Everyone Cheats?

cheater_pollyannaFormer New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani spoke for everyone on the planet this week when he announced on “Meet the Press” that “everybody” cheats. The New York Times reported:

The remark came during an exchange on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” after Chuck Todd, the show’s host, asked Mr. Giuliani whether he was “the right person” to bring up former President Bill Clinton’s infidelities in this heated campaign.

“You have your own infidelities, sir,” Mr. Todd said.

“Everybody does,” Mr. Giuliani responded. “You know, I’m a Roman Catholic and I confess those things to my priest.”

The reaction from Twitter users was swift and unforgiving.

“No Rudy — not everyone does,” wrote Diana Hess, a self-described Hillary Clinton supporter.

“Um, I’ve been married for almost 20 years. No infidelities,” wrote John Bielski, whose Twitter account describes him as a labor lawyer in Philadelphia. Mr. Bielski, whose Twitter profile says he loves his wife and daughters more than his favorite sports teams, went on to ask, “Am I doing marriage wrong?”

Well, Mr. Bielski, since you asked, why yes, yes you are doing marriage all wrong. Trusting your wife, being faithful, loving your family more than your sports team, what kind of ancient relic ARE you? Didn’t you get the monogam-ish memo? Unlock the Mating in Captivity cage! Be free!

Don’t you realize how you suffer unjustly from the monogamy hegemony? You didn’t evolve to be this way, Mr. Bielski! Create a Tinder profile! Swipe right! Fuck around a little with women your daughters’ age. Model to them that this is what all men do. Tell them they could stand to lose a few pounds, and maybe if they’d been a bit more lovable you wouldn’t have done this. (Well, of course you would, but hey, they’re a little chubby.) Announce at a press conference that you’re leaving your wife, Rudy-style. Everyone does it! Priests see this all the time and they’re A Okay with it.

Chump Lady is putting down the snark now.

Mr. Bielski, you’re a national treasure. Unlike Rudy Giuliani.

Giuliani is just doing that classic blameshift from the Cheater Handbook — “Everybody cheats.” It’s so common, I have a cartoon about it. My own cheater said this to me, however, the “Don’t be a fucking Pollyanna” flourish was all his own.

The mindfuck goes like this: I’m not a freak, YOU’RE a freak! Don’t expect me to abide by rules I agree to, I’m Special. You’re a sap, that’s why you believe in commitment. Edgy sophisticated people such as myself are above such things. Do not judge me. We’re All Sinners. You yourself make coffee all wrong.

Everyone does it, ergo these rules are really silly. I’m just intelligent enough to recognize a silly rule when I see one. You’re a chump. A sheep. A go-along type. I just lie to you because you like your delusional world. To lie is a kindness really. You fail to sufficiently appreciate me.

Raise your hands, chumps, if you’ve heard this mindfuck before. Now raise your middle fingers and point them towards New York City.

Thank you.

Subscribe
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

326 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
ChumpedDude
ChumpedDude
7 years ago

I thought that’d fire you up! It sure did for me! 😉

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedDude

Yep. The hubris of cheaters.

Gia
Gia
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you for the clarification. I’m a chump from NYC. We are delightful. He’s a dickhead.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
7 years ago
Reply to  Gia

Yes, LOVE NYC, and Los Angeles, unfortunately both cities are riddled with assholes who think “lying and cheating are just part of life”.

No, they are not any part of REAL people’s lives, TYVM. Lying and cheating are a waste of everyone’s time. Pleanty of very real, really great people, do NOT condone cheating or lying.

Gypsy57
Gypsy57
7 years ago

Liars and cheaters believe that EVERYONE lies and cheats.

…until THEY’RE the one who is lied to and cheated on.

Deedee
Deedee
7 years ago

And this guy is supporting the Donald,a full blown loon with narcissistic personality disorder.Watching in awe and horror from the other side of the Atlantic.

SeeTheLight
SeeTheLight
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

I too got the old, “everybody does it” from my cheater. When asked just who “everybody” was in our circle of friends? Crickets.

Not at all surprised by Rudy’s public assertion. Infidelity is so commonplace (listen to the music of all genres and age groups) and even more so in the rarefied air of celebrity and politics. Rudy thought he was stating the obvious. It was good to see all the blow-back.

What I find funny, is that any of these moral/ethical issues are used as fodder between the two political camps. Neither candidate, is the poster child for the warm and fuzzy, white picket fence lifestyle. You’d think they would have checked those controversial issues at the door, but I guess their narcissism won’t allow it and the public also sees it as fair game. Moral relativism at play: “you lied to Congress, lied about Benghazi, had a pay to play while in office, yada, yada.”; “you don’t pay taxes, call women names, cheated on your wife, went bankrupt on some business projects, employ illegal aliens, yada, yada”.

I wish we could go the proverbial NC with both of them!

NfV
NfV
7 years ago
Reply to  SeeTheLight

no politics, please. One of these things is not true. (at least one), and they are in not way equivalent.

It’s triggering, offensive, and deeply upsetting to read this as comment #3 this morning.

SeeTheLight
SeeTheLight
7 years ago
Reply to  NfV

Well to be triggering was certainly not my intent. My apologies. This whole piece must give you the heebie-jeebies then. As a Chump, I find it cathartic to see these elites blasted by the Chump electorate for their crimes. Just pointing out that BOTH these candidates could be triggering to Chumps for longstanding and obvious reasons as portrayed in the Press. My prescription FWIW during this election cycle: Keep all media outlets shuttered if that be the case.

Olly
Olly
7 years ago
Reply to  SeeTheLight

Sure, but one candidate is chump and the other is cheater. So they’re not triggering in the same way to chumps.

Lostandfound
Lostandfound
7 years ago
Reply to  Olly

Exactly.

NfV
NfV
7 years ago
Reply to  Lostandfound

thank you for the apology…but What Olly says, I think.

sketchyokgirl
sketchyokgirl
7 years ago

Yes, I too heard that everyone cheats. I said back to him. Tell (son) that so he can fuck up his family too. Tell (daughter) that on her wedding day. I got back crickets.

Current Chump
Current Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  sketchyokgirl

The last time that stbx tried to make his cheating “no big deal” and that “everyone does it” I asked him if he wanted our son to have the type of marriage we had-cheating, lying, porn, hookers, etc.????????

He responded with crickets

Deedee
Deedee
7 years ago
Reply to  sketchyokgirl

Mine actually said that if daughter’s new husband needed to have a ‘fling’ one day,he ( ex)
would be understanding.It’s what men do apparently.
He contacted me recently to say he is in process of transitioning from OW,the one he trampled on me to get to,to someone new.He needs support and a few friends around him at this stressful time and basically could I see my way to being his friend and providing that support.
He can kiss the right hand side of my royal Irish arse.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

Deedee, I haven’t heard the right side of my Irish arse since Grandma went to Heaven to tell God how to it 20 years ago. Thanks for the laugh!

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
7 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

To *run* it! Gah! Auto correct.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

Yes he came to me we were divirced yet. I could always talk to you km your wonderful and a good listener and then proceeded to tell me his tales of woe with the whore. I was astounded asshole you mean to tell me your not yet ex dumped wife your problems with your whore? Me of all people? After damn near peeing my pants in delightful laughter. He got up stormed out muttering he thought me of all people would be kind and understanding. What a flaming fucking asshole!

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Deedee, FeralBlue, Karen E, Kar Marie, Survivor, and Paintwidow (sounds like yours just circled back early):

One: entitlement, much? And at your expense again? Creeps!!!! Two, do you think if this happens, weather early or late in the game, it’s hoovering? Or are they not mentally organized enough to hoover, just desperate and flailing for the MOST familiar “comfort.” (Ugh. Users.)

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

These are extraordinary super fucked up pods.

Deedee
Deedee
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

According to what I’ve read these people on the sociopath/ narcissism spectrum can circle back for a spot of hoovering after many,many years.In my case he was with the OW for eight years but obviously setting up her replacement on the side.
He thinks I’m still the same chump he left for the wolves all those years ago.
Wrong !!
I think he was genuinely surprised I wasn’t up for helping him with the tricky,stressful transition.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

Claire,

I think that Cluster B disordered people will keep their former chump on their Rolodex, so to speak, because they consider spouses/partners to be their personal property which they feel entitled to reclaim at any time it appears advantageous to do so. Think of it as an eternal Plan B. That is why NC is key. Out of sight, out of mind.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Haha roaring thats good. Unfortunately when she made that remark “5-10 years” it gave me hope because it was just after dday and i was a dancing fool. It kept me under her hoofs for atleast 6 more months. Alien Bitch.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Yup Claire, my ex wife said it was vVERY important that she remains friends with me – then – she said “maybe we can get back together in 5 or 10 years?”

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago

OMFG. She is an alien person. What could she possibly be thinking? What do you think she would say if her fuckbuddy dumped her and then followed up with this?

It reminds me of a funny New Yorker cartoon that shows a businessman on the phone saying, “No, Thursday’s out. How ’bout never – is never good for you?”

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

The “we can still be friends!” offer is just to keep their foot in our chumpy doors.

Then the cheater can use years of intimate familiarity to beg for errand running and emotional support because “life is so complicated and you were ALWAYS THERE for me!” By sticking close by and monitoring the chump’s situation, the cheater expects to maintain the status quo for themself, while they dance on to their next conquest(s) and the chump picks up their dry cleaning, and can be reeled back in at any time. No is the correct response.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

[Sorry, can’t help myself, in my original post: WHETHER, not weather. I was dictating.]

Thanks, all, for the insight — post D-day five months ago, I’m in the midst of a cycle that has more than three channels, though I am sure one of the cycles is hoovering. Only it disgusts me. (Isn’t it supposed to be charming? Aren’t I supposed to feel satisfied by a morsel or a banquet? I don’t. I don’t care. I feel nauseated and ashamed and I’m sick of myself. Sick of the hours’ of tears of regret, sick of the absence of my fury, sick of the exhaustion, the fact that I have to coach myself through the most basic of duties. . .)

SureChumpedALot, interesting insight about how some cheaters who think they own their victims communicate that beyond-entitled BS with “let’s remain friends.” Mine won’t say that. Thank heavens for small favors.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Applause Survivor!

“because they consider spouses/partners to be their personal property which they feel entitled to reclaim at any time”. This statement is very true but the cheaters passive way of communicating this is, “it is very important to me that we remain friends.”

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago

Yes that is asswipe important to his image that we remain close friends. Fuck him. Assholes.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

The Fucktard sent a letter to my office, hoping to Hoover me back after his marriage to his younger, thinner and prettier student crashed and burned. I was completely dumbfounded. He had the big brass ones to think that I’d come running back for more after being lied to, cheated on, stolen from, and having my character assassinated after giving up 16 years of my life to him. I did not respond.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

🙂 big hug to you.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Hugs right back at you, Kar marie.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

🙂

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Good girl! You are mighty!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Sorry we were not divorced yet hadnt even started the process.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

My ex tried this as well. Right after he told me he was outta there I found out about the OW( for sure, I had suspected) in my attempt to pick me dance (ugh!!) I had conversations with him where he told me we would be BFF’s. He wanted to sleep with me on the DL, openly date her , divorce me and I should leave him all the $, and we would be great pals. Talk to me about your dates and I’ll tell you all about the AP and then well screw for fun, then I go home and think of ways to make his life better.
This went on for a few months,then I came out of the post dumped psychosis. I stopped seeing him, lawyer’d up, fought for and got a good settlement, actual divorce is almost done. His AP called me one day to get into the injustice I was bringing on her sweet angel and I told her we had been sleeping together. I don’t know what the ensuing conversation was with them, but I was the devil to him after that and they stayed together and still are now.
I’m glad, she can spend the next two decades sleeping with one eye open.
I got tough pretty early on and did a lot of shit to make him uncomfortable. Don’t think he will call me. When I read that they circle back in times of distress it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

Dear lord… that is one for the books. I would’ve offered to help him transition to eunuch but other than that? I got nuthin’.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Beth

“I would’ve offered to help him transition to eunuch…” I know I should not be grinning. But that’s really funny. 😀

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

I’m curious about something. My ex left me for the affair partner and her YOUNG kids ( ours are 19 and 25….wtf??) I have had no hovering, no looking back from him, I’m 95% no contact unless it’s business and I’m polite in those interactions.
Do I think he’s happy? He’s incapable of it. Do I think he’s faithful to her? Probably for the moment although we did hook up after he left and he was with her so he has no loyalty to her either.
Do I think he will come try and seek a friendship with me and reconnect with our kids who have NOTHING to do with him if it blows up with the new schmoopie? Nope.
I spent quite a few months telling him what a shit he is. I don’t think he would have the balls to try to be my friend or contact me.
Herein lies the question…..does the ex still try to circle back around after a relationship implosion if you’ve made it crystal clear you think he’s a piece of shit? Don’t really see any of these self absorbed assholes risking the rejection of trying to tap a well that’s run dry.
I’ve gotten to a place where I’m so happy in no contact so when I read stuff like this and it’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Hoping mine stays with the oblivious AP forever and away from me.

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

I had hoped mine would leave me alone too. I was shocked when I answered the phone and it was him. I thought I had made myself crystal clear that I never wanted to speak to him again and I’d make his life hell if he tried after the divorce.

I think he lied to so many people about what had happened with me (they all took his side) that when marriage to the OW imploded EVERYTHING was exposed as the lies they were. He had no one left that would listen to his whining about the next divorce (and he HAS to have an audience) that he decided I was just enough of a doormat while we were together that I might actually hold still for it again. *face/palm*

I truly think he just ran out of people who would listen to his cry those crocodile tears. Which would explain his moving 5 states away to date the next girl before he was divorced from OWife. Too many people knew how he really was now. New place, new people, new and easier impression management.

I don’t think he’ll contact you unless he’s that desperate for a on audience.

KarenE
KarenE
7 years ago
Reply to  FeralBlue

Feral, my ex, too, has moved far away, where no one knows him, to start afresh. He even ghosted his only long-term friend! I later realized that he had done something similar just before I met him, although I don’t think that time it was deliberate on his part. But it worked, so he did it again. And I’m betting at some point he’ll do it yet again. His (even worse narc cheater) father has done it many times in his life.

When too many people know what an asshole you are, I guess moving away is the only thing that works! Also gets you lots of sympathy and support in your new home, and you can tell any tales you want about your past….

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

That’s very interesting to read, KarenE.

As I’m getting distance from D-day (also facing the one year anniversary next week – seems like a milestone) I’m realizing a lot of things clearly add up to narcissism and dysfunction in x’s family that I never recognized before.

It’s like watching ‘The Sixth Sense’ for the second time. (I see narcissistic people.)

Anyway, x’s pattern is similar: moving and starting over making no longterm connections with anyone, superficial relationships with family members. I used to joke around that we dated for three years before I knew he had relatives (but he has a huge extended family).

And his narc dad moved to another continent forty years ago and married a woman 20-years younger – not that this necessarily correlates but if you met my x-fil, you’d understand. He is a scary guy.

X is very friendly, though only for a few years at a time. People love to feel they are his “special” person – his ability to love bomb is accomplished. At least that’s what hooked me (and, throughout the years, women and men (old and young) would often tell me how lucky I was to have hooked him. Two women, separately, told me I wasn’t good enough for him. It seems sad that I thought it made him special.)

After awhile, though, his friendships just sort of faded away. He never followed up or seemed interested at all in finding out what happened to people he’d been so close to only months earlier. I put it down to male/female differences except I actually know other men, so essentially just lived with a weird feeling that I ignored.

OTH, x has been frequenting the same barstool for three years now, with the same couple of drunks – so maybe he has finally found his tribe. Or coven.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

“It’s like watching ‘The Sixth Sense’ for the second time. (I see narcissistic people.)” Oh man, that is hilarious, and I know exactly what you mean. Aren’t you like, “How did I not see them before?”

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

Yes! I was gobsmacked both by the ending (first time!) and the plethora of clues (second viewing!). What a great movie experience.

Shitty when applied to life, though.

KarenE
KarenE
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Some (the smarter ones, I think) don’t circle back. They know this well is dry, it’ll be less work to find a new one.
Others are so lost in their delusions (that they’re actually good people, that there aren’t any lasting consequences for their choices, that they can get what they want just because they want it…) that they do circle back, even when we’ve been abundantly clear.
And you know how I know that, eh?

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

My exhole called me when his marriage to OW imploded. Guess who had been cheating on his wife again…apparently twu wuv isn’t enough to keep it in his pants either. I wish I could say I ripped him a new one..but I couldn’t stop laughing at him. He told me he called me because he needed a good friend to talk to about all of it and I had always been a good friend… This after all the shit he talked about me, all the shit he put me through, a divorce and 3 blissful years of no contact.

They have lied to everyone, including themselves, so often that they believe everyone still loves and supports them. No matter how they’ve screwed over all those people and burned all those bridges.

Joanne Reinbold
Joanne Reinbold
7 years ago
Reply to  FeralBlue

Isn’t it amazing how delusional cheaters are? If I hadn’t gone through all that I went through I would have never believed it.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago
Reply to  FeralBlue

I think your comment posted the same time as my question.
Asked and answered.
Great…

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

Sounds like a Plan B fishing expedition. Eedeeot.

Kate50
Kate50
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

All cheaters will end up in Hell unless they repent to God, make amends to those they hurt and turn away from this intentional disobedience that they know is wrong. Time is short on this earth to get things right and those that don’t wake up will pay when they face God Almighty for judgement.

With that said, I too had to repent over my resentments and anger towards my X (We’re divorced finally!) I know longer wanted to drink that poison hoping he’d Die, and finally got the verse that assured me “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.”

I actually pity cheaters now because I know what’s in their future if they continue.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
7 years ago
Reply to  Kate50

What a dumbass that Rudy is. He really shouldn’t publically profess a religion he does not know. Being Catholic and going to Confession do NOTHING with the problem of our hearts. It’s the whole actions vs words crap that every Chump understands, only, this is Rudy making assumptions that his eternity will work out well for him because, “geez – I CONFESSED my infidelities!” What a moron. The problem is about what he believes he’ll be held accountable for, and how he thinks Confession takes care of it all for him.

God knows the inner workings of his heart, and even the Sacrement of Confession means nothing when it’s a problem of the depths of one’s heart. Confession is NOT some sort of Get Out of Jail Free ticket, Rudy. Sorry.

“But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.” Matthew 15:18

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago

Rudy never said he confessed to his SPOUSE. Maybe she should have been in the loop?

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago

Kar Marie:

Priest, after hearing confession: “Go and sin no more.

KM: “Guess rudy didnt hear that part.”

+1

Pricklypear
Pricklypear
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

Probably got his Catholic upbringing from George Carlin.”Coupla Hail Marys and an Our Father and you’re back on the street with Fadda Rivera!”

Or words to that effect, it’s been a few years, and I’m in no shape to Google it today.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago

Being raised in the roman catholic faith myself i remember well.

Are you truly sorry for your sins?

Yes.

Take whatever penance he instructed

His next words

Go and sin no more.

Guess rudy didnt hear that part.

Asswipe blew up and raged and screamed and gets angry over the smallest things and would rage and get nasty with me. Even after he left for the whore he did it. I stopped responding, i stopped talking, he would come and be nice and ass kissing and say im sorry i got like that but you know how i get.

I finally said to him you will no longer speak to me in that manner, you have no right and you never did and youve done this for years and i took it, i dont have to take it go bitch scream and yell at your new pussy asshole. And you are not one bit sorry cause you repeat this bad behavior over and over again. Asshole!

CDNM Chump
CDNM Chump
7 years ago

He’s still justifying it by saying everyone does it, confessing and being truly remorseful and asking for forgiveness is the only way beyond things. He’ll get it finally when he faces God and tries to justify it to Him!

Lovedandlost
Lovedandlost
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

Sweet! I am so with you on that. U r mighty now! My how we have grown. Leave the cheaters, teach the kids by example and hope that next generation will be better- that’s evolved!

Uneffingbelievable
Uneffingbelievable
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

Deedee – What a complete and utter douchebag. Support, my ass. Can’t believe I’m still shocked by these self-serving assholes thinking everyone is concerned with their well-being. Tell him while he’s down there to kiss the left hand side as well!

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

Omg deedee the nerve! ! What a wackjob! I hope you laughed at the jackass…

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago

Rhys tried to use statistics on me and it was infuriating. Go away, Rudy, no one wants to hear this bull.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago

Confession to a priest is worthless if it is not followed by repentance. Ole Rudy is in for a rude awakening come judgment day!

Sausalito
Sausalito
7 years ago

Yes, this pissed me off too. I’m not Catholic, but I’m pretty sure just going to confession doesn’t get you off the hook.

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

Maybe having bought a plenary indulgence does get one off the hook. I got mine in grade school by attending Mass 9 first Fridays in a row. So,now I have Carte Blanc.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

No way, I thought they quit the doing that in the 16th century.

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

I am pretty old.

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

Hahahaha.

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

It does if you molest kids, I guess. Why not adultery?

Renee62
Renee62
7 years ago

Exactly! You are NOT supposed to commit the same sin again & again! The Sacrament of Reconciliation does not give you a “free pass” to f**k around. Rudy is an example of a very delusional cheater who calls himself a Roman Catholic but it’s in name only because he doesn’t seem to have a heart or soul if he can justify that crap.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Renee62

Confession can bring you out of mortal sin so that your soul wont go to hell if you drop but there are temporal effects of sin for which you either handle when you are here or are held accountable for in Purgatory. Im sure that nowdeadcatholic husband confessed but he didnt even try to make it right with me.

I think God will hold men in leadership positions accountable for their bad examples.

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

that’s going to be a long line! It’ll probably wrap around heaven.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

+100. I’m not Catholic, but I hope God holds all men and women cheaters who don’t become unicorns, irrespective of position, accountable.

Giuliani was a phenomenal prosecutor. Scary good on his feet with words and arguments. I am imagining him, trying to get into heaven … and HE is the target of cross-ex.

Exhibit A: “Everyone cheats.” Exhibit B: Quick slideshow of his cheater history.” Exhibit C: Seventh Commandment.

What I would pay to see the cross examiner conduct THAT one….

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

Raised Roman Catholic, altar boy, nuns and Jesuits for a lot of my education, the whole 9 yards:
Do folks really believe that, if there is a God, he or she gives a rat’s ass?
After all he or she seems to let kids suffer from cancer etc.. Tsunami’s kill innocents, and all types of stuff. why on Earth would he or she give a crap?
I think it gives us some sense of justice and fairness to imagine these folks get theirs, but, most times, I do not believe it happens.
Cheaters often thrive and prosper. Yeah , sure, they will burn in eternity and the God that judges them, the one that advocated slavery, annihilation of other tribes, killing folks for working on the Sabbath, and who asked a guy to make a human sacrifice of his kid etc. will punish them>
Guiliani is an obvious slime, a slippery , weasel like a-hole, no doubt. But, a God giving a crap? That is a little much for me.

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

Thanks, CD NM. I love watching Hitchens and Harris on this issue.
No way to prove or disprove the existence. But,if God exists,it seems he or she is not terribly beneficent.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

Arnold…I say so in a loving, non preachy & judgmental way.Yes, I think God is real and He cares. He held me up during my crisis/unicorn time/Hs death and I care for dying children for a living and He feels very close.

CDNM Chump
CDNM Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

Oops it’s called “Does God exist?” Sorry

CDNM Chump
CDNM Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

Hey Arnold, check out the video’s on YouTube called “The existence of God”, they’re good and explain lots and can answer some questions you asked here. ?

Ugh no...
Ugh no...
7 years ago

Born and raised in NY, I had a front row seat for Rudy’s shenanigans. Donald had a few New York Post/ NY Daily News infidelity covers as well – especially when Ivana and Marla Maples ran into each other in the ski slopes when He took both the family AND the mistress skiing.
It’s getting harder and harder to find people who don’t subscribe to this “everybody does it, so get over it” “I’m so evolved” mindset.

A Survivor
A Survivor
7 years ago

Well, I took the opportunity to bring the fabulous chump lady up yesterday while visiting my mom and my chump. Now, the waiting game. I hope he speaks up!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago

Of course I was told everybody cheats.
I was even told that I cheated.
What the actual fuck?
Even if it crossed my mind I was more than a little busy parenting full time and working full time while Narkles the Clown traveled “for work.”
Let’s say it all together now: Mind Fuck!

Blindside
Blindside
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

I got those “you’re cheating on me” innuendos from time to time too. Those accusations seem to serve the multiple purposes of blame-shifting, self-justification, and misdirection all in one beautifully wrapped sociopathic package.

Dragonlady
Dragonlady
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

I got the “I thought you didn’t care”!!
Which was him projecting exactly how he felt. Douche bag!!!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

Yep – I heard about my fake affair for 16 years. He would throw that in my face every time we would fight. I can’t prove I DIDN’T have an affair – but it was useful for him when I found out about his fuck phone. Even better for asswipe to use that against me – when my son found his fuck phone and son called him out on it – he justified the phone by telling my son about my fictitious affair from 15 years prior. Yea – good job asshole – now my kids’ minds are tainted with them wondering “did mom really cheat on dad?” What a guy!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

I also received the same projection from my ex-wife. I remember her showing me a pair of my blue boxers with a visible white stain on the front. It was CLEARLY a bleach stain because laundry was not her specialty.

I remember immediately wanting to prove her wrong because I was really insulted. So I threw the solo blue boxers in the washer and once finished and still wet, I brought them upstairs and bleach stain was still there. No apology from her she was busy texting. This was right after DDay.

If someone is a cheater, they think everyone cheats.
If someone is a pathological liar, they think everyone lies.
If someone projects, it’s usually to cover their own inadequacies.

Tessie
Tessie
7 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

Yep, cheater ex took that one and ran with it to the extent that people I barely knew were openly snubbing me. I had no idea why. Eventually he worked the story into I was an actual hooker, and people actually believed him. Because I didn’t know he was poisoning the ground below me for quite a while before things blew up, it was impossible to refute his lies in many cases. Definitely caused me problems.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

It ceases to amaze me how much alike Cheaters are with their careful planning and bad mouthing behind our backs to friends and family. To maintain their good guy or girl image and to make everyone sympathize with them and make chumps appear unstable, unreasonable, wretched beings.
I noticed a sudden change in his sisters attitudes in their voice over the phone, people I had known from PTA and school functions who would normally come up to me in the grocery store to chat would look at me and look away. I remember thinking it was odd, but maybe they had things on their mind. My sons teachers weren’t as friends when I’d go to the school. I found out later that X had been telling everyone I was abusive to him and our son and an alcoholic, that X wasn’t sure how much longer he could put up with my irrational behavior. I had a small fender bender in the school parking lot one afternoon, X told everyone I had been drinking and that was why I had the accident. I was mortified, comments parents and teachers had made to me in passing now made sense. Suggestions on “meetings” uh, so you had an accident.., I’d say yes then tell the story of the accident, and one woman curtly replied, that’s not what I heard.., at the time, I thought what’s up with her.., once I found out I started sending out copies of the police report to my sons teachers and researching peoples addresses to mail more. I stopped myself, and thought, no, anyone who knows me knows better than to believe I’d drive drunk in the first place especially not in a public school parking lot. There were more sad sausage stories demonizing Brit Cheater have a secret handbook, how can they all be so much alike? I despise them all.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

That is really messed up. And sucks.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

“It takes two to tango. Are you telling me that all that time you spent traveling for work nothing inappropriate ever happened?”

Because he felt it was ok to cheat on me, in his head I must have cheated on him.The traveling I did for work was over 15 years ago before we even had kids. Is he projecting? And does that mean that he cheated on me while I was out of town for work? He apparrantly never had any lines in the morality sand he wouldn’t cross. That just makes me a complete fool for trusting him all those years and believing that he wouldn’t do something to truly hurt me or the kids.

MC
MC
7 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

That’s not even what the phrase “it takes two to tango” means. What a moron…

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

False accusations of of the blue, whether of cheating or of accusing the person of cheating, always smell like gaslighting to me.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

I agree–gaslighting and projection.

FSTL
FSTL
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

In the months leading up to DDay I got a torrent of abuse about my social activities and guilt trips about going out without her. How she stayed awake waiting for me, how I was this and that for going to drinks with colleagues.

I now know that on one of the nights she went on and on about (because a female colleague was there), she was on a work trip with her fuckbuddy.

And then after she (sort of…via trickle truth) confessed when she had no where left to go…. she told me at some point that “so many people do it”, which was her making the point she’s not a “monster”.

Maybe not a monster, but enough of a controlling, abusive and lying shit that I kicked her arse to the curb….

Now, if only I can work out how to get her to settle the divorce proceedings, I will be a very happy man !!

Luziana
Luziana
7 years ago
Reply to  FSTL

Despite being told early in the relationship how Cold Slab O’Meat’s mum had many work from home enterprises and a lively circle of female friends, that story changed mid flow. When I would be needed out for work dinners or asked on outings and trips by female friends, all of a sudden his mum and dad never left the house alone. At the end, he would be overjoyed to have alone time, because he could sneak over to seed the Sluterus while I took his daughter to family events and mommy-stepdaughter outings he was too occupied with his phone to do himself.

And no. In 30 years of adult relationships I have never cheated. I have not even flirted back with a flirt. One man I dated lied about not being divorced yet, and I shut him down. It’s just not in my makeup to hurt other women and their children.

Dr. Phil is a Bozo, but he said one thing valuable I will never forget, and it’s pretty relevant right now- “Cheaters think everyone cheats, and liars think everyone lies.”

moxie
moxie
7 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Agreed!
Not a big Dr Phil fan but I would agree 100% with this!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

Are we voting with our middle fingers or ring fingers?

This is by far the worst cheater justification ever. Middle finger raised.

This should be offensive to everyone.

nomar
nomar
7 years ago

Rudy is pathetic: Bug-eyed, sputtering, often confused, spittle flying. Plainly afflicted with the onset of an angry form of dementia. Also last week made racist comments at a “Leadership” conference for which the organizers had to apologize. A pattern has emerged. Inside a year the news of his illness will break and we will be asked to sympathize. I will take a pass.

nomar
nomar
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

That Rudy appears to have suffered significant mental deterioration is sad. That others have propped him up so he can (semi-consciously) spew hatred (and spittle) to further their political agenda is contemptible. But, yes, adults have to suffer the consequences of their actions. And Mr. Mayor’s actions are terrible, indeed.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

He had his good points i suppose but i sincerely believe rudy is kissing donalds butt looking for a job as attorney general. Just my opinion. Politics aside. The man is a scum bucket cheater lying bastard and his god is not gonna save him since he did it several times. Again just my opinion.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

I credit CL & CN with having no sympathy anymore for people who behave badly, and then pull the sadface or “I have a psychological problem” excuse. My bullshitometer is now a finely-tuned instrument.

JC
JC
7 years ago

I didn’t get the “everyone cheats” argument specifically, but my ex wife did feel that she was somehow edgy, sophisticated, and more complex than me while she was cheating (and probably felt the same way before she was cheating). In our briefs few months in marriage counseling, both her and her shitty therapist would tell me that I was being “too simplistic” in stating that my wife should not cheat, even if she’s attracted to other men. I said that if that’s what she wants, then she should get divorced.

And then I was accused of bringing up divorce too quickly!

Whoa whoa whoa, JC! Calm down! Why are you jumping so quickly to discussing divorce?!? Dealing with “marital problems” is a LOT more complicated than divorcing right away. Let’s focus on what is wrong with YOU, JC, that you’re so quick to bring up divorce!!!

Even the therapist could blameahift and plant red herrings to distract from the real problem: that my cheating wife had poor character.

Dee
Dee
5 years ago
Reply to  JC

It is so crazy – my husband has been telling me and everyone else what a new amazing person he is but admits to building a secret life with a married colleague. He has been lying and cheating for years but I just found out. He truly believes that he has self reflected and is amazing. Told my two teenagers that he hasn’t wanted our cookie cutter marriage for 12 years (what a life thief). Too bad I can’t tell him that my kids found his secret stash of viagra, flavored lube, condoms, and pot. What a role model. He won’t even leave the house so I am having to wait for the separation agreement and our house to sell. He is truly fucking delusional. The sad part is while everyone tells me how horrible he has been, no one speaks up. To his face people are polite – we live in a fucked up world people.

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

Yep. Marriage counselor said we were not allowed to discuss anything from the past ( well, she was still cheating while we went, so, had I known, I might have been able to raise that). Guy was worthless and I stopped after 2 times.
As far the cheater feeling he or she was more “edgy” , more evolved, more sophisticated etc., I think that happens a lot.
Cheaters are NPD, for the most part. Even outside of cheating, they feel themselves superior, more evolved, more spiritual etc.
Look at folks like Esther Perel, one of their guru’s or that Eat. Pray , Love author. These folks are, virtually, incoherent with their new age speak bullshit.
Look at Guiliani, if it were not for the hypergamic draw of power and status, think that guy would have an easy time getting laid? Think the guy is very bright? he is a fucking idiot, and ass kisser etc.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

JC, kudos to you for keeping your head in an untenable situation (massively non-theeapeutic). Kipling came to mind:

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too” . . .

A pretty big “If”, but you managed. Congrats for being stellar!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

I got that STBX’s affairs were due to his uncontainable PASSION. And that someone like me couldn’t be expected to understand such a thing, nor the poetry in his soul. (Because fucking your mistress in the parking lot is really poetic.)

Buddy
Buddy
7 years ago

Passion for cheaters is fear of being vulnerable and authentic with their spouse. Far easier to escape their poor character and toxic personality by being Passionate with a stranger or like-minded narcissist.

Passion for cheaters says they are entitled to some strange because they just are; because they are better than others.

Passion for cheaters says “I’m better than you, my spouse who cooks for me, provides for me, listens to me, cares for my well-being.”

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Oh, gee, now you triggered me (not really)!

My cheater’s Ashley Madison byline was “in pursuit of passion and excitement.” Just can’t keep those passions from running rampant!

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

That would have made him seem sooooo unique on a cheater site, Tempest. Such passion! Such originality! Such sparkle! So special! Yeah, right. Shit magnet.

Dragonlady
Dragonlady
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I got “I have so much Love to give”!!
I thought well your sure giving it all to yourself!!! Narc BS.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

The Limited was looking for excitement and passion and admitted it was always about the thrill of the chase.

The irony is that in the end he traded so far down I decided to let the fucker have it. As far as I can see it was like scraping road kill off the pavement.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

“in pursuit of passion and excitement”=”new, shiny vajaja.”

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

Oh course the MC didn’t want you bringing up the D word – that threatens the counseling gravy train. “Keep eating that shit sandwich and paying my fee, JC” that’s what you were hearing. Good for you to recognize it.

I am lucky to have a really great therapist who, when my ex wanted to do marriage counseling with my therapist (not coincidentally Ex quit his own therapist when he wanted Ex to address the damage he had done to me and our kids), said no because she wanted to be my advocate and not an advocate for the marriage.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

And the final joy here is that you PAID to hear that shit. Disgusting.

brit
brit
7 years ago

I heard a variation of everybody cheats, it went like this, “If a couple isn’t getting along then there’s nothing wrong with cheating,” if you’re having a rough patch in your marriage, a disagreement on how to load the dishwasher, where to eat for dinner.., you earned yourself a cheating pass.
Everybody’s doing it, and this is why, every couple occasionally argues, disagrees.., so what do you do? Cheat of course.
Cheating is known for strengthening a relationships, just ask one.

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit, love how you get at the logical fallacy of ‘everybody’s doing it’!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

Is this the equivalent to everyone drives a bit faster than the speed limit on the highway? I was just driving the speed of traffic so I wouldn’t get run into from behind? Oh wait … my STBX actually likes getting “run into from behind” so I must have the analogy (ANALogy) all wrong. Need more coffee to understand all this sophistication.

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Seems like the childhood scenario whereby my mother answered my whiny, ‘oh, but Jennifer is doing it” with “if Jennifer was jumping off a cliff, would you want to?” Or, “if everyone was drinking arsenic, would you want to?”

Other Kat
Other Kat
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Good one, Dixie!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Tailgaiter

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Hahahaha.

arlo
arlo
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Lol!!!!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

I was dating/married to my ex for over 25 years and I didn’t cheat once. And I was in an emotionally destructive relationship (withholding of affection/attention/love/time) most of those years, but I was faithful to him. I can only imagine how many times he was unfaithful to me with emotional and physical affairs. He lead a double life all the years we were together. And I too got the I was “judging him.” Well, wait until the final Judge takes a look at his life choices and his lack of repentance for all he’s done to me and his children. I’m counting on God to have the final say in this matter.

Blindside
Blindside
7 years ago

“Everybody does it.”

What a classic cop-out. It’s just a line to hide from responsibility when there isn’t any excuse. My kids try to go to this line when all else fails. But they’re in elementary school. Rudy and our spouses – not so much.

Olivia
Olivia
7 years ago

In addition to “everyone cheats,” The Donald has said that if Hillary didn’t know Bill was cheating, she’s too stupid to be president.

And that makes all of us here to stupid to…what?

JK
JK
7 years ago
Reply to  Olivia

Here’s a news flash for cheaters who think chumps are stupid. Using a person’s love against them to exploit and rob them of the years of their lives, their money, emotional investment in you, past and future, and mental health, does not make your victim stupid. It makes you a double-revolving asshole. (Disclaimer: The foregoing is not intended as commentary on any political candidate. I’m JK and I support this message).

Olivia
Olivia
7 years ago
Reply to  JK

You said it, JK!

And yes, mine was not intended as political commentary either. I would have been equally pissed off no matter who made the comment!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Olivia

too stupid to use the toaster, apparently. (24 years with a serial cheater and I didn’t know. Note to self: take toaster to Goodwill this week)

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago

Projection.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Agreed LAJ! One word says it all.

Cheaters willfully embrace mainstream societies (sophisticated and edgy) approach along with Hollywood and the media’s depiction of “everyone cheats” as justification for their own entitlement. Once they justify, then they project.

This thought process enrolls bad character losers faster than the STD’s that they pass around.

I didn’t cheat and I can name hundreds of others that don’t either. So put the fuck-buddy radar back in your pants Mr. and Mrs. Cheater-pants and try to live a noble life by being grateful for all you have…. your spouse, your children and the life that you all built.

Awake
Awake
7 years ago

A narc politician? Say it isn’t so.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago

And then there’s the idea, expressed by a Trump supporter who apparently has signed on with the marriage police, that if Hillary can’t “control” Bill, she can’t “control” the country. As if controlling another person was possible or desirable.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

So Hillary is “stupid” for not knowing Bill was cheating, and she should have “controlled” him.

Am I abnormal, or does anyone else have the urge to beat The Donald with a large spiked tree branch?

Uneffingbelievable
Uneffingbelievable
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest – I want a turn with the branch!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Have at it! (I heard a montage this morning of all the things Trump has said about women. And (surprise) very little of it respectful. On the lookout for the thorniest tree branch I can find….)

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I’ll bet he calls all the women around him “Honey.” The men, too, then?

Lyn
Lyn
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

It amazes me when I hear people defend’s verbal abuse of women by saying, “he talks the same way to men,” as if that makes it okay. Has anyone heard him say something SEXUALLY degrading about a man’s body? (Has he ever looked in the mirror?)

He is a master at verbal abuse and blame shifting. Kind of fascinating to watch if you’re not in the crosshairs.

Uneffingbelievable
Uneffingbelievable
7 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Lyn – Someone who is trying to be the leader of this country shouldn’t talk to either sex that way, right? It amazes me that anyone would want him representing them to the rest of the world.

Uneffingbelievable
Uneffingbelievable
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest – We can add rusty roofing nails if necessary.

Sylvia is Sad
Sylvia is Sad
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

It made me physically sick when people were making fun of her health problems. Setting all the politicking aside, she is a human being.
So, she had a cough, the flu, pneumonia…and? Her schedule is grueling and she uses her voice all day long.
When she fell, and people were mocking it, I only felt sympathy for her and revulsion for the people who were so horrific. When George Bush the First vomited at a big state dinner or some soiree, no one doubted his MIND or mental state. They just said he had food poisoning. Some minor jokes were made and people moved on.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I’m a tar and feathers girl myself, but a large spiked tree branch sounds good.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Drawn and quarteted also good.

Tessie
Tessie
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Personally I lean toward a prickly cactus and a few tender orfices, but I’m just mean that way.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Ooooooh tessie my kinda girl!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Survivor, can I join your posse?

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago

Absolutely.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

It’s seemingly a common idea in some circles. If a man cheats, it’s the woman’s fault. And then you better not slut-shame the OW or you are “abusing” her.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Looks like we’re all mavericks here, then.

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
7 years ago

Tracy, loooooove the cartoon! Hope we can see more like
this again someday… 🙂

Mandie101
Mandie101
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Speaking of book? Did I mention I’m loving it? Maybe twice before but wanted to say it again. I leave it visible… to plant seeds of rebellion. Hehehe

Kara
Kara
7 years ago

Ugh! Who is even banging these jerk holes?! Rudy, Trump, Gingrich, they are all the most unattractive piles of doughy grossness on Earth!! Each one of them makes me throw up in my mouth a little. But they all seem to find women willing to have multiple affairs.

And it’s not like they have any personality to redeem their lack of looks. They’re balls of pure narcissism.

EWWWW.

arlo
arlo
7 years ago
Reply to  Kara

I do any one of ’em for a billion dollars. Cash up front, mind you.
Jus sayin

Kara
Kara
7 years ago
Reply to  arlo

You couldn’t pay me enough to touch any of them with a vaulting pole.

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  Kara

It’s the power of hypergamy. The male equivalent is the attraction to stupid, but physically attractive women.
One gender prefers power and status ( although physical attractiveness may also be a draw), while the other goes for looks and youth.
Neither has a monopoly on being attracted for less superficial reasons.

Sausalito
Sausalito
7 years ago
Reply to  Kara

Lol, Kara, “piles of doughy grossness'” that is so true! I don’t get it either, I can’t imagine having sex with any of them.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

You’re right Louisvilleflower (Kentucky? X is UPS pilot) money, prestige, power and fame are what many women are attracted to and nothing like winning, beating out the competition (wife),
Put them and their cheap perfume in the same room with a selfish, pompous, sexist, smug, pile of doughy grossness, creates a room full of instant attraction or is that love at first sight or is it a room full of shit?
I agree with you Kara, I couldn’t imagine having one of them with their Tella Tubby bellies rubbing up against me, sweating groping me and feeling their hot breath on my neck.

The thought is making me nauseous. (I fell asleep typing)

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

Great visual.

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Kara

They all have money, fame and power. Those are attractive qualities to some people.
It has taken me a long time to figure out the weird role physical attractiveness plays in cheating. My average looking STBX cheated with some attractive women, though most were more than a little trashy. And look at all the beautiful people who get cheated on – Jennifer Anniston, Eva Longoria, Gwen Stephani.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

We need Ian to post some memes today!!!

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago

I felt even more like a goofy purple unicorn when I found out that a couple of people I know all cheated. I was “Really, I just didnt get the EVERYBODY CHEATS memo. I was faced with temptation a few times and I thought to myself ‘THAT would be a BAD idea’ ” I told Col Greatguy that I felt like a dinosaur. He never cheated either. His wife dated once they had sep but he didnt think it was right.

Looking back on what I now know of deadhusbands shenanigans, I think there is a deep and active subculture of “work cheaters” who all fuck each other on business trips and then go home to their chumps for cake….like in the movie “Up in the Air”. I think this was the rubric of much of H1’s cheating. The idea that “everyone” did it surely was part of his rationalization.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I was on a business trip for an out-of-state rental I owned, and one evening as I was eating dinner in the hotel coffee shop (with a book, alone) I began hearing an old guy sitting two tables away making nasty comments about “women on road trips” and “screwing around”, etc. He was sitting with an adult son, and probably daughter-in-law, and making these comments and when I didn’t react, kept speaking louder and making nastier comments. His family were trying to hush him, but he just kept on talking about it. I finished my dinner and walked out, thinking that his nasty comments were probably about his own business life.

So, yeah, his reality wasn’t mine, nor did I cheat on any of my business trips.

These guys are really pathetic.

Blindside
Blindside
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I would be interested to see if there is actual research on the most popular types of APs – like a percentage breakdown on the most popular types. I would imagine COWs would be up there. Here are the types that I can think of (I’m sure I’m missing some):

1) COWs

2) Workout/gym buddies

3) Ashey Madison/Craig’s List

4) Mutual friend

5) Family member

6) Prostitute

7) Parent of one of your kid’s friends

8) Random hookup

Spiritwoman
Spiritwoman
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

Onlone Asian soulmates too

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

And don’t forget- 10) Neighbors!
Think : Lazy. Cheaters are lazy, the easier the better for them. Kind of the opposite of Effort Is Sexy. If you can get to your AP in 2 minutes, while your spouse is working (to support your lazy ass), it’s pure bliss for the cheater. Also with the added fun of seeing them out your windows and your Chump is being fooled.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

And dont forget multiple sites for hooking up for unsafe sex with bondage sex slaves multiples and as many as possible.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

Blindside, are COW co workers?

I think you need to add ex girlfriend/boyfriend and ex wife/husband. I think I heard exes are right up there with co workers for cheating. Plus, I think exes are less effort as well. Just locate them on the internet, scout out their willingness to cheat, and not tell the spouse.

Blindside
Blindside
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Anita, yes COWs are co-workers and good catch on the ex’s. Can’t believe I missed that one. Just find them on Facebook, send them a message, and off you go.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

Thank you, Blindside . Yes, ex went after someone he dated a bit decades ago. Said she was a Path of Least Resistance. Lol. I think they can superimpose what they saw decades ago on what’s actually there now. Ergo, they are Teenagers. Delusional.

Marked711
Marked711
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

Yep. Xw left me for her old high school boyfriends from 35 years prior. She went trolling for old boyfriends and found one exactly like you describe. X’s are definitely one of the categories.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I think work cheating is the most popular, just for the simple fact that it is so easy. And cheaters are all about the easy. Ex told me so himself.

I know most jobs are a”closed environment ” where cheaters can interact without fear of discovery. For example, my building has multiple security checkpoints, badge access, etc. so whatever is going on in there is a secret unless someone tells you. And work email and phone records are locked up tight as well. So, many workplaces are an 8/10/12 hour a day cheaters’ paradise.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

That’s great. Virago!

If single people knew they only had to show up for work to get fucked/ find their soulmates I guess all the dating sites would have to shut down. Dating is just so easy!!!

Funny, you don’t see that many legitimate couples who meet at work, just cheaters. Very telling.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Jeez, I’m single now, show up for work everyday, and nada. Not a single fuck session in the copy room. What am I doing wrong?

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Wearing clothing, maybe, Tempest?

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hahahaha.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

You are not a cheater, Tempest, that’s what you are doing wrong. They set their standards VERRRRY low. Any old whore will do.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

And that doesn’t include work trips, or events. Even greater cheater ops.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

For a while, the Marine Corps flew him to Boston every monday and put him in a nice Hotel so that he could collaborate with the Army. I has home with 3 kids alone all week and when he got home for a weekend off, I worked 12 hr night shifts in an ICU. My weeks were filled with parenting alone…he had a fuckfest.

This went on for a year or so…I was curious why he seemed so contented. At the end of this situation, he was assigned to go to graduate school and he suggested that me and the kids NOT move with him (it was 2 1/4 yrs!!) he wanted us to stay where we were and he had his next fuckfest all planned out. I said the idea of living apart was absurd. I look backa nd realize he never did want us there.

So at the time I only assumed the very best of him, I never for a minute thought he would do such a thing and now I think that his business trips were a giant fuckapalloza.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

OK, let’s play Devil’s Advocate. We know not everyone cheats, just because that’s the truth. I don’t cheat, CN doesn’t cheat, and millions of others do not cheat.

But let’s say that everyone does cheat. Guess what, whether everyone does it or no one does it, that does not alter the wrongness of an action. At all. The Bible says that the road to hell is broad, and easy, and well traveled (or something similar) while the road to heaven is narrow and not well traveled. It’s like your mom saying “If Johnny jumps off a cliff , would you jump off a cliff?”. Only if you are stupid and want to die too.

Sylvia is Sad
Sylvia is Sad
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Anita,
I think one thing that is gutting is that I truly do not cheat..even mentally. I was told by several mental health people, rabbis, randoms, men and women friends …that this is an aberration and I need to “accept” that men will also have harmless fantasies in their mind. That the fantasies are okay, and as long as they don’t act on them, it is not cheating. This is BEFORE I was chumped. (So you can imagine how being cheated on affected me…catastrophically).

I still think that is cheating, thinking about sex with others. Perhaps I will end up alone, because my bar is too high. But….I do not WANT to be with a man who is fantasizing about our waitress naked. I consider it cheating. Maybe I am too old fashioned?

Perhaps I am doomed.

Stuckinlimbo
Stuckinlimbo
7 years ago
Reply to  Sylvia is Sad

I agree with you totally Sylvia. If you’re old fashioned so am I. It’s disrespectful and shows where their heart lies. When I’m in love I don’t have radar for anyone else and would feel disloyal if I looked at another man sexually. Flirting and porn is cheating ! I actually had ex BF tell me that he wondered if our waitress looked better without her clothes on. How is that acting loving to me ? Totally disrespectful. And how can a woman feel loved when her man chooses to have sex by himself while watching porn instead of with a woman who loves him ?

Having said that though, I know men who would never cheat. Who no longer go to a certain coffee shop without their wife because the waitress there Always comes on to him. There are real and good men out there who consider themselves blessed to have their wife and not only would never cheat but would never do anything that would make their wife feel ” less than ” or give the appearance that they might cheat.

I no longer feel the need to socialize with people who don’t have the same values. I’m thinking that if all I see are cheating men then I need to start associating with different people. So my circle has become much smaller but so much more comfortable.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Sylvia is Sad

I don’t think you’re doomed, Sylvia. I’m not into fantasizing about strange myself either. I have done it in the past I guess at some point.

Cheaters just really seem to have some sort of excessively high interest in sex. I like it but just haven’t ever had a compulsive interest to think about screwing all the time. There are so many other things to do. Why just do one thing. Maybe it really is a mental disorder/addiction. But whatever it is, no need for us to put up with these losers.

Uneffingbelievable
Uneffingbelievable
7 years ago

Just when I thought this presidential race couldn’t get any more ridiculous, these stuffed shirt morons start blasting Bill Clinton for his infidelities! What in the HELL has that got to do with Hillary Clinton’s politics???? And the accusations are coming from some of the most public cheaters in our country!

It is a testament to the lack of insight these narcissists have about themselves. Did they think they would get away with pointing the finger at someone else and not having it boomarang right back at them? Yes! Because that was in the past! I’m not cheating at the moment! (Not that anyone is aware of.). What is playing out on the stage of American politics is the same thing that we chumps had to deal with in our homes with our cheaters. It is mass blaming-shifting, gaslighting and passive-aggression.

Rudy confesses that to a priest? He must have one on speed-dial. He also needs to check his bible again because divorce is not allowed by the Catholic Church, simply because you wanted some strange. I used to be Catholic and confession isn’t like a drive-thru car wash. Confession is for when you see the error of your ways, you beg god’s forgivness and you know better now and will not commit the same sin. People who use religion as a get-out-of-jail-free card are truly disgusting.

You know republicans must be desperate to have this become a part of the presidential race. It’s just a smoke screen for why Trump refuses to release his income tax information. Men who can’t keep their dick’s in their pants have nothing to do with this presidential race and have everything to do with hipocracy.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago

As a parting shot on the way out the door, the ex wanted to strike the fear of God in me when he asked: “How do you know someone else won’t cheat on you? Everyone cheats!”

The RIC is pretty flush with those folks who use this insane “It’s better to dance with the devil you know” routine.

I love CLs response: that I could swing a cat around in a room and hit a better mate (and one that doesn’t cheat). Better to start with a clean slate. When you learn how to interview people you one of the first things they teach you is to ask open ended questions about past situations. Why? Because the absolute best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Works for cheaters too.

Don’t fall for that line whether it’s a from a former Mayor of New York or anyone else who cheats!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Exactly, and it shouldn’t be a fishing expedition to wriggle out the answers. Honest people show honest behavior without cajoling.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

I meant that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior as the part that applies to cheaters. Not necessarily the interviewing part. Although I’m sure I’ve interviewed some cheaters in my day, LOL.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

I don’t really care what “everybody” does because I’m not 15 and I’m not motivated by peer pressure to do dysfunctional things to be popular.

I do, however, care whether my partner keeps the agreements he makes within our relationship.

A person who wants multiple partners, sexual or otherwise, has the option say so and be open an honest about it. That has many names, such as polyamory, and I have nothing against it. It isn’t what I want, so I don’t do it, and that is fine by the people who do want it, because they don’t want me to participate via coercion. That would be antithetical to the principle of “agreement”, which is what makes it workable for everyone.

A person who wants multiple partners sexual or otherwise, in SECRET, and/or while receiving monogamous loyalty from me while our conversations have always specified a mutual choice for monogamy? That person is unfaithful, a.k.a. a “cheater”.

The argument against cheating has nothing to do with how sophisticated it is, or isn’t, to choose monogamy. In fact, a sexually sophisticated person would actually support either choice and any choice that was on the table among consenting adults.

The argument against cheating has everything to do with the fact that sneaking around keeping secrets is immature, self-serving, harmful, high-risk, and power mongering. For these reasons, it is equivalent, psychologically and socially, to thievery, assault/abuse, harassment, perjury, and other crimes.

Saying cheating is reasonable because lots of people do it is like saying rape and robbery make sense because, hey, it happens, so people should just expect it and accept it.

So, I suppose that, since mugging is common in big cities, Mr. Giuliani would be AOK with getting mugged, even if he were permanently injured, as long as the mugger went to confession. After all, lots of people are involved in street crime and assault, and he wasn’t killed or anything, and he doesn’t need that wallet to survive or anything, so, hey, no harm, no foul.

JK
JK
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Great post, Amiisfree.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Many 🙂 and <3 thank yous! I feel so strongly about this specific thing, I could write a book… But I bought CL's instead because she already said it all so brilliantly. 🙂

CourtneyS
CourtneyS
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Brilliant post!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

applause, well said!

KarenE
KarenE
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Oooh, I like that, I’ll mug him myself! Good excuse for a weekend in NYC…

EyesOpenNow
EyesOpenNow
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Well said, Amiisfree! Love it!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  EyesOpenNow

+100!

LucyInTheSky78
LucyInTheSky78
7 years ago

I remember being not long married, when out of the blue, my ex said: “There are two types of men. Those who love their wives and have sex with other women, just for the sex, but always go home to their wives and family, and those who have an affair with the same woman, fall in love, and leave their wives for that woman.”

I responded immediately by saying: “And then there is the third type: good men.” I noticed him staring at the floor when I said that. I continued by blabbing on about statistically speaking, more women had affairs blah blah blah.

The thing is, he said this at an early stage of our marriage (i.e. a couple of months), when I was all loved up, and completely unsuspecting. Such was my trust, that I didn’t even think for one second that he was talking about himself (he turned out to be the first type).
So, as he was not saying this to mindfuck me AFTER I’d begun to find the truth, why the hell was he saying it at all? Was he testing my trust? Did he want to get caught? Could it be he was feeling guilty after yet another fling with a prostitute? Was he gauging my reaction to the notion of a cheating spouse? I think that statement he made is probably the only thing that still troubles my mind when I think of it, and how I didn’t see the giant red flag he was slapping me across the face with. So weird. What a chump I was!

Maybe he was putting in the foundations for if I ever did find out. Sort of like… I’d think, well, he said all men do it, so I may as well just stick with him, as clearly, I’ll never find a man who isn’t a cheater anyway, because they don’t exist. I suppose it’s still a mindfuck, whether it’s used pre or post D-Day. Bleurgh.

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  LucyInTheSky78

Lucyinthesky – What your husband told you at the time was a truth leak. He couldn’t help himself and blurted it out, because that’s what he was thinking and he classified himself in one of those categories. It’s like a gay man who references being gay or makes gay jokes. That’s who he is. Your husband was doing the same thing, telling you exactly the thoughts in his mind, because he would one day be capable of doing those things. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to think those things, let alone say them.

Chumpadilly
Chumpadilly
7 years ago
Reply to  LucyInTheSky78

It’s not gaslighting and it’s not projection either, but I agree, Lucy, that it is haunting and evil and hard to get over. For a time I called it blowing smoke out the ass. I recently came up with a less vulgar and more succinct term for it: PREEMPTIVE MISDIRECTION.

Cheaterdilly was/is a master. And even though the conversations took place years (even a decade) previously, I can remember them almost verbatim. He would, voluntarily and apropos of nothing, bring up someone else’s cheating behavior/scenario with a tone of incredulity: “Ms. Barrista told me she has at least half a dozen married customers, including Mr. X, that shamelessly flirt with and proposition her both in person and by text. Can you believe that?” (this is by far the tamest and easiest to explain example out of about 6 I can remember)

And I’d say, “No, that’s awful. Mr. X is a real asshole” and move right on, never even remotely sensing the red flag waving inches in front of my eyes. After DDay and when Cheaterdilly confessed more of his many affairs, I found out he was doing that EXACT cheating, too. The hypocrisy and deviance is breathtaking and one of my biggest hangups in this whole awful mess that is my wrecked marriage.

I’m sure Cheaterdilly — and many other cheaters — do it in large part to throw the chump off the scent. If he brings up that behavior himself, he certainly CAN’T be doing it. Bringing it up is counter-intuitive to perpetuating a lie. Yes. Yes, it is. But fuck, it worked. It worked like a charm.

I think the preemptive misdirection may also be a twisted form of gaining completely imaginary implicit permission. (Yes, I’ll admit that I’m still trying to untangle this particular skein of fuckedup)

Of course, he doesn’t remember most of these conversations taking place, but there are a couple of the stories (all true and all equally applicable to his behavior with one of the APs) he shared with the general public (he tends to gossip) and can’t deny. It’s sickening. Just like Rudy’s statement. Sickening and so, so hard to accept and let go.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpadilly

“I’m sure Cheaterdilly — and many other cheaters — do it in large part to throw the chump off the scent. If he brings up that behavior himself, he certainly CAN’T be doing it. Bringing it up is counter-intuitive to perpetuating a lie. Yes. Yes, it is. But fuck, it worked. It worked like a charm.”

this times a fucking hundred

I swallowed his bullshit hook, line and sinker

JK
JK
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I can hear her voice to this day saying, “Cheating is the ultimate betrayal.” So many of the times when something seemed suspicious, and I was trying to reason things out, I let those words resolve things in her favor. Who would say such a thing if they were a cheater, right? Serial, long-term cheater during 20 year marriage.

Kiwichump
Kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  JK

I also got the gossip about other people’s affairs on a regular basis. I used to shut it down because I don’t like gossip and I don’t enjoy talking about people I don’t like, and usually I didn’t like the alleged cheaters.. So I never even checked if the gossip was actually going around our small town or if he had made it all up. I got his juicy stories every time he went into the village, complete with feigned outrage or schadenfreude. I used to think he was so much like a teenage girl about this and wonder how someone so educated could be so petty and focused on such boring tawdry stories . Now I know.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  LucyInTheSky78

LucyInTheSky78,

I responded immediately by saying: “And then there is the third type: good men.”

Lucy, genius response!

LucyInTheSky78
LucyInTheSky78
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

Haha! Thank you 🙂 I guess there was nothing he could say to that.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  LucyInTheSky78

He was warning you. Getting you used to the idea that all men cheat.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

And we all need to follow Maya Angelou’s wise advice (and I’m paraphrasing): When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.

LucyInTheSky78
LucyInTheSky78
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

So true! Might get that engraved over my eyebrows! 😀

Lyn
Lyn
7 years ago
Reply to  LucyInTheSky78

Yes, it sounds like he was telling you a philosophy he learned from childhood. That kind of thinking doesn’t come out of the blue. Too bad he didn’t tell you BEFORE you got married. Obviously these people know this kind of behavior is wrong, so they hide it. Then, once you find out, they say it was your fault for not knowing. Sheesh!

I remember my husband crying out in an anguished voice, “Okay, I’m a bad person!” The way he said it just ripped my heart out, I felt so sorry for the way he was sobbing and tried to convince him he wasn’t. At the time I didn’t realize it was all an act designed to manipulate my compassion. Knowing everything I know now, I wish I’d have answered, “Yes, you are.”

LucyInTheSky78
LucyInTheSky78
7 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

I think you’re right, Lyn. Mine also tried to make me think the behaviour wasn’t THAT bad. Because, you know, nobody’s perfect, right? We all have our vices, no? Because a large chocolate bar after dinner is just the same as a hook up!
Yeah, they know their behaviour is wrong. Fantastic how your ex then tried to use his realisation of being a bad person, to manipulate you! They really are something else.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  LucyInTheSky78

Mine also gave me clues that I ignored because I was SO trusting of him it never occurred to me that he was speaking of himself. He said that more women hit on him when he wore a wedding ring. So he didnt wear one. ::::facepalm::::

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

The Fucktard thought his wedding ring was “uncomfortable.” Maybe the only time he ever told the truth, but he probably didn’t mean what I assumed he did.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Survivor. The wedding band was probably burning his finger like Holy Water burns demons and sunlight burns Dracula.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

He rarely wore it in life but he was buried with one on.

Col Greatguy wears his all the time. Great partners are rare but they are out there

Mandie101
Mandie101
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Mine took pride in wearing his all the while cheating. The thought of that alone heightened my disgust.

Dragonlady
Dragonlady
7 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Worse the last AP (I didn’t know about any of them) chucked a huge hissy fit as he wouldn’t take it off. They were at a flash sea side hotel and she got called Mrs Innis. At breakfast she broke down and cried her poor Widdle heart out. Then got angry and stormed out, packed her bag and went to the airport via taxi. Of course STBX ran after her and conjoled her and used pretty words to get her to wait till their evening flight home. The next day she wrote an essay on how she would accept whatever dredges he was willing to give her. So so fucked up all of them!!!

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

yea, that is putrid

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

I can only hope that was true. I do know that he died a slow and miserable and humiliating death at far too young an age. Feeling uncharitable, I expected he’d reaped what he’d sown.

I took that ring with me when I cleared out, and eventually sold it and mine for cash to help fund my wedding some years later to a lovely chump gentleman. He did the same. It wasn’t a lot of money, and it wasn’t an expensive wedding either. But we loved that both crapweasel ex’s paid for live steel pan music on the beach and a couple of other extras that made our day more special. You can’t make them care, but you can make them gone.

LucyInTheSky78
LucyInTheSky78
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Maaaan. That takes my breath away. Thank God we’re wiser now!

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Mine did also. But I thought back then that people make mistakes and they change for the better. I was wrong. Actions tell you who they are and people rarely change behavior. It’s a lot of hard work! Now, I’m just passing my wisdom on to my daughters hoping they can avoid the painful lessons i’ve learned.