When You Can’t Say ‘Girlfriend’ What’s an Alternative?

The Friday Challenge is what to say when you can’t say “girlfriend.” A Schmoopie dilemma if your relationship is complicated.

***

Hi Chump Lady,

I’ve been catching up on some posts, including the Robach/Holmes disastrophe… Him wanting to marry her because he cannot – CANNOT! – think of another word to describe her that’s not ‘girlfriend’ had me snorting my coffee.

If only there were some sort of collection of words, maybe even some place that grouped words that mean similar things to other words, that he could access. Alas…

Bet Chump Nation could help though!

I’ll start:

  • CILF (Crone I Like to F*ck)
  • Hagstress
  • Wrinkletwat

Friday Challenge? 😁

Rock on CN!

Cal

***

Dear Cal,

Okay, you had me at Wrinkletwat.

We’ve done similar challenges, like what you call your ex on your cell phone. Alternatives to the archaic “mistress.” And cheater euphemisms. But hey, Schmoopie alternatives could be handy for any awkward encounters. How do I know you? Oh right, you’re the Wrinkletwat who was dating my wife.

And let us not be gendered. Dickdribble McCheaterface. Fuckboy. Man-ho.

But Tracy, this is a challenge for TJ Holmes. Amy needs a category that transcends partnership. When you can’t say girlfriend, what can you say?

Casual hookup I lost my job for? HR nightmare?

Help out, CN. And TGIF!

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ChumpNoMore
ChumpNoMore
18 days ago

I go with Blonde Psycho Bitch myself. This was the woman who spent a year seducing my FW and when I finally left him dumped him IMMEDIATELY. I still have violent fantasies about her.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
18 days ago
Reply to  ChumpNoMore

Pretty sure the one my FW left me for also kicked mine to the curb not far after the breakup, too. I can’t tell if I’m more insulted or if that notion gives me the giggles…

Stay mighty!

SortofOverIt
SortofOverIt
18 days ago
Reply to  ChumpNoMore

Did our FWs have the same AP? My FW had a years long affair, it was years before i knew, and a few years of being stuck/pick me dancing after. (I found CL very late in the game) Anyway, it was so long and dragged out and then when he was finally moving out, she ended it. He says HE ended it, but well, we have already established he lies and there was just something about it that makes me think it was her.

He kept her on a hook for years, and she stayed, until he ACTUALLY was moving out.

He was now flailing out on his branch, a monkey with no “new” branch to swing to. And so he tried to come BACK and I was not having it. I did not contact the AP, but boy did I want to give her a piece of my mind. “You wanted him so bad, take him, no returns!” I joke about it now but it was actually a very scary and stressful time. He had ended our marriage years prior, but somehow I now had to take the reigns and RE-end it because he changed his mind once AP left. It was really awful and I mostly try not to untangle the skein, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder what HER deal was. It was a long distance affair with a married man with kids. She was younger and pretty. There HAD to be 100s of better prospects for her. Even a married man with kids that lived in her state would be better. Not morally better, but just logistically. Or an unmarried man that lived far away. It does seem like this woman maybe was just interested in “winning” and once she did,she left. And I am better off without the FW. But really? She didn’t even want to keep him and now my kids are splitting their time 50/50 and my life has been upheaved. For what? So she could have that fun? And then you have all these people saying “only your spouse owes you anything, it’s not on the AP”. I get that the broken vows are between me and the FW. But really? The AP is not innocent.

Involuntary Georgian
Involuntary Georgian
16 days ago
Reply to  SortofOverIt

My XW had an affair with a married man, with kids, who lives 1200 miles away. Unlike your case, though, they did not break up and are in fact now married.

It’s a mess. XW was constantly on my case accusing me of trying to undermine her because I don’t agree to changes in the custody schedule to allow her to travel to him. It has improved lately, but only because XW is succeeding in prying him away for longer and longer stretches from his hometown, with predictable consequences for his kids who feel that he prioritizes his new wife over them (absolutely justifiably).

You are completely correct that it is a logistical nightmare, which is being resolved only at the expense of his kids, both in extensive therapy (sometimes inpatient) over their fear of abandonment. I chat with their mother (now his XW) and it’s terrible how she can’t reassure them that their dad loves them and would never leave them … because she isn’t sure he does love them (more than his new wife anyway) and he is, slow-motion, leaving them. He went from 50/50 to 60/40 and now he’s around 70/30 time (in practice; the custody agreement hasn’t changed on paper). I’m kind of grateful that XW is “winning” her new marriage by coercing him to relinquish time with his kids to spend time with her (because if it had gone the other way it would have been my kids struggling; I saw a fair amount of this in the early times after the divorce when XW was still jetting up to AP’s hometown pretty often and my kids were suffering), but then I feel bad for his kids who are completely blameless in all this.

Anyway, my experience is the logistical issues are not trivial and definitely stress the innocent people around them.

Helen Reddy
Helen Reddy
17 days ago
Reply to  SortofOverIt

Not morally better, but just logistically.

😂 Good one.

unicornomore
unicornomore
17 days ago
Reply to  SortofOverIt

The my Cheaters OW, he was a married man with kids who lived 3000 miles away. He did relocate (without us) but assured us that he didnt LIVE 3000 miles away, he only WORKED 3000 miles away …funny how not living there included a furnished apartment with a lease and furniture.

At some point he returned home but I have no idea who broke up with who except it wasn’t me who broke up (and it should have been).

At some point in Wreckonsillyation, he told me he was really proud that he never left me. I reminded him of the 18 months living in SF.

Stig
Stig
18 days ago
Reply to  SortofOverIt

I think some women, as well as actually being avoidant, which means not having a man full time is perfect for their attachment style, also have a power kink where having the power to wreck another couple’s relationship gives them a kind of sexual thrill. They don’t necessarily want or respect the man, but the knowledge that she could get him to leave his family, and the competition between herself and the unknowing spouse is a power dynamic that really gets them off. From what I’ve seen they are usually quite disempowered types that feel that life owes them something and the guys tend to be white knights to their damsel in distress. The wife is then vilified as the object standing in the way of their true love, but when that object is removed, the tension and histrionic frission is gone, and they lose interest as it doesn’t mesh with their victim narrative to have an uncomplicated relationship.

Involuntary Georgian
Involuntary Georgian
16 days ago
Reply to  Stig

See my comment above. There is definitely a power dynamic at play, but in my observation it’s straight up “if you love me you will spend less time with your family and more time with me”. I experienced this in the last year of my marriage (while the affair was in full swing) and I’m sure it’s the tactic XW is now using with AP-now-husband to peel him away from his kids.

Stig
Stig
16 days ago

Oh, that is a horrible dynamic, IG, and I really feel for those children. That’s the thing, fuckwits think that it’s a clean cut to swap out partners, but they are oblivious to the ongoing trauma caused to the other parties left with the shitshow aftermath. And brings up the dilemma of whether it might be healthier in the long run to talk to the kids about how the dad DOESN’T actually love them, because he IS abandoning them, and deal with the fallout from that. Then the sword has fallen and nobody is trying to gaslight themselves or their children that actually daddy does love you when all his actions speak otherwise. I know it’s not going to happen, because FWs rarely have or will allow themselves that kind of introspection, but it would be interesting to investigate why these FWs correlate attention with love. I’m guessing narcissism is the short answer.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  SortofOverIt

The APs are dirt bags too and sometimes they start this shit. I think one strong motive the kind of scenario you present is that the AP wants to steal YOUR LIFE. Maybe it’s not your FW that she was really interested in….it’s the life YOU CREATED that she wanted and when she got that POS she realized he wasn’t going to make it….it’s YOU that made it happen. This is so common. The FW gets the benefits of all the stuff the Chump does, frequently quietly in the background, and then we FW leaves and goes with AP, it becomes obvious who did the heavy lifting.

Stig
Stig
18 days ago
Reply to  Mehitable

This, exactly, Mehitable.

SortofOverIt
SortofOverIt
18 days ago
Reply to  Mehitable

He got himself into a pickle (as many of them do) where he wanted to be free to run off with her and live his true happy life, but simultaneously could not stand the idea that he would be seen as a cheating FW that left his wife and kids. There was apparently a lot of talk between them about how he was going to be able to live his life openly with her while still taking care of us. Honestly, we talk about cake? He thought that I would remain his family and he could just also have her. Not quite a throuple, as he would no longer be romantically linked to me. More like “Hey there, SortOfOverIt, you are going to eat the world’s largest shit sandwich every day for the rest of your life , and smile about it. We’ll live nearby, do holidays and vacations together”. Apparently, the AP agreed to this arrangement. It was a big surprise to him when he told me and I was unwilling. To be clear, I am a chump of the doormat variety but there still was nothing in my history to imply I would ever be ok with THIS. It was pure crazy talk born out of desperation for him.

I know AP raised her daughter alone and she was young. The dad was absent. My FW makes a good salary. And I think him presenting himself as such a dedicated family man is “the life” she was interested in stealing. Which is so completely ironic, as he was SAYING he is Mr Devoted Family Man but his ACTIONS were to betray his family and she knew this as the betrayal was WITH HER. Maybe she was just dumb enough to not realize that until the very end??

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  SortofOverIt

The thing is, I don’t think she was dumb. She’s a predator. We tend to underestimate that about APs and we’re encouraged to do so by a society that REALLY wants to make cheating “okay”. HE is the dummy thinking that he could have both. The desire for Polygamy is not dead yet, unfortunately. I wish I could personally drive a stake through that evil bullshit but it’s a perpetual fantasy for a lot of guys. I rarely see a woman who wants more than 1 husband – more like NO husband, LOL, is more common (no offense to the men here but some men are like an extra child) but there are plenty of guys who think they would LOVE 2 or more wives. But that doesn’t turn out well even if you can do it because it takes a lot of money and those women almost NEVER get along and it brings up jealousy and anger and rivalry including with the kids. All the Bible stories that feature polygamy show this – Sarah makes Abraham miserable until he forces Hagar into the desert with her child. Hannah, Samuel’s mother, was made miserable by her “sister” wife who mocked and insulted her for not having kids. This happens in other cultures too and the men get to listen to both women bitch, complain and manipulate. Sorry to go on about this but so many things have happened before in history & the bad effects are documented and WE NEVER LEARN THE LESSON….we always think we’re better. A guy like your husband thinks HIS fantasy will work out….and of course it never does.

So the mistress said she would go along with it – sure….she wants to be legitimized in some manner and have some real standing and not hiding in the shadows as she is. So she’ll agree to anything to the damn fool but if you were stupid enough to go along with this (and few women are unless you live in Utah) she would try to figure out over time how to get YOU and YOUR KIDS out of the picture or at least, demoted. She wouldn’t want to share him indefinitely. Very few people are actually willing to do that although many will pretend at the outset. Your ex is a big, selfish dummy and he has the life a big, selfish dummy deserves.

2xchump
2xchump
18 days ago
Reply to  SortofOverIt

My first cheaters AP was single and pursued my then husband relentlessly. I was innocent of affairs completely and TRUSTED my husband 💯 %. She won the sparkley turd after 3 years of pulling on him. He left me right after the birth of my daughtee after naming the baby after APs middle name. She was no way innocent but she got a selfish, angry, self centered man who.had no idea how to parent his children
I lost a big nothing. But she was complicit.

SortofOverIt
SortofOverIt
18 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

Despicable! And of course she was complicit! That is why I never understand the people that want to defend the APs. (Not here, obv) I understand that as Chumps we shouldn’t waste a lot of time thinking about the APs. And there are chumps out there that stay with their cheating FW and then harass the AP. I agree that isn’t wise. But there is a lot of AP defending out in the world and it makes me crazy.

2xchump
2xchump
18 days ago
Reply to  SortofOverIt

*COMPLICIT*Duo of deception.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  SortofOverIt

I wish we would bring back Alienation of Affection suits and just make it rain fire down on these APs. Suffer, excess baggage!!!!

2xchump
2xchump
18 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

While still in the delivery room, cheater gave daughter his APs middle name and he SPELLED IT so I would get it right on the birth certificate. I grew up since 2nd grade with cheater and knew he COULD NOT SPELL and did poorly in school. I got suspicious with this spelling contest request so when the certificate lady came by I changed the spelling adding an e at the end. Cheater saw that and came unglued…I TOLD YOU CHUMP HOW TO SPELL IT can’t you follow instructions?? I got really suspicious then. D day was 2 weeks later when his parents flew in FROM NYC to visit newborn. I found out on D,day the reason for the name as he threw that in my face. OW couldn’t have kids so he wanted something for her. My daughter became her surrogate baby.i kept the name as it reminded me that I was mighty in changing the spelling on my own!! It was mighty. My cheater filed 2 weeks after DDay and OW won the turd filled with sprinkles. .and welcome to him.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

That is one of the worst things I have ever heard. It really is. It’s like they’re stealing your baby. That is absolutely monstrous. It really is, I can’t get over doing something that awful. I’d really want to go after the both of them and not with bag of feathers either. I bet they were thinking that he’d leave you and that somehow they would get full custody of your baby at some point. This kind of thing is pure, demented evil. Is he still with that piece of garbage?

2xchump
2xchump
18 days ago
Reply to  Mehitable

My discard was the 9 months of pregnancy when cheater #1 said he never wanted another baby. That this was on me. After delivery and divorce. OW and cheater turned this child into a princess and spoiled her to the core. My 6 year old son went weekends too but he was bullied and not adored like his sister was. He told me the stories from every other weekend visits. Cheater sent daughter to Europe and always gave her whatever she wanted. She loves her daddy and OW Wifetress…but she has more years to learn. Cheater #1 is still a bully and his OW Wifetress has been with him 35 years. I can’t even imagine. I lost nothing.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

I have no doubt that she’s been eating the Deluxe Shit Sandwich with extra cheese he meant for you every day of her life. What they did is bad for both kids, I hope they both learn from it. You are very mighty indeed to have overcome so much evil.

OHFFS
OHFFS
18 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

Mind blowing. Were these sickos planning to steal the baby?

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  OHFFS

OHFFS, I can’t get over what 2xc says, that is literally one of the worst things I have ever heard short of actual murder. It does sound to me like they may have been planning something like that or getting custody of the child after the divorce and raising her like their kid. What a horrible pair of people. Just when you think you’ve seen the bottom, low and behold, there’s another bottom underneath!

OHFFS
OHFFS
17 days ago
Reply to  Mehitable

IKR. He should have lost any custody or visitation rights for that. His intentions were to take the baby away from 2×. That means he presented a danger to that child.

2xchump
2xchump
18 days ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Probably waiting for me to crumble and have a nervous breakdown or post Partum depression . Instead I moved across the state line, got a job, found a day care and held my head up. He could not crush me. The funny thing was he told me he was leaving since I paid so much attention to my babies instead of being like OW and focusing on him. But every other weekend was much easier than full time. All impression management, continuing the music for the OW to dance to…she was never like me.

OHFFS
OHFFS
17 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

Wow, he is so stupid and so evil.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

Had you considered changing the child’s middle name once you found out? That is so completely inappropriate and if I were the kid, I’d want to change it anyway. What a disgusting thing for POS to do.

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
18 days ago

In terms of introductions, I guess CJ could try ……

“I’d like to introduce you to my latest sunk cost fallacy.”

LFTT

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
18 days ago

Love it.

BattleDancingUnicorn
BattleDancingUnicorn
18 days ago

Perhaps the two of them could take a page out of the book of a certain FW I know and just call each other “Darlin’.” It means you’ll never say the wrong name in bed…..

Bonus content: what I call the various schmoopies I’ve been unfortunate enough to encounter–

Spork
Uncooked Baked Beans
Soggy Bottom
Teapot full of bees (aka Beepot)
Dollar store version of me
Peasant

Happy Friday!

no way
no way
17 days ago

Peasant haha

GoodWitch
GoodWitch
18 days ago

Oh, these are good! “Dollar Store Version of Me” “Peasant” “Not Even My Best Cover Band” lol.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
18 days ago

I’ll see your “Dollar Store Version of Me” and raise you a “Not even my best cover band”!

kokichi
kokichi
18 days ago

Totally laughing at Spork!

Orlando
Orlando
18 days ago

Re: my ex’s AP. Schmoopie is so on point because of her gushing & smothering endearment towards FW. FW apparently has fleed in his truck several times to get away from her and yet he tried to shame me for not being like her. You know, normal & stable. Everytime I call her Schmoopie, people always crack up. My kids call her Phoney. Kids can be so astute.

Amy probably wouldn’t like being called Schmoopie but it kind of seems to fit her personality too. Maybe TJ could call her “my future ex-wife”, nope probably wouldn’t like that either. Fiancé? Are they even engaged? Or is TJ future-faking Amy?

Last edited 18 days ago by Orlando
NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
18 days ago

Interchangeable
One size fits all
That one
Huh? She has a name?
Latest Regret

Orlando
Orlando
18 days ago

I don’t think edits are saving here. I tried twice & my edits didn’t save.

Attie
Attie
18 days ago

I called Schmoopie “the fat-ankled twat”. I also kinda liked “north end of a camel going south”. I thought they both had a nice ring to them!

OutButNotDown
OutButNotDown
18 days ago

My ex’s Schmoopie would be accurately called “Limerent Object” or “Homewrecker”.

Truly, one of the painful things I discovered when reading more than a year of their texts in one sitting was that my then husband of 26 years frequently called her by name. By contrast I can’t remember the last time he called me by my name. It might actually have been during saying our wedding vows! In his mind I didn’t need a name, good appliance that I was. 🙄

Bluewren
Bluewren
18 days ago
Reply to  OutButNotDown

I got my name when he was mad- just like a parent really.
Otherwise it was the infantilising ‘Baby’.
I could have been anyone.

MollyWobbles
MollyWobbles
18 days ago
Reply to  OutButNotDown

Mine never called me by my name either. It was infuriating.

Conchobara
Conchobara
18 days ago
Reply to  MollyWobbles

I guess this is a FW thing?? He called me honey, almost never used my name in 21 years. After DDay he would still call me honey before correcting himself. The last time he did it I gave him a piece of my mind and he hasn’t done it since. It also probably helps that I don’t talk to him in person at all if I can avoid it.

susie lee
susie lee
18 days ago

Believe it or not with all my calling the whore “whore” on this site, in real time I only said it once, after that I just didn’t consider her at all, and ignored. At first it was by effort, but it didn’t take long that it became habit. I didn’t have to put up with seeing them in my day to day life, so not hard.

I didn’t find CL until years later when whore and fw were abusing my son and sons wife, then I let loose with the name calling (in this forum) and I won’t apologize for it.

Of course in real life I kept a sense of decorum when talking to Son and Daughter in law, I calmly gave them my opinion when they asked, and kept it clean. It wasn’t a really long time after that when FW died. FW gets my respect as my sons dad and I just refer to him as your dad. She gets no respect, though I rarely mention her unless they say something. They have not spoken to her since he died. That’s on her.

The common stance is hey the whore made no vows to you so she/he owed you nothing. I agree, so it makes sense that conversely, I owe her nothing. That includes respect as a decent human being.

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
18 days ago

I’m a Trekkie, so maybe Borg nomenclature. “May I introduce 3 of 7.”

Also, in that picture it looks like his right foot is literally trying to get out the door.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
18 days ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

I approve!

MotherChumperNinetyNine
MotherChumperNinetyNine
18 days ago

My descriptive names for AP: Golddigger, homewrecker, desperate, selfish, immature, irresponsible, addict, AP. After 10 years, my grown kids who spent enough unhappy time with her to make their own opinions, call her “evil” or “insane.” XH is FW. I trust they both suck.

Celene
Celene
18 days ago

I didn’t want to slip and say something awful in front of my (then 4 year old) now 6 year old. If I ever speak of her, my ex’s affair partner is known as “That Woman.” Honestly, defining her solely as that woman would probably be highly offensive to her anyway, because she believes herself to be so much more than…that woman!

My ex doesn’t like labels in general and prefers to have relationships in funky limbos. That’s why he somehow gets offended by the terms: Girlfriend (for his COW), His friends (for…his friends), husband (when we were married he hated the term), and he also hates that I refer to him as “the ex.”

Not Acceptable
Not Acceptable
18 days ago

I would like a term for the women the LyingLiar used.
The FW moved on from hook ups with women who had emotional needs to sex workers. Exploited sex trafficking victims is too long to say. He didn’t like young hot girls bc they just lay there, he liked to be serviced—and his favorites sometimes had to return to China to visit family. I don’t think those ladies actually wanted to leave their home country to service middle aged men, so calling them whores seems too derogatory. Their intent was just to get $$$.
Even tho we had what he calls “the best sex” 2-3 times a week for the entire 35+ year marriage, the LyingLiar was entitled to more.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  Not Acceptable

For some people sex isn’t about sex – physical pleasure or love – it’s about controlling, dominating and sometimes, humiliating others.

Adelante
Adelante
18 days ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Or, for my ex, being controlled, dominated, and humiliated. (I refused to play along, by the way.)

2xchump
2xchump
18 days ago

My grandson wanted to talk about cheater grandpa as he was, at age 12 trying to untangle the skein all by himself. It popped into my head and I called cheater X”He who shall remain nameless”. I say it all and I use it each time. It’s a long name but it works for me. Now as to a girlfriend or boyfriend co- Cheaters, I like the term receptical
A long term or short term receptical, there is no true love, they are containers for each others angst and body fluids. For a receptical is just a container, which can be dumped otr filled at the user’s wim. It is co- recepticals actually.
2x cheated on ..I was of use also.Thats what I’m putting a stop to. It’s in my power to do so. These users learn nothing, absolutely nothing by staying with them. It is a gift to let them continue their destructive journey without your precious self.

Conchobara
Conchobara
18 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

similarly, my mother occasionally calls FW Voldemort 🙂

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
18 days ago

My FW referred to the one that I knew about as her “special friend.” I would make the obvious joke but I have too much respect for the intellectually disabled population to lump my ex and her bad decisions in with them.

So far I’ve got:
-Downgrade
-Rental
-“My Tantrum Tushy”
-Betrayal Bae
-“I couldn’t afford a motorcycle at midlife crisis so I got this skank instead”
-“Shit, what’s your name again?”
-(awkward pause while I try to explain that I broke up with the really good stable one and no grandma this is not the one you really liked it’s just that we grew apart…)

DrChump
DrChump
18 days ago

Tracy, love you and CN, but on my iPhone 13 the site is very very difficult to use.The spinning globe won’t go away and blocks typing field. I spend 5 minutes typing something and it just disappears. it takes much of the enjoyment from the site. So much so I rarely come here now. Am I the only one with this problem?

kokichi
kokichi
18 days ago
Reply to  DrChump

I had to download the DuckDuckGo app to be able to use the site. Occasionally it glitches, so I have to uninstall and reinstall it. The nice part is that I only use it for CL, so it is like having a CL app.

OHFFS
OHFFS
18 days ago
Reply to  DrChump

Get a good pop up blocker for the ads. I have had problems with posts vanishing occasionally.

2xchump
2xchump
18 days ago

An Easter shout out to Tracy and all you at CN whom have kept me NO CONTACT, Divorced since 2023, and truly happily ever after. Once I knew the game plans of both my cheaters and how the symptoms are similar across the board…my eyes were opened to the disease process and I got out. You all keep me strong 💪
Thank you and happy Easter…my life was reborn and I thank.God also.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

I am so glad to hear this as I’ve been reading what a tough time you’ve had, it sounds like you’re doing very well now! Happy Easter!

2xchump
2xchump
18 days ago
Reply to  Mehitable

We are all so courageous with huge life time losses. It gives me hope that we do not have to live as slaves to cheaters who use us. I did not think I could live on my own or even survive. But I could once I knew I was not loved at all. I was of use. Now I can give myself more love and care than any of the 2 cheaters I stayed with. That’s like eating Styrofoam instead of my own sirloin with a baked potato 🥔 on the side. I am thrilled.

Leedy
Leedy
18 days ago
Reply to  2xchump

2xchump, that’s wonderful to hear! It takes so much strength to rebuild, as I can attest too. Kudos to you!

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
18 days ago

I never gave my exFW a name. She’s been known by so many names, across so many cultures, across time. It’s hard to keep track.

oldDogNewTricks
oldDogNewTricks
18 days ago

Somebody around here used the term ‘the downgrade’. It’s totally gender friendly–applies to men women and others. It’s succinct, clear, and spells out what’s going on.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago

I like that, it’s civil yet perfectly and accurately descriptive!

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
18 days ago

I aim to please ^_^.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago

I would just go with WHORE. That says it all to me.

PhoenixFlame
PhoenixFlame
18 days ago

I used to say, “that pig” or “your pig”.

Now it’s “your WIFE” because she is getting crazier by the day and he is STUCK because he MARRIED her and has a LEGAL CONTRACT he can’t afford to get out of.

He HATES that I say that. Especially since I seem so NICE when I say it.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago
Reply to  PhoenixFlame

How’s he doing with the “wife”?

Conchobara
Conchobara
18 days ago

FW has been calling the child mistress his “girlfriend” around me since DDay – and presumably longer than that. I guess he didn’t like introducing her to people as my paid child s#x toy? She started as his 18yo sugar baby…

Personally, I like “the child mistress” as her nickname but I have referred to her as sl*t or wh0re. Usually when talking with my mom or sister, my superpower, in-person support team. I suppose those names aren’t very woman-empowering, but they reflect how I feel about her. She knew from the outset that he was a married father; he met her on an ‘arrangement’ site for sugar babies (god that phrase makes me gag) and the degenerates who hire them.

Another benefit of calling her “the child mistress” is that I said it to him once and he hated it soooo much! “She’s not my mistress, she’s my girlfriend! Whine whine!” Dude, we are still legally married. You are the one dragging out the divorce. If you have a “girlfriend” or side piece while married, she is your mistress. Also, everyone of any age that I’ve talked to knows exactly what a mistress is, whereas older folks may not know the slang of today and understand the impact of her role if I say side piece, side chick or anything else like that.

Chumpasaurus45
Chumpasaurus45
18 days ago

I think TJ can just stick with A.M.Y.-
Abandon Monotonous Yapper
Already My Yokel

And she can stick with basic TJ-
Timeless Joker
Tainted Jackass

I just refer to my ex FW’s mistress turned wife as his “ replacement person” if I ever have to refer to her at all, which is quite rare, fortunately.
“Replacement object” would probably fit the bill even better though.

Bluewren
Bluewren
18 days ago

Mr Plod Had
* The Triffid
* The Venus Fly Trap
* The Warden

Dickhead McCluggage has
* Mummy
* Gullible Twat
*The Walking Spineless

Worthy recipients of the Order of the Sparkly Turd.

ChumpedForANewerModel
ChumpedForANewerModel
18 days ago

Hmmm, I can probably come up with some but Whore or Hooker immediately come to mind. Mainly because that is what their occupation was. FW had a hooker addiction apparently among the other things that I saw in his videos (which he was kind enough to leave on a shared account). Of course, he was going to take the primary hooker off the market and “save” her. Don’t know if that ever happened and really don’t care.
The only thing that bothers me about the divorce is why he fought so hard for almost two years when all he wanted is to rescue these women? Just glad I am out of it now.

Luziana
Luziana
18 days ago

She is and will ever be The Sluterus.

susie lee
susie lee
18 days ago
Reply to  Luziana

Good one. My favorite on this site is “rat faced whore” by C6. I have not see her lately. But, it pretty much nails it.

OHFFS
OHFFS
18 days ago

For Amy and TJ, I recommend he keep it simple and just go with what they used to say in the 60’s- my old lady.

What I have called my ex’s creature, otoh, is unprintable.

susie lee
susie lee
18 days ago
Reply to  OHFFS

I always hated that old man old lady thing. My brother would (as a teen) refer to my dad as the old man, I would let him have it. He honestly didn’t mean anything, it was just what was common then in the 60s, and of course he didn’t say it to my dad.

Mehitable
Mehitable
18 days ago

Oh, I just scrolled up and saw the Schmoes picture together – it’s so refreshingly clean of any unsightly family debris, especially around Easter Time!!!

Claire
Claire
18 days ago

Howorker is referred to as “The Variant”… Discard was during covid in 2020 with me ending the marriage 3 days after the 31st wedding anniversary. She shares her name with a covid strain, she’s a virus that’s for sure.

It’s peaceful on this side of the tornado.

susie lee
susie lee
18 days ago
Reply to  Claire

I like Ho-worker too, I know it is pretty common, but still such a good moniker for a co-worker who is a whore. Male or female.

jahmonwildflower
jahmonwildflower
18 days ago

My FW had multiple of what I call “Betrayal Objects,” or just BO. I identified them like, “the alcoholic, infected slut that lived on a boat at the Wharf,” or “the crazy criminal whore that lived in a Georgetown townhouse, or “the tatooed trailer trash who hasn’t seen a dentist in 20 years.” There were so many of them that first names were repeated (multiple Carlas/Karlas, Nikkis/Nicoles) so this made it easier for me. Love some of your suggestions!!

BeenThruIt
BeenThruIt
18 days ago

“Skankenstein” – the manipulative scuzzbag pretended she was just a poor little helpless thing that adored any married man she thought had money, with big dyed hair, a huge boob job, skanky clothing, etc. – an absolute psycho with bizarre behavior who had been married 5 times and had a huge number of affairs even before my H. (See also “Scuzzbag” hehe)

susie lee
susie lee
17 days ago
Reply to  BeenThruIt

What is it with these middle aged farts that think some young thing is hot for their stuff. Yes they are hot for what is in their pants, but it is the wallet not the dick.

WidowChumpy
WidowChumpy
17 days ago

My mother, looking at a picture of one of my husband’s mistresses, exclaimed : “Oh my God, she’s just a Gizzalight! What was [Fuckwit] thinking?”. I questionned what she meant and she explained: “You know, the kind of woman who’d ask a man to light her cigarette at a dark bus stop” – and proceeded to say “Gizzalight mister” in a strong inner city Dublin accent. So that one, we now call Gizzalight or Gizz for short.

Shadow
Shadow
17 days ago
Reply to  WidowChumpy

Oh lololol, your Mam is a gas woman! I can just hear yer wan saying that and then she’ll try to tap the fella up for some money “Ah here! Would yizzer have any spare change for me busfare, would ya?”
My STBX’s little slapper was from Thurles, but sure there’s dog-rough slappers the length and breadth of the country these days!

WidowChumpy
WidowChumpy
16 days ago
Reply to  Shadow

Indeed. It’s a longway to Tipperary, it’s a long way to go (without your knickers on)! Disappointingly, I learnt later that Gizz hails from Wexford and not west Dublin where she currently resides, so probably doesn’t sound like I imagined at all. But at least I know that my husband’s “unmet needs” were for skank, so I’m pretty sanguine that I couldn’t fulfil them!

Shadow
Shadow
15 days ago
Reply to  WidowChumpy

I’d say that Wexford has it’s share of skanks, slappers, skangers, gougers and gurriers though! Maybe not as many as Limerick and Dublin but that’s only be due to the populations differences I suspect. I would never have thought of Thurles as being rough, but then again, I live in a village and we seem to have more than our fair share of the above! I thought the girl STBX betrayed me with must have been dog-rough or desperate, or both, to be bothered with him, and probably a coke-head as well, because birds of a feather, but I have since found out she was even younger than he told me- 17 , not 18- and so I feel a bit bad thinking of her that way, as she’s even more of a child than an 18 year-old, barely legal and he’s early 40s, so he must surely have groomed her in some way! It makes him more of a predator and her a bit of a victim in a way, even if she IS dog-rough as well! I’m so ashamed of him, I want to never see, hear or speak to him ever again and wish to God I’d never met him!

WidowChumpy
WidowChumpy
15 days ago
Reply to  Shadow

I think all people who cheat are predators; they are constantly on a hunt. That is so tough to know it was a child, you are right to get as far away from that as possible. Gizz was actually a few years older that dead fw. More shopworn scrubber than young slapper, but he was running a number of them concurrently (that I even know of) if it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else in the stable. Some predators throw bread on the waters and some ducks waggle their tail feathers in the air trying to gobble those crumbs…we’re better off without them.

Shadow
Shadow
15 days ago
Reply to  WidowChumpy

“Shopworn scrubber” LOLOL, I have met a few of them alright! Your FW wasn’t fussy so? So long as they’d let him do things to them he wouldn’t do to a farmyard animal ( quote from The Royale Family) I suspect? And having a “harem” of them? Dirty devil, as my Nan would say!!
Yes, I reckon they are always on the hunt- I have recalled so many things STBX said and did over the years that I have now copped on were red flags of a man who objectifies women and girls and hinted at a predatory sexuality, albeit covert for a long time, buried and suppressed! Cocaine abuse meant he couldn’t suppress it anymore I think!

unicornomore
unicornomore
17 days ago

One of my life goals, had he left with her and trust set up house in some form, was to call her a different Schmoopie every time I saw Cheater…

“Kids birthday party is at 3 on Saturday, She with Rainbow Vagina is not welcome”

“The orthodontist bill has arrived, maybe Camilla can chip in”

“No,I wont change the schedule, Coworker Who Destroys Families can tend the kids on your weekend so you can go fishing”

“The kids are ready for the outing, is Yoko coming along today?”

but alas, that is not how our story played out.

I never learned the real reason they didnt go off into the sunset together but a strong suspicion was that he was unwilling to accept the “bad guy” status he would have had for leaving wife and kids for a younger woman. His myriad of cruel words/deeds to force my hand did not work. I now wish that I had thrown him out on Day and gone grey rock 3 seconds in, but alas, I was Chumpy McSpackleson,

susie lee
susie lee
17 days ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“His myriad of cruel words/deeds to force my hand did not work,”

Same here, in my case thanks to an ethics complaint filed against him, he had to scramble to save his own work ass; so he left me in the dust and of course played the sappy “I was so unhappy shit”. It didn’t appear to land. He had been lying and cheating for years and it all came tumbling out.

So I do thank whoever that was that dropped a dime. I just wish they had done it way sooner.

But, looking back, I was pretty close to going to my preacher for help because I was a mess. Had I told my brother or dad, they likely would have called our preacher post haste. But, I was still in mute mode when it all hit.

The preacher likely would have the mystery solved quickly, as he was also the police chaplain, as soon as I told him he was screaming at me non stop and riding around with the guys a lot at night he would have known, as most any man would have, or really anyone able to think straight.

Cal
Cal
17 days ago

Oh this has tickled me, thanks CL – and always thanks CN, your various nicknames always make me laugh.

As for Amy, I think at this point the most accurate name she can call him is “Hostage” 🤷

no way
no way
17 days ago

Slutface
AP#1
AP#2
Skank
Psychobitch
Foureyedfuckfest
DesparateHoWife

Just a few names that I enjoy 😉

KeepYourWaffles
KeepYourWaffles
17 days ago

In conversation I talk about his “ladies” – where I sign the quotations marks. I use it as short of “ladies of the night” – it sounds less harsh than hookers/prostitutes/sexworkers as I feel this repells some people but still conveys my disdain for his choice of cheating.
In my mind / anonymous forums I have used the terms ‘orifices’ ‘penis receptacles’ because that was what they are to him – holes to put his p33n in.

exchump_boom
exchump_boom
17 days ago

Hi CL, CN,
First time commenting though have followed the blog, read the comments, studied success stories here now since my doctor gave me the link after kicking my exFW out 7 months ago. Hats off to all of you, couldn’t have gotten to Meh minus 10 now without you all. 🖤 Rockstars every one of you !! 🤘
I’ve got a name for FW’s OW who he’s already discarding and talking trash about –
Vapid F@#kbag
I’m going to brainstorm a few more, this is fun!
Love me some snark!