Recent Posts

I Am a Rock. I Am an Island.

Apologies to Simon and Garfunkel. Every time I read on here that someone has gone “grey rock” on a narcissist, I start humming the “I Am a Rock” song. I’ve built walls A fortress deep and mighty That none may penetrate I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain It’s laughter and it’s loving […]

Dear Chump Lady, Did she leave because I’m not good enough?

Dear Chump Lady, Here I am, devastated again, and looking for insight and, well, quite frankly, a firm wake up. I married my dream girl 8 years ago and was married for a short year. I noticed her distancing and withdrawing from me during that time. As a last resort (after repeatedly asking if something […]

Dear Chump Lady, Do you believe in affair fog?

Dear Chump Lady, My husband had drunk sex with a woman who works for him when our little boy was 9 months old and we had been married for just a couple of years. He was remorseful (well he cried a bit and said sorry and, hey, at least he told me — yeah right, […]

Dear Chump Lady, My heart hasn’t caught up to my divorce

Hi Chump Lady, I’m 37. I was married to my ex for 6 years, and dated her for a total of 10 years. D day #1 was 2 years ago, when she moved out to “work on herself” and then proceed to see her ex-boyfriend multiple times behind my back. She claimed that they never got […]

Dear Chump Lady, My mother doesn’t support my divorce

Hi Chump Lady, I am writing this letter after another deflating conversation with my mother in which she takes what small victories I can muster (today I put a deposit down on an apartment for myself and my 16 month old daughter) as I approach my divorce and crushes them, most likely unintentionally, but it […]

Nice versus Kind

There was an interesting side discussion the other day on Chump Lady about the difference between niceness and kindness. Many people noted that their cheaters appeared to much of the world as “nice people,” but in point of fact, lacked kindness. (Sure, it’s an understatement to say that cheating is unkind.) Now, I don’t want […]

UBT: There Is No Right or Wrong in the World

Dear Chump Lady, I am well on my way to meh after divorcing and dealing with texbook cheater speak for the last 5 years. The other day though, cheater spoke to our teens telling them out front that there is no right or wrong in the world. It’s just their perceptions. Now, most of what […]

What Lessons Did You Learn From Cheating?

So, I was going to decode the other part of the inexorable piece of crap “12 Lessons I Learned from Cheating” by Parker Barrett today. But I decided to spare you. Spoiler alert — it’s not what she did, it’s your reaction (judgement) that’s the problem. Which pretty much sums up any dealings with disordered fuckwits — don’t […]