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What Is It With the Nannies?

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mary-poppinsCheating with the nanny — is this the most common celebrity infidelity trope, or what? Robin Williams, Jude Law, Ben Affleck, and now Gavin Rossdale, Gwen Stefani’s husband. Is there something just irresistibly seductive about child care providers?

Low on the totem pole, baby vomit in their hair, diaper bags slung over their schlumpy shoulders — this is the competition to beauties like Jennifer Garner and Gwen Stefani?

It’s so creepy. These Other Women are the anti-nannies. Mary Poppins would never blow Mr. Banks. (If she did, Mrs. Banks and the suffragettes would’ve kicked her ass and sung a witty song about it.)

It’s one thing to fuck your employer. Many cheaters do that. It’s quite a monstrous thing, however, to insinuate yourself into a chump’s household and fuck her husband. It’s a Trojan horse attack. You entrust nannies with your children. They share the most intimate details of your domestic life. They’re granted access few others have. Then this person turns on you? How do you explain to minor children Daddy’s been fucking the babysitter and now Ms. Poppins has to leave?

As for the men who cheat with nannies? Not much analysis required. Narcissism and opportunity. You don’t have to trawl any further than the next bedroom over. How convenient. Like a Hot Pocket.

Is your wife successful? Beautiful? Devoted to you? What better way to take her down than fuck the nanny. Oh, he didn’t intend to hurt you. It was just a dalliance. A midnight trip to the freezer for a snack. See, there are successful, beautiful, devoted kibbles, and then there are nanny kibbles. Young, adoring, opportunistic, worshipping kibbles. All kibbles are good kibbles.

What? You’re divorcing his misogynistic ass?

You read the tabloids. You know what comes next.

His representative says he will remain best of friends with the chump — for the children.

 

* Photostill, Walt Disney Co. Mary Poppins movie 1964.

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Let’s not forget Arnold S. cheating on Maria with the housekeeper AND having an out of wedlock child with the housekeeper!

    • He’s the first one that came to mind for me too! Oh Schwarz, I never really liked you anyway. Your calves were too big in all those Terminator movies and you always held your gun all weird. Maria is too good for you.

    • I was visiting a friend who was working at an overseas embassy about 5 years ago. Arnold stopped in for a quick pep talk to the employees on his way to meet the president of that country. I remember him saying that Maria couldn’t be with him on this trip. It was just a few months later that we learned that Maria already knew about his shenanigans. I got to shake his hand that day but now it disgusted me.

  • This proves beauty, intelligence, quality, they have NOTHING to do with this. As CL puts it, it’s all about different kibbles. Wives tend to demand things like reciprocation and an equal amount of commitment to the family. Nannies just think you are “cool”. And for disordered assholes, it is irresistible.

    I feel for Gwen Stefani and Jennifer Garner and others. Mine wasn’t the nanny but the pain is the same either way. It sucks. I hope they take these guys to the cleaners.

    • “wasn’t the nanny but the pain is the same either way. It sucks.”

      Same here… best friend that wife decided to bang…

      • That’s terrible!!! I am so sorry SDK. My STBX’s whore was someone I knew too.. not a “good” friend, but I did yoga with her, she had been around my kids. The “double betrayal” is so much worse. But just trust that they suck. They really suck. It’s not you.

        • Mine was my best friend from school days. I’m 38 now…

          But he did me favour.. I never saw how she used me, and quite sure she had an affair few years ago with another man (no proof , but 99% sure).

          The friend and his wife are still together (she had affair in 2006)… but that is one dysfunctional setup. He is the doormat for his wife, my STBX thought she would like a doormat too…

          • Idiots!!!!! You have the right attitude, he did do you a huge favor. I am starting to see the whore that way too. She’s a POS for sure, but her Karma will be having to deal with his disordered ass, that assumes she is even in it for a relationship, which I suspect she isn’t.. because he has a match.com profile active. I think she’s just a fling… but apparently it was worth throwing away a 20 year relationship. It boggles the mind, but whatever. Not my monkey, not my circus. Truth is there aren’t very many women who would put up with what I did all those years from him. Now I am starting to see it for what it was- just like CL and a lot of vets said would happen, things start to come together when you get distance from it.

            38 is really young. I am 42 and I feel young. In some ways, I feel better than ever. I just want to get through the D so I can start living life again. This has sucked the air out of the room for 8 months and I am so sick of it.

            We have to come out of this with a hopeful attitude which some days are hard given the betrayals we’ve experienced. But being on this board really helps to know there are good men (and women) out there and this is not about us. We are quality people. It’s about them and their disordered narcissistic tendencies. I wish I never had to see him again but we have to co parent. That’s the shit sandwich buffet that never ends.

            You are doing good SDK!!! Hang tough!!!!

            • My a-hole decided that a 47 year old drug addicted, shoplifter, without a job, who still lives with her parents was better than me after 29 years together! SCUMBAG!

            • My ex did the truck driving employee. She babysat my kids also. When he told me he was marrying her, my response was “And I hope you treat her as well as you treated me.” The low lifes deserve each other!

            • Thanks newchumpatl!

              “I just want to get through the D so I can start living life again. ”
              EXACTLY how I feel. I can’t wait to get rid of her (yes we will share kids).

              You are 42, still young! You will find someone to make you happy like you should be. My spidy senses will be more active , watching for those red alarms bells when I meet people/girlfriends/dates…. 🙂

              Good luck to you!!

    • It hurts no matter w who. The humiliation is unbearable. To be going through this as a private person is bad enough. I feel for all, let’s not forget Hillary. What shame she must have felt as well.

      These women show me the strength that I need to show. I don’t envy, Jen, Gwen, Blake, ((male)), the roller coaster has just begun… ugh…

    • I read that Jen deliberately waited until after their 10th anniversary to file for divorce (even though they have been separated for months) so that she would get a better settlement for a “substantial” marriage.

  • Cheater resents suppose because, well, because cheaters are f#cktards.

    Cheater looks around, sees nanny as something sparkly.

    The rest is cliche territory! 🙂

  • A friend had triplets… Her husband was insisting on an au pair from Austria. I looked at her and said… ‘ i think you better make sure she is 65 portly and has a moustache!’
    …. Who can afford a Nanny?

    • Actually, if you have multiple kids, a live-in au pair is less expensive than other kinds of day care. Domestic nannies do cost a fortune, but au pair costs are offset because you provide “room and board”. We had 4 of them over 9 years, and they were gems! And not one of them fucked my sbtx, though one was unwittingly used by him to further his long term affair with OWhore.

      And as a throwback to yesterday’s topic, when I did ask him if he had fucked any of the au pairs, he was horrified that I would even suggest it. “I would NEVER do THAT to them! They’re so young! That’s sick!” But a 15 years younger AP? No problem!

      • And Clip, if you think no one would have an affair with a woman who is portly, 65 and mustachioed, you haven’t been paying attention. Cheaters will fuck anyone, any time, anywhere, no questions.

        • Conversely, a 65 yr old portly, non-mustachioed Sad Sausage will also hook up with a 25 yr old office underling. Ask me how I know…..

        • Oh… I have been paying attention…. I have no doubt that the sack of shit will screw the nanny even if she was a three hundred pound gorilla( no offense to three hundred pound gorillas)

  • Same story, just the names being changed. I only wish more of the chumps had the intestinal fortitude to stand up publicly and say “screw you, get out of my life, you can pick the kids up on 9 am Saturday!”

    I know that may feel insensitive to the children but I really feel like we need more role models in the “I am not a doormat” category. Then again, I just got my mediation day on the calendar and I’m feeling more than a little empowered at the moment. Forgive my serotonin levels!

  • Geez..the nanny is not for the children, it’s for the man-baby who needs to be breast fed….cause it’s so hard to be all grown up in Hollywood.

  • I was a nanny when I was young and in college. The Father tried to sleeze on me multiple times. Problem was, I adored his kids and loved his wife like she was my own Mother. I remember one particular time when he was asking me what kind of car a young, hot chick like me would like to be picked up in…his new truck or his porshe? I looked him dead in the eye and said dryly, “You’re married. Why do you care?” He didn’t respond. A year later when they divorced, I chose to continue working with her and refused to have anything to do with him ever again.

    Not all nannies want these gross men.

      • I also want to point out that a nanny gets put in a really bad position when sleezed on by a Dad. Confront the Dad and you might get fired. (My comment was after MONTHS of creepy behavior and I remember my heart beating a million miles a minute I was so afraid of being fired) Or you can tell the Mom (which to this day, I never did) and risk….you guessed it! Being fired. Most nannies are broke college kids who need the job that works around thier class schedule. It really is lose-lose for the nanny. But of course, cheating POS Dads never give a crap about the crappy position they are putting thier employees in. No risk of a sexual harassment lawsuit! Free game!

        Barf. It has been close to 2 decades since I’ve had any contact with that guy and I still hate him. When Mom told me she was divorcing him, I couldn’t wait to work OT to move her out of “his” house.

        • This is true. When I was a babysitter, I was hit on once by a dad, and it still creeps me out to this day.

          I think these nanny-cheaters are a different breed. They maybe would be OW anyhow, it’s just that the opportunity is there, as a nanny. Just MHO

        • I come from a country where the nanny-maids were poor uneducated women who lived in the family home because they have no other opportunities available to them. It was well known that these women would often end up servicing the husband as well as the young boys of the family, who they would loose their virginity with. Cheaper, cleaner and easier to access than prostitutes. These poor women often ended up living their entire lives in the family home and in some cases had children from one of the males of the house. This sounds so like slavery but it still exists in many countires, even though today many more women know their rights and try to get educated, and don`t accept living in a family home.

          So, it absolutely disgusts me to see that an educated, beautiful, full of opportunities young woman would willingly become the OW, as if she could take over the wife`s life and replace her. But even more disgusting are these men prowlers who violate ALL boundaries in utter disrespect and cruelty for their wife and children. They should all be tarred and feathered.

          But on an optimistic note, a recent ruling by a female judge Colombia, declared that
          “infidelity is a form of psychological abuse” after a policman murdered his wife, when she decided to leave him because of constant infidelity and physical abuse. The most interesting part of the decision is that it attributes responsibility to the State, through the National Police because ” through omission, (the police) tolerated and condoned the misconduct and beatings and infidelity and allowed that domestic violence was accentuated to the point that it had a fatal outcome,” The judge argues that public institutions, particularly the National Police have the legal mandate to monitor the way in which the soldiers carry the authority they hold in their homes, especially when they have a gun that is given to them by the State, in their home.

          Rodrigo Córdoba, president of the Latin American Psychiatric Association said that although “infidelity occurs frequently, it is a form of abuse because it causes large wounds and restlessness in the person. and can affect people who are emotionally fragile the most,someone may end up being depressed and suffer greatly”.

          Isabel Londono, executive director of the Women’s Foundation, also added that “for women without economic independence, a partner’s infidelity should not only be regarded as a form of psychological abuse, but also of torture, because she has many limitations to get out of the situation”

          http://www.eltiempo.com/estilo-de-vida/salud/infidelidad-fallo-del-consejo-de-estado-la-considera-una-forma-de-maltrato/16162255

          • chaocuernudo – what a positive message you’ve posted! Finally! A country is doing something right on behalf of spouses who are – literally – psychologically abused by these douchebag cheaters!! Love it!!

            With no more than a tap on the hand, offenders in the U.S. get away with destroying the lives of loyal spouses, often times sending them into months or years of PTSD and/or other mental or physical wellness issues, along with the financial destruction an impending divorce brings. Children often suffer long-term consequences of their betraying parent’s selfish behavior, and too many times also must suffer the psychological abuse of being forced to endure the “company” of the OM or OW who knowingly destroyed their immediate family.

            Looks like on the social issue of infidelity, Columbia and the U.S. are the difference between progressive and educated, and the freakin’ Stone Age.

          • It is , pretty much, the same for fathers-emotional and psychological abuse. Maybe , if the couple had agreed to the stay at home mom deal, the woman gets screwed financially.
            By the same token, the working dad whose wife cheats, most often loses custody and has doubts re paternity.
            Whichever partner does the stay at home gig gets screwed, as does the worker who loses custody.

            • I completely agree Arnold, but the case was about a stay-at-home mom being killed by her police officer cheating husband. There is still a machismo thing going on there, but I understand that from the city of Cali, Colombia (where my cheater´s OW is from) the majority of Ashley Madison suscribers are women. So much for gender equality…

        • I think your story demonstrates that cheaters thrive on power and control. They love the secrets, and it really gets them off to think they have such control over another person. You’re right, nannies are screwed either way, and slimy cheaters know that.

          WHO’s response was stellar! I know I would be blindsided and totally speechless, so props to you WHO!!! Your story actually gave me a lift today… the fact that you shut a cheater down. Go WHO!

  • The nanny does many of the tasks that a wife does, but does them without demands. Passive-aggressively, the nanny is usurping her own boss (the wife). Both nanny-OW and cheaters are lowest of the low.

    When I hired my babysitter, I consciously thought about the possibility that my then-husband would cheat (or at least hit on her and make her uncomfortable). She was very pretty. But she was the best babysitter, so I hired her anyhow. I was worried not just about getting cheated on/disrespected but also worried about him making her uncomfortable and her leaving, and there would go my good childcare! It’s so wrong that I even had that through and that doubt, in the first place. I really shouldn’t have had to worry about that, but I knew for a fact that it was a definite possibility.

    It makes me wonder if other wives worry about this when choosing a nanny. One of my close friends was a nanny. Looks-wise, she isn’t what our society considers to be beautiful, far from it. But guess what? Her schedule was packed and she had a waiting list. I wonder if her appearance might have been a selling point for the discerning wife?

    • I want to add: I know that looks don’t matter at all to cheaters, it’s not the motivation. But still makes me wonder.

        • I feel you Klf. almost 50 myself and my Idiot hooked up with an 18 year old… Who is now 21. Beside the ‘ ick’ factor its hard to not to compare yourself. Her ass is tighter… Boobs dont sag. I have never met her… Nor seen pictures… But I my self esteem did take a beating for awhile. I had to remember that i too was 18 at one time had an ass you could cut bread on…now its just doughy! Doesnt matter how she looks anymore… Or her age….. I realized that he picked her because she was the one to believe his ‘ story’ He had others but chose the most naive one. The one he could manipulate. He chose her well. And in alot of ways I feel bad for her because she is a child. Thats the mother in me perhaps. I dont excuse her behavior.

          • Thanks for the response.
            It’s just so hard cuz she was living with us as our sitter when she was 20 and was having family issues and had been raped by a group of men. We took her in and introduced her to friends as our third daughter and tells me that she wouldn’t be alive without me and then starts flirting with my husband and he starts sleeping in her room across the hall from be so she can sleep through her night terrors. It started as an emotional affair with her because she needed him and he felt he was being benevolent and caring and then it became physical. She has the nerve to even ask to sleep in our house again even after they started having sex. Soooo fucked up

            • your husband is a fucking low life. And preyed upon a young lady who probably suffers from horrific trauma. Not to excuse her behavior. She betrayed more than your trust.
              I was raped. I tell you it took years before I could let someone touch me. I cant speak for this young lady but my guess is she was trying to feel ‘ normal ‘ again. She will regret what she did to your family. She will remain wounded.
              Your spouse is a fucking predatory low life.

              • Thank you for your response. She was heavily traumatized – that’s why I let her stay with us. Per her (not sure if any of this is real or made up) she was raped in 2012 and then again by the same guys in 2013 and then one of the guys told her to go to the college parking lot in 3 weeks by herself at night and she did and she was raped again (she said he threatened to hurt her family so she didn’t tell the police). One of these rapes got her pregnant. She was also sexually assaulted from the age of 4-14 by her uncle, her birth father left and her step father was abusive toward her (supposedly he has beat and stabbed her). Her 1/2 brother from her father died as a child after having cancer and she donated her kidney and then the boys mom commited suicide by OD while sitting on the couch with her. Due to this she has PTSD, night terror, a seizure disorder most likely from the rape beatings and was told in August 2013 that she had an inoperable brain aneurysm and had about a year to live – THE GIRL DOES EVERY SPORT POSSIBLE and no sign of death yet. She was afraid to be touched but my husband would climb into bed with her while she was having her night terrors and one night I saw him spooning her. I freaked out and then he blamed ME for causing her to have another terror where she was screaming out my name. That was the beginning of the end. He decided she needed him more and they had more in common than the 2 of us did and she appreciated him more. Now they’ve been screwing around the US and have been in hotel rooms for 48 nights this summer because she has no place of her own. They are both totally troubled and he has a horrible temper so even though I try to stand my ground I am afraid of his temper and so is my youngest DD who has heard him tell me to Fuck Off when I’ve told him he has a lot of nerve to keep bringing his lover into our house after they’ve been having sex for months. Who does that????????? She is so dependent on him for love, money and sex now (supposedly she was a virgin before the rapes so I guess she gave her “virginity” to my husband) that I don’t know if she’ll ever leave him cuz he still buys all this stuff – I mean, this can’t all be true, can it??? (oh, and she’s never told her mom, aunt, etc.. about the rapes, seizures, aneurysm, etc… because she doesn’t want them to worry). UGHHH (thanks for letting me ramble Chump nation.

          • TheClip–Cheaters who go for women that could be their daughters (including my X) are searching for the fountain of youth, and they LOVE the power that goes with hooking up with someone less worldly than themselves. Tight ass or not, she buys his bullshit; you don’t. That’s the main motivation.

            • thank yo so much! I needed that reminder. I constantly call him out on his BS and that just causes more fighting. I just got sooo tired of beaing beaten down and finally started calling it like it is. Each time he became more and more furious. Now he’s got his young wuver and they go to movies (something I could never get him to do cuz he didn’t want to leave the comfort of his couch), camping, biking, drinking, etc..
              yes – he’s acting like a 20yr old again (of course, putting the lawn mower in my parking spot and taking my wine glasses to their hotel room the night before the restraining order was filed was more like a 5 yr old)

              • kfl–your tale is horrible and heartbreaking. I know how you feel; I stood up to my X all the time (friends claimed I was the only one who could keep him under control. Ha–the irony). Yet, he then had an affair with a 22-year old graduate student because “I was so harsh to him and she looked up at him adoringly.” It would have been interesting to see how she looked at him after 16 years of sporadic emotional abuse & control.

                Your nanny’s story (if true) is horrific; it certainly does not in ANY way justify what she did to you and your family. There’s no way that affair will have a happy ending; it is going to explode badly (do the best you can to keep your daughter out of the way when it happens).

                In the meantime, make sure you are surrounded by friends [even us, your on-line ones ; )], and keep reading until you convince yourself that he is SEVERELY disordered. None of this is your fault, and you could never have saved him from himself.

              • thank you sooo much. Yes, this site has been the best therapy for me. I will print out your response and keep it in my purse whenever I start believing the crap he says to me about how unreasonable I was (and am now). You are so dead on about the sporadic emotional abuse & control. I didn’t realize how much I had put up for so long. It didn’t happen all the time but when it did, it was always a horrible scene. And you are so right about how much she adores him. Of course, he saved her from her night terrors and gave her great sex for the first time and he takes her on trips and puts her first above everyone else. Why wouldn’t she adore him. And he loves how she adores him…all those notes and love letters ( I have found a couple of them and they go one forever and make me sick). Now that I think about it, he was the first person I had sex with (when we were dating) after abstaining for 3 years after having been too scared to have sex while living in LA during the late 80’s and early 90’s (the height of the aids epidemic). I guess he came to my sex rescue also. Very odd and I hadn’t though about that before. He must think his penis has some healing powers now.

    • My nanny was dog u-g-l-y and guess what? Ex still fucked her. People told me that it was because she was so ugly and had such low self-esteem that she did it. So, it really doesn’t matter what the nanny/ housekeeper/ neighbor/ mail woman/ work colleague/ etc looks like. If she’s willing, the cheater will screw her.

    • The nanny my husband found had not much in the looks department. Few years older, single mother to an autistic child. Could not have more children. Poor her, right?
      She seemed good with children, so I was fine with her.
      How was I supposed to know she was babysitting men as well?
      Well, she did my husband. Once we signed our mediation agreement, she became pregnant. I guess the Karma bus hit my cheating x right in the face: he did not see that coming!
      Poor her, again? Time will tell what she will get.

  • The ex liked the co-workers. We didn’t have kids (thank god for that). I feel for all these ladies with the nanny issues.

      • That is the big time hypergamy/narcissist/big daddy paradigm. Such a sick dynamic. Wonder what these young women will feel like when they are changing his diaper.

      • Same here, Lyn–despite my already being 12 years younger than him, X banged grad and undergrad students when he was in his 50s and 60s (but counted on me to stick around to change his diapers after he lost his virility. Overplayed his hand).

  • Just out of curiosity – I wonder if (professional) Nanny schools or agencies teach their students a little course in professional decorum (ie – don’t fuck your boss, or let your boss seduce you – you are SUPPOSED to be a professional).

    If I was young and wealthy enough to have little ones and a live-in nanny, I would definitely put a clause into the contract about the nanny keeping non-romantic relationships with her bosses. And if that professional relationship was compromised, the nanny would be subject to lost compensation from the moment evidence was uncovered (and backdated to any prior receipts), and damages.

    • Of course the nanny likely couldn’t afford the damages – even the back-pay. But I’d say it would be a pretty good deterrent.

    • That would be good. However, looking from a nanny’s perspective….if she secured the job as “wife”, then all of the damages and lost pay would be more than paid for by owning the purse strings to the family bank account. Definitely a job promotion, and likely a rise in status, all while saying FU to her former boss (the original wife). A narc-nanny would likely see whats-in-it-for-her and wouldn’t worry about the details.

      Ugh.

    • And, unfortunately, policing from the outside never works. We all tried that on some level and failed, right?

      I grew up with a nanny who was beyond wonderful. No problems whatsoever with my wonderful father. It still boils down to character but I feel for the nanny who has a douche bag for an employer.

  • Yes. Narcissism and opportunity. He was big on opportunity. The nanny who left since she wanted to save her marriage. My devastated child. His paralegal. An attorney in his firm. I guess he is a bit lazy OR it is a better tale that it just happened. He did not mean it to happen.

  • Gavin WHO? This has-been douche cheated on *this* beautiful, smart, successful woman? I guess even hunky cheaters with romantic accents have a bad case of the dumz.

    Gavin: 1994 called. They want their bad impression of Curt Cobain back.

    I’m sure someone will take him in. Google “Gavin Rossdale admits Marilyn.” .

    • But that’s exactly why he did it…ain’t it? Insecure little bitch who feels overshadowed by his lady’s awesomeness.

      • You know, cheaters claim they had to cheat because their spouse was so awesome it made them feel insecure. And cheaters claim they had to cheat because their spouses never achieved very That is, A makes people cheat, but so does non-A. So, seems to me cheaters cheat because they want to and make up an arbitrary excuse after the fact.

    • I hope Gwen has a good lawyer because in the time since they first got together (and hopefully signed a prenup) her career has skyrocketed and gone into so many different avenues (music, modeling, acting, fashion, design) and Gavin’s done pretty much nothing.

      • I read there was no prenup. She’s worth 80M; he’s worth like 30M. What a douchebag he is.

  • this sounds like my story!!!
    except it was 2 of my sisters (at different times), in my home, enjoying my hospitality and kindness, getting all their needs met in my home (sexual too ha!). ‘to insinuate yourself into a chump’s household and fuck her husband’ – yep, applies to 2 of my sisters.
    ‘How do you explain to minor children Daddy’s been fucking the babysitter and now Ms. Poppins has to leave?’ – yes, how do you explain to minor children Daddy’s been fucking your two aunts and now we have a destroyed home plus no family to speak of?
    For him, you hit it spot on: narcissism and opportunity. He had everything a man can want, a beautiful wife, loving happy marriage, lots of passion, great sex life, etc etc etc. but a bottomless pit can never get enough kibbles, right?

  • This isn’t about the nanny – but about old dudes and jail bait all the same!

    I live right near the water and like to sunbaith and take a quick swim at the local beach. I prefer to go during the week when it’s quiet.

    I parked my car and crossed the road with a guy in his mid 50’s who was dressed in a very youthful outfit (bathing suit was too tight – ick ick ick ). He wS walking with the mousiest looking very young ( maybe 16 ) looking girl with glasses and a puppy dog book bag.

    I figured father and daughter until I got to the beach and they were holding hands!!!

    He was sooo creepy looking and she just looked at the ground the whole time.

    I was pretty freaked out.

    This guy spent half his time on his cell phone and she just stood stupidly at the water’s edge. She never took her bag off her shoulders and was not wearing a swim suit.

    • I might have notified the authorities, depending on the age of consent in your state. I do a lot of work in related to sex trafficking and the motto is See something — say something.

    • Well, I will hold my teenage daughter’s hand, occasionally. Mainly crossing a street or in a dangerous neighborhood. Not wearing any speedos, though. People may have just eaten.

  • It’s easy to fuck a fan when the feeling hits. One step above masturbation.

    The price of a family = one step above masturbation

    Go figure….

    • I did not realize masturbation was considered a bad thing. Are you saying you would prefer your spouse fuck a fan to masturbating?

      • No, Arnold.

        What I meant was choosing a nanny (more of a willing fan in this case) to screw is about as emotionally fulfilling as using his imagination and his hand. But the price he paid for doing his nanny instead of masturbating costs him his adoring children and marriage.

        I am just floored at what fools these men and women are. He will never think about that moment of orgasm again and yet his whole family suffers because of it. He is willing to sacrifice his family for a free fuck or what he thought was a free fuck.

        In the end, his family was worth nothing more to him than this free fuck.

        I will always be astounded by this thinking.

        • That is the way the disordered think, Calamiy. They lack empathy. Seems a lot if, if not all of, their behaviors flow from this one basic deficiency.

  • I never really thpught about it until now, but the nannies I hired were older women because I figured they’d have more patience and experience. I occasionally had younger babysitters — I particularly recall coming home one day and discovering that the 16 yr old had never changed a diaper, could not figure out how to install a fresh one, and she had my 6 month old wrapped in a towel in case he peed! That’s when I took to hiring mature ladies.

    No wonder these young women cannot fight off a horny celebrity boss. It’s a power thing.

  • “If she did, Mrs. Banks and the suffragettes would’ve kicked her ass and sung a witty song about it.”

    “Hot pocket”

    Ahhhhahahaha! Damn CL, you on fire today!

  • Please don’t stereotype the nannies. I had 4 au pairs over the course of 9 years: lovely, smart, conscientious young women who came to the US through carefully supervised J4 visa programs (cheaper than day care for multiple kids!) They took excellent care of my children. Even better that I did, in one case! These girls were like family members, and every single one is welcome in my home whenever she returns to visit.

    STBX DID take advantage of one of “my girls”, but not in the way you might assume. He introduced his whore to our au pair and encouraged a friendship between them so that OWhore could “practice her foreign language skills” This also gave her an excuse to come and go in my home. I can’t tell you how many times I offered that bitch my hospitality while she gloated over the fact that she was fucking my spouse, sometimes in my bed, and I didn’t know a thing about it. The au pair was devastated when she found out she had been used and lied to by STBX and her “friend.” And it still makes me sick and angry 18 months later.

    • I agree about stereotyping groups of people. I think CL is pointing out that we often hear about incidents between men and the nannies/baby-sitters. I think, too, that older men with ill intentions can easily sway young women with their charm and lies… the mind games they play. It is sickening.

      • I completely agree that it’s about power, narcissism and exercising control over young, vulnerable women. I also think there is a high number of immature men who want to be mothered and taken care of and fussed over (and be the center of attention) – and who better to target than an impressionable young woman who is already doing plenty of mothering, taking care of and fussing over in the household.

        • Don’t want to leave the impression that I think the nannies who end up in bed with the husband are blameless here – absolutely not! I’m sure the spectrum ranges from stupid and clueless to cunning manipulative women who are getting their jollies from romping with the husband and fooling the wife (and perhaps hoping to replace the wife). Massive betrayal of trust and decency on a massive scale all around.

  • No nanny story here but I did find out from my brother-in-law that ex hit on the young beer cart girl while they were playing golf one day before I knew he was a cheater. Sicko – a 40+ yo man-boy hitting on a 21 yo (I assume, since she was driving the beer cart). The question is – would he really want a guy like him hitting on our daughter? Course, he thinks with the wrong head so it’s not worth asking the question.

    • BBC, my ex is 63 years old and living with a 23 year old ex prostitute and her 2 little boys in Cambodia. Our daughter is 36 and our son is 33. My ex is effectively screwing someone young enough to be his granddaughter or worse still his great granddaughter. Now that is a sicko. By the way, I have heard that our 2 adult kids think his behaviour is perfectly acceptable and welcome their new family with open arms. They have their sperm donors morals, obviously!!!

      • Maree, if she is 23 fucking a 63 year old, she’s not an EX- prostitute. She is a current prostitute. She’s just dropped all her other clients. Ugh, better her than me.

        • not Juliet, yes I realise that, I was just being a smarta**e. He is keeping her and her boys in a style they will grow accustomed to, however, I have seen pictures of their apartment with her in it and I can tell you now, he has traded down in every aspect of his life. I still want to vomit when I think about it. It will pass, that I know.

          • Lol, Maree, it’s funny the only one who doesn’t realize it is your ex. They never do, they think they are still the stuff.

          • Oh, so the “Suckee-suckee-2-dolla!!!” thing I said before was right after all! Bwahahahaha.
            Just know that hes playing Russian roulette on what STD he’s NOT going to get, with that whore. He’ll be dead within 5 years – I nearly guarantee it.
            Your children are colossal dumbarses – I’m only a couple of years younger than your son, and I think his, and your kids behaviour is fucking disgusting. Way to fall to the lowest common denominator – and through the floor, in fact!

  • I’m afraid the stereotyping is here to stay.

    Long ago it was ‘the governess’. Women were warned about her, men speculated on the possibilities. Babysitter, au pair, nanny– another woman on your turf. Lady’s maid, scullery maid, housekeeper–all the same to the predator.

    Or for the ladies, you got your pool boy, horse groomer, gardener, it’s all the same. Power and sex. But if they work for you, it’s just handier and the narc has even more control. Until it bites them in the ass, anyway.

  • I lived in Los Angeles for 15 years. All the beautiful people come to L.A. hoping to be the next discovered star. Most of the time when you go to a restaurant, the wait staff is all those waiting for their big break, and they are beautiful people who wait tables between acting classes and trying out for commercials, TV and movies. Nannies are in short supply and so what a great opportunity for a budding star to be placed in an actor’s home. They can then get to make connections with agents, other actors, producers and directors. The new casting couch is in the home.

  • My ex took the screwing than my to a whole other level by bringing his whore partner to be our nanny. trust me, it brings the shit to a whole level like you won’t believe. After he was caught ( after several years of fucking around) and I put him out he returned one day to find out that I had replaced the previous tenants that lived downstairs with another couple. He saw me talking to the man one night when he was dropping the kids off.
    He immediately started a tirade with me ” I’m concerned with who you have around my kids.” I’m not usually so quick with words, but I still pat myself on the back for my reply which was ” This coming from the person who brought his whore to babysit?” His reply was ” Are you going to bring this up all the time?,” I told him proudly “As long as it continues to be true. ” I got silence after that….

    Oh by the way, I’m in the process of divorcing his entitled behind. Almost done…can’t wait to be free!

  • I can’t stop laughing at the Nannies Are Taking Over the World. So many famous middle aged men have gotten off and/or run off with the nanny and it’s as much of a cliché as the secretary or the dental assistant.

    • Regarding cliche of “secretaries”, my MIL gave me unsolicited advice early in marriage when I was a stay-at-home mom to “dress up” before her son came home from work! Why? Because those evil “secretaries” at work will try to steal your husband! Guess I didn’t do a good enough job… fast forward 17 years and he is busy cheating with howorker who reports to him. MIL also told me taking time for fitness was selfish on my part (although it was done without spending money on anything except running shoes) – but spending $$$ we didn’t have for nice wardrobe isn’t? Never understood that.

      • What a sorry lot in life for us SAHMs — constantly having to be sexing things up at home in defense of the lovely and irresistible women our husbands were encountering while slaving away to support us… lol I’m not trying to make light of your situation, walkingthruhell. I laugh at the mentality of older generations. My ex MIL told my son that I wasn’t meeting his father’s sexual needs and desires at home and that’s why his dad turned to other women. (sigh)

        • Oh, you had one of those MILs? I did as well. She told me I should ‘be more attractive’ and my kids that cheating wasn’t a big deal. Then again, she was a cheater so go figure.

        • So true, KarenE. She told me her sons (no daughters) would ask, “Where are you going?” when she dressed up before her husband came home from work! They

          • Oops, posted before completing! They (sons who are now grown men) noticed mom dressing up for dad.

      • OMG walkingthruhell, my MIL was an old school trip too and yes KarenE she;s where mine got his narcissism from! I swear it’s insane to watch her be special ALLLLLL the time.

        • AllOutofKibble, when I asked MIL what happens to relationship when you are old and no longer attractive regardless of what you wear (according to society’s standards) her answer was, “He’ll remember how you were when you were young”!! Hmm, in reality it’s more like he’ll cheat with howorker who is 8 years younger than spouse (which isn’t bad compared to some of the age differences I’ve encountered on this blog!).

          • Walking thru hell, that explains a lot. What your MIL said. I was over 40 when I met cheater so he could never remember me when I was young. He knew the whore when she was early 20s so he can always remember her when she was young. Oh well, what evs. She’s still almost fifty.

  • The thing about the Affleck divorce is that ‘sources’ are saying that it was Garner’s ‘negativity’ that made him stray. This from a guy who has been rumoured for years to be gambling, drinking, cheating and more. He really is Nick Dunne.

    • Jeez I can so relate. It takes adults to raise children. Raising children means you must be responsible. So it truly sucks for the Narc to put aside their FUN!!! Times because the needs of small people supersede their needs to drink, party etc…

      Yea. I lost out because I was not 100%FUN!!! 100% of the time. Wouldn’t trade my “negativity” for any more years with cheaterpants. I can say I have raised some awesome small people.

      • Mine told me I wasn’t “spontaneous” enough. We never did anything “fun”. Well it’s hard to do raising kids and paying bills. Yeah being an adult is overrated but that’s life. Doesn’t mean you can’t have “fun”.. it’s just a different kind of fun.

      • Good for you ANC!
        I also paid the price for being full time parent and full time worker.
        When I look at my kids growing up and learning to be responsible adults I wouldn’t trade it for one more moment of fun with the asshat!

      • Yeah. My 49yr old stbx has been staying in a hotel room with our former 22yr old sitter (cuz she now has No place to live and was living with us) and my 16yr old DD for 35 days this summer – using our joint assets!!!! They’re always out having fun. Camping, eating out every night while I’m at home working and taking care of the house for showings and he had the nerve to tell me that he shouldn’t have to clean the house, mow or take care of the guine pigs cuz I got a restraining order keeping his lover out of our house so I forced him to sleep at a hotel and I have the house myself

    • For crying out loud. Her ‘negativity’? UBT: her attempts to make him behave like an adult parent.

      Ben is a classic narcissist; good riddance (though I’m sorry for Jen’s private & public pain).

      • That’s the best he could do, ‘negativity’? You’d think he’d set it up that she was also controlling and jealous, perhaps not meeting all his needs… He should consult the cheaters handbook next time for better ‘reasons’.

    • I read Affleck was tired of Jennifer’s negativity and she was to controlling, so that justifies him sleeping with the nanny! *Sarcasm *

  • Combine the Narcissism of the big daddy husband with the hypergamy of the low level nanny and there you have it: Big daddy cheating with the nanny. Same dynamic we often see with boss/underling affairs.

  • “You don’t have to trawl any further than the next bedroom over. How convenient. Like a Hot Pocket.”

    OMG CL-My computer screen is the proud recipient of spit out coffee this morning! So worth it.

    No nannies for me. The exhole did like the convenience of a howorker-not quite the hot pocket of having the strange one bedroom over. More like a cold sandwich I guess.

    I love making fun of cheaters because the material they supply is endless! I imagine this is how most comedians felt during the Dan Quayle era.

  • I just read in a tabloid that it is “so on trend”…gross.

    I now believe my EX and the 2nd OW chose each other for reasons similar to the nanny scenario: him for narcissism/entitlement and her for opportunity/$. They were friends/co-workers. He was turning 40 and she was 25. She was a frequent guest at dinner parties, get togethers with friends and cottage weekends. I guess he got off on having her at these events – in our home – in our cottage. I mean, I spent one-on-one time with her and even gave her career advice! I can honestly say I was never threatened by her at all or even their friendship.

    They are both vile.

  • A man who is lazy enough to heat with the help always shows up to be quite lazy in other areas of his life as well. In my case, he was too lazy to finish college, too lazy to cheat outside of our home and friends and when caught, was too lazy to leave,I had to throw him out! He kept sending messages when I was out telling me” I’m packing my bags and I will be gone!” When I would return and he was still around, I would say, “what, you’re still here?” He said “I changed my mind” . Couldn’t exactly go to his whore’s house since she still lives with mommy….

  • My example relates to my exBIL. My sister and family live in Europe where (now ex) BIL is an artist. He took on a very young apprentice, who turned into a girl Friday and ended up doing a lot of the childcare. My sister travels extensively for work. Yup, turns out he cheated FOR YEARS with the apprentice/nanny. The cheaters ended up getting married once my sister finally got a divorce, but it has been years of hell for my nieces/nephews (and sister). Apparently the cheater house is chaotic with lots of yelling, and (recently finally documented) hitting. It is so bad that my sister received full custody of the youngest child, with child support. This is a country where it is ALWAYS 50-50 custody, and support is rarely awarded.

    I know it is frequently an abuse of power on the part of the employer, but in this case the apprentice/nanny is clearly as disordered as the ex BIL.

    • But that’s what they’re attracted to- someone as insane as they are!
      Not the normal, intelligent, and steady Chump.
      And how come he always called ME crazy??

  • The fact that my STBX didn’t look twice at our part-time nanny should have been my first clue that he’s gay. I suspected he was cheating at the time but I thought it was with women and I remember thinking to myself, you must be really desperate to bring this beautiful young woman into your home. But I was desperate for help and went ahead and hired her.

    Fast forward a couple of years and I’d occasionally invite her to join me for a glass of wine and girl talk before she left for the day, and we ended up sharing a lot about our lives. It turns out her boyfriend was a major narc, though neither of us had the word for it at the time, and she had noticed similar patterns with my STBX. We ended up becoming good friends and still see each other many years later and she now has children of her own (with a much better man, thankfully). She actually was one of the first people who helped me see through outside eyes how toxic my relationship with STBX truly was, and I’m grateful that she had the courage and compassion to talk to me about it.

    So that’s a positive nanny story for the day . . . it’s just a good thing (for their sake) that it never crossed my mind to hire a young man.

  • My nanny (or summertime au pair)–hired to drive a tween-aged girl who wasn’t exactly a camp-type kid to swim meets and practices, and back and forth to the barn to care for and develop her riding skills and clean up lots of shit in the process which was practice for the next few years of her life, poor kid–actually tipped me off to the longstanding affair my ex had been having with I’ll call Howorker #1. I thought Howorker #1 and I were good friends as well, our families had vacationed together, I took her kids in for weekend overnights, I adored her husband (no, not in that way—I have morals, we just like the same kind of music and have the same warped sense of humor.)

    Howorker #1 and her hubby even found a place down the street to move into–and we all thought how convenient! what fun! What was I thinkin’? But maybe at that point I was already a quarter of the way onto meh.

    Anyhow, sweet au pair mentioned that Howorker #2 sometimes dropped her own quite younger children off for a couple of hours, then my ex asked nanny to take everyone out for ice cream or to the swim club for a few hours. Gosh, wonder what was happening in the marital residence? All I can say is that out of the blue, my then 12 year old had many questions about fellatio after the nanny and all kiddos arrived home early one afternoon after the pool closed due to thunder warnings…..quite an uproar in the marital residence that day with lots and lots of ‘splaining to do, especially to the Nanny who just listened warily and (smart young woman!) requested an extra tip for caring for two extra children that day!!! Nanny and I had a very long talk that evening, and shortly afterward the ex was outta the marital residence ( I just LOVE calling it that, I don’t know why)

    Well Howorker #1 was apoplectic when she heard there was an Howorker #2 involved: her looks, her lack of intelligence, blah de blah de blah…..it was not soon after I heard about the longstanding affair between ex and #1 and then the lid really blew off everything—complete with keeping our child complicit in that secret, wandering beachside trysts on our family vacations, you name it.

    I’m happy to say now that my ex is going blind at the age of 60, was fired from his second executive level academic job in under four years, is limping around with a cane, and the Father’s Day photos of him posted on social media *featured no children* ha ha ha, he is now Howorker #2’s to care for, and early onset dementia runs in the family, as does alcoholism. Only a matter of time, my dear, and I’m not changing any diapers unless they belong to grandbabies

      • Her chump found out at a large party held annually at *the marital residence* where when I stepped into the garage to clear out some recycling I round my ex and HoWorker #1 doing her fat-assed version of the pick-me dance—on the hood of my car no less! I turned around quietly, called to her husband and asked him to join me, I had something to show him.
        Later in the divorce proceedings exhole claimed that I went *ballistic* and ruined the party, demanding all including minor children leave immediately. Ex claimed he was consoling a distraught friend at a party who’d had a bit too much to drink. Right. What actually happened is that HoWorker #1’s husband left with their two children, to start practicing his pick-me dance, not really sure why, but there it is. I went out on our large deck with a cool glass of wine to watch HoWorker playing footsies with my ex’s balls right there in full view of everyone. She was so intoxicated she had to vomit in our backyard; not sure how she got home, don’t care but while she was there being sick I did ask her if she found anything about feeling up my husband’s testicles disgusting or nausea-inducing. There were a few people onto the scene who got it, were on my side and laughed loudly. My guess is that at that moment the size of my ex’s testicles were pretty teeny.

        • Bahaha! That’s the funniest thing I’ve read on here for awhile! You can’t make this stuff up!

        • TheSecondLady–what a horrible scenario for you! I don’t care how far you are into meh, watching some other woman sample your H’s testicles at a party at your house has got to sting.

    • Second Lady, I guess you could say you and I get ring side seats to watch our “over the hill Don Juans” go down the tubes with the extra bonus of watching the “oh so sparkly” whores change their stinky diapers!! Ha! Ha! Ha! My ex’s whore loved telling people that she was his wife and even used my name! Well, they aren’t married yet, but now she gets to clean up and wait on her sick, old Don Juan lover boy! I love a happy ending to a “wuv” story! Don’t you?

  • It’s just a matter of power, isn’t it? I’ve worked in higher education most of my life, and the cliche of the professor ditching his long-suffering spouse (who got him through a PhD, postdoc, and qualifying for tenure) for the 22 year old lab assistant happens all the time. My ex-brother in law did this to my sister in law – told her on her birthday that he had been sleeping with his lab assistant for the previous three years and that he was leaving her. She gave up making a career (she has a PhD in a scientific discipline herself) to look after their kids and support him and is now teaching high school physics. He paid for his now second wife to complete her PhD and postdoc and now both of them are in cushy tenured positions for life. She got hers on his recommendation, of course.

    The spooky thing was that when I finally met her she was like a 20 years younger version of my sister in law.

    There are no sanctions in the academy for this, either, I think because there are so many of the faculty who ditch their spouses and take up with the younger, fresher flesh. I can think of at least a couple of dozen in the faculty I work in, and I bet there are many, many more. And I’m not being prejudiced against men here, by the way – most of the tenured profs (95%) in my area are men.

    • That was my case…my Ex is a professor…and two OWs were younger (not much) than me and less accomplished. He gave them recommendations for their jobs and entrance into PhD programs. Fortunately, I work at a better university and get paid more and am more recognized than he is. That´…is precisely what he hated. He prefers women who make less money than me, do not have the degrees I do, so that they look up tohim, he can control them and feel more powerful…

    • NewMeme, that happened to me as well. I met my wasband when he was doing postdoc work ($17k a year), then helped him build a career when he was jolted out into the world. Went to grad school myself and built my own career. In the meantime, we scrimped and saved, bought our first junker house at a probate sale (I looked a year for something we could possibly afford). I designed a beautiful home to fit the footprint of the junker, oversaw the construction, sued the contractor who diverted our funds to other jobs, drug dealers, and vacations and gifts for his gf, and won. I made principal in my firm. He was tenured at one university and had research grants at another. But what we’d built looked really good to a grad student who (reported by him) was “younger, thinner and prettier” than me.

      Long story short: I kicked him out, but could not afford to buy him out, so the young, thin, pretty replacement got to live in my house, for a while. My best guess is that she didn’t understand the price she was going to pay for what she perceived to be my lifestyle, and he figured she should do everything for him just like I did. It didn’t last much longer than the defamation lawsuit (by another suitor of Ms. Young, Thin & Pretty) that got his ass fired (hard to do with tenure) and his government grants pulled. Those kids who want your spouse don’t really want them, they want the goodies that come with that old bag of bones they smile pretty to. They want perks, and lots of them. They don’t want dishonored and unemployed.

      In that case, it was total opportunism by the disordered narc ex, and some opportunism by the sweet young thing who thought that if she just snagged the successful guy, she could have the products of years and years of my work without lifting a finger. The house I built for us was just bait for child-whores. Now it belongs to someone new, as the wasband died (probably offed himself) there five years ago after hearing that his constant sunning/tanning had placed him beyond further medical help. Good for him.

      • Wow – to actually lose tenure? That must have taken him some work.

        My colleagues and I often joke that the only way anyone might lose tenure here is if he/she killed another tenured faculty member in a public place in broad daylight with hundreds of witnesses. And even then it wouldn’t be a sure thing.

        • When you cost a major university a bundle because you sent an email accusing another professor of misdeeds and got him fired? Because the other professor was doing the same student you were and wanted to eliminate the competition? And that email went to every possible recipient? Oh, yeah. It took some work, but the man had no boundaries and they sent him on his way in such a way he could never work again. He went from being a big dog on the national scene, with trips to D.C. and hundreds of radio and print interviews to being a big zero in record time. He divorced the trollop in record time after the lawsuit settled. I think he married her so she could not testify against him.

        • So true, NewMeme–mine was banging a grad student 24 years his junior, in full view of everyone. Then moved on to an undergrad 2 years later, and since then has been ostentatiously flirting/tickling/seducing grad student at department parties while EVERYONE noticed. His last act was to force a grad student out of the program after she refused to sleep with him. Ask how many of his colleagues tried to put a stop to any of it? Zero. Ask how many friends informed me of his behavior over the past 8 years? Zero.

      • Survivor, I can so relate. We bought an old home and remodeled it as the dream place for an academic: full of beautiful bookshelves and vintage furniture etc. Cheater loved to have students and colleagues over all the time …and I remember thinking how some of them came over too much and acted like if it was their place and would totally ignore me. I imagine that they were taking over the place in their minds …Fortunately, I managed to keep the place while he took most of the books…but now he has to keep them in boxes because his new tiny rental place doesn´t have enough space for them! It will take him lots of money and many years to have a place like the one that is now mine Karma rocks!

        • Chumpita, I tried so hard to keep that home. But in a moment of clarity I realized it was better not to be where I could not be found. There were break-ins and vandalism. Endless harassment. I made a new and better home for myself elsewhere. But I did get that students didn’t think it was wrong to call on Christmas Day while the house was full of family. Or other inappropriate times. When I cleaned out my home office, I found 27 women’s phone numbers programmed into my office phone. The crapweasel had his own home office. He just liked to do his trolling and grooming from mine.

          Karma does rock. I read the shit for brains ex’s obit in a national publication a month before I remarried. It was many months after he died, but the first I’d heard of it as I’d been under the radar for years.

  • Just like screwing a coworker, it’s all about convenience to screw the nanny. All my STBX’s “love affairs” were with women who worked for him. He is the powerful boss who makes lots of money and they are the much younger employees who need him to save them. It’s not even about looks, it’s about him wanting to feel younger and more manly and for her the possibility of becoming the next missus. The nanny from the possible Affleck affair looks quite happy with all the attention and is probably hoping for a big payoff. Whether true or not it’s upsetting that she has no shame. Nowadays it no big deal to be the OW or OM, especially if they say the affair was done for love and happiness, no one stops to consider the pain of the spouse who was cheated on or the children(if any are from the marriage). It just makes me sad and it seems like it is happening more and more.

  • It doesn’t matter if we are attractive, dress nice, are skinny, pleasant, fun, accommodating, good cooks, good housekeepers,good in bed, professionals, stay at home moms, etc, These bastards will find an excuse to cheat out of a sense of entitlement and because they have no self-control. If anyone should have been cheating in my marriage it should have been me for putting up with years of bullshit, verbal and emotional abuse, and for dealing with a baby bitch man child. I didn’t. None of us did.

  • Another celebrity to add to the list is Danny Bonaduce (played Danny Partridge in the Partridge Family TV show for those who may be too young to know). A friend of mine told me a long time ago she wanted to apply for the nanny position available at his residence. Fortunately for her, a caring friend worked at the employment agency and she DID NOT let this girl apply for the job for reasons listed in the blog today! An older, unattractive and overweight woman was chosen in the end. Although unable to change her age, she did get a makeover and lost weight… you guessed it – our child star was banging this nanny, too! One trick Danny would do is emerge naked from the shower, wander around the house and then act surprised when he encountered the nanny!

    • Oh, ugh, I feel sick thinking of Danny Bonaduce naked. I remember he had a reality series. Also Scott Baio, ChaChe, had one. He was a serial cheating man whore if I remember correctly. If not, I apologize, Scott B.

      • Nasty indeed! I was a housekeeper and often babysat the kids of a very wealthy family while they flew around the world. One day as I was cleaning, I was summoned upstairs to the husbands bathroom. What a shock to see him standing there butt-nakkid and asked me to take a shower with him. I almost fainted! I was a young 23 yr old new to the country and respected this couple completely. Loved their kids. I just walked out and when he came downstairs, fully clothed and all sheepish, I told him, of course, I’m going to have to tell both my husband and your wife about this. He kinda freaked at that but I refrained from telling his wife but did tell my husband who disappointed me by thinking it was kind of funny. It was very traumatic for me and I quit shortly after. Douche bag is right!

  • Thanks for the laugh today I really needed it The image of Mrs Banks yelling VOTES FOR WOMAN while kicking Mary Poppins’s ass made me spit my coffee out. I always suspected that Mary was up to no good!

  • Amen! Doesn’t matter if you are a good spouse or a bad spouse, pretty or ugly, doesn’t matter what the AP looks like or their personality, cheaters gonna cheat! My STBX cheated when I worked full time and cheated after I became a stay at home mom. When I worked his excuse was I wasn’t attentive enough because I was tired from working graveyard shift, when I stayed home with kids it was I didn’t appreciate him working. Any excuse to justify his screwing around and no he has no self control. Instead of telling me how unhappy he is and he feels like the marriage is over, he tells the slut at work and she is all to happy to comfort him. I am so over these cheating assholes and the skanks who think it’s ok to sleep with married people!

  • This made me remember when I was a nanny (almost 30 years ago, omg) sitting with the other nannies and au pair girls at the playground, recounting horror stories of the dads’ (and granddads and uncles and dads’ friends) crude attempts and overt powerplays *shudder*
    Occasionally there’d be a girl who thought she was being clever and applying for the Mrs. job, but she would get the cold shoulder from us because we knew it was ones like that that made all of our jobs less stable.
    Thank goodness I worked for a lovely couple that treated me like family and always with respect. I hadn’t thought of them in ages…

    • I just remembered too that I got my job thru an agency, and we were trained that we worked for the mom first and foremost, to stick to her like glue for any issue that came up, and whenever possible to avoid the dad altogether. Sexist, but a jobsaver, no doubt.
      Hah! I just realized what I did there…

  • My XH had the affair with the babysitter’s mom who was also his ho-worker. It would take him an hour to take the babysitter home because the ho-worker would need him to help her with something for work. When I got upset, he told me our problems were because of my jealousy and not because he did anything wrong. BTW, I took him back after an earlier affair, and he was hurt that I thought he could do that again.

  • Don’t leave out the nursing assistant if the scum happens to need at home care. I now know what a manipulative liar he is, so why would I blame young vulnerable women that he has hours and hours to spend manipulating? “You don’t know what Gone is like when you aren’t here.” I can’t prove that anything happened, but he sure tried and commented on TER about how much he enjoyed his showers. Sick freak.

  • After lurking on this site for some time, I finally decided to register today. Today was D-Day number 5. I’ve finally decided that 5 is MY lucky number. Today I learned that a female colleague of his has been “carrying a torch for him” for years, but despite their many liaisons over the years, he “decided to stay married for his beautiful daughters.” Due to his prior accommodations, she wants to set up monthly fuck dates so that her (violent) husband can’t get in the way of their “true love.” Similar to these nanny-celebrity catastrophes, when a narc is approached by a new source of adoration, he is surely obligated to fulfill their (sexual) requests. How sick and twisted is it to think that a cheater continuing to cheat while married is best for the family? I chose my user name because I’ve decided to speak up and make my voice heard — something I haven’t done in a while — starting with filing for divorce.

    • Suffragatte – I’m so very sorry that your going through this. But you have found a great place as you well know! You are mighty – and you CAN handle anything that comes your way. You’ve got this and we are behind you 100%. Don’t falter, do not waiver, CN and CL are right behind you to hold you up!

  • Suffragette I’m sorry you are here too. Welcome to a great group of people that saved my sanity.
    Thanks to this site I found early on, it propelled me to file much quicker and, thank God I didn’t do the pick-me bit.
    I guess I’m a Meh Veteran at this point -still a work in progress. I come every morning with my coffee.
    Much is heartbreaking, much is funny or cynical, but mostly, you know you’re not alone in this journey through Indifelity.
    So glad to hear YOUR voice here.

    • Suffragette, during my lurking time on this website Calamity Jane welcomed a new member by saying, “Welcome to the club nobody wants to belong to”. Hope she doesn’t mind me quoting her! Congratulations on making your voice heard – you are an inspiration for those who are still lining up ducks and are building the courage to make themselves heard (ie., me). Shechump is correct in saying this is a great group of people who will save your sanity. Love your name! On a particularly bad shitstorm day, I came across Winston Churchill’s quote, “If you’re going through hell, keep going” and I based my name on that. Stay strong on your journey and keep us posted how you are doing!

  • xH never had an affair with the nannies in our home–two awesome sisters. He likes ’em skinny and blonde, and these women are healthy brunettes.

    But he did love to tell me how GREAT they were with the kids. Tch! Just so fantastic–the household chores all worked out (dishes and laundry) and so talented with entertaining our sons. Of course, he deliberately withheld ever (EVER) telling me that I was a good mom, even when I confronted him on this issue a few times during our marriage. And I’m a good mom. For some reason he felt compelled to tell me so on his way out the door into the arms of his skinny blonde downgrade. I suppose this was to assuage his guilt: he knew that I’d be getting full custody, as he’d lost interest in being a parent years before.

  • suffragate- today you take back your life! File file file! Document document document. Get your financials in order; snoop make sure you know where the $$ is. Half is yours. Get angry and stay angry and know you didn’t deserve this. Your daughters didn’t deserve to have a shitty role model for a father. Tell them the truth about their dick dad. Stick with the truth. Don’t cover for him. You’ll have to do damage control with them so they know his behavior is unacceptable in a marriage and that’s why you are getting out.

    Stephanie- xH is a dick. He is a loser. He mostly definitely told you those things to prop himself up. Love how these creeps think they can cover up the stink of their own shit by shitting on us. Glad you have full custondy. He should not be allowed to have pets let alone children.

  • Just wanted to remind everyone that not all Nannies are female! I belong to a local infidelity support group.One of members of my group is a male who had hired a male Nannie. His wife had an affair with the male Nannie!
    It has nothing to do with the job title. I lost my wife to a male we took into our home as a roommate. We did this to help with the bills. My best friend Dan allowed a homeless friend to live with his family. Lo and behold Dan lost his wife to his friend! Once you have someone in your home who observes the family dynamics (read:problems) as we all know ALL marriages will have problems to one degree or another! He/she becomes a built in therapist! A shoulder to cry on! Then the intruder adds the special ingredients! Consolation! Comfort! Understanding! All the things the spouse sees as missing in the marriage! A Nannie(male or female) has an unfair advantage as they live,and see all that happens in the family. Then use that knowledge to their devious advantage. Offering their comfort and understanding when the spouse is at an emotional low point in their lives! Finally!!!! Someone who understands ME! Cares for ME! Loves ME! Something my marriage has lost in my boring, ho hum, hum drum life! And Bingo! He/She is IN!
    My point is this! Allow a human being to live in your home,your asking for trouble!

    • I wish I new that before I let her into my house. He told her last november how “bad” our marriage had been and he had her hook, line & sinker. Now she and my daughter are with him tonight in a hotel room even after he’s told my DD that they’re a “couple” now (and she seems fine with it). Here I thought I was doing a Mitzvah (good deed) by taking her in and all it did was ruin my marriage, tear apart my family and cost me tons of money (of course, it wasn’t her but him who has taken her to dallas, New orleans 2x and FL this year and me and him hadn’t gone anywhere in 5 years)

  • My ex actually did screw the nanny! After asking for a monthly sleep in from 4 year old and 1 year old twins his response was I’ll get a nanny! I know your much younger Chinese friend. I’m no longer interested in sex! Obviously he started fucking her as soon as I turned in for the night exhausted after taking care of three actual children and the adult kids( husband and nanny)
    I finally found out after 8 months his response you were too giving and she was there and I had needs!
    Her response I was scared he would send me back to China
    Scary assholes

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