In the past, I’ve done a Cheater Freak Christmas Contest, but in honor of my week off, I declare some pre-holiday freak sharing is in order.
This is how the game is played. You determine what parts of your infidelity story make you Freak of the Week. I want the weird, WTF details.
For example, my husband and I know a fellow whose (now ex) wife had special wedding rings crafted for when she and her OM had trysts. That’s a contender!
The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s submissions, but each submission needs to be three brief sentences, tops.
For example, my submission would go like this.
1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.
2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.
3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.
Every day this blog is gathering new chumps and new stories. You veterans are more than welcome to submit your previous stories, (we never grow tired of BarristerBelle’s story of her ex who jumped around furiously in a sleeping bag). However, I must disqualify GladIt’sOver. She destroys the competition every time with her dancing Yeti ex and his gifts of half-eaten boxes of Wheatena. We’re amateurs here, Glad.
There’s no shame here at CN. Just the sweet relief that comes from leaving a freak. So BRING IT ON, chumps!
Ahhh, some good reading ahead to reward myself after school and studying.
I will have to think of something myself……thanks for sharing the photo yesterday, CL!! Hopefully you will be able to share some more with us!
My Ex talked me into moving from Texas to North Carolina, 8 months pregnant, to work it out. I came back on a Sunday. He had her moved into our house, sleeping in our bed by Tuesday. She’s such a nice and sweet girl you know… can’t upset HER!
My cheater brought the OW to my home to talk to me to give me closure.
omg, mine also tried to do that. :o I told him that if he ever brought that whore anywhere near me or my son, I wouldn’t be responsible for what happens. He took me seriously and didn’t go through with it.
I got to talk to one too!
When the mistress came to my house, her HUSBAND called while she was there. So, I had the (now) ex, her, and her husband via phone. It was a ridiculous soap opera. I made her leave.
What. the. ever. loving. F***?
Holy sh*t! HopeFloats80, please tell me you’re joking that he brought OW to your house to talk to you!? Ok, you win already, haha. That is crazy messed up. Gee, tell us what you did!
I’d be in prison, serving hard time if my cheater did that.
I recorded the whole thing of course. To kick her ass is what he wanted to watch a fight over him. No thanks I don’t like to get Whore on my hands. The recording is 30 mins of knee slapping hilariousness. I wish I could share it here 😂
Unbelievable, just unbelievable. Now THAT’S what I call a narcissist.
My stbx was screwing my best friend of 20 years..she wanted to come by and talk to me about it…I politely told her I would shoot her in the face backwards off my front porch…she never showed up.
Mine brought it home and had me give him money since his wife left him and took all his possessions. Of course, I didn’t know she was fucking grandpa, but still kinda bad I think.
Good lord, DunChumpin…talk about mindfuckery! The nerve!
What. the. ever. loving. F***?
😂😂 After I made him lunch. I’m assuming they found entertainment in this. I assure you, he would’ve left in a body bag if I knew he was the one fucking her.
Awesome response
Nobody2U – I’m sorry about what happened, but the way you responded made me laugh out loud reading it. Love that.
Like your solution for declining the request to talk.
Right on
I hope you “closure” the door in her face!
No. I entertained myself for 30
Mins. Little did I know at the time they spent the night before together. I gave her my blessing to take her knight in tinfoil and ride into the sunset. During wreckonciliation cheaterpants listened to it and I kid you not said “it sounds like you weren’t fighting for us”. Wtf. Sicko
OW who was sleeping in my bed in my house with my husband decided to text me that I should “stay away from her home”. Say what?!?! I’m still confused by this as I’m pretty sure that I own half the place.
Oh my fucking god— just unbelievable!
My brain just exploded
What. the. ever. loving. F***?
Annnnd, that takes the Cake right there. Holy shit, my head just exploded.
Ordinary, one would expect to be flabbergasted by this, but I have read and lived so much of this over the last three years that . . . Nope, I’m still flabbergasted by that one . . .
My cheater was at my apartment, in the middle of trying to do taxes and convince me to take him back. I walked into the living room to get our cat, and saw my roommates looking terrified on the second couch, and my soon-to-be ex-husband’s mistress on the first couch. She had discovered where I lived by going through the ex-husband’s old mail, and it showed up here because I guess, he had told her he wanted to leave her and work things out with me, and she wasn’t having it. They screamed for 10 minutes in my house and then I sent them outside to the porch and they screamed for 10 minutes out there.
The next time I spoke to him it was to finalize the divorce. You can keep that crazy train, you asshat.
Wow! Crazy story!
Sluterus wanted to help Cold Slab O’Meat move his things out. I told her she would enter my property at the risk of leaving with an icepick in her eyesocket. Slabbo moved his things all by his lonesome, including a leather sectional and a giant glass topped desk.
ThisFucker had the nerve to ask my 20 year old son to lend a hand. My son blinked, said No. Went back to choosing a paint swatch for the room he was clearing.
Boy, Bye!
This will be interesting today. I’ll be reading. As for my cheater, he wasn’t a freak; he was just a colossal asshole.
Same here. Totally unoriginal by-the-book cheater and total asshole.
These freaks have no shame, seriously No shame. Mind boggling
Yeah mine goes through great pains to appear “normal”. He wouldn’t be caught dead doing anything out in the open that could qualify as “freak”. In fact, I think that is part of what caused him to stray. He didn’t consider me and the kids “normal”. I prefer to think of us as unique and see that a positive thing.
I think that all goes to the tired tune of whatever you are is not what he wants (or rather, you are what he wants until he doesn’t want you anymore). These assholes are anything but normal — to not see his family for the unique “normal” that it is, and appreciate that life. His loss, really.
Agreed. And, I think that their denunciation changes with the wind as well — whatever suits their immediate interest.
Mine repeatedly fluctuated between calling me a whore and a puritan. He managed both as equal justification for his marriage-long deceptions.
(For the record, I’m not a whore. Married to the same guy (and faithful) for 23 years. But, even if I were (by whatever standard), fuck him … he shouldn’t have married me, then.)
When I got the laundry-list of my faults, he started off with I was “too holy” and finished with I was “too sinful” all in the same long, miserable conversation
Sounds like mine. Only yours is dead now!
Sounds like mine. Only yours is dead now!
Yup. Mine said that I was a “prude” because I didn’t find it necessary to drink constantly. This was after he had a severe brain injury from drinking too much. And of course, I stood by him during this time 3 years ago. Now that he doesn’t want to be “tied down” to me any longer, he feels he is free to drink and be with the howorker too. What a fuckface!
Yep, uninventive colossal asshole cheater X here too. Big thank you to the chumps with more “interesting” colossal asshole cheater Xs who are sharing their stories today.
1) We just found out 2 days ago that my ex-husband married his mistress LAST MARCH but didn’t bother to tell our children. In fact he went to great lengths to hide it. (They live several states away.)
2) He has step-children that live with them part time who have been really excited to meet my children!!
3) We found out from a random Facebook post.
4) Bonus round, just for kicks: He is still a Presbyterian pastor, and their whole church is so happy they found each other!
Twitching,
The bonus round: pathetic, what can anyone even say!?
Got to love the cheaters ability to manage their public image!
Please tell me you have informed the governing board for the church. That man should not be masquerading as a man of God.
Hm, pick up, move to another state, and reinvent yourself. Sounds very basic asshole to me. That bonus though…that he is the leader of any spiritual community makes my stomach turn. I am thinking his congregation doesn’t know the real story…
Not to diminish your freak of the week story. Hiding a marriage from you and your kids is prime stuff. Just saying that he’s no special snowflake in general. But I’m sure you know that.
Don’t assume the organization will care.
My current religious leader is on 5+ wives. One wife got pregnant while still married to another.
Has enough support that he is welcome to remain the spiritual leader.
Makes me sick.
(cannot change as there are no alternative institutions near me)
This is very true. A magnetic personality can be part of the make up of cheaters for sure (why else are some poor chumps attracted in the first place?), and quadruple that for spiritual/political/etc. leaders…you tend to need to have that characteristic in order to attract a following.
Makes me sick as well but then again we place so much trust in our clergy and think of them as people of integrity while they are just people and some of them are shitty narcissistic personalities that like to think of themselves as the chosen by god. It’s us, chumps, that also perpetuate this cycle by either keeping silent or placing so much trust in these people.
Rebecca – PLEASE leave that church!! Your post gave me chills! UGH.
Twitching – I don’t get how congregations are ok with this stuff. My ex and his AP are both pastors. Members of her church are thrilled about their relationship (they did finally marry). Even people further up in the denomination didn’t have a problem with the relationship. As for me, after 25 years as a pastor’s wife I no longer go to church due to the hypocrisy.
The Bible is clear about the eternal consequences that await adulterers & false teachers!
My heart breaks over all the people being lead astray because of them!
Betrayed Christian spouses are leaving churches and adulterers are now leading several churches. :/
Beyond sad
Unfortunately, the church turned into a corrupt organization run by corrupt leaders most of the time. And most of them are very charismatic personalities with the good twist of the tongue and saying all the right things. But look at the actions, as CL says. I am a Christian by not only belief but also by belonging to the people that adopted christianity first as the official religion. It’s ingrained in the culture and in our brains as well. But the church for me? Just 4 walls really. And run by corrupt priests. I was not always so cynical and I do know honest priests exist. Still need to find them.
bepositive
you wrote —
“My ex and his AP are both pastors. Members of her church are thrilled about their relationship (they did finally marry). Even people further up in the denomination didn’t have a problem with the relationship. ****As for me, after 25 years as a pastor’s wife I no longer go to church due to the hypocrisy.”***
WTF?
I’ve met about 5 men my age who seem interested or outright ask me out.
When I know they were married a long time with kids and then it ended, I give him the “possible chump man” benefit of the doubt. (After all, we know men can be chumps).
But if I learn that they “just grew apart/wife didn’t understand me/spent too much”
I shudder, confront and leave.
I’d be careful Doctors first wife. Turns out from day 1 my doctor husband lied about being chumped. He was actually the cheater in his last three relationships. His words of “I was cheated on and it broke my heart; I’d never do that to you” seemed so genuine. He also lied about the number of times he was married because he knew there was no way I would bring my kids into a relationship with a man who has 6 failed marriages and engagements to his credit. They lie. Many of them lie.
Yeah, they do lie. That’s the worst part: appealing to the chump with their bullshit story of being chumped and heartbroken. A normal person responds with kindness and concern. Never occurred that anybody would be so evil as to make that shit up to garner sympathy and trust, and get you to lower your defenses.
I wouldn’t even want to tell a potential partner of XHs betrayal for fear of being thought a liar. Yet another gift from that jackal, as much as I want to be empathetic, instead, I’m overly cynical. The loss of innocence is painful. Like virginity, once it’s gone, it’s gone.
Agree with Geode… Mr. Sparkles told Girl with Dogs that the OW (who wasn’t an OW in his book) cheated on him… when in fact she caught him on Adult Friend Finder looking for women/couples/groups. But, he was sadz and she was/is desparate. Just found out… he actually STOOD HER UP on their first date and she still agreed to go out with him again. 11 months later… he just MOVED IN to her house.
Oh yes. I found Dr. Crazy on AFF, Ashley Madison, chatting with old gfs and hiring back page whores when I started digging. But first it was his match.com profile that caught his ex-fiancées eye and she clued me in.
That’s the thing about PATHOLOGY… they don’t change for the next person. They are hard wired to be lying, cheating, fuckwits.
Exactly! And that’s the very thing the RIC and Sex Addict therapists will never explain to you or encourage you to explore since it’s not in their financial interest to do so.
As I wrote yesterday, Christians aren’t the only hypocrites. 15 years ago, my then-husband stopped attending church with me and our sons to follow an alternative spiritual path. He’d been interested in this particular spirituality for awhile, but the OW (or, as I call her, the “Spiritual Slut”), who was a co-worker, invited him to a ceremony, and he was embraced by the community. All the members thought he was a real stand-up guy because of his active, devoted involvement, which included a helluva lot of out-of-state travel and use of his vacation time. I’ve never been sure how many of them knew about the nature of then-husband’s relationship with the SS and openly supported it.
Spiritual Slut also has an older sister (Crone Slut) who was a member of their community until she moved out west to be with the woman with whom she cheated on her own husband a few years ago. Spiritual Slut, Crone Slut, then-husband, and a few of their closest friends, within or on the fringes of their community, made a formidable crew, basically banning me from their circle when I started indicating that I was uncomfortable with the growing relationship between husband and Spiritual Slut.
Fun fact: several years ago, then-husband went online and got a license to perform wedding ceremonies. Over Labor Day weekend, he officiated at Crone Slut and lover’s wedding on the coast. I’m a progressive and support same-sex marriage – just not the ones of people who helped break up my own marriage.
Bepositive, 24 years pastor’s wife here. It has taken a couple of years to go back to church, and I mainly did it for the kids. Here’s the thing, though, that I know for sure. God’s love is unfailing. That’s why I finally went back. Plus, I was so lonely. I needed those people.
Twitching
I can’t even…
I believe my husband the DOCTOR (that is a very important title, so it must be capitalized) would do the same.
Since he’s not in contact with our children – and his arms work, so yes, he could pick up a phone – I suspect he’ll get a do over with Schmoopie’s kid(s).
Yay, he can keep on the performance for a new audience!
I used to take the opposite position, but experience has finally convinced me that a person’s church attendance, position, bible reading/knowledge, and seemingly serious devotion to their faith are not reliable indicators of a person’s honesty and fidelity. I placed way too much faith in that during my marriage, practically blind faith, and it was a big reason I discounted things I was seeing and feeling.
So true. Dr. Crazy converted and was confirmed the month before we got married though we’d never seriously discussed religion and I didn’t even care. Oh he was also dating and seeing prostitutes, in the month before we got married.
Religiousness has nothing to do with fidelity. It is just jaw-dropping as it is to hear about 20+ year marriages to pastors imploding over infidelity. But, really, based on my own experience, I shouldn’t be surprised. Cheater #2’s Skinny Slut maintained in a confessional letter that she was a “good Christian mother” and that “Jesus forgives”. Pardon me, but “good” Christians don’t pick and choose which commandments to adhere to and which to ignore. Especially those mentioning adultery, lying and coveting, in spite of any forgiveness from divine beings for human failings. There is a difference between human failings and willful misconduct. And I’m so happy that Jesus forgives adulterers, according to Skinny Slut. Unfortunately for Cheater #2 and Skinny Slut, I do not.
So true! My X was a deacon and worked for a religious organization. His girlfriend was his much younger employee. Now his social media tag line is “Flawed disciple of God.” You would think his ongoing lies and unethical behavior would lower that pedestal he sees himself on, but it just keeps getting higher and higher.
X actually told me during our brief period of recovery (when he was still lying about seeing schmoonpie), that they had talked often about how God had brought them together. Yep. This was after almost 25 years of marriage. smh
Sounds like they don’t believe in the 7th Commandment.
1. Sent emails to other women calling them My Queen and they called him My King.
2. Yelled at me for wanting to spend money for Christmas because the scam artists were pressuring him for more.
3. Sent dick pics, with his face clearly visible, to overseas scam artists.
“3. Sent dick pics, with his face clearly visible, to overseas scam artists.”
And they just wanted his bank account number.
Sounds like they got more than they bargained for. “hey we just need your bank account info to ‘send you money’, we didn’t need the dick picks”
pics. Freudian slip?
Lets see….
My ex brought OW in to our home to babysit the kids. Testing the SM role?
My ex brought OW into out home for the weekend when said kids and I went to visit my sister.
My ex went to stay with her the night I had to get a court order to get him out of the house.
But she’s “just a friend!”
Same here, GoneGirl. But she was “just a coworker.” And when I expressed concern over all the time they were spending together, his response was, “You know she’s not my type; her tits are too small.” wtf?!
It was fun to share that little tidbit with the OW when the $hit hit the fan. As in, Wow, he must really like a lot of other things about you, since he thinks your tits are too small. Just a small bit of pleasure in telling her that.
Oh, the bashing of the OW when it works in their favor. Got that too. My STBX referred to one of his OW (the only one I knew about at the time) as a deformed dwarf. When I informed her husband, I asked him to tell his wife about the kind of guy STBX is (and what he had said about her).
Chumpy me, I didn’t do it to bash her. Rather, together, her and her husband have 3 kids. I hoped it might help her pull her head out of her ass so that her kids wouldn’t have to go through the hell mine were going through. Besides, her husband seems like a fairly typical, kind Chump.
Mine told me “she does what I tell her.” Ummm hello? You were her boss, she is supposed to do what you tell her to do.
My ex got really offended when I told him his “co worker” was probably just being nice because they work together. What? Am I doubting his ability to charm women or do I think he isn’t good looking enough? Seriously I found myself reassuring him that he was good enough. OW probably is attached to him. So many cirles of confusing manipulation. I was trying to comfort him after I found his flirty text messaging and him deciding to not care about me or our marriage. Crazy!
Mine had “just a friend too.” A “co-worker.”
These disordered freaks think they are so unique.
They are like IKEA furniture. Flat-packed, cheap and mass produced.
My cheater (never faithful since day 1) burst in room as I slept, assaulted me supposedly over supportive text I’d sent to my friend over her break up?? He threw off his wedding ring in disgust (we’d been married 1 year) and stormed out for over 2 hours. Much later I discovered he’d engineered whole thing for an excuse to leave the house in the early hours and visit a massage parlour.
Yah, there ya go Natalia.B, that’s how these assholes role.
He brought home a large popcorn after movie night with the OW because … “What? The girls love popcorn”
We have 3 daughters
LOL, who just pops into a movie theater to buy popcorn?
He brought home a box of a dozen vegan donuts for the kids with 6 missing. The stains of the missing six plainly evident in the box and we are not vegan.
When I found a used red lipstick in my husband’s pants pocket his excuse…I found it on the ground and thought the girls would like it. You know how they love to play makeup. Wow…he really thought of the girls for once? Fuck no. Liar.
Yeah, thought of your girls with used lipstick he found on the ground- disgusting, who knows where that’s been?
Sorry excuse, just gross.
What other germ-ridden rubbish did he plan on picking up randomly off the ground for his young children to play with?
They really do think we’re idiots, don’t they.
…..sent dic pics to 8 women whilst at work, I (his wife of 6 months) was 4th on list. Lucky me!
So weird looking back on timelines for it all isn’t it? You just don’t expect you’ll have to be Sherlock Holmes with your own husband. Such large scale deceit for so long makes you feel violated when you realise you shared your bed and body with true sociopath.
Yes. I remember that strong feeling of violation. It’s still there a little but no here near as bad as it was.
ClarityNow
the more I read here, the more I realize was possible, and the more I feel duped.
Deeply disappointing for me. For my children’s sake, I feel great sadness. 35 years and I really thought we had a lot of laughs and love.
I’m freaking hilarious, very smart and yes, damn it, I’m attractive. I’ve come a long way towards believing that this is not about me.
But it sure feels personal. I hate feeling used and working on not feeling ashamed.
^^That is my challenge.
Yes it is amazing how frequently things like this happen and makes trusting even more difficult. I will always have a backup plan going forward.
I also feel disappointed for my children. My youngest was only ten months old when everything happened. She will never remember having an intact family.
The hardest part for me has been the extreme level of betrayal from a man I thought loved me and from a close friend of mine. Yes it is very personal.
I haven’t struggled with shame, personally. I’ve known this is on them. While of course I wasn’t the perfect wife, I did not deserve what happened to me.
There are no perfect spouses. There are really fucking evil ones though.
Yes, yes, yes. The problem also lies in the fact that no one believes us “chumps” because he was so charismatic, such a good boss, etc., etc. To me, this is the tough part, because WE know what really happened!
While assigned to Alaska,
He asked me if I wanted an ATV for “OUR wedding anniversary” (-an All Terrain Vehicle, mostly used for hunting).
I said “No. But WE could use a hot tub for my back injury AND so we can enjoy the outdoors in the winter”
On our anniversary he presented me the ATV keys & said “Happy Anniversary” with a goofy nervous smile.
My ex narcopath took me to the most expensive restaurant in our city for my 30th… I
He was so excited. He coudln’t stop talking about it. However, he wasn’t that interested in what I thought about the whole thing (given it was my 30th). I’m more of a low-key girl.
I remember thinking “it’s all about him,”then felt bad for being ungrateful.
I was right. It was all about him. Any gift he ever got me, was only to please him. And make him look and feel good to others; no genuine desire to truely connect to anything I would actually want.
All of us here have the same story, just different variables.
Yup. Every gift is actually all about them, always and forevermore.
My ex gave me a really nice complicated camera that I basically told him I didn’t want and we couldn’t afford. He said I need to have more hobbies and I need to spend all this money for this equipment. I love taking pictures but I know how he gets with expensive equipment. We had to always leave it home so that it wouldn’t get hurt.
THIS. LadyLiar scammed everyone. When I tried to get support from many people I thought were friends, they looked at me like I was making this shit up. I once had a narcissistic boss who was the same way. The things they say and do are so outrageous that other people think we MUST be making it up, or at least exaggerating, and they question OUR credibility and sanity. It was one of the worst parts of the mindfuck.
Absolutely frightening.
What is it with the dick pics sent out to so many people??
Reminds me. When I saw OW’s breast pics on cheater’s cell phone, I was told, “oh but she just loves the attention. I’m sure I was just one of like ten other people she sent that out to. It’s no big deal!”
Had to go to OW (thought we were ‘frends’) to find out the truth.
“Why?”
“Aren’t you glad it was me and not some 19 year old floozie*?”
“You’ve known my kids* for their whole lives. How could you do this to them?”
“If you told your kids, that’s your problem”
* seriously – 50 year old woman used the word floozie!
* kids were 23 and 18. Did she think they shouldn’t know their father was having a 12 year affair under our nose?
He lost his kids and a faboulous, loving wife. We are great and he is miserable!
She supports him so he can support me 😊
That whole kids remark…you’ve asked her how she could DO this to them and her response was about your TELLING them. Not even a moment’s hesitation reflecting on what she has done to their lives. In her twisted mind, nothing was done to them so long as they don’t know about it. It’s really weird how their brains work isn’t it? They are all like this. Truth isn’t reality, the image is reality. Deep deception at the heart of a relationship is equivalent to deep commitment. Two equally valid alternatives. That’s all. And what ruins lives is not the vile deeds, it’s your reaction to them.
My situation too. She supports him so he can support his kids! Ass wipe!!
He said he needed to be alone and bought himself new bathing suit trunks and beach chair so he could have all day alone on the beach with his thoughts. Afterwards,he decided to go out for dinner and showed up home drunk and in jeans without boxers on singing “Gotta Have Faith” by George Michael. Only time I finally realized something was wrong in our 20 yr marriage (spackle much?) sweet xoxo
That is soooo…..funny!!
sweetChumpGirl that’s insane. You must have been spackling like crazy. Glad you have put down the trowel!
Definitely a contender. Holy cow!
“Well I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body / I know not everybody has got a body like you”
Just picturing a really bad rendition of that song by your drunk, free-ballin’, George Michael wannabe X…LOL
I not only laughed out loud, sweetChumpgirl, I started to cough/laugh because I was laughing so hard I aspirated!
“Ya gotta have faith…”
This is hilarious, sweetchumpgirl!!!😅
It is so funny now. Thank you for the good laugh tonight really needed it xoxox
If only spackling translates into a real spackling skill for walls.
Mine gave his daughter a jar of olives for the first Christmas after the split ( and she hates olives). It will be a long time before she finds that a funny story.
A truly special Christmas gift…revealing who he truly is. I feel like my X will continue to image manage his way through my daughter’s childhood. While I’m not sure if it’s any better for her than what your X did, I am sorry that she has to receive a message like that on Christmas. He’s a total ass.
Perhaps gently suggest your daughter gift him a jar of whole dill pickles with the message
“When I saw these I immediately thought of you-You’re still a dick.”
LOL thanks for the gut laugh TW!
Tundra Woman
the jar of pickles for the dad
make sure they’re the small Gerkins type
Bwahahahaha! Small gerkins! Totally my overcompensating cheater!
NEWLADY15
olives?? A whole jar?
sorry but I did laugh out loud. Unfortunately that sounds like a gift my shithead would give me. What I needed was a bigger trowel.
Olives ! Good one! My cheater bought our daughter a bed for her 16th birthday left the next day then made the 4 of us homeless when the house payments dried up. Thanks dad !! Well at least she had a bed even if we didnt have anywhere to live (i was made redundant at this time too) dad of the year didnt lift a finger to help. Of course i was accused of turning everyone against him. Facts sort of speak for themselves. …
Mine gave his daughter a jar of olives for the first Christmas after the split ( and she hates olives).
I always remember that one Newlady!
Funny to us! Oliveman.What a freak!
Oliveman!
How touching. A heartwarming Christmas gifting story. NOT.
What a jerk!
He berated me for refusing to reconcile during our separation–while telling a woman he’d met on ChristianMingle and promised marriage to to start taking prenatal vitamins so she could have his baby.
He claimed his (first) affair lasted 9 months. I later found out he’d pursued her for three years by leaving love letters on her car at work, and a security guard finally banned him. His family knew and never told me.
He tried to convince me that God wrote “Do Not Mock Me” in blue letters on his bedroom wall in an effort to show how close he was to God and how he’d NOW be faithful to me.
He convinced his mother to hand over his deceased stepfather’s cell phone so he could use it to conduct his affair. She paid for it, and we had our own plan–she didn’t question it. Classic enabler.
I’ll stop now!
All these Jesus-Cheaters trying to feel good.
omg the writing on the wall my coffee just came out through my nose
Yup. Strong contender right there!
At least we now know God speaks English.
JFC, looks like a delusional crawl up that cross. Dude, please.
For his next act he’s gonna smear his feces all over the bathroom wall with the message, “Holy Shit! Guess who was here!”
Tempest- if I did not love you enough already for all your comments, I do even more now, for this one. Hilarious and spot-on.
A typical self-absorbed narc would say “uh yeah, the Bible was written in English, duh!”
The memories are flooding back!
During one of our ‘reconciliation’ phases, he tooo me to see a movie I’d wanted to see. The next week, he gave the OW the book version.
He told her she’d “look sexy in a trucker’s hat” and wrote her a rap song. He was in his early 40’s at the time, and a pro-fessional.
I have ALL of this in writing. It’s why he hates me.
Whoa, JB. I am totally speechless…smh
1- Huffed and puffed self righteously as he stomped our of our home for the last time “But I’m NOT promiscuous”. (This pearl of Ethics could overheat the UBT.)
2- Had a little shrine at his week day apartment built with a rosary, a scapular, four bibles, my picture and schmoopie’s cards.
3- Made me spend a weekend on the phone with airline over his “assistant’s” lost luggage (trip was business for EX and shopping in the USA for schmoopie with lots of extra luggage)
Omg the shrine!!
Me thinks he needs to keep praying!
The shrine is some psycho sh*t!! OMG so scary…
Um, well he shoulda added some sage-and an Exorcist.
Why only 4 Bibles?
What a nutjob!
He included his adultery trophies in a prayer niche? I’m sure the saints and the eternally virgin MOTHER OF GOD were right on board with that! Is he trying to secure first class, up front seating for hell? What a delusional,disrespectful jerk. And to think that you would want your picture in that sacrilegious melange is beyond the pale. He imagines that he can somehow sanctify his disgusting trysts with schmoopie by proclaiming it so, as if he is God. I don’t know if this is the most “freakish” entry–but it has to be the absolute most arrogant. I know it’s wrong to wish damnation on any soul(so I won’t), but, I hope he ends up on such a low rung of purgatory dangling over a lake of fire so close his pubic hair catches ablaze!
Jojobee, the things cheaters will do for impression management on themselves!
You are right, incredibly arrogant. He has complained that I make him look bad when I point out his cheating. As CL says, if it wasn’t so terrible to do, then it’s not so terrible to talk about.
They really are sociopaths. Makes me shiver.
Yes I was told to stop dissing him
around our small town. I told him
nasty behaviour leads to nasty talk. Besides I always told the truth it’s something he hated avoit me–I’m “too truthful”.
change your blog name to TooTruthful, heheheh…
I would love to see a cartoon of this “shrine!” Lmao
Holy shit! YOUR picture? Creepy!As if it wouldn’t be sacted screwing without a reminder of the truly screwed BS.
OMG they SUCK!!!
Yours, especially!
Sacred screwing…
1. Out of the blue he called me at work to wonder if we needed marriage counselling….we picked his parents up from airport a few hours later….
2. I Spent the next 2 weeks spazing out WTF was going on…no conversations just tension.
3. Fuckface parents leave after i have looked after them hand and foot….all 5 of our pet rabbits die suddenly (fine for 7 years so far ) 12 hours later husband of 25 yrs demands a divorce and moves into an apartment within days
Postscript….the over financed house was forced sale and me and 3 kids had no choice financially but to move into an apartment (no room for 5 rabbits then…) fuckface left us with $200 and swore on kids lives he was not leaving for someone else…… guessed it …. yep barely older than his own son… some secretary. Cliche s everywhere…. tragic
He killed the family pets? What a monster! I hope your kids hate his guts.
1) Got another woman pregnant after we started seriously dating, didn’t tell me about it until she was 8 months pregnant… when I’d already moved in with him, gotten engaged, and only one day after I found out that *I* was pregnant (despite being on the patch for two years.)
2) He also took that opportunity to tell me that he’d had a child with a woman the previous year but NOT TO WORRY; she didn’t know where he was and hates him more than she’d want child support anyway.
3) He told me that he was “let go” from his job for asking for a raise, two days before our 2nd child was born. Nope. I later found out (8 effing YEARS later) it was because the owner had a hidden camera on the inventory and he found Cheater not only taking almost up-to-$20 cash sales (I have no idea where that went- I had the same, $250/week budget to work with), he’d seen the OW (a gf of an employee) spread eagle on the back-storeroom table, with Cheater going down on her.
You win! Holy shit!
“Insistonhonesty”
I read your post name, then your post, and I have to agree with SweetChumpgirl, YOU win!
I am so sorry for all you went through.
InsistOnHonesty
Wow…He must have had his charms.
If any of us win the lottery we really ought to give you some. CL? is there a chump prize for this???
He was “a new man” with me. And then, my sunk costs were too high. Well, that’s what I thought at the time, anyway. After the two previous children, he seemed reformed with me. His family said so. And I bought it. And thought, “after all I’ve put up with and resolved FOR him, he wouldn’t dare go back to his old ways!” Me, thinking like a kind person who projected kindness onto those I loved, thought he would be grateful that I dug him out of his hole and gave him the fresh start of a normal, calm life… not take advantage of it in order to be an even bigger asshole.
He dug down and buried his new secrets deeper.
InsistonHonesty–lots of gut punches. I remember when you first arrived at CL a couple of years ago and your story (as you knew it) was only about inappropriate friendship with his commuting partner. The ugly just continues to roll out of these guys and gals.
I found out about the table and them 8 years later, but he said he “just couldn’t; she was so gross.” Only last year did I see the owner while out and about and he told me that he ABSOLUTELY DID and it was on VIDEO. That he HAD the video, still, just in case.
I used that opportunity to put them both on a homewrecking site, saying I had video proof and quoted their messages directly so that I couldn’t be successfully sued for libel… because she can only win if it’s not true. (He wouldn’t dare.) And it IS. It’s so true that it’s on video. Even so, it’s now also past the statute of limitations, if she had been so inclined. She has lost two jobs already, from clients googling her and finding that site, and she has angrily messaged me a few times about it.
She’ll have to go into cutt-throat sales or something, like Cheater, where people generally expect that kind of behavior and it doesn’t really put them off.
Bravo! I think you should change your screen name to “Insta-Honesty.”
Motto to live by: “Every Picture Tells A Story, Don’t It?!
He rubbed up against me, his daughter and his mother for Christmas photos wearing a masquerade ball jacket his mistress took off of him 2 nights before…in a sleazy motel after he “masqueraded” her ( pun intended) as his wife for his Holiday party.
That jacket became symbolic to me. During reconciliation, he refused to give up that jacket, despite the fact that I told him what it represented to me ( but I guess that was the whole point)….now I would love nothing better than to set that jacket on fire ( preferably with him wearing it) but I guess I’ll have to settle for cutting him out of my life…
Of course he refused to give it up. So hateful.
I love the setting fire to it revenge fantasy!
1. We had a large house and I was helping to support my x through 7(yeah I am a chump ) years of school.
He seriously told me he wanted to move Miss Piggy and her children into our home ( she was a fellow MDiv student ) because ” she was having problems in her marriage “. No Shit!!!
2. While x was away doing mission work ( cost us an arm and a leg for that trip ), MOW brought me a very nice heart shaped bowl of hand made chocolates at 10pm at night on Valentines Day. Thanks but no thanks!?!
3. After returning home from a long drive to attend a funeral x stated that he wanted to turn around and drive an additional 4 hours to go to Schmoopies surprise birthday party ( first I knew about it ).
He was standing in the parking lot of the church wearing his full clerical garb and collar, and a nice dress overcoat.
I said no – we’re tired, let’s not.
He proceeded to clench his fists and jump up and down screaming ” I was supposed to be a fire fighter” at the top of his lungs!
I can picture that Lucky 🤣
You can’t make that shit up
Between the chocolates and “He proceeded to clench his fists and jump up and down screaming ” I was supposed to be a fire fighter” at the top of his lungs!”, I think you are a serious contender. You chose your user name well if this freak is out of your life for good!
I gotta get ready for work here, but holy crap. These stories are just WOW.
Yeah i remember the jumping up and down episodes. I was thinking in my head this has got to be a joke. No it was his true self. I knew when i called him on it. “Why are u having a fucking tantrum!? : no it was all about him all of the time. He just didnt reflect on what just happened. And of course none was his fault! No way.
Hahaha…the firefighter bit…what a total man-child.
The garbed as a cleric, but was “supposed to be a firefighter” while stomping and shaking his fist
why can I see this so clearly in my head? You are in contention, Lucky
and you ARE LUCKY. What an exhole
That is an awesome story! Disordered is a real thing.
What. the. ever. loving. F***?
He needs a job with a better costume, I mean uniform
I tried to “scare” my cheater wife into fidelity by moving out on her and into the home of a 45-year-old Craigslister subletter seamstress who worked out of her living room and always had her shady ex-boyfriend over, even during the daytime when he should have had a job, who seemed to have a jealous streak.
One night three weeks into my stay there, when I was drugged up on a sleeping pill and huddled on a mattress *in a walk-in closet to insulate myself from his chainsaw snoring*, that ex-boyfriend stormed buck naked—gut hanging out—into my bedroom and woke me up to scream at me for keeping him awake and to tell me to get out of the house as soon as it was morning.
Then he went back into my host’s bedroom, and I listened to them have sex while I fought the effects of the sleeping pill, leaning against the wall for 4 hours until it was light outside, packing my suitcases, and then catching the bus back to my marital home, where wife was without her OM for once.
JC,
I think you are “runner up” in today’s posts, so far.
OMG, Chumps of CN, what do you all think?!
There should be a Chump Medal Day!?
It’s the “best” story to come out of my XW’s affair. I like the fact that she isn’t even a part of it!
This seriously made me laugh out loud!!! My house if dead quiet at almost 1AM and I am cracking up!
You can’t make this up if you tried. I see a screenplay in your future, JC.
No kidding, unbelievable. Sheesh.
Mr. Sparkles brought crabs home from our trip to Mexico and told me they must’ve come from the blankets. (No, I didn’t have them – same blankets).
His Internet browser history for Craigslist showed that he preferred to read T4M (transexual for men) personal ads over W4M personals by 2:1!
He still believes he never committed adultery throughout our marriage, all evidence submitted to the court was fabricated. He TRULY believes this. That is pathology my friends.
(I’ve tried twice to post a reply; maybe 3rd time’s a charm?)
T4M over W4M personal ads by 2:1.
????!!????
I’m so sorry, ICSTMC. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for you to learn this.
Know that scene in Silkwood where Meryl Streep is being scrubbed down with wire brushes after contamination exposure… that would be me.
I believe a lot of us feel that way ICSMC.
KK explained a sudden sprint up to Daughter1’s room on New Years Eve as having had a panic attack after filling out a Peapod grocery order. (She was actually sending boob-shots to a jerking-off Marine stationed in Japan.)
On-line grocery shopping gives me panic attacks too. smh
UXWorld, you must be at meh, otherwise how can you not barf when you think of this? UGH!!
Lies AND porn performance in your daughter’s room. Beyond gross.
Limply held my hand as I gave birth to our second daughter. Didn’t kiss me in joy after she was born. Then used that as another reason I suck on dday. Took sadest pics with his new daughter b/c he knew in a couple months he was leaving all of us to be with OW in their new house 2 hours away.
I hear you….during mediation, cheater blamed me for the fact that he never bonded with his daughter( now ten years old) because I didn’t “encourage” him to take time off when she was born. He is also another one who “planned” to leave. The best revenge CheatersKilljoy? The kid he abandoned will one day have the courage to abandon him. I live in hope of that day….it will be icing on top of my Tuesday.
True fucker, right there…
So sorry he was such a jackass. My STBX ruined all three of my kids’ births. I know how much that sucks. (((Hugs)))
This right here is why I know I can never reconcile with my cheater. The pain of having that first perfect moment with your child ruined by some disordered douchebag is just so raw, and I can’t see a time ahead where it won’t hurt like a bitch to think about my son’s birth. In my case, it was Mr. Justification’s disinterested “Hey, buddy,” as his greeting to his son. The moment we both fell asleep, he was texting with Schmoopie, planning when they could see each other and how long it was “appropriate” to wait after the birth for him to leave us.
Cheaterskilljoy, you and your daughter deserved better. And by leaving your selfish, immature fuckwit of a husband, you will show her that it’s never ok to be treated like that. All the hugs to you. You are mighty.
Every photo I have of nowdeadserialcheaterwife in the hospital having just given birth to our daughter is tainted by me knowing that she was banging her boyfriend all through and after the pregnancy. I really try not to think of how close her “gay friend”‘s d*ck has been to my daughter’s head. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s black and me and ndscw aren’t, and that my daughter is the spitting image of me and my little brother when we were her age (5), I’d have serious concerns about her paternity.
While my brothers and I were sitting in a skilled nursing home watching our mother pass away ( uncontrolled cerebral hemorrhage ) cheater was never present because he was working overtime so ” I wouldn’t have to worry” about the lost income while I was sitting at my mothers side. Yep, he was fucking Schmoopie. Not working at all.
P O S right there
Cheaters ruin can make a bad situation worse. After my dad died, cheater pants kept disappearing at the funeral. I almost missed part of the funeral because I was looking for him. A few months before his dad died and it was the same story. Left me to deal with all his family while he went somewhere else during the viewing. I have no idea where he went either time.
Told my father who was having memory problems that I ruined a perfectly good marriage and that I got a divorce just to get as much money as I could.
Texted kids about date with neighbor the day after we separated; also OW. Bragging about holding her hand. Kids were in shock of a divorce.
Hovering all over the nursing home my father was in. He died yesterday and today is the viewing. He will be there and I’m so embarrassed by him and ashamed I was married to him. He told everybody I had lots of affairs. Told kids I divorced him.
I’m so sorry for your loss and that you have had to endure the lies and gaslighting by your cheater. Hold your head high today, even if mentally, and know that the truth will out! What an asshole your cheater is.
Thank you. I was hoping to never have to see him nor be in the same as him.
BEETLE
So very sorry for your loss.
Can you ask your POS not to attend YOUR FAMILY event?
The character assassination so many do, is just some of the lowest shit. (Which is saying a lot)
It still surprises me but as my son said, “stop being surprised. Just win in court.”
Dear Beetle, I’m so sorry for your father’s
..and to have it defiled by that f*wit must be so much harder! Tell him he’s not welcome…this is YOUR family & experience. He relinquished his right to belong when he cheated. Lying yo your kids is pure evil, and gaslighting your father was worse! Sympsthy and support, here, B
Beetle–can you get a security guard to keep him out of your father’s viewing & funeral? There’s no way you should have to tolerate him under such circumstances.
I’m very sorry about your father’s passing.
I could use my Uncle to get rid of him. I hope people gossip about him. Friends have been telling my side of story and what I had to put up with
What an asshole. I’m so sorry he is putting this on you when you’ve just had such a huge loss. I would definitely consider enlisting your uncle’s aid. The LAST thing you need right now is to have to deal with your X.
He always takes up for me. He didn’t like him and said he acts entitled. I don’t think my uncle wants to be in the same room with him either!
I’m so sorry for your loss, {{Beetle.}} Please take care of you.
(And fuk him with a rusty barbed wired colonoscopy.)
Beetle,
I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad.
Hold CN in your heart in the following difficult days.
Be gentle, yet strong.
Honour your Father’s life in the spirit you wish to.
I hope everything goes well.
Thank you. I’m feeling good for my father just dying. I had a dream of my mother who I couldn’t see but I knew she was there and I saw my father sitting beside her. I told my father the dream and he was comforted by it.
Thanks to cl and fellow chumps I’m able to put it in perspective and just sweet memories of my father and knowing he’s with my mother. He missed her real bad.
I am so sorry for the loss of your father. May he Rest In Peace.
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard when you’ve just been totally screwed only to have the blame shifted onto you. Feels like you’re living in an alternate universe.
It’s hard to believe that he could walk up to anyone and just lie. He dates up a storm and I got depressed and gained weight. A lot of people would see who’s happy and who is still on the path of recovery. He even had a divorce party given to him by ours neighbors.
I feel my dads spirit and I hope he will help guide my path for new days ahead.
I’m so sorry for your loss Beetle. It’s good you can feel your dad’s spirit. That’s a great comfort in times of need. I second Tempest’s suggestion about a security guard. There is absolutely no reason to have that disordered fuckwit at your dad’s services. I know other people who have done that to keep disordered family members from creating a scene. They are probably very used to it at the funeral home. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel more comfortable! {{hugs}}
Thank you. I will seriously seek that he won’t be there. It’s all about him anyway. So he thinks. He’s just a jerk half my family don’t want to be around.
Beetle I am SO sorry for the loss of your father. I lost mine 10 years ago and I miss him so.
And I’m so sorry the POS has been so awful through these recent difficult days. What an a-hole.
I am going to take care of myself and I’m going to have him temoved. This is just part of his entitlement that he really is. I want my daughters with me and not him demanding attention as he does. He’s just a sick sad being that he can’t see others see through him.
I’m sorry for your loss, Beetle. Enlist friends and family to keep him OUT. Today is about you and your family; he is no longer part of that equation. (((Beetle)))
My sister and nephews are going to help. As she said he’s no longer family.
Hugs Beetle. I’m glad you are going to take care of yourself and your kids. So sorry about your dad.
1) While I was in labor,he was downstairs online begging for nude photos from another MAN
2) On my 40th birthday he was at his best friend’s wedding having sex with another MAN
3) While at work he recorded another man undressing in the locker room without his permission
Wow. The cheaters trolling while their wife is in labor should simply be vaporized.
Omg. I don’t even know what to say.
Ok, your #1 is *definitely* the End Game!
I’m so, so sorry for the horror movie you had to live through.
I hope you and your bub(s) are better off, now.
Ding – ding – ding… We have a winner!
After affair with gradwhore (I am still clueless), he asks for a divorce, then agrees to change his mind if I will consider threesomes, foursomes, lesbian sex while he watches. Long story, but I say I’ll “consider” such things (NOPE), thinking he just wants a fantasy life & will come to his senses.
No! He is serious and posts a picture of me in lingerie (head cropped) on Adult Friend Finder without my permission, then wants to sit with me to answer people’s queries about meetups. I guess my refusal to follow through on any of those, ahem, tempting offers, was all he needed to justify more affairs over the next few years.
Tempest,
You can’t make this ( unbelievable) shit up!
I sm mega sorry for all you went thru.
Just thinking,
When a person meets another person who turns out to be a loving and respectful life partner we call that luck.
When a person, ( who becomes a Chump) meets another person, who is a cheater type character, we call that fate.
Hmm,
Wish we all could have been in the luck line!
…long sigh…..
Just thinking.
Peacekeeper–I’m still plotting to get you out of that “fate” line. It doesn’t have to be a permanent “fate.” (but you still haven’t sent me your latitude & longitude for that Chump rescue mission ; ).
Tempest,
If only I could send you a picture of my smile!
(I have a pretty good face with a dimpled smile).
You just make my heart sing, always!
Thank you Tempest.
❤️
(I know I don’t really say too much personal stuff, maybe someday)
What. the. ever. loving. F***?
Magneto,
If you are referring to my above post, I just meant that Tempest’s response made me smile.
Tempest understands, to a degree, how my life is with a cheater, and she always encourages me to get out.
I hope this helps.
Peacekeeper
Mag, I just want to +1 on all your what. the. ever. loving. F**k, down the line.
Hahaha. Me too! +2 on Magneto’s WTFs!
Wow! That’s awful! He posted a picture of you while looking for group sex or whatever. So sorry, what a creep!
1. Left our children during the snowstorm of the century to give Schmoopie (a family friend) a ride and conveniently got storm-stayed with her in the city.
2. Conned me into driving four hours to Schmoopie’s grandmother’s funeral by using my own mother’s recent funeral as a ploy: “Weren’t YOU happy and surprised to see people drive a long distance to your mom’s funeral???”
3. On his first ‘official’ Christmas with Schmoopie, he was angry that my children refused to give the home wrecker a gift.
Dee, he’s a champion JERK. I’m so sorry.
1) When I finally got through on the phone while he had ran off with final OW about two weeks after DDay (I was 8 months pregnant, heartbroken and in shock), among blameshifting he told me he wanted to be free and not compromise, drive like a maniac, smoke pot, get a boat sail the seas, then he paused and got serious and asked: “do you think in the future we can maybe have a relationship again?”. This is when I consciously realised he is actually nuts.
2) He messaged me “Happy Mothers Day!” barely a month after I had given birth to our little girl and he had been pretty much not to be found for any serious conversation for months (he was off on surf holidays with final OW, I had to track him down by a chain of friends while I had contractions because I could not stad the thought of him boinking OW while I was giving birth, I was overseas).
3) Once, years ago, he told me: “We think you do things slowly and stupidly”, WTF I was peeling a butter squash and he was micromanaging it and raging, I still do not know who was “we”, him as in the king?????
LOL it is inpossible to write this weird disordered cheater shit in just short sentences.
Yes!! My cheater would refer to himself as “we.” Too! I think it’s either kind mindfuck or he thought there was two of him. Or he liked making me feel like he had an arsenal of people behind him
LOL so weird huh! i am guessing the latter…
Very telling that “We”. It’s the disordered and his/her Shadow.
Wouldn’t take me to the ER when I had appendicitis. In fact, he yelled/cussed at/berated me for “faking being sick for attention” (later found out that was OW’s exact wording to him). FOUR DAYS later I turned septic, but somehow finally managed to drive myself. While I was recovering in the hospital (a week’s stay since I had been so sick) I begged him to bring me some clean underclothes as well as our still-breastfeeding 1 yr old up so that I could nurse. Never happened.
That is so cruel and abusive — on several levels. I hope you and your little one are both healthy and living a much more peaceful, enjoyable life together now.
Hopeful, that is horrible! Please tell me you are free of him?
I actually forced my ex to the hospital in 2009 (threatening to call an ambulance) with his burst appendix. Never got a thank you for saving his life, nor, an apology for putting me through this! Instead all I got was Dday and knowledge of an over six year affair. If I only had a “do over”, he’d be dead in the basement! I am so sorry for your treatment.
Should have just given him a Motrin and an ice pack, and told him to stop whining.
This week my sadz STBX texted me:”Thanks for saving my life 3 times.” I replied “thanks for lying to me daily for x years.” I think I should have stopped at twice, too. After last bout, 6 weeks before Dday 3, MOW/schmoopie brought homemade soup to my front door for him when she needed to pick up check. (She worked for him)
I had to force my ex to the Emergency Room when his blood pressure got to super-high stroke levels, and they immediately took him in for a CT scan, etc. because they were seriously worried about him. No stroke, but they got his BP down and we went home on meds.
Now that he is my ex and I am doing gray rock to the best of my ability, he texted me in anger the other day “You gave me a stroke!!!” Um, what? All those years of me paying for everything, doing all the housework and childcare, etc. must have been so hard on the guy.
It’s so unbelievable that they truly feel like they are the victim. You surely didn’t dance hard enough to please him. You surely could have given more.
After asshat’s first discard of me and the kids when they were little, I actually blamed myself for doing too much of the adulting thinking if I had given him more to do he would have felt more invested in our family. Nope. He’s just an asshole and it never really mattered what I did or didn’t do. Had I involved him more, he would have left for good sooner.
Oh, yeah, twiceachump, no matter what they do they always twist it to make themselves the victim. Total narcissists!
Hopeful- the same thing happens to me a month ago. I had just moved to a new area and knew no one. I had horrible pain and was sick. I called him to drive 1.5 hours to my new location bc I was scared hurt and crying. During the discard 2 weeks later he called me selfish, and that “it’s not his fault i can’t make friends” he meant that somehow I was supposed to call someone else up here bc hey u can magicallly make friends 3 weeks of moving to a new place and working 65 hour weeks. And more importantly a friend good enough to see u vomiting yourself and crying. Real selfish. 2 weeks later I had to take him to the ER bc he had a esophagus problem. No thank u no nothing. The selfish comment came 2 days after HIS ER visit. I suppose that was textbook discard mindfuck and no empathy from a narc. I have only seen selfish people call other people selfish
I’m so sorry you had such a pos. Classic projection of his inner garbage onto you!
What a poor excuse for a human being. Hopeful, I’m SO sorry you had to go through that.
Absolutely disgusting. There is a special circle of Hell for that asshole.
A month before I discovered the affair, the OW and I took our daughters to a Girl Scout day camp together (not only was she a long-time friend of mine, but also the leader of my daughter’s GS troop). We laughed, had a picnic, talked about our lives, and played trust building games. I had no idea she was having an affair with my then husband. Of course I told my husband all about our great day when I returned home.
That shit takes betrayal to a whole new level. You have to be a real sociopath ( as all these cheaters are) to not just fuck with your wife but to deliberately mess your kid’s life up….just fucking walk away….why ruin your kid’s life for your own kibbles…shit….it’s just unforgivable.
Yep. I was actually able to tell him to get out immediately after I confronted him and got him to admit to it. That was a Saturday, hired a lawyer on Monday, filed for divorce on Friday. The whole process took 6 weeks.
Good for you…and I hope you cut him out of your life COMPLETELY.
ClarityNow, So mighty – you do have clarity! Wish I had tossed mine quickly instead of 2 YEARS wreckonciliation.
Clarity,
You’re my chump hero!
Thank you but I should say it wasn’t his first affair. The first (that I know of…) was 13 years prior and a one night stand. I chose complete forgiveness but said never again. Apparently I meant it.
There was so much betrayal and so many lies in this last one I knew I could never trust him again. It was devastating.
ClarityNow,
Your story sounds like mine. My f*wit had two simultaneous affairs 26 years ago. I bought the RIC horseshit and “wreck”onciled with the “NEVER AGAIN” provision. Those were relatively short-lived affairs, but he was very cruel to me (I rediscovered my journal from that year the week after Dday#3 in June) and not at all forthcoming or honest in our therapy afterwards. THIS time I knew was it. I love myself more and have too little of my life left to waste on this fucktard. His current affair went on for 3 years under my nose. MOW worked for him, 20 yrs younger than him & w a slutty reputation tgat preceded my discovery.
It IS DEVASTATING. The level of deception and daily lies is overwhelming, isn’t it? And feeling like an ass for trusting him again. I deserve SO much better! And so do YOU. I need to move fwd w divorce & stop looking back. Thank you…you help me so much.
ChumpDiva, yes! I also looked back at the first affair (again, that I know of – no telling how many there actually were) and he really was an ass about it! Even though it was painfully obvious he had done it (the OW, an oblivious bystander in the situation, dropped him off at our home the next morning and I was standing there on the porch, with his sister and brother in law) he denied it for three days before admitting it and vaguely apologizing. I’ll never understand why I allowed that to be okay and somehow believe it wouldn’t happen again. Yes, everything you say is spot on. 3 years of deception is an impressively evil feat. How do these people live with themselves? If you choose to leave, you can absolutely do it. It’s hard to rebuild but definitely not impossible. It’s also fun to find a new, empowered side of yourself. Best of luck to you.
4) ex husband talks in his sleep, one night he said: “I forgive you just because I want to” that was weird…
another night, early on in our relationship, he said something in a really nasty scary voice in his native language like as talking to a buddy, it woke me up, I sneaked out to get a dictionary and looked up the words I memorised that I didnt recognise, while sitting on the toilet, I was shocked to read he said something like: “mine blahblah and yours has a real nice peasant girl CRACK (as in hole).” he kinda laughed it off in the mornign and was actually surprised.
yeah I missed some red flags
Junglechump, you just reminded me of how my XH used to talk in his sleep and say strange, suspicious things. The other weird thing is when he was in a deep sleep, I would say, “I love you,” and he would robotically say, “I love you,” back to me while asleep. It seems his love was only as deep as words he would just automatically parrot back to me. Creepy
For the most part ex has gone through great pains to appear rational, but I have to wonder about something that just seems odd. He has a weird kind of relationship with one of Schmoopie’s friends. He keeps bringing my kids around this friend. He has plans to take the kids to a Harry Potter festival with this friend. According to daughter he has a three-way chat going with friend and Schmoopie (that he doesn’t want daughter to see). My first thought was that he is using friend to warm the kids up to Schmoopie. It’s like she is the Schmoopie stand in until he is ready to bring Schmoopie around the kids. She’s his chief enabler and it might work because daughter likes friend (even if she doesn’t understand why friend likes Schmoopie). That might be all it is, but still I can’t help but wonder what additional role, if any friend plays in his relationship with Schmoopie. It just doesn’t seem “normal”.
Sorry, I realize this one is too long, but I don’t have proof of anything freaky going on so I can’t just use a one liner “he did this”.
With these assholes, the lack of character is stunningly consistent (just watch out for the head-fake image management schemes). With my STBX, where there was the tiniest hint of smoke over the 20+ years, there was a massive inferno behind it.
It’s hard when you’ve been so betrayed. It makes you question anything and everything associated with the person who betrayed you.
True. Lately I have been taking it personally any time he does anything that annoys me when realistically he is just being clueless and in some cases thinks he is doing me a favor. I used to dismiss that kind of thing as not il-intentioned, but now it’s hard not to think of it as another example of how he doesn’t care about me or my feelings.
ClarityNow & Chumpinrecovery,
Their betrayal earns them distrust on evety level. Mine is so genuinely surprised that I don’t believe a single word from his mouth, but why should I? Just because he can compartmentalize and act like ‘hey, all this other stuff was so good about our relationship’ does NOT obligate me to give him any benefit of the doubt. He forfeited all benefits with the deep, evil betrayals. The dailly lies, the diuble life, the gaslighting, the undermining my credibility with iur kids…it was nothing short of abuse. Emotional violence.
Fuck him.
I trust that he sucks. It’s the only truth that matters here.
She’s the Other OW.
Except he is still telling daughter how Schmoopie means “everything” to him. I’m wondering if friend is Schmoopie’s OW so being with Schmoopie gives him a twofer. Of course all of that is speculation on my part. It’s just weird is all.
1. Part of my “pick me” dance was to get a boob job for him.
2. He was so busy the day of the surgery working (actually with Schmoopie) he actually just dropped me off at the doctor’s office and left me. I had to have a friend pick me up after my surgery.
3. A week later I find a receipt for a beehive delivered to her house–Yes a real beehive!! She always wanted to be a beekeeper…..I hope she got stung!!
That was a pretty shallow and shitty thing for him to make you do but I hope you are enjoying your new boobs without him. And yes, I hope she got stung too.
The beehive is pretty hilarious. I agree — I hope she got stung!
OMG, that IS hilarious – I laughed out loud at the beehive.
Most of us find weird receipts/items on credit card bills, but beehive for Schmoopie has to be one of the weirdest!
Created metal rose from my Christmas cookie tin I use each year with inscription from a special engraving tool he bought with my money that he then gave to her as a love you gift. I found posting to her about it on his computer. Only time I am aware he used that tool….what a tool he is..Idiot!
Metal rose for her made from your Christmas cookie tin. You can’t make this stuff up!!!
I agree he’s a total tool.
OW created a fake Facebook page ON CHRISTMAS Eve and stayed up all night long and throughout Christmas Day “messaging” me dozens of sexually explicit “screenshots” of their text messages, name calling me, and “mocking” me (she’s 15 years my senior). I was 20 weeks pregnant with our 4th child (age 5 and under) and we had our gender reveal planned for Christmas morning (girl!).
She told him about messaging me, so my ex-husband simply deleted/blocked the messages on my phone before I ever saw them, and I didn’t receive the messages until later. She asked him how I responded to her revealing the affair, and he lied and said I was so angry that I physically assaulted him, by throwing dishes at his head. I still didn’t find out about their affair until after New Years when she stole his cell phone to text further pornographic screenshots to me.
As a response of revealing their secret affair to me, my now ex-husband said (in writing) that OW was a psychopath, a liar, an alcoholic and drug addict, a b-word, a “slut”, a “whore”, a c-word, and he threatened to murder her and said he wanted her dead. When she read all that information about the abusive names he called her, she said she “understood” and was “cool” with it.
A divorce attorney, OW named herself as a witness to our at-fault divorce (after I immediately filed for divorce), and hired her own attorney to represent her. She called the Gardian Ad Litem at 9:00 at night on her cell phone under the guise of discussing a case she was working on with the GAL, and told our GAL (the attorney who helps determine all details of custody regarding children) all about her “twu luv” with this married man (with a pregnant wife) and what a great guy he was. The GAL had no idea what she was talking about, as she was not yet aware the Family Court had assigned her our custody case.
I could go on and on. Thank heavens for CL and CN!
Was her name Glen Close? This one is truly a Bunny Boiler. Being stalked is a straight up blatant form of Domestic Terrorism and a clear indicator of Batshit Crazy. These kinds of people are the ones I call the Suicide Bombers in relationships: They don’t care if they go down-as long as they take you with them. If this is still ongoing I would strongly encourage you to consult with a Risk Assessment Firm or ask if any local LEO has Profilers on staff. I wouldn’t underestimate this person at all-and I’m anything but an alarmist.
I’m really sorry. Stay safe.
Thank you for your kind words, Tundra Woman. There is serious trauma that comes with serial stalking, and laws need to be revamped as technology changes. Domestic terrorism is exactly what it felt like. My ex- husband secretly installed a high-tec GPS in my car and stalked me all over town for nearly 6 months. He stalked me while I was newly postpartum and recovering from a horrific delivery and 10 day NICU stay for my newborn to be treated for potentially life-threatening complications. My ex-husband made everyday a living hell. He gaslighted me so much, his behavior was pathological, sick. We go to trial next week regarding his stalking, which enabled him assault me, repeatedly. The OW came to the pre-trial earlier this year. (I had never seen her before). She glared at me the entire time. (She should be glaring at him, as he is the person responsible.)
The last time I heard from the OW was about 7 weeks ago with a few unanswered telephone calls. She’s blocked now, they both are. OFW is the way to go.
Oh my God! Hugs to you 🌷. You’ve obviously been through hell
What is wrong with these people?
Amusing as some of these stories are, and its a credit to everyone for maintaining a sense of humour despite facing such heartbreak and abuse, its terrifying just how many cruel and twisted sociopaths there are out in the world, masquerading as normal people.
I don’t think I could ever give my heart again.
I’m so sorry for your grief, can’t believe your still strong, still doing battle…Godspeed sister, you deserve justice. I had a stalker but not the rest of what you went through. I hope your attorneys are awesome and your judge has actual wisdom. Wishing you all the best.
I always say, you can’t explain crazy. And that’s just so crazy. Wow.
And I’m sorry. I know how it is to suddenly be single with small children.
Thank you, ClarityNow! You are right, you certainly can’t explain crazy. So many experiences being shared today that are stranger than fiction!
Stalked, name changed, my mouth was literally hanging open. I am SO sorry for what you have been put through!! How awful for you!
Take good care of yourself. Big hugs to you.
Thank you for your kindness, Hopium4years. And big hugs back to you!
Stalked
On one hand I’m really sorry for YOUR shit. Baby #4! What a Shithead.
But I kinda love that he chose a batshit vindictive hag for his whore. Serves him right. Her too, actually.
Well, the thing is though, they don’t generally just stop once they’ve “won” the “prize” they appeared to be seeking, Yk? Unless there are significant negative sanctions, their nuclear powered cray cray just keeps comin like the Energizer Bunny on steroids. These people are truly human models of Predator/Prey motivation but it’s not enough to simply vanquish their perceived “enemy” by winning the man or woman of their dreams-actually, they have a kind of magical thinking regarding their “Prince” or “Princess” that is delusional. It goes even beyond that-as if Domestic Terrorists aren’t unhinged and menacing enough.
There’s a subset of Stalkers/Suicide Bombers I call the “Skin Suiters.” Typically these are females and they strongly “identify” with their Target but in a really perverse manner. So consuming and disturbed is this Identification, it would seem they actually want to BE them: They’ll study pictures for example on social media of the Target and copy them in dress, style, right down to wedding ring configuration, nail polish color, hairstyle/color etc. If they have an opportunity to study the Target in public or on tape, they will emulate the mannerisms, speech patterns/accent, discern the other’s hobbies/interests such as working out at the same gym, becoming a part of a group of adults in the community that may volunteer at the school where the Target’s child(ren) attend, join the same or similar book clubs etc., truly off the leash devious. I wish I could explain how this exponentially increases the terror the Target already experiences-after awhile, how do you even begin to compare or measure one Terror Tactic to another? The individual is absolutely traumatized already.
There are Walk Aways/“One and Done” measures you can take like installing security cameras all around your residence and placing motion activated lighting, the largest, brightest flood lights available making sure to overlap the coverage, using key pads instead of keys for locks (and change the code biweekly) and of course situational awareness. There are some really sweet, inexpensive DIY easily installed security systems on Amazon, for example. No doubt anyone who would install a GPS on a vehicle likely has one on the phones and devices of the Target in addition to the typical key loggers. There are also the “lucky few” (insert sarcasm) who have had drones peering in their windows or are not aware they’re on a drone camera-until the Predator/Stalker drops unmistakable evidence of such-but not enough to be prosecuted depending on the jurisdiction. There is clearly a sadistic element to this kind of Stalking as well; they want you to know they’ve got you in their sights so to speak. Anyway, the list of tactics and counter-measures is limited only by your wallet and imagination.
I agree with Stalked: It took years and a number of deaths and finally one high profile death to institute any Stalking Laws at all-and they’re still inadequate frankly, as they’ve not been updated to include the evolving technology.
Never, ever confuse intelligence with cunning, level of education with level of resourcefulness, the difference between “safe” and “as safe as possible.” Never tell ANYONE what security measures you have taken: The best security measures are the ones no one knows about. With people like this you’re dealing with Probability, not Absolutes. It’s essential to have a Personal Safety Plan that you and your family rehearse until it’s so deeply instilled you can go on auto pilot and respond effectively instead of reactively. Realistically no one can guarantee your safety-but you can learn how to set up trip wires to slow them down and give you time to implement your plan. In that way you maximize your advantages instead of having to deal with an ambush.
Hope to hear how you make out, Stalked. You can and will prevail-believe it. Best wishes with your court case. I truly hope you have excellent representation, can consider civil as well as criminal options and stay safe. No one is as important to those who love you as you are, nothing is worth more than your peace of mind. Take what ever steps you can to increase your sense of safety and belief in your own resourcefulness: Crazy gotta crazy but prepared you is not what they’re expecting-not at all.
Thank you. Just thank you so much 💕
Tundra Woman is right, Stalked. This is Fatal Attraction-level psycho. I just don’t even know how to express my horror at what you’ve shared.
And this OW is an attorney? Couldn’t she be disbarred for a stunt like this? Or at the very least fired? It’s hard to imagine a lawyer being that freaking stupid to put all that in writing, and IP addresses can always be tracked.
Really scary stuff! I pray for your sake and your kids’ sakes that you are far, far away from this nutbar!
1) After 13 years of marriage (toward the end) my x was comparing how I was in bed to someone else indirectly (this was before DDay)
2) I would get up at 6am to take a shower for work (my x was a stay at home mom). While in the shower she would wake up to call her boyfriend. When I got out of the shower she would hang up and pretend to be asleep. When I left she would call him back.
3) My x would take our daughter to meet her boyfriend (before DDay) and pretend they where random encounters and that they where just friends.
I know this is more than 3 but
4) My x (after DDay) accused me of molesting our daughter (and still does to this day). My daughter fights back and says it never happened and her mother is lying.
This is unquestionably the most devastating charge you can make towards a man: The allegation alone does irreparable damage to his reputation.
Lothos, I don’t know if you have concrete evidence or the stomach to legally pursue this but this kind of shit really needs to result in significant sanctions. My personal belief FWIW is custody of any children should immediately default to the defendant once the allegation is found to be false. This forces kids to have to defend their reality every damn day because mommy-dearest is simply using them as a *Tool* in her Campaign of Retribution. It’s damaging and dehumanizing as hell to be the kid in this situation-how well I know.
I’m really sorry.
Unfortunately the system is designed to help the accuser with free attorneys and a guilty until proven innocent. She tried two times (rest of just been accusations). Both times she tried in court I had physical evidence (including a recording in her own voice) that she was lying. In the recording she said that she was never abused.
All the court did was dismiss the charges. No penalties, no paying of my attorney fees etc… she got free attorneys and no bills. I had about 20k in attorney fees. Even though I wun, I still lost.
As for custody, judges (even in Maryland) do not like to take kids away from moms. It has been a huge legal battle that is still going on. A judge finally took things serious when my daughter ignored his order for her to go back to her moms and my daughter then tried to commit suicide. EVEN with that the judge is still trying to make my daughter fix her relationship with her mom instead of respect her wish to not see her mother full time (just every other weekend). My daughter is in her early teenage years.
Lothos, your ex is despicable. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. And that judge – just making matters worse.
Your ex has harmed you in many ways, including financially, but the harm she has done to your daughter is beyond disgusting. Putting her through this is disordered and then some.
Lothos, your story sickens me. I am so sorry. smh.
Well I gave just part of it. This has been going on now almost 5 years and I am about 90k in my own attorney bills fighting for the truth. The system is really broken and judges really don’t want to listen to kids, therapists and the truth when it effects the mom.
I had two therapist testify to the judge of what my X was doing to our daughter and this is still going on! Both therapist said the same thing that my X is trying to alient our daughter from me and is trying to manipulate her. This is the main reason why their relationship is so broken.
Agreed 1000%. By now you realize her goal has nothing to do with the Hostages/Kids and everything to do with destroying you. Hopefully, your daughter will be able to legally Emancipate at 16 or what ever the age in your jurisdiction.
This shit has gotta change. It’s far more pervasive than recognized. I’m sick to death of hearing about “Dead Beat Dads” when the numbers don’t support this assertion at all. It’s like the stereotype of “welfare mothers driving Cadillacs:” They just don’t die no matter how vigorously and factually refuted.
I’m also very disgusted by the auto-default physical custody to the mothers. I live remotely and have observed wild animals fight to the death if necessary to protect their offspring: These kinds of mothers feed us to Predators/any swinging dick with a paycheck they can exploit. Their parenting bar doesn’t even reach the instinctual level of an animal. Unfortunately they are not “rare,” just not “PC” to acknowledge. In the end it’s always the kids who are the unwitting victims of the adult’s piss poor choices and relentless vendettas.
I’m really sorry, Lothos. By now I’m sure you know you are in plenty of company. I truly hope Dads can organize to change these draconian laws. They leave us, the offspring with a Legacy we spend the rest of our lives working to ensure our own kids and grandkids never endure-and they become the “grandma we never meet.” They should be behind bars, either in a zoo or a prison, I’m not fussy. We do need our Dads-far more than we need a cunning Proxy Administrative sanctioned abuser Mugger. It’s bad enough she can abuse with impunity behind closed doors as it is without adding the weight of other agencies/individuals to her repitorie of clueless “supporters.” I don’t believe there is a more reified title on this planet than “mother.”
Good luck, Lothos. Remember, this is a Marathon, not a Sprint.
#3 Yes! Mine did that too. I didn’t think it was weird that they were having random encounters in public (he would tell me – prob cause he knew the kids were likely to mention it) until after I found the phone calls. I didn’t confront him for a week – they had two “chance” encounters over that week. It was kind of fun watching him tell me about it and having no idea I already knew.
Lothos,
I had the best family and parents until my mom became szitophrenic. My dad tried but my parents were young (3 kids by age 23 & 27) and my dad found another wife soon after his crazy and awful divorce from my “crazy” mom.
My world, and the world of my siblings, were uprooted literally overnight.
I came home from school one day and my mom had gotten rid of the family dog that we’d had for years…we cried and cried and begged and begged and we nevertheless saw our dog again. I’m 52 and still traumatized by the dog.
One moth later, mom sold the only house I’d ever known and moved us to a small townhouse in an unfamiliar neighborhood and a new school. Major life trauma two. The total shock really messed us up.
Then my dad moved from Michigan, where we all grew up, with his new wife and now his new baby, for a job transfer.
I’d say within under a year, everything was considerably different…and not for the better.
Then my mom stopped coming home. Sometimes for a night and sometimes for a couple of weeks.
My brother who was the eldest, left to go live with my dad. Eventually after my mom turning very mentally abusive and unstable, my sister and myself left to live with my dad too.
My dad had started a new life with a much younger woman and a new baby. The new wife didn’t want three pre-teens living with their new family. We knew we weren’t really wanted there either so we stayed out of the way as best we could.
These were bad times. I had no school friends, a different state, the works.
I was the youngest and my still szitophrenic mom decided to start sleeping with lawyers and and try to get custody of me. I was the youngest and the easiest target.
My dad, who is a selfish man in many ways AND extremely frugal, stepped up for me. We’d drive from Maryland to Michigan to go to court once or twice a year.
I’ve seen my mom scream at my dad, spit at my dad, swear at my dad, until I was escorted out to the courtroom lobby.
I just knew the judge would send me back to my mom. I had plans to run away many times in my twelve year old head.
I was called into the judges chambers just one-on-one and the judge wasn’t very nice to me. He had yelled because after all my upheavals, I was getting a D in math and I had been getting an A while with my mom. DUH…I WAS A WALKING TRAUMATIZED CHILD. I still have 1000 scars…including my dog.
The last visit, I was ready to run. Didn’t know where. I was again banished to the courtroom lobby as to not witness the screaming and fighting in the courtroom.
Sitting by the elevator, I heard the courtroom door open and out walked my dad first. He was walking fast and didn’t look happy. I knew it looked bad. Just as he was approaching me, the elevator coincidentally opened behind me with people exiting. Just as it opened, I saw my mom coming out of the courtroom on the opposite side of the hallway.
My dad grabbed me by the shoulders and gently shoved me into the elevator and said, very quietly, “you’re mine.”
I was shocked. He won. Granted, at the time I wanted neither life but I really didn’t want an unreliable mother who on the outside appeared pretty normal but at home with her, I slept with my door locked and a small wooden toy bat under my pillow in case she flipped out.
Long story but the sanest parent won. My dad had a job, paid his bills, and although he did the bare minimum in many ways years after, he saved my life that day by fighting for me with money I know that killed him to part with.
I loved Maryland and made my best friends until this day. I’ll always respect my dad for how he stepped up and did his duty as a father when he had three other kids, including a new baby, a wife that didn’t want me, and a house that wasn’t purchased for a family of six but for a family of three.
As Tracy always says, BE THE SANE PARENT. ALWAYS.
Years later, I married a mild-mannered accountant who grew up as a farm boy with a wonderfully close family. Something I never had. Well, when he turned out to be a serial cheater and once again, turned my world upside down, I became the sane parent. I knew what it would mean to me and my two children. It worked. It wasn’t difficult because I was sane and I knew what to do to help my kids navigate and have normalcy and security kept in their life.
Thank goodness it worked out for me and both my kids.
No matter what happens, be the sane parent. Kids know so much more than you think they do. They will have many emotions and take many angry moments towards you but slow and steady wins the race. Be the dependable and patient parent and the rewards will be worth it.
My mom has been a paranoid schizophrenic for decades, and my dad cheated on her before he passed away recently, and many people didn’t blame him (cheating on a crazy woman is ok right?), in fact they called him a saint for staying with her (while cheating). But I know now that what a decent spouse should have been doing, and what he never even tried to do, was getting her into the car and to the hospital for observation and to get her started on anti-psychotic medication, something my brother-in-law was able to accomplish many years later. I rationalized my dad’s cheating for years but now that I am a chump too and a victim of cheater mind-games, I am just beginning to talk to my mom about it and I realize her chump pain was just as real and raw and humiliating as mine. They say that certain triggers can make schizophrenia much worse, and after my dad passed away, my mom’s behavior became much less crazy even when she went off her meds.
Thank you for sharing. I’m trying so hard to be the sane parent. I love your story it is hard and sad but at the same time full of hope. My STXH is completely irrational and impulsive at the moment.
You made my day today. Thank you. I CAN DO THIS!!!!
After I found out about The Worm’s girlfriend, I developed an eating disorder.
I lost 30 pounds in two months. The Worm complained that I was too skinny and used to comment on it quite often.
Well Christmas rolled around and his gift to me was……two gift cards and a Fitbit!!!!!
What lunatic buys a Fitbit for an anorexic?
A POS lunatic. Ugh. Cruel and horrible behavior.
1) Upon discovering STBX had lived a double-life for 20+ years, I asked him who he REALLY was. His response, in a very thoughtful, serious tone … “I’ve given this a lot of thought. I’m a gamer. That’s who I am.” The man is almost 50.
2) Since STBX had infected every technological device we ever owned with porn — and because I had evidence he had watched it in front of our young child — I requested he leave his phone in his vehicle during supervised visits OR use apps to cover anything on the phone our daughter shouldn’t see. He emphatically agreed. Didn’t happen. He brought his phone — porn easily visible. A few days later, he apologized (for the millionth time). Then he explained that “But 99% of the phone is clean.” WTF? Really?
3) Idiot Excuse #1: Why did he cheat with a particular coworker? “Because I had to work two jobs.” (one FT and one PT on weekends). Why did he have to work two jobs? Because he was skimming money from the family income to use for himself, so the family didn’t have enough money for basics (utilities, food, etc.).
4) Idiot Excuse #2: Why did he cheat with a different coworker? “Because you made me sell my PlayStation.” After our daughter almost died in a car accident (life-support for 4 days), we both had to take unpaid time off of work … we were already in dire straits because he was skimming from the family funds (I didn’t know it at the time). I sold everything I had of value to buy groceries and pay the electric bill. When it wasn’t enough, I asked him to help. So he sold his Playstation.
5. Idiot Excuse #3: I asked him why he even bothered marrying me if he knew he didn’t plan to keep his vows. Response: “To take YOU off of the market.” Gee, thanks for nothing, asshole.
…. Sadly, this list could could be endless. Thank you CL and CN for helping to pave my way out of that insanity!
I think being a “gamer” sums it up for mine, as well! Woody is a computer geek who has always played video games. Over the past six years (coinciding with the start of his “emotional affairs,” I learned in retrospect) he developed an obsessive hobby of collecting board games that we played every night. He kept searching for one that he could win because it bothered him that I won about 90% of the time after I learned the rules. But he finally found a game that he could beat me at every day, a secret life of cheating. Or, so he thought. Now he’s lost that game too because leave a cheater, gain a life.
IT guy, gamer and porn addict here too…do I sense a pattern?
Another example of gamer, here!
To my ex, everything is a game, even my parents say that about him.
Computer gaming, card games, online bets, online hookups. In this teens (I didn’t know him back then) he admits he was addicted to slot machines. Seducing and duping people of course was his secret game.
I don’t mind video games — never did. WITHIN REASON. But to see gaming and porn as some ultimate goal in life … and family, work, etc. as “burdens” that interfere with the ultimate goal … so screwed up!
I am still embarrassed that I was married to such an infantile excuse of a human and that I had NO clue. While he gamed during the marriage, he relegated it to a few hours on the weekend–after the kids were in bed. No big deal (I thought). And he completely hid the porn. Rather, throughout the marriage, he had me totally duped into thinking he was basically computer illiterate (always asking me to help him if he needed to search for a number, etc.). Insane. Absolutely insane.
Throughout my entire 14 year marriage, I would always tell my mom…I married a boy hoping one day he would turn into a man. So I get the embarrassment of being married to an “infantile excuse for a human” Looking back now I can see he was and continues to be a boy….a boy who became a father and abandoned his child….
I never minded the video games or the porn either. I drew the line at the cheating…but for some of these figures..they go hand in hand- at least for mine it did.
>>”Looking back now I can see he was and continues to be a boy”
This is well stated. My STBX and I married young, so I just expected us to grow more mature and wiser as we got older and experienced more of life. It just didn’t occur to me that someone would see maturity as a negative. (*facepalm)
I’m glad we are both off of that roller coaster, Pret. Wishing you all the best!
He would get sooooo snappy if I dared speak while he was playing and “interrupting” – he had big issues with that concept, anyway (whatever happened to finishing each other’s sentence as a romantic thing? He hated it. How dare I presume to read his mind…but I digress.
I thought it was normal to be in the same room, me doing the dishes, him playing, whatever pops in my head, I share. I know I wouldn’t have a problem tuning in to something someone dear to me was saying. Key word being “dear”.
I even had a (lousy) therapist validate that “men down time”. Sure, but he could ask not to be interrupted, right? No, now that would be “rude of him”. There’s a game nobody wins…
We really need a thread for Stupid Shit Therapists Say … (your ex-therapist’s words would be perfect for it).
Good lord, mine too — IT, gamer and BDSM cheater on a massive scale. He even started his own board game company with my encouragement. I imagine the travel to conventions and admiration from that community help him in his real hobby. SMH.
And the similarities continue with these freaks … sheesh. I was utterly shocked (upon discovering the marriage-long hidden porn hobby) that my STBX was really into the BDSM stuff. He never so much as hinted to me that he was into that.
X also had to work two jobs to help fund his gambling. He told me he took the 2nd job so he could spend more time at home with his family. He met schmoopie there and immediately began to pursue her.
So sorry, pregnant chump. Most of my STBX’s affairs were co-workers as well. There we are, carrying their kids, working as well, trying to better the lives of our whole family … thinking they are doing the same. Instead, they are using “working for the family” as a cover to fuck over their family. Assholes.
*Cracks knuckles*
1) He went to a coworker’s wedding without me while I was out of town and managed to keep it a secret for three years.
2) He proposed to me while knowing he was still keeping secrets and it was giving me terrible anxiety, after 2 years of reconciliation.
3) He got pouty that he couldn’t go engagement ring shopping in secret “because you (the chump) hate lies”.
I’m divorced almost a year now…. OW recently called threatening to get ex fired (they work at a Christian Radio station in Orlando and they started the affair both married… they would fire them if found out) and left me a message how I wouldn’t get child support anymore… 2 days later she didn’t called apologizing voicemail…. they are back together … they have broken up at least 15 times😂
“Christian Radio Station Cheaters” – that has a certain ring to it!
BARF!
I’m sure your ex is loony, but OW sounds positively wacko. They deserve each other.
My ex came to me and confessed a 4 year affair because he said he’d decided he wanted to make it work with me. It turns out she wanted to be with him full time and planned to spill the tea if he didn’t leave me.
I told him I wanted to try to work it out (#dumbchump,#4thekids) but that I was going to speak with her so she knew that I knew and EXACTLY what the deal was…( see #dumbchump above).
That’s not the creative part.
When I got her on the phone she talked to me like we were the best of friends and then said “well, we both got played. You know I wasn’t the first affair. He was sleeping with my friend Danielle too.”
Huh?????
So I look at him and said ” did you have an affair with a Danielle too?”
and he said “oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
Just….what the fuck???
Egads … The “I forgot” about HUGE, game-changing details. I’m sadly familiar. Such an easy explanation for overtly planned lies of omission. Astoundingly manipulative.
I found out about affair #1 (PA that I know of) when I got back from an overnight cub scout event. He said he had something to tell me. He told me that Schmoopie wasn’t his first affair. I rolled my eyes and asked “so who was the first?”. He said “the woman you were confiding your troubles too at the cub scout event yesterday”. Doh!
That’s really shitty. I’m so sorry he (well, THEY) did that to you.
Time lines/stories are never straight. X told me he started his prostitute use one year, but I could pinpoint when he came to me to “confess” that he was looking at stuff online and felt horrible about it, and that was AFTER the use began. UGH.
For years, he wouldn’t get a vasectomy, despite the fact that I’d been on the pill forever and bore two children. After d-day #1, he decided to have it to show me his dedication. Then he spent a WEEK in bed with frozen peas on his balls with me nursing him since that was one of his Pick Me requests, “Be more caring.” The whole time he’s texting the OW about how he couldn’t wait to try out the new equipment. Cue d-day #2 (and final).
Yes. Having a vasectomy makes it easier to cheat because there is no risk of impregnating Schmoopies. Of course the whole STD thing just isn’t on their radars.
My serial-cheating father rises to the “Freak” level … so, I thought I would toss these in:
1) Left a soda and a love-letter on a neighbors porch. He was married for the third time in five years to my step-mom at the time. (Her brother-in-law called to inform my step-mom. Turned out that the brother-in-law was already having an affair with her, so he didn’t want my dad cutting in on “his” territory.)
2. Kicked first step-mom and her three kids out one day and left me and my brother home with her after that announcement — while he went to spend the day with his girlfriend. (He moved the girlfriend in the day after the step-mom moved out.)
3. Ditched third wife (and mother of his 3rd kid) to marry a girl with whom I attended high school. “Awkward” is a huge understatement.
4. Just a few months prior to ditching his third wife (he had been seeing the OW for at least a year at this point), he exploded in rage because he thought his wife’s shirt was too revealing (it wasn’t).
Ah … glad to be away from that mess too!
What a terrible way to treat your kids let alone all of the wives. Some people just shouldn’t bother getting married at all.
>>”Some people just shouldn’t bother getting married at all.”
This is one of the truest statements I’ve ever read.
I have to wonder where the soda comes in. I mean, it’s a pretty shitty lure. Like the OW was going to say, “Well, I don’t like him much, but he did bring me a soda… It’s not like I can go to the store and get my own soda.”
Hey – don’t underestimate the power of consumer goods. One of the big thing for Princess Yogapants was that she got discount priced yogurt from her guy ….
You really can’t make this crap up can you ..
At least we can try to laugh at the insanity.
You’re right. I forgot who we’re dealing with.
1) Started meowing at me…
2) Dropped his pants and pulled up his shirt wagging his penis at me while I was in the garden in the back yard…
3) Would show up every few days (I had no idea where he was for weeks) 2 – 4 am drunk, pull the covers off of me, lick me from my crotch to my chin…then run away laughing…gunning his diesel as he left… some mornings instead of licking me he’d pull me out of bed and drop me on the floor before running away laughing…
…mad as a hatter that one…
Thank goodness I am out of that insanity…
What the hell! That’s beyond bizarre!
Spooneriver
…bizarre is…yes, but…satan went well beyond bizarre…
Ummm…I don’t think we have a word for satan
I’m just really hopin we (earth) doesn’t crash and burn when karma finds him
Psychotic! And gross.
So sorry, JeepTess.
Thank you Hopium
Yes…mad as a hatter and gross as a sewer…ugh…
Good god. It must be a relief to be free of that weirdo. Regardless of how it gets expressed or not I think all of these perverts (male and female) are really messed up in the head. The question is, are they already mad when they cheat or does the cheating make them mad? Or are they already a bit messed up in the first place and then all the sustained hormones, adrenaline, and stress associated with the actual cheating does permanent damage to their brains. I guess it doesn’t matter as long as we get away so we don’t get infected ourselves.
Winner winner chicken dinner!
Tessie
You got my vote strongest Chump!
…have no words…
…have no way to convey the comfort I wish to give to you.
You are always in my heart.
JeepTess, you don’t call him Satan for nothing.
Thank God you and Beau are free now!
Amen and Amen
(((((((FMT)))))))
…sigh…peace is not underrated!
FMT…reading all of these posts…so, so sad…
so many are so hurt…so much was taken from us…not just material…eh?!! …so much more than ‘things’…than ‘money’…so much of our hearts and souls and day to day lives…so sad…
…yet…only us Chumps feel that deep, deep loss…
…my heart hopes that newbies catch on quickly that that ‘perceived’ loss is truly a great Blessing…
cause it really is…right? …yes 
…takes a while but, yes…it truly is a Blessing 
Chumps…go be free of all the anxious living day to day wondering…sweep those egg shells out the door and be done with walkin through them forever
There is life beyond the spine snapping triggers 
…there is peace 
there is calm 
…remember who you really are…cause that’s who you really are
(((((((FMT))))))) Thank you
Love and hugs from Beau and I
During a wreckconcilation fight the boy broke our framed wedding photo over his own head and then called ow in front of me because “she was the only one who could calm him down”. Ow proceeded to tell him about how important our marriage was and said we should all pray together right then on the phone… You can’t make this stuff up
What exactly were “we” praying for? “The (Loads of) Hos and (anal) Fistulas?” “The Immaculate Deception?” “The Semen (left on) the dis-Mount?” “Divine Inter-(Contra)Ception?”
“The Old (Double) Cross?” “The Virgin Fairy?”
Or was it just a general absolution of his assignations? Did he play dress up with her in his red body suit with a long tail and totin a pitchfork? Were there faux offerings for a full disclosure of his “Holy Days of Ejaculation?”
Inquiring minds wanna know! ;—)
Lol! I have no clue however the “just friend” is now his wife who he married 20 days after the divorce was final.. Interestingly enough the lovely woman who was so calm and spiritual is now “crazy” and controlling…. Hmmm I wonder if she is upset about his other “friends” online.. Who’d have thought that you might have trust issues with the man you helped commit adultery..
But I forgot it’s not adultery if you only have phone sex… thank the Lord I never bred with him!
You can’t make this stuff up. AMEN!!
Wow, another strong contender in the delusional category.
I can describe my Cheater Freak of the Week in one sentence: He fucked my (now) 19-year-old niece in our home, he fucked her in his office at the university after she moved into the dorm, and now he’s fucking her in the marital residence again after he moved her in during our separation while I’m on my Road Trip to Meh.
There’s more (oh so much more…), but need I say more?
You win…I hope you cut him out of your life COMPLETELY…kids or no kids..as for your niece? She’ll get hers someday…karma is a real bitch.
Pret, we are definitely No Contact. I’m not just Gray Rock, I’m Steel Wall. He will never get another little kibble out of me. I loved him with all my heart and he shattered it. Now it will make me happy if I never have to see his face again. No more butterflies at the mere sight of his name. If I even have to email him about business I’ll probably have to puke after.
I’m also letting his dirty little secret out to mutual friends so they won’t get inadvertently turned into Flying Monkeys. Predictably for a narcopath, he’s the victim in his own heroic tale of suffering the emotional abuse I’ve inflicted on him for 13 years, invalidating and challenging him (him, who was viewed as the Prince in the fairy tale couple envied by all of my extensive circle of friends). Now that I am gone, he can finally be happy and feel good about himself by helping the needy niece with college and self-improvement!
Oh, and we don’t have any kids. He’s my second (narcopath) husband. In fact, when Bazooka Jane came to live with us and they immediately became attached at the hip (little did I know then that their hips were naked), I complained that he was inappropriately crossing boundaries and triangulating us. He said, “I finally get to feel like a father, and you even want to take that away from me!”
Good thing we never had kids, or he could have become the Cheater Freak of the Century.
Yes, based on his definition of “father”, I would say you definitely dodged a huge bullet. So sorry you have to be involved in the shitshow they created, but glad you can grey rock the hell out of it. Strength & hugs.
It’s a really awful thing you’ve been through.
Like you and your X, me & STBX were the envy of our circle of friends for having the perfect relationship. You’ve got me wondering if thats a thing alot of us have in common.
There is so much wrong with this whole situation. How old is your husband? What kind of uncle goes after a niece? What kind of niece would do this to her aunt? Both of them sound mentally unstable. Besides incest and father figure issues, at the very least there’s a huge lack of integrity and character in them both. The sheer betrayal from the family perspective is hard to fathom. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this level of evil. Glad you’re on the road to healing. FYI, your posts always sound positive and affirming. I hope you can rise above this crap because in no way do you deserve this situation. ((hugs))
He’s 49 going on 5.
They’re all going on 5!
Meht, he is SO beyond freak. Blech!
I hate what he put you through but her parents must be going nuts now too worrying about their daughter. They must be beside themselves. She will get her comeuppance, but it will break her parents hearts. Not to be too kind to the slut who inserted herself into your marriage, but I do hope she is young enough to learn a lesson from all of this and recover someday. As for cheater freak, I hope he goes straight to hell.
Chumpinrecovery, my brother and sister-in-law are heartbroken and beside themselves, yes. I don’t know whether Bazooka Jane will learn anything since the only one she listens to is Woody. Why she believes a word he says after participating with him in two years of infidelity and deception, I can’t begin to fathom. I’m actually wondering if she’s as big a narcopath as he is and just using him for a free education–both in higher ed and in the bed.
I threw my ex-husband out three weeks before our 15th anniversary which happens to be Valentine’s Day. He called me on our anniversary from the OW’s and my former best friend’s house, asking if he could come over and have a glass of wine with me because “we thought you shouldn’t be alone on this particular day. ” my former MIL happen to be staying with me that weekend to help with the twins’ birthday (They were turning 13 and really struggling .) and I told him no thank you, I’m not alone. Your mom is here. That shut him up. He had the nerve to send me a gift basket from our favorite winery earlier that day. It promptly went out in the trash. He stopped by to see if I received it, and when I stood over it in the kitchen crying, he acted confused and said, “this was supposed to make you smile. Not cry. “
What an idiot! So sorry, Cakeless.
Smile, because it was a fond memory for him, but painful realization for you. Not that he would get that. File that under “nice” cheater. He’s so thoughtful so you can’t be mad at him, right? UGH.
One really sad and one kind of humorous.
(1) Encountered my beloved dog collapsed on the stair landing in the morning. Stepped over her and saw the blood she had thrown up all over the downstairs carpet. Knew I would walk into this horrific scene in about 5 minutes and would have to carry a 70 pound dog to the car in an attempt to get her to the emergency vet. With a 5 year old in tow. Drove off to work without one word to me or any offer of assistance. I did somehow manage to carry that dog down two flights of stairs to the car but she died at the vet. Verdict … Sociopath.
(2) Had his car all packed up for the final departure from our house. He just needed to sit our son down and explain he “had done some wrong things that mommy will explain later” before he left our home and marriage of 30 years. But wait … he had one final request. Would it be okay if he used the hose to wash his car one last time? The response was in the negative but good to know where his mind was in that moment … squarely focused on his image. Can’t be seen doing the drive of shame in a dirty car. Verdict … Moron.
I can laugh at (2) but will hate him forever for (1) … sincere unmitigated possibly unhealthy hate.
“The response was in the negative”–If I remember the story correctly, you told him to “Get the fuck out!” ??
Hatred for (1), and so much else–absolutely warranted.
What Tempest said.
Dixie the Demure woke the neighborhood that morning with a colossal f-bomb … I always wanted to the be “that” neighbor … smh
Dixie, the situation with your dog is heart-breaking. I completely agree that only a sociopath could behave that badly.
Dixie Chump that is totally chilling! What a psychopath. Your poor beautiful dog. You and your son are better off without such a psychopath. Truly sick and cold heart to ignore such suffering.
I hate him, too. Your poor dog and what a nightmare for you.
Dixie chump never underestimate the sickness. There is no there ‘there’ . As me and the kids were burying not one…two but five dead pet rabbits we had for 7 years cheater scum was making an inventory of stuff he was going to take to his new batchelor pad. D day consisted of a torturous week from beginning to end of discard out of the clear blue sky a switch clicked in his head and we were no longer relevant in his life. The rabbits (poisoned death) are still a strong case of WTF. lets say me and the kids would not have found an apartment (as he insisted we sold the house…basically stopped paying the mortgage) which would not have accomodated 5 free range rabbits … go figure. Thanks for 25 years of what turned out to be bullshit.
OW was a Realtor. Ex used to meet her at vacant houses for sex hookups to “break them in”.
So gross. A reason to always get those carpets steam-cleaned when you get a new place. You never know where it’s been (or who’s been fucking on your floors/counters/etc.).
LiningUpDucks, this would make a great movie in the style of Fargo!
I have so many moments that I could capture here, but they just float around in my head – none more important than others – just the sheer volume is freaky. But during this last year while wreckonciling (he’s now moved out for the OW, aka my former best friend), I became quite proficient as a detective. My specialty was grabbing his phone and scouring the contents in nanoseconds while he was in the shower or walked into kitchen, etc. So let me grab a few freaky things I found on his phone:
1) He had about 30 selfies. Posing like a thirteen year old girl. Duck face and everything. Smoldering looks, profiles, hats on, hats off, workout clothes, suits, etc. By the way, he’s 50. He’s a handsome fifty year old, but how many men actually take selfies?
2) When reading an email btw my husband and OW, she referenced seeing number 444 on her Brooks running shoes, and that was her “sign” for the day. Also saw a mailbox with 4440 on it during a run. When I asked him about, he reluctantly (and almost laughing) told me she was REALLY into numerology. That 4 was her life number. Meant angels were watching over and guiding her. So I asked, Are you telling me that you and she think angels and God are orchestrating your affair and giving you divine intercession? He said Yes, we believe God brought us together. This explains why in the middle of the selfies on his camera roll, there were lots of pics of four candy bars laid on the ground. I assumed my 12 year old had taken them. But no, the OW had brought him 4 pieces of candy to their “running” trysts, and he commemorated them by photographing them. Did I mention he’s 50?
3) My husband threw me a surprise 50th birthday party. I found on his phone several pics of OW taken at my party, snaps of her talking and eating. She took my daughter home from the party (bc our daughters were BFFs). Once affair came out, my daughter told me that that night when they got home from the party, that the OW had a hissy fit. Adult tantrum. Threw things and cussing up a storm. (She’s clinically diagnosed as bi-polar). So I tell my husband, my daughter is scared of her and I don’t want her anywhere around my kids. He says he’ll “protect” our kids from her. I asked Do your hear yourself? That you’ll have to PROTECT your children from your girlfriend? And this is okay, how?
Just a glimpse of the new normal (crazy).
CreativeLifer, during my marriage policing I found gads of selfies on my cheater’s devices. I think he used to send them to the women involved in his secret life. Somewhere in my prolific readings on covert narcissism I read that this is one of the signs.
Another confirmation of covert narcissism
It’s definitely disordered thinking to pose, purse your lips, hold the phone and click, over and over again … even in tween girls (I know this bc I’ve discussed at length with my own daughter), but a grown man? Just so weird.
1)my cheater lied about making less (he made 20K more than me) aka equal what I did in residency so I felt bad and paid 1/2 for everything even tho I had student loans and expenses
2)He never used soap- he used shampoo and considered it body wash Even tho he worked a tough job and should of soaped his body down
3)personal hygiene was optional, trimming toenails, brushing teeth, but all of a sudden it would become paramount when he was doing the discard
During wreconciliation- he is supposed to be this uber spiritual/godly/good person who people look up to in Our 12 step fellowship and 8 years sober- he said so many mean things to me and nasty finger pointing things told me that everything was my fault and used justification that his sponser told him to do so.
4)last freak of the week. Lied upon lies upon lies when he was caught. Blamed and punished me for getting caught. He used his friends girlfriend to cover how he knew methzilla. Of course he made amends to the friend and the friends GF that he included her in a lie- no apology to me tho
Crushedfifi – I’m a 12-stepper, too. STBX self-sponsored for the past…idunno how many years, but his reason for not having one was he didn’t want anyone to question his choices (3-year affair w MOW who worked for him). We attended meetings regularly & a lot of people have told me we were a model couple for them (puke!). I had my final Dday 4 hours after picking up my 28 year chip in June. What an anniversary gift!
Why should they take their own inventories when taking others leads to affairs, right? Ugh! I hate it now as he goes to many of my regular meetings. I went to home group this week, relieved not to see his vehicle in parking lot, but he was in there anyway – deceiving me still! UGH! Narc!
I have told people I trust in fellowship & have been surprised that it didn’t become gossip fodder as much as I expected. But I am hurt that people who know still hire him to work for them – that feels like a betrayal after they have expressed support to me.
Mine was a New Age Know-it-All Jesus Cheater. 1) He lied, cheated, gaslighted, disrespected me, said he’d commit suicide if I didn’t give him money, stole my intellectual property (gave it to the OW) and came at me with a knife. Then he wrote a book about forgiving aggression you don’t “deserve.”
2) He said he and the OW were “good people” who were “doing their best” and shouldn’t be criticized cos they’d done nothing wrong. Then he criticized me for not watching enough TV.
3) He told me he’d been impotent with the OW so he’d had to give her oral sex. But he wasn’t impotent with me. So would I stay with him? He was getting advised on “getting me back” from the OW so maybe this last bit should be credited to her.
1. He bought me everything on my Amazon wishlist for Christmas (Red flag!! Dude is cheap af)
2. They planned out their monogrammed towels over email for when they get married (before I found out)
3. Said “I love both of you I wish I could flip it on and off like a lightswitch!”
4. Asked for money for a flat tire after I kicked him out because I took 1/2 the bank account out and he couldn’t afford it.
5. Wouldn’t sign the papers until I agreed to split the dogs up- he wanted “his” dog. I found him and picked him out.
There’s so many more but I gotta work!
Cheating stbx had his own apartment after we chose to separate. We were still working on things, having family time together, being intimate. Around mid August I show up to apartment and new girlfriend was there, this was a Wednesday night. The next Wednesday night another OW showed up to his apartment to also find new OW there. He’d had us three women coming to his apartment during different nights of the week. LOL
Mine argued with me on the importance of his work Holiday party over my scheduled chemo infusion. He could not be expected to stay home and help take care of the house because he had to spend 2 nights in a hotel to set up for the party located 2 miles from our home.
Cancer Chump, what a disordered neanderthal.
No wait, that’s an insult to neanderthals.
Sad.
Just sad.
(At first I wasn’t allowed to post that because it was too short.)
1) My ex left me for the OW he met on the internet.
2) OW was not who she told him she was. (Duh) Ergo, their relationship never made it off the ground, because “he couldn’t trust her.” (Karma’s a bitch that way, right?
3) Three years later, my ex was the best man in OW’s wedding… wherein she married another (transsexual) woman.
Freaky? Or just to me?
3)
Pretty much objectively freaky!!
A few other things specific to RPD (OM that Kunty Kibbler had been chatting with, and finally hooked up with 10 days after I said “enough!”):
1. (seen in chats) He wanted to know if he’d mentioned to her that he visited a tranny escort while on a trip to Minneapolis. (She is fine with that.)
2. (seen in chats) He told her how much he enjoyed having sex while wearing her clothes, and asked if she’d mentioned to me what they did with the leash. (Her response: “Fuck UXworld. He’s being such a dick about all of this.”)
3. In the “magic bag” kept on the floor of our bedroom closet — amongst her crops, whips and outfits — was the waist harness and vibrating purple dildo that she uses when she pegs him (hence my moniker for him — Rider of the Purple Dildo).
Ugh, UX, your EX is XXX!
Christ, I swear KK and Asshat have hooked up.
Gosh Uxworld, why were you being “such a dick” about such minor insignificant things? I mean really, what kind of a puritanical freak are you anyway?
Many of the guy cheaters described on here would have been thrilled to meet KK. That in and of itself shows how messed up she is.
A few probably have met KK, ….
Hugs. Strength. Peace.
aeronaut
K – I’ve been waiting for lunch time so I could read and contribute. Perhaps I’ll get a WTF participation ribbon ….
After her blatantly going off to spend the weekend with OM – leaving me to look after her dog – when she came back to “make up for it” to me, she made me fried onions.
Aaaannnd – I’ll just leave it there because in some ways especially in the middle of the dance we’re perhaps as freaky as they are.
“Here’s some fried onions – everything’s fine now, right?”
RIGHT.
That’s right up there with the “I fucked your husband, here’s a toffee.” post in the forums.
So I discovered the second cheating like this: it was 11 pm, things were already in the free falling stage, his previous woman was “just a friend and never had sex with her”. So he had called earlier to say that someone had broken a pipe and he had to go fix it.
I was very congested and opened the balcony to get some fresh air. What do I see? He is parked with his car still on. I hear a female voice and try to put attention. It was coming from the speakers. I run like a maniac downstairs and was able to listen closer. She was giving some advise and saying things will get better at work or something. I went to the door and opened it. He immediately turns off the car. He tells me he was listening to the RADIO. Seriously??? The radio? Does he radio know your name? Why is the radio calling you Danny? Do you talk back to the radio? Wtf!!! This man. Just writing this today helps me wake up. What kind of a freak is this. He goes upstairs and finally admits it. Another woman and this time with plenty of sex. Everyday I was with the kids and he was working away in Connecticut. WTF!! Bastard!!!!
Because he “didn’t know how else to organize” he sent me a spreadsheet of all the people that he had slept with including how many times, where, and whether or not he had “swallowed”. OMG. So gross.
You made my day, Time! I’ll never be able to use a spreadsheet again without thinking of the organized bastard.
I was reduced to making my own spreadsheet. Otherwise I had no hope of keeping it all straight.
I have to say, I prefer that (I think) to having one given to me. I never thought I’d see a silver lining to that spreadsheet but here it is. My condolences, TimeWasted33.
Marcela – “Why is the radio calling you Danny?” OMG LOL… so damn busted
1. Asshole used a photo of my kids for his AFF profile pic. As if the local cheaters wouldn’t recognize these kids…
2. LT MOW posted pictures of her dream home to her Pinterest board. Weirdly, it looked like my house….
3. Best Christmas gift EVAH from cheater asshole: an electric knife sharpener to sharpen the blades as he backstabbed me…
4. Proclaimation of Asshole regarding oral sex with willing non-paid hos : ” I never had sex with person X Y &Z!!!!” Because cheating with fingers, mouths and appliances is not Sex.
He asked one more time for our joint credit card. He needed to do some
Important returns. Chump winner, me, gave it to him and kindly said “ok , here is the card please just make the returns and give it back (super chimp)”. And? Does he make the returns? NO, not only he does not make returns, he charges 30000 in materials for his job. I’m already paying them and can’t survive another month. Is that the freak of the month??
I would say more like larcenous a-hole of the month!
Yep same story …2 days before scum walked he stole my credit card ( as he couldnt trust me not to run it up) then spent the next 6 months loading $30k of debt on it to screw me in the settlement. Needless to say he was spending on AP and what ever else he wanted at our expense. Bearing on mind he left the 4 of us with $200 and made us homeless by the end of the year. ..there is no end to these wankers .
Mine got a vasectomy when I was 46 and our youngest was 10. He said he did it for me, even though I’d given up asking him to get one years earlier.
Found out later he’d just unintentionally conceived a baby with an OW and she’d refused to get an abortion.
Classic shutting of the barn door after the cow got out.
What a gut punch for you, ugh!
There are so many fucked up stories here my freak show looks amateur. Still, it’s hard to keep it to 3…
1. Made me take an online “are you a sociopath?” quiz because him and a “coworker” had taken it together. I showed up normal and he showed up slightly elevated. He expressed being VERY SURPRISED that he scored higher than me on the sociopath scale!! It’s funny to me that him and his fuckbuddy were like hmm, are we sociopaths? Let’s take this quiz to try to exonerate ourselves and make sure our partners think that they are the ones being disordered.
2. He had so many sadz before one of our marriage counseling appointments that he left me sleeping in bed with our 6 month old daughter while he took the dog for a run in order to process his feelings. He sent a sweet text message about how we looked so cozy and he loved me and wanted to work so hard on our marriage and hoped to clear his head to bring his best to the appointment. Accompanying this was a picture of our dog playing with another dog at the park… I found out a few months later that “other dog” was his fuckbuddy’s stupid fucking tiny greyhound.
3. He went to Dubai on business. Even though we had a newborn daughter he wanted to stay a couple extra days “to check out the gold market,” which I thought meant he was going to buy an engagement ring (we had gotten married quietly because of our daughter, under his promises that he wanted to do a big surprise engagement when all the commotion from having a newborn quieted down) (insert jerkoff motion here). He was being shown around by someone who worked in the Dubai office and had lived in Dubai for several years. I found out later that she was a passably attractive 33 year old, in addition to his hideous regular side piece that lived in the same city. He came back with 1 gold chain bracelet, for himself.
“Accompanying this was a picture of our dog playing with another dog at the park… I found out a few months later that “other dog” was his fuckbuddy’s stupid fucking tiny greyhound.”
CLASSIC!
Idiot goes hunting for shmoopies at the Country Club. Post discovery, but never an admission or apology:
1. I told him: B told me she saw you playing tennis with AP1 on court six one morning last week, and she was in only her bra. His reply: B is a liar, we were on court five.
2. AP1 comes running out of the changing room showers into the Ladies toilets, stark naked, pointing to herself and screaming ‘your husband had this’. His reply when I told him: I keep telling you she’s a liar, I don’t know why you believe her and not me. So what did you tell her. Truthfully, I said ‘probably’.
3. I hold up his phone with Texts between Idiot and AP2 saying: ‘I have a yellow top like yours, lets match outfits.’ FFS, who old are you, twelve?
4. I asked him if AP2 “yo-yo knickers” (I borrowed that, thanks) who also had a wardrobe malfunction on the tennis court had been in contact as he claims NC but I knew she had. And was told that apparently only country hicks like me wear knickers any more!
Eeew!!! #2! What sort of a desperate lunatic does that?!?! What is she trying to prove? I would have said: “Yeah, you’re the village bicycle. Everybody has had a ride!”
I wish I did! but all I could come up with at the time was “probably”
So many examples, hard to pick:
-when I confronted 32 yo OW day after DDay and asked if she knew X had herpes she said “no” and then asked “what is herpes?”
-same ridiculous conversation, OW claimed she didn’t know x was married with 4 kids and lamented “how will I ever restore karma?” I suggested starting with never talking to X again and she agreed. Found out that hours later she messaged X “what are we going to do?”
…..that homewreckers’ karma is living with X (2 years now) and burning through her youth – he’s already cheated on her at least once
– x fucked his extremely hairy, wide-assed 48 yo client from India in the yoga/breastfeeding room at his big lawfirm during work hours with dozens of people in the cafeteria on the other side of the door
– x gave that same client a book of love poetry he gave me on the exact same day! Mine was inscribed with his heartfelt (gag!) appreciation for my all I meant to him in our 25 years together. He told hairy client I was a psycho bitch he could never please- the same day!
– when caught by our 19, 15, and 10 yo kids with a burner phone with messages from young OW demanding he divorce and leave the family bc “divorce doesn’t hurt kids” X went into a rage and screamed at devastated kids that he had “hated every minute of being a father and every minute of their lives!”
I DESPISE HIM FOR THAT! Dd3 has had 3 serious suicide attempts since and each time has told the psych-ward docs it’s because of what X did and said 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫
–
I’m sorry MotherChumper, that your daughter has been so badly hurt by your X. I hope she finds her anger at him soon (the only real emotion guaranteed to disengage from an abuser).
Thank you Mighty Tempest. Sadly she’s acting like his spouse instead- doing all kinds of personal errands and emotional caregiving. 😢😢😢
Your x obviously has a penchant for unfortunately stupid women as APs (in direct contrast to you and to make himself feel superior?). And he can’t handle the truth… from you or your kids. I’d despise him for those comments to your kids as well. Be cruel to me if you must, but don’t put your crap on our kids. I’ve said through my situation that if I’m this messed up at 50 years old, what is it doing to our kids who’ve only known a trusting and happy childhood? Your x has a special date with karma ahead and with his Maker some day that he will not be able to lie his way out of. So glad your daughter has a sane, loving, SMART, mother to help her heal. Prayers and (((hugs))).
Thank you 💖💖💖💖💖
He deserves at least four karma buses … one for each of your kids and one for you. My heart hurt for you — just reading that. Sending a huge, virtual hug to you and your kids.
Thank you so much! Best revenge is a life well lived. I just don’t know about karma😬
Mother Chumper, you’re a saint for not clubbing that bastard to death. Hugs to you and your poor kids.
Omg! I love that you said that KC! I’m Viking heritage and often fanticize about my shield maiden foremothers who fought savagely with axes and would relish in hacking a cheater to fish food. If I’d only lived 900 years ago…..😈
What if your deranged ex actually wrote a book with the word “karma” in the title (true story) and launched it the week after he walked out . Does that make the bus come quicker? ?
Confessed to a bike ride with the Whore on Mothers Day but that the Sex they had in the weeds had to be a quickie because Whore “is afraid of snakes, just like you”. She IS not just like me you bastard.
At one point a few weeks after DDay I gave him a look (can’t even remember if it was friendly or fierce as I was till pick me dancing a bit) and he said “Wow! you look just like her when you do that”. Ok. First of all I was there first. She looks like me not the other way around. And second, we don’t really have anything in common. I’m not a selfish, self centered, home wrecking slut.
Darnit. I want to contribute so badly. But, I’ve normalized his behavior for so long that I can’t think of anything to submit!
I’ll try this, but it’s not the best.
He always had a “get rich quick” plan. He decided to create a new religion based on his knowledge of physics. There was an extensive outline for a book on string theory and how black holes were really heaven. He really thought he had all the answers. Jim Jones much?
Oh, I almost forgot this one. I discovered a screenplay he wrote after being disgusted with how Hollywood portrays the intel community. It’s about a young gamer (modeled after his son) who discovers a terrorism plot being hatched online in a gaming community. But no one believes the young man. My parents, sister, daughter, and me die in an ebola outbreak at the end. The dog lives.
I printed that one out and gave it to my lawyer.
Sorry, MehorBust, but you qualify for the contest on the basis of the String Theory religion alone.
Oh yeah, the string theory religion with black hole heaven is WAY the freak out there!
But I’m sorry, I laughed out loud about:
“My parents, sister, daughter, and me die in an ebola outbreak at the end. The dog lives.”
I’m sorry, I laughed out loud again at that one!!
LOLOLOL, Hopium…. I LOLed that you LOLed!!!
Me too, these are hilariously disordered.
Me, too. There’s a Hollywood blockbuster in the making. Lololol
Mine was sexting me while he was getting a blow job from his howorker!
He is a revolting jackass. I’m so sorry.
I just had a horrifying thought. I wonder if Woody was sexting Bazooka Jane when he was getting a blow job from me???!!!!
I’m pretty sure mine was texting me while fucking his cousin-whore. 😡
I caught my wife and her AP together and confronted. He told me that my wife and I need marriage counceling… Really? At the time I caught them he was married for over 40-years…
To top it off, the next morning my ‘wife’ bought him coffee and donuts to help him feel better from the stress I caused him…
Too many to list …. a favorite recently though (divorced now 2 years)
Our son and wife had a baby reveal party this summer. 1st time I had talked or seen him in over a year. As we hashed out a bit of his 32 years of cheating (all denied) I asked him “what do you tell people about why we got divorced” His response: “I tell them the truth ……. YOU LOCKED ME OUT”
WTF…. he is delusional still
My cheater was fairly “normal” with his behavior with the “working late at the office” and “just catching up with work emails” etc. But the OW was my friend and we were hanging out a lot while it was all going on and now when I look back some stuff was just….
1. My “friend” and I go to karaoke and I say I will sing a ballad. She suggests the Beatles. I say “good idea”. She picks out “Yesterday”. I sing it and now I realize that the words were all true for me except I didn’t know it at the time.
2. At my birthday bash with my girl friends, OW turns up late. Apologizes for being late and gives me a Starbucks card. She was late because she had just been out fucking Mr Cheater in a local hotel and bought the coffee card from the hotel lobby.
Getting upset just typing it
Riley
Riley, I’m so sorry. I know how much it hurts when your husband cheats with somebody close to you. It’s a double betrayal and twice as cruel. These cheaters are so selfish and shallow! You deserve WAY better.
Hugs.
Yep double betrayal sucks big time. All of our married life (quarter century. ..sounds so long) i believed fuck face’s mother strongly disliked me and ended up calling me a trophy wife over diner (hosted by me at my house) . Now i find out he was feeding his whole family total shit about me for fucking years. To say he stabbed me in the back and threw me under the bus is an understatement. The freak show keeps on giving….
Your “friend” was a special kind of screwed up to do something like that. Absolutely no integrity. I’m so sorry you had to go through discovering that.
On morning of D-day he had gone to work. He text apologising because he has made me a sandwich and then accidentally took it to work. He text my step mum who used to drive me to work and asked he to make me one. He then text me to ask me to borrow money.
That evening he arrived home and I was putting DS to bed. He came upstairs kissed me and DS then went downstairs to cook burgers for our dinner. When I got home I asked him why he needed to borrow money. He made a huffy noise and bam confessed to his gambling problems, a made up holiday that I had been looking forward to and his affair. He then left the house at my insistence and never returned.
Stuff that still makes me scratch my head:
1) X and MOW were doing a book club together. Their first book was Ayn Rand’s, The Fountainhead. X wanted me to join in on the fun after DDay.
2) X kept a “dream journal” where he documented all of his sex dreams. Main characters: X and MOW, but sometimes X, imagining himself to be the 8th wonder of the sex universe, would have dreams of boinking his best friends wives. Because they were looking for “something different” according to him.
3) Just after DDay, X did the whole open marriage spiel. His had a special spin on it. OW was married with two kids and he wanted us all to live under the same roof and interchange partners and/or have a big orgy together. Yay!
Several weeks after DDay we were in a restaurant making plans for the separation after he decided to move out. He told me she was on a dating website going on dates with other men while also dating him and living at home with her husband who had also just turned up with a new girlfriend since their DDay. He looked at me and said “you should go on a dating website”. I said “no thanks, somebody in all of this has to maintain some sense of dignity”.
ROFLOL! “Dignity”? You might as well have asked for Fidelity and Integrity; he wouldn’t have know what those were either!!
On Dday after I confronted X, she talked to me for 5 minutes like a 16 year old girl and like I was her BFF about her TWU LUV and what a fabulous and wonderful guy the OM was and that I’d really like him and we’d become good friends ! 😒
My response was “Umm….I’m your husband here and this is the guy that you have been cheating on me with !! In most cultures of the World, I’d be totally justified in blowing his head off, he’s very very lucky that I’m a Christian man and won’t !!”
Her response “See, you’re such an a*****e that’s why he’s so much better than you”.
After I left, he moved in and she demanded that the kids call him daddy and has done every thing she can to cut me out of their lives. He’s their stepfather now but after 5 years together, the kids have told me some things that she is doing that I strongly suspect that she is cheating on HIM. We’ll see how “wonderful” he is if he ever finds out !! 😁
That whole “can’t we all be friends?” thing just boggles the mind. Why on god’s green earth would any of these cheaters ever imagine that we would want to have anything to do with their Schmoopies? Ex wanted to know if I wanted to send any kind of note to Schmoopie about the kids or anything. I said no, but he was stupid for asking. If I had written her a note it wouldn’t have been anything he would have wanted her to see.
I know, I let her talk for like 5 minutes with a bewildered look on my face. My marriage of 15 years and whole world was crashing down around me and she acts like I’m her BFF wanting to hear about the jerk who knew she was married and had met me and shook my hand when she had invited him and his son to a BBQ at our house a few months before.
I think that it is a sign of their disordered narc minds that they would think that we would be OK with everything and be pals with the AP !! Then when “consequences” happened que up the rage, anger and venom directed at the chump.
my cheater went to church on Ash Wednesday, he didn’t normally bother. Normally I’d have been there, but was stuck on a broken down train. The Gospel reading was, he told me, the one where Jesus meets the woman caught in adultery, and the onlookers ask him if she should be stoned and he says let he who is without sin throw the first stone. When no one condemns her Jesus tells her to go and sin no more.
This he takes as a sign from on high that fucking my fellow Sunday school leader is ok. Fellow Sunday school leader agrees with him
He must have missed the part about “and sin no more”.
He must have been struck by sudden [albeit shortlived] deafness, a bit like St Paul was struck blind.
Stoning is a bit medieval, but the Bible doesn’t say anything to prevent running the cheater down at high speed.
He took my boots (boxed and unworn) that he gave to me originally and gifted them to her for her Xmas!
Lol, my Ex’s OM’s (now her husband) wedding ring was MY wedding ring !!
My family didn’t believe me but it had a wide band and a unique design and I showed them a picture of him on FB wearing it.
When I asked the Ex about it, she said “that’s none of YOUR business and I bought that ring so it’s MINE to do with as I please”.
I never liked the ring to begin with, so this just makes me laugh.
Eeeeeeew! So gross!
Cheaterthink….an oxymoron wherein cheaters create a unique form of convoluted logic to defend any and all cheater behavior. Usually defies actual logic and reason. Stupefies chumps, until it doesn’t.
That is FREAKY!!!! My God! I thought I had heard it all! Nope🙀
1) Wife and girlfriend pregnant at the same time, kids born 6 months apart (neither woman knew about the other).
2) Tried to claim that the wife’s baby was not his and disown her, despite the fact that the child looks like his twin.
3) Offered to father a baby for a woman on Craigslist who was looking for a sperm donor.
There are too many! Are these freakish enough?
Yep. Definitely freaky.
WTF? Is he trying to populate the free world?
I guess. We did have him scheduled for a vasectomy at one time, but he cancelled it. Good lord, I hope he doesn’t father any more children.
OMG I think your freak might have beaten my cheaters, the uncle-fuckers!
I was married to Woody for 13 years, too. Lucky number, heh?
(While we were in the pick me dance phase) I went to the movies with my sister and mother…he was working and said “call me after and we can make plans”…so I did, no answer…checked “find my iPhone”…and he had picked up hos mistress and headed to jewelry store…proposed to her on the beach…then took her out for drinks. Did I mention that she was in outpatient rehab at the time? Then I get an alert from our bank for the charge for a $10,000 engagement ring! When I questioned him later…he lied…said it may be a gift for me!!! The. The mistress texts me “wondering about the jewelry store?” Did I also mention that she was married too??
OMG Jenny! That’s awful! He sucks!
Two married cheaters getting engaged and charging it on the wife’s card. Good one!
This is not even funny…
what a GIGANTIC asshole!
1. At DD2 admitted it wasn’t just an EA with howorker with the pervasive perfume, but an over 2 year relationship but he hated her now. I had nothing to worry about.
2. Was frothing at the mouth ranting furious to be sprung texting sweet nothings to a single female friend. It meant nothing you know. He was just a friendly flirty guy.
3. After professing deep shame, remorse, and that he would do anything to make it better…alas it was fake remoresyhyde it quickly became apparent this performance was more a wish to avoid any consequences or make any changes. after charm didn’t work, sadz, rage. He moved in my replacement within less months than decades of marriage . That didn’t last long who’d have thunk?
This is what pushed me over the edge, and made me hate him forever.
He tried to fuck one of my best friends in our home, while I was sleeping in our bed and my daughter was sleeping in hers. She left in the middle of the night and out of my life for 10 years. We reconnected after the split, and I learned the truth about the person I married.
Ok, I had more but curtailed given the guidelines.
I wish your “friend” had told you about your infidel before she left in the middle of the night.
My cheater STBX slept with TWO of my “best friends!”
“BF#1” and he had two one-night-stands, while I was pregnant with our first, while I slept upstairs.
“BF#2” and he had two affairs. First one was 4-years long. Had sex all the time in our living room while kids and I slept upstairs. Second affair was at least 2-years long, though I suspect longer (does it even matter?). Found out about the 2nd time this past July. He’s now living with her in a neighbor’s house (who’s away till Nov.). This neighbor’s house is RIGHT. NEXT. DOOR. to me. I have to continually see them with each other. Can I say: 2X4 across the face every single day?
Can’t wait till they move. Please…just go away. (I’m sure her husband, who lives two doors away from them wants the same thing.)
Although, I am seriously struggling over the fact that our 16 year will undoubtedly have overnights with them. And be around the whore. And I struggle over wondering: why does my 16 year old seem ok with this? Her one sister will adamantly NOT go visit if whore is present. Oldest sister will maybe visit if whore is present, but has expressed she doesn’t like her.
Oh. The. Struggle. Is. Real.
Between the time of discovery and him actually leaving for good, my ex started going to get his pubic region professionally waxed. I told a few people and we’d laugh about what a freak he was.
Fucktard bought OW the Jackrabbit vibrator for Christmas – the same thing he gave me a few years ago. She texted him that it “made me a better person.” Given the white trash married skank she is, I think she’s telling the truth.
A vibrator makes her a better person.
I can pack it in now, I’ve heard everything.
Maybe it will make her a better person if she sticks to that and leaves other people’s husbands alone.
Your response put my afternoon coffee on the monitor.
Thanks
LMAO
UX that must make KK a saint!!!
Wow. When they jump in the gutter, they go right for the bottom.
Yes, indeed, it must not take much to make her a better person.
And think about suggesting your cheater using it on (in?) himself to make him a better person….
He’ll be getting his gift back – in some form – when divorce is final. That’s all I’m saying.
I found texts on his phone, to his mate, boasting about fucking the whore.
After I’d filed for divorce, he came over and said ”those texts aren’t true, it was just lad’s banter”.
He’d planned for me, his wife, to move into his flat, with his whore renting the spare room !
He bought, for his rat faced whore, for her birthday, a watch, clothes, shoes, a skydive. He bought two tickets for Les Miserables in London for himself and the cunt. He planned to take her somewhere in August which required her passport.
When I objected to this he texted, ”ratfaced whore( my name for the cunt
) has had nothing all her life. All I’m trying to do is show her how the other side live ! Sorry for being SOFT ! Carry on like this and it will drive me into oblivion !”.
Asked mediator for compensation for my breasts in settlement meeting because he feels they are a marital asset.
I asked him if he lost his F-ing mind. He said he figured he’d ask for everything since I was.
That’s all I got for his “marital assets” request.
🤣😂 thanks for the laugh!
Also what the mediator’s face looked like after he said it.
Bwahahahahahahaha.
It really shows where their mental state and emotional maturity is, doesn’t it? What a creep!
OMG, This one got my vote! WOW….
Did the mediator look at the depreciation value overtime? LOL
Whatringofhellisthis, I know the mediator is going to take THAT one to the next mediators meeting – NOBODY could possibly top that!
Yep I was an appliance. He didn’t trade me in for a new model… He’s a creepy Appliance Collector with mommy/tittie issues. He said if another guy is gonna get to “take them for a whirl” after the divorce he should be compensated. The mediator said “that’s a first”. My lawyer actually said “what the f@ck”. Hopium4years- I’m sure she’s sharing this gem. Lothos- I wish I could think on my toes! How killer would it have been if I asked all serious to please factor in depreciation! Ahhhh!🤣🤣😂😂 please order an appraisal.😆. Fml!
I suppose you could have asked the same of his dick, but you already know that’s worthless.
OMG, Whatringofhellisthis, the story just gets better and better–“if another guy is gonna get to “take them for a whirl” after the divorce, he should be compensated.”
I’m dying laughing, here.
Now THAT takes the Freak of the Week trophy. I’ll stop here….
WOW!! I think that tops it! That’s so unbelievable! You know, if we all didn’t live such inanity, we’d all think we were all lying. No wonder none of our colleagues believe the stuff we say. My cheater ex is so ‘wonderful, dynamic, charming, affable, etc” that they just KNOW that I’m making up all the stuff that happened. But he’s never asked for compensation for my breasts or other physical assets. That takes the cake!!
He was too busy to attend child 2’s sex-determination ultrasound. He was living with MOW when son was born…so was notified after all family and friends. He tried to sell his “long term committed” relationship to court, and left them in disbelief when it was found that relationship predates son’s conception…and he and GF were on swinging sites.
My x took sent photos of himself (you can imagine) of the food I was about to eat, of my garden, pictures of him on holiday with me and our friends. Hid the affair for 6 months. When I called him on it 3 months into false reconciliation, he told our adult sons he had an emotional attachment- preferred to protect his image.
Did the same with our work colleagues
Dumb arse plugged his iPhone into the desk computer to synch iTunes- well hello they got dropped into the photos.
Mid-life crisis, stupid juvenile behaviour- no wonder he did’t want his behaviour known- the perfect guy/father/husband image blown
Ex wife blew up our 24 year marriage, three kids, getting caught in an affair with my cousin.
Blamed me for everything of course, revisionist history, gaslighting, the full menu from the cheater handbook.
Revisionist history!!! Thats exactly what they do. My X spouts off history as he remembers it so as to validate what he did. Truth has no place there. I this they are seriously in lala land. Like Costanza says is not a lie if you believe it!!
1) left me while pregnant whilst adamantly denying affair
2) Called me a crazy bitch in the car WITH NEWBORN IN BACK OF CAR on way home from hospital after giving birth. Because I denied being apathetic about my mom’s e cig use.
3) Insists affair is none of my business because he was sure we were going to divorce, despite my many, yet failed attempts to get him to agree to sign divorce papers.
4) Doesn’t believe that he gave me deadly strain of HPV despite medical records stating otherwise.
1. Found half naked pics sent to Ex on Christmas morning last year…screen shot that shit as a reminder why I left.
2. Cheated on me during my pregnancy and into 1st year of my daughter life. I confronted OW who fessed up when he was lying and denying.
3. Diagnosed with High risk HPV, one step away from cancer, got cervix cauterized and now have close follow up pap. NEVER had abnormals before. Get your routine paps! ✌🏽 Deuces
Sounds like we married the same douchhole.
I also have never had an abnormal pap. Which is why initially he had to fess up. Then over time, he started to “wonder” if test results were accurate – Despite my obgyn and I setting an appointment to have my cervix removed because of rapid abnormal (precancerous/cancerous?) Cell growth.
But SHE denies having it, so the medical tests from my pap must be wrong. It’s the only explanation.
I’m glad your taking care of your health! I was moved out after I found out the results and since “he swore” he used condoms all the time…Yah right! Important thing is your getting treatment, take care of the things you can control.
Freak of the week threatened me that OW was going to call my manager and vice president at my work and tell them she was going to file a harassment lawsuit against me “if I didn’t leave her alone” because:
(a) I had looked at her public Linked In profile (apparently you can purchase the ability to see who views your profile);
(b) “she had pictures of me” outside her condo building from D Day (writing down the address so I could try to figure out who my husband was sleeping with); and
(c) “someone had been trying to call her at work” (news flash, wasn’t me)
Reading this now makes me realize how ridiculous this was.
These are some of the more outrageous things Primus Turd said to me most DDay.
1) After DDay and I made it clear to that I would not “pick me dance” and that I was leaving him, he told me he wanted me to move out of the main house and move up into the 3rd apartment to continue to act as property caretaker/gardener, so Schmoopie could assume my place in the main house. I of course declined such a gracious offer, instead bought my own Turd-free house, and I’m told the impressive gardens that I spent countless hours manicuring while we were together look like shit now, the row of 20 roses are dead, and that the elaborate koi pond has turned into a mosquito infested cesspool. Cheers!
2) He offered me condolences on my cat who died in the middle of our shitstorm break up and when I asked him why he was sorry about my cat but not sorry about the cruelty he put me through, he said: “Well, I actually like *cats*.”
3) Told me that since he “gave” me several years to work from home to establish my business, now it was his turn to do whatever he wanted – which was apparently fuck Schmoopie and play tennis. Because working full time to start a business and casually fucking random women for sport is *totally* equivalent!
Congratulations on your turd-free house! You are mighty!
KIM, LOL: #2 really defines a cheater; my cheater came by to say good bye to our dog, but did not ask how he was being taken care of. Impression management.
1) Screwing around with our 14 year old daughter’s 20-something year old assistant sports coach while he’s volunteer coaching too. He’s an ICU doctor but volunteers coaches for fun (yep, in every way you’re thinking). Says the head coach needs an older person like him to help out since all of the other assistants are 20-somethings and there needed to be maturity on the coaching staff.
2) 10 + years earlier left me and his 2 & 4 year old kids to run off into the sunset with first known schmoopie who was a nurse in the unit where he works but has the nickname of ‘crazy’ by the other staff. She is on her 2nd husband is a known cheater.
3) I’m the idiot that took him back after #2 above that set the stage for #1 above. Lots of porn use. 2 suspicious secretaries, one bought him oriental rug, lamps, and decorations for his office. Another he begged me to talk to administration (we work at the same place) because she was going to get fired and she needed this job because of her kids and her husband was a deadbeat. I stuck my next out only to find out she was falsifying information and was a real low life. He loves the dumsel in distress type, also considered underlings he could manipulate. Now I see him as a predator.
Stuck my ‘neck’ out. Sorry! Once you see them for who they are, there’s just no unseeing it!!! What the hell was I thinking?!?!
“He loves the dumsel in distress type”. You know, I was actually advised… “Well maybe you should act more helpless. That’s probably why he likes her so much, because she’s needy. And you’re so capable.” I’m so glad I was finally capable enough to leave his adulterous butt!
Ridiculous Shit:
1/ Got indigestion or heartburn from stuffing his face with cider and cookies and said I was trying to poison him.
2/ Discussed said poisoning attempts with the Whore on our phone while I was away taking their child swimming (thank you, VAR). Whore and Traitor agreed he should look for puncture marks on the food packaging. Think I should have tried that on extra large PET cider bottles?? That really would have worked, Mr Scientist PhD drop out.
3/Said he was afraid I would harm him while cutting his hair with a buzzer. The Color Purple, anyone?
He KNEW he really was an abuser, that’s why he placed himself in Mister’s position although I never did anything to him. They flag what they are if you’re paying attention. But we are too busy spackling and wreckonciling.
Nasty Shit he pulled:
1/ Tricked me into staying on the farm with their kid for 2 days while he pretended to visit his other kids but went to the Whore’s instead.
2/ Ate all his kids Christmas chocolates from under the tree, and rewrapped the boxes so no one found out until the kids opened the boxes and they were empty.
3/ Didn’t show up at pregnancy scan where I found out our second pregnancy was again a dud. I had to take the time off the office to get there, Mr was not working and was free, but claimed he’d gone to visit his (pot dealing) friend who’d got his nut job on-off girlfriend accidentally pregnant. Later blamed me for that because the way I grieved our first miscarriage hurt HIM. Probably was with the Whore, anyway.
Kiwichump. I am sorry for your loss and angry on your behalf. Hurting HIM yeah right – not!
Using VAR sounds mighty inspired. It might have shortened that marriage police pick-me dance if I’d figured that one out!
It was what I needed to stop pick me dancing. Until then, especially with the poisoning accusations, I thought he’d had a stroke or had a brain tumour growing in there, making him crazy. Best $100 I spent, worth more than the thousands wasted in MC. I strongly recommend spy ware and VAR to all the newbies in the throes of wreckonciliation. Wash the bullshit out of your ears, Newbies.
Newbie question:
What is VAR? I venture guesses, but would rather ask.
ChumpDiva VAR voice activated recorder
I thought that was it, but you never know here in Chump land…don’t want to miss out on anything, you know.
1) He got our internet access turned off by our ISP for downloading porn from BitTorrent.
2) He went to a weekday wedding for a coworker and forgot to mention that he was carpooling with his ho-worker. The wedding was at the top of a mountain, so it involved a morning climb, followed by lunch. Coworkers said that they left together shortly after lunch, but he didn’t get home until about 6pm. The story was different every time I heard it. I’m sure that I still don’t know what happened, and I don’t want to know.
3) He’s in his 40s but still can’t accept adult responsibilities, so he regularly has his utilities or phone turned off. It’s not that he doesn’t have the money; he just doesn’t open his mail, set up voicemail on his phone, or think that rules apply to him.
My wonderful minister Baptized me on Easter Sunday. I had no idea that he was fucking my wife.
While I was in an emergency room, she was at his house. When law enforcement arrived to inform her of my situation, she told them she was only loaning him some cuptowels because their affair had been over for a year.
When I showed up at his front door, he called the cops. His complaint was “No man should have to worry about a psychotic husband when having an affair with his wife. He tried to assault me. I don’t need my neighbors thinking I’m some type of bad person.”
“No man should have to worry about a psychotic husband when having an affair with his wife”: now THAT’S what I call entitlement. By the Reverend’s definition all of us chumps are psychotic.
“I don’t need my neighbors thinking I’m some type of bad person.” The Reverend is delusional.
My then SBXH wrote to me demanding “more respect” for his whore. You read that tight, he had been paying her money for sex. And wanted respect….
In my correspondence to him, I NEVER mentioned her name. It irked them!
Mailed me a love letter and earrings I forgot at his house … 2 years after we broke up (after he’d gotten engaged to someone else).
Emailed me 5 years later saying he was worried about me and needed to hear from me to know I was okay (he was married by this point).
Committed revenge porn.
BONUS: He’s stalked me and every other woman he’s been with, and told everyone I am a crazy bitch who abused him. My crime? Breaking up with him for abusing me and moving on with my life.
1-After DDay1, I decided to get a dog, something x had blocked for years. The self-pitying and often despondent x asked me why. One reason (aside from loving dogs and wanting to get one for 8 years at that point) was their positive energy. “*I* can be positive,” he said with a demented look on his face. I almost expected him to start running around the yard on all fours, panting.
2-After realizing I was serious about getting a divorce, he offered to put a private investigator on retainer so I could have him tailed any time I wanted.
3-For a while he obsessed about how much he’d like to give me rufies and then have sex with me while I was unconscious. Finally I had to tell him that if it ever happened I would divorce him and notify the police.
That sounds like a very serious threat to do harm, I hope you reported this and are safe! D
Thanks so much, Sorry — but no worries. It was years ago and he never actually did the rufies. Maybe he convinced someone else to do this but I never had a weird period of unconsciousness or odd drinks from him. He wasn’t the bravest sort. So I did not report it, though I certainly would have if he’d tried.
He is 6 years in my rear view mirror at this point and good riddance!
That is some sick rapist fantasy there @ #3, Sorry. HOW do we get involved with these sick fuckwits? They masquerade as normal people.
I’m so glad to hear you’re out & away from that one!
1) Called himself a feminist ally. Threatened me with revenge porn. Did not see the inconsistency.
2) Used “grieving his dead wife” as a blanket lie to cover up a long term girlfriend. Even once claimed to have been in a suicidal depression to excuse a lack of communication and bailing on plans… he was out of town with his girlfriend.
3) Slept with a woman he literally met on the street – cheating on both me AND the other girlfriend. While I was away at a *funeral*. Bonus – he did this in the small town we lived in, and it never occurred to him I might actually know her! Which I do.
4) Got angry at me for telling my friends what had happened, because the ruining of his reputation made his life SO hard.
That’s rich! YOU ruined his shiny littke reputation…he didn’t. Smh!
Nothing as horrible as some of the above but
1. STBX’s parents allowing my wife’s AP to stay with them after his wife threw him out. They are both apparently devout Christians yet allow adultery under their roof. Her Father actually looks at porn quite a lot as I have had to fix his laptop.
2. While I was still cohabiting with STBX , my daughters received birthday cards from AP stating that he was glad to be part of the family now. This was less than two months after DDay and were as much meant for me as my daughters.
I think especially #2 is pretty horrible. Because it is cruel.
#1 is a freak contender because you ex-FIL is a hypocrite
Your ex in-laws allowed the AP to stay with them as well? Devoutly Roman Catholic and yet they knowingly let their married son and his girlfriend lived in their home. My exinlaws were screwed up people themselves tho.
1. He locked me out of 2 of the 3 properties we owned together and moved her in 1 week after he blindsided me and walked out…..but claims they only started the affair post seperation. You should have seen the skanky, trashy underwear in my home. She moved in lock, stock and barrel. ..nothing but class at 60!
2. She slept in my bed, on my pillow, while I was away overseas on a business trip (getting ILY and miss you emails from him….but in the court proceedings he said signing ILY didn’t mean I love you….perhaps it meant I Lie (to) You).
3. In the divorce proceedings, he referred to my debilitating serious illness. 4 major surgeries, at least 30 serious hospitalizations and one near death emergency surgery overseas, as “your so called debilitating disease”. Nice huh?
There is a special place in Hell for these awful people who are so selfish, narracistic and lack any moral fiber, don’t you think? GOOD RIDDANCE. Im beyond Meh. He’s her problem now.
Hopeful
Confronted by our son who arrived home unplanned (I was out of town), my cheater husband was closing the bedroom door hurryingly putting on his robe to hide his nudity while skank was hiding in my bedroom closet naked, he has the audacity to say to our son, “I will NOT be accused of adultery in my own house!”
I’m 4 weeks in from D-day
My husband had a short lived affair with one of his female friends 2 years ago. Decided to remain friends with her afterwards.
He invited her to his parents NYE party where our children and I were attending.
Has berated me many times for not being nicer to her (that would be due to the over familiar texts from her I found on your phone asshole)
Invited her to our house to meet our new twins.
Fucking shameless assholes
Forgot the best one that happened tonight: had argument in the phone (we are separated) where I told him how much his gaslighting and lying to my face had hurt and he said, in all seriousness, ” I didn’t lie! You thought I was having an affair with her when I haven’t even seen her for months!” Well no, you weren’t having an affair with her a few weeks ago when I accused you, but you were 2 years ago, which you’ve admitted! He’s insane.
Glad you are here where you belong New Chump. Hang on as the fucked up crazy on this roller coaster will throw you for some loops. And lots of pain, but you will push through it. He is a piece of shit and will always be one. I’ve had 2 known schmoopies and 2 suspicious secretaries in my almost 20 years with Dr. Nice Guy, goes to church Catholic. He’s left this time for our daughter’s 20-something year old assistant high school sports coach. Yep, trust that they suck.
Sorry to have to welcome you to this club, but glad you found us. The people here won’t lie — it’s going to be a rough year or more — but hang in there.
NewChump–the first 4 months are the worst. Prepare for a bumpy ride; rally all the social support you can muster, and post as often as you need in the forums (register in top Right of this page, if you haven’t already) for near-round-the-clock support. Hugs.
NewChump–the first 4 months are the worst. Prepare for a bumpy ride; rally all the social support you can muster, and post as often as you need in the forums (register in top Right of this page, if you haven’t already) for near-round-the-clock support. Hugs.
Because his dad was too ill to go with his mother, the cheater stayed in a hotel near the Minnesota Mayo clinic while his mom was having her cancerous pancreas removed. I was home calling him regularly asking how his mom was doing while his skank stayed in his room for two weeks consoling him.
Oh, geez.
1) Had me launch a media campaign to help find his lost former OW–alcoholic, drug addicted chick he had recently hired into the family business over my strident objections. She disappeared on a business trip. Was finally found drunk off her ass in an airport hotel. She had been so drunk that she was booted off the plane. Then she swilled vodka all night in her hotel room at the airport, and ended up missing her own daughter’s HS graduation the next day. Later, she asked him to pay for her rehab at a fancy spa type place. I said no, but would not surprise me to discover that he did. Still later, she was arrested for stealing aerosols from a drug store. She huffed them, and was found passed out behind the store’s dumpster. After dday, during his brief and incomplete foray into truth, I learned that he had been bedding her while I was pregnant with our daughter, and for some time thereafter. This was one of the lovely women considered a “more suitable companion” than me. He informed me that he would always have a “soft spot” for her. Yup.
2) Know what, I don’t have the heart for continuing the list right now, but could go on and on.
But I will say that current OW apparently believes that the STBX was entirely motivated by benevolence in “helping” the drug-addicted, alcoholic train wreck, who (btw) PRETENDED TO HAVE THE SAME BDAY AS ME, but did not. Nice, right? 👀
1. Told me if he could have a “play buddy” our marriage would be much stronger!
2. Messaged men on Craiglist for sex would he didn’t cheat on me with women! (Soooo faithful)
3. Had to have a prepaid cell phone during reconciliation in case I hacked into his real phone! But he only sent two texts, 1 to schmoopie and 1 to potential schmoopie, telling them he was sorry! Otherwise it just sat in his closet full charged for no reason. And darnit, the sim card got messed up oddly…
1. Slept with one OW while on a silent retreat at a Buddhist center inNew Mexico. Slept with a local Starbucks barista twice. Slept with a woman he met on Tinder while in New Orleans with our 16-year old son (we live in michigan). New Orleans contacted me by FB Messenger because she didn’t know he was married. This is how I found out everything.
2. Lied again and flew back to New Orleans which I discovered via a credit card bill.
3. FREAK PART: He said he made up the first two affairs because I said there had to be more and he didn’t think I would believe him if I told him there was only one affair!!!!
4. Don’t get me started on his split personality named “Steve” as in “Steve made me do it!!!” My STBX name is Scott.
5. BONUS: Recently asked me to lie and say we were still married so he could get a large loan from a local conservative wealthy businessman.
6. BONUS BONUS: Says he learned how to stop lying in a mere two months even though he remembers lying since the age of 3 (he is now 46).
May he and his saggy chin, balding head and lo sides testicles die a slow death.
The last two days’ posts have been hard for me. I’m weirdly relieved that LadyLiar didn’t do more horrible things to me (STDs, for example), and feel like maybe I have survivor’s guilt? Although my daughters and I had to move, she didn’t leave us destitute (because she had been lying about income and only paying small amount toward our household expenses). I found us safe, suitable housing that wasn’t tainted with her presence, and I have always worked for pay, so I took on extra part-time work in the evening to keep up with our bills. My daughters are older teens who drive, so they didn’t need child care, and they’ve continued to do well in school despite their other mom walking out on us and blowing up their whole world. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and gut-wrenching loneliness, but I’m still getting up in the morning, getting dressed, and showing up for my responsibilities. I still HURT like hell, can’t trust anyone, and barely have a thin thread of hope left that I can ever have a healthy relationship in the future, but I’m showing up for my life. Thank you, chumps, for giving me a place to go and a thing to hold on to when I’m at the end of my rope.
You are doing good. Keep it up and it is bound to get better. That’s the best thing about Chump Nation. We get the benefit of hearing about the ones who were once the puddle on the floor who then picked themselves up and went on to lead awesome lives. We can do it too. You can also be proud of what you have done for your daughters. They will always be grateful for that.
You are mighty curly. Your daughters will thank you one day for holding the ruddy steady in such stormy seas. Be kind to yourself, and although, yes, it does hurt like hell, let yourself have some enjoyment of simple pleasures each day. Don’t feel guilty. There are banal cheaters and freaky cheaters, but they’re all disordered fucks, and the thing that they all have in common, the dishonesty and lack of empathy, scar just as much however many or little twists they put on the shit cracker. Have you been to see a therapist for any help in dealing with what is trauma resulting from abuse? It may help. Hugs to you.
My ex drove the OW to the courthouse to file harassment charges against me when I was 7 months pregnant… because she emailed me to explain herself and didn’t appreciate my response.
WOW! That there is a serious WTF moment!!!
We have to hear wht happened!
My cheater had the stupidity to be lured into a ‘white knight’ scenario by a BPD dumsel. Our first child was only a couple of months old when she latched onto him and he told her he wanted to rescue her (from her bad life decisions) and give her ‘the kind of life he had given me’.
I couldn’t understand why he was so oppositional to everything I wanted to do with baby’s routine etc. Turns out she was in his ear the whole time telling him what a rich entitled bitch I was who didn’t deserve his support and that she would appreciate him (ie fuck him) even if I wasn’t (um because exhaustion of new motherhood).
When he told me he was leaving me because he ‘just couldn’t take my meaness anymore’ , she expressed suprise that it was him leaving, not me. I know this because I found their text and facebook messages and could see she had thought that I would pack and leave with baby, and she would be moving into the house and set up as the new Mrs Cheaterpants. She wanted to steal the life of a ‘rich entitled cunt’? Oh, well. That didn’t go how you planned it, did it?
Yeah, the usual garden variety deluded freaks.
1. My ex moved in with MOW’s parents and lived in their basement after we separated.
2. The weekend after he left he showed up at OW’s nephew’s birthday party with $300 worth of alcohol. Afterwards, her sister-in-law posted how my ex was the life of the party!
3. Married OW posted her decorating ideas for our house on his Facebook page after I moved out. After my dad made a comment, she took it down.
1. Said he joined Ashely Madison just to look and wonder…but felt so guilty about **thinking** about cheating he didn’t think he could feel any more guilty if he cheated. So he did. But only **twice**.
2. Said he went to massage parlors & strip clubs bcz he “didn’t think divorce was an option” and he “did all of that so we could stay married.” Yeah. F Off!
3. Told our daughters that he shouldn’t be held to promises he made when he was 21…and he has so much love to share…wants to share with lots of women. Seriously…he told them right after he moved out before we divorced. What a sparkly turd.
Years before my husband left, he had girlie magazines I accidentally discovered. His excuse–he had those so he wouldn’t have to cheat on me.
I am very sure that the only woman he cheated with was Schmoopie, after we’d been married close to 20 years. Still, at this point nothing would really surprise me anymore. At this point I really don’t care, because he’s with Schmoopie for now.
I have some WTF’s right here.
Right before my husband filed for divorce (I didn’t want it), he said he has to “remain faithful” to Schmoopie. Um–what–? He said “we are never getting back together.” I said “I don’t believe that” and he said “you’re right, we don’t know what the future holds.” Yet during the proceedings he was talking about reconciliation. A relative of his summed it up to me in one gesture–two fingers pointing opposite directions.
Schmoopie had left her husband for mine. Whenever I pick up our child from his visitation, sometimes I see her X’s truck there. One time I asked my son was that his truck, he said yes. I said “where’s your dad?” He replied “sleeping.” See, he’s allowed to be there for their kids. But–Schmoopie won’t let my X go in my house because, according to him, he’ll see I’m doing better at housekeeping and want to come back to me. Schmoopie may have “won” the pick-me dance…but the poor little dear is SO afraid he’ll leave her for me. She may have him–but she can’t enjoy it because I’m a threat and I was told she is “jealous as hell” of me.
It is true they affair down. She may be a few years younger than me, but she looks 10-15 years older than me.
From what I can see, he’s pretty well pussy-whipped there–and I never did that to him. He’s more or less said that I’m better all-around, yet he’s with her. That skein is so tangled….
At one point he actually asked “Can’t I have you both?” What he got from me was a resounding “NO!”
I have to add, I haven’t done the pick-me dance in a while. What I am trying to do now is take care of myself and our son. What’s coming out in my posts is what I felt several years ago.
He did marry Schmoopie a few years back–without telling his family first. His mom had said that he’d thought about marrying Schmoopie, but not to tell me about it. Why would he even care? That’s what has me scratching my head. His mom had told him not to do it, gutsy on her part because she doesn’t like to stir the pot. His family still considers me as part of the family and I am good friends with his sister. And his mom still has pictures of us up, according to his sister. I don’t think they accept her; in fact she gives me gifts at Christmas and still tells me “love you” (you know, like a daughter).
1) X googled “uncut men” to show me the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised penises. Our boys were uncircumcised so it was, he implied, an educational project undertaken in the best interests of the children and their self-esteem.
2) After a lot of looking at gay porn, a whole lot of looking, it was determined . . . uncut penises do not look that different after all, as long as said penises (of gay porn stars) are erect.
3) Hello Red Flag #1099 that he was on the down-low and cheating on me with other men and that I was an unwitting inductee into the Chump Hall of Infamy.
I’ve spent a couple hours reading through these Freak stories and alternately crying, raging, and laughing my head off. I don’t have any shocking stories because my cheater was a portrait in garden-variety entitlement. He did terrible and abusive things, but nothing really freaky (at least that I can remember) except for a couple things. He was a rabid atheist (to my quiet Christian) and could not have a single conversation about faith without turning it into an attack. Nobody was spared his vitriol, even his devoutly Catholic elderly mum. Somehow he found this website where you can make fake “church signs,” like the ones outside churches advertising upcoming events or scripture verses, etc., and he’d customize these church signs with really offensive messages and then email them to her, or worse, post them on her FB. He thought it was funny how horrified she’d get, especially since she first thought they were real church signs. He took actual delight in hurting her, thinking it was his right to do so because he thought her faith smug and self-satisfied, and “people who believe in God deserve a dose of reality.” Hello: sociopath! In a similar vein, he loved to say outrageous shit thinking he was terribly clever and witty. The more people reacted, the bigger kick he would get out of it. About a year into our relationship he made some “joke” about how he liked to rub his balls with cat food and then lay in the bed naked so his cat would lick his balls. At the time, I reacted just like I expect he wanted me to: shocked but not taking it particularly seriously. Now, I remember that comment (which I have never shared with anyone before) and wonder why I didn’t run for the hills right then. Even if he *wasn’t* serious (given what I know now, I’m not convinced it actually was a joke), who comes out with shit like that? Sociopaths, that’s who!
Pre-chump me thought I knew what crazy was because I grew up in such a severely dysfunctional/abusive home. I thought nothing could surprise me. Now I know there’s a profound difference between mental illness and character disorder. I’ve lived through that difference, and I continue to be shocked by how truly horrible people can be. At the same time, reading through here also shows me how resilient and resourceful we chumps are. That’s my takeaway for today, not the ugliness. To everyone who shared their stories, I am so grateful. The truth really does set us free–not just for ourselves, but for everyone we share it with. I wish I had understood this much sooner in my life.
Sorry, I broke the “3 brief sentence tops” rule.
1) He was a virgin when I met him at 26 because his social anxiety and FOO prevented him from typically developing as a young adult.
2) He was too frightened to have sex with me if any of his family were in the same house (even in the privacy of our own bedroom.
3) He had no problems fucking the OW and then coming home at 3am from “work drinks” and fucking me.
Was that even the same person?
Mine was also a virgin at 26 (and me at 20) when we married. He’d always been taught to save it for marriage.
Recently he told me how he’d been telling our son to only do it with his wife when he gets older–but yet there’s Schmoopie. Figure that one out. (And risk your sanity.)
1) Following D-Day, he said that he would miss going to the local shops with me, where he usually sat on a bench while I shopped at Walmart. Specifically “the thought of never watching you emerge from Walmart ever again….”
2) He left the home that we shared together and never came back. But hey, he was SO GENEROUS … I could take whatever furniture I wanted! When I took all of it, he wrote me a nasty email saying how selfish I was.
3) I wasn’t allowed to attend Friday night work drinks because “we just talk about work, you wouldn’t like it.”
Took me and our 5 kids to her house to leave our car whilst we were on holiday as she lived near the airport to save on airport parking costs. Barely 12 hours before they had been having sex there. Proceeded to have a lingering embrace right there in front of me….this was where the alarm bells started to ring after already having doubts.
They both called the house he was employed to build her “our house” and referred to it as “mi casa es su casa”, surely by rights then half of his share is mine? I could do with a couple of million pounds right now!
When she and her family (husband and 3 kids)were preparing to move into said mansion, she left her rental accommodation and as she was having all new furniture, offered my H the bed that they shared to bring home!!! Thankfully he asked me first if i’d like it, i said we didnt need any new beds. He was going to let me sleep in/sleep with him in the actual bed he conducted his affair in!! Thank god i didnt accept it!!
Mine came over to my apartment that I was living at the time to try and convince me that the ex he went sneaking off back to for a romantic weekend getaway when I was 5 weeks pregnant with his twins was someone else and that I was mistaking him for her new boyfriend *massive eyeroll*
When I went around to STBX first whore place I turned up unexpectedly at 2am and saw him and her in bed together in front room as curtain was blowing in wind ! Yes stupidly took him back only for him to fuck around again – this time with ho worker they went on business trip to a place that makes honey & he brought me back a couple of jars of it – WTF – they never change – I kicked him out 3 months ago…
1. I was actually the babysitter (when we were “best friends”), letting her kids come play with mine, while she was off fucking my asshole cheater.
2. I let them talk me into using my van to take everyone to the circus, even though there were 8 of us, and only 7 seats. I was “mean” to suggest she take her car, so I sat on the floor of the van while she sat in the from seat next to asshole cheater.
3. I actually printed off pages of info on an “emotional affair” to present to X-bestie/whore, because I really believed it wasn’t physical. Sex video my daughter (at 12 yrs old) found a few years later proved otherwise.
My first ever post as part of chump nation but I thought I could be in the running for freak of the week:
During my pick me dance my ex broke up with his mistress. The day after the break up my whole town wakes up to a facebook post: “(my ex) is a liar and a cheater. He preys on vulnerable women and wrecks their marriages. He promises to marry them and take care of them forever. blah blah blah”. The kicker is that his mistress HACKED INTO one of my best friends facebook account and posted under HER NAME, so everyone thought it was my friend. The mistress also posted this on my professional WORK facebook page.
Next, she threatened to blackmail my ex for sexual harassment unless we gave her money-she ended up with $50,000 from us. Believe me, I got this money back when we divorced and he ended up GOING BACK TO HER!!!!
Believe it or not, but there’s more…..these were the top 2 highlights though. Is there a prize for being freak of the week?
1) After Owife stopped at our house and initiated Dday #1, she and I both announced we were done with him. He didn’t take it too well and claimed that he had taken a whole bottle of ibuprofen. We told him we were going to call 911 and a footchase through town ensued. (Knew damn well he hadn’t actually taken the pills. Watched him dump them in the bushes.) The foot chase ended across town with him laying spread eagle in the middle of a road, Owife curled up next to him and me standing guard so no one got run over. (I still question that last bit. I’ve chalked it up to the “sometimes I’m TOO kind” dept.)
2) After Dday 2, where once again Owife showed up at our house, I started packing exhole’s stuff while they were still at my house. Ended with exhole crying crocodile tears and locking himself in the bedroom while I comforted and cleaned up after Owife in the bathroom. She was so upset about exhole’s reaction to me tossing his ass out, that she got sick. So I made sure she had towels and glasses of water to ease it.
3) Found out that the whole time exhole was seeing Owife, nobody spoke up because they believed what he was telling them. IE: her two kids were his. I was being a bitch about the whole situation by not letting him see them. So he was sneaking around only to spend time with his kids. Truth: Her two kids were from a previous marriage. I have no idea how long people thought we had been together… but with 8 years of dating and 1 1/2 years of marriage at that point…nobody questioned him cheating on me several times earlier to create those kids either. His family was pissed when they found out about the lies and that he was just plain cheating on his wife.
..this shit is just sad now. It used to be hilarious, but it also shows just how much of a doormat I was.
When I asked cheater if he was going to continue to see his skank, he said that he didn’t know what his plans were. I said, “Well I can’t be married to an adulterer.” His response, “And THAT’S your problem! You’re so judgemental!!”
Ha ha ha! As if he has the right to cheat! What a scum bag!
One of the OW (there were several) came into my place of work with her friend to try and convince me that her friend was the OW instead of her! I mean, how stupid was her friend to agree to come with her to my work place and raise her hand (figuratively speaking) and say “Yes it was me not her”???? These people are just Messed Up!!
He gave me a cool t-shirt with the store I worked for on the front. Told me it was from the rummage sale at the church he was a janitor at. Turns out, it came from a ‘friend’ who was with someone else, but who he yearned for. I had no idea I was a place-holder until she broke up with the father of her children. Eventually (after much so very much fun, believe it) I gave him the ultimatum, her or me. He picked her, and that should’ve been that. Meantime she’s working at that store tho. She sees me in the T-shirt and goes “woah!” Asks him why I have it, she gave it to him. He tells her I stole it. She comes back and informs me I stole it and am also wearing it to piss her off. Meantime, I have no idea of the association. He just liked to see me in trinkets from other women, he did that with someone else’s earings too. What a prize, that guy. Sad thing is I was thrashing around going “no! he gave it to me!” and he got off on the hot mess he caused. So glad that is over – and nobody in my life now cares what either of them would say about me.
Funny ….but not. When I hunted down Pervy Pants’ internet activities, I found he had an online relationship with some woman in Uganda (of all places). Over the course of his love affair with this woman- he sent her $3000 to prevent her from telling me-his wife about the webcam sex/ dirty texts. It turned out that his African princess was a ring of scammers that took Pervy Pants for a $3000 ride. I found out about anyway!
(1) He gave me his copy of “50 Shades of Grey” that he had read with the OW. When I realized this, I tore it into postage-stamp-sized pieces. Left the pile on his pillow.
(2) He asked me to help his “old friend” tighten up her resume. I did. Guess who the old friend was.
(3) He said they were “just friends” … even though on D-Day our phone records showed they’d exchanged 101 messages in the previous two hours. They talked about “work and kids and stuff.” Riiiiight.
Stbx had our dd16 housesit for ow over the Christmas break. Ow was pregnant with stbx’s cousin’s baby at the time (one night stand) although stbx and she were also bumping ugliest at the time. PS her house stank like urine.
ow also did up a budget for me to show him how I could manage on what he would give me when he left me. How kind of her. He gave her access to all of my financial information so she could make sure to get all my income and expenses right.
1. OW asked me if I thought my husband (now ex) would make her a good husband. I replied ” he already is a husband. How is he doing?!”
2. When OW was angry at my ex for his cake eating, she told me ” I hope you enjoy licking his asshole. It is his favorite.”
3. On Mother’s Day (prior to Dday) I asked for the gift of kindness toward me for 1 day. That day, my husband told me that he didn’t think he loved me on our wedding day.
Omg I really hope you are out if that abusive situation!!
Good gosh, I can’t believe #2. I’d say that’s a winner for the freakiest thing I’ve ever heard.
I almost forgot. For the win-
After D-day, ex had one on ones with all family members and some friends to present his hand drawn NO SEX timeline. (That title was in 3D letters like middle schools used). He took notes of the bad things people said about me and shared them with me. I was labeled as entitled.
Today is the one year anniversary of my divorce. That being said, we have children so I am not free.
My cheater cheated on me with a mutual friend. The friend’s wife had an accident about a year before the affair started rendering her a quadriplegic But it’s ok because my cheater was just trying to help him through a rough time and they just so happened to fall into bed together a bunch of times.
1) He brought one of the many OW over to MY house and had sex with her
2) He went on a cruise with the (1 of the 3) OW while we were still “working on things”, telling me he was going to visit an aunt in VA
3) Got a heroin/crack addict pregnant within the first week of meeting. Yes, we were together at the time and she was 1 of the 3 OW he was screwing.
(Just reading this makes me thankful for having left this shit storm…)
2 months Post-divorce: Found out his former employer paid his child support, got him out of a sexual harassment charge, and paid off his loan sharks.
1) I drove him into the arms of his last OW because I didn’t get to the hospital before his emergency appendectomy. I had two little kids at home and no child care.
2) Claimed that porn was gross and that he never masturbated. When the marriage was crumbling for good, I found his giant stash of porn in the garage.
3) First appointment with the marriage counselor: counselor asked, “What is the one thing you each need to continue in the marriage?” I said I needed complete transparency. He said I needed to finish my dissertation.
1) Near the middle of my wife’s almost 3 year affair; the other man proposed and got married to his long time girlfriend of nearly 8 years.
2) The affair continued until his wife discovered the affair about 8 months later and told me in the parking lot where I work.
3) I continued to be a chump for another 18 months until after her last deployment and me taking care of the 3 kids by myself for another 5 months then I discovered that our family wasn’t the first to see her after he returned from deployment as the other man and her spent 3 secret days together upon her returning from the middle east. —- Filed for divorce 2 Days Later! —File IG complaint and ended her career after 19 years……just 1 year short of retirement…..oh so sad! LOL
4) Moved on…thanks for the great book Chump Lady!
a) During a post DDay discussion Cheater suddenly blurted out, “they say it takes about a year!” What does, I asked. “Getting over someone,” he said, helpfully adding, “it will get a little better every day… until someday, you forget all about me!” Then he started crying, feeling so sad that I was going to forget all about him someday, as that gave him the sadz.
b) He admitted he’d brought OW into our house while I was at work. I have no proof they fucked here but that is in fact, what cheaters do. After DDay imploring me to sell the house he said I’d never be able to take care of the house all by myself. What would I do if something broke? Call a repair man, I said. Cheater, a self-styled home remodeling contractor suddenly freaked out and shouted, “I do NOT want OTHER contractors coming into MY house!” Oh the irony.
c) “Do you have ANY idea how it feels to have everything I ever gave you shoved back in my FACE?!!” he screamed, after finding some little trinkets he’d made for me years ago in a heap where I’d left them with a note saying “don’t forget to take these” (as he was removing stuff daily from our house while I was at work). “YES. I DO!” I replied.
d) Post DDay, I called all the mysterious phone numbers I found on his cell records (which previously was how I found out about OW). One 40-minute call was to a number which, when I called it, played an outgoing message recording that said, “You have reached the confidential cell phone of Dr. XXXXX XXXXX…” I googled that name and it was a therapist in a city nowhere near here, who specializes is sexual identity confusion. That 40 minute call was made while Cheater and I and all his family and mine were vacationing together on a trip I used to think was the best vacation I ever had while we were married.
My now X stole our daughter’s mailbox keys so the OW could send him love letters there. He also ordered nipple clamps and edible underwear and had the packages sent there.
The OW was against drug use. My now X a convicted federal drug felon. He’d meet the OW at the airport flying her from Tx to Wis. He’d then drive to Mich with her. Little did she know she was sitting on/next to a big shipment of weed going up. (might as well make a few bucks on the love/fuck fest long as your going that way)
My now X used the computer that my 9 yr old granddaughter used in her home to browse porn sites. He routinely left the sites open when he was worn out for the night. (guess his hands and fingers to sore to shut the sites down)
After a work trip, my husband stopped at the airport to get a present for both his mother and his other woman, but nothing for me because he ‘couldn’t think what I would like’. You know, after 15 years of marriage.
Late to the party, but I’ll try:
1. He watched me discover his intent to leave for his OW— on the lap.tops webcam
2. He told me that he loved his OW “as a person” when I asked him if he was in love with her— married her two weeks later
3. He supports her two kids without fail (their dad is across the country with *his* OW and their two kids) but doesn’t support his own daughter.