I got taken to task recently for unsavory potty talk when writing about infidelity. A friend had posted the recent Cosmo excerpt of the new book on her Facebook page and someone remarked on the “foul” language.
“Fucked” and “Fuck off” were the cuss words used. (Although hey, I want points for using “flip” once!)
I get this criticism fairly often. On the positive end: “Decent advice, if you can look past the cursing,” to the pearl-clutching: “I can’t read it for all the F-bombs.”
And here’s the funny thing — I’m not a terribly coarse person in real life. And I don’t swear any more than the average American (except when stuck in Austin traffic… okay, then sailors blush…) But when I write about infidelity? YES, then I swear like a motherfucker.
I noticed this first when I was a new chump writing on infidelity boards for advice. I couldn’t express myself without a lot of invective. I wasn’t alone. I might not have been enforcing boundaries back then, but god damn, I could channel my anger when writing about being defrauded and degraded 6 months into my new marriage. (As it turned out, since I first got involved with him, he was cheating on me.)
By the time I began Chump Lady, my potty mouth was deliberate. FUCK THE EUPHEMISMS. These people are not “wayward” — they aren’t befuddled kittens — they are CHEATERS. I’m not some pathetic, poor “betrayed spouse” — I was CHUMPED. Alas, my husband didn’t fall in love with his mistress compelled by Forces Greater Than Us All — it was a deliberate CON.
Every F-bomb is intended to bitchslap chumps into reality. To get us to channel our righteous ANGER and hurt.
If you bang your thumb with a hammer, you say “&^%$#!!!”
You might even post on your Facebook page: “I banged my thumb with a hammer. &^%$#!!!”
And no one would batt an eye.
Walk in on your spouse having sex with another person — and you say “fuck”?
How UNCIVIL of you to use such language!
Now isn’t that a mindfuck? The most humiliating, painful experience of your life — inflicted on you with lies and disrespect, which has endangered your health and your family and your finances — and you can’t say “fuck.”
So today, Chump Nation, I’m asking you to use your potty mouths and change the narrative around infidelity. Luziana asked what’s your name for your cheater — I liked her “Jake from State Farm.” (Hey, if you’re going to use a euphemism, at least be clever about it.) Tell me yours!
Be clever, or be foul-mouthed. Just don’t be a chump.