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Stupid Shit Schmoopies Say

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of discovering your partner’s secret correspondence to a fuckbuddy, you know how ridiculous kibble-speak can be. Devastating? Sure. But also hilarious in a gallows humor kind of way. What’s more absurd than the breathy adolescent sweet talk of two cheaters in limerence?

Your fun Friday challenge is to share that stupid shit Schmoopies say with Chump Nation.

Need some inspiration? Check out the genius Soul Mate Schmoopie video series. (“My dick is perfect.” “Yes. Your dick is perfect.”) The robot voices crack me up.

Similarly, for the dissonance of eroticism-meets-gravel-truck, enjoy Gilbert Gottfried reading 50 Shades of Grey.


Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Paraphrase: “Didn’t you say she doesn’t love you? I wouldn’t say that-in fact I’ve loved you for months.”

  • I would step in front of a bus to save your pinky toe.

    Excuse me while I go throw up now…

    • “I would fend off crocodiles for a single touch of your hand.”

      “I would climb Mount Everest to eat one of your dingleberries.”

      “Anything, just don’t ask for honesty and integrity — that’s just stupid and unreasonable.”

      • UX World; Would love to see whomever Cheater called out and have to prove either of those!! What a fool. Pathetic.

      • “Eat one of your dingleberries” A disgusting sh*t eater…
        Remember Prince Chucklehead (Charles) telling Rottweiler (Camilla) how he wanted to be a Kotex between her legs ?!

        • ewwwwww….Sucker Saffa – That was one of the worst visuals – ever!

          • Blue bloods and white trash gettin’ their freak on…Whatever happened to poetry to woo a woman ?

            • Yes indeed! Aristocracy and royalty are just as rough as any ASBOs on a council estate really. They’re descended from robber barons and war lords i.e. gangsters, thugs and psychopaths after all. They’re really just scummers with posh accents and lots of money! Rough as bear’s holes, lol!

      • UX,

        OK…. Just…. Ewww. And, furthermore, only like 60% or something of the fake statistical people I used to make this argument even survive the climb up Everest. So in her weakened state–assuming she survives–the first thing she wants to do is ingest human excrement?! Risking sepsis, E.coli, and all manner of other intestinal badness.

        Plus, I mean, c’mon, it’s poop! Gross. Just gross.

        I hope she doesn’t kiss your children with that mouth. I recommend copious amounts of Listerine. Kills 99% of the germs.

        Still. Ewww….

        On what planet is that sexy? Does she even know where dingleberries come from? “Yes, I’d like to take over where your toilet paper and grooming has failed…..”

        No. Just no.

  • I don’t have much knowledge about what schmoopie said as I never really knew anything about her, i.e. where exactly she worked ( other than “over” him and “under him), never even knew her name, ( my name for her is “Perfect Lollipop”)!
    Cheater did say, on DDay, that she felt bad about taking him away from our tiny daughter. My mouth hung open at this, my heart stopped.
    I knew then that she had no knowledge of the baby in utero.

  • “I won’t lie to you” I may flirt. Written by folks who found each other on Ashley Madison – nope no liars there- nope- no way!

  • In my case, it wasn’t the whore’s first rodeo, so she was very careful about what she put down in print. I had to get the jewels of wisdom she spouted out from the other whore’s mouth. Crap like “she likes me being married to you” –yes, so she can lead you around by the dick with no commitment. She thinks “you’re GOOD for me “–not sure why a jealous, old, crazy, fat, lazy insecure hag would be good for a husband. These lunatics make no sense.

  • ow to x after my son outed them – I know how hurt you are that your own son would betray you, he totally invaded our privacy.

      • My son is awesome! x on the other hand told me my son was a mamas boy who should have handled the situation like a man by taking the bribe x offered him to keep quite. Thank God my son is a REAL man.

        • Win for you, newday. Great job on raising your child to have integrity and honesty!

        • You’re raising a terrific and courageous young man. Way to go! (And kudos to him!)

          • My son pretty much the same. My STBXH has been relentlessly cheating for over half our marriage (only found out 6 months ago) and when i said I felt that our family was a lie my son quipped ” no mum, you, me and sister are a family and dad is the lie”. Such wise words from my 21 year old ? so glad I’ve raised intelligent, honest kids with respect and integrity.

            • “No Mum, you, me, and sister are a family and dad is the lie”

              TOTAL parenting win! You are mighty, Ms. Mally!

    • The OW/whore….needs to understand that our kids have ONE mother……and only ONE mother. Loyalty to your mother……does not make you a momma’s boy. It makes you a normal human being.

      • The OW in my situation said “It would be an honor to be their stepmom” and “I love your boys “. Ok…if you truly loved them, you would not have chased after their “dad” when you KNEW he was married with two kids.

        Whore has absolutely no boundaries.

        • These people have NO idea what love is.
          “Love is patient; love is kind, and envies no one. Love is not boastful or proud or rude; never selfish. It does not demand it’s own way…. it does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out!”
          *Actions of adulterers fall into the “love is not/never” category!

          • Nyra, so true. Beautiful saying
            But I was never loved in 34 years. Almost makes me cry but at least I loved, I was real. Sorry I wasted my youth on a cruel, selfish narc with no soul.
            My son is the only good thing I have from being betrayed so long & discarded for a Whore.
            Hopefully I’ll find some happiness in all this.

            • Kathleen, same here, we were in love for 10 years until the kids and the debt etc came along. I tried my best but he stopped loving me some time ago, but was too comfortable/scared to say anything. You’ve never betrayed, you have been and are awesome, and Chump Nation loves you! <3

              • JJ, thank you for the kind words. I’m sorry you had to go thru that too. But I believe that eventually these disgusting, cheating narcs (& the Whore too) will pay for the devastation they caused.
                Bless you & everyone here who experienced betrayal
                Hugs to you!

    • Are you F-ing kidding me? How do these people not see their own hypocrisy?

      Ex actually said to me when I ranted about the betrayal of our children “I didn’t betray them, I betrayed you.” As if their non adult status makes them immune to the consequences of his actions. #cheatersarenuts

      • Yep. My kids hear that all the time. “I was unfair to your mom but I never did anything to you.” Ummm…. except break our family apart and totally blow apart their world. They don’t buy it but it doesn’t stop him from saying it CONSTANTLY.

        • Ex said the same to me when I told him that he had made it impossible for our son to grow up with 2 parents together. Ex said, “get over it! Everyone is divorced! This will make him normal! My parents were divorced and I turned out fine.”
          This said from a man that met his OW on Craig’s Lust while I was 6 months pregnant.
          He also said that he was leaving me not our son and if I handled things the right way our son would be fine, but if I screwed up the divorce then it would be bad for our son.WTH does that mean???
          He’s seen our 4 times in 6 years and hasn’t spoken to him in over a year!

          • It is horrible that these jackasses abandon their own children. I really do wonder, though, whether it’s better for the child’s development in the long run not to have a fuckwit influence in their lives. Weighing the pain of your parent discarding you against the continued pain of having them in your life as a toxic force….hmm…jury’s out (though I myself think I’d have fared better with just my sane mother in my life and narc father far away).

            • Same here. My parents were physically violent to each other, divorced, but back-and-forth together-not-together for years when I was a kid. My dad was around, sure, but not as much as I would have liked. Then again, when me and my sisters went to visit, within 20-30 minutes, we were ready to go back home. Our dad would pitch a fit on us, call us every name in the book, threaten us for committing the smallest infraction…yet, I don’t and never treated my kids like that.

              Long after they divorced, my mom was actually my dad’s OW when he remarried and had my half-sister. I’ve seen it all. Yet, not once did I cheat in either marriage.

              I think that if I had to analyze it all, in my case, I decided that I would be better than my parents. In short, I deserved better parents, and would be better for my self, my children, and husband(s).

          • He’s an ass. I’m sure son sees thru his garbage. (And I love your avatar!)

        • Omfg — the kids and I heard this excuse 24/7 — selfish PIG

      • ahhhh yes. The “I’m not leaving our son, I’m leaving YOU!” This was yelled at me during child custody mediation. I laughed at him. Really, asshole? You think you are just leaving ME? You are demented. Anything to justify his actions. Ask your son if you left just me. Freak.

      • Me too ‘I didn’t do this to the kids, I did this to you’ along with the OW telling everyone she didn’t do anything wrong as she wasn’t the one that was married, it warms my heart that these two may live together forever.

    • O.M.F.G. Fuck those two. Your son is freakin awesome! Good man!

    • I sent an email to the leeches wife after I found out she knew about my now x wife cheating with him for a year, or 6 months, or 2 (story changed every time I asked), & he asked my now x wife to tell me to please not contact his wife. I appropriately guffawed at the irony.
      I wish I had discovered this site 18 months ago but it is so pleased to read the similar stories (so much crazy to share!), the “I don’t remember”, the “I havn’t been happy for awhile”, it’s like these people follow the same script!
      We were married 13 years, have a daughter, and I was utterly sideswiped and devastated. But I didn’t fail, she did, and I didn’t waste those years, she did, so fuck her (That’s what I love about this site, anger is ok, coz I’m so pissed off, the lies, the conning, the unfairness of it all).
      My child and I left her, my child goes to her mums at weekends and before school, so I still see the x nearly every day. It’s been so hard, but I’m doing fine withwith a lot of friends support and a wonderful therapist, and after reading a lot of these stories I got off pretty lightly. Thanks for sharing everyone, appreciated so much. I am a chump, but I’d rather be a chump than a miserable deceitful sneaky shallow cheat.

  • Yup….I had the sexting texts. With the proof I showed her, my ex went nuts and attempted to eat our very nice throw pillows as she flailed from couch to couch in our living room.

    One sext text from her schmoopie loser that stood out was him saying
    “Even if you have sex on the same day with me and your husband my sperm will dominate and win the race if you weren’t on the pill.”

    That loser bailed out her when I called him and told him his superior sperm wins and I had ordered my cheater wife a taxi to take her to his place. He cried and begged me to not tell his wife. Too late for that Mr. Sperm I told him, Mrs. Sperm has been notified with proof.

    • You rock PF! (And you sperm does too!)*

      *Can’t believe i just typed that! 🙂

      • That line would be a total turn-off for me. No sperm races at my place.

        • I’m okay with sperm races as long as they’re treated more humanely than greyhounds.

          • ^^^????!!!

            I dunno. Sounds a bit inhumane to me, Tempest. Poor sperm. Bags not starting the Sperm Rescue charity though …

      • The ultimate pick-me dance: “The battle of the semen” version.

    • I always giggle at this event re telling #notenoughthrowpillowsatpieronetoeat

      Sad too, though.

      • Me, too. The throw pillow story is one of the true gems of the chump stories on this blog. Hadn’t heard the sperm race story before, but PF’s response was perfect.

        PF, you really do rock!

        • wait, this woman actually tried to….eat…pillows?
          wha..? how..? WHY? lol

    • Now on gofundme: Ultimate Sperm Fighting

      We’ll make a FORTUNE!

      • UXworld…LOL! The Ultimate Sperm Fight now playing at theaters near you!

    • Ewww dominate spermatozoa! That’s about as romantic as having someone stab you in the eye with a spoon! EWWWWWW

      • Can we name em-like goldfish?
        “Wrong Way Dave” vs. “Pussy-La Tour?” “Pemature Jack” vs. “Porno Pete?”

          • Seabullocks*

            Genuinely Risky*

            Winning Cummers*

            Seattle Slut* (that’s for UNM)



            *moderations made to winning horses’ names
            ** actually winning horses names, but they fit

        • Hahaha! How about,

          “Seamen Biscuit”
          “Sperm o’ War”

          • Well-done, Blooming!

            And of course all these competitors run at the Freakness.

            • And if he “hires” two women concurrently he can enter the Trifection.
              The winners are referred to as Triple Clowns and retired to Dud Service where they gaze on fresh porn and spend their time pulling on that thing like it’s a one armed bandit-into artificial donation cups.

    • A SPERM RACE????? And, you actually saw this text? And, you confronted her?

      No wonder she wanted to eat throw pillows.

      Finally, I understand.

    • Oh, PF, I love that you called the loser and told him his sperm won! And that a taxi was bringing him his prize and he cried! Proof that they are lazy cowards living in a delusion. Thanks for sharing.

    • I think this one wins the prize for best comeback from a few weeks ago.

    • I know it’s wrong, but the pillow eating story is one of my favorites. Right up there with the sleeping bag inch-worm.

    • Whoaaa! Dude! You rock!!!!!

      PF that scene should be in a movie. (Can we start a new movie genre — cheater action/drama?)

    • God, just the word “sperm” is a huge turnoff as far as I’m concerned. It’s unbelievable what these cheaters consider to be romantic or sexy talk. Absolute freaks.

  • Comments describing their hook-ups in the school library (ho-workers) made me sick at the time. It’s been five years so thankfully don’t remember them verbatim. However, it recently struck me that ex’s texts to both ow that I found out about resemble our now 14 year old son’s texts to his girlfriend. No wonder ex treated me as the evil parent figure lol

    • Shadowfire….often these disordered freaks are teenagers emotionally/sexually.

      Mine was web caming with a woman from Ghana- here’s part of the transcript he wrote:

      I think you are hot
      I love your large breasts
      Let’s web cam
      Let me show you my large dick
      You are hot

      LOL! These are the words of a 60 year old man!

      • Ewwww. They really don’t get how pathetic they look to the rest of the world or that the woman he sent that text too is probably laughing her head off.

        • The hoe from Ghana cleaned him out to the tune of $5000……before he found out it was a scam…… by men!

        • I just threw up a little.
          When I saw the text messages on my ex’s phone after he asked me for a divorce it was not romantic at all….just kind of gross.
          All I could think is “ewwww….”even in my most furious pick me dance I couldn’t bring myself to text some of the stuff she did.

          • I have seen some shockingly tone deaf messages. Someday, when I am divorced, I’ll share the twu-wuv letter. It looks like it was crafted for me to find, calling out meetup dates and places.

  • After DDay #1 I creeped on OW’s facebook page. She had this meme of Jesus standing at a door and her post was something like “I will answer when Jesus comes knocking at my door, will you?”. I wanted so badly to post “I hope he doesn’t show up while you’re fucking my husband. That’d be embarrassing.” but I didn’t.

    The only thing I heard directly from a Schmoopie was from the stripper/fluffer gf who lives with my ex. She called me a couple of times until I blocked her number and in the course of a conversation took me to task for not encouraging my adult children to reconcile with their dad. I told her when she got custody of her own daughters she could give me parenting advice but until then, STFU.

    • Oh my gosh, that would have been freaking hilarious ?! Too bad for good self control and standards! I also love how publicly “Godly” cheaters are… after all, isn’t Facebook proclamation of Christianity the true meaning of Christian (barf ?)

      • I was told that “maybe God brought her to me to make me happy”, OW claims to be a very devout Christian and she thinks she will be my STBX’s savior. My STBX is not a believer so for him to say this to my face made me ?

        • Wow. My cheater X also gave me the cheater babble. “She’s a devout Catholic who goes to church more often than you (me)!’, and ‘This is what God wants me to do (adultery, abandonment, and divorce).” To which I responded, “Not only does God not want you to do any of this, he specifically stated it in the Commandments, not to do it, and not to think about doing it. But I suppose that out of 6 BILLION people, he gave you a free pass than the rest of us!”. Not my finest moment, but in my defense, I’d just discovered how ugly she was, morbidly obese, and (shit you not) that she was a high-functioning intellectually disabled 22 year old (yeah you read that right, we used to call them retarded, but we’ve made it more socially acceptable to say). I couldn’t even be mad at HER because she was handicapped intellectually. And, is course, she posted on FB stupid crap like , “When one door closes, God opens another door! God will bring you someone if you wait long enough (apparently being the long distance side chick for 3 years was finally waiting long enough)”, and other such dribble in memes. I saw a meme and it took everything I had not to post that memes going around saying something to the effect of, “No, (or was it newsflash) God will never bring you someone else’s husband!”.
          I couldn’t resist posting it on MY FB wall and keeping it open to “public” knowing she was stalking my FB. Again not my finest moment. But I did block her and her crazy family within 6 months and I’ve never looked again at her crap in over 3.5 years!

          • Actually I think those were fine moments for you. You told the truth. You were not being mean or vulgar.

      • How in God’s name do these fuckers find the nerve to show their faces in a church?

    • Self control is hard. It also shows our ability for rational thought and impluse control. Great job on the parenting comment with the idiot!

    • What is it with these folks who claim to be Christians and then proceed to violate one of the most basic tenants of the faith? OW loudly and publicly continues to tell everyone that she “isn’t perfect, just forgiven.” A friend recently sent me a video that OW’s most recent church put on its site (encouraging members to attend). Interestingly, she talked about the new minister in a very creepy, groupie kind of way. Wonder if the preacher’s wife knows of OW’s history of cheating? She might reconsider letting OW proclaim the virtues of her husband…

    • The other woman has preached twice at her church. I watched online. She is so spiritual and so deceived. She lives five minutes down the road from me. I passed her one day driving my husbands very nice vehicle which I know she saw. We were going very slow in a school zone and I’m pretty sure I was smirking while passing her. Looked on her page a few days later. It was Christmas time and she said she had been looking for Christmas music and ran across this gem. She literally wrote….” Oh the memories! How fun! Haha!!”…. So, I went off her page and looked it up. Well yes, because every good Christian Woman puts up a song about sex in the summer that even covered positions! Yes it really did! She is a married woman also. Her sermons sounded like she was trying to convince herself of something!!….. I am so glad I can sleep peacefully at night. Disordered doesn’t even do them justice!!

      • I would rather hang out with the Pagans…..than a half assed phony Christian like that!

    • Good grief, Beth, the mindset of these cheaters. It would indeed have been hilarious if you had posted that, but as is typical of loving, considerate chumps, you didn’t. You are definitely one of my chump heroes. The Jesus cheaters are the worst, IMHO.

    • Beth…..tell her to “fuck off.” Jesus won’t mind.

  • “I’m sorry you’re having troubles in your marriage” (that I’m helping to cause).

    I read that one on my EW’s phone, from the OM during my brief spying phase.

    • I got a letter from OW that began (exactly) like this, “I am not a whore”. She then proceeded to tell me what a great Christian she was. My kids and I rolled on the floor over that one. It reminded me of Nixon’s “I am not a crook!”

      • Ughhhhhhhhhh! I hate when whores, bimbos, skanks and other sordid cheaters…….invoke the Bible and hide in the church. Maybe that’s why the church in the USA is in decline?

        • Yes. For a while immediately after DDAY, I fantasized about having the LT MOW served or outed in her bible study group.

          Something along the lines of her emails of hardcore porn links with requests for re enactments and then her follow up scripture email. Both visual and auditory to include all kinds of learning modes.

          The hypocrisy kills me. Huge trigger for me.

      • “I am not a whore”. No, bitch. You’re just a slut. At least whores get paid.

        • “I am not a whore”. No, bitch. You’re just a slut. At least whores get paid.


          I just snorted my coffee on that one!

          • I guess OW was a whore then, because she was being paid by X to be a “consultant.” Haha.

        • “I’m not a whore” along with “I’m not a homewrecker”. I’m just sleeping with a MM and demanding he divorce you. ?Another fave was “I feel really bad” (just not bad enough to stop fucking him in my bed). Well, times are a changin’, current Mrs. Cheater. Now you get to live my old life. ???

          • And that is their just reward–our old life!!! Have at it, honey! Meanwhile, let me just skip away happily…..

            • A Grinch like smile crosses my face as I think of the misery he and his wifestress are in. She announced she is pregnant. I feel bad for the baby to be, luckily it’ll have at least my five to watch out for it.

          • Yep, 2 years now for The Evil One & Mrs. DumbAss have been together…I have no doubt that she is living my 13-year debacle. I have never spoken two words to her, but I habe doubt shes miserable- hahahahahaaaa

            That makes me happy and I enjoy my freedom.

          • I call that kind of skank ….a “slunt.” slut + the “C” word (rhymes with hunt).

    • After the last visit with the marriage counselor when STBX told him that he was done with reconciliation and planned to move out she sent him a text saying “how are you feeling”. I only know this because he told me in a way that showed he was touched by her concern for his feelings. Pissed the hell out of me. My feelings didn’t matter much to either of them.

      • Chumpinrecovery, there are so many wrongs in the infidelity realm that have to be righted. One of the many wrongs are dumb-ass marriage counselors who apparently know nothing about the cheating psyche. One of our marriage counselors wanted to flirt with James Bond. Wow.

        • In case it wasn’t clear, it was Schmoopie who sent the text not the marriage counselor.

      • Chumpinrecovery……so sorry. What a freakin pair of reptiles! They deserve each other.

    • I got that one, too. Downgrade was an ex in-law, and close friend, in whom I confided. “He would never do that to you.” Um, Bitch, please…he’s doing YOU.

      As to the drivel I found on FB messenger- it would break the UBT. She and Mr Fab are blocked, but I get the odd comment of hers in the ‘see your memories’ thing. So far, I am resisting the temptation to comment years later with stuff like “Thanks for liking the picture of Kiddo’s recital. Really appreciated, since I know you gave her dad a bj in the car while we were in line for ice cream…”

      Whatever, Schmoopies gonna Schmoop.

    • Any time he leads with “I’m sorry that…”, you can be assured that he is not sorry. I got

      “I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

      “I’m sorry that you got hurt.”

      “I’m sorry that you’re so negative all the time.”

      Replace “I’m sorry that” with “I get kibbles because”, and you’ll have the correct translation.

      “I get kibbles because you’re having troubles in your marriage.”

      • And you quote his/her passive-voice, or outright blaming us, perfectly!

        I admit, she once did write she was sorry for “the way I treated you last year.” But this was mid-divorce, while she was still with him, blowing up your life while “trying” to get me back.

        So, I conclude this wasn’t a genuine apology.

        • Ditto …. I got exactly the same from X. I divorced him – went completely NC. Working really hard at building my new life.

      • “I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
        This is the only “apology” I ever received from my ex during our entire 20-year marriage. No matter what he had done wrong, those were his words. Delivered in a cold, monotone voice with no facial expression. God, I heard that line so many times.

    • The OW would tell my now ex husband that she was so sorry I was so mean to him. Meanwhile he was raging at me I am a terrible horrible person.
      Also OW was going to help him save our son from me.

      He gets less than standard visitation…

      • completely .. … the married hood rat troll demon convinced my wasband that i “wasnt treating HIM right” even thou he was the one who was staying out all night, not coming home, not answering my calls or texts, not spending time with us, not helping to pay bills or do anything for us.. .. he was the one cheating, drinking and started using meth.. .. but right it was ME who wasnt treating him right.. .. then his stupid ass tried to rage at me (because she told him to tell me.. .. yep he is a weak, spineless, weasel) and i broke him down with the truth

        she also loved HIS sons so much (even thou she only met them once behind my back) and she was “NOT GONNA LET ME CONTROL HIM WITH THE KIDS” and help him “GET AWAY FROM MY CONTROLLING WAYS” (as she controls his every move, doesnt allow him to spend any time alone with his own kids, has to go everywhere he does, doesnt let anyone talk to him without call her first and explaining to her why they need to talk to him, telling anyone who calls him that he is not home, has him isolated and high all the time and doesnt let him speak or think for himself).. .

        wasband hasnt seen the boys since jan 30, 2017.. .. and even then it was only since nov 2016 because he ghosted us for 2.5 years before that.. ..

        • My husband had to call her everytime he came to my house and left and especially if he had our son. Can trust a cheater. She had my husband locked down haha.

          Meanwhile who was watching her son. Oh wait he was in the room with them and by room I mean her sugar daddies living room where they all lived with the bedbugs…gross

          Cheaters keeping it classy.

          • ha. i can totally one up that..

            she drives by my house when he is visiting and actually stops at the curb to talk to him (and my boys…GAG) but of course she trusts him so much… because “HE LOVES HER NOW”…

            Recently, she convinced him to move out of town again (because he was starting to spend to much time visiting his sons at my house and it is the only place he can get away from her watchful and demanding eyes).. .. so they just pack their shit and run off in the middle of the night, went to live with HER HUSBAND!!!! i just can not comprehend how nerve wrecking that would be.. .. seriously!! i mean i know she and her husband have been separated for like 10 years. he has his girlfriend and wasband is her 6th true love.. .. but there is no way in hell i would bring my current flavor and sleep in the spare room or couch of my ex flavor or husband or whatever.. . and her 4 kids all live at home tooo.. ..

            one big dysfunctional messed up happy family..

            • Lol I swear his mask made him appear to not be so jerry springer like. Lol today he wants to come parent and I should forget his past of a pathological liar..

            • That’s so far past crazy, I can’t even finish this sentence …. ?

              • Honey recently asked me to reduce the child support wage garnishment he’s experiencing so he could ‘afford to come see the kids’ but I said no because he’s $40K in arrears and left us with $0 for this last year with no explanation. It was only once that first garnishment FINALLY kicked in that he stooped to talk to me and cared about seeing the kids. Ass.

                So now that I’ve said no, I’m somehow single-handedly responsible for why he can’t come see his kids. He moved 2,300 miles away from them for HomeWrecker, and has seen them once in three years. But every prior decision to spend money on other things, such as buying H Dubs a $4,000 ring and clothing and feeding her 2 children from prior men aren’t considered. It’s all me and my unbridled greed at wanting him to pay what the court ordered him to. Can’t make this shit up.

                So get this. H Dubs sent me an email right after I said no and remarked that her 2 kids dads support ‘doesn’t even come clothes to the amount Honey has to pay you. It wouldn’t cost him so much if you didn’t live in California.’ And no, that’s not a typo. She wrote CLOTHES.

                Tell you what, crazy pants. Next time you get betrayed and suddenly abandoned with 2 babies in diapers and have to run heartbroken to your hometown where there’s family that can help you, I’ll get to tell you where you should have moved because it would’ve been better for me in some way. That way, we can both have a turn being insensitive assholes.

  • The schmoopie to my ex who expressed that he was distraught ( uhhh….okay) that our adult children have gone no contact with him.
    “I’m sorry that your children don’t understand why we had to do what we needed to do in ending our marriages and families. Until they get on board and respect our relationship, this is just how it will have to be.”
    As he babysits her two young kids while she goes to “massage school” at night, but hasn’t spoken to his kids in 2 years.
    Yep, that happened. You cant make this shit up.

    • Oh Paintwidow, his loss of your beautiful children.
      You are so right, we can’t make this shit up!
      They produce it and we get to shovel it!

    • Paintwidow….so sorry for your kids. Two pieces of shit……gloating on their pathetic union. In the end….the only thing that really matters is our kids. He will come crawling back to them…..with some half baked excuse about why he needed new pussy.

      • Peacekeeper and Leavingthecrapbehind,
        Thank you.
        Not very meh, but I just hate her.
        Not because she’s with my ex, but because she’s a transparent, shallow, shitty person.

    • Paintwidow; Can only hope that “Massage School” is taking payment for giving other guys a Happy Ending while he is babysitting her kids!

    • Yep, same here, Paintwidow. The Evil One has little to nothing to do except every other weekend with my DD, and has argued and fought with me the last two years about keeping her for his Christmas to New Year’s Day week.

      Meanwhile, he berates the staff at DDs “special school” (DD is Autistic), harrasses the teachers with emails regarding them “violating his parental rights”. Of course, he is a full-time daddy to Schmoopies 2 young kids. He showed up a whopping 2 of her 10 adaptive baseball games. The first one he brought Schmoopie, and her 2 kids all dressed up like they were the ideal family, and then within minutes ofmthe game starting, they were all in the truck watching from the parking lot.

  • The OW in my case gave X a Father`s Day card which I found after he left. Kind of perfect since he is 16 years older than her. They were having an affair at the time she did this. She was still married and DD had not happened.

    She signed the card to him from all of her many pets as well as from our family’s pets. She even took the time to make a little paw print under each name.

  • My STBX husband’s line, with me and many, many women over the years, is:

    “With a gorgeous/ambitious/brilliant/driven woman like you by my side, I could be governor.”

    It was sweet when he said it to me when we were 22.

    It’s pathetic when he says it to an also-married OW when he’s 42 and has never made an effort to get involved in politics.

    It’s hilarious when he says it to a semi-literate 23-year-old stripper with multiple arrests and convictions for domestic violence.

    But now that I’ve got all these messages and more, he’s definitely never gonna be governor now.

    • Ha ha ha! Semi- literate stripper with a rap sheet! That will get him to the governor’s mansion for sure!

      • Why stop there. Might as well go all the way to the Whitehouse.

          • Sometimes it almost seems like a prerequisite to going into politics. Say what you will about Bush Jr. and Obama. At least they weren’t known cheaters. At least we didn’t have that circus in the white house for 16 years (others maybe but not that). It is possible that they were just better at covering it up, but at least it wasn’t blatant and condoned by their followers.

    • Actually, he would fit right in. Think Newt. Didn’t he nominate OWife#2 or #3 to head an ETHICS committee recently?

      • Newt’s OWife3 is allegedly going to be nominated to be Ambassador to the Vatican. Because she and Newt are such devout Catholics and all. 😀

        • That was it! Ridiculous! Has she not even read the freaking story of Moses? The Ten Commandments?

      • Yeah, I heard that and my jaw dropped! Seriously, Newts third wife…… ethics????? What’s wrong with that sentence?????? Disgusting!

        • The current admin nominates these people…to Trump, a “3rd, Catholic wife: make perfect sense. Oy.

      • 2, 3, 4 or 5, whatthefuckever!
        He is butt ugly! That voice! Yuk!
        I am feeling pissy this fun Friday, not my usual peacekeeper self!
        Thank you chumps for all the smiles that you often manage to weave in with the heartache.
        YOU ALL are mighty.

        A sense of humour often saves us.
        Have you noticed cheaters rarely have a sense of humour, really!

    • Governor Spitzer? Schwarzenegger? Bentley?

      Which cheating governor does he aspire to be?

  • After KK texted the Carrot Singer a selfie highlighted the black eye she got from BDSM Guy (but said that I gave to her):

    “(UXworld) just better fucking pray he never comes face to face with me. He’ll be sorry he was ever born.”

    One month later, he saw KK and me in our driveway waiting for his arrival, he sped on down to the end of our deadend street and sat in someone’s driveway until we started walking toward him. (When he found out he was lied to about the black eye, he suddenly turned into Super Sad Sausage: “You lied to me? I thought we had something special.” Right in front of me.)

    • This made me spit out my coffee.

      Big protective he-man scuttling away to cower at the end of the street. hahaha

      • Wait a minute; Is this not the one with Super Sperm? Would more likely be holding onto the side of her Fallopian tube screaming for mercy, afraid of the big bad egg.

    • Haha. Yeah, actions not words. Big lying coward. They all are. He probably shat in his pants when he saw you walking towards him.

    • Carrot Singer!!! Dr. Pepper is now all over my screen! Ha ha!

  • Rectum of Wonder, MaryKay Ho of Corona Ca, Former Hog Queen of Md (no joke. Proof you CAN put lipstick on a pig and guess what? It’s still a pig) – the one LT MOW that wormed its way out and led me to wake up from decades of abuse would post middle school Instagram tripe such as “Though we are apart, we are under the same stars..missing you..”. That’s paraphrased. Imagine something like that dumbed-down.

    • One of the ex’s fuck nuggets was always sending him deep and meaningful emails during her campaign to help him find his “Bravery” to leave me. One in particular I can remember off hand was “A ship in harbour is safe, but is that what ships are made for?” Another one “Taking a risk is scary what if it isn’t worth it? Ah, but what if it is?”


  • I had the pleasure of hearing it, instead of reading it. Only his side, but apparently she turned him on ‘like no one ever has before’. Funny. He said the same thing to me. I guarantee he was saying it to OW2 as well.

    • (Then 42 year-old) OW, breathlessly to (then 47 year-old) ex, “I’ve never come so fast with anyone else!” High praise indeed … when you run down the mile-long list of candidates. #superiorspermgetfucked!

  • When X told me he wanted a divorce there was no mention of Schmoopie nor did I realize there was one. I stupidly thought he was just going through a mid-life crisis and it would all work out.

    He decided that Thanksgiving that he would go visit his family alone and I agreed to let him. On Friday of TG weekend, my FIL called to tell me about his conversation with X and how he couldn’t make him change his mind. Then FIL mentioned there was someone else and proceeded to tell me that Schmoopie was the old (age 58) college GF and FIL was very sorry about it. W.O.W. Never saw that coming. Devastated and angry at the scope of the betrayal, I got on the phone with family all the while keeping it hush from our daughters who were home from college. But I kept hearing the ping of text messages and couldn’t figure out where it was coming from as he had his phone. Then I realized, they were coming from his iPad. I logged in and saw the messages between X&S. Apparently, they were getting together that Friday and going off for the remainder of the weekend. She was driving to meet him and his text wanted to know if she was “wearing any underwear?” “Did you bring your negligee?” To which she responded that she had her “Lanz” (flannel) nightgown. This was so comical, that I chimed in that it was now me texting and their conversation made me want to puke. Between rage and tears, it was just so idiotic that it still makes me laugh at the absurdity! She can have him….

  • My STBX pervert’s Scmoopies are web cam hoes…..anonymous internet hook ups and his chubby incest aunt (she banging him when he was a teenager- right under his family’s “upper middle class noses”)

    After I threw him out……filed for divorce he hooked up with his plump incest aunt on FB. He is planning “family get togethers” with my kids and the obese incest aunt.

    Oh no……no no no! My kids are adults….and they know what incest is…..they know how damaging it is. Pervy Pants and his plump incest aunt….will have to picnic alone- without my kids.

    • I pity the teenager who was abused, but I agree that you are not obligated to have a relationship with these people.

    • Geez, that’s gross. I thought mine was bad when I found out he was trying to hook up with his step-sister!

      • Family fuckers are down there with Jesus Cheaters and pregnancy and post partum cheaters.

  • Oh man! My XH left 11 months ago to find his happiness and a few weeks after I looked at the cell phone bill (his only responsibility was his very expensive lease and the mortgage which he had stopped paying for 7 months before he left) Of the 79 pages of the bill I read online, 54 were from his pretty much constant communication with the affair partner that he didn’t bother mentioning. I filed divorce and went no contact before having the pleasure of reading all the texts.
    All I have to say is I have been terrifying my bus buddy this morning in my way to work with the laughing at the Gilbert Gottfried reading! That is good stuff!!
    Happy Friday!

  • My stbxh told his GF, while we were married, that I (his wife) should just get together with her husband. It would solve all their problems! She responded with a giggle text.

    • The best part is, I am pretty sure they are still together, but the idiot charged his online dating account to where I can see the transactions. Good luck to her!

    • I don’t know what stupid things Schmoopie has said, but at one point STBX said “If the four of us (meaning us plus Schmoopie and her then husband) went to marriage counseling together we could save some money.”

      He also said that I shouldn’t date her husband because he was a lying cheating jerk. pfft

  • To the 21 year old stripper named “Barbie” (my what an original stage name)… “I’m not a liar. I’m sorry I hurt you and drug you into my marriage problems. I have to try and make my marriage work, I owe that to my children. My wife is tracking my every move right now, and if she doesn’t change, it will be a sad day for my children when I leave. You are so smart and you deserve the best in life. You have taught me the kind of person I want to be, and for that I will be forever grateful. I will not lie to anyone anymore, I know who I am and what I want out of life, I owe that all to you”

    Lol, typing it out now it seems rediculous. A 42 year old man thanking a 21 year old stripper for showing him the kind of person he wants to be. Apparently a roll in the hay with a stripper can transform you and put your life goals into perspective ?.

    • I also like that he says he’s not a liar and then goes on to say that he’s a liar. Cheater gold.

      • Exactly! He is the master of self-contradicting.

        Another example: he told my ex sister-in-law, “I will not talk bad about her, but …. I will say if it wasn’t for me she would have aborted our first child” (not true)

        Notice he won’t talk bad about me, but then talks bad about me. No wonder I walked into a therapists office 2 weeks before D-day 1 and told her “I think I might be crazy.” Living with that for 18 years will turn your mind to mush!

    • It’s very magical. And from the transcript, all.your.fault-bad mommy-wife!

      I hope you are not with this asshole any longer.

      He did reveal exactly what he is beyond an entitled idiot. His enlightenment ” taught him the kind of person he wants to be” which is a liar cheater and thief demanding you, the spouse, make that fucking cake, dance that spackling dance and eat your shit sandwich.

      • That was after D-day 1, back in 2011. I’m a slow learning Chump, and stayed 4 more years in wait for the revelation of d-days 2,3, and 4 (in 1 fell swoop), he upgraded to escorts (or downgraded, I’m not entirely sure, I’m no sex worker aficionado ?‍♀️). I phoned my attorney on d-day 2 (2015) and told her to reinstate the previous divorce papers that I withdrew, because sadly, back then I had believed in unicorns ?. #unicornsarenotreal

    • Got-a-brain, the Jesus cheater in my story above was named Barbie too LOL. Her email was “angelbarbie”. Bleh. The stripper/fluffer gf is named Brandy. I’ve always been disappointed that she didn’t spell it with an “i” to make it the perfect stripper name. Ironically, my ex always called me “B”. I’ve always wondered if he gravitated to women with names that start with B so he didn’t have to worry about calling out the wrong name. Maybe he just called all of us “B”. Sick Fucker.

      • that is so crazy.. .. wasband seems to gravitated to women with names tha start with M.. .. my real name also starts with M.. .. DDay#1 with a hood rat named Melissa and DDay#2 hood rat named Michelle.. ..

  • Gosh I wish I could have intercepted their correspondence but no luck. STBX is too careful for that (or I am just not aggressive enough). I really wish I could see that correspondence because I would really like to know which one is being the manipulative one.

    According to him she “thinks the world of me”. She has a funny way of showing it. I did meet her a couple of times before DDay when she was pretending to make friends with me while shagging my husband behind my back. I never really liked her because she seemed pretty self-absorbed and condescending towards me. At one point she went on about how proud she was of being tall and how short I am. I generally consider myself of average height but STBX is tall so this conversation had me feeling pretty insecure despite my not really being able to put my finger on why. Then she went on to say “no offense but…” and said something I couldn’t really hear because we were in a noisy venue and she was talking over my head because she is so tall and all. She ended again with “no offense”. I don’t’ know what she said but it must have been offensive. Later on in marriage counseling STBX said something about my lack of social skills. Huh? At least I don’t directly insult the people I am talking to when I am trying to make friends or pretend to make friends but, oh yeah, I am not pretending when I make friends. I guess that doesn’t really count as stupid just offensive.

    • The “sorry, not sorry” passive aggressive put down.

      Just sayin’ … (that’s the other passive aggressive gem that follows in conversations with assholes.)

      • Ugh they are all awful. “No offence, but…” is always followed by something offensive.

    • OW is my case also put on a very long elaborate how of making friends with me. She too is unusually tall and very haughty. She specializes in insults with a smile, and it’s not just me who notices it. Everyone who knows her find her arrogant and insulting. I almost think it must be the same person, lol!

      • It could be. Her then husband implied that STBX was not her first affair although STBX says he is prone to exaggeration.

    • Chumpinrecovery…….Scmoopie brings the “C” word to mind (rhymes with hunt). What passive aggressive “C” word! No offense! She would have got my fist down her throat!

  • I was never privy to their conversations because my X typically had a death grip on his phone right before I busted him with his shmoopie. But I did see a Facebook post of hers, shortly after she filed for divorce from her husband, and my husband filed on me, that she had “finally found my fairy tale dream man. Little girl dreams do come true!” This from a 45 year old women. A grown ass women who was married to someone else a month prior.

    Later, she was publicly pissed off that so many people were talking shit about her and my X. They couldn’t understand why other people thought them tacky and instead, stuck to posting memes on how other people are “haters”.

  • After he left, realized he regretted it, and started trying to get me to take him back, she was “so worried that you’re cheating on me with her!”

    The “her” there being me. His wife. She was worried that her married boyfriend might be having sex with his actual wife behind her back. Actually, he was going to AA meetings at the church down the street, and then coming and mowing my lawn, washing my dishes, and cleaning my bathroom, and I was letting him, because hey, free maid service, and he needed to do that “making amends” thing for the months he spent not doing that shit because he was too busy sneaking off with Schmoopie while I earned most of our income.

    Only my fellow chump SIL understood why I found that so damn hilarious.

    • STBX told me last fall that she was “hurt” because she believed he would end up coming back to me in the end. If she really believed that it was pretty ironic but I think she was just saying it to make sure it wouldn’t happen.

  • Text exchange (perfect for the Soulmate Shmoopie videos):

    “I’m so lucky.”
    “No, I’m the lucky one.”
    “We are both lucky.”

    I confronted XW with this. She claimed, wide-eyed, that they were referring to work-related issues, specifically medical equipment that had come in as ordered. At least I had the presence of mind to retort, “Do I have a stamp on my forehead that says Stupid?”

      • Hah. Five years later they are still together but fuck out of luck: they are miserable together, she occasionally hoovers me to come back, I decline (he has no idea) and they cling to each other in their fallen lucky palace. (Sounds like a bad Chinese restaurant.)

        • David2016- I found a text on my x wife’s work phone that said “I might be drunk texting you tonight”. And I shit you not, I was told it was work related too. How dumb they must think we are is amazing!

        • Hahahaha! The Fallen Lucky Palace. I wonder if they serve whore drop soup and bang bang chicken?

  • I never intercepted any emails from her, so I got very little on this front. Apparently they were bad enought to get her fired though..he was a government purchaser and she was the sales rep…nothing looks quite as good as the young single rep fucking the military purchaser. Semper Fidelis.

    He did tell me a few things like she told him “I am here to teach you how to love UNM”, when she saw the scrapbooks of his career I had on display at his retirement, she supposedly commented how much I must love him to have made them (but she was still ok fucking him).

    The day after Dday I made the age-old error of calling her and asking her to leave my husband alone…he spoke to her after the call to make sure she was OK but she said she didnt understand everything I said since I used such big words. Her first language is Chinese but she apparently spoke english well enough to graduate from the University of Washington (state) so not sure which of my words were too big to grasp.

    She was engaged to a high end jeweler and wore a 39,000 diamond while they fucked. He once told me that she explained diamonds to him. Picturing him sitting like a lovesick puppy listening to her explained this shit to him made me sick (he started planning how he would buy her a $40,000 diamond to replace the one she would have to give back when she told her fiance they were done…never mind our 3 kids had no college funds…but their plan never got that far). She told him that round diamonds were the best. Years later I would remarry and I insisted that I NOT have a round diamond.

    • I hear you!! IF I ever get married again, no diamonds. They mean jackshit to me.

      • I hear you. I think the diamond was more for him than me. He wanted everybody to know how lucky I was to have him.

  • While watching our son compete in Las Vegas I discovered a text from my soon to be ex to her fuckbuddy. “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! If you could fly out here I would meet you at the airport wearing a trench coat with nothing on underneath 🙂 “. I sooo wish this would have happened. I would have enjoyed seeing her go through security!

  • In the one text exchange I had with the final schmoopie just after DDay – who was a “friend” of mine – I asked her how she could do this to me, after everything I had done to help her with her “abusive husband” issues. She said my ex pursued her, and they’d been together for 2 years and she never thought he would hurt her like this (supposedly broke up with her when I found out). WTF?? Bitch, try 23 years and 2 kids and then tell me about hurt!! I knew right then that communicating with her was just a path to more pain and never contacted her again. They are just soulless monsters, all of them.

    • I never got this directly from STBXs Schmoopies but he himself seemed so concerned and upset over the pain he had caused and/or was causing them. My pain, no big deal.

      • Nowdeadcheater told me that I should have compassion for Schmoopie, she had been CHEATED ON !! and no, he did not get the irony

        • Lol! Their brains must just be a mess of neurons firing all different ways.

        • They totally don’t get the irony. I got the same from STBX because Schmoopie’s husband was a cheater and she was so kind for being willing to take him back. The double standards and cluelessness drive me nuts.

        • I got that too from cheater. His high profile bitch is involved in investigating mass graves in a latin american country. He told me she was in constant danger, might get killed and he would run for her rescue if something happened. Since their souls were divinely connected he would get an alarm ding from her part. This is when we were supposedly wreconciling and ” he cut all contacts.” I told him after DDay 3 that I hope she would end up cut into pieces and rotting in those mass graves herself. He was appaled that I could wish such cruelty on a mother of a young daughter. And I still do.

          • EX has been too stupid to get the phone numbers changed on accounts of his – our insurance agent for one. I sat and explained to the agent that there was NO WAY EX was EVER to have contact with me and changed all my policies to new addresses and beneficiaries.

            Low and behold agent’s dork secretary calls my house one day – looking for Schmoopie! I told dork secretary that the only way Schmoopie would ever be in my home would be in small pieces and in my freezer. Looong pause. Oh, uh, sorry. . . I now see the notes on your account. . .

            I gotta stop doing that.


            • “the only way Schmoopie would ever be in my home would be in small pieces and in my freezer

              Love it!!

          • Idiot cheater wasn’t very impressed when I told him I thought whoremat deserved to be out down like a rabid animal. And I’d be happy to do the honors.

            “But she’s SO. NICE. She cares about EVERYONE! Not like you! When you say you hate everyone you really mean it!”

            “So she cares about everyone SO. MUCH? So she was just being SO. NICE. and caring SO. MUCH. about me when she decided to FUCK. MY. HUSBAND?”


        • My sad sausage cheater had an affair with a ho-worker that he’d dated before we got together and told me (before I found out they were having an affair) that he would have never dated her seriously because she’d cheated on her husband (who dumped her sorry ass). Soooo, she’s not good enough to date seriously because she’s not the faithful type, but she’s good enough to cheat with because he wasn’t the faithful type? Moron…

          • My ex actually liked that the OW was a cheater, too. Apparently she was single when they met, because she had cheated on her husband and he had kicked her out. So that meant she wouldn’t JUDGE him like mean ol’ me! (And his previous long-term girlfriend, too. We’re just so JUDGMENTAL! And self-righteous!) OW understood how these things … happen, sometimes, in people’s lives ….

            Water really does seek it’s own level.

            And of course, in the end, she dumped him for another man. Twice. That did give me a good laugh (and it was HIS mother who informed me of that! He’d been lying to me (hoovering) and to the kids about when and why they’d broken up).

  • Apparently they were having trust issues….Imagine that?!?!?!

    OW: I have never cheated on anyone and I never would.
    (Ummm….you are fucking a married man whore! I think that round about qualifies.)
    STBX: I have just been hurt so many times in the past.
    (You have been married for almost 20 years! Who the fuck was hurting you so many times. It certainly wasn’t your FAITHFUL WIFE!)

    • Oh man! This is too good! Idiots, they are all such idiots.

    • Did a tiny tear roll down his cheek, as he told her of how he has been hurt?
      So many times?
      The poor baby sausage.

      • Yes poor them… the story went of how i was a bitch and she was in fear of an ex boyfriend so together they lived happily ever afterwards and didnt tell anyone (including father of the years own kids) where they were living ….becsuse of the bitch thing and scary ex boyfriend …cue white knight rescue fantasy.

    • UGH!!!! wasband was telling her he “tries so hard but mrsvain is never happy with what he does” as he was staying out all night and not coming home, ignoring my calls/texts while talking to her with or without clothes on (not sure when they actually started having sex but it was before our divorce.. heck it was before i knew about her… she always knew about me) .. ..

      at first when i was blindsided, i told her we have a family, we have children. we have been together for 15 years.. . and that she probably wouldnt understand because she probably has never been with a man that long.. .. and she told me “oh honey, you dont know me, i am still married…. ” WTF!!! i actually started laughing and said “well then, i guess the 2 of you are perfect for each other”.. .. .

      they are always the victim.. .. it is never his fault…

      • and she told me “oh honey, you dont know me, i am still married…. ”

        Oh, well! That just shuts down your snippy implication that she’s a slut with no respect for the institution of marriage, doesn’t it? Yup, she sure told you!

  • I have a book full of these but I’ll just do some highlights. From the early days is was sexually explicit texts full of how she couldn’t wait to sit on his face, suck him off on his office chair, shag him until his balls ached etc etc. Even now 14 years on it fills me with disgust that I saw those messages. So intimate, so personal and so very wrong for the wife of a married man to read them from someone else to her husband.

    At one of the few truly horrific occasions when she insisted on turning up at school events in the early days, she turned to me and said “oh, he’s doing that grumpy thing – you know how he is” – as though we were friends!!!!! WTAF?

    Nowadays, she sends me emails on various subjects. The most recent one was explaining how very hard it is for my ex-H to pay the minimum amount of maintenance that the government here in the UK expect absent parents to cough up for their children. Of course, it isn’t hard for him to buy a Landrover, Quooker taps, Sonos sound systems, three ski-ing holidays a year and a super-jazzy summer holiday but it is really hard for him to contribute to his children’s upbringing. Apparently, she tells me, “it is all so emotionally fraught for him”! I never reply but I do forward the emails on to all my girlfriends and they say all the right things & laugh at her & him & that helps hugely.

    • Sorry you still have to hear from her Nigella. And how cruel you are to insist on child support instead of allowing him a FOURTH ski holiday each year!?! He’s emotionally fraught over it, poor baby!

    • when she told you “oh, he’s doing that grumpy thing – you know how he is” – as though we were friends!!! .. .. you should have told her ” well, maybe you need to suck him off in his office chair until his balls ached.. .. i am sure that always put him in a good mood .. ..just like you used to do”

  • Homewrecker: “I want your body”
    STBX: “Like the desert needs rain”

    I can’t make this shit up.

    • OK, now I’m flashing on the episode of Gilligan’s Island when the women are singing as “The Honeybees”

      “You need me! You need me!
      Like the desert needs the rain…
      Like a bathtub needs a drain…
      Like my jock itch needs Lanacane…
      You need me!”

    • “Like the desert needs the rain” = not at all needed, in fact, more a tiny bit would be ruinous to that environment?

  • STBX’s young girlfriend said that she understood exactly what my kids were going through. As a matter of fact she understood it from both sides. And that spending time with STBX and her may be a little uncomfortable but spending time together is the only way to get through this transition. Neither of my older two want anything to do with her.

    1. Her parents split up when she was about 6. My two oldest are 13 and 15. Their understanding of the situation is vastly different.

    2. She is 24. How exactly does she understand what it is like to parent children through divorce.

    3. Her parents both remarried and she loves her stepparents. Difference is that these relationships happened after the divorce not while her mom was pregnant with her sister.

    4. She had a couple years to spend separately with each parent without a third party involved. My STBX moved right in with her which means essentially that the only way for my kids to stay with their dad would mean also staying with her. My kids have an issue with that especially considering that their parents are still married.

    5. And finally, she just graduated with a masters in clinical mental health.

    • OMG. To think of someone like this ending up as a marriage counselor.

      • Exactly. I asked STBX, since he had a resident psychologist to be, what the EXPERTS would recommend about introducing a new significant other to the children while you are still married. That is when he let me know what she said. Instead of going to what she should be learning from experts, she is spouting this crap from “her experience” instead.

        That is scary to realize that she will be counselling others. What is she going to tell the child who is brought in by their parent to help them deal with their parent’s divorce? Just suck it up and pretend to be happy for your cheater parent and his AP? That the kids’ needs are unimportant?

    • GetMeFree, that is ridiculous…and so condescending to you and your kids.

      My STBX’s ho is also pushing some master plan for how best to ease my very young twins and her older kids into “their new family” by throwing them into some big vacations together..She apparently knows more about it than me because her parents are divorced AND she is now a self-branded “life coach” consultant. Barf.

      That 24-year-old has some serious growing up to do. How insulting. She needs to use her new schooling to analyze herself.

      • Stupid people. You start slow and small. You give kids TIME to accept the new relationships. Why is it that I have spent the time to research how best to do this and I am not even dating? Simple…I give a shit about my kids. And I know that this is something they will eventually have to accept into their lives. Cheaters just want what they want when they want. What is best for their kids is inconsequential.

        • Our marriage mediator thinks I need to encourage the kids to have a relationship with Schmoopie for their sake. I think it would be in the best interests of the kids for him to ditch Schmoopie wait until a year after the divorce is final and then start dating again and then maybe eventually introduce the kids to a new SO. This would prevent them from being in the awkward position of having to warm up to the woman who conspired with their Dad to tear our family apart.

          • That is why CL calls it the shit sandwich. That mediator was essentially saying that cheater deserves to have a relationship with the kids on his terms and that to have a relationship with their dad means they have to have a relationship with AP. What they kids want doesn’t matter.

    • God help us! Nit wits, flakes, freaks, selfish kooks working as marriage counselors!

  • Never married, childless OW commenting on cheater boy’s pre dday Father’s Day FB post of a pic with our son: “You are such a great dad!”

    Mic drop.

  • When I was in full marriage police mode, I intercepted a text from Pookie to the Worm complaining that………wait for it…………”no one will ever commit to me”…………Bwahahahahahaha

  • Chat exchanges (also perfect for the robotic-voiced Schmoopie Soulmate videos):

    Her: “I am glad we have found each other.”
    Him: “We have found each other. You are my other.”


    Him: “I am glad you think I am hot. That is not a position that I am acquainted and comfortable with.”
    Her: “You get so formal when you are flustered.”

    • You are my other. Lol. Other woman…other side piece…other than my wife…

      • Funny how she is his Other and yet he calls her the same pet names he used for me. Guess it’s too much work to think up something original.

        • A toaster is a toaster to these puddle deep fuckwits.

          Be thankful you know your worth and got out, one way or another.

        • Yep. We are all interchangeable. And if things don’t work out with this one, he will call the next one the same pet names.

          My STBX takes AP to the same restaurants he took me, buys her the same bouquets of flowers from the same store, makes her the same meals, etc. He even bought Christmas stockings for the two of them with their names on that look eerily like the ones we got for our first home (20 years ago). They are truly messed up in the head.

  • This is really humiliating, but will share, nonetheless. A FB exchange that happened long before I had a clue, but during a time, I now know, that cheater boy and slut were well into things.

    Me: Posts cute FB photo of my good doggy.

    Cheater boy comment: He is beautiful, just like his mommy! (Meaning me, of course. Sigh.)

    Slut: Wow, Cashmere, your cheater boy sure is Mr. Romantic!

    So, yup. That happened.

    You truly cannot make this shit up. And the strength it takes to stand up under the burden of such humiliating abuse should never be underestimated. I mean, who does that? Why is that fun? Will never grasp it.

    • Don’t let her torture you on social media! The crazy woman tries with me for sure. Her latest was a raunchy rated R movie she put up as a recommendation. The song in the movie was lamenting the love of a younger woman. (She is nine years younger) and had the same amount of kids we have but the wife in the movie was bipolar and killed herself. She preaches in her church. It is so bizarre that I find it comical! I pray you get to that point. Every now and then in the midst of her love fest with herself on FB, she puts up something that shows her crazy. I sleep well at night!!

      • No worries, Kay. Have long since blocked them both, but at the time I was the innocent, so apparently humiliating me subversively was a fun game. Nice, right?

      • Kay, the OW in my case will go through phases of posting sugary sweet inspirational quotes or doggy photos, but every now and then you will get a waggy-fingered rant where she shares some thoughts she has had about how ‘she loves everyone to get along, but there are people out there who need to reflect on themselves and their actions’, then proceeds to post basically a laundry list of slights that she feels other people (without naming names of course, because the phrase ‘passive aggressive’ is her middle name) have perpetrated against her. The weird thing is that these all seem like massive projection, as the list of behaviors/attitudes perfectly describe her. Apparently this is a thing with BPDs, they are absolutely blind to their own faults but will accuse everyone else of the things they are guilty of. I just screen shot it and there have been times I have been tempted to troll her with it, but she is one of those people who takes pre-emptive action with The Narrative, so she has shit-talked everyone involved to her circle, with made up stories of why others might be mad with her behaviour, usually because others are ‘bitter’ and ‘jelus’. Yeah bitch, you’re squeaky clean in your own mind, because noone has ever had it as tough as you, so you paint the natural consequences of your shitty behaviour as others victimizing you.

    • Cashmere, Im gonna come sit in your corner of humiliation with you (I like you so its OK).

      When I finally got the wreckonciliation I so desperately hoped for, I had been through months of “I dont love you, I love OW” nowdeadcheater never got around to claiming to love me although we were supposedly “together”.

      So one day I said to him “If at any point you realize that you love me, you might want to mention it” and his response was

      “Considering how much I love the dog and you, there is no room for anyone else” (like OW, Im supposing) wow…if that isnt a declaration of devotion for the ages, I dont know what is. Should I add that we had 3 kids together?…not sure why he forgot them.

      On another occasion, after I had hoped for a Hollywood sort of reconciliation with roses, diamonds and proclamations of undying love…this is what I got: “when we hang up from speaking on the phone, I might say I love you because on some level I probably do”….now you all go out and live a life based on such heartfelt commitment.

      • I asked him in a txt ‘tell me why you want to come back to me and the kids’ reply ‘I’ve already told you’
        I asked again and got same reply.
        Holy wtf. Not even crumbs!
        Oh well his life is a pile of shit now, he’s alone trawling the net for hoes, he’s good at that, is in debt, renting and having to work two jobs to make ends meet. Things are looking up for me and the amount of people who have cone out to support me and tell me what a fucking douche he is and I will be better off without him is great.

    • Jesus I’ve been there too. One of the many sluts my ex ran through over the years was also a “friend” of mine IRL and on FB. This particular one was a weapons grade slunt who I only found out had been another one of his conquests years and years later.
      On my 14th wedding anniversary on Fb I posted “14th wedding anniversary today, still truly, madly, deeply” Slunt liked it and commented “congratulations! ” I now know that this was when he had been balls deep into her nearly every lunchtime in the back of a caravan on a parking lot. #Romantic
      She also posted a status one day after she had been to see a movie “Just been to see It’s Complicated. It’s LOL funny!! Recommend to all! ?” (it’s a movie about infidelity BTW.)
      My ex wasn’t and isn’t on fb this wasn’t for his benefit.
      I don’t know the ins and outs but there’s some weird psychology going on in the OW brain that leads her down the affair road. Let’s be honest there’s no shortage of single men in the world who will line up for NSA sex. These tragic women get something extra out of the fact that they’re hurting another woman. I guess its super validating kibbles a go-go when you get to feel superior to another woman as well as get a new boyfriend? I don’t know and never will, I have self esteem.

      • Yes, self-esteem, and sanity! Hurting people for pleasure is crazy, and I will never get it. Do they kick puppies and pull the wings off of butterflies in their spare time, or what?

        BTW, my dog is very good looking. Regal, even. So there’s that. Snort.

        Also, he is loyal.

        • It appears there are an awful lot of these no self esteem vicious broken women out there. I had no idea and quite frankly I couldn’t give a shiny shit about any of them. What really threw me for a loop was that I didn’t think my husband was such a classless Jerry Springer guest type of toothless single celled amoeba to have even spoken to such an item of human flotsam as these skank ass women. Much less touched one. Barf

          • Same. Idiot cheater was always the BIGGEST protester of cheating and cheaters. He didn’t even like watching things where people were cheating and we used to laugh at how awful and pathetic men that cheated were. How pathetic is a human being that is literally letting their life be run by an organ? And NOT the one that knows what to do (the brain). Then he tells me “I slept with someone else” and after d-day all the revelations of what the whoremat is really like. OMFG she is such a damaged POS it is UNREAL. If I were going to cheat I’d at least make the risk worth it! Trade up! (I would never ACTUALLY cheat) It’s all image management with these whores! You aren’t going to tell some guy you’re looking to snag (in my case the whoremat was looking for a direct replacement for her own POS cheating husband) that you’re fucked up and an idiot doormat and that you’ll sleep with literally ANYONE that will pay you one minute of attention. She’s also chronically ill and has a kid with someone that raped her and has many many other shining qualities that you’d look for in a partner

      • Last OW really liked poaching men away from their partners. Like a girl in 6th grade, except she was 46 ?
        X told me one day that she said to him- Once I get the guy, then I really don’t want him anymore.
        I think he told me that, because then I could just keep pick me dancing, and eventually I could get him to myself! Jeeeze! We’d been married over 30 years.
        They both were stuck in middle school in their heads!

      • I have never been on Facebook. I think I will keep it that way.

        • Me too, not a FB fan. Cheater was also anti FB but just 3 days before DD1 my son was watching a video on his phone and i then saw a FB icon. In his profile photo he was posing in a hotel room in a tropical scenery (not with me !??) and in the mirror behind him there was a reflection of a green woman’s purse on a chair. I think now that photo, plus his being glued to his phone and emotional and physical distancing was what led me to his phone one night. The rest is history.

          • Mine hated Facebook. He made a fake profile that kept coming up on his phone. He kept denying it but finally confessed that it was his but told me he Never went on it. Oh… sure! Pretty sure that was how they communicated. I left lovely messages for her. Somebody was reading them.

      • I read something about mate poaching and a study they did. Apparently when women see men in a relationship they are more attractive.

        I WILL admit my favorite pieces of man candy happen to be David Beckham and Chris Hemsworth both MEGA HOT dads. And when I see them being with their kids I want to leap on them like some sort of deranged sexual tiger ? BUT I also have an immediate feeling of if I did that it would ? RUIN everything that I find so hot and attractive about them. The way they dote on their wives and adore their kids is HOT but it’s only hot because they are so committed. ☹️? (And now I want to go cry in my abandoned wife cave of sadness)

        • Shelby – that article is interesting, thank you for posting. Being in a relationship already pre qualifies a man as “relationship material” in these OW eyes. I guess they don’t know that in the majority of cases being willing to open their legs to a married man automatically DISqualifies them as relationship material to the men using them for easy sex. Dumb as a bucket of rocks.
          Oh btw, Chris Hemsworth and David Beckham? Totally support your choice of fantasy lover! Delicious

      • Yep, part of Poor Me BPD’s pleasure in her EA with Mr Cheaterpants was that she was taking down a SAMH that was “entitled as fuck, and she doesn’t even know it”. Apparently, I had the ‘support’ of my partner to help me with our infant daughter, where as noone had ever in the history of the world had it as hard as she had when raising her daughter as a single mom (And I know, it wouldn’t have been easy, but reading their exchanges, whenever Mr CP mentioned stuff we were dealing with with baby, PMBPD would always chime in with, ‘Oh, I had it ten times harder’ type stuff, you’re wife is a pussy (She actually called me this on multiple occasions, despite bemoaning how childbirth had wrecked both her body and libido for a year after her own birth experience, and knowing that I was dealing with perinatal anxiety issues that I was receiving professional help for)) so she was entitled to take whatever she wanted, I guess because I deserved to have taste of what life had been like for her. Never mind she is a hot mess who couldn’t keep a normal relationship together to save her life, but nooo, I deserved to be taken down, obviously because she liked the look of our relationship, and thought she could just slot in there.

        • Stig, OW totally fascinate me in an abstract psychological way. They appear obsessed with the wife way more than they are obsessed with the man they’re banging. Whether they know her or whether she’s a stranger doesn’t seem to matter it’s the wife that consumes their thoughts. They have more issues than The New York Times. Pffftttt

          • LOL, this reminded me of when OW was desperately trying to get my X, she started dressing like me! I work in healthcare, and she started walking around in blue scrubs, I almost spit out my coffee when I looked across the street! She didn’t work, her previous job was bookkeeping. She must have been trying to figure out why X wouldn’t leave me, so started trying to look like me. I could have told her, the reason was CAKE, and she had joined the harem ?

            • What is it about them attempting to look like the wife? She stalked me for well over a year and one day I had on ripped jeans. Next time she approached me she had on the same. Now she’s wearing a wig the same color and length of my hair. Her’s is damaged and frizzy.

              Well they can try all they want but will always be the OTHER woman. Do they really believe a serial cheater love’s them? I doubt it. She saw exactly how he operates. Married, sitting at a bar picking up a fuck. Yup, just look at that prize.

              • LMAO! What are they like??!!!
                Scrubs and wigs. I can’t even…

              • The OW in my case tried to immolate me right down to my hobbies. She changed her appearance to look like me. So much so when my husband posted a picture of her on Facebook our friends thought it was picture of me. I’ve hunted most of my life. The OW has never touched a rifle. Low and behold she drags my husband to a gun show to pick out a hunting rifle for her. It’s been 4-5 yrs since she has purchased it and she has never been in the woods hunting. My X is of Finnish decent. she now states she is Finnish also. She is of Scottish decent. They tend to mirror what their romantic interest is looking for in a partner. What better target then the wife/husband. I’m sure if I would of bragged I had a large boil on my ass my husband loved to fondle she would of produced one also.

          • I know Ninja, it’s like some kind of primal female jealousy with some of them, that THEY SHOULD have had the kind of life we’re living, thinking it somehow magically appeared out of thin air, totally missing any point of how much blood sweat and tears have been put into building a good life, and the kind of investment that goes into the relationship with the partner, kids, the sacrifices involved. It pleases me though that they think this is some kind of self supporting system held together by unicorn tears and luck, because they just seem so damn puzzled when it implodes on them in a heap, because they won’t put any effort in.

            • The ex’s whore in my case was a delusional hot mess, as well.

              I talked to her once, on the phone, that was all I could stomach. She called ME a c$#t, threatened me, told me how fat, lazy, jealous, insecure I was. And that she HATED me. WHY does this chick Hate me?? That doesn’t even make sense. I believe it is because ow are the jealous, insecure ones. She was a fucked up mess at any rate. That one conversation changed the entire way I viewed my ex and our marriage cause only a loser would have gotten involved with that whore, married or not.

              • Anita, that is scary. Poor Me BPD would rattle the cage when angry with Mr Cheaterpants and make threats (to him) that if we ever came face to face I had better watch out, she would bring the crazy and I would come off second best. However, the one time she threatened to get in touch with me she sent a weak-ass message disavowing any action on her part and saying that Mr Cheaterpants wasn’t her type. And the other time I got in touch with her to have a civil conversation about monies lent, she told me to stop harrassing her. Haha, these people. So I’m glad she was all bark and I didn’t have the horrible experience you did. But yeah, deluded, big time, all of them.

              • Thank you, Stigof the chump. Oh, I never heard another word out of that whore. She changed her phone, number after that. I know this because I caught creepy cheater contacting her after that and got rid of his loser ass.

                Even though we had mutual friends, she makes herself very scarce like the cockroach she is. She’s like a low rent fucking ghost. I think it shocked her I called her cause under the Ric advice of “Don’t contact AP, they will hurt you…”. Everything they tell you is designed to keep you in the cheater triangle. I wish I’d confronted the slut years before I did. Someone I’d convinced myself she was some sort of glamorous career woman when she was a desperate middle age whore nobody wanted except for an easy lay.

              • Sorry, I forgot to say that she got away with me not confronting her for so long due to the RIC that it had to have shocked her when I did. It disgusts me I didn’t call her and tell her she could have his nasty cheating ass, which is what I told her when I did call.

              • And yes, you do end up thinking so much less of your cheater (Apart from all the other shit) when the person they choose to get involved in is absolutely crazy…

              • Yes, that’s exactly how I felt. This crazy pathetic whore is your Dream Girl? Seriously??? Of course, from the fact that I could not get rid of him , like all the rest of these cake eaters, he knew she wasn’t all that. He just liked to make me think she was.

    • Just take solace in the fact that they are soulless without any trace of a conscience.

      My STBX had his young girlfriend come babysit our kids once. I believe this was before they were physically involved but I have come to learn that the emotional entanglement would have already started by then. She worked for him at the time. Makes you feel clueless and like a complete fool for ever trusting them.

      • My ex brought the first Schmoopie over for dinner with our family and her daughter. That’s when it was ‘only’ an emotional affair. I already knew something wasn’t right, there. Apparently in his mind (as he explained to me later) it was so she’d see he was a committed family man, and not expect anything more than friendship.

        It appears it never occurred to him that not fucking her might have worked. Or even, you know, not hanging out so much with her, alone, just the two of them ….

        • My x also invited Schmoopie into our house. I think it’s part of the disorder, that they get the “rush” out of getting one over on you, especially by seeing you and the OW/OM together. I’ve heard it called “Duper’s Delight.” Really highlights the sheer and very deliberate cruelty of it all, and not just the selfish entitlement.

          • OW came on holidays with us to our holiday home. Often. Never brought food or wine, but loved my catering. Enjoyed my food, wine, sex with my beloved partner …

            The humiliation. She was an old friend of mine, who he purported to only tolerate because of my friendship with her. They fucked in my bed there. Lots. I wondered how often they touched/kissed/etc each other when I was in another room or out for a walk – usually playing with her child, or finding something to entertain him (she discarded him the minute she walked in our doors) whilst our (much older) kids were expected to deal with his spoiled, misbehaving self.

            She even came there on her own. Just us two ‘gal pals’ (how jolly, right?) having some time out together. Wine, laughs, chat. I don’t know why she felt the need to do that. Play me for the fool I so obviously was. Did it make their sex life hotter? Probably. He says not, that he hated she came. But hey, when I asked if they’d ever fucked in my bed he was ‘horrified,’ “no way! What kind of monster do you think I am?” They fucked everywhere else in my house. But our bed was sacred. PMSL. Later, when I worked out they were fucking in our bed at the lake house, I confronted him with his denial. “But that wasn’t OUR bed.” Riiiiiiiiiiight. Backing away quietly now……

            • How horrible. These double betrayal cheaters are part of the dark triad (pregnancy cheaters, illness cheaters, and cheaters who cheat with your friend or family member). Your story makes my blood boil. The faux outrage, “Of COURSE I wouldn’t fuck in our bed!” but of course that’s exactly what they did.

              It’s when you ask yourself, “Would or could I ever do that? Go into someone else’s home knowing I’d done them a terrible wrong, and just sit there chatting it up like everything was peachy keen?” Put aside you would never have done the terrible wrong in the first place. But to walk in and act like nothing was wrong, and so much WORSE, actively court such an encounter–

              That’s a stone cold sociopath, right there.

              • Sorry, hit enter too soon. Meant to say that it’s when you ask yourself that question that you really see who these pod people are.

              • horses

                Absolutely, these two are sociopaths. I have no doubt he brought more than one into my bed. I have allergies and I kept wondering what was making me sick. After I threw him out I was pulling dog hairs out from under the baseboard.

                I reclaimed every inch of my home. My adult son takes care of the house when I’m away for the week working. The level of disorder it takes continues to blow me away.

              • He honestly felt that not fucking in our primary bed was some kind of heroic move, FMT! He argued that the lake house bed wasn’t as ‘sacred.’ Hmmm.

                It took me a few months to understand that she was a sociopath. My old friend. Not only did she feel no remorse nor guilt, she blamed me and told me (via texting him, yep, he didn’t change his number, and she refused to talk to me, painting me to our mostly Switzerland ‘friends’ as unstable and deserving of the cheating) I was overreacting. Yep. Getting chlamydia and HPV is nothing.

                Thank you for your kind comments.

              • She is 1000% a sociopath. He is mortified and deeply remorseful. He definitely had a breakdown. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t own his shit. Or that I was able to continue in with him. 29 mostly truly wonderful years together. And he gave it all away for a few very average pumps on a sociopathic maggot who brought nothing but toxicity to the table.

            • After I threw Pervy Pants out……I tossed all the bed linens….and sold the “adultery bedroom set” for pennies on the dollar.

              I got rid of the porn/masturbation couch too!

              • I had a linen burning ceremony, leavingthecrap. Couldn’t afford to get rid of the bed itself.

                In my current Masters research, I have spoken with a participant who still lives in the house she once shared with her cheater. She has never gone into the porn room. For over a year, since she kicked him out. Where her cheater masturbated and live sex chatted, etc. Ewwwww! She has just listed the house for sale and knows she needs to go in and ‘clean.’ Yuck!

            • OMG Horsesrcoim that’s a gut punch right there OW was seriously messed up. No “normal” person does that.

              I have a similar story. OW left her DD at another friend’s house then came to our house in the middle of their affair (I has no idea) and wanted to stay over because her husband “threw her out” because he was such a bad man. She gave me such a sob story I felt sorry for her and let her sleep on the couch for the night. Cheater H was there also. Now I know I think WTF? Did she get off on doing this? Did they have a good laugh afterwards? So humiliating now I know what was going on. 🙁

            • Horsesrcumin–your betrayal story, like so many, is chilling. The extended attempt at humiliation of the loyal spouse gives a pretty clear window into the mind and diseased heart of cheaters. I’m sorry for your double betrayal.

              • Riley and Tempest, this was not a sleazy kind of guy with boundary issues. He was kind, appeared exceptionally emotionally intelligent, and we were very much in love. He is devastated at his actions. But he did it. All of it.

                I had the experience of growing up in a happy family. And then as I was just about off to university, a really weird guy turned up and kind of demanded he be put up for the night. We lived 3kms up a no exit road. No one else lived on our road. It wasn’t a case of getting lost, or running out of petrol. Turned out my Dad was fucking him. Anonymous (yeah right) sex in public toilets when Dad attended farming conferences in cities. Nice. In the next few months my, to quote The Simpsons, “nice, normal family,” was blown apart. I understand the unexpected guest on the couch. I think Dad told Mum that night that he was someone he’did taken pity on when his parents/wife or some such bullshit, kicked him out. Playroom. All the usual moves. Ick.

        • same, soon to be ex brought her to have a drink with us and we went out together. when i shamed him to have done that, he said it was for him to see ” reality”.

    • It’s true,Cashmere, the hubris and insensitivity of cheaters and APs should not be underestimated. Gradwhore issued an ultimatum to Hannibal Lecher while they were at a conference in Mexico together, so he called me for a divorce (though I did not know he was having an affair. He let gradwhore stay in the room while he asked for a divorce.

      Sixteen years together, two children, and he let the slutress hear our conversation. (He dumped her a week later instead. It took me 8 years to find out about his affair, and I will never forgive him for allowing her in the room to hear our emotional conversation. Whenever I got sentimental after the divorce, that one little nugget of information was sufficient to snap me right back into “hate him with the fire of a thousand suns” territory.)

      • Yes, exactly. The dog comment was a gift of sorts. One of too many memorable examples of why I need to be far, far away from that creeptastic sickness. Shudder.

    • Yes that’s bad. Some kind of sick power play thing. Similar stuff happened to me on FB before I knew what was going on too. I remember one post about a “good husband” quiz that CH sent me to fill in on FB. I filled it out and it said he was a great support and always had my back! Really! Skank liked this and said that her spouse was the same she felt so supported. But they were deep into their affair. Who does that? Were they having a good laugh at me (and her spouse) behind our backs? Arhhhhhhh!
      Peace to you all this weekend.

        • I blocked her and two of her friends who supported her. So this is also creepy (I think). My big dog died and everyone was very sympathetic as I had had him for 11 years. Skank posts a picture of her big dog (about the same size as mine) in a deep sleep on her FB banner (public-you can’t block this). My friends tell me about it and yes I reckon it’s a sick thing to try and get at me. But I am the innocent party here. Makes me mad I hope my dog’s ghost goes and bites her in the butt! At least I can laugh a bit at the Middle Grade stuff.

  • From a model who will remain unnamed to my ex: ‘your the sundae to my ? cherry- come eat me’. With a picture of her naked with whipped cream and chocolate laid out all over her body spelling my exes name with cherries in her crotch…

    God the list goes on and on. Really such stupid shit to all his prey.

    • He would say so much – to one Russian model he wrote ‘ let’s run away to the keys and I’ll give you all those babies you want. We can live on the beaches naked and ill make you org#%^m all day’

    • That is ghastly, really… spelling crotch cherries? I hope his name isnt really long…like if she could fit “ALEXANDER” written in cherries, she would have to have quite a landing strip of a crotch.

      • BWAHAHAHAHA! Or Sebastian, or Bartholomew, or Agamemnon, or Giancarlo…

        Thank you for my first belly laugh if the day! ?

        • Agamemnon…good one. Glad to make you laugh. My husband didnt ask why I was yucking and cackling…thank goodness, it would have been hard to describe.

    • Good Lord! It astounds me that there are so many women out there who make living out men’s sexual fantasies their ultimate goal in life. Why do they demean themselves like that? It’s the kind of thing that makes me want to say “get a life”.

  • one and only time I spoke to OW on Dday. “I am just being his friend” “but you are sleeping with him” “He told me he was separated” “but he wasn’t” “I’m just being his friend”. A 52 year old divorcee. I did text her to get checked for STD’s as he admitted he was sleeping around without protection. She is still with him.

    • In other words, don’t make me face the reality of what I am and what I have Done

  • In my case, I had access to CheaterX’s texts with Schmoopie. I always refer to her as Schmoopie by the way. My lawyer liked the term so much she’s using it with her other clients who’ve experienced infidelity. Anyway, I started taking screens of the conversations with my own phone because I wanted to remind myself that this really was happening, and that when CheaterX started treating me nicely, he was lying to me.

    Their texts were penned by adolescents on a steady diet of teen romances. Here’s a sample:

    Schmoopie to CheaterX:

    I want to be with you and only you there is no one else and will not be I believe you are my soul mate it just kills me I can’t love you and be with you I guess I will have to find you in another life time you are everything to me

    Then there’s this sort of exchange. Schmoopie had just sent him some photos off her.

    Schmoopie: You should have a total of 4 new pictures. I thought you might like them.
    CheaterX: Beautiful.
    Schmoopie: I am so glad you think that about me. I think I am down to earth beauty.

    This was typical of pretty much everything they wrote to each other.

    For what it’s worth, she moved into the marital home the day after I moved out. They were married 3 months later. That was about a year ago. She moved out in February to be with the married man who was having an affair with her about 7 years ago or so. She filed for divorce last month, not even a year after she married CheaterX. It is highly likely that she was cheating on CheaterX at the same time he was cheating on me.

    Someone asked me if I’d give CheaterX another chance. Nope. Anyone stupid enough to have an affair with Schmoopie is too stupid for me to be with. Cheating is bad enough as it is, but cheating with someone on the level of Schmoopie? Sheesh!

    • OMG, yes! The OW wrote a lot about how they were ‘soul mates’ and how she was ‘dreaming about you’. One of the most ridiculous was; “I feel so excited… as though this is the beginning for us. It almost feels like we haven’t made love before. Like someday it will be the first time.” And don’t get me started on the ‘woe is me’ shit she sent. He missed her birthday, ohnoes! A very long soliloquy about how she just wanted to the most important person in someones life for a change instead of taking care of everyone else. Exassholes apology was epic…at that point we were separated even though he refused to move out of the house. The stupid shit bought that he was still sneaking out and couldn’t make it. He pretended to her that I was policing him when I was begging him to leave.

      He wrote in a notebook that he didn’t want to be with her, she was too needy. Years later he’s still living off her and with her…I do not feel sorry for her at all, read enough to know they deserve each other. Two teens in 50+ year old bodies who lack empathy but fake it very well. They are in fact soul mates if I believed in such a thing.

    • {Someone asked me if I’d give CheaterX another chance. Nope. Anyone stupid enough to have an affair with Schmoopie is too stupid for me to be with. Cheating is bad enough as it is, but cheating with someone on the level of Schmoopie? Sheesh!}

      YES!!!! wasband attempted suicide last oct.. he was so miserable. *poor sad sausage* i guess leaving your boring but loving, supporting, encouraging, forgiving, hard working wife and admiring/idolizing children for another mans wife and the neighborhood party girl who abuses him, beats him, leaves him stranded and yells belittlements at him all day is oh so miserable (but she drink with him and lets him drink as much as he wants).. .. ..

      in a weak moment i contacted him and we started talking again.. . (again, poor little manchild, she treats him so bad.. .*wait, isnt that what he told her about me*).. .. so many of his family were calling me and texting me about his attempted suicide.. .. people i didnt even know had my phone number or how did they get my phone number.. .. anyhow his little sister asked me if i would “take him back when he gets out of the hospital”.. .. and even thou i still love him (in a way) and i missed him (the old him before the meth and demon got ahold of him) .. .. there is NO WAY i would take him back.. .. for the same reason.. .. anyone who is stupid enough to leave his own wife and kids for someone like her (a woman who left her own husband and abandoned her own kids) is too stupid for me to be with.. .. .. besides i have never dated and i never will date a man who abandoned his kids, doesnt pay child support and blames his baby momma for everything… ..

      • Yeah, my ex destroyed our relationship, his relationship with his kids, threw away our great home and life and circle of friends and family for a slunt who hit on him at work, who he’d known for less than 2 months. Within 6 months he was telling me ‘that was never meant to be a long-term relationship’. Like that’s gonna make me feel better!

        Just unbelievably stupid. Later he wrote me about what a waste it had all been, of time, money, emotion ….. do ya think?

        The man has a Ph.D in plasma physics and an MBA, and is soooooooo dddduuuuummmmmmbbbb! Way too dumb to ever deserve to anywhere near me again!

        • It’s so unfortunate when they are looking for empathy once they have to face the consequences. And still no real remorse or empathy about what the cost was to you and your family. Why is it such an oversight for these assholes.

    • I can’t tell you how many people who repeatedly told me NOT to ever take him back after the final DDAy. I am so thankful he took her to a private Halloween party that included many people who knew he had cheated and that I filed.They reported her odd looks and inappropriate behavior. He was also uninvited to stand up at a wedding last year because she was an embarrassment.

      He had roped my kids into believing his narrative and I’m sure they regret ever believing his lies. It’s one thing to have your parents divorce and another to see what they dredged up from the bottom of a dumpster. I’m hoping he has a long, long relationship with this one as he deserves exactly what he got.

  • After texting other woman and her responding how they have only been professional at work and blah blah blah…. I asked her if her husband knew she met married men alone in her home for meetings? She told me her husband was aware of our conversation…. Right!! She also told me she wouldn’t want to be in her shoes and she would be praying for me. My final words to her were… You only need to be praying for yourself!!

  • x to Twu Wuv (teen webcam whore): Last nite was divine! I want to fill your belly with babies and get married and change diapers the rest of our lives.

    Twu Wuv: U so cute!!!!

    PS “Last nite” was a masturbatory session w/ x huddled over an iPad screen jerking off

    PPS x never met Twu Wuv (“the only person who’s ever understood me) because she lives in another country and is a teen and is a prostitute

    • “fill your belly with babies”

      Is that like stuffing a Christmas stocking? Overfilling the grocery bag?


  • I found a valentine’s day card om sent to ew, the day I was first meeting with my lawyer.

    In the upper corner of the card he wrote “Chicken Scratch” and underlined it.

    “Hey you!
    This is for you. You’re having a rough Tuesday. Keep your chin up! I brought you kisses and hugs XOXO

    -enjoy the journey, live the adventure. Be happy. Be loved. Be you “

  • “I know how wrong it is but you are consuming my every thought to distraction.” Ugh. Text from my so called friend to my cheater husband.

    • They are so common, exassholes said; ‘you are eating my brain, can’t think of anything else’

  • I never conversations between them, just a couple of notes she left in his car etc. “Life is too short to be unhappy. Do what YOU need to do to be happy”. Yup, she gave him permission to break up his family. And she also sent him a picture comparing his horoscope sign to hers and how compatible they are. Makes me want to puke!

    • yep.. .. hood rat troll whore enabled, encouraged and supported wasband to leave his wife and abandon his kids.. .. . she makes him “Feel Better” about being an alcoholic, meth head loser where all i ever did was made him “feel bad, thats all you do”.. .. because you know, who should feel bad about cheating on their wife and choosing alcohol/drugs/whores over their family.. .. .
      *rolls eyes*

    • Her tag line on g plus was ‘Life’s too short to be unhappy’
      Yeah bitch, you made everyone unhappy and broke up my family and pissed off your husband.
      Fairy dust has all blown away now and we are all sorting through the wreckage.
      Soul/ less mates no more.

  • after months of pursuit, emails professing his love for me-I learn he has a live-in long-term unmarried relationship, (he is a serial cheater) lives in her house with his two grown sons and I ask why he didn’t tell me? HIM: “I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME”

    • i got the “I DID NOT WANT TO MAKE YOU MAD” answer.. .. really, why would i be mad that you are cheating on me and having sex with another mans wife?

  • In the back and forth letter I found, on the family computer, between my ex and his OW (they shared a Google Drive account to communicate because I guess texting and emailing constantly wasn’t enough) there was a lot of talk about true love and how their love was destined to be. They typed lots of hearts to each other ( <3 ) and talked about all their great sex and how it was the best ever because they truly loved each other. He told her he was scared of what would happen when he went with me and our kids to his parents house for Christmas (before I found out about her) because he couldn't bear to be out of contact with her for 2 days (his parents live way out in the country and don't have internet and our phone carrier at the time didn't provide service at their house). He told her that being with her felt like a dream until he looked at her pictures on his phone then he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her. She told him that he was the best and most perfect boyfriend she had ever had, except for him being married, and the he was the manliest man ever. Maybe all this sappy stuff is pretty common at the beginning of a relationship, I wouldn't really know since my ex is the only man I ever dated but the whole letter sounded like it was written by 2 seventeen year olds.

  • Grampwhore shmoopie like to send memes. One I found was about how when he sees my darling wife, it hurts so bad that he can’t kiss her or some shit. I thought she was dating a 14 yo girl when I found it. Just now I tried to search for it and 1 Direction songs pop up as the top links.
    They get off on the whole “romance” of forbidden “love”. Like 14 year old children apparently. Though, not as committed to it as Romeo and Juliet.

  • She, a child of an affair whose mother died when she was 17 – so she decided her boss could be her daddy – was claiming to be trying again with her cheating ex – named Romeo since she ‘didn’t want to break a marriage’
    My WH – 19 years older wrote:
    “It sounds as though there are issues with Romeo. Be very careful. Don’t ever settle for being second best’

    And you look hot and sexy LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS!’ (Before knowing who it was I had said he made her sound like a cross between Pretty Woman and a Disney Princess. I was spot on.
    Next morning he asked if his jogging trousers looked like rompers.

    I replied “If you are going to eroticise a Disney Princess then maybe rompers is the look you’re going for. And he had the gall to accuse me of always humiliating him!

  • So much material to pull from since the OW is a raging lunatic, some things funny now, some extremely cruel.
    1) In a heated convo with the whore, I tell her she will reap what she has sewn by helping to destroy a family, she tells me she wont because she is never going to get married because she sees what married people go through
    2) She tells me, who wants a man with 6 kids referring to my husband as she is pregnant with his 7th. So you intentionally have a child with a man you don’t even want because he has so many children already (but he thinks he is not being used but she has not worked in her adult life and he pays child support so she can sit at home and post on facebook all day)
    3) After our 7th child is still born (a few months after DDay), she tells me that’s what I get. She is cheating with a man who is married with 6 kids and our child dies and that’s what I get. Still makes me see red every time I think about it. And he continues to have sex with a woman who gloated that we had to bury a child. Sickening.

    • That is so awful and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. For what it’s worth I’m sending you good vibes and hoping that stupid whore gets run over by a bus!

    • cmh2015,
      I’m so sorry for your great loss…the passing of your beautiful 7th child….not the loss of your terrible husband. ((hugs))

    • what a horrible piece of trash!!!

      so sorry for the loss of your baby .. .. sending hugs your way.

    • There may be a special place in hell for someone who does this, Im so sorry.

  • Even though I never met her, nor saw a photo nor new her name until my parrot she tried to steal ratter her out, my OW tried to file a police report against me for my family exposing the inappropriate affair at work, like I had a choice who my xh had an affair with.

    She claimed to be “afraid for her life” of me. Me. Teacher of the year for my district. Ummmmm, no.
    They were told by the police to take their “reports” elsewhere. hahaha.

    My xh also told me that his girlfriend would never research me online (it was her husband doing the internet searches). He knew this because he knew “What a high caliber person she was.”

    • Your parrot ratted her out???!!! FANTASTIC!!! This is the stuff dreams are made of.

      • That story is easily one of my top 3 Chump Nation tales. “Who lives in a pineapple under the sea??….”

        (Tell it for the newbies, Magneto!!)

  • In his guitar case, I found a handwritten poem/song he wrote to sluntwhore and it shows his emotional development definitely stopped at the age of 12 or so instead of the 55yearold erectile dysfuntional monster he is …”Is this real love? I am the bee to your honey…you are the best wife, best mom, healer, when my lips touch yours…is this really possible to feel this way? Beauty queen, adventurer, my little sailor girl…”
    VOMIT. Where’s my poem for being a faithful and loving supportive wife who adored her hub for 26 years? Hmmm? Thanks for nothing, Peter Pan.
    However, I plan for it to become Exhibit A when we go to final settlement conference along with the string bikini he bought her and the secret phone with 18 pages containing hundreds of calls/texts/photos.
    Whore’s a serial homewrecker (4 short term marriages/broke up 3 other marriages/takes their $$) so learned to be careful about what she put in writing and didn’t find her responses.

  • I only heard OW’s statements second-hand,but it soon became clear when STBX was parroting her words. I’m thankful I never saw their texts.

    Among the more insulting gems:

    “(STBX) and I are meant to be because we have ‘a history'”.

    (Repeated by STBX) “She thinks you and your family only care about money”…(this after I was upset he’d kept 5 figures of secret debt from me).

    Also: not words but almost worse: I run my own business from home and have our two 3-year-olds in partial daycare so I can keep up. STBX didn’t understand why that was necessary …so pre-DD, OW sent me a complex Excel spreadsheet of how SHE managed her time to financially bring in $900/mo while working from home w kids. “maybe you’d like to adopt my plan?” she emails.
    It was such a weird (and insulting) move it put my suspicions in hyperdrive.

    • “history” argh

      So nowdeadcheater (who I was with since I was a teen for 21 years at the time this happened) told some story that he and OW were chatting and one of them told a funny story about their dad farting and the other one had a really similar story of that dad farting…the fact that their farting stories were so similar meant that their childhoods were similar so they had so much in common they belonged together.

      I have been meaning to offer her my spot being buried next to him since I dont want it…they have so much history after all

      • Don’t tell them about the book “Everyone Poops” it might make their magical connection seem less special

  • Cheater and I were separated because he was having an affair with co-worker 24 years younger . We have 3 grown children. She called him to tell him “Happy Father’s Day” a couple years ago. Our MC said that was like murdering someone and then saying “Sorry for your loss”.

  • Not from schmoopie and I can laugh about this now. At the time I was completely clueless at the time and only in hindsight realize what had actually happened.

    “40 up or 20 down” out of the mouth of a hooker who climbed into the passenger seat of the family minivan. I had just slowed down to leave the parking lot where I worked at the methadone/HIV clinic. She was somewhat shocked to see not only a woman but a healthcare worker from her doctor’s clinic in the driver’s seat. Scrambled out apologizing. At the time I was clueless…just assumed she didn’t look to see who was driving when I slowed the car. I retrospect she might have recognized the vehicle.

    Only two people owned minivans the particular horrid colour of mine in the bloody province. Must have been the other minivan owner who was frequenting crack and heroin addicted prostitutes because she seemed pretty familiar with how to get into that seat!!!

    Don’t worry my screening for STDs a full decade later was clean. Maybe STBX didn’t shit in my kitchen (ie. use services of my own patients) but I would not put it past him.

  • My ex’s OM didn’t have anything smart or witty to say. He’s just a married d-bag that has a laugh that’s a cross somewhere between a hyena’s and Barney Rubble’s. He lied to my ex about divorcing his wife for her, and then stayed with his wife instead. I really don’t see what my ex saw in him, but then again, I’ve learned over the past few years that I didn’t really know her either.

    I read all of these comments, and I just marvel at the selfishness and stupidity of it all. There’s a saying that “there’s a lot of idiots out there” and it’s so, so true. I just wish I didn’t marry one of them.

    • Might have been banging my cheater. That’s his MO….we are separated, we are getting a divorce. (He just forgot to tell me!)

  • I heard her commend him on a performance he gave [which was not good regardless of my personal opinion of him]: “That was fabulous. I thought it was fabulous. You were fabulous. I hope everyone’s telling you how fabulous it was, because it was fabulous.”

    A 2-year-old needs his mommy!

  • Oh how to choose? I have all their texts and emails. It’s so rich with material for this topic. Here is one of their first texts, two days after they met in a bar and fucked two hours later.

    CH: We need to set some expectations here. I have a 40 year relationship to a woman I deeply love. I am not looking for an affair or emotional long term connection. This is the first time I have had sex outside of my marriage. (LIE) And it was fantastic. You are an incredible lover. I probably did it cause my sexual relationship with my wife is a bit stale and I needed to feel sexual again. You sure helped me there. But, interesting and funny as I find you, it can only be about sex and fun, not emotion as I cannot risk anything else. I’m not assuming anything about how you are feeling. Your thoughts?

    AP: How I am feeling? There are no feelings at all. I am going through divorce as you may remember. I am completely emotional UNAVAILABLE for anything except having some fun and escaping reality. I picked you because you talked about your spouse with love and respect. You would like to have sexual contact at this particular moment but your desire didn’t make you pretend that you don’t care about your wife. So many men do it! They think if they say that they don’t love their wives any more, it makes easier to lay down with somebody else. It is the wrong approach from my point of view. I am very glad to hear that you don’t jeopardize your family life with your body’s desires It is smart and means that you are a wise person with a clear mind. I had a fantastic night and morning with you. When and IF (a big IF) we meet again, I would not wish to have anything except another couple of hours of physical satisfaction.

    CH: Perfect answer! Couldn’t sleep much last night. Kept thinking of your body…

    • It’s like they say the lies they know are lies outloud so they can act on them. I mean, its crazy? Do they really believe their own shit?? Like do they not see how the other is lying to them???

    • Puke!

      Isn’t she just so classy…..she deserves to feel like she picked a good man who talks nice about his wife….while stabbing her in the back and completely ruining her world!

      Skanks….all of them! Eww!

  • My now ex-husband, told me the following after discovery, so I would know how hard this was on him.

    Cheater: I cried after the first time we f*cked because I told her I had an affair nine years prior and we worked through it.
    OW: maybe we should quit?
    Cheater: I don’t know…

    ME: really? you just fell into another vagina? You knew when that zipper was pulled down it was wrong.

    They had an affair for 9 months and it was with our best friends fiance’ and his assistant.

    They are now living together, happy? I think not, he wants to be back with me. “She’s not like you”… Nope, I was a committed wife of 25 years. I am younger than her, I am better looking than her and you could TRUST me… huh… funny how that happens.

    Kibbles, Narcissist. Entitlement. Character flaw. I felt like “they” won… but what he”won” was two people who cannot trust either (I hear that, “I think she has someone other than me”, oh really), and he lost his 4 kids, they won’t even speak to him and a really good wife.

    What did I win? not worrying where the f*ck he is, who is he chasing, (more kibbles), and when is the shoe dropping again. I won my own life and get to reinvent me now… at 53, it’s a bit hard, there are some jiggly parts to me, but have plenty of dates if I choose… the kids are out of the house, I have a great job and I can do anything I want to do without someone else now. Both gals are almost the spitting image of me too… I thought that was SO weird, but reading that more common… Chump Rev 3 isn’t at all like the original… =)

    I am not a chump anymore.

    • You are my hero!

      I keep trying to remind myself I am the winner here….she get’s all the bull shit….and I get peace and quiet….and a normal “boring” life.

  • This is what I discovered when I found my ex-wife’s secret email account that she created just for Schmoopie. By the way, schmoopie was an ex-boyfriend of hers.

    “I have missed you so much! I created this account just to talk to you! I think I married my husband for the wrong reasons. All I can think about is you. When I met you, I was a blank canvas of a woman and you showed me who I am. But I felt like I just ran away from you. There’s so much to talk about! I just want to be a helper to you…”

    And the guy fell for it hook, line, and sinker. He can have it!

    • So familiar! Yes OW was an ex of my STBXH’s. And much the same talk was said with them. He’s her “true north” and she’s his “lady of light.” I was and still am chopped liver. Sigh…