Dear Chump Lady, My husband of 20 years has been replaced by a terrible person. He has gaslighted me in the strictest sense — insisting in marriage therapy that I am bipolar (no shame, but inaccurate), and in general just been very mean and nasty to me when he’s upset. EVERYONE, including my individual therapist, […]
UBT: ‘Monogamy Is a Gift’
You know you’re wading in deep bullshit when you see the title “The Unsparing Genius of Esther Perel.” (Editor’s note: They changed the title since I first ran this. I guess my snark hurt their feelings.) Oh please do spare us such genius. Sorry. “Leading Mindful Living Expert” and “Certified Yoga Therapist” Ira Israel broadcasts to […]
Ethical Non-Monogamy Was a Bust
Dear Chump Lady, I was in a relationship for 15 years, married for the last five. I’m not wired to be jealous over sex — I like it when pretty people do things to each other. Sensing he wanted to wander, though, I’d negotiated three rules: he could do whatever as long as it was […]
Is Monogamy Abuse?
Dear Chump Lady The thing that I wanted to talk to you about has nothing to do with cheating, but everything to do with monogamy. Right now in mainstream media monogamy is being called outdated and regressive. If you want monogamous relationship you are deemed insecure, controlling, unloving and on… Is monogamy abuse? Do you […]
UBT: “How to break free from monogamy without destroying marriage”
The Universal Bullshit Translator is weary. So many stupid articles, so little time… The gears crank for the Washington Post’s “How to break free from monogamy without destroying marriage.” (Sigh) Isn’t this what every cake-eating cheater tells themselves? I’ll keep all the niceties of marriage — the combined 401K, the way you buy my mother-in-law […]
Rethinking the Psychologists Rethinking Monogamy
An alert chump sent me this tidbit in his Apple News feed: “Psychologists Agree: It May Be Time to Rethink Your Monogamous Relationship Research makes it clear that our best intentions are often worthless in the face of a compelling, and possibly unexpected, attraction to another person. The question arises then: Is it time to […]
The Pick Me Dance and Polyamory
Hi Chump Lady, I think I’m almost out of the woods with getting over my cheater, but right as I get to “meh,” I realize that I’m still quite angry at him and want to contact him. We began in an “open relationship” where he assured me that he wasn’t interested in the other woman […]
Dear Chump Lady, Ethical non-monogamy was a bust
Dear Chump Lady, I was in a relationship for 15 years, married for the last five. I’m not wired to be jealous over sex — I like it when pretty people do things to each other. Sensing he wanted to wander, though, I’d negotiated three rules: he could do whatever as long as it was […]
Monogamy Is Not the Problem
I‘d like to give a shout out for monogamy. It’s really been maligned of late, called “unnatural,” — or worse, hegemonic and bossy. It gets blamed for infidelity and divorce. Oh the Terrible Societal Pressure of Monogamy! the naysayers tut tut. It’s so very difficult, they sigh, as if monogamy was some high-maintence diva demanding […]
Dear Chump Lady, My husband wants an open marriage
Dear Chump Lady, You’ve written cogently about the way cheaters employ a double standard rather than asking for open marriage. So I’d like your take on my sitch. After three decades of tacit monogamy, my husband asked for open marriage, pretending to be all honest and transparent and progressive, and was angered by my conventionality […]
