Recent Posts

How Come I’m Not Over It Yet?

Dear Chump Lady, I feel like I’ve been doing all the “right things” to move on and heal from my soon-to-be narcissistic cheating ex-husband. I’ve gone no contact, I moved out, I practice yoga, read self-help books, attend weekly therapy and surround myself with good friends. However, I don’t feel like I’m far enough along […]

Is Pain a Choice?

Dear Chump Lady As I try to heal in the most graceful way (suppressing my revenge fantasies) this is what I am struggling with… Like many of you, I buy self-help books, read blogs, watch videos. One of the major shifts for me has been on a spiritual level (not religious — more like healing […]

Cheating Husband “Is a Predator”

Dear Chump Lady, I found your site 4 months ago, my husband’s been having affairs for 7 years (that I know of). I was irate about not finding anything online about self-preservation and actually taking care of yourself. Eventually, I googled “leave a cheater”, and Chump Lady was found. It was exactly what I was […]

The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender

There must be a bazillion “How To Tell If He/She’s Cheating” articles on the interwebs. You know, the usual — new cologne, sudden penchant for 9-hour Pilates classes, weird showering habits, furtive texting, requires cavity search to reveal cell phone… But here’s the real clue you’re dealing with a cheater, and it’s not lipstick on […]

Sexy Affair Utterances?

I was pouring through the archives this morning looking for a good rerun today when “Eat Your Pudding” assaulted my eyeballs. Back in 2015, several alert chumps sent me the story about Steve Kroft, the 60 Minutes host having an affair with New York lawyer, Lisan Goines. (As OW names go, this one is Dickensian. […]

UBT: I Only Date Married Men

Several folks sent me the archived Dear Prudence article that ran last week, “Help! I Only Date Married Men. And I Like It.” Which is a peculiar lede. This is a request for validation, not advice. It’s like writing in “Help! I Drown Kittens. And I Enjoy It.” Yes, kitten drowning is generally frowned upon, […]

He Walked Out for OW But Doesn’t Want a Divorce

Dear Chump Lady, My story begins four years ago. My narcissist had an emotional affair with a much younger (30 years..) girl at the local amateur dramatic group. Initially, they were just ‘drawn to one another’ after acting together in a play. He started flossing, shaving, taking his phone to the bathroom and changing his […]

Why Does Everyone Want Me to Be Friends with My Ex?

Dear Chump Lady, What is up with the world asking me to be friends or friendly to Cheater Ex-Husband (XH)?! I am two years out from D-Day and 18 months out from divorce after a 23 year relationship (12 married), and it seems like there are all sorts of periphery people who seem to think […]