Recent Posts

The Fear They’re Going to Be Better for Somebody Else

I get the same letter here at Chump Lady over and over again. It goes like this: I know he’s a liar and a cheat. He did 14,357 unspeakable things (all described). I can’t let go because I know if I do, he’s going to change and be different for the other woman! And after […]

Dear Chump Lady, Why does he get to look like a Good Person?

Dear Chump Lady, I didn’t think Valentine’s Day would bother me as much as it did. I was married for 18 years, with my husband for 25. I supported him through medical school and 7 years of a surgical residency by working full-time and raising 2 kids. He had an affair 3 years ago with […]

Dear Chump Lady, What’s in the minds of OW?

Dear Chump Lady, You have done such a wonderful job describing the cheater. Can you please give me insight into the mind of the other woman? It boggles my mind how a woman, who has kids of her own, can get involved with a married man with three kids? And when the affair was discovered […]

And the Infidelity Valentine’s Day Winners Are…

Happy Valentine’s Day, CN! You all made choosing a winner VERY difficult. Hundreds of Infidelity Valentine’s Day submissions! I need a literary editor… or a committee or something. Thanks everyone for playing! The next round of brain bleach is on me! Now to business… I’ve listed the runner’s up first… and then the winners, first […]

A Valentine’s Day Reset

Dear Chump Lady and CN, Two years ago on Valentine’s Day (which also happens to be my birthday) I discovered my husband was carrying on an affair with his co-worker that he had eight months prior assured me he had completely ended. At this point I was already reduced to 85 pounds, on anti-depressants, and […]

Dead Cheaters and Terrible Discoveries

There’s a subset of chumps — those whose D-Days come after their cheaters’ deaths. The bastards take it to the grave… and the grave gives it back. Who is there to guard the cellphone now? Or the financial accounts? Chumps going about the terrible work of informing loved ones of a death, unwittingly discover horrors […]

Check Your Bills for Boob Jobs and Other Great Advice

Dear Chump Lady, I found your website after all the drama and trauma of my divorce was wrapping up. Your advice and the stories of all my fellow chumps has still been quite helpful especially in shedding all the doubts, second guessing and self blame that seems universal with us chumps. I thought this might […]

I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You

“I love you but I’m not in love with you” (ILYBINILWY) is classic cheater-speak. Chumps misunderstand this statement as a definitive goodbye — “Toodles! I’m leaving for my fuckbuddy!” — when really it’s more subtle than that. It’s impression management and an invitation to do the pick me dance. Lyn asked: I was just curious about […]