Dave Grohl Does a Lot of Therapy
Dave Grohl has a new album to promote along with his 430-plus sessions of therapy. Apparently, he has a lot to work out.
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For all of you wondering how the reconciliation between Dave Grohl and Jordyn Blum is going after (oops) Dave had a baby daughter with a groupie, the answer is swimmingly. Divorce was averted. They’re appearing in public together. And Dave Grohl is doing therapy.
So much therapy.
He talked to the Guardian about it.
In his first newspaper interview after fathering a child outside his marriage, Grohl discusses his changed outlook, his grief for Taylor Hawkins, and the 430 therapy sessions he’s had.
Grohl was there to promote his new album — which may or may not have cryptic references to how he feels about cheating on the mother of his children after passing himself off as the Nicest Guy in Rock and Roll. Grohl was short on specifics about his contrition. BUY THE ALBUM, PEOPLE. You’ll have to intuit for yourself how he really feels. Play it backwards. Turn me on, dead man. Feel its vibrations until you see unicorns.
No drama.
If you’re looking for the reconciliation redemption story in the Guardian feature, you’re going to have to wade first through a lot of waffle about Dave Grohl’s creative process, rock stardom history, and fallings out with bandmates. Mercurial firings, passive-aggressive drum tracks. It’s almost as if he’s often a FW with other people. But lest we conclude that, we’re assured:
“When we were first rehearsing in the mid-90s, Dave said: I just want this band to be low-drama, and for it to be fun.”
Low drama, just for fun, is probably what Dave tells all his groupies.
Anyway, the important thing to know is this entire scandal has been very hard on Dave Grohl. But it’s part of his growth journey. Which does not include, among all those column inches, anything resembling contrition towards his wife and children. Would it be so hard to say “I was a shitty person”? Must the frame be Dave Grohl’s genius and exquisitely sensitive feelings?
Over 430 therapy sessions
I’m just going to recline.” Weighing up the seating options in a luxury London hotel suite, Dave Grohl opts for the sofa. He lays his head and swings his legs round until his black leather boots are resting on the upholstery, and clasps his hands across his stomach. Punk-rock disregard for shoe etiquette aside, it’s the classic pose of the psychoanalysed. “I’ve been in therapy six days a week for 70 weeks,” he says. “I did the math the other day: over 430 sessions.”
I don’t think “over 430 therapy sessions” is the flex Dave Grohl thinks it is. Yes, you could interpret this as “Dave Grohl is committed to therapy.” You could also interpret it as: “This crazy don’t break.”
Was there any sort of goal-setting?
“I’m not the greatest communicator,” Grohl admits. “I might be able to hold a conversation but maybe not often able to say the thing that I really want to say. It’s easier in song.” Through therapy, he says he’s learned to be more communicative. “Not only with others, but with myself.”
Oh, well you can communicate with yourself. Gold star. We won’t ask the timid forest creature for any further insights, you’ll have to listen to the song lyrics.
A new existential perspective
According to the interview, his mother’s death profoundly changed him. It was the first thing he really allowed himself to feel. (Grief which apparently later expressed itself by impregnating a mistress.)
This moment, along with the hundreds of hours of therapy, gave Grohl a new existential perspective. He characterises himself as someone who was once “pulled in different directions emotionally without having this anchor, this centred feeling”.
Some people consider a family an emotional anchor. Just a thought. I can’t imagine Jordyn feels slighted or anything.
I trace back his 70-week therapy timeline, which must have started shortly after the admission of infidelity: was that what prompted him to go? He waves the question away: “There were so many things that led me to this therapy.”
Your wife threatening a divorce summons, maybe?
Later, I press him further about the scandal, and he cuts me off. “I have to be perfectly honest. Writing songs and writing lyrics about these things is sometimes enough. As far as having a deeper, longer conversation about them, I still do reserve a lot of this for my own personal life, as impersonal and public as it may seem. But I think that for many reasons, I wound up in a place that I needed to stop and sit with myself and re-evaluate myself. It’s an ongoing process.”
Nothing says honesty like waving away questions and refusing to answer them. Hey, listen to the songs and hear what you want to hear. Dave is very busy now re-evaluating himself. He’ll call you if he has any insights. Or not. Probably not.
Don’t destroy yourself.
How did it feel to go on social media and make that public admission about his affair? “I had to turn everything off, one of those things being my concern for what other people think. Being able to shut off that part of yourself can be sometimes a very healthy exercise in considering life within your immediate radius. Not giving all of that so much currency within yourself that it can completely destroy yourself.”
Oh, Dave. I think you’re a natural at turning everything off and not caring what people think. Compartmentalization superpowers allow you to conduct a double life. But let’s rebrand it as “healthy.”
Dave’s ambition has been very hard on Dave.
There have been other self-discoveries. “There were years where I was so overly ambitious with things, like a documentary series on HBO, writing a book, whatever. I think having grown up in suburban Virginia with a public-school teacher as a mother, any opportunity you got, you would take. But over time, you spread yourself so thin. And so I look back and I’m like, God, what was I trying to prove? There is such a thing as addiction to achievement, and it’s dangerous. You’ll set a goal for yourself and you put everything you have into it; the world disappears. Then you achieve that finish line, and it feels good for 24 fucking hours, and that feeling immediately goes away. And there’s that hole again, there’s that emptiness, and you’re like, shit, I need to fill it up with something else.”
Achievement addiction is kind of a humble brag. F*cking around on your wife and daughters, not so much. By all means address your imposter syndrome and workaholism in therapy, but if after 430 sessions of therapy you can’t see that the real issue is betraying and traumatizing the people closest to you, I’m not sure you’re doing your homework. Put your achievement addiction to work on that.
Could someone please find Dave Grohl’s heart?
Is that how he ended up cheating on his wife? Grohl laughs, grimly. “No. I think that’s how I ended up overextending myself and getting lost. I wasn’t sitting with myself and really letting [feelings] go from my head into my heart. Getting to the point where I was just like, I need to stop, turn everything off and find my heart.”
Dave is wayward. Could someone please pin his address to his sweater and reorient him toward home?
“We just all wanted to run and give him a big hug,” Smear says, and “let him know, both of them” – Grohl’s wife included – “that we are here.”
Well that’s nice that you remembered Jordyn too. As false equivalency hug afterthought.
Grohl said in his public statement that he hoped to win back the trust of his wife and family. Has he done that? He redirects me again to the lyrics. “I think they speak volumes. Maybe more than I can speak right now.” He picks out single Your Favorite Toy, “basically one side of yourself screaming at the other: I’m almost taunting myself for all of those things that needed to be examined.” Can you articulate what those things are? “No.” He gives me a mirthless smile, teeth clamped.
Dave must go recline on his fancy hotel sofa now. After 430 therapy sessions he cannot articulate his feelings. It’s all been too much. Shall he win back his wife and family’s trust? Does he even want to? Interviewer, fan, errant groupie, you must do the heavy lifting for the World’s Nicest Rockstar. Buy his album. Infer what you must. Send more therapists, stat.
Also, anyone else getting pick me vibes off Jordyn Blum in that People instagram above? Her very taut face says “How do you like them apples?” I know pick me chump triumphalism when I see it.
To me, the look on Jordyn’s face in those photos corresponds to Grohl being really coercive and tantrum-y behind the scenes. I think average people married to obscure loser FWs tend to be terrified enough of the potential fallout from blameshifting smear campaigns that all FW’s engage in as part of post-separation abuse. Especially to someone who’s already traumatized from years of gaslighting and isolation, it probably feels like playing Russian roulette trying to guess whether those smears could trigger Dickensian ruin. Will you lose friends or even family due to the false charges? Lose a job or opportunities for future employment? Custody of children? Will some crazy flying monkey get fired up by the lies and try to run you over in a parking lot?
But imagine how paralyzing those smears are when coming from someone who can set them to music and sell the DARVO to a million rabid fans? At least based on the title song, I get the feeling the entire new album is barely concealed DARVO, blameshifting, putdowns and threats:
Nyah-nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah (nanny, nanny boo boo)
Your pretty face in a mirror (I’ll tell everyone how vain you are)
One hand to spin the lens (and how you need filters to look like that)
But it ain’t getting clearer (Unsubtle reference to Dream On by Aerosmith, i.e.,Yer gettin’ old bitch)
Dead gardens from bad seeds (Yer in perimenopause)
But nice guys grow on trees (You’ll never find love again and will die alone because all men suck worse than me)
Big smile, try not to choke on the glitter (You try to put a good face on it and so far it’s gaining you public sympathy but you’re crumbling because my abuse is working, yay).
[Chorus]
Get back, hear that, boy? (I’ll tell everyone how you treat me like a dog, you emasculating bitch)
Someone threw away your favorite toy for good (No more porn or groupies? Think your ultimatums and punishments will hold?)
For good
Hey! (Hah)
[Verse 2]
Outside and out of time (You put me in the dog house and I resent it, poor me)
I’m coming down to the wire (You pushed me too far. See “emasculating bitch” above)
Hold fast and hold my hand
And hold me over the fire (I choose to view your long suffering devotion and commitment as control and suffocating punishment)
Can’t keep my glasses clean (You want me to wear horse blinders so I don’t see..)
Candy and dopamine (All the f*ckable options around me)
So sweet So sweet, it’s gonna give me the shivers (But I still want the f*ckable options, hah)
[Chorus]
Get back, hear that, boy?
Someone threw away your favorite toy for good
For good
Hey!
(Na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na)
Get back, hear that, boy?
Someone threw away your favorite toy for good
For good
Dreadful lyrics, as always. Your translations are much better.
And how! “Dread” is what it’s all about, as in Red Pill “dreading.” AI explanation below which of course doesn’t mention coercive control or the fact that people who use CC tactics are statistically the most likely to dangerously escalate:
The “dread tactic” or “dread game” is a manipulative relationship strategy used within Red Pill and manosphere communities designed to make a female partner feel insecure about the stability of the relationship. The goal is to induce fear—or “dread”—that her partner might leave or find someone else, thereby forcing her to act more submissive, affectionate, or compliant to retain him.
How the Dread Tactic Operates
Red Pill ideology (often associated with Pick-Up Artists or Men Going Their Own Way) argues that men should maintain high “Sexual Market Value” (SMV) and that women are inherently hypergamous (seeking higher-status partners). To counter this, they use dread to control the power dynamic. Tactics include:
Levels of Dread
The tactic is often categorized by its severity:
Risks and Consequences
Dread tactic usage is controversial even within its own sphere and often backfires:
The tactic is largely viewed by critics as emotionally abusive, toxic, and a form of “negging” used to manipulate a partner’s self-esteem.
I think she looks like she’s trying real hard not to slap him 😆
I wistfully see it as, “As soon as I get my ducks in a row with my lawyer, (unknown to the cheater) and we get all the money we can from this next song, I am outta here.”
I hope you’re right.
I certainly hope so, but she’s waited a long time if that’s her ultimate goal. I’m thinking she’s hoping to be a rich rock and roll widow.
This would be amazing! Time will tell.
I did, too.
Nothing says contrition and commitment to self-examination like counting your therapy sessions as if they were days in solitary confinement or lashes you received for trying to escape the prison farm. What an entitled douche.
What you say is funny because it’s so true.
HAHA
So, in other words, the arsonist called the fire department after burning the house to the ground.
The house is still burned down.
I am not an advocate of staying with an arsonist.
In an effort to avoid repeating the terrible marriages modeled to both of us, I asked Traitor Ex if he would join me in couples counseling when he agreed to date me exclusively.
We went on a frequent regular basis for the entire 27 years we were together.
At DDay I discovered he had been lying and keeping secrets the entire time.
I’m still glad I went. I learned, and continue to learn, a lot and my therapist is an invaluable living record of truth and facts to counter his efforts to rewrite history. She fired him as a client for lying and she is my rock to this day.
My local domestic violence prevention organization taught me that TRUST and SAFETY are the two non-negotiable characteristics of a healthy relationship.
Expecting trust and safety from a cheater or a side piece is like going to the butcher to buy bread.
Cheaters and side pieces prove with their own behavior that they are neither safe or trustworthy. And therefore are really better suited for each other.
My new standard is LEAVE AT THE FIRST LIE.
♥️
“ but if after 430 sessions of therapy you can’t see that the real issue is betraying and traumatizing the people closest to you, I’m not sure you’re doing your homework.”
I wonder if his betraying is even addressed in therapy, after all he might not be willing to pay for so many therapy sessions if he had to hold up a mirror to his slimy character.
I doubt it’s being addressed. His therapist probably suggested the nonsense about his mom being a public teacher causing “achievement addiction.” Gotta blame the mother somehow. I guess I’m doomed to the same since my mother was a librarian. 🙄
My mother was a secretary and it’s all her fault. 🙂
Right? No way my ex being a liar and cheater are her fault. She was not perfect anymore than anyone else; but she did the best she could. And her daughter was not a liar and cheater. At least not to my knowledge.
At some point adults need to take responsibility for their own actions, unfortunately many don’t; and many are even encouraged not to buy “therapy”. Taking accountability for one’s own actions doesn’t generally result in years of therapy payments though.
Please note: I am all for long term therapy, but not years of navel gazing therapy with no results and no accountability for the patient or the therapist.
buy = by
After divorcing my cheater, he messaged me about his new girlfriend (whom he started dating before the ink was even dry on the decree but wouldn’t admit to this). He said “After reading 14 books on relationships and lots of reflection and counseling, I am seeing someone.”
Yep, as if reading 14 books on relationships and receiving counseling (where I am positive he completely manipulated his counselors), he’s a changed man who would NEVER do to his now-wife what he did to me. 🤢 All cured!
Dave Grohl sounds just as slippery and evasive and insincere as my ex. Poor Jordyn.
I can’t imagine talking to a therapist about yourself for 430 hours….
Notice the number of times he says “I” or “my own” or “me” in all of those quotes.
This, absolutely. Thank you for pointing it out.
So many words, so many words. Time will tell, but he’s a wreck. The therapy likely didn’t do much.
My ex had unresolved trauma, as well as all the attitudes long-term addicts develop. He had a pill addiction. Our marriage was developing cracks already when we separated the first time. After coming home from the hospital (he had tried to unalive himself), he promised-promised-promised sobriety and mental health treatment, which included medication for his wild moods. I never knew completely about sobriety, but the mental health treatment fell by the wayside after a month. He never took the medication and instead made porn and sex his high. Then he took off to “think” and was talking again about ending it. We separated again.
He promised therapy in our informal separation agreement and claimed he was looking for it while looking at rental places near the beach. Never happened. His very religious family was 100% against therapy. I came to believe that he was never going to do much on his side at all. I also had signs that he was cheating. The divorce and closeout were a mess, no surprise.
In retrospect, getting into therapy would have done squat for him from my perspective. In contrast, I had a lot of therapy and also joined a twelve-step group, where I’m in leadership now. Those did a lot for me.
I haven’t heard from him in several years, but he’s likely still alive because I’m still receiving payments. I guess he figured things out to some extent. But more likely he just revented himself his way versus going to therapy.
Jon Bon Jovi and Dave Grohl, the nicest guys in rock and roll…………they love their mothers and they are kind to their groupies and their spouses probably have entire drawers full of “shut up rings and bracelets”. I have mixed feelings about these situations. Cheating makes me furious, but why set yourself up for failure? During the Tiger Woods scandal, a friend who was also a recent immigrant from China remarked: “She knew what kind of man he was when she married him. What did she expect?” At first I thought: well, that reflects the opinion of a guy from another culture, but then……. that comment started me thinking about lifestyle and profession, and opportunities for infidelity. I decided then and there that it was a stupid, stupid move to ever engage seriously with a professional (or not so professional) musician, sports figure, entertainer, or any other profession that attracts groupies. If Thomas the Trash collector can’t or won’t keep his weenie in his pants, it is unrealistic to expect a bunch of superstars of various persuasions to stick to fidelity. Mrs. Bon Jovi and Mrs.Grohl should boogie on down to divorce court and set about fixing their pickers. This interview with Mr. Grohl only confirms my conclusions. He’s clearly not repentant and I’d bet money he’s not stopped either.
Paul McCartney. Bono. Charlie Watts. Billie Joe Armstrong. Stephen Curry. Lionel Messi. Justin Verlander.
They’re out there. It’s not all athletes, or all musicians.
I see that argument, but it’s also victim blaming. Like, how could she be so stupid as to trust him? I don’t know, because he BUILT AN ENTIRE IMAGE on being a wife guy? A nice person? A family man? Because she believed the promises made to her? Are we saying every musician, actor, entertainer, whatever is incapable of honesty or commitment? No one makes you get married. Plenty don’t. Why not openly cast for a harem? I guess i just refuse to write off entire scores of people, based on their profession, as transactional and narcissistic.
I agree. As my AP English teacher said, beware of gross generalizations.
Before reading here daily for eight years, I too believed those professions had higher rates of infidelity. And that belief probably contributed to my complacency and false sense of security and illusion of control.
Those professions, by their nature, get tons of publicity. I think that could easily create the perception that there is a higher rate of infidelity in those professions.
I now feel that infidelity is epidemic in our society.
Us regular folks just don’t get the press that famous people do.
…unless infidelity leads to homicide or suicide, which sadly often happens…
😪
ETA, just like every political doesn’t cheat. Too many of them do on all fronts, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hold out for accountability and transparency in our politics, instead of thinking we’re all a bunch of rubes for expecting ethical behavior.
Meh, he cheated. Question is why she would want to stay with him after that? Why did he cheat? Who knows or cares. He probably does or should (care that is) if he values his family but if not…well then consider the fam liberated.
I think he leaves her no choice but to leave. Her (and family’s) absence should be material to reflect on, unless of course you don’t care about the loss, then is it really a loss to anyone at that point?
I’d take my money, be pissed off at him for a time, and leave him to his whims. But then again, I’ve learned my lessons the hard way 😉
I just read up on his history, sounds like he is a serial cheater. As always, the cheating is coming from deep within him and won’t stop until he unpacks what’s behind it. I’m glad he’s going to therapy! I still wouldn’t stay if I were her, simply b/c it’s clear this is who he is. Even reading the stories online, it sounds as though he ultimately hooked up with her b/c his buddy nearly died of an OD?? Jeez, how romantic…he was frightened into committment? Gross. Much easier when two people genuinely, honestly, authentically choose each other and even then…there’s no telling how they will both change over the course of the partnership.
I think the fact that he was driven to committment out of fear is likely what needs to be explored and once unpacked – would he still make those same choices to commit? There’s no way of knowing and girlfriend is better off leaving to let him sort it out.
He didn’t hook up because his buddy OD’d. That’s his sad-sausage excuse, his way of being the victim instead of the perpetrator. “You can’t be mad at me, because my friend died.” Lots of people suffer grief and loss without betraying their spouses. He’s a liar.
It is crucial to remember that chumps are groomed slowly and purposefully. We are made to believe we are helpers and anchors for our cheaters. I believed I alone had super powers to hold on to a sorry not sorry individual(s)
I can assure you, this affair is not David’s first unconscious and unprotected roll over with his power tool. I can bet whatever I have left $after 2 divorces from active cheaters, that Jordyn has been fed these stories before…of FOO and grief and lessons learned /not learned. Therapy is not a cure, repentance and huge active sorrys might be. I’m certain as Im breathing ,that Dave has had numerous emotional or even physical affairs that he may have hinted at or even confessed to his wife.
. Both my cheaters had me thinking I was their Savior and guardian of their mental health. It is a heady position to smoking the hopium pipe. Jordyn might be angry but I doubt she is done and will soon join more half sibs of her girl’s where ever Dave drops them. At least he will pay for all his kids and confess to being a daddy. Sadly better than the horrendous child support vacuum in our country today.
A new album, sad songs, interviews, all pay off and keep the ME ME ME going. Sad but in my life,true
Wow, old guy contemplates his navel much? “This crazy doesn’t break” 🤣👌
His shitty, selfish character is PERSONAL! He’s not good at communicating! Except singing it because, $$$$. I express my appreciation of FWs through the channel of interpretive dance and hand signs 🖕🏻🖕🏻🤮, I find it much easier. 430 hrs of therapy wasted imho; he’s still putting his boots on the furniture which screams entitlement and a lack of concern for others.
Yeah that pissed me off too. Get your dirty cockroach killers off the couch, d**khead!
I think for most of us we needed time to process/come to terms with leaving and potentially experienced a few d-days before we left. I salute those of us who left right away after the first incident and I also salute those who left after more incidents and/or who were left behind by their cheaters. No matter how you slice it, it’s a tough journey. At least in time, Jordyn will have the comfort of Dave’s money. It won’t solve all her woes but it will help. 😊
What I am saying is I expect their marriage will implode eventually and they will divorce.
6 therapy sessions a week for 70 months! Odds bodkins, I can’t even get to the gym!
I want to give credit where credit is due and say he’s trying to change. And be impressed by the sheer scope of that all. But I have some stuff stuck in my craw here…
So dude sank probably half a million (if not the full 7 figures) into therapy over the last year and a half. I imagine he’s paying out of pocket-managed care being what it is I am pretty sure his insurance had kittens at claims for therapy for more than twice a week. Mine sends me the passive-aggressive “Explanation of Benefits” notices for the once weekly I get…granted I don’t have a drummer’s credit on Nevermind.
Condoms cost like a dollar or less. And “not being a Traitor” is even cheaper at “free”!
And he still can’t just cop to why he not only cheated but fathered a child in so doing?
Interesting. It’s almost like he’s trying to cope more with the negative feedback by shutting everything off than accepting accountability for wandering phallus.
Like, I realize he went full rockerboy before we hit the Social Media era and all, and this sort of thing was probably a lot more commonplace before we all started walking around with tiny movie studios in our pockets and purses. Times change. This is not something that happened after Nirvana dissolved-this happened very, very recently.
With how much he says communicating through music helps him…I really hope “therapy” is more nuanced than “sitting down to write lyrics for an album so he can keep making money.”
There is a haunting sort of parity to something I watched over the weekend. A character in their death throes (a celebrity in their universe, some would even say they are a Captain of such…) was waxing on their marriage and infidelity. They lamented being caught up in everything negative in their life and “losing their way” as well, similarly lamenting THAT they cheated but “not really knowing why” before moving to other regrets.
Like infidelity was some justified decision that they made because everything else sucked. Or something. I dunno, I’m not a traitor, and that skein is probably much more simple than I am giving it credit for to untangle.
I feel bad for this kid that he fathered-who knows, the day may come where they grow up and read what we are saying about it. Not because their father is an idiot per se. Because they will have in living color how much self-same father failed to take accountability for his mistakes (and if you are reading this, future person? I imagine continued to do so until the very bitter end).
Have a Mighty Monday!
Interesting take on the therapy dollars. But yeah, of all the meaningful gestures he could make, investing money in himself, in his own motivations is where he goes. Wouldn’t it be easier to make actual tangible contributions to your victims? Give Jordyn an uncontested divorce settlement? Sign over an asset? Apologize to her family? Set up therapy trust funds for all the kids involved? No, the big I’ve Changed move we hear about is all the therapy hours he’s done. Tell us more Dave about Dave.
Celebrities live in an alternate universe so I find it hard to relate.
Jordyn is a stunningly beautiful woman face-lift or not. With the million$$$ she would get from a divorce it’s sad to see her clinging on to her FW. She has so much more resources than most of us chumps.
Maybe she’s addicted to being famous / celebrity adjacent. Dave sounds like my narc FW EX-FIL who worked in those circles.
I think having grown up in suburban Virginia with a public-school teacher as a mother …
Wait, WHAT?!?! He makes that sound like he grew up in Gaza, for chrissakes. The suburbs outside of DC are one of the wealthiest areas of the country. At worst, he was a middle-class American. But, yeah, Dave has to grab the victim mantle with both hands.
IKR. What a douche. I figure he just had to find a way to blame mommy for his failures as a human being.
“I wasn’t sitting with myself and really letting [feelings] go from my head into my heart. Getting to the point where I was just like, I need to stop, turn everything off and find my heart.”
What drivel. Based on this interview I’m guessing what he didn’t find was his conscience.
I will not be listening to his lame lyrics to try to unravel the mystery of the performatively enigmatic Dave Grohl.
Considering there were dozens of articles with headlines tracking when Dave and Jordyn were seen without their wedding rings, I looked at the left hand he was shoving in his pocket in the People video above. Can’t tell when it was taken, but Dave’s hand was bare.
You can’t tell how much celebs/sources say to a reporter because it can be omitted or cut later by an editor. This story makes it clear that Dave was asked multiple times about his marriage and family, and he repeatedly refused to answer.
Nothing screams reconciliation recovery like holing up in a studio to produce a new album /s
What a conceited asshole. Counting his therapy sessions? This man wants a cookie for betraying his family and having zero ability to even say, “I love my wife and family and am incredibly fortunate to still have them by my side.”