The Fuckwit Pride Parade

bobsegerEarlier this week I coined the term “Fuckwit Pride Parade” in a UBT post.

In the comments, BetrayedNoMore offered this hilarious imagining of a Fuckwit Pride Parade:

Hi-dee HO there folks! It’s time once again for the annual Fuckwit Pride parade! My name is Pearl Ester and I’m super-excited to be your color commentator today! With me is Faux News psycho Dr. Keith Ablow (tee-hee!) providing color analysis!

Hi Pearl! Say, have you gained weight?

Keith! Ha-haa! You scamp! Any-hoo, folks our first Fuckwit Pride parade float is titled, “Fantasy are 4-Evah!” and is sponsored by facebook! “Facebook… Why settle for the real-life monotony surrounding you when you could be basking in the glory of your own fake universe?” This float was decorated using discarded hotel, dinner, flowers, and assorted gift receipts. Fun fact… I’m told that when added up, the receipts total more than the GDP of Greece, Costa Rica, Aruba, Disneyworld, and Thailand – COMBINED!

BBPT-tis!! – BBPT-tis!! – BBPT-tis!! – BBPT-tis!! …

Oh Keith! I know you know I know what that beat means! That’s the much anticipated “Spring, Summer, Fall, & Winter Fling” float!

Pearl, you fatso, that’s right! This year’s float is sponsored by Grindr! “Grindr… Don’t just swipe right! Swipe any direction you want! And often!” To prepare for this year’s float, cheaters were asked to narrow down the list of sexual positions they enjoy with all their fuckbuddies. The Fling float depicts 69 of these in all their innocent and harmless fun.

Isn’t that awesome Keith?! Our next Fuckwit float is themed, “Twu-Luv.” “Twu-Luv” is sponsored by the Photo Vault app. “Photo-Vault… For those dic-pics you don’t want your spouse to treasure!” This year’s float uses 40 million cotton balls to create a fog. We can’t see what’s depicted inside the fog, but I’m sure it’s spectacular!

And being towed behind the “Twu-Luv” float is the “Adult Responsibility” trailer. Okay, moving on… Ooo! Keith! Do my eyes deceive me, or is that my favorite float, “Monoga-mish??!!”

Why yes it is Pearl you whale! “Monoga-mish” is sponsored by Any Lab Test NOW! “Got that itching and burning feeling something’s not quite right? Go to Any Lab Test NOW location and receive half-off your second, third, and fourth STD screens.” This year’s “Monoga-mish” float depicts the sheer joy and euphoria fuckwits experience in their affairs.

And tailgaiting closely behind is “Gaslight” brought to us by Image Management Consultants. “When the truth makes you look like a douchebag… Use Image Management; it’s just easier.” Awarded the president’s trophy, “Gaslight” is a re-creation of the 1944 instructional documentary of the same name. Keith, I’d try to describe what I’m seeing, but I’m afraid I’d be wrong.

And you’d be right Pearl, you thunder-theighed cow! Well folks, we need to take a break and get our heads straight. This IS the Fuckwit Pride Parade!

So today’s Friday challenge is to add your floats to the Fuckwit Pride Parade.

Like the “You’re Not the Boss of Me!” float. It’s an enormous balloon, full of its own hot air, that’s sailing upwards away from the parade because no one can tether it.

Or the Tumbling Twinkies! It’s a pyramid of Other Women. One falls from the top and is immediately replaced by another.

And don’t miss the Marching Band of Excuses! Working in the key of Me, their fight song is “You Drove Me to It.”

Your turn!

P.S. This image is Bob Seger, who is wonderful in every way and as far as I know not a cheater, but I took this picture at the Detroit Thanksgiving Day parade. And if you imagine that it is NOT Bob Seger, and some big bobble-headed douchebag instead, I think it works. Do not devolve into a discussion of Bob Seger, please. Especially you Bruce Springsteen people. You’re WRONG. Just concede Bob’s greatness. Thank you.

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VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago

I dunno about a float, but I can definitely imagine a group of OWs dressed as cheerleaders throwing kibbles to the crowd!

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

Oh yes, kibbles wrapped in sparkly, shiny paper. But when you open them up, there’s nothing inside.

ReeRee
ReeRee
7 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

There should be something inside alright! i.e., an abbreviated turd of hot mess!!!

holmiche
holmiche
7 years ago

I envision the “sadz” float. Maybe with a bunch of sad looking faces. Or Ben affleck head cutouts with his best sadz face on. It might have banners that say pitiful things like “I can’t believe your going to divorce me. I would never have divorced you”. Or “I’m just trying to survive. I’m living paycheck to paycheck. I’ve been kicked out of my house…. Etc Etc”. There would be motorcycles on board too. The brand new one he’s buying even though he’s living “paycheck to paycheck”. (And not paying child support).

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago
Reply to  holmiche

Better yet — a Sadz Clown Car. One after another, they pop out of this tiny little brain-shaped car with their sad clown eyes and faces:

“She won’t see me.”
‘You don’t know how hard this is for me.”
“I’m not skipping happily down the lane, you know.”
“I’m going through just as much hell as you are.”
“I have nobody now.”
“I thought we had something special.”
“I feel like everything’s spinning out of control.”
“I know I’m a terrible person.”
“Why are you making this so difficult for me?”
“At least I’m capable of forgiveness.”

And on and on and on . . .

hopiumrecovery
hopiumrecovery
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

“I never meant to hurt you” followed by “but I am not with her, she is a friend”.

ihavewings
ihavewings
7 years ago

I’m hoping there’d be a giant Karma bus at the end of the parade filled with chumps tooting their own horns!

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  ihavewings

Good one, Ihavewings!! Now I’m excited about the parade, because of all the chumps tooting their horns at the end. But then their float must deviate from the designated parade route and head out of town on the road to Meh, where the chumps all celebrate with a huge party!!!! Yay!!

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
7 years ago
Reply to  ihavewings

Running over all of the other participants – amazing!!!

HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
7 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

Yes!!! Followed by snow plows to scoop them up off the street and dump them in the parking lot of Satan’s Burrito stand!

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  ihavewings

Yes!

chris1731
chris1731
7 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

Now I’d pay to see the Karma Bus run those floats over…LOL

Karma Bus Float “Wins” best float!!!!

Have a Great Friday everyone.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
7 years ago

Omg. LMAO! I love this!!!! I’ll try and think of something to contribute… love it!

ihavewings
ihavewings
7 years ago

Free at last! Maybe that bus would have faulty brakes ?

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

“We’re Just Friends” Float — The float is a gigantic bed with the cast of Friends lying on top with no clothes on, but drinking coffee. My ex went out for coffee with his ex-ho-worker before work for the past nine years and I never knew about it. After she got a divorce, coffee turned quickly into a drinks date until 1:30 in the morning so that he could “help her” feel better after her divorce. “Just friends.” Yeah, right.

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

If a married man is friends with a woman of the opposite sex, then the wife should be a friend of hers too. Meaning it should be a friend in common, and even then, it’s weird. I don’t see wives who have male friends on the side that they spend exclusive time with on their own. The “just friends” excuse is the biggest bunch of B.S. I’ve ever heard and I’ve never bought it.

CAGal
CAGal
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

Do you find yourself working overtime to make sure that with your guy friends you are super super careful to create very strict boundaries/behave above approach because of the whole “just friends” thing. I have a guy that I’m friends with. We met through work, though we have never worked together. We are in the same field. We are both from the same flyover state. We share a mutual love of donuts. I like his wife too, she’s lovely, I just tend to connect/chat more with him. Man – I work overtime to make sure there is no question that our relationship is inappropriate. Just recently I was going to meet up with them. I told them I was getting divorced earlier in the day so that they were not staring and stammering at dinner. But I made sure that I texted both of them on a group text. I didn’t want there to be any question about “Why is she talking to just you about her divorce.” Nope… behavior above reproach.

creativerational
creativerational
7 years ago
Reply to  CAGal

I’m with you. I couldn’t have work colleagues if I kept it strictly to women. My company and related field is rife with the male persuasion. That doesn’t mean I can or will be a Monk. I need to have boundaries, sure. but because I have boundaries and character, oh and also because Ive been kicked in the ass by infidelity, im pretty solid in how I keep my walls. There can’t be any room for that thought from others- it was never a thought from mine. My biggest work support is a guy who is the same age and we both just got promoted and transferred at the same time. I talk with his wife and work hard to make sure we don’t have business trips together and whatever else I need to do to keep conjecture at bay, but he is solidly married and I love his family. I don’t think this is a slippery slope when you have your decisions and morals in hand. We hold our spouses accountable to being above that, because we also are… I like your thoughts.

Twitching
Twitching
7 years ago
Reply to  CAGal

Sorry, but I don’t believe you because that’s how it starts. I was that wife you are describing. Not as fun as the guy, left out of the donut runs or whatever. You need to get the fuck away from that marriage. Not even kidding.

Valerie
Valerie
7 years ago
Reply to  Twitching

Twitching, I agree with you. I don’t have experience with this type of relationship to draw upon, but it made the little hairs on my arms stick up. Bad vibes

Hopeful
Hopeful
7 years ago
Reply to  Valerie

I have a number of male friends, one ex colleague has been one of my key support people during this ordeal. Never has their been any risk of lines being crossed by me and as far as I know, by them either. I think if you fear opposite sex friendships what you really fear is that your SO is not trustworthy. My POS ex did stray with a junior female colleague who he had developed a friendship with, they proved they both lack character and are welcome to each other – I don’t blame workplace friendships, I blame POS arseholes who have no respect for the commitments they have made. That doesn’t mean everyone who has a friend is inevitably going to betray their families, in fact I think it would the minority that would do so. Friendships are so important in life – and you need friends outside your relationship – the last six months has shown me that – don’t write off half the population because some people have no honour.

Twitching
Twitching
7 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful

Your words sound almost exactly like what the OW said about her relationship with my husband. Defending your relationships with men in general to defend your relationship with this particular man, rationalizing, justifying, it’s identical. Trying to say it’s ok because you’re just friends.

I’ve heard it all before, and I’m not buying it.

It is not okay. Not even a little bit.

I bet you’re thinking, “I’m a grown-up! I can have whatever friends I want! He and I have donuts in common and his wife just doesn’t understand!”

Well wake up. You are not a friend to that wife, and you know it.

I’ll say it again. Back the fuck off from that marriage.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Twitching

And, the first time a guy tells me I’m “jealous” or “insecure” he can start packing his shit then too.. And if it’s in regard to a female “friend” I’ll pack his shit for him, lol. Byeeee Felipe. Who needs you?

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Twitching

Regarding the Opposite Sex Friends issue, I don’t “Fear” any friendship. That’s cause I’m never again putting up with my spouse /boyfriend/ partner having a female Person who is not a family member calling, texting , sneaking around for meetings, etc. I go by BEHAVIOR, not what people want to label it. If that is what he wants go for it, I’m not tolerating it. Period. He can choose the Friend or me. Actually, if he thinks he has to “choose”, I’m withdrawing that option and getting the hell out of that relationship.

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  CAGal

See how you respectful you are of the couple. That is how it should be, not in a clandestine manner with the innocent spouse being kept in the dark or fed bullshit that she’s just a friend.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
7 years ago

Oh! And here comes the Sweater Vested Therapist Marching Band! I would know that tune they are playing anywhere. It’s “C’mon, Chump, own your part of the affair!” A worldwide hit. You probably can hear them from miles and miles away. Boy, they sure know how to blow their own horns!

Bev
Bev
7 years ago

I think this may be my favorite float….. Could they please be flinging my money from the float? I could probably feed a small country with the money I threw at them.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago

Hilarious! Yep, we’ve heard that tune so much and we’re sick and tired of it. You nailed it, DM.

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

DM – Please make sure the float designer has them all carrying their framed grad school diplomas!

This2ShallPass
This2ShallPass
7 years ago

OMG! This is faboo. Made my Friday!!! CL and fellow Chumps you rock!!!

CakelessinKalamazoo
CakelessinKalamazoo
7 years ago

And look, folks! Here comes the Let Them Eat Cake float brought to us by the Domesticity Matters Guild! I don’t know how those ladies and gents can manage balancing those dinner trays and laundry baskets while standing on that giant fluffy confection, but look at them go! Why, they’re so engaging that the Try That Triangulation Troup behind them doesn’t hold a candle! Uh-oh! It looks like the lady on top took a tumble to land face down in the icing! And what’s this? That busty little thing’s stepping on her back to take her place? Oh, folks! This dance is exquisite! And the older lady’s up again and oh no! There goes the drinks cart carefully poised next to the younger one… This display is descending into chaos! Let’s move along to The Cope Float brought to you in part by M*stercard, a fine little Moscato vineyard out of California and the Sleep Council!

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago

OMG, these are so funny. I am LMAO.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago

Hey Roberta !! Look over there, it is a special brigade of military cheaters in our parade. They have a tradition that you arent married once you pass the International Date Line because you arent living in the same day as your spouse, so cheating on deployment isn’t really cheating !

RNE
RNE
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

This is the group my cheater would be happily marching in.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  RNE

As an Airline Pilot and ex military with international dateline experience my Cheater would be a welcome addition to the marching band. “What happens on a trip, stays on a trip.”

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

I have come to think that Pilots and College Professors who don’t cheat are very rare…I would be SUPER skeptical of ever dating anyone in those fields. And go figure this…I subsequently married a Special Agent (who lies for a living) but I pledged my troth to the fact that he isnt a cheater.

I was Sucker Chump Extraordinaire when it came to trusting my first husband on business trips, I was absolutely sure he wouldn’t do such a thing…I never thought a moment of it. It may have been an awkward moment when he first crossed that live but once he did and no lightning bolt struck him, I think he had a new hobby. The lightening bolt got him later.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

“What happens on a trip, stays on a trip.”

Brilliant!

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Ha! ha!ha! Yep, got that right Unicornnomore! Remember, both spouse and cheater aren’t even on the same day of the year, so can it REALLY be cheating? I mean, He’ll, that day hasn’t ACTUALLY happened yet!! Bwahahahaha!

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Not he’ll, but HELL!

Sweatpants
Sweatpants
7 years ago

How about the “Poof They’re Gone” float. This float can showcase slack jawed chumps, enraged teenagers, and hysterical kids surrounded by piles of the cheater’s crap that they won’t need for their new better life. Take out my trash and comfort those kids, I’ve got a date with a 22year old coworker!

FT
FT
7 years ago
Reply to  Sweatpants

I saw that float. There was nobody on that float. Completely deserted…

Kelly
Kelly
7 years ago
Reply to  Sweatpants

Oh yes, that would be my float, Sweetpants. We could have wisps of smoke rising from the float to signify how our exes seemingly vanished overnight, leaving everything behind. Some of the chumps on the float would pretend to dutifully pack their cheater-spouses’ clothes for them like I did, while others would throw their cheaters’ personal belongings from the float like candy for the onlookers to pick up as prizes. And we could have a chump child or two stumble around the float crying “where is my dad/mom?” to which of course there would be no response.

Freenow
Freenow
7 years ago
Reply to  Sweatpants

Oh, and do this while paying the bills I no longer care to pay while you have cancer. Me cruel, “you just don’t understand twu luv and I deserve to be happy”. “You are in pain and can’t get out of bed”? “Good, This really is happening after 35 years together.

The parade float name is discard and bye bye express.

lady jane
lady jane
7 years ago

Now this is a parade I’d gladly watch. I’m sure somewhere in the line up is the I Just Want To Be Happy float.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago

Wow, that post by BetrayedNoMore was genius, top notch!
Thinking about this too much depresses me considerably, even though I know the idea is to have fun, so I’ll keep it short: they could have a High School/College Sweethearts Reunion Float, sponsored by Facebook, where all the decor is from 25-30 years ago, and maybe the music is Adele’s “Hello.” Also, there could be a Shameless Exploitation of Children Float, where cheater moms get their hair done with their daughters before they meet up with their OM, and actually wear their the new dresses they just bought for their daughter because, OMG, isn’t it just the cutest thing!

Untold
Untold
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

Oh man Oaktree you hit the nail on the head, in. every. detail. That float will be overcrowded and my CW will be one of them. Maybe it should be called “Homecoming”, and their motto “Feel young again”. It needs to be strong to hold all them – made of oak!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  Untold

The Coward allegedly found the Twat Troll on FB–what, like 20-something years after they last saw each other. Twu wuv, indeed! FATE determined the demise of our marriage, the kids and I be damned. Well, that, and he had an Ashley Madison account and an Adult Friend Finder account, and probably had cheated before, so, either which way, he was going to get him some action. Ah, FB! Bringing lovers together at long last.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Untold

Facebook should have an ad campaign: “Find old faces, and fuck them!”

Marked711
Marked711
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

This. ^^^ Someone once wrote here that Facebook is the lazy cheater way to avoid real courtship. They don’t have to make any effort to pick up on someone they once knew. And there is no way to verify anything they represent. The ad banner would be “Hook up with old friends”! Old being the operative word.

FinallyAwake
FinallyAwake
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

OMG you just hit a massive trigger of mine – STBX’s affair is with an old girlfriend and he kept sending her Adele songs, Hello being one of them.

Slinking off to have a mini nervous breakdown……….

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  FinallyAwake

Yeah, Adele (that one song in particular) makes me want to barf. And so many people LOOOOVE her…

Marked711
Marked711
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

Adele is great. That is just a terrible song (though she’s in fine voice for it). But I love your float, oaktree. My cheater xW would be on top of it. She was trolling Facebook for old high school boyfriends from 30 years before, and left me for one. Just pathetic, talk about “Glory Days” (a prophetic song). Thanks for this visual.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

We could start a club!

Brightness
Brightness
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

In response to your question about no reply button. I noticed this too on some comments. I think WordPress has a limit for replies (or perhaps CL sets it), so once it reaches 7 replies tt doesn’t show a button. Guess to keep us from going down a rabbit hole or hijacking threads 🙂

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

And actually, I loved Adele’s first album. I just have a very bad reaction to that song, even yelled at my son once when he started singing it (well, told him how much I hated it). Awkward, regrettable moment. I’ll have to give the rest of the album a listen, I just…

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

This is meant for movin on (why do some posts not have a ‘reply’ button?): Ughh, that would definitely put me off. Maybe I’m just not meant to enjoy Adele at all…

movin_on
movin_on
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

Mine used to blast “Rolling in the Deep” so our neighbor down the street could here it (apparently it was their song…) Put me off Adele, unfortunately.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago

…You are all so much funnier than I am.

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
7 years ago

I see a float that’s a big cellphone, constructed out of crap. It doesn’t have much detail to it, as the makers have their phone placed face down.

Always a face-down phone. It was my first clue.

Serialchump
Serialchump
7 years ago

Mine would take his phone into the bathroom. I recall saying it was pretty pathetic if he had to pretend he was using the bathroom all the time just to text with his skank whore.

hisfreeliveintherapist
hisfreeliveintherapist
7 years ago
Reply to  Serialchump

Cellphone AND laptop taken into the bathroom so he could “check the news while he pooped.” Yeah. Apparently he needed both devices in order to have a satisfactory news-reading-shit-taking experience. Only I wasn’t taking that shit.

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Serialchump

AH YES – the phone…..
So obvious, but I was told that the lock and layers of privacy were necessary since the deals he was cutting were private……
And I was never allowed to ask where he was/ who he was with / why he was late – BECAUSE ACCORDING TO HIM, HE MADE ALL THE $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
7 years ago

Ditto!!

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
7 years ago

Double ditto! And phone on silence too!

Other Kat
Other Kat
7 years ago
Reply to  IHaveHate

Got to keep it on silent because it really sucks when your chump wife notices that you’ve posted a new song you wrote to YouTube, which you couldn’t help but note was inspired by a “conversation with a ‘friend.'” And then, damn it, that “friend” has to go calling you at home, not knowing you’ve assigned “her song” as her special twu wuv wingtone on your phone. Hate it when that happens. A person could stroke out trying to silence that thing before the chump wife figures it out.

It’s probably been suggested down thread, but we most definitely need a Marriage Police float, along with a Dimwitted Cheaters float, which would be on the back of the turnip truck they all think we just fell off of.

blondebarrister
blondebarrister
7 years ago

Doesn’t need to be face down when cheater saves howorkers name in his phone as something other than her actual name!!! Oh I was so stupid and trusting….

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

My float is Demonic Derby/Insanity Island, depending on whether you see demonic possession as real or a mental illness, or both.

Anyway, it’s a large race track, with an island in a lake in the middle. The race vehicles are four poster beds, which the cheaters periodically levitate above. They also do 360° head spins, and volitive ly vomit green pea soup. All of this earns you points, in addition to the creativity and stupidity of what you say.

We’re just friends. She’s a good person! We didn’t have sex at that motel! Any contestant with an original thought we have never heard is the instant winner. Yay!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

I think the guy who meows should win Demonic Derby, but that’s just me…

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Meows? Anita, what in the hell?

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

I can’t remember who it is but someone on here’s ex actually meows at them. I can’t imagine how horrifying that is.

chris1731
chris1731
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

OMG….grown man meowing…LOL

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
7 years ago
Reply to  chris1731

Yeah, every time she asked him a question he would just meow at her.

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  Pearshaped

Just when I thought I’d heard everything…

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Pearshaped

Yep… I was thinking satan would be on top of Anita’s float meowing at the crowd ????. Good one guys!!!
This is Jeep ? the one with the meowing x.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

I’m going to go for the Smorgasbord of strange. There are four horizontal changeable banners and there’s one non-changeable one. The top one has hairstyles, the next is the non changeable one, which has several faces, but they are foggy-looking and generally obviously unimportant. The next has chests, then torsos and genitals. then the last has legs. One side is visually male, one female.

The people on the float are cheaters and their goal is to make sure the create a brand new faceless mate every thirty seconds to maximize novelty.

At the top is are two hoodwinked figures, a parent and a child.

Luziana
Luziana
7 years ago

Spectators! And by that I mean heavily affected innocent families about to become Collateral Damage! Please make way for the Fuzzy Math New Years Baby Float!

Child Protectice Services has prohibited any actual blameless children from taking part in the Spectacle, but hell, just more attention for the Narc’s, I say! Watch a midthirties entry level bank clerk twerk shamelessly for worthless beads and ‘You’re Berry Special’ stickers from a recliner bound bacon fiend who’s almost 50! It will make you forget all about your fidelity vows, even neglect to send your tween daughter lunch money!

Spin, Spin, Spin! Our Fuzzy Math Wheel of STDs and Extramarital Conception! What? You have HPV now but have always been faithful? It’s a antibody miracle! Full term babies CAN be born 8 months after D-Day! 48 year old spunk can work a rancid sluterus! Hosannas and Mylar Ballons and shit!*

Please note that the entire decorative surface of the float was made from overdue bills left behind, dust bunnies from empty rooms, and those fucking Christmas Ornaments you won’t STFU about. Glued on with a paste made from Hopium and stepfamily tears.

*Disclaimer- We never acted on our luvfeelings till the day I moved out nearly a month after I was caught lying about luvfeelings. Isn’t she wonderful? Aside from being a lying whore you’d like her. She has a convection uterus that can fully cook a newborn to term in eight months. It’s new, only the younger ladies have them.

**We are special and splendid. Don’t judge! Unless it’s for a lifetime supply of bacon. Then by all means.

***Mene Wadies not allowed to judge Bacon Prize or Present the Glitter Turd Trophy to Miss Convection Uterus.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

What’s the deal with the Christmas ornaments?

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

Ironically, my stepchildren asked me to keep their Christmas ornaments (we had a tradition of buying new ones while on our summer vacation). They will want to come to my house on Christmas and see them on my tree (the home they grew up in).

The collateral damage of Mr. Sparkles and #4 is epic.

Luziana
Luziana
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

In the rush to be with Schmoopie Forever or Three Months, my ex left all his Christmas Decorations behind. I carefully, generously sorted them and bought a new tree, leaving every bit of his nicely packed in the shed, along with all the baby and special ornaments I had bought for them over the years. He failed to pick them up when he said he would, then told my stepdaughter I stole them, causing her to have a full on sobbing fit when she say our gorgeous tree on Facebook. I responded to HER directly to comfort her and reassure her that the ornaments were still right where Daddy could get them, and Cc’d him. He finally came and got them or they just disappeared from the shed. It was the turning point for me in seeing how manipulative and blameshifty he really was.

PF
PF
7 years ago

Well here comes the Bathroom Selfie Float. Is that Ester with the toilet in clear view as she takes snaps of herself. The crowd cheers as she pouts into the bathroom mirror and elbow presses her tities and gets that close up.

Well lookie there….it’s Ablow and his cock selfie for his loover and isn’t that his wife sending a bathroom selfie to the hot young waiter Ablow wouldn’t divorce her for.

The Bathroom Selfie Float is proudly sponsored by Drano for those cheater shaved and plucked pubes that clog the toilet.

hopiumrecovery
hopiumrecovery
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

The bathroom selfie float and the porta potty float should probably be spaced apart… Porta potty float is needed so that the cheaters can pop in every 10 minutes to text/sext/call their fuck of the moment/put out any fires while they are out or traveling with their spouse. I wondered if dirt had a medical issue or something, my gut knew though.

HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Omg!! I had forgotten about the manscaping. But hey, gotta have those old balls looking spiffy for those sophisticated backpage ho’s!

Untold
Untold
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

HAHAHA! Yes exactly that float. It’s amazing how many common themes among them.

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

OMG PF! My ex and his Schmoopie had a slew of bathroom pics! I think it’s cause they know we generally won’t bother them while they are in the bathroom. Unfortunately, any bathroom will do, so I now know what the men’s bathroom looks like at my ex’s work! It cracks me up to look at them because they are all smiles. Not to mention the OW taking a picture of her crotch by hiking her leg up on the sink and snapping a picture of the reflection in the mirror! YUCK! I could have lived a lifetime without seeing that, but the Ex saved them all on his computer under a file with her pet name on it! I did however print a few for my divorce attorney! It was VERY helpful in getting a MORE than fair settlement.

kb
kb
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

What is it about cheaters and bathroom selfies? Mr. Chuckles always spent forever in the bathroom, but it wasn’t until I saw the push notifications from Schmoopie that I learned that he was sending her pictures of his poor little sausage.

Given the length of time he spent in the bathroom, I wonder how long he had to work up to it… 😛

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  kb

You know, I’m sorry, but why would anyone want a picture of some one’s dick? I mean, that’s just disgusting.

Karma Express
Karma Express
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Anita, I guess you’ve not done online dating then? Sadly, dick pics are all the rage.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Karma Express

I managed to get through middle aged dating and got remarried without ever receiving a dick pic …I feel like I got through the gauntlet. I told my 19 yr old daughter that and she got a “TMI!!! ” face

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  Karma Express

I agree Karma Express. Men think it’s what women want to see. Heck, it was my birthday and I was out with friends. And this random guy approaches and starts talking to me. Not 5 minutes had gone by when out of the blue and out of context, he whips out his phone and shows me his dick pic. I told him to F- off and couldn’t get away from him fast enough.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Truly, genitals are pretty meaningless out of context to me. But, then, I didn’t stop developing emotionally when I was seven and I’m not a sex addict, soooooooo…

You can’t play basketball with a frisbee in soft grass. Chumps and cheaters aren’t even playing on the same field/court.

Noelle
Noelle
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

OMG PF! My ex and his Schmoopie had a slew of bathroom pics! I think it’s cause they know we generally won’t bother them while they are in the bathroom. Unfortunately, any bathroom will do, so I now know what the men’s bathroom looks like at my ex’s work! It cracks me up to look at them because they are all smiles. Not to mention the OW taking a picture of her crotch by hiking her leg up on the sink and snapping a picture of the reflection in the mirror! YUCK! I could have lived a lifetime without seeing that, but the Ex saved them all on his computer under a file with her pet name on it! I did however print a few for my divorce attorney! It was VERY helpful in getting a MORE than fair settlement

Yep, Roberta same here. Douchelord left an entire file buried in the program files on a PC that he left when he made his grand exit. All of her in all her glory. Crotch shot, tit shots, it was a spectacular find. Except all the photos were taken in OUR bedroom and bathroom. I saved them all to a thumb drive and dropped them off at the attny. They were presented as exhibit 4 along with exhibit 5 which would be the statement with the airfare, rental car and financial support he gave her. I got a very nice settlement indeed.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Noelle

Noelle, she took all those nasty photos in YOUR bathroom/bedroom euw…Yea, I guess those would show just how disrespectful and violating they were to you. You and Roberta deserve everything you got 10 times over.

FMT
FMT
7 years ago
Reply to  Noelle

What a horrible violation, Noelle. I’m so sorry. ((HUGS)) So glad you got a good settlement, and hope you’re well on your way to MEH!

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  Noelle

Noelle, my ex realized, after dragging his feet for nearly a year, that it would benefit him to just give me everything I wanted instead of having all this evidence of his douchebaggery to go before a judge! He knew he was screwed and in the process his Schmoopie would literally be exposed to a variety of people (not that I believe she is shy at all), but shame and embarrassment was wonderful leverage!

yo
yo
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Thanks Roberta! I was trying to avoid starbucks vanilla scones but craving them at the same time. Your visual has cured me. Thanks!

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  yo

Glad I could help Yo!

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

I can’t unimagine this Roberta. Thanks!

Raging
Raging
7 years ago

Shit sandwich float.. or at least a vendor walking around yelling “get your shit sandwiches here!”.

Strad
Strad
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

Served with a side of Word Salad.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Strad

How about some side dishes?

Champ
Champ
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

Love this!!!! And cake. There gots ta be cake!!!!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

I have another one. The Magic Mirror Photo Booth. It works like one of those Facebook memes, How I Think I Look. Then How I Really Look.

I’ll use ex as an example. How I Think I Look: Teenage (eeew) , thin, with lush flowing hair, and hot chicks falling all over me.

How I Really Look: Fifties, bloated balding loser with forties skaggy alcoholic whore (only one, damn it) falling all over me.

Like Chuck E Cheese, complimentary photo print outs are available.

seriously?
seriously?
7 years ago

How about a giant postcard float, multiple exotic destinations on it. Caption reads “this is hard for me toooooo”

Champ
Champ
7 years ago

I’ve got the “Blameshifter” all revved up and raring to go. Magicians pulling long strings of nonsensical words out of their mouths, making underwear disappear off skanky models, cleaning shot spots with a Magic Eraser, and in the middle, a big game of Twister with naked cougars, married men, the nanny, and your closest friend … or so you thought.

brit
brit
7 years ago

These floats are spectacular this year aren’t they fat ass?? speaking of spectacular, looks like a replica of the Matterhorn coming towards us folks, entitled “The Switzerland float,” made from mega rolls of toilet paper. Nice effect with patches of brown. Look at that, our home town hero, sitting on a throne or is that a toilet?? Love the elves dressed in shades of brown, frolicking around him, some massaging his shoulders, others kissing his behind, who can blame them, he’s such a great guy, so sensitive.., what’s that he’s wearing? well, of course.., his Eagle Scout Uniform…,

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

Bwahahahaha! Mine took a selfie of himself on the toilet! His Schmoopie’s nickname for him was, get this, King Poop! Wow, how adorable! I remember reading texts on his phone while he was fooling around with her and the topic of conversation was about who had left a small turd in the hotel toilet! Does it get anymore sexy and amusing then that??? Of course Schmoopie ALWAYS had her “poopouri ” with her! Don’t ask me how I know this, but it’s a fact! After all, she should have been using it as perfume to cover the pile of shit she actually was! But then again, she was sleeping with ex and he is a pile of shit too so I guess they cancel each other’s stench!

yo
yo
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Grrowsssss

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberts….I think they double the stench!

VeniVidiVerily
VeniVidiVerily
7 years ago

I can imagine my ex on a float dressed in something glittery, shining like the sun – and all the OW’s rotating around him making smoochy faces; he is truly at the center of his own damn universe.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  VeniVidiVerily
BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

ROTFL. “I got passion in my pants and I ain’t afraid to show it.” We’ve found the cheater theme song!

And yep, Right Said Fred’s “I’m too sexy” is the other one. I’ve posted it here at least twice. 🙂

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

X wears shirts like the singer in this video, all the time. If anyone mentioned his muscles that would be our conversation for the entire day. I think he alternates now between the tank tops and his biking ensemble..,

https://youtu.be/P5mtclwloEQ

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

I love that video. My ex definitely sees himself that way.

Current Chump
Current Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

What about the “I’m too sexy” song by Right said Fred
Should be my stbx’s theme song (nevermind that he pays for the strange)
Pretty much fits for any other narcissist as well.

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago

The Switzerland Friends Marching Drill Team. They’re all dressed in folk costumes and lederhosen, and do intricate maneuvers while yodeling War’s “Why Can’t We (All) Be Friends?”

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Fifi
Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

YUCK. Yeah, definitely add this song to the drill team’s repertoire. Let them try yodeling THAT.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

maybe alternate with “It wasn’t me.” song by Shaggy…

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

Veni, I could see mine dressed in glitter, speedos, with his shirt off, glazed with vegetable oil while flexing his muscles, admiring himself in a full length mirror, with the same smoochy faced women making their smoochy faces.
Fifi, I love the Switzerland Friends Marching Drill Team. excellent choice of songs, “Why Can’t We Be Friends,”

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago

The toddler tantrum float is entering the parade unannounced. The spastic car is driving crazy as it careens at break-neck speeds through the crowded streets. On board are the “you pushed my button” kazoo band and the local “I can ruin a family holiday if I want to” drummers club. Children and unsuspecting wives are buckled in the front cowering in fear as the determined driver is pushing the gas pedal to the floor. Ooops!!!!- a wrinkled up old girlfriend just bounced off the back of the float. Guess this float is full of lots of surprises!

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago

Love this float! Especially “I can ruin a family holiday if I want to.” Seriously, I thought that was only The Entitled One but apparently that’s yet another way they’re all the same.

ChumpyKindofLove
ChumpyKindofLove
7 years ago

Tracy, your posts are always good but today’s is downright INSPIRED and I needed it today… Its my Cheater’s bday today and I was all crying in my car with the sadz… Then your post reminded me what a FuckWit he is…. And I’m also waiting for my test results… So yeah, he sucks.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago

We must not forget the WHORETACULTURIST’S FLOAT:

Winner of the Governor’s Prize for best display of Penis Fly Traps.

Twitching
Twitching
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Blue ribbon best float winner!!!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

* sound of mic dropping*

Awesome!

Mehphista
Mehphista
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

So.Much.Win.

Chumpasaurus Rex
Chumpasaurus Rex
7 years ago

I know you implored for no Seger mention, but it’s his birthday! Happy Birthday!!!

The fact that this is what I thought of after reading the post (don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing and definitely made my morning), makes me feel like I have really gotten to “meh”. Can that happen on a Friday instead of a Tuesday?

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago

Chumpasaurus Rex=

Hell yeah! It can definitely can be a Friday! I hear they let you check in whenever you get there which is just one of the many cool things about meh. I hope to arrive soon.

NarcBait
NarcBait
7 years ago

How about a “broken triangle ” float? Cute little house with kids crying in the front yard as sane parent puts cheaters cloths out on the curb. (This happened )

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago

Great idea CL…

Got to go to work, but hey, a few to warm up:

The “Double Standard” float, all decked out with I am sorry if my actions hurt you but how dare you do the same thing to me?

The “Sing like a Canari” float, with jumbotron screen playing the best fuckwit mindfucking quotes with our cheaters’ portraits and their name on it!

The “Fuck OW/OM Privacy” float, distributing scarlet As to deranged people who sleep with cheaters.

I can’t wait to read more of these today and throughout the weekend!

LIningUpDucks
LIningUpDucks
7 years ago

The Glittery Turd float…..big, huge, and oh so sparkly in the sun……the fuckwits on it throw out handfuls of glitter at the crowd, too….or better yet, shoot it out with a glitter gun….mwah haha.

And of course the Peter Pan float…..dedicated to Neverland where no real responsibilities exist….fuckwits dressed as Peter Pan and the lost boys…dangling from wires that are meant to “fly” them around but actually they’re just mostly danging haplessly, although the fuckwits don’t seem to care, they enjoy it just the same.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
7 years ago
Reply to  LIningUpDucks

I have been WAITING for this one! Thank you thank you thank you!

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  LIningUpDucks

May we add this to the Peter Pan float? A basket full of clubs so that Chumps can ride the float and bash the dangling fuckwits, fucksticks and crotch cronies like they are pinatas? An interactive float.

Twitching
Twitching
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Wow. Hesatthecurb I want to be friends with you. You are freaking awesome.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  Twitching

Thanks, Twitching…..I love to make new friends! 🙂

yo
yo
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Crotch cronies! Hahahaaa

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  LIningUpDucks

Glitter! I LOVE GLITTER 🙂

PF
PF
7 years ago

Lookie there it’s the OM/OW marching band….gosh golly the Other Women are blowing horns and the Other Men are playing what looks like vijayjay harmonicas. Yup folks it’s sounds like they’re attempting to play that great tune “do you think I’m sexy”.

Sure they’re playing out of tune and every few yards there’s a cat fight and doucheman shoving as they try to manoeuvre their way to the front of the parade route. They’ve just cut in front of the Sweater Vested Therapists Marching Band and are aiming to overtake the Twu-Luv Float.

Got hand it out to those OW/OM, nothing stands in their way.

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Lol you guysdd
Wait! What’s that they’re playing now? Why, it’s a new twist on an old classic:
‘When the Taints Come Marching In’

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Too funny PF, I can picture the harmonicas and horns and am laughing so hard.., these are all hysterical.
Sweater Vested Therapists, need a good kick in the ass.., seriously (ha)

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Hahahaaaa! “Nothing stands in their way,” you got that right.

Chumpfor21
Chumpfor21
7 years ago

Don’t forget the Matching Unicorns! Splendidly attired with sparkly hooves!

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfor21

LOL, just had an image of the Budweiser/Clydesdales horses, but for the Fuckwit Parade, it would be a herd of unicorns pulling a wagon of …. Someone help me finish this thought, I’m at work and getting dostracted

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago

And the unicorns would look like that picture Ian Dubito posted a few posts ago. Maybe they’d be pulling a wagon of Big Liar IPA. “I told you it was beer, didn’t I? It’s yellow, isn’t it for Cripes sake? Where’s your trust? You are killing this marriage with your suspicion!”

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
7 years ago

Cheaters shoveling unicorn shit for the sandwiches, maybe?

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  Pearshaped

Assclowns following behind the unicorn drawn wagon shoveling up the unicorn shit which will later be served at the Closing Ceremony’s shit sandwich eating contest.

hesatthecurb
hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

BTW–the delusional fuckwits prepared all those shit sandwiches but NO chumps competed because ….well, we know why no chumps participated, don’t we?

Chumperchipcookie
Chumperchipcookie
7 years ago

Gotta have a Double Life float. A happy family on one side and Craigslist Hos on the other!

Marked711
Marked711
7 years ago

Where’s the ILYBINILWY float? It was never really committed to the parade.

Kelly
Kelly
7 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

hahahaha

Magneto
Magneto
7 years ago

Why is Bob Segar a Fuckwhit?

Magneto
Magneto
7 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Oh, Just saw the P.S. I’ve visited the Detroit Parade Company for years, these are quite remarkable, I digress

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago

How about the “Denial Isn’t Just a River in Egypt” float? We’ll put a bunch of two and three year old kids on it looking sheepish and saying “It wasn’t me!”

Mr. Sparkles thinks if he denies something enough times, it will cease to be true for anyone. Good lord, if that only worked I would have the most amazing thighs.

I am SO going to this parade.

hopiumrecovery
hopiumrecovery
7 years ago

Dirtbag thinks the same thing, if he denies it happened or is happening, despite clear and convincing evidence to the contrary, if he denies it enough times, it’s true. He has had 30+ years of chump training with 2 ex wives (yeah me, #3) and literally at least triple digit partners and harem members. It may number in the 1000’s. I kid you not. He is a musician, attractive, endowed, but most importantly, charismatic and a very convincing liar and manipulator with no morals or empathy. Why not throw your dick at any pussy (20 year older?) and see what sticks. It’s surprisingly successful. Maybe there needs to be a throwing contest after the parade?

Chumptacular
Chumptacular
7 years ago
Reply to  hopiumrecovery

Dirtbag thinks the same thing, if he denies it happened or is happening, despite clear and convincing evidence to the contrary, if he denies it enough times, it’s true.

This sentence really resonated with me. My marriage came crashing to a violent halt when I noticed the seat of our new car was damaged in a way that could only be explained by sex. Prior to the purchase of that car I had put up with a lot of emotional and sometimes physical abuse from XH. I had also supported him for many years. At the time we bought that new car, purchased from my inheritance from the death of my mother, I had hoped that it would help to mend our relationship. XH drove me back and forth to work and had the new car to himself whenever I was at work. You can imagine my shock when I saw the seat – there was simply no other explanation for the damage except sex. XH defiled my inheritance with another woman and one who knew that he and I were married. You would think that with obvious evidence that he would just come clean and tell the truth, but no dice. I listened to more excuses than a cat has lives, each one making less sense than the last, and it was nothing short of infuriating. He was willing to deny that he cheated one billion times if necessary. Even after I shot down every single excuse with a rational explanation as to why I was not buying it, he then said he didn’t know what happened to the car seat, but that it was not sex. I think his MO was “Death by 1,000 Denials”; that if he adamantly denied it enough, he could shake my confidence in my own perception so that I would give him the benefit of the doubt and in turn continue to enable his cheating. My confidence was shaken, not to the point of buying his lies, but to the point of sitting in the car and just staring at the seat and second-guessing my perception. I would always conclude by telling myself, “There’s just nothing else it could be.” One thing that was telling was the non-verbal micro-second facial expressions that accompanied his verbal denials; these expressions often were clear indicators of acquiescence. OW also turned beet red the first time she saw me after I discovered the car seat; I thought that was telling as well.

hopiumrecovery
hopiumrecovery
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptacular

First, ewww gross. I would be infuriated too! What an ass. Sounds a lot like dirtbag. Lives off the wifey because he is a musician, so he has his days free to screw anything that moved and he had late night gigs too, that served as “dates” for his bitches. In my case, I had photographic evidence of him in the act in our home provided by one of the sluts. She was tired of his lies and forwarded me photos and text messages where he said I was disgusting and crazy and he wasn’t with me. Of course, we lived together and were engaged at the time. That hopium combined with the gas from the gas lighting is powerful stuff. It makes you doubt yourself EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW OTHERWISE. To this day he claims the ho photoshopped him and it never happened. The best part was she sent me the messages while we were in Hawaii. Another trip ruined.

Chumptacular
Chumptacular
7 years ago
Reply to  hopiumrecovery

I’m sorry. Never underestimate the power of duper’s delight for the disordered. It is not the content of their deception that is so compelling – it is the absolute sincerity with which they continuously, unwaveringly voice their lies. The excuses I heard about how the car seat got damaged included but are not limited to: the sun did it, salt used to treat ice and snow on the road got in the car and did it, gloves laid on the seat did it, the oil change technicians did it, the car manufacturer used defective material in that area, it was normal wear and tear, it was nothing, french fries did it, his mother did it.

blessingindisguise
blessingindisguise
7 years ago

Here comes the RIC float! There is a gaggle of chumps wearing rose-coloured glasses chasing the after the float. Oooooh…. what’s that? The RIC float is tossing goodies to the audience! They’re hopium pipes, folks! Get yours today! Oh dear, the chumps have all tripped over the speed bump of reality. That’ll knock the rose-coloured glasses right off their faces and the hopium pipes right out of their hands.

Oooh! What’s next? I see the “I’m a cheater and I’ve tried everything to fix this marriage” float. It’s empty, folks. There is an empty float. Those cheaters really go all out, don’t they?

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

I’m glad the RIC is represented, because they keep the shitshow going for years after it would have died a natural death . maybe we can declare them Grand Marshalls!!

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Agreed! I was trying to envision an RIC float but blessingindisguise nailed it!

Magneto
Magneto
7 years ago

Does this parade have balloons?

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Eeeyup – made of condoms.

Magneto
Magneto
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

hehehehehehehehehehehe.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Balloons made of very very small condoms….Mosquito Brand

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Condom float ****sponsored by Cheato Mosquito Brand****

yo
yo
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Ahahaha from size wee-willie to where-isit

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
7 years ago
Reply to  yo

What? The condoms he forgot to wear? Yep. At least you won’t catch HPV from blowing those up

Carmella1722
Carmella1722
7 years ago

How about the “You’re going to drive me away” float that runs in reverse when you ask the driver for the truth.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

????????????

little red riding hood
little red riding hood
7 years ago

Don’t forget the dark float …lit with gaslights and filled with smoke and mirrors

Minchia
Minchia
7 years ago

Bwa-ha-ha! Don’t forget the entire Red Flag Drill Team!!!

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  Minchia

Yes!!! With Gwen Stefani’s “Red Flag” as their theme song.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
7 years ago
Reply to  Minchia

Hahahahahahaaa,

FicoChump
FicoChump
7 years ago

I can not wait to get home to read all of this! Happy Friday I am laughing like crazy @ work! I will get in the Karma Bus for sure ?? ?

Magneto
Magneto
7 years ago

Mine would be a street balloon of Batman’s villain Twoface, held to the earth by balloon handler – chumps and their children trying desperately to hang on and steady the lines. Accompanied by the spangelly Pick Us Dancers, TM, there is no need for guidance to stay on the parade route, the wind blows the entire balloon and company wherever it wants to go.

In the best world, at the end of the parade, on the count of three, the balloon holograms into an anchor, everyone lets go

Magneto
Magneto
7 years ago

This balloon will be accompanied by the sad sausage Eeyore, balloon….

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
7 years ago

And here come the Rockettes performing their take on the Pick Me Dance to Pink’s Please Please Don’t Leave Me, by kicking cheaters down the street in front of them! Who let them in here? Followed by a Karma Bus of crying cheater’s sobbing Baby, Come Back! Someone get security over here!.

ANC
ANC
7 years ago

My contribution is a float made up of entirely of 6-8ft mirrors arranged at various angles, a couple of smoke machines to disperse magical smoke throughout and then topped with a disco ball with a carefully placed spot light to illuminate it sparkling while it is twirling around and bouncing rainbows off of the mirrors and fog.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
7 years ago

OMG, LMAO at these images!!!!
I had a flash of the parade in Animal House with the cake float with (ironically) the character D-Day driving, BWHAHAHAHAAA

SnakebitNoMore
SnakebitNoMore
7 years ago

LOL, great minds think alike, I had the Animal House float in mind too, but I’d forgotten D-Day was driving it.

Eat me!!!! (Not you, Molly, referencing the cake float :D)

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago

Here come our old guys riding on those juvenille women shaped mini-motorcycles! Looks like the Shriners only more ridiculous!

And now a word from our sponsors: JaniKing. They are sweeping up the abandoned daughters, sons, grandhchildren, dogs, cats, Iguanas…..

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago

OMG, I can’t stand it. Laughing and kind of nauseous at the same time.