Recent Posts

Dear Chump Lady, He’s dating a mom at our kid’s school

Dear Chump Lady, I was cheated on by my husband and father of young children after 16 years together, left absolutely shattered. I played the pick me dance and I think he got off on it, until eventually I played the fuck off song. I am getting better and better at practising meh or at […]

Dear Chump Lady, Why does my pink hair make me feel better?

Dear Chump Lady Here is a silly question. I have been through years of hell. In short, like most people here, my husband of thirty years cheated with a woman at his office 30 years younger then him. I went through all the usual crap including forgiveness, starting again, listening to him gaslighting, blaming myself, […]

Get the F*ck Out Now

Hi Chump Lady! As a diagnosed “Perfectionist”, I have been traumatized over and over by the Reconciliation Industrial Complex gospel so awfully prevalent in society. Such a relief to find your site… I feel like I’m remembering who I am when I read you. Thank you. I knew there was something “off”, decided I was […]

Best No Contact Strategies

Anyone wobbly on Trust That They Suck? Today’s fun Friday challenge is to tell CN your best no contact strategies. Oh, I know it’s simple to delete a phone number or unfriend someone on social media — I’m talking about the mental discipline that keeps your itchy trigger finger from hitting “send” on that 14-page, […]

Pain Shopping, Anyone?

A chump wrote to ask me what I thought about “pain shopping.” I had no idea what it was. So I asked her, “What’s pain shopping?” She wrote back, “Like when I ask my husband about his affair.” Oh. So I googled. Apparently, in unicorn circles, “pain shopping” is that chump habit of hyper-vigilance, you […]

Dear Chump Lady, He shoveled my snow, so he cares?

Dear Chump Lady, Situation:  I had a feeling that my husband of 8 years messed around with my best friend on New Year’s.  I was smart and didn’t confront him. Instead, I gathered info, texts, found a timeline of events that didn’t make sense, and last found “remnants” of her “juices” on the front of […]

“Do Cheaters All Work from the Same Script?”

Dear Chump Lady, After faithfully reading this blog and thinking about all that we have been through I still have questions. 1. How did all of these cheaters from all over the world basically learn the same script? I read everyone’s posts and I keep hearing the same dialogue that I had with my ex. […]

Dear Chump Lady, I’d divorce her, but she wants that

Dear Chump Lady: I’ve read your advice and I want to divorce her. But that’s what she wants and she is manipulating me into being the one to do it. We’ve been separated for 6 months with essentially No Contact and I’m fairly certain she is committed to Smoochy Poo. The RIC has convinced me […]