Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

Cheater Freak of the Week?

xmas6In the past, I’ve done a Cheater Freak Christmas Contest, but in honor of my week off, I declare some pre-holiday freak sharing is in order.

This is how the game is played. You determine what parts of your infidelity story make you Freak of the Week. I want the weird, WTF details.

For example, my husband and I know a fellow whose (now ex) wife had special wedding rings crafted for when she and her OM had trysts. That’s a contender!

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s submissions, but each submission needs to be three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

Every day this blog is gathering new chumps and new stories. You veterans are more than welcome to submit your previous stories, (we never grow tired of BarristerBelle’s story of her ex who jumped around furiously in a sleeping bag). However, I must disqualify GladIt’sOver. She destroys the competition every time with her dancing Yeti ex and his gifts of half-eaten boxes of Wheatena. We’re amateurs here, Glad.

There’s no shame here at CN. Just the sweet relief that comes from leaving a freak. So BRING IT ON, chumps!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Ahhh, some good reading ahead to reward myself after school and studying. 🙂 I will have to think of something myself……thanks for sharing the photo yesterday, CL!! Hopefully you will be able to share some more with us!

    • My Ex talked me into moving from Texas to North Carolina, 8 months pregnant, to work it out. I came back on a Sunday. He had her moved into our house, sleeping in our bed by Tuesday. She’s such a nice and sweet girl you know… can’t upset HER!

    • omg, mine also tried to do that. 😮 I told him that if he ever brought that whore anywhere near me or my son, I wouldn’t be responsible for what happens. He took me seriously and didn’t go through with it.

      • When the mistress came to my house, her HUSBAND called while she was there. So, I had the (now) ex, her, and her husband via phone. It was a ridiculous soap opera. I made her leave.

    • Holy sh*t! HopeFloats80, please tell me you’re joking that he brought OW to your house to talk to you!? Ok, you win already, haha. That is crazy messed up. Gee, tell us what you did!

      • I recorded the whole thing of course. To kick her ass is what he wanted to watch a fight over him. No thanks I don’t like to get Whore on my hands. The recording is 30 mins of knee slapping hilariousness. I wish I could share it here ????

      • My stbx was screwing my best friend of 20 years..she wanted to come by and talk to me about it…I politely told her I would shoot her in the face backwards off my front porch…she never showed up.

        • Mine brought it home and had me give him money since his wife left him and took all his possessions. Of course, I didn’t know she was fucking grandpa, but still kinda bad I think.

              • ???????? After I made him lunch. I’m assuming they found entertainment in this. I assure you, he would’ve left in a body bag if I knew he was the one fucking her.

        • Nobody2U – I’m sorry about what happened, but the way you responded made me laugh out loud reading it. Love that.

      • No. I entertained myself for 30
        Mins. Little did I know at the time they spent the night before together. I gave her my blessing to take her knight in tinfoil and ride into the sunset. During wreckonciliation cheaterpants listened to it and I kid you not said “it sounds like you weren’t fighting for us”. Wtf. Sicko

    • OW who was sleeping in my bed in my house with my husband decided to text me that I should “stay away from her home”. Say what?!?! I’m still confused by this as I’m pretty sure that I own half the place.

    • My cheater was at my apartment, in the middle of trying to do taxes and convince me to take him back. I walked into the living room to get our cat, and saw my roommates looking terrified on the second couch, and my soon-to-be ex-husband’s mistress on the first couch. She had discovered where I lived by going through the ex-husband’s old mail, and it showed up here because I guess, he had told her he wanted to leave her and work things out with me, and she wasn’t having it. They screamed for 10 minutes in my house and then I sent them outside to the porch and they screamed for 10 minutes out there.

      The next time I spoke to him it was to finalize the divorce. You can keep that crazy train, you asshat.

    • Sluterus wanted to help Cold Slab O’Meat move his things out. I told her she would enter my property at the risk of leaving with an icepick in her eyesocket. Slabbo moved his things all by his lonesome, including a leather sectional and a giant glass topped desk.

      ThisFucker had the nerve to ask my 20 year old son to lend a hand. My son blinked, said No. Went back to choosing a paint swatch for the room he was clearing.

      Boy, Bye!

  • This will be interesting today. I’ll be reading. As for my cheater, he wasn’t a freak; he was just a colossal asshole.

    • Yeah mine goes through great pains to appear “normal”. He wouldn’t be caught dead doing anything out in the open that could qualify as “freak”. In fact, I think that is part of what caused him to stray. He didn’t consider me and the kids “normal”. I prefer to think of us as unique and see that a positive thing.

      • I think that all goes to the tired tune of whatever you are is not what he wants (or rather, you are what he wants until he doesn’t want you anymore). These assholes are anything but normal — to not see his family for the unique “normal” that it is, and appreciate that life. His loss, really.

        • Agreed. And, I think that their denunciation changes with the wind as well — whatever suits their immediate interest.

          Mine repeatedly fluctuated between calling me a whore and a puritan. He managed both as equal justification for his marriage-long deceptions.

          (For the record, I’m not a whore. Married to the same guy (and faithful) for 23 years. But, even if I were (by whatever standard), fuck him … he shouldn’t have married me, then.)

          • When I got the laundry-list of my faults, he started off with I was “too holy” and finished with I was “too sinful” all in the same long, miserable conversation

            • Yup. Mine said that I was a “prude” because I didn’t find it necessary to drink constantly. This was after he had a severe brain injury from drinking too much. And of course, I stood by him during this time 3 years ago. Now that he doesn’t want to be “tied down” to me any longer, he feels he is free to drink and be with the howorker too. What a fuckface!

    • Yep, uninventive colossal asshole cheater X here too. Big thank you to the chumps with more “interesting” colossal asshole cheater Xs who are sharing their stories today.

  • 1) We just found out 2 days ago that my ex-husband married his mistress LAST MARCH but didn’t bother to tell our children. In fact he went to great lengths to hide it. (They live several states away.)
    2) He has step-children that live with them part time who have been really excited to meet my children!!
    3) We found out from a random Facebook post.
    4) Bonus round, just for kicks: He is still a Presbyterian pastor, and their whole church is so happy they found each other!

    • Please tell me you have informed the governing board for the church. That man should not be masquerading as a man of God.

    • Hm, pick up, move to another state, and reinvent yourself. Sounds very basic asshole to me. That bonus though…that he is the leader of any spiritual community makes my stomach turn. I am thinking his congregation doesn’t know the real story…

      • Not to diminish your freak of the week story. Hiding a marriage from you and your kids is prime stuff. Just saying that he’s no special snowflake in general. But I’m sure you know that. 😉

      • Don’t assume the organization will care.
        My current religious leader is on 5+ wives. One wife got pregnant while still married to another.
        Has enough support that he is welcome to remain the spiritual leader.
        Makes me sick.
        (cannot change as there are no alternative institutions near me)

        • This is very true. A magnetic personality can be part of the make up of cheaters for sure (why else are some poor chumps attracted in the first place?), and quadruple that for spiritual/political/etc. leaders…you tend to need to have that characteristic in order to attract a following.

        • Makes me sick as well but then again we place so much trust in our clergy and think of them as people of integrity while they are just people and some of them are shitty narcissistic personalities that like to think of themselves as the chosen by god. It’s us, chumps, that also perpetuate this cycle by either keeping silent or placing so much trust in these people.

        • Rebecca – PLEASE leave that church!! Your post gave me chills! UGH.

    • Twitching – I don’t get how congregations are ok with this stuff. My ex and his AP are both pastors. Members of her church are thrilled about their relationship (they did finally marry). Even people further up in the denomination didn’t have a problem with the relationship. As for me, after 25 years as a pastor’s wife I no longer go to church due to the hypocrisy.

      • The Bible is clear about the eternal consequences that await adulterers & false teachers!
        My heart breaks over all the people being lead astray because of them!
        Betrayed Christian spouses are leaving churches and adulterers are now leading several churches. :/
        Beyond sad

        • Unfortunately, the church turned into a corrupt organization run by corrupt leaders most of the time. And most of them are very charismatic personalities with the good twist of the tongue and saying all the right things. But look at the actions, as CL says. I am a Christian by not only belief but also by belonging to the people that adopted christianity first as the official religion. It’s ingrained in the culture and in our brains as well. But the church for me? Just 4 walls really. And run by corrupt priests. I was not always so cynical and I do know honest priests exist. Still need to find them.

      • bepositive

        you wrote —

        “My ex and his AP are both pastors. Members of her church are thrilled about their relationship (they did finally marry). Even people further up in the denomination didn’t have a problem with the relationship. ****As for me, after 25 years as a pastor’s wife I no longer go to church due to the hypocrisy.”***


        I’ve met about 5 men my age who seem interested or outright ask me out.

        When I know they were married a long time with kids and then it ended, I give him the “possible chump man” benefit of the doubt. (After all, we know men can be chumps).

        But if I learn that they “just grew apart/wife didn’t understand me/spent too much”

        I shudder, confront and leave.

        • I’d be careful Doctors first wife. Turns out from day 1 my doctor husband lied about being chumped. He was actually the cheater in his last three relationships. His words of “I was cheated on and it broke my heart; I’d never do that to you” seemed so genuine. He also lied about the number of times he was married because he knew there was no way I would bring my kids into a relationship with a man who has 6 failed marriages and engagements to his credit. They lie. Many of them lie.

          • Yeah, they do lie. That’s the worst part: appealing to the chump with their bullshit story of being chumped and heartbroken. A normal person responds with kindness and concern. Never occurred that anybody would be so evil as to make that shit up to garner sympathy and trust, and get you to lower your defenses.

            I wouldn’t even want to tell a potential partner of XHs betrayal for fear of being thought a liar. Yet another gift from that jackal, as much as I want to be empathetic, instead, I’m overly cynical. The loss of innocence is painful. Like virginity, once it’s gone, it’s gone.

        • Agree with Geode… Mr. Sparkles told Girl with Dogs that the OW (who wasn’t an OW in his book) cheated on him… when in fact she caught him on Adult Friend Finder looking for women/couples/groups. But, he was sadz and she was/is desparate. Just found out… he actually STOOD HER UP on their first date and she still agreed to go out with him again. 11 months later… he just MOVED IN to her house.

          • Oh yes. I found Dr. Crazy on AFF, Ashley Madison, chatting with old gfs and hiring back page whores when I started digging. But first it was his profile that caught his ex-fiancées eye and she clued me in.

            • That’s the thing about PATHOLOGY… they don’t change for the next person. They are hard wired to be lying, cheating, fuckwits.

              • Exactly! And that’s the very thing the RIC and Sex Addict therapists will never explain to you or encourage you to explore since it’s not in their financial interest to do so.

      • As I wrote yesterday, Christians aren’t the only hypocrites. 15 years ago, my then-husband stopped attending church with me and our sons to follow an alternative spiritual path. He’d been interested in this particular spirituality for awhile, but the OW (or, as I call her, the “Spiritual Slut”), who was a co-worker, invited him to a ceremony, and he was embraced by the community. All the members thought he was a real stand-up guy because of his active, devoted involvement, which included a helluva lot of out-of-state travel and use of his vacation time. I’ve never been sure how many of them knew about the nature of then-husband’s relationship with the SS and openly supported it.

        Spiritual Slut also has an older sister (Crone Slut) who was a member of their community until she moved out west to be with the woman with whom she cheated on her own husband a few years ago. Spiritual Slut, Crone Slut, then-husband, and a few of their closest friends, within or on the fringes of their community, made a formidable crew, basically banning me from their circle when I started indicating that I was uncomfortable with the growing relationship between husband and Spiritual Slut.

        Fun fact: several years ago, then-husband went online and got a license to perform wedding ceremonies. Over Labor Day weekend, he officiated at Crone Slut and lover’s wedding on the coast. I’m a progressive and support same-sex marriage – just not the ones of people who helped break up my own marriage.

      • Bepositive, 24 years pastor’s wife here. It has taken a couple of years to go back to church, and I mainly did it for the kids. Here’s the thing, though, that I know for sure. God’s love is unfailing. That’s why I finally went back. Plus, I was so lonely. I needed those people.

    • Twitching

      I can’t even…

      I believe my husband the DOCTOR (that is a very important title, so it must be capitalized) would do the same.

      Since he’s not in contact with our children – and his arms work, so yes, he could pick up a phone – I suspect he’ll get a do over with Schmoopie’s kid(s).

      Yay, he can keep on the performance for a new audience!

    • I used to take the opposite position, but experience has finally convinced me that a person’s church attendance, position, bible reading/knowledge, and seemingly serious devotion to their faith are not reliable indicators of a person’s honesty and fidelity. I placed way too much faith in that during my marriage, practically blind faith, and it was a big reason I discounted things I was seeing and feeling.

      • So true. Dr. Crazy converted and was confirmed the month before we got married though we’d never seriously discussed religion and I didn’t even care. Oh he was also dating and seeing prostitutes, in the month before we got married.

        • Religiousness has nothing to do with fidelity. It is just jaw-dropping as it is to hear about 20+ year marriages to pastors imploding over infidelity. But, really, based on my own experience, I shouldn’t be surprised. Cheater #2’s Skinny Slut maintained in a confessional letter that she was a “good Christian mother” and that “Jesus forgives”. Pardon me, but “good” Christians don’t pick and choose which commandments to adhere to and which to ignore. Especially those mentioning adultery, lying and coveting, in spite of any forgiveness from divine beings for human failings. There is a difference between human failings and willful misconduct. And I’m so happy that Jesus forgives adulterers, according to Skinny Slut. Unfortunately for Cheater #2 and Skinny Slut, I do not.

      • So true! My X was a deacon and worked for a religious organization. His girlfriend was his much younger employee. Now his social media tag line is “Flawed disciple of God.” You would think his ongoing lies and unethical behavior would lower that pedestal he sees himself on, but it just keeps getting higher and higher.

        X actually told me during our brief period of recovery (when he was still lying about seeing schmoonpie), that they had talked often about how God had brought them together. Yep. This was after almost 25 years of marriage. smh

  • 1. Sent emails to other women calling them My Queen and they called him My King.

    2. Yelled at me for wanting to spend money for Christmas because the scam artists were pressuring him for more.

    3. Sent dick pics, with his face clearly visible, to overseas scam artists.

    • “3. Sent dick pics, with his face clearly visible, to overseas scam artists.”

      And they just wanted his bank account number.

      • Sounds like they got more than they bargained for. “hey we just need your bank account info to ‘send you money’, we didn’t need the dick picks”

  • Lets see….

    My ex brought OW in to our home to babysit the kids. Testing the SM role?
    My ex brought OW into out home for the weekend when said kids and I went to visit my sister.
    My ex went to stay with her the night I had to get a court order to get him out of the house.

    But she’s “just a friend!”

    • Same here, GoneGirl. But she was “just a coworker.” And when I expressed concern over all the time they were spending together, his response was, “You know she’s not my type; her tits are too small.” wtf?!

      It was fun to share that little tidbit with the OW when the $hit hit the fan. As in, Wow, he must really like a lot of other things about you, since he thinks your tits are too small. Just a small bit of pleasure in telling her that.

      • Oh, the bashing of the OW when it works in their favor. Got that too. My STBX referred to one of his OW (the only one I knew about at the time) as a deformed dwarf. When I informed her husband, I asked him to tell his wife about the kind of guy STBX is (and what he had said about her).

        Chumpy me, I didn’t do it to bash her. Rather, together, her and her husband have 3 kids. I hoped it might help her pull her head out of her ass so that her kids wouldn’t have to go through the hell mine were going through. Besides, her husband seems like a fairly typical, kind Chump.

        • Mine told me “she does what I tell her.” Ummm hello? You were her boss, she is supposed to do what you tell her to do.

          • My ex got really offended when I told him his “co worker” was probably just being nice because they work together. What? Am I doubting his ability to charm women or do I think he isn’t good looking enough? Seriously I found myself reassuring him that he was good enough. OW probably is attached to him. So many cirles of confusing manipulation. I was trying to comfort him after I found his flirty text messaging and him deciding to not care about me or our marriage. Crazy!

    • Mine had “just a friend too.” A “co-worker.”

      These disordered freaks think they are so unique.

      They are like IKEA furniture. Flat-packed, cheap and mass produced.

  • My cheater (never faithful since day 1) burst in room as I slept, assaulted me supposedly over supportive text I’d sent to my friend over her break up?? He threw off his wedding ring in disgust (we’d been married 1 year) and stormed out for over 2 hours. Much later I discovered he’d engineered whole thing for an excuse to leave the house in the early hours and visit a massage parlour.

  • He brought home a large popcorn after movie night with the OW because … “What? The girls love popcorn”
    We have 3 daughters

    • He brought home a box of a dozen vegan donuts for the kids with 6 missing. The stains of the missing six plainly evident in the box and we are not vegan.

    • When I found a used red lipstick in my husband’s pants pocket his excuse…I found it on the ground and thought the girls would like it. You know how they love to play makeup. Wow…he really thought of the girls for once? Fuck no. Liar.

      • Yeah, thought of your girls with used lipstick he found on the ground- disgusting, who knows where that’s been?

        Sorry excuse, just gross.

      • What other germ-ridden rubbish did he plan on picking up randomly off the ground for his young children to play with?

        They really do think we’re idiots, don’t they.

  • …..sent dic pics to 8 women whilst at work, I (his wife of 6 months) was 4th on list. Lucky me!

    • So weird looking back on timelines for it all isn’t it? You just don’t expect you’ll have to be Sherlock Holmes with your own husband. Such large scale deceit for so long makes you feel violated when you realise you shared your bed and body with true sociopath.

      • Yes. I remember that strong feeling of violation. It’s still there a little but no here near as bad as it was.

        • ClarityNow

          the more I read here, the more I realize was possible, and the more I feel duped.

          Deeply disappointing for me. For my children’s sake, I feel great sadness. 35 years and I really thought we had a lot of laughs and love.

          I’m freaking hilarious, very smart and yes, damn it, I’m attractive. I’ve come a long way towards believing that this is not about me.

          But it sure feels personal. I hate feeling used and working on not feeling ashamed.

          ^^That is my challenge.

          • Yes it is amazing how frequently things like this happen and makes trusting even more difficult. I will always have a backup plan going forward.

            I also feel disappointed for my children. My youngest was only ten months old when everything happened. She will never remember having an intact family.

            The hardest part for me has been the extreme level of betrayal from a man I thought loved me and from a close friend of mine. Yes it is very personal.

            I haven’t struggled with shame, personally. I’ve known this is on them. While of course I wasn’t the perfect wife, I did not deserve what happened to me.

      • Yes, yes, yes. The problem also lies in the fact that no one believes us “chumps” because he was so charismatic, such a good boss, etc., etc. To me, this is the tough part, because WE know what really happened!

        • While assigned to Alaska,

          He asked me if I wanted an ATV for “OUR wedding anniversary” (-an All Terrain Vehicle, mostly used for hunting).

          I said “No. But WE could use a hot tub for my back injury AND so we can enjoy the outdoors in the winter”

          On our anniversary he presented me the ATV keys & said “Happy Anniversary” with a goofy nervous smile.

          • My ex narcopath took me to the most expensive restaurant in our city for my 30th… I

            He was so excited. He coudln’t stop talking about it. However, he wasn’t that interested in what I thought about the whole thing (given it was my 30th). I’m more of a low-key girl.

            I remember thinking “it’s all about him,”then felt bad for being ungrateful.

            I was right. It was all about him. Any gift he ever got me, was only to please him. And make him look and feel good to others; no genuine desire to truely connect to anything I would actually want.

            All of us here have the same story, just different variables.

            • My ex gave me a really nice complicated camera that I basically told him I didn’t want and we couldn’t afford. He said I need to have more hobbies and I need to spend all this money for this equipment. I love taking pictures but I know how he gets with expensive equipment. We had to always leave it home so that it wouldn’t get hurt.

        • THIS. LadyLiar scammed everyone. When I tried to get support from many people I thought were friends, they looked at me like I was making this shit up. I once had a narcissistic boss who was the same way. The things they say and do are so outrageous that other people think we MUST be making it up, or at least exaggerating, and they question OUR credibility and sanity. It was one of the worst parts of the mindfuck.

    • What is it with the dick pics sent out to so many people??

      Reminds me. When I saw OW’s breast pics on cheater’s cell phone, I was told, “oh but she just loves the attention. I’m sure I was just one of like ten other people she sent that out to. It’s no big deal!”

  • Had to go to OW (thought we were ‘frends’) to find out the truth.

    “Aren’t you glad it was me and not some 19 year old floozie*?”
    “You’ve known my kids* for their whole lives. How could you do this to them?”
    “If you told your kids, that’s your problem”

    * seriously – 50 year old woman used the word floozie!

    * kids were 23 and 18. Did she think they shouldn’t know their father was having a 12 year affair under our nose?

    He lost his kids and a faboulous, loving wife. We are great and he is miserable!
    She supports him so he can support me ????

    • That whole kids remark…you’ve asked her how she could DO this to them and her response was about your TELLING them. Not even a moment’s hesitation reflecting on what she has done to their lives. In her twisted mind, nothing was done to them so long as they don’t know about it. It’s really weird how their brains work isn’t it? They are all like this. Truth isn’t reality, the image is reality. Deep deception at the heart of a relationship is equivalent to deep commitment. Two equally valid alternatives. That’s all. And what ruins lives is not the vile deeds, it’s your reaction to them.

  • He said he needed to be alone and bought himself new bathing suit trunks and beach chair so he could have all day alone on the beach with his thoughts. Afterwards,he decided to go out for dinner and showed up home drunk and in jeans without boxers on singing “Gotta Have Faith” by George Michael. Only time I finally realized something was wrong in our 20 yr marriage (spackle much?) sweet xoxo

    • sweetChumpGirl that’s insane. You must have been spackling like crazy. Glad you have put down the trowel!

    • “Well I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body / I know not everybody has got a body like you”
      Just picturing a really bad rendition of that song by your drunk, free-ballin’, George Michael wannabe X…LOL

    • I not only laughed out loud, sweetChumpgirl, I started to cough/laugh because I was laughing so hard I aspirated!

      “Ya gotta have faith…”

      • It is so funny now. Thank you for the good laugh tonight really needed it xoxox

  • Mine gave his daughter a jar of olives for the first Christmas after the split ( and she hates olives). It will be a long time before she finds that a funny story.

    • A truly special Christmas gift…revealing who he truly is. I feel like my X will continue to image manage his way through my daughter’s childhood. While I’m not sure if it’s any better for her than what your X did, I am sorry that she has to receive a message like that on Christmas. He’s a total ass.

    • Perhaps gently suggest your daughter gift him a jar of whole dill pickles with the message
      “When I saw these I immediately thought of you-You’re still a dick.”

    • NEWLADY15

      olives?? A whole jar?

      sorry but I did laugh out loud. Unfortunately that sounds like a gift my shithead would give me. What I needed was a bigger trowel.

    • Olives ! Good one! My cheater bought our daughter a bed for her 16th birthday left the next day then made the 4 of us homeless when the house payments dried up. Thanks dad !! Well at least she had a bed even if we didnt have anywhere to live (i was made redundant at this time too) dad of the year didnt lift a finger to help. Of course i was accused of turning everyone against him. Facts sort of speak for themselves. …

  • Mine gave his daughter a jar of olives for the first Christmas after the split ( and she hates olives).

  • He berated me for refusing to reconcile during our separation–while telling a woman he’d met on ChristianMingle and promised marriage to to start taking prenatal vitamins so she could have his baby.

    He claimed his (first) affair lasted 9 months. I later found out he’d pursued her for three years by leaving love letters on her car at work, and a security guard finally banned him. His family knew and never told me.

    He tried to convince me that God wrote “Do Not Mock Me” in blue letters on his bedroom wall in an effort to show how close he was to God and how he’d NOW be faithful to me.

    He convinced his mother to hand over his deceased stepfather’s cell phone so he could use it to conduct his affair. She paid for it, and we had our own plan–she didn’t question it. Classic enabler.

    I’ll stop now!

      • JFC, looks like a delusional crawl up that cross. Dude, please.
        For his next act he’s gonna smear his feces all over the bathroom wall with the message, “Holy Shit! Guess who was here!”

      • Tempest- if I did not love you enough already for all your comments, I do even more now, for this one. Hilarious and spot-on.
        A typical self-absorbed narc would say “uh yeah, the Bible was written in English, duh!”

    • The memories are flooding back!

      During one of our ‘reconciliation’ phases, he tooo me to see a movie I’d wanted to see. The next week, he gave the OW the book version.

      He told her she’d “look sexy in a trucker’s hat” and wrote her a rap song. He was in his early 40’s at the time, and a pro-fessional.

      I have ALL of this in writing. It’s why he hates me.

  • 1- Huffed and puffed self righteously as he stomped our of our home for the last time “But I’m NOT promiscuous”. (This pearl of Ethics could overheat the UBT.)

    2- Had a little shrine at his week day apartment built with a rosary, a scapular, four bibles, my picture and schmoopie’s cards.

    3- Made me spend a weekend on the phone with airline over his “assistant’s” lost luggage (trip was business for EX and shopping in the USA for schmoopie with lots of extra luggage)

    • He included his adultery trophies in a prayer niche? I’m sure the saints and the eternally virgin MOTHER OF GOD were right on board with that! Is he trying to secure first class, up front seating for hell? What a delusional,disrespectful jerk. And to think that you would want your picture in that sacrilegious melange is beyond the pale. He imagines that he can somehow sanctify his disgusting trysts with schmoopie by proclaiming it so, as if he is God. I don’t know if this is the most “freakish” entry–but it has to be the absolute most arrogant. I know it’s wrong to wish damnation on any soul(so I won’t), but, I hope he ends up on such a low rung of purgatory dangling over a lake of fire so close his pubic hair catches ablaze!

      • Jojobee, the things cheaters will do for impression management on themselves!

        You are right, incredibly arrogant. He has complained that I make him look bad when I point out his cheating. As CL says, if it wasn’t so terrible to do, then it’s not so terrible to talk about.

        They really are sociopaths. Makes me shiver.

        • Yes I was told to stop dissing him
          around our small town. I told him
          nasty behaviour leads to nasty talk. Besides I always told the truth it’s something he hated avoit me–I’m “too truthful”.

    • Holy shit! YOUR picture? Creepy!As if it wouldn’t be sacted screwing without a reminder of the truly screwed BS.
      OMG they SUCK!!!
      Yours, especially!

    • 1. Out of the blue he called me at work to wonder if we needed marriage counselling….we picked his parents up from airport a few hours later….
      2. I Spent the next 2 weeks spazing out WTF was going on…no conversations just tension.
      3. Fuckface parents leave after i have looked after them hand and foot….all 5 of our pet rabbits die suddenly (fine for 7 years so far ) 12 hours later husband of 25 yrs demands a divorce and moves into an apartment within days
      Postscript….the over financed house was forced sale and me and 3 kids had no choice financially but to move into an apartment (no room for 5 rabbits then…) fuckface left us with $200 and swore on kids lives he was not leaving for someone else…… guessed it …. yep barely older than his own son… some secretary. Cliche s everywhere…. tragic

      • He killed the family pets? What a monster! I hope your kids hate his guts.

  • 1) Got another woman pregnant after we started seriously dating, didn’t tell me about it until she was 8 months pregnant… when I’d already moved in with him, gotten engaged, and only one day after I found out that *I* was pregnant (despite being on the patch for two years.)

    2) He also took that opportunity to tell me that he’d had a child with a woman the previous year but NOT TO WORRY; she didn’t know where he was and hates him more than she’d want child support anyway.

    3) He told me that he was “let go” from his job for asking for a raise, two days before our 2nd child was born. Nope. I later found out (8 effing YEARS later) it was because the owner had a hidden camera on the inventory and he found Cheater not only taking almost up-to-$20 cash sales (I have no idea where that went- I had the same, $250/week budget to work with), he’d seen the OW (a gf of an employee) spread eagle on the back-storeroom table, with Cheater going down on her.

    • “Insistonhonesty”
      I read your post name, then your post, and I have to agree with SweetChumpgirl, YOU win!

      I am so sorry for all you went through.

      • InsistOnHonesty

        Wow…He must have had his charms.

        If any of us win the lottery we really ought to give you some. CL? is there a chump prize for this???

        • He was “a new man” with me. And then, my sunk costs were too high. Well, that’s what I thought at the time, anyway. After the two previous children, he seemed reformed with me. His family said so. And I bought it. And thought, “after all I’ve put up with and resolved FOR him, he wouldn’t dare go back to his old ways!” Me, thinking like a kind person who projected kindness onto those I loved, thought he would be grateful that I dug him out of his hole and gave him the fresh start of a normal, calm life… not take advantage of it in order to be an even bigger asshole.

          He dug down and buried his new secrets deeper.

    • InsistonHonesty–lots of gut punches. I remember when you first arrived at CL a couple of years ago and your story (as you knew it) was only about inappropriate friendship with his commuting partner. The ugly just continues to roll out of these guys and gals.

      • I found out about the table and them 8 years later, but he said he “just couldn’t; she was so gross.” Only last year did I see the owner while out and about and he told me that he ABSOLUTELY DID and it was on VIDEO. That he HAD the video, still, just in case.

        I used that opportunity to put them both on a homewrecking site, saying I had video proof and quoted their messages directly so that I couldn’t be successfully sued for libel… because she can only win if it’s not true. (He wouldn’t dare.) And it IS. It’s so true that it’s on video. Even so, it’s now also past the statute of limitations, if she had been so inclined. She has lost two jobs already, from clients googling her and finding that site, and she has angrily messaged me a few times about it.

        She’ll have to go into cutt-throat sales or something, like Cheater, where people generally expect that kind of behavior and it doesn’t really put them off.

        • Bravo! I think you should change your screen name to “Insta-Honesty.”
          Motto to live by: “Every Picture Tells A Story, Don’t It?!

  • He rubbed up against me, his daughter and his mother for Christmas photos wearing a masquerade ball jacket his mistress took off of him 2 nights before…in a sleazy motel after he “masqueraded” her ( pun intended) as his wife for his Holiday party.

    • That jacket became symbolic to me. During reconciliation, he refused to give up that jacket, despite the fact that I told him what it represented to me ( but I guess that was the whole point)….now I would love nothing better than to set that jacket on fire ( preferably with him wearing it) but I guess I’ll have to settle for cutting him out of my life…

      • Of course he refused to give it up. So hateful.

        I love the setting fire to it revenge fantasy!

  • 1. We had a large house and I was helping to support my x through 7(yeah I am a chump ) years of school.
    He seriously told me he wanted to move Miss Piggy and her children into our home ( she was a fellow MDiv student ) because ” she was having problems in her marriage “. No Shit!!!

    2. While x was away doing mission work ( cost us an arm and a leg for that trip ), MOW brought me a very nice heart shaped bowl of hand made chocolates at 10pm at night on Valentines Day. Thanks but no thanks!?!

    3. After returning home from a long drive to attend a funeral x stated that he wanted to turn around and drive an additional 4 hours to go to Schmoopies surprise birthday party ( first I knew about it ).
    He was standing in the parking lot of the church wearing his full clerical garb and collar, and a nice dress overcoat.
    I said no – we’re tired, let’s not.
    He proceeded to clench his fists and jump up and down screaming ” I was supposed to be a fire fighter” at the top of his lungs!

    • Between the chocolates and “He proceeded to clench his fists and jump up and down screaming ” I was supposed to be a fire fighter” at the top of his lungs!”, I think you are a serious contender. You chose your user name well if this freak is out of your life for good!

      I gotta get ready for work here, but holy crap. These stories are just WOW.

      • Yeah i remember the jumping up and down episodes. I was thinking in my head this has got to be a joke. No it was his true self. I knew when i called him on it. “Why are u having a fucking tantrum!? : no it was all about him all of the time. He just didnt reflect on what just happened. And of course none was his fault! No way.

      • The garbed as a cleric, but was “supposed to be a firefighter” while stomping and shaking his fist

        why can I see this so clearly in my head? You are in contention, Lucky

        and you ARE LUCKY. What an exhole

  • I tried to “scare” my cheater wife into fidelity by moving out on her and into the home of a 45-year-old Craigslister subletter seamstress who worked out of her living room and always had her shady ex-boyfriend over, even during the daytime when he should have had a job, who seemed to have a jealous streak.

    One night three weeks into my stay there, when I was drugged up on a sleeping pill and huddled on a mattress *in a walk-in closet to insulate myself from his chainsaw snoring*, that ex-boyfriend stormed buck naked—gut hanging out—into my bedroom and woke me up to scream at me for keeping him awake and to tell me to get out of the house as soon as it was morning.

    Then he went back into my host’s bedroom, and I listened to them have sex while I fought the effects of the sleeping pill, leaning against the wall for 4 hours until it was light outside, packing my suitcases, and then catching the bus back to my marital home, where wife was without her OM for once.

    • JC,
      I think you are “runner up” in today’s posts, so far.
      OMG, Chumps of CN, what do you all think?!

      There should be a Chump Medal Day!?

      • It’s the “best” story to come out of my XW’s affair. I like the fact that she isn’t even a part of it!

        • This seriously made me laugh out loud!!! My house if dead quiet at almost 1AM and I am cracking up!

    • You can’t make this up if you tried. I see a screenplay in your future, JC.

  • Mr. Sparkles brought crabs home from our trip to Mexico and told me they must’ve come from the blankets. (No, I didn’t have them – same blankets).

    His Internet browser history for Craigslist showed that he preferred to read T4M (transexual for men) personal ads over W4M personals by 2:1!

    He still believes he never committed adultery throughout our marriage, all evidence submitted to the court was fabricated. He TRULY believes this. That is pathology my friends.

    • (I’ve tried twice to post a reply; maybe 3rd time’s a charm?)

      T4M over W4M personal ads by 2:1.


      I’m so sorry, ICSTMC. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for you to learn this.

      • Know that scene in Silkwood where Meryl Streep is being scrubbed down with wire brushes after contamination exposure… that would be me.

  • KK explained a sudden sprint up to Daughter1’s room on New Years Eve as having had a panic attack after filling out a Peapod grocery order. (She was actually sending boob-shots to a jerking-off Marine stationed in Japan.)

    • UXWorld, you must be at meh, otherwise how can you not barf when you think of this? UGH!!

      Lies AND porn performance in your daughter’s room. Beyond gross.

  • Limply held my hand as I gave birth to our second daughter. Didn’t kiss me in joy after she was born. Then used that as another reason I suck on dday. Took sadest pics with his new daughter b/c he knew in a couple months he was leaving all of us to be with OW in their new house 2 hours away.

    • I hear you….during mediation, cheater blamed me for the fact that he never bonded with his daughter( now ten years old) because I didn’t “encourage” him to take time off when she was born. He is also another one who “planned” to leave. The best revenge CheatersKilljoy? The kid he abandoned will one day have the courage to abandon him. I live in hope of that day….it will be icing on top of my Tuesday.

    • So sorry he was such a jackass. My STBX ruined all three of my kids’ births. I know how much that sucks. (((Hugs)))

    • This right here is why I know I can never reconcile with my cheater. The pain of having that first perfect moment with your child ruined by some disordered douchebag is just so raw, and I can’t see a time ahead where it won’t hurt like a bitch to think about my son’s birth. In my case, it was Mr. Justification’s disinterested “Hey, buddy,” as his greeting to his son. The moment we both fell asleep, he was texting with Schmoopie, planning when they could see each other and how long it was “appropriate” to wait after the birth for him to leave us.

      Cheaterskilljoy, you and your daughter deserved better. And by leaving your selfish, immature fuckwit of a husband, you will show her that it’s never ok to be treated like that. All the hugs to you. You are mighty.

    • Every photo I have of nowdeadserialcheaterwife in the hospital having just given birth to our daughter is tainted by me knowing that she was banging her boyfriend all through and after the pregnancy. I really try not to think of how close her “gay friend”‘s d*ck has been to my daughter’s head. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s black and me and ndscw aren’t, and that my daughter is the spitting image of me and my little brother when we were her age (5), I’d have serious concerns about her paternity.

  • While my brothers and I were sitting in a skilled nursing home watching our mother pass away ( uncontrolled cerebral hemorrhage ) cheater was never present because he was working overtime so ” I wouldn’t have to worry” about the lost income while I was sitting at my mothers side. Yep, he was fucking Schmoopie. Not working at all.

    • Cheaters ruin can make a bad situation worse. After my dad died, cheater pants kept disappearing at the funeral. I almost missed part of the funeral because I was looking for him. A few months before his dad died and it was the same story. Left me to deal with all his family while he went somewhere else during the viewing. I have no idea where he went either time.

  • Told my father who was having memory problems that I ruined a perfectly good marriage and that I got a divorce just to get as much money as I could.

    Texted kids about date with neighbor the day after we separated; also OW. Bragging about holding her hand. Kids were in shock of a divorce.

    Hovering all over the nursing home my father was in. He died yesterday and today is the viewing. He will be there and I’m so embarrassed by him and ashamed I was married to him. He told everybody I had lots of affairs. Told kids I divorced him.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss and that you have had to endure the lies and gaslighting by your cheater. Hold your head high today, even if mentally, and know that the truth will out! What an asshole your cheater is.

        • BEETLE

          So very sorry for your loss.

          Can you ask your POS not to attend YOUR FAMILY event?

          The character assassination so many do, is just some of the lowest shit. (Which is saying a lot)

          It still surprises me but as my son said, “stop being surprised. Just win in court.”

          • Dear Beetle, I’m so sorry for your father’s
            ..and to have it defiled by that f*wit must be so much harder! Tell him he’s not welcome…this is YOUR family & experience. He relinquished his right to belong when he cheated. Lying yo your kids is pure evil, and gaslighting your father was worse! Sympsthy and support, here, B

    • Beetle–can you get a security guard to keep him out of your father’s viewing & funeral? There’s no way you should have to tolerate him under such circumstances.

      I’m very sorry about your father’s passing.

      • I could use my Uncle to get rid of him. I hope people gossip about him. Friends have been telling my side of story and what I had to put up with

        • What an asshole. I’m so sorry he is putting this on you when you’ve just had such a huge loss. I would definitely consider enlisting your uncle’s aid. The LAST thing you need right now is to have to deal with your X.

          • He always takes up for me. He didn’t like him and said he acts entitled. I don’t think my uncle wants to be in the same room with him either!

            • I’m so sorry for your loss, {{Beetle.}} Please take care of you.
              (And fuk him with a rusty barbed wired colonoscopy.)

    • Beetle,
      I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad.
      Hold CN in your heart in the following difficult days.
      Be gentle, yet strong.
      Honour your Father’s life in the spirit you wish to.
      I hope everything goes well.

      • Thank you. I’m feeling good for my father just dying. I had a dream of my mother who I couldn’t see but I knew she was there and I saw my father sitting beside her. I told my father the dream and he was comforted by it.

        Thanks to cl and fellow chumps I’m able to put it in perspective and just sweet memories of my father and knowing he’s with my mother. He missed her real bad.

    • I’m so sorry. It’s so hard when you’ve just been totally screwed only to have the blame shifted onto you. Feels like you’re living in an alternate universe.

      • It’s hard to believe that he could walk up to anyone and just lie. He dates up a storm and I got depressed and gained weight. A lot of people would see who’s happy and who is still on the path of recovery. He even had a divorce party given to him by ours neighbors.

        I feel my dads spirit and I hope he will help guide my path for new days ahead.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss Beetle. It’s good you can feel your dad’s spirit. That’s a great comfort in times of need. I second Tempest’s suggestion about a security guard. There is absolutely no reason to have that disordered fuckwit at your dad’s services. I know other people who have done that to keep disordered family members from creating a scene. They are probably very used to it at the funeral home. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel more comfortable! {{hugs}}

      • Thank you. I will seriously seek that he won’t be there. It’s all about him anyway. So he thinks. He’s just a jerk half my family don’t want to be around.

    • Beetle I am SO sorry for the loss of your father. I lost mine 10 years ago and I miss him so.

      And I’m so sorry the POS has been so awful through these recent difficult days. What an a-hole.

      • I am going to take care of myself and I’m going to have him temoved. This is just part of his entitlement that he really is. I want my daughters with me and not him demanding attention as he does. He’s just a sick sad being that he can’t see others see through him.

    • I’m sorry for your loss, Beetle. Enlist friends and family to keep him OUT. Today is about you and your family; he is no longer part of that equation. (((Beetle)))

        • Hugs Beetle. I’m glad you are going to take care of yourself and your kids. So sorry about your dad.

  • 1) While I was in labor,he was downstairs online begging for nude photos from another MAN
    2) On my 40th birthday he was at his best friend’s wedding having sex with another MAN
    3) While at work he recorded another man undressing in the locker room without his permission

    • Wow. The cheaters trolling while their wife is in labor should simply be vaporized.

    • Ok, your #1 is *definitely* the End Game!
      I’m so, so sorry for the horror movie you had to live through.
      I hope you and your bub(s) are better off, now.

  • After affair with gradwhore (I am still clueless), he asks for a divorce, then agrees to change his mind if I will consider threesomes, foursomes, lesbian sex while he watches. Long story, but I say I’ll “consider” such things (NOPE), thinking he just wants a fantasy life & will come to his senses.

    No! He is serious and posts a picture of me in lingerie (head cropped) on Adult Friend Finder without my permission, then wants to sit with me to answer people’s queries about meetups. I guess my refusal to follow through on any of those, ahem, tempting offers, was all he needed to justify more affairs over the next few years.

    • Tempest,
      You can’t make this ( unbelievable) shit up!
      I sm mega sorry for all you went thru.

      Just thinking,
      When a person meets another person who turns out to be a loving and respectful life partner we call that luck.
      When a person, ( who becomes a Chump) meets another person, who is a cheater type character, we call that fate.

      Wish we all could have been in the luck line!

      …long sigh…..

      Just thinking.

      • Peacekeeper–I’m still plotting to get you out of that “fate” line. It doesn’t have to be a permanent “fate.” (but you still haven’t sent me your latitude & longitude for that Chump rescue mission ; ).

        • Tempest,
          If only I could send you a picture of my smile!
          (I have a pretty good face with a dimpled smile).
          You just make my heart sing, always!
          Thank you Tempest.

          (I know I don’t really say too much personal stuff, maybe someday)

            • Magneto,
              If you are referring to my above post, I just meant that Tempest’s response made me smile.
              Tempest understands, to a degree, how my life is with a cheater, and she always encourages me to get out.
              I hope this helps.


            • Mag, I just want to +1 on all your what. the. ever. loving. F**k, down the line.

    • Wow! That’s awful! He posted a picture of you while looking for group sex or whatever. So sorry, what a creep!

  • 1. Left our children during the snowstorm of the century to give Schmoopie (a family friend) a ride and conveniently got storm-stayed with her in the city.

    2. Conned me into driving four hours to Schmoopie’s grandmother’s funeral by using my own mother’s recent funeral as a ploy: “Weren’t YOU happy and surprised to see people drive a long distance to your mom’s funeral???”

    3. On his first ‘official’ Christmas with Schmoopie, he was angry that my children refused to give the home wrecker a gift.

  • 1) When I finally got through on the phone while he had ran off with final OW about two weeks after DDay (I was 8 months pregnant, heartbroken and in shock), among blameshifting he told me he wanted to be free and not compromise, drive like a maniac, smoke pot, get a boat sail the seas, then he paused and got serious and asked: “do you think in the future we can maybe have a relationship again?”. This is when I consciously realised he is actually nuts.

    2) He messaged me “Happy Mothers Day!” barely a month after I had given birth to our little girl and he had been pretty much not to be found for any serious conversation for months (he was off on surf holidays with final OW, I had to track him down by a chain of friends while I had contractions because I could not stad the thought of him boinking OW while I was giving birth, I was overseas).

    3) Once, years ago, he told me: “We think you do things slowly and stupidly”, WTF I was peeling a butter squash and he was micromanaging it and raging, I still do not know who was “we”, him as in the king?????

    LOL it is inpossible to write this weird disordered cheater shit in just short sentences.

    • Yes!! My cheater would refer to himself as “we.” Too! I think it’s either kind mindfuck or he thought there was two of him. Or he liked making me feel like he had an arsenal of people behind him

  • Wouldn’t take me to the ER when I had appendicitis. In fact, he yelled/cussed at/berated me for “faking being sick for attention” (later found out that was OW’s exact wording to him). FOUR DAYS later I turned septic, but somehow finally managed to drive myself. While I was recovering in the hospital (a week’s stay since I had been so sick) I begged him to bring me some clean underclothes as well as our still-breastfeeding 1 yr old up so that I could nurse. Never happened.

    • That is so cruel and abusive — on several levels. I hope you and your little one are both healthy and living a much more peaceful, enjoyable life together now.

    • I actually forced my ex to the hospital in 2009 (threatening to call an ambulance) with his burst appendix. Never got a thank you for saving his life, nor, an apology for putting me through this! Instead all I got was Dday and knowledge of an over six year affair. If I only had a “do over”, he’d be dead in the basement! I am so sorry for your treatment.

      • Should have just given him a Motrin and an ice pack, and told him to stop whining.

      • This week my sadz STBX texted me:”Thanks for saving my life 3 times.” I replied “thanks for lying to me daily for x years.” I think I should have stopped at twice, too. After last bout, 6 weeks before Dday 3, MOW/schmoopie brought homemade soup to my front door for him when she needed to pick up check. (She worked for him)

      • I had to force my ex to the Emergency Room when his blood pressure got to super-high stroke levels, and they immediately took him in for a CT scan, etc. because they were seriously worried about him. No stroke, but they got his BP down and we went home on meds.
        Now that he is my ex and I am doing gray rock to the best of my ability, he texted me in anger the other day “You gave me a stroke!!!” Um, what? All those years of me paying for everything, doing all the housework and childcare, etc. must have been so hard on the guy.

        • It’s so unbelievable that they truly feel like they are the victim. You surely didn’t dance hard enough to please him. You surely could have given more.

          After asshat’s first discard of me and the kids when they were little, I actually blamed myself for doing too much of the adulting thinking if I had given him more to do he would have felt more invested in our family. Nope. He’s just an asshole and it never really mattered what I did or didn’t do. Had I involved him more, he would have left for good sooner.

          • Oh, yeah, twiceachump, no matter what they do they always twist it to make themselves the victim. Total narcissists!

    • Hopeful- the same thing happens to me a month ago. I had just moved to a new area and knew no one. I had horrible pain and was sick. I called him to drive 1.5 hours to my new location bc I was scared hurt and crying. During the discard 2 weeks later he called me selfish, and that “it’s not his fault i can’t make friends” he meant that somehow I was supposed to call someone else up here bc hey u can magicallly make friends 3 weeks of moving to a new place and working 65 hour weeks. And more importantly a friend good enough to see u vomiting yourself and crying. Real selfish. 2 weeks later I had to take him to the ER bc he had a esophagus problem. No thank u no nothing. The selfish comment came 2 days after HIS ER visit. I suppose that was textbook discard mindfuck and no empathy from a narc. I have only seen selfish people call other people selfish

      • I’m so sorry you had such a pos. Classic projection of his inner garbage onto you!

    • What a poor excuse for a human being. Hopeful, I’m SO sorry you had to go through that.

  • A month before I discovered the affair, the OW and I took our daughters to a Girl Scout day camp together (not only was she a long-time friend of mine, but also the leader of my daughter’s GS troop). We laughed, had a picnic, talked about our lives, and played trust building games. I had no idea she was having an affair with my then husband. Of course I told my husband all about our great day when I returned home.

    • That shit takes betrayal to a whole new level. You have to be a real sociopath ( as all these cheaters are) to not just fuck with your wife but to deliberately mess your kid’s life up….just fucking walk away….why ruin your kid’s life for your own kibbles…shit….it’s just unforgivable.

      • Yep. I was actually able to tell him to get out immediately after I confronted him and got him to admit to it. That was a Saturday, hired a lawyer on Monday, filed for divorce on Friday. The whole process took 6 weeks.

        • ClarityNow, So mighty – you do have clarity! Wish I had tossed mine quickly instead of 2 YEARS wreckonciliation.

            • Thank you but I should say it wasn’t his first affair. The first (that I know of…) was 13 years prior and a one night stand. I chose complete forgiveness but said never again. Apparently I meant it.

              There was so much betrayal and so many lies in this last one I knew I could never trust him again. It was devastating.

              • ClarityNow,
                Your story sounds like mine. My f*wit had two simultaneous affairs 26 years ago. I bought the RIC horseshit and “wreck”onciled with the “NEVER AGAIN” provision. Those were relatively short-lived affairs, but he was very cruel to me (I rediscovered my journal from that year the week after Dday#3 in June) and not at all forthcoming or honest in our therapy afterwards. THIS time I knew was it. I love myself more and have too little of my life left to waste on this fucktard. His current affair went on for 3 years under my nose. MOW worked for him, 20 yrs younger than him & w a slutty reputation tgat preceded my discovery.
                It IS DEVASTATING. The level of deception and daily lies is overwhelming, isn’t it? And feeling like an ass for trusting him again. I deserve SO much better! And so do YOU. I need to move fwd w divorce & stop looking back. Thank you…you help me so much.

              • ChumpDiva, yes! I also looked back at the first affair (again, that I know of – no telling how many there actually were) and he really was an ass about it! Even though it was painfully obvious he had done it (the OW, an oblivious bystander in the situation, dropped him off at our home the next morning and I was standing there on the porch, with his sister and brother in law) he denied it for three days before admitting it and vaguely apologizing. I’ll never understand why I allowed that to be okay and somehow believe it wouldn’t happen again. Yes, everything you say is spot on. 3 years of deception is an impressively evil feat. How do these people live with themselves? If you choose to leave, you can absolutely do it. It’s hard to rebuild but definitely not impossible. It’s also fun to find a new, empowered side of yourself. Best of luck to you.

  • 4) ex husband talks in his sleep, one night he said: “I forgive you just because I want to” that was weird…

    another night, early on in our relationship, he said something in a really nasty scary voice in his native language like as talking to a buddy, it woke me up, I sneaked out to get a dictionary and looked up the words I memorised that I didnt recognise, while sitting on the toilet, I was shocked to read he said something like: “mine blahblah and yours has a real nice peasant girl CRACK (as in hole).” he kinda laughed it off in the mornign and was actually surprised.

    yeah I missed some red flags

    • Junglechump, you just reminded me of how my XH used to talk in his sleep and say strange, suspicious things. The other weird thing is when he was in a deep sleep, I would say, “I love you,” and he would robotically say, “I love you,” back to me while asleep. It seems his love was only as deep as words he would just automatically parrot back to me. Creepy

  • For the most part ex has gone through great pains to appear rational, but I have to wonder about something that just seems odd. He has a weird kind of relationship with one of Schmoopie’s friends. He keeps bringing my kids around this friend. He has plans to take the kids to a Harry Potter festival with this friend. According to daughter he has a three-way chat going with friend and Schmoopie (that he doesn’t want daughter to see). My first thought was that he is using friend to warm the kids up to Schmoopie. It’s like she is the Schmoopie stand in until he is ready to bring Schmoopie around the kids. She’s his chief enabler and it might work because daughter likes friend (even if she doesn’t understand why friend likes Schmoopie). That might be all it is, but still I can’t help but wonder what additional role, if any friend plays in his relationship with Schmoopie. It just doesn’t seem “normal”.

    • Sorry, I realize this one is too long, but I don’t have proof of anything freaky going on so I can’t just use a one liner “he did this”.

      • With these assholes, the lack of character is stunningly consistent (just watch out for the head-fake image management schemes). With my STBX, where there was the tiniest hint of smoke over the 20+ years, there was a massive inferno behind it.

    • It’s hard when you’ve been so betrayed. It makes you question anything and everything associated with the person who betrayed you.

      • True. Lately I have been taking it personally any time he does anything that annoys me when realistically he is just being clueless and in some cases thinks he is doing me a favor. I used to dismiss that kind of thing as not il-intentioned, but now it’s hard not to think of it as another example of how he doesn’t care about me or my feelings.

        • ClarityNow & Chumpinrecovery,
          Their betrayal earns them distrust on evety level. Mine is so genuinely surprised that I don’t believe a single word from his mouth, but why should I? Just because he can compartmentalize and act like ‘hey, all this other stuff was so good about our relationship’ does NOT obligate me to give him any benefit of the doubt. He forfeited all benefits with the deep, evil betrayals. The dailly lies, the diuble life, the gaslighting, the undermining my credibility with iur kids…it was nothing short of abuse. Emotional violence.
          Fuck him.
          I trust that he sucks. It’s the only truth that matters here.

      • Except he is still telling daughter how Schmoopie means “everything” to him. I’m wondering if friend is Schmoopie’s OW so being with Schmoopie gives him a twofer. Of course all of that is speculation on my part. It’s just weird is all.

  • 1. Part of my “pick me” dance was to get a boob job for him.

    2. He was so busy the day of the surgery working (actually with Schmoopie) he actually just dropped me off at the doctor’s office and left me. I had to have a friend pick me up after my surgery.

    3. A week later I find a receipt for a beehive delivered to her house–Yes a real beehive!! She always wanted to be a beekeeper…..I hope she got stung!!

    • That was a pretty shallow and shitty thing for him to make you do but I hope you are enjoying your new boobs without him. And yes, I hope she got stung too.

      • OMG, that IS hilarious – I laughed out loud at the beehive.

        Most of us find weird receipts/items on credit card bills, but beehive for Schmoopie has to be one of the weirdest!

  • Created metal rose from my Christmas cookie tin I use each year with inscription from a special engraving tool he bought with my money that he then gave to her as a love you gift. I found posting to her about it on his computer. Only time I am aware he used that tool….what a tool he is..Idiot!

    • Metal rose for her made from your Christmas cookie tin. You can’t make this stuff up!!!

      I agree he’s a total tool.

  • OW created a fake Facebook page ON CHRISTMAS Eve and stayed up all night long and throughout Christmas Day “messaging” me dozens of sexually explicit “screenshots” of their text messages, name calling me, and “mocking” me (she’s 15 years my senior). I was 20 weeks pregnant with our 4th child (age 5 and under) and we had our gender reveal planned for Christmas morning (girl!).

    She told him about messaging me, so my ex-husband simply deleted/blocked the messages on my phone before I ever saw them, and I didn’t receive the messages until later. She asked him how I responded to her revealing the affair, and he lied and said I was so angry that I physically assaulted him, by throwing dishes at his head. I still didn’t find out about their affair until after New Years when she stole his cell phone to text further pornographic screenshots to me.

    As a response of revealing their secret affair to me, my now ex-husband said (in writing) that OW was a psychopath, a liar, an alcoholic and drug addict, a b-word, a “slut”, a “whore”, a c-word, and he threatened to murder her and said he wanted her dead. When she read all that information about the abusive names he called her, she said she “understood” and was “cool” with it.

    A divorce attorney, OW named herself as a witness to our at-fault divorce (after I immediately filed for divorce), and hired her own attorney to represent her. She called the Gardian Ad Litem at 9:00 at night on her cell phone under the guise of discussing a case she was working on with the GAL, and told our GAL (the attorney who helps determine all details of custody regarding children) all about her “twu luv” with this married man (with a pregnant wife) and what a great guy he was. The GAL had no idea what she was talking about, as she was not yet aware the Family Court had assigned her our custody case.

    I could go on and on. Thank heavens for CL and CN!

    • Was her name Glen Close? This one is truly a Bunny Boiler. Being stalked is a straight up blatant form of Domestic Terrorism and a clear indicator of Batshit Crazy. These kinds of people are the ones I call the Suicide Bombers in relationships: They don’t care if they go down-as long as they take you with them. If this is still ongoing I would strongly encourage you to consult with a Risk Assessment Firm or ask if any local LEO has Profilers on staff. I wouldn’t underestimate this person at all-and I’m anything but an alarmist.
      I’m really sorry. Stay safe.

      • Thank you for your kind words, Tundra Woman. There is serious trauma that comes with serial stalking, and laws need to be revamped as technology changes. Domestic terrorism is exactly what it felt like. My ex- husband secretly installed a high-tec GPS in my car and stalked me all over town for nearly 6 months. He stalked me while I was newly postpartum and recovering from a horrific delivery and 10 day NICU stay for my newborn to be treated for potentially life-threatening complications. My ex-husband made everyday a living hell. He gaslighted me so much, his behavior was pathological, sick. We go to trial next week regarding his stalking, which enabled him assault me, repeatedly. The OW came to the pre-trial earlier this year. (I had never seen her before). She glared at me the entire time. (She should be glaring at him, as he is the person responsible.)

        The last time I heard from the OW was about 7 weeks ago with a few unanswered telephone calls. She’s blocked now, they both are. OFW is the way to go.

        • Oh my God! Hugs to you ????. You’ve obviously been through hell

          What is wrong with these people?

          Amusing as some of these stories are, and its a credit to everyone for maintaining a sense of humour despite facing such heartbreak and abuse, its terrifying just how many cruel and twisted sociopaths there are out in the world, masquerading as normal people.

          I don’t think I could ever give my heart again.

        • I’m so sorry for your grief, can’t believe your still strong, still doing battle…Godspeed sister, you deserve justice. I had a stalker but not the rest of what you went through. I hope your attorneys are awesome and your judge has actual wisdom. Wishing you all the best.

    • I always say, you can’t explain crazy. And that’s just so crazy. Wow.

      And I’m sorry. I know how it is to suddenly be single with small children.

      • Thank you, ClarityNow! You are right, you certainly can’t explain crazy. So many experiences being shared today that are stranger than fiction!

    • Stalked, name changed, my mouth was literally hanging open. I am SO sorry for what you have been put through!! How awful for you!

      Take good care of yourself. Big hugs to you.

      • Thank you for your kindness, Hopium4years. And big hugs back to you!

      • Stalked

        On one hand I’m really sorry for YOUR shit. Baby #4! What a Shithead.

        But I kinda love that he chose a batshit vindictive hag for his whore. Serves him right. Her too, actually.

        • Well, the thing is though, they don’t generally just stop once they’ve “won” the “prize” they appeared to be seeking, Yk? Unless there are significant negative sanctions, their nuclear powered cray cray just keeps comin like the Energizer Bunny on steroids. These people are truly human models of Predator/Prey motivation but it’s not enough to simply vanquish their perceived “enemy” by winning the man or woman of their dreams-actually, they have a kind of magical thinking regarding their “Prince” or “Princess” that is delusional. It goes even beyond that-as if Domestic Terrorists aren’t unhinged and menacing enough.

          There’s a subset of Stalkers/Suicide Bombers I call the “Skin Suiters.” Typically these are females and they strongly “identify” with their Target but in a really perverse manner. So consuming and disturbed is this Identification, it would seem they actually want to BE them: They’ll study pictures for example on social media of the Target and copy them in dress, style, right down to wedding ring configuration, nail polish color, hairstyle/color etc. If they have an opportunity to study the Target in public or on tape, they will emulate the mannerisms, speech patterns/accent, discern the other’s hobbies/interests such as working out at the same gym, becoming a part of a group of adults in the community that may volunteer at the school where the Target’s child(ren) attend, join the same or similar book clubs etc., truly off the leash devious. I wish I could explain how this exponentially increases the terror the Target already experiences-after awhile, how do you even begin to compare or measure one Terror Tactic to another? The individual is absolutely traumatized already.

          There are Walk Aways/“One and Done” measures you can take like installing security cameras all around your residence and placing motion activated lighting, the largest, brightest flood lights available making sure to overlap the coverage, using key pads instead of keys for locks (and change the code biweekly) and of course situational awareness. There are some really sweet, inexpensive DIY easily installed security systems on Amazon, for example. No doubt anyone who would install a GPS on a vehicle likely has one on the phones and devices of the Target in addition to the typical key loggers. There are also the “lucky few” (insert sarcasm) who have had drones peering in their windows or are not aware they’re on a drone camera-until the Predator/Stalker drops unmistakable evidence of such-but not enough to be prosecuted depending on the jurisdiction. There is clearly a sadistic element to this kind of Stalking as well; they want you to know they’ve got you in their sights so to speak. Anyway, the list of tactics and counter-measures is limited only by your wallet and imagination.

          I agree with Stalked: It took years and a number of deaths and finally one high profile death to institute any Stalking Laws at all-and they’re still inadequate frankly, as they’ve not been updated to include the evolving technology.

          Never, ever confuse intelligence with cunning, level of education with level of resourcefulness, the difference between “safe” and “as safe as possible.” Never tell ANYONE what security measures you have taken: The best security measures are the ones no one knows about. With people like this you’re dealing with Probability, not Absolutes. It’s essential to have a Personal Safety Plan that you and your family rehearse until it’s so deeply instilled you can go on auto pilot and respond effectively instead of reactively. Realistically no one can guarantee your safety-but you can learn how to set up trip wires to slow them down and give you time to implement your plan. In that way you maximize your advantages instead of having to deal with an ambush.

          Hope to hear how you make out, Stalked. You can and will prevail-believe it. Best wishes with your court case. I truly hope you have excellent representation, can consider civil as well as criminal options and stay safe. No one is as important to those who love you as you are, nothing is worth more than your peace of mind. Take what ever steps you can to increase your sense of safety and belief in your own resourcefulness: Crazy gotta crazy but prepared you is not what they’re expecting-not at all.

            • Tundra Woman is right, Stalked. This is Fatal Attraction-level psycho. I just don’t even know how to express my horror at what you’ve shared.

              And this OW is an attorney? Couldn’t she be disbarred for a stunt like this? Or at the very least fired? It’s hard to imagine a lawyer being that freaking stupid to put all that in writing, and IP addresses can always be tracked.

              Really scary stuff! I pray for your sake and your kids’ sakes that you are far, far away from this nutbar!

  • 1) After 13 years of marriage (toward the end) my x was comparing how I was in bed to someone else indirectly (this was before DDay)

    2) I would get up at 6am to take a shower for work (my x was a stay at home mom). While in the shower she would wake up to call her boyfriend. When I got out of the shower she would hang up and pretend to be asleep. When I left she would call him back.

    3) My x would take our daughter to meet her boyfriend (before DDay) and pretend they where random encounters and that they where just friends.

    • I know this is more than 3 but

      4) My x (after DDay) accused me of molesting our daughter (and still does to this day). My daughter fights back and says it never happened and her mother is lying.

      • This is unquestionably the most devastating charge you can make towards a man: The allegation alone does irreparable damage to his reputation.
        Lothos, I don’t know if you have concrete evidence or the stomach to legally pursue this but this kind of shit really needs to result in significant sanctions. My personal belief FWIW is custody of any children should immediately default to the defendant once the allegation is found to be false. This forces kids to have to defend their reality every damn day because mommy-dearest is simply using them as a *Tool* in her Campaign of Retribution. It’s damaging and dehumanizing as hell to be the kid in this situation-how well I know.
        I’m really sorry.

        • Unfortunately the system is designed to help the accuser with free attorneys and a guilty until proven innocent. She tried two times (rest of just been accusations). Both times she tried in court I had physical evidence (including a recording in her own voice) that she was lying. In the recording she said that she was never abused.

          All the court did was dismiss the charges. No penalties, no paying of my attorney fees etc… she got free attorneys and no bills. I had about 20k in attorney fees. Even though I wun, I still lost.

          As for custody, judges (even in Maryland) do not like to take kids away from moms. It has been a huge legal battle that is still going on. A judge finally took things serious when my daughter ignored his order for her to go back to her moms and my daughter then tried to commit suicide. EVEN with that the judge is still trying to make my daughter fix her relationship with her mom instead of respect her wish to not see her mother full time (just every other weekend). My daughter is in her early teenage years.

          • Lothos, your ex is despicable. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. And that judge – just making matters worse.

            Your ex has harmed you in many ways, including financially, but the harm she has done to your daughter is beyond disgusting. Putting her through this is disordered and then some.

            • Well I gave just part of it. This has been going on now almost 5 years and I am about 90k in my own attorney bills fighting for the truth. The system is really broken and judges really don’t want to listen to kids, therapists and the truth when it effects the mom.

              I had two therapist testify to the judge of what my X was doing to our daughter and this is still going on! Both therapist said the same thing that my X is trying to alient our daughter from me and is trying to manipulate her. This is the main reason why their relationship is so broken.

              • Agreed 1000%. By now you realize her goal has nothing to do with the Hostages/Kids and everything to do with destroying you. Hopefully, your daughter will be able to legally Emancipate at 16 or what ever the age in your jurisdiction.

                This shit has gotta change. It’s far more pervasive than recognized. I’m sick to death of hearing about “Dead Beat Dads” when the numbers don’t support this assertion at all. It’s like the stereotype of “welfare mothers driving Cadillacs:” They just don’t die no matter how vigorously and factually refuted.
                I’m also very disgusted by the auto-default physical custody to the mothers. I live remotely and have observed wild animals fight to the death if necessary to protect their offspring: These kinds of mothers feed us to Predators/any swinging dick with a paycheck they can exploit. Their parenting bar doesn’t even reach the instinctual level of an animal. Unfortunately they are not “rare,” just not “PC” to acknowledge. In the end it’s always the kids who are the unwitting victims of the adult’s piss poor choices and relentless vendettas.

                I’m really sorry, Lothos. By now I’m sure you know you are in plenty of company. I truly hope Dads can organize to change these draconian laws. They leave us, the offspring with a Legacy we spend the rest of our lives working to ensure our own kids and grandkids never endure-and they become the “grandma we never meet.” They should be behind bars, either in a zoo or a prison, I’m not fussy. We do need our Dads-far more than we need a cunning Proxy Administrative sanctioned abuser Mugger. It’s bad enough she can abuse with impunity behind closed doors as it is without adding the weight of other agencies/individuals to her repitorie of clueless “supporters.” I don’t believe there is a more reified title on this planet than “mother.”
                Good luck, Lothos. Remember, this is a Marathon, not a Sprint.

    • #3 Yes! Mine did that too. I didn’t think it was weird that they were having random encounters in public (he would tell me – prob cause he knew the kids were likely to mention it) until after I found the phone calls. I didn’t confront him for a week – they had two “chance” encounters over that week. It was kind of fun watching him tell me about it and having no idea I already knew.

    • Lothos,

      I had the best family and parents until my mom became szitophrenic. My dad tried but my parents were young (3 kids by age 23 & 27) and my dad found another wife soon after his crazy and awful divorce from my “crazy” mom.

      My world, and the world of my siblings, were uprooted literally overnight.

      I came home from school one day and my mom had gotten rid of the family dog that we’d had for years…we cried and cried and begged and begged and we nevertheless saw our dog again. I’m 52 and still traumatized by the dog.

      One moth later, mom sold the only house I’d ever known and moved us to a small townhouse in an unfamiliar neighborhood and a new school. Major life trauma two. The total shock really messed us up.

      Then my dad moved from Michigan, where we all grew up, with his new wife and now his new baby, for a job transfer.

      I’d say within under a year, everything was considerably different…and not for the better.

      Then my mom stopped coming home. Sometimes for a night and sometimes for a couple of weeks.

      My brother who was the eldest, left to go live with my dad. Eventually after my mom turning very mentally abusive and unstable, my sister and myself left to live with my dad too.

      My dad had started a new life with a much younger woman and a new baby. The new wife didn’t want three pre-teens living with their new family. We knew we weren’t really wanted there either so we stayed out of the way as best we could.

      These were bad times. I had no school friends, a different state, the works.

      I was the youngest and my still szitophrenic mom decided to start sleeping with lawyers and and try to get custody of me. I was the youngest and the easiest target.

      My dad, who is a selfish man in many ways AND extremely frugal, stepped up for me. We’d drive from Maryland to Michigan to go to court once or twice a year.

      I’ve seen my mom scream at my dad, spit at my dad, swear at my dad, until I was escorted out to the courtroom lobby.

      I just knew the judge would send me back to my mom. I had plans to run away many times in my twelve year old head.

      I was called into the judges chambers just one-on-one and the judge wasn’t very nice to me. He had yelled because after all my upheavals, I was getting a D in math and I had been getting an A while with my mom. DUH…I WAS A WALKING TRAUMATIZED CHILD. I still have 1000 scars…including my dog.

      The last visit, I was ready to run. Didn’t know where. I was again banished to the courtroom lobby as to not witness the screaming and fighting in the courtroom.

      Sitting by the elevator, I heard the courtroom door open and out walked my dad first. He was walking fast and didn’t look happy. I knew it looked bad. Just as he was approaching me, the elevator coincidentally opened behind me with people exiting. Just as it opened, I saw my mom coming out of the courtroom on the opposite side of the hallway.

      My dad grabbed me by the shoulders and gently shoved me into the elevator and said, very quietly, “you’re mine.”

      I was shocked. He won. Granted, at the time I wanted neither life but I really didn’t want an unreliable mother who on the outside appeared pretty normal but at home with her, I slept with my door locked and a small wooden toy bat under my pillow in case she flipped out.

      Long story but the sanest parent won. My dad had a job, paid his bills, and although he did the bare minimum in many ways years after, he saved my life that day by fighting for me with money I know that killed him to part with.

      I loved Maryland and made my best friends until this day. I’ll always respect my dad for how he stepped up and did his duty as a father when he had three other kids, including a new baby, a wife that didn’t want me, and a house that wasn’t purchased for a family of six but for a family of three.

      As Tracy always says, BE THE SANE PARENT. ALWAYS.

      Years later, I married a mild-mannered accountant who grew up as a farm boy with a wonderfully close family. Something I never had. Well, when he turned out to be a serial cheater and once again, turned my world upside down, I became the sane parent. I knew what it would mean to me and my two children. It worked. It wasn’t difficult because I was sane and I knew what to do to help my kids navigate and have normalcy and security kept in their life.

      Thank goodness it worked out for me and both my kids.

      No matter what happens, be the sane parent. Kids know so much more than you think they do. They will have many emotions and take many angry moments towards you but slow and steady wins the race. Be the dependable and patient parent and the rewards will be worth it.

      • My mom has been a paranoid schizophrenic for decades, and my dad cheated on her before he passed away recently, and many people didn’t blame him (cheating on a crazy woman is ok right?), in fact they called him a saint for staying with her (while cheating). But I know now that what a decent spouse should have been doing, and what he never even tried to do, was getting her into the car and to the hospital for observation and to get her started on anti-psychotic medication, something my brother-in-law was able to accomplish many years later. I rationalized my dad’s cheating for years but now that I am a chump too and a victim of cheater mind-games, I am just beginning to talk to my mom about it and I realize her chump pain was just as real and raw and humiliating as mine. They say that certain triggers can make schizophrenia much worse, and after my dad passed away, my mom’s behavior became much less crazy even when she went off her meds.

      • Thank you for sharing. I’m trying so hard to be the sane parent. I love your story it is hard and sad but at the same time full of hope. My STXH is completely irrational and impulsive at the moment.
        You made my day today. Thank you. I CAN DO THIS!!!!

  • After I found out about The Worm’s girlfriend, I developed an eating disorder.
    I lost 30 pounds in two months. The Worm complained that I was too skinny and used to comment on it quite often.
    Well Christmas rolled around and his gift to me was……two gift cards and a Fitbit!!!!!
    What lunatic buys a Fitbit for an anorexic?

  • 1) Upon discovering STBX had lived a double-life for 20+ years, I asked him who he REALLY was. His response, in a very thoughtful, serious tone … “I’ve given this a lot of thought. I’m a gamer. That’s who I am.” The man is almost 50.

    2) Since STBX had infected every technological device we ever owned with porn — and because I had evidence he had watched it in front of our young child — I requested he leave his phone in his vehicle during supervised visits OR use apps to cover anything on the phone our daughter shouldn’t see. He emphatically agreed. Didn’t happen. He brought his phone — porn easily visible. A few days later, he apologized (for the millionth time). Then he explained that “But 99% of the phone is clean.” WTF? Really?

    3) Idiot Excuse #1: Why did he cheat with a particular coworker? “Because I had to work two jobs.” (one FT and one PT on weekends). Why did he have to work two jobs? Because he was skimming money from the family income to use for himself, so the family didn’t have enough money for basics (utilities, food, etc.).

    4) Idiot Excuse #2: Why did he cheat with a different coworker? “Because you made me sell my PlayStation.” After our daughter almost died in a car accident (life-support for 4 days), we both had to take unpaid time off of work … we were already in dire straits because he was skimming from the family funds (I didn’t know it at the time). I sold everything I had of value to buy groceries and pay the electric bill. When it wasn’t enough, I asked him to help. So he sold his Playstation.

    5. Idiot Excuse #3: I asked him why he even bothered marrying me if he knew he didn’t plan to keep his vows. Response: “To take YOU off of the market.” Gee, thanks for nothing, asshole.

    …. Sadly, this list could could be endless. Thank you CL and CN for helping to pave my way out of that insanity!

    • I think being a “gamer” sums it up for mine, as well! Woody is a computer geek who has always played video games. Over the past six years (coinciding with the start of his “emotional affairs,” I learned in retrospect) he developed an obsessive hobby of collecting board games that we played every night. He kept searching for one that he could win because it bothered him that I won about 90% of the time after I learned the rules. But he finally found a game that he could beat me at every day, a secret life of cheating. Or, so he thought. Now he’s lost that game too because leave a cheater, gain a life.

      • Another example of gamer, here!
        To my ex, everything is a game, even my parents say that about him.
        Computer gaming, card games, online bets, online hookups. In this teens (I didn’t know him back then) he admits he was addicted to slot machines. Seducing and duping people of course was his secret game.

        • I don’t mind video games — never did. WITHIN REASON. But to see gaming and porn as some ultimate goal in life … and family, work, etc. as “burdens” that interfere with the ultimate goal … so screwed up!

          I am still embarrassed that I was married to such an infantile excuse of a human and that I had NO clue. While he gamed during the marriage, he relegated it to a few hours on the weekend–after the kids were in bed. No big deal (I thought). And he completely hid the porn. Rather, throughout the marriage, he had me totally duped into thinking he was basically computer illiterate (always asking me to help him if he needed to search for a number, etc.). Insane. Absolutely insane.

          • Throughout my entire 14 year marriage, I would always tell my mom…I married a boy hoping one day he would turn into a man. So I get the embarrassment of being married to an “infantile excuse for a human” Looking back now I can see he was and continues to be a boy….a boy who became a father and abandoned his child….

            • I never minded the video games or the porn either. I drew the line at the cheating…but for some of these figures..they go hand in hand- at least for mine it did.

            • >>”Looking back now I can see he was and continues to be a boy”

              This is well stated. My STBX and I married young, so I just expected us to grow more mature and wiser as we got older and experienced more of life. It just didn’t occur to me that someone would see maturity as a negative. (*facepalm)

              I’m glad we are both off of that roller coaster, Pret. Wishing you all the best!

          • He would get sooooo snappy if I dared speak while he was playing and “interrupting” – he had big issues with that concept, anyway (whatever happened to finishing each other’s sentence as a romantic thing? He hated it. How dare I presume to read his mind…but I digress.

            I thought it was normal to be in the same room, me doing the dishes, him playing, whatever pops in my head, I share. I know I wouldn’t have a problem tuning in to something someone dear to me was saying. Key word being “dear”.

            I even had a (lousy) therapist validate that “men down time”. Sure, but he could ask not to be interrupted, right? No, now that would be “rude of him”. There’s a game nobody wins…

            • We really need a thread for Stupid Shit Therapists Say … (your ex-therapist’s words would be perfect for it).

      • Good lord, mine too — IT, gamer and BDSM cheater on a massive scale. He even started his own board game company with my encouragement. I imagine the travel to conventions and admiration from that community help him in his real hobby. SMH.

        • And the similarities continue with these freaks … sheesh. I was utterly shocked (upon discovering the marriage-long hidden porn hobby) that my STBX was really into the BDSM stuff. He never so much as hinted to me that he was into that.

    • X also had to work two jobs to help fund his gambling. He told me he took the 2nd job so he could spend more time at home with his family. He met schmoopie there and immediately began to pursue her.

      • So sorry, pregnant chump. Most of my STBX’s affairs were co-workers as well. There we are, carrying their kids, working as well, trying to better the lives of our whole family … thinking they are doing the same. Instead, they are using “working for the family” as a cover to fuck over their family. Assholes.

  • *Cracks knuckles*

    1) He went to a coworker’s wedding without me while I was out of town and managed to keep it a secret for three years.

    2) He proposed to me while knowing he was still keeping secrets and it was giving me terrible anxiety, after 2 years of reconciliation.

    3) He got pouty that he couldn’t go engagement ring shopping in secret “because you (the chump) hate lies”.

  • I’m divorced almost a year now…. OW recently called threatening to get ex fired (they work at a Christian Radio station in Orlando and they started the affair both married… they would fire them if found out) and left me a message how I wouldn’t get child support anymore… 2 days later she didn’t called apologizing voicemail…. they are back together … they have broken up at least 15 times????

    • “Christian Radio Station Cheaters” – that has a certain ring to it!


      I’m sure your ex is loony, but OW sounds positively wacko. They deserve each other.

  • My ex came to me and confessed a 4 year affair because he said he’d decided he wanted to make it work with me. It turns out she wanted to be with him full time and planned to spill the tea if he didn’t leave me.
    I told him I wanted to try to work it out (#dumbchump,#4thekids) but that I was going to speak with her so she knew that I knew and EXACTLY what the deal was…( see #dumbchump above).
    That’s not the creative part.
    When I got her on the phone she talked to me like we were the best of friends and then said “well, we both got played. You know I wasn’t the first affair. He was sleeping with my friend Danielle too.”
    So I look at him and said ” did you have an affair with a Danielle too?”
    and he said “oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
    Just….what the fuck???

    • Egads … The “I forgot” about HUGE, game-changing details. I’m sadly familiar. Such an easy explanation for overtly planned lies of omission. Astoundingly manipulative.

    • I found out about affair #1 (PA that I know of) when I got back from an overnight cub scout event. He said he had something to tell me. He told me that Schmoopie wasn’t his first affair. I rolled my eyes and asked “so who was the first?”. He said “the woman you were confiding your troubles too at the cub scout event yesterday”. Doh!

    • Time lines/stories are never straight. X told me he started his prostitute use one year, but I could pinpoint when he came to me to “confess” that he was looking at stuff online and felt horrible about it, and that was AFTER the use began. UGH.

  • For years, he wouldn’t get a vasectomy, despite the fact that I’d been on the pill forever and bore two children. After d-day #1, he decided to have it to show me his dedication. Then he spent a WEEK in bed with frozen peas on his balls with me nursing him since that was one of his Pick Me requests, “Be more caring.” The whole time he’s texting the OW about how he couldn’t wait to try out the new equipment. Cue d-day #2 (and final).

    • Yes. Having a vasectomy makes it easier to cheat because there is no risk of impregnating Schmoopies. Of course the whole STD thing just isn’t on their radars.

  • My serial-cheating father rises to the “Freak” level … so, I thought I would toss these in:

    1) Left a soda and a love-letter on a neighbors porch. He was married for the third time in five years to my step-mom at the time. (Her brother-in-law called to inform my step-mom. Turned out that the brother-in-law was already having an affair with her, so he didn’t want my dad cutting in on “his” territory.)

    2. Kicked first step-mom and her three kids out one day and left me and my brother home with her after that announcement — while he went to spend the day with his girlfriend. (He moved the girlfriend in the day after the step-mom moved out.)

    3. Ditched third wife (and mother of his 3rd kid) to marry a girl with whom I attended high school. “Awkward” is a huge understatement.

    4. Just a few months prior to ditching his third wife (he had been seeing the OW for at least a year at this point), he exploded in rage because he thought his wife’s shirt was too revealing (it wasn’t).

    Ah … glad to be away from that mess too!

    • What a terrible way to treat your kids let alone all of the wives. Some people just shouldn’t bother getting married at all.

      • >>”Some people just shouldn’t bother getting married at all.”

        This is one of the truest statements I’ve ever read.

    • I have to wonder where the soda comes in. I mean, it’s a pretty shitty lure. Like the OW was going to say, “Well, I don’t like him much, but he did bring me a soda… It’s not like I can go to the store and get my own soda.”

      • Hey – don’t underestimate the power of consumer goods. One of the big thing for Princess Yogapants was that she got discount priced yogurt from her guy ….

        You really can’t make this crap up can you ..

        At least we can try to laugh at the insanity.

  • 1) Started meowing at me…

    2) Dropped his pants and pulled up his shirt wagging his penis at me while I was in the garden in the back yard…

    3) Would show up every few days (I had no idea where he was for weeks) 2 – 4 am drunk, pull the covers off of me, lick me from my crotch to my chin…then run away laughing…gunning his diesel as he left… some mornings instead of licking me he’d pull me out of bed and drop me on the floor before running away laughing…

    …mad as a hatter that one…

    Thank goodness I am out of that insanity… 🙂

      • Spooneriver 🙂

        …bizarre is…yes, but…satan went well beyond bizarre…

        Ummm…I don’t think we have a word for satan

        I’m just really hopin we (earth) doesn’t crash and burn when karma finds him

    • Good god. It must be a relief to be free of that weirdo. Regardless of how it gets expressed or not I think all of these perverts (male and female) are really messed up in the head. The question is, are they already mad when they cheat or does the cheating make them mad? Or are they already a bit messed up in the first place and then all the sustained hormones, adrenaline, and stress associated with the actual cheating does permanent damage to their brains. I guess it doesn’t matter as long as we get away so we don’t get infected ourselves.

      • Tessie 🙂

        You got my vote strongest Chump!

        …have no words…

        …have no way to convey the comfort I wish to give to you.

        You are always in my heart.

    • JeepTess, you don’t call him Satan for nothing.

      Thank God you and Beau are free now!

      • Amen and Amen 🙂

        (((((((FMT))))))) 🙂

        …sigh…peace is not underrated!

        FMT…reading all of these posts…so, so sad… 🙁 so many are so hurt…so much was taken from us…not just material…eh?!! …so much more than ‘things’…than ‘money’…so much of our hearts and souls and day to day lives…so sad…

        …yet…only us Chumps feel that deep, deep loss… 🙁

        …my heart hopes that newbies catch on quickly that that ‘perceived’ loss is truly a great Blessing… 🙂 cause it really is…right? …yes 🙂 …takes a while but, yes…it truly is a Blessing 🙂

        Chumps…go be free of all the anxious living day to day wondering…sweep those egg shells out the door and be done with walkin through them forever 🙂 There is life beyond the spine snapping triggers 🙂 …there is peace 🙂 there is calm 🙂

        🙂 …there you will find yourself 🙂 …beyond their daily drama and mind bending chaos 🙂

        …remember who you really are…cause that’s who you really are 🙂

        (((((((FMT))))))) Thank you 🙂

        Love and hugs from Beau and I

  • During a wreckconcilation fight the boy broke our framed wedding photo over his own head and then called ow in front of me because “she was the only one who could calm him down”. Ow proceeded to tell him about how important our marriage was and said we should all pray together right then on the phone… You can’t make this stuff up

    • What exactly were “we” praying for? “The (Loads of) Hos and (anal) Fistulas?” “The Immaculate Deception?” “The Semen (left on) the dis-Mount?” “Divine Inter-(Contra)Ception?”
      “The Old (Double) Cross?” “The Virgin Fairy?”
      Or was it just a general absolution of his assignations? Did he play dress up with her in his red body suit with a long tail and totin a pitchfork? Were there faux offerings for a full disclosure of his “Holy Days of Ejaculation?”
      Inquiring minds wanna know! ;—)

      • Lol! I have no clue however the “just friend” is now his wife who he married 20 days after the divorce was final.. Interestingly enough the lovely woman who was so calm and spiritual is now “crazy” and controlling…. Hmmm I wonder if she is upset about his other “friends” online.. Who’d have thought that you might have trust issues with the man you helped commit adultery..
        But I forgot it’s not adultery if you only have phone sex… thank the Lord I never bred with him!

  • I can describe my Cheater Freak of the Week in one sentence: He fucked my (now) 19-year-old niece in our home, he fucked her in his office at the university after she moved into the dorm, and now he’s fucking her in the marital residence again after he moved her in during our separation while I’m on my Road Trip to Meh.

    There’s more (oh so much more…), but need I say more?

    • You win…I hope you cut him out of your life COMPLETELY…kids or no for your niece? She’ll get hers someday…karma is a real bitch.

      • Pret, we are definitely No Contact. I’m not just Gray Rock, I’m Steel Wall. He will never get another little kibble out of me. I loved him with all my heart and he shattered it. Now it will make me happy if I never have to see his face again. No more butterflies at the mere sight of his name. If I even have to email him about business I’ll probably have to puke after.

        I’m also letting his dirty little secret out to mutual friends so they won’t get inadvertently turned into Flying Monkeys. Predictably for a narcopath, he’s the victim in his own heroic tale of suffering the emotional abuse I’ve inflicted on him for 13 years, invalidating and challenging him (him, who was viewed as the Prince in the fairy tale couple envied by all of my extensive circle of friends). Now that I am gone, he can finally be happy and feel good about himself by helping the needy niece with college and self-improvement!

        Oh, and we don’t have any kids. He’s my second (narcopath) husband. In fact, when Bazooka Jane came to live with us and they immediately became attached at the hip (little did I know then that their hips were naked), I complained that he was inappropriately crossing boundaries and triangulating us. He said, “I finally get to feel like a father, and you even want to take that away from me!”

        Good thing we never had kids, or he could have become the Cheater Freak of the Century.

        • Yes, based on his definition of “father”, I would say you definitely dodged a huge bullet. So sorry you have to be involved in the shitshow they created, but glad you can grey rock the hell out of it. Strength & hugs.

        • It’s a really awful thing you’ve been through.

          Like you and your X, me & STBX were the envy of our circle of friends for having the perfect relationship. You’ve got me wondering if thats a thing alot of us have in common.

    • There is so much wrong with this whole situation. How old is your husband? What kind of uncle goes after a niece? What kind of niece would do this to her aunt? Both of them sound mentally unstable. Besides incest and father figure issues, at the very least there’s a huge lack of integrity and character in them both. The sheer betrayal from the family perspective is hard to fathom. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this level of evil. Glad you’re on the road to healing. FYI, your posts always sound positive and affirming. I hope you can rise above this crap because in no way do you deserve this situation. ((hugs))

    • I hate what he put you through but her parents must be going nuts now too worrying about their daughter. They must be beside themselves. She will get her comeuppance, but it will break her parents hearts. Not to be too kind to the slut who inserted herself into your marriage, but I do hope she is young enough to learn a lesson from all of this and recover someday. As for cheater freak, I hope he goes straight to hell.

      • Chumpinrecovery, my brother and sister-in-law are heartbroken and beside themselves, yes. I don’t know whether Bazooka Jane will learn anything since the only one she listens to is Woody. Why she believes a word he says after participating with him in two years of infidelity and deception, I can’t begin to fathom. I’m actually wondering if she’s as big a narcopath as he is and just using him for a free education–both in higher ed and in the bed.

  • I threw my ex-husband out three weeks before our 15th anniversary which happens to be Valentine’s Day. He called me on our anniversary from the OW’s and my former best friend’s house, asking if he could come over and have a glass of wine with me because “we thought you shouldn’t be alone on this particular day. ” my former MIL happen to be staying with me that weekend to help with the twins’ birthday (They were turning 13 and really struggling .) and I told him no thank you, I’m not alone. Your mom is here. That shut him up. He had the nerve to send me a gift basket from our favorite winery earlier that day. It promptly went out in the trash. He stopped by to see if I received it, and when I stood over it in the kitchen crying, he acted confused and said, “this was supposed to make you smile. Not cry. “

    • Smile, because it was a fond memory for him, but painful realization for you. Not that he would get that. File that under “nice” cheater. He’s so thoughtful so you can’t be mad at him, right? UGH.

  • One really sad and one kind of humorous.

    (1) Encountered my beloved dog collapsed on the stair landing in the morning. Stepped over her and saw the blood she had thrown up all over the downstairs carpet. Knew I would walk into this horrific scene in about 5 minutes and would have to carry a 70 pound dog to the car in an attempt to get her to the emergency vet. With a 5 year old in tow. Drove off to work without one word to me or any offer of assistance. I did somehow manage to carry that dog down two flights of stairs to the car but she died at the vet. Verdict … Sociopath.

    (2) Had his car all packed up for the final departure from our house. He just needed to sit our son down and explain he “had done some wrong things that mommy will explain later” before he left our home and marriage of 30 years. But wait … he had one final request. Would it be okay if he used the hose to wash his car one last time? The response was in the negative but good to know where his mind was in that moment … squarely focused on his image. Can’t be seen doing the drive of shame in a dirty car. Verdict … Moron.

    I can laugh at (2) but will hate him forever for (1) … sincere unmitigated possibly unhealthy hate.

    • “The response was in the negative”–If I remember the story correctly, you told him to “Get the fuck out!” ??

      Hatred for (1), and so much else–absolutely warranted.

      • Dixie the Demure woke the neighborhood that morning with a colossal f-bomb … I always wanted to the be “that” neighbor … smh

        • Dixie, the situation with your dog is heart-breaking. I completely agree that only a sociopath could behave that badly.

          • Dixie Chump that is totally chilling! What a psychopath. Your poor beautiful dog. You and your son are better off without such a psychopath. Truly sick and cold heart to ignore such suffering.

    • Dixie chump never underestimate the sickness. There is no there ‘there’ . As me and the kids were burying not one…two but five dead pet rabbits we had for 7 years cheater scum was making an inventory of stuff he was going to take to his new batchelor pad. D day consisted of a torturous week from beginning to end of discard out of the clear blue sky a switch clicked in his head and we were no longer relevant in his life. The rabbits (poisoned death) are still a strong case of WTF. lets say me and the kids would not have found an apartment (as he insisted we sold the house…basically stopped paying the mortgage) which would not have accomodated 5 free range rabbits … go figure. Thanks for 25 years of what turned out to be bullshit.

  • OW was a Realtor. Ex used to meet her at vacant houses for sex hookups to “break them in”.

    So gross. A reason to always get those carpets steam-cleaned when you get a new place. You never know where it’s been (or who’s been fucking on your floors/counters/etc.).

  • I have so many moments that I could capture here, but they just float around in my head – none more important than others – just the sheer volume is freaky. But during this last year while wreckonciling (he’s now moved out for the OW, aka my former best friend), I became quite proficient as a detective. My specialty was grabbing his phone and scouring the contents in nanoseconds while he was in the shower or walked into kitchen, etc. So let me grab a few freaky things I found on his phone:

    1) He had about 30 selfies. Posing like a thirteen year old girl. Duck face and everything. Smoldering looks, profiles, hats on, hats off, workout clothes, suits, etc. By the way, he’s 50. He’s a handsome fifty year old, but how many men actually take selfies?

    2) When reading an email btw my husband and OW, she referenced seeing number 444 on her Brooks running shoes, and that was her “sign” for the day. Also saw a mailbox with 4440 on it during a run. When I asked him about, he reluctantly (and almost laughing) told me she was REALLY into numerology. That 4 was her life number. Meant angels were watching over and guiding her. So I asked, Are you telling me that you and she think angels and God are orchestrating your affair and giving you divine intercession? He said Yes, we believe God brought us together. This explains why in the middle of the selfies on his camera roll, there were lots of pics of four candy bars laid on the ground. I assumed my 12 year old had taken them. But no, the OW had brought him 4 pieces of candy to their “running” trysts, and he commemorated them by photographing them. Did I mention he’s 50?

    3) My husband threw me a surprise 50th birthday party. I found on his phone several pics of OW taken at my party, snaps of her talking and eating. She took my daughter home from the party (bc our daughters were BFFs). Once affair came out, my daughter told me that that night when they got home from the party, that the OW had a hissy fit. Adult tantrum. Threw things and cussing up a storm. (She’s clinically diagnosed as bi-polar). So I tell my husband, my daughter is scared of her and I don’t want her anywhere around my kids. He says he’ll “protect” our kids from her. I asked Do your hear yourself? That you’ll have to PROTECT your children from your girlfriend? And this is okay, how?

    Just a glimpse of the new normal (crazy).

    • CreativeLifer, during my marriage policing I found gads of selfies on my cheater’s devices. I think he used to send them to the women involved in his secret life. Somewhere in my prolific readings on covert narcissism I read that this is one of the signs.