How do I get over it when my soon-to-be-ex-husband (STBX) moved in with the Other Woman (OW) who lives next door to my work!!???
I’m a small business owner and my studio is literally next door. I try to not think about it, but there are days he drives by and then he pulls into her driveway. It’s like the few times I stop to think and look out, there he is. We live in a small town so it’s hard to avoid this. I feel like since this all started I have been in hiding, scared to run into people. I go to the other side of town to do things. I know I’m not the cheating piece of shit, but I feel embarrassed.
Just when I get close to not giving a shit — BOOM there he is!!!!! Help me get to meh!!!!
Where’s the Berlin Wall when you need it? Boy, if ever there was an occasion for poured concrete, jagged glass, and concertina wire, this is it.
I’m not sure how you can eject your unwelcome STBXH from the neighborhood. The United States army had some success when they invaded Panama and blasted Van Halen and the Howard Stern show at General Noriega. He surrendered within 24 hours. Maybe we should ask Chump Nation what music they would play to torture cheaters with? Polkas? Celine Dion? Hand bell choirs?
Unfortunately, it’s a free country and we can’t choose our neighbors. Which means you’ve got two choices — find a new studio, or quickly reach great new heights of meh.
Personally, I’d look for a new studio. I consider myself happily moved on and meh, but if I had to live near either of my ex-husbands, I’d have to take up drinking… and Valium… and firing rocket launchers.
You just can’t have peace of mind around people who’ve abused you. The single most important thing you can do to heal is go no contact and have a safe space to heal. Most of us spend most of the day at work — you need your workplace to be safe!
Your divorce is not final, so you’re not years out from this shit. It’s fresh. The quickest course in meh I can give you is recognize his cheating is not YOUR shame to bear. You have absolutely NO reason to feel embarrassed around other people. You do, however, have every right now to feel flinchy and freaked out around the cheaters, because they harmed you. Your husband, who used to be your intimate, is now your adversary in a divorce. Seeing him must stir up all sorts of awful.
Even though he is next door, don’t be around him. Keep contact to a minimum. Communicate through brief, business-like emails.
If moving is absolutely out of the question (but do consider it, really), then please trust that he sucks. When he pulls into her driveway, tell yourself, isn’t that lovely? She won a cheater! Make a list of every wretched offense, every lie, every annoying habit, and keep it on you. When you feel upset, ask yourself — what is there here to miss? The sparkly dog turd that is him? Why would I care that she has a dog turd and I do not.
If you cannot move, light a scented candle and think meh thoughts. (((Hugs))) It sucks.