Dear Chump Lady, I found your blog through my aunt after discovering my husband was having an affair after 19 years of marriage. We married while XH was in medical school. We then went through his anesthesia residency, we had two biological children and we adopted three older children (at the same time – siblings), […]
Reconciliation with the Timid Forest Creature
After you’ve been cheated on, you’d think it’s a pretty simple decision tree — reconcile or divorce. Choose divorce, it doesn’t matter if your cheater is sorry or not sorry, the infidelity is a deal breaker. If you choose reconciliation, however, the matter of How Sorry Are They comes to the forefront of the decision. […]
UBT: “I Made a List”
Dear Chump Lady: After my divorce from an abusive man, I didn’t date seriously until 4 years later when I met the SparkleD*ck. He was an accomplished professional engineer, as were all his friends, and I’m a first responder. I didn’t want to be “judgey” in this relationship or seem like the “lower educated one.” […]
The Dying OW’s Confession
Dear Chump Lady: My soon-to-be-ex, was a serial cheater. D-Day #1 was in August of 2018, when one of his mistresses sent a confession email to me at my work email address (with pictures attached!) to tell me how “sorry” she felt. Even though she was sorry, she used a fake name for her email. […]
The Apology That Wasn’t
The UBT lives on a steady diet of cookies and non-apology apologies. Why just this week it regurgitated “I feel pain” and “I have grown a lot” — self-pity and self-congratulation passed off as remorse. There’s a lot of lame-ass sorry going around. Anyone following the lurid story of NXIVM? Head creep and sex cult freak […]
UBT: “You Might Appreciate Knowing Some of This”
Dear Chump Lady, I’m a chump a year and a half out with 5 kids and a 25 year marriage. Your website, friends and a good therapist have saved my life. My cheater led a double life wherein he hired a firm to coach him how to get women, he hired high end prostitutes, has […]
UBT: ‘Shortcut to Happiness’
Dear Chump Lady, I could really use the Universal Bullshit Translator to determine if this is a genuine apology. We have an 11 year relationship with 2 kids riding on it. D-day was 4 months ago. The context: his affair lasted over a year and was with a 28-year-old coworker (I’m 39, he is 37) and […]
UBT: I Was Too Much Into My Own Lies
Hey Chump Lady, I finally heard from my ex-wife after almost a year. Quick recap — she admitted to having affairs in our marriage and then ran away with another guy. I was wondering if I could submit this letter to the Universal Bullshit Translator: “I know that I did some fucked up shit and […]
Yeah, That’s Not an Apology
Today’s column is on Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse. You know, those weak-ass apologies that upon closer inspection don’t really convey “sorry” at all. If you’re a chump, you’ve probably put a lot of stock in weak-ass apologies. Maybe you even begged for a weak-ass apology, got one, and inferred great depths of humanity from it. Today I’m […]
The Stupid Things People Say to Chumps
People say a lot of stupid, insensitive things to chumps. It’s everything from the grossly mistaken — “Gee, the affair partner doesn’t seem all that bad!” To the dunderheaded smugness of, “I’m so glad my husband would never cheat on me.” (Bully for you.) Chumps, being pretty nice people, are usually taken completely off guard. […]
