Recent Posts

‘I Feel Guilty for Leaving Him’

Dear Chump Lady, I discovered in September 2018 that my husband of 3 years (together a total of 13 years) had been having a 2-year affair with his coworker. (The affair started before our 1-year wedding anniversary and spanned our time trying to get pregnant, our time doing IVF, while I was pregnant and while […]

Where’s the Data on Reconciliation?

Dear Chump Lady, Here is what would have helped move me forward, something that seems more rare than unicorns themselves: unicorn research. I’d expected that relationship experts would have gobs of years-long, scientifically blessed research on topics that really matter when you’re struggling to figure out what to do, right? Because when you go unicorn […]

Hooker Habit Revealed, Cheater Threatens Suicide

Hello Chump Lady, I have lived with my husband for 8 years now and have been married for only 1.5 years. I recently noted odd behaviors (like always shaving his pubes suddenly), changing his passwords and not being as intimate with me… I decided to do a little digging and found that he was paying […]

Pick Me Dancing for Love

Dearest Chumplady, Can you tackle this self-help notion I’ve been pondering for a while. Does anyone else feel like a lot of self-help books and well-intentioned advice still feels like pick-me dancing? Let me explain. I left a cheater 8 years ago, and rebuilt myself and my life. Moved 3,000 miles with my cats and […]

Redefining Intimacy

Jammy had a stellar comment on yesterday’s UBT post, which I think merits its own discussion today. To wit: For the love of all things holy, can we please as a society redefine what intimacy actually is? Intimacy is buying that first house and then worrying each month how you will make the mortgage. Intimacy […]

UBT: What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity

Oh Modern Love, what-the-everliving-fuck? A bazillion of you sent me Sunday’s New York Time’s ML column — a look at relationships from the point of view of a 49-year-old woman who screws married men. Because… well, you know how it goes after divorce, when you create Tinder profiles for no-strings-attached sex, and lonely, tragically misunderstood, sexless men reply […]

He Left 3 Kids. How Can He Be Happy?

Hello Chump Lady, 10 weeks ago I found out that my husband of 9 years (together 14, 3 kids aged 6,4 and 1) has been having an affair for over a year. The affair partner (now girlfriend?! Vomit) is a mutual friend who knows me and my kids. It started when I was 6 months […]

Interview with Dr. David Ley, ‘The Myth of Sex Addiction’ author

Anyone dealing with a “sex addict”? I thought this interview with Dr. David Ley, the major debunker of sex addiction, was worth a rerun. My advice stands — whatever flavor of fucked up you call it — please get away from it. *** Today we’re speaking with Dr. David Ley, a clinical psychologist and author […]