ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life!

Potty-Mouthed Infidelity Speak

by

Doodle_ToiletI got taken to task recently for unsavory potty talk when writing about infidelity. A friend had posted the recent Cosmo excerpt of the new book on her Facebook page and someone remarked on the “foul” language.

“Fucked” and “Fuck off” were the cuss words used. (Although hey, I want points for using “flip” once!)

I get this criticism fairly often. On the positive end: “Decent advice, if you can look past the cursing,” to the pearl-clutching: “I can’t read it for all the F-bombs.”

And here’s the funny thing — I’m not a terribly coarse person in real life. And I don’t swear any more than the average American (except when stuck in Austin traffic… okay, then sailors blush…) But when I write about infidelity? YES, then I swear like a motherfucker.

I noticed this first when I was a new chump writing on infidelity boards for advice. I couldn’t express myself without a lot of invective. I wasn’t alone. I might not have been enforcing boundaries back then, but god damn, I could channel my anger when writing about being defrauded and degraded 6 months into my new marriage. (As it turned out, since I first got involved with him, he was cheating on me.)

By the time I began Chump Lady, my potty mouth was deliberate. FUCK THE EUPHEMISMS. These people are not “wayward” — they aren’t befuddled kittens — they are CHEATERS. I’m not some pathetic, poor “betrayed spouse” — I was CHUMPED. Alas, my husband didn’t fall in love with his mistress compelled by Forces Greater Than Us All — it was a deliberate CON.

Every F-bomb is intended to bitchslap chumps into reality. To get us to channel our righteous ANGER and hurt.

If you bang your thumb with a hammer, you say “&^%$#!!!”

You might even post on your Facebook page: “I banged my thumb with a hammer. &^%$#!!!”

And no one would batt an eye.

Walk in on your spouse having sex with another person — and you say “fuck”?

How UNCIVIL of you to use such language!

Now isn’t that a mindfuck? The most humiliating, painful experience of your life — inflicted on you with lies and disrespect, which has endangered your health and your family and your finances — and you can’t say “fuck.”

So today, Chump Nation, I’m asking you to use your potty mouths and change the narrative around infidelity. Luziana asked what’s your name for your cheater — I liked her “Jake from State Farm.” (Hey, if you’re going to use a euphemism, at least be clever about it.) Tell me yours!

Be clever, or be foul-mouthed. Just don’t be a chump.

Comments

  1. Fucking cheater asswipe and for the ho whore juice. And swearing feels really really good!

    • Cock-suckin’ motherfuckin’ son-of-a-bitch asshole piece of shit garbage licking, pond sucking, sycophantic, violating, home-wrecking slime bucket bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • “Cock sucking mother fucking lying son of a bitch piece of shit” sums the Jackass up for me.

        “Fuckstick” comes in handy too.

        • I call mine the ‘Man-Whore’ and her the ‘Cunt’ or ‘Red headed Whore”. BUT I love FuckStick.

            • Fucktard and Douchebag are mine….I did try ducks tick but felt the use of “tard” better conveyed the appropriate level of stupidity and irresponsibility I was dealing with. 3 years post divorce and he still hasn’t change his address for his health insurance. I get every explanation of benefits for him….I wonder if it’s still my fault he has headaches that he’s being treated for?! Lol

              • Love all the comments. I never really cursed before. That was, before Dumbass showed his true colors and I realized what a chump I have been in our 25 year marriage. He has lived up to every fucking curse word uttered about him and will always be a Fucking dumb ass. DA is his new nickname.

    • yes all of the above and fucker who fucked his secretary. I mine listed as motherfucker Jones in my phone

  3. His name is simple…douchebag, or db for short. In my phone, he is liar-cheater to remind me of what i am dealing with. In all reality, he is not even worth a name or my mental time or energy…

    • I have a DB too!!!! There is a ring tone singing “Douchbag is calling” a must for the X.

        • Love it! Dbag calling!

          Upon DDay I changed his ringtone to “ring ring. Asshole calling. There’s an asshole calling your phone.”

          When I left, I changed it to a zombie scream since he and the relationship are dead to me.

          Fuck the motherfucker

          • that’s funny… i changed my ex’s contact photo to a pic i googled “world’s ugliest dog” and his contact name to Ugly Dog. Fortunately we don’t have kids, or any legal ties anymore, so I have deleted him entirely.

            • And I changed Mr Fab to “The Problem Child”, but now NC except by email about Kiddo.

      • This Too: Another multisensory winner. It’s so important to get the whole self involved!

        • I refer to my ex as “Grandmotherfucker” when I am really angry. Yes, she has 4 grandchildren. But on my phone he is simply, “Donor” and “The Asshole Song” by Jimmy Buffett plays.

          I am not perfect, anger is the sin I work on Every. Single. Day.

            • I just you tube’s the asshole song, it was closely followed by the Dickhead song by Miles Betterman- yet another catching fitting little tune… 🙂

              • All of this convo about ass. Shit sandwich has taken on a new meaning as mine was tuned out by his OW ass licking, ass eating proclivities.Butt breath, butt face can eat shit and die.

            • I think swearing and anger are very therapeutic. Swear, scream, cry, vent just got to get the under and frustration out and here is a perfect safe place Tracy gave us. Fuck them who thinks otherwise.

              • The only problem is, once I have started to cuss I can’t stop and I am on the roll. Had some slippers in not so appropriate places. But no doubt It feels so good and appropriate when I am on the roll. Honestly, I would be lost without the cussing and I wouldn’t know how else to express more fittingly how I feel about Mr. Focker. When trying to express or explain his true fucked-up-ness and shortcomings, I feel that even the worst cuss words aren’t accurate enough, but at least they are coming damn close to it.

            • Bible says be angry but do not let it cause you to sin. Hence I own my anger. Even God and Jesus got angry. I am far less than either

    • I changed the pic of her in my contacts to one of those stupid chive on memes. It says “keep calm I’m a lying cheating whore”

    • HAHA! I have a DB too! I accidentally sent him a text meant for my boyfriend that said DB in it. He said who is DB? Uhhhhhh that would be you! He’s like oh, douchebag. Yep!!

    • I had a skeleton/x-ray picture of a hand flipping the bird for The Evil One’s (TEO for short) callerID picture, but I’ve recently changed it to Deadpool’s cartoon pic saying, “You sound crazy”, LOL

      Ringtones have changed- it was that country song, “Cheater Cheater”, but I recently changed it to “My Give a Damn’s Busted”.

      Names for The Evil One has shifted towards the Albatross recently, since he was a dead weight tied around my neck; other names include (but not limited to) NSFW titles like Fuck-tard, Mother-fuckin’-Asshole, Dickhead, SonofaBitch, but mostly just TEO

  4. As the son of a clergyman I say fuck off to anyone who complains about this and shove it up their ass.

    When you have been cheated on maybe then you can tell us on chump nation not to use foul language.
    Instead of spending time defending and excusing cheaters perhaps they can criticize the people who cause us to swear.

    • I fucking love to fucking cuss, but I do have one slight issue with your comment. Not to nitpick, but just as no one causes these assholes to cheat, no one causes us to swear. I realize you probably didn’t mean it that way, but I think if we’re going to stop blaming ourselves, it’s important to be consistent in realizing that no one makes anyone else do anything.

      Apologies. Pedant out.

      • I hear you, but I like to think that my profanity on these boards is a cathartic expression of anger. In everyday life, I don’t swear a lot. I’m in a managerial position, and my work environment is remarkable for its professional tone. When I talk with my friends, I don’t swear, save for the very rare “hell” and “damn” with the occasional “shit.” Never the F-bomb.

        I am still sometimes amazed at the depth of my anger toward the XH, even though I can feel myself moving more toward Meh and I know that once I’m out of the marital home (when is that settlement money coming through so I can close on the new place?), he will fade into the background of the past 25 years of my life (married for 18 of those). I’ll see his face in the family photographs, but I know that when I met him, he had some honor. I am not sure when he ceased being that man, but at one point he had integrity.

        Every time I see him in the house, I think he’s a cheating asshole. At least here, I’ll use those terms. 😉

  5. The language doesn’t bother me and when I’m home and angry, I let the f-bombs fly. However on a day to day basis I use Dodo, only because I work at a school and I don’t want to accidentally call him a fucking moron! I also like douchebag and fucktard. Another favorite is fuckface.

    • Well, that’s a good point — context matters.

      I’m writing for adults who have been cheated on. I think it’s okay to say “fuck.”

      I do not, however, recommend swearing around kindergartners or your kids.

      But in your journal? Among friends? On-line? Let it fly.

      • Fuck that fucking critic!! I myself am normally a very “nice” and soft-spoken person, but when am I dealing with this infidelity (or talking to my therapist) it’s like goddamn sewage flying out of my mouth! This shit is REAL! It fucking HURTS, and if I don’t release SOMETHING I think I would become psychotic!! To the pearl-clutcher: My son of a motherfuckin bitch husband lied to me and my children everyday so that he could churn another bitch’s butter in a fucking pink-tiled bathroom where they work. My STBX and his “GLORY HOLE” threw me and my kids under the bus and we did not deserve it!!! Our lives are a mess because of his selfishness!! I’m mad as hell shit motherfuckin jesus christ all motherfucking mighty I want to kill someone!! Go fuck yourself, lady!!

        I just couldn’t NOT comment on today’s post!

      • In defense of cursing around your kids, I believe it is possible to teach them how to curse responsibly via setting a few ground rules. Or, at least that’s my excuse. I called them “mommy words” and taught them that they couldn’t use them until they were grown up. This rule worked well–it gave them something to aspire to :)–until they were well into their teens, then the rule became no cursing at school or around their friends’ parents.

        STBX used to constantly try to shame me out of cursing around our three very rambunctious boys, something that was easy enough for him to take the high road on since was never alone with them for days, sometimes weeks, on end. So it really frosted his ass when they actually followed my rule and didn’t fulfill his prediction that they would become “snotty little potty-mouths.”

        • Oh yeah, best 100% culturally-approved redirect ever…you say you were “fucking cheated on”? How horrifying! Don’t use language like that in PUBLIC!! How ANGRY you sound!

          Sometimes I wonder if people invented the concept of swear words just so they’d have something to redirect to when ANGRY people called them on their bullshit. Totally rich that your cheating STBX thought swearing was worth frowning upon but…you know, cheating was ok.

          Love your “mommy words” rule, by the way.

      • The problem with waiting until 30 to have kids is that swearing is pretty already entrenched. I’m sure my kids heard some doozies even as toddlers (but at least “fuck” wasn’t their first word!).

        • Temptest, you must be right (as usual)! I didn’t have my kids ’til I was 40. At age 2, my son dropped a heavy toy on his foot, and said, perfectly appropriately, ‘fuck!’. He not only knew the word, he know when and how to use it! Needless to say, we had to have a little talk about those ‘special words’ …..

          Now my kids are teens, and won’t let me swear much, ’cause I’m a grown up! But they have never sworn when and where they shouldn’t!

          • Re: kids swearing

            Jr. had a slight lisp as most toddlers do. Imagine Grandma’s expression when we were driving through heavy traffic and he was pointing out all the “fucks, fucks, fucks”. Yeah, bad mommy (me) couldn’t quit laughing.

            • That was my son too! Couldn’t say the “tr” sound til he was 4, lol. “Look Mama, big fucks!” every time we went out in the car.. Hahaha, good times!

            • My son too! It was hard to hold back my snicker whenever he tried to say “clock”

              • For the longest time my son used the middle finger and surprisingly always quite appropriate. He hardly could talk in full sentences back then. Somehow he must have picked it up (promised, it wasn’t me he learned it from) and he always had a smirk on his face each time he lifted that finger very swloly. It’s said that sign language is very easy to learn for the young child – yup I can attest. I tried my best to extinguish signing the stinky finger but it was quite the challenge.

          • I stopped swearing at other drivers when my now 32 year old daughter was in preschool… we were driving her to preschool one day, when from the back seat she piped up, “Mommy, I know what an asshole is!”… “um, you do?” I ventured. “Yes, Mommy, it’s someone who drives in front of you!”… now all these years later I like to think I taught all 3 kids good judgment about when and where it’s appropriate to swear.

            • Ha, almost the exact same experience with one of my sons, at three years old. “Say bad words, Mama.” Why? “Because they’re in front of you.”

              So I stopped swearing. I had stopped almost altogether for years, because of trying to live my life to please God. But other than a few, rare lapses, I was swear-free…until D-Day. I’m trying to find my way out of it again, because every time I indulge in calling him an f-ing f-tard, it just gets easier and easier to relapse into it when I’m angry. Since I work in a school, that is a bad idea. Some people can control themselves and use it only in the right context, if they have no religious reason not to swear. But to me it feels like I’m allowing myself to be controlled by a darker force. I know I have a right to my righteous anger over his antics, but I also know that I am supposed to keep from sinning when I am angry. I sort of take swearing as a sign of how far I am from meh. If I was there, nothing he did would anger me enough to lose control and slip back into acting in a way that makes me feel ashamed of myself. I don’t think people are judging chumps for their swearing. I think they just don’t want to be exposed to it. There’s a lot to be learned here, and loving, supportive people, but some people can’t access it because of the swearing. And that’s okay. That’s their boundary. We don’t need to feel judged for swearing and get angry at them, too.

              • Trusting God, the solution for people who are offended by swearing is just to not visit sites that they are offended by. I watch what I say almost all the time. Not here, though. I think trying to control people’s speech on a site for adults about adultery is another way chumps are invalidated.

                Swearing isn’t a good habit, but it’s one I have. Adultery is an established sin. Swearing is not.

              • I understand that people have different beliefs. Mine are that not walking in love is the only sin, which is what I feel I am doing when I am cursing him out and angry…which tends to lead to unkind treatment of others when I have gotten all worked up. I’m definitely not judging others for swearing, merely observing that some chumps will avoid this site because of swearing and not take advantage of the few other truly helpful sites like Divorce Minister because they’re not Christians. Most other sites are just RIC or full of cheater apologists or other psychologically damaging ideas. Of course adultery is considered a sin. I just don’t want what my husband did to erase all the positive changes I’ve made and contaminate my faith anymore. It’s gone on long enough.

              • I totally get what you are say, TG. The immediate building steam of anger that is set off in the early days of discovery needs an avenue to escape. Feelings descending from our brains to our mouth is a well laid path for vocalizing that pain. I believe this is a way that allows for (wo)man to discharge the incredible emotion of betrayal in a non violent physical form.

                Trust me on this.

                For most of us here on this site, potty works. It allows the pain to escape and the sometimes humor from those potty mouths gives us a well needed belly laugh or smile.

                It soothes.

                I feel for anyone who cannot get past the potty. Why? Because everyone here will surround you with love when you come bleeding and emotionally battered as understanding brothers and sisters in arms.

                The swearing will go away. I think most of us know this. For those who have managed to get through life without using cuss words, it is a temporary phenomenon. Well, at least as long as “those who shall not be named” is not in the room.

                As for me, hell, it’s second nature. But, that’s between me and my God.

                BTW, I always appreciate a different view. It makes me stop and think. Thanks.

      • I was shuttling a car full of boys one day and some guy cut me off. I heard the passenger window roll down, and glanced over to see my 14 yr. old son hanging his arm out the window, angrily jabbing his middle finger at the guy. The backseat boys were quick, I yelled ‘stop!’ but it was too late. Every hand had a signal. Wow, my role modeling is stellar. I should teach a class.

        • I’ve started doing this whenever utility vans honk at me while I’m walking down the street (street harassment). We live in an area where everyone’s very nicey-nice, so I think even the utility drivers are shocked when a scrawny youthful-looking female walking by herself hauls off and flips them a giant, arm-wrenching bird. I’ve noticed that it hardly ever happens now…hope that means I’m doing my bit for effective pedestrian-to-driver communication.

    • I use his name and when I reference the OW, I use her name.
      It empowers me to use their real names in private and in public. I don’t want any doubt in anyone’s mind who I am talking about.
      I don’t ever want to have my words used against me as being disparaging (in my decree).
      What I cannot use is Dad or ‘your father’. He lost the right to those titles when I speak with my kids.
      Interestingly, I curse like a sailor on a regular basis without a second thought.
      When discussing my ex and the woman who knowingly, meticulously and purposefully killed the hearts of a wonderful woman and two amazing sons, not using their real names seems like letting them off easy.

      • Interesting perspective. I myself choke on the name, including the last name. So with my lawyers blessing, but not officially I go by an abbreviation. Kinda like Lois CK or MC Hammer.

      • I’m not above calling him and OW all the names in the book privately, or venting to a friend. Extreme shit has happened to us chumps. And it takes extreme language to name it, and to allow ourselves to feel and handle the anger we’ve been given. How dare people judge us for this. I would only accept that criticism if the critic has also gone and knocked on the cheater’s door and berated them for hours about their life-wrecking actions first.

        But in everyday speech I do the same as you, Rebecca. Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself, and as you pointed out, they don’t deserve the sweet sweet anonymity of code names.

      • When speaking to our children, I refer to him as their “ex-father,” because he is exactly that.

        My daughter shortly after D-Day said the following: “My father is dead. There is a man out there who looks like him, but that is not my father.” He sends a card twice a year to each and makes no further efforts to see them.

        • My 20 yr old daughter said her father is “just some dude” to her. She has put up some huge boundaries with him the he not wike (baby talk). Has seen him about 4 times in the past two years. Her choice. My sisters and girlfriends have the best curse words for him and the tramp. Fucker bastard, Voldemort, Mr “happy”, Cock suckered mother fucker, scum suckers, slime bags, dirty bitches, hilly billies, abusive fuckwits, . Could fill a library! The pearl clutching pig who complained is probably a cheater too!

      • I could never choke out the MOW’s name because she has the same first name as I do. It was a unique shit sandwich, for sure. I have plenty of colorful nicknames for her, though.

        STBX is simply “fucktard” or “fucker” in my own mind, and those things and more online. But in real life I don’t use those words for him because I don’t want my children overhearing it. They even specifically asked me, after the separation, to call him “dad” or “daddy” as I always had before. Although I also used to say “your father” in a completely neutral way, after he left that began to feel hostile to them. Their request wasn’t about him being a wonderful dad (he’s not, and they know it, although he gives them just enough attention to string them along as narcissistic supply); it was about not wanting to be confronted with all the crap every time he had to be referred to for any reason.

        I agreed without any hesitation and to this day still call him “dad” when referring to him with them. It’s a shit sandwich for me, but it makes my children feel better, so like many others that the fucker served up, I swallow it for them. What a complete and unredeemable asshole he is.

        • Zomg HappyNow, my (ugh, shudder) stbx husband took up with a girl with my same first name too! The fucking nerve!!

          I wouldn’t let him call me by name after that, still won’t. He said once, (after i shut down baby, honey, sweetie, etc as well) exasperated, well what should I call you? I said Nothing! Then he started crying.

          One of my better moments…

      • Rebecca, whenever I use the Ex’s or the OW’s name, I purposely use their first and last names. It’s part of distancing myself from their shitshow.

    • I like ‘dummy’ when I’m trying to not curse, because it makes me think of 30 rock when Liz lemons perpetual jack ass boyfriend uses it as a pet name for Liz. becauss it infuriates me, that someone like Liz would’ve been called dummy, I call Ho hub dummy. I dunno. There’s some reason In there I’m sure

      • I often just go old-school 2nd grade and call him dum dum. I don’t know, there’s something appealing about how diminishing and dismissive it is.

  6. She’s my ex “lying, cheating, gold digging leach of a whore”. I have never thought of any woman as a whore, and I don’t ever use that word, but for her it fits per the dictionary definition.

      • You can call him ‘Shitfer’ for short. It will be fun when people say “Shitfer?” and you simply reply “Yeah, Shit for brains”

    • I am with you on this one. My nickname I found on here. Slunt. An accurate description for me. And sometimes it’s just whore!

      • That critic needs to come here and get a real education. I’ve read the best names here. Slunt, slore, twatwaffle, twinkletwat, douche canoe…all terms I didn’t know before Chumplady! Thank you!

      • Yes! My new favorite word that I learned here–Slunt. That’s how i refer to Owhore. Also cockwhore, cumdumpster, and semen demon. As for him, I usually just go with The Prick, that rotten prick, Captain Evil, or Johnny Rottencock.

  7. I am so pissed off at my cheater that I just call him Asshat. It’s too time consuming to type something longer! OW’s name is slightly more imaginative…. Despite the generic nickname, my posts are still strongly laced with profanity, LOL.

    • Too funny! My dad called my ex ass hat or ass clown. I just think it is hysterical my dad won’t even mention him by his first name. Oh he calls him narcles the ass clown at times too.

      • I call him fuckface and my sibling call him “drunk uncle” from the skit ON Saturday Night Live a few years ago. So spot on!

      • Yes, my Ex referred (post Dday) to my brother (who had his number a long time ago) as “your crazy fuckface brother.” Ex also referred to my best friend (who also had his number a long time ago) as “a flapping cunt,” as in, “You tell that {hername} to stop flapping her cunt all over town saying bad things about me!” because she was telling people I kicked him out for cheating. HAHAHAHA

  10. Hi Chump Lady I didn’t intend for my real name to be put on screen please can you edit with my screen name UKChump

  11. My names for him have been pretty tame. I try making them humorous to me rather than help channel my anger. One favorite is Paxil Rose. I also enjoyed referring to him as The Credit Risk for a while. I thought it sounded superhero-like.

    • Idiotic Twat.

      First thing I did was change his contact name in my iPhone to was “Idiotic Twat.” That seemed to take me to the right mental place I needed to be before I communicated with him.

      He’s not the person I thought I married, who was… actually human. So he didn’t deserve to be called by his name in my mind.

      He wasn’t bigger than me (mighty wise. He is actually much bigger). Or tougher. Or stronger. Or smarter.

      He’s an idiot. Who is annoying. That I CAN TAKE DOWN!

      Hence, Idiotic Twat.

      • It did make things difficult when I would capture incriminating responses from him via text. I would screen shot it to my lawyer (who happens to be my stepmom), and she was like, “Now how am I supposed to use that screenshot in court? You realize this goes on a 30′ screen, right?”

        Oops.

        • For 200 bucks an hour they should be able to figure out how to crop a pic. It’s built into Windows tools. Or add a fuzzy bar over the bad stuff “For privacy”

      • Our 14 yr old daughter has started calling her dad That Twat, and sometimes Idiotic Twat. But only when he’s being a pain in the ass (about half the time). And no she didn’t get that from me! To my kids, I just call him ‘your father’. Always used to call him ‘papa’, but the kids made me stop, once they realized he was lying to them and didn’t care about them 🙁 .

        I just call him my ex – quite satisfying, or sometimes cheater narc. She’s Schmoopie, ’cause it was twu lurv, until it wasn’t.

        • I’m not much of a potty mouth myself, but I have my moments of potty mouth.

          My daughters refer to the OM as “garbage man” I prefer “asshat” or “Mr. Sparkles”. I haven’t yet come up with a name for my ex-wife, but I like your reference KarenE and just call her “ex”. No drama, no anger just ex a “nobody”.

          Great Post CL/CN !!!!

          • I grew up in the church (NOT with phony Jesus Cheater types) so the potty mouth stuff doesn’t come easy for me either. But after what I’ve been through it now comes a bit easier. My friends and I call the stbx the NA ClusterB for narcissistic asshole and ClusterB because we can’t decide if he is a narcissist or sociopath- it really is a toss up. I know, pretty mild, but it works for me.

              • That’s pretty funny, Nicole. When I separated from my ex, his mom, his brother, his cousin, and his aunt had all separated from their spouses within a 6 month period. I called them The Divorce Force.

                Now I just call them The Dark Side. And, mentally, when I see them, I hear the Darth Vader theme song.

              • I love Divorce Force and the Dark Side. They are very fitting for these nuts. My husband is from a family with a lot of divorce in it too. His mom has been married 3 times and was the OW with her last husband (I just found that out). I can’t believe I ignored that red flag- especially since I’m from a family that doesn’t have much divorce it. Head slap!

              • I’m leaning toward sociopath because he really seems to have no conscience at all at this point. Creep.

              • Even seasoned therapists have trouble telling the difference between them until they start strangling puppies. One distinction I read was that narcs feel pain for themselves (but not for others), whereas sociopaths don’t feel pain for anyone. Take that with a grain of salt.

              • Interesting Tempest. I haven’t heard or read that one. I guess it doesn’t really matter because they are all severely character disordered but it is interesting for sure. In the book “Sociopath Next Door” it talks about how the Inuit tribe calls these types of people “kunlegeta” which is similar to psychopath. If someone is labeled “kunlegeta” in the tribe they are forced to go hunting by themselves and then, with no witnesses, a tracker is sent after him to push him off the ice and into the water. Problem solved. I giggled when I read that.

              • I don’t know how correct this is, but I read that the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is that a sociopath lives on the fringes of society – it is immediately obvious that there is something wrong with them, they were damaged in childhood (usually) and are liable to smash things up and have little self-control. A psychopath, on the other hand, is an expert at blending into society, will manipulate and mirror, is usually conniving and strategic and was born that way.

                I’ve no idea whether that’s accurate, it’s really annoying there’s no clear distinction!

        • Haha, KarenE–I usually refer to OW, now the fiancee of my X, as “Schmoopie.” I always change my voice when I say it, though. If you have ever seen Tony Curtis in the WWII comedy Operation Petticoat, imagine saying “Schmoopie” in the same tone of voice that Curtis called for Ramone. I love “Schmoopie” as a nickname, since you can say it so many ways to convey everything from ridicule to derision.

          For the XH? First, I love referring to him as XH, even more than STBX. In real life, I just don’t talk about him much. I started referring to him as “Mr Chuckles” or “Mr. Happy” because he’s clearly miserable most of the time. Also, there was a Chuckles the Clown in his native city, and I think that XH’s lying is so laughably obvious that he’s definitely a clown.

          • There is also an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry gets a girlfriend and they can’t decide on pet names but eventually decide on schmoopie and everyone finds it revolting. Great episode- of course.

          • That’s funny.. my brother would mock out Ex, saying “schmoopie” in a Groucho Marx voice. It always made me laugh.

          • My therapist told me there is a now a diagnosis for the sociopathic/narcissist which is what I was married to.

    • I LOVE Dog Fuckers and your use of Closet Dog Fucker(s). I have re-used them frequently. Thank you Clip. You rock!

  13. I call my ex “that guy I accidentally married.” It isn’t foul, but it always draws a snicker.

    I call my fellow victims of his lies “poor bastards.”

    My foul language is usually around the actions, like, apparently it’s so incredibly important for your dick to go into new and different fuckholes all the time that you’d give up everything to keep fucking strange, etc.

    • They WILL give up EVERYTHING to keep fucking strange no matter what else they have and how long they have had it and that is what is so sad. I called XH a Whoremonger and called his OW a Whore but he did not react as he has adamantly and steadfastly denied the undeniable physical evidence, calling me crazy for even broaching the subject. OW is a blonde-haired, sea green-blue-eyed, red-faced, Snoopy-nosed, Popeye-chinned, tattooed-foot, carpenter’s dream whore-ass bitch slut with no morals who knew we were together when she knocked boots with him.

      • Chumptacular…it is so frustrating and maddening when they deny what you see with your own eyes! And then call you crazy…adding insult to injury! Mine called me ” insecure” and told me to “see a shrink” when i called him out. It is beyond me how they can claim to LOVE you and then treat you so badly.

  14. Dumbass – I stole that one from my sister. Her first husband cheated on her and that’s what she called him for years. I got permission from her to use it because it clearly fit my situation too. When I post on CL, I typically just call him cheater – no capital C because he doesn’t deserve it.

    • mIne is either, sarcastically, FOTY (father of the year) or FUT (fucking useless twit), she’s the pink cow (as she wandered onto his field during a game of Farmville on Facebook – that’s TRUE love.

      The Karma bus be rollin’ tho. Married for four years, never lived in the same country together, FUT is getting divorced because they can’t be together. He is committed to his biological children until the youngest is 16. Let’s be clear, he has seen the kids for a total of four days since May 2015.

      The part that irks me is how he has downloaded the demise of his “marriage” to his desire to be in his kids lives until DS turns 16.

      Selfish prick

      Now my kids, most notably my DD, gets to eat the shit sandwich that she and her sibling may be the reason for the demise of another relationship.

      Oh and BTW, DD had surgery yesterday and FUT never called, texted, emailed to check on how she was doing. He did however text about how he will have to pay any amount not covered by insurance.

      Classic FUT.

        • MOW whore used to play Farmville incessantly. I’m laughing and having flashbacks all at once!

        • Farmville…..that is hilarious. I used to play that….. my stbx and I own a cattle farm….so the pink cow wandering into his field… too funny.
          since we own beef…that we sold to the public…..I call.him Burger Meister Meister Burger. He’s from the Christmas special The year without a Santa Claus.
          He’s been called the Governor. ..he thinks he owns everything.
          Her name is Migdalia….my girls couldn’t even pronounce it. He wrote on an envelope in phonics how to say it…..he rolls his tongue and makes this weird face. I can do it perfectly….cracks my kids up.
          I call her Miggie, MigMailya….she a mail carrier. And then I let the typical whore references fly. In court I have called her a whore. I told the judge it’s a biblical term.

          I never used to swear….my kids never heard either of us swear. His girlfriend texted me I was a Cunt. I never once ever used that word…..but now……
          Cunt cake
          CuntMuffin….waffle twat. She’s a mail carrier….so Mail slut, mail hole, hood rat, slut, slore, slunt, limp dick sucker, Swallow Back Girl…….
          I have tore up Gwen Stefani song….Hollar Back Girl…..

          ? How many times you been on your back taking dick up your crack…. I AINT no Swallow Back Girl……I Ain’t no Swallow Back Girl…….

      • PhysicsGal–what a POS father,more interested in avoiding copay than whether his own child is okay after surgery. Father of the year, indeed.

  16. I call him Narchole (as in narcissistic asshole) or Exhole on a regular day to day basis and exchange with everyday people and sometimes a whole lot of foul mouth things depending on the shit he has pulled at that given time. I am not a swearer but given the circumstances I have developed quite the potty mouth when I think of the asshole. Even then there is not a foul mouth word on this planet that can adequately capture who he really is. It’s just impossible.

    • Yep. I really like Narchole and may have to borrow this! Close second would be DBMC for Douche Bag Man Child.

  17. Well fuck me and the fucking horse I rode in on. How in the body hell do they expect us to express the mind fucked, soul shit upon, ass-clownery these bastard thrust (pun intended) on us. The assholes aren’t uncomfortable with the language, they are uncomfortable with us and the fucking situation we have been put in. They don’t want to hear about it, it scares the shit out if them and out of sight out of mind is their mentality. We have all seen this first hand when we have said something to certain people who will visibly cringe and pull away when we talk about what happened, they don’t even want to listen when the language isn’t coarse. My use of BBBHORE conveys just what I intend it to, combining the fact that she is a whore with where the where the fucking around started at. Maybe too much information but here in the relative anonymity of CN I think it paints the appropriate picture.

    • ‘Well fuck me and the fucking horse I rode in on’ Why do I love that so much? I love it. There is no Safe Space for the betrayed, frankly.

      Ride on, accubonded!

  18. I call mine the Fucking Asshole. And his OW the fucking c**t. Hate that word and have never used it…..until now.

      • I do not like to insult people in the way I have insulted the OW (not to her face, we haven’t been introduced). I don’t like calling women whores. I don’t like insulting sex-workers (she was not a sex-worker) because there is so much shit and exploitation in the business. It’s an odd thing for me to have this stuff in my brain, rolling around from time to time like I have silent Tourette’s – and my sympathy to those who actually do have Tourette’s.

        HOWEVER: had I not expressed what I think about these idiots in the APPROPRIATE language I think I may have spent time at her Majesty’s pleasure. Foul language has saved the British tax payer the cost of my jail time. See? I am the better person 🙂

        • It’s true, the epithets and expletives just roll around in your head. When I exhausted the usual corpus of swear words and nasty names, I started to make up some that I would be embarrassed to post here.

          Someone used to use “lily-livered fucktard;” my X liked young students so “twat-guzzling sexual predator” seems appropriate.

          • I’m trying to work more references to OW’s character as a woman of negotiable virtue, and what that means for XH (“pimp” seems wrong), who basically bought what she’d give away for free.

            I’m angry, but I’m allowing myself to see the absurdity of the whole thing, and finding funny nicknames or descriptions is part of this. Plus, they’d both of them hate it if any of these terms stuck and word got around in our smallish community, even though I’m more in the “gown” circles than the “town” circles.

            However, when I was at a committee meeting and someone asked me how things were going with the divorce, another colleague, whom I don’t see often, offered sympathy. I thanked her, and told her that it was okay, as it turned out I’d married a lying, cheating asshole. 😀

          • My X”s whore is now with child. He is 52 she is 23. New year. New problems. Lol I guess they think loads more responsibility will make you more responsible. Good luck Peter Pan!

        • When I call him Ho hub, and his ho’s whores and ho’s, because they actually are literal sex workers, then I’m in the clear, right? And let’s be honest…. Yes, sex workers get a bad wrap and all that, I don’t like using the term derogatorily. But… Many of the schmoopie affair partners are basically pay for play- they are jumping on their best chance at a step up sugar daddy/momma scenario… Which essentially makes them sex workers. They are often delusional and misinformed about their partners monetary situation but hey- players gonna play.

  20. He started out as “asshat” but then I found CL and the idea of narcissist sparkles and he then became “Narkles the Clown with his Flying Whore” because hey, not my circus not my monkeys. Besides I think we have a lot of asshats here already and I did not want the confusion.

    Also I had not until now realized the level of cursing here was any kind of issue. Like all good journalist I have been known to start conversations with “Fuck face, how are you?” or “Good morning whore-bag!” and those are people I know and love.

  21. Names for the cheater and his gold-digger?

    Informal: Asshole and Cunt-face.

    Formal: Lord and Lady Douchebag.

  22. I refer to mine as “Ike” because he was an abusive asshole. Also like to call him Droid or Fembot because he is not Human. Ive also used “Black Widow”…he mates, cheats and kills. And my all-time favorite…”The Black Ted Bundy”. He’s one strangulation and/or affair away from being a serial killer..of hearts that is

    • Okay – I LOVE “Ike!” So direct and to the point. After having seen “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” when arguing with the Ex over some passive-aggressive foul ass shit he was doing, I would frequently ask “how about we go for a limousine ride and work this out.” I frequently thought that even though he was King in emotional abuse, in a fair physical fight, I might be able to fuck him up.

      • Lmao. Every once in a while when I see him I say “Hey Ike” and he usually replies :My name is not Ike”but he alway ha’s this confused look like he doesn’t have a clue why I just called hime that. We have kids so I can’t do 100% NC yet. But he is a crazy soulless motherfucker

        • Remember the scene in “Sleeping with the Enemy” where the abusive husband corrects Julia Robert’s character for the towels not lining up? I used to line up the towel ends deliberately (and sarcastically) in front of X when I thought he was being too critical.

  23. Shitbox. Or at least that’s what I call him on here. Reason being that every time I see ‘STBX’ written on here, Shitbox is what my mind translates it as. Pretty tame, but I like it.

    • Someone close to me has referred to him as ‘The Big C’. Something apt in likening him to cancer. His actions and their repercussions are like a spreading disease. That is very tame though.

      I’m far too polite to have a proper potty mouth and use profanities. But if pushed, I’d go for ‘Peacock Cunt’. More to do with his excessive preening, than the size of his penis. But you could read it either way.

      • Oh, OffTheCrazyTrain; ‘ I’d go for Peacock Cunt’. Love it, even most of us would rather apply the C word to men. Excessive preening was what knocked me off my chair. Well said!

  24. I use husband stealing whore a lot for her and sociopathic asshole for him. If that’s even a word. But my favorite description right now, courtesy of CL, is “empty elevator shaft where his soul should be.” I still get a lot of smiles for that one.

    • Nancy, OMG that had me dying’ HaHaHa!!! So good! THIS perfectly describes the stress of our lives and lengthy divorce and EVERYTHING!! PERFECT cartoon meme for Chump lady to draw!! THIS needs to be on coffee cups and given to EVERY chump to drink their morning coffee as they are getting’ through their difficult days! Imagine: A picture of a toilet and the stubborn turd with the caption, I have a turd that won’t flush SO … I read Chump Lady.com! 🙂

      • Hysterical!! And we joke that we named the smallest room (bathroom) after the mow. And her first name is very close to Coleslaw, so I have so much new material!!

  26. I’m a fan of CL’s “fucktard” for “he who shall not be named.” I call the AP/OW “easy prey”. But I can’t take credit for that. That is what he called his ho-worker (who was very pregnant with her husband’s baby at the time) this when I discovered affair and he momentarily tried to get me to pick-me dance. Yes. I married a “man” who would refer to another woman as “prey.” As if the lies and mind fcks and gas lighting wasn’t enough (I was also pregnant during this but sadly miscarried at 4 months) but this comment alone was enough to make divorce the only option. ‘Cause fuck that!

    • Easypray – Mine never said that, but that is exactly what he did. He went after prey (me, OW, etc.). It was a twisted, sick, game to him. It was such a mindfuck, because even though I still “loved him” near the end (maybe I should say my emotional system was still attached to him), I kept having these intrusive thoughts about what a predator and a misogynist he must really be in order to behave as he had. I was never able to let those thoughts pass, and eventually, I couldn’t stay. I remember looking over at him one day and thinking *Who the fuck is the man I actually married?!?. He thinks women are only objects to be used for his pleasure. He disgusts me.*

  27. The ex (thank you to the Chump who gave me the insight to never use “my” when referring to him) is simply “Asshat,” although there is also a clever anagram that suits him, “cat’s enema.” LOL. The other woman is “SkankWhore.”

    Incidentally, early on, I once accidentally referred to OW as “SkankWhore” in Asshat’s presence, to which he responded “I will NOT have you talk like that about someone I respect!” I guess my coarse language upset his delicate sensibilities… Dickhead.

    • Kaycan, I’m laughing out loud, “I will NOT have you talk like that about someone I respect!”
      You should have told him You don’t respect either one of them, and he doesn’t dictate what you say then tell him to take his condescending tone and shove it up his dignified ass, or her fat ass.
      Pompous ass.

      • Haha that’s the kind of pompous ass tone the dickhead I married has now! Who the fuck do they think they are? Being a low life lying scumbag- fine… But a few justified expletives and they make out they’re like one of the waltons!

        • Ha ha! Whenever Asshat emails about a kid issue, he refers to them as “the children.” WTF? I know who they are… why not use their names or just say “the kids”? Gimme a break… I know you’re a community college drop-out, so your highfalutin’ wordsmithing doesn’t impress me!

          • Because they’re all growed up, dontcha know!!!! The two of them post “meaningful” crap on FB and giggle about how their childhood is behind them. Big words for Big Wuv!!!! Mine’s doing the same with the vocabulary. And poor wife he left behind … He feels sorry for me because of course I can’t live without him … but “a decision had to be made”. Give me a fucking break.

          • My ex does that too, refers to them as “the children,” very formal. And when he references me me to them, it’s “your mother.”

            He will also say things like: “I’ve not had the opportunity to check into that” (versus, “I haven’t done that yet”). I do have to quickly stop myself from replying: “And I’ve not had the opportunity to give a single fuck.” I know my violation of NC would be wasted on him.

            I think he believes this makes him appear high-class. Sorta hilarious if you knew where he came from and our respective positions in life post-divorce. But it’s all about the show for him, in his mind he is reading the lines.

            Ah well, tomatoe tomahto

              • Mine loves to use the same kind of high and mighty language. It’s always, “One would presume,” or “One would think,” or “Shall I assume you mean . . . ?” It drives him nuts when I mimic him and use the same language in return because it’s so freaking pretentious and dismissive. Oops, I meant to say, because it’s so fucking pretentious and dismissive!

              • yes, pretentious. Mine’s byline on his Ashley Madison account was “in pursuit of passion and excitement”–“in pursuit of…” who the fuck talks like that on a pickup site?

              • Tempest gross. Just gross. I repeat who falls for this shit?? assclown preferred customers, colleagues and office staff. and his emails texts were just as stupid and these stupid twit bitches fall for it.

        • So True Jo, suddenly they’re one of the Walton’s (funny). The X I was married also has a pompous pretentious ass attitude and comes off as if he’s one of the Walton’s. I’m going to use that from now on to describe him, John Boy.. I have described him as coming off as a boy scout but I like John Boy, or one of the Walton’s better.
          Speaking of terms used, X referred to me as our sons primary care caregiver as opposed to referring to me as our son’s mother?
          X is a condesending asshole. He has an attitude of superiority. I honestly believe he has the same personality as Ted Bundy.

      • That “episode” was a year ago, shortly after I kicked him out but before he’d officially found a place to go, so it was an extremely volatile time (to say the least.) I remember that comment unhinged me, and I think I went into a blind rage of cursing! I’m usually a very calm, even-tempered person, so this response surprised me. Later, I realized it came down to this: His SkankWhore was worthy of his “respect,” but his wife and children were not. While I regret that I completely lost my shit in front of him that night, I look back on it as a huge light bulb moment for me. That was not who I was… it was who he’d made me out to be.

        • It’s a mindfuck how they won’t stand for their whore to be “disrespected.” My then-sixteen-year-old daughter called the MOW a whore, and do you know what he did to her? He KICKED her. In her back, after she turned to walk away. He kicked his own CHILD to champion his slut. Mindfuck.

          • When I called her a whore he said don’t call her that. What is she? A pig. Yup.
            Your child has no contact I’m assuming.

          • Do. Not. Assault. My. Daughter.

            It will fucking not end well for you.

            God only knows how I made it into my daughter’s young adulthood to leave her asshole father’s ass, but I would not have if he had ever physically abused her in any way in my presence.

          • My aren’t they they quite the gentleman when they’re feeling superior. X in public comes across as cultured, sophisticated, courteous, impressive. Chivalrous even, witty, what a pleasure to be in his company. Get him behind closed doors and he sounds like a hill billy, or a country bumpkin, condescending asshole, ridiculing the everyone, how he can go from one extreme to another has always baffled me. Especially now as he uses his charm in the courtroom to screw me.
            Sleazy, vile, repulsive, vulgar, revolting, hideous excuse for a human being.
            This just came to mind as I was listing adjectives to describe Cheater. He’s also a sneaky, heinous coward, he would never confront someone especially a man or anyone with any kind of authority, if he had a problem or complaint with anything in our neighbor hood or any service we received or someone offended him, he would write unsigned notes and mail these notes or letters to them, some would be long and insulting, ridiculing, condescending and insulting every aspect of them from their intelligence or lack of to the vehicle they drove.. slimy,weasel.. yuck!

    • Seriously kaycan-I just can’t with these flaming turds. I almost choked when I read that. I am sorry, but that is HYSTERICAL. Does he respect Pol Pot, Idi Amin, and Bin Laden too? Good God, he is twisted idiot!

    • I never use “my ex” either. It’s the ex. I don’t want any part of him.
      Fuckface or Mr. Cheaterpants work for me?

  28. My ex is either Romeo or The Predator and his little tart is either The Moll or El Cheap. Not very clever I know but it gets my point across. However, I have a girlfriend who used to work with my ex and me both and when she is talking about him and what he has done, she turns the air blue. She says enough for the both of us. 🙂

  29. I emailed the wanker once, telling him to “fuck off you obnoxious cunt”. This was in response to him stating that hospitalising me was ‘regrettable but deserved’. He replied asking me to watch my language. I could say the same about his fists! Knob head.
    He’s becoming a distant memory now thankfully….

    • Sadly not. I got some legal advice that scared the shit out of me. Guy said I might not win as I didn’t report it at the time and I honestly just couldn’t deal with going through all that. Looking back I kind of wish I had but my head was so messed up then and I wasn’t making good decisions. I just had to focus on get better- I’m nearly at meh now I think.

  31. I love being a potty mouth. I do not apologize for it. Never will. When it comes to the ex (the fucking asshole who was a functioning alcoholic for our entire marriage, basically sat in a basement and drank each night and then because his family is uber wealthy (millions) and he could afford to do so (although his family’s wealth in no way fucking explains why, during our marriage, he salted away hundreds of thousands of dollars on a line of credit that was only in his name and of course, during disclosure discussions between lawyers, all we got was a fucking spreadsheet (really?) to explain the $200K debt)… divorced me for a 15 year younger, married with 2 kids woman that he was dating LONG before he even asked for a divorce well, as you all know, she’s not a woman in the true sense of the word as our families were well acquainted for many years. She is just now getting a divorce from her chump. But I digress…

    She’s a fucking skank. No better way to put it. ‘She’s a skank’ just doesn’t cut it.
    He’s a fucking liar. To me. To the kids.
    He’s a fucking thief.
    He’s a fucking cheater.

    …and ya know… it does feel good to express it just like that.

    Chump Lady… google:

    people who swear more

    You will come across quite a few links like this one:

    http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2015-12-17/study-people-who-swear-more-are-smarter-have-larger-vocabulary

    People who swear or swear MORE… well:

    They are smarter
    ….and
    They are more honest.

    There it is.

    Chump Lady. I fucking love you.

  32. I call him x (doesn’t deserve any emphasis or importance) or when I’m in a foul mood he’s “my chidren’s sperm donor”

  34. I too developed the obviously contagious “potty mouth” upon being chumped. Cursing was not something I did often before but I tend to throw F-bombs like birdseed these days. I haven’t, however developed any special names other than liar and cheat as for me they are sufficiently vile. I have learned how to inject ” for fucks sake” into as many conversations as possible.

  36. Ho Hub. Because I hate the term hubby and I’m stuck married to him for a bit, and he is a Ho, and he is the doldrums of boring (Ho hum) about most things because he is busy with ho’s

  37. A mutual “friend” of all three of us – Fucktard, me, and the whore – used language that enraged me for its complete minimization of their actions: their “choices that went against their own social norms,” and “bad choices that went against their own personal commitments of what they want to live up to.” They “made mistakes which did harm.”

    Going topless in public (for a woman in the US) is a ‘bad choice’ that goes against social norms. : Failing to go to the gym after deciding to get in shape is a ‘bad choice’ that goes against a personal commitment you want to live up to. Failing to signal a turn and causing a fender-bender is a ‘mistake that did harm.’ What they did killed my soul, and seriously maimed my daughter’s soul.

    It was only when I went nuclear with my language that she even STARTED to get off her new-age, squishy, ‘don’t be judge-y’, ‘these are good people who made mistakes’ high horse (nah, new-agey, probably a llama) and start to get an inkling of the utter awfulness, and my rage and my despair.

    CL is right: ‘softening’ the language used about cheating makes it seem so much less awful than it really it. F-bomb away.

    • I would love to see CL do the complementary column to this one: all the enraging ways the cheaters and their partners and their families and Switzerland friends use minimizing language.

      • Oh man, you’re so right. We could do with a new post on fucking Switerlanders, Neutrals and Fucked Up Enablers. Fuck the lot of them. They fuck with your head with their minimising ways.

        The fucks were for the sake of today’s post. But fucking hell, CL is right. Swearing felt good! Fuck fuck fuckety fuck!!

        • Yes yes yes!! we need a whole blog post on the things these Switzer-fakes have to say, for example, said to me recently, “Now, Muse, it wasn’t ALL bad with asshole! you need to stop being so toxic!”

          • Un fucking believable….dump their sorry ass, Muse. I hope you have moved on from this Switzer-fake.

            Aaarrgggg…people like this make me so angry…arrrgggg…..

      • I heard from x : “I let you down”.

        Mind you, somewhere near d-day he also said ” there was seldom a time I wasn’t screwing other women during our 27yrs of marriage”.

    • How do they get all those llamas in Switzerland? That’s the real question. And what do they do with all the incense while riding them? Can you achieve a good lotus pose on the back of a llama?

    • ChChChump I couldn’t agree more: the minimizing language of cheater’s family and Switzerland friends needs a special post. Thankfully I have gone NC with all of those but just the other day somebody told me about a conversation she had with my ex-MIL who was expressing her concern over the fact that her baby is humping a 26 year old chick that she fears will leave him and brake his heart. What.The.Fuck? He broke the hearts of his wife and two young boys, blew up our lives to go hump the OW and her fear is that he will get his heart broken when the whore will leave him? I mean, these people are stupid morons, psychopaths, what? I don’t get it.

  38. Another dumbass term – affair fog. Yeah right. More like high on pussy juice, ego kibbles and entitlement.

    • agreed. Interestingly, I’m the one who felt like I was coming out of a fog after I kicked cheater to the curb (ooops, I’m supposed to swear in this post so substitute dumb ass for cheater). As his lies unfolded and he wasn’t brainwashing me with his gaslighting and manipulation anymore, my head became clearer and I saw him for what he really was instead of what I spackled him to be. Affair fog my fucking ass – the chump fog has lifted!

  39. Tracy, I don’t think you would be getting nearly as much flack for cursing if were a man writing a blog about infidelity. The Internet and blogosphere would be cheering on your “blunt, no-nonsense attitude.”

    But because you’re a girl, you’re supposed to be nice. And it’s this desire to to be nice and fear of causing offense or disruption, that causes a lot of chumps to remain stagnant and make stupid decisions.

    For all your fiery rhetoric and stupendous profanity, you’ve never responded abusively to commentators on your blog, even the cheaters and OW who have written you letters or posted comments.

  40. On my iPhone he is Lying Cheating Douchebag Fucktard – “LCDBFT” for short bcs there is not enough space for all the names I’d like to call him ?
    I love this site BECAUSE of the cussing.
    Anger is far better than analysis paralysis boo hooing.

    • My sister came up with: “f***youeffingf***erf***tardf***facef***er” but way too long. I use Sad sausage or Idiot in general conversation. And the girl-child is M@@@@@@Trash, or Trashican as my friend coined it. During fake reconciliation I confronted sad sausage when he wanted me to just stand by while he continued to cheat “just a little” b y texting “just a little”, talking “just a little”, or going to lunch “only in groups” with the girl-child he was FUCKING. He looked at me with such shock and awe that I said “yes, it’s vulgar. What you did was vulgar.” End of 35 year relationship right there and then. Hope that is still ringing in his ears, his filthy ears.

      See I can barely even type it even with anonymous name.

  41. The STBX is unworthy of an actual name, so I refer to him as The Unmentionable. As for his one true love, I call her Charlotte the Harlot. (And no, Charlotte isn’t her real name.)

  42. I love potty mouth love love fucking love it. The mow: Masturbation face. Walking wet hole. Fucking whore. Really really shitty mother. Brother fucker. Weasel faced illiterate mynah bird.

  43. As a woman of a certain age (okay, 51), I was raised to be a polite lady by typically conservative Southern parents. When married, my former husband thought it absolutely vulgar for a swear word to come out of my mouth. One the very rare occasions I used profanity to communicate my anger or distress, he would look at me with horrified revulsion and say, “Control yourself and don’t talk like a sailor.”

    I have since kicked that motherfucker to the curb and am enjoying my motherfucking new life. Buh-bye, asshole!

      • CE,
        I agree with the poster above – the prohibition on swearing applies only to women. It is society’s attempt to contain and control a woman’s anger. If you can’t say it, you can’t feel it. If you can’t feel it, it doesn’t exist. So, a woman’s profanity directly challenges the status quo.

        Who is admired for “taking the high road?” Women. The public image of the restrained, dignified, SILENT wronged spouse? Sandra Bullock. Maria Shriver. Elin Nordegren. Jennifer Anniston. Women who did not “stoop to his level” but “kept their heads held high” and “focused on the children.” Stay classy, Chumps!

        Well, I say, NO MO, MOFO! A day may come when we roll over and bite our tongues but it is not this day! This day we fight! And say Fuck! Many, many times.

        • “Well, I say, NO MO, MOFO! A day may come when we roll over and bite our tongues but it is not this day! This day we fight!”

          Where is the LIKE 1000 Times button for this? LOLOLOL!!!!

        • Amen, Eve!! It’s not only liberating to swear and show anger, it’s downright feminist of us.

          (interestingly, one of the books I’m reading on the harm of therapists pushing “forgiveness” is that it is the disenfranchised and disempowered who are most likely to be told to forgive their oppressors, and the author specifically mentions women. Fuck forgiveness, while we’re at it.)

          • I agree, they tell us to forgive because they think there is no other choice, so we need to pretend that we are now okay with what happened. I’ll never be okay with it, I’ll never understand it, I’ll never be able to depersonalize it. Sometimes things just suck. Forgiving those who are neither repentant nor reformed is just silly. I have no interest in playing the fool any longer and I will never allow myself to be so powerless.

        • I bet all those ladies did some swearing in private. And Elin smashed up his car windows with one of his own golf clubs. Go girl.

          • Elin was fucking epic. I love that.

            Now maybe for the average chump, it wouldn’t be wise, but when you have a supermodel and a golf pro, I think they can afford it – SHE can afford it can still raise the kids comfortably, while telling the whole fucking world this shit is not okay.

            Epic.

  44. Before I post my description of the slime, I thought I’d share an amusing story, once when we were having an “discussion” on our relationship. I brought up that he was distant and asked if there was something bothering him. He said no it was me, I’m never happy.., (something along those lines). I then said I was getting tired of being treated like shit..
    OMG! X went into a rant.., listen to your mouth!!! you’re white trash!!! that’s what you are, white trash, I’m married to Trailer Trash.., I replied you use worse language and your sisters cuss like sailors and driver with their middle finger out the window with them screaming the F word at almost everyone on the road, you don’t call them trash. That’s just how they are, but you’re trash.. I wish I had used harsher language than shit at the time, and made sure I repeated myself every time he looked over at me.
    Now to work on my description of the individual I married, trusted, loved and devoted/wasted 20+ years with .

    • Ask Fuckwad what he remembers from the two years I was doing the pick me dance…he will tell you he can’t forget how I said I hated him ONCE. ONCE, while I was huddled against a wall, having a panic attack, begging him to please please please have some empathy for me. All while he stood there over me expressing scorn. Damn right I hated him in that moment. But apparently I wasn’t allowed to actually SAY something like that.

  45. I mostly lurk here but I’ll join in the fun. I refer to the xwife as ttlc, two-timing lying cunt and since her om is supposed to be a farmer (he lives on his daddy’s land in a trailer his sister gave him) I refer to him as her farm fresh fuck buddy. And if course they live on fuckbuddy farm. He also plays in a garage band I call fucktard and the fuck nuggets. Useless every damn one of them.

    • I would call mine a three-timer, due to his involvement with his (8 years) long term stripper friend-with-benefits who charged a fee for services, but he was frequenting other stripper-prostitutes as well, so five-six-seven-timer-plus?
      The OW, the affair partner who provided free services, who was at-bat on d-day, is now officially his current “girlfriend.” He lives in her house and “works” from home while she works. And she isn’t special, because in those seven months he was cheating on me with her, he was cheating on her with the long term good friend stripper prostitute and the smorgasbord of others.

      In my calendars and documentations I ID him as NPS for narcissistic psychopathic sociopath. I don’t have any “names” for him, but I know he’s one of the modern day biblical demons. I don’t say it outloud, but to myself, I call him a cunt-stuffer.

  46. Oh and bcs the LCDBFT ASSHAT is a serial cheater – he fucks em all but keeps the “respectable” one as his main squeeze (for his outward appearance) the OW are all referred to as cum dumpsters. How’s that for cussing? 😀

  47. He is now the Cheater Ex and she is the OW. I should get creative. She could be The Grandmother. Cheater Ex didn’t pick a younger model with big boobs. No. He picked a woman the same age as me, 3 times divorced and a grandmother….who makes lots and lots of rock candy. What the fuck. (I have nothing against grandmothers and certainly hope to be one one day)

    I tend to cuss more when I talk about it compared to when I write about it. It pisses me OFF! I get Tourettes! And the whole thing has become Everything That Happened…that includes discovery, the lying, the kicking his ass out, hiring the PI, him moving in with OW, ending our homeschooling, selling the house DDay. EVERYTHING. Like he’s Voldermort in Harry Potter….He Who Must Not Be Named And All That Mean Shit He Did.

  48. Fuckedy fuck that fucking shit. Cosmo is the Bible for adultery and h g Brown was the Whore Queen Mother regarding fucking married men.
    I can’t imagine readers of that mag being offended by profanity, but who the fuck cares?

  49. I called my cheater many names (silently, in my head) like asshat, snake, manwhore, etc. Once I moved out, I really wanted to put one of those names as his contact in my phone, but I didn’t want my kids to see that, so I didn’t. Here’s how I think about him in my head (Liar, Henry Rollins-style). It helps me to never go back to believing him.

    https://youtu.be/awY1MRlMKMc?t=1m28s

      • Henry Rollins is my Spirit Animal. I saw that band a dozen times or more, and he used to send me handwritten postcards in my teens and twenties. There is even an original Photo Print of him right above the Bless Our Home Keyrack at the front door.

        He’s been my imaginary husband since 1985, basically. His hair is white like Anderson Cooper now, though.

            • YES. I consume all things Rollins. 🙂 Including his semicrappy indie B-Movie currently stinking up Pay-Per-View, He Never Died

              He’s not quite as bulked up these days, looks more like Uncle Fred from down the pub. But still a looker, a silver fox all the way.

              He also hosts Ten Things You Didn’t Know About on the History Channel.

              The acting needs work, Hank. Don’t quit your other 37 jobs. 😛

              • Oh, I’ve never seen this – “Ten Things You Didn’t Know About” on the History Channel. I’ll have to see if it’s online anywhere since I don’t have cable. Thx!!

              • Ugh Luziana, I hate to burst your bubble but my old boyfriend used to tour with Henry back in the 80’s and he was quite the douche to his girlfriend. He was verbally and physically abusive. No bueno,indeed.

        • Rollins. Never seen a human beast sweat as much as this dude while he’s performing. Transcenfuckingdental. (This is my first post. Nice to see so many musical kin.)

    • I confess I never listened to Henry Rollins’ music in years past but saw this video recently and it viscerally “gets” what life with the Raging Narc was like.

    • Holy Shit! Right down to the smile and the knowing eyes.
      This describes my existence with my ex. It certainly was not a life.

    • Not surprisingly, the X loved this song, but I didn’t know at the time, it was because he admired the concept! He was a VERY good liar.

    • This is my X, I was married to this.., I have a picture of X looking at me while I took his picture, X has the same enraged look as this guy.
      Thanks for sharing I’m going to use this video as reference if for any reason I become nostalgic.
      I have the photo of X and his enraged face on my desk for the same purpose.

    • Ooh, I like it! Asshat’s OW is Florence (alt Flwhorence) Sluntingale. I can’t remember who but another chump gave them a mashp name of Flohat, lol.

      • Lol! The mashedup name in my case would be Pigcumdumpsterfucker!

  51. Actually I have you to thank CL, for properly identifying his genus and species: he is a prime example of Disordered fuckwit.

    I also use the common name Stupid Motherfucker.

    What he did can ONLY be described as a shitstorm of mindfuckery and assholery.

    I don’t generally trust people that don’t cuss…

      • My ex (a professional saxophonist) listed himself on dating sites, playing up the fact that he was a creative artist, blah blah blah…and put this quote, “For all your saxual needs” under his photo. Gah!!! I started referring to him as Dick with a Horn, or Horny Dick at that point. But these days he goes by the name Loser Fucktard.

        • Piano mommy, “saxual” needs, that’s hysterical. Yes, KM, who do these losers think they are. The X I was married to had some stupid comments in reference to himself on his dating site profile. I’ll have to think to remember what they were. What I can remember is he had about a dozen photos of himself with his muscle shirts on and purposely posing with his arms flexed to show off his muscles. I wish I could remember some of his comments. They were some of the stupidest things I’d ever heard and I can’t believe anyone would have thought anything other than what an asshole but apparently they do.

  52. I’d consider myself a relatively conservative religious type (although if you talk to some, I’m a flaming liberal because I believe in the ordination of women). I go to church every weekend, I send my daughter to Bible camp, I run a religious blog, and I got my bachelor’s degree from a very conservative religious school where you could get kicked out for having sex before marriage and things like that. I used to joke that if a swear word was in the Bible, you could say it, so “hell,” “damn” and “ass” were the only words on my OK list. From the time I was 12 to the time I was 32, I did not use any s-words or f-words. Not once. 8 hours of unmedicated, Pitocin-fueled labor with my son and a posterior delivery of his 9lb-5oz baby butt… no f-words or s-words.

    I found out that my husband was cheating on me and I cussed him out like a sailor. My XH also considers himself religious (Mormon, obviously not a very good one) and in 11 years of marriage I never heard him say any swear words (or even “poop” for that matter). He started telling me, “Watch your language!” and I said, “Oh, that’s great, you’re more upset that I’m saying ‘fuck’ than you are that you fucked that woman!” Swearing after penting up my rage and frustration for so long was really cathartic.

    I don’t have any particularly clever names for XH. I do recall telling him, “Fuck you and the whore you rode in on,” which I did think of on my own, though I know I’m not the first person to think of it.

    • Did you use the term here? I commented above about reading it here a while ago. Except I think it was ‘whores’, plural. Loved it then, love it now.

      • I’m sure I’ve posted it here somewhere, though you bet I actually said it to him! Would have been just one whore for mine. “Whores” sounds even more like the original saying, lol.

      • “Fuck you and the whorse (whores) you rode in on!” was something I used to say a long-arse time ago (and probably said on here once or twice) when referring to the Fuckwit and his Red Headed Hag – aka the girl who was so fat that Fuckwit probably had to ask for directions to reach her vagina.

  53. My friends call him Voldemort because I’ve told them I never want to hear his name mentioned.

    I have called him Wasband or when I’m in the mood, “emotionally abusive, lying, cheating, smegma piece of fuck-stain”.

    Thankfully I’m long passed Tuesday…

  54. And you know who is really insulted by profanity? The RIC, and cheaters. Don’t say your ex was “fucking a whore in the Walmart parking lot “. They were ” making love ” or “being intimate” or some crap. No, it’s fucking. Pure and simple. Ex was also offended by whore being called a whore. Even though her nasty ass called me the c#$t word. Slut.

    • Why are these guys so protective of the ow’s honor? I dont get it. She is the one acting like a slut. Yet he reveres her as if she were the Virgin Mother. Why? And yet he has no problem smearing me…the wife. Why????

      • Yo, it took me a while to figure that out myself. I finally realized that, as usual, they are defending themselves. Not ow. They know they are whores. However, if they admit ow is a whore, doing something wrong, etc. they are essentially saying that’s what they are as well. Ow good equals cheater good (in their fucked up mind s).

      • Because people are ornaments to cheaters. If you insult their ornament, they get testy (impression management and all).

    • just another blame shit. They commit adultery and us cussing and name calling is somehow bad? Our society is totally brainwashed at this point. Everything about the affair is our fault so we should be nice. I say fuck that shit. I’m not taking the crap off anyone. I will tell them straight up that cheating is on the cheater and the are all fucking whore cunt scumbags! That’s what’s so awesome about CL, we learn that it’s ok to stick up for ourselves.

  55. I never apologize for using the “words” when referring to X. He has earned them, I dont remember his real name. 31 fucking years he fucked around, CON-fucking asshole. BTW this is a grammatically correct sentence according to Uncylepidia.

    Fuck fucking fucked fucker fucking fuckups fuck fucking fucked fucking fuckup fucking fucker’s fuck

    I also like motherfucker, asshole, fucktard…

    • I learned this in a linguistics class in college: “Fuck” is known as an “internal intensifier.” It’s the only one in the English language. You insert it in the middle of another word to intensify your point. Linguistically, all native speakers of English (I have no idea if this would hold true for speakers of other languages, sorry) know exactly where to place the “fuck” (i.e., which syllable it should become). I still to this day remember my professor using the example of Lake Winnipesaukee to show that we could place the “fucking” in the right place (Lake Winnipe-fucking-saukee)!

  56. The cheater narrative is to romanticize cheating. They don’t fuckaround, they make lurrve.

    It’s not a washroom selfie with the toilet in the background, it’s connecting with their soulmate, so what if they take a shit while sexting with their soulmate, it’s admirable to multi task. They can shit, wipe, flush and be all sexy in the moment.

    Cheaters are having an “affair”, an affair is classy, even if the “affair takes place in a parking lot, a pay per hour motel, in the back seat of the family van, or exchanging groin pics while on holiday with your family.
    Yup….classy “affair”, they don’t fuck around, cheaters are appalled by foul language when caught.

    Poor cheater ears are sensitive orifices, ears are off limit, even though every other orifice in their body is fair game in the name of fucking.

    • Well said. What is it about taking a dump that makes them feel all sexy and stuff? Vomit. So true…and remember..when she spreads her legs for the married om its “exuberant defiance” …not being a slut. Pretentious hog slop. Thats all it is.

    • Yup. I remember couples counseling and calmly explaining how Woody was fucking a massage parlor whore, and that I suspected he was fucking other women as well, but he had no intention of coming clean. He looked at me shocked, as if to say “where did this foul language and spitefulness come from?” This from a man who had no problem FaceTime masturbating with his whore?!

      • Face time masturbating? OMG. Really? Face time masturbating. Wow. I am sure the SA I was with did this when I called the office and he was out of breath. Said it was his asthma or that he just ran in to answer his phone. I always felt he was lying but couldn’t figure it out. He worked alone in his office. Fuck me.

        Face time masturbating….blow me down….

        I have received quite the education from CL.

      • Omg, I remember a similar counseling session with X. X was 20 minutes late for the appt. claiming he got lost on the way there following my car. The counselor sat with us and said something about us being there for marriage counseling. X got up as if he was in shock and said what?? marriage counseling??!!
        she never told me that, she said we were coming here to discuss our son!!
        X had this stupid fake shocked look on his face.., then said she’s lying.., I’m done.. and he left.
        So full of shit, I hate him.

  57. I had him as EX in my phone from the day he moved out, but I usually refer to him as DICKhead, when his whore was in the picture – i referred to her as SKANK, HoWorker

    And speaking of names, I think it’s about time I change my name here (not that I post that much – but ready every day) but I’m no longer a victim, which was what BetrayedFriend implied.

  59. I’m with you, CL and CN. I’m not a big swearer, but infidelity brought it out in me. My husband fucked me over. If he’s allowed to do it, I’m allowed to say it

  60. I simply call mine “The EXpletive.” It encourages whomever I’m talking with to label the lying cocksucking whore for themselves and I usually get some interesting responses.

  61. I use cheating, lying, porn-addicted, prostitute-using, narcissistic, misogynistic, attachment-disordered on-line dating junkie, but “shitbag” works for short. My language automatically turns foul when I am speaking about him. Yet he still wants us to work together “for the best interests of the children.” Hello, mindfuckery (love that word!!!)

  62. I call mine “shit head.” But I think my favourite one that I saw here is “Narkles the Clown.” That one made me laugh out loud.

    Swearing around infidelity is the least of your problems when you’ve experienced this shit. Have at the cuss words!

  63. The kids and I call him Skip because he SKIPPED OUT on us. We call his affair partner, now fiance’, Miss W. My son started this and whispered, “you know what the W stands for right Mom?”. My children have been put on the back burner by my X and 22 years younger Miss W so many times…. I feel it is fine if this is as potty mouthed as my children get because THEY HAVE ANGER AND PAIN TO RELEASE TOO.

    We also sometimes refer to her as a Dingleberry (you know the little piece of shit that gets stuck to your dog’s ass fur and won’t fall off). Ha

    As I wave in and out of MEH, the need for “Fucking Liar and Fucking Cheater and Fucking Asshole” has mostly disappeared. It pops up when he occasionally does something that hurts the kids feelings AGAIN.

    I choose to keep looking forward for me, and when I am forced to look sideways because he acts up… I try to just consider him a Sorry Victim of his own stupid choices!

    Happy to understand he is Miss W’s wittle victim boy now 🙂

    • Oh, PA Princess, I laughed so hard . . . Dingleberry. Never knew there was a name for that ‘little piece of shit’. MoFaux and I called it a ‘What Not’ or a ‘ClingOn’.
      So, many thanks, DB ~~ you helped me find 2 names for her. MoFaux and What-Not/ClingOn. But she dumped him two months after DDay, so no matter.

      I referenced later in the thread that I had no name for her because I am going through this backwards today. Ever have one of those days?
      Shit-Bugger-Damn. BTW, Pearl-Clutcher, that is just one swear word. I’ve got a LOT more and I could not make it without them.

  64. Fat Bastard – there’s a very specific reason – he’s morbidly obese, 6’4″ and pushing 400lb. He’s also got red hair and since he’s gained all the weight he looks almost exactly like Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers movies, giant overhanging belly and man boobs included.

    He’s a fucking shit filled sack of lies and perversion with a tiny little inverted dick that doesn’t work for anything but porn any more – He’s a noballed cockless shit eating ass licking perverted impotent freak titted son of a bitch who would rather text pictures of himself jerking off to random online twitter tramps and instagram whores than actually have real adult sex with his wife.

    Fat Bastard sums him up perfectly.

  65. My bosses started calling him Douchebag before I even filed for divorce. I called him Dickhead. Now everyone in my circle refers to him as douchebag dickhead. I tend to call him the fucking douchebag dickhead. When you get chumped by a douchebag dickhead everything needs more emphasis, so I tend to add “fucking” as my adjective before most other words used to describe him:
    Fucking douchebag dickhead
    Fucking asshole
    Fucking loser
    Fucking sorry ass excuse for a dad
    Etc.
    Cursing is fun and releases stress. We all need that !

  66. I refer to my asshat/fuckard/selfish asshole/cheat fuck/limp Viagra dick, etc. when in polite company as the “previous occupant.”

  68. My ex’s name is Todd and my friends started calling him “Turd.” I even had him in my phone as such for a long time. But lately I’ve been calling him “ex-Douchcanoe” or “ex-Douchenozzle.” I don’t think of OW too often, but my friend said she looked like “A Thumb wearing a wig” so that is what we call her sometimes.

    • I would love to send this to Douche, The Douche, Super Douche, stinky hairy Douche, lazy ass Douche, ass hole Douche … he is such a Dickhead … but of course, he wouldn’t get it because he’s such a lame ass Douche who has no self awareness. The no longer OW was simply The Hostess (literally and figuratively) or Snaggle Tooth.

  71. Because the MOW is an overly-masculine redhead I get the most fun choosing names for her/him: Auburn Asshole, Ginger Gigolo, Side Show Bob or, when I’m feeling particularly respectful, Señor Side Fuck or Mr. Almost Better Than Nothing. If you think about it they’re kinda of 2 for 1 kind of slams because it also infers that the ex has homosexual tendencies, which is the ultimate put down given his self-perceived machismo.

  72. I never used to swear. It always seemed rather uncreative and pathetic in normal conversation, that someone could not express themselves without cussing.

    But once the cheating began, words failed me. The English language literally had no other words strong enough to express what I was feeling. So now I use them freely when discussing the situation.

    When my husband was cheating, I always made sure to refer to her when speaking to him as “your mistress.” He hated that. I told him that was simply the vocabulary word for who she was. But now that doesn’t work because she is his wife.

    Not to him, but to others, I have a special name for her. Her name is Stephanie so I call her Slutphanie.

    Him, I just call whatever comes to mind at the moment.

  73. I haven’t got a name for my cheater, but I have put the death march as a ring tone on my phone. This makes me laugh whenever he tries to call, and he is calling a lot recently as he needs money. Still if you go to the USA for new year then a skiing trip followed in Febuary by helicopter skiing in Russia plus a tax bill which will be due now, I can see why he might be anxious about the joint funds I moved into my account.

    When I did speak to him briefly before Christmas, I asked why he had not responded to my texts regarding my daughters birthday and Christmas arrangements. Too busy to respond apparently, well I am way to busy now to return his calls. But as I have been told by friends and in laws, shit happens so get over it. Perhaps they will give him the same platitudes.

    • Polly–what a horrible set of friends and in-laws! Spoiled milk happens. Traffic detours happen. Banging a foreign national 3 decades younger than you doesn’t just happen.

      Love the death march ring tone, though.

  74. Turns out, my ex husband was heavily into prostitutes. After D-Day, when I would call him Whore-Fucker (to his face), he didn’t like it. I said “What’s the problem? You ARE a Whore-Fucker, aren’t you? You can call me Dog-Rescuer or Coffee-Drinker and I won’t take offense. What’s the problem?

    After I kicked his sorry ass out and only had to communicate with him via email, I changed it to calling him “John”. (Obviously, not his real name) He never commented on me calling him that and I figured it would look better in the courtroom if any of my emails to him showed up there.

    Now the D is final and I have no communication with him, it’s just Whore-Fucker when I have to speak of him. Direct and to the point.

    • After D-Day, when I would call him Whore-Fucker (to his face), he didn’t like it. I said “What’s the problem? You ARE a Whore-Fucker, aren’t you? You can call me Dog-Rescuer or Coffee-Drinker and I won’t take offense. What’s the problem?

      Hilarious. I laughed out loud.

      I wish I could change his display name on my phone to something like that (though he wasn’t into actual prostitutes, just slutty women), but my kids use my phone and I don’t want them to see something like “Whore-Fucker” when Dad calls.

  75. On a serious note, I do believe all the flowery language does minimize the serious nature of adultery. Tell it like it is, people. It’s adultery, married people fucking someone outside their marriage. It’s sinful and wrong. Not cute, romantic, special. Just wrong.

    • Elucidating the serious nature and devastating impact of infidelity is both an art and a science, and CL and CN do it better than any other resource I’ve discovered. That being said, I think this art depends on context and sometimes flowery language helps and sometimes hinders.

      I think the same thing goes for describing this wrongness and destruction and trauma without coming across as bitter vindictive losers that didn’t have the mojo to keep their spouse. Art and science.

        • I suspect Buddy was referring to how outsiders think of us if we sound “bitter” when we describe being chumped.

          • conniered – Tempest is correct. I do not believe chumps are cheated on because of something they’ve done. My believe is that most chumps are contributing, engaged, giving, reciprocal, caring, empathetic spouses.

            What I love about CL and the folks who comment here is how well they articulate the truth about infidelity, the trauma of infidelity, and how they debunk the false narrative the cheaters cheat because their needs were not being met (i.e. as CL says “I wasn’t a smorgasbord of pussy” and “He had an emotional need for me to be 573 different orifices” – CLASSIC!!!)

            You can’t find this elsewhere on the internet.

    • I don’t think it’s minimizing. I think it’s therapeutic. And so it laughing about it, just as soon as you’re able.

      • The more I read about cheaters the more I realize just how sugar coated cheating is.
        In the majority of articles or books I’ve read if it isn’t said it’s implied that the Chump was somehow
        to blame. I think we have all read similar articles that suggest your X strayed because of what you wore to bed, you didn’t laugh hard enough at his jokes, what ever, it’s implied the Chump did or didn’t do something which caused the X to stray.
        Cheaters are excused and many times smiled upon and welcomed in social circles.
        If your a Chump we feel humiliated, a feeling of inadequacy, “friends” gravitate towards the cheater more so because they’re happy and fun. Chump isn’t as fun, Chump is worried, stressed and struggling to understand what happened feeling as if they’ve just been hit by a train.
        As we try and salvage our shattered lives while being looked down on as if we brought it on ourselves.
        Cheater walks out with the image of being a great guy, funny, fun to be around.. Chump had to have brought this on herself. She had a prize and blew it..
        I’ve learned being polite and poised, taking the high road by not saying anything or talking about what actually happened only excused the Cheater and made me appear as if I was guilty and to blame for Cheaters indiscretion.. as he said, he just couldn’t take me anymore.
        As if I had a mental illness and he couldn’t reason with an irrational person (Chump).
        If that were true, is that what you do when someone you love has a mental illness is leave them?
        The Switzerland friends and their understanding of what Cheater has done, comments which imply it was my fault.. no wonder Cheater cheated, you told Cheater to fuck off when you found out he was cheating, Chump, using language like that, no wonder he cheated.. ugh..
        Switzerland friends can piss off. Fuck them too.

  76. When you are unable to untangle the skein of fuckedupedness, you can still accurately call your cheater a fucking bitch whore. Entitled selfish narcissistic fucking bitch whore.

  77. Midlife Crisis Cheater XH: Peter Pan, Forrest Gump
    Cliche Younger Whore: Whoremelia, The Wicked Witch of the West (looks just like her, only whore isn’t green), or Rancid Snatch (he banged at lunch and drove my car that night – it reeked of sex afterward).

  78. In polite company, I refer to him as Mr.
    Per-versa. To those close to me, and know the whole story, he’s Fucking Wife-Pimper. Tempest and I share a similar experience with our ex’s.

    • I like “Fucking Wife-Pimper,” Boudica. And the word origin also fits my X to a T (perhaps yours, too?): ‘pimp 1607, perhaps from M.Fr. pimper “to dress elegantly” (16c.), prp. of pimpant “alluring in dress, seductive.”‘

      Mine looooovvvvved the Armani jackets and Diesel jeans, and even had some pale green leather loafers for a spell. Pimp, pimp, pimp.

      • Tempest, he was on the other end of the spectrum. In regards to appearance, my wife-pimper ex was a fly-under-the-radar guy: t-shirts, jeans and Keene shoes, A baseball cap
        to cover his increasing loss of hair. Quiet, unassuming, self-deprecating humor. The secret life surfaced about four months after the wedding. From the well-dressed, fashion-conscious, to Mr.Milqtoast,
        predators run the spectrum.

      • Pale green loafers? I’d be out of there like the motherfucking Roadrunner…

        Some “fashion” choices just appall me….

        • They were Italian shoes, so more tasteful than they sound. But the man did like to look good for the ladies….

          • Ikkkkk….my ex went through that phase! The shoes, clothes, even down to the SOCKS he wore (he would post pix of his daily pick of socks on fakebook)…the whole thing! He couldn’t pay for my daughters gymnastic fees yet he dressed to impress. Asshole.

            And while on the subject…my little sister penned him pencil dick or ‘PD’ for short. ❤️❤️ I love my sister❤️❤️ That alone has gotten me through some tough times.

  80. Thank God Cosmo is finally putting out articles on how NOT to get fucked instead of how to fuck.

    Congrats on the promo, Tracy. I hope other newswires pick it up!

    • I completely agree CalamityJane!

      When I was younger Cosmo magazine seemed to me for older women and now that I’m older, I figure it’s for a younger crowd? Either way, I am thrilled CL is spreading wisdom!!!!!

      As far as profanity? I’ve never been one to swear. Oh my!! After d-day, every swear word in the book flowed outta my mouth! The language I used was filled with anger galore. My friends that heard me with new vocabulary pretty much summed it up with, “it’s good you are showing anger”.

      Also, my take when I first read CL was mmmmm lots of f-bombs etc. probably two minutes into reading the blog, I didn’t even notice!!!!
      I became absorbed by fellow chump situations and similarities to my f-cked up world!

  81. Ok, so coming from the south we all cuss but we know where, when, and with whom we can do so, you know there are social rules about cussing only in appropriate situations of course. But I must say of all the name calling I’ve done they all seem to have the root word Fuck, or are related to Fucking itself. Everyone knows what Fuck means and it is very visual conveyance which expressly emphasizes the degree of the so called Fuck.

    For example: Fucktwit, Fuckwad, Fuckedup, FuckYou, etc. all fully understood by everyone, no misunderstandings, clear and direct.

    Just for laughs, my whole life my mother’s generation always cussed without literally saying so… you know just switch a few sounds or words like son of a biscuit maker instead son of a bitch. One of my favorites was instead of blurting out fucking it’s more polite to say freaking. What a con game, everyone knows what you’re thinking anyway, might as well let it out Son of a Bitch, Mother Fucker, Whore Cunt, Dick say what you mean! lol

    I still remember the first time I heard my Mom really literally cuss, I was in the midst of torment about my now ex and letting the profanity fly to my mother(inappropriate by southern social rules) , and she said “Listen to me all I care about is you, I don’t give a FUCK about him!” Hahaha Yes Indeed!!!!! Seriously, this was a bonding moment, here was my mother and I cussing the god damn mother fucking lying cheating piece of shit dick head. MY FRIENDS THERE ARE TIMES WHEN WE NEED TO SAY FUCK THE RULES!!!

    Fucker pretty much what I call my ex, he Fucked ow, he Fucked me over, he Fucked up his life, he is Fucked up, ……

    Ahhh, it still feels so good to call it like it is, just the FUCKING Facts. However, I think I need to add some variety and spice things up a bit in my vocabulary. Some of these posts are hilariously clever!

    • There’s an old Burt Reynolds movie, I think it’s “The End”. It was edited for television. I’m sorry, but “Gosh Darn Son of a Buck” just doesn’t do it.

  82. Big Shot.
    I was listening to Billy Joel in the car one day and the lyrics are my ex to a T. Wants to be the center of attention, know-it-all, fine Park Avenue clothes-wearing, sloppy drunk bon vivant who’s dead on the inside.

  83. Wow your column hits spot on. I was just thinking about this the other day. Case in point…. I was visiting some friends one evening and got a call the next morning from one of them who said that the people we visited the prior evening did not like my language. I seriously could not think of what I said. Apparently it must not have been that bad if I was having difficulty recalling how I had offended someone. Something about my ex husband having a fucking affair I guess. Can you believe it? Its the the worse kind of pain someone can go through (and I think I mentioned that too) and these proper assholes focus on my language???? WTF???? The thing is is that the divorce talk was such a small part of the evening. There were a lot of people there and we covered a lot of ground about a lot of stuff yet still thats what they focused on. I do not understand why some people need to deflect the intensity of the experience with the focus on the language? God I hate these kinds of people. I think from now on I will do the “you know what… when you walk a mile in my shoes and go through what I did and see the effect on your kids then you can judge me but for now go fuck your condescending judgmental self.”

    When I talk about the divorce I don’t sugar coat it… “My ex was a selfish narcissistic lying sack of shit who cheated on me with a fucking whore and then tried to blame the failure of the marriage on me.” Thats usually my narrative. People look taken aback but seriously thats what happened and I love saying it and it feels powerful. I once had someone ask me to tone down the language. I said “really….. you really want me to tone down the language when my husband brought a $50,000 BMS convertible out of our joint account on my birthday and then took his whore to The Breakers for the weekend? You really want me to tone down my language when my ex husband has down so much damage to my kids they need to be seeing shrinks.”

    FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!

  84. The Fucktard/AssDad and his OW is the Cum Dumpster/Thunder Cunt. There, I said it. And I’m proud of all of the names. They make me laugh. Shit, my phone autocorrects to ‘Fucktard’ every time I type the letter F. Hahahaha!

  85. The people offended by this “profanity” are people who don’t know this level of anger. Congratulations. Now fuck off.

  86. I am a user of colorful language. However, and surprisingly, my nickname for my ex is pretty tame but very accurate: Bundy. Equal parts Ted and Al.

  87. As of now my phone alerts me of a lying, cheating, manipulator. In conversation, he is asshat, asshole, fuckwad, fucker, exhole,……

  89. Big Chief Dumb Fuck and the Twatwaffle.

    BCDF is in my phone filed under “DO NOT ANSWER”

  90. One of the best things about CL is all the descriptive cursing! No need to hold back…
    Husband is SkidMark and MOW is Skank-whore, Skankerella, Bar Slut, or the Gaping Hole of Texas.

  91. Oh, where do I start?
    Payday whore? Miss Cumbucket? Miss ATM (both meanings will work)? Bargain Basement Surplus? Douchbag Depot? Maggot-infested Meat Curtain? “Best Before?” Gonorrhea Girl?

    If Im talking about my ex in public, I’ll throw in the odd primordial slime, deposit feeding holothurian, Beelzebub, Unclean Spirit, Linda Blair (which is unfair to Linda Blair as she’s a decent actor), Medusa, Cujo…or Ann Coulter (if I’m really mad). You know, ‘cuz it’s classier.

  92. My wife’s affair partner/ soul mate (eww) / OM…etc name is Peter. Could have been Dick or Johnson too. Dropping four letter words here has power. As much as my ex wife wants to white wash the history and put flowery passive language about her long term affair, the base gross shit will not be forgotten. I was having sex with my wife on the same day she had sex with this guy. i cannot tell you how even 4 years later I shudder at the thought.

    Fuck!

    • Chumpion – I found mobile phone records on D Day – with dates and times he texted / called her. It became very apparent to me that while he was washing his dick in the bathroom after we’d made love, he was also texting her. (Not that I kept a log of dates and times when we had sex you understand – but because there were hundreds and hundreds of texts and we had sex a lot – but especially in the evening, around about the times he was texting her – more tellingly – when I told him I was disgusted by that evidence, he never even tried to gaslight it – and believe me, he tried to gaslight tons of shit)! I physically threw up when I realised this must have been the truth. Took me a very long time to stop hurting myself with that information.

      • Oh, Jayne, he is vile. They pollute every positive or intimate moment in a marriage with their fuckwadery. Nothing is sacred to them, except for their own pleasure.

        • Thanks Tempest. I’m glad to say my mind has stopped dwelling on that particular abuse, but for such a long time I just couldn’t stop thinking about it – that’s what I mean about hurting myself with that information. I guess our brains are desperately trying to get us to see, and then reinforce, that they truly suck. We tried wreckonciliation, but I could never truly enjoy sex with him again – (he tried to pressure me into the more shall we say adventurous avenues we used to frequent, but I just couldn’t – I knew those avenues meant fuck all to him when he had them before).

          When you try to tell people about the pain of being cheated on – how do you get to tell folk all the horrors. It’s not possible, is it? So I reckon a few fuckity fuck fucks are mild compared to the actual truth.

          • That’s for sure! “If my cussing is offensive, wait til I tell you WHAT HE ACTUALLY DID TO ME”

            • Arlo – CL should quote this on the back cover of her book – succinct, to the point and TRUE!

              Can I also congratulate you on your Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ to describe that D Day-fresh purgatory. I can’t think of another visual image so heartbreakingly, poignantly apt.

  93. I call him pos (short for piece of shit). Of course he is not talking to me since I caught him the last time, so I use it when I am speaking about him to other people. I call her schmoopie (thank you), even when I am talking to my lawyer. I have no problem cursing- but somehow making fun of the situation by (over) cursing takes away the seriousness of the hurt (for me). So even though I normally swear like a truck driver, I find myself cursing a little less. I am having a sad day so maybe my answer would be different tomorrow.

    • Sorry you are having a sad day Lostandfound.

      ‘but somehow making fun of the situation by (over) cursing takes away the seriousness of the hurt (for me)’. I understand what you say here – perhaps there is a chance that expressing your anger so vividly might mask the terrible pain you have suffered / are suffering. I get it.

      I promise you, you can come here and curse like a fishwife daughter of a docker and we’ll all recognise you also hurt terribly.

      Come in and let those cuss words out. Start at A finish at Z, then go back to your favourite letter.

      Hope you feel a little lighter tomorrow x

    • I block the ex on my phone so I can’t have a funny name for him. When I refer to him to others he is “the ex”. Not “my” ex; just a nameless, faceless non-factor in my life. If I ever have to share the same space with again (only for one of our children’s weddings or the christening of their children), he will be referred to as so and so’s father. Not my ex husband.

      That is the only tie I have left with him and that is the only one that will ever be acknowledged my me.

      On CL he has been douchebag and the OW has been skanktress (now wifetress)

  95. Immediately post-D Day: Fucking asshole alien pod
    One year out – Asshole Unrepentant Douchebag
    Three years out – Shit-for-Brains and/or Microscopic Dickhead
    Five years out – Pathetic waste of human skin and or Dissolute Wastrel (went Shakespearian!)

    For the OW? Consistently – Syphilitic cankerous whorebag. Why mess with the perfection?

  96. During his tenure with me, the XBF maintained a relationship with his ‘former girlfriend’ ……In a failed attempt to throw me off the track, HE referred to her as the ‘town whore’…..

    I called her the ‘penis fly trap’.

    At last count, she’s been married EIGHT TIMES.

    • I always refer to him as douche bag!! I’m sorry, I can’t call him by his name as douche bag is so much more appropriate for that pile of shit!

    • OMG, ‘penis fly trap’ is perfect!!! The ex is now the ho’s SIXTH husband. But yours beat that record by two!

      • You know what else, when a man I dated briefly found out that the ex was now ho-husband #6, you know what he said? “Wow, she must have something, to attract all those men to marry her.” As you might guess, we’re no longer dating. I should have given him the ho’s name and phone number.

  98. I just call him x. He deserves only a teeny tiny microscopic moniker to match the role he will have in my life going forward. As close to invisible as possible.

    I did have a good nickname for one of his fuckbuddies who was also my (now ex) “friend”: BJ McSuckerson

    I am also 100% for cursing around cheating although I don’t do it too much IRL. Topic deserves it and it is cathartic.

  99. “Trou de cul” and “Colon” (great synonym for the first). I find I go back to my mother tongue for my go-to salty words…

  100. I have called my cheater “Fucko” from day one. All my friends, and even my parents know who I am referring to when I say “Fucko”. Its far more satisfying than using his proper name. In my phone, his ringtone is a barking dog and the profile picture that pops up is Kanye West–it was the best photo of a giant douchebag I could find.

  101. Creepycus complainicus of the genus “saddest panda”
    Credit to the website captainawkward for that one. Sums up the victim mentality of my STBX jizz monkey perfectly.

  102. I think I’m pretty mundane. My ex is “the fucking asshole.”

    His AP’s (who are best friends and co-workers, and who had group sex and individual affairs with him for over 15 years, including the one he married last summer with the other standing as “maid of honor”), are “the Worms”. This was a name chosen by my daughter because she could not bear to speak or hear their given names. When I’m in a mood? Then they are “those fucking worms.”

    As I noted above somewhere, to my children I refer to him as his given name, or “your ex-father,” since he does not see them at all.

    Honestly I’ve searched for years to come up with one or two word descriptions for my ex and his AP’s that fully capture and transmit the impact and horror of what he/they did. I used to go through the alphabet, a different letter for every day, and try to come up with names (i.e. on “A” day I would think of asshole, asshat, anus, appalling; on “D” day I would say douchebag, deviant, dipshit, dildo, devil; on “W” day of course it was whore, wretch, wanker, waste, wee willy; etc etc). I explored almost the whole alphabet, but nothing ever quite hit that nail on the head.

    Maybe when I read the above comments I will find the perfect descriptors (with lots of profanity thrown in, I hope!).

  104. I call him POS, Great piece of shit, psyco, jerk, Funkenstupid , some were copied from here. For the whores: Sex and the city whores wanna be, “rOcketship” ( sound funny in my language) the whore are super exploded for whoring around ?! “Leather” ( every body use it for a loooong time) funny & offensive in my language. = slot. When I get home I will read all of this & laugh !!! you girls are my therapy LOVE you CN do not give up!

  105. On D Day ‘The Great I Am’ was utterly mortified that I was swearing at him. Like, for him, being a lying, cheating, duplicitous shithead was a lot better than saying the words ‘fucking bastard’. I figured out later (cos actually, he’d heard me swear before – things like ‘traffic was fucking awful’ / ‘the bastard plumber didn’t turn up) – that he just HATED that I had the moral upper-hand and so had to find something, anything to be disgusted at me for! LOL.

    Some time ago we had a poster who ended up running for the exit when her pouting and demands that Chump Nation stopped using ‘foul language’ was utterly ignored. She then went on to trash CL’s book on Amazon. Yep, there went one of those ‘sensitive types’ who, IMHO had a melt-down because she found some syllables offensive.

  106. Since d-day, Pigfucker has been, well, Pigfucker because thats exactly what he did….fucked skanky little piggies.

    And the dirty pigs he stuck it in? Cumdumpsters!!! All of em!

    • P.S. I call him Pigfucker to his face and refer to the cumdumpsters as such to his face as well.

      More than once, he got contorted his cocksucker all frowny like and said…”God! Your language is spool offensive!” True story!!!

  108. I am not very original…I refer to them as ” you liar” “you asshole” “bitch” and “whore”. I cant believe someone would read a blog about something as serious and devastating as cheating…and make a big deal over some “naughty words”. How triffling! This is your fucking blog. Lets ignore the hypocrites and fucking cuss if you fucking feel like it. If anyone should be cussing it is chumps.

    • Asshole is his contact name. Limp dick, stick dick, MASTERBAITER, and The Limited are the names he EARNED.

      For her I reserved SlunT, borrowed from another Chump,. PickeneseChicken SlunT, and Usedupvagina, Classless Whore, Stickdick BJ, and Nanthony to family.

      My therapist calls him a narcissistic serial cheating sociopath with drug and alcohol addictions, pathological liar and asshole abuser.

      I never expressed anger before and my therapist asked, “where’s your anger”?
      Now it right here at the tip of my fucking tongue. Fucking asshole cheaters earn our anger and if I happen to see the Limited stick dick serial cheating narcissistic abusine sociopath I have no problem saying fuck you or flipping him off as he drives by my house. My anger keeps me safe. There’s a point of no return these disordered need to understand. My actions are warrented. Fuck being a passive victim. Warriors let it rip! Fuck the critics. Anger is justified.

  109. I called my ex Chicken Little because he was shacked up with that hooker within days of moving out but still had the balls to act like the sky was falling whenever we would discuss the settlement. I even changed his profile pic to the Disney promo pic of the chicken with his little glasses waiting for the sky to clobber him.
    My new boyfriend ( also a chump) calls my ex the chicken pot pie, he’s gained the 80lbs I’ve lost since he left. She and her 3 kids can have that fat ass…..and my thanks…..she got a fat cheater, but because she held a gun to his head to get it done in a hot second I got a great settlement and a super nice new boyfriend. Thanks for taking the bullet sweetie……watch your 6, I’m sure he’s already seeking your replacement.
    Fuck you chicken little…..enjoy being husband #4 for your schmoopie.

  110. I usually call him snake because he’d acquired the nickname from a co-worker before I met him. Red flag much? But of course he said that’s all in the past.

    Fucking snake works too. I like disordered fuckwit also. Entitled fuckwad. Dickhead. Prick.

    I don’t swear a lot in real life. So here is where I let the fucking angry shit fly, and fuck anyone who doesn’t like it.

    As far as ringtones go, his is now Godsmack’s Keep Away. I’ve yet to hear it, but if he ever does call me, it’s a quick reminder to stay NC.

    Most of the music that I find cathartic has fuck or fucking in it somewhere. Sometimes no other word will do.

  111. One of the first names I saw when I joined the ranks here was “Big Chief Dumb Fuck” and “Twatwaffle”. Thanks MN! Gave me my first chuckle at this nuclear nightmare. X started out as “MyHero (heavy sarcasm)” but many here said he needed a new name. So, I tried out Mr. Situational Ethics which was too long. I now refer to him as Haggar the Whoreable and his whore as Madame Slutface (she was the ex-girlfriend that just couldn’t go away it seems). But I think cumdumpster for her is more appropriate. And the other OW EA, I refer to as BDSM Broad. And there are likely more….

    • KarmaExpress gave mine the name “Hannibal Lecher” for his salacious maneuvers on women 30 years younger than himself. That’s how he’s programmed into my phone.

  112. I’m not a person who cusses much, but when I was going through the betrayal-abandonment-divorce it felt like a crusty old sailor had moved into my head. Whenever I thought about my ex’s name, there was the “F-you” in front of it. The cuss words swirled like angry bees buzzing around my brain. It was a really weird experience. I wonder if there’s some kind of neuronal path that lights up when you’re really angry that’s connected to cuss words? Now that I’m living a peaceful life, those words don’t enter my head at all.

    • Looking down. Pretty shitty from up here. I cringe at the thought of mother fucker asswipe fucktards who pathetically sit in a basement jerking off while flipping through Vogue Magizines. Cheater speak is preDICKtable. Fuck off.

  113. I’m a big offender myself when it comes to this kind of thing. However, in writing or in public, as you are here, I think it isn’t that hard to show some control. Like you said recently about giving in to the temptation to lash out at OW when provoked, if it feels good, you probably should not do it. Sure it feels good to let your anger out as foul language. It does not make you look intelligent or rational. It weakens your points. As much as I personally might also do it, when I see you do it, I cringe.

    • Looking up, are you usually that condescending? Maybe you should change your name to looking down (on others).

    • Oh, jeez–Lookingup is looking down on us, even though he started a forum thread trying to get validation for continuing to bang his cheater ex-wife and keep her around for household duties because she is so beautiful that she was on the cover of Vogue.

      Hmmm–just have to check with CL whether lookingup is using a proxy server……(troll?)

      • Oh, he’s the guy who might never ever get a more beautiful woman and thus prefers to remain a chump? There’s a guy who needs to get in touch with his anger.

    • And yet oddly enough LookingUp …. I read your post, HERE IN THIS ENVIRONMENT, and figure you’re the one with ‘issues’. Funny that, eh?

      (BTW – I knew nothing of your back history – forum thread, beautiful but soulless slut ex-wife – I just kinda figured ‘here’s a bloke who seriously needs to have a word with himself if some syllables are getting him to crawl out the woodwork with indignation’ – swearing? No, it’s not big, it’s not clever but it IS cathartic, scientifically proven to help endure pain and, very, very ,very very funny)!

    • Lookingup

      Maybe your pearl necklace is too tight and the pharmacy is out of smelling salts. Just put a compress and your fervered forehead and retire to yiur bedchamber. Big bad swear words fir someone like you might threaten your genteel health.

      Or maybe you should just go fuck yourself with your condescending demeanour.

    • Sometimes people online come off as preachy or judgey when in reality they are probably not. That is the trouble when you see words without facial expression, tone of voice, etc. Especially when they are expressing personal feelings from a conservative point of view. Just mho.

      • Fair point yo …. however, wouldn’t it be best to just not read a blog post about how infidelity induces profanity, if you know yourself to be a bit on the ‘sensitive’ side? Particularly as CL encourages Chump Nation to have at it on this page. Today’s post and comments ‘does what it says on the tin’ – so maybe best if LookingUp went to cringe quietly to himself in another room somewhere?

        • Patsy- fuck him and fuck her. Insensitive disgusting immature selfish bastards to put themselves before your children. Sorry your kids had to go through that.

      • Thank you thank you for the dickhead song!!! When divorce is final it will be sent in my final email to assclown rat bastard. And I will play it at my divorce party!!

    • Oh poor diddums, did we upset your precious ego? I think lookingup is having an existential crisis and needs a nap. Wait, you admitted to dropping F-bombs too, so I guess it makes you a hypocrite. And you must cringe at yourself too, I guess?
      Cheating is one of the most heinous things of life that we unfortunately have to face – and you want to play nice guy with it? HELL FUCKING NO. If only there was a way to make it legal to stab OW/OM in the face and get away with it – then I think the world would be a better place. Except it’d probably improve their looks. 🙁

  114. Yeah… Right.

    My cheating wife provided her twoo-luvie-dovie exquisitely detailed BDSM texts and emails of what she wanted him to do to her. I hadn’t read anything that explicit since the Penthouse forums. She has videos of herself telling her (married) piece-of-shit asshole what hole she wants him to fill. She has voicemail from her piece-of-shit-asshole telling what he wants to do to her.

    So I confront her with everything she’s doing she starts chiding me about my extremely foul language. Seriously?! You’re fucking other people and your concern is that I’m no behaving civilly enough for your delicate sensitivities?? FUCKING SERIOUSLY??!!

  115. This is what I call the STBX….,he is a lying, no good, rotten, four-flushing,low-life, snake-licking,dirt- eating, inbred, overstuffed,, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged,spotty-lipped,worm-headed, sack of monkey shit!! Can I get an amen!!! (Quote from one of my favorite movies)

  116. Oh I laughed so hard today at all your incredibly funny names! I need a laugh today as I wait for the absolute last check he will ever write me – and it is crazy late. So I love your Skip and Peter to add when I’m trying to be PC (publicly correct). But my “go to’s” are Fifty Shades of Crazy, Jackass (I proudly called him that to his face after he left – you know I was really Chumpy in those days) Mr. big Stuff (singing the who do you think you are?) and Fucktard. I’m going to add Big Chief Dumb Fuck and proudly change his phone ring to BCDF. Great ideas here!

  117. Such big assholes, so few cuss words available to describe them.

    Cuss Words – God’s way of providing descriptors when conventional language is simply not enough.

    I have called the EX so many things in recent years, few of them complimentary. I noticed the longer I was in a relationship with him, the more I cussed. Hmmm. Imagine that.

    Some things I’ve called him:

    Flaming Turd from Satan’s Ass (because just calling him a “turd” could not clearly define the level of shittiness that is him).

    Fucking Asshole; Fucking Motherfucking Asshole; Satanic Motherfucking Jackass; Mini-dick Motherfucker.

    I have frequently referred to the OW as Past(wh)or(e) in a hat tip to her current chosen line of work as a minister. I have referred to them as a couple as Dr. Evil and Fat Bastard as he is pure evil and she has put on some pounds in the years since husband number 2 and latching onto Whoremonger Cheater (whom she hopes to make husband number 4). I have also referred to her as the Wildebeest and as Misery (hat tip to Kathy Bates’ character in the movie [and book] of the same name). The Misery name came from the fact that OW is batshit crazy (seriously undiagnosed PD) and she may hold him prisoner by hobbling him if he ever tries to leave her. Sometimes she is just referred to as Asshole Bitch.

    I actually refer to each of them, if I speak of them at all, by whatever pops into my head at the time – and that is dependent on why they are being mentioned in the first place.

    Fuck the Pearl-Clutching Fuckers and may they forever kiss my ass.

  118. Cheater pants, or Mr. Cheater Pants to those I sugar coat it to…I got this from my neighbor, her husband was a cheater too, she used this first in front of her small sons…now she calls him cheater pants regularly, as she is a sweet southern girl who blushes to cuss! I, however, have never in my whole life said the word FUCK as much! It just comes out, even in front of my therapist. I find it very funny that if I say it in front of my STBX, such as, Your fucking whores, or, You were fucking some woman on the day of my mothers memorial service instead of with me getting ready! He just shakes his head at me and says, Jen, you should not use such language…why are you talking like that, must you say that, you never use that word. And he looks at me as if I’m pathetic. Who’s pathetic now? There is no other word that can be used to sugar coat what they have done.

  119. Mine is listed on my phone as @$$. I just call his new piece “dumbass” because she’s falling for the same bullshit stories I did.

  120. For the delicate flower pearl-clutchers that won’t get past word choice, come back and talk to me post-Dday after you’ve walked around for two months looking like Edvard Munch’s The Scream.

    My only solid memory of that time is one long continuous howling “WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK”
    And barfing. That’s all I remember.

    Frankly my dears I don’t give a damn if you don’t like my cussing. Least of my fucking worries.

    • “My only solid memory of that time is one long continuous howling “WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK”

      Arlo, I believe that is the universal howl of raw intolerable pain inflicked unexpectedly. I too howled that same howl in a heap on the floor (while, as CL put it, Pigfucker stepped right over me to toss a hotpocket in the microwave.)

    • Oh my God, the blood scream, when I finally got away from the house and headed to the pond, halfway through the field, the blood scream. Completely unexpected from the soul heart wrenching scream. Loud enough to hear past the twenty acres of my own land surrounding me. Loud enough for the Angels to hear in Heaven. Like a wounded dying animal a primal scream of pain from the depth of my soul. Fuck that fucker for breaking me fuck him for existing.

      • Spiritwoman – your comment made me gasp as it brought back to me how it felt the day I sat in my kitchen and screamed that way. Yes, fuck him for breaking me, never again.

  121. “jackass” is my name of choice for the cheater, obviously. I picked that because Aaron James’s book “Asshole: A Theory” postulates that an asshole is someone who systematically takes advantage of other people, who sees himself as special and entitled to special advantages over others. I thought about “asshole” as my name for him but preferred the more literary “Jackass,” a term that Shakespeare uses metaphorically to great effect–as in Bottom having the body of a man and the head of a Jackass. Hence, Jackass.

    A couple of friends have a number of names for the MOW. Lots of them had to do with the fact that she can’t write words on social media without changing the spelling–biggg azzz. loooovvvve, Not worth repeating. I’ve come to see her as just another victim of Jackass’s jackassery. She has since separated from her husband and from what I hear has had a hard time of things. He dumped her pretty quick once their affair was out in the open with me. He had a lot of reasons to not get tangled up in with her publicly, as she has 3 kids and they live in a neighborhood where everyone knows everyone else and he would be vilified for being a home wrecker. It was pretty clear that she got badly hurt when he cut and ran and then the marriage collapsed. What goes around, comes around. Once of the great benefits of “meh” is I don’t care enough about her to give her a name. She’s just another in a long line of women Jackass has conned. And she won’t be the last.

    • MOW sounds like she deserves another nickname: Freezer Temperature IQ.
      Seriously, is she 3 or something? She needs to grow up.

  122. In public, I still use the term ‘THE EX’.

    Something interesting happened on my way to ‘meh’ and to healing, the Term I used for him (and the way I saw his ‘digressions’) changed. Follow me on this…
    immediately after DD#2, the term was: my ex husband & the OW#2 was ‘Uni-brow’
    then years after (& before finding CL), it was: DOG (as in if you looked it up in the urban dictionary, you’d see his face) or Hot-Mess
    today, I use: Fucktard (OW#2 didn’t last very long, but I still like ‘Uni-brow’)

    I have been racking my brain to come up with a polite way to accurately describe someone who intentionally and systematically lies, gaslights and exposes the ‘love of their life’ to STDs for a over decade.

    Yup – Fucktard fits.

    • CL — for the life of me I can not think of a term better than ‘mind-fuckery’ to accurately describe the years of lies and gaslighting both by him and the Switzerland friends….

  123. Cheater- Pig Vomit

    It is the most repulsive thing I can think of, I want to throw up any time his name is mentioned because he’s so disgusting to me.

    Waste of skin exOW-Slanging

    They meet after a shift at 7:00am in a bar, and they just connected, you know, who could resist that in such a classy place. D
    He was 31 at the time, she was 46. And she looked beat.the.fuck.up. Before I saw a pic of what she looked like, people who saw her referred to her as Horseface.

    • Skankhag I mean. Motherfucking auto correct. I didn’t even say FUCK for 10yrs until this happened;)

  124. That video was hilarious, and the soothing music was perfect parody. “Let those soul-eating cocksuckers just fall away into nothing ..” Comic relief, the sweet cousin of calming meditation. Thanks for posting this link. xo

    • That reply was meant for Arlo but the entry somehow ended at the bottom of this thread ..

  125. I call Asshat “whore”. A lot. In my head. Like Whoreville WRONG. Also, on this site he’s know as Asshat, Fucking Creep. He has fucked so many women, both professional sex workers, random co worker lays to his decade long fuckfest with the Rectum of Wonder, the MOW, that it is difficult to process without outrage. Yea, I swear a lot here. Not in my day to day life though.

    This entire entitled, abusive mess is too big to wrap up with niceties. It’s ugly, disgusting and gross. I think it’s appropriate to use foul language to address the magnitude of shit dumped on us.

    Fuck those whose ears are too delicate to hear and read the vile truth of what some people are capable of doing to others, including their own children.

  126. I recently saw the best OW name ever I the forums, but at the moment cannot remember who said it. (If anyone knows is is the I d, please respond so I can give credit where it so due.)

    OW -> “ankles” because she is three feet below a cunt!!! LOL!!!

  127. So many funny names. My poor screen and keyboard.

    Usually online I refer to Cheater #1 and Cheater #2 so everyone can play along at home and keep all the fucktards straight.

    Back when I first found out about #1’s cheating, I was disappointed that English doesn’t really have a good word for a promiscuous male, like slut or whore. Cad or gigolo imply a certain cachet. Therefore, true to my solution providing consultant self, I coined an acronym to describe his fucking around, cheating, low life ass: SWAP or slut with a penis. Slut because he’s not *even* a whore – at least they have the good sense to charge for their services. All he ever did was service, so to speak. He was SWAP in my phone until about four years ago, when Jr. started using my phone to call his poor excuse for a father. Now he is only Ex in the phone.

    #1’s OW were a “type”. Not exactly what you’re envisioning, like a tall, skinny blonde or a voluptuous redhead. Naw, his type was and still is convicted felon drug user. Extra points if she’s missing teeth and has gangsta tats. (Needless to say, I had every STD test known to modern medicine after d-day. If there was a nasty cooties test, I would’ve given a sample for that, too!) So, I just lump them all under one name, Felon. Thanks for making it so easy, asshole.

    As for #2, he is just known as Hypocrite. He changes the situation to whatever makes him look best. Like most hypocrites, he elicits only so much as an eye roll and a “yeah whut eva” at this point.

    His MOW (now getting divorced, poor sausage) has earned so many more creative nicknames, mostly to combat the double betrayal since she was my close friend, too. Since she and #2 are in the same bicycle riding club, her nicknames run to things like Everybody’s Ride, The Club Bicycle, Interchangeable Seat. Also, for shorthand, the Skinnyskank.

    So cathartic to let it out.

  128. Enough with the PC asshatery! If you behave like a lying, cheating, dirt bag fucktard, then I should be able to refer to you as one. And if you are the dirty slut gutter pig that fucked my husband, I will shout it out and let anyone who will listen know EXACTLY what you are.

  129. Language and expression.
    We had been married for 25 years and together for 30…with two teen aged children.

    On the first weekend I was speaking over the phone with my late husband after I discovered his betrayal , I had referred to his relationship with OW as an ‘Affair’… I could hear the anger in his voice and I guessed that he did not like the term “Affair”. Boggles the mind.

    So I explained, that when one member of a married couple choses to have sex with a person outside of the marriage, that is generally considered to be an Affair. But if he had another term to use that was more appropriate, I’d be glad to consider using it. Gosh, he couldn’t come up with one. I was real nice and reasonable about it, trying to stay calm.

    Flash forward a month later and I was screaming at him: “It gives me no pleasure to say that the father of my children is a ‘SLUT FUCKER’.” So much for nice.

    I had plenty of names for the OW… borrowed from many sources: Holemate, Jabba the Slut, Frankenbitch, to name a few also a play on her given name. I now refer to my late husband as CheaterPants. Its not as filthy as what I called him while he was actively cheating.

    What I found really irritating was that when CheaterPants and I went to ‘counseling’, the counselor was hung up on me calling the Holemate anything except her given name. (And I was holding back on what I really wanted to call her.) It was like the ‘help’ we had hired was holding my head underwater, and assigning some kind of dignity to the Interrupting Cow that CheaterPants had taken up with.

    Fired the counselor, who, like Cheaterpants, did not wish to witness or accept my anger and rage.

    I like the name Coleslaw, but thinking that I might assign the Holemates’ side`dish name as ‘baked beans’

  130. I’ve yet to read any of these but I know I’m gonna have fun when I do!!
    I LOVE to curse/cuss. I limit myself though around some that are not fond of it…..and I never cuss in front of a man. (yea, I guess it’s the old fashioned way of thinking) In fact the fuck head, fuck face cheater NEVER got a piece of my mind or cursing! I think that’s why it’s all bottled up inside. I just ate shit, stayed kind, and he skipped off into the sunset with his strippers. He doesn’t care what they do for a living as long as they are young.
    So now, my turn. If I had the chance I’d let him know what a cock sucking, no good rat mother fucker, pedophile, pussy fuck liar he is. He was nothing near being a real man. He paid everyone around him to do his dirty work; he’s a big chicken shit and he sounds like a scared kitten when he talks to men that have greater status/clout than he does. PUSSY!
    I’d get a whole lot more verbally expressive (vile) but I don’t want to potentially offend anyone here.
    Can you see the hate oozing from my pores……cause it is.

  131. Mine is referred to by me and family as GT or ginger twat (he’s got pale red thinning hair) I also changed contact details and email to simply ‘Narcisisst’. Unfortunately I didn’t realise he could see this in email and he commented appearing to be upset. Quite amusing as not intentional.

  132. STXH- Ass or Asshole sometimes Motherfucking Asshole. Her – cunt recently mellowed to skankie-ho-bag for PC purposes

  133. I’m a pretty strait-laced person. I don’t typically swear very much. However… cheating brought out the salty sailor in me. What my ex did was HORRIBLE. He betrayed me, put my health in jeopardy, used our money on his whore, neglected me and my three children to chase her pathetic tail, and led me to believe we had a marriage that simply didn’t exist. Fuck that. No other words can be used to describe his behavior. He’s a sad little fuckwit who lives by his penis (and his uninspiring bedroom techniques); he thought that fucking his Ashley Madison piece of white trash was more important than the health and welfare of his partner of 17 years and our three children.

    He’s a fucking piece of shit who deserved to be punished for his breach of contract (breaking our marriage vows), theft (spending marital assets on his extramarital asshole), and assault (fucking a whore without using protection and then sleeping with me without protection). However, none of that happened. He got away with his deceit, his endangerment of my health, and the jeopardization of my financial future, so I think I’m allowed to say fuck him and fuck his whore, whom I also refer to as Jenislut, the Stepmonster, and my ex’s little sister (it’s gross how much they look related and how she looks like a 12-year old).

    At the very least, we should be allowed to swear about it. However, that doesn’t fall in line with the narrative that the rest of the world thinks we should follow– we deserved to be cheated on because we were somehow lacking and drove our loving partners away, and on top of that, we should strive to be kind and forgiving since the cheating was, after all, all our faults.

    Yes, I’m a chump, but I am NOT to blame, and I will not pretend that cheating is okay! Fuck no!

  134. I started out after D-day calling him “Fat Boy” and OW1 “Cabbage Patch.” Both of these nicknames were apt descriptions for their looks. I even had my XH’s picture on my phone, huge stomach and pouting lip included. Now that I’m more Meh, I block and filter any contact, and I don’t call him anything. I don’t call him. I don’t talk about him. To the kids, I say “Your Dad.” I’m so fucking done!

  135. “little Johnny fucks a lot”- but he’s not very good at it…….
    Piece of shit asshole son of a bitch – and don’t get me started on that old rag.

  136. I never used to curse but assclown, baby bitch cheating man child rat bastard did all the time… Right in front of the kids. i do curse when referring to assclown. I find it therapeutic. So the fucking cheating lying assclown fucking douchebag and his twat waffles can go fuck themselves. I’m content allowing him to to be him ; a dumb ass douchebag who no longer seems to be able to delude friends, family or the legal system and he is digging his own sewer hole for which he can crawl into with the other rats. I cared, I loved, I forgave multiple times; endured humiliation, belittling, abuse have witnessed and felt my kids’ pain and I will use whatever words to describe and refer to assclown as I please. Rat bastard baby bitch man child douchebag loser. Feel better already.

  137. Ps- you guys crack me up! I’ve been laughing in and off all day coming back to your posts and laughter = therapy. We have all cried enough tears for a lifetime. Fuck them and the PC love a cheater crowd.

  138. My stbxh is known by my inner circle as “dickhead”. He is just “dick” in my phone. My teenager saw a text come in from dick” and asked who it was. I told her it was her father. She laughed out loud. Much-needed comic relief. The “friend” from work who he has been fucking since before he left last year is simply called “whore”. Sometimes she’s “stupid whore”. I refuse to use her name. The whore was cheating on her husband with mine. She was sleeping with her stbxh while he was still married to his first wife. High moral standards all around.

  139. I didn’t name the most recent cheater ex anything particularly entertaining, he’s just “asshole” now and forever. But my first cheater ex, years ago, I dubbed “Cockjouster” (he was very into the Ren Faire thing) and the OW “Jelly Donut”- she was a heavy fake-tanned blonde woman who stole everything I’d left at his place and immediately dyed her hair to look more like me. The effect was like a jealous donut.

    • “The effect was like a jealous donut.”

      Bwahaha. My ex’s wifestress died her light skanky tresses dark and grew it long in an obvious attempt to look more like me. Not sure why since they both claimed I sucked! The effect on ex’s wifestress is to make her look like a jealous Miss Piggy….with dark hair 🙂

        • My hair used to be auburn (it’s more reddish-brown and starting to go white now, but oh well). She went way way way too red. It looked astonishingly stupid with a fake tan. A jealous jelly donut.

          I really don’t get it. Hey, I was ALSO the worst person in the world… maybe we have the same ex.

  140. We could borrow the rant from Christmas vacation because it pretty much covers every cheater. “cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit” “Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”

  141. Cursing feels good for sure, but I’ve found it’s best to do a quick appraisal of your surroundings before cutting loose. My stbx was playing the role of “the whipped husband” when we had company from out of town. I bit my lip, and played the role of June Cleaver until he left with our guests. Then as soon as they drove off I unleashed a tirade of profanities. I was just winding down when I remembered that one of the house guests had not been feeling well, and may have stayed behind…. I couldn’t bring myself to ask, and if they were home, they didn’t tell. So although my cathartic episodes have kept me from going insane, they aren’t without risk!!!

  142. I have developed a terrible potty mouth since discovered my STBX of 43 years was fucking his secretary, and he also prides himself on seducing idiots (secretary and brain-damaged addicts) on the telephone. So here is the “rich” part (to quote my hero Nora E), STBX is incensed that I describe his sexual activities in detail, such as fucking his secretary in a Fremont, CA parking lot (middle of the day) while she was standing bent over with her dress thrown over her head. STBX says my mind and mouth are in the gutter, and I am disgusting for describing this. Tell me what part of this disgusting? His fucking stunt with his moronic secretary or my gall at describing it in such detail. I would like the Chump Nation to tell me.

    • Ok – so you’re disgusting for describing it – so what is he for doing it?

      It’s projection SuzyQ. You paint the picture, he sees himself – feels disgusted. What to do with that disgust? Put it on HIMSELF? No, it must be you that’s the disgusting one, can’t be him!

      Maybe he wants to feel all Mills and Boone but you show him it’s really ‘Readers Wives – True Stories’!

      Cos you know, it’s not what he did, it’s your reaction to it!

    • Oh, they’re all the same– if it’s not too bad for them to do, it’s certainly not too bad for you to say. Fuck him.

  143. How I refer to my once-husband who I loved: X

    His bimbo’s name: Skanky, Scarol (the kids came up with that) or Bim

    Their hole where they slither home to every night: Clusterfuckdale

    My gut reaction to either seeing X or hearing about them: Blech! or Ugh!. I can’t even control it.

    “WAHOOOOO!”: How I feel now that I’m divorced from a disordered, lazy douchebag.

    Favorite comeback in my head: “I wish I had known you were only curating a fake identity instead of cultivating a genuine personality.”

    Best comeback I’ve used: “……” Think crickets.

    To all the pearl twirlers who need the vapors because of the profanity, fuck you and the high horse you trot on. Until you’ve walked the walk you can’t judge.

    Happy Friday, Chump Nation!

    • “I wish I had known you were only curating a fake identity instead of cultivating a genuine personality.”

      LOVE!!! LOVE!!!! Stealing this!!!!!

  145. I called the ex “The Cliche”. As it was coke and strippers that swallowed up a LOT of marital funds. The OW was simply cumdumpster. As she is now his 2nd ex-wife, she’s now The Dumped Cumdumpster.

  146. I was somewhat of a pearl-clutcher in real life before the D-Day. But then I found out that my fucking piece of shit ex husband was fucking paid and unpaid whores on his business trips in cities around the world, and buying them gifts and taking them to luxury hotels and restaurants, while I cared for our newborn alone and worried about how hard he was working. Surprisingly, I found it easier to express how I feel about that using a variety of words I had rarely used before. Fucking worthless narcissistic diseased dick asshole.

  147. The ex is always referred to as, Narcissistic Twat. It’s therapy every time I say it. As for the OW (19 of them) …..Cunt sticks!, because that is all they are, they may as well walk around with their Quims on a stick advertising it.

    My ex used to play the red anger card every time I found out he cheated. ” You have anger issues ” to take the heat off him.

    Nice try twatty boy.

      • He deleted it before I could save it anywhere. But I did tell her husband about it in detail.

    • Twitching – please tell us you still have that pic and can somehow slip it in as evidence in court!!!

      • I have every pic….and her stripper pouty face, yes, stripper… is attached and there’s reddi whip on her ts and warty vajayay, yes, visible warts…..holding the reddi whip can in one hand and a vodka soda with lemon in the other….legs spread far and wide…..you’d have to pour bleach in your eyes if you saw it. He took them with and saved them on his phone. what a douche lord…..

  149. Fuck yeah! As a well-educated, middle class mother of three, who didn’t tolerate bad language in my children when they were little, but acknowledge that they are pretty much grownups, and can use whatever the fuck language they need to to express themselves, I couldn’t agree more with this post. One of my favourite things is to let it all out in a stream of fucking, cunting profanity! (NB, I rarely use the last word out loud, but that motherfucker is genius when needed!) I am getting home decor from this awesome chick – her prettily embroidered fucking shit makes me feel good: https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/prettyfknembroidery/

    So, get the fuck over it arseholes. This shit requires it – and we even make up some – and if we can’t an online generator gives plenty of inspiration: http://foulomatic.hnldesign.nl/

  150. I have a foul mouth. But there are some things that are too painful. My STBX had the kids for Christmas holidays. The first for 2 years, them altogether. He announced to them on the 23rd that he had been in a relationship over a year which he had Failed To Mention – and that she was arriving on the 4th. Chumps, he had an affair on them.
    They were Very Upset at the reception. She was Very Upset that they hadn’t ‘accepted’ her. She had a hissy fit.
    They went into the main bedroom together that night, with the teenage daughter next door, and have been there ever since. I know, because I get the anguished texts.

    There are some things so terrible, only plain English can do.

    • That’s awful Patty, i am so sorry you and your poor children are going through this. Are they old enough to ask to leave or at least refuse to return?

    • Patsy and I met over in a corner of the RIC..have been friends for YEARS…let any newbie who thinks they can love, support and wait out a spouse to a better place see our lives as very cautionary tales.

  151. Fuck that. I can’t stand those prissy bitches who act like they will just faint or something when they hear the word FUCK. It is just a word. Get fucking real. And yes, fuck the cheaters and their conspirators. Have a nice day! 🙂

  152. I enjoyed naming him cheater ex simply because I think it denotes a certain inconsequential quality…. he doesn’t matter for shit quality I like to assign to him. He tried to destroy me. He did not succeed.

    When I am especially angry……. shithead works really well . Also jerk off ….fuckhead…..oh, and PPP, an underground police epithet I’m kind of fond of and that fits well. It means piss poor protoplasm. And when I wasn’t quite so angry …..evil twit sufficed. As for his AA girlfriend OW, I like to borrow from a common language in my hometown. …..With a bow to Marc Anthony’s first wife in referring to JLo who was the OW…..la puerca….the pig. It fits her. (Hope I got the spelling right)…..Spanish is not my first language. (Wink, wink.)

  153. stbx…i refer to as estranged spouse. i find it rolls off my tongue better than husband did in relation to him. maybe because for a while he was a stranger to me. the other women…i used to call them whores but since he left i don’t give a shit so i have no name for them. they are truly not central to this story that i am writing.

  154. Oooh just thought of one more from quite a while ago….Mr FUBAR….which means fucked up beyond all recognition.

  155. I agree with CL that discovery of an affair is worthy of all the explicatives I could throw at it.

    But…that’s not my style. I curse mostly when I’m joking about something. Not as much (only sometimes) when I’m angry.

    And actually, although I had plenty of devastating feelings, I did my best to control them while dealing with the cheating wife, or even when describing what she did.

    I was trying to show her that she could hurt me, but she couldn’t control me. My reactions to her infidelity were, about 85% of the time, carefully considered. I learned after the first three months to remove emotion from my expression, lest I be accused of being “too angry,” and was *almost* always successful afterwards. My wife HATED that I did that, given she was much better at manipulating me when I got emotional. In other words, my avoiding cursing was part of the way that I took back my power. It was my way to discipline myself to keep my eyes on my goals, and not on my emotions.

    I’m not saying this was the entirely correct way to go. Yes, it removed me from her power, but it also compartmentalized and delayed the pain…which eventually had to be dealt with.

    Three months into divorce, arguing about $$ over e-mail, I let loose one night. I still didn’t call her names or curse, but I did plainly lay out that this was ALL her fault for reasons X, Y, and Z, and I wasn’t going to put up with these petty snipes about $$, or her manipulation, given I didn’t create this situation.

    That night created a “release.” I curled up on the strange bed in the dingy apartment in the sketchy neighborhood, and I cried like I never cried before. I let the pain take me over, so much so that it felt as if I’d perish if I fell asleep, and I felt the piece of me that was my stbx begin to wither away.

    It was excruciating. I realized that eventually I’d get to a point in my life where I wouldn’t even know her or have any interaction with her, so for all intents and purposes, she’d be “dead” in my world, and she was beginning to die that night.

    …It took another few months for me to accept that she couldn’t die, given the person I thought she was never existed in the first place.

  156. I usually just refer to my Ex as “the asshole” when talking to family members or friends, or sometimes, “the idiot.” Back when I still cared about where he was living, friends and I referred to that place as “Loserville.”

    In the past I’ve referred to OW as the whorebag, and to the two of them as Boris and Natasha because she is about 6 inches taller than him, though I’ve never seen them together in person, just in photos. What’s really funny is that over the years my Ex reveled in “talking dirty” to me with his domination fantasies, and unbeknownst to me, after DDay a family member apparently emailed my Ex a string of stick things that Ex used to say to me. Later, Ex’s attorney complained to mine, saying that Ms. Muse had perpetrated “the most DISGUSTING insults at Ex” and that the “Federal and State authorities had been notified.” Seriously? My attorney replied, Ms. Muse’s family member did this w/o her knowledge and furthermore, the family member “was merely repeating words that Mr. Asshole had repeatedly spoke to Ms. Muse many times.” It was never mentioned again. I hope his attorney asked him what exactly it was that he had said to Ms. Muse that had offended him so, when it was said to him (“down on your knees!!!! worship my cock!!!!!! he didn’t like it when someone said it to him poor wittle baby boy.)

    http://www.kappit.com/img/115187/i-dont-know-about-you-but-people-make-me-want-to-say-very-bad-words/

  157. I call the 28 year old assistant the ho-worker. After she sent me an email in July to serve the dual purpose of making sure “I knew” and absolving herself of all blame – e.g. That he kissed her first, that he got her pregnant and talked her into an abortion and that he told her he had never loved anyone like that before and that she felt stupid for believing him – I labeled her contact in my i-phone as SATAN
    I call my 55-year old husband – who cheated on us for 2-plus years and made me feel paranoid about his “working late” – DISORDERED
    Both names seem accurate and descriptive

  158. BTW. She calls him Daddy in their emails and signs off as Schoolgirl. As in “daddy, I love the sexy dresses you sent me and can’t wait to try them on for you.”
    Yuck

  159. I never had very creative names for them…I was in wreckonciliation with him so he got treated quite well by me to his dying breath.

    As for colorful language…

    Im a decent, loving, respectful Catholic grandmother who cares for dying children for a living…

    and when Im in my car alone, Im known to say things (since he is in Purgatory he may very well hear me)

    “You were a FUCK-ER…a FUCKER who fucks things and people. You fucked your girlfriend you fucked your family, you fucked your Church, you fucked your employer and career. ”

    When I was young and I first saw the word “fucker” I didnt really know what it meant…I really didnt know what a real FUCKER was until I was 50.

    I have no idea what word would work better in that context … I dont cuss in front of strangers or little kids, its contextual, but HERE……F-U-C-K-E-R, yea, that does it.

    • Where was this when I needed it! This is fabulous! Thank you, Dat. It will go in my personal library for future use.

      Bravo, Millie.

  162. Honestly? I’m not much of a potty mouth. I had my first child in 1987 and swore off swearing that year. My youngest graduated from high school last spring so I’m now back to swearing, but I still don’t do it much.

    The name I call my ex is simply “Himself.” That’s the only person he ever cared about.

  163. Wow – some great anger here…love it.
    I made an entire new dictionary for the 2 slimeballs, and I spewed this stuff to everybody I met the 1st 2-8 wks. I’m so glad the hugs (all women) gave me – STRANGERS. In a Safeway store. I was calmer by then, but this is what my 3 sisters and 1 bro heard from my mouth when I found out. No idea where these came from and now horrified looking back. One honest sister told me I’d turned into the Exorcist…and she was right. But, I’ve toned it down a lot, 2 yrs later.

    First – anger at HER – my ex BFF (I had terrible words for her for such betrayal)

    *Her cunt slime stinks (just finding her panties in my bed)

    *She wears cheap whore underwear that is frayed lace

    *She shaved her pubes in MY shower – puke.

    *She’s a mother-fucking-homewrecking slut that used as the 4th affair in her 3rd marriage to …ahh..snag HIM?

    To Him: where my anger really finally fell.
    The trollop was TRASH – waste of time.
    All done.

    *Him: he turned himself from a very honorable member of our little town. A town consultant on business. Everybody loved him and he loved his reputation.

    And, just >>that<< fast – he lost it!

    He left all his friends, our dogs, me and everybody who he got to know after 21 yrs here.
    With his tail between his legs.

    *So, I add huge coward!

    *Now extremely secretive about where he lives – thankfully no children.

    *I hear he's fat and has big health issues now that he's 60…

    So, since that includes a missing prostrate, I wonder – actually, NO, I NO longer wonder if he misses our life together. He left for his penis, which he never spent much time on me with. And, I doubt he's a pump-kind of guy.

    I'm happy, spending the 3rd night in my leetle new (old) home with my two Danes.

    And, I haven't thought about him until, well, now. I never want him to see my home.
    So different than the one he built for 'us''.

  164. Ha ha ha, Deadwood comes to CN. Love the “taxonomy of arseholes.”

    This wins my vote as Most. Therapeutic. Post. Eva.

    I don’t have a name for mine so much as a mental image of a dark poisonous spider, lurking in the corners of my psyche, trying to suck out my soul. Didn’t work, fucker!

  165. My husband’s whore was famous for a hummer with a full load swallow. From the first encounter on..for one year.. No matter what else happened. (p.s. he was not denied at home and never requested this particular act. I thought a B.J. was a “hummer” . I didn’t know you had to hum . But I did avoid the swallow when possible.) Anyway, I refer to her as the Cum Dumpster Garbage Can Mouth. Also,Cunt Face. Sorry. That’s what has come out of MY mouth.
    PS. To this day her teeth are brown. I always wondered …

  166. Oh, sorry. Forgot the husband. Fucking Coward. That’s all :Fucking Coward. I had told him 1 year before that he should leave me & the baby, and he swore his undying love & said he would work on our relationship & family. Then he set out to ball the woman who worked with him & lived less than 10 minutes down the road, who had made it clear that as soon as HER marriage was over, mine was up for grabs Fucking coward.

  168. What a great thread! I’ve loved reading through these posts and seeing all the creative ways folks have found to cope with such raw, unimaginable pain. You guys rock!

    I used to call OW “Lady Bountiful.” She’s one of those sickening and ingratiating do-gooder types who attempt to infiltrate the family unit with conspicuous acts of generosity–funny, though, how the generosity dries up if there’s no social media photo or clandestine fucking involved. BLECH As for shithead ex, I got myself in trouble with my kids because for a long time after D-day, I’d go off on these swearing rants without even realizing it. It was almost like having Tourette’s. Goddamn motherfucking piece of shit asshole motherfucker, and etc. etc. They were on me night and day about it. I really didn’t want to upset them more than they’d already been upset, so I started inserting all the invective into song form. That way, I could let it rip, but the net effect was that they thought Mom was just in a really great mood while steam-mopping the kitchen floor. You could really pick any song, but for a long time it was the Hallelujah Chorus (You’re an asshole! What an asshole! You asshole! You asshole! You fucking asshole! You are a mother-fucking asshole! You asshole! You asshole!). Then it was Yankee Doodle Dandy (You’re a motherfucking asshole! You’re a motherfucking ass!). Eventually I moved on to songs from the 80s, and you guys don’t need to know how I tortured tunes from Duran Duran and Tears for Fears. Anyway, my kids heard me getting things done in a cheerful mood, but I got to channel some rage. It worked out really well for all of us.

    These days, I find myself wondering how any of it even happened. At 2.5 years out, it’s just so crazy to imagine how I could’ve stood that shit-show for as long as I did. So now, I don’t call OW anything, not even Lady Bountiful. She’s just some chick, and there’s not one single special thing about her. I’ve learned enough about character disorder to understand that if it hadn’t been her, it’d have been someone else. As for my ex, all the inspired invective is gone. He’s just a garden variety asshole. Good riddance to them both, and I’ll save my creative language for people who are more worthy of the effort. 🙂

  170. I call EX Dr. Strange or Dr. Asshole. Like Dr Jekyl/Mr. Hyde. He was “such a great guy” and people have a hard time believing he did the horrible things he did to me.

    I call OW JayJay Butterface. Originally I called her Vajayjay, which morphed into Jayjay. Then I ran into her in a cosmetic store and she looked really greasy with a couple of boils on her face. So I just had to add the butterface.

  171. I evolved as her relative importance in my life disappeared–

    Originally – Fucking common mattress-back whore!
    Later ——- The fucking monster!
    Still later — That creature!
    Now ——- The person you once knew, whom you hope is now dead!

    Hugh

  172. Nothing too fancy for the cheater wife. First it was fucking cunt. Then I just abbreviated it to “funt” to save oxygen. The OM was first dickhead. Then with his last name I changed it to dickwash. But that was too good so I made it asswash.

  173. I called him Doofus because he is one. But that was upsetting to my friends who did not like the name calling, though they like him less. So now I call him Rufus, because we all know that I mean Doofus without saying it. But my phone, ah my phone. I replaced his picture with a pretty floral peace sign. If I have to have him on my phone it should be an image that makes me happy while reminding me that having him gone is like living in a peaceful garden. Plus, the children wouldn’t have cared for an image of steaming dog poo.

  174. After spending 3 months of trying to answer why the now exH would do this again (2 DDays, 6 years apart), I let my anger fuel me. Literally, I let it take over and with that came the FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FOUL LANGUAGE. I’m sorry, no one is going to tell me that saying the following doesn’t feel good: fuck him, fuck no, fuck that, oh hell to the fuck no, etc. Of course, I say it with fucking class and fucking sophistication, as I’m sure we all here at CL/CN do!!! ?

    As for naming the exH, my little sister penned him PD for pencil dick. We had to abbreviate bc my kids use my phone to communicate with him. It makes me grin from ear to ear. My little sister has a way with words and this is the nicest she’s penned him. She does not have a high tolerance for abuse.

    I neither confirm nor deny the penned name. LOL.

  175. Gosh. I have a million. For the pearl clutchers and tu-tutters, I say this:

    Going from love to betrayal to indifference involuntarily is a soul erasing experience. The middle part, the betrayal and detachment on the way to indifference, requires voluntary detachment and an activereversal of the previous attachment. IT IS HEALTHY TO FOCUS ON THE REASONS THIS PERSON IS NO LONGER IN A POSITION OF TRUST OR WITHIN STRIKING DISTANCE.

    This is the boundary that leads us back to a healthy safe place.

    And that is why the ex, the Hasbeen, the Wasband, is also known as Cold Slab O’Meat, Slabbo, Turtle Dick, Cheese Crotch, Boil Back, Dump and Pump, Romeo McMedicare, Stupid Taffy, Alfred Bitchcock, Mountainous ManWhore, Dead Weight, and the Douchecanoe of Emulsified Dick Meats.

    The Baby Cooker CoWorker is, Bruce Springteats, The Skank, Schmoopie Forever or Three Months, Beatrix LeStrange Fruit, The Cuntington Sperm Bank, Lunch Pump, Warm C(r)ock Pot, Hot Pot of Snot, and He Loves You NOT.

    Together they are the unintentional comedy team of Bitchcock and LeStrange! Here is a portrait I made in the throes of D-Day, and it STILL cracks me up.
    photo A Man and His Lady.jpg

    • I would love to have an oil done of this collage to hang in my entrance.

      Tres chic!

  176. I’m a little late to this party, but couldn’t resist addressing the “pearl-clutcher”. I don’t have to use expletives when describing X#1. I can use words like “rapist”, “pedophile”, and “unconvicted felon”. For X#2, I can use words like “violent, controlling abuser” and “financial tornado”. If you’re all about precision of language, I can describe every hideous thing they did to me and my kids in detailed and clinical language. But then you’d need therapy. Meanwhile, the sooner those two bastages shuffle off their respective mortal coils, the happier we all will be. Those fucking cockmonkeys.

  177. Hobknocker.

    The Urban dictionary explains it far better than I can. Ex’s name Robert= “Bobknocker.”
    In my phone he’s listed as “I’m lying.”

    I was conservative with my profanity until DDAY. Then the FUCKS FLEW!

    Not a pretty word in sight. It was like an out of body experience. Fuck was the ONLY word that I could muster, Scream…….Rage with.

    All of the cursing in the world can’t soothe the pain that a cheater inflicts upon a chump….

    but that won’t fucking stop chumps from fucking trying.

    • In my phone he’s listed as “I’m lying.”

      Oh man, if I didn’t have kids I would do that. That’s brilliant.

      • I highly recommend blocking the cheating bastards altogether. When I finally realized talking to him was pointless fruitless and unhealthy this was very liberating. His emails too now get relegated to my junk folder and looked at when I feel like it to print and forward to my lawyer. There is something therapeutic about seeing his name and email address under the heading JUNK. That is what he is … Junk

        • So far, he hasn’t been in contact, so blocking him is unnecessary. If he becomes unhinged enough to actually try to call me, his new ring tone is “Keep Away” and his name in my contacts is Whatever.

          I think there would be some empowerment in jamming through a kickass fuck you ringtone, and think “whatever” if/when he does call.

          Thank you Godsmack 😀

          • Someone on CL posted Godsmack’s ” crying like a bitch” it is now one of my favorite fight songs! ?

  179. I have yet to think of an official name for him. I like cunt (because he Cant Understand Normal Thinking) Dr Dirty Dick, and a few other names that are a play on his real name so I will leave those off. I did tell him that if the OW (first one I knew about)were a cookie, she would be a Whoreo. I broke in his phone and changed her name to The Local Whoreo Cookie Rep. He wasn’t amused.

  180. With all the great ideas here, I have combined my favorite to “Twat Licker From Satan’s Ass.” Thanks to all for a new name for SkankBoy!!

  181. Updated in my phone as the ‘Cowardly Lion’ along with the pic…made me chuckle when messaged. Later, upgraded to ‘Small Balls’- yes, steroid use has effects- for a full on laugh. As for the MOW, a simple ‘FW’ – our abbreviation for fucking whore says it all.

  182. I’m late to the party, but it’s my favorite kind of party!!! And let me just say that throwing around a few F-bombs is probably healthier than burning down Schmoopie’s house or running over your ex with an SUV. Just saying.

    Now to the good part. My names for cheater and whore:

    Douche Canoe
    Douche Nozzle
    Douchetard
    Douche Rocket
    Emperor of Douchebagistan

    Fuckface
    Fucktard
    Fuckwad

    Dickbreath
    Dickhead
    Dickface
    Dick Holster (for her)

    Skanenstein (again, for her)

    And the usual Motherfucker, Ass Sucker, Assbag, and my new personal favorite – STRAP-ON.

    This was very therapeutic. Thanks, CL!

    • To uneffingbelievable………..haha…….I had to move myself and child across the country to prevent me from screaming out profanity WHILE burning down schmoofies house AND running him over with my SUV! Lets just say if I still lived in the same town as him I would be either in jail…or he would have killed me!

      SO……all of the fuck words in the world don’t do mine justice. He is simply just A PIECE OF SHIT. Because, you see, a piece of shit is pretty much as low as you can be in the human and animal world….you are every living thing’s waste product, you are toxic, you are useless to all and everything, and at best you can be used to spread through out farmers fields to help things grow……..so my STBX is only useful in the field of narcs to help his lying cheating world grow into something that just gets cut down and eaten and turned into more shit. A piece of shit has no personality or no remorse, a piece of shit has no value and if not “expelled” from our lives it creates illness and disease and sometimes death. A piece of shit is a part of a long line of shit that keeps going and going….it is a part of our lives…..but we can decide how to deal with shit……we can let it destroy us or we can treat it as a daily routine that is easy to get rid of or hard as hell…but eventually we all need to figure out how to make the shit easier and treat it as a daily event that comes and goes without stress, pain, etc etc. I am trying to deal with the piece of shit day by day (and all of the shit spray that goes with him)…….but I will get there……..thanks to all of you and chump nation……I will get there.

      And those that are delicate and offended by the new book (BIBLE) coming our way thanks to our fearless leader…..best not read it cause they won’t relate!!!

  184. I found it really refreshing when a new-ish friend referred to my sparkly X as scum. I have spent a lot of time pre and post split feeling like I was never good enough for him because I believed his propaganda.

    Hearing him described as “scum” by someone who has seen him on TV and knows all about his sparkly life took away a little of his power, like he’s not so special after all,

  185. This is the guided meditation for you CL and all the chumps. Give it a try, got me through the day yesterday. Hopefully this will work.

      • It seriously always makes me smile and puts me in a better mood. “Those bitches can’t get under your skin” Yep, my favorite part.

    • laurabb2001, thank you immensely; this is completely brilliant. I am going to listen to this every fucking day! I love the one word that makes an entire sentence, “Fuck the fucking fuckers!”

      The link to this delicious and clever meditation by Jason Headley is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY

      Thank you, Chump Lady (and you ARE a lady!) for this yesterday. I needed it so very much and will enjoy it all weekend.
      Even on the days that I spend . . . well, you know the kind of days I mean, I never fail to laugh out loud here, thanks to you and CN.
      I have interrupted severe crying jags and panic attacks on various occasions. Jeez. Good fucking medicine.!

      I even wrote a long paragraph using fuck in every possible form grammatically, just as an entertaining exercise and put it through the shredder.
      Just in case there is a pearl-clutcher reading this.

      • This was my favourite part: “the three ring shit show that is your life.” I can so relate!

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  186. I wish that I could think of a satisfying profane name for my abusive STBX. I can’t think of any great names for him–I went to divorce court yet again this week (for the umpteenth time). Because my STBX is trying to legally, financially, emotionally, and physically trying to eradicate me as demonstrated by his latest false, insulting, and absurd legal brief, in which he demands that I pay him for him taking me to court and tells the Court that he should be exempted from paying child support in arrears–just because he doesn’t feel like working and paying!–and he is paying virtually nothing for the divorce as he is pro per while I hemorrhage money to my attorneys who can’t seem to help me, all I can think about when I see him is how I want to hit him across the face with a two by four. When I don’t see him, as I am getting paid very little in my part-time work and can’t find a full-time job in spite of education, certifications, and experience, all I can think about is fear of poverty, especially for my young children.

  187. I’m finding clueless twatwaffle more and more fitting for the OW I know for sure about. She seems to have no fucking idea their relationship is outside the boundaries of a professional friendship, and she’s fucking been chumped by HER ex. And somehow thinks this married guy traveling with her, whining about his horrible wife while paying her splendiferous compliments and playing the ever so chivalrous gentleman with her isn’t fucking coming on to her…

    Maybe I see it so clearly because he used those same splendiferous compliments on me those many years ago when he was first trying to get in my pants?

  188. My cheater ex has a very common name, with an even more common nickname, which he hated. I always took respectful care to never use it. Now it’s all I use!

  189. Haha, so funny! I am a very manner women UNTIL this FUCKING ASS BULLSHIT. I curse when discussing all the wacked ass crapola that we all experienced. It is so mind numbing, mind blowing, there are not words in the dictionary and FUCK is like a wild card word and the release it gives. It implies intensity of emotion, raw feeling, disgust, bewilderment, awe, pain, even humor. So when the person who pointed out the POTTY mouth of discussion and advise WELL just wait until she joins us! See what F bombs she throws out there, LOL.

  190. LOL, the profanity of the profaned. Assholes, male or female unleash the potty mouth in us all. I normally don’t call x anything except x or my children’s sperm donor but refer to him as douchebag and fucktard when swearing. My mother never ever swore in my presence except to call him a fucking asshole. My sister-in-law refers to him as asstard and my brother refers to him as fucking asstard.
    I don’t call any of his conquests names as I feel nothing about them (in some circumstances a prostitute doesn’t need to be vilified for the actions of her john).
    Asshole seems to be a favourite word in my family and circle of friends.
    But Jake from State Farm my god takes the proverbial cake. Love the inventiveness of everybody here.
    Fervently agree fuck is a good adjective, adverb, verb, pronoun, noun, subjunctive pronoun etc to describe a piece of slime who basically shat upon their vows.
    Anybody who objects to me using salty language to describe x has never been profoundly betrayed or disappointed by a shitty person.
    Forgetting my birthday you’re stupid, forget your kid’s birthday you’re an asshole, spend the family funds to send fuckbuddy to Disneyland instead of feeding your kids you’re a fucking piece of slimy asshole.

  191. ” Alas, my husband didn’t fall in love with his mistress compelled by Forces Greater Than Us All — it was a deliberate CON.”

    You know what, that is fucking true. A con!!!! After 30 years together he had to work REALLY HARD to keep that secret affair going for so long. I mean, they had to plan it, carefully and deliberately, on a daily basis. Then lie continuously to me. FUCK HIM.

  192. As I smashed my tennis racket, repeatedly, onto my defenseless but very forgiving couch cushions, I hollered, “You.. Fucking.. Lying.. ASShole!” I alternated strikes with, “Fuck YOU!” This rage was MUCH better than my earlier state of mind – feeling hurt, depressed and suicidal. I recommend this as good therapy with two caveats: 1) don’t do this in front of innocents and 2) don’t throw out your shoulder!

    Love you guys and thanks to CL (yes, Tracy, you are a LADY! Chumps are ladies and gents until rightly angry at the injustice of being abused by others).

  193. I have the ho-worker in my contact list still, *just in case* and for shits and giggles. Her photo is of a bleach blonde, poor make-up, stringy-haired old woman. It’s eerily similar to her unfortunate looking face. I use a combination real name/swear name. That Old Bitch Jodie. Oh, and she’s listed under the “Useless Fucking Cunts” contact list. Population: 1. It might be juvenile but it makes me smile every time.

  194. The irrepressible music legend / mystery novelist / Jewish cowboy Kinky Friedman gets at how we confuse swearing with serious issues when he introduces one adult-themed song by asking his audience to cover the ears of any kids who are present. He explains, “I hate to say fuck in front of a C-H-I-L-D.”

  195. I’ve been reading ChumpLady for over a year and she’s saved my poor Chumpy heart and soul (still recovering, but definitely NC and divorcing!).

    My nicknames are Wormtail and Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter. Wormtail – the man who betrayed his friends, Dolores – sickly sweet on the exterior, pure evil inside.

    Feels so good!

  196. I am a swearer. I think fuck adds a certain emphasis like no other word. That said, I realize it’s not an attractive way to speak all the time. Adulterer hated swearing. In fact, he really never swore. I said “shit” a lot, and he commented once about how I did. Just one of the things he grew to not like about me over the years, I suppose. In a few angry texts, I called him an asshole. His name on my phone is “Dick.” His assigned ringtone is “Were you born an asshole.” Unfortunately, he only ever texts me so I haven’t had the pleasure of hearing that song. He’ll never call. Our relationship has become so hate-filled (thanks to me, really…he tries to be *nice* and I just can’t) that I am sure he is afraid to call me for fear I will go off on him.

    When speaking of him to others, I usually refer to him as the adulterer and to her as the adulteress. I can’t speak her name. He used her name recently in a text to our daughter, and I cringed. Sadly, it is also the name of my grandmother, whom I never met. I always had a lot of curiosity about that grandmother and have done a lot of research on her life. Had I thought of it when my daughter was born 21 years ago, she would have been named after her. Imagine that. If my daughter had the same name as the adulteress.

  197. At first I changed his name to ASSHOLE, ring tone to an angry duck quacking and his picture to one I took of him passed out drunk in the kitchen chair 😀 Now I am NC so I am SATAN FREE and peaceful.

    I live in an ASSHOLE FREE ZONE and almost all healed up and VERY HAPPY.

    I passed him in traffic last week in my ‘new to me’ Jeep and, while he oogled me, I don’t think he knew it was me 😀 LATER ASSHOLE SATAN! 😀

  198. I refer to the cheater in my life as Cousinfucker because, well, it’s pretty self explanatory. Sometimes I shorten it to CF. I am totally stealing semen demon but I usually refer to his whore as either the whore, or Harley. Two years ago when I was busy wrangling unicorns he told me that she was the biggest mistake of his life and he should have bought a motorcycle instead. Looks like he gets to ride a Harley after all.

  199. Over Christmas my SBX sent a card to my son( who hasn’t really talked to his Dad much since d day two years ago) to tell him that he wasn’t mad at him. What the fuck? He isn’t mad at my son. Seriously….HE WASN’T MAD AT OUR SON). Later, I asked my son what he thought of that and he said he texted him to tell him thanks and that he was glad he wasn’t mad and that he just thought he did some fucked up shit. I am not big on curse words but that pretty much sums it up. So, I guess we should say that my SBX did some FUS….

  200. Ok, I’ll play too….Fucking disordered asshole (CH). There is no OW, he is JUST a fucking, lying, bisexual POS serial cheater. Whew, that felt good!

  201. A story that is too fucking long…for the middle of the night, which it is, where I am, now.

    When I drive (Boston area) I curse to make a sailor blush; always have, probably always will. (Sample: you didn’t have the right of way you scumsucking dickhead loser!. And that’s mild.) I always figured, they can’t hear me, I don’t drive aggressively, where’s the damage?

    And theenn: I had a toddler in the back, soaking up words like a sponge. “Fuck. MOve it. I’m going to be late to daycare again was a standard.

    One fine summer, the Very Rev. Dr. Cheaterpants-Crapweasel, Sr. came to stay, along with the hyena he married, Mrs. Very Rev. Dr. Cheaterpants-Crapweasel. [I hyphenate since it was on both sides of the family. Her father was an honest to God bigamist. His mother died young, father shipped out, and he was raised by invisible hands of elderly aunts, and I can only assume child molesters too. It was a big family–lots of room for twinks and twerks.

    Out on a grandparents drive–ssosooso much fun all by itself!—-my lil one pipes up from the backseat: “Goddamnit, mom, don’t you even know where you’re going!!

    Shocked stillness, or as Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, “I love the silence before church begins.” That kind of stillness. (He by the way was a flaming narc, but no reason to think he cheated.)

    Shocked indignation–and the implication that I was the mother from hell– in a car full of marital cheaters of at least a second, if not third generation, clutching their pearls b/c my lil kiddo said “Goddam”.

    Step right up, can we get yer hypocrite tags punched? oy vey.

  202. I call him “dumbass”… in his native language
    I call OW “whore”… in her native language

    That way, only my closest friends who now know the translation understand what I am saying, and they laugh along with me.

    My kid does not know what those words mean yet. And when she figures them out, that will be my cue that she is ready to see the evidence allowing me to call him a dumbass and her a whore. Very cathartic.

  203. I had to skip down to post, but I’ll go back and read and re-read all! This post was spot on for me. After Dday, cheater mcfuckity got all religiousy and pious about how he’d reaaallllyy changed. Self-righteous asswipe. When Dday hit, so did the F-bomb, like a comma. (Pinterest postcard perfection-using the word like a comma)

    He was pontificating (duh) about how he’d changed, had told me absolutely everything, blah-blah-d-blah….obviously NONE of that was true and I didn’t handle it well the first go round so it got waaaay worse. He had the raw, naked ball nerve to ask me in a sniffy-like manner, if I would please stop swearing, because it OFFENDED HIM. My. Swearing. Offended. HIM.

    When the gobsmack from his request wore off, I let loose with perhaps the longest string of swear words on record; and, when I ran out I just made up new ones or combinations of old and new ones. I told Friar McFuckwit exactly where he could fucking take his hideous self-righteous bullshit. So, when he gets pious, haughty or sniffy with the attitude – I address him as such. I don’t think anything else he ever said conjured up more fury than his cheating, lying, son-of-a-bitch, dirty ass telling ME that I offended HIM with my SWEARING. I wasted so much of my damn time stupidly loping in the unicorn fucking forests of hell.

    Then he says that? It’s, OMG, the swearing? THAT’S the big problem? Well, hell’s bells just cue the angel choir and we’ll be all fixed right?! W.T.F?! Fuck. That. Shit. He CHOSE to destroy our marriage and family for whatever the fuck he did that he won’t actually tell the truth about, but still declares meant “nothing” to him, and HE perpetrated all the heinous deception and all the fucking bullshit that went with it. For over two DECADES.

    It clocks right up there with “can’t you just TRY to be nice?” in terms of how many nanoseconds it takes for me to tear him a fucking new one. Stupid cuntfucker. I’m quick to tell Mr. Friar McFuckwit that he can keep his stupidass (h)opinions to his cheating fuckityfuckstick self. And no, the (h) is NOT silent. I will bitchbomb onward, mightily.

    • loping in the unicorn fucking forests of hell. LOVE THIS Chumpedupchik!!! THANK YOU!

      And I love your attitude!!! You ROCK!

      These disordered assholes do not deserve any consideration from us at all! EVER!

  206. I don’t have a fallback that I use for her, but today I texted her this: “Fuck you for wasting what were supposed to be the best 25 years of my life you fucking bitch.” And going through some files I found a picture she had taken of him, that I had labeled “Dickwad guitar,” and I remembered that I entered his phone number as Asscell. And she gets mad when I use this language, but today I thought to myself (without saying it to her) “I have nothing but ‘fuck you’s for you now.” I figure I should be given a medal for every minute of every day that I’m not screaming an endless line of profanity at her, the vile piece of shit, the lowest of the low.

    • Last couple of days I have taken to calling her “cheater mom.” And “cheater mom, orgasmatron.” And fucking whore.

  207. When I was at my worst of cheater name-calling, I tended to go with with calling him “Pissy Bitch” or “Shit-Sucking Ball-Licking Bastard.” Depending on my mood. Not a moment of shame about it, either!