It’s the start of the weekend, so maybe I’m getting giddy or something, but I got the idea for a curse contest from a Facebook post my SIL had on “book curses.” Since ancient times, there were curses for people who didn’t return library books. According to the Wiki page,
One example of a book curse in the Benedictine nuns monastery of Sant Pere de les Puel·les in Barcelona reads as follows:
For him that stealeth, or borroweth and returneth not, this book from its owner, let it change into a serpent in his hand and rend him. Let him be struck with palsy, and all his members blasted. Let him languish in pain crying out for mercy, & let there be no surcease to his agony till he sink in dissolution. Let bookworms gnaw his entrails … when at last he goeth to his final punishment, let the flames of Hell consume him forever.
Which got me to thinking — if there can be curses for overdue library books, how about cheating spouses? (Although unlike an overdue library book, you don’t want a cheater returned to you.)
Humor leads to “meh” chumps, I swear! So, you’ve got until September 27 (next Friday) to post your submissions in the comment section here. Best curse gets a “meh” mug. (And if you already have a meh mug, you can choose some other cartoon.)
Need inspiration? Check out this site on Yiddish curses — these people know from curses! I like:
A hundred houses shall he have, in every house a hundred rooms and in every room twenty beds, and a delirious fever should drive him from bed to bed.
God should bestow him with everything his heart desires, but he should be a quadriplegic and not be able to use his tongue.
They should free a madman, and lock him up.
I came up with some of my own curses too.
“May the crazy of a thousand bipolar mistresses be visited upon your doorstep, when you countenance their wrath, naked, with all the neighbors watching.”
“May the Child Support Enforcement Office of the Commonwealth of Virginia torment him with bureaucracy and unintelligible customer service, may they destroy his name and credit history.”
“Your breasts shall wither, your skin sag, and the consort Jason shall answer you ‘Yes, your ass looks fat in those jeans.'”