Beyonce’s Jolene Is Still a Pick Me Dance Tune
Beyonce dropped a new rendition of Dolly Parton’s classic “Jolene” last week. Tweaked lyrics, same old pick me dance. Instead of the plaintive “Please don’t take my man” mewling to the Other Woman, we’ve got what’s supposed to be a liberated take on self-worth and family unity.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m warnin’ you, woman, find you your own man
Jolene, I know I’m a queen, Jolene
I’m still a Creole banjee bitch from Louisiane (Don’t try me)
Warning Jolene to stay away from your man is not an improvement over begging Jolene to stay away from your man. They both assume the man is incapable of enforcing his own boundaries.
It’s the same misogyny that says “don’t wear that” to rape victims. That women are temptresses and men are weak. So women should police themselves and each other accordingly.
Beyonce IS a queen.
And that’s the sad part, really. Why would someone as magnificent and stupendously talented as Beyonce need to worry about someone coming on to her husband? (I have the same question for Dolly Parton.) Why isn’t that magnificence ENOUGH? Jolene doesn’t need to recognize Beyonce’s queendom — Jay-Z does.
It’s a song, Tracy. Fiction. Jolene isn’t about Beyonce and Jay-Z.
Well, given Beyonce’s Lemonade about her chumpdom, it seems like a very personal take on a familiar painful topic. Even Dolly acknowledges the cheating scandal and the album in her interlude.
“Hey miss Honey B, it’s Dolly P. You know that hussy with the good hair you sing about? Reminding me of someone I knew back when, except she has flaming locks of auburn hair, bless her heart. Just a hair of a different color but it hurts just the same.”
Beyonce’s lyrics to Jolene
(Commentary by Chump Lady.)
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m warnin’ you, don’t come for my man (Jolene)
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Don’t take the chance because you think you can
If she doesn’t have a chance, why warn her off? It’s kind of acknowledging that she has a chance.
[Verse 1: Beyoncé]
You’re beautiful, beyond compare
Takes more than beauty and seductive stares
To come between a family and a happy man
Where is Jay-Z’s I’m a Happily Married Family Man, Fuck Off Jolene song?
Jolene, I’m a woman too
Thе games you play are nothing new
So you don’t want no hеat with me, Jolene
We’ve been deep in love for twenty years
I raised that man, I raised his kids
I know my man better than he knows himself (Yeah, what?)
And I know that he’s helpless around easy pussy, so quit offering it. #deeplove
Also, I raised that man? Good men don’t need raising. They come respectful right of the box. Fully grown up.
I can easily understand
Why you’re attracted to my man
But you don’t want this smoke, so shoot your shot with someone else (You heard me)
I’m the pick-me dance winner. Go find another dance hall.
[Chorus: Beyoncé]
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m warnin’ you, woman, find you your own man
Jolene, I know I’m a queen, Jolene
I’m still a Creole banjee bitch from Louisiane (Don’t try me)
Queens don’t pick-me dance. Queens are better than this.
There’s a thousand girls in every room
That act as desperate as you do
You a bird, go on and sing your tune, Jolene (What?)
I had to have this talk with you
‘Cause I hate to have to act a fool
Your peace depends on how you move, Jolene
I guess there’s supposed to be something romantic about a cat-fight over a man. The performative, look at how much I love you! I’ll fight for you! bullshit. It’s a cheater’s wet dream, really.
How many chumps heard from their cheaters: “Why didn’t you fight for me?”
BECAUSE TETHERING YOUR DICK IS NOT MY JOB.
[Bridge: Beyoncé & Choir]
Me and my man crossed those valleys
Highs and lows and everything between
Good deeds roll in like tumblin’ weeds
I sleep good, happy
‘Cause you can’t dig up our planted seeds
I know my man’s gon’ stand by me, breathin’ in my gentle breeze
I crossed those valleys
Highs and lows and everything between
Good deeds roll in like tumblin’ weeds
Good and happy
‘Cause you can’t dig up them planted seeds
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’ma stand by her, she gon’ stand by me, Jolene
How happy do you sleep with a thousand girls in every room trying to seduce your husband? Does every girl get a fuck-off song?
Staying together for the children. Planting those seeds. Having an intact family. Every chump understands those sunk costs. How failure is not an option.
I’ve read cynical takes on Jay-Z and Beyonce’s marriage, that it’s a business operation. But I see a woman, the daughter of a serial cheater, who needs that reconciliation unicorn. Who believes Jay-Z is a good man and a prize worth having. She is the exception. The Queen. Infidelity took down her mother, but it won’t take Beyonce. Those seeds are staying planted. Jolene has been warned.
It is disappointing that the re-written lyrics are receiving national attention, but little scrutiny. Gayle King of CBS is especially minimizing of infidelity given her chumpdom.
I felt the same way watching 2024 “Nolly” the true story of a British soap opera star. The character explains to the young crew that her lover’s spouse said “I’ll accept you as his mistress if you accept me as his wife”. Leading to a lonely, yet sympathetic, life for this OW.
Both semi-fictional accounts set a terrible example.
Yes indeed, I just watched “Nolly” here on PBS Masterpiece Theatre. I’m from the UK originally and always liked the actress Noele Gordon who was the subject of the (quite sympathetically written) 3-part series. The scene you mention absolutely stood out for me too. Where she talks about her 20+ year relationship with impressario Val Parnell, where she and the wife were full aware of each other. The real stunner was her last sentence in this scene, after setting up a cozy “we all accept this relationship” vibe, was to say “and then he left us both (wife & mistress) the next day to divorce his wife and marry his much younger secretary..”. I was so fascinated at this I dived right in to Wiki. He did indeed string Noele along for years saying he couldn’t possibly divorce his wife, until he did. Only not for her, it was the cliche of the (even) younger woman. What a waste of your life staying with a cheater like that. Noele was so talented, beautiful and smart (just not about men apparently).
“I’ll accept you as his mistress if you accept me as his wife” sounds so tragic and poetic and understanding, until you actually think about it for more than 0.2 seconds. Same with “but he always comes home to me!” which was a favorite of ex/FW.
Even pre-chumphood I never understood that sentiment of “he always comes home to me” Yeah,he comes home to you so you can do his laundry and make sure he gets to his dentist appointment after he is done having sex with his schmoops. How is that a good thing?
I am reminded of an episode of the Sopranos, where Jackie is furious to find out Tony’s therapist is a woman. She had come to terms with the fact the Tony would never be faithful to her, but it was “just sex” and didn’t really mean anything, She was willing to accept it and stay for the kids, for the safety, for the lifestyle, and be satisfied that he always came home to her.
But here he was being open and vulnerable to another woman, a woman whose thoughts and opinions he valued, and it shattered her.
My then-husband incited and either allowed or sent Schmoopie against me, his own wife, the mother of his children. It’s a disgusting level of disloyalty and betrayal. This man let another woman send me vicious words warning ME to let him go. Those words didn’t bring out the “girl fight” in me that maybe my ex wanted, it brought out deep disgust for him. Yes, Schmoopie is all the swear words, but the distaste in my mouth is strictly for my ex. I’m glad I listened to my brain instead of another woman’s built-in misogyny Jolene song & put the blame on my unfaithful spouse where it should be. Beyoncé sung a good game in Lemonade, but her actions show she’s just another pick me girl while Jay-Z laps it all up. Exactly….. where’s Jay-Z’s song telling Jolene to back the fuck off??
Historically, in Western culture, a man would literally fight other men for the woman he loved.
Now, in addition to the cheater’s smörgåsbord of pussy, he also (often) has “all his women” fighting each other for him. More entertainment for the cheater. More humiliation for the chump.
There is a reason for my name and CLs essay here describes who I have evolved into after being a spackling chump for too long. I dont plan to ever again fight anyone for my man.
After my Chumpdom, when I was engaged to Colonel Greatguy, a gal at his work made an 11th hour play for him. I did write a letter…to myself. I told myself what my plan was and why. The letter wasn’t needed because the fine Colonel turned his head away from the play and gave it no power.
B is a queen in the talent department but lean in the good-example department. This song is so much facade it should be on Main Street at Disneyland. Her husband cheated on her and she stayed with him, giving the appearance at least to many of us that she finds her humiliation and devaluation justified by the status of being a power couple. Or the center of drama. Or the thrill of false bravada. She deserves better.
The pick-me dance competition has no winners. Ever. Period, full-stop. The rule is: If you find yourself in competition for the person you love, withdraw from the competition. Disengage and walk away.
Now THAT is fierce, THAT is a role model.
Beyoncé always is putting out new music and just completed a huge tour. Meanwhile, the last time JayZ released new music himself was 2017. So like any chump, she is probably doing a majority of the parenting, household management, and income generation for their family. I bet JayZ does little escape excuses like helping other artists at whatever studio.
In the words of “Joshua” the computer from War Games, “The only winning move is not to play!”
Music industry rumor has it Dolly– long married and in her sixties– played a role in ending then-twenty-something bluegrass mandolinist Chris Thile’s first marriage, inspiring Thile’s ballad Stay Away. As the story goes, Dolly had originally seduced an awe-struck Thile as a virginal teen while on tour leading to a covert on/off thing for several years until Thile’s young designer wife found out and dumped Thile, making some flashy FU appearances with another infamous alleged FW Lenny Kravitz (who inspired the great anti-cheater anthem Buddy X by Neneh Cherry).
One-upping Dolly and Beyonce, in his song, Thile attributes almost literal supernatural powers to the homewrecker to levitate poor helpless men out of their pants:
You are the devil
Stay away from me
Stay away from me
Stay away
I am in trouble
But you’re not what I need
You’re not what I need
Even if I’m all alone
Crying out for help
Keep yours to yourself
Cause I’m trying to hold on
To her as long as she can stand it
You’ve been prying off my fingers one by one
Prying off my fingers one by one
I’ve been praying against you
But the damage has been done
The damage has been done…
.
Thile’s song at least serves as an inadvertently funny “life ain’t fair” heads up to side pieces that they’ll not only incur most of the blame from bystanders but also from the FW themself in the case the chump jumps ship. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjAXuWIzXjM
Meanwhile Neneh Cherry’s Kravitz-bashing anthem (on behalf of repeat chump Lisa Bonet) divvies up the onus a bit differently:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCvfvFKKNjk
You call yourself a family man
Talking ’bout the families plan
To bring the sweet talk deep and down
Works better than an average pick up line
You put your woman out to pasture
On the promises you gave her last year
Peace and love is on your head
And the grass is greener playing ’round
Your family seed is what you spread
Buddy my friend
Who you think you fooling, buddy my friend
And what about your woman, buddy my friend
Who you think you fooling, buddy, buddy my friend
I don’t care what you do
But there’s a hypocrite that lives in you
‘Cause if your woman gave her love in the same way that you do
You’d feel a-way, you know you would
Buddy my friend
Who you think you fooling, buddy my friend
CL addresses the generational trauma aspect of Beyoncé choosing to stay with her cheating husband, and that aspect is important.
I fully recognize that as a white woman, it’s egregious of me to speak on this, and Black chumps can drag me for it, but having married into a Black family and being the mother of three (now adult) Black children, my perspective is that the generational trauma is deeper and older than seeing her father cheat on her mother.
Within the Black community in the U.S., marriage and an intact (Black) family is understandably seen as the ultimate ideal, the brass ring. No matter what.
And it’s the women who are largely tasked with attaining and preserving this ideal.
Beyoncé is every chump in the sense that she’s fully committed to reconciliation for reasons we all know.
In addition, she’s a beautiful, talented, powerful Queen, so if anyone can keep a marriage together and control a cheating husband, she can. (I’m no Beyoncé, but I thought I could too.)
But she’s a Black woman married to a Black man, raising three kids born within the marriage. Neither she nor Jay Z have any children from other relationships. She embodies the ideal Black family. (Well, other than his cheating.)
If her marriage fails, she becomes a statistic.
I don’t think that’s an unimportant facet to her.
As a feminist BLM activist friend pointed out, often whites still hold minority groups to not just equivalent but higher moral standards as if, in order to earn basic equality, they have to be collectively morally better than the dominant group. It’s just a subtler form of racism and victim blaming and kind of Roman Circus-y where white culture basically throws minorities into a ring with ravenous lions, tigers and alligators and then gives a “thumbs down” for the performance of the victims. Like, tsk, why didn’t the victims sprout wings and levitate away from danger??
I could never put myself in the shoes of minority women even if I tried but if I strain to extrapolate my experience with sexism or discrimination against my once seriously disabled son, I might think that expectation of moral superiority/Roman Circus effect alone could also fuel minority women’s strong impulse to circle the wagons and “keep up appearances.” They arguably face all the more social shaming for the failure of marriage on top of the fact that the evidence of the least “imperfection” in the community (in other words, failure to be collectively transcendent, not just equivalent) then fuels more of the racism that makes all of it more unbearable, that puts their children in greater danger and on and on and on. It’s a very cruel and unfair crucible.
Thank you HOAC and WAW, you do a great job here of respectfully considering the experience of women of color.
I was not-yet-woke and totally clueless until my 40s when a new job had me serving women of color after losses. After a while the scaled fell from my eyes and I began to see what had always been there but I had been too influenced by false cultural narratives to see it.
I now try to be an ally but am careful to not slide into white-savior territory.
My daughter (light skinned Latina) is creating a life with a black gentleman and there will be much for me to learn if I end up with the beautiful grand babies I am hoping for.
I’m not black, but I’m trans (and disabled), and hell yeah, we are expected to be a) a monolith and b) perfectly perfect examples of perfection. I can see how the weight of expectations on someone like Beyonce – be the perfect wife, mother, person, artist – hangs how it does.
But as someone who began her career by shattering steteotypes and expectations, she’s sure fallen into them after fuckwit cheated on her…
That song made me so depressed. The lyrics…CL is spot on: it was meant to be this empowering tine, but it just screams anguish and pick me dancing. She’s still volunteering, and she’s still hurting, and she’s still telling everyone – all the people who look up to her – that you have to put up with it 🤦
Walkaway and HOAC, you make good points.
When I listened to the album this week, and heard the song, I just thought: Beyoncé and Dolly are expanding both their markets with this move. I thought the tones Bey brought to the song are coded to ‘sound’ specifically African-American. Methinks she saw the take Chapel Hart, another Black woman, took on the song and knew a good thing when she saw it; I was disappointed that Bey a) stole a sister’s idea and b) regressed it to the catfight.
https://youtu.be/lizBVO4MWFA?si=QjpH34JxvkQydDOw
In my experience, those of us who are organizing, being active/activist, and trying to stand up for progressive policy as part of Black identity, and wanting to connect to movements for justice for the global majority, can be sadly disappointed by Black artists for whom individual success within American capitalism is their only mode of “resistance” and for whom sucking the dick of patriarchy, white or otherwise, is touted as a means to that end.
Just like OWs calling themselves feminist for breaking up families deserve the side-eye, Black folk and other racialized people with platforms who loudly play social-justice-lite on the surface but who then won’t speak up about police brutality, racist control of media, politicians trying to ban any mention of racial injustice or genocide etc etc, or who throw other Black folk or racialized folk under the bus to connect to ye olde boyes’ power network, need to not be our first models for liberation.
There is a part of me that just likes to go to the club and dance, btw. But I like it so much better when I don’t have to make excuses in my head for the lyrics or artist.
I love your “ye olde boyes’ power network.” That exactly.
I remember one of the psychologists who consulted with the domestic violence survivors’ advocacy network I worked with saying, “there’s a lot of data in trauma.” I can’t claim to have grasped all the “data” that minority women are inundated with since birth but can only extrapolate my own experience with sexism and think that, if what I dealt with was enough to break an elephant, minority women deal with much more, therefore I’m in no position to judge anyone’s performance in the “Roman Circus” of western racism. Basically the “data” which doesn’t kill you makes you makes you smarter and I have to defer to people who collated more data.
Consequently, I’m personally in no position to judge Beyonce. I think it took extra balls to perform one tour in front of a screen emblazoned with “Feminism.” I grew up in the 90’s as well and know how much the admission of being the “f” word was demonized. But I can’t account for her if she failed to speak up loudly enough regarding policye olde boyes’ power networe racial violence. If that was cowardice or politicking, it’s egregious.
In general I relate to a sense of disappointment in people who don’t fully take advantage of the power of their public platforms to advance important causes. I don’t necessarily condemn the people who disappoint. There’s a limit to the stress any one individual can personally bear from confronting the dominant paradigm (especially past age forty when you can actually feel your cardiac health diminishing from every big stress blow). I will always have a fondness for Beyonce for having balls most privileged white woman from the same generation couldn’t face. But I try to internalize the lesson for myself to always push the envelop at least half a step past personal/family survival concerns to do the right thing.
By the way, if you’re implying that the abuses of capitalism depend on racism and caste systems as expedients, I completely agree. Every “in-group” depends on the a sort of Calvinist concept of an “out group” (those supposedly less favored by God/capitalism) to feel deserving. That evil system threatens us all. Only shortsightedness, stupidity, bigotry and hubris make people miss the message.
Sorry for typos.
Per go to the club and dance, yeah, I agree. Sometimes I miss my pre-chump days of innocence/ignorance.
Per Chapel Hart — do you think she’s capitalizing on her, or Dolly Parton, which is a much bigger market share? I assumed she was putting her mark on the country classics, and Jolene is Parton’s biggest hit.
The saddest thing for me is that she is such a phenomenal talent, and that husband of hers had to take her down a peg. Make her less than. Off balance, forever looking over her shoulder for the Jolene’s of the world, and I can’t forgive him for that, even if she can.
HOAC, re “but can only extrapolate my own experience with sexism and think that, if what I dealt with was enough to break an elephant, minority women deal with much more.” Yep, yes, yeppers. As a mixed Black woman, I can confirm. I suppose the more I think about it (and you could probably say more about what kind of douchebag media types dominate the industry) given what kind of hooked-into-global-white-supremacy types dominate most other industries / governments in the “Western world,” one might prefer to suck it up from one’s own Black husband rather than on – to your other question, yes – the racist-classist-exploitative-arms-dealing-media-buying olde boyes.
Tracy, I think she’s capitalizing on both. Parton more, for sure. Chapel Hart did the concept of the updated Jolene response first and better. For me it’s like Beyoncé, kind of like a supervisor who steals their PhD student’s ideas, saw a more emerging artist with an idea that had legs, and repackaged the concept and put it out there with her own clout, high powered AI marketing research, and spin on it. So many more people will see B as having had the creative ingenuity.
I risk getting my Black card revoked for criticizing the Queen!
Beyoncé IS a phenomenal talent. (And a phenomenally savvy business woman and survivor.) I like a lot of the other tracks on Cowboy Carter better.
There is another theory, that she is traversing some of Taylor Swift’s terrain in country music. Beyonce crossing over the other way. Shania Twain was the original breakout country – pop crossover artist. And was we all know that beautiful woman was super duper chumped herself.
My own imagined personal reggae come rock power ballad goes more along the lines of “Ain’t no beautiful woman who can’t be chumped”
I think that’s a beautiful way of putting it. Why did her wings have to be clipped?
Ugh. Can we just… retire this song already? I don’t want to come to an understanding, ANY kind of understanding, with a Schmoopie. No threats. No begging. Even in my worst pick-me days, once I found out about the cheating, I would not engage with ex/OW. Not to shame any chump that did, we all did gross things during the pick-me phase, and honestly, I might be able to win that competition of “most depressing move you did in the pick-me dance,” sadly. But I’m tired of how much society promotes pick-me dancing. How much it promotes this conflict when there shouldn’t even be one.
Screw that. There shouldn’t be a competition.
Agree- I’ve got nothing to prove and I certainly didn’t beg any OW at any time.
You want a cheater and a liar?
Have at it , love- I’ll even gift wrap the bastard for you.
Little Hammer and I were discussing this very song in the car yesterday afternoon, coming up with our own lyrics:
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeeen!
He’s a lying cheating jerk and he’s all youuuuurs!
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeen!
You’re both just trash
I’m showing you the doooooor!
(Unlike some, I do believe all parties knowingly engaged in an illicit relationship are guilty of violating the deceived party. Just because the bank teller says you can help yourself to what’s in the vault doesn’t absolve you of wrongdoing.).
The bank teller analogy works especially well since pilfered money tends to go in one direction in affairs– from the FW to the Schmoops. Sometimes it works the other way but, if we’re honest, not as often. In criminal law, those who receive stolen goods aren’t legally absolved by claims of ignorance of where the money came from. They still have to return the assets and may be criminally charged even if they didn’t understand the source of the funds/gifts/amenities. The message is that it behooves one to find these things out. I think it should work the same way in a legal sense for side pieces since, unless they really didn’t know the FW in question was married, they have absolutely no grounds to claim ignorance that cash or gifts were embezzled from joint assets.
Maybe one protection would be for couples to incorporate so that this kind of transfer of assets becomes an actual crime. If this became a thing, the collective wails of Schmoopies and sugar babies would be heard from space. Suddenly they’d be liable for all those top shelf bar binges, overpriced mall trinkets, hotel fees, bistro grub, cash gifts and condo payments. They could even go to jail. Imagine escorts having to do deep background checks to ensure their johns weren’t married and merged.
I wasn’t the first to think marriage as corporate merger, though for different reasons. From the NY Times, “Couples Should be Corporations”:
I was thinking about all of this on the flight back to the Northeast, and was struck by a thought so clear and exciting that it would either make me rich or get me invited to spend quality time in a locked ward. (My best ideas are like that.)
Same-sex couples should merge, as corporations do. And if we go that far, I have a twist on that idea that will spread the love way, way beyond same-sex marriage — maybe even throughout the Standard & Poor’s 500 — with profits aplenty for the rest of us.
Mergers give corporations many of the kinds of benefits that go with marriage: they gain important legal rights and get to mingle their assets without any state attorney general scoffing at their relationships. The federal government sometimes steps in if a merger is too big, but everything’s bigger in Texas. And the Lone Star State is very business-friendly, after all. If Bitsy and Kate had tried to file with the secretary of state instead of a county clerk, things might have gone a lot better. And imagine the darling little spinoffs they’ll have. Heck, in Texas, people pronounce “marriage” pretty much like “merge” anyway. Who will know the difference?
I mean, why should corporations have all the fun? They’ve really been on the march lately. Increasingly, their free-speech rights are being recognized: the Supreme Court of the United States has been very supportive of the First Amendment rights of corporations in cases like Citizens United, which allows them to spend with abandon on elections.
Companies’ religious views are gaining a lot of attention, too. Challenges to the Affordable Care Act now working their way through the courts contend that companies shouldn’t have to participate in parts of the program, such as paying for employee birth control coverage, that violate their faith.
Back in the last presidential election season, Mitt Romney said “corporations are people, my friend” — and how right he was. Corporations have got it made in this country, and maybe flesh-and-blood people should start being treated as well as business entities are.
It’s fundamentally unwise to bestow trust on someone who had clearly proven they are untrustworthy. People who get involved in affairs delude themselves about this very basic fact.
An affair is a pact between untrustworthy individuals who agree to be in denial about that untrustworthiness. It is off the charts painful to be a chump, but the wisdom in walking away is beyond priceless.
Do NOT partner with someone untrustworthy. Drop them like the rock they are. You can’t soar to the heights with the Titanic anchor around your neck.
“An affair is a pact between untrustworthy individuals who agree to be in denial about that untrustworthiness.” Yes–this is dead-on! The sheer level of denial is what boggles my mind, in the cases both of cheater #1 and of cheater #2. Each was in denial about the fact that I might find out, but also, more weirdly, about the fact that if you’ve cheated on your spouse, you can just expect that she will (or anyway should) cease to trust you.
(points to Ms. Parton for sliding in Southern for “fuck you” to her OW.)
Sadly I doubt there is more of a market for “love yourself and if your partner wants you to compete for them (particularly if all they seem to be doing for it is lapping up the attention) then you can do better elsewhere or else just love yourself.” I dunno. I don’t listen to contemporary music. Maybe Tay-Tay can tackle that one?
I think there’s been an increasing number of “kick ’em to the curb” songs out there to counteract the usual “doormat format” ballads as my experimental feminist lit professor dubbed the latter.
Yes, there are few young female singer/songwriters creating some powerful GTFO songs the likes of which older gals would have never imagined in our youth.
I’m sure there’s some. I just don’t listen to much top 40 anymore, so I don’t have anything in the way of examples. But if one digs around, I’m sure some would spring up. But there’s also always been popular songs that promote this sort of toxic relationship.
I can’t handle the current canned club stuff that seems to be composed by app but there are some decent older FU top forty songs.
Aguilera’s Fighter was about her divorce from a closeted FW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PstrAfoMKlc
And there’s always CeeLo Green’s Fuck You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc0mxOXbWIU
Too bad Green turned out to be a massive hypocrite douchebag.
According to the 90s book Backlash, the media industry will notoriously even go so far as to sacrifice profits in order to suppress “overly feminist” content and prefers to promote patriarchal messages.
Sounds like Beyonce is living in a complete fantasy world and has a unicorn for a partner, good for her. But also sounds like she is willing to pull the wool over her own eyes, so not much can be done when someone refuses to see the truth. What happened to her song “to the left” ??? Now that sounded like strong, I don’t take shit off of anyone, woman. Where did that version of Beyonce go?
I think the entire Entertainment field is one big lie with many devastated controlled people who have been abused since childhood, slaving in it. They may make big money, but many of them give up their souls and self respect and all the mansions and bling in the world can’t make up for it. Look what we’re seeing about P Diddy – I guess that’s probably typical and they just hide it.
Traded self respect for the spackle and curated image of perfection.
That price paid is never worth it.
It’s rather sad that it took 53 years to get a response to Jolene, and THIS is the response we get.
I think the original is at least honest. It inspires a lot of sympathy for the singer. Lots of Chumps upon DDay DON’T want to leave. They absolutely want to stay and keep their FW and make everything whole again. We at CL see that as hopium and know better, but I definitely understand that plea she has “you can go find ANY other man, this one is already my life”. The majority of us have felt that. (Again, kudos to the mighty chumps that took immediate action and got out, but they are the minority)
Of course, the other aspect of the original is that most APs aren’t a Jolene. Jolene is set up as an irresistible temptation that the FW couldn’t HELP but be enticed by. Most of us know that in real life, “Jolene” is often a downgrade, and the FW cheated because he felt entitled to. Nothing more.
Beyonce’s response is a lie. “Don’t mess with me, I’m so tough you don’t want to have me come after you.” Really? Is she sending her wandering-dicked FW the same message? Is she going to chase away EVERY AP that comes sniffing around? Won’t she get tired?
Chapel Hart has a better version
Well since the last song I’ve had time to think it over
A lot of tears, a lot a beer, a lot of wine
I spent so much time believing that that midnight phone stopped ringing
But he’d leave the room and answer every time
[Verse 2]
Well, it didn’t seem so easy with that broken glass in pieces
And you holding me and saying you were wrong
Well, I’m tired of second chances, and these sad-ass circumstances
He’s your problem; good luck keeping him home
h, Jolene, you can have him cause he don’t mean much to me
Well, I cried so much, two rivers turned to seas
Oh, Jolene, when you think that he’s in love, he’ll surely leave
Like he did me
You can have him, Jolene
[Verse 3]
Well, I fixed my crown from leaning and those wedding bells stopped ringing
I took my keys and threw him out his door
Well, I found a man who loves me and he’ll give me all I need
What woman could ask for any more?
Oh, Jolene, you can have him cause he don’t mean much to me
Well, I cried so much, two rivers turned to seas
Oh, Jolene, when you think that he’s in love, he’ll surely leave
Like he did me
You can have him, Jolene
[Interlude]
[Chorus]
Oh, Jolene, you can have him cause he don’t mean much to me
Well, I cried so much, two rivers turned to seas
Oh, Jolene, when you think that he’s in love, he’ll surely leave
Like he did me
You can have him, Jolene
You can have him, Jolene
You can have him, Jolene
Oh, I hadn’t read this far down before I mentioned Chapel Hart above! I’m glad so many people know this Jolene clapback.
That is better:
Not really a big Dylan fan but I do like his:
It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If’n you don’t know by now
And it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It’ll never do somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m a-traveling on
But don’t think twice, it’s all right
And it ain’t no use in turning on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
And it ain’t no use in turning on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
But I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
But we never did too much talking anyway
But don’t think twice, it’s all right
So it ain’t no use in calling out my name, gal
Like you never done before
And it ain’t no use in calling out my name, gal
I can’t hear you anymore
I’m a-thinking and a-wonderin’ walking down the road
I once loved a woman, a child, I’m told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don’t think twice, it’s all right
So long honey, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell
Goodbye’s too good a word, babe
So I’ll just say, “Fare thee well”
I ain’t a-saying you treated me unkind
You could’ve done better but I don’t mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don’t think twice, it’s all right
I kind of take the lyrics as: Meh, you were a shithead, but I’m out.
I love the bits in the video with the two friends busting FW via cell pix and then the trio singing the chorus in cuffs after the bar brawl. The cuffs part is hilarious.
I don’t know of course, but I wouldn’t be surprised if J and B couldn’t care less about what the other does. It is just songs (money).
I liked Dolly’s original version, as it depicted reality of how many women in the day felt.
Also from what little I read about Dolly and her husband and some thing she said on talk shows such as Johnny Carson, she and her H pretty much lived/live a separate life.
Parton is a great composer for sure. I love the melody of this, just cringe at the unwoke lyrics. I feel the same way about lot of opera arias but still love The Magic Flute.
Women who insist they’re a Queen seldom understand what that means or walk the talk.
Songs like this proclaim a cheating weasel of a man is some sort of prize or a tasty bone to put your paw on and growl at other bitches to stay away from.
Woohoo- you won the sparkly turd- go you.
Policing a man isn’t sexy.
Saying you had to raise your man is just disturbing. Ew!
If you have to constantly put out songs about how hard you have to work to keep some poor imitation of a man, he ain’t no prize- or worthy of a single second of your attention.
Stop it, girl- act like the Queen you say you are.
Being the marriage police SUCKS. I hated it and after a while, it’s kind of pointless. When you first discover cheating I think it’s necessary to know what you’re dealing with and maybe for some time after if you try to stay together. But this is NOT a viable way of life, it’s soul sucking.
I’m amazed that anyone is STILL singing this stupid fucking song. Are they going to revive “Stand By Your Man” too? When do we get BEYOND this point? I’m not gonna beat on Beyonce, I really know little about her and I’m not a fan of her music, but I can’t beat on a woman who’s in the public spot light, trying to hold onto this clown she’s married to, and she has kids with him. Betrayal is a public spectacle for women (or men) like Beyonce and I’m sure she wants to portray an intact family, perhaps even as a black role model. I don’t want to ascribe motives to people but I would not be surprised if that was not a major one. I feel, from the little I know, that Beyonce has probably been controlled from her childhood – probably first by her father when she was in that family group (I think that’s how she started?) and then being controlled by Jay Z, who seems like a loathsome asshole to me. I wonder how much of her that we see is genuine or if she’s been like a doll, controlled and manipulated by these men when maybe that’s not who she is, or who she could be. Frankly, I would LOVE to see Beyonce, or people like her whom I think have been groomed since childhood or teenage hood, like Justin Bieber (to give a male example) break free from it all and be whoever they are on their own. Maybe that WOULD include Jay Z as she may genuinely love the guy and want to be with him, but I’d like to be sure that she’s had a choice.
Beyonce, if you have to fight for someone, man or woman, to be your spouse and loyal to you….you need to give that shit up and find a better person. Find someone who wants to fight to be WITH YOU.
“Betrayal is a public spectacle
It is a public betrayal for many, (I would say most) it was for me, we were both know by pretty much everyone in a significant city due to community work and politics. Humiliation is humiliation no matter the numbers. Your whole world is your whole world.
Either way I agree she needs to kick the ass wipe to the curb, I know nothing of their financial arrangements, or really even aside from name about their music, But she has resources. I hope she doesn’t decide to let him drag her down to become just like him. Maybe they are like many political couples who just live their own lives and stay legally married.
I guess I am cynical, maybe he is her muse, and that keeps the tune/money rolling in.
Or, maybe she is still in is this salvageable hopium.
Again, another lesson from this, People, is…..you can be beautiful, sexy, talented, have a great career….AND STILL BE A CHUMP. The problem is the FW, not you….you just have to learn to handle the situation and say NO!
I gotta get my version of this song out there: “Jolene, Jolene, I’m gonna go over there and kick your bony ass and then I’m gonna start on FW. ” I have to figure out how to make it rhyme.
It’s called singing a song about sunk costs. Too much sunk to leave
…super star or not. It sells to chumps by the zillions that stay by their cheaters, it sells to the cheaters who love and lap up the milk of centrality and put on the music for the pick me dance. This is RIC to a beat, RIC to music 🎶. Why write this beat up the woman song, fight for your cheater song?? Why? Because it SELLS. Leaving your cheaters? Not as much $$$ and so few stick to their dignity and stay gone. I hope we are changing that narrative. CL CN we must.
In my book, queens don’t stay with fuckwits. That gets you dethroned. Trying to tether a penis is an admission of defeat. Blaming it on the OW is some pick-me chick internalized misogyny bullshit. That’s hardly queenly.
It’s a catfight updated to seem edgy. It lacks finesse, it lacks sophistication and honestly to me it’s irrelevant. It’s not an evolution one bit, regardless of Dolly’s endorsement.
The worst part about it? It sends the message that men are still central. It’s putting the female disloyalists on blast but it’s still what is called “pick meisha” energy.
Beyonce needs to listen to Melanie Hamlitt “Stop making men central!” on youtube and elevate beyond this archaic messaging.
Why is it in the animal kingdom males are the peacocks, dancing, pretty, fighting off would be suitors, but in human realm women are the peacocks, dancing, making themselves pretty, and fighting off other women? Females are the prize in the world, creating and raising the next generation.
It is not natures natural order.