My Mysterious Breakfast
Good people exist.
It’s easy to be discouraged in this divided, depressing world, but I had the most incredible encounter today. And I thought I’d write about it on the off chance that someone knows someone who knows someone who ate at the Majestic Cafe in Old Town, Alexandria today (Sunday, March 16) at around 11 a.m. at the bar.
I was running an errand and had to stay out today, because we’re trying to sell our house, and there was a showing. So I popped into this busy cafe to have some breakfast and as I was alone, I sat at the bar. Next to me, was a pleasant, young black woman. I smiled at her, she smiled at me. The place was bustling, we were elbow to elbow. Two people squished on bar seats acknowledging each other. No big deal.
There was a menu between us, I asked if she minded if I had a look at it? “Oh here!” she said, sliding it over. I thanked her. It was a drinks menu. Oh well. The waitress will bring a food menu eventually, I figured.
Then this happened.
It was a small thing, but it’s the only thing I can think of that might’ve triggered what happened next. The waitress came over and handed me a menu. But my seat mate was there before me, so I went to hand her the menu and said, “You were here first. Do you need the menu?”
I didn’t know if she’d already ordered, or had been sitting there waiting, or what. But I do know that some times in this stupid world people will overlook black people and serve white people first. Even now. In 2025. Or sometimes waitresses just get busy at a bar and don’t remember who got there first.
She smiled and said she’d already eaten and was just finishing up, but thank you.
Next, I got engrossed in my phone, because potential real estate deals were going down. And my mind was on omelettes and a million other things. I heard the woman get up and say bye, and that sort of startled me. “Oh! Bye!” I said. I probably didn’t even look up from my phone. Shame on me.
Then my breakfast came. And when I went to pay the bill, the waitress made a waving gesture and said the woman next to me had “taken care of it.”
What?!
“She paid the tab.”
I was utterly gobsmacked.
I got completely choked up! “Really?” I sputtered.
“Really,” said the waitress.
WHO ARE YOU MYSTERIOUS BREAKFAST BENEFACTOR?
I was nearly moved to tears! I could hardly choke out my awkward thanks. I asked the waitress if she knew this woman? Does she often come there and buy strangers breakfast? “Never seen her before.”
I have no idea what possessed this woman to buy me breakfast, but I keenly feel the imbalance and if you’re out there Mystery Benefactor make yourself known so I can buy YOU breakfast!
I wondered about this benefactor’s motivations. Maybe she just likes to do nice things for strangers for sometimes. And I was randomly lucky. How amazing is that?! WHAT A LOVELY PERSON.
And then I thought, maybe to her, this small courtesy (handing her a menu before I took the menu myself) felt like it warranted a large act of generosity. In which case, I wanted to hug her. Because I know that chumpy feeling, when someone is just nice to you, and it feels more significant. Maybe because other things suck, or you expect them to suck, and that kindness reminds you that not everything sucks, and you want to reward that person for not disappointing you. In which case I want to say, YOU DESERVE ALL THE GOOD THINGS, YOUNG LADY. Spend that money on yourself!
But now I’m left with unreciprocated generosity.
Thank you Mysterious Breakfast Benefactor. Your kindness reminds me that good fortune can surprise as easily as bad fortune. I hope you see this, but if you don’t, I’ll see to it that your generosity has ripple effects. Maybe someone will read this and buy a stranger an omelette. Or take comfort in this first-person witness account of a Good Person.
Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t look up from my phone. Reach out, next breakfast at the Majestic Cafe in Old Town is on me.
This is Karma too, and you deserve it so much!
I want more of this in our world. In the doing and receiving of kindness.
I’m so glad this happened to you ❤️
Eh, I think this is one of those times when you get to pay it forward.
I am so freaked out with trauma that when someone is nice to me for no reason I start crying, so I totally understand. YOU DESERVE IT. What goes around comes around!
She recognized you!
That was what I wondered too. Maybe she was a chump. God knows I’d buy your breakfast if I ran into you. I would give you a bouquet of pupies to go with it.
Sounds like a Friday challenge.
“What free gift of empathy or validation did you receive while being chumped?”
I can’t post 3 journals of “free gifts of empathy” but I own them and add to them every day. I love this Friday challenge.
For every moment of abusive fuckwittery and side piece complicity, there are examples of human beauty and nobility.
It brings me to tears sometimes too.
(The kindness of others).
Thankfully we’re part of a whole spectrum of humanity. It’s bigger than us and parts of it are beautiful.
Had to comment…know that place, on King Street, well. My exFW took many women of ill-repute there (and many other spots in the DMV) over the decades, while he was traveling and staying in that area. I also traveled for work and stayed in the area for many years. Great story! No idea who that person was. And to echo what a few other women said…yes, I often was moved to tears when anyone ws the least little bit nice or kind to me. The sort of thing others would barely notice would turn on the spigot back then. A hostess at the Kennedy Center restaurant remarked on how lovely my hair was. Cried. Desk clerk at the Hilton gave me a special welcome basket of food, treats, toiletries, etc,, because she thought I deservd it “for no special reason.” Cried. A young gal at my gym told me she wanted to be like me when she got older. Wept. Every time I won a 5K (lifelong racer) I bawled like a baby. Gate agent in Toronto Pearson Airport told me I was the classiest looking person she had seen in months working the gate for a flight bound for the US. Sniffled immediatley. We are starved for this sort of thing, and when it happens, we cry. I get it. Eventually it wears off and I got used to being told nice things, and people doing nice things for me. As I ditched the FW, it wore off, and I noticed and appreciated these things, but no longer cry. As you heal and get awy from the FW, you will eventually stop crying. Please do not worry. You are reacting in a normal way to the emotional abuse. I have learned to reciprocate to people I may or may not even know. Adds to the good things in the world!
It’s no imbalance! — that’s what I want to say.
I love it when people just r-e-c-e-i-v-e gifts that I give them. I don’t want them to feel any obligation or imbalance, just joy. That’s the best thing they can do for me. I don’t want payback. It negates the gift.
That’s a good way to look at it!
I think life history and and the overall sum of lifetime intent can color people’s “vibes.” I imagine this “breakfast benefactor” was responding to an indelible vibe created by what you’ve dedicated your life to, which is to support the narratives and perspectives of embattled and unsung survivors.
Maybe the takeaway is that, if you’re uplifting one severely embattled corner of humanity, the courage this takes starts to shine like a beacon in a generalized way and show through your skin and through every gesture so that very sensitive antennae begin pick up on it.
What a beautiful thing. <3
I agree with you!
It’s incredible the things I’ve missed being on my phone..but to be honest a gift like this, unearned and out of the blue, is more rewarding when the others person has no idea, is oblivious. It gives me a charge to know I totally surprised them. Bet she does not want to be found! Go with the love..what a beautiful story. I tear up all the time post D day. I have seen how viscious the men who proposed to LOVE me, turned around to stab me repeatedly…so when I run into loving people, it touches me much deeper than ever. I now know true ❤️ love.
I love hearing things like this! Thanks so much for brightening my otherwise dreary day with such good, happy news.
I’m an inveterate chatter (to the point that my daughter has been asking for decades “Mom, can we please just shop and not talk to everyone in the store?”), so my take on this random act of kindness is: Do not chastise yourself for being too preoccupied to chat at length with your benefactor.
For all you know, maybe she didn’t want to engage further. Maybe you were just the next random person in line that she had already determined to pay some good fortune to. Or maybe she left there feeling exceptionally good about her day, thanks to you.
May happy events such as this become more frequent, more typical, and less of an oddity in these troubled times.
PS: I hope that another good thing happened today and that you sold your house lickety-split and at a nice profit. Hope Mr. CL hasn’t talked you into heading back to TX!
When I was a Girl Scout, I spent two summers at Camp Linden, the Girl Scout camp in the heart of Michigan. When we first arrived at our units, we drew names for Secret Pals. During our stay we were to do anonymous good deeds for our Secret Pal. At the end of the week, we all learned who our Secret Pals were. I loved the game then and have ever since.
Chump Lady, I think you had a Secret Pal encounter!
Al Anon teaches doing something for others without being found out. The idea is that anonymity keeps the motives for giving clean.
I have a friend who is a serious philanthropist. When visiting a museum with her, I looked for her name on the wall acknowledging donors. I didn’t see her name. She said, “It’s right there.” And pointed to Anonymous.
Being someone’s Secret Pal, on the giving or the receiving end, is a lot of fun and is good medicine for grief and trauma. IMHO.
What the world
Needs now
Is love, sweet love…..
❤️
In the middle of the busy-ness of teaching us how to be mighty, in the craziness of selling a house, in the sadness of a world that’s going through a ruthless valley: thank you for sharing this wonderful & random act of kindness. Kindness melts me into a puddle of tears, always. I will be participating in random acts of kindness this week, and the little prayer in my head will be “thank you, Tracy; thank you, lady in Alexandria”.
A great reminder that what should be common courtesy is not so common. During separation, any decency–especially by strangers who supplied a safety net–triggered torrents of tears.
A way to provide a tiny thank you is to hand out business’ card size cards that say, “You Matter.” Sign up at the website and they’ll send you a small free supply to hand out as you see fit. They’ve never asked me for money.
I’m amazed at the amount of support I’ve gotten from strangers and from people I barely know. Every night teen and I each list at least three people/things we’re grateful for in a gratitude journal, and they’re often people we just met because of something they did to help us. We recently started listing things we’ve done to help others, as a reminder to pay it forward and do our part.
You’re selling the black rat snake house? Wow! I hope you find a great place to move into!
I agree that you were recognized. I bet she was a chump.
I had several benefactors on my chump journey. First, the babysitter who directed me to books about narcissism after witnessing klootzak’s behaviors. It was an eye opener. Second, my friends who were having dinner with me when klootzak decided to put his controlling behavior on full display. I was relieved when they saw it for what it was; I seriously thought no one would ever believe me. Then that D-day hit and I knew it was over but had no means to retain an attorney. One of those same friends stroked me a check to pay the retainer as a gift to me. When I told my FIL what was up, I wasn’t sure what to expect. We have always been close but ILs tend to stick with their FW. But FIL loaned me cash to hire the PI to nail his son. I have a LOT of paying forward to do.
What an inspiration. We should all perform hit-and-run acts of kindness on the regular.
I love this so much! It brought tears to my eyes.
There’s a movement here in South Africa called #I’mstaying. It was basically a groundswell movement to combat all the negativity that we Saffa’s often feel about our country. One of the nicest (in my mind) real life impacts it has sprouted is a “Pay it forward” type of movement.
Essentially the idea is: If you come into a little bit of extra cash, help someone around you. For no other reason than that you can. So you will see the Facebook page flooded with stories of people paying the lay-bye’s on school clothers at clothing stores. Paying for the groceries of the person behind them, etc. It’s such a small thing, but can have such an impact. https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1E4HjVD3no/ if you want to go check it out.
I love this! And I love South Africa. Most inspirational place I’ve ever been.
We try! We certainly aren’t perfect and have a plethora of problems, but when the chips are down, Ubuntu is real. We know just how precarious, and precious, our humanhood is.
I am reminded of something said during the eulogy for one of my childrens’ teachers who sadly died a couple of years ago ….. “In a world when you can choose to be anything, choose to be kind.”
LFTT
I wonder if she was a fan?
In any case, what a beautiful thing to do, and also, completely deserved ❤️
I think the intense reactions to acts of kindness are part of the fallout from surviving abuse. For older chumps, retired and living alone, these experiences are re-examined over and over. The fact that it occurs in a brief interaction with a stranger helps separate it from previous experiences with manipulation.
I love this! ❤️
I had that happen one time in Chipotle. I think I know who did it because I chatted with them when I came in, then went to the restroom before I ordered. When I got to the cashier, they told me that it was paid for.
That was such a blessing to me. I was working in retail, such a horrible job. Out of exhaustion, I told my college kids that I would get dinner at Chipotle because we hadn’t done that in months and months.
But it was covered.
Thank you whoever you are.
It was karma for all your kindness, CL.
My 10th grade history teacher handed out this poem the first day of class:
I shall pass through this world but once.
Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. Anonymous.
You are living it, CL.
I LOVE this!
I once did this for a young woman that was in Ulta the same time me and one of my kids were shopping. She was going through treatment for cancer possibly, as she was completely bald headed and although people were being nice to her in the store, they were also staring. I had noticed her too, but what I found striking was how gorgeous she was and how gorgeous her make up was. So I was in front of her in line and told my checker I wanted to pay for her order too, and the girl’s eye’s got so big and she said, “Really?”. I said yes! And told her how I loved her makeup and that she looked gorgeous. She was stunned and thanked me a million times.
It was such a good feeling to be nice to someone and she was happy. A win win!
I have also done that to people in line behind me at the drive thru.
Can you imagine a world where everyone is nice to one another? Some people might think that is dull, but it sounds like heaven to me!
Anyway, I loved this story so much! Thanks for sharing, Tracy! I am glad you got NICED by someone!!
There are good people out there. And they are worth fighting for. It’s why despite all of my recent ennui I still came to work today.
T+12 hours after D-Day my car broke down. The battery just up and died (no previous signs it was going, no issues with starting, beautiful August Friday…albeit a terrible day for rain.) AAA jumped it no problem but told me that I needed to limp it to an auto parts store to get it changed. Nothing I hadn’t done before-could do it myself but newer cars seem to hide the batteries. I guess one of the many casualties of the pandemic was these places no longer honoring the ability to install(free or otherwise.)
Save for the last one I went to(always the last one, that’s how “stories” work!)
The guy saw I was clearly already a mess and did the install. Figured out how to do it on the spot even though he said he didn’t know how to get to it. I broke down crying in the middle of the process. He was the first to hear my overshare. He told me his own story-though not the mess that mine was. He was the first to listen to me and the first sign that I might make it through this. My wife had betrayed me. My CAR had betrayed me. Yet this total stranger showed me all of the patience and compassion and respect I’d not felt in years in the course of a 10 minute install.
Slipped him money for dinner. Never saw him again. (Andy, if you’re out there reading this, I owe you another steak.)
Part of my healing journey has been reconnecting with the person I was before my fuckwit came along. The person that would offer random encouragement to friends and loved ones.
As much as I’ve been hurt…you know…it’s all still worth fighting for.
Protecting The Earth Is an Angel’s Duty!
I don’t know what the climate is like where you are, but let’s just say where I am I see fear. I used to work at a college (years ago) and I always said hello to the maintenance guy (black man), and whenever I saw him he would stop what he was doing and run to open the door for me. I’m pretty sure no one ever said “hello” to him and just the fact that I saw him made him grateful to me- which is so sad. For myself, I have a friend who understands my current financial situation (not great) and she constantly drops groceries off at my door, or invites me out to paid events by saying someone cancelled and she has a free ticket (pretty sure she lies about this to protect my pride). I’m so grateful to my friend and I certainly continue to do my best to treat everyone like a human being.
In this situation, you can’t pay her back so you’re going to have to pay it forward.
“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”
John Bunyan
Random acts of kindness are food for our souls. It can be the tiniest gesture and have the most massive impact.
I was in a very hectic CVS one day, frazzled, overwhelmed, and more than likely gaslite into a stuporous barely functioning foggy state of mind I had no words for yet.
I was very hurriedly picking up things I needed,my arms were overflowing as no baskets or carts available. (FW was probably waiting in the car or waiting to be annoyed at me somewhere in the background.)
A man with the gentlest and warm calming eyes, impossible not to slow down and notice, came up to me and held out a basket silently encouraging me to load all my things in it with no words. He so patiently held it while I did so.
I profusely thanked him with tears in my eyes, a little embarrassed I was recognized for my struggling emotional state. He nodded and smiled with love and caring, he saw me and I felt it deeply. He never even spoke, but I knew what he was offering, it was kindness.
That’s maybe 30 years ago now and it still gets me to think about it. Kindness goes the distance.
More recently than that one, maybe 2-3 years back, I was at a chicken drive thru. Ex FW was in my head again, I think he just married the mistress and was annoyed at my kids for not calling to congratulate him when he let them know three days before he was marrying, which he swore to them would never happen. It was covid time too. I was in an exceptionally vulnerable state at that moment and feeling deeply alone and really low. Got to the window and found out the car in front of me paid for my food.
I was so shocked by that I pulled over and cried. It hit me so hard, it felt like the universe hadn’t given up on me and that I did still matter. And there were very real and very good people roaming the earth. I wish I could let that person know the level of impact that $10 gesture had on my life at that particular moment. Incredibly life affirming, like a warm loving hug letting me know I do matter! It was massive.
Since that time, I frequently will do the same on drive thru lines and it is an awesome feeling from that end too. I imagine someone in dire need of some caring like I was that day and it makes me feel tremendous gratitude for the awareness of kindness in the world. It’s out there for sure! I love knowing that and it makes me feel universally connected to everything, rather than alone and forgotten.
Loved that you shared this story CL. There are invisible fibers that connect us all and these kind and caring gestures that show up to remind us of the truth of that are so special.
“It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one’s life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than ‘Try to be a little kinder.’”
— Aldous Huxley
I wonder if this had nothing to do with her recognizing Tracy and everything to do with Tracy’s treating her with courtesy instead of metaphorically pulling her skirts aside or even refusing to sit next to her. Twenty years ago I would have thought this interpretation far-fetched, but no longer. It is very possible that what that young woman needed on that morning was a redemptive encounter.
My initial thought here is that she recognised you as the one and only CL!! I’d have bought you breakfast too but wouldn’t have done it secretly as the urge to chat to you and thank you for keeping me sane would have been too much bear!