Did anyone see the New York Times video tidbit this week in “Vows” — a column of people’s How We Met Stories called “An Imperfect Beginning“? HuffPo also ran it with the title “I Fell For My Husband When He Was Still a Married Man.”
Fittingly enough, the couple met at a toxic oil spill.
I guess that passes for romance these days. A single woman, a married man, a petroleum disaster… My parents met as college students on the Wabash Cannonball playing bridge. Isn’t that quaint and ridiculous? No one was married. No one had complicated obstacles to their happiness, like two kids and a clueless spouse. It was still societally acceptable in the 1960s to get married and stop dating. Of course, I’m sure some people still did fuck around on the side, but they didn’t publish their indiscretions in the New York Times “Vows” pages and pass it off as “imperfect” sophistication.
Imperfect. As if destroying two children’s home life and playing some nameless woman for a fool was a crime of imprecision. Not quite perfect. Missing the mark a bit, oh well! Who but the most judgmental expects PERFECTION?
“People have baggage, people have past relationships,” said Rebekah Gordon.
As if the existing wife was an inconvenient duffle bag. Here’s the thing with cheating, Rebekah — if he’s married, she’s in his PRESENT. Oh, but now all that is in the “past” so it’s a past relationship? Who can fault you? Heck, none of us are virgins. We all have pasts! Nicely played mindfuck there.
What’s weird to me is how Gordon appropriates all the language of chumpdom — of being hard done by, but plucky and triumphing over adversity. She wants us to know she is authentic. “Being complicated makes us ‘real’.” The relationship is worth fighting for. There is a third person in our marriage.
“That third person is Vince’s kids and his marriage and dealing with the pieces of that that are still with us and will be with us,” she says. “[But] being able to move forward as a family unit is worth fighting for.”
No, you amoral wing nut — the “third person” in this relationship was YOU. Vince Taylor, the dim-witted wood worker, seems square jawed and oddly silent on the issue of his kids. Hey, he was crazy about the OW, everyone will have to adjust. Imperfection happens!
Imperfect. Not immoral. Who are we to expect perfection? Love is messy and complicated, but it’s worth “fighting for.”
I dunno. That’s like saying you love waterfowl, so you dump a tanker full of oil into the ocean, and then take winsome photos of yourself scrubbing petroleum sludge off of half-dead ducks. Sludge you poured into their environment. Happy nuptials Mr. and Mrs. Sludge.
His poor wife. They should interview her as well. Maybe the kids too. See if everyone think it was “worth it.”
it is only worth it to fight for THEIR love, and his kids. it wasnt worth him to fight for his marriage and his family he created with his childrens mother.
reminds me of what my asswipe told me a few weeks ago. “I left you, i did not leave my kids.” WTF does that even mean. he is not here every day, he is not raising the boys every day, being part of their lives daily, i just dont get it.
why do they fight for the woman who tore their family apart. why do they think SHE is super wonderful. and why do they not fight for the woman they promised to love, honor and be faithful too. the woman who has gave them children, a home and so much of her life to him.
Yes, I got told that too. See, we are superfluous to ‘family’.
My ex likes to chant that line but it’s just more fuckery. First, I kicked him – he wasn’t going anywhere. Second, he barely saw the kids for months and the whole focus of seeing the kids was to get them to accept final OW once it was clear I was going to divorce him. To this day the kids feel abandoned because he has made it incredibly clear that his life, his needs, his wants are always going to be first.
WOW!!!! People’s ability to be unspeakably, purposely, calculatedly and viciously cruel never ceases to amaze me! I really don’t know how you keep from killing someone who says “I left YOU, not my children.” I guess because you love your kids and you are the only real parent they have. :-/ Reading this blog makes me feel less alone, (misery loves company I guess.) But it makes me feel so sad to see the deep, dark…I don’t know – there are no words for it – sociopathy? that appears to be rampant. I am painfully lonely, but the thought of having this done to me again is equally unbearable.
well, in my case, it wasnt really him that said it, it was the chewbacca he is living with. although i know he was sitting right next to her while she said it. she is very unhappy because i just dont think my children need to accept or be around the home wrecker that destroyed MY family and limited his visits to my house by himself, she is not invited nor are my children allowed to go to their house. she just loves to throw it in my face that he doesnt want me anymore and he is hers.
she is not worth my time or going to jail for to kill or even beat down. she really is nothing. if it wasnt her it would have been someone else. obliviously she is scared and insecure in her relationship with him, she wont even give him 10 minutes alone at the park with my boys. she was so upset she had to blow up his phone and tell him he NEEDS to tell me he doesnt need to be supervised when he has visitations. now she is not giving him a minute to spare out of her site. he cant talk to me, he cant look at me. if we are in the same area. it actually is funny as hell being as he hated when i would track him down the nights he didnt come home. she didnt even leave him alone when the boys did go visit with him. always throwing herself at him in front of the boys and interrupting when he was talking to them. pathetic that he lets her
but you know, she RESPECTS him so much.
You know what my kids said to that one? “Fuck you old man!”
But as long as they are happy together, that’s all that matters. The kids are resilient; they will adjust. Sure it hurts the spouse and children now but it will be better in the future. They call all be friends too. /sarcasm
Jesus, CHUMP DAD! EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY! Don’t you know that?
And you know what they say, kids are so much better off if their parents are happy….
So you should definitely do whatever you want in that spirit. Look around you–it’s a really excellent parenting strategy, don’t you know. Do whatever makes you happy right at that moment, and then the kids will recover, because they are resilient. And, besides–the husband and wife have nothing in common. Also, happy. Remember that: happy. His happiness–everyone should be happy for him. And the OW, because she is great. So happy.
(So worth. Fighters!)
So lets all do the happy dance!
yeah, it seems like that word “resilient” gets tossed around a lot.
and happy. lots of happy.
nobody talks to the former Mrs. Toxic Duck Cleaner, though.
Maybe we can get her together with the duck shooting and cooking guy? Wonder if he’s SINGLE?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Brilliant!
Most people are quite resilient. People survive all sorts of horrors and go on to live happy and productive lives.
What their probable resilience doesn’t do, however, is negate harm or trauma done to them or make those actions any less harmful, and it’s actions that tell us a lot about each others’ character (words being an unreliable indicator).
To me, when somebody downplays actions that are harmful by playing up the “resilience” of those affected, I read that as “I don’t give much of a shit about others. It’s me that’s important here”.
Very well put, TimeHeals.
i agree!! how is it that nobody else seems to see that? they are so fake.
i can see right thru my XH wonderful married girlfriend. she is so fake. her actions and words never match up. she constantly contradicts herself. she loves my kids so much, she cares and respects everyone, she only wants the best for the kids, but then when i text him to come talk to the 12 year old who is acting out at school. i get a “HE IS MINE!!! YOU AND HIM ARE DIVORCED!!’ wtf does that have to do with him talking to his son? i try to schedule visitations and she is not invited and get “HE IS MINE!!! YOU DONT HAVE TO WATCH HIS EVERY MOVE”
XH girlfriend is crazy. she doesnt care for him, or his kids. she says she does but she really dont. she is not a good person, she says she is but she is not.
and how is it that my XH cant see that for himself.
Because he’s the same Mrsvain. The real question is what took us so long to see them for what they were? You are lucky to be rid of him, they sound very well matched!
This story is just the newlyweds way of announcing to the world the start of the marriage without the uneasy explanation to friends and family. You don’t need outside validation if you are truly happy. At this point being married for only a week, they have yet to experience normalcy. They are still high off of the endorphins from cheating, divorce, and a shiny new wedding.
Now that the ex is out of the picture there is no more “you and me against the world.” Even the newly wed phase will be a let down from the previous drama filled divorce. Once the daily grind sets in I expect this couple to crash and burn equally as fast. Hopefully the ex isn’t involved and allow these to the full uninterrupted pleasures of their true love, kids, bills, and other eco disasters in which to engage in other tryst. Just a couple of average ordinary cheaters.
The NYT needs to drop the sappy music, cause no one buys it. Interview them in a few years if they are still together after the boys hit puberty or she has a belly full of baby and hubby is gone for a month. The roses still have their bloom a week out.
YES.
so wasnt he EVER happy with his first wife? you know the mother of his children? did he not feel some kind of connection with her? i mean he had to have felt something since he married her and connected enough with her to produce children.
oh, but the feeling changed. he just wasnt happy with her while he was a sea and she was home holding down the hatches and keeping everything going by herself. they lost that spark? oh wait, i know the mother of his children GOT BORING because handling the kids, the house, the bills, the responsibilities is just one big super party. he doesnt understand how she could be, you know, stressed, tired, not feeling like staying up all night anymore.
his XW didnt have time to sit and watch him with admiration while he played with his wood. because she was too busy doing everything else to keep his house and kids happy.
what a POS!! do they honestly believe this bullshit?
That’s just dreadful – what a cow. I can’t stand people who have that “love is most important of all” mentality. Whatever happened to respect and honour – aren’t they important? Sounds to me like she wants the wife ti disappear so she can completely take over that role in the “family unit”.
What a disgusting pair of self-serving, selfish narcissists. That video makes me feel sick.
It made me sick, too. I can’t fathom why the two of them would think that sounds normal to normal people. There are no words.
I agree. These people, and the writer who thought this was a story for a formerly “great” newspaper (even in the Vows section) should be ashamed. But not of them are.
Correction: *My* love is most important to all.
like my XH chewbacca told me
“they are a couple now and we just have to accept that”
after all, they love each other and every one just has to deal with it because you know “when 2 people are happy together, leave them the f*ck alone”
funny how they themselves do not accept that he was a couple and married at the time they started f*cking and did not respect that he was happy with his wife until she came along and poisoned his mind.
huh, guess it is just me right?
gross, gross, gross.
Yeah, they should run a video of the wife talking about how she and hubby fell in love and made those funny things called vows.
I really don’t see how anyone can call it an imperfect beginning with a straight face.
I can’t wait until he cheats on HER. I hope when it happens, her cheating heart fucking explodes and she drops dead on the spot. But it’ll be okay…. because being a “family unit” made it all worth while.
I wouldn’t want her to drop dead…far better for her to live the pain, reap what she has sown, and take a nice long ride on the karma bus.
…and lest we forget the “him” in all this, I’m sure a flesh eating disease of the penis might be in order. Can you tell this really bothers me?
And it will happen.
After all, she married a man who’ll cheat on his wife.
The strange thing is, people like Tori Spelling seem to think that they’ve been unfairly treated because with them, it was love and soul mates…
That is because people like Tori are not very bright. They cannot connect the dots. I am serious, if you spend any time with people like this, you can really tell that they are very low on candlepower.
Omg how did that even make a video , like a wife and kids are nothing more than an obstacle in the way of true love. What is wrong with society ?
“like a wife and kids are nothing more than an obstacle in the way of true love. What is wrong with society ?”
Exactly. And they make him out like the divorce was just oh so hard on HIM. Poor him, HE couldn’t get out of bed somedays if it weren’t for Rebekah… did you ever even stop once buddy to think of what your WIFE is going through???! I really hope his EW finds this site, she’ll be in good company here. We already know her cheating spouse said the same old lies everyone here has heard.
Yeah, and the people on the site are “bitter” and “negative” because we see this story and think of the betrayed wife (now humiliated in a major newspaper) and the poor kids whose family got blown up.
Ouch, I hadn’t thought of this at first, but someday the kids will see this video. Doubt they will appreciate it.
I think the thing that galls me the most about this disgusting story is the anonymous idiots that are coming to this couple’s defense. I get especially annoyed when I read about how we don’t know what the ex-wife was like or what their relationship was like.
That sums up the problem with infidelity in a nutshell. People are so desperate to believe that this can’t possibly happen to them; that they need to assign blame to the betrayed spouse. I am ashamed to admit I probably thought the same way until it happened to me.
There is no excuse EVER to cheat. As a society we used to believe that. What the hell happened?
It speaks volumes about these two that they went public with this. Not even smart enough or with enough common sense to realize how they will come off.
Saw this with Weiner and Mark Sanford, as well. Edwards, too, and that nutcase he was involved with.
At least scumbags like Petraeus and that a-hole he was boning slunk off.
So… “imperfect” is the new word for: “dishonest”
Right. Carry on.
Haha! Laughing my ass off! (Um, I wish?) YES, let’s call it what it is. A DISHONEST beginning.
This is the exact sort of person for whom the word fuckwit was expressly created.
I second that!!
“Worth fighting for” got to me. What was the fighting? My guess is she is referring to the divorce. No doubt they did their damnedest to bankrupt his wife. These two probably had no desire to AT LEAST be compassionate during the divorce.
The whole thing was sickening. What says me is that these people have no shame. They do the newspaper articles (remember that NY couple a few years back?) and the videos. They think it’s a love story! Not a cheating story. These mate poaching women see themselves as savior wives, special in every way.
I can’t imagine being at their wedding and hearing this man take a vow of fidelity. I’d bust out laughing! Who could actually respect these people enough to appreciate their wedding? What must her parents think? I’d be SICK if she were my daughter.
These people never cease to amaze me with their narcissism.
I wonder how that NY couple is doing these days…
You can read about that couple, Carol Anne Riddell and John Partilla, here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/fashion/weddings/19vows.html
Well, aren’t they special!!! A love worth fighting for…and children worth fighting for! What a load of crap! Just think…If he’d only put forth the fight and energy into his marriage & family by honoring his vows AND his childrens mother; the kids and wifey would have never ever known just how very “special” they are! (with bitter sarcasm!)
Apparently his secetary was the one worth fighting for. I am . Swallowed by envy and jealously and anger that he gets to fuck whomever he wants and has no worries or responsibility. I have to have morals, be old fashion, actually want to set a good example for my kids. What do I get for it.. Lonely nights, spit on by my ex, blamed for his affair, debt, embarrassment, humiliation, worry for my kids, worry to pay bills, worry to know the difference between a lug nut and a wing nut, But as long as there happy , which according to her he’s the best thing that ever happened to her.
I would luv to know what they say when people ask her how they met. ” oh he was my boss married 20 years 3 kids. But he abondaned them for me, if that’s not true love I don’t know what is “. And HiS response ” oh. My kids loved my wife more than me, I was just a paycheck, I needed a break, so I moved in with my secetary amd decided she was more important. Now we are both late 40 s n kids, no worries, life is good. “.
“What do I get for it.. Lonely nights, spit on by my ex, blamed for his affair, debt, embarrassment, humiliation, worry for my kids, worry to pay bills, worry to know the difference between a lug nut and a wing nut, But as long as there happy , which according to her he’s the best thing that ever happened to her. ”
Oh magicrain…that is exactly what I feel. Look at the crap heaped on us..but yep, as long as they are happy with their new love, all is well. Every single thing you mentioned just nails my feelings!!
You win! You “have to have morals, be old fashion, actually want to set a good example for my kids.” It’s tough and I hear you, but you get the important best bits, you win.
Ex fuck wad at 50 gets some little UGLY turd of a girl pregnant and I couldn’t say anything against her because I was being disrespectful to the love of his life. He abandoned his kids and as a result, when he recently emailed them to ask why they wouldn’t talk to him, they told to get lost by not answering him. They can’t stop him contacting them I guess, but they have chosen No Contact! The only child support he pays is the school fees. I can afford to support my kids and do the best I can but i can’t afford the school fees on top of everything else. So he has stopped paying the school fees now. This will mean we will have to struggle financially and i don’t know if we can do it. But when I think of him telling me how I’m jealous because at least he’s got someone it makes my blood boil. I’ll have no one AND no life, no dreams, nothing. But how I wish I could tell him to fuck off with his stupid games.
I aim to sue! Little slimy, sleazy bastard is going to pay!
Apparently his secetary was the one worth fighting for. I am . Swallowed by envy and jealously and anger that he gets to fuck whomever he wants and has no worries or responsibility. I have to have morals, be old fashion, actually want to set a good example for my kids. What do I get for it.. Lonely nights, spit on by my ex, blamed for his affair, debt, embarrassment, humiliation, worry for my kids, worry to pay bills, worry to know the difference between a lug nut and a wing nut, But as long as there happy , which according to her he’s the best thing that ever happened to her.
I would luv to know what they say when people ask her how they met. ” oh he was my boss married 20 years 3 kids. But he abondaned them for me, if that’s not true love I don’t know what is “. And HiS response ” oh. My kids loved my wife more than me, I was just a paycheck, I needed a break, so I moved in with my secetary amd decided she was more important. Now we are both late 40 s n kids, no worries, life is good. “.
A lot of people don’t care. Look at the comments section on Huff Po. SO many are defending the two assholes featured in the video article. You know, that it’s ok to end a marriage and rock your kids’ world just because you met someone you like better for now.
Eh, what can you do. Steer clear of empty heads like that.
I can say that the exact same behavior from a once-friend, and all our mutual friends who are soooo happy for the new couple (including the chumpy ex wife who is now FB friends with my once-friend) has really alienated me from that whole group. Maybe in a couple years when that new marriage goes sour I’ll come back. Or not. I’m just appalled by the behavior and the encouragement. I certainly do not like the prick who left his wife, causing economic stress, and stress for his kids who are constantly being photographed by my once-friend so all the world can see how great their new life is. I feel sorry for them. That whole romance, and the new house, new puppy, honeymoon in Hawaii, and all the time my ex-friend gets to spend with another woman’s kids? Absolutely sickening. “Hey, I get to be with your kids and husband, and post pictures of the faaaabulous time we’re all having without you! But don’t be bitter!” Ugh. And the ensuing “thumbs up!” from all our mutual friends!?
Ex-friend says it’s all ok, because she told him she wouldn’t sleep with him until he moved out of the family home. Such standards.
GAH!
bitch cookie, there, for ex-friend….
Sometimes I think people who won’t sleep together until someone moves out are the worst. They’re basically saying, I want to break up the marriage. Also, they probably have more luck doing it.
Such weird body language those two have.
Maybe one day he’ll catch an appendage in that table saw.
Don’t you think it’s weird that when one of the kids needed help, he didn’t stand up, but she did? He’s a self-centered prick. One day he’s going to get all butt-hurt that she’s not worshiping his wood, and he’ll walk out or visit Craig’s List. He’s a young guy. And so strange.
They are really weird.
Yes, the body language is… off.
I agree! I noticed that right away…really weird body language!
This couple makes me sick…to think their emotional affair was just a “friendship?” True friendships don’t have you leave your wife and kids for a ugly cow!!
Well, all I can hope for is that the statistics are right…most marriages after infidelity end up in divorce…can’t happen soon enough for these losers!
I got a different sense from what happened when the child needed help.
I think they both made tentative, half-hearted moves to rise, but they both decided it would look better for the camera if she went.
CL, gosh are we all on the same page or what?!? And Carol I do remember that other story. that particular couple stunk and the guy there really fucked over his wife. But perhaps the ex will one day thank that OW for taking that POS off her hands. NYTimes must have a morality issue here…who believes IT’S TRUE LOVE, or are we dumbing down our audience, see reader’s are drawn to train wrecks and freaks are normal! Don’t we all want to fuck someone else’s spouse? Hey maybe they can star in the next big reality show! Leann and her fuckbuddy still on? It made me sick to my stomach and it pissed a lot of people off. But NYTimes is not above being a prostitute. Yes, their marriage is Sparkly Sparkly. Wonder how it felt saying those vows? Cheaters, if you are going to fuck around, why marry? Oh right. Vacancy. Disordered. And CAKE.
In that other NY situation, the ex-husband made a public statement and called her out on her “revisionist version” of their marriage. It was BRILLIANT. He will always be my hero. I’m sure he’s made peace with it all because, truly, that ex-wife of his and the dude she married are two of the biggest narcissists ever. They belong together and it’s no wonder they hooked up. Of course, it takes narcissists to participate in sharing this sort of story in such a public way and to frame it as a positive story. Only narcissists would fail to see that it is all so very wrong.
I saw that and read the one sentence blurb or whatever and felt sure it must have been a story that involved infidelity, so I avoided it. Ick. Really disappointing that’s considered romance and mention of the truth is avoided…
Watching that video made me sad. Her saying this “That third person is Vince’s kids and his marriage and dealing with the pieces of that that are still with us and will be with us,” she says. >>>> I could almost detect the inconvenience in her of having Vince’s children around THEIR DAD. Oh what a burden for her. Those children are probably hoping and praying that dad would spend time with them without the third wheel around. I however get the impression that doesn’t happen much as she probably controls the situation, and narrative because she wouldn’t want them to say anything bad about her. He seems like he is incapable of making a decision without Rebekah being around. I could be wrong, or maybe I am projecting my own anger onto this. My children are in this situation, and my daughter told me she feels like whenever she and my son want to spend time with dad OW is always there. She is so nice to them when STBX is around, but when he’s not she is “mean, grumpy, and ignores us”.
I just can’t believe that they truly think they were meant to be together. The Cosmic power had it preordained. No Rebekah and Vince, you are just two individuals unable to keep boundaries, who think they are entitled. What gets me is they are declaring their special love on a public forum as a badge of honour. Like they didn’t have a choice. It just happened. This is so distasteful, and disrespectful to his children, and his wife, but they don’t care because they are special. Again no, just another garden variety cheater. Her saying “[But] being able to move forward as a family unit is worth fighting for.” Gosh I don’t know how old his children are but I bet they are thinking why couldn’t dad have fought for our family.
I feel for the children. To have their betrayal (and yes, they were also betrayed) publicized for all to see. Bet it is going to make for “great” playground discussions-NOT! Don’t these fucking freaks think about the ramifications to the kids??? Oh,of course not, because it isn’t important to THEIR happiness. This story just made me want to puke. Selfish, self-centered asshole freaks. Would love to read a “where are they now” article in ten years cause there’s no way this story is going to turn out well.
You know what got me? When one of the kids needed help, they just kept going back and forth with each other about who was going to get up and help the kid. Wouldn’t a more “authentic” reaction be to just get up without looking at the other person for a cue and just help the kid?
Calculating fuckers!
Absolutely agree. He looks like he is incapable of taking any initiative without Rebekah giving him advice. Vince…when children are in need of help go immediately to their aid…parenting 101!!
i caught that too. its like she doesnt even notice or care that the children are there in the background while she spews her vomit out of her mouth. i was surprised the kids were in the same room!! but you couldnt tell the way she is talking. it was him who noticed the kid needed help. “excuse me” wtf!! do you need help? looks at her. she finally turns and notices what is going on. yes, he needs help and looks at him. WTF!!! then right as he starts to move, she jumps up all sweetly. i’ll get it. because she is such a wonderful person. look how nice she is. allowing him to stay sitted while she goes to tend to his children. the same children she wasnt even acknowledging were there a second ago. and he looks on in admiration.
slaps forehead. really? are all guys this stupid?
Here’s why this won’t work, long term, other than the obvious cheater factor. She says,
“That third person is Vince’s kids and his marriage and dealing with the pieces of that that are still with us.” Notice that the kids aren’t people, as in individuals, you know–kids, with their own dreams, quirks and needs. That are the “pieces” of the marriage “that are still with us.” After throwing the first wife and mother overboard, to use a nautical metaphor. She, of course, wasn’t even worth mentioning. She is one of the “pieces” that aren’t with them anymore. This OWife is not a nice person at all. Language always shows how people think.
I WANT TO THROW UP!!!!!!
Would love to break the “happily ever after” sign on her head.
So now the spouse and the kids are ‘baggage’?
“There were days when he wouldn’t have got out of bed but he did because of her (the f…whore)?” I wonder how his wife was able to get out of bed not having a boyfriend to tell her how amazing she was after he fucking left with this woman!!!! Oh boy, I am so angry.
“Fighting for the family?????” She helped destroy it and now she just wants to insert herself in like the former spouse is just an inconvenience.
What the heck is happening to our generation? I am appalled. It is shameful. It is so wrong.
But please, nobody stand between the cheaters and their true happiness. They deserve it. Oh yes, they will sacrifice anyone on the altar of their lust and their entitlement. Anyone.
ok. I vented.
Now, I couldn’t stop imagining how much I would like to hire an expensive hooker to go seduce this man and have someone take pictures of them (remember the movie The Firm?) and then sending the pics to this woman Rebekah.
In fact, that is something that I fantasize about doing to the stbx. I imagine the face of the slut looking at the pictures. But of course I won’t do it. I don’t want to do anything that would damage what my kids think about me. Curious about what other chumps fantasize about to get back to their cheater…
An Imperfect Beginning? How about I AM A LOSER and am not above Fucking Over My Family? Wow. I love that the camera pans across items in the room to make this seem edgily normal. The books, the photos of the happy couple, and the hat. Like being in the military lends him some honor. All the while skanky OW is breezily discussing their email and IM-ing courtship. Pathetic. It is sad. One good thing I am sure ex wife may be jumping for joy to be rid of this shallow loser.
I agree Drew – the attempt to normalise is nauseating. And the way she says ‘it was tough’, like she’s a victim and has somehow pulled through – what a fucking heroine!
Sick to my stomach watching that drivel, not to mention tacky woodwork!
Chump Lady, I read that article and could not believe they had the audacity to have that crap published. I was “what the fuck’ing” through the whole article. Yeah, there’s a 3rd person in the relationship and true love is worth fighting for. I am surprised the ex doesn’t lay her out. The self righteous bitch has a whole lot of nerve.
i also was WTFing thru the whole video. but then again, it kind of opened my eyes that this is how my XH girlfriend thinks. she helped my XH thru the pain of our divorce. isnt she so wonderful? such a good person? i mean poor little XH, he couldnt have handled it by himself.
lets just not bring up the fact that if she hadnt stolen him in the first place, we wouldnt have been getting a divorce. that is not important. the important thing is she respects him, she wuvvs him, she takes care of him.
(yes, i know. real men cant be stolen. but i call a home wrecker when i see it)
I totally commented on that article days ago.Feel free to guess which ones.
A quick search of Vince Taylor and Rebekah Gordon provided their gift registry at Williams-Sonoma:
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/registry/2z52c2pfrb/registry-list.html
I hope they got some good stuff. Assholes.
Oh, wait, here’s their Pottery Barn registry:
http://www.potterybarn.com/registry/3475422/registry-list.html
I wish we could find his wife and give her some comfort.
Well, I notice a fair amount of non-stick cookware. For a non-stick marriage. Seems suitable.
(I guess Mrs. Ex Duck Cleaner got the pots and pans.) Sheesh. I hope she got the house & a hefty settlement too.
I thought the military took a dim view of adultery. Huh.
Yeah.
Like what happened to conduct unbecoming to an Officer and a Gentleman?
This amazes me. You get Williams-Sonoma gifts for cheating? That’s really-really not fair. There was another member of ChumpNation on here for a while and her husband was some huge proponent of permiculture and very active in the community in more ways than one. Just goes to show that environmentalist people are not *good* although the cause is good. You can act out your ego through lots of otherwise good activities- hence Jesus cheaters.
This is apparently another subset- environmental cheaters. I grow organic beets. My carbon footprint is tiny. I’m so fabulous. I wash crude oil off of baby ducks with Dawn. My wife’s vagina is not organic enough, and she doesn’t rise at 5am to do the sun salutations. I’m not sure she even really believes in the healing power of Amethysts. I am so justified in finding a more organic vagina. Mother Earth approves.
Oh, Rose, I so enjoyed that last paragraph. Hahahaha… Amethysts!
HA!! Rose, thank you. The best laugh I’ve had all week! I have friends (quickly on the road to becoming ex-friends) in the New Agey, sun saluting, crystal worshiping, I-am-too-hip-to-believe-in-God subset, which is often all about *how I create my own reality.* And all too often that means I can create my own morality also…
Um, for the record I’m a new agey collector of stones and crystals who has done plenty of sun salutations throughout the years. I’m not too hip to believe in God but have found that I prefer representations of divinity where my gender is acknowleged. I consider myself spiritual but not religious, which I know gets a bad rap for variable morals but then I never needed religion to be the prison guard for my morality. And in fact it was an awful lot of people claiming to be moral based on their belief in God yet showing through their actions a lack of basic human decency that turned me off of religion in the first place. Of course I feel very blessed (shall I say by the goddess?) to be part of Chump Nation because people here Are moral, intelligent and compassionate. And often very funny too. But I just wanted to let you know that I will be lighting some sandalwood incense (for positive energy) and saying a prayer to bigfoot for you before I run through the forest under the moonlight, naked except for my crystal necklace. ; ) Jk about bigfoot but I am wearing one of my crystal necklaces today.
Crystals are cool! No offense was intended.
Yes, we are stereotyping a subset, as Rose said above. All groups have a subset who will cheat. Cheaters come from all walks of life from the very religious to law enforcement.
Positive energy is always a good thing!
My stone of choice is Tiger’s Eye! Whatever stone you’re drawn to..and that’s mine. I wear it for protection on my paranormal investigations!
I doubt he believes any of what she’s saying. He just wants her body and is too dumb to see what he’s done to his life.
so it wasnt his ship that dumped the crude oil?
One stated, “Can you imagine being at that wedding and hearing him pledge lifelong fidelity?” Yeah, I thought that as well. Was this you?!
Oh, I’m sure they are one of those couples who only vow to be together “as long as we shall LOVE,” not “as long as we shall LIVE.” Because why stay together when the fun and the sparkle are gone, you know? It’s just important to be HAPPY, it’s so yesterday and boring to consider commitment or integrity.
The saddest thing is that a huge percentage of the population are just like these two, or support their actions.
Or, at least until the next good looking thingie walks by.
Yup. Until I feel like fucking whomever I want and ripping another persons heart out.
Or the next one worth fighting for comes along … better save that woodwork. Might come in handy again.
I wonder if this is Vince’s first affair?
it is NOT until death do us part anymore.
it is until i get bored with you and find some chick that entertains me, enables me by agreeing with how horrible my life and my wife is and then has zero morals to open her legs to me after she smiles and gets my dick hard.
it really doesnt matter that the wife has taken care of him for 10, 15, 20, 50 years. all that matters is that he got bored and somehow in some make believe fantasy the wife wasnt treating him good. lets just forget all the multitude times HE f*cked up or how numerous HE DID NOT treat his wife well. And she forgave him and still loved him. and still she thought he was a better person then he actually was.
nope, he is bored, cant go off to visit crackhead cousins and stay out all night to drink even thou his wife and kids are needing him at home. he got bored so it is okay for him to slip his tiny wet willy into the first girl who truly UNDERSTANDS and RESPECTS him. cuz you know his WIFE NEVER respected him.
GAG
Chumplady, can you please do a post on the incessant texting/IMing/emailing that goes on with these cheaters. Oh and the xrated pictures. What is up with that?! What is the psychology behind that?
That’s how I caught my cheater. His behavior started to be weird and his explanations of where he was didn’t add up. So I logged into our Family Plan on Verizon, that I paid 100%… of. The ignoramus didn’t realize I could see the numbers he was calling and texting. Make that one number, in particular… 50 or 60 times a day except for the long day long breaks when obviously he was with her. Busted!
The text, IM, and do this because its easy.
“They” not “The”
themuse,
don’t forget skype and facebook! and yes, they will have a fake name to keep it
hidden even further. I too wish we could get the chump on here from the article.
Wherever she is, I hope she is getting help. You guys are awesome! Thanks CL 🙂
But what is so interesting about messaging of any form these days is that many people think that it is communication of an inferior quality compared to phone calling.
considering how powerful of an aphrodisiac messaging can be, I don’t share that opinion.
It’s all about obsessive control and manipulation.
Here’s a HuffPo article on cheating and texting from a couple of years ago, though I’d still like to hear CL’s thoughts:
http://huff.to/y2Vnvf
Here’s a HuffPo article on cheating and texting from a couple of years ago, though I’d still like CL’s perspective: http://huff.to/y2Vnvf
My ex is well into his texting and messaging … and seems to be back at it these days. And xrated pictures? Not sure if he sent any of himself but he sure did get some from various women.
My 46 YO spouse and his 42 YO coworker exchanged over 5000 text messages in 6 weeks before they were caught. That’s over a hundred a day. How is that sustainable or possible?
Exactly!
When I realized that my ex wife’ was getting extra special private lessons from her married tennis pro , I checked her cell phone bill on line – over 100 texts a day ,every day, for three months ( the maximum look back). That included our anniversary and our family vacation.
Sd, disgusting! what is WITH these cheaters. Who even has time to work, or do anything else when they are texting 100x a day!!?
My Ex sat next to me every night in our living room, secretly texting his OW right in front of me. On the cell phone I paid for him to have…. While watching House of Cards, Season One in which CHEATING featured prominently in the plot line.
I am sure that he was getting off on “getting away with” the same thing the guy in that show was doing while I innocently unsuspectingly and Chumpily sat next to him …. that was part of the thrill for him.
me too, themuse, same story.. can anyone say narcissist? On a lighter note,
I am so happy for me today! I blocked him from calling my cell and house phone!
Yay me 🙂
Congrats sodone, good for you 🙂
I’ve been no contact for six months and it feels great! never again will I hear his screaming rages and that ugly finger pointing in my face!! imagine being called selfish by someone who was lying to me for years and cheating?!
I’m very impressed with 6 months, Themuse. How did you maintain it?
I am sure when he realizes (probably has), he will be over here after work banging on the door. And whats with the rages? same shit here. I think it makes them feel better. when I would ask him a question that made him
uncomfortable, he would fly into one of those rages. The best thing of all
for me tho, is not expelling my energy being marriage police. I can use the
energy I have spent on that for something positive, for me, and my girls. Time is not moving fast enough tho. i am anxious for my MEH.
OMG…stbxh thought he was so smart. Anytime we were out to dinner with family, friends or by ourselves he would disappear into the restroom for 15-20 minutes at a time… no doubt texting TwatWaffle because, God forbid, that he actually try to communicate and interact with whoever we happened to be socializing with!! Nah…he was bored with all of us, friends and family alike : ( Everybody knew what he was doing and he didn’t even have the decency to be ashamed. The one exception was the time that I sent him a text while he was locked in a bathroom stall texting the AP: “Tell your girlfriend that your wife and family say hello and that we’re enjoying a fabulous dinner while you’re locked in the shitter talking to her!” He returned to the table ASAP and red-faced with embarrasment…or maybe it was anger but who cares? My point was made. Score one for the wife!
Hilarious, lovehonorcherish!!!
I have thought of doing that so many times. He even did that shit at
family reunions and holidays. The phone in the bathroom was one of
my first red flags. I must admit I am a bit of a bitch-with horns! When I found
a naked pic on his computer, I emailed his current twat(knowing her age)
and said unless you have perky boobs, and very long nails, the boob shot
on his computer is not u!! LOL back at ya 🙂
Well played. What is it with the bathrooms and texting? How do you explain that one to people? Because my STBX did that alot. I encouraged him to go to the doctors as I worried about his health! Now I do not give a crap!
they know you won’t fly open the door and catch them! LOL, besides, they can’t contact them only at certain times, otherwise the jig is up. My evil twin also sent the troll a detailed list of physical and verbal abuse that both
my daughter and I have endured during all of this, with a link to a narc website! I also thanked her oh so much for taking on such a person, and wished her luck:) especially since she is a divorcee !!
Yeah, I always wondered why Jackass took his phone in there.
Yeah, I agree! Both he and Schmoopie had pictures of themselves smirking and modeling in the bathroom! Wierd I think! He even took pictures of himself in the bathroom at work smiling like the idiot he is!! It’s just ridiculous!
Same thing, Muse! My ex would sit right next to me, texting away. Absolutely they get a thrill from this.
I’d like to know the statistics on this, although I’m not sure it’s possible. My STBX guarded his phone like it was a piece of top-secret government equipment. Gee, now I know why! And yep..he would text anywhere, anytime. And we all know who he was texting, of course. Sometimes I hate technology!
What a pig…and how trite…the tennis pro? Really??
No words, SD. It’s amazing how much energy and time goes into cheating. It’s a full time job! Yeah, anniversaries and family vacations take on a whole new meaning when you know/learn your spouse is/was fucking around. My ex told me that one day I will just remember the good times…Lol. Yeah like our last vacation together and the previous two years of family vacations together were anything I’d like to remember. Cheating spouses carry bad vibes, it’s impossible to have any fun with your spouse when your spouse is lying to you. I have great memories but none of them include my ex. He had a hard time relaxing and was always uptight, preoccupied, and kind of absent. Normal people enjoy vacationing with their spouses. Cheaters just suck.
agreed! drew!
My STBX even had the nerve to ask me if I want to go on future vacations with him! Are you fucking kidding me?? No, how about I take half of the value of
that timeshare we bought?? Everything about your post brought me back to
my previous vacations with him. they all act the same. My next vacation after
my divorce is finalized, I will take with my 2 adult daughters. I’m sure I will
have a fabulous time 🙂
My ex asked me to be a business partner with him. If I’m not good enough to be his wife, I’m not good enough to be his business partner. No thanks.
That takes nerve.
Good for you ML,
I am in the banking industry, and I cannot tell you how many “business partners” who both sign on an account, One skips out, leaving the account
very much in the negative, and it falls upon the other business partner
since it is joint. steer clear.
What?? Just THINK how great that would be! You be the responsible, capable one, and he runs off for 4-day weekends with the schmoopie. He’s sure you’ll understand and help him out. Right? Doesn’t that sound fantastic? And he knows you’ll do a good job and that he can trust you! Winner!!
no no no drew!!
they are not lying to us.
it is OUR FAULT because we are NOT treating them right!! even thou we are the ones who are home, feeding and raising the children, paying the bills, keeping the house, yard and vehicles. stressed out to the point of forgetfulness, (where did i put those keys again) marriage police, secret decoders, talking until we are blue in the face but yet we still “just dont understand them” and what they are going thru.
it is all our fault that they stay out all night drinking and setting up their new fix because they dont have the balls to fix what is wrong in their own house and family. besides we just arent FUN anymore, i mean with all that pressure on us, HOW CAN we be fun? of course they got bored. doesnt it say in your marriage vows, for better or until you get bored?
the thing that gets me is our last Christmas. fuktard went to church with us and there i was praying with all my little heart that me and him will work our marriage out and i could be a BETTER wife for him. he even stood in our family picture….all the time planning his escape with his new wonderful girlfriend which he put into action on news years eve… who the f*ck does that? wasnt it just super great of him to give his children one last family christmas before he blow up their world?
I never understood why STBX was not excited planning our 25th wedding anniversary, which would have been this November. I’d be sharing my ideas of things to do to celebrate, and if I got any answer at all, it was a distracted response. No excitement on his part at all. And 25 years is a milestone, damn it! To be honest, knowing what I know now, he probably had no intention of spending our 25th together. It was more important to him to spend as much time as possible with the skank and her family.
Dear ChumpLady
I hope you will write an article for the Huff Post on this sad story. I think you have plenty to support an article with all these comments from your followers. At the very least I would love to see a follow up article from the ex wife’s point of view. For all we know she may be doing the happy dance divesting herself of Officer and not a Gentleman Tim the Tacky Tool Man.
I’m so tired of people who have no clue about infidelity supporting amoral, narcissistic simpletons like these two. They are like starry eyed high school teens. These are not the actions of responsible adults. Hey folks you brought humans into the world! Children are not resilient. That is a cliche. You are fucking up their innocent lives. But hey you’re “happy” so who cares right. No wonder the kid in the background is crying for someone to come wipe his bum. Oh and wasn’t she wonderful offering to go help (but really praying she doesn’t have to) to show how invested she was with his children!
I wish there were a way to track these two into the future. But really the writing is on the wall. Bye bye Mr. and Mrs. Sludge!
My ex was spending hours in the middle of the night calling his whore. Or texting her dozens of times while on duty. After I caught them the first time (I was a chump), they went to messaging through Words with Friends, KIK, even through ACTUAL friends! And he started doing the same thing with his sister in law. These people are sick, sick, sick!
It
5,000 in a billing period here, all while watching our kids. I mentioned this to my lawyer to make a custody case. He just shrugged. My advise to my kids? Don’t get married. Ever. Harsh? Yes, but this is the new mainstream. Everyone is on board. I live in a nice middle class community in NJ. Nice houses, great schools. The ex carried out his affair on a school yard with MOW. No one cared. I’m currently renovating a dilapidated shack after 23 years of saving for the dream home that I was kicked out of one year after purchase. My ex today to throwing a bday party for my 11 year old son. Parents from school all friended them up and will be in attendance. I have not received one word of support from a single soul. Not one. Everyone wants in on the party. They are tag teaming my one friend and trying to get her on board through mutual friends that neither of them even knew a year ago. Psychpaths. In time, she just might do it. Oh well. And my kids? Having a great time. Life gave me a pink slip, I may just move on and out of here. The world is different. There is no shame, bad behavior is celebrated. I actually wonder if I should just start flirting with married men around here. But I won’t. More likely to live out my days alone in a rural area, lake or coast. Nothing is keeping me here.
I want to add that the fact that I stay despite my extreme pain of being alienated and humiliated, out of love for my kids, makes me feel chumpy. I know that sounds fucked up but all my life, I just sit back and take it. I’m tired of taking it. I’m starting to feel jealous of sociopaths. I wish I could be like them. They are free of so many burdens. I want to be free.
I totally get that. I’ve thought the same thing. And my Ex thinks life is great for him and would like the children to be just as lacking in empathy and understanding as he is because, “I’m happy and successful, so why wouldn’t I want them to be like me?” I just pull out my copy of “The Sociopath Next Door,” and that helps a little. We can’t be like them, so it’s best just not to go there. We’d feel terrible guilt eventually even if we were able to shut if off for a little while.
Another book that helped me understand–“People of the Lie”
Kelly,
The fact that M. Scott Peck is a cheater kind of spoiled his books for me. 🙁
An admitted serial cheater. Hypocrites make my ass want a dip of snuff.
Oh no, really? Boo 🙁
That’s true… however that doesn’t negate the value of his books or the insights he had about topics other than infidelity. I think some of his stuff is brilliant. The fact that he couldn’t live it personally is not necessarily hypocrisy.
Yeah,a pparently a first class NPD, Peck.
Is he really? OMG! Ugh!
Ahhh so sorry, whatawaste, they truly are soulless psychopaths. Someone here posted that she renovated an old trailer in which she lives in the country with her dogs and cats on a large parcel, giving her solitude and freedom. Sounded wonderful to me……
Sorry whatawaste, really horrible they all sided with him. It must be a living hell for you. I hope you find some peace from this.
Whatawaste, I am so sorry to hear that your community has been so unsupportive and has, in fact, rallied around them. I hope that with a little bit of time, some people will come to their senses and give you the support you deserve. Do you have friends or family outside of that circle that you can turn to and feel supported by, even someone long-distance? Or maybe some sort of support group where you could attend and meet some new people that could become a support network? Maybe there is even someone from Chump Nation that lives near you that could become an in-person friend? I hope that you feel less pain with each day. Hang in there… We are here for you.
School parents may be in attendance, but don’t think for one minute that the married women there have anything but disdain for the OW. Most folks see through the bullshit, they’re just not forthright enough to speak out about it. But after they leave the festivities, you can bet there will be some trash talking going on. People really don’t like cheaters, no matter how many stupid stories get written about them.
It is difficult to be alone, to feel like so much of what you have worked for is gone. And all the good advice in the world doesn’t make the pain go away. Time does help, as trite and stupid as that sounds. Four years ago, it was tough just to face each day. I never thought such pain was possible; it was worse than anything I had ever experienced. But I’m better now, if not happy, certainly content, at peace. You’ll get there, too, I know you will. Move to the coast! The ocean is my church and brings such serenity to me.
Louise, I wish that were the case and maybe they trash talk her but to her face are nice, but I guess my thoughts are, same difference. Fake is as fake does. If you are going along because you like the poolside cocktails, so long as you aren’t taking a stand, even a quiet understated stand, it’s the same as condoning the whole thing an alienating the ex spouse.
I completely agree, which is why I am known as a bit of a trouble maker. Don’t ask me how I feel about bad behavior if you don’t want the truth! What I am trying to express, though, is that things are not always what they seem. Those poolside cocktails are laced with cyanide.
Whatawaste, I am so sorry that these people are such moral-less creeps! Believe me, YOUR life will get better! Hang on!
Meh can be beautiful.
I think Meh is great towards to cheater ex, but its a bit more Ray Bradbury when literally the community celebrates ( I’m not exaggerating it the toast of the town) the new couple and your kids minds have been washed in 24 months of anything from their previous family and they are very happy. Meh doesn’t quite cut it. It’s more of an existential nihilism that’s called for, but hard to achieve.
Whatawaste – read your posts earlier today and you’ve been on my mind.
The pain of exclusion is dreadful. That you face that coupled with the crippling agony infidelity – well that’s truly horrific.
That you can write so eloquently and thoughtfully about the deeper esoteric properties of this tremendous loss speaks volumes about your self awareness and intellect.
You have what it takes to begin anew. I hold you in my heart and am so sorry for your pain.
Yes, just when you think these situations can’t get any worse, they do. Very sorry, Whatawaste.
What a Waste…I’ve felt the same as you at the time of Dday. My XH was a prominent business man in the area and employed many people over the years. Suddenly I was the pariah. Pretty much all of our ‘friends’ dumped me. Him and his sparkly new OW got all of the attention. No one even acted like they did anything wrong. While me and our little grandkids were left here crying our guts out.
XH and OW are having the time of their lives. New house on the ocean. Great new jobs. Moved far away. I always wonder what they tell people about their ‘amazing love story.’ Betcha a million bucks it doesn’t have a thing to do with her fucking a married man or him cheating on wife.
Syngia thank you for your reply. I’m am sorry you felt this community wide shunning too. I’m glad they moved away. I’m contemplating moving away. I literally can’t even grocery shop st normal hours for fear of the very real possibility of running onyo OW with my 5 yr old daughter who calls her mommy.
And lastly, ultimate irony here! I’m looked up with some suspicion because, you know, I’m a single woman in a family neighborhood. That of course means I’m a desperate loose cannon looking to take down a hubs. I have to be careful
who I talk to and keep it short and of course, no face booking any of the marrieds!
They may be coming to the gathering out of a sort of morbid curiosity. Kind of like when a house burns down. Once the fire is out and the fire dept. leaves then everyone wants to see what’s left in the ashes! They will compare and tsk, tsk about what an A’hole your ex is! Just calm down, this could be a good thing! The other women want to “size up” the “threat” in hopes it never happens to them!
In my experience, women like that–those who condone cheating all for a good time? One or more of them has the hots for your scumbag ex and is queuing up to be next in his bed. I don’t trust bitches like them.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. It really adds to the pain that so many of your friends/neighbors/acquaintances have chosen sides. And of the course the kids are being kids and love the good times and attentions when there’s a Disney Dad, as I call them.
But Life didn’t give you a pink slip. You were cut loose from a psychopath or narcissist or some other disordered POS. If your life was a movie, and the main character we are rooting for (you) was married to a no-good, lying, cheating, psychopath, how would you want that character’s life to work out? Move away to live out here days in some backwater? Or start figuring out what dreams you put aside to marry a douchebag? Or maybe having some new dreams? There is no getting around the fact that you have lost a life you worked for and dreamed for. But that life came with a giant price tag–a cheating douchebag. Don’t give him or his HoWife the satisfaction of your unhappiness. Even if at first you have to be happy just to spite him. The cheater in my life left me with a bunch of expensive house problems to solve, while he went to live for free in his parents’ old home, where he could sit and text MOW from the comfort of his mother’s recliner from a phone I paid for. She is nearly young enough to be my daughter, and at first I just felt used up. Done. But I decided I was going to have an awesome life. Just take one step at a time and make my life full of beauty. I work at this every waking minute. At first, I would plant flowers or paint my wicker and say, “MOW doesn’t have anything this cool.” I hit my goal weight and look better than I have in 25 years. At first, I did that so I could say to myself (pick me dancing in my own head) that MOW is very overweight and now I’m not. On and on. Then, at some point, I noticed I was happy. That I liked the challenges of my new life. That I love the solitude. That when I’m ready, I get to date and maybe find someone who won’t take his phone to the toilet and who can be trusted to go to a funeral home without picking up a married skank. Today my “adopted daughter” and her husband came over to mow. One of my former students is painting my house for very little money (he’s a pro painter) and he came over with a buddy to work on that. I finally got the storm windows out and the screens in–and I got a lady boner from doing the doors by myself. I was a person who never asked anyone for help, and now I ask all the time. I’ve reconnected with old friends and am looking forward to making a few select new ones. There are times that I’ve cried in Home Depot and felt small and helpless because this house is a 24/7 job But more and more I feel strong, capable, and unafraid. You did not get a pink slip from life, though I sure know how that feels, as I told my therapist I felt like a waste of space a month after D-Day. You got a do-over. Without that disordered POS who cheated on you. Fake it till you make it. That worked for me, at least.
Lovedajackass,
I love t! It is gonna be my new daily wake up mantra
“FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT”
thanks 🙂
Oh LAJ what a wonderful and uplifting post. Today I was feeling down. I was just feeling sorry for myself. I am going to keep this post and read it over and over. Thank you always for your honest and carefully constructed comments.
Thank you, LAJ. Today’s post really hit a nerve with me (obviously!). I appreciate all of the responses. Thank you, all.
We all just want you to have a great, beautiful life, even if it wasn’t the one you wanted or expected. I thought about you a lot yesterday when we were working outside. Are the kids not living with you? Or are you splitting custody? The notion of moving farther from this community that is so painful would be complicated for you, either way.
* But I hope you are seeing a good counselor. (I say “good,” meaning one who understands the trauma of betrayal. I come from a background with a lot of family trauma and I would not have made it through this past year so successfully without my therapist. The feelings of despair and the sense that nothing will get better all come with the territory, I think, but it is important not to get stuck there. Your health insurance may well pay for 6 months to a year of therapy, at least in part, especially if your primary doctor wants you to be screened for depression. And I think all chumps go through depression as a stage, at least. And it may also help you to help someone else.
* Two hours a week–volunteer at a nursing home or food kitchen or community garden. Pick up litter. Read to kids at the library. What needs to be done in your community? What can you give back?
* Keep a gratitude journal. Write down 10 things you are grateful for every day. I keep mine on my iPad but a pretty notebook would be pleasing, too. This will change your life. I promise.
* Read books about living well. CL has some important books for surviving infidelity listed on the blog, but I love Brene Brown’s work, which got me through the gaslighting and early D-Day stage. Feed the good wolf.
You are alive. Your kids need their mother, no matter what else is going on in their lives. Put on your fierce Mama Bear face and get your life back. That’s the best thing you can do for them and you. I like your screen name, but only if it refers to the waste your cheater has made of his life, not yours. Sending love and prayers your way. There’s nothing you can’t do.
You get on with your big bad lady-boner self!!!
You just inspired me!! What you wrote was so kind and generous and uplifting. No twat troll was ever that nice!
Loved this post LAJ!!! You were spot on and the encouragement in this post is wonderful. I needed to hear this. Having a hard day today,feeling hopeless and helpless. Your post started a tiny spark of hope. Thank you.
Whatawaste, I am so sorry that these people are such moral-less creeps! Believe me, YOUR life will get better! Hang on!
My ex was also sending well over 100, often over 200, texts per day to his married OW. And this was back when he had an actual job, can’t imagine how he ever got anything done!
They don’t. And it’s annoying how much they get paid for it. If you look up professional in the dictionary there’s a picture of my ex with an arrow pointing to it and a caption that says “not this guy”. But hey, don’t worry. If they get fired they can just move on to another job and get paid more. My ex was fired from two six figure jobs in a year. The first was for overuse of texting on the company phone and too much personal use of the company computer. The second job I have only guesses. But guess which moron is using his company phone to send dick pictures at his new job? I used to see him making facebook posts during work hours when we were together and sort of marvel at it. Sorry, if I’d been his boss I would have fired his ass.
It was a bit weird for me when STBX hardly put down his cell phone. He works in IT and his company does have global holdings, so I was such a total chump when he said that he was messaging China in the wee hours of the morning. Yeah, right. Anyway, one day he put the phone down and walked away before it autolocked. Yep. Got to see the texts. I didn’t tell him, though.
He’s become more and more possessive of the cell. He never, ever, lets it leave his person.
The inconsistent thing, though, is that he used to complain all the time about a staffer who was always on the phone to his wife. I guess, now that STBX is always texting Schmoopie, that he totally gets it.
Mine did 3000 texts in 4 weeks. And that was only one month out of many. Also..5 hours of phone calls at night while I was away on business, in one month (out of many similar months). He told me he didn’t know who the number belonged to (really?). So, of course, I called it and said “Is this (insert ho-worker’s name)” She hung up. Go figure. I am sure you can imagine the outrage he had. I had “no business looking at his private information”. I was just his wife. “No business”…WTF!!!
Same here…hundreds of texts a day, plus 2-3 hr phone calls….but they were “Just friends!” Right!
This story truly breaks my heart. My own life, at the present moment, breaks my heart as well. Yes, there was a “third person” in my marriage too…the married AP. She started working with stbxh in September 2012, they started getting “friendly” in February 2013 and they were getting down and dirty by March 2013 (as far as I can tell…not sure I ever got a truthful timeline). After a year long false R it was very apparent that I was an outsider looking in on my own marriage. Stbxh tossed away 17 years of our lives, our family and our friends for a woman he had known for SIX MONTHS!! I don’t know how, I don’t know why…because he claims he doesn’t know the reasons himself. TwatWaffle reminds me very much of the woman in this HuffPost article…proclaiming her love for my husband, posting pictures of her children and animals living in my home, skipping her way into the sunset without a care in the world! Oh, stbxh did mention that she “feels bad” that she injected herself into our marriage but she’s happy, she got what she wanted and she just chalks it up to the fact that “something” must have been wrong if she was able to just “take him away”. Yeah, something was wrong…stbxh lacked the morals, integrity and spine to say no! His actions with the AP have destroyed every significant relationship in his life…with his wife, his parents, his sister, both our extended families and our friends. Doesn’t the AP find it odd that she has been fucking my husband for over a year but she has never met, laid eyes upon or had a single conversation with ANYONE who has ever meant ANYTHING to him? Doesn’t that say something to her about the way people perceive that “relationship”? Justify an affair any way you want. Call it true love, fate, destiny…it’s still nothing more than what it is: dark, dirty, deceitful and destructive : (
lovehonorcherish, great alliteration… “dirty, deceitful and destructive” I would just note that these liars lie so frequently and easily that you’re correct in sensing you never got the correct timeline. Mine told me he only met OW “two weeks” b4 my DDay and that “in 5 minutes” he went from being “100% committed to” me to being “100% committed to her” and bam! it just happened! etc blah blah.
All lies… found an old outlook data file on our “kitchen computer” that he had forgotten to delete… he’s a remodeling contractor, and I already knew OW was having him work on her house, but from the outlook calendar he kept, I learned he knew her for TWO YEARS, not two weeks and had done 9 separate jobs at her house before their wingding whirlwind “courtship” last summer.
He madly deleted files and removed 5 PCs from our house the day after DDay while I was at work after one hour’s sleep on DDay night. But he accidentally also left behind an old copy of his email “outbox” in which I found several emails he wrote to his previous OW in 2008…. “thanks for the lovely Friday night,” “you are a warm and wonderful woman,” “thank you for letting me into your world” bla bla ick. Liars/cheaters will twist numbers and timelines to justify their actions. But the facts don’t lie.
You are so right, Muse…the facts don’t lie! All of us here got the shit end of the stick and that is so disillusioning to me. I’m having a harder time these days. First court date is on Thursday and I’m having trouble knowing I’m going to have to see my lying, cheating stbxh. It would be so like him to bring TwatWaffle with him for support and I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to keep it together if she is there. The injustice and emotional cruelty of what those two have brought into my life makes me want to vomit! Their “love” and happiness comes at my expense, unfortunately…
lhc, I’ll be sending you good thoughts on Thursday – I’m going through the same thing right now and the only saving grace is that STBX is just not bothering to show up for anything so far. I was at a pre-trial hearing on Thursday, no STBX, and I suspect it is because his lawyer is telling him to stay away. He is getting increasingly nasty as we get closer to trial, lying about everything now including my dead mother’s will, my kids, the state of his business, his income, even when there are independent expert reports, paystubs, e-mails, that all prove he is lying. It’s hard on me and hard on the kids but you know – there will be an end to it.
Be strong! If OW woman shows up pretend she is a slug, a sowbug, some kind of lower invertebrate (apologies to invertebrates everywhere for that). Keep the mantra going that you will have these people out of your life soon, that you will be free and that your life will be so much better the day you get that decree! They are people you don’t want in your life any more, people who have proved what kind of standards they hold, and you will soon have space for new people, good people, to come into your life.
These cheaters don’t know what love is. They are not adults in any sense of the word, although they can do a really good imitation if there is something in it for them. They have no concept of the damage they have done and keep doing, and have only one concern, short term gratification – be that unprotected sex, a dozen Crispy Cremes, a hot car that they can’t pay for. In their toddler-esque worlds there are no consequences.
(It doesn’t surprise me that cheaters are feted in the media, because of course they fuel a decent chunk of the economy now. I look at the heartbreakingly huge legal bill I will be left with, the years longer I will need to work to pay it off, the household goods I will need to buy as STBX has claimed pretty much every household possession as his – of course this kind of behaviour is encouraged. It’s good for business, doncha know!)
I can’t be there in person to hold your hand and provide moral support next Thursday, but know that the invisible Chump Nation Army will be there with you every step of the way. Eyes on the prize, lhc, and as Dat would say, Jedi hugs!
In PA, no one is allowed in court but the husband and wife, and witnesses, if they are called. That doesn’t mean she won’t lurk around the courthouse, but his attorney would be smart to tell him to keep her away. Hoping all goes well for you.
Ugh you guys..this part sucks. Just a few weeks ago was my court date for temporary child support and temporary alimony. He wasn’t even paying me child support! I posted here about my experience. His attorney ripped me apart! I know that’s his job, but it was horrible. Tried to make me out as this rotten person. I’m in a no-fault state so his infidelity isn’t even admissible. As soon as the hearing was over, I went into the bathroom at the courthouse and just bawled. I barely made it..thank goodness I didn’t bawl in the halls on my way to the bathroom. Hang in there, though..it’s hard, but you WILL get through it!
lhc, i am right there with you… my Narc and I were not married but lived and owned house together 16 years, with my kids. I have to sue him now to get him off the deed. A year out from DDay I keep thinking I should be better now and at full Meh but it takes time. Yesterday I learned that OW skank’s house sold and they are back in my city of residence and living in her former rental house. I had the same angry thoughts/feelings, how come they get to “experience” love and happiness and togetherness till I remind myself who she “stole” from me… liar, porn addict with pedophile-fantasies, rape-fantasies, cheater, liar, moocher, so seriously what kind of “happiness” are they having together?
Even if she THINKS she is “happy” with him, she’s just his next victim. I am 100% sure he lied to her about who I even was. After all, when I met him, I didn’t know he continued fucking his previous GF for another 7 years after living with me. Again, numbers don’t lie. Liars do.
Thanks for the supportive comments, ladies. Many of my family and friends have offered to go with me on Thursday and I am so thankful that I have such a wonderful support system in place. I have decided that having my Dad and my attorney (two very intimidating men!) with me should work out just fine. If my stbxh actually shows up for court he’s just going to get crickets from me…not a word, not a glance in his direction, not any type of acknowledgment, NOTHING!! I’ll let you all know how things go.
Print this out and read it if you need to: “I had the same angry thoughts/feelings, how come they get to ‘experience’ love and happiness and togetherness till I remind myself who she “stole” from me… liar, porn addict with pedophile-fantasies, rape-fantasies, cheater, liar, moocher, so seriously what kind of ‘happiness’ are they having together?” My mother (who was a major narcissist herself but also had her good moments, once said, “No one builds a happy life on the rubble of someone else’s life.”
An officer and a gentleman. Well, guess we have to change our ideas about that!
Did you notice how she talks? Put a few “like”s in there and I could swear she is 13, 14 tops.
I’m guessing they are both emotionally stunted. Vince could not say or express how he felt so he made her that fabulous Giants sign. What king of sign will he carve for her if he feels he can’t handle things and wants to move on?
What kind of sign says “it’s over” without saying it directly? How about “Gone Fishing”?
LOL! Or she’ll just notice the sign has gone missing.
I thought it was revealing that Vince referred to his marital status during his courtship of Rebekah as “an invisible boundary”….. no, it should have been eminently VISIBLE, you narcissistic asshole!
And seriously, “the divorce was hard… there were days I couldn’t even get out of bed if it weren’t for Rebekah!” WTFFFF??? What does he think his WIFE was going through? Oh I get it… NARC NARC NARC – he is the victim!! He left his wife at home to take care of the house and the kids and the car and the mortgage, and hey, this more sparkly thing just appeared in front of him, and it was SO HARD on him. Never mind the chump waiting for him at home while he was out acquiring kibbles. Sickening, and resonates with me because my Narc, too, portrayed himself as the Victim of his cheating on me.
Well, I guess these two narcs deserve each other.
Yes —> “NARC NARC NARC – he is the victim.”
i dont think the Rebekah is more sparkly. i mean they never show a picture of the wife. but i think Rebekah looks like an ugly goldfish. she is NOT that attractive, she does NOT a super sexy body. her boobies were not that impressive, nor her ass. she looked very plain. i agree about the way she talked to, like she is stuck in high school (they must have been the best time of her life and she cant get past it)
all in all, i wasnt impressed by her looks, actions or speech.
Everyone here has said all of my thoughts. All the thoughts. All the feels (as the young’uns say). Just, all of them.
I will mention however that the esteemed NYT, Grey Lady (not so much a lady anymore is she??), has or had, an Ombuds-person, aka a Complaints Editor.
I humbly suggest we shower that person with objections to running stories like this for the reasons we all know so well.
Ah, here we go:
“Margaret Sullivan is the fifth public editor appointed by The New York Times. The public editor works outside of the reporting and editing structure of the newspaper and receives and answers questions or comments from readers and the public, principally about news and other coverage in The Times. …” E-mail: public@nytimes.com
Thanks for the link to the editor. I just sent a scathing email…. Felt good. 🙂
I think it would be good if they followed up with a) the wife’s side of the story and her romantic meeting and vows and b) an article on the effects of infidelity on chumps.
“People have baggage, people have past relationships,” said Rebekah Gordon.
As if the existing wife was an inconvenient duffle bag.
Really? “Past” relationships don’t involve being “currently” married, do they? Good lord, the stories people tell themselves so they can remain spellbound in front of their mirrors (shaking my head)>
I know – baggage? and that is her opening salvo. She probably thought of his then-current wife as in the past because he probably courted Rebekah with that tried and true Cheater line: “we grew apart a long time ago…”
Like my cheater said to me, during the denouement, “I left you a long time ago, Muse, I just never told you about it.” I’m still wondering what part of “leaving me” including living in my house, having sex with me, eating the meals I paid for and cooked, sitting on the furniture I bought and texting, sexting and calling OW from the cell phone I paid for too. And just like this guy, I’m SURE he told OW that he didn’t have a “real” relationship with me. So like Rebekah, she felt completely justified.
Dear God, Muse…we had the same Cheater!! (Alas.) Mine said: ” I decided I wasn’t married to you. A few years ago.”
Too bad he not only ‘forgot’ to tell me, he affirmatively kept on telling me that he loved me, he would never cheat yadda yadda, cheater pig latin. yuck.
muse..namedforvera..3 of a kind apparently..that’s my STBX to a “t”.
That one got me too. Past relationship??? The current wife? Wow…..does she even know how stupid she sounds?
She didn’t inherit baggage….she created it.
What bothers me the most is NYT “normalizing” their behavior and “trivializing” the honorable and sacrosanct institution of marriage.
“Marriage” has become unfairly overwhelmed and overburdened by the modern notion of viewing it as THE vehicle for personal happiness, and if it doesn’t greet us everyday with prizes, goodies, a constant “high” and the power to make us see unicorns and shoot rainbows out of our asses…then we are with the wrong person and must trade up for a “better” model.
WRONG. Something is very broken in individuals who live with those kinds of delusional fantasies…delusions that marriage is a cure-all for what ails one when one ALREADY has inherent character deficiencies . Character deficiencies that lead one to believe that all OTHERS should “haul in the happiness” and lay it at the feet of the exalted one. The one too damn lazy to do his or her “me” work–actually too damned lazy to do any emotional work at all.
Passive. Lazy. Entitled. Oh..wait… that sounds like a narcissist. Yup.
If it makes any Chump here feel better to know that “imperfect beginnings” frequently have “imperfect endings,” Mr. NotYou and Hot-Twat-Dot did NOT successfully make it. The Succubus* dumped him after a couple of years in deference to protecting her own children (as I predicted to him from the outset).
He got to do the, “Chump Walk” with NO “mile markers” and no support (not even his Mom) because he couldn’t, let the cat (pussy?) out of the bag. So, he got to start over and rebuild his life from scratch, too.
Such a painful lesson to learn:
“Whoever digs a pit will fall into it; if someone rolls a stone, it will roll back on them.” ~Proverbs 26:27
[And the last time I looked, God doesn’t give waivers to Narcs.]
– – –
*A succubus is a female demon or supernatural entity in folklore (traced back to medieval legend) that appears in dreams and takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. The male counterpart is the incubus. Religious traditions hold that repeated sexual activity with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death.
I felt so uncomfortable watching and listening to each of them as they each seemed uncomfortable telling their story as they should. Wow, no words for this one. LIFE IS SHORT AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE HAPPY! WE LIVE IN A DISPOSABLE SOCIETY WITH RECYCLING SO NOW WE HAVE MOVED ON FROM PAPER CUPS AND PLASTIC BAGS TO DISPOSABLE PEOPLE! YAY, don’t forget to separate the adults from the kids so you can put them in the proper bins for garbagepick up.
Now it all makes sense, that’s why under the relationship button on Facebook there is the one that says “It’s Complicated” or if you don’t list your relationship it says “Ask”.
Nice, now it’s all so clear. HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY! Thanks for posting that CL.
Former Secretary of Education William Bennett recalls when one of his “radical students” at Boston University announced that he and his girlfriend were getting married for “as long as we feel good about each other.”
“So for a wedding present,” Dr. Bennett, says, “I gave them paper plates.”
Hahh, that’s awesome!
Been a long time fan of Bennett.
The first thing I noticed, not paying attention to their words, was their body language. Not facing towards each other, sometimes twisted away from each other. True love!
Oh,!!! Please email your exact post to the comments editor at the NYTimes. Link is a few posts above. Its perfect!
I was directing this to Deborah…
I guess affair partners with STDs May be classified as succubi? (Just guessing on the plural form.)
ANC,
I think your plural is correct. There is probably more than just a grammatical connection between “succubi” and “octopi,” too. 😉
But I’m getting esoteric here, and we should keep it real: These two people are shallow, self-serving assholes–dirty ones who, “stink out loud.” No amount of self-serving drivel is going to wash that stink off.
Let’s keep it real – may they both get the clap they deserve.
“delusions that marriage is a cure-all for what ails one when one ALREADY has inherent character deficiencies . Character deficiencies that lead one to believe that all OTHERS should “haul in the happiness” and lay it at the feet of the exalted one. The one too damn lazy to do his or her “me” work–actually too damned lazy to do any emotional work at all.”
Right here. My stbx is such a sad and miserable man looking for that person whose sole purpose is to make him happy. Once I stepped out of the picture, his sordid triangle fell apart and the OW in all her glory shined forth. I provided stability while they provided pleasure….as long as he was willing to financially support their tryst. It seems their smiles and conversations were not free after all. OW weren’t interested in him as an individual, no their interest only went as far as shallow sex and a date. With retirement, pensions, ira’s, and the high cost of viagra, outside sex is a budget item….and his ow offered no freebies.
Aging old whorish as men suffer from a bevy of illnesses. Partying and sexing around, high blood pressure, STD’s, inflatables, strokes, not many ow want the responsibility of a sickly mate getting by on a pension. Hugh Hefner wealthy free sex guru was exposed as one of his women described his viagra aided erection as flaccid at best. Aging OW don’t fair better either another topic maybe someone can expound.
Don’t envy these people chumps. I know it’s painful, but move on and enjoy life. Don’t wait for their reaping.
Jinx,
same here, All I have to do is sit back, and watch him fall apart. not helping…
STBX ow seems to be backing off now, I think he fed her with his ira, pension, accounts,
well, most of the ira is gone, made him pull it and pay off all debt, and you know I am
going after half of his pension. moved my money quicker than a squirrel! and i am trying to get 3yrs in the house or get it sold asap.
I’m working through the legal issues also. Some of these cheaters never learn and I’m only now getting a more complete picture of his behavior.
I have a friend who’s ex has a couple of brand new toddlers he is caring for physically and financially with his pension/retirement. It seems that young hot sexy OW is only into partying and getting high. The ex even has the nerve to try and get free babysitting from his own adult kids. Life after their tryst is not so good.
same here, jinx. neither of my adult girls have spoken to him. It is just a shame
that the people in his life are so disposable to him. The legal part scares me to death! I know it is going to be so expensive and I don’t know how I am going to
afford it. Legal aid in my area says they do not take divorce cases. So I will
have to work it out. You are right about them never learning. Why should they?
Committing to marriage vows doesn’t allow then to have their cake. Like many of us on here, my question has always been why didn’t you call it? Will never get an answer to that question. Cake.I am no longer trying to figure the where, why, and how. it does nothing to help me. As everyone has said on here, time to focus on ourselves and our children. No one else will.
sodone, as someone who has been nearly three years trying to get divorced, the one piece of advice I have is start the process as soon as you can. Yes, it is terrifying, but don’t let the money paralyse you. Every day that you don’t file is another day that your cheater will string you along, hide assets, set their lies in place at work, with the kids, with the family.
Get a line of credit, borrow on your credit card, from family, friends. Stash money from your paycheque if you are doing paid work with a direct deduction at source so it never appears as your net pay. Sell you grandma’s china, the silver, whatever you can to get that first chunk of money to hire a good lawyer. I think most of us here are good money managers and I know it just adds to the pain to think you are going into unnecessary debt. But it isn’t unnecessary – it is buying your freedom, and freedom for your kids.
The reason my divorce has taken so long is because before I found CL I believed the lies and the reasons for the delays and the “poor sausage” stories. He had time to decrease his income (he is self employed) and spin his story of the bitch wife to all our friends and acquaintances. That has made the planning for trial that much harder for me, but no more. No amount of money is worth maintaining a relationship with this asshole, who truly and repeatedly has shown me who he really is. I am counting down the days. This is the third summer I’ve spent dealing with this bullshit and it will be my last.
Don’t mean to get on a soapbox today but as you can probably tell I’m a little sensitive about this right now. But it may help someone reading, and if it does that will make me happy!
exrepeatedme,
I have my lawyer set up for sept, and you are right I will start selling stuff
like crazy. first the jewelry. I do have some credit available to me, but I will use it as a last resort. I understand the 3 year thing. My first discovery was
back in 2009, and yes after all his cries and promises, I did the reconciliation dance. U know the rest of the story..I will break my damn legs before I do that dance again! The thing that pisses me the most, is I know when he realizes I have a lawyer, he will just pick up the phone, cry to his dad, and he will get a check for his lawyer. It is bullshit! The are very close to me, but they fall for all of his lies, and there is not much
I can do about it. In my own way, I have delayed as well. I so wish I had
taken care of this 5 years ago instead of smoking the hopium 🙁 Oh and as far as your soapbox, I love it!! So helpful. you are so right on so many levels!
Three years?! You would think these cheaters would be ecstatic about moving on to their new lives, not so in my case as well.
My ex used to say that I watched too many Disney movies while growing up. I am not sure why, maybe because I like a good romantic comedy with a happy ending and because I believed in and valued marriage? But the thing is, I seem to be the one with a more realistic idea of relationships because he is the one who left for a spark he just met and fell in love with. He didn’t have a choice and didn’t want his life to be boring (he loves the high of infatuation and I thinb equates that with love), etc.. etc. And he has a pattern of getting bored and looking for something different, perfect, shiny and new. Always thinking he is trading up, and always looking for happiness outside of himself, in the other person. So, though I am sure he would never admit it, he seems to be the one more impacted by unrealistic Disney-esque notions of love.
I watched the video last night and am still thinking about it this morning. How were these people raised that they believe that they are in the right? The more interesting story would be to hear from the wife who was left and hear how her life has been forever changed. But, really, she is better off in the long run if this is how her ex-husband views commitment. This story struck a chord with me because my husband of 8 years left his family in search of a shiny new romance.
I know. During the entire video, I kept thinking, Good Lord how does his ex-wife feel watching her chumping plastered all over the fucking New York Times and the Huffington Post.
I can’t imagine a crueler act that anyone could commit that what this bitch and her asshole did to his ex-wife by PUBLICIZING her chumping.
Entitled narcs, for sure.
I respectfully disagree. I believe ex wife will see and know exactly what she is missing. Neither of those people have anything I’d want. That happy love story is all an illusion. His ex wife may be a Chump to be sure but really she could never control that lying cheating ex of hers anyway. She now has a better shot of “happily ever after.”
I know I need to absolutely stop asking this question, but again crap like this slaps me down: Who DOES this? Who the fuck are these people?
Smug, self absorbed assholes.
I watched the interview. I read the article. Both are selfish assholes. What cowards. Yeah, I am projecting my feelings of my experience onto these two dipshits. Invisible boundaries, kids as third parties, love that was meant to be, saw the wedding band. Jeez.
This stings. My spouse and his OW OF A DECADE were planning their perfect life. Ya know, because love conquers all. Us third party people, myself and four minors, had no idea of their quest for entitled happiness.
I agree, interview the former legal spouse. Get her take on it. My bet is if her husband feels his invisible fidelity boundaries of marriage can be bent, twisted and broken to fulfill his needs with Rebekah, his probably broke his vows waaaaay before Rebekah. The intellectualizing and rationalizations are their denial that they truly suck as “authentic” people. I quote authentic because that has become the buzzword of my cheating narc.
The only thing authentic is the fallout on the kids.
ANC, you hit the nail on the head with “Us third party people, myself and four minors, had no idea of their quest for entitled happiness” — reading the comments on the Huff Post it is clear that the defenders of the lovely couple just don’t understand that CHEATING = LYING. When I think of the 16 years I spent chumpily loving and financially providing for my Cheater, only to learn by accident that he had an OW (and later I learned of ALL the prior ones), that he had been “miserably unhappy for years.” Secretly. Selfishly denying ME my opportunity to meet someone else, and have a shot at happiness too. Sickening.
ANC,
Don’t you just love “invisible boundaries”? WTF is that? That just deserves several bitch slaps followed by a nice face pummel for desert.
Only a cheater would say something like that. Apparently we all had invisible boundaries.
That just makes me so Happy to know.
Nothing like Complicated relationships with some baggage aka children.
Do they even hear what they say?
I love how in the beginning, cheater oily bitch does all of the talking while stupid cheater husband just looks at her. It’s so clear from the way that she tells the story that she went after him hardcore and he of course then fell in love and that love made him run and carve a bouncy head doll of her in a Giants Shirt because he just had no other way to express that love! When she received it, that’s when she knew, she had to fight for this once in a lifetime BOUNCY HEAD LOVE!!! That is a show of love I hope I never experience.
Is it just me or do they look like two complete weirdos in their uncomfortably awkwardness. They came off to me like hostages having to read from a script otherwise they’d be shot.
ANC, I agree that this is likely not Commander Cheater’s first rodeo.
That video is a perfect example of rewriting the truth. They call it “An imperfect Beginning”. (Translation….”we cheated “)
“Love is worth fighting for” (Translation……as long as it’s a dirty fight and keeping the spouse in the dark while sexting and texting”
“Third person and baggage”…(translation….the wife is the third person and kids are baggage) but, nothing like a stupid peace of tacky handcrafted wood as a birthday gift is what sealed the deal to their “love”.
They look like frozen ventriloquist dummies, speaking robot cheater talk. Strange, very strange.
This is vulgar and juvenile BUT….;-)
P.F., You must remember that assholes have NO teeth. Therefore when they speak it comes out distorted, garbled and “plumb strange.”
My favorite part of the video is the shot of the handcrafted Giants sign with the bobble-head doll in front of it — its head bobbing as if to say “Yeah, I know. It’s ridiculous. I know.”
Ha! I thought that too I even rewound it a few times in disbelief at the noddy headed doll. That and the shot of Rebekah sitting like a kid on the steps blowing bubbles looking all cutesy. Shucks – know where I’d like to shove those bubbles Rebekah. It feels like you’re watching a parody – you start to think – god, is this for real. Are people actually that stupid.
Yeah those bubbles. LOL.
The answer to “are people actually that stupid” is YES, they are that stupid. The question I ponder that has no answer is “why are there no consequences?” when these appalling shallow people do appalling stupid things??
Tonya,
You are so right about the parody. I felt like this video was written by Christopher Guest, the direct of “Waiting for Guffman” and “Best in Show”. LOL
Hahaha, all they are missing is matching braces!
This one is for you Moving Liquid, LMAO!!!
http://youtu.be/lQKdEdzHnfU
Hahahaha…
Hahaha love it!!
That’s excellent!
Cheaters are tacky, so why wouldn’t they treasure a tacky giants home crafted piece of cheap pine that pays homage to a baseball team and is adorned by a bobble -head doll. It’s symbol of their tacky love story. Come on….their love story has symbolism, even if it’s made of cheap pine and Walmart varnish.
The video is a day in the life of these two romantics. She sits on steps to their front door and Mr. Power Saw cuts a piece of cheap wood from the edge of the garage and driveway. How exciting?
Yep….Mr. Sludge soon to be Mrs. Sludge can’t even be interviewed about their grand love without one of the kids off camera interrupting their delusional love story.
This is so freaking funny, that it’s so bloody sad.
I agree with everything people have said completely. Her third person in the marriage comment (which is ironic given that it originate with Princess Di who really did have that), the idea that this was “imperfect” not freakin hideous, all make me crazy. But what makes my heart really hurt is that this man chose to give an interview about how proud he was that he cheated In front of his two young, probably still hurting kids, and didn’t give a thought to them or what it would do to them to have this immortalized on the internet.
And the kids apparently were in the house, right in the next room during the interview!! I can’t imagine the horror their Mom must have experienced not only having her Chumpdom broadcast and celebrated on NYT and Huffpo but knowing that HER children were present while it was happening.
I consider this a form of emotional abuse of those kids similar to what my first husband used to do whenever he had them for the weekend, asking them wouldn’t they rather live with him? it ended up in court with him suing for custody (to get out of paying me child support) and the kids had to testify in front of the Judge, and they told me later… Dad said to us, go on now, tell the Judge what you told me, that you’d rather live with Dad, right!
If I were the Chumped ex wife of Vince in this story, I would be filing right now to change his visitation to supervised visitation until such time as he can get his priorities straight.
I would also think this constitutes such a breach of judgement to warrant him getting supervised visitation or at least a parenting coordinator. But that is probably what he wants. The kids are likely an inconvenience to his new life and this way he could not have them as much but blAme it on his ex wife.
Spot-on Carolyn.
I agree–the whole business is abusive of the first wife and kids but my guess is that will be an ongoing theme. I hope the first wife is NO CONTACT with these sickos, or at least as much as she can be. Good idea about supervised visitation. She sure has the video as support.
Yes, Carolyn, I suspect his new wife wears the pants in the family. She wanted him, he was flattered, and then his wife and kids became the “third person in the marriage.”
It would appear this is her first marriage and his second, so she’s feeling entitled to gift registries, and utterly inappropriate public videos declaring their love.
I don’t know why I’m surprised that they would be so clueless to not realize that this video makes them look even worse. It shows a complete lack of respect for the institution of marriage and makes them look like the selfish, entitled jerks that they are. Yet they still don’t get it! They are walking around proud of themselves and their love.
It’s surreal. I really, really wish his ex-wife would find her way here to CL.
Yes, I imagine she does wear the pants since he doesn’t seem keen on wearing any.
He can’t wear pants…every time he puts them on, they burst into flames. (Liar, liar…)
You get the impression Mr. Freaking Wonderful was and is an absent father. He has no idea what it means to marry….Yeah this woman deserves him. Hell they deserve each other. And that ex WIFE? May she finally have a chance to be truly happy (because it never happens with a liar and a cheat).
Oh well, at least the majority of comments to the article, same as the ‘you should apologise to your cheater’ idiot advice, no one is falling for it.
They are calling it for what it is: selfish, destructive hurtful cheating.
The OW is nothing but a thief. Stealing another woman’s husband and assuming his children will become her “family”. This happened to me, but in retrospect, it NEVER turns out well for the thief. They are simply deluded, immoral individuals. So happy my immoral ex found his cosmic twin. Gave me a second chance at authentic relationship.
Maybe.what we need here is a post around stories or unhappy ever afters of the ex and AP. The media only shows one side of the story and doesn’t really go that deep.
Jinx, you are right. Maybe Tracy could create a poll (from Chump Nation experience) of cheaters who end up with their affair partners? And how long they stay together? Because we all feel like they all live happily ever after…hopefully statistics will prove us wrong but if not at least we can enjoy those stories of those relationships that failed…
Marci,
It is hard for me to think of the OW as a thief. In mine and maybe most situations,
My STBX walked freely away from me and his family, and into someone else’s arms.
Period. No love. no loyalty, no respect for the vows. Yes if the OW had integrity, she wouldn’t have gotten involved with a married man in the first place. Doesn’t mean he would have stopped looking until he found someone who would.
Yes, we can call this OW names, but the bottom line is with the husband/wife who takes the step and cheats. Just “being friends” and “keeping in touch” via email is a bunch of b.s.
I blame them equally.
I am single. In my search for a new mate, I owe nothing to any man’s wife nor to his kids…except as a decent, moral human being, which the affair partners are NOT. The vile piece of shit who walked into my life unbeknownst to me, albeit through a door my ex opened, played a very central role in damaging my children in ways I cannot bear to imagine. She is evil and will forever leave a legacy of pain and destruction on this earth–arm in arm with my ex, who is also a vile piece of shit. That is who she is–someone who hurts people. She sucks. He sucks, but she sucks just as much. Thank God she and I have nothing in common.
I usually lurk here, and I usually don’t watch drivel posted, just because it isn’t good for my personal healing. However, I made it through about a minute and a half of this crap. They showed Mr. Perfect cutting a board on his table saw. Because I was married to a narc woodworker who does have some real talent at woodworking–and because I delved out the ego kibbles in abundance and learned everything there is to know about woodworking–Mr. Narc in the video is in serious danger of losing an appendage. His blade is wobbly. He doesn’t have it properly tightened. Also, he is standing wrong behind the saw. One always stands to the side of the piece one is cutting. If the blade catches the piece of wood wrong it can blow it backwards at a very high rate of speed–and his gut is right there. Unless Mr. Perfect figures out some basic woodworking 101 safety, an accident is only a matter of time for him.
Yeah, I have a feeling that the whole “woodworker” thing was part of the script that OW wrote for their magical fairytale romance story. Because, you know — he made her a wood thing once — and that’s when she KNEW. (Fairy dust, fairy dust, fairy dust)
Coincidentally, I’m taking a woodworking basics class tomorrow morning. I hope I’m able to get as familiar with tools as you are, Leia. 🙂
LilyBart,
Best of luck! Good for you for stepping out and learning something new! Best piece of advice I can give you is to follow all the safety rules every single time. If you’re running any sort of saw (miter box, table saw, etc) then use hearing protection and skip the mask. Air is dirty and a little wood dust isn’t going to hurt you. However, the sound of the saws are worse than rock concerts and can damage hearing.
As for the fairy dust in this video–it didn’t even sparkle! The Giants on a piece of pine??? If I were a Giants fan (and I’m not any sort of pro sports fan) then I would be offended that my team’s logo appears on such a mediocre piece of wood. Good thing they have manufactured plenty of unicorn farts to go along with it!!!
Ha — you’re right. It did look pretty cheap.
And thanks for the advice! I’ll definitely take your advice on hearing protection.
Narcs don’t give gifts that reflect their recipients. His cheap gift was a way of saying, “Look at me, I’m so wonderful, mama! I made something all by myself! Gimme kibbles!”
I don’t miss delving out those kibbles! We remodeled a kitchen. It looks great on the outside, but is so dysfunctional to work in. And it is ugly. STBX came home with some exotic African shit that is popular right now but which I deem ugly. Of course, I didn’t have a say in my own kitchen! I did, however, get the countertops and sink of my dreams. Then he wondered why I wanted to move. Dude totally didn’t listen to me.
I spent yesterday at the beach with a very dear friend from my college days (30 years and counting). One of our friends is cheating on her husband with a married man. I heard some very familiar excuses, but none more ridiculous than, “The marriages were already over.” I replied that marriage isn’t over until death or divorce. To rationalize any other way is to shit on everything the marriage once meant. In other words, cheating negates any love that may have been once shared. What a waste.
I can’t tell you how sickened I am about my cheating friend. Her behavior will definitely affect our friendship, because having been the duped, dumped spouse, I have no respect for people who put themselves above all needs of their family.
The worst excuse I ever heard from a mutual friend (ex-friend now in my case, he can keep her) is that the divorce was no one’s fault because he (cheater ex) can’t help how he feels.
Actually, one CAN help how one feels. One can operate by a strong set of proper values, and in living by said values, can live in a TRUE state of happiness, not of arbitrary, fleeting “feelings,” which result in destructive habits.
Jackass.
Miss Sunshine, I agree. That’s why that “friend” is no longer a friend. We obviously don’t share the same values. Feelings just are. What we do with them is something else. I believe we control our behavior 100% other than breathing.
Right on, sister!
“The worst excuse I ever heard from a mutual friend (ex-friend now in my case, he can keep her) is that the divorce was no one’s fault because he (cheater ex) can’t help how he feels.”
I agree that a person can’t help how they feel, but they absolutely 100% can control how they ACT. Just because you have a feeling doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it. Cheaters like to pretend that they are helpless victims, but of course they chose their actions.
You really have to wonder what the motives of someone are who act on their “feelings” without first clearing the way to act on those feelings with integrity. If they feel so much, do the honorable thing and end the oh-so-dead relationship.
But it’s about cake, and hedging their bets. Cheaters don’t cotton to being caught short.
This is another painful example of a cultural shift that elevates personal happiness over moral responsibility. What is next, surgeons who claim they do better work and are much more cheerful when they have a few beers before they operate? No need to think about the patient or their loved ones… Happy buzzed surgeons are entitled.
After watching that video….
I just want to strangle both of them. Her smugness is what infuriated me the most. I sure hope the happy little couple get their just desserts in the end.
Now I am going to go let out a really big scream and cry for the Mother of those children. WTF is wrong with people?
What’s wrong?
It’s called “Empathy Deficit” There’s just no trust in the common currency of that divine-like human quality where we feel another person’s joy or pain.
We blank out the faces of the innocent and put up bronze statues of the victors.
Cheaters win in the short game…no question. We must believe that the long game will correct that and empathy, the greatest human virtue, will triumph and cheaters finish last.
Love, Peace, Out! (as my son says).
I simply do not have enough middle fingers to flip at that Vows couple.
Nor do I.
me two
You just hold up three fingers and let them “read between the lines”…
Didn’t read all these, so this may be redundant:
How about Tracy/Chump Nation reach out the the first Mrs. Gordon and get her story for CL?
I agree.
YES!!
My heart broke a little when I saw this. So a man leaves his wife, seeks a divorce, and puts his children’s home in limbo because he was “crazy” about this woman who sees that all as an “imperfection” and these two media outlets wrap up it up in a neat little video clip with stock inspirational music like it is a charming love story sending the message that is okay to deliberately hurt other people for your own selfishness? This is not a love story because people like that cannot love. It is, however, bullshit.
All I could think about was the first wife.
Because it felt like a punch in the gut that my husband deserted me and had an affair and his parents said nothing. It burns me that our acquaintances never reached out to me to see how I was doing nor questioned his motives, warmly accepting this woman into their circle as if I never existed. And I really loathe the woman who entered a relationship with a married man and considered me a mere “third-party” that was in the way of her life. Most of all I blame him.
I realize he lied and misled to each and every one of these people. But we forget the social and communal element of a marriage and its role in a divorce.
In the end, I came out better, because I am now surrounded by honest people who are kind and caring. They came into my life without an “imperfect beginning.” I have no third-party in my life because I handled my marriage and divorce with dignity and respect, even when my spouse did not.
I would tell them to to go to hell, but isn’t hell “the suffering of being unable to love?” (Dostoyevsky).
Yes my heart too goes out to his wife also. To have them declare their ‘love’ in such a public way after causing so much hurt would be an unbelievable burden to bear. It is bad enough seeing pictures of the canoodling cheaters on facebook and the like. It’s like having your nose rubbed in their shit – insult added to injury – salt in a wound.
Don’t any of the chummy well-wishers consider how vile and inconsiderate this video is to the betrayed spouse? There is being self-absorbed, and then there is being PATHOLOGICALLY cruel and self-absorbed. You knowingly go after this woman’s husband (by accidentally keeping in touch via IM and email) and aren’t satisfied with that! You have to go public with your “love story”.
Karma…..oh yeah……these are horrible people…..that bus is coming.
Dr., you write beautifully to explain a horrific and tragic situation. We’ll never forget what it felt like to be betrayed like this. But the “gift” of selecting honest, kind, and caring people to now share our lives with is something our cheaters will never have.
Cheaters never will unless they find a way to have an out-of-body experience 24/7.
Didn’t read all replies, but in favor of Tracy getting “…the rest of the story…” from the first Mrs. Gordon.
And… a double post. Sorry!
I would bet that first wife has more integrity in her little finger than those two cheaters combined.
The NYT posting this shit in the Style|VOWS section pisses me off. In what world does this belong there?! And the way they used their words to completely erase his ex wife was sickening. They never say ex wife, they refer to his marriage and kids as obstacles, they reduce the wife to “his marriage” as though the wife was some appendage he had to shed.
At least Huffpo allows comment (the majority slating them)
Does NYT?
I think Tori and Dean should play them when the movie of their great love story is made.
Possibly too much information, but 2 Google hops and I found both his work phone number at the Coast Guard, and her Linked In account. Not too hard to let them know personally what a person thinks of their behavior…..
namedforvera, I’m wondering if some sicko narc out there will try to contact him to see if she can “steal” him from her? You know, to show Rebekah that she’s not worth fighting for anymore.
Doesn’t the Coast Guard have an opinion on infidelity? Other branches of the military do.
Pretty sure there’s something in the UCMJ about: Conduct, Unbecoming an Officer and a Gentleman…
I believe her LinkedIn profile is here: http://www.linkedin.com/in/rebekahgordon
Current
Consultant at JPI
Past
Senior Technical Editor/Writer at Alion Science and Technology
Associate Editor, Inside the Navy/InsideDefense.com at Inside Washington Publishers
Communication Consultant at San Mateo County Elections Office
Education
Columbia University – Graduate School of Journalism
Cornell University
Just watched the video of the ‘Happy love birds.’ Gah!
He’s an asshole Cheater Mother Fucker and she’s a Skank Woman. This shit pisses me off beyond belieg. On some ‘news’ story spewing their drivel. Yeah, where’s the XW telling her side of the story? And the poor sausage having trouble getting out of bed! But Rebekah helped him! I wonder who helped his poor wife out bed?? These pieces of shit are all the same. Every last of them. I hate them all. They leave slime trails wherever they go.
The children and his marriage was the third person in the relationship????? WTF REBEKKKKAH ??? No bitch you are the third person in the relationship. Jeez. He looks like a real fucking prize too making his such mucky wood shit. Charming. Way to go Huff Post
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Still trying to convince themselves that what they did was okay. People who are at peace with their decisions don’t need to say a word to anyone. It will show.
I read that too and was so annoyed that the NYT would publish the announcement. Sick to think that this is the new normal and it’s alright to lavish love on these cheaters. Some day soon reality will be theirs. I wish his EX all the best and hopes for a happy joyous future without the cheater!
On a light note, was one of his kids on the pot pooping and needing a wipe? Couldn’t they have waited to film until everyone was pooped, fed, taken care of? HOW WEIRD!
Excellent point Linda! Without input from the collateral damage (betrayed spouse and kids), it is a very Imperfect article.
I only made it to the woodworking part. These two make me sick. And the whole going to a national media event smack of “Tori and Dean” syndrome. These narcissists don’t get enough kibbles from the cheating, now that it is over and it isn’t a big secret “us against the world.” They have to amp up the narcissist juice somehow–so hey! national media! My gues is that this isn’t his first cheater rodeo, just the first one who got him out of the marriage from the poor wife who carries all the weight while he’s deployed somewhere. Disgusting.
This one hit me hard, even though I am a chump who has had it relatively easy–no kids, good job, people who have helped. The MOW, just after D-Day, put this up on Pinterest: “When I first met her, I knew in a moment I would have to spend the next few days rearranging my mind to there’d be room for her to stay.” (It’s supposedly a Fitzgerald quotation, but I have seen it attributed to someone else as well, so I can’t vouch for the source.) So here MOW is, putting this up on an open social media site that her in-laws and friends can read, and of course, me as well. Reading this was like swallowing fire. Written as it is from the male POV, she’s imagining that Jackass knew “in a moment” that he would spend “the next few days rearranging [his} mind so there’d be room for her to stay.” So I got “rearranged” out of his mind. Evidently, the husband, three kids and her pets had a similar, if transitory, fate. Who thinks like this? How do you talk about actual people you are hurting as if they were nothing? I said the other day that I don’t hate Jackass, and that’s true. I can see the trajectory of his whole life pretty clearly now, and things won’t end well for him, as narcissists who think they know everything never find a better way to live. It’s just a waste of a life. He hurt me as only he could hurt me, because he knew where to put the knife. But I picked him and I have to own the fact that I put myself in harm’s way. His MOW, on the other hand, ran over me like a rabbit in the road on her way to a big party. She didn’t know me and she was willing to destroy my life–and that of her husband and kids. She could just reach in and make him “rearrange” his mind so that she was the one who mattered. It’s not at all meh, but I was very happy when he “rearranged his mind again” and kicked her to the curb 6 weeks or so after I caught them. Rebekah (or however she spells it) will be discarded at some point too, though if he learned well enough this time, it may take a while before she catches on.
I made it 10 seconds after that wood block scene, and turned it off with the violins playing.
I think they reduce the wife/husband to an object that needs “rearranging” (in your case) or “baggage” (in Rebekah’s case) because for narcissists, people they don’t need or want really don’t exist for them. To acknowledge someone else’s pain means that they have caused it, and narcissists cannot bear to be seen as being in the wrong. So they try to make others disregard the bad behaviour by spinning BS about true love, etc.
In the end it’s all BS. We all see it, but they carry on their merry way regardless.
This is how I feel too:
“I said the other day that I don’t hate Jackass, and that’s true. I can see the trajectory of his whole life pretty clearly now, and things won’t end well for him, as narcissists who think they know everything never find a better way to live. It’s just a waste of a life.”
I don’t care about the “happy” couple at all. I wish there was some way to reach out to the ex wife and let her know that people are concerned about her and her children. I can’t imagine how awful it would be to see this kind of announcement of your ex’s wedding vows with the OW published and then have it go viral!
I tried to leave a comment on Huff Post telling the wife to come to CL, but for some reason wasn’t able to post my comment.
Best Parts of the Video……
1. Camera Focus on the Book The Happiness Project.
2. Rebekah’s Job when they met, “I was providing um legislative affair support to the coast guard”. – She did her job.
3. I just said, “Very Honestly, I’m just crazy about you.” – Guess he was dishonest when he said that to his 1st wife.
4. It was tough trying to figure out what the right way forward was. – Um not going forward?
LOL, they sound so stupid, like children! Pathetic.
Seems like Ms. Rebekah did acknowledge that she saw his ring at first, but that didn’t stop the self-justifying slut from sexting/texting/IM a married man. I wonder if she realized that every moment he spent thinking of her and texting her was STOLEN time from his family and wife. May be she felt a little bad about it, but not guilty enough to stop. She looks like a deer in headlights. She doesn’t realize that she is eventually going to get hit by a Mack Truck and her new sparkly husband is the driver. Of course not, because she is so special. The story and the background sappy music makes me ILL. These people have mindsets that have been stunted since their teenage years. They love the butterfly feelings in their tummies and the infatuation feelings for each other. They are INCAPABLE of mature love. When it gets to that point in the relationship, this twu luv will FAIL. THEY BOTH SUCK!
“I wonder if she realized that every moment he spent thinking of her and texting her was STOLEN time from his family and wife.” You can be sure she did realize this. That was part of the fun and excitement. Can I take him away from the first wife? No need to speculate on her FOO issues, but some people need the triangle in their lives to get the buzz. Now the triangle is her, him and the kids (3rd party…) so you can guess how that is going to work out.
There were days of the divorce proceedings where he was upset and could barely get out of bed and she says it was too important to give up on?
It is such a shame this was so hard on him oh the poor baby.
Nice, the wife is considered baggage.
And to think he couldn’t say how he felt so he made her a cheap block of wood and that was all it took to win her over, she started crying when she heard he was crazy about her and was married and would not cross that line?
Are you kidding me? Cross that line? He ended his marriage it is so much more than crossing a line. What a pig, and she is also a pig.
Oh flirty coast guard boy whatcha doing honey?
Oh just give me a break this is really upsetting me, when I think I have heard it all, I then hear more and realize I have not heard it all.
Jeeze…all I can do is sputter and cuss after seeing this.
I like the response that people like these two are unable to love. I think it might go a lot further to shame people if the response to cheaters was to say that they obviously lack empathy and are therefore unable to love.
Gah! I missed that it was a video – I didn’t think I’d have to HEAR it! Why would anyone engage in this, participate in this. “Hi, world! I’m an adulteress! And proud of it!”
No Glasto, can’t you see, it’s not adultery – it’s just imperfect love : ), with bubbles and woodcraft and a little excess baggage and tonnes of happiness.
Tosses a mean “word salad” doesn’t she?
Look, it is futile discussing morality with these wingnuts. They are both too dumb and too far gone , morally, to get through to.
That guy looks like he has very limited upper body strength. Wht is the military coming to when a wimp like this is allowed in.
At 61 years old, I am certain I could kick his ass. He needs to hit the weight room asap,
Arnold, he is a pathetic weak man. You could certainly kick his ass.
H E R O S
Thanks CL for bringing this up.
2 Cents worth:
Everyone wants heroes. We want them in our papers, TV, opera, novels, etc. We want them soooooo badly we’ll take whatever material is most available and redress trash to make a prince or princess.
What we’re doing by hero-izing the most base characters – an oathbreaker – is to lower all moral standards: this in an attempt to elevate ourselves without effort, sacrifice, or cost.
NEWS Flash… the hero is the one who foregoes romantic affairs till they are truly free of their oaths. The hero is the one who confronts their current problems face-on NOT push them to the side and forge on with their own gratification. They do not put the costs onto the most innocent and vulnerable. Heros put their own well-being behind those of others for moral & humanistic reasons.
Love this blog.
In fiction, the hero is the person who pays the price, not the shoplifter.
So well said!
Reading about this video is hard enough, and I’ve no desire to see it at all. I guess I’m in a place where all the glamorizing of narc behavior, winking and smirking at the cheaters, and tossing aside families (which does just happen to include partners and kids) like old useless “baggage” is very disheartening.
Absolutely not putting anyone down for watching it. I’ve enjoyed the post and comments; they reinforce I’m in good company here. But for me, right now watching a video like this would be almost like another gut punch, just rubbing salt in wounds.
Feel horrible for the ex-wife and the kids (what can they be thinking?), and can only hope they can come through this clustrf*d mixmaster they are being put through OK.
They looked like siblings. Freaked me out a bit.
i havent read any comments yet but man did this hit me hard. that is how his MOW or i guess his MSO (married signifigant other, since i was recently told she is not the other woman anymore as we are divorced now. she was the other woman who was fucking my husband who happens to still be married, i am confused on what to call her.)
anyhow… that is how she thinks. they are happy now so leave them alone. i am just going to have to accept that they are a couple now (she didnt accept that he and i were a couple just a couple of months ago). and she doesnt judge me, she respects me (WTF does that even mean!! her idea of respect and my idea of respect are 2 very different things. plus she didnt respect that i was married to this asshole)
so i sat there *shellshocked* listen to this woman vomit these excuses out of her mouth as he passively sat there and let her. i was thinking that sounds all well and good, IF YOU just conveniently forget about his wife. lets not mentioned how much his wife trusted him and believed him because after all you just cant help falling in love with someone. i was attracted to a few guys while i was married to the fuktard. both physcially and mentally, enjoyed their company, had the same interests, whatever. I MADE SURE TO STAY AWAY FROM THAT PERSON, TO NOT TALK TO HIM UNLESS MY HUSBAND WAS THERE, TO LIMIT CONTACT AND CONVERSATION WITH HIM since i was married. i belonged to someone else. i was NOT available. and guess what, it did not take long for those feelings to pass. i truly loved my husband, faults and all.
how sad that THIS is what is acceptable in our world. THIS is okay with society. THIS is what our children have to look forward too.
Oh and m XH mso has helped my XH thru this hard time. she has been there for him thru all the ugliness of our divorce. because well, you know. she wuvs him so much. he doesnt say much, just does what she wants. just like this bitch on the video. he says there were many times i couldnt have made it thru my divorce with rebecca. WTF!! you wouldnt have been getting a divorce without rebecca and he acts like she is his savior?!?!
i just dont get it. i cant and dont think the same way as these people. it just doesnt make sense to me.
“i just dont get it. i cant and dont think the same way as these people. it just doesnt make sense to me.”
That is what I am coming to terms with. We try to understand how they can do what they do from a rational viewpoint and it simply. Cannot. Be. Done. But they have their own tunnel visioned perspective of the world, and to them it makes perfect sense.
As hurt and mad as I can get when I sit back and think of the things my wife has done, and as much as I think about the karma bus – I truly do not think I would ever, under any circumstances, be capable of doing to her what she has done to me. And then, as much as I know better than to do this, I sit back and think, “How could she?”
I know, it’s a waste of time to try to understand them, but it’s way easier said than done. I think getting to meh is like making sausage – not a pretty process.
I’m moving on at the best pace I can muster and hope you can too, mrsvain. So sorry, I think everyone here has had similar thoughts to yours. I know I have.
Chumpguy, I tried also to imagine ever doing the horrible things to anyone that my Ex did to me. At one point during the dissolution of our 16 year relationship in the months following DDay, he complained that I wasn’t being appreciative enough of how “nice” he was now being (by “listening” and “reading my emails”), and he said, “I would just like you to treat me the way you would like to be treated yourself!” I replied, well for starters, I would like to not be lied to and cheated on.
Another time he said, “What would YOU do, if you were me, in re you?” Gotta love that “in re” objectification! I answered, “I can’t answer that because in a billion years I never could do to you what you did to me.” He texted back “ok.”
On the night of D-Day I said to him, “I could never do to you what you did to me!” and he shot back, “And I could never do to YOU what you did to me all those years by neglecting me [and making me cheat – implied].
So putting yourself in their shoes, well, it’s just impossible to do because we are honest, unselfish people and they are not. Not by a longshot.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and this may come across as odd but while watching the video my gaydar started pinging like mad. I thought I was nuts so I sent it to a couple of gay friends. They’re all thinking that yep, this guy is gay as the day is long. Weird, eh?
Kinda with you on that one, Nord. But gaydar is a pretty imperfect thing, so who knows?
Andy Wharhol was right, sadly. Their 15 minutes of fame would be perfect for SNL except there are people they hurt. “Oh, it was twoo wuv at first sight over an oily duck”
Andy Warhol.
My ex’s whore had a The Knot web site (luckly I found it AFTER she shitcanned him for ANOTHER man – HA!!!!! Or I probably would have killed myself.) She put “He was playing hard to get – he knew I was trouble!” (Oh she thinks she is ADORABLE!) UM no, c*nt, he was MARRIED. The whole thing was just beyond vomitous. And of course she married the man she was cheating on my ex with and they have a beautiful house and twins. Anyone who believes in karma REALLY has their head up their ass.
I nearly puked a few times watching that video.
He is a coward.
Their telling of the story is full of self-serving crap. This is how it really happened:
Him – I met a hot woman while still married and working away from home. I have no self control when it comes to receiving attention from attractive women. The fact that I was married, with a family, nagged at me, in the background, constantly, but this wasn’t enough for me to put a stop to it. This seemed new, exciting and full of the possibility of hot sex. Families break up all the time. It’s not like I’m a pioneer. Kids are resilient – they’ll be OK. I’ve got to think about my own happiness. Let’s face it, I’m obviously unhappy in my marriage otherwise I wouldn’t have these feelings for the hot lady I just met.
Her – I know he’s married but he’s just so handsome and gentle. Not at all like the losers I’ve dated in the past. And he loves his kids. He’s such a great Dad. Such a peaceful, respectful guy. It’s obvious his wife doesn’t appreciate him. I’m going to pursue him because I’m single and desperate enough to be party to destroying a family and breaking the hearts of his wife and children. Kids are resilient. We’ll come to love eachother, over time.
What a couple of narcissistic losers. You’re not special, idiots. You just had an emotional affair that turned physical, just like all the other tools before you.
Dude – you’re gone as soon as she gets a glimpse of the real you.
Lady – you’re gone as soon as he travels for work and meets someone hotter.
Have a great life, homewreckers.
Talk about Narcissism. Poor thing, the wife and children are in the way. Sorry you home wrecking bitch, but you are the 3rd party, not his wife and kids. And there were days he just couldn’t get out of bed. Poor baby. These two make me puke. I can’t believe this is even a story as if it something for them to celebrate.
I hope they both share their next love stories with us all, when they get bored with each other.
Then we’ll get two wonderful new stories of love.
The video makes me wanna throw up. AND…by “his kids are worth fighting for…” and “the family unit is worth fighting for…”–does that mean she’s going to go after custody of his kids? So revolting that it hurts my head to think about it.
Just got around to watching this. Not much to add other than blech!
A short look at the returns from googling these two shows that they were married July 19, according to their fancy registries. Also, they were married in a church. First Presbyterian of Burlingame or Burlingname, I forget. In CA. A brief little item in the church bulletin under “Prayers of Thanksgiving” mentioned their wedding. Now, please excuse me while I go vomit. And cry. Even the churches are ok with this crap.
Ms. Rebekah Gordon gets criticized on a mom’s board here:
http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/55296966
Rebekah Gordon Taylor and Vince Taylor’s love is real.
http://soulmateshmoopies.wordpress.com/2010/11/06/part-1/
very reliable & fast ; something hard to find but it has been found in DALLAS TOWING !
Wait, you’re THE exw? Can’t believe they missed this post.
Yes ma’am
Holy crap. I’m so sorry for your loss. Have you been hanging around CL this whole time? (Sorry, I can’t keep all the users straight.)
Also, Raging. I see you’ve been here a long time too. Thanks to all the chumps who stick around to pay it forward.
Wow. He’s a horrible person. I’m sorry he put you through all that. Be mighty. Chump Nation is here for you if you need us.
Anewbeggining, you deserve better, and so do your kids. Even though it was a brief video, it was easy to imagine not missing him. Also, Douchebag should pay for the braces… 😉