An alert chump sent me this tidbit in his Apple News feed: “Psychologists Agree: It May Be Time to Rethink Your Monogamous Relationship Research makes it clear that our best intentions are often worthless in the face of a compelling, and possibly unexpected, attraction to another person. The question arises then: Is it time to […]
The Pick Me Dance and Polyamory
Hi Chump Lady, I think I’m almost out of the woods with getting over my cheater, but right as I get to “meh,” I realize that I’m still quite angry at him and want to contact him. We began in an “open relationship” where he assured me that he wasn’t interested in the other woman […]
Dear Chump Lady, Ethical non-monogamy was a bust
Dear Chump Lady, I was in a relationship for 15 years, married for the last five. I’m not wired to be jealous over sex — I like it when pretty people do things to each other. Sensing he wanted to wander, though, I’d negotiated three rules: he could do whatever as long as it was […]
Monogamy Is Not the Problem
I‘d like to give a shout out for monogamy. It’s really been maligned of late, called “unnatural,” — or worse, hegemonic and bossy. It gets blamed for infidelity and divorce. Oh the Terrible Societal Pressure of Monogamy! the naysayers tut tut. It’s so very difficult, they sigh, as if monogamy was some high-maintence diva demanding […]
Dear Chump Lady, My husband wants an open marriage
Dear Chump Lady, You’ve written cogently about the way cheaters employ a double standard rather than asking for open marriage. So I’d like your take on my sitch. After three decades of tacit monogamy, my husband asked for open marriage, pretending to be all honest and transparent and progressive, and was angered by my conventionality […]
UBT: “Monogamy Is a Gift”
You know you’re wading in deep bullshit when you see the title “The Unsparing Genius of Esther Perel.” Oh please do spare us. Sorry. “Leading Mindful Living Expert” and “Certified Yoga Therapist” Ira Israel broadcasts to The Good Men Project and Huffington Post that Esther Perel is nothing short of GENIUS. (Like picnics are a few sandwiches short. Or […]
Men Cheat Because They Love Us? WTF?
Another day, another study telling us how unnatural monogamy is. You chumps are FREAKS, I tell you. FREAKS! The latest academic to say so is Eric Anderson, author of The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love and the Reality of Cheating. His thesis? Men cheat because really, they love you women. (Sorry guy chumps and gay chumps, […]
UBT: “Infidelity is a lousy reason to end a marriage”
Dr. Keith Ablow, Fox New psychiatrist, where have you been all my life? You’re Universal Bullshit Translator GOLD. Today’s UBT fodder is this wacky defense of serial cheating, “Infidelity is a lousy reason to end a marriage.” But that’s not all his crazy! He called Michelle Obama fat! And then told the women newscasters who […]
Debunking Monogamish
As Dan Savage came up in comments the other day, I thought it was time to rerun this column, lest anyone is confused about his pronouncements on monogamy. — Tracy I’ve taken on Dan Savage before and it always pains me. I’m a fan of his anti-bullying campaign, his DTMFA (dump the motherfucker already) acronym, his […]
UBT: Renegade Sex Therapists
Raise your hand if you think good sex is an important part of a good relationship. Oh, hey, is that all of you? I think most of us can agree that good sex is a Good Thing. How do you define good? Well, that’s between you and your partner to figure out. (Enjoy those experiments, kids!) […]
