There is no mindfuck like the I Fail to Understand Your Hostility mindfuck. As mindfucks go, it’s Jedi-level mindfuckery. Oh sure your lesser manipulator can sputter some pathetic lies, or shrug and play dumb. The IFTUYH mindfucker, however, is one cool customer. Zero adaptive anxiety. Your inchoate rage just bounces off their wall of smug. This crazy […]
The Pretzel Logic of the 180
If you’ve spent any time reading the reconciliation literature, you’ll notice a lot of reference to the “180.” She won’t stop seeing her affair partner? “Do the 180!” He still works with his ho-worker? “Do the 180!” What is this powerful 180? It was a concept developed by Michelle Weiner-Davis of “Divorce Busters.” The 180 […]
He Cheated on Her Daughter. She Spackled.
Dear Chump Lady, I thought I was going crazy until I read your site about how cheaters think and how much they will lie and manipulate to maintain cake. I have an interesting twist on the cheating story that shows you how much of a chump I am! I am the mom of a daughter […]
Do Cheaters All Work from the Same Script?
Dear Chump Lady, After faithfully reading this blog and thinking about all that we have been through I still have questions. 1.) How did all of these cheaters from all over the world basically learn the same script? I read everyone’s posts and I keep hearing the same dialogue that I had with my […]
‘He Returned and Acts Like Nothing Happened’
He’s a serial cheater and he won’t leave the home. Now he’s trying to pretend like nothing happened.
UBT: “You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat”
Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. Yet every now and then chumps get this particular bit of mindfuckery from the self-pity channel: “I cheated because I was insecure and needed a distraction. I suffer from low self-esteem […]
Dear Chump Lady, Am I just a chump stereotype?
Dear Chump Lady, When I found your book I had been one of the suckers that was searching the RIC sites for answers. I had no clue that someone like you existed and those sites were all I could find with my limited computer skills. Needless to say your site is my go-to place now, […]
The Unified Theory of Cake
Cake eating is the preferred Nirvanic state of the unrepentant cheater. It’s the situation in which the cheater has the affair partner (AP) and the spouse. (“Having your cake and eating it too.”) In fact, cake is a preferred lifestyle for many. Ideally, the spouse is unaware of the AP, because that means the cheater […]
