Another day, another cheater apologist article. You guys send me so many, it’s like a shit smorgasbord. I’ll never run out of material. Thank you.
Today’s article is from that
respected peer-reviewed journal tabloid “The Daily Mail” in which “love guru” Linda Joyce tells us about the inner workings of men. In this sympathetic portrayal, Joyce tells us men “live fake lives,” are “blinded by lust,” and “don’t value happiness.” It took Ms. Joyce, astrologer and life coach, to interview hundreds of men to how discover how tragically misunderstood they are. (Hundreds! There are 3.5 billion in the world, but hey let’s not quibble with her random sample.)
Women, see the problem is you’re too controlling, trying to get men to talk about their emotions and stuff. Maybe you asked him to put his napkin on his lap or chew with his mouth shut. Whatever. You’re expecting too much.
‘They cheat because women don’t make him feel like a man and then they shut down. Women try and over feminise their men so they cheat.”
Were you painting his toenails? Asking him about his menstrual cramps? Buying him a Pretty Pony for his birthday? WTF does “feminize their men” mean?
I must be doing it all wrong. I’m not sure how I get my husband to feel like a man. I wasn’t around when he was 18. Near as I can tell he’s been doing this man thing pretty well since then — shaving, peeing standing up, working a job. Perhaps I should ask him “do you feel like a man?” Of course, he won’t answer because men don’t do emotions. But I could offer to make him feel more manly. Fluff his chest hair for him. Let him drive. Tell him he’s totally right about Bruce Springsteen.
I don’t think he’s going to cheat, but who am I compared to Linda Joyce? A self-described: “a one-woman powerhouse for people looking for a pragmatic strategy to solving difficult personal problems.”
Could Joyce explain gay people who cheat to me? Gay men, I think they’re in touch with their femininity. OMG, is that why they’re all sluts? Or gay women, is feminizing why they cheat? One demands the other to be a lipstick lesbian? I’m so confused Linda.
And how do these men find women to cheat with? According to your
pulled it out of your ass research men don’t like “slutty dresses” or heels. You’ve eliminated a lot of the applicant pool for mistresses there. “And he absolutely hates desperate women.” Who’s left to fuck? Nuns? Librarians? Livestock?
But listen, chumps, if he cheats, don’t take it personally.
“They’re not angry at their wives but angry at themselves for letting a woman try and change them.”
Guys are good at compartmentalization. Emotions and happiness? Not so much. But fucking around and coming home to their families? Piece of cake. (I pun.)
“They can have their wife and family in one box and their lover in another. Extra-marital sex is a release for men, not a betrayal.”
And I’m sure those men feel the same way about their cheating wives’ extramarital orgasms. Just a release. Some women enjoy yoga or scrapbooking, and others like strange dick. I’m sure their compartmentalized brains will understand that. And if they don’t — hey, they don’t value happiness anyway, right?
But don’t take my word for it. Ask Linda, “whose client list includes well-known celebrities and international business titans.” She says, “I’ve saved a lot of lives.”