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Huma Frees Herself

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anthony-weiner-love-showing-penis-sad-wish-confession-ecards-someecardsI’m sure I speak for all of Chump Nation when I say, “THANK THE SWEET LORD JESUS HUMA ABEDIN LEFT ANTHONY WEINER.”

Even unicorns have their breaking points, and I guess finding pictures of your husband’s hard-on next to your sleeping toddler splashed all over the New York Post was hers. Although Politico reported that they’ve been “estranged” for over a year. In any case, I’m going to stifle my “I told you so” and offer hearty congratulations to Huma for finally leaving the fuckwit.

Oh hang on, Peggy Drexler in a CNN editorial tells me I can’t say “finally.” Weiner might have some Very Nice Qualities and we should not judge!

It’s tempting to say “it’s about time” (and some have: “Huma Abedin Announces She Is Finally Dumping Anthony Weiner,” went the headline on Slate). Certainly, this would not be Weiner’s first (or even second) transgression; in 2011, he resigned from office after it was revealed he’d been sexting random women online and then lied about it.

But it’s important to remember that we can never know what goes on in other people’s relationships. To assume Abedin chose to stay with Weiner despite his many flaws is to ignore the fact that she quite possibly decided to stay with him because of the many good qualities he possesses, the ones that appealed to her in the first place.

So, saying “It’s about time” is unkind? Yeah, well so is subjecting yourself to Anthony Weiner’s abuse. So is telling chumps they should believe in unicorns and give Creepy Penis Man, second, third, and fifteenth chances. So is making preposterous arguments that Anthony Weiner’s chiseled pectoral muscles or political potential or delicious fried egg sandwiches blot out his monstrous entitlement.

Good qualities? Are you fucking kidding me? EVERY cheater has “good qualities.” You can’t abuse someone without baiting them first. Chumps aren’t masochists, they’re hopeful, idealistic idiots. Once you’ve invested deeply in a relationship, you tell yourself that these “lapses” of disrespect and deceit are just the price of admission. They can be “managed.” They aren’t the Real Him or Her. We’re told our faults are equivalent or worse when compared to their infidelities.

She “decided to stay with him” because that’s the overriding narrative about infidelity — you stay. You eat the shit sandwich. You work it out. And you know what? You’re still going to be second guessed. If you leave, you didn’t try hard enough to save your marriage. If you stay, you’re a chump. When you go, it’s “about time.”

If any of the media attention on Huma Abedin says anything it’s that the majority of commentators blame the victim in infidelity. She’s a bad mother for letting Anthony Weiner babysit! (Washington Post). She left Weiner for Hillary (Drudge Report). Instead of attributing staying to Anthony Weiner’s “good qualities” why not attribute it to the inferno of judgement that surrounds being chumped? Of COURSE she stayed. She was going to prove them all wrong!

Until she couldn’t. Many of us here were pushed over the edge to leave when this crap involved our children.

Instead of quibbling over when she left, or why she left, let’s just thank God she left.

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  • Im sure that ax murderers have “some good qualities” but in the end CL is right, it IS who they are – with their monstrous entitlement.

    We welcome Huma to our motley crew and with her well, meh and a good future.

  • And he’s unemployed. This stay-at-home dad. Now we can watch him claim 50% of the marital assets. Or support. Or whatever his entitled bad self believes he deserves.

    • I read there was a Tweet that went “Anthony Weiner is proof that the Clintons don’t kill people.”

      Yeah, I’m sure the narcissist Weiner is going to get VERY ugly on the divorce.

    • Interesting perspective. He’s unemployed. That’s not my take. He’s certainly a cheater, but it’s a gendered perspective to dismiss him as unemployed. He’s a house spouse and SAHD. It’s a slight to our SAHM chumps to say otherwise.

      • Completely agree Ian.

        In addition, it sucks that any cheater – male or female – is legally entitled to exploiting the marital assets, state specific of course.

        I have my theory on how the state should deal with cheating spouses that doesn’t financially harm the kids involved.

      • Thanks Ian! I was going to reply to this earlier. I don’t recall having heard of a stay-at-home-mom referred to as “unemployed” (and don’t think it is appropriate). So don’t get me wrong, Weiner is a class A fucktard, just struck by “And he’s unemployed. This stay-at-home dad.”

      • Agree. He’s a creep. And may be wasting lots of good kid time being a douche. But Dads can be and should be looked at as just as capable and relevant as stay at home parents as women. He may be home because he lost his job and it’s easier to keep him under wraps but if he’s also the primary caregiver then he’s still doing work, even if he’s doing a shitty job.

    • I agree with you, Elizabeth.

      No way is Anthony Weiner changing diapers and arranging play dates.

      He is not a SAHD because of their enlightened choices. He is unemployed because he can’t keep his dick down.

      And under-employed. Someone with his skills and abilities to be driven by this selfish entitlement is also a shame.

      I trust that he truly sucks.

  • my jaundiced eye keeps focusing on the word “separation” which is not “divorce” it’s like divorce light, like it’s not final or for real or the’s still hope if they just go to therapy and work at it everything will be fine.

    It won’t be Huma. RUN Huma. You opened the door, now step through it and nail it closed behind you. I guarantee you, even a life that’s looks as wonderful as yours from the outside though we all know it has its pitfalls, is gong to be better if you run.

      • I think it’s probably because she knows he’ll get ugly in the divorce, and she wants and deserves to do the job she’s worked at so hard, without incessant scrutiny.

        Has to do with legal procedure, but if she files, his lawyer can push for it to move fast, then the lawyers start filing motions like missiles. I doubt his lawyer would tell him to file as a way to make her life hell; he’s a public figure, and the bad guy. No judge except a moron, which her lawyer won’t allow, would be “stony impartial” about the obscenity generally, and specifically involving a toddler.

      • She’s got to wait until after the election to file, but she had to take some action to keep the female vote.

        • Too bad she couldn’t do it like Katie Holmes, a strategic air strike. Ducks rowed and rowing, papers together with just enough of an offer, all of the Clinton legal fire power behind her. Child safely ensconced in another apartment. Wham Bam Thank you M’am. Well you know what I mean. 😉

          • Whatever her motivation is-it is a step in the right direction. Let’s hope for her and her son’s sake that she follows through and divorces that POS. How many times has he been busted for this now? Good grief! He can’t fathom that he is an easy target for the media?! Get a clue Weiner….do your family a favor …..put down your wad and cell phone, give your wife a divorce, and slither off into the sunset alone.

            I know people were disappointed with her the first time when she stayed..I think she was pregnant. But truly, no woman or child should have to endure this hurt & humiliation once-let alone multiple times. And then to have it played out in the media where it will live in infamy FOREVER. I can’t image what that will be like for his child as he grows up.

    • I still believe Huma is just placating Wiener for now and leading him to believe if he behaves himself there still may be a chance for their marriage. The guy has no self control, is a loose cannon and could end up being a nightmare during HRC’s campaign. He could start putting out vicious lies (or even some ugly truths) and Hillary does not need anymore crap right now before election day. So I think Huma is really protecting Hillary for the time being and she will definitely divorce this creep.

      • Also, think about what we DON’T KNOW about Weiner and his perverted, creepy antics. I think what has been reported is just the tip of the iceberg.

        • KB22, exactly. Although I think (I hope? She looked incensed) it’s probably more for Huma’s sake — she’s worked so hard, she’s insanely bright, she deserves both to have the chance to see her work through and, concomitantly, to have some place where she feels dignified.

          One thing that has made my life a double living hell is that d-day hit a month after an epic professional setback — that was also grounded in betrayal. Not having work as I know it broke my heart as much as Fuckwit’s 5-year gaslighting campaign about OW of five years.

          • Narcs are notorious for leaving at the worst moments of your life. Loss of job, parents, illness and of course blowing things up around the holidays is par for the course and they cannot even bother to go thru fake sympathy motions. Then there are the narcs that are so cruel, the bad timing is deliberate and calculated.

          • Claire S. I lost my job a year after getting divorced (the politics of education are brutal and heartless). It’s been two years since I was “pink slipped,” and trying to find a full time position at age 55 along with the financial devastation has been worse than the divorce itself. I’ve never been so low in my life.

            • I’m sorry, ChutesandLadders. It’s horrible when insult is heaped on top of injury. Persistence. I had a former student who submitted 70 job applications before finally getting his dream job. Hugs!

            • Oh, ChutesAndLadders, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. Yep, politics of education here, too, and tho’ not to do with tenure, brutal and … my H was involved in the mess. Just found that out. And I second Tempest’s post.

              How about we root for each other? We can do this work nightmare!

            • Chutes – Shit, that’s horrible timing. Since the divorce is over, I don’t suppose there is any chance you can get any alimony out of your X. I sure hope you’re not having to pay him any. (or child support). I’m so sorry this happened to you.

      • My guess is that Huma is too busy right at this moment to put divorcing the fuckwit at the top of the page. She will have all the resources she needs to get rid of this guy for good and a lot of support from many people who can help her. A separation buys her time to get past the election in 80 days or so and then she can get on the divorce treadmill. Chances are she’s moving to Washington anyway. She can be like my BFF who used a job change to essentially end her marriage without being present for all the drama in person.

      • I did a legal separation from an abusive spouse to placate him. It’s everything that a divorce is, same forms, complete legal and financial separation, division of assets. I got the house fixed and sold with cooperation from xh, sweating the entire time that he’d wreck the place to sabotage the sale. Then I got the last shared account closed. A few weeks later x contacted me demanding a date, that I’d had enough time to get over my issues. So I filed to change the separation into a divorce, which was I think 3 short forms that basically referenced the separation and required my signature, plus less than $50 fees.

        • Excellent cheater management skills, there, validated! Getting out with as little chaos as possible is a much hoped-for goal for many of us.

        • My state doesn’t even recognize separation. Legally, it’s married or divorced, no inbetween.

    • AllOutOfKibble and others,
      Unless things have changed, NY requires you to be legally separated for a year before you can file for divorce.

      Also, In NY at least (I know the equivalent exists in some other states, I’m just not sure if it’s ALL of them), there’s a third possible option between Separation and Divorce.

      It’s called a Separation Judgment. While your run-of-the-mill legal separation can be done with a simple contract that is only notarized after both parties sign, a Separation Judgement has to go through the court system and needs a judge’s signature.
      Same as a “regular” separation it can be used as the document that your divorce agreement is based on should either party decide on that option later on.

      The most often used up-side to one of these is that if one party had medical insurance that was carried by their spouse, with the Separation Judgement they get to KEEP the coverage where it would normally be cancelled had they outright divorced.
      There’s also some real property issues that are covered under this but since my ex owned nothing it wasn’t an issue for me at the time.

      One other upside is that it is easier to take court action for any required payments a party is required to make that they default on.

      Perhaps there is a reason Huma is “only” separating?
      I’m sure with her connections she has decent legal advice.

      PS- For other info that might help someone. It is perfectly legal to ask for one’s spousal support/maintenance/alimony to be tax-free. Particular language has to be used in the document, and both parties have to agree to it, but it CAN be done.
      (BTW- I learned that little tidbit by watching Law & Order, and after researching I had to explain it to MY lawyer, but it’s saving me a few grand a year! LOL)

  • So very tired of the media in general. And in these instances in particular. Good for Huma. Glad she finally got out of that “relationship.” And I’ve come to believe that we, the chumps, were never in relationships. We thought we were, but, nah, we were just useful cover for the entitled ones.

  • I wish he had been sexting me. With those kind of pictures I would be a svelte size 2 by now. He could get a job marketing those crotch shots as a diet pill (with warnings they would induce vomiting). And I’d probably be able to run a marathon with all the practice I would’ve gotten running from my phone and screaming?

  • Bravo, Huma! It must hurt, this despicable multiple penis sharing. But you finally got clarity and decided to save your self respect. It took awhile, but better late than never. Now get your killer attorney, grab your child, and let the jerk die! He’s always been a weasel.

  • There have been people who gave given me the creeps before, but NO One has ever creeped me out as badly as Anthony Weiner!

  • She lost any claim to “not being judged” when she stood next to Mr. Dick-pic at thise pressers and proclaimed his infidelity Not So Bad. At that point she was in in the sails of the RIC and deserved to be called out. You know what? What he did WAS terrible. And if she if listened to the people who said that back then? She and her child would be in a much happier place today.

    Huma is what any Southern grandmother might call “a good example of a bad example.” Let her be a lesson to Chumps who come after: leave a cheater gain a life.

    • Well said, nomar.

      It’s possible to simultaneously believe that he’s wrong, Huma’s a victim, the media has a right to write this story, and we have a right to weigh in on a person who chose to be in the public eye.

      Now the question becomes, are cheaters security risks?

      • Apparently cheaters are not security risks. My ex husband applied for a federal position, and I was interviewed by the FBI agent 3 months post divorce. She asked if there were any concerns that he would give up State secrets, etc… I said well… He did cheat during our relationship, more than once, but he kept it from me…
        We also both awkwardly agreed that the situation was a strange one: personally I think cheaters cannot be trusted, yet I needed ex husband to be gainfully employed so he could pay child support.

    • If I remember correctly, Huma had a newborn baby the first time Weiner’s illicit texts were discovered. I can understand why she might have stayed at that point (hoping that counseling would help), although we all knew that Weiner was a huge narc and not going to respond to counseling. I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to deal with Chumpdom on top of a newborn and the scrutiny of the press at the same time.

      • I agree we should not judge chumps who give their marriage one more shot after a publicly humiliating sexfest.

        But, for all that is sacred, do NOT stand behind the miscreants during a press conference. Eliot Spitzer and David Vitter (and all the other politicians & public figures caught with their pants down) were boinking prostitutes without their wives, they can face the press on their own. It takes sacrificing a piece of one’s dignity and self-respect to attempt wreckonciliation as it is, no point giving up *all* your self-respect to look professional behind the cheating spouse who just buried an axe in your back in front of the whole country..

        • Agreed, Tempest. I don’t remember Elizabeth Edwards standing behind her husband at his press conference after D-day. It’s a practice I’d like to see go by the wayside.

    • Here I kinda disagree with you. She was probably devastated, had a newborn and had his political machine in her face telling her what she had to do to “save his career”. We got to handle our devastation without media coverage and look how much we all pick me danced. I can forgive her for pick me dancing in the public arena. I can imagine her thought processes were the same incoherent mush that mine were. So, I’m cutting her some slack. Just glad she’s finally making it out. Just my opinion….

    • Personally, I don’t think he tried too hard to cover things up after he was discovered. He seems to be on the path of self-destruction.

    • So bizarre that he would cheat through texting only? Really? Cheating is cheating, but that’s a lot of lying and cheating and scandal just for cyber kicks and no real action. How could his preferred type of infidelity be destruction from a distance? I think there must be some kind of carnal element to some of his cheating.

      These woman said they’ve never even met him. I think it’s really strange that you would risk exposing such perverted online behavior and not get any actual in-person payoff from it (like hooking up later).

      Could someone explain that phenomenon to me? Is it about having lots of people want you? Like more than you can actually get with? About image? About perceived lower risk? He is flagrantly exhibiting this behavior so obviously not worried about getting caught.

  • I’ll bet she stayed as long as she did because she just didn’t have time to deal with divorcing that dumbass. He’s been awfully cooperative in giving her all the photographic evidence she’ll ever need, though. So good of him. I just hope she goes for supervised visitation – that photo of the perv and his poor little son is disturbing and disgusting. Just imagine what’s gone on in that house that wasn’t photgraphed.

    • This whole mess is a tragedy for their 4 year old son (what an internet trail of pictures and prose Weiner’s left as a legacy) and Huma. When I first read about Huma’s mother and her viewpoints about woman and modeling of women’s subservience as espoused in her magazine, I felt that Huma’s cultural background may have played a part in her staying so long. But she is an intelligent, westernized woman by all appearances and actions; chumpdom befalls the best of us. However since she has been estranged for a year, I feel the delay of her legal separation and divorce was more a political calculation during this high-stakes election than anything else. Who knows what Weiner could reveal (I know, very conspiratorial), and he was a handy babysitter (a shitty one it turns out). Consider she had to figure (she’s very intelligent) that Weiner left to his own devices (and I am sure she played marriage police or had him monitored) was going to revert to his norm. When he became too brazen, especially with a minor child in tow, and the public saw all, she was forced to act.
      Well if that was the push she needed? Hurrah for Huma!
      Of course the other tin hat conspiracy side of this, is that she purposely exposed him to increase her leverage. But I think no mother could be so callous.

      • Nah. She’s a chump. The last thing you need in any deadline-driven activity (sports championship, political campaign, writing a dissertation) is a big distraction.

  • I’m so glad Huma finally decided to grow a backbone and left that sexting creep. Talk about being a terrible role model for their son!! The level of humiliation and rejection she tolerated is unfathomable. And really Weiner, to sext another woman while your son is in bed with you?! In his warped mind, he’ll prolly claim he’s the Victim, since Huma abandoned him to pursue her political career and therefore wasn’t around much, yada yada, yada… You know how these cheaters/pervs think…

    • “….he’ll prolly claim he’s the Victim…” 1. This made me laugh. 2. If he does this publicly and the mysogynist wingnut chorus backs him up … or the sex addict chorus …. ugh.

  • Anyone who defends that Weiner idiot, or any like him, ie cheaters, is a fucking idiot. I don’t care who they are out who they work for, they are a fucking idiot.

  • I spent all day yesterday being gaslighted by the media. It’s nice to be able to come over here and get my head straight.

    All the hot takes and Twitter jabs have been cheater-apologist clickbait.

    You go, Huma. You, too Chump Lady. As much as 2016 is a downhill trainwreck into a flaming diaper cumdumpster fire, it’s nice to be able to know one thing for sure.

    Cheater suck!

    • Well, one thing about it, Ian. Once you get your head on straight about adultery, it doesn’t matter what someone said or who is saying it, your own internal belief system steps right in to say, ” Uh, no…. ”

      I was at that point before I got fucked around by the Ric but I’m back now. I don’t listen to any pro cheater shit come out of any body’s mouth in my presence.

      • New chump here and have heard a lot of reference to the RIC, can someone please tell me what it stands for or what it is? Thanks

        • Reconciliation (or Wreckconciliation) Industrial Complex. Similar to the Military Industrial Complex coined by Eisenhower in the 50’s, that the military was becoming this unstoppable force that no one could rein in, the RIC is similar. Almost ALL therapists espouse the “a marriage is having problems due to BOTH parties” and having chumps keep doing pick me dancing, etc. Google Mort Fertel, he’s part of the RIC. They don’t get paid if chumps kick cheaters to the curb.

          • LOL!!! That’s perfect! Thanks, Chris W. Oh, yeah I am definitely familiar with the RIC then!!! And after 3 wreckconciliations, where STBXH not only didn’t get better, he actually got worse, I was finally done for good. No contact is the best thing ever!!! Thanks, again for explaining it to me. ?

  • That bird brain is nothing but a walking penis, slithering around the internet for random ass like a donkey led around by a carrot. And not that looks are everything, but come on. His outside is a direct reflection of his shallow and barren inside. Just a hard cock wandering around for any sock to slide it in. Gross.

    Oink goes the PIG again! ??

    • He’s the perfect poster boy for where you don’t want to end up in life. Parents take heed. Teach your sons not to be led around by their dicks and your daughers to respect themselves to avoid these creeps at all costs. What a waste of a human being.

    • That bird brain is nothing but a walking penis, slithering around the internet for random ass like a donkey led around by a carrot.

  • This Weiner guy makes my STBX look like Prince Charming. UGH! I can’t even imagine having to deal with a fuckwit so publicly.

    • Lots of us put up with public and private pervshttp://www.chumplady.com/2014/07/when-your-cheater-is-a-sicko/

  • I had to laugh today because my ex thinks think he is #1 in the fried egg sandwich department. He loves getting his ego stroked over the superiority of his egg sandwiches, something he doesn’t believe anyone else could replicate. A few months ago he was on FaceTime with our preschooler and asked our son what he was eating for breakfast. “Mommy made an egg sandwich! It is so yummy!” His face fell and he went silent at the incredulity of it all. His ex chump was capable of making a fried egg sandwich?? And the child LIKED it? Impossible! Yep, I make a mean fried egg sandwich, too, I just never got the chance to do it while we were together because I was busy stroking his ego over HIS egg sandwiches, which were no better than mine.

    Silly (though true) as it is, it’s a good metaphor. Cheater thinks they’re All That. Chump concedes that cheater is All That during marriage. Chump leaves cheater only to demonstrate a high level of their own All That-ness. Cheater is befuddled and annoyed by uppity chump. Chump eats fried egg sandwiches and lives happily ever after.

    Huma, good on you, girl. Get that man out of your life, and go make your own egg sandwiches.

    • I vote that “fried egg sandwich” needs to be added to CN glossary.

      My ex always had these types of “talents” for mediocre accomplishments that I could have easily surpassed with a blindfold on. But I let him have his fried egg sandwich moments, and I’m cringing at the fact that I usually bragged about along with him, too. So chumpy of me.

      • We all did this. Hanging head in shame now, but we were trying to prop up their sad sausage egos and get them to be participatory in family life.

        • Participatory in family life- yes! I praised any amount of X’s interest in the kids. It was all BS to feed his ego. In reality, you do nothing, asswipe.

      • The Sinister Minister had plenty fried egg moments – that’s why the parish loved him.

        Shame it was just a facade.

        Shame he had to throw all that love away for the sake of a clandestine romance with a woman he told me he never loved, without even managing to have proper sex. He keeps maintaining “We never had intercourse!” which reminds me so much of Bill Clinton, it isn’t funny.

        She also says it wasn’t intercourse, but they did everything else.

        Choices, choices, choices.

  • Huma, I’m truly sorry this happened to you. However, seeing that this can happen to such an accomplished, beautiful and kind person makes me remember that it has nothing to do with the qualities of the chump and everything to do with the qualities of the cheater.

    A couple of my friends are also chumps and the are LOVELY women. None of us chumps deserves this.

    My life happened to intersect with that of a very bad man. Horrible bad luck.

    • “My life happened to intersect with that of a very bad man. Horrible bad luck.”

      I’m sorry to hear this I’mWithStupid. I hope you are no longer with Stupid. However, I sense a great deal of ‘meh’ in your comment.
      You life happened to intersect with a bad man. Not that you were stupid enough to marry a bad man in the first place, which is sort of un-meh.
      Your perspective is Mehville to me!

  • “Chumps aren’t masochists, they’re hopeful, idealistic idiots. Once you’ve invested deeply in a relationship, you tell yourself that these “lapses” of disrespect and deceit are just the price of admission. They can be “managed.” ”

    Can I get an ‘Amen!’ I am owning this–24 years of being a hopeful, idealistic idiot (I probably would have believed in the Cottingley fairies, too). Gave up my ‘management’ position of a fucktard to become a free agent. Kudos to Huma for finally doing the same.

    • 37 years here Tempest and 46 years invested in friendship. My ex was a decent young man otherwise he never would have had a chance with me and once he had me hooked that is when the real him came out bit by bit. That young man doesn’t exist any more if he really ever did and I find myself every now and again shaking my head in disbelief wondering if I was that stupid and I saw what I wanted to see. When I read about Huma yesterday, I thought finally this young woman is now free and she will be fine. The photo of Anthony with his child is hard to understand but he is an entitled jerk who threw everything away for his tiny penis.

    • Im so sorry Chutes and Ladders. My business is highly seasonal ( September to December). I have to make those months count to carry me through the rest of the year, and my stbxh reaped the rewards of 25 years of my labour in this business–it purchased all of the toys, vacations, cottage, florida home, etc. Well, the D-day? October 9 which also happened to be the day my son was driving home 5 hours to spend( Canadian) Thanksgiving with his family. A weekend of faking it followed by the devastating news on Thanksgiving Monday. Also absolutely ruined my busy season– my head wasn’t in the game, so a year of earnings trashed. What fun!!! Wackjob!!

    • 26 years 9 days of hopeful idealistic idiot.

      Today would have been our 30th anniversary if 1) he had lived and 2) I kept smoking hopium

    • Hopeful idealistic chump in two relationships lacking in reciprocity, 8 years and 11 years so 19 years exposing myself to different flavors of hopium…

      Now a single mom happy on my own!

  • Re: Weiner, I keep thinking:

    “I can’t believe he’s done this again.”

    “How did he think he could do this and not get caught?”

    “How can anyone be so messed up to keep doing the same thing, knowing the potential fallout?”

    And then I realize that these are all the same things I thought about my ex way back when. With every new report about Weiner, I start with the thought of “I just can’t believe….”. And then I catch myself. Because I’ve seen it firsthand. It happened to me. And I *still* can’t wrap my mind around how humans can do this.

    I was driving down the road yesterday when I realized that it’s been four years since the final implosion of my marriage. I spent much of the fall of 2012 in a puddle of tears, and now I have a hard time even remembering why I was ever so upset about the end of the marriage.

    I’m glad you’ve left, Huma. And please don’t go back. We all have to follow our own timelines and make our own chumpy mistakes.

      • Same here. I still catch myself whenever I find myself saying, “I can’t believe…”

        Yep. People really behave like this. That’s why I stayed so long. Because I just couldn’t make myself believe he could keep doing the same destructive things over and over again until finally I had no choice but to realize he did them because he could and wasn’t going to change because he didn’t want to.

        It’s hard for normal people to process the behavior of the disordered. One day you just stop trying to understand the madness and when you do, it’s liberating.

        • Done4good, same here. I stayed waaaaaaay longer than I should have as well. It takes what it takes to leave a cheater and gain a life.

          • With every tear from one of my sons eyes

            With every guy that likes me and I get defensive

            With every outin of his ‘insightful new live’ (my mistake, NC is hard with 2 kids)

            The ‘why’ and ‘how’ keep creeping in. I know ‘focus on me and the kids’ and all, but my soul just crinches faster than my brain can decode…

        • Done4good, that was what I had to learn too: that he wasn’t going to change because he didn’t want to change. In fact, for his whole life, he will NEVER change. When that part clicked in my head, so much of the other noise fell away.

    • Yep, well said, StrongerEveryday. From overflowing tears to being unable to remember why in the world you were sad that the “marriage” is over. It’s like being sad over being given early parole. Whoohoo! Free! The grief was real at the time, but the perspective that leaving gives you is that this was such a lifesaving event.

      • Spot on, FindingBliss. I love this: “It’s like being sad over being given early parole.” I sometimes shock people when I express my joy over the divorce, but it really was lifesaving.

    • You know I had the same thing with my Ex. Like I couldn’t understand what the fuck was happening. How could I keep finding his car over at his Howorkers place. And like he made these half-assed attempts to hide it, but not really. To this day – that in particular was so confusing to me. Like I said “don’t” he said “OK I won’t”…. goes and does it any way. I would say “God damn it… don’t!”, He would say “I’m so sorry it won’t happen again”…. goes and does it anyway.

      I can really relate to probably how Huma feels – no seriously, don’t send pictures of your dick to people on the internet…. goes and does it any way.

      I don’t even know what that whole fucked pattern is about.

      • CAGal,
        I think it’s about control. The rush and feeling of power they get when they deceive. And about entitlement. They know it’s wrong, otherwise they wouldn’t keep it a secret. They choose to repeatedly do the same abusive thing, again and again, because they want to control and dominate and oppress us. Otherwise they wouldn’t keep it a secret and/or they would divorce and go and live their life.

    • Awesome line, Stronger: “now I have a hard time even remembering why I was ever so upset about the end of the marriage”! This should be a CL Friday post. IF we can even remember, WHAT were we so upset or worried about losing? Did those fears come true? Probably, for most of us, whatever we were so worried about never materialized.

      • Chris W. – exactly! I’m at a loss as to why I don’t remember the pain of those first d-days. I remember the physical sickness very well, not to mention the emotional. But, now that it’s behind me, I truly wonder why I would be so upset to let a cheater get me like that. Sure, sunk costs for 36 yrs, it’s hard and I equate it to childbirth – a pain so intense, you forget. Well, the brain is a great thing, but I think it comes down to really analyzing your marriage and seeing it wasn’t at all what you thought it was. I would much rather live alone, and sometimes lonely, than ever live with that nightmare again. All I see today is the shit he pulled time and again. I sure don’t miss any of that, now that I’m free of his control and mindfucks. Getting to meh is truly freeing. WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE!

  • I haven’t read all the comments so forgive me if this is repetitious.
    When dumb ass got caught again, it was with a raging hard on in the vicinity of his sleeping child. Can Huma stay with a man during this election under those circumstances? I’m not completely buying her motives. I would like to imagine she is seperating due to the obvious impropriety of the pic. I mean, WTF Weiner, are you a pediphile too? Whether or not he is, that photo should send off alarm bells. Apparently it did. Many Americans would not want the right hand top aide to a presidential candidate married to such a freak of nature. I’m assuming she is a chump. Chumps spackle. She can’t spackle under these circumstances.
    Regardless-no matter what occurred, I cannot wrap my head around Weiner’s fascination with his weiner. Listen, I think I speak for most women when I say I never had an orgasm looking at a penis. Yeah, he has a big dick. That dick is way too close to his kid. Way, way, way, too close. Fucking perv.

    • I don’t think it suggests he’s a pedophile, I think it clearly demonstrates that nothing, not even his children, can get between him and his fantasies. Nothing is sacred to these fuckwits, and his child is irrelevant in his quest to satisfy the throb.

      • I agree. Weiner is a poster child for entitlement and the ability to care absolutely nothing about a spouse and child.

      • ^^this is the perfect explanation for my ex skyping his AP in the presence of my son (then 3). When he started calling me endearments that we never used around the house, I knew. At the time, I thought WTF and I can’t believe. It’s only now that I recognize that’s how I spent the majority of our marriage. It’s like he had to up the ante for me to get it. My gf said it best – the only surprising thing is that you are still surprised but his d-bag behaviour.

          • I had to opposite thing happen, my daughter mentioned a sweet name that H1.0 used for me in better days and my young daughter said “mommy, remember when daddy used to call you that?”

        • “It’s like he had to up the ante for me to get it.”

          This is unbelievable PhysicasGal. It’s so disgusting that your Ex kept pushing your buttons to see how far you could go before you break. This makes me so mad. What was he trying to make you “understand”? I just don’t get it.

    • I had the same thought: his erection + next to his sleeping infant + taking a pic of both (dick and son) and sending to a stranger is disgusting and reveals the level of his utter disregard for his son and wife.

      Anyone else notice how weirdly buffed he is for a 50+ yo former lawyer/politician? That would be a HUGE red flag to anyone. He must spend hours daily in the gym and on what he consumes — basically focused on himself and his appearance to achieve that look. YUCK!
      Run Huma — you’ll see next year how much better off you will be without this monster in your bed.

      • I wonder if having your dick and a child in the same photo could be prosecuted as child pornography, especially distributing the photo on the internet.

        • If it’s not, it sure as hell should be! He’s absolutely disgusting! Hope he gets some nasty, painful disease that makes his “thang” shrivel up and fall off!

  • The problem is that we want to apply logical thought to an illogical act. Sure, we are idealistic! We want to believe in truth, and justice, honor, and dignity, all those good things. The inescapable fact is, though, that there are many many many humans who exist in a world where they are not “bothered” with these thoughts. I am sure this particular creep doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about — and all the women who have been encouraging him and sexting him back don’t understand either. They evidently don’t mind living under a rock — operating in secret just makes it more thrilling for them.

    My biggest problem as a chump was accepting that these folks need to act this way. I don’t think that way, and therefore I have trouble conceiving that they not only think that way, but MUST act upon it. It is a powerful, driving force headed to destruction. They know how to talk a good game. They can be charming, and say all the right things. They can even act contrite, for a short period of time. What they cannot do is STOP. The RIC is built on the idea that people can make a mistake, have remorse and change. This can happen — I can testify that I have made mistakes, felt remorse, and changed. What we cannot know, or even count on, is what is going on inside the brain pan of the “other”. When we start to understand that no matter what happens to them, no matter what they say, no matter how beneficial it would be for them, they are UNABLE to change — then we are free! We stop trying to be forgiving and stop trying to “do the right thing” as defined by others who have no idea what they are asking us to do. We finally can listen to that voice inside our head that says — GET OUT while you can!

    We will never know all the details of another person’s “relationship.” We can be happy when we see someone else get away. I don’t want to know anything else about this weiner. I’m just glad she has the ability to get her child and get out. What ever else is going on in her life — I am sure that she and her child do not deserve another minute with a weiner. Nobody does.

  • I see this news and I think… God, give me the strength to stay on course – to keep my life moving forward and away from Mr. Sparkles.

    You see, he announced (by text) that he had just told our son that he and the OW have broken up (after almost 2 years together). And, the divorce is SOOOOOO close to being final.

    When he told me, I felt MEH – glorious MEH. Days later, I find myself mentally preparing for the Hoovering – or worse (ha!) if he doesn’t even try to get me back.

    No worries Chump Nation – I’ve seen what he has to offer, just like Huma (and the rest of the world have seen Weiner’s weiner.) But I’m bracing for the storm just the same.

  • I figured the kid would be a red line too. That she’d have to split now. Then I started thinking, is this really any different then how our husband/wives used our children as a cover for their wanton desires. My d told me yesterday that the last time she was at the restaurant I took her to, she was there with w. Who else was there? W’s boyfriend (“the really really old guy”).
    So is there a difference? Weiner’s pic and that? I’m not really sure there is.

  • Its ironic how these pervs get off on exposing themselves to the entire planet on the internet, but when they get exposed for their deeds…. not so much. I told mine since he loved proudly displaying it then he shouldn’t mind if I show those pics to one more person…the Judge.

  • Anthony Weiner is a great cheater case study–the sexting, the buffed narcissist body, the cheesy sexting pseudonym “Carlos Dange,” and the fact that even massive losses of career and prestige weren’t enough to stop the behavior. He had to quit Congress and a run for NY mayor.

    And so fast forward to late summer 2016, when his wife is immersed in the first presidential campaign for a woman, her boss and close friend. 80+ days from the election, he is sending dick pics to a woman when he’s been on the NY Post front page twice for the same thing. Here is a portrait of total entitlement. His wife is on the verge of being part of an historic moment and the crown jewel in her career as (almost certainly if Hillary wins) chief of staff for the 1st women president, or some other very prestigious position. And he says, via dick pic, pay attention to ME.

    We should all study this as a case in how a cheater uses cheating to take the shine off a chump’s achievements and accomplishments. We should see it as a case where the cheater isn’t in the white-hot spotlight and so grabs some attention for himself, not only from the sexting partner but from the whole country–because we are writing and talking about him now. Huma is now a “victim” or a “scorned woman” or someone who “stood by her man” while he repeatedly disrespected her.

    This is what betrayal looks like. It doesn’t have to be dick pics. Or Ashley Madison. Or porn + hookers. Or a Schmoopie. Or multiple Schmoopies. It can be anything they do to tip the power dynamic their way so that the chump is broken down, seen as lesser, left shocked and ashamed. And that power dynamic is not about who has what job; it’s about the cheater saying “you aren’t the boss of me” and “I’m entitled to whatever I want.” Trust me. Weiner was enjoying this little exercise in showing Huma she’s not the boss of him. (And let me go on the record saying I don’t believe for one minute it ended at sexting).

    Until she kicked him to the curb. Now he’ll be all outraged and calling 70 times a day for yet another chance. But he put his wife in a position to chose between a great career with a boss who loves her and him. He lost. And if he kicks up a big fuss about the divorce, I predict her legal team will crush him like a bug with the front page of the Post.

    • Oh, LovedAJackAss,

      Brilliant! A great insight into a tiny man’s attempt to derail a moment in history. Even if she loses, (she won’t) its historic, and he’s cemented his place like John Wilkes Booth. Infamy will do for Weiner.

      He knows, he doesn’t care.

      What if Weiner’s real fetish is public humiliation?

      • If his real fetish is public humiliation, he’s having one of those 12-hour erections that require medical intervention.

          • I wonder if he accidentally dropped his phone in the toilet, where would he take that hard-on from there?
            This is just sickening me the more I think of it….
            His language in the text and his gross purple tongues is so juvenile.
            If I’ve ever seen a pervert on live Nat’l news, this is it.
            Where is our disgust of the crime committed on this child.
            Who knows what happened during the days this SAHF spend with this child?

      • Here’s an excerpt from Anderson Cooper’s interview of psychologist about what drives Weiner’s sort of behavior.

        COOPER: Does risk — does the risk involved in all of this heighten the experience for people who do this? I mean the possibility of getting caught, the possibility of the stakes involved?

        WALSH: Absolutely, Dr. Cooper. Yes. So the risk taking heightens the reward system. And, you know, most people with so-called — I’ll say this carefully — sex addiction, because it’s not in the DSM 5 at all.

        You know, it’s often co-morbid with another psychological disorder, maybe depression. Maybe this is a way to alleviate depression for him, narcissistic personality disorder, where the consequences don’t matter because there’s only one person in his world, right. So it’s often co-morbid with that, compulsive sexual behavior is often co- morbid with other kinds of addiction.

        http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1608/29/acd.01.html

    • “This is what betrayal looks like. It doesn’t have to be dick pics. Or Ashley Madison. Or porn + hookers. Or a Schmoopie. Or multiple Schmoopies. It can be anything they do to tip the power dynamic their way so that the chump is broken down, seen as lesser, left shocked and ashamed. ”

      Brilliant assessment, LAJ.

      • I learned it all here, seriously. And it’s one reason why I like it when CL repeats her best stuff. Because when I read it, say, 2 years ago. I was still thinking it was all about how the MOW was younger, blah blah.

    • Well said, LAJ, narcissists will go to any lengths to steal their partner’s thunder and to keep the attention focused solely on them. A few months ago one of X’s best buddies, a raging narcissist himself, posted a picture of himself on FB lying in a hospital bed with his eyes closed, looking dead. No caption, no comment or explanation, just the opportunity to revel in the urgent questions asking if he was OK, what happened, where he was, etc.

      The most chilling part . . . his wife was at that very moment under hospice care, lying in her bed at home, dying from cancer. She died a few days after her husband posted that picture, which he never did bother to address or explain–that might have diverted their friends’ attention to where it belonged, his dying wife!

      No one here will be surprised to learn that just a few months later this man (who was very likely on the down-low with my X) found himself a new chump, who does nothing but breathlessly post pictures of the two of them on FB, which he rarely bothers to like, let alone comment on. With the exception of his reply to a recent post where she captioned a picture of him with “Love this man!!!” He didn’t bother to like it, but he did say in return, “You so sweet” not even bothering with a full sentence or a period.

      They are all beyond shame. I hope Huma crushes that fuckwit slimeball in the divorce (which I agree with others will likely happen after the election–it was a mighty thing for her to take even a step like separation during the final stretch of a presidential campaign, which is basically 24/7 at this point and the last thing she needs is that idiot blowing up her phone and trying to Hoover her back in).

      • His wife was DYING and he posted a pic of himself in a death-like state without explanation? The phrase “parasitic narcissist” just got itself a poster child.

        Did anyone, a single person, comment, after it became known that he was okay, about this monstrosity? E.g., “To call you depraved is to radically understate the case.”

      • Well, there ya go. That story is an even better illustration than the Weiner one, if less of a media sensation. That sums it up: he had to be central, even as she lay dying. Once you understand this dynamic, there would never be a way to go back to one of these hyenas.

      • And thanks for your kind words. I hope it helps others see that the cheating behavior has nothing to do, really, with the chump.

    • Great post, LAJ. Terrific insight into the abusive side of these “little” dalliances.

      I also believe that this thing did not stop at sexting. No way. To all the comments saying something like, “we can never know what went on inside that marriage,” my reply is: “Huma doesn’t even know what went on inside that marriage!”

    • Totally stupendous, insanely brilliant post, LAJ! You should send an editorial to NYTIMES, Wash Post. Totally brilliant!

  • >> But it’s important to remember that we can never know what goes on in other people’s
    >> relationships. To assume Abedin chose to stay with Weiner despite his many flaws is to
    >> ignore the fact that she quite possibly decided to stay with him because of the many good qualities …

    HAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAAHHAH… heh heh heh heh …. yup… ooo boy

  • Yes, it is about time, thank God.

    CL, what do you think about Hillary? I realize that she may be staying with Bill for career or other reasons, but a big part of me wishes she would just divorce him and make a stand against infidelity. She has none of the usual “compelling” reasons to stay with him, e.g., financial security or staying for the children. And I think because she is such a public figure and supposedly exemplifies feminist values, and because Bill’s infidelity was just so blatant and humiliating, her staying with him implicitly says that infidelity is okay.

    • Yes, Young! I was wondering the same thing! Maybe Hillary is secretly reading CL and planning to divorce Bill once elected! If handled correctly, the impact on the attitude of this country regarding cheating, pornography and unhealthy sexual behavior could be changed forever. I seriously doubt this will happen, but it’s okay to dream a little! I’m picturing public service announcements… “this is your family…. this is your family when one partner is a cheating fucktard….” .

      In your reply, you refer to Bill’s infidelities in the past tense. I tend to think of them that way as well. The media has done a masterful job at convincing us that all of his poor behavior is a thing of the past. We all know that in reality, this is most certainly not the case. It will be interesting to see what appears with his behavior in the future.

      In regard to Weiner posting inappropriate pics taken with his son in bed with him, I am sickened. A few months before I finally filed for divorce, my cheater-ex “acted out” while on vacation with my then 15 year old son. That was one of my final straws. I still don’t know what the “acting out” consisted of, but know he was in that insane, sex-driven mind-set while with my son. It makes my stomach turn. During divorce I brought this up, and the court said they absolutely do not care unless he directly touched my son. This is so wrong on so many levels. As I saw the pic of Weiner in bed with his son, obviously his mind not on being a nurturing dad, my first thought was that the family courts will not care one bit.

  • I find the difference in attitudes between the explicit discoveries of infidelity with pictures, emails, text messages and detailed looks into the actual happening of affairs VS. a general, high level awareness of a possible affair interesting.

    When there is a high level, fuzzy awareness that an affair probably took place, many take the attitude of “well, she probably wasn’t having sex with him and they grew apart and he accidentally become close with a co-worker. But they are both good people, and if each person takes responsibility for their part of the demise of the marriage, then healing and rebuilding can begin.”

    When we see the explicit truths and direct illustrations of the illicit behaviors: the sexts, the craigslist posts, the pictures, the lies, the betrayals, the deceptions, the raunchy sex experiments, then many take the attitude of “He’s a fucking evil loser who doesn’t care one iota about her. He’ll lie and cheat to get what he wants. He’ll expose you to STDs and impregnate another woman and fuck some girl in your marital bed while the baby is sleeping. Dump the lying bastard NOW!!!”

    But… my point is this: all those naughty, evil explicit behaviors are part of most any affair! They are all the same. Just because you don’t have the actual sext or raunchy email describing how they both fooled their spouses and tried anal last night doesn’t mean those things don’t happen. That is what affairs are!

    So, one’s attitude toward an affair should not be different if you only have the high level cursory knowledge vs. have all the explicit details.

    Or as Esther Perel might falsely believe: “Well, not THAT type of affair!”

  • First of all Weiner and Huma likely thought his political career could be revived after the first scandal. And in political couples, both parties are often very committed to the end game. Mark Sanford, former adulteress governor of South Carolina, was elected to Congress two years ago. Lots of other examples of second chances that are given by the public to politicians, so it was easy for Huma to assume his career wasn’t over.

    Now not so much. He’s done. And so is she.

  • Not sure why anyone would care??? This is the political class….. they do not operate as we do. Its about what will assist them with money and power. Look at Hillary, she is a prime example of. They are so transparent in what they want and what they do…. but people seem blind in todays society…. I mean give me a break…. Hill up there talking about social justice and white privilege while wearing 20,000 dollar outfits! And no I don’t support the narcissistic ass Trump either.

    • I have a friend who was married to a politician. Everyone her husband worked with knew he was having an affair with one of his coworkers, a much younger lobbyist. There were even political-entertainment blog posts about their “romance.” It didn’t seem to bother anyone in the state capital that both were married to other people, and had children. They live in a bubble.

  • Ok, am I alone here? I don’t understand the whole sexting thing. I understand that men are more visual, but, please give me a break. Who are these women that engage with a man that sends dick pics?

    Any man sends me a picture of his dick is immediately blocked. Same with any moron that wants nudes of me. It just seems so ewww, slutty to me.

    What happened to building relationships? Seems like the Internet and texting brings out the lowest possible denominator…..

    • Yes, what is up with the women? I can’t see how those disgusting photos would be fun or exciting in any way.

    • Oh my! There are tons of women who not only engage in this type of craziness, but also send their own. I read that women send 3 times more sext pics than men do. No wonder men out there send out dick picks, they know that they’ll get 3 times more responses. People do what works and you’d be surprised at the amount of sexting that goes on.

      There was a girl in a high school in the town I used to live. She sent her boyfriend a picture of her boobs. Her boyfriend took her breast pics and charged $5 for every guy in high school that wanted to see it and make money off of it. The girl was so mortified when she found out, that her family had to move out of that town she was so humiliated. It’s sad but a true story.

    • I agree all venom for the Wiener but non for the skanks that knowingly sext a married man? Why are they allowed to slither away in half naked photos subtly comparing their goodies to Huma!

      • Now that you made me realize this about these woman – this one knew damn well knew who Weiner was, Capt Danger (you think he could have changed the name from the first news story?) was the minute she started a relationship with him. I think she did it for the money or other motive, in this case and I’m sure somebody paid her for the pics. She’s disgusting but I agree with her publishing a photo with him and his young child. So, maybe she just knew what she was doing. Maybe it wasn’t even her body in the photos. Her texts to him seemed rather mild. His texts to here with perverted.
        I’m not going to blame this woman if she set him up. I might have done the same thing but not to have ruined any candidate for Presidency, although, since she’s a Trump supporter, I don’t doubt Trump himself knew exactly what this woman was doing. They call it a decoy in politics.

        • To be honest, I never considered the political angle to the exposure. Sure the media is all over it because of the celebrity, but there is no outrage the fact that slutty ass women were sexting a married man. There is more conversation about butt ugly wieners package, child pornography, and even slights concerning Huma’s fridgitity. WTF?! I don’t know, maybe it’s because of these so called enlightened people, but at least in some circles wouldn’t dare come out and say I screwed or sext your man without fear of a good ol’ ass beat down.
          Example when “with the good hair” came forward the bee hive shut her down. Were is the indignation about the hoes? If this is the result of an enlightened society where an unemployed jerk can send dick pics to skanks over the internet and we gussy it all up this PC scenerio is bullshit! Not one cent spousal support for this ass and stop fuzzing out his brazen whores photos!

  • I was just thinking how different it would have sounded if Huma made a statement such as, “I’ve decided to put an end to the emotional abuse I’ve endured in this marriage,” instead of what she did say. Wouldn’t that have launched an interesting public conversation?

    • Lyn – Bravo. I wouldn’t let any political or business relationship ever preventing me from coming out with this kind of truth to the world. Jeezus, it’s about time women spoke the truth, and in a campaign that is focused on Hilary’s support of women, this statement would go a long way.

    • **This!!! Does everyone in the world have to personally experience the absolute devastation of discovering a cheating spouse to understand that a cheater is out and out an abuser period, end of discussion.

  • They live in a bubble is right. That’s why politicians constantly say and do things that are so completely absurd, and then they wonder why they catch such flak. They’re so far removed from reality (as are their advisers) that the ridiculous seems normal and they think the rest of us live that way too. Cheaters live in their own bubbles, but politicians live in them too. Cheating politicians – well that’s a whole new level of bubble.

  • I’m curious to know if there is more behind this with this 4 yr old child present.
    Obviously, the little boy was off playing alone while his daddy was in his room playing with himself.
    4 yrs old is not 2 yrs old – it’s avery impressionable age and I wonder if this child saw his Dad (possibly naked, jacking himself off to get a hard-on) and engaged in his play toys (phone) while the child was around, possibly seeing some of the photos of these women he was exchanging sexts with.

    That is the first thought that popped into my head when I saw the disgusting photo.
    And, he had the audacity to post his child’s sleeping head on a filthy post to a public Twitter account.

    I think this guy should be thrown in jail until they found out what else this SAHF was doing with his housework duties.. No doubt he’s got a cam set up somewhere in his bedroom.

  • I can see why we at Chump Nation would give out a collective cheer when this story broke out. But I can’t help also feel that, however supportive we think we are, we may be participating in a larger dynamic that is, well, not so nice: the public intrusion into what is probably a very painful private decision.

    Chump Nation didn’t start this. Weiner himself certainly opened his family to this kind of violation when he posted the pictures. I know how it feels: my ex allowed at least one sex worker he used to see photos of our kids online, complete with their names. My soul hurt for the kids, for their right to controlling their own identity online, for the very basic and degrading violation of trust…

    But then I was lucky, compared to Abedin: The NYPost was not interested in publishing said photos of the kids. Imagine making that editorial decision. Imagine being that kid, years later, grown up, carrying an identity forever tied to a pixelated little face on the cover of the Post, next to his father’s erection. What a burden to bear.

    I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have the whole world scrutinize my very private trauma. I only had to deal with my ex’s blame shifting. I did not have Washington Post did not weigh in on my decisions or my role in his cheating. I did not have every blog pile on sexism and Islamophobia and political paranoia on me as I was trying to make the best decision for my children and for my own sanity. I had friends who supported me, but not strangers telling me what they thought I should do.

    All this is to say that I just worry that the collective cheer, the suggestions of what Abedin should have done, and the suppositions about what actually happened in that marriage, even when coming from a good, supportive, and experienced place, may be part of the broader violation of privacy that Abedin and her son are experiencing now.

    I don’t know all the details. I don’t know what Abedin should have done. I know my own circumstances. I know the decision I made. I know how painful it was. And I know what I would have done in a situation that had some of the elements that were made public. But I don’t think that entitles me to give her advice. Just support, and only if she comes here asking for it.

    • chump nation didn’t make this public, Wiener and the press did.

      Based on what we, and the whole world, knows about this situation, and being a victim of infidelity, and being a member of chump nation, and based on the horrible press Huma has had to endure, I don’t see how you could advocate that Huma stay with him, which leaves just one alternative:

      “THANK THE SWEET LORD JESUS HUMA ABEDIN LEFT ANTHONY WEINER.”

    • Huma Abedin must be on over half a million a year.

      Anthony Weiner’s pension was over a million.

      They are public figures, very politically active, high profile, and well-travelled users of the mainstream media. (not just social media, like Weiner)

      Yes, it’s a horrible violation. But that violation started with Weiner’s repeated choice to share photos of his penis with the wider world. Using social media.

      And then when it was exposed in the mainstream media, he didn’t change. Not at all. He did it some more.

      And she chose to stay for whatever reasons, as sometimes we do. And now hopefully she is seeing that there is more to life than Anthony Weiner.

  • Wait one second here, the photo of him texting someone with a hard on while his son is sleeping next to him? Is he suggesting child pornography? Huma, you have a real problem.

    • PTBarnum. That was my very first thought.
      Why else would take a photo with a penis and your child next to you?
      Pedophile #101.

  • Just a factual note: these pictures are something like (?) a year old. Why they are released now, at point of maximally humiliating Huma Abedin (who, I’d say, has pretty much stayed in the background), is anybody’s guess.

    Still appallingly gross, triggering (for me anyway–the whole situation is), and beyond cruel and … words fail. Appalling, disgusting, gross-me-out.

    I obviously don’t know any of these people, but I think it’s great she’s on her way out of that marriage. I was so humiliated by my wasband’s behavior, I really cannot imagine living through it playing out in the public eye. (Bad enough that friends in my community seem to have taken his side.) I would be comatose by this point, or curled in a ball, or have committed a felony.

  • Here is my thought on it.

    I think this is going to become extremely ugly because he will be out to discredit her at every level. Hang in the Huma.
    Being a stay at home dad is ok for the entitled when it is working in their favour. Please do not miss interpret what I am saying. There are some awesome stay at home dads that love their kids and put everything they have into caring and providing a nurturing and supportive home environment, just as it should be. But clearly, this man is not one of those. My Ex often proclaimed his desire to be a stay at home parent and at times he was required to step up and be the hands-on dad he desired to be due to my work commitments, or due to his being unemployed. I worked shift work while our kids were little to help provide for our family. I also volunteered with a state-run emergency rescue organisation.

    The comment that when children are in the sole care of their fathers, it is ‘babysitting’ is the ridiculous, you are their parent! Parenting your child is your responsibility too.

    I am a good mother, and my children are now primarily in my care. When I went to court for parenting with my Ex, the day before we went to court he provided a copy of his claim for parenting. He outlined all the times he had to drop the kids to school or collect them from after school care, He crammed all the times he did so spanning 13 yrs into one paragraph, because when you paraphrase more than a decade of events into 19 lines, yes you can justify your claims that the mother is neglectful. He also argued my neglect because he cooked dinner (when it suited him), did washing (to avoid me and the kids) and put the bins out, oh and brought them in again. Poor neglected sole.

    My taking a full-time job in 2010 was referenced as my returning to work, which totally disregarded my work in and out of the house to that point. Ex could not stay at home with the kids for more than two days at a time without calling his mother to come and stay. But happily traveled for work after the birth of our third child for up to two weeks at a time with no support as I do not have family and calling his mother would have resulted in zero. This was also the time in which he had his affair.

    I believed in unicorns for 10 yrs, hanging on to the hope of who my husband could be because acknowledging who he really was was more than I could accept. I could not prove his infidelity because he was and still is an exceptional liar, until the day my son came to me with proof of who his father really was. That was the last straw, but even then the narrative that I did not try hard enough to save my marriage was proclaimed to all who would listen. This not only came from him but also our church and is now used to justify why he is now married to someone else, and how he continues to treat me which is not very nice.
    As I too am often reminded that my sin of being frustrated at the years of lies, deceit, and entitlement, as he views my choosing divorce in the end is comparative to his being unfaithful with multiple partners.

    His catch phrase ” He is not fully to blame, we both brought ‘things’ to the marriage.”

    • Yes, but some of his “things” were other people. Deal breaker. So glad that you did not continue to save your marriage. If the marriage meant that much to him, he could have saved it by treating you well and being faithful. But he’d rather shift the blame…

    • Thankful,

      “hanging on to the hope of who my husband could be because acknowledging who he really was was more than I could accept. ”

      This really resonates with me. For 22 years when I looked at Darkness i saw his potential, not understanding that was how I was viewing him. When he cheated I finally stopped spackling and saw the real him. And the disconnect between the potential and real him was shocking.

  • “We can never know what goes on in other people’s relationships.”

    My ex-SIL e-mailed the same insipid wisdom (cough!) approximately three months into my wife’s affair. It was my SIL’s half-hearted, blame-shifty way of apologizing for her sister’s behavior…by not to subtly implying that “the relationship” (aka, JC) caused her sister to cheat.

    I wrote back that I was fascinated at how my wife’s alleged “support network” (that somehow didn’t include her husband) continued to be in the dark about exactly what was going on, but that I could empathize because I was being kept in the dark, myself.

    In other words, as a chump, by definition, *I* “didn’t know what was going in my relationship.”

    Huma was the same. I don’t give a flying fuck if it was a sham marriage at this point and they were only together for some other reasons (incuding Mr. Weiner’s alleged good qualities…whatever those may be). He told her that he had stopped sexting, numerous times. And yet he was caught, three times that we know of.

    So, Huma “didn’t know what was going on in her relationship.” When you don’t know what’s going on because you’re purposefully being lied to for weeks…months…years… then you have every right to hang it up.

    • I agree with the comment about when everyone else knows what’s going on in your relationship – it’s time to cut your loses. I found out through the grapevine (I love me my grapevine… they have my back) that my Ex was telling the boys at the bar the only reason he hadn’t gotten rid of me was that he didn’t want to give me half. I was like “well it sure would be nice if he had shared that bit of information with me considering I have asked him that question point blank.” My friend said when random bar people know more about the state of your relationship than you do… it’s time to go.

      I also hate the family member who try and desperately make it not so bad. I mean I’m a reasonable person, I realize you are not going to disown your sister or whatever, but don’t be trying to pin her shit behavior on me.

  • Ms. Abedin is just the latest victim of the Breitbart influence on the presidential campaign. Why else do you think all this is being headlined in the Post? That rag is run by Trumpf’s son-in-law.

    Go for freedom, Ms. Abedin, get a good lawyer and DTMFA.

  • To be honest, I never considered the political angle to the exposure. Sure the media is all over it because of the celebrity, but there is no outrage the fact that slutty ass women were sexting a married man. There is more conversation about butt ugly wieners package, child pornography, and even slights concerning Huma’s frigitity. WTF?! I don’t know, maybe it’s because of these so called enlightened people, but at least in some circles wouldn’t dare come out and say I screwed or sext your man without fear of a good ol’ ass beat down.
    Example when “with the good hair” came forward the bee hive shut her down. Were is the indignation about the hoes? If this is the result of an enlightened society where an unemployed jerk can send dick pics to skanks over the internet and we gussy it all up this PC scenerio is bullshit! Not one cent spousal support for this ass and stop fuzzing out his brazen whores photos!
    Sorry for the double post.

  • This case is particularly dear to me because it’s basically the same crap that caused me to leave my ex. Most of our friends were Switzerland, so I dumped them. In Ms. Abedin’s case, she not only has to deal with friends, but with the public at large. I don’t envy that…having to do this in the public eye is a curse for all the obvious reasons that have already been discussed here.

    But it’s a blessing in another way, because now all the potential chumps are forewarned. It’s highly unlikely that any future wives will be chumped by him…they’ll go in with their eyes open and (presumably) use him as badly as he uses them. (Unless we’re talking about “I can change him/I’m better than his ex!” levels of delusion, but I digress.)

    I just found out that my ex is getting married again next year. I’ve never spoken to the girl, although I’ve seen her once or twice. From the social media stalking I’ve done in my weaker moments, she seems really, really cool–outspoken feminist, lover of science, the whole package! I bet we’d be great friends if we’d met a different way, and if we could share a glass of wine without my waving my arms frantically at her and shouting, “SAVE YOURSELF–GET AWAY NOW!”

    For this reason (and maybe for reducing the Switzerland factor), I kind of wish that the press had outed my ex–the dick pic he took in the bathroom at his job; the chat conversation with his “friend” about her bikini wax and how much her boyfriend must love f*cking her; the filthy internet histories and evidence of lying about his age to get access to teens, etc. Then maybe I wouldn’t be such a pariah now…and maybe I wouldn’t feel this vague sense of guilt about his future wife.

    • Honey, save the angst. There is no world in which this bright young thing would believe the embittered ex-wife. The Cheater has obviously done a good job convincing her that only she can save him. Stand by and watch the wreckage and pity her.

      • Oh, I’m not saying that there’s anything I could or should do/have done about it. But I would welcome an opportunity to testify against him in open court, or something. The high road is extremely lonely…I lost a lot of people in our divorce because I didn’t feel like I should drag his name through the mud.

        Worse still, most of the people I DID tell thought I was some kind of oversensitive prudish harpy. “Everybody looks at porn.” (Not 10+ hours a day, I think?) “He didn’t have a real-life affair, so what’s your problem?” (How do you know? I doubt I was the only one he lied to.) “The only thing he did wrong was get caught.” (…)

        So at the very least, I’m glad that at least some people are standing up for Ms. Abedin, here, and publicly recognizing that not only is this behavior gross in general, but that it constitutes emotional abuse for the jerk’s spouse.

  • Oh my God! Something just clicked for me when I read this:

    “We’re told our faults are equivalent or worse when compared to their infidelities.”

    Of course I knew this, but I don’t think I quite had the words to express this infuriating double standard until now.

    Supposedly a cheater is a substantially good person who happened to have the one foible of engaging in marital indiscretion, while the chump is a substantially flawed spouse who happened to have the one good quality of remaining faithful in their marriage. And big whoop too right? Are we really going to praise you for something you *didn’t* do?

    That’s the story we’re fed in a nutshell. This crazy double standard that CL had the genius to put so succinctly. Thank you!

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