Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

Have a Bitch Cookie

bitchcookieIt’s time for another round of Bitch Cookie! For those of you new to CN, part of the lexicon here (introduced by member emeritus Rumblekitty) is “bitch cookie.” A bitch cookie is that reward jerks demand for doing something they should be doing anyway as a matter of decency.

Would your co-parenting fuckwit like extra credit for taking the kids on his scheduled weekend? Bitch cookie!

Hey, it’s not like I spent the entire 401K on sex workers…. Bitch cookie!

I was faithful for entire months. Double chocolate chunk bitch cookie!

So what great feats of underachievement would you like to reward with a bitch cookie? Weigh in — and TGIF!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • “I went a WHOLE YEAR. I was good a WHOLE YEAR before I let my weakness and deviant coping over take me.” (aka fucking hookers)

    “I didn’t even like any of them.”

    “I didn’t even have sex with all of them. Sometimes we just talked or she just gave me a blowjob.”

    “I didn’t know I had a personality disorder. Now that I know, I will never do it again.” (After countless encounters with hookers, all blamed on mid life crisis, stress, anxiety, hating his job, or aspergers, etc.

    “I help the kids with homework. I give them rides. That should MEAN something.”

    “I love you. I have never done anything to hurt you. It was only to hurt myself.”

    I could go on… I have way more “bitch cookies” than I know what to do with…

    • Glad to see you posting, Butterfli. Hope you tossed your baking sheet out for good! No cookies!!

    • No cookies for that cheater. I didn’t even have sex with all of them? Oh, well then, what a relief. You only had sex with some of them. What a relief. That’s okay then.

      • “She’s 40 years younger than me so I wouldn’t be doing anything ….”
        “I’ll come over and clean the pool and do yard work. I don’t mind.” said after bringing girl-child into house and leaving a souvenir–her bra.

        My bitch cookies are from the recipe I picked up from reading the outstanding book The Help. I think they are a variation of the shit sandwich cause they have that **special** ingredient.

      • Double relief when it was “only” blowjobs with “some” of the hookers in our house… One of those giant bitch cookies with the yellow frosting smiley faces from the mall.

  • “I was loyal for 20 years prior to my affair; doesn’t that count for something? Besides, we didn’t fuck every time that we were together.”

    • I think that could be a post all its we really believe they didn’t cheat all those years? Mine was 29 years…really? He was NEVER home …hmmm

    • You took mine! It was for the exact same # of years too! I heard I was faithful for the 1st 20 years of our marriage. Really? Here’s your BITCH cookie bitch!

      • You chumps are lucky! Mine was faithful for the entire first year! 12 whole months! And then 12 years of unfaithful, but he still respected me all along while fucking around with his love affair partner and multiple sex flings. I feel honored.

    • Omg! +1 …. double bitch cookie for two extra years: “but I didn’t ‘do anything’ for our first 22 years, just the last two.”

      As if that makes any difference! And as if I could ever believe anything those lying lips say !

    • Mine said he’d been “good” ever since his 8-year ago affair with gradwhore that I found out about on D-day. Except he hadn’t been “good” for those 8 years.

      And 3 months after D-day, when divorce was imminent, I warned him youngest daughter was not going to want to meet any new girlfriends he had. Again, “I’ve been good as gold since leaving the house!” (said angrily). Except he hadn’t. He was still carrying on with what would turn out to be confirmed AP#3 (whom he took to China 3 days after D-day).

      • Tempest, would Hannibal like some prezel-logic crouton on top of that word salad?

        The X was a word salad virtuoso who fooled family, friends, lawyers, therapists, and me until I finally understood that he felt entitled to change the meaning of common words to fit his narrative… “Being good” to my X had turned into something like “being good at deceiving chumptitude.”

        Going NC (with BIFF emails for custody-related communication) is a chump gift that keeps on giving…

        • So true, Chumptitude. The smart ones think they can defy the linguistic laws of conventionality and make up their own definitions. Our cheaters were well-versed in the Oxford English Dicktionary.

          • Mine did this too…and add mortal sin and occasional confesssion at the Catholic Church and then mix in that he decided we were never “really” married.

          • Haa haa! Dicktionary. Outstanding, Tempest!

            All of these justifications cheaters use remind me of ‘the metaphor of the ledger’. Basically, the concept is that someone’s bad deeds are evened out their good deeds in the plus and minus columns of a ledger, like an accountant would use.

            Sure, I banged the babysitter, but I sponsor those 2 kids in Ethiopia…so it all balances out! Right?!

            Yes, I gave you an STD after banging a prostitute on our marital dime, but I thought about you the WHOLE time!

            Dirtbag cheaters are EXCEPTIONAL at trying to remind everyone about the plus’s in that ledger in order to convince everyone they’re still a good person (and to distract them from the column filled with atrocities). The only person they end up convincing is themselves.

        • My ex used the phrase ‘no longer able to commit’ to mean ‘I am shagging your friend’

      • My cheater husband said he only had sex with other people when I was at work and never when I was home on the weekends or evenings. Some how in his fuckwit brain this was acceptable……have a bitch cookie.

    • Mine said something along these lines except it was, “I was faithful after the first time you caught me, but you never trusted me so I figured I might as well do it and give you reason not to trust me.”

      • Classic isn’t it. The Limited told my daughter I never forgave him for cheating after the final DDay.

        • DoingMe–and he’s right. Mine said the same thing; I never forgave him. Ding ding ding!!! that is correct!

      • After DD#1 (me finding out about 10 years of serial relationships) I requested 4 months of time to figure out what to do, he was able to f..k me over another 3 times. Then I finally knew I had to run and his main remark now is ‘if you would only have treated things differently, we would still be together’. I agree with the first part of the sentence, not the latter…

    • He says ‘Actually, I didnt put my dirty dick anywhere for two whole years’. Which two years, who knows, but when he said this I already knew it was certainly not the two years that I had been involved with him.

    • “It’s not like I cheated on you 24 7 365 days a year, you know!”

    • “Hey, I’m not behaving any where near what I used to act like while traveling. Not even close.”

      Yey girl, he’s being a “good boy” on this business trip.

      More mind fuckery from the everyday so thoughtful narcissist.

  • “I won’t text with male colleagues after you go to sleep.”

    I still can’t believe she offered this as a compromise, and I was chump enough to think this was progress.

  • “In the twelve years of our marriage, there have only been two OW. There could have been many more than that because the opportunities were there!”

    Gosh, I must have married myself a rock star for all the women he had throwing themselves at him.

    Give that man a cookie for restraining himself from all that delicious groupie cake.

    • Mine to, is apparently a rock star disguised as a slob by, middle-aged nerd.
      Who knew?!

      • Too bad we weren’t afforded the lavish lifestyle that comes with being married to rock stars.

          • I am going through a divorce from someone in the music business who consistently works with very famous and wealthy artists. Too bad cheating, bad to the bone STBX, who initiated the divorce, is driving us into bankruptcy.

    • It’s just simple math. If you pursue and attempt to groom every.single.female you ever encounter in life and 1 in a 1000 responds and you have 3 girl friends at a time … then … you can see how a guy could be too busy “networking” to have time for you or the family. It is my understanding that rockstars find it a bit easier!!

      • Yes, my cheater was always “working”, but had plenty of time to go out on coffee, lunch and drink dates with women. After getting caught out on a drinks date and then reading the Happy Birthday email to a the former ho-worker drinks date, he said the Happy Birthday emails to women was “networking.” Funny how my ex husband the predator only sends out Happy Birthday email to just the women. Hmmm. These cheaters are all the same.

        • Yep, exactly the same, Martha. I could have written your response word for word. How come no male friends, ever? But when caught, he should be applauded because he either “broke it off” or “told her what we were doing was wrong.” Whew, am I ever glad you set her straight. Give that man a whole cookie jar!

          • +1 on the no male friends. I actually wonder if this is actually really common for cheaters – they don’t bond well with same sex friends. It seems I’ve heard it mentioned here too often for it to be a coincidence.

            • My ex has male friends, not a lot and they mostly talk sports, but he’s REALLY, REALLY CLOSE to all his former and current FEMALE ho-workers. He said it’s “part of his DNA” to have so many really close female “friends.” Yeah, alrighty then.

              And the ONE TIME I had a male friend, he lived over 900 miles away. And my male friend was someone who was very happily married and we were just catching up about our lives since we graduated from high school. We only talked via email and the email all came to the family email account. Before our high school reunion, my friend asked if we could meet the next day to talk for an hour or two. I had no problem asking my husband if he was okay with it since my husband had tons and tons of female friends that he went out on lunch dates with. I figured since he was able to do this, then it should be okay for me. He said yes. Well, the day came for me to see my friend. We hung out for about two hours and talked. He came inside my moms home and said goodbye to my husband, my mom and my kids. Everything was all on the up and up. We came back home and within a week my husband said to me, “Well, if you are pregnant, we know it’s not mine (my ex had a vasectomy).” Projection much?!!! The ONE AND ONLY TIME I had a male friend I get accused of having sex with him. But I was supposed to be okay with dozens and dozens and dozens (or hundreds?) of female “friends” that he had coffee, lunch, and drink dates with. He flirted with them via email and text. I’m sure he spent many hours at work being Mr. Charming and flirting with them at work. But the one time I had a male friend, a male friend that I didn’t even flirt with, I got accused of cheating.

              It goes to show that the cheaters know what they are up to behind our backs, so that when we do something that’s purely innocent, we get accused of doing something wrong because they know what they are doing behind our backs. I can’t tell you how many times my husband told me I was “out of his league”, “too good for him” or “you take such good care of me and treat me so well.” I wished I would have believe him! Yes, I was too good for him. Now he deserves to have ho-workers who go out with married men for a girlfriend. That’s the type of woman he deserves.

              • Interesting. Big red flag that should not be overlooked. I, too, was accused of cheating, generally with men I worked with who were of higher social status. He was very jealous and insecure, which I believe was part of his motivation to cheat. I was motivated to NEVER cheat, but was accused if I came home late from work.

                Great post. Being accused of cheating when you’re not a cheater is a bad omen, in my opinion. It’s the hallmark of someone who has cheating on their mind, of someone who is very insecure with themselves, and someone who has cheating as a potential in their mind.

              • Being accused of cheating when you’re not a cheater is mere projection from someone that is.

              • Could have written all of this myself Martha. Accusations of bad intentions, infidelity and sneakiness weekly. I never even thought about cheating. Followed up by “please don’t ever leave me, you’re so much better than I am. I don’t deserve you, why are you even with me??” all of this before I knew what a dirt bag he was. I thought he was soft and insecure and showing me his vulnerable side and recognizing how awesome I am hahahahahahaha!!!!!! OMG I can’t believe how naïve I was, it’s laughable now to be honest.

            • Yes, he told me that women are just more understanding and that’s why most of his friends are female. They also tend to tell him what he wants to hear so I’m guessing that it’s more ego driven than anything. Big red flag. Yes.

              • X didn’t have any friends.., acquaintances from work who he rarely had contact with. At school functions or events with our son X would gravitate towards the other mothers while the Dad’s would be grouped together chatting X would be chatting with the women. I thought that was odd. X would say it was because the other men were jealous of his occupation (he’s an airline pilot).
                We have neighbors who have a male friend they’ve known since high school who has never had a girlfriend. X and I had talked with him a couple times at their house. X was known to spend time with this male friend who never had a girlfriend and is 55 years old. My Mom had spotted them shopping in a department store, friends had seen them having lunch together. Just one of those things that make you wonder..,

              • You should wonder. After all mine’s “gay men are just gross” comments, I found out he was picking up men on Craig’s list for sex. He used to tell me about one of his male co workers indiscretions with other men, and now I realize he was talking about himself.

              • Heather, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out X is Gay, there’s a few things he’s done or said to make me wonder. How many Men do you see out shopping for clothes with a male friend?
                It’s funny, X would like to come home from a business trip and would tell me about the indiscretions of the other men with women or prostitutes while on the trip and that he felt so badly for their wives.. I’m certain that he was telling me these things as a distraction I’m sure too these stories were about himself. While I was married I googled, how do you know if your husband is Gay (or something similar) a few sites said if you’ve found yourself on this site and are asking, you know the answer. Would like us to compare notes,
                X sometimes had effeminate mannerisms that
                I’m sure he bragged about any conquest he had with women to his friends.
                X is an attention whore and an immature one at that.

            • No… they need male acquaintances who want to be friends with them so they can have a scapegoat or someone to brag to..
              they need flying monkeys you know!

        • Sounds like mine, too! Networking, greasing the wheels, he said he got preferential treatment with his business by taking the receptionist out for coffee “or whatever” yeah. Right. His business. I don’t know how he managed to get any work done between all of his “innocent dates”. But wait, he never paid his bills and lived in a dump with a roommate. Don’t think there was ever much business getting done. Other than monkey business. Asked him once if he didn’t think he might be sending the wrong message by taking these women out for coffee and he just looked at me like I was naive, and said “No. it’s just business baby”.

      • I also wouldn’t pat myself too much on the back for attracting the type of women who throw themselves at men that are married/in committed relationships. These types scavenge for scraps and are nothing more than relationship vultures.

        I picture his past OW circling the skies for carrion with vacant eyes and hunks of bloody flesh stuck to their chipped, ugly beaks. Nasty!

        • D4G,

          “I also wouldn’t pat myself too much on the back for attracting the type of women who throw themselves at men that are married/in committed relationships”.

          Ooohh this “type of woman” – ask me I know. Sounds like my exiwife, LOL.

    • I married the surgeon who chased and flirted in front of me. I’m sure he did more behind my back. Dr. Strange Love. Here’s a cookie bitch!

      Yes, I allowed my children to steal from your closet while you were away. I left your … ( because it would only fit me ). Here’s a cookie ? bitch!

      • If he’s like the surgeon I married he did a lot behind your back.

        Dr. Crazy yelled “I told you that wasn’t necessary!” when his STD tests came back clean.

        • Ugh – I was also married to a surgeon. So many of them are cheaters..It’s a perfect storm of narcissism, macho sexist culture, income, status & proximity to adoring female colleagues.
          In early days after mine ran off, he would randomly come back and see the kids, as little as 1 hour every few weeks. When he dropped the back he would roar at me “aren’t you going to THANK me for helping you out?!”. Bitch cookie for being such an awesome dad.

          • Married to a physician (not a surgeon). There is so much fucking cake out there it is unbelievable… Mine liked nurses and dietitians in particular.
            After DDay he told me about all the times he could have cheated, but didn’t, to get his bitch cookie. Unsurprisingly, it turned out he actually had taken advantage of every opportunity for years.

        • Love means never having to have an std test. Lol. “See I told you that wasn’t necessary!” True love like that just warms your heart. Maybe they’ll turn it into a hallmark movie.

          • Gezz, don’t feel special someone I only had to stand in line to have complete Aids testing as he presented so the hood “Christian man”. Ten years of hooker donking Craigslist hookups, endless hours of porn, and pretending to be the big business travel man effectively knocked me off my high horse of what love kinda met, NOTHING.

    • My ex said, “I only cheated on you 3 times, I could have cheated a lot more.” And he added that it was never just sex, it was always real love! Here is your bitch cookie, thanks for showing such restraint and making sure it was love not just sex before you cheated!

    • Whore said, “Thank you for your husband.”
      I’m thinking ‘cunt’ cookie is in order.

    • My version of that was you don`t know how much I have controlled myself when I told him he had no self control.

  • Oh I’ve got one! Mine drove one hour to the city to pick up the car I was buying from him as part of the agreement when we separated(he is a used car dealer–perfect job for the con artist). Then he absolutely insisted that I sweetly say thank you and kiss him on the cheek (ewwww!). This was about 6 weeks after the d day. . And I paid for the car. ..what.. do all of your female customers kiss you??

    • You should have given him a swift kick in the man area followed by a kick to the cheek!

    • What part of “I promise to stay loyal to our marriage while we are separated and trying to figure things out” was unclear to you?

      Sadly, it took all of about 4 months before the Bunny Boiler entered the picture and snagged herself a Sad Sausage.

    • brit, I will say it until the cows come home but we were definitely married to the same dropkick and the parallels of our lives are uncanny. Hope you are okay? 🙂

  • My X filled up my car with gas a couple of times in our 20 year marriage and repeatedly reminded me of it….Here’s your bitch cookie.

    He made me tea in the morning…most of the time I didn’t want and packed lunches with stuff the kids and i didn’t like, but let us know that we owed him…

    He hardly went to the kids sports games, he barely showed up at home–the yard, the cars, the house fell apart around us, while he ran around and slept around. but hey, “here’s a cup of tea, where’s my cookie bitch!”

    After the final Dday, he told me he had been faithful for the past 9 years! I replied, “so, you have been faithful about 40% of our marriage.” He looked dumbfounded, no cookie for you bitch!

    • My worse half used to want bitch cookies for throwing out the trash, mowing the lawn, or putting air in the damn tires on the car. This only happened after I would yell at him to do it.

      Yea, I’ll give you a cookie – a nilla wafer.

  • Took the kids to school on time for the first time this term on his weekly stay over night. *well done!!*

    Might come early to watch his kids swimming rather than arrive to get them at the end (it’s his job to take them swimming). Everyone involved knows that he probably won’t show up though. *try harder next time*

  • I was thinking of you the whole time!

    I never showed her pictures of the kids!

    I TOLD her not to call the house!

    Well, it’s not like I booked the BIG suite on my secret vacation with her!

    I waited until you were asleep to log on to the porn sites!

    Sure, I didn’t tell you about the infection, but I got treatment for MYSELF, isn’t that enough?

    And my personal favorite,

    I prayed over it!!

    • Well, he prayed over it! Come on now he should get forgiveness then. Mine screwed an ex youth minister while helping with my daughters sunday school class and doing women’s bible retreats. They are truly just crazy beyond reason.

      • Maybe she should also be awarded a whole box of animal crackers too. They are like a whole zoo in one box. Crazy is right.

        No insults to actual animals is to be inferred from this post.

      • I’m always amazed at people who protest, “I PRAYED OVER IT” hear exactly what they want from God. They never hear God’s voice telling them, “Hey, STOP BEING A CHEATING ASSHOLE.”

        • Ugh, this is so true! Mine said he prayed and God forgave him. Maybe God could cc: me on that one, cause I’m not buying it!

          • On this prayer thing…..Has anyone asked these cheaters:
            “To which ‘god’ are you praying?!”
            Yep, you and I often assume they are referring to the same God we pray to…..The Creator of the universe and God of the Bible.
            Nope, these cheaters are praying to their own, personal god, aka satan. Remember that next time one of the ‘Jesus-Cheaters’ spews that line!

            Love all of ChumpNation, as together we …..ForgeOn!

    • My ex prayed over it too. I thought he was praying for our marriage, himself, our kids and me. No, he was just praying only for himself and his “happiness.” Screw the wife who was faithful and devoted. Screw the kids. They’ll get over it. Sadz Sausage needs another new lover to make his sadz into smiley face.

    • Reminds me of one: my ex wanted brownie-points for only using the free hotel rewards for frequent stays when he took his whores to a hotel room. Nice. We however Never went to a hotel, trip, vacation as it was too expensive. But at least ex didn’t spend money on the hotel stays with whores. Those were the free reward perks! Great job! Here’s a Bitch cookie Dumbass

  • “It wasn’t my INTENTION to shatter your life. I thought you’d never find out!” That calls for a Tollhouse Ultimates Chocolate Chip Lovers BITCH COOKIE!!

    • Almost identical to one of mine:

      “I never intended to hurt you, you weren’t supposed to find out about it….”

      • Yes. I wasn’t planning on ending it, I was trying to make sure you never found out. Pathetic

        • “I lied to you and saw woman behind your back, because I didn’t want to hurt you.” Believe it or not, our pastor backed him up on that statement. Suffice it to say, he’s no longer my pastor.

    • Mine told me the same thing after cheating and being caught texting the married ow again “I thought you would never find out”

      • Mine was never that “in your face” or overtly cruel. He was more underhanded. Sending me texts meant for someone else by mistake. Saying of course it was to me but speaking into his phone messed things up. Or sudddnly his phone forgot how to spell my name. (Found out much later he was dating a woman with the same name, just spelled differently) Or when I asked what he was talking about, he responded with a simple “never mind” or “don’t overthink it”. One of the times I attempted to break up with him because I suspected he was cheating, he admitted he had, but it was at the suggestion of a couple of close friends. They were worried we were moving too fast talking about marriage and perhaps he should date a little more just to be sure. (Calling bullshit) When he asked them if he should tell me, he says they said no, unless there was competition. COMPETITION? Punk bitch please, have a bag of cookie crumbs! I was already giving him 110%. And I’m supposed to start competing? Ah hell no. But then he said, he had stopped because in the end it was me. And besides, that was a long time ago. Turns out his idea of a long time ago was the day before. What.the.fuck

    • You, too? Mine wanted a bitch cookie because he was “still supporting you and DD#2,” Um, that’s called state-mandated child support, and you’re not doing it out of the goodness of your heart.

      • Ha. I wouldn’t call 35.00 a week, which he still cannot somehow manage, support. It doesn’t even cover viola lessons!

  • “You’ll be my girlfriend for the day.” – cookie

    “She said she loved me, but we never did anything physical” – cookie

  • In eleven years you have only provided for or attended two doctors’ appointments, both having to do with daughter’s genetic heart condition. Mostly because you have the rare condition too and the cardiologists’ staff fawn over your medical miracle. Feh! Dentist, GP and Optometrist, where’s the kibbles in that? Writing up the emergency plan so daughter actually doesn’t experience syncope and collapse at school? Paying the insurance and copay? BOR-ING!

    Where my Bitch Cookie at?

    • Do you think he realizes he passed the condition on to her? Probably somehow blames that on you. I hope she is doing well! You are truly an inspiration to me. You have endured so much but still do what needs to be done! Puts my crap into perspective really fast.

      • He does realize it but he thinks it’s glamorous and a reservoir of sparkles. I passed on a big butt. Where are my fawning cardiologists?

  • He didn’t have sex with a colleagues wife even though she was up for it.She was too drunk.
    He thought he deserved a medal for that never mind a bitch cookie.

  • I was only on those teen porn sites to learn more moves to satisfy you sexually. Bitch cookie, it’s all about me.

    After I went back to work after being a stay at home mom, I came home to “I can’t be expected to do laundry and cook dinner, I was watching the kids (surfing for porn whilst they watched VHS movies).

  • Skankboy would invite his mother down for 3-4 months every winter. He took her to lunch twice each year. Bitch Cookie Crumbs. Idiot!

  • Chuckles the cheater or C**ty Mc C**tface depending upon which forum I’m on, said to me in all seriousness that between his two affairs that I know about he wasn’t unfaithful.

    My reply was Well done you. Bravo. How reassured I now am. He looked completely indignant when he replied ” but it’s true”

    Lol and lmao

    What a chump I am for taking him back the first time.

  • I was depressed. If I wouldn’t have gome to her I would have jumped off a bridge.

    Ah, well! Superchocolatechip cookie.

  • “We never had sex in our house, our bed. I wouldn’t do that to you.” What a relief. Yummy cookie.

    • I got that one too! I never brought her to the house! Well put hot fudge on that cookie!

      • We didn’t fuck in our bed, we used the couch. Hmm…..bitch cookie with a creamy center

    • My ex said she and her AP boss never had sex in our bed, though they did come by our house in the afternoon when I was working and the kids were in school. Said she “would never” do such a thing. I believe her. I think she did it on top of the washing machine like she admits to doing with a previous affair partner. She would also have to have washed the sheets, and she was never going anywhere near anything that looked like housework:)

  • “It’s “only” emotional.” Turns out…

    “We got a ticket for indecent behaviour. But it was only heavy petting.” However…


    “I’m doing this with the best in mind for you and the kids.” This is for the $9k in attorney fees and $6k in living expenses for the kids and I while the divorce is ongoing.

    In the end, I’m not bitter anymore. It is what it is, and if I never meet another man to share my life with, I’m ok with that. I will take care of myself and my kids, and he can go fuck the hell off.

    • Oh my; that is haunting. What on earth makes some of these cheaters think it’s okay to offer up details of their sexual encounters to their spouses? But when we WANT to know sexual details, all we get is trickle truth.

      • It is part of the blame shift, I think. I’ve heard detail too, back in the DD#1 days. I think it is part of itemizing why.

    • OMG – the “it was an emotional affair” it didn’t count as cheating. she made me fall in love with her because she is good at giving compliments. shitheads.. all of them..

  • She said she never had sex with any of the OM on the same day she had sex with me. WTF? As if that were a moral achievement of some kind? I guess that means she was faithful to SOMEONE (maybe her spouse, maybe one or another AP) for ONE DAY at a time? As if in her mind it’s not actually cheating so long as the bodily fluids of her husband and boyfriends don’t actually co-mingle inside her [insert dry heaves here]

    Plus, no. I’m not buying it. If you’ll lie about cheating, HUNDREDS of times, you will absolutely lie about precisely when you cheated.

        • And now we have a party. Who’s going to clean up this stinky mess? Mine was proud of spouting how he was a one woman man. Yeah, one at a time. But who’s defining the time period?

    • That’s more respect than I got. I guess that meant there was no need for an STD test, right? Thanks for the gross reminder Nomar!

    • Marriage according to carpe diem.

      (and of course, she probably lied about that, too)

    • I didn’t rate that high in his consideration, but he did always shower before we had sex (which I thought was rather ocd of him, but tried not to judge). 🙁

    • I got that. Except once. ‘Just’ once he fucked her on the same day as me. Ha! Must have been some scheduling because we had sex most days. And NEVER in our bed. ‘Just’ our son’s, the couch, probably the kitchen bench, and OUR bed multiple times at our holiday home. So much better. Bag of cookies, bitch?

      And the anger at STI testing. No need! (Until the results proved otherwise….)

      • Your SON’S BED?!?!?!? OMG, I would love to throat punch him, forget the cookie, bake him a cake made with sour milk and rotten eggs. Pig.

  • We agonized over whether we should terminate a pregnancy (we had/have two young children). We did and I grieved with her and nursed her after.

    A few months later she informed me the baby was likely his.

    “He was really mad. You see how much I love you? You see what a sacrifice I made for you?”

    I was speechless, stunned, staggered. Bitch cookie doesn’t even begin to cover it. More like bitch bakery–whose doors I then closed for good. The sign on front reads “Divorced.”

    • Wow- that is terrible! She let you grieve and make an agonizing decision for a baby that was not even yours?! Unbelievable! These cheaters are a so screwed up and entitled!

    • wow! I am so sorry you had to go through that pain! That deserves to be put in the bitch blender not given a bitch cookie.

    • Holy shit David. She was probably unsure who the father was. The sickness still shocks me. So sorry.

    • Unbelievable. You would think even a completely shitty person could find it within herself to keep that truth to herself … not even one atom of decency in her whole body. I’m with Lulu … Hell is too good for her.

    • There are no words. So horrible that she subjected you to that, David.

    • That is one of the saddest things I’ve ever read. Forget about bitch cookies. Right now I’m thinking about the girl in Tom Petty’s Don’t Come Around Here No More, when she had become a cake and was being sliced and shared around. Yeah, that works…

    • That’s a fucking dog biscuit dipped in cat piss cream.

      What a clueless, conscienceless, moronic sister of Satan’s ugly cousin she is. Damn! I certainly hope Karma exists and has her penciled in for a beat down.

        • Thank you, everyone. Yes, it was shattering. And to be honest, the fact that it was his for some reason wasn’t the worst–nor was it her deceit. It was her bizarre, perverted, complete lack of empathy in that moment; she had zero sense that what she was saying (let alone what she did) was devastating. Surely this was not the woman I loved and whom I married? But it was.

          And I will confess something else, which I think is important, and something that perhaps only you chumps can understand if you were, as I was, so beaten down, so humiliated, and so desperately pick-me-dancing: somewhere behind my shock and hurt and sorrow and fury and disbelief in that moment, I STILL–STILL–heard a small voice saying, “She still loves me! She just said it! Everything will be OK!”

          Moments and incidents like these convince me that no matter how intelligent, how otherwise strong or rational or logical an individual is (and I’m referring to chumps), we can still be deluded. Fear of abandonment is that primal and powerful to overwhelm all sanity. I still sometimes can’t believe that was me.

          • Oh, Dearest Precious David2016!

            We do get it…. I get it! You are in very good (Chump) company. But, it could be worse……We could be them!

            Yep….It is our pure, devoted, loyal hearts and the “I-can-not believe-this-is-happening” disconnect & dissonance that does that number on our hearts, our minds, our logic. To be abandoned by a part of ourselves is oh so very devastating on many levels.

            So very heart-rending that another precious ‘little one’, that innocent unborn child, paid the price for another’s filth! The real ‘victim’ here is that precious baby who had no say.

            Love & hugs to you, David2016 as you ForgeOn!!

          • David2016 – I can relate, on DDay, I could not believe that I, an educated, strong, highly logical person could have not seen the duplicity of my X earlier. My inner chumpy voice wanted to believe that it was all a big mistake, that the feminist man I thought I was married to was there, just had lost his way.

            One thing I knew though was that I was too distraught to make any coherent decisions, so I started recording our conversations. Over the next few days, I had to face the fact that the person I thought I was married to was a mirage, a carefully scripted persona that crumbled before my eyes as I dug deeper and found evidence directly contradicting each and everyone of his claims.

            I booked a divorce counselor to help us discuss how to inform our kiddo of our divorce and set up an initial custody plan. To the counselor’s question of why he was there and what he wanted out of the process, my X said he wanted to help me deal with my trust issues…

            • Me too, Chumptitude. We went into counseling and “problem” in our marriage were my “trust issues.”

              I dated someone for four years prior to my ex and never once did I have “trust issues” with my former boyfriend! My “trust issues” started when I found love letters written to him from a woman who was supposedly “just a friend.” Creep!

          • David,
            Thank you for speaking a core truth for many people. I went to court for approximately the 13th time this week to defend myself (and kids) from cheating, abusive sociopathic STBX. Although I have great new partner (friend of 30 years) and never again want to see the person who destroyed me and harmed my extended family, I still felt the sting of rejection–of being divorced by my abuser, who continues to malign me. Today, I also resigned my job, without another one lined up, to avoid being fired for ‘poor performance, although I am an experienced professional in this field, work 70 hours/week under very bad conditions, and sometimes sleep only 89 minutes/night in order to hang onto my job as I have not been able to line up any other job I am done with letting myself be attacked by terrible people..

            In terms of my bitch cookie, the most recent one I got was, I drive the kids up to your place for your convenience.’ This from a chronic financial, ‘judicial,’ emotional and sometimes physical abuser. I wasn’t perfect in nearly eight-hour stay in court this week, but I consider myself very self-disciplined as while I was listening to STBX lie about, insult, and speak sarcastically toward and about me and prevent our kids from receiving much-needed medical/psychological services, I didn’t kill him.

          • What a horrendous story. My heart goes out to you. My STBX was actively trying to get me pregnant (with what would have been my third child – I lost several babies) while running four affairs site memberships and living a whole double life.

            Yes, the fear of abandonment is primal and can feel total. I still have trouble believing that those losses didn’t – don’t – constitute a bond. You write beautifully. Many hugs to you.

          • Oh yes, we definitely do get it. Like nobody else can. I think it’s why forums like this are good for us. We want so desperately to hurt them back but can’t because 1. They don’t care 2. We need to maintain No Contacc and 3. We’re not like them. We are decent loving people. But here, we get to hurl bitch cookies and high five each other and release some of the pent up emotion. Happily draining.

    • Pure evil. I am sorry she did this to you and your family. Your children must have felt the grief around them and been affected when she had the termination. They should never have been put through this.

    • Your SON’S BED?!?!?!? OMG, I would love to throat punch him, forget the cookie, bake him a cake made with sour milk and rotten eggs. Pig.

  • During our wreckconciliation, where he supposedly had no contact with OW, I found the email where he had her and her kid over to his house. When confronted the answer was “Her kid was there so it’s not like we had sex that day”. Cookie bitch!!!!

    • Oh I almost forgot that one. “Yeah, she knew we’d gotten married. Her kid came along and we just went to the movies. Then back to her house to talk.”

  • “We did not have sex.”

    Apparently, my SBTX thinks he’s Bill Clinton because his definition of sex is the same.

  • I was your “trophy husband”. Yes, told my best friend that after the final D Day.

    Yep, a bakers dozen of bitch cookies!

  • My ex is so excellent at this I own a bitch bakery with franchises. favorite example:

    * but I quit my job to stay home with the baby (after he announced he already quit his job..I’m two months pregnant at time.”

    • Ah, yes, the “I get to take credit for something that was actually bad but in my mind can be linked to something noble.” I’ll bet you just felt like the luckiest woman on earth to have such a man.

      I hope you sold those franchises.

  • But, I was calling into the sex addiction support group daily! . . . Bitch Cookie!
    (Yea, boss, while never connecting with those guys, no ah ha moments, deep self-reflection, remorse shown, sponsor, 1st step given . . . Therapist says the degree to which such 12 step groups help is the degree to which the person *connects* with the group. My theory this that the only reason he was willing to call in daily was to hear new ways to act out and keep things on the down-low.).
    Bitch Cookie and Eject button pushed.

  • My cheater told me that he “forgives me” for being angry and upset after finding out about his continued affairs but I would need to “change and handle it better” if I wanted to stay married to him…he’s hurting too…..bitch cookie.

    My cheater told me that he is “a better person” because he doesn’t remember and “dwell on” the date/anniversary of me finding out about his first 3 year affair—–he deserves his favorite bitch sugar cookie. The man is a saint ( in his mind).

  • “I didn’t sleep with hookers until you became pregnant” (the baby he begged me for) ?

  • Evidence staring in his face. “That’s not true”
    Delusional bitch cookie for that Horny Goat

  • On second DDay, weeks after taking my hands and VOWING that he wanted to save our marriage and would be faithful, I discovered he was indeed still in contact with the whore. When I asked him how he could do that, he replied “But I meant it at the time!!” Bitch cookie!

    • Quick dissolving bitch cookie – like a meringue – probably lasted longer than that vow.

    • EyesOpenNow, Wow, but I meant it at the time…… What a neat hat trick! Give that man a pull the rabbit out of my ass cookie!

  • Not my ex, but something someone said on the Reddit adultery page:

    “There are so many things that are so much worse than cheating… rape, murder, extortion. But people talk about us like we’re terrible people.”

    So you’ve never raped, murdered or extorted anyone?

    Here’s your bitch cookie!

    • There is a French Creole song where the man is apologizing for betraying his partner. In it he says I’m not a killer nor thief….like it mitigated the betrayal. Then get this….he pleads with her to smile for him. Just a little smile. He is all sad sausage in this song.

      My bitch cookies? I tossed them out.

    • Oh yeah, this one is my ex, big time! The kids barely have anything to do with him, so he tells them this story about some African warlord who massacred tons of people, who is now in jail. But HIS daughter still goes to see him!!!! So, since the ex didn’t massacre anybody, he doesn’t deserve to lose his relationship with his kids!
      The kids barely resisted punching him for this one. But he wanted a bitch cookie!

      Plus, of course, he threatened the kids and I and scared the shit out of us (at one point had me by the neck up against the wall, and the man is 6’3 and works out hard 3x a week). But he never actually hurt me! Never left a mark on any of us! Bitch cookie!

      He accepted much less custody than is standard here, then cut way back even on that to go work out of town (coincidence that it was where Schmoopie lived??). He would see them for a total of 3 days a month, for a year. But that wasn’t abandonment! Hey, he tried to Skype them several times a week! Bitch cookie!

    • “Hey, I didn’t torture any puppies today. Or beat up any homeless people. Nor did I stab any neighbors. Surely you can forgive me one little sexual indiscretion?”

      You are a braver person than me to visit Reddit cheater sites.

      Mine, too, claimed “I am a better person than you think I am.” This from someone with several legitimate cases of sexual harassment.

    • Yep, the OW told me that there are worse things you can do then have an affair. Really I guess you must know since you seem to be the queen of that!

  • Yes, I fucked Dumb Cunt instead of taking you home from the hospital after your hysterectomy, but, I was there while you were having the surgery.


    We were going to sleep together during your six week recovery, and then re-evaluate the frequency of our screwing after that. It’s not like you were able to have sex during that time, so it isn’t so bad.

    Disgusting cream-filled bitch cookie.

  • In his interrogatories, “in June Calm took the children to the dentist and the eye doctor for new glasses and contacts. She never asked my permission first, and I believe I deserve a say on how my money is spent.”

    Here’s a day old bitch cookie from the sale bin, asshole.

    • Permission to spend ‘his’ money on his children’s health? Their teeth and glasses? OMG

  • “I’m a great husband! I don’t beat you. :)”

    Seriously, he said that to me. You can’t make this shit up.

    Moon pie bitch cookie, asswipe.

    • Yep. I got that one too. The bar for being a good spouse was pretty damn low–not physically assaulting me.

      But this kind of language now worries me because eventually, after I ended the marriage, he did physically assault me.

      Now, I think that anyone who brags about not engaging in violence is really making a partially veiled threat. What my EX actually meant was, “I haven’t ever hit you, yet.”

      Chump judgment is suspect–if we were good at imagining the worst in people, we wouldn’t be here. If you feel at all threatened, you should take action. If your friends or family say that your spouse seems physically scary to them, take action. The best strategy is simply to refuse to be alone with the person anymore.

      He gets his bitch cookie served with an arrest warrant.

      • Exactly. I think violence sits just below the surface of my stbx, just like all of his other stellar qualities.
        I truly believe he is capable of anything.

      • I am 100% sure my ex would have been highly physically abusive if I hadn’t called the police the first time he threatened me physically. Even with that, he later threatened me, pushed and poked me, picked up a snow shovel and threatened to hit me with it, and later grabbed me by the neck and held me up against the wall while screaming in my face (kids and I went to a shelter after that one). He also, when the kids were small and he knew I would leave him in flash if he ever hit or spanked them, instead pinched (hard!) our son and twisted his ear hard. I had to add those to the list of ultimatums. He kicked our cat one time (I should have left him RIGHT THEN!), and after we separated, smashed a very expensive laptop while screaming at the kids for not going to bed when he told them to. It was so loud a neighbor went to check if everything was ok (thanks heavens!).

        But as I mentioned above, he wanted multiple bitch cookies, because although we were all very physically afraid of him, I guess that was ok, because he had ‘never left a mark’, had never ‘actually hurt KarenE’, had never ‘sent anyone to hospital’. And yeah, that IS a veiled threat.

        When I found out about Affair #2, every important conversation after that was held either in a public place, or when there was another adult in the house. He thought we were sitting on the front steps to talk so the kids wouldn’t hear! Fucking moron.

        • Mine kicked our then puppy when he soiled a carpet. Kicked it across the room. I was horrified and thankfully the puppy was ok. I don’t know why I didn’t kick his ass across the room that day, and instead comforted the puppy when it cried so he wouldn’t wake up Mr. Wonderful. What a chump. Never again.

          • Kicked the cat for “disrespecting him” for not getting off his chair. But he didn’t kick it hard, not like he needs to see a vet or anything.

            • KarenE I am sorry but these were more than veiled threats, he was physically abusive for a long time.

          • Mine nearly strangled one of my dogs for barking. The dog bit him in self defense, he had a little cut, made me take him to hospital. I obliged, was afraid he would have the dog put down for biting. He also broke a lamb’s back in a rage, and broke his own big toe kicking a gate in a rage. Every time I capitulated trying to calm him, avoid incidents. I broke my arms trying to rush to fix a mistake I’d made before he raged at me or the livestock, compound fracture with nerve damage that took two years to recover. But he never laid a hand on me. Didn’t have too, he had me well trained. Then in MC he said he was afraid of me and only felt safe with the MC. Bitch never challenged him even though I said about the rages and my broken arm.

    • I knew that H1.0 had set his bar pretty low…I assumed he thought himself a stellar spouse because he didnt cheat or beat me. BUT…he told me I “deserved to be beaten” and reminded me he could snap my neck anytime he wanted to. THEN I learned he was a serial cheater too. He sucked. I was too scared to admit to myself how badly he sucked.

  • “I started to feel guilty about 2 months into it!”

    Oh gee, I feel so much better.

    Bitch cookie for you!

  • AP had been a mutual acquaintance for many years. “Well, it’s not like she was your best friend.” Ahh, degrees of betrayal … bitch cookies to both of them.

    • The latest ow is “a good friend of my sister and a really good person. You would like her” and “she asked ME out first” Um no I wouldn’t-double chocolate chip for you!

  • X told me that he has forgiven me “for all the tears I made him cry” by divorcing him. WTF.

    • Salty caramel flavored bitch cookies for him.
      They go well with tears.

    • Oh yes – I was ‘forgiven’ too for the fake affair I had 17 years ago that he enjoyed throwing in my face for 15 years…. Cuz don’t you know how many nights he layed there crying himself to sleep?

  • Even though I was cheating, I still came home to you.

    I didn’t mean to hurt you

    She is not attractive to me ( continued to be with her for 9 more years)

    When I caught him cheating and I brought up when I accused him of cheating with her years earlier, his response was…”I wasn’t sleeping with her at the time”.

    Oh, so a two week break means you never cheated on me, right?

    • Love that ‘not attractive’ line! So Donald Trump of him!! When I confronted my ex about Affair #2, his first two reactions were ‘Do you think I have time to have an affair?’, and ‘Have you seen (the woman I mentioned as his AP)? She’s not that attractive.’

      I guess they get very ugly bitch cookies ….

      • Yes, what is it exactly with the “she’s ugly, or she’s not even attractive”? Because it’s not cheating if the OW is less physically attractive than your spouse? This is supposed to make us feel better about the affairs? I hope you’re completely free of him, KarenE.

        • I got, well not for anything and don’t take offense, but uglier girls do it better. Well holy sh-t balls! Let’s be like Oprah, you get a cookie, you get a cookie, EVERYBODY GETS A COOKIE!

        • Completely free, Peakybinders, and well ensconced at Meh! Very little contact w/the ex; our kids are teens and mostly manage their own (lack of) relationship w/him, and we communicate occasionally about finances. I hang around CL for the amazing people who are here, for the occasional ‘aha’ moment I still get when I recognize a new one of my cheater narc’s patterns in someone else’s story, and to provide support when I can.

          I was devastated when I kicked him out, but the kids and I are SO MUCH HAPPIER without him around. That’s sad, because what we always wanted was to be happier WITH him, but in the end, I’m another one of those Chumps where the cheating was a ‘get out of jail free’ card.

          • I’m starting to see that I’m better off without the twat. but mine is not get out of jail free because he’s taking me to court for a share of my assets, my family’s money.

      • Craigslist skanks for hire, one grossly overweight, one heroin anorexic, both tatted and pierced, were two of Dr. Crazy’s “attractive” ladies.
        Not-pretty-but-gets-the-job-done cookie.

    • ooh ooh ooh…he told me once (in a very noble voice) that he was very proud that he never “left” me.

      I reminded him that in 2005 he packed his shit, drove his car 3000 miles away, rented an apt, bought furniture and fully set up house.

      • My stbx told me a couple years ago: “I always come home to you.” That bugged me for so long….. we’ll, during the day was a free for all, little did I know….

        • Same here, Longing……
          Cheaterpant’s version: “At least I’m always home at night!”
          Yea, really made me feel sooo much better……
          All he did while he was ‘home at night’ was ignore me or berate me or verbally abuse me or…..Yeah, good times!
          They had to do their dirty during the day while her children were at school & he was supposed to be working!

  • Well, Cheater Ex (husband #2, and he really is a #2, ie, turd) just thought he was so much better than husband #1, because he did DIFFERENT shitty stuff to me. And of course, he also told me that ” you don’t realize it but he cheated on you too” even though he never met the man.


  • Bitch cookies for the whole family!

    X sent a wedding invitation to all three NC children with the same note in it:

    “I hope you are doing well. I still love you and I don’t really understand where the hate is coming from. I even still love your Mom.”

    Wow, thanks! A giant, family-sized package of bitch cookies for us to choke on.

    • I even still.,. Wow Eve. He gets a bitch slap with his cookie.

      His hag:

      I’m a Christian woman. Bitch cookie.

      • X has co-opted our Christianity. He and New Wife are full of love and forgiveness. Our minister married them. They have found God and are blessed! X even leaves Bible verses as comments on our adult children’s social media, using the internet handle of “Prodigal Father.” I assume I am the swine the kids are living with.

        The inevitable fallout of this mindfuck is that my formerly church-going, believer children have turned their backs on religion. God the Father? Not interested. Fellowship with other Christians? Hell to the no. It’s all I can do to get them to attend Christmas Eve service with me.

        How many ways can my heart break?

        • Just wow! It just amazes me how we are supposed to be so forgiving. The bible clearly says that God hates divorce. Why? Maybe because it hurts so many people! And isn’t adultery one of the 10 commandments? I just don’t get how a minister can ignore what someone has done to their family! I totally understand how your kids feel and I think in the end your X and minister will be held totally responsible for it.

          • In that time you didn’t need to divorce a cheater!
            Stoning took care of that!

            Divorce is the only option!

          • Our pastor said he’d never remarry my ex, but I will put down a million dollar bet that he will someday. Pastor is all about LOVE and NO JUDGEMENT. He’s like, “Who am I to judge?” Sorry, but the Ten Commandments are laws and when you break the laws there is judgment. Ex said I was “judgmental” for telling him that going out for drinks until 1:30am with a newly divorced former ho-worker was wrong. He kept saying, “Stop judging me.” One time he was crying sadz sausage tears saying, “Stop judging me.” Wake-up cheater! You lie to you wife for 25 years and see women behind her back, she’s going to judge you! These entitled jerks live in a world that they can do whatever the fuck they want to do and no one is allowed to call them out on their behavior. That’s not how the real world works. You cheat on your taxes and the I.R.S. is tracking you down. You kill someone and get caught, you are going to prison. Consequences. I’m not sure why they don’t think they deserve consequences for their actions!

            • Mine constantly derided me with “You are so judgemental” (about sleeping with 26 year old co workers, hookers, female bodybuilders etc.). I said “To judge is to discern the difference between good and bad, right and wrong. I have no intention of stopping that. But it is clear that you do NOT judge. You think there is NO difference between right and wrong.” Here is you truckload of 100% judgement free bitch cookies.

        • Your X is full of something, but it ain’t love and forgiveness.

          “Prodigal Father”–I’m dying here!!!!

        • My heart breaks for you and your children just reading that!
          Thank God your children are NC and see part of the truth! I agree he is accountable to God for his actions against you and your kids. I think the Bible is referring to people like him when it states that it would be better for them if they were never born, or been thrown into the sea with a weight around their neck! He has turned children from God & is mocking God by calling what is evil “good”!
          Stay strong and continue to be a true Christian example for your kids. You trained them up in the Lord, they will return to their faith even stronger!
          It sounds like your unrepentive X is like many others who try to use “Christianity and God’s forgiveness” as a shield to hide behind and use to blameshift — They remove their sin from the equation and blame others for being unforgiving and hateful towards them.. .”God forgave us, we forgive you, now you have to forgive us, embrace our sin and be happy for us! (It’s all about them)
          Forgiveness and accepting the situation doesn’t mean you have to or should do that. God’s grace and forgiveness does not give anyone permission to continue to sin. Nor does forgiveness mean that their unrepentive father (and now wife) are entitled to a relationship with them. He is the one who has to repent amd turn from sin. His actions are and were selfish and hateful. Their reaction and response to him because of it are not.

    • Right? Like he got them at Costco in the industrial sized bag. I am glad your children are NC as well as you, Eve.

    • The hate…. oh my gosh – I state facts when the blame-shifting starts – and get accused of hate and anger!!!

  • After finding out about his fuck phone (from my son) Judas stated “I have never cheated on you LadyStrange!” Wha? Going out and getting a burner phone behind my back so you can sext other women is NOT cheating? Dumb ass…

  • For your delight… a bitch cookie bouquet…

    Cookie 1: “So when I was in Atlanta on that business trip, I met a woman in the hotel bar. And, she was really beautiful and she was hitting on me. I couldn’t believe it. I went with her to her room BUT then I left. Nothing happened.”

    Cookie 2: I was looking for my son’s iPad to take on a trip. I found Mr. Sparkles iPad and on a lark checked his browser history. Jackpot – a new personal ad profile with a picture of him from our wedding day. When I confronted him, his only response was “You didn’t take my iPad by accident. You were snooping.”

    Cookie 3: “It wasn’t cheating. I knew I was done with our marriage.” Funny, the rest of us were just enjoying our annual family vacation at the beach.

    Cookie 4: “I never met anyone from those personal ads. It was just fantasy. I miss us. We need to fix us.”

    Cookie 5: About the OW: “I didn’t think I could feel this way again.” Editors Note: the feeling didn’t last long – the broke up after two years. Meanwhile the divorce drags on.

    Cookie 6: “I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.” Really – how did you manage to take all those selfies for your AFF ad?

    TGIF Chump Nation… Rock on.

    • Monster Cookie: “Two years ago I had made the decision in my mind I wanted to end the marriage and that’s when I started paying for sex again. They were just Happy Endings and Rub and Tugs though. Affairs didn’t start until recently”.

      Double Monster Cookie: “Look, I won’t do anything to jeopardize the medical coverage during your cancer surgeries and treatments.”

      Triple Monster Cookie: “I told you lies so you would agree to sell the house because I knew if I didn’t you’d stay in it. Besides I probably saved your life because you couldn’t have afforded it on your own”.

      Bonus Extra Hurtful Cookie: “I missed the person you were when you were young and I have always been attracted young Asian women. I deserve to be happy”.

      After being served the Cookie buffet above, I’m mightily fighting cancer, getting closer to divorce settlement and most importantly now know and believe I deserve better. Stay mighty CN and don’t accept their cookies!

      • Free Now ,thank God the main cancer is already removed from your life. With him gone your health is going to improve so much!. Please, check into foods that cure cancer to boost your treatment and accelerate your total recovery. Wishing you the best of the best.

  • After I stated that he wasn’t giving me my rights by lying, disrespecting me, and refusing to fulfill major parts of our contract (such as announcing our wedding publicly and giving me the Amish quilt I requested as a dowry, a small gift compared to the thousands of dollars most Muslim women ask for) he said:

    “But you have a lot of your rights!”

    This man is Black, and my immediate (and I’m so glad I thought of it) response was, “That’s like telling Black people they already have a lot of rights, why are they asking for all of them!!”

    Double Chocolate Chunk Pussy-Ass Bitch Cookie

  • “I think that maybe someday, perhaps I could consider working on us again if you’d be willing to just give me some more time and space.”

    This after 3 D-Days, almost 2 years of my pick-me-dancing and repeatedly telling me that he could probably never be in love with me again.

    Thanks but no thanks. Here’s a cookie in response to your consideration. In fact, here’s a whole box of cookies.

    There’s no longer a need to reconsider us or your love for me. I will however give you that time and space you’re asking for. You can have all the time that you have left on this earth because I’ve done my last dance for you cookie man.

  • Said to me after D-day “I’m sitting on the boat in the middle of Lake Michigan – crying”

    Never seen the man shed a tear, and then the following sentences were back to the belligerent tone.

    Me: “still crying”?

    Him: “maybe”

    • What is it with THEIR crying crap? We are supposed to feel badly for them? Here’s an arsenic laced cookie bitch!

    • OMG! I have a similar story. My stepdad died only a week prior to DDay #1 so I had to get on a plane 2 days after finding out my husband had been lying to me all summer long and was still texting and making future plans with his cousin. At one point while I was back with family, 1500 miles away from him, he texts me that he’s sitting on the couch our son bought (my kid has a habit of buying couches at yard sales for like $20), bawling. To up the ante in this melodrama he sends me a picture of him crying. There he was, sitting on the old worn out couch with tears staining his face, proof that he was so upset at the thought of losing me and his kids. See? See how sad and upset I am that consequences might rain down on my bald little head?

      • Took a selfie of his crying sad sausage ass? Should have taken a selfie of yourself flipping him off!

      • He took a picture of himself crying and sent it to you?! LOL. What a baby. My ex was all sad sausage after I told him I was no longer making dinner for him, doing his laundry or doing anything for him ever again. He didn’t want to be married to me anymore? Okay, then I’m done being you wife as of RIGHT NOW. Poor baby went into ‘poor me’ mode. Absolutely no empathy, sympathy or anything for me or our children. Cold and hard as ice as we were all bawling our eyes out on multiple occasions. But when he got his feelings hurts — oh, the pity party and the ‘poor me’ tears. I wouldn’t be surprised he took a photo of himself being all sadz and sent it to his many ho-workers. I’m such a meanie wife sticking up for myself for the first time in 25 years.

        • Martha, the day I tossed skankboy out, I walked into the den/office….there he was bawling his eyes out….I’m sure he was crying while he was dicking her! “I’m soooooo sorry.” Yep, lye-based cookie right there!

          • (I didn’t walk into the den/office to see if he was ok……I walked in to toss more of his shit out in Hefty bags!)

  • In her deposition she stated she made several sacrifices for the family throughout the years. My attorney asked what those were specifically and she said, “putting the kids to bed when I would have rather been reading a book and going on family vacations I didn’t want to go on”.

    Huh, those are sacrifices?? How about quitting your job and starting a home based business to be there for the kids (I actually did that). She then got half my business in the divorce.

    Double fudge bitch cookie!

  • In her deposition she stated she made several sacrifices for the family throughout the years. My attorney asked what those were specifically and she said, “putting the kids to bed when I would have rather been reading a book and going on family vacations I didn’t want to go on”.

    Huh, those are sacrifices?? How about quitting your job and starting a home based business to be there for the kids (I actually did that). She then got half my business in the divorce.

    Double fudge bitch cookie!

    • “So then I had to read to the kid last night … and I spilled my drink so I had to find some paper towel … where the hell is the kitchen? Oh, yeah … so then I cleaned that up. Just Ugghh. Apparently I hadn’t finished the kid’s book and he was crying for me and I thought, ‘Shit! I am so exhausted from catering to his every need’, so I went back and read to him … can’t he read yet??? What’s with that??? and then thank god he fell asleep and I was able to have a bath and read my book and text OM … turns out he had to read to HIS kid that night, too!!!!! Fuck! That’s just crazy.”

    • How did you not bust out laughing (or crying)? Did your lawyer keep a straight face?

    • I swear there should be a law that if a partner cheats at all, the other partner gets EVERYTHING including as much time with their kids as they want.

    • Jaw hit the floor.
      I bet she was serious and sincere, too.
      Astounding. To say that out loud is astounding.

  • A very attractive neighbor whose daughter played with our daughter hit on him and tried to get him to have sex while the girls were playing and Major Noble Cheaterpants would have none of that despicable behavior. Heavens no, his sleezy sidefucks were all far enough away that being caught was nearly impossible.

    He didnt tell me about that gal hitting on him back when we lived in that neighborhood (she was oddly too interested in me and too friendly …I saw a red flag but didnt know what it was warning me of) but he was happy to serve it up as a bitch cookie later

  • “We didn’t say anything bad about you. In fact she (OW=ex friend) really liked you”

    That makes me feel so much better – thanks.

    Bitch cookies for two coming up!

  • Hi All,

    I got to eat the cookie: was told how lucky I was to not be a woman in a place like Afghanistan, where I would have no rights and polygamy was the norm. Gag me!!!

    • Shoot – I might take an “Afghanistan”-style relationship rather than the marriage I had to a disordered cheater. It could be better to know the deal you have in advance then believe you have something that never existed and live like that for decades. I’d choose not to suffer the mind, body, and spirit assault that comes from years of dissonance between what is picked up subconsciously and the cognitive highjacking that keeps a person believing and trapped. Looking back, it might have been easier to know I was disenfranchised from my life and was basically no more than a housekeeper, personal manager, storefront wife, and nanny. Perhaps it would have been easier to keep my emotions to myself and just do my time living in truth. Maybe better for kids as well.

  • “I didn’t intend to tell you about her until I moved out and we moved in together. I was trying to spare your feelings!”

    ‘Her’ was a good friend of mine who he had an affair with…who he’s still to this day saying wasn’t the reason why our marriage failed. You’re right…it failed because you’re a narcissistic gas lighting douche canoe! Here…have a double peanut butter dingle berry bitch cookie!

    • OMG I think we might be married to the same @sshole!
      My STBX is with my (ex)friend of 25 years (she did a reading at our wedding and was married to one of his friends!). He denied it for months until I had proof they were in fact living together at which point he said it was only a recent thing and that she wasn’t the reason he left me (he stayed at her house all night “for drinks” whilst her husband was away four weeks before he left me and our six month old son – she left her husband the same week!).
      He told his mum he had outright lied to me about this relationship (until I had proof and he had to cough to it) “to protect me”. He now whines that he “has a right to be happy”.
      He has never ever showed any remorse about leaving me and our baby or about his affair with my friend. He is a gas lighting, sociopathic fuckw#t with a boundless sense of entitlement. Thank God I now realise I am so much better off without that in my life. I hope you do too!
      Love to all the Mighty Chumps out there. Keep going!

    • “Sex was just something we did after we grew tired of gazing into each other’s eyes meaningfully.”

  • On the 4th and last D-Day, explaining how he really never intended to leave but fell in tvu luv: “It started out as only sex!”

  • “I know I am on the sociopath/narcissism scale but I am trying hard to get off it.”
    Yeah, keep working on that.

    “I am not that bad of a person – I didn’t KILL anyone or anything.”
    Wow. Could the bar for decent human behavior be set any lower?

  • “It was almost over with her anyway.”
    Like that matters because it never should have started!!

    To the therapist who relayed it to me:
    “It doesn’t matter if it was 5 or 50 women. She’ll be hurt either way. “

  • “I told you about the affair.” [2.5 years after it started, during an argument she started, shortly after her ex-AP’s wife found out about it and he was therefore in a position to blackmail her into dropping a lawsuit against him unless she told me first, My God, I read all that and still can’t believe it happened]. COOKIE!

    “Yes, I loaned the AP $200k of my inheritance that he never repaid, but I told you about it, even if you didn’t know all the details [like the affair], and you agreed [I said it was a really stupid idea but it was, in the end, her money to lend] and anyhow, I was making an investment for our family’s future because you were out of work and weren’t bringing in any money.” [I’d literally JUST been laid off, with a severance package, and was earning freelance income within three weeks.] COOKIE!

    • “I was making an investment in our family’s future.” You really can’t make this stuff up. I know it’s weird to find comfort in this insane stuff, but really, seeing how disordered they all are is validating.

      How about we all go out for pie? I’ll treat.

      I hope you are free of this piece of work, ANC.

    • I got this one! “I flew to Las Vegas and Texas to see escorts. It’s not like I embarrassed you.” Wow. So, dissipating several thousands of marital dollars while exposing me to possibly fatal diseases is kinder and less embarrassing than exposing me to cheap local diseases. Thanks HON! here is your Deluxe Pepperidge Farm Fancy Bitch Cookie.

  • While after DDay years years back, these were “our” monthly bills. Her new job at the time was paying her $50k per year.

    Home mortgage: $3,150.00
    My Car: Paid off – $0.00
    Her Car: $690.00
    Car/s Insurance: $100.00
    Electric: $100.00
    Gas: $110.00
    Cable: $300.00
    Cel Phones: $200.00
    Credit Cards: $3,000.00 (includes groceries, toys, blah, blah, fucking blah)
    Kids Sports: $250.00
    TOTAL: $7,900.00 per month in expenses – which doesn’t include savings for kids college, retirement, divorce attorneys, etc.

    I then asked her “why are you refusing to pay any of “our” families monthly bills?”
    Her response, “Ok Rob, I will pay the gas bill” ($110.00).

    BOOM! – Bitch Cookie!

    So for the next year and a half that is ALL she paid – the fucking gas bill. I had the heat set to 92 degrees ALL.THE.FUCKING.TIME. – Bitch Cookie right back at you, bitch!

    • Once I filed mine didn’t pay any of the bills the rest of the time he refused to leave the house.
      I also kept my thermostat at 92… the middle of summer.

    • Wow. She’s making $50K a year, drives what must have been a mega-luxury car (at $690/month), and won’t even pay her own car bill? E.N.T.I.T.L.E.M.E.N.T.

      • For sure Tempest, for sure! The funny part is that she was really proud (no joke) that she was paying this one bill. She really felt she was making her contribution (singular) to the family expenses. I still laugh at her entitlement.

        Btw since she has to pay for her own car now, her current car is a mega-piece-of shit. Karma cookie bitch please!

        • I can’t wait until the day mine has to actually buy a vehicle or the like. She’s living in a house paid for and driving a car paid for by my hard work. She didn’t work at all the past 10 years. She’s living with an unemployed drug addict living off child support and his food stamps. They are so entitled!

          • They are amazing. My college daughter informed me yesterday that her father said I should pay for half of her flight home at the end of the semester, since she spends more time at my house than his.

            I make less than 1/5 of what he makes, just bought college daughter a car, and he wants to quibble over $150. I hope that extra $150 you get to keep in your pocket is worth your oldest daughter thinking you’re an asshole, Hannibal.

            • So true Tempest.

              “Squabbles from Hannibal”. Sounds like the title of child’s horror book, ya know.

              I highly doubt that he would offer “half” of his air miles if you were to pay the $150.

              Just another nail in his coffin with his relationship with your precious daughter.

          • He’s living in my childhood home, that I bought without him, and I’m still paying the bills there for the sake of when the kids visit him.

            So I’m on half his wage, paying bills for two homes and rent, while he pays nothing for a roof over his head and no bills…but I should bow down and applaud him for paying a couple of the kids out of school activity bills when he’s in the mood?

            He won’t pay child support, because he’s “sick of women ripping men off”

            Sometimes he even throws money into the kid account. But always rings to tell me wanting praise!

            These cookies are stale and hard to swallow

            • FinalLine, is there no legal way you can get him to take some of his responsibilities, financially? This is awful, so unfair!

          • Car Carma… Major Cheaterpants spent us into the ground trading in cars so frequently that we always had HUGE car payments. When he died, I paid off all the cars and gave one to each kid.

            When I got married, I told new husband that I desperately didnt want to spend deadhusbands life insurance money on my next car, it would “involve” dead husband in the purchase even if I tried to pretedn it didnt and I wanted him to be in the past. New husband bought me a new Volvo and wrote a check for the full amount in the dealership. Remainder of life insurance money invested.

        • SureChumpedAlot

          I will out earn him for the rest of my life at this point.

          His idea of getting somewhere at 59 is losing half his business income, each buying a new car, taking yearly vacations, and paying for his income taxes with a credit card loan. She works part time and is unemployable due to BPD. They have no retirement and as far as I can see they are so far in debt they can’t afford to buy gas.

          Well, I guess he’s arrived, drowning in debt.

          And I’m talking to my lawyer about dropping him from my health benefits as he can’t afford a measly 300 for the YEAR. Can’t wait till he gets the notice. Wish I could see the pitiful sad face when he’s notified.

  • “At least I never beat you.”

    Oh, OK! Why didn’t I think to look on the bright side?! 23 years of being lied to, cheated on, neglected, emotionally and verbally abused… Gee, thank you for pointing out how it could have been sooo much worse…

    Here’s a bitch cookie for your gracious display of restraint!

    • I got that same line. He oncec told me, “See? I could have been like that (referring toa guy violently beating his wife on an IDISCOVERY show)”

      I patted him on the hand and smiled at him and said, “No, you were much worse”

      Here’s your bitch cookie asshole.

  • After a big business success, he claimed women were throwing themselves at him. THROWING THEMSELVES. “And I never took any of them up on it!”

    After I caught him taking a woman on a date: “We only ended up the bar because we weren’t on the list for the concert. I was only going to take her to a concert!”

  • And I forgot this one: “I wasn’t sitting around texting [his whores] while you were in the room.”

  • “all the bills still got paid.”

    This after I noted his trips to a cabin with the Flying Whore and the flowers and the other gifts that were put on his work credit card. Keep in mind I took in extra work and walked around with shoes that had holes in the sole and had no new clothes, during that time to make sure the child had food, clothes that fit and the mortgage got paid.

    chocolate chunk bitch cookie with ex-lax for the chips!

    Posts divorce “I’ll always be your friend”
    Hell no, no cookie for you!

  • I drove you all the way to Bristol to comfort our son (who was out of his mind at the sudden discovery that I’d been cheating on you for years with his canoe teacher and that our family was now smashed to bits)

  • “I always wore a condom” [when I was with countless numbers of other women most of whom were strippers or otherwise in the sex trade]. You get a bitch cookie crumb you fucktard because it wasn’t a full body condom and you came home and kissed me with that mouth. Ugh.

    • Mine didn’t bother with the condom.

      After the first time he slept with her he decided it prudent to report back to me the following day: “It wasn’t as amazing as you would think.” Oh no, honey, what a shame. Here’s a bitch cookie. “And she had the morning after pill. If it doesn’t work, she’ll just get an abortion.” Oh well then, you deserve another for being so responsible.

      After the second morning after pill, which failed resulting in an abortion: “But she begged me for it.” Ugh, I’m all out of cookies.

    • Well.. don’t feel too bad! Mine said, ” I didn’t spend money on golf or a boat.” This after I found 250 thousand on hookers and phone sex. Bitch Cookie dozen? I have no clue:)

  • He lived at my apartment for two weeks while I was out of town in June because I needed someone to watch the kids (his place is a room rental in a bad neighborhood of Chicago an hour away). I came back to an apartment that was completely trashed. It looked like his fucking college dorm. The dishes that were in the dishwasher were the dishes I had loaded up before leaving; he literally did no housecleaning in the two weeks he stayed there.

    Our son was almost kicked out of speech therapy because XH was a no-call no-show for both weekly appointments while I was gone, and I’m pretty sure that XH caused my car to break down by driving it on the parking brake for a one-mile errand. I got off the plane when I got back and beelined for where my car was broken down (awkwardly parked across several spaces), where I just barely managed to stop a cop from writing it a ticket. The daycare I had put my son in for two weeks was exasperated, saying they had tried to discuss with XH that they were having trouble with my son, but he pretty much blew them off (my son has now been diagnosed with high-functioning autism).

    “Having to handle everything by myself is my life,” XH said mournfully upon my return, like those two weeks of shitty parenting and fucking up my property and not doing any housework had been a tremendous act of martyrdom for him.

    Bitch cookie for sure. Parenting and adulthood are hard, you guys.

    • How do they even get up in the morning? Not getting your kid to speech therapy takes the prize. It just shows how little they care about anyone or anything else. The best part is he lives a distance away and you don’t have to clean up after the baby anymore.

    • Hi Rarity

      Speechless, just speechless,

      “(his place is a room rental in a bad neighborhood of Chicago an hour away).” This shit staining toilet fuck probably lives in this bad neighborhood because its closer to the hookers. What an ass!!

  • I never got much in the way of the sads from Mr. Wonderful. He did say to me, “I should have given you an STD because then you’d have had a better story to tell.” Lovely.

    He is an awful human.

    • You should’ve replied with “yeah, i should have put a bullet in your chest because the world would be much better without you”. What an ass!!!1

    • Wow! That one left me with my mouth hanging wide open. He is a horrible human being… if he’s even human.

    • Your “better story” should of been how you drove ice-pics through his balls.

      Deplorable non-human being there.

    • I was crying about it a couple of days after he “apologized.”

      He got angry and exasperated with me and said:

      “I already apologized! How many more times do you want me to say ‘I’m sorry?!?” Stop feeling sorry for yourself! There are other people in the world who have it a lot harder than you do! How would you like to be an ISIS Sex Slave?”

  • Describing how he was SUCH an involved father: “I changed DD’s FIRST diaper in the hospital and it was AWFUL!!

    He still uses this line and: the number of diapers he changed after that first one totals MAYBE 20, (DD’s and DS’s, who came along 2 years later);

    And DD is now 28 years old with a child of her own.

    Peanut butter bitch cookie for YOU, asshole.

    • Mine said that too! As if changing the first one somehow absolves you from the 3,000 others that follow.

  • He was never PHYSICALLY unfaithful. I was the only woman he had ever been with that he had never slept with someone else while they were together. He was actually proud of himself. Extra special bitch cookie for that one.

    • Yeah, Cheese Fries says this too — both about never being physically unfaithful and about my being the only one he never physically cheated on — but I don’t believe him. His “emotional” or “online” affairs, I now realize, span our entire 22-year relationship.

  • When he had an affair with an old GF from a teenage relationship 30 years ago, it was “OK because I first slept with her before I met you”.

    I laughed in his face. And baked some choc chip bitch cookies using ex-lax, left them in a tin in the kitchen, and guess who scarfed them all!
    He ate them just before he left for a camp reunion weekend where I knew she would be.

    I just quietly planned my exit and served him. Have never eaten chop chip cookies since.

  • Me – “You were making married women happy, while this married woman was unhappy”
    Him – “That was last year”

  • Mine conducted a several-months long affair with gradwhore, took her to Mexico, and allowed her to stay in the room when he called to ask for a divorce (only to change his mind a few days later, and dump her instead). When I found out about the affair 8 years hence (on D-day), he said, “but I came back to the marriage!”

    Well, no harm done then, eh?

    • That was ancient history. Plus he came back. Their line of thinking is so warped! And he didn’t even have the balls to ask for the divorce in person and had a cheerleader backing him up.

    • These losers seem to think that coming back to their faithful spouses is some sort of gift. Seriously? It boggles my mind to think that any sane sensible person would want their loser asses back.