Cheating with the nanny — is this the most common celebrity infidelity trope, or what? Robin Williams, Jude Law, Ben Affleck, and now Gavin Rossdale, Gwen Stefani’s husband. Is there something just irresistibly seductive about child care providers?
Low on the totem pole, baby vomit in their hair, diaper bags slung over their schlumpy shoulders — this is the competition to beauties like Jennifer Garner and Gwen Stefani?
It’s so creepy. These Other Women are the anti-nannies. Mary Poppins would never blow Mr. Banks. (If she did, Mrs. Banks and the suffragettes would’ve kicked her ass and sung a witty song about it.)
It’s one thing to fuck your employer. Many cheaters do that. It’s quite a monstrous thing, however, to insinuate yourself into a chump’s household and fuck her husband. It’s a Trojan horse attack. You entrust nannies with your children. They share the most intimate details of your domestic life. They’re granted access few others have. Then this person turns on you? How do you explain to minor children Daddy’s been fucking the babysitter and now Ms. Poppins has to leave?
As for the men who cheat with nannies? Not much analysis required. Narcissism and opportunity. You don’t have to trawl any further than the next bedroom over. How convenient. Like a Hot Pocket.
Is your wife successful? Beautiful? Devoted to you? What better way to take her down than fuck the nanny. Oh, he didn’t intend to hurt you. It was just a dalliance. A midnight trip to the freezer for a snack. See, there are successful, beautiful, devoted kibbles, and then there are nanny kibbles. Young, adoring, opportunistic, worshipping kibbles. All kibbles are good kibbles.
What? You’re divorcing his misogynistic ass?
You read the tabloids. You know what comes next.
His representative says he will remain best of friends with the chump — for the children.
* Photostill, Walt Disney Co. Mary Poppins movie 1964.