Even unicorns have their breaking points, and I guess finding pictures of your husband’s hard-on next to your sleeping toddler splashed all over the New York Post was hers. Although Politico reported that they’ve been “estranged” for over a year. In any case, I’m going to stifle my “I told you so” and offer hearty congratulations to Huma for finally leaving the fuckwit.
Oh hang on, Peggy Drexler in a CNN editorial tells me I can’t say “finally.” Weiner might have some Very Nice Qualities and we should not judge!
It’s tempting to say “it’s about time” (and some have: “Huma Abedin Announces She Is Finally Dumping Anthony Weiner,” went the headline on Slate). Certainly, this would not be Weiner’s first (or even second) transgression; in 2011, he resigned from office after it was revealed he’d been sexting random women online and then lied about it.
But it’s important to remember that we can never know what goes on in other people’s relationships. To assume Abedin chose to stay with Weiner despite his many flaws is to ignore the fact that she quite possibly decided to stay with him because of the many good qualities he possesses, the ones that appealed to her in the first place.
So, saying “It’s about time” is unkind? Yeah, well so is subjecting yourself to Anthony Weiner’s abuse. So is telling chumps they should believe in unicorns and give Creepy Penis Man, second, third, and fifteenth chances. So is making preposterous arguments that Anthony Weiner’s chiseled pectoral muscles or political potential or delicious fried egg sandwiches blot out his monstrous entitlement.
Good qualities? Are you fucking kidding me? EVERY cheater has “good qualities.” You can’t abuse someone without baiting them first. Chumps aren’t masochists, they’re hopeful, idealistic idiots. Once you’ve invested deeply in a relationship, you tell yourself that these “lapses” of disrespect and deceit are just the price of admission. They can be “managed.” They aren’t the Real Him or Her. We’re told our faults are equivalent or worse when compared to their infidelities.
She “decided to stay with him” because that’s the overriding narrative about infidelity — you stay. You eat the shit sandwich. You work it out. And you know what? You’re still going to be second guessed. If you leave, you didn’t try hard enough to save your marriage. If you stay, you’re a chump. When you go, it’s “about time.”
If any of the media attention on Huma Abedin says anything it’s that the majority of commentators blame the victim in infidelity. She’s a bad mother for letting Anthony Weiner babysit! (Washington Post). She left Weiner for Hillary (Drudge Report). Instead of attributing staying to Anthony Weiner’s “good qualities” why not attribute it to the inferno of judgement that surrounds being chumped? Of COURSE she stayed. She was going to prove them all wrong!
Until she couldn’t. Many of us here were pushed over the edge to leave when this crap involved our children.
Instead of quibbling over when she left, or why she left, let’s just thank God she left.