Recent Posts

Why blame the chump?

Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? Can’t they just admit that cheaters are sick fucks?  Ugh. I loved my ex-husband and he knew it.  I did the whole forgiveness thing and he acted remorseful and ultra […]

Dear Chump Lady, I’m obsessed with the OW

Dear Chump Lady, I know you’ve heard this saga for years. I just read a similar letter from a woman who was angry and jealous at the happiness of her ex and the other woman and the response from you. My situation differs in that my cheating husband did come home, he has changed his […]

How Did You Get Rid of Their Crap?

Leaving a cheater is a massive clean-up effort. (Like Superfund clean up sites, only without the federal financing.) There is the crap the cheater gave you. And then there is the other detritus of cheaters — the crap they leave behind. Their high school year books… their pilled sweaters… their children. Somehow cheaters seem to think […]

Dear Chump Lady, He keeps calling me “Babe”

Dear Chump Lady, I told my husband I want a divorce today and stupidly gave him some criteria about what I’d need him to do to win him back — and he started trying to do them, but already fucked up. I said I needed to meet one of his OW “friends” and we needed […]

“Closure,” Don’t Do It.

“Closure” is just another word for hopium. Put down the crack pipe, chumps. Don’t confuse closure with acceptance. We’re all about the meh here. Acceptance — learning what you control and what you do not — is peaceful and hard won. I’m talking about that insane stage chumps go through where they try to speak […]

Nice vs. Kind

There was an interesting side discussion the other day on Chump Lady about the difference between niceness and kindness. Many people noted that their cheaters appeared to much of the world as “nice people,” but in point of fact, lacked kindness. (Sure, it’s an understatement to say that cheating is unkind.) Now, I don’t want […]

Dear Chump Lady, Am I normal?

Dear Chump Lady, So, D-Day was June 12. I saw a text message from a “Melissa” when she was asleep holding her phone. After reading the message I realized that Melissa was an ex-boyfriend from 15 years ago and her reason for becoming sober. He is married and has a son as well. The texts […]