Dear Chump Lady, I stayed in a marriage with a serial cheater/sex addict. I know I should have been out of there thirty seconds after the first discovery but unfortunately I just emotionally shut down ten seconds after that first discovery. I stayed and ignored obvious incongruities and lies. I stayed and became immune (or […]
Love, The All-Purpose Spackle
Anyone else notice this phenomenon? On infidelity forums, you’ll read a thread describing a thousand horrors and humiliations and invariably it ends — “but I love him.” But I love him. King’s X. “But I love him” (or her) means I can’t leave. As long as I feel love for this person, it cancels out […]
What It Looked Like, What It Was
Today we’re doing to take a deep dive into spackle. Chumps often put things in the best light — which can be a very nice quality. Take children’s art work, for example. While some may see a squashed vessel and guess “tumor” — you, the proud parent, see artistic potential, genius even. All the other […]
When You Can’t Leave Because You Still “Love” Them
Anyone else notice this phenomenon? On infidelity forums, you’ll read a thread describing a thousand horrors and humiliations and invariably it ends — “but I love him.” But I love him. King’s X. “But I love him” (or her) means I can’t leave. As long as I feel love for this person, it cancels out […]
How did you spackle over the incompatibility?
After infidelity, I’m rather skeptical of the old adage “opposites attract.” I’d advise just the opposite really — find someone in your own values tribe. No two people share everything, of course. My husband’s love of Texas, for example. Tornadoes? Okay. Scorpions? Sure! Ten-year droughts? Bring it! Rat snakes? No worries. Jalapeños? Loves it. Oppressive heat? DEAL […]
Poor Nigel
Last week this chump metaphor caught my eye — as the world mourned the death of Nigel, the lonely gannet on a remote island off New Zealand. Nigel was renown for his steadfast love of a concrete decoy. Apparently there are chumps in the animal kingdom too. The Washington Post reports: Nigel, a handsome gannet […]
What You Thought It Was, What It Really Was
How many times do we write “tip of the iceberg” around here? When faced with a D-Day, chumps never get the full picture. And, fact is, many years out, you realize “the whole truth” is unknowable with a cheater. There are skeletons you will never unearth. Meh is walking away from the shovel. But I […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why is the OW calling our house?
Dear Chump Lady My husband told me about his affair 3 years ago. (Which lasted 5 years.) He cut off contact with the other woman at that time. We are still together and have 2 teenagers. Today was his birthday. I was busy making a gourmet dinner and dessert for him, when our home phone […]
When You’re the Parent in the Relationship
One common thread I see running through a lot of stories here is that the chump is takes a parental role in the relationship. Gah! This person won’t pay the bills/watch the children/work a job and I must do this and then they resent me for it! Totally maddening. I was completely guilty of being […]
Cream of Mindfuck Soup
So, being a Texan and all, my husband loves to delight me with Ted Cruz news stories. For the record, neither of us can stand Cruz. Neither can the majority of Texans or Republicans, apparently. Lindsey Graham recently said, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the […]
