollan in his book “In Defense of Food” distinguishes between actual food (things “your great-grandmother would […]

UBT: ‘Our Marriage Was Already Over’

Here’s some one-size-fits-all cheater bullshit for you — “Our marriage was already over.” Cheaters say it to affair partners, “We’re all but divorced!” “We’re separated!” “Just roommates!” And cheaters say it to their spouses when they’re discovered cheating. Our marriage was already over. Well, yes, yes it was when you fucked that other person. But […]