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Is Huma Abedin Really Working It Out with Anthony Weiner?

Boy if I ever wanted something to be fake news, it’s this latest nugget that Huma Abedin is working things out with disgraced politician-creepy-Tweeter-boxer-boner-pedophile-destroyer-of-the-free-world Anthony Weiner.

REALLY?

I mean, I think I’m uniquely positioned to understand the exquisite idiocy that is the chump condition, but even I am gobsmacked at this news. Anthony Weiner? According to the New York Post, parents won’t let this guy on New York City playgrounds. How creepy do you have to be when you’re too creepy for New Yorkers? These are people who routinely stroll past individuals dressed as moldy, giant Elmos, naked Cowboys, or worse, Wall St. bankers and they don’t even flinch… But Anthony Weiner? Hide your children!

Is this some kind of marketing coup for those sex ranch retreats?

I know huffing hopium can get chumps trippy on cheater potential, but there are limits to how much a chump can stand. If hopium were heroin Huma Abedin would be on her fifth Narcan resuscitation and dead in an alley by now. Please Huma, just STOP. Weiner is SCUM! What on earth are you thinking?

There comes a point when you cross over from sympathetic victim of infidelity to cast member in your own horror show. When was that point crossed? When Weiner sexted a 15-year-old girl? Or sent a picture of his throbbing boner (again) while laying next to his pre-school son? Oh, I don’t know… How about that time the contents of his laptop endangered an entire Democracy?

WHAT DO YOU SEE IN HIM?!

Theories have been posited. Many of which blame the Clintons (who are simultaneously blamed for the separation AND the reconciliation — people, get your blameshifting straight). I mean, say what you will about Bill Clinton, but at least the dude had a JOB. Weiner is just some guy who picks up Huma’s dry-cleaning.

Theory 1. She doesn’t believe he really cheated. File this under “How many cheaters can dance on the head of a pin.” It was only sexting. He never met anyone. He was caught before it got worse. We can still save him! There’s a name for this syndrome and an expensive ranch retreat can reverse its course before it’s TOO LATE! See also: “bargaining stage of grief.”

Theory 2. They have a deep connection few can understand. Bullshit. Unless Stockholme Syndrome is a deep connection. I’m really flummoxed about this attraction. Abedin is objectively gorgeous and Weiner looks like one of those dried apple head dolls that got left in the dehydrator too long.

Theory 3. She’s shallow. Much of that rather insulting New York Post article goes on about Abedin’s obsession with celebrity and fashion. Okay, fine. Enjoy a $4,000 pencil skirt and dump the guy. You don’t need Weiner to stay in the star circle with Hillary Clinton. (If anything, I’d think Weiner is a huge liability.)

I’ll offer one observation on chumps. The conventional wisdom is the people who are most often stuck with cheaters are the stay-at-home-moms, the financially fucked, those with few options, when really I think more people are chumped by their own goddamn smugness. I’d put myself in that category. I can’t lose! I have superpowers! I can FIX THIS! I can defeat humiliation by TRYING HARDER and putting a brave front of supercilious reconciliation on this shit!

To leave a cheater is to stare down the specter of your own failure — not of causing a cheater to cheat (that’s not your fault), but of your own mortal limitations. Huma, darling, you can’t save this. And you look ridiculous trying.

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        • Yes! Please! Reruns are so valuable. I discover more wisdom the second (or third) time around. You are awesome.

        • Stay calm. There will be a moment when everything is yanked out that you will feel sick to your stomach. Panicked…I should not have done it! Soon, it will be finished and it will look like Architectural Digest. You will want to eat breakfast in the bath tub.

            • Was just reminiscing last week about the Harvest Gold appliance collection of the 70’s while looking for a new set of appliances. Remember when appliances used to last?
              As for Huma, I believe it is a choice #4; not having Weiner testify against either Huma herself, or the Clinton’s or God knows who. Perhaps she got a bag full of cash to do so. Otherwise, it just makes no sense. Could you imagine being in bed with this guy after all she knows about him? Ugh. Plus the rest of the world knows too? Not just her circle of friends knows she is going back but the whole world? No other explanation makes sense to me.
              Plus the Weiner name just makes the whole thing a joke

              • She is not staying with him for legal reasons. He has no power to hurt her or the Clintons. Indeed, it was HIS e-mails that got the current cheater-in residence of The White House elected. No, it is I can fix this 100%. Huma thinks if she can just try hard enough, if she can just “make it through this rough patch”, all will be well. She still thinks she is married to a fundamentally good, but flawed man. Sadly, she is wrong. Weiner will never be anything except what he is now, a giant dick.

      • I put nothing against humanity. If a sexually molested person can fall or at least over empathize with the molester, why can’t Huma respond as alleged towards her husband. If there is one thing we know is that human responses are not always predicated on reason.
        If this is true, the facts are clear that she is at a weak point. She believes that she merits this type of abusive relationship.
        I don’t think that with his predeliction for children that her gaining sole custody would have been an issue.

        She, like many of us, has convinced herself of something that doesn’t exist. She is lying to herself. Probably twisting her mind in knots to make it all fit together.

        No doubt she has been badly advised…But her choice to take the advice.

        Besides if Weiner leaked the information he had, as someone mentioned some kind of chantage might be possible.

  • “… people are chumped by their own goddamn smugness.” I Agree. Takes one to know one. At least in this case that smugness was me.

    “To leave a cheater is to stare down the specter of your own failure, … of your own mortal limitations.” It is indeed exactly this feeling, especially after 40 years of marriage.

    But thanks to Chump Lady I ….started feeling “ridiculous trying”. I feel so much better now.

    • I say we all chip in $1.00 and buy Chumplady’s book and address it appropriately so Huma gets the book and the Weiner doesn’t intercept and burn it. Save Huma Campaign we shall call it!

    • Tons of people have said this. This is on Huma, not HRC. Many of us had shit role models — including parents — who took back cheaters, at the end of the day, we’re responsible for our own choices.

      • I agree CL. You can argue that the Clintons have a sort of state marriage like the royals used to have. Bill is an asset to HRC in many ways. What good could Wiener possibly do Huma? He’s a career liability, a succubus, and absolutely revolting on his best day.

        • For the record, I don’t agree with Hillary taking a cheater back. And I think a steady diet of shit sandwiches have bit her in the ass, as no one thinks she’s “authentic.” That said I’m MORE sick of the constant dumping on her.

          • I think I’ve written even here, that I wonder if HRC had dumped Bill back in 1998 (hard to believe that was almost 20 years ago), would the result Nov 8th have been different?

            The other point I wanted to make is HRC and Bill mess *was* 20 years ago (the main part, we can debate all day what is happening in the present). It was a different time. The Internet was a baby then, no social media, no CL. There was not as much access to varying viewpoints as there are today. You went with your mother, priest, neighborhood, social circle, etc. I think many of us that had mothers (raising hands here), grandmothers, aunts, uncles, grandfather’s, etc who stuck with Cheaters. Because that’s what the times were about. I say this to 1) cut HRC some slack (at least in this realm). 1998 was closer culturally to 1978 than it is to 2017.

            And also to 2) We talk a lot here about CL and CN being a revolution, changing the conversation. We say it as a “pump our fists” pride and togetherness, which is great. But I really, truly think we *are* changing the tone, the thinking and the conventional wisdom in this area. HRC was not doing anything differently than many women in 1998 did, or 1978, 1958 or even 1898. Think about that – that’s a *long*, *long* time for women to have the same attitudes and thinking about infidelty. (I’m not excluding men, but men have always had more options societally and culturally. This is not an indictment that men weren’t hurt as much as women emotionally in 1998, 1958, or 1898.) Only now, is the thinking and conventional wisdom changing, due to CL and the power of the Internet. I’d like to think if CL was around in 1998, HRC would have found us and changed course. I have faith that someday Huma will also be a member here.

            • It WAS a different time. I remember she was blamed for Willy’s cheating and no one was offering her support- at least not on the world stage.

              I *distinctly* remember walking into an auto repair shop and hearing Rush The Putrid Limbaugh on their radio making fun of her “cankles” and saying that is why she was cheated on. I walked out.

              (Sorry anybody offended, but I would like to challenge Rush to a cage match with large spiked clubs..having your maid score your pain killers and throwing her under the bus but you bellow for the harshest punishments for “criminals”?)

              We don’t know why she stays, but imagine all we have gone through with this nightmare. Then imagine it being on the news everyday, and having jerk off men on national radio ridicule us for being a vicim of a cheater and making fun of our appearance to boot.

              You process that while you were trying to write a bill that would give everyone healthcare (the horror!) your husband was getting blow jobs in the Oval Office from a young woman.

              I am not sure I could survive that, but she did.

            • So much these points! There’s an excellent C-SPAN special on Hillary that got uploaded to YouTube. And the sad, hard revelation for me was seeing just how far ahead of Bill she was in every way. She was practicalky revered in law circles and was a fierce voice for human rights.
              Then came Bill. And he hoovered her up. Next we see her, she’s been groomed to pearls and Chanel suits, an unnatural hairdo and even spoke differently. She was maligned for not using the Clinton name until she caved. It was all to support Bill. It’s really awful to see her in the C-SPAN special’s news clips go from stallion to gelding, walking three steps behind a man that she was smarter than.
              This must be why she and Huma are so close. They’re exactly at that age where it must have looked possible to pretend to draft behind their husbands, then come from behind and win the race.
              I think Hills wanted to do that in 2008, and her handlers told her to step back for Obama, who would fail and then she could sail in on the Clinton brand and save the day…
              It’s the classic chump story, writ large. But I feel furious at seeing this woman make the same mistakes with a man that I have done.

      • I’m neither dumping on nor blaming Hillary. It is what it is. One of Huma’s main role models in life is a woman who ate shit sandwich after shit sandwich, not just of infidelity, but of her husband sexually assaulting women. Bill Clinton performed Huma’s wedding to Weiner, which took place long after Lewinsky, Jones, Flowers, Gracen, Wellstone, and Broaddrick were known quantities. (I exclude Willey from that list because I think her story has problems.) I can imagine few worse marriage omens than allowing your wedding to be performed by a notorious adulterer and womanizer.

        Am I disappointed that Huma is getting back together with Weiner? Yes. Am I surprised? Not even a little bit.

    • This American Life ran a piece that was an imagined conversation between Hillary and Huma.

      It pretty much went as follows:

      Ugh

      I know.

      You know.

      I know.

      I just didn’t know, you know?

      I know.

      And so on, for like ten minutes. It was honestly one of the most relatable things I have ever heard that re-used the same six words over and over.

  • “The conventional wisdom is the people who are most often stuck with cheaters are the stay-at-home-moms, the financially fucked, those with few options…”

    Smug??? Um, no.

    Huma’s weak, not smug. Smart, but weak. And something about single parenting must be weighing on her. Maybe she just doesn’t want to single parent and it’s easier to given in.

    I think she must have some kind of colossal personality disorder. Nothing else can explain it.

  • Run, Huma, run!

    I can understand trying to maintain an intact family (or a least the desperately-wished-for illusion of one), but seriously…

    I don’t know what is motivating her, but I bet if she didn’t have a child with Wieneer, this would have been over loooooong ago.

    • Oops, I mistyped Weiner. But Wieneer does have a nice ring. I can imagine him with his smoking jacket rakishly opened just enough to titillate… Oops again. Waaaay too subtle, from what I’ve seen of him.

      Repeat: Run, Huma, run!!!

  • I think it is very difficult to be aware of and objective about your own mistreatment and abuse. I’m sure she can see clearly the problems in the relationships of people around her, but she is blind clusterfuck that is her own because – different. I can also posit that in all likelihood she is surrounded by too many people who have attempted to excuse and/or rationalize cheating. She is like the drug addict who attempts to get clean but keeps living in the same neighborhood, surrounded by the same people, so she ends up back on drugs. It takes seven tries for most abuse victims to leave their abuser. Does she even realize that what he is putting her through is abusive? I’m frustrated by Huma Abedin, who is obviously attractive, capable and intelligent but I am not surprised by her. Why doesn’t she thinks she deserves to be loved and valued? Surely she doesn’t think this Dick with Hair and a Tie is the best she can do?

    Huma Abedin is what you get when you socialize people to settle for less than they deserve because it once exhibited charm and possibility. Gross. Does anyone have her email address so we can email her this blog? She needs a different perspective/counter-argument.

    • Well said! I bet if she started reading this site, she would pull an all nighter as she discovers the Truth.

    • I agree. Particularly when a spouse turns out to be the demon-from-hell of sociopathy — with lies the depth of Mt. Rushmore, predilections for underage innocents, immorality as the preferred worldview, secrecy that would befuddle Sherlock Holmes, etc. — it is simply and utterly mind-bending.

      It has taken me three years to increasingly accept that my asshat is this person. The pressure is palpable in my own little world (and I’ve become a bit of a recluse during this long, drawn-out realization phase). I can only imagine the pressure is far worse for someone on the world stage.

      While Huma has my sympathy for being forced into this position by Weiner’s choices — the pic with her child in it really should have been the eye-opening straw that broke the camel’s back. For the sake of her sanity and her kids, I hope she finds CL.

  • “To leave a cheater is to stare down the specter of your own failure, … of your own mortal limitations.” Plus I put so much into this shit storm that I better get my “happily ever after”, because I f*ing “deserved” it. x abandoning me was the best thing that could have happened to me and I too felt “ridiculous trying”, trying to do what, enable someone to abuse me??? Nope I am glad I’m out of that horror story.

    • flutterby…love it! “enable someone to abuse me.” Same here, I’m soooooooooooooo glad I’m out of that horror story!

  • I JUST DON’T GET IT???! She’s absolutely beautiful. I thought she was intelligent. WHY stay with this creep?

    • Maybe she’s just wounded & exhausted.

      It would be hard to imagine how brutal that campaign was, then be responsible for the laptop that brought the end of the world as we know it. Wiener was responsible for the Comey announcement; I can’t imagine how she must feel. But I’d count on wounded & exhausted.

      Besides, lots of us went back a few times til we got it. My guess is that it’s not over. And neither are the Clintons over. The final chapters aren’t written.

      • Phi Slama, I think you are correct. She has put A LOT into working with HRC. Time, energy AND like any working mom probably some guilt over being away from her baby. Then came the grief and SAD ending of the election. I know when I had career issues, I would console myself on the fact that I had my two kids and a husband. So… career is stalled out, feeling emotionally drained and you are VULNERABLE to the cheater husband that wants to Wreckoncile, right?

        • I think she’s tired too. I kind of understand it. A lot of driven people don’t feel good enough anyway. I really can’t imagine being under the pressure she’s under. Hugs for her. I hope she’s able to work through it.

    • True. It appears to make no sense. But we have people who stay through physical abuse with hospitalization. We have people who stay till they end up dead.

      Huma is a slave to her own thoughts. CL draws reference to the slavery experience. Part of it was the colonization of the mind. Even without physical restraints the slaves would not seek to leave their obviously bad conditions.

    • Maybe he has a brujo or sorcerer who put a spell on her. Yeah unlikely … but damned if I can think of any rational reason!

      But after all, she is a chump. I have irrationally taken my cheater back into my glass house so I can’t throw stones at her. (To turn an unimaginative cliche.)

  • Wish I had professional connections to get you on “The View” Tracy ! Anybody in Chump Nation have that pull ? The ladies need to be schooled on what cheating really is-it’s ABUSE ! I was yelling at the telly this morning-no, sex addiction isn’t a disease ! It’s not in the DSM and “treatment” is not covered by insurance ! Sunny would stay because marriage can be humiliating but being a good Catholic means one is committed, not matter what. Whoopi chimed in that Huma may come from a family that doesn’t believe in divorce. A while ago Joy said that telling someone his/her spouse is cheating constitutes snitching but she has no qualms about warning someone in a bar that her drink was spiked with roofies.

    Banging my head against the wall…

    Thanks for helping countless chumps Tracy-the blog’s anniversary is coming up !

      • I used to like Joy and her “view” but she has become increasingly obnoxious over the years. Wonder how her first marriage ended… Cheating perhaps, on her part ? She became a real bitch in my eyes during the Amanda Knox trial, declaring Amanda the pretty one and the young woman murdered Meredith Kercher to be ugly… Who does that ? A mean girl !

      • Yay! Let’s celebrate!!!

        I don’t know what I would have done without your CL blog and CN. I don’t even want to imagine how I would’ve survived all of this if it had happened to me prior to your blog coming into existence. I would have been totally f**ked! Not have known what to do. Lost without the Chump narrative.

        You’re a deadset LEGEND! you have helped so many of us. We love you, respect you, appreciate you ?

        You have made such a valuable contribution. If I were you, I’d be so so damn proud of myself. You rock!

  • I saw the movie ‘Wiener,’ a documentary about AW filmed while his second (3rd? 4th?) cheating scandal was derailing his political career…again.

    He seemed quick to anger, and abusive, and Huma’s body language looked for all the world like that of an abused wife.

    The fact that she’s stunning and composed and intelligent doesn’t prevent someone from getting brainwashed by an abuser. It sucks that from the outside, you can see someone’s value. But when they’re in a relationship w/a shitbag they can’t see their own strength.

    • All of your last paragraph.
      Many of us didn’t consider ourselves abused, until we got out of the situation had the space to let it sink in.
      I have two degrees, a wonderful child, a good job, no debt except my mortgage on the home I own (and did before marriage) no I never would have called it abuse. But after a good spell of No Contact, the path to the truth and the light I can clearly see how I was isolated, manipulated and abused throughout my marriage. The moment I grasped that in therapy I threw up, it was so powerful to understand that and to have to own it, and no longer deny it. It’s a huge step to admit that if you have all your stuff together you could still be vulnerable like that.

        • I also agree. It was only after a couple years of NC that I really started to see things clearly. Then, for a long time, memories would come up and I would see them from a new perspective. He really was disrespectful and yet I was the one earning most of the money, doing all the childrearing, running the house, organizing the entertaining. But, somehow, initially I missed him – so ridiculous. Now, I have zero interest in his life. I think this may be more common than we realize. I wonder if I would be this far detached if I had allowed him to be my “friend”. NC is essential for healing.

      • I so can relate to the belated realisation of being isolated, manipulate and abused. This is my first post but I have been relating to, and gaining insight from CN. DD2 was last sept. Separated November. Must wait one 2 years for divorce. after 30 years it’s taking some organising, there is as often financial inequity solely supporting my 2 dependent living with me tertiary students. I have a lawyer. Dd1 was 11 years ago but I believed the gas lighting andonky EA lies. After uncomfortable years saying pick me, being the marriage police and creeping doubt. I now feel more authentic bravely staring that spectre of ,failure, mainly I am focused on being mighty, but sometimes the stress shows and after being so bloody reasonable for so long I find small tolerance for anything that feels abusive and When I think about it I am so bliming angry at my prck of an X. His deceit, entitlement and greed and many small and large unkindness. What took me so long! Better late than never and onward I go. Thank you Travy and CN for sharing your valuable insights.

    • When I told my therapist I didn’t understand how I could have stayed, and put up with so much, I’m smarter than that, she explained she has clients that are in fact, other therapists, who are in counseling for the same thing. This was an eye opener. Experts in the field, still get chumped.

      • I agree , it is abuse of the highest order and it was only after getting out that I could see it. Not just the cheating but all the weird, mean stuff that was said and done.
        I think that most of us were in relationships with Cluster B’s, from what is often described here. And those folks are absolute masters of ambient abuse, gradually ramped up after enmeshment.
        I feel sorry for Huma. You can watch a lot of clips of Anthony on Youtube and he is , truly, a worm, an egomaniac and NPD.
        I am just about sure he was always the last kid picked for kickball and then got some power and went nuts.
        On Hilary, I cannot fathom why she stayed with Bill. Regardless of your politics or the fact that he had a high paying job, as referenced by CL, if you ever study him, it is apparent he is a malignant NPD, as well.
        I do not think it speaks well of her that she stayed and I know it hurt her chances.

      • *Raises hand* Chumped therapist here!! And more than once.

        I’ve heard it said that Human Abedin isn’t the greatest person, rather arrogant and narcissistic herself. I mean, I know she’s technically a fellow chump, but it doesn’t mean she’s kind or caring. Though when she left him I totally cheered, I can’t say this news entirely surprises me. Political couples have a way of staying together for their careers that most of us can’t even fathom.

  • Weenie Head was sexting a 15 year old. That is a pedophile.

    You need dump trucks full of spackle to choke down THAT obscenity.

    I wonder if he is blackmailing her. But she is plugged into elite power circles and could fight him with staggering force. She has resources and recourse we probably cannot grasp- access to the best lawyers and PR teams in the world.

    I cannot imagine choking down those humiliating shit sandwiches he serves her and her son with regularity (on the world stage- no less)

    – having the juice to blast him out of the water, and not doing it?

    She does not add up.

    • Has anybody considered that maybe she is staying because he is a pedophile? Maybe she does not want him around her child by himself (i.e. visitation), and feels that she can control things more if she is always there when they are together. I guess I am grasping for a reason, because what other possible explanation could there be? It defies logic!

  • Huma’s attractiveness is a non-issue. Neither is Douchebag’s. People always go there, but it’s really not relevant.

    Also, the first article I read went on and in about it, then ended with a brief sentence saying her spokesperson said it’s not true and there was no further comment. I am holding out hope that this is sensationalized BS (for her sake and the kid’s/kids sake.)

    • I hope you’re right. As for the attractiveness, I just see it as more evidence that cheaters don’t bring as much to the table as they think they do. She makes HIM look good. Not the other way around.

      • In my case i was the only one besides the cheater who thought he brought something to the table. I was so dazzled by his sparkliness although he had the opposite effect on everyone else who came in contact w him.

        People in politics recover from poor relationship mistakes all the time. Look at Barney Frank and his live in lover many years ago. So maybe Huma can not yet understand that being tied to him is like wearing cement shoes.

        I don’t blame Hilary. I don’t blame anyone who has the misfortune of being involved w a serial cheater But I do know from experience that the circle of people who will stand by you and endorse you while you work it out ‘just one more time ‘ gets to be pretty small.

        • My parents told me they would be moving back to UK from Aus If I ever took him back. Said if I did I liked drama and got what I deserved, fair call.
          Hopefully one day when I meet someone nice they can come to our wedding. Im 43 chumped, 13 years two kids and have never been married, was to conventional for wing nut to even think about and he couldn’t in his words ‘wear a ring’ to uncomfortable.
          Whateva. Plan on kicking ass on my own and fixing my picker and find a real a man eventually.

    • “Huma’s attractiveness is a non-issue. ”

      This is true. Halle Berry is beautiful and successful as an actress, and she still has chaotic love life.

      I’m sure we can think of other people like that.

    • If anything, it might be Huma’s job and the whole American Dream sage that she’s living that makes her believe that she can fix anything ….. including a broken husband / baby daddy.

      • This is what I think is driving her, too. She knows she can fix anything. She knows what she’s already survived. Just like Hillary.

        But all those other scholarly and gender-social triumphs are a different skillset than choosing a mate. I’m wondering if those have served to blind her from making a calculated assessment?
        If you have demonstrated to yourself that you can conquer so many other obstacles, wouldn’t a marital failure just make one more determined to WIN?

  • Run, Huma, run! Don’t raise a child who may grow to be like his father.
    Now is the time to step up and do what is best for you and your child.

    • The second sentence didn’t come out as I had meant it…. I suppose I meant don’t raise the child around his father because the exposure may create harmful lasting effects.

  • Wow!

    I’m flabbergasted.

    While many of us are living in a situation where we go mad trying to convince our friends and family that our cheaters did all the horrible things we say they did, everyone knows how gross Anthony Wiener is. He is NOT fixable. Perhaps it’s not that she has so little self-esteem. Perhaps it’s that she thinks that she alone can fix him. She is a Unicorn Whisperer and can heal his poor tortured soul. But no, no, no, no, no.

    Can we send her a copy of CL’s book? 😉

  • I wonder if some of it isn’t cultural. Isn’t she from a cultural background that sees women as second class citizens? That can be a powerful obstacle it overcome, especially when it is reinforced by a cheater.

    • Also, her Mother might give her terrible advice- staying in the marriage or teaching absolute forgiveness for your husband. You know when the MOTHER LODE speaks, it can be like the voice of God. Even when we know they are wrong. Even when we are older and know they are just flawed human beings.

    • Which culture doesn’t historically treat women as second class citizens? Is there a culture out there without patriarchy?

      Yes, I said patriarchy. (Cue the rants I’m a hairy legged femi-nazi…) If her culture oppresses her, it stopped short of highly educating her, letting her dress fashionably, marry a man from another faith, and be front and center on a world stage.

      • Some Native American tribes were matriarchal and matrilineal, keeping genealogy records based on the mother.

      • “Patriarchy” is appropriate to use here. So is “polygamy.” Cultures with polygamy are not woman-friendly.

      • For some time now, living in Southern California, I’ve been enchanted at how Mexicans took the ultimate boy’s club religion forced onto them by missionaries, and turned it into the cult of the Madonna.
        They also often hyphenate their family names to reflect the lineage of the female side.

    • She made a huge break of a fundamental convention by marrying outside her culture. The family might actually prefer it if she got divorced.

  • The kindest interpretation is Theory 3: She’s shallow. Can’t give up the dream of being a high-achieving, super-connected, well-dressed, low-body-fat power couple. Reconciling with this known compulsive pervert disqualifies her from my sympathy. It also brings questions to my mind about her fitness to make decisions about what’s in the best interest of her child. If she weighed 300 pounds, spoke with a Alambama drawl, lived in a trailer, and moved back in with a guy having this kind of track record of sexual deviancy? People would call Child Protective Services. Because she looks the way she looks and is who she is? She’ll likely pop up on The View to talk about Her Amazing Journey of Self-Discovery and Forgiveness. Fuck that noise. If that’s what anyone is selling? I’m not buying.

    And while I agree that the last thing the world needs is more dumping on HRC (for whom I voted), you can’t deny that . . . Role. Models. Matter. If you believed otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, where CL serves as a role model for how to negotiate infidelity with integrity and character Because prioritizing integrity and character are the moral response to infidelity. And also because it’s what’s best for the victims of infidelity, including most importantly the children of such relationships. Conversely, responding to infidelity with arrogance and denial, and re-introducing a cheating perf into the life of your child more than is absolutely required–increases the amount of very real pain in very real families and communities.

    Public figures who trade on their image as role models and publicly reconcile with known cheaters–especially possible criminal sex offenders like Mr. Weiner–have an effect on future victims of infidelity, namely, leading more people to pursue reconciliation, to pursue it for longer, and to increase the disapproval of bystanders for victims who forego or discontinue reconciliation. Don’t kid yourself: these very public “role models” of reconciliation are the WMDs of the RIC, doing just as much or more damage as any French-inflected Ted Talk.

    • If she weighed 300 pounds, spoke with a Alambama drawl, lived in a trailer, and moved back in with a guy having this kind of track record of sexual deviancy? —)))) They’d call her Mama June and give her a t.v show and a reveal special for her weight loss . Great post as always.

    • Nomar-
      +1000
      You knocked it out of the ball park.

      Or if she were African American who worked at Big Lots, or an illegal immigrant who picked apples, they would take her child away for failure to protect. They would ask their questions after the child was in foster care.

    • We probably look / act like Huma too!!! It’s just that she is under the microscope. Let us not be all self-satisfied.

  • I’m as superficial as the average man, but I find the fact that Huma is attractive to be irrelevant.

    So, if she were buffugly, then it would be more understanding that she’s staying with him? Because he’s buffugly, too?

    I don’t agree with you there.

    Nope.

    • No one should stay with a cheater regardless of attractiveness! I agree with you.

      I just couldn’t help but look at that picture of Weiner and think of shrunken apple heads. Writing is hard. I wanted to use that image. Sometimes I should kill my darlings more often.

    • I might be edging out on a limb here, but to state that attractiveness is not a factor in our life is not reality.

      I do think her attractiveness is a head scratcher in terms of staying with him because it means she has many options in terms of potential new partners. Her looks are not what caused Weenie to cheat. That is a different ball of wax. He is a freak.

      But, she is not the Hunch Back of Notre Dame. She is not scurrying around, repulsing people and believing: Weenie is all I can get. I will never get another man.

      The world is literally her oyster- in terms of looks, money, power and opportunity. But she stays with shrunken apple head who is a pediophile.

      Should a 500 lb woman who resembles Quasimodo stay with a cheater? Of course not!

      But does she have a hell of lot less OPTIONS in terms of attracting mates than Huma Abedin? You better believe it. The world is not kind to fat and ugly women. Is that fair? Hell no! But it is true.

      Our looks are not relevant as to why someone cheated, in terms of morality.

      But our looks ARE relevant in terms of securing and finding new mates. It is just a sad fact of life. An 21 year old bikini model is going to get more attention than me in a bar. And it is shallow and I would not want those men anyway…but that is a straight fact.

      It is bizarre to true up that she has the clear ability to find a mate that DOES NOT sext 15 year old girls and resembles a weasel with insomnia , and choses not to do so.

      • I remember telling someone, an older man who knew both my ex and me, about the affair and my attempts to scrape my life back together. He waved me off dismissively and said “Oh don’t worry, you’ll find someone else.” My experience had absolutely nothing to do with my ability to, or interest in attracting another mate. I was worried about not being homeless, and feeding my child, and surviving. I remember being *really* annoyed and thinking “Yeah, I could find another mate, but I want the one I ALREADY CHOSE.” There was an assumption that what I can do and what I wanted to do were the same thing.

        I agree that attractiveness is a factor in finding another mate, but I would argue that breaking free of the emotional abuse of a cheater and trying to rebuild has very little do with finding a new mate. It’s about finding a new self.

        • That is EXACTLY how I feel too minus the part about a child (you can replace that with cat ?). It’s not about “finding another man” it’s about my life has just been DEMOLISHED. It’s as if someone has come in and murdered my husband and all the ramifications that follow. I WANTED to spend my life with that person. We made that commitment to OUR life together. I was living the life I chose and then BAM it’s all gone. Tell me about how there are more fish in the sea and blah blah blah. Thanks. When your house disappears and your income is cut and your life blows up let me brush off how difficult shit is for you and give you some lame ass platitudes about it and see if that helps you ???

      • There are probably a lot of chumps that started out beautiful too, like Huma. I know the bitter tears I cried created gullies in my facial skin, and red splotchy skin around my eyes. My hair fell out. My smile was out that “Nice doggy” type one uses around a bad dog. Depression robs a woman of her beauty.

  • The timing of this post was incredible. At work during our lunch today, the subject turned to politics, and oddly, to the state of the Clinton marriage. There were four of us sitting together, and none could come up for the reason that Hillary stayed. Though my D day was a lifetime ago, and I did not have children with him,I have NEVER understood the whole “but I’m staying for the kids” thing. Oh, I see… so the kids can take note of the wonderful relationship model, so the kids can grow up and aspire to have the same kind of marriage, so the kids can cut the tension with a knife. My own parents divorced when I was twelve. Not incredibly fun, but also not the end of the world. It was a relatively high conflict marriage, and my sister and I both said, years later, that in many ways, we felt relief. Make no mistake, kids may not know all the workings of a marriage, but they are MUCH more perceptive, and not nearly as stupid as some would hope they are. So, yeah, I will NEVER understand that logic… not from wealthy politicians, not from everyday Joe’s. If the marriage is not happy, and you are not in love… you owe it to yourself… and your kids… to leave.

  • This is definitely a head scratcher and I’m with CL-I hope it’s fake news. I can’t really rag on Huma because I essentially did the same thing. When I experienced dday, my kids were grown and I made plenty of money to support myself. I didn’t “have” to stay with him for finances or to try to keep the family together.

    Besides the crippling fear I felt with just the idea of walking away from a 25 year marriage, part of me was pretty smug. I wasn’t going to “let that bitch slip into the life I worked so hard to build with cheater ex.” This was supposed to be the good part. Kids were grown, college paid for and we were supposed to have fun and travel. I wasn’t getting screwed out of that so I was going to fix it. I had those super powers too; ha ha ha.

    Fortunately I got my head out of my ass but it wasn’t for three years and not so coincidentally after I found CL. Maybe we should send Huma the link?

    • Some people don’t want to be saved.. seriously, I know a woman who happily took back her abusive husband after his OW got tired of him after 3 years. Twu wuv blah blah.. she loves him soooo much.. no self respect. Some people choose this lifestyle.. what can you do. They love to serve and be a doormat.

      • I know a woman also who is married to a serial cheater. She knows, but never has to take him back because she has never kicked him out, or even tried. One would think you would get the message loud and clear after a few years long relationships…but nope. How many times does one have to cry and feign “sorry” before you pull your head out of your ass and realize he’s not? I suppose there are those who are willing to exchange respect and love for a lifestyle and all of its trappings….what a sorry waste of time…..just saying…

  • For chumps with D-Day 1, 2, 3 or more behind them–I think Huma grasps at the same straws to stay with Carlos Danger…er, Weiner.
    1. I took vows. I made promises. Marriage is sacred. Marriage is for event. For better or worse…
    2. I want my kids to grow up in an intact family.
    3. But I loooove him….
    4. He’s sorry. He says he won’t do it again.
    5. Nobody in my family ever got a divorce OR I suffered when my parents divorced so I said I would stick in out no matter what.
    6. We’re in marriage counseling and working on my ability to forgive.

    And when we look at what Anthony Weiner is, how he exposed her to career ruination, humiliated her on an international stage, and made a mockery of the first reconciliation…well, we can see she has nothing to work with. But evidently she’s just not there yet.

  • Maybe it’s just me but she’s one of us. Just on a larger and international scale. When was the first scandal? Five years ago? How many of us have taken close to that long or even longer to limp toward meh?

    He sexts? How many of us have stayed with husbands who send pictures of their Mr Happy standing at attention to Craigslist buddies and spackled over the fact. While wincing of course. Maybe I’m the only one who’s done this. Granted it was not to a 15 year old. I hope.

    Point being, and I’m new here, is that had this chump written in, she would have been supported and advised to leave him. I doubt anyone would have said she had a personality disorder or she was shallow. She’s just as stupid as the rest of us have been. No different. She’s probably hurting as much as we did but she has the added humiliation of it being spread all over social media. Aren’t we grateful that didn’t happen to us?

    She’s attractive and intelligent and the world is her oyster. From the outside – but how does she feel on the inside? Who remembers how worthless we felt when the pain was killer harsh and we felt worthless and ugly and simply not enough. What about the paralyzing shame we felt when that hopium we bet the farm on was once again flushed down the toilet and we knew we were stupider than we thought we were.

    Most of the responses are supportive but several seem to be unfairly judgmental on our fellow chump.

    • I’m pretty judgmental of chumps. It’s my stock and trade. I wield the 2×4. That said, I WAS a chump, so I also understand the lies we tell ourselves and the not-so-pretty rationalizations for why we stay, and the crushing lack of self esteem.

      All that said, I am still shocked at Huma Abedin. There’s got to be a bottom to hit by now. Pedophilia? It only got her as far as separation.

      • I also wonder if all the media attention doesn’t create the perfect “us against the world!” scenario for mindfuckery. It’s not what I did, it’s all those mean, mean people exposing me!

        • my point is that I have never heard any posters here call a fellow chump down as having a personality disorder or shallow before. I’ve read your 2×4 comments and they are truths that wake us up. You don’t diminish the human. However, I felt some posters were condemning her.

          You would imagine that something as disgusting as pedophilia would have to wake up even the dullest of minds. That stuns me as well because she has to be intelligent. But still, surprising how some of the reactions by posters were not as supportive as they always are. She’s s a human. She reacts as a human who just may be as shocked and paralyzed and disgusted as the rest of us were. Perhaps more.

          He’s a smarmy bottom feeder for sure. He must be really good with mindfucking her. Considering she’s in politics (this is not a partisan statement, goes for everyone), who knows who else is manipulating her reactions right now. Your point about the us vs them keeping her in her own marital hell is probably spot on.

          • I agree. She’s 7 months from separation; some of the shock & anger has disappeared, and she may be thinking, “Maybe he’s changed….” He’s also probably lovebombing her and professing his new character. She doesn’t know what we know. yet.

        • That’s a really good point because years ago, but after with the whole Clinton reconciliation thing, their was an interview article that said the success/reason for sticking together is that they have “common enemies.”

  • I just watched the latest episode of Little Big Lies and the therapist said to Nicole Kidman: “all this self-awareness under this hard shell of denial.” Smart, educated women who can get any man, somehow suddenly love being a doormat to please a cheater???? WTF is wrong with them? Why are their family and friends letting that happen? I think it’s pretty pathetic to base all your self worth on a loser, and model dysfunctional values to the kids.. seriously…

  • What to do about doormats? These wives that know their husband is having an affair, and it lands them crying on the bathroom floor every weekend, but they still LOVE him, and tell him that all the time, begging him to come back? WTF, do these women have no self respect? Ok honey, you’ll go find yourself with your affair and I’ll just be here waiting for you to love me… for fuck’s sake.. how do pathetic losers like this even exist? No self respect, don’t care about what they are teaching the kids.. Fuck, shoot me! Unbefuckinglievable. Oh, the OW dumped you after 3 years? No problem I’m here waiting, I love you so much, a 3 year affair doesn’t matter, I love you UNCONDITIONALLY after all… I hate myself.. lovely marriage for the cheater, free pass for cheater, now and forever. These women should be shot. For real.

    • I think sometimes they are so exhausted mentally & physically that to make the right decision requires energy and clarity and this is so difficult when you have been mindfucked for years.My mother in her late 70’s is in an abusive – domestic abuse , affairs etc – with my dad and despite years if saying she will leave him and us trying to get her to do so……She can’t . It’s just too late for her mentally and to be honest she is so worn down and exhausted she has no reserve left to fight for her self anymore. So please don’t ever get angry at those who can’t leave despite it all …. Sometimes they are so mentally traumatize d by it all nothing but kidnapping them and physically separating them from the abuser and getting them to read chumplady for a week will make them change. They are so exhausted they don’t know which end is up & sometimes have no mental capacity or energy to think beyond day to day existence…..So forget energy for an escape plan….Never ever underestimate the complete mental damage that an abuser – mental or otherwise – does to the person .I’ve seen it and lived it by watching it with my parents. If only there were chumpnation ninjas out there to rescue betrayed spouses on dd”#1 ( helicopters style !) I think betrayed spouses once did would be in such a better place…..Oh if only……… Until then we have Tracey! Xxxx

    • And to add to the crap – yes it absolutely did leave me & my sister’s with the wrong message and attitudes towards errant wayward spouses….
      High tolerance and low expectations…..
      So my parents , both have damaged us for years. He absolutely , and can i really blame her for not being strong enough to leave – stay at home mum with 4 children under 6 , with no support. Probably not – but later in life she should have , but too abused mentally & mindfucked too see a way out…
      And i then find myself after 25years of marriage with a serial cheater ( all revealed 3 years ago under one big massive DD)…. Knew things were up for years but never pushed it because if gaslighting and bad parenting and low expectations re husband behaviour. He had never really ever done anything special for me – is nights away special birthdays etc…. Looking back he was a lazy lazy ass regarding putting any real EFFORT into me or us….Reg flags flying everywhere…..
      Duh!
      Never again.
      My two daughters will be fully advised about there are two types of people in the world – givers & takers. Make sure you really know which you are marrying! Watch them carefully – the signs are usually there if you take your rose-tined glasses off….Highly recommend ed to do so prior to saying “i do”….
      Marriages should come with a health warning like ciragettes & alcohol:-
      Always remember ” narcissists / wayward spouses can seriously damage your health”

  • The value of Chump Lady? Even though I am told by a therapist that the person I married is disordered and he is being who he is,

    somehow the way CL writes about it is more understandable.

  • Please please never ever put your anger against an abused spouse / doormat or otherwise. That should all go towards the wayward lying cheating bastard. Remember who brought the sh1t through their door. You were lucky to have the self-esteem , find the strength , energy and maybe chumplady to get out of the mindfuckery….. You do not know the story of the other person / doormat unless you have walked in their shoes…………..And if they haven’t left , there are a lot of things that can come into play , not excluding the continued mindfucking of the morphing unicorn in wreconcilation….
    Not everyone gets to ” see the light” owing to their circumstance & background & maybe what they have been raised to believe is acceptable….
    It’s sad but it’s true.
    Girl power is all well and good but look at Mel c or whoever who has just left another wayward spouses….
    Until good values and good morals are drilled into everyone from an early age – this is going to keep going round and round…..And until it’s taught in schools that in marriage- flirting to affairs is wrong – and can do devastating damage mentally & physically to an abused spouse – nothing is going to change.
    To most people who read ” he had an affair” in a paper or magazine…they just think…well nothing really …Unless they have lived it…….They never go oh my god what an absolute bastard their spouse has been abused and must be in such agonising pain….Lock him up for 3 years so he can think about what he has done and what sort of person he is to have hurt someone they have supposedly loved and gambled their fantastic away.
    Until that way of thinking starts – nothing is going to change…
    Because affairs are just ” one of those things ” like the men who laugh and say when going away on boys weekend ” what goes on on tour stays on tour” etc….
    It makes it all so acceptable , and a laugh ” boys stuff”….
    No real consequences of their actions.
    Hard and fast question each time to think about -:- would you do what you are doing if your wife and children were watching?
    If not . Why are you?

    • but.. don’t these people love their kids??? Why model to your daughters that it’s ok to be with a cheater, be abused and cheated on, just forgive, give lots of sex and dance harder. Is that what they want for their daughters? Why teach your sons it’s ok to abuse and cheat on women? I guess they’ll be Switzerland when it happens to their kids. They’ll just pretend it doesn’t happen and that everyone should kiss and make up. I honestly don’t think these people care what it does to their kids, or they would get out. It it just mind boggling to me. I would do ANYTHING for my kids, and put them first. I guess I’m a lucky one, I’ve been single before, I know it’s not bad, and I will survive breakups. Some chumps I guess have been married all their life and are too afraid to be single. They happen to be Christians too often. Pretty fucked up. Church says marriage is sacred, stay with the cheater. Cause divorce now THAT’S bad, and horrible… seriously… fuck this makes me angry!!!! Sorry.

      • For me it’s pretty clearcut that you dump a cheater. all my friends would do it, I don’t think I have doormats in my circle of friends. I’ve been raised to not put up with shit. Marriage is sacred. If a man doesn’t love and respect you, get out. Love and respect yourself. But to see this woman (a neighbour) go through all this crap in the name of fake love, and the whole neighbourhood seeing this man having affairs left right and center (that she knows and cries about but doesn’t really care about it seems, cause next day it’s all forgiven and she loves him always, as if a little affair will change that.. ).. absolutely disgusting. Her friends, family all support reconciliation. All fake Christians.. How can people not see that the Chumplady way of life is the way to go? All these unicorns and their blogs, none of these people are happy.. 3, 5 years later they are still blogging about the affair and how hard life is.. Seriously..

        • Ella1, I hear you loud and clear. Once I had begun the long process of leaving my cheating, lying, gaslighting, cruel ex, the only solid support I received was from one friend who had left her abusive husband. All the other Christians in my circle of friends were ambivalent, at best. One of them, a mother of four boys who, along with her husband, occupy places of some prominence at our church, told me that if I could stick it out and stay, it would be better for my children. She told me this after I she had been my confidante for well over a year. I think she has no clue just how cruel people can be. She has a wonderful marriage and great kids. I’m glad for her sake, but I’ve found that happily married people can be insultingly smug. On a kickass note: after I told my pastor about the horrible happenings in my married life, he told me I could have that marriage annulled, and gave me his blessing to divorce my ex, if that is my choice, and to marry again in the church. I was going to leave my ex in any case, but having my pastor’s support and approval made an incredible difference. But yes, some of the smug marrieds at church have been criticizing my decision. It makes me shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes. A few years ago, I would have been horrified at their negative opinions. Now, I really couldn’t give less of a fuck. They have *no* idea what they’re talking about. The people closest to me have my back. The rest can bugger off.

      • Ella1 whilst I appreciate your frustration please know that all chumps aren’t weak, some agonise over the decision to try and reconcile. Of course they love their children, that’s why the thought of them having to be around their cheating dad in his forties and his teenage girlfriend is too horrifying so we do all in our power to not let that happen. Misguided maybe but please don’t confuse this with weakness. If children weren’t involved many more woman would leave straight away. It’s not black and white.

          • Sometimes a chump is just lining up her ducks until the time is right for her to leave the marriage! Slow but steady can work too. Some chumps are playing with the cheater to their own advantage whilst getting what they need for either themselves or THEIR children for the moment. Some chumps are smarter than they look after reading chumplady !

  • Between the loss of the election and her husband cheating again, she’s probably got a severe case of PTSD. I did and I didn’t have half the problems she does.

  • It seems that Weiner has something on her and it’s a marriage beyond dysfunction. Huma, the closest person to Hillary, who stuck with cheating Bill and it’s not that farfetched she’d follow in her example. Just recently Hillary and Huma were seen in New York where Hillary got her over $1,000 dollar haircut and sporting expensive designer handbags. Great examples of empowered women.

    Instead of leave a cheater it’s stay with a cheater and shopping therapy. Great example of empowered women.

    • Wow. Nasty much? Better that than racist hate mongers, who also cheat and are known adulterers and sexual assaulters. My opinion.

      • Really, a creep who sends dick pics to a 15 year old girl while in bed with his baby sleeping next to him. He should be in jail. Why isn’t he in jail for this?

        Nope… no jail time and reconciliation for Huma. This is so freaking insane.

        You seem to think that I’m nasty, maybe you should rethink what nasty is.

  • I don’t know. Fear is incredibly powerful. I am well-educated, self-aware, rational and skeptical. Yet I was stunned–stunned–at how self-deluded I was. I literally heard a voice in my head that told me “Leave her. She is abusing you. Here is the evidence. She doesn’t love you. Go. You will be ok.” But man, did fear put up a struggle, beating this voice down, stuffing it into a draw, sticking its fingers in its ears. For a long long time. I don’t know Huma, but knowing myself I cannot marvel at her inaction and willingness to be complicit in her own abuse. I’ve been there.

    • Yes. That reads like me….It’s the shock that gets you for a long time. Rational thought is up against pain upset trauma shock exhaustion physical & mental, it doesn’t get a look in for a while…..then the picture starts to clear and the mind starts to settle down. That’s when the real decisions are made but for some of us getting there takes longer than others…..

  • Maybe shes not as squeeky clean as everyone thinks
    Something tells me Weiner isn’t above making sure the shit he’s covered in hasn’t splattered on her too

  • I get it. I don’t GET IT. But I get it. She thinks he’s redeemable. Her boss got “redeemable” and she thinks she has it too. I still have many many many (more than the not) days where I think we’ll, we could still get through this. But I don’t REALLY think we can. But I want to believe it and it’s hard. In her case I have LITERALLY zero idea why she thinks he’s great. All the points CL made are 100% true! And it’s not like she’s some sad greater at Walmart living in a trailer on $6 an hour with her 5 kids from different dads and Anthony “Shriveled Applehead” Weiner is some prince that came and rescued her. I GET thinking people deserve a second chance but he’s gotten caught like 398 times. And it was a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD! Its hard. I get that, but he’s not just a cheater. He’s a freaking menace to society! (Not that cheating ISN’T damaging to society because it 100% is! But this is above and beyond your regular cheater skank stuff)

  • No question he’s far and away the worst of any cheaters/crap artists experienced by most of us here. I wonder if the immensity of his behavior doesn’t create even more of the disbelief. It’s called cognitive dissonance, isn’t it? For me, I’ve spent the last quarter century thinking wonderful thoughts about my honest and devoted, loving husband. Now I have to wrap my brain around believing he’s cruel and didn’t give a fuzzy rat’s ass about me when he made deliberate choices which he knew would destroy me. The more I learned, the more disgusted I was and the harder it was for me to say “there, look at what he is”. So I spackled and stayed. Doesn’t make sense but there you are. It gave me an uneasy peace until I could heal bit by bit. I didn’t think he was redeemable. I just needed the time to perch and learn how to breathe again. Maybe it’s harder at this level of beyond-crap.

    A friend of mine was shy, incredibly intelligent. Bookish. Plain. She met a guy and he charmed her. Made her feel wonderful. She was given her dream of loving husband, being a desired woman and two lovely children. Big house. She was a doctor. He ran her office. He committed Medicare fraud and was willing to have her take the fall. She lost her practice but didn’t go to prison. He did. And she had problems leaving him because it wasn’t just him she would say goodbye to. It was the identity she had, the life that would change. And she couldn’t, didn’t, want to see it.

    Sorry, I don’t write as well as you all.

  • Why isn’t he in jail? Why have no charges been brought against him? Why is he still allowed to be around their child? Wtf is going on??

    • Right?!

      There are so many parties who could throw his ugly ass in jail. (Bye Weinie!) The girl’s mom. The girl’s dad. The girl’s aunt. The girl’s uncle. The girl’s grandpa. The girl’s grandma. The girl’s principal. The girl’s teacher. Huma. Hilary. Bill. The Chief of Police. Child Protection Service.

  • I think we are all the walking wounded, and we have to understand that each of us chooses the time to limp off the battle field. When we feel we are able to get up and limp, that is. I don’t want to blame her for being a chump or try to guess at another influence or motive. I don’t have any sympathy for him, but he was never my problem.

    My biggest regret when I look back was that I wish I had not spackled or tried to fix the situation. I hear mighty stories of those able to leave immediately on this forum all the time — but it took me some tine. It took as long as it took, and thank God I got out and I am much better now, thank you. This woman may or may not have it figured out, and may or may not get out — it is her problem to solve. Please try not to blame her for his failings — I am sure she is not perfect, and neither were any of us. Whatever he has done is on him, whatever she does about it is on her. I hope she has figured it out for her own sake, and for her child’s sake. I hope she finds help and support from someone. Good luck to her when she tries to figure it out and if she tries to get out. I cannot imagine it will turn out well for her if she chooses to stay.

  • Gonna Be Ok,
    Your post is just fine. It is from your heart. We chumps all have the same heart, big, loving and generous.
    Chump pain is the same, whether we are famous or just plain every day people.
    It is so comforting to come to this site, to visit, to read other chumps stories.
    I believe we help each other, just by sharing, by understanding.
    The advice given to us by CL, experienced kind hearted chumps, like Tempest, Capricorn, Martha, Beth, Loved a Jackass, and many many others, is invaluable and certainly tells us we are not alone!
    I was not going to post today, but I wanted to tell everyone who posts I hear you. I am so sorry for all your pain and I hope it helps to share it with others.
    You are mighty!

  • I think the focus on Hillary Clinton and her life decisions is misplaced. Both my (older) sister, and my sister in law were hideously chumped before it was my turn…and I learned not one thing from their experiences. It didn’t even occur to me that my ex was out leading his double life. If those kinds of close examples set the stage for our choices, things would have been very different for me. From the outside, I seemed the very model of agreeable-ness. Inside I was fervent calculator, plotting my escape and how I could maximize my gains from the years of investment.

  • Anthony Wiener doesn’t even LOOK GOOD!!! He looks like some pencil-necked geek!!! Idk what his wife looks like but she needs glasses, or something. I mean, if he looked AMAZING i can see how some women would try again (My last one was super hot and that was part of what kept me around a few months longer), but he DOESNT !! His body sucks too! Ugh! I’ll bet he’s got chicken legs. HAHAHAHA

  • Maybe they have an arrangement that’s not being made public. A post-nup agreement that Huma gets some comfort from. Maybe she doesn’t want to have to pay HIM alimony, since she is the breadwinner and he is an unemployed loser. Sometimes when I recall all the humiliation I experiened, it’s easier to understand that Huma has been humiliated epically & she may not be able to pick herself up and move on. Yet. I was Huma /Humiliated myself for too long. I am hopeful that Huma will hear our voices & leave this cheater.

  • everyone has a good side and a bad side. That is what she will be telling herself.
    Bizarrely she has minimised his bad side and expanded the good side.
    Hence must have decided he is OK really.
    The problem lies in her own lack of self esteem. If she had any, she would think it is better to be alone than put up with this shit. Child or no child.
    This is rescuer mentality gone haywire.

  • “more people are chumped by their own goddamn smugness”
    You nailed me.
    It didn’t even cross my mind that my husband would cheat on me. Smart and beautiful, having a well paid profession. Smug! That’s how I was.

  • I think the dick pic with his kid in bed with him would have been it for me. On top of the cheating, you can’t even feel comfortable leaving your kid with his own dad? And he admits to using the kid as a “chick magnet”? Double despicable.

  • I think her religion has something to do with it. I can relate. I was raised devout Catholic and you don’t divorce; ESPECIALLY with kids. so I stuffed it down for years until I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown if I stayed one more day and finally left.

    At first I was ashamed to be divorced. However the further out I got, the more I began to connect the dots and then I came across personality disorders… and immediately recognized behaviors and patterns. It turns out, the lies I suspected were just the tip of the iceberg; he was a conman and master manipulator which is impossible to see when you’re immersed and socialized to be nice and family oriented. Huma’s “nice” and not far away yet to see the reality of her sucky personal life.

    My parents didn’t want me to get divorced. Work it out…even when I relayed all the years of abuse (his crimes are worse than Weiner’s) Their reaction was expected and part of what kept me stuck. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised Huma’s mother has a similar outlook given she’s a conservative Muslim.

    Anyway, 3 years out, I’m ashamed I was married so long to him.

    I now realize these religious ideals of marriage covenants are good in theory, but too often they act as prison statements for victims of abuse.

  • How bad does it have to get to be able to divorce? Every person is different.
    To stick with him she has major personality issues herself.
    He is a total creep. Why does she have this need to fix him?
    Also, why does she feel nobody else would be better FOR HER?

    Its because all the focus is on him, at all times. Until you shift the spotlight away from them you are stuck in this weird cycle.

  • My husband spit at me last night, slammed a door into my shoulder, and then looked at me and said he did nothing.

    He told me I was a pig and a loser through his gritted teeth.

    When the police came, and he started crying, I felt awful.

    When my kids screamed and asked what I was doing to Daddy, I felt awful.

    Sitting at work right now, I can barely function.

    If he called me and told me he loved me and wanted to fix it, I would in a second. I know, hopium at it’s most dangerous.

    I get Huma.

    We are weak…and it fucking sucks.

    • SBW, boy do I dislike your handle… I am really sorry. Please DO not blame yourself for your husband’s situation. He put himself in the hands of the police. He is PHYSICALLY abusive. This stuff just gets worse! If you take him back you know he will be sorry and there is a honeymoon period where he is on his best behavior. He will just ramp it up next time and you are putting yourself in danger. Get OUT now. This is NOT good for your children to see. They need to understand that there are consequences for bad behavior and you can set the standard for how women should be treated which is WAY better than you are being treated now. I spent many years a prosecuting attorney handling domestic violence cases. I KNOW what happens and I know what a tough situation you are in. BIG hug to you. Let us know what happens BUT please get out and away from the monster!

      • Thank you Hope49.

        I want the restraining order to exclude my children. My lawyer is working on that today. The police said they had to be included when I went for the TRO, but turns out, that is not accurate. I do not feel it is fair for my children to be deprived of communicated with their father.

        I will keep you posted. I can’t believe this is the boy I fell in love with, the man I married, and the father of my children.

        When did this happen?

        • SBW, good for you getting a lawyer! File for divorce and keep him OUT and away from your house/apartment. Be careful as a chump wanting to ‘be fair’ to a man who has abused you. Yes, he IS their father BUT if they are young kids they can be vulnerable too. Is he emotionally abusive to them? I don’t know enough about your situation but if he is any of these things then think about putting in place a blanket TRO keeping him away until say he has: 1) Had an assessment with a State certified batterers assessment program treatment provider. These providers assess the risk to you and give the court a picture of what is going on. 2) Is complying with any and all recommendations made by the assessment provider and is filing proof of compliance. Then if he is following through you can feel more at ease with him having time and contact with the children. Also, be prepared for the honeymoon period to follow. Oh…I am so sorry. Please give me another chance etc. Know that this is goinig to happen. Stay strong and go ‘grey rock’! Good luck to you, keep us posted and stay safe!

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