I bet you think this song is about you… don’t you? Don’t you?
Oh narc-y pathos. As you will recall on Tuesday, Dumped Chump sent us this gem by her cheating ex:
You will never understand and I can’t explain. Please listen to the song nothingman by Pearl Jam.
Given the amount of snark this nugget engendered, fuckwit playlists had to be a Friday contest. What’s your cheater’s soundtrack of dysfunction?
You can go many ways with this. Flip the script — instead of a cheater commanding you listen to their mixtape, you create one for them. OR you could imagine what sort of songs your narcissist would be if your narc were a song. You will never understand and I can’t explain. Oh actually I do. Let me cue up, “Fuck U” (Cee Lo Green).
Or do your own DJ patter! (Casey Kasem voice) “Here’s a long-distant dedication to a special serial cheater living in his mother’s basement…”
TGIF!
Just a heads up — links, or multiple links tend to trip wire the spam filter. If your comment goes poof, or to moderation — just give me some time and I will fish it out. It is NOTHING PERSONAL.
Here’s one for the cheater with a “sadz”. Ignorance by Paramore:
“This is the best thing that could have happened,
Any longer and I wouldn’t have made it
It’s not a war, no, it’s not a rapture
I’m just a person, but you can’t take it
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won’t get you anywhere
I’m not the same kid from your memory
Well, now I can fend for myself
Don’t wanna hear your sad songs
I don’t wanna feel your pain
When you swear it’s all my fault
Cause you know we’re not the same
(Hey)
We’re not the same
(Hey)
Oh, we’re not the same
Yeah, we used to stick together,
We wrote our names in blood,
But I guess you can’t accept that the change is good
It’s good, it’s good
Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it’s nice to meet you, sir
I guess I’ll go,
I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it’s nice to meet you, sir
I guess I’ll go,
I best be on my way out
Ignorance is your new best friend,
Ignorance is your new best friend.
Ignorance is your new best friend,
Ignorance is your new best friend.”
Cheater soundtrack:
Follow Me by Uncle Kracker
Half Of My Heart by John Mayer
I’ll add more as I remember them
Oh! Lily Allen ftw!
https://youtu.be/o8VZX4sHn-4
Great choice!! One of my all time favorite albums, It’s Not Me, It’s you. Always makes me smile and then feel better. I also like:
https://youtu.be/fUYaosyR4bE
She hates me. Puddle of mudd. I change the she to he cuz he obviously hated me.
LOVE Puddle of Mudd!
And more.
https://youtu.be/0WxDrVUrSvI
Love love love this one. Made me SMILE
Great song! Never heard it before…
Thank you for introducing me to Lily Allen. “It’s not Fair” gave me a good laugh!
Jesus loves you but I don’t. ( for all the Jesus cheaters)
Haha! I’ll have to give that one a listen
Last one I’ll do- Alanis is the queen of break up and cheater songs so here:
https://youtu.be/LuzCwXB4AJQ
Um…also…You’re so vain. You probably think this song is about you…
Lyle Lovett: “God will, but I won’t.. and that’s the difference between God and me.” [forgive you]
Liar by the Rollins Band
By the Grace of God by Katy Perry
People Ain’t No Good by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
I’m Better by Missy Elliot
I’m Not Sorry by Beyoncé
Rise Above by Black Flag
Burn by Andra Day (Hamilton mixtape over the original case recording, it’s not as pitiful)
More will come to me, I’m sure!
https://youtu.be/ottbklr40Rk
Every Chump should see this.
She kills it, doesn’t she?!
YES!! That one resonates.
I am obsessed with the original soundtrack and didn’t think anything would be better, but wow. Just wow.
Oh yes!!!!
I’m on this wavelength!
I also like Praying by Kesha. A bit overplayed but still amazing!
https://youtu.be/DJvbkc4S6WE
You Never Loved Me by Aimee Mann
This album came out right when everything was blowing up for me. It’s been in heavy rotation. (And also, she’s just great.)
I really like this song too!!!!
Heck yeah, loves me some Rollins!
This is where I am in this process now. ..realization that he was a lousy husband and an even more lousy father. So he would say this song describes the way I feel about him. Gotye- Somebody that I used to know.
Good choice for my cheater wife as well. Although pulls up emotions I’m currently trying to stay away from. Need anger to push me through divorce filing and process.
Photosynthesis Frank Turner. Kaa joined a band just before DDay and he was “learning ” this song . little did I know he was living the chorus that he sang incessantly in the weeks before he left.
Rootless Tree by Damien Rice
https://youtu.be/25cO4K4kHpE
I was going to say this one, too. I also think the cheater would identify with the Smiths: Please Please Let Me Get What I Want.
His ho-worker posted Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance, on Facebook, in the intervening week where she had been caught and turfed out by her partner, but my X had yet to leave me, with this pulled out in the post:
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try, you’ll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part
I won’t explain or say I’m sorry
I’m unashamed, I’m gonna show my scars
Give a cheer for all the broken
Listen here, because it’s who we are
So much to love in that passage. It’s who they are and they’re not sorry indeed. She was also a fan of Diamonds and Rust by Joan Baez, which resonated so much with X that he turned around and shared it with me, too, saying it was a song he always loved. And, finally, judging by our Amazon Music history, they were both huge fans of Little Talks by Monsters and Men.
As for me, it’s Feeling Good by Nina Simone that’s my new anthem. “Sleep in peace when day is done, that’s what I mean, it’s new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life, for me.”
Love New Day! Check out the version by Muse. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CmwRQqJsegw. Warning: video is odd, may want to listen without watching or track down on Spotify!
WOW – this song really resonates. Thanks
Or…the narc anthem
If You Could Read My Mind by Gordon Lightfoot
Yes, Gordon Lightfoot comes off as a perfect smarmy narc.
But searching for those lyrics I was typing in “lyrics if you..” and up popped Jimmy Buffett’s “If You Like Pina Colatas”. Read those lyrics. THAT is a cheater’s anthem. Turns out, both partners are cheaters and by cheating they rediscover each other! Hooray! The funny thing to me is…the story it tells is exactly as cheesy-stupid as all narcs are in their self important little dramas, and like them, it had absolutely no awareness of this fact.
I don’t know any words to that song except ” of you like pina coladas” and I do. I do like them. So I’m going to not listen closely 🙂 hahaha
I’m a woman of simple tastes… Phuck You Symphony, by Millie Jackson
Songs cheaters could have written–
Oops I did it again – Britney Spears
Sorry seems to be the hardest word – Elton John
And when the cheater tries:
Baby come back – by Player
The chump shoul always respond:
It’s too late to apologize – Timbeland/one republic
The pick me dance..,
https://youtu.be/3EoI-6lQFIE
Cry, Cry, Cry by Johnny Cash.
That’s what I’m talking about. Love his music. Too bad it’s now tainted (for me, at least) because he was a cheater.
“Pray For You”
I haven’t been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ’til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you
I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’ take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you
I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.
I pray for you
Good choice, I was just about to post this DebbieChump. Here’s the link if anyone would like to listen to the song.
https://youtu.be/AFJu8DCH_b0
I also pray for death, herpes, and many many other afflictions to befall him brit – not that Im bitter or twisted lol.
I also thought of this one
New Rules
Dua Lipa
One, one, one
Talkin’ in my sleep at night
Makin’ myself crazy
(Out of my mind, out of my mind)
Wrote it down and read it out
Hopin’ it would save me
(Too many times, too many times)
Oh, he makes me feel like nobody else
Nobody else
But my love, he doesn’t love me
So I tell myself, I tell myself
One, don’t pick up the phone
You know he’s only calling ’cause he’s drunk and alone
Two, don’t let him in
You have to kick him out again
Three, don’t be his friend
You know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
And if you’re under him
You ain’t getting over him
I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
I’ve gotta tell them to myself
I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
I’ve gotta tell them to myself
I keep pushin’ forwards
But he keeps pullin’ me backwards
(Nowhere to turn, no way)
(Nowhere to turn, no)
Now I’m standing back from it
I finally see the pattern
(I never learn, I never learn)
But my love, he doesn’t loves me
So I tell myself, I tell myself
I do, I do, I do
One, don’t pick up the phone
You know he’s only calling ’cause he’s drunk and alone
Two, don’t let him in
You have to kick him out again
Three, don’t be his friend
You know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
And if you’re under him
You ain’t getting over him
I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
I’ve gotta tell them to myself
I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
I’ve gotta tell them to myself
Practice makes perfect
I’m still tryna’ learn it by heart
Eat, sleep, and breathe it
Rehearse and repeat it ’cause I (I, I, I)
One, don’t pick up the phone
You know he’s only calling ’cause he’s drunk and alone
Two, don’t let him in
You have to kick him out again
Three, don’t be his friend
You know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
And if you’re under him
You ain’t getting over him
I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
I’ve gotta tell them to myself
I’ve got new rules, I count ’em (baby you know I count ’em)
I’ve gotta tell them to myself
Don’t let him in, don’t let him in
Don’t be his friend, don’t be his friend
Don’t let him in, don’t let him in
Don’t be his friend, don’t be his friend
You ain’t getting over him
One of my faves!!!
Awesome challenge :)…
That don’t impress me much – Shania Twain
Walk Away – Kelly Clarkson
Hit the road Jack – Ray Charles
If You Hadn’t, But You Did
Kristen Chenowith
This is a funny song of revenge on your cheater and remembering all the lies they told! The lyrics are awesome!
Was my anthem the first time I was chumped!
https://youtu.be/OFnreeWgjQI
My playlist for chumps: Figures by Jessie Reyes. So good. And of course Bloody Motherfucking Asshole by Martha Wainright. I highly recommend looking these two up – they’re like Rocky’s Theme or Eye of the Tiger for chumps to pump up.
Sorry if I’m a downer in what should be a fun and creative exercise, but CL DID ask “what is the soundtrack of your cheater’s dysfunction?”and the way KK integrated music into the mindfucking discard is a trigger, so . . .
Shortly after initiating the 112 Days of Hell, she sent me a link to Jason Isbell’s “Flagship” and repeatedly referred to it when I called her on her destructive behavior, engaged in pick me dancing, patiently understood as she was “figuring things out,” the whole nine yards.
So the soundtrack of KK’s dysfunction begins and ends with this song, which includes the following exquisite mindfuck:
“Baby let’s not ever get that way
I’ll drive you to the ocean every day
We’ll stay up in the presidential suite
And call ourselves the flagship of the fleet
You gotta try and keep yourself naive
In spite of all the evidence believed
And volunteer to lose touch with the world
And focus on one solitary girl
Baby let’s not live to see it fade
I’ll cancel all the plans I’ve ever made
I’ll drive and you can ride in the back seat
And we’ll call ourselves the flagship of the fleet”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INDGcbxOmqY&sns=em
“Vesti la Giubba”
Gets across chump pain quite well I think
Too bad it is being sung by a notorious cheater but he does it well.
Johnny Cash – Gods gonna cut you down.
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God’ll cut you down
Sooner of later, God’ll cut you down
[Chorus 2]
Go tell that long tongue liar
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down
Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down
[Verse 1]
Well my goodness gracious let me tell you the news
My head’s been wet with the midnight dew
I’ve been down on bended knee talkin’ to the man from Galilee
He spoke to me in the voice so sweet
I thought I heard the shuffle of the angel’s feet
He called my name and my heart stood still
When he said “John go do My will!”
[Chorus 2]
Go tell that long tongue liar
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down
Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down
[Chorus 1]
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God’ll cut you down
Sooner of later, God’ll cut you down
[Verse 2]
Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin’ in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What’s done in the dark will be brought to the light
[Chorus 1]
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God’ll cut you down
Sooner of later, God’ll cut you down
[Chorus 2]
Go tell that long tongue liar
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down
Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down
Excellent choice!!! Perfect!
Friday fact: Asshat posted the song “You can’t always get what you want” by The Rolling Stones to his FB timeline after returning from his fuckfest weekend with Barbie the stripper. Intuition was on high alert, and when questioned, he of course (as always) used work as his excuse. He said he posted it because he lost a big account bid.
Okay onto the Friday challenge. I actually have my own cheater playlist. I won’t post them all, it’s a long list. You have to listen to the first one though, it cracks me up!
https://youtu.be/zu9QM1LQR2g
Fighter – Christina Aguilera
Found out about you – Gin blossoms
Go away – Katie B
I belong to me – Jessica Simpson
Irreplaceable – Beyoncé
Last drag – Tracy lords
Leave (get out) – Jo Jo
Say hello to goodbye – Shantell
Sin for a sin – Miranda Lambert
Too little too late – jo jo
Mr. know it all – Kelly Clarkson
That first song definitely is a winner! LOVE it!
Hahahahhahaaaa, first song was actually exh2’s ringtone!!!
One for us chumps – on even the darkest days 4 months post dday this song always picks me up. In fact its my friday song so today is the best day to share it with you!
https://youtu.be/AEB6ibtdPZc
For the chumps … I’ve had this one on repeat for awhile now. 🙂
Demi Lovato “Sorry Not Sorry”
Baby, fineness is the way to kill
Tell me how it feel, bet it’s such a bitter pill
And yeah, I know you thought you had bigger, better things
Bet right now this stings (wait a minute)
‘Cause the grass is greener under me
Bright as technicolor, I can tell that you can see
And yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this
But it gets worse (wait a minute)
Now payback is a bad bitch
And baby, I’m the baddest
You fuckin’ with a savage
Can’t have this, can’t have this (ah)
And it’d be nice of me to take it easy on ya, but nah
Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
Being so bad got me feelin’ so good
Showing you up like I knew that I would
Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
Feeling inspired ’cause the tables have turned
Yeah, I’m on fire and I know that it burns
Love this. It’ll be on my “Fuck You, Loser” playlist.
Excellent! It’s now on my “Songs in the Key of MEH” playlist
When I listen to “You Got Lucky” by Tom Petty or “I Don’t Care Anymore” by Phil Collins, it always has new meaning for me, even though I loved these songs well before I even met my ex.
LOVE these 2!!!
I know I posted this song in the other section, but I LOVE this song!
Glinda, this one ROCKS!! I just added it to my divorce playlist!
Kid Rock, “You never quite met a mother fucker like me.” Youtube video
https://youtu.be/voaGM4CMQ9c
Here’s an oldie-but-goodie, from Don McLean’s American Pie album. My shithead ex’s anthem since GTFO-day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XG6SCDUiFZs
“Everybody Loves Me, Baby”
Fortune has me well in hand, armies wait at my command
My gold lies in a foreign land buried deep beneath the sand
The angels guide my ev’ry tread, my enemies are sick or dead
But all the victories I’ve led haven’t brought you to my bed
You see, everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
Won’t ya tell me what did I do to offend you?
Now the purest race I’ve bred for thee to live in my democracy
And the highest human pedigree awaits the first-born boy baby
And my face on ev’ry coin engraved, the anarchists are all enslaved
My own flag is forever waved by the grateful people I have saved
You see, everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
Won’t ya tell me what did I do to offend you?
Now, no land is beyond my claim when the land is seized in the people’s name
By evil men who rob and maim, if war is hell, I’m not to blame!
Why, you can’t blame me, I’m Heaven’s child, I’m the second son of Mary mild
And I’m twice removed from Oscar Wilde, but he didn’t mind, why, he just smiled
Yes, and the ocean parts when I walk through, and the clouds dissolve and the sky turns blue
I’m held in very great value by everyone I meet but you
’cause I’ve used my talents as I could, I’ve done some bad, I’ve done some good
I did a whole lot better than they thought I would so, c’mon and treat me like you should!
Because everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
Tell me what did I do to offend you? (whoo, yeah!)
Everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
Tell me what did I do to offend you?
Yeah, everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
Tell me what did I do to offend you?
And of course … the cheater theme song: Meghan Trainor “Lips Are Movin'”
X is a pilot, self explanatory.
https://youtu.be/Sc74Fo5ORck
The SNL cold open Broken Hallelujah after the election a year ago made me think of ex. That was just after he moved out, I was very sad and mad, but not yet ready to think of him as just a cold hearted selfish jerk despite the evidence:
I can’t seem to get the link to work, but it is easy to find on U-tube. It was these lines in particular that expressed how I was feeling at the time:
I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool ya
And even though it all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Oh yes, these lines too:
And love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Theory of a Deadman:
Truth Is
LOVE TOADM!!!
Many songs by them, “By the Way” … “Nothing Could Come Between Us”…
Fiona Apple song about gaslighing
https://youtu.be/Sc74Fo5ORck
Sorry here it is, was looking at Brits link and copied.
Fiona Apple is the best!
Here’s Fiona Apple, dishing it to all those hoovering narcs, with Sleep to Dream:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9Wnh0V4HMM
“Don’t you plead me your case
Don’t bother to explain
Don’t even show me your face
‘Cause it’s a crying shame
Just go back to the rock
From under which you came
Take the sorrow you gave
And all the stakes you claim
And don’t forget the blame!”
“I got my feet
On the ground
And I don’t go
To sleep to dream
You got your head
In the clouds and
You’re not at all
What you seem
This mind, this body
And this voice cannot be
Stifled by your deviant ways
So don’t forget
What I told you
Don’t come around
I got my own hell to raise!”
My favorites I like to sign to to an asswipe:
Theory of a Deadman: So Happy (I finally realized what a shithead I married)
Ratt: Heads I Win, Tails You Lose (Dumbass)
Scandal: Goodbye to you (MoFo)
Eagles: Already Gone (FINALLY!)
and finally:
Vains of Jenna: Fuck You (I think the name says it all)
In the months leading up to my departure (when I left him at he airport), and while I was trying my best to fly below the radar to go undetected, I listened to these 3 songs constantly –
Blow Me One Last Kiss (Pink)
Rolling in the Deep (Adele)
Ugly Heart (G.R.L.)
The Adele lyrics were very fitting to my story, especially the part that goes –
“Baby, I have no story to be told
But I’ve heard one on you
Now I’m gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Make a home down there
As mine sure won’t be shared”
He had no idea that I knew about his secret life. I couldn’t wait to drop the bomb on him months later, once I had left him at the airport and was back safe in my home country with the kids, all lawyered up and ready to kick his ass. I sure made his head spin and burn. When I dropped the bomb that I wasn’t coming back to him, and that I knew about his secret life and was leaving his sorry ass, boy did his head BURN! BURN!!!! Not long after that, he made it to the depths of despair – he went bankrupt. Then he started crawling to me, asking if I could sponsor him for a working visa in my country (can you believe this shit?!) so he could “work there and see the kids more” (which is utter bullshit, because he doesn’t care about the kids). No way, asshole! Make your home and bed where you lay in it! I’m not sharing my home down here! You can stay over there where you are and suffer in your jocks alone! Toodles 💁🏼
OH!! Rolling in the Deep is GREAT!! Love that one, too!!
Oh, and I forgot these two Justin Timberlake songs! –
What Goes Around
Cry Me a River
Yep. Good ones!!!
Don’t know if this fits today but these lyrics are my mantra and they empower me!
Mended by Matthew West
How many times can one heart break?
It was never supposed to be this way
Look in the mirror, but you find someone
You never thought you’d be
Oh, but I can still recognize
The one I love in your tear stained eyes
I know you might not see it now
So lift your eyes to me
When you see broken beyond repair
I see healing beyond belief
When you see too far gone
I see one step away from home
You see nothing but damaged goods
I see something good in the making
I’m not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended
You see your worst mistake
But I see the price I paid
There’s nothing you could ever do
To lose what grace has won
So hold on, it’s not the end
This is where love’s work begins
I’m making all things new
And I will make a miracle of you
I see my child, My beloved
The new creation you’re becoming
You see the scars from when you fell
But I see the stories they will tell
You see worthless, but I see priceless
You see pain, but I see a purpose
You see unworthy, undeserving
But I see you through eyes of mercy
Love this song! It makes me cry to think of being loved so completely.
for Hannibal Lecher:
Jar of Hearts
Tempest – my daughter sings this one about her dad – or GARTH as she now calls him
Love this one. it’s on my “Songs in the Key of MEH” playlist
For the few months after D-day:
Brawhahaha! Perfect!
Beyoncé’s Me, Myself and I
Me myself and iI is all I’ve got in the end
And I made a vow that from now I’m gonna be my own best friend
I Will never disappoint myself
After all the rain you’ll see the sun come out again
I’ve cried a thousand times but I’ve vowed to make it through
I found out that my STBX had recently purchased “Worst in Me” by Julia Michaels from iTunes. Here’s a snippet of the lyrics:
“But maybe it’s the worst in me; That’s bringing out the worst in you
I know we can fix these kinks; But the worst in me doesn’t want to work on things
But the best of me wants to love you; But the worst in me doesn’t want to…”
Oh boy! I can’t even comment on that…
And the songs I like to imagine “dedicating” to him are: “I Saw the Sign” by Ace of Base, and my favorite: “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye.
The Coward had a playlist in iTunes that he repeated. He literally made a mix CD of it and gave it to our youngest son a few months after he walked out on him. I wanted to throw up, mostly at the meaning of the songs. I don’t remember all of them, but they included “Sister Golden Hair” because The Coward is obsessed with blonde hair, and the Rescue Twat has beautiful golden locks. It had “Take It Easy” and pretty sure it had “Ventura Highway,” and various other sounds of the 70’s, or other songs about being free and hitting the highway, that made me want to vomit.
I don’t badmouth the ex, but when youngest tried to play that shit around me, I politely told him that his father took a lot of meaning from these songs as justification for bailing and that I’d rather not listen to it. I said it once, calmly, and it was enough.
I was appalled that The Coward would hand this shit off to the kid. Was he trying to convey that walking out on your wife and kids is a spiritually beautiful mandate of some sort, expressed on this CD? Was he trying to send me a musical Fuck You Again hoping I’d hear the songs, or, did he want me to take pity on him because he’s just a misunderstood highway man who loves a golden haired sister?
Ugh.
My playlist had a whole lot of Fuck Off, You Tool, type music from Pink, Beyonce, JT. My latest fave is Big Sean’s I Don’t Fuck With You. It’s from the guy’s perspective (there you go, brother chumps) but the meaning is the same. Or it can be sung to the whorey OWs, if you like. It’s versatile.
Stephanie, thanks for the phrase, “a spiritually beautiful mandate,” which I’m stealing, and for Big Sean, which I am playing at an ear-splitting volume. It is so not “Sister Golden Hair.”
Hah! Glad you like it. Check out Justin Timberlake What Goes Around
Oh, and his Cry Me A River
Oh, and Jay-Z 99 Problems. You’ll like that one.
THE DDAY Song:
Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks:
Awesome! Love this song!
Music was hugely triggering for me after DDay. I stopped listening to almost everything. We had a karaoke machine and used to sing for hours when my sons were little before DDay. I didn’t know till later how much of that shit was autobiographical or manipulative for him…
We used to duo on Hank Williams cheating songs – that must have been a laugh for him.
So a bit of cheater’s repertoire-
Hank Williams “you win again”
“Sex and candy”
“Stand by your man” (I kid you not)
Hives “hate say I told you so”
And his all time anthem- “basket case” by Green Day
After DDay and much wreckonciliation I found a video on his phone of him singing a song he wrote about all his transgressions and the chorus was something like “I’m a good guy, I’m a good guy, and if you can’t see That you’re not the girl for me.” Ugh. I watched that exactly once.
My play list is short – some angst some F-you. I still don’t listen much anymore.
Cee lo green F You—yes CL I love this one
God does but I don’t- Lyle Lovett
Ain’t nobody home- Bonnie Raitt
Love interruption- jack white
You fucked me right up- Sean Hayes
I guess I showed her – Robert cray
Who is he and what is he to you – bill withers
Yeah, loves me some Sean Hayes…good stuff!
I’m looking forward to listening to the stuff you all have posted!
Before DDay but after she told me she was leaving (but not why) three songs were played frequently and loudly by Mme YogaPants
“My Church” by Maren Morris
“Walk of Shame” by Meghan Trainor
and
“I’m going to love you (like I’m going to lose you)” also by Meghan Trainor – which I used to listen to from around when things started feeling odd almost exactly 2 years ago now.
These are now all “triggers” for me. It actually hurt a bit to look them up. Whenever they come on the radio I have to turn it off.
I don’t know what her world is like these days but from about the time the affair started until she left she always had to have loud music playing especially when she was alone in her car or walking.
Those first two songs and the glee with which she listened to them are a large part of why I know that I could never let her back. I remember writing to her in the letter I gave her begging her to reconsider where I said “you’ve become the person that you used to despise”.
Perhaps off-topic or perhaps another discussion but I wonder how many other cheaters used to publicly disavow cheating. Mme’s father and siblings and their offspring pretty much all were cheaters. Days before her affair went physical (I believe) I remember her loudly proclaiming at a party how faithful she was to me. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”. I recall when her and her serial cheating sister suddenly became “besties” and my daughter blurted out in a phone call with me “but Mom hates Aunt (name redacted)”.
“I wonder how many other cheaters used to publicly disavow cheating.” Mine did. All. The. Damn. Time. We had lots of discussions over the years about how inconceivable it was that someone would give up the years of memories, the inside jokes, the milestones that no one else could share, for a side piece of ass. Every public cheater (John Edwards comes to mind) scandal came with resounding condemnation from my ex. Uh huh… Yep, flaming hypocrite.
Oh she always spoke of cheaters like they weee subhuman! Well she was correct! What I found out is she still refuses to label herself the same as them! They can twist anything!
Cheaters step dad cheated (emotional affair but not physical I don’t think) on his mum about a year before ex did it to me. He then didn’t talk to him for a period of about 7 months until his mum asked him to forgive him. The worst part about it was I listened to his Mum crying on the phone and tried to be there for her as best I could. They don’t live close so I didn’t see her during this time. When she found out ex was leaving me she was a complete bitch and told me he was unhappy and simply didn’t give a shit about me and how I felt. I won’t ever talk to that women ever again, ex is just like her and it makes me feel so stupid to not have seen it before.
That’s horrible!!! You’d think she’d be sympathetic to your cause because…obvious! She’d just gone through it.
And you’re definitely not stupid. But it’s definitely an eye opener to see just how evil some people can be.
I have a feeling that their relationship may have started as an affair. I know she walked out on her children (my ex and is sister) and left them with their father for a year or so. There has been a lot of messed up stuff in his family, I hoped he was going to be different as he told me he would be. He is exactly like them, fortunately for my children I’m not like my family, so hopefully that will be enough to stop the cycle of abuse and divorce.
Pregnant Chump
I am so sorry that you were treated in this way.
But, YOU are NOT stupid.
You are not like these people who have cheated, and who have been so unkind and uncaring to loved ones.
You are a very caring, insightful, strong lady!
((((Manyhugstoyou))))
Thank you peacekeeper, you are always so kind in all your posts to me. Thank you you have helped me so much. You have a beautiful heart and although it’s awful that you are hear, CN wouldn’t he the same without you.
My cheater would tell me stories in disgust of his crew members who were cheating. We had similar conversations regarding famous cheaters in the news. Unable to understand how they could betray their wives, disrupt their families, throw away a lifetime of memories at this time in their lives, for a younger woman. Mel Gibson is one who comes to mind for me. We also had our private jokes.., laughed, he would never do such a thing. Being a man of integrity.
Another hypocrite.
Bow Tie, Cheater was absolutely livid whenever he heard about someone who cheated or if it came up in a movie. Livid! A friend that he grew up with from birth told him of her affair, saying ‘It just happened. I don’t know how. It just did.’ Cheater’s sister also cheated on her partner. This made him so mad for so long, but I wonder if it actually normalised the behaviour. Two of the closest people in his life had affairs and were ‘good people’ in his mind. Desensitisation? Or do they just suck? We know the answer, don’t we…
I do believe that Mme’s sister played a part in what happened. The love-bombing that Mme got from her was intense and kept ramping up until Mme moved out (at least). Her brother (who was a “reformed” and rather nervous cheater – story for another time) also encouraged her saying that it was perfectly normal and that he knew of lots of affairs that ended up as happy marriages.
I think in some ways what she got from her family and a number of friends could perhaps be called “confirmation bias”. They were all safe inside their secure marriages including the cheaters cheering her on. I think that no matter what action we chose to take we can find “someone” who will tell us that it was a good idea. I think that more than desensitization was a factor in her case.
I originally blamed the people around her for her actions but she said it herself once when she was really down about a month before she moved out when she said “it’s all on me”.
For a bit of karma – the sister had a significant heart attack a month or so later which she did survive.
Song of STBXW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxxajLWwzqY
And with a genre shift and lyric changes… the state of meh I hope to achieve:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D28i_Y40eo
Funny how a few words can change the perspective.
Used to watch So You Think You Can Dance and saw this one, which I just fell in love with…the dance, as well as the song. Little did I know how poignant this song would become. Here’s a link to the video showing the dance. The song is The Garden by Mirah.
Hello all! Long time lurker (since the beginning of this blog); first time poster. This one is for all of you chumps who are dealing with this shit, have dealt with this shit, and are tired of this shit! 😄 Love you all! You’ve helped me too many times to count!
https://youtu.be/VVwBC76NwNU
Yo ColoradoCat….I too, am a fellow Coloradoan! Welcome to your new life!
The Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHp2KgyQUFk
Elastic Heart by Sia–this one has the lyrics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RYY0hwHIRw
Stronger by Britney Spears (lol): if you can stand to listen to her, the lyrics are good.
Cry Me a River by Justin Timberlake
Part of Me by Katy Perry
Wow. I didn’t realize I listen to so much pop. I guess that comes with having pre-teens. 🙂
Any angry, ex-hating song works for me usually. There is a playlist on Spotify called “Move on and don’t look back,” if anyone needs a ready-made list. 🙂
https://youtu.be/P3ZdheRKzMk
LOVE MAN
“Fuck Apologies” by JoJo – he cheated all on his own, nothing I did (according to him) made him do it so I have nothing to be sorry for (except marrying him in the first place)
“God May Forgive You, but I Won’t” by Iris DeMent – God can deal with him, I’m done
“Bird Set Free” by Sia – symbolic to me as I transitioned from abused spouse, to independent woman (ROAR!!)
“Unstoppable” by Sia – I survived life with, then the divorce from 190 lbs of loser-cheater-lying-narc-alcoholic-ASPD’d-sludge from my life, I can do anything!!
I know we’re supposed to be posting songs we’d find on our cheater’s playlists, but here’s a song for chumps who are in the “depths of despair” (as Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables would say). It actually aired during an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. And this song helped me so much during my first go around with the whore and STBX. It’s extremely sad, but when I just wanted to curl up in a little ball of agony and despair, it reminded me to just take everything one second at a time…one breath at a time.
So this one is the one FOR the cheater:
I LOVE Lucinda Williams!
And for your anti-narc – stay mighty – not gonna miss you playlist – playlist
https://g.co/kgs/TeCpmj
Song is HELL NO by InGRID Michaelson
https://youtu.be/T4tefnQGtNY
Cheater cheater by Joey and Rory.
https://youtu.be/zu9QM1LQR2g
Love this song. Perfect for X and his trash bag
After you walk away with a good settlement and find yourself at Meh: “All I do is Win.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGXzlRoNtHU&ab_channel=KOCHRECORDS
All I do is win win win no matter what
Got money on my mind I can never get enough
And every time I step up in the buildin’
Everybody hands go up
And they stay there
And they say yeah
And they stay there
Up down, up down, up down
‘Cause all I do is win win win
And if you goin’ in put your hands in the air
Make ’em stay there
May I recommend Crazy Women , by Brandy Clark, and also Stripes, by the same artist- the only thing saving your life, is that i don’t look good in orange, and I hate stripes.
Elf Boy used to say that Nick Cave, Come sail your ships around me was our song- unfortunately he used exactly the same song for at least 2 of the OW s well. He said that My happiness by Powderfinger was how he felt about me, so there’s a band i can’t listen to anymore
I have been know to sing Sam Smith very loudly in the car- You say I’m crazy, cos you don’t think I know what you’ve done. My eldest daughter was singing it at her dad’s place and mentioned that I liked it and the Elvish adolescent and Miss Fae Queen 1999 sniggered, and said something about how i probably could relate to it. They fucking laughed about it. I mean , he literally told me I was crazy, and gaslighted me into 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital- obviously that’s hilarious, especially to my daughter.
last suggestion, – You Lie, The Band Perry
Did I mention that as of last week they have matching tattoos that say ” Always and Forever” IN ELVISH?
How does one write out ” delusional codependency” in dwarvish? Anyone? I’ll settle for ” get fucked” in orc runes.
OMG. My ex had “fy nghariad am byth” engraved on our wedding rings. My Love Forever. It’s Welsh. He’s Welsh. I have no enmity for the people of Wales in particular, but way to live the stereotype, friend! Because 9 months later he’s impregnated his Howorker the Instant Pot Sluterus.
He literally Welshed on his vows. In WELSH! I sold my ring on the day after D-Day and paid the utility bills. I burned his on the barbeque. We toasted marshmallows over it.
You cannot make this stuff up!
Love you, Luz!!!!
He took my “family heirloom” ring months before D-Day. I did burn our marriage certificate though, flame turned green.
“Get fucked” in Orf Runes…omg, I’m dying!!! Hahaha
I’ve been listening to Fleetwood Mac Dreams.
Angie Stone has clearly been there. Check out “Mad Issues” from Mahogany Soul. I recommend the whole album, but this is one that helped keep on keepin’ on.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3G4xcgxzS8&w=560&h=315%5D
I forgot to add Mary J. Blige “Thick of It”. Really powerful. I would just like to add that music has been instrumental to me surviving this whole process. Pun intended;), but real talk.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BL–Hr551RU&w=560&h=315%5D
Same here, with Both divorces, music saved me from insanity
Exh1:
Alaniss Morissette’s whole album Under Rug Swept was my lifeline. Some gems.on that one.
Exh2 was more off “fuck off and die” songs
I love Alanis. Jagged Lil Pill was my first CD ever back in middle school!!
One of my faves. Almost a CN anthem.
http://youtu.be/AqajUg85Ax4
No doubt!!! Great pick!!!
Just a glimmer of hope, as I’m sitting here procrastinating yet again on a glorious Saturday morni…uhhh…afternoon.
Seven years ago The Coward was deep in the thrusts and throes of a fateful love affair with the blonde of his life, unbeknownst to me. It was a giant FUCK YOU for him to know something that I didn’t know. His behavior was a million red flags, flogging me across the face. But I was in a state of ignorance, which must have pleased and simultaneously confused and disgusted him, too. The Rescue Twat and he were reveling in the big, passionate secret, while I washed his underwear, looked after our teenagers, worked and commuted full time, put my sick dog down at the vet, got blamed for not having time for him–you know the drill.
Six years ago I was an emaciated wreck–a ball of nerves, ravaged by the raw humiliation and loneliness of his joy finally revealed. And life went on. My Fuck You playlist–that was my trusty companion through lonely times. It gave me energy and mojo.
I raised my kids and had a lot of fun and, at times, continued loneliness. Nevertheless, you know….
Two years ago I met a beautiful man, Awesome Boyfriend. He is a good man.
Today I am listening to a different playlist that brings joy to my heart; it’s full of romantic and sexy love songs, and I am happy again.
I still get a kick out of “Fuck You” songs, because, fuck him and the whore(s) he rides. (Hello, AM/AFF!)
Hugs to my Chumpy Brothers and Sisters. It really does get better. Let music be your emotional stimulant and salve.
The song Better Man used to make me feel uncomfortable before dday. I think it’s because I knew deep down that he was a bad person. I felt stuck because I believed in the sanctity of marriage, but apparently he didn’t!
She lies and says she’s in love with him, can’t find a better man.
I just bet I can!
Oh my!!!!! Yessssss, this song was so uncomfortable for me too to listen to when he was around, like he *knew*
Still working toward ‘Meh’… Thanks to this support group for helping me get there. I love all the songs. I think I’ll create a mix tape for my STBX as a gift for Divorce day coming up in 56 days!
Some stuff I’ve been listening to:
Brutally by Suki Waterhouse
Fall on my Feet by Sasha
Tough Love, Jessie Ware
Don’t wanna be your girl, Wet
Landfill, Daughter
After I divorced the perverted, porn obsessed, voyeur only one song comes to mind. In my mind the song is referring to my spousal support:
Bitch Better Have My Money
Rihanna
Yayo, yayo
Moo-la-lah
Yayo
Bitch better have my money!
Y’all should know me well enough
Bitch better have my money!
Please don’t call me on my bluff
Pay me what you owe me
Ballin’ bigger than LeBron
Bitch, give me your money
Who y’all think y’all frontin’ on?
Bitch better have my money!
Bitch better have my
Like brrap, brrap, brrap
Bitch better have my
Like brrap, brrap, brrap
Feelin’ this one!!! In my case, my child support
I found myself listening to a lot of Pink to strengthen my resolve to kick the exhole to the curb – no pick me dancing for me! 🙂
So what?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJfFZqTlWrQ
Funhouse
Yep, P!nk really clicked with me with “So What” and “Who Knew” for me
I’ll pray for you, pray your brakes go out when you’re going down hill…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AFJu8DCH_b0
I remember long ago when we first got together, The Evil One would make me mix “tapes”(CDs), full of pop and country songs, which was actually part of his chameleon facade, he actually more of a Tupac, Bone Thugs Harmony, Disturbed, Godsmack, Theory of a Deadman fan… Anyway…
Songs for him:
“I Hate Everything About YOU”
“Cheater, Cheater”
“Bad Blood”
“Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” (Peter, Paul, and Mary)
“Call Me When You’re Sober”
^^^^^^ this one says it all for me^
https://youtu.be/OCyL6pa_L4M
A couple other gems to TEO:
https://youtu.be/yP5bEnJBx2k
https://youtu.be/04fQTmvFfGo
https://youtu.be/7KwJZT6lOJc
Cheaters and schmoopie-list:
(Because is true luv…)
Abba – gonna sing you my lovesong.
Cloud – substitute
Pussycat dolls – don’t cha
Golden earring – the devil made me do it
Rihanna – unfaithfull
Maroon 5 – she will be loved
Adele – hello from the other side
Amy winehouse – back to black
Brian adams – run to you
Skunk anansi – secretly
Katy perry – dark horse
Beyonce – video phone
Jo jackson – number two
Chumplist:
(Mostly to vent)
Anouk – down and dirty
Limp bizkit – nookie, douchebag, break stuff
Skunk anansi – infidelity.
Aerosmith – hole in my soul
Lilly allen – smile, fuck you
Pink – blow me (one last kiss), so what, you and your hand.
Disturbed – deceiver, serpentine
Sevendust – burn, enemy.
Foo fighters – stranger things
He’s a whore – Cheap Trick
Gives You Hell by the All-American Rejects
Lies and Alibies -Lovage
Thursday-Morphine
Yes, I lived this. After 21 years of marriage…. and he met his new one and married her in 5 months. I started from scratch AGAIN later in life – and he moved on to his next one who he did this to…. oh yeah – and then he tried to come around again after their marriage failed 9 years later….
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
Ev’ry thing you had is gone
As you can see
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
I ain’t the kind to hang around
With any new love that I found
‘Cause movin’ is my stock in trade
I’m movin’ on
I won’t think of you when I’m gone
So don’t you shed a tear for me
‘Cause I ain’t the love you thought I’d be
I got a hundred more like you
So don’t be blue
I’ll have a thousand ‘fore I’m through
Now there you go you’re cryin’ again
Now there you go you’re cryin’ again
But then someday when your poor heart
Is on the mend
I just might pass this way again
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
Everything you had is gone
As you can see
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
Gordon Lightfoot
Did anyone say Karma Police by Radiohead?
A bit late to the party, but this one helped me through the dark times by reminding me why I DTMA…
Quinn Archer – Dark Places
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6J8QzxEhUQU
Just found this thread. Seven weeks since D-Day. Here’s what’s helping me;
Put Yourself in my Place – The Elgins
What doesn’t kill you – Kelly Clarkson
Cry me a river – Julie London
Yes – McAlmont & Butler
It’s not right but it’s ok – Whitney Houston
Good Souls – Starsailor
Your Woman – Whitetown
18 Wheeler – Pink
I know it’s over – The Smiths
How Could You Break My Heart – Bobby Womack
Didn’t I blow your mind (This time) – The Delphonics
Enjoy x