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State Rep Invents Gay Affair to Hide Real Affair

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courserA bunch of you sent me this story. I usually don’t post on Saturdays, but how can I resist “Cheater invents gay tryst to cover up straight affair”?

For those of you just tuning in, Todd Courser, a Michigan Tea Party Republican, married with four children, was having an affair with a another representative, Cindy Gamrat. The woman’s husband found out. So to cover up the work place affair, he had his aides trump up a story that really he was out nightclubbing getting strange cock from gay guys.

From his email to his aides, suggesting the spin:

Todd Courser caught on tape behind Lansing night club… Courser secretly removed from caucus several weeks ago due to a male-on-male paid for sex… He is a porn addicted sexual deviant… His cock is hanging out all over Lansing, that’s why he was thrown out of caucus.

Am I the only one who thinks that Todd Courser gets a hard on just talking about “his cock.. hanging out all over Lansing”? To his aides? To anyone reading this?

As to why would anyone do something so flamboyantly stupid? Have you read the Stupid Shit Cheaters Say? This makes sense in a disordered, wingnut kind of way.

“In a controlled burn, you do a little bit of truth mixed in with a lot of lies.”

Gee, I wonder how he knows? Experienced cheater, are you Todd?

According to the Detroit News, Courser thought the “herd” — his term for his chumpy constituents — would buy it.

During the May 19 meeting, Courser instructed Graham to send rank-and-file Republicans across Michigan what he called “an over-the-top story that’s obscene about me.” It was designed, Courser said on the recording, to “inoculate the herd” — an apparent reference to Courser and Gamrat’s followers in the tea party movement.

“It will make anything else that comes out after that — that isn’t a video — mundane, tame by comparison,” Courser, a married father of four, told Graham.

Uh oh. No one bought it.

Sympathies to Mrs. Courser and her children.

*Photo, Detroit News

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Mine admitted to an affair but made up a completely fictional person to protect the person he was actually having an affair with, our daycare provider. He thought I was dumb enough that I couldn’t follow up on the info that he provided on this fictitious affair person.

    I am amazed at the lengths they will go to to protect their AP. If they had given their spouses even a fraction of that consideration none of us would be in this position.

    • Ditto happened to me…he finally says after numerous fictious stories “I can’t tell you her name, she has a family”. Wow, so “DID” you.

          • Ya I heard that one too ” I can’t tell you her name, she has a family”. Well now that I finally filed divorce from 31 years of him protecting his AP’s, screwing over me, faithful wife and 3 amazing young adults now, EVERYONE knows now the HE HAD A FAMILY TOO? They are horrible evil, coniving, self centered, narc, con-artists. And don’t get caught up on Repulican or Dem, ANYONE is capable of this shit!

        • Mine said in emails to AP when they were doing the mating dance before actually hooking up that he wanted her, but she was OPP. Like he wasn’t? AP then went on lamenting about how their worlds would come crashing down if they ever got caught. Yeah, YOUR worlds.

          • Ya mean their Worlds of Deceit? ‘Cause there’s no way you or the other spouse were considered part of their magical Worlds.

      • Same thing with me too. Husband confessed affair with “someone I work with that you don’t know”. Of course it was someone I did know and nit a coworker. But I’m not sure if he was trying to protect her or, in a moment of clarity, realized that he should be ashamed that he was involved with such a skanky piece of trash.

      • Yeah….that was such a low blow. Him voicing consideration and regard where he had shown me NONE. I remember thinking, “do you hear yourself???” They are emotionally and socially retarded.

    • I agree HeHideBehindAMask They protect the AP instead of taking care of their own family and spouse. What is it that makes them so special??? Mine EX thought I was dumb also. He thought we would have an amicable divorce and I would not find out about his affair and he assumed we would part as friends. He had been having contact with his past secretary for years. Without me knowing. I saw him this week due to my adult daughter had to have emergency surgery. She was doing grea,t but I stopped off at the hospital when he least expected I could go there. I certainly surprised him. He couldn’t even look me in the eye. I was really worried because I hadn’t seen him since Nov 2014. Our divorce was final last Oct. I am working at getting to Meh not quite there yet, however seeing him last week made me think of all the lies he told to me and his daughters. Made me look at him and not even think of wanting to be with him anymore. He may think he is happy but he sure didn’t look happy to me. Dark circle and looked older than I remember. My daughters tell me I deserve someone better and why would I ever want to stay with a cheater. This is his own daughter and this make me sad that this is what they think of their dad.

      • That’s the consequences, or the Karma bus/bear. I am thankfully oceans away from mine, but DD goes to visit, and the hair is further back, belly further out, hate wrinkles deeper…..

        DD thinks her dad is a stupid, lazy, lying FOOL. It is sad she thinks so, but that it missing the point in terms of HER future survival. She is wise to it-think of it as picker fixing but at a different scale, and that is huge, going forward. You don’t want her to end up with someone like him do you?

        Glad your daughter is okay, and she is right, you deserve someone better!

        x-Meh!

      • My STBX didn’t think I would find out about his current affair either, even though he has cheated before and has asked for a divorce several times because he was in love with another woman. I guess he thought he could introduce this current AP at a later date and we could all be best friends. I guess he thought I was to dumb to figure it out this time. Hello, he has done this before, his behavior before we talked about divorce screamed “I’m screwing around again”, he is not exactly 007 with his sneaking around and I am not stupid (just tired of the crap and confronting him changes nothing because he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong)! I told him I will not be friends with his slut, I do not want to even be friends with him but I will be civil because of our kids. I also told him if he would have put the effort into our marriage and me instead of all the effort he put into sleeping with his coworkers, we wouldn’t be in this mess. But it is just easier for him to tell all his adoring coworkers that he doesn’t love his wife, his marriage is over, that he had tried so hard to stay married (unknown to me evidently), and when one seems willing he focuses on her, does everything to win her over, (things he should be doing for me) until he has his new “true love” . But it’s all ok because he just wants to be happy and she is the best thing that has ever happened to him and he will never cheat on her because they are meant to be, and he didn’t really mean to hurt me, you just can’t stop true love, gag!

        • Yick. Your dude seems he needs lots of kibbles, and that amping up the aggro at that stage is (a) chest-beating piss-offedness -because he gets off on it (b) ensorcelling the Schmoopie by vilifying you because he gets off on it (c) pretending to be civil for the kids while offering you no closure, because he gets off on it.

          There’s a theme, here…..hope you can get to civil semi contact-it didn’t work for me as such, but familywizard, etc have a good feeling, or google calendar works for some single parents I know….he also finds your increasing healthy threatening.

          Tuesday is coming….

          x-Meh

      • My adult children tell me the same things….”There is nothing there, Mom! Look at what he has all done to you and us!” My son said, “He brought deception, lies, adultery and unlawful acts to our family.” I can still just stand there and be paralyzed thinking how he betrayed us. So very, very sad.

    • i had forgotten about this part of the ick. had to pry open my cortisol sealed PTSD files to retrieve the fake name!

      a short time after sweeping me into his arms in the kitchen and telling me he loved me with a big kiss followed by deep eye hold, and me returning in kind feeling so blessed (year 22), he told me he was unhappy in our marriage. i thought he was depressed (a la yesterday’s spackle column). a few lingering eeyore months later, when he refused to get therapy or do marital work, i asked him if he was having an affair. he ragefully denied such a thing! at the time, XH was 2 years into secret adulterous affair with someone in our community.

      fast forward a few more months, i ask him again what is going on. he confesses he was briefly attracted to someone who made him feel “alive” but he “stopped it before it went any further”. he denied sex or any ongoing contact. i believed and asked her name. he refused. i “pestered” and he made up a name and bio and said she had moved away.

      Leslie.

      so when DDay happened and he still would not reveal her full identity, i made some smart moves, and lo and behold the real name was different. chump that i am, i thought there were 2 women until more truth was revealed. (i will never know all the details and do not want to)

      today i am resealing that trauma file with the full knowledge that while i am not, and will never be, perfect, i really was a good enough wife. he was a terribly abusive husband. and he is a dangerous and disordered person, not unlike our cheater de jour.

      i hope someone tells Mrs. Courser about Chump Lady…or sends her a copy of (new!) Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. my first copy is on loan…

      • I’m smiling about the “on loan” Chumpette. I too chose to stop the incoming info from everywhere…..I knew enough. Great post.

        • Chumpette and all us other chumps, isn’t it ironic how they spew “feeling so alive and happy” but yet they don’t look happy or alive! Mine looked like he’d been ridden hard and put away wet, like a zombie! His siblings even commented that he really didn’t seem all that happy despite his saying he was! I think these assholes don’t have any grasp on the reality of their situations at all. They would stand in a manure pile and tell you they are sure it smells like roses! They are in total denial regarding their real lives! Mine stayed in his denial state for so long ignoring the fact that he looked like a dead man walking. When he finally went to a doctor he found out it wasn’t “Twu wuv” but terminal pancreatic cancer! Oh yes! But yet he and Schmoopie thought it would be so wonderful! Hello Karma! I wish him and her all the luck in the world, they are going to need it!

          • Roberta, I feel that my ex husband might be the except to the rule with regard to “feeling so alive and happy”. I saw a photo of him which was taken by the 23 year old, about 2 weeks ago and whilst I saw nothing but a sleaze looking at the camera, he looked very smug and pleased with himself. I was speaking with a professional person who knows both me and the ex last week and she is aware of everything that has taken place much to his bragging. She stated “that something is not quite right” with him shacking up with someone so young when he has adult children much older. He is slowly being seen for what and who he really is but he doesn’t care because he has found twu wuv!! The girl he is with will screw him big time and he is the only one who cannot see it. You see, he thinks she loves him ‘big time’. I hope for his sake, she does.

            • Maree, don’t let any picture fool you. If I remember correctly your Ex is in his 60’s like my Ex. Even if he’s “somewhat healthy” today they still can’t turn the clock back and fight time! Feeling young and actually being young are two very different things! This modified user, hooker he is with will sooner or later dump his ass once she finds someone else! These “unions” or whatever you want to call them, always end badly!

              • Yes, the ex is 63 years old and very healthy but the best bit is that he has her 7 and 5 year old boys to look after also and it appears her family everynight. As he did very little for me and our 2 maybe this is his chance to redeem himself. However, before everything went pear shaped with me, he was already taking nana naps. He is obviously finding the energy from somewhere!!

            • Maree, the ‘smugness’ comes from the fact that he was a bumfuck nobody in Australia – but in his third world shithole hes now the top rung. And he gets off on that shit. Why else do prostitutes from South East Asia get so pushy and shack up with white men, or that you see a 20-something SEA person with a 60-something Aussie guy? They’re after a paycheque which in their country is worth a fortune – but is reasonably poor by our standards here in Oz.
              The karma is when he finally realises that he’s really a nobody in the big scheme of things – but mostly they are so deluded that they never see it. However – everyone else of worth, does. 🙂 Only their deluded hangers-on think things are all sunshine and roses.

              • Hi Lania, the ex used to refer to people from Cambodia, Vietnam etc as “porch monkeys” and if he saw a caucasian bloke with an Asian girl walking the streets in Melbourne, he referred to the bloke as a “dud”. I don’t speak like that but I can only assume he is now a dud who is screwing a porch monkey. My apologies to anyone who is offended as I am just relaying what the ex said. Hasn’t he changed his tune??

              • Of course. But people who are fake, don’t have an honest mindset of themselves so their opinion will change depending on the moment. He was being truthful in that moment though – funny that he described his future self in that moment, right?
                Its all about him and kibbles – an ‘average’ bloke will be treated like a king over there – so of course he will lap that up and think he’s oh-so-awesome because of it. And, if you call someone out like that on their pathetic shit – they pull the “LOL U BITTER/JEALOUS” card. Its hard for losers to resist the kibble allure when thats all they have going for them.
                PS: I’m not offended – very little offends us Aussies, remember? 😀

              • Maree, I took notice of your post. I live in SE Asia and this is where the ex discovered that his cock (er… my wallet) was golden. There is an abundance of gorgeous 20-something women here looking for their own personal Chuck Norris (as my ex was compared to, totally unfair and insulting to Chuck, but whatever). My ex, to his horror, was promptly sent packing back to Canada upon discovery so he didn’t get to keep the mama-san or whatever she was. He ended up back living in his parents’ basement in his 50s, where he still may be for all I know, and playing the drums in a second-rate band in third-rate bars, which I recently learned he is still doing. And he’s now in his 60s. My sister recently ran into him and says he looks in his 70s, so there’s that.

                Bottom line is, if your ex leaves this part of the world he will once again be a bumfuck nobody like mine is. If not, he will be just another fool in the parade of old fools with a baby in a stroller, a toddler on his shoulders, an entire extended family hounding him for money and that pretty young think sauntering beside him with her eyes glued to her phone, texting her real boyfriend.

                Just saying. 😉

            • Maree, these guys are so self centered and self absorbed they can’t even fathom that a younger woman would be using them. My ex went on a “missionary” trip to Sudan Africa and hooked up with two much younger women while there. Got one pregnant and kept the other one on the line for 3 years promising to bring her to canada and marry her. I read the emails between them and it was pitiful how he lapped up all the crap she was spewing about how she walked 10 miles just to send him an email and now she must go back to the little orphans but she couldn’t wait to be in his loving arms again and he was the greatest man, better than God. He had bought her a ring while he was there and it got “stolen” . She only had men on her FB. I talked to someone from Sudan and he said all the women sleep with any white guy who comes along hoping he will take them out of the hell hole they live in.
              My ex was soaking up all the platitudes from this young beautiful black girl and telling her he was working on bringing her to Canada to be his bride. He said, “I can’t wait to look into my bride’s face and say I do.” I asked him how he could lie to her like that and he said, “I didn’t say SHE was going to be my bride. I was just trying to cheer her up.” I said, “How can you lead her on like that?” He said, “You don’t know the things she says.”
              I thought, they deserve each other; both of them using the other person for their own selfish means.

              • Carrie – Whoa! Excuse YOU. As an African, you’ve made some VERY offensive comments. But I’m not surprised no one called you on it.

                “All the girls in Sudan sleep with any white guy who comes along?”

                Really? ALL of them do? You AND your friend must think white guys are so special. Your friend told you a stereotype and you came here to help spread it so you’re just as bad. Did it cross your mind that some of these guys prey on these women? Your husband sounds like a predator. There have been cases of white men that go to Africa to do “charity” work and end up molesting women and children. How would you feel if I came on here and said I’ve read ALL the white men and women that go to Africa go there to molest young African children. Not so nice is it?

                It’s a hell hole? It may not be as developed as whatever country you reside in because its been ravaged by colonialism and the after effects and it’s been divided. But to the people there it is their home and not a “hell hole” Check your privilege.

                A Sudanese chump might be reading this post and the comments and not feel safe coming here because here you are bashing their country and the women. I’ve seen other chumps make similar comments about Asian OW and that shit needs to stop. Being chumped doesn’t mean you get to use that opportunity to make racist and offensive comments.

              • Considering it was the opinion of someone else, *who happens to be Sudanese* – and not her own spouted belief – tells me a fuckton. Far more than your passive-aggressive “I’m not surprised noone called you on it” crap, two can play at that game and I’ll say “That shit stops now.”
                As far as I’m concerned – an OW is fair game. If they’re a pushy, arrogant gold digging slut, who just so happens to be Asian, I’ll certainly say so. Stereotypes are mostly based on fact, after all!

          • Totally agree with this. mine has lost weight so in some ways looks good but has taken up smoking so in other ways he looks terrible. And he is in TOTAL denial.

      • Chumpette – don’t get caught up in the “perfection” trap. When anyone who doesn’t know my situation asks the whole, “what did you do to contribute to his cheating? Were you perfect in your marriage? ” I ALWAYS respond the same way: “I was as perfect as anyone else”. That usually shuts them up, once it dawns on them that there is NO SUCH THING as perfection.

        • yes i agree, Chris..but thanks for a great line! i say i am not perfect because it is true…and i am totally ok with that. as well as with other’s imperfections, ahem, as long as they aren’t sociopathy, adultery, lying, STD exposure, etc.

          • Absolutely, Chumpette. Everyone has differences or quirks. People that think imperfections of the other person think that makes it ok to commit adultery are just making excuses for themselves. It doesn’t equal out.

  • Did this guy borrow this idiotic idea from Michael Scott of The Office? Did he watch that episode, where Michael spreads a rumor about Stanley having an affair, then spreads a series of false rumors to try to convince everyone the original rumor was not true?

    This must be a rare combo of access to power, being just that stupid, and believing everyone else is even stupider than that.

    • It’s always funny to me how “family values” to these asshat Tea Party Republicans is always about making sure women stay pregnant whether they meant to be or not…. and it’s NEVER ABOUT tending to their own fucking families. Here you go Cindy… just because your UTERUS is a public playground to someone who is not your spouse doesn’t give you the right to control what goes on in the uterus of anyone else.

  • I live in Michigan, and as a progressive, I certainly didn’t vote for this guy 🙂

    The thing about this story that really hits me is the fact that I am now so well-versed in the ways of Cheating McSluttersons, it doesn’t even surprise me. Lots of my Michigander friends who have (blessedly) never had to deal with the devastation of a cheating partner are reacting to this news with absolute shock and incredulity.

    Meanwhile, I’m over here every time someone talks about it like “Meh. He’s a cheater. They’re capable of anything. They aren’t NORMAL. They’re pod people. Oh, and their brains don’t exactly WORK, either, friends.”

    Nothing surprises me anymore. I put NOTHING past a cheater.

    I hope Mrs. Courser finds her way to Chump Lady.

    • I hope Mrs. Courser has filed for divorce!! And I hope her soon to be Ex slithers back under the rock he should be living under! What a snake! And then to refer to his constituency as “the herd” further points out his low opinion of other people who don’t measure up to his God like status! It just speaks volumes about this POS if you are inclined to read between the lines. I hope his Schmoopie gets divorce papers and is canned for her lack of morals also! Dirtbags all of them!

    • I believe you’re on to something, Not Juliet! My guess is that the gay affair was about to be exposed as well, so Asshat made up a story that he was making up a story to keep his staffer/AP. That’s the thing about truth… it always has a way of surfacing.

      • I think that BBA has it…because garden variety cheating is a yawn to most people but the “married man cheating gay ” will still get attention. I hope the poor wife gets a clean STD screen before she sues his nasty ass off in court.

        • That’s what I thought as soon as I saw the headline. This dude is a histrionic type. He can’t just have an affair, his one has to have a parade of rainbow-farting unicorns with lazer beam eyes.. BO-ring!

          Not Juliet, you may be right!

          Politics. It’s “American Gladiator” for narcissists.

          • LOL!!!!!

            “Politics. It’s “American Gladiator” for narcissists.”

            Soooooo aptly put. And now…I am just seeing Donald in my mind.

              • If he gets elected, I think we will need to find some island somewhere and make Chump Nation a reality….

                Chumps, not Trumps!

      • Yep, I posted the same below before reading comments. No question in my mind, this dude was getting it on with men as well as the married woman.

          • Yeah… you all are right. If anything, this story is probably true, and the slut is on to him, so he’s going to try to control the narrative before SHE detonates his life. The wife is probably clueless to all.

            • I had the same thought, having been in the same boat as some of you here with a STBX who had affairs with women to distract from his life on the down low, in an attempt to convince himself and the rest of the world that he really is straight. So I could see this guy throwing the “worst” part of the truth out there first to convince people that the other truth, that he was also cheating with a woman, is the “real” truth and he’s actually a straight manly man.

              I just discovered that mine, only a few months after I filed and left, is busy love-bombing his next beard and has her convinced that he’s Prince Charming (I found a love letter she wrote to him that he left out knowing I would see it when I had to pick stuff up at his house). I first got wind that something might be up a few weeks ago and did work some friend-of-friend back channels to give her a heads up but it was either too late or he convinced her that I’m a crazy psycho bitch who’s out spreading rumors about him (I went through friends-of-friends in case he’d already convinced her I was crazy, so I definitely tried to help her avoid my fate. Sigh).

              • You never owed her that. If you are trying to fuck your way out of the Sudan, that’s one thing. Golf club rumpy-pumpy is another.

                ANYone who knowingly fucks a married person is a POS cheater, too, really. Maybe the ones that are lied to, ie “I am single” deserve a break, but anyone who inhales the “My wife/ex is a crazy bitch who doesn’t understand me.” line gets precisely what they deserve, methinks.

                That you tried reflects well on you, Other Kat! The OW, not so much.

              • Thank you, Mehphista, I never thought about it that way before. She knows he’s still married, but getting a divorce, so I suppose there’s a pass on that, though why anyone would want to be the rebound partner in the middle of a divorce is beyond me. And I’m all but certain she got the message about him being gay, so it’s in her hands now and at least I can feel good knowing I at least tried to help someone else avoid my fate.

    • Hahahaha! Yeah, I was thinking this too. Can’t put anything past cheaters. Iceberg indeed!
      Also, I agree 100% with Mehphista calling this one out on being histrionic.

      • Whay thank you! Touch of the anti-social as well. Trouble is, he will now get kudos in certain quarters, because he’ll fuck anything with a pulse….

        • Thats because the status quo gives kibble points to disordered dickheads these days, under the guise of “I don’t want to cause trouble” or just plain ol’ Switzerlanding.
          Its complete and utter bullshit.
          Its even more bullshit because people my age (30) accept this as normal acceptable behaviour, for the most part – and I get strange looks or even thought of as abnormal because I don’t subscribe to that shit – and will happily call someone out on the shithead they are being.
          While I don’t give a fuck about being ‘abnormal’ – its disconcerting that the world has come to nothing but shiny kibbles in social media, ‘reality’ tv and ‘selfie’ garbage – none of which I would even give a second glance.
          I swear I was born in the wrong generation/wrong country. Mindset-wise – a small house in a tiny town in the middle of a beautiful country would be awesome. No bullshit, just nature and clean air and no disordered crap.

  • In the most disordered of ways, this dude – at tea party member no less(!) — just unwittingly advanced acceptance for our GLBTQA friends BIG TIME!

    If a Tea Party member uses feigned homosexuality to hide a heterosexual affair, it stands to reason that he believes ” his herd” would be more tolerant of a gay man than a man cheating on his wife with another woman. Either way, he’s still a dickwad.

    Frankly, if I were one of his constituents, I’d be more offended by his pet name for me.

    So, bwhahahaha to you, Courser! You’re a cheater with an unintentional pro gay agenda. Thanks for helping to advance the GLBTQA cause.

  • The woman isn’t a staffer, I don’t think. She is another representative. In addition to cheater-think, which is disordered, elected officials have an extreme sense of entitlement, unless they are very self-aware. Most aren’t. Two districts in this state have been represented by members focused on this, instead of their constituents well-being. It’s a wonder they get anything done in our state capitals. Or DC.

      • You are so right, Phi Slama Jama Mama! I used to work in politics many years ago, before I knew anything about narcissism. Looking back on those days (which involved working as a lobbyist for non-profit clients in multiple states), I’ve reached the conclusion that being a narcissist is one of the main requirements to both run for office and succeed in electoral politics (and by “success” I mean getting just enough done to convince your constituents to vote for you again because true success is defined as getting re-elected).

        Thankfully there are people out there, on both sides, with integrity but many of them don’t last or end up getting corrupted by it all. Affairs are so commonplace that it’s actually considered somewhat unusual, at least for men, to manage to stay in office for more than a few years before they start hooking up with staffers, lobbyists, and/or one of their colleagues. If I had a dollar for every married legislator who hit on me during those years, I would be a wealthy woman.

  • I want to know with all of this made up bullshit did he find any time to do his “real” job? It seems like he had a lot of time on his hands. For me today I was rushing around the city trying to find some fans to help me cool off this very hot flat. I almost ran out of time with that because the shops around here close very early on a Saturdays. Really how do this disorder things find the time in the day to make up all this shit and then do it? I could never understand that with the ex.

  • My ex openly admitted her affair to everyone. At a nephew’s wedding shower, I overheard to tell her sister in-law “I met someone” in her typical giddy voice.

    But,she tried to cover up her moving in with the OM by telling her mother that a gay co-worker just rented a place in the next state and had a spare bedroom. So,she’d be moving in with that gay man. I told them it’s funny that this gay friend lives in the same town as the AP and has the same PO Box number. Yes aunts, she’s been screwing that gay coworker for month.

  • Seriously,

    I know my church is now claiming he made the hole gay affair thing up to get away from me. Apparently I would agree to a divorce. But I never once thought he may have already had the new Twu Wuv in the wings.

    But just goes to show they all draw from the same playbook the world over.

  • In one of his text Courser said that God had put him there for a reason and he would pray about it. Got to love a family values cheater, they always drag God along for the ride. At least old run of the mill cheaters go it alone. I remember Mark Sanford sharing Bible verses with his mistress……gives you warm fuzzies inside just thinking about it.

  • In order to convince me of his complete honesty when he was denying the affair, ‘The Great I Am’ copped to cheating on me twice in the first year we were dating. The first, he told me, was with his ex although (what with him being utterly irresistible n all) it was actually just sexual assault as apparently ex was sobbing over their break-up and grabbed his cock (uh-huh, so that’s alright then, eh)? And thinking about it now, how was being sexually assaulted cheating? He announced it as a confession of cheating though.

    The second; apparently, the night he turned up with a black eye wasn’t because he’d had a hard tackle in football, but was actually delivered by the husband of the MOW he’d been sniffing around for years (apparently there’d been some plan in his head where he and MOW were going to run off together leaving behind 5 children and their respective partners – turns out, while MOW enjoyed his attention, she ended up telling him that the ‘run off together’ plan was never going to happen). Anyway, shortly after we started dating ‘The Great I Am’ took me to meet friends of his – (MOW and her husband – unbeknownst to me). Looks like MOW took up the ‘pick me dance’ challenge – because, next time ‘The Great I Am’ went to visit these friends MOW apparently, sat on the kitchen counter, stripped off her knickers and pulled down his pants and boxers, just as her husband walked into kitchen. Yep, again, ‘The Great I Am’ was so ‘utterly irresistible n all’ that MOW chose rape as her ‘pick me dance’.

    Anyway, in a sterling display of spin and PR – he didn’t want to, he was utterly surprised and oh, he didn’t believe the punch was meant but just something the husband felt obliged to do. Apparently, the husband later apologised to ‘The Great I Am’ for hitting him. So, all in all ‘The Great I Am’ was a poor sausage who had a history of being sexually assaulted by women and physically assaulted by men who felt it was their social duty to do so.

    Funny, isn’t it, how these stories didn’t convince me he wasn’t having an affair (and hey – he was – though of course, she wanted it more, he didn’t even like her and it wasn’t really his fault).

    • I know my above post doesn’t seem particularly relevant to today’s main post, but it was the wild stories / PR – spinning / truth hidden in full view – that reminded me of it.

      As already pointed out – it’s not news to us that OfCourser would try to hide Glamrat with some farcical take on; ‘Affair? quick look over there – lambbananas’!

    • Jayne,

      It is possible for a woman to rape a man. But not in the ways you described above. Sounds like your X has a world class talent for either self-delusion or lying (or both).

      Hugs. Peace.
      aeronaut

  • Yeah, all those Bible verses and Mark Sanfords life implodes, but look now, where is his “Twu wuv”? She’s gone!

  • Horrible story, but thanks CL for the little shot of methadone to get us thru the weekend, Lol.
    Now go have your vacay! You deserve it!

  • Unfortunate as it is, he was onto something. Fox News does this all the time, bring up some over the top rumor about a “good” republican and use it to whip up support for the poor wronged guy. Then when the real story comes out it is partly drowned out by the faux rumor and otherwise called a “minor” issue and possibly also false because look what else they said about the dude. In other words it might have worked if his employee didn’t out him…sad state of affairs ( pun )

  • I haven’t read all the replies yet, but I bet you this guy really WAS having all sorts of gay sex along with the married woman. He probably freaked that his gay sex was going to be outed as well (pun intended) and did some proactive damage control by creating this “rumor.” I don’t believe for a second this guy would have suggested such a rumor be spread unless he knew he needed to spin reality to cover some secret. Disordered cheaters do shit like this… if truth is about to be discovered, they sometimes put it out there themselves first, but in such a way that it gives them plausible deniability.

    It reminds me of my ex, who recently told our son that ex’s brother was telling the family that ex had sex with men for money. The brother never said any such thing. Personally, I have no doubt that it’s true, and that ex is angrily claiming the brother smeared him so that the family won’t believe that it’s TRUE.

    Anyway, I’ll bet dollars to donuts that this state rep was fucking men along with married women. I can tell you from brutal experience that it’s not so uncommon.

    • GladIt’sOver what you wrote could be very true. I know from what I read about these disordered cheaters that they play on both ends of the sexual spectrum. Now I have nothing against being gay, straight, bi or well maybe if you are into goats or something like that but overall I don’t have anything wrong with gay or straight or bi. I do think it is wrong when you do think you are more gay and then marry a straight person and cheat no matter the sex. I do the ex’s family said something about him being gay some time ago to him. I didn’t know this until years later being with him. Also I know some people both men and women that have done this. One was a “friend” of mine and I really got pissed off at him and told him it was nothing wrong with his sexuality but it is wrong to cheat on someone no matter what and he should not play with someone’s heart like that. Still today I feel the same way. Some weeks later he came out being gay and some years ago he passed away from AIDS. Very sad how this state rep thinks and acts but most of all it’s very sad if his wife stays.

      • I spent a lot of time on forums for straight spouses married to closeted partners before I found CL (one of the regulars there actually referred me). I don’t go back there much because what I learned along the way is that it’s the narcissism, not TGT (the gay thing), that drives their behavior and that nearly all gay spouses on-the-down-low are raging narcissists. In fact, it’s the narcissism that drives them into the closet to begin with and compels them to marry a straight person and present the perfect facade to their spouse and the world.

        My STBX is in his late fifties, and I often think of the many, many gay men of his generation who bravely came out at a time when doing so could literally be life threatening. And then of others who stayed in the closet but had the integrity and self-awareness not to drag an unsuspecting straight spouse into it with them. Thankfully, today there are far fewer reasons to stay in the closet–my husband is an artist and would be welcomed with open arms. But being gay is a narcissistic injury for him so he continues to hide and is now working on love-bombing his next beard.

        • The gay community of today tends to protect & stick up for it’s own, which is commendable in light of the history of gay bashing and prejudice. They are now a force to be reckoned with. I have noticed that deviant sociopaths will “use” the community for protection or a shield of sorts. Total scam artists. While the media would have a field day with a “straight” affair, they will now tip toe around a gay affair. This may be what he is counting on.

          • Totally, kb22, nailed it!

            Marriage equality rocks! We all now have the equal right to be a dmn fool, and the Reconciliation Industrial Complex, the Lawyers and the Pastors are all going to have a field day…..

            And, I predict, more people joining Chump Lady…..

  • If you remember the audio I sent you to listen to CL of the exchange between my STBXH and I, he did the same to me wanting me to only look at the prostitute he was with, he did’nt want me to look at the 4 year affair he was in with the coworker. Very similar story to this one posted IMO.

    • I should mention, that was probably the first time in my marriage I actually got the courage to stand up to him and not accept his lies, that’s another reason why I was so nervous. My confidence is in a lot better shape today, wish I would have waited to do that questioning now.

      • Hey Kate50 — please don’t post identifying stuff on my blog. It could get you and me in legal trouble. So I deleted. (Same goes for pictures of cheaters and APs.) Thanks for understanding. I heard it, when you sent it to me, and it’s full of mindfuckery. We so get it.

          • Kate50 – I did hear it (just before CL deleted). What struck me the most was how coherent, logical and relevant what you had to say was, and how rambling, nonsensical and plain bluster was all he could come up with.

            I am certain, had we all made tapes of conversations, this is exactly how it would have sounded in our homes too.

            Congratulations on getting rid of that insanity in your life and very best wishes for your future, you sound a strong, sane and capable woman.

            Jayne x

            • Kate,
              I have mountains of ‘ hate’ mail, texts and calls. All filed and at the ready if I need to use it. It has become a full time job one that I loath. I had friends read and listen in disbelief. A common response from friends and family is’ He is off track. What do you think happened? He is himself. Do you think he is on drugs’ It dawned on me that they were showing him pity… Feeling bad for him…WTF? He is screaming he going to strangle me in my sleep…. And first response is about his wellbeing? WTF? People believe what they can accept.
              I stopped analyzing the messages. I stopped re-reading them. Its bad for my brain… And keeps me engaged

              • Funny thing about Cheaters…. They are so Sparkley. Mine held a good job, volunteered in the children’s classes (when they were small), coached youth sports, and played at happily married with me until somebody who shared his values and interests came along. This story boggles the mind because both are married. Both have children. Both have good jobs (with perks galore). Homes, finances, history with a spouse. Yet they are cheating. I can’t even begin to wonder what it feels like to fuck over your family!?!? I bet these representatives even have photos of their spouses and children at work. It’s people like this that give politicians a bad name. YUCK!

    • Kate congrats of you being sober and getting the help you need. I am so proud of you. I wished I went to get myself help in a Treatment Center for deep depression and PTSD and other mental health issues I had with the ex. It takes a very strong person to admit they need help and they cannot do it themselves. I admire that and respect that in you. I just listened to the audio you posted and my heat just breaks that you had to deal with such an evil bastard. It sounds like so many talks I had with the ex. I can hear your pain and I can tell he was gas lighting you and deflecting. I’m so happy you got out of that hell. You are a strong and wise woman. Many hugs to you.

  • Reminds me of the first lie my XH told when I confronted him about evidence of his affair (computer search histories, cell phone logs). He said he was having a relationship with a male-to-female transsexual he met on the sidewalk. After I pestered him with questions, he mentioned that his story didn’t make sense, and admitted to having an affair with a woman 20 years his junior.

    As a side note, he does have a sexual fetish called autogynephilia (where a heterosexual male becomes sexually aroused at the thought of dressing like a woman and being viewed as a female sex object), so his story wasn’t so far-off base. And I believe he has gone out on “dates” with men while dressed as a woman during our marriage (but that’s another story).

    • Mine was a huge fan of the male to female transsexual. Uncovering the huge stash of porn was the first time I realized something was off. He was into both men and women – just not me.

      • Mine was into both males and females too, but he claimed he was straight! One night I got into his computer and found more dick pics than anything else!! I’m pretty sure that isn’t what straight guys have in their porn stash!

        • I found gay porn hidden around our house a few times, caught ex googling “guys fucking,” ex was always extremely interested in gay culture, he had sex with hundreds of men in gay bath houses, yet he still insisted he wasn’t gay. Whatever. I would actually have a little bit of respect for him if he would just come out of the closet, but that probably won’t ever happen. It’s more exciting to lead a double life.

  • Wow Kate50! You got the same “conversation” I got from my disordered screw around, if you can call their rambling lies a conversation! You sound like a well put together person who sought the help you needed. You sound “grounded” and capable! Just keep working on you and get the life you so richly deserve! From the sound of that recording your Ex couldn’t find his ass if a bell were attached to it, but it sounded as if he has a whole cast of characters other than you and his family who will be more than happy to help him! Let him go to do his own “thing”! These disordered assholes are so not worth our time!

  • I like that her name has ‘rat’ in it. If only there were tip-offs like that in the names of all the nasty people in this world. It would sure make navigating easier for a sucker like me.

  • My ex pulled something weird like this after 4th and final Dday. The cat was already way out of the bag at this point. He had already shared intimate details about OW and the affair (likely with lies mixed in, knowing him, but wtf-ever), we were legally separated, told the kids, and he was “looking for an apartment”. He took our four kids to CEC to meet OW and her daughter and introduced OW by a different name, then came home and presented the scenario as if he was now cheating on OW. So weird. So I played along as if we’re BFFs and he can share crap like this with me, and told him I was concerned about his mental/emotional state, as this “wasn’t like him”. (Lol, it is totally like him!). He agreed and then next day recounted another fake scenario in which he “came clean” with OW#1 and she got so upset that she jumped out of the parked car and went for a hysterical walk, but then came back around and forgave him. I talked to the kids about the false name thing, because obviously he had to eventually introduce her by her real name, and they said he explained it to them by saying it was just a joke.

  • Did anyone notice that the original story refers repeatedly to each cheater as “married with kids.” It led me to consider whether this is worse than being just a married cheater. My conclusion: YES, it is, because now there are several innocent kids whose lives are being blown up. In addition to the two innocent spouses who are devastated.

    Don’t mess up your kids’ security, dumbasses!
    Love your kids enough to protect them from harm.
    The very definition of a good parent is someone who puts his/her kids’ needs before their own.

    Mr. Courser and Ms. Gamrat, you are gross people and you are BAD PARENTS.

    • They don’t care. They really, really do not care.

      My ex had it all figured out, and trotted out each of these cliches, from the cheater handbook chapter on, “Kids and Guilt”

      1) I deserve to be happy.
      2) Kids with unhappy parents aren’t happy.
      3) Children are resilient!
      4) I didn’t leave the kids, I left you.

      See? No worries.

      • Ditto… And he said the kids “say I am happier now than ever” – so they agree with him. Living like a teenager having them four days a month with an wifestress closer in age to our oldest daughter than to him… Of course he’s “happy”. They think he’s a hero… And I’m just mean.

        • This is something that is just so unfair. He ruins everyones lives – and the kids feel sorry for, and protect him!
          And there is nothing I can say, because they are kids.

  • If this story (and really, all of our stories) were in today’s hottest fiction books, NOBODY would believe them. People would say, “I KNOW it’s fiction, but come on, I really needed to suspend disbelief for this one.”

    It really is crazy when you step away from it. I know many of my friends and family think on one level I’ve become a pathological liar after the stories I tell about Drac. I’ve even had to show proof and their eyes get wide, like it’s some science fiction novel.

    Tracy has fodder for a million more books…

    • Chris-
      I too felt people thought I was exaggerating stories of shit my stbx would say or do. He liked to ‘bitch’ text me, so I would show everyone all the demented texts he sent me. People could not believe it. The response was “I knew it was bad, but not THIS bad.” Yep – believe me now??? He is fucked up! And yes, I have saved all those texts and showed them to my lawyer as well. She doesn’t seem to give much weight to them though….

  • Long after DDay1 and before DDay2, I became suspicious and had a heart-to-heart (haha, right) while lying in bed with X, immediately after sex so I knew he would be relaxed. Under my gentle but relentless grilling he finally admitted yes, he had sex one time with someone else, but it wasn’t OW2, it was a man he met on craigslist. We had talked about this in the abstract before, and had agreed that a same-sex act of curiosity born of opportunity wasn’t quite the same as full-on cheating, so while I was stunned, my shock was mainly at the fact that he had not shared this with me.

    Of course it turns out the day of our ‘heart-to-lying cheating cold black heart’, he had come to me straight from OW3’s bed and that same week took OW2 for her abortion. Of course he claimed ‘somebody else got her pregnant’.

  • This story reminds me of a sweet woman who was very wise. Her ancestors had to perform their own abortions with a single strand of Hey.
    She turned her heart to God. He said, “♥” She gave him a lock of her hair, wrapped in a ribbon & the trolls never returned. She taped it to the bottom of a door frame & learned that some stories are too good to be true & magically, they are the best.
    Now, when people don’t believe her… She says, “After you hear her voice, you will know it is all worth it.”

    I call this bedtime story #2.

  • So this is from the alleged other woman (the state rep’s campaign website)

    OW and her family attend and are very active at ______ Bible Church and live in ______Township.

    Gotta love them Bible beating cheaters. Google their facebook pages, the herd isn’t happy.

  • The covert narc liar cheater faker blamer I was with–until I wasn’t, didn’t invent an affair. He used his sister’s affair to deflect attention from his own bullshit double life. Oh boy, did he have all kinds of things to say about her all while he was doing prostitutes.

    This guy would sell out his own mother to keep himself looking dandy.

    • “In the conversation, Courser instructs Graham to send out an email under a pseudonym that accused Courser of paying for sex from male prostitutes behind “a prominent Lansing night club.”

      Now there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he DID pay for sex from male prostitutes. His “gay sex rumor to flush out blackmailers” is exactly the sort of story my ex would come up with…. and I’m ashamed to admit, I would have believed it back then. Now it just makes me laugh…. this Courser guy is playing for both teams, got busted and is now spouting the Stupid Shit Cheaters Say to cover up both his affair with a woman AND his doing the nasty behind bars with gay prostitutes. Typical disordered cheater. I just hope his wife dumps him, because all the prayers in the world won’t change this guy.

  • Todd Courser just posted an audio response on his Facebook page explaining how the entire gay sex lie was an undercover scheme he was implementing to flush out mysterious blackmailers. I swear cheaters and their lies are just so unoriginal. He actually sat down and came up with this hogwash as an explanation while inserting the words Christ and Our Lord in a few times for good measure. Bottom line is he blew up his family and his cheater whore blew up hers. That’s all that matters they need to both resign office and tend to their children and see if saving their families is even possible (I highly doubt it)…

  • “I can’t even begin to wonder what it feels like to fuck over your family!?!? ”

    Me either…cant fathom it and I hope I never learn.

    It is fascinating though, when narcs do fuck over their family (mine was a Marine Officer in charge of purchasing expensive shit for the feds and he fucked the vendor -thusly fucking his family, his Faith, and his employer at the same time – Semper FIdelis much?) they normally manage to create a narrative where it isn’t their fault. Their brains cant absorb this much failure so they disassociate it.

    • Putting aside the strictly moral issues of adultery, hurting your family, etc. Cheaters are always stealing time, money, resources from somebody to squander on their fuckbuddies. When public figures like this are messing around they are using taxpayer resources, and need to be prosecuted and pay restitution. There are always dumasses who will say “Their private lives aren’t anyone else’s business.” Really, scratch a Cheater surface, and you’ll find a scummy individual, on all levels.

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