Recent Posts

The “I Fail to Understand Your Hostility” Mindfuck

There is no mindfuck like the I Fail to Understand Your Hostility mindfuck. As mindfucks go, it’s Jedi-level mindfuckery. Oh sure your lesser manipulator can sputter some pathetic lies, or shrug and play dumb. The IFTUYH mindfucker, however, is one cool customer. Zero adaptive anxiety. Your inchoate rage just bounces off their wall of smug. This crazy […]

When You’re the Parent in the Relationship

One common thread I see running through a lot of stories here is that the chump is takes a parental role in the relationship. Gah! This person won’t pay the bills/watch the children/work a job and I must do this and then they resent me for it! Totally maddening. I was completely guilty of being […]

Biggest Empowerment Jolt after D-Day?

The early days after discovery are traumatic. Very few chumps do mightiness upon discovering their partner’s treachery. More likely, chumps are draped over furniture weeping, or puking their guts out, or doing 3 a.m. Amazon searches for the magic reconciliation resource. (I hear powdered unicorn horn is one of the ingredients…) There’s also shrieking, demanding explanations, and […]

Dear Chump Lady, My husband wants an open marriage

 Dear Chump Lady, You’ve written cogently about the way cheaters employ a double standard rather than asking for open marriage.  So I’d like your take on my sitch. After three decades of tacit monogamy, my husband asked for open marriage, pretending to be all honest and transparent and progressive, and was angered by my conventionality […]

The Cheater Was Going to Stop… Really

Following up from Monday’s “Ignorance Is Bliss” post, I’d like to throw a bucket of cold water on another cheating fallacy — that it’s okay to keep the cheater’s secrets because he/she was going to end the affair on their own and Never Cheat Again. Let’s take that at face value. The chump is in the […]

Got Anger?

You low corrosive lump of fecal horror, you maniac bastardly turd! I would rather drink stale urine from Norman Fowler’s arse-pit than remain one moment more in your defiling company. You’re filth, you’re cack, you’re the ooze of… a burst boil. I abominate you, you cowering mound of corrupted slime. Your every utterance is like […]

The Fallacy of Blissful Ignorance

If you’ve ever had the misfortune of being chumped, you know that ignorance is not bliss. Being kept in the dark about sexual (and most likely financial) betrayal is not happiness. It’s not business as usual. It’s not peaceful. Ignorance is gaslighting and STDs. Ignorance is mindfuckery and self-loathing. Ignorance is lost opportunity and theft. The […]