Anthony Weiner is in the news again. This may not come as a surprise to those of you skeptical of cheater redemption, but lo and behold (explicitly behold over at TheDirty.com) he’s been caught again sending pictures of his junk to a young woman. Apparently, what’s emerged so far is that he had a 6-month internet romance with a 22-year old woman, complete with sexting and promises to buy her real estate.
Anything I want to say about Anthony Weiner I’ve said about his ilk already. He’s genuine imitation Naugahyde remorse. A flaming personality disorder. One of those wing nuts who cannot connect actions to tabloid consequences.
So I’m going to avoid the obvious dick jokes and address this post to Huma, his wife.
Dear Huma,
You’re a chump. It’s time to own it.
I know you’ve spent a lot of months chasing the elusive unicorn of reconciliation, and let me say, you did it with dignity. In that New York Times profile piece of you two last April, my heart kinda broke for you. I don’t want to say I told you so, but… dammit girl… I told you so. His faux remorse was all over that story. You know what the dead giveaway for me was? When you said ‘‘I have now gotten used to people asking, over and over again, ‘How is Anthony?’ ’’
How’s Anthony? Really? How’s HUMA? How it is to be newly married, pregnant with your first child, and humiliated by a public, infidelity scandal? Fuck Anthony, Huma. Why should you eat the shit sandwich of people’s concern for this idiot? Because he’s broken? Because he did something so flamboyantly self destructive? What about YOU? The person he broke.
You played the reconciled spouse well. You looked fierce and determined on the cover of the Sunday magazine. Was that a leather jacket? You appeared elegant and accomplished, soldiering forward, and you let Anthony do most of the speaking. All his fake remorse on display, blaming a fateful tweet (singular), subtly playing the self pity card about being a stay at home dad post-scandal, reduced to picking up your dry cleaning.
Here was your first clue he wasn’t changed, Huma — he ran again for fucking New York city mayor! Here’s a guy whose own brother describes him as an asshole and whose cure for his narcissism and entitlement is to RUN FOR PUBLIC OFFICE. Bad enough you had to weather his underwear boner scandal, now he wants you support his campaign? What, he can’t pick up your dry cleaning for 6 whole months before he has to have the world’s attention again?
Couldn’t he buck the trend of narcissist, cheater politicians seeking re-election? (Mark Sanford, I’m talking to you.) Couldn’t he take a page from the Profumo scandal and spend his middle age tending to AIDs orphans or something similarly improving?
I don’t think you’re getting the best advice, Huma. You work for Hillary Clinton. She stood by her man, yes. But the price of admission there, Huma, is that her husband was the president of the United States. I still think she should’ve dumped him, but there are some serious perks being First Lady, like being secretary of state eventually. I don’t pretend to understand the Clintons, but I think you can do better than that schmuck from Queens. Anthony Weiner is no Bill Clinton. Weiner’s not fit to run your errands. Hell, he’s not fit to even conduct a fucking affair. Clinton at least had the good taste to buy a copy of Leaves of Grass and get his blow jobs in the Oval Office. Weiner sexts throbbing penis pictures under the pseudonym “Carlos Danger.”
Who does he think he is? Napoleon Dynamite?
It’s beyond embarrassing.
You must stop spackling and see this loser for who he truly is. I’m sorry he’s your child’s father, but you’re in very good company here among chumps. Many of us can relate to mating with an idiot. But it’s not a life sentence, Huma. You can get out, and there’s no shame in divorcing him. Admit that you misplaced your trust. It’s not nearly as humiliating as having to admit you misplaced your penis pictures.
Except here’s the thing — he’s NOT going to feel humiliated. YOU are. If you stay with him now, after knowing who he really is and how he shat upon that gift of reconciliation you gave him — you’re complicit in your own abuse. You will suffer every “inappropriate” encounter. You will answer a hundred “How’s Anthony” queries each day. You will succeed and achieve and you will never outshine his narcissism. He won’t allow it. And he won’t learn.
You are not enough for him, Huma. No one is enough. You will mourn his lost potential. You will miss the hologram he projected of confidence, and brilliance, and the beautiful future you imagined for yourselves. It will be painful admitting you fronted for him. Very painful. But do it, Huma. Please, do it.
What’s truly jaw-dropping is the fact that these morons don’t think they’re ever going to get
caught! You’re running for public office again, after resigning from congress for the same shit? And you didn’t think this was going to (ahem) come out? I mean, really? REALLY? What a dipshit. Huma ought to kick this guy right to the curb.
And the fact that he didn’t think he’d get caught distinguishes him from other cheaters how exactly?
Only from the standpoint that this guy, and others of his ilk (political candidates), enter an arena where everything about your life is scrutinized. Deeply. By professional scrutineers. I think that ratchets up the narcissistic denial a notch or two.
I agree. It’s pretty amazing to me that he would conduct an affair for THAT long after resignation — 6 whole months! — clearly he gets off on the getting one over. His ability to sustain the crazy over and over and over and think he won’t get caught is mindblowing.
yep. a sociopath.
CL..
Well put !
I wonder if ” Dear Holly” will be next ?
And it’s such an easy decision to make, you would think. I can tell myself my wife cheated because she wasn’t getting what she needed from me, or because she was going through an emotional crisis, and all sorts of other BS. But if she were getting her kicks by sending pictures of her genitals to strangers, I think I can say with certainty that I would just think — She’s a creepy nutcase and I’m going NOW. But maybe I’m giving myself too much credit here.
Don’t you think Huma says the same things to herself? He wasn’t getting what he needed from me? I was so busy with the pregnancy/my job, whatever. Or he was going through an emotional crisis? He’s broken? WTFever. It’s hard, hard, hard to come to the conclusion, that NO, they’re disordered and they don’t care who they hurt. And it’s time to save yourself.
CL… disordered for sure.
It is that or he is just so fascinated with his magnificent cock that he feels compelled to show it off. It is a waste to hide in in his pants.
I hope he isn’t able to play the “victim” and get Huma to pity him , help him, save him from his own demons, his illness “Cockitus” ?
This has GOT to be beyond humiliating for her, and her family.
The best way to save herself from more abuse is to love herself enough …. to walk, no RUN away from his POS !
Correction ….
his “Wonderful Wiener”
You’re right. I was not seeing the forest for the ridiculous throbbing penis photo, I guess. Because even though my wife’s behaviour isn’t as … weird … it’s every bit as selfish and disordered. And while I may be getting there I haven’t made the decision yet. And honestly, if wife were sending pictures of genitals to strangers I’d be Googling “causes of exhibitionism” and feeling guilty for not appreciating her labia enough.
Weird? Dude, your wife “lent” her affair partner $200,000. That’s pretty weird. ETA, I don’t mean to be unkind — it’s just I think for some people sexting would be a lesser offense.
LOL …. yeah
Huma is already being blamed for not taking care of him sexually or some such shit. Give me a break – the guy has a taste for sending dick pics and engaging in sexy talk. It reads like bad porn, by the way.
Yeah, did you see where he subtly blamed his MARRIAGE for his fucking around?
“Some of these things happened before my resignation, some of them happened after — but the fact is that was also the time that my wife and I were working through some things in our marriage,”
Oh, so it’s okay then. I mean, you didn’t have a commitment or anything. You were just still working things out. This “working through some things in our marriage” MADE you cheat AGAIN? Really? That’s the only explanation?
Huma is a sophisticated person — she can’t see the mindfuckery? Really?
I’m seeing comments online about ‘she should have taken care of her man instead of flying around the world with Hillary’. What a load of shit. At the dirty the dude even says something along the lines of her needing to sexually take care of her man so he doesn’t sext pictures of his junk to random women.
Huma is a Muslim and won’t divorce him because of her religion. It’s messed up I agree. Plus, there is alcoholism in her family. I don’t mean to air her dirty laundry; I am doing this to help you understand the dynamics a little better so it makes sense, because the news isn’t reporting the truth and the reality. Which is she is a Muslim and that’s why she won’t divorce him, and her family is sort of fucked up. So, then it makes much more sense to me and I hope it does to you. We are dealing with a different culture. Women in that culture wear burkas and their camels are treated better. I don’t mean to malign another religion-that is not my intent. It’s just that some hard truths (which will probably offend some people) should be told so that people understand and aren’t left wondering wtf? I am sorry if I offended anyone with this post. That wasn’t my intent.
She went outside of her religion to marry, so i dont think this is actually the issue.
Yes it is. I know her cousin, and this is what her cousin said.She said Huma would not divorce him because she is a Muslim. It is absolutely the issue. But I think there are other things going on as well…
Meowomix,
Muslim women ALL over the world (countries such as America, Australia, Bangladesh, India and Indonesia, I’ve seen with my own eyes) are getting divorced from their husbands over “irreconcilable differences” And some of these women as you said “wear the burka” which is a sign of being a practicing Muslima. Huma is not a practicing Muslim in my opinion. Of course her connection with Allah is something only she knows. But she is a woman in America who is an extremely successful aid to an extremely successful politician. I would say her decision to stay with him was MORE politicised than Islamised (I am making up words here, sorry)
But just like her yes I married a Christian man (something Muslim women arent allowed to do) and I had to do it with constant and repetitive assurance to my parents that my husband is a good man with equal values to that of a Muslim man. Getting a divorce from him would be a slap to my family’s face and my parents can point their fingers at me and say “told you so” (not that I would divorce my love. he didnt cheat or me or anything. he is perfect) but I am saying perhaps thats why Huma is standing by her man: due to the political motif and slightly because she doesnt want all the “desi” people to tell her “I told you you shouldnt have married a non-Muslim man”
Other than that whooole issue. I think the media is overpublicising his affairs (rightfully so, he is a politician) I know couples who faced cheating who reconciled and moved on. Maybe they did that too.
Please run Huma. Please run.
I hope she saves herself NOW.
Besides the fact that he is obviously very full of himself and quite entitled…he’s a complete and utter idiot. The woman certainly deserves MUCH better than this sorry excuse for a man. OY!
God, I never realized how annoying Chumps are– get the f@ck out, Huma! How did you think this was going to end? This guy doesn’t deserve you or anyone else.
I had to laugh (and agree) about how annoying chumps are. We can see it in other people so clearly, hopefully I can use that same filter on myself and be glad my cheater is in my rearview mirror (mostly).
Some people do not want to be saved.
Well, CL, I guess we can add Weiner and his weiner to the Liberal Cheater Hall of Fame:
1) JFK
2) FDR
3) LBJ
4) Bill Clinton
5) Elliot Spitzer
As a liberal myself, it’s heartbreaking. Four of the five cheaters were United States Presidents who, in my opinion, rightfully rank among the finest this nation has ever had. Well, Johnson would probably rank higher if it weren’t for Vietnam…
But lest any GOP Chump Lady readers think that only Republicans get dragged through the mud for being two-timers (McCain, Gingrich, etc.), cheating knows no political party!
If every narcissist left Washington, D.C. there’d be no one left to run the government.
Like the last post about calling out cheaters or firing them from their jobs, I think the only measure is how well you do the job.
Now, the job of being my SPOUSE? Yeah, you suck at that? You’re gone.
I do particularly hate the Family Values hypocrisy that Republicans do, however. It makes it extra odious. But I would add Spitzer to that list because he prosecuted prostitution rings.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure cheating spans the partisan divide 🙂
Last time I checked, Newt Gingrich, Larry Craig, Mark Souder, and so on aren’t known as liberals 🙂
And though you might argue that Dwight Eisenhower might seem liberal in some ways (the platform has changed), I am pretty sure he liked that R next to his name.
And George Herbert Walker Bush allegedly had a long term affair with Jennifer Fitzgerald, though not after he was elected President.
Cheating (and the entitlement that breeds it) are bipartisan, unfortunately.
Just to be clear: these escapades happened AFTER this tool’s prior scandal broke. Classic false reconciliation.
I did police ride alongs when I was in law school, and the officers had an expression for someone who had such terrible judgment and behaved so offensively that they should be arrested and run through the meat-grinder of the criminal justice system regardless of whether they actually broke any law (if only a night in a stinking holding cell and the cost of a lawyer to bail them out). They would say such a person is “felony stupid.”
Anthony Weiner is felony stupid. Too stupid to fix, too stupid to have faith in, and too stupid to f*ck. There’s no reason to stay, Huma. None.
Yeah, it just blows my mind he did this again after the scandal broke. Didn’t even let his camera phone cool off first.
Stunning !
I just saw Huma on the National Nightly News …. she is supporting him.
“this is between us”
YES IT IS !
Please don’t expect the people of N.Y. to support this behavior.
Apparently Huma has had a big glass of the “Crazy Kool-Aide”…. what IS a deal- breaker for her ?
Dispiciable, disordered, CO-dependant .
Sad , really , sad.
She’s trying to control the narrative.
I said the same thing to the OW. This is between us. Butt out.
The Koolaid she’s still drinking is me and you Anthony against the world!
When the pain gets great enough, she’ll leave. Some people can take a lot of pain and a lot of cognitive dissonance.
She’s an over achiever. And this is humiliating. Better to fake like you’re on top of it.
ugh… they’ve been getting “marital counseling”… the farce of all farces and so triggering!
This is the worst rationalization of I have ever read:
“In many ways, things are not that much different than they were yesterday. This behavior that I did was problematic to say the least, destructive to say the most, caused many stresses and stains in my marriage. But I am pleased and blessed that she has given me a second chance.”
His marriage made him do it. Really? This lady is being played, and it worked on her, so maybe it will work on voters?
I know!!! It’s so disgusting!
And Weiner and the news keeps saying SECOND chance. NO! He GOT his second chance. This is his THIRD chance! He shat on his second chance.
Fresh off the presses at the Borowitz Report:
WEINER CONTINUES SEXTING DURING APOLOGY
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner stirred controversy today by continuing to send dirty texts throughout a press conference devoted to apologizing for his behavior.
Mr. Weiner was halfway through his apology when reporters noticed him remove a phone from his pocket and aim its camera lens unmistakably in the direction of his pants.
After seeing the candidate snap a photo of the pants region and then send a text, reporters bombarded Mr. Weiner with questions, asking him if he had in fact just sexted.
“Yes, I did, but I swear this was the last time,” he said. “This behavior is now behind me.”
Mr. Weiner then concluded his press conference by removing his shirt and snapping a quick shot of his naked torso.
According to the latest New York City poll, Mr. Weiner still has a commanding lead among voters who describe themselves as pervs.
Awesome!
I had to check that was actually from the New York Post not The Onion that is so unbelievable.
I thought the same thing, looked up and found The Borowitz Report is satire, like the Onion.
… o don’t forget the trail hiker !…
Seeing the look on Huma’s face during that press conference (next to a cubicle ?) – it looks like she’s been punched in the stomach – betting that the facts are only very, very recently known to her….
I’m betting she doesn’t have all the facts and there are other women out there who… here’s a new euphemism… were offered a condo in Chicago.
…likely he doesn’t even what the facts are. Probably compartmentalized so deeply he’s not sure what’s reality vs fantasy anymore.
…this is one accomplished woman and AGAIN she’s being publically humiliated. heartbreaking.
Maybe she’s just proving that they’re a team, and she’s a fighter that wants to do her best to get him elected so she can prove (to herself) that he is worth it.
Perhaps she’s begging God that he loses this election so she doesn’t spend how many more years in Gracie Mansion. IF he’s elected, the tabloids will never, ever, ever give her a moment’s peace to mourn her dignity; every stupid public appearance will be scrutinized by the public to assess any “tension” or “love” between them – from commenting on the intensity of her gazing up at him at a podium to determining if failure to appear at a ribbon cutting means she’s leaving him.
If he’s elected, her life will be shit. Real shit.
he’s not even going to make it to the ballot. New Yorkers are highly disgusted by this. its the news media that’s again, stirring the pot.
he’s toast in this berg.
“… o don’t forget the trail hiker !…”
Jenny Sanford is the only political wife I can think of who said, “I’m outta here” early on. She was “done” when the governor asked her advice on how to spin the story to protect OW. She packed her bags and left and has stuck to her guns ever since.
Gotta admire that.
Apparently, she attempted to save the marriage but set firm boundries about his behavior . Particularly liked the way she handled the press during the public DDay.
When he was ‘missing’ – “I’m not concern about his whereabouts”
When he had that awesomely bad press conference and she was asked afterwards about potential resignation and replied cooly, “My concern is not about his career but about the character of my sons..” very cool. Composed. Dignified.
Read somewhere lately -who knows if it’s true – that he’d asked her to run his recent campaign for congress. And she apparently declined.
Jim McGrevey’s wife didn’t last too long after her shell-shocked press conference where he drug her in with his parents and admitted he’d cheated on her and was gay. Double whammy in public and her face showed it too.
Anybody seen Silda(?) Spitzer in the news given the former Gov’s political re-emergence?
Can’t resist … A breathless press announcement: that Anthony Weiner is “expected to speak any minute now.” Er — is that “speak” or “ejaculate”?
heh heh heh …
Thanks for the guffaw. Hilarious!!
A tongue-in-cheek headline I’ve seen today: ‘BREAKING: MAN GETS OFF ONLINE.’ My response to it: “Old, old news…”
It’s all so pathetic, so skeezy.
Huma is a fool.
Yeah – then he sexted a picture of ass and declared again that such behaviour was behind him!
Where’s Huma and her .44? (Sorry tasteless ass joke from the other day.)
Please get this one up on HuffPo – maybe with a little background.
Just submitted it, but I doubt it will run. It’s rather insulting to Weiner and he’s still in the race.
Also I think it takes a special kind of narcissism to ask or let your spouse stand up for you so you can get elected.
Despicable how he used his wife to distract folks at his press conference. Whatever is best for him, regardless of the cost to her. I guess you can’t spell “Human Shield” without “Huma.”
CNN had a crawl stating the N.O.W. is calling for him to resign from the race.
Huma… wake …. up !
I’m pretty sure she could parlay this into her own run for office! Mayor of Chumpville maybe? Huma- step on his head and grab your own political career!
I feel so sorry for Huma. We all know the unbelievable nightmare of dday, the crushing agony of the soul, the disbelief and pain. Imagine that broadcast on national news to the entire world. EVERYONE knows exactly what your cheating spouse did, that you are a chump and that he lies and cheats you continually. What a fucking nightmare. It’s really a shame she is “standing by her man” and not leaving him. She must have a really deep-seated need to be humiliated, major self-esteem issues or a higher ability to spackle than most.
I think it’s a bit of co-narcissism. To leave him, she’d have to admit he’s a creep. That she made a colossal mistake, a terrible investment. It would be humiliating. But she must think being flinty and standing by him seems like the “stronger” choice.
Sometimes quitting is the stronger choice.
I think everyone has to make that choice for themselves. So much easier looking from the outside in, than from the inside out…
took me a llooooong time to leave. I’d never been a quitter and I’d never failed at anything I ever set my mind to accomplish. An attitude that has served me well professionally but resulted in years of marital misery because, by-god I wasn’t going to fail at being married –
I agree CL. I have always maintained that staying is easier. To me, its humiliating to see her selling her soul and in such a public forum!
Walking out on the cheater is the MUCH harder option- but the right one in this case. I wonder if she’ll be giving him chance 4,5 and 6?
I suspect she already has.
God, it is harder to watch a chump stand there and just bite their lip, being an observer. She is exotically beautiful and educated, he’s just got a face like a bag of nails and he’s a Narc Fool.
If she leaves really soon, she will have all the sympathy, and high fives from chumps everyewhere!
..and also breaking this week is the calls for resignation for the mayor of San Diego. Who admits he has a problem in how he treats women who work for/with him. And, he’s gonna getting help for that so leave him alone!!!!
notwithstanding his communications director just filed suit against him saying he would whisper dirty things in her ear, grab her, and constantly comment to other women in the office about their body parts when he wasn’t grabbing them. “Filner said he does not believe the claims are valid and said he intends “to defend myself vigorously.”
What a POS. Apparently, he’s a former congressman too. Must be in the water at the Rayburn building or something.
Oh yes, he thinks his assistants ‘would work better with no panties’ Ugh!! She should have clobbered him!
I’m so disgusted, I’m mute. (for once) :]
Bill and Hillary stay married so they can’t be forced to testify against each other.
If Weiner is a player in that league, then I really feel sorry for Huma. She doesn’t look near as cast iron as Hillary
Now that’s astute. Weiner is nowhere near that league, imo.
“Bill and Hillary stay married so they can’t be forced to testify against each other.”
This is not correct. The spousal privilege generally survives divorce for any communications that occurred during the marriage. They may stay married for other cynical and narcissistic reasons , but this is not one of them.
Does that work as a practical matter? I mean, now that I’m freed of my legal ties to the ex, I’d be more than happy to vomit up anything I knew to anyone that asked.
……just trying to be helpful, of course…….
The privilege can be voluntarily waived, but no one can force you to testify.
I don’t know Huma, but she certainly would seem to deserve sympathy.
Even so, this post raises an interesting question. Are all Chumps who stay victims? Some chumps may stay on, at the expense of their kids growing up in a topsy-turvy world, and that may not be such a good decision/an admirable decision. An adult can decide to accept abuse and ignore it. A kid cannot make that same resolution. So, is there such a thing as a selfish chump who stays and becomes part of the problem?
Now, I’m not saying everyone who stays is bad, but I’m just pointing out an angle here. Chump son knows a situation like that, and it wasn’t good for the kids, though both parents found ways to get what they wanted from a bad relationship. I know that I’ve recommended the article below before, by Rapoport on co-narcissism, It’s really interesting. I have NO idea if it applies in this case. Sometimes, however, the chump who stays is not being all that charitable, all that wide-angle thinking. So, this is just an angle to consider, not a judgement of any particular case.
http://www.alanrappoport.com/pdf/Co-Narcissism%20Article.pdf
As Chumps wrestle with whether to stay or go, they should consider this factor. Does staying mean supporting something that’s fundamentally not good?
CL, I know that’s the point of this website, but, again, I think we direct a lot of our fire at the betrayers. But sometimes the chumps who stay can become complicit at the cost of modeling a bad relationship to the kids, as well as other distortions. Turns the family into a fun house mirror…..
So, just an angle inspired by, but not necessarily connected to current events. I don’t know Huma. I hope it all works out for her.
Interesting points. I did write here that if she’s stays after this, she’s complicit in her own abuse and I believe that. I also think from this point on, she’s a volunteer for this shit, not a victim.
And I would say the same thing about myself. I had FOUR D-Days. One and two were a couple weeks apart, I’ll give myself a pass on that, as they feel like one long D-Day. But I stuck around for 3 and 4. And I was absolutely an idiot to not get out sooner. I understand why I didn’t — insights compiled over at 5 Things That Keep You Stuck with a Cheater. But for myself — I feel like upon discovery, yes, I was a victim. Sticking around and taking his shit for another year? I signed up for that and I absolutely should’ve known better and I don’t deserve anyone’s sympathy for that.
Huma stands there and eats the shit sandwich and wants us to believe it’s for a Greater Moral Purpose. She’s forgiven him, it’s in the “past” (recent past. Apparently, as recent as last October he was inviting this woman for a tryst). She doesn’t smack Weiner when he speaks in the royal “we” or minimizes with “at worst it was destructive.”
She can’t let go of the dream. She can’t “fail.” Yes, I very much think there is some co-narcissism or whatever you want to call it there. It’s her stupid pride. I had some myself once. I get it.
Good reply, CL.
I think that much of the culture out there glorifies the chump who stays vs. the chump who walks. I think walking may be the harder road, but ultimately the better one. Chump Son writes as a child-observer of this. Sometimes hanging in there can be done for reasons that are kind of…we might say…co-narcissistic? Money, how it appears to others, “it’s not so bad…” I’m not saying chumps should make a rash decision or that in some cases maybe staying (for at least a while) is necessary. But try to be honest with the kids about what is normal. And do think of the consequences of modeling the wrong kind of relationship. In any case, you make good points. Chumps can get pulled into the narc web and stay for the wrong reasons, to their own detriment and to that of the kids. That said, I don’t know Huma and won’t judge from this distance. I wish the best for her.
Generally, repeat offenders are showing you who they are much more by their actions than by their words.
The Rappoport article (link above) is really good. I’d be curious to hear what others might think of it.
Chump Son
“She can’t let go of the dream. She can’t “fail.” Yes, I very much think there is some co-narcissism or whatever you want to call it there. It’s her stupid pride. I had some myself once. I get it.”
CL, personally, I say thank you for sharing your experiences – not just what happened to you, but more over, how you reacted to certain things at those times, and insights as to why. That part about you having a certain pride in not wanting to fail.. that’s how I felt. I get that too. Hell I still do. When I finally win and actually find my Sparkling Unicorn, I’m going to offer all you peeps a ride. By the way, Sparking Unicorns apparently shit Magic Fairy Dust, so I’m also going to be rich by selling that on eBay. Happy family, Cool Pets, rich off our Asses.. woot! *Or* I’ll come to my senses and be happy to with some popcorn and a long tall Meh.
I am sometimes annoyed with chumps married to politicians. Clinton for example gave a pass to her husband’s sexual harassment earlier on and then to his exploitation of a young woman. And when they cover for a spouse they may be cheating the voters.
It’s tricky though, if you are married to someone and their career goes down in flames, it can hurt the chump as well. It takes a lot of strength to face the financial and career problems – perhaps harder for most people than rich politicians.
In the end I have sympathy for the chumps. Many people tell them to reconcile and they love the person and want things to work out.
I think most chumps stay for really just a few reasons:
1. They believe being a chump is better than being alone. I’d say this is by far the #1 reason chumps stay with cheaters. Many, many people, especially women, would rather stay with an abuser, a cheater, a liar, than face the fear and loneliness of going life on their own.
2. Financial security/lifestyle. Some women don’t care so much about the cheating as long as they can hang onto a cushy lifestyle. These marriages are more business arrangements than marriages. Trophy wives and such.
3. Religious beliefs. Although that’s not much of an excuse, since any religion I know of allows adultery as a reason for divorce. Most claiming this are probably really staying because of #1.
I’m sure there are chumps staying for other reasons, but I’d say those three, and especially the first, are by far the main reasons chumps linger on. I also think chumps who stay “for the children” are for the most part really staying because of reason #1.
Mike Barnicle on Morning Joe just opined that what Weiner has done is abusive to his wife.
Really? That’s quite fantastic to have someone call it what it is.
This honestly makes me nauseous (sp?)
Here’s a time line of his “apologies.” Should look familiar to anyone who has ever suffered a false reconciliation.
http://www.nytimes.com/video/2013/07/23/nyregion/100000002353193/weiner-timeline-of-apologies.html
The last clip in that video really jumped out at me. It’s like he’s saying ‘I already told you there was more so why are you all freaking out now?’. He’s an honest cheat!
And here he is as a bald face liar, with editorial comment by a recently shorn sheep.
My gosh this is seriously disturbing. I live in Australia and it’s made the news down here again. Sadly, reminds me of my cheater…that ability to lie straight to your face without flinching is remarkable. How Sad.
Love it Chumpalicious! The goat is great but even greater is how stupidly obvious Weiner looks as he lies pathologically. I think alot of us know what that looks like now in person.
I honestly believe the Clinton’s have an arrangement and that’s why Hilary stood by him. They both wanted to be president, I hope she wins this time!
She should dump him ,she is talented enough to get HER name on the ballot.
I think she would garner more respect and voter confidence , than her “sexual preditory” husband.
I also believe that women like Hilary and Huma are not just your average “chump”. They have ambitions of their own and although Weiner is no Clinton, first lady of NYC ain’t a bad gig.
I wouldn’t worry too much about Huma….she will be just fine. The public always forgives and forgets because someone else will do something even more scandalous….
Weiner may never be POTUS but Huma and Weiner are just narc enough to believe that he could be. After all, she learned from the best.
She’s actually got the more high powered career in many ways, is better educated than him and has family money. I think she’s just a garden variety chump, like the rest of is, and is sucking on the teat of hopium like crazy. Did you see the look in her eyes? She’s spinning like mad and is desperate for it to not be as bad as it is.
Nord, that’s a good point and I believed Hillary 100% when she did her public dance. I don’t know but I get the feeling that Huma has all the money, family, status etc….but we all know with a narc it is never enough. She wants to be First Lady of NYC. He has the political clout and he needed a “good wife”.
If she is just garden variety like the rest of us then I hope she runs like hell 🙂
I read an article about her in the NY Times or the New Yorker a while back and she came across as such an accomplished, intelligent woman working among other accomplished and intelligent women in the State Department.
My purely speculated speculations are that she comes from a calm, dignified family and saw Anthony Weiner as exciting, vibrant, idealistic and brash. She felt he added something to her life that she didn’t have and decided to hitch her wagon. She probably still loves who she thought/thinks he is deep down. I imagine he has traits she still loves him for and can’t bear to see him self-destructing. (Hmm…this is my story except for the accomplished, intelligent, stunning woman part. It took me a long time to get that I didn’t think I was capable of getting the things I wanted out of life so was drawn like a magnet to someone who was powerful, charismatic and a go-getter. Learning I can make things happen in my own life.)
She has alcoholism in her family, and her cousin said that she won’t leave him because of her religion-I think she is Muslim. (I know her cousin.) So I think there is a bit of dysfuntion in her family.
Oh Nord, I remember that feeling of not being able to face or even grasp the badness of what happened. That was the most terrifying feeling, being on the cusp of realization of the true bad that just happened. I don’t ever want to relive that again! I really hope for her sake and she leaves.
Yep, I went through that. I focused on the final affair and just could not wrap my head around the rest of it – the sexting, the begging for attention from other women, the other sexual encounters. When I did face it I lost that look on my face, which was replaced by something similar to Munch’s The Scream for awhile.
I wonder if spouses who stay with cheating politicians have many similarities to those who stay with cheating celebrities.
What about the chumped girls he has been texting/sexting and making promises to. I’m sure they didn’t even know who he really was.
The young lady involved in this was fully aware of who he was – she mentioned what a turn on his rants about health care were.
Hey guys, check out this story in New York Magazine on the “Perils of Marrying a Narcissist”. Best thing I’ve read on the scandal to date. Talks about chump hubris and being of use.
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2013/07/huma-and-the-perils-of-marrying-a-narcissist.html
That’s really good writing. Are you and Jennifer related?
The point in there about what their mother’s teach them ought to be explored a little deeper. Forget Huma — put Weiner’s mother on the stand and ask her if she sticks by his narcissistic misogyny. What gives Mom?
I know one of her cousins, and she said that Huma will Never dicorce him because of her religion which is Muslin I think. How very sad!
Infidel! He should be converted at the point of a sword by her male kin…….
Bwahahha! Very funny-I love it 🙂
That would be sad. But lots of chumps use religion as a reason to stay married. I think every major religion believes in a merciful God, so I’d hate to pin this idiocy on Allah or Jesus or whomever.
I had a very hard time walking away from my vows until I realized two things: My vows were to someone who is dead. The man no longer exists, and maybe never did. Also, I honor my vows by euthanizing this marriage so that he can no longer defile and desecrate it. I end it with dignity and grace. That is the last loving act I commit towards my vows.
Goldie, your post really struck me. I am crying as I read it. I find it very powerful and beautiful. Yes, as you say, the last loving action I could take for the vows I made in my marriage was to erase them with divorce. The ex defiled and desecrated them over and over, rendering those vows meaningless.
That’s what her cousin told me. I guess she’s really religious. It’s frustrating for me to see.
In the Muslin religion women don’t have many rights, as opposed to other religions. I am not pointing the finger-I am just telling a truth. And I am not saying any certain religion is bad. Just telling you what her cousin said to me a while back the first time he cheated on her and everyone found out. I think that I am agreeing with you. It feels like Huma is rather unhealthy. That she puts it on religion, and maybe it is a large part of it and that would make it hard for her to leave, but that there is also a co-narcissism or something unhealthy there as well which is underlying. Not that I am the expert or anything. 🙂
If she was so religious, she wouldn’t have married an non-muslin. This all smacks of a politically advantageous marriage. I dont see any other way around it.
Islam allows divorce, although it is discouraged.
The Wall Street Journal said Weiner “ought to drop out of the New York City mayor’s race simply because of what he’s forced his wife to endure. Watching the elegant Huma Abedin stand next to her man Tuesday as he explained his latest sexually charged online exchanges was painful for a normal human being to watch. Mr. Weiner is not a normal human being.”
Agree.
I have to say thank you Anthony and Huma! You have helped to clearly show how pathetic this kind of behavior is and how clearly and easy the decision should be to run don’t walk away from this kind of pathetic behavior without a second thought.
It separates for me what I went through with my pathetic ex boyfriend and clearly puts in my face in black and white what happened.
Somehow the clarity of this story and my separation from it has been a great perspective kick in the ass since I saw my pathetic yesterday at an industry exhibition. He texted me real Narc bullshit about how beautiful I am but didn’t have the balls to come up to me and speak. Oh thank you Weiners’ you have helped me so much to put my beating of myself up over allowing this to happen to me in such perspective and to finally let it go. I was so stuck for 6 months feeling bad about what happened.
It’s really not worth another thought or feeling bad about it. He is just really pathetic and disgusting and that is all him and on him, Huma’s choice is hers. All I can say is ewwww and realize how really happy I am without him any where near me anymore. I can’t understand how Huma can even stand next to him on stage.
Good for you Deborah!
Thanks Marcie! But it doesn’t get rid of the loneliness I feel from time to time now. I don’t yet feel ready to start dating in order to be in another relationship which is what I want. I feel that I now am ready to work on me and my life. So that is definitely a step in a better direction for me right now and I do know that.
I need to get my strength back to start doing the work on me and for myself to achieve the life and relationship I want. My next relationship will be with a man I choose for myself, not a man that chooses me. One where it takes it’s time to evolve and I step back and look at it and examine my feelings as the relationship grows.
I take back a comment I made on another post where I said that I regret every meeting my, pathetic. I don’t regret it. I feel it has opened my eyes, heart and ears to listen and be able to hear truth and not N bullshit.
consider getting involved in something that interests you to keep yourself occupied and to meet new friends. After my divorce I had time when my kids were with XH and real loneliness reared its head as I had been isolated from friends while married. It really helped to find some volunteer / community things to spend some time on. I worked concessions at sporting events, sold tix at community theatre, and volunteered with tourism council for a major event in my city. I went on night hikes sponsored by local parks. Now this wasn’t all stuff that really excited me necessarily but it gave me reasons to get out of the house and stay busy and get to know people.
The 2nd Thanksgiving after my divorce I faced spending alone in a city without family. I heard about this group of single people (not a dating thing) and online this group organized working at a food pantry Tgiving morning and then one of the members opened her home for Tgiving dinner. She supplied the turkeys and everyone brought something. One of the best Tgivings I ever had – spent with 25 other people on their own who didn’t know each other and it was surprisingly fun.
Looks like he’s gone full narc and is shifting the blame on her big time: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/better_start_shaking_hands_weiner_dR1040FqZByiYROuMuGrwM
Oh my god, honestly so now it is her fault you can’t stop sending pictures of your crotch out? This is the same crap my ex is now going around saying. He sent pictures of his crotch to the other woman, because reconcilliation with me was so hard.
Actually reading those messages on that NYPost site that he sent to this other woman is so close to home for me. This has got to be heartbreaking for her. That site just brought me to tears, I imagine if she is just a regular chump, she is currently in her own version of hell right now.
I know personally this was the straw that broke my back. The reconcilliation took its toll and then because I triggered one day, he just started back up sexting and calling the other woman again. Such poor impulse control, inability to deal with conflict affectively or communicate with me in a constructive way.
Infidelity has consequences, triggers and general unhappiness is part of the set of consequences. I am sure that Huma and Anthony were counselled on this at the start of their reconcilliation journey.
And then Anthony, you can’t deal with those consequences…..so you cheat again? WTF, I mean seriously for fucks sake. GROW UP!! Have you ever heard of going for a run? Beating the shit out of something, watching some sport, getting a burger with some friends? Crying, screaming, anything? You choose to start SEXTING again to deal with the stress?
You do the one thing that had you humiliated on an international scale, the one thing that saw you tossed out of congress, the one thing that probably saw your strong, elegant and beautiful wife break over and you did it again??
What the hell is wrong with these people? I mean seriously?!!! I just can’t wrap my head around the stupidity of this crap. What gives these people the right to do something so selfish and then beg for forgiveness again?
And the the nerve of this creep to just keep going, run for NYC Mayor? Are you serious?!!
If he was a normal human being he would be up on a mountain top, hidden away with his one goat for company contemplating his existance.
Please Huma run!! Please show the world that people don’t deserve to be treated like this. If you don’t it shows people that this is acceptable, that ‘sexting’ is not really ‘cheating’ and that you can keep on going with a smile on your face.
Heh…my ex couldn’t face me and pretty much still can’t. He tried the ‘I’m sorry you got hurt’ bullshit but at the end of the day he simply did not want to face up to what he did. Like a kid, really. I have a feeling Weiner is like this as well. Right now she’s lost her center and is trying to be together and save her family so he’s all full of bluster and ‘piss off, this is private business’. But once she finds her strength who wants to bet he runs and turns on her. He’s already basically blaming her and anything else that shifts the blame from his shoulders, so it’s not a far stretch for him to fully blame her and go nuts. I give it less than a year.
One thing that may be the problem, with these kind of people is objectifying others. Heres what he said today when asked a legit ? about how many sexting partners there were-
When pressed again, he said, “six to ten, I suppose, but I can’t tell you, absolutely, what someone is going to consider inappropriate or not.”
Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2013/07/anthony-weiner-sex-scandal-texts-94749.html#ixzz2a4teoxr0
So, he talks about women as things, so insignificant that the number of them he just doesn’t KNOW. Geez- they’re only women, come on now! He also plays dumb about what is inappropriate. Loved that advice from the other day here- ask Huma! ‘Honey, is this text with photo bad? I can’t tell!’
He needs to check right in to the local psyche ward and get on some meds now!
Though I am new to this context (American Mayor et all), I read up some of what has been attached as links and all of your comments. I must admit, at one point I felt like Huma. Though, my career is nowhere comparable to Huma’s, who is in public office, I wished things return to “normal” as fast as they could after the D-day. Cause the costs were my failing studies, my papers getting rejected at A+ journals, finances getting screwed up, my child’s school results showing tremendous decay, respect in society for us as an overachiever family being smashed…the list goes on and on, even if we do not account for the miseries at heart. There were so many practical sides to it. Had my exH showed any signs of remorse, I would have settled for it (even knowing in my heart of hearts that they were not true). Good that he didn’t. Even 3 years out of the D-day and much time has elapsed since we separated, I have a feeling at times (especially during cuddling times of going to sleep together that I missed a kind of security, howsoever false that was!…this is the vulnerable part of me!) It is difficult for the invested spouse and if children are involved, it becomes even more difficult. Above that, if you have to be in public office…the costs are HUGE!
I read an article on her pre-Weiner. She seemed to have her shit together and was well respected and had a great career. Now that she’s going through all this I want to shake her and say you’re better than this, kick him the hell out and get on with your awesome life!
Did you all see the debate last night ? The candidates were asked how they use social media & everyone roared with laughter !!!!! Anthony Weiner blushed laughed it off, made a joke. I swear you could FEEL him getting a hard-on from all the attention !
The Weiners have only been married 3 yrs…. not much of an investment. It seems as tho the “marriage” has always included cheating, sexting, WTFever you wish to call it.
I guess during their “healing” they decided to have a baby .A ‘BandAid Baby” to deepen the bond between them.
Humas’ humiliation is cringe worthy, it makes everyone so uncomfortable.
“This is between us ” if so …please own it, take it to your private home…. not make it a mortificing public spectacle.
Take your ” perverted homely husband , and BandAide Baby” home and gain some humility ! I am on a strict no “shit sandwich ” diet , but Huma help yourself to the endless buffet of cake & shit sandwiches ! It is YOUR choice.
So fcking sick of this guy I just want him to go away already
From Australia: it is his shame, not hers. Amen! http://m.smh.com.au/comment/why-is-a-woman-scorned-for-husbands-stupidity-20130726-2qpp1.html