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The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender

January 14, 2021 by Chump Lady

gaslighting

There must be a bazillion “How To Tell If He/She’s Cheating” articles on the interwebs. You know, the usual — new cologne, sudden penchant for 9-hour Pilates classes, weird showering habits, furtive texting, requires cavity search to reveal cell phone… But here’s the real clue you’re dealing with a cheater, and it’s not lipstick on […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cheaters Decoded, Deception, Gaslighting Tagged With: DARVO, Gaslighting, manipulation

UBT: “Don’t Define Me”

December 24, 2020 by Chump Lady

Mindfuck blender

Dear Chump Lady, I ran off a list to my cheating fiancé about why I didn’t think he respected women and I included him cheating on me and leading the OW on and this is what he responded with. I shit you not. Now remember this is after I agreed to emotionally support him through […]

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: manipulation, Universal Bullshit Translator

‘I Fail to Understand Your Hostility’

October 7, 2020 by Chump Lady

There is no mindfuck like the I Fail to Understand Your Hostility mindfuck. As mindfucks go, it’s Jedi-level mindfuckery. Oh sure your lesser manipulator can sputter some pathetic lies, or shrug and play dumb. The IFTUYH mindfucker, however, is one cool customer. Zero adaptive anxiety. Your inchoate rage just bounces off their wall of smug. This crazy […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cheater Tactics, Gaslighting Tagged With: Gaslighting, manipulation

The Pretzel Logic of the 180

August 6, 2020 by Chump Lady

If you’ve spent any time reading the reconciliation literature, you’ll notice a lot of reference to the “180.” She won’t stop seeing her affair partner? “Do the 180!” He still works with his ho-worker? “Do the 180!” What is this powerful 180? It was a concept developed by Michelle Weiner-Davis of “Divorce Busters.” The 180 […]

Filed Under: Quacks, Reconciliation, Trust that they suck Tagged With: 180, Divorce Busters, manipulation, Michelle Weiner-Davis, reconciliation

He Cheated on Her Daughter. She Spackled.

June 24, 2020 by Chump Lady

Serial cheater

Dear Chump Lady, I thought I was going crazy until I read your site about how cheaters think and how much they will lie and manipulate to maintain cake. I have an interesting twist on the cheating story that shows you how much of a chump I am! I am the mom of a daughter […]

Filed Under: Dating, Sociopathy, Spackle Tagged With: abusive boyfriend, manipulation, sociopath

Do Cheaters All Work from the Same Script?

June 3, 2020 by Chump Lady

  Dear Chump Lady, After faithfully reading this blog and thinking about all that we have been through I still have questions. 1.) How did all of these cheaters from all over the world basically learn the same script? I read everyone’s posts and I keep hearing the same dialogue that I had with my […]

Filed Under: Cheaters Decoded Tagged With: manipulation

‘He Returned and Acts Like Nothing Happened’

December 2, 2019 by Chump Lady

He’s a serial cheater and he won’t leave the home. Now he’s trying to pretend like nothing happened.

Filed Under: Gaslighting, Limbo Tagged With: Abusers, charm, Limbo, manipulation, rage, Self-pity, three channels

UBT: “You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat”

May 30, 2019 by Chump Lady

Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. Yet every now and then chumps get this particular bit of mindfuckery from the self-pity channel: “I cheated because I was insecure and needed a distraction. I suffer from low self-esteem […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Cheater, manipulation

Dear Chump Lady, Am I just a chump stereotype?

May 16, 2019 by Chump Lady

jennifers

Dear Chump Lady, When I found your book I had been one of the suckers that was searching the RIC sites for answers. I had no clue that someone like you existed and those sites were all I could find with my limited computer skills. Needless to say your site is my go-to place now, […]

Filed Under: Ask Chump Lady, Gaslighting, Trust that they suck Tagged With: manipulation, stereotype

The Unified Theory of Cake

April 19, 2012 by Chump Lady

cake

Cake eating is the preferred Nirvanic state of the unrepentant cheater. It’s the situation in which the cheater has the affair partner (AP) and the spouse. (“Having your cake and eating it too.”) In fact, cake is a preferred lifestyle for many. Ideally, the spouse is unaware of the AP, because that means the cheater […]

Filed Under: Best of Cheaters Decoded, Cake Eating, Cheater Tactics, Cheaters Decoded Tagged With: cake eating, emotional abuse, indecision, manipulation

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