What’s Your Ex’s Name on Your Cell Phone?

When it comes to a trust that they suck reminder, changing your FW’s cell phone name is a helpful hack.

Proper names are for people who respect you. Fucky the Clown is for the loser who cheated on you.

Today’s Friday Challenge is to tell CN what name appears on your phone when your ex calls.

Hopefully, this person never calls you at all, because you have iron clad no contact. But for those of you who bred with a FW, or who are still in the wobbly early stages of minimizing contact, consider an insulting name to remind you that this person is not your friend.

Better yet, let it roll over to voice mail.

Extra points for clever ring tones.

TGIF!

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TitsAndAssAndAllThat
TitsAndAssAndAllThat
1 year ago

Contact name: Sparkle Dick
Ringtone: crickets

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago

Love this. Especially crickets

Chumpasaurus45
Chumpasaurus45
1 year ago

Chester the Cheater Boy

Marymarycontrary
Marymarycontrary
1 year ago

Trust that he ducks, ringtone is a quack

Life Separating
Life Separating
1 year ago

He doesn’t get a name in my phone, just three emojis: ???? ???? ????

MollyWobbles
MollyWobbles
1 year ago

That’s my Fw’s name too!

HeReallyDoesSuck
HeReallyDoesSuck
1 year ago

That is amazing!! Hahaha!!

Rosie
Rosie
1 year ago

Brilliant! I’m going to steal this one for my hooker addicted stbxh. Thanks!

Dr. D
Dr. D
1 year ago

Lying piece of shit – lololol

Curious Fern
Curious Fern
1 year ago

I ❤️ this idea. I get the lying and the POS but how is the ????read?

Carrie
Carrie
1 year ago
Reply to  Curious Fern

Piece of…

KC
KC
1 year ago
Reply to  Curious Fern

Pizza = Piece of

ChumpedInBroadDaylight
ChumpedInBroadDaylight
1 year ago
Reply to  Curious Fern

Lion Pizza Shit – I think is how you read it.

Fern
Fern
1 year ago

Bahahahahaha….of course ????‍♀️.
Thanks

Tanya CORDOVA
Tanya CORDOVA
1 year ago

I don’t have his name saved. We talk maybe once a year and it’s been 6 yrs. My youngest is 15 and he talks maybe twice a year to his dad. It’s peaceful.

Katiedidn’t
Katiedidn’t
1 year ago

He’s been blocked for a while now, but it was Asshat McDouchebag.

Observer
Observer
1 year ago

Her name shows up as “Source Of All Evil.”

Freefromlies
Freefromlies
1 year ago
Reply to  Observer

????????????????????????????????

The Best one!

BattleDancingUnicorn
BattleDancingUnicorn
1 year ago

I deleted his name from my phone. It’s just his phone number. I also changed his picture so it’s not him, but a snake wearing the head of a unicorn.

It’s a great reminder that he is both irrelevant and a fraud.

LookingForwardstoTuesday
LookingForwardstoTuesday
1 year ago

I thought about replacing Ex-Mrs LFTT’s name on my phone to something snarky, but figured that it would not set an appropriate example if she called/texted and one of the kids saw it. Even though the kids are now all adults and that we now communicate very rarely (thank f*ck) I still think that I did the right thing.

What I did do, however, was remove my surname from her contact details …… because f*ck her that’s why.

LFTT

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
1 year ago

I had dubbed mine Capt Cheaterpants early after Dday. Until it flashed on my car’s multimedia screen when he texted me & my 15 yo was sitting next to me. I changed it after that, but I think it stayed Capt. idk because 5 years to meh. We don’t speak as adult kids can do their own.

Fern
Fern
1 year ago

I had similar thoughts LFTT. I changed the name to first initial and surname as if he was a business associate, which I guess he is. It is a gentle reminder to be civil and professional – that’s all. We’ve been divorced well over 10 years and I still cringe a bit on the very infrequent times when I see the name come up. I feel like I did the right thing too but I love hearing all the creativity in these names.

LookingForwardstoTuesday
LookingForwardstoTuesday
1 year ago
Reply to  Fern

Fern,

I absolutely agree with you in terms of keeping it civil and professional.

That said, had I been tempted to change her entry I would have probably gone with “Lying, cheating and stealing POS b*tch” which is neither creative nor classy.

LFTT

Fern
Fern
1 year ago

Certainly accurate though from how you have described her behavior to you and your kids.

LookingForwardstoTuesday
LookingForwardstoTuesday
1 year ago
Reply to  Fern

Fern,

She’s all that and more; her AP is more than welcome to her.

LFTT

ozchic
ozchic
1 year ago

Like you, I don’t know his number, he doesn’t know mine. Anything really important comes through by 31 yr old son. No fighting or talking!!!! He has three more exes that are newer than myself. They are the focus of his torment. My oldest child was born when I was a teen. I am older and wiser now!!!

Sue_W
Sue_W
1 year ago

He never calls, nor do I call him, but I have him listed as “Fucktard” (the nickname my attorney gave him).

His contact photo is a cartoon image of a giant squishy butt shaped like a football with an asshole in the center atop a yellow dress shirt with rainbow suspenders (he was ‘famous’ for his suspenders).

His ringtone screams … “DON’T ANSWER THAT … IT’S AN ASSHOLE CALLING!”

Gotta have a little fun! ????

Sunrise
Sunrise
1 year ago
Reply to  Sue_W

A$$drew since he’s a huge ass and wasted so much of my money on nonsense litigation.

IMarriedJudas
IMarriedJudas
1 year ago
Reply to  Sue_W

Have to commend you for the official Chump Lady ringtone. Great job!!

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago
Reply to  Sue_W

I, too, had Fucktard for a while and I love the cartoon.

Teranina
Teranina
1 year ago
Reply to  Sue_W

Sue_W, if your lawyer called him that it must have been bad indeed…

Sue_W
Sue_W
1 year ago
Reply to  Teranina

It came to be the only way anyone in the law office referred to him as! In fact, one day in court my lawyer started to refer to him that way in front of the judge!! ???? Luckily she caught herself, but then stumbled to remember his proper name. ????????????

F-witFree
F-witFree
1 year ago

Peter the Cheater

Informal
Informal
1 year ago

Asshole to cheaterpants to Judus to blocked.
I accidentally sent texts to my attorney under cheaterpants that I had to redo.
The kids never saw my phone so I was okay with the names. I figured I was listed as something crazy in his contacts courtesy of the flavor of the day which I didn’t give a damn cause if I ever emailed it was about bills.
The ex asked that I not email info and only send it through US mail. I naturally obliged but should have done both. He did that so he could say he never received anything. Then I went to certified where his dad signed once then the others were returned to the post office for me to pick up. That evidence was used in court as well. It was all medical bills and support payments that were lacking full amounts because he decided he could pay what he pleased even though we that we had a legal agreement. My attorney said I only needed to send through regular mail so I’d take pictures and date it but certified was where I got the real receipts which are needed when dealing with disordered people.

German Chump
German Chump
1 year ago

I just put the numbers…no name….no emotion… and he is most of the time blocked….

Stuck in limbo
Stuck in limbo
1 year ago

I use his legal name because he hates it and I use the song “Low” for his ringtone.

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
1 year ago

HotCoffee – by the time he was done my coffee hadn’t cooled at all. He’s the reason Hitachi doesn’t want to talk about the Very Best Thing they ever invented and sold!

ChumpedForANewerModel
ChumpedForANewerModel
1 year ago

I just use Fuckwit because it so accurately describes him. Hopefully, the communications will cease totally on finalization and then he is blocked for life. I look forward to total NC.

20yr_Chump
20yr_Chump
1 year ago

It would be something awesome if my son didn’t look at my phone.
It’s just initials, because he doesn’t deserve the space.
But the picture is Voldemort.

MehBeSoon
MehBeSoon
1 year ago
Reply to  20yr_Chump

Yes, for kid reasons I use his name but his photo is a black hole

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
1 year ago
Reply to  20yr_Chump

I briefly had the CL image of assface but kiddo saw it so I had to take it off. He didn’t know who it was about and was confused about what it was. I acted fast “That must be some company’s symbol.”

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
1 year ago

Fuckwit

"What's...FansOnly?"
"What's...FansOnly?"
1 year ago

Boundary Deficiency ~
ringtone: Lil Einsteins ‘Rocketship’ remix
photo: a silly meme of his least favorite politician

During the time before NC was possible, these bits of humor truly helped me overcome the trauma response of seeing his name + face pop up. It also served to remind me of his emotional/psychological age throughout the divorce/property division/house settlement process.

Nancy
Nancy
1 year ago

I’m a chump kid and my dad comes up as The Black Hole ????

Chumpion
Chumpion
1 year ago

“Flaming turd” because FW and AP have an “in” joke between them about how Aries people are hot and how whenever they connect with someone on their dating platform, it always turns out to be an Aries. So now they are both fiery, fiery turds.

Divorced Wine Aunt
Divorced Wine Aunt
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpion

I love this!!

Ems
Ems
1 year ago

Ex husbands is ‘the kids dad’, cos you know, shared custody. There’s nothing worse than lecturing kids on calling people rude names and then a rude name flashes on the display of your car…

Ex boyfriend is ‘parasite’. Even though blocked, I need to keep the texts for evidence.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  Ems

Someone I knew called her ex “Le Sperm Donor.” Still probably too recognizable to kids so maybe something in, say, punjabi? (Running over the Google translate, thump thump thump) Sukaranu dani? It’s got “suk” in it.

E B
E B
1 year ago

How about Francais? “Lay Spehrm Doan Air” ????

Done
Done
1 year ago

Contact name: Pinocchio
Ring Tone: If Your Lips are Movin’

BcChump
BcChump
1 year ago

Cheating Douche with a picture of a garbage can. Especially funny when my car’s voice announces it!

Hope49
Hope49
1 year ago
Reply to  BcChump

Haha! Love that. Comic relief during a commute

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  Freefromlies

Way to insert insert themselves into their own victim’s tragic passing. They’re the same people who grubbed press to raise money for cancer for the woman they were betraying. No reflection or growth since then. I know there’s a rule in psych against making clinical diagnoses without consent but one could hazard a guess. Hideous people.

Brit
Brit
1 year ago
Reply to  Freefromlies

Wow, I hope she gets run over at her next burning man event.

Nut Cluster Free Zone
Nut Cluster Free Zone
1 year ago
Reply to  Freefromlies

Training to be a therapist ?! ???????????????? It’s thing I guess. The OW in a classmate’s marital implosion is doing the same. She is twenty years younger than S.’s ex, he now has two little kids (his oldest son with S. is engaged to be married) and the happy couple ???? moved far away to ???? Pennsylvania. At S. doesn’t have to run into them anymore.

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago

I went through a series of names before I could block him on all fronts. They ranged from common dickhead to idiot, fucktard, loser, Voldemort. Now, he’s “meh”

Meanwell
Meanwell
1 year ago
Reply to  FuckWitFree

Shark Bitmoji later changed to boot emoji ????

Both ringtone and text tone are on complete mute.
I don’t even want a buzz, his abusive texts during divorce would startle me and trigger PTSD shakes.

If i could pick a ring I guess I would use Little Big Towns Better Man or Band Perrys. “Lie”

He tied our financial settlement to our family relationship, and we really don’t communicate at all. Kids are adults. But that backfired on him because now No nobody communicates with him

Iwantmyfairytale
Iwantmyfairytale
1 year ago

Toby. It’s from a Mr. Bean sketch. https://youtu.be/Ut116mBuPpg

Dontfeellikedancin
Dontfeellikedancin
1 year ago

Toby! Little guillotine… I’m dying ????

TheDivineMissChump
TheDivineMissChump
1 year ago

Too funny! Thanks for sharing!

Meh
Meh
1 year ago

His number isnt saved so that when I need to take a screen shot of a text it shows his full number. If I have to provide the court with a screen shot it proves it’s from him and it looks better than if it said “pathetic weakling” like I think of him in my head.

Thankful
Thankful
1 year ago

Colon Oscopy

Rarity
Rarity
1 year ago

I’m gonna win, not because of the name on my phone, but the picture.

He got arrested about a year after the divorce was final, then called me up at 5 AM, blaming me. Long story short, not only was it not my fault, it stemmed from driving without insurance—something I had repeatedly, expressly warned him about.

So I sent in a FOIA request for his mugshot and now that’s his picture on my phone.

Kintsugi
Kintsugi
1 year ago
Reply to  Rarity

This is an awesome idea which I could also do, except he’s dead now and there’s no point.

But if he were alive, I would absolutely do this.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  Rarity

And the winning entry is…

The most meh of meh proponents couldn’t object to this. It should be a principle of recovery that, while one should not be waiting around for schadenfreude, if it shows up in this dazzling form (and especially if they try to blame you for it), you really have to get the mugshot. 😀

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
1 year ago
Reply to  Rarity

You are right, you do win! My EX also had a mug shot taken post-divorce. I am a bit sad now that I didn’t think to take advantage of it. I am suddenly realizing all kind of ways it could have been used.

Rarity
Rarity
1 year ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

There’s no statute of limitations on a FOIA request, just gotta send it in to the police department that arrested him… ????

NotAnymore
NotAnymore
1 year ago
Reply to  Rarity

❤️ this.

I was also recently blamed for his failure to be able to get his car affairs in order, because, “if we weren’t separated I wouldn’t have to be dealing with ANY of this.”

As in, I would have been taking care of everything for him. Must have been nice. Not nice enough, apparently.

Rarity
Rarity
1 year ago
Reply to  NotAnymore

Yeah, somehow it’s always our fault.

Mine tried to blame me even after he found out it wasn’t my fault, because “If I hadn’t been paying so much in child support, I could have afforded car insurance.”

Me: “Well, maybe you should have taken the money you were spending on dates with OW and instead used it for car insurance.”

To his minimal credit, he backed off and agreed.

Goodfriend
Goodfriend
1 year ago
Reply to  Rarity

At least he’s good for a laugh! Great idea. That must be so satisfying.

ByeByeFW
ByeByeFW
1 year ago
Reply to  Rarity

ABSOLUTE best 😀

Meanwell
Meanwell
1 year ago
Reply to  Rarity

I wish…..

InMeh
InMeh
1 year ago
Reply to  Rarity

This is ABSOLUTELY my brand of petty. I fucking love it.

Falling forward
Falling forward
1 year ago
Reply to  Rarity

You are mighty!

Rebecca
Rebecca
1 year ago

He never called once after DDay.
He’s not even listed because there is no need

TheDivineMissChump
TheDivineMissChump
1 year ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Same here, but I still changed his name in my contacts. It is Cheating Fucker Son of a Bitch Asswipe. I may have been just a tad pissed-off when I did that. ????
He is blocked except in the group text history with our adult children. He has sent two texts on that since dday. One saying his mother died, the other saying his sister died. Yep, that’s how he informed them. ????

Ain't It a Shame
Ain't It a Shame
1 year ago

I had him blocked from my phone, but when he contacted my sibling about picking up tools he’d left at her property, she had him listed as “Toilet dick” (after the ridiculous and gross selfie we had discovered that he’d sent to Batshit Becky/Truck Stop Urinal of his shortcoming hovering over a toilet bowl).

MollyWobbles
MollyWobbles
1 year ago

Ewwwww! OMG, I think I just threw up a little. That one takes the cake!

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
1 year ago

Eeeew!

Ain't It a Shame
Ain't It a Shame
1 year ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

Trash is as trash does. I’m glad to stay away from anyone who believes that sending or receiving a genital image with the background of a toilet bowl is arousing (Batshit Becky also sent him some cringeworthy genital selfies).

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago

I’ve never understood crotch selfies. Without special lighting, even professional junk looks like the Xenomorph or Trilobite monsters from the Alien franchise or maybe that giant space bug from Starship Troopers.

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
1 year ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

They never cease to amaze

walkbymyself
walkbymyself
1 year ago

You people are giving me too many great ideas … hard to know which to choose!

Coparenting with FW
Coparenting with FW
1 year ago

Fredo (as in Corleone) because he “betrayed the family” and now he’s “dead to me”. The Godfather was his favorite movie but since he saw I changed his name (in court docs), it may not be anymore!

Melon
Melon
1 year ago

This is brilliant because it doesn’t look bad on you in court. It doesn’t look like you’re insulting him, but you are … in his language. Next level, truly. You KNOW him and he’s putting nothing over on you.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
1 year ago

FW is not on my list of contacts. If I get a call with his area code, I hand the phone to someone to answer it for me

Sadder but Wiser
Sadder but Wiser
1 year ago

I didn’t change his name, but I did change his contact picture to one of a lightning storm.

Melon
Melon
1 year ago

Best idea ever! I’m changing FW’s to the poop emoji! Hehehehe!

Melon
Melon
1 year ago

This is the most helpful Friday challenge ever because I haven’t done this. His name just comes up as… his name. I’m just tired. So I’m going to pick one from this thread. And then, when it gets a little old, I’m coming back to the thread and choosing another. It’s gonna be a resource, a library of chumpy snark and creativity that I can use when my own isn’t cutting it. I can’t wait.

Fern
Fern
1 year ago
Reply to  Melon

Stay open to ideas as well Melon. You never know when you might be inspired with your own personalized name, pic or song now that the idea is in your head. I’m getting a kick out of reading all the creativity on display here today.

❤️ Velvet Hammer ❤️
❤️ Velvet Hammer ❤️
1 year ago

The current name is Amanda Tinder.

It encapsulates and reminds me of who he is.

Several months after he left, Little Hammer was using his phone to watch a video when he received a drop-down message from someone on Tinder named Amanda. She was alarmed and called me immediately to tell me. She was almost eleven at the time, and sadly a lot of kids her age know what Tinder is.

What was going on at that time? He had left us for his Craigslist Causal Encounters “sole mate”, he was lying about where he was living (he had actually rented an apartment with the cockroach, which was paid for with money taken out of our business without my knowledge), he had basically ghosted our daughter, he was evidently cheating on the Craigslist cockroach (he’s on Tinder) I also found out two years later that he had told our daughter, when she asked him directly, more than once, if we were getting divorced, that we were “working things out”, which was NEVER true.

None of this is the behavior of a healthy person, and “Amanda Tinder” reminds me of all of it and instantly eradicates weeds of self doubt that start to sprout.

As for the profile picture, it’s Homicide Hunter Lt. Joe Kenda, which reminds me how to conduct myself if I should have to speak to him, and it’s nice to imagine Amanda Tinder being arrested by Joe Kenda. People of integrity do not support lying and cheating and stealing and are on your side.

“Staying on the high road reinforces my position as the person wronged” is typed in the “company” line of his contact, which reminds me how to speak and act if I should have to talk to him.

Other names I have used:

Lance Armstrong (he rides bikes)
Chris Watts
Scott Peterson
Dean McDermott
Traitor X
TLC (Traitor Thief Liar Cheater)

I keep a list in case I get in the mood to switch it up.

Martha
Martha
1 year ago

Back in the early days I used Scott Peterson and Chris Watts too. Velvet, did you see in yesterday’s news that Scott Peterson wants a new trial? It’s beyond me how anyone could believe he’s innocent!!

Leslie D (previously Dazedandconfused
Leslie D (previously Dazedandconfused
1 year ago

ASS Banana. And the song is Cold-Heated Snake by Paula Abdul.

SuziT
SuziT
1 year ago

Still makes me laugh 6 years later. I changed his name to ‘The Arse’ on my phone and laptop. During mediation, an email exchange between the three parties and he called me childish and insulting!! His name had defa

SuziT
SuziT
1 year ago

Oh god!! How is this happening!! So sorry!!
The Mediator rema

LifeIsGood
LifeIsGood
1 year ago

LCMC for Lying Cheating ManChild (or lying cheating mother****ing c**t, if you are my friend A. LOL!)

I changed the photo immediately when I found out about the affair to a meme showing the ocean & with the words, “Silence speaks when words cannot.” That message reminded me to never answer the phone, especially during those early vulnerable days.

FreefromFW
FreefromFW
1 year ago

Contact Name: Parasite
Icon Picture: CL’s sketch of a pock marked assface ????

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
1 year ago
Reply to  FreefromFW

I think the pock marked assface is the best. I especially like it because he dresses up in a suit and claims to go “networking” to our child when he is actually out fucking strange. The assface on a suit is totally him.

InMeh
InMeh
1 year ago

No ringtone, but icon is a wolf in sheep’s clothing

Wow
Wow
1 year ago

His name is Mike & he’s a run-away coward (heard SIL recently call him one too lol) so I have him listed as Mikey Mouse in my phone. No disrespect to Mickey, of course.

❤️ Velvet Hammer ❤️
❤️ Velvet Hammer ❤️
1 year ago
Reply to  Wow

Traitor X is a Mike, so in my world, MIKE stands for Missing Integrity Kindness and Empathy. I have occasionally listed him in my phone as M.I.K.E.

For chumps who elect to use a real name for the sake of involved kids, you can create an acronym which has an alternative meaning for you

I did this for the main OW as well.

This enables me to simultaneously refer to them by their real names, describe who they really are, and maintain my innocence. ????

Wow
Wow
1 year ago

Haha VH, I like your M.I.K.E. version too!

Double Chumped
Double Chumped
1 year ago

Before I blocked and removed, she was simply a huge black dot ⚫

Empty, nothingness

CleanedHouse
CleanedHouse
1 year ago

“(My daughters name) Dad” since she can see it. However, the ring tone is Darth Vadar March.

Claire
Claire
1 year ago

Totally blocked on everything now but this was used ????

IAMIMPORTANTGODDAMIT!

chumped48
chumped48
1 year ago

it was “Guido” which according to him is a racial Italian slur- I’ve certainly had other Italian friends that did not feel this way so it was news to me when I called him this one day (and he raged out at me in front of my child). I could NOT figure out how to unlink it to my email account which would have allowed him to see the nickname (and I needed to avoid all the rage in those days). So I just listed him as “Z” so he was DEAD LAST in my contacts. I have since changed my cell number which he doesn’t have access to — we are email only and “Z” remains his identifier- dead LAST on my priority list. My narc mom was listed as “BFH” – bitch from hell back in my low contact days (no contact now for years). Changing my cell number was the best move because I only added a few choice people back in and no one in my family or Ex’s family has that number thankfully- FREEDOM!

Trawna
Trawna
1 year ago

Be cautious. Depending on your phone/computer, these names can show up on some other peoples’ systems (eg: lawyers, the poor real estate agent trying to sell your marital home, etc).