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Narcissist Mixtapes?

I bet you think this song is about you… don’t you? Don’t you?

Oh narc-y pathos. As you will recall on Tuesday, Dumped Chump sent us this gem by her cheating ex:

You will never understand and I can’t explain. Please listen to the song nothingman by Pearl Jam.

Given the amount of snark this nugget engendered, fuckwit playlists had to be a Friday contest. What’s your cheater’s soundtrack of dysfunction?

You can go many ways with this. Flip the script — instead of a cheater commanding you listen to their mixtape, you create one for them. OR you could imagine what sort of songs your narcissist would be if your narc were a song. You will never understand and I can’t explain. Oh actually I do. Let me cue up, “Fuck U” (Cee Lo Green).

Or do your own DJ patter! (Casey Kasem voice) “Here’s a long-distant dedication to a special serial cheater living in his mother’s basement…”

TGIF!

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Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Just a heads up — links, or multiple links tend to trip wire the spam filter. If your comment goes poof, or to moderation — just give me some time and I will fish it out. It is NOTHING PERSONAL.

    • Here’s one for the cheater with a “sadz”. Ignorance by Paramore:

      “This is the best thing that could have happened,
      Any longer and I wouldn’t have made it
      It’s not a war, no, it’s not a rapture
      I’m just a person, but you can’t take it
      The same tricks that, that once fooled me
      They won’t get you anywhere
      I’m not the same kid from your memory
      Well, now I can fend for myself
      Don’t wanna hear your sad songs
      I don’t wanna feel your pain
      When you swear it’s all my fault
      Cause you know we’re not the same
      (Hey)
      We’re not the same
      (Hey)
      Oh, we’re not the same
      Yeah, we used to stick together,
      We wrote our names in blood,
      But I guess you can’t accept that the change is good
      It’s good, it’s good
      Well, you treat me just like another stranger
      Well, it’s nice to meet you, sir
      I guess I’ll go,
      I best be on my way out
      You treat me just like another stranger
      Well, it’s nice to meet you, sir
      I guess I’ll go,
      I best be on my way out
      Ignorance is your new best friend,
      Ignorance is your new best friend.
      Ignorance is your new best friend,
      Ignorance is your new best friend.”

  • Liar by the Rollins Band
    By the Grace of God by Katy Perry
    People Ain’t No Good by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
    I’m Better by Missy Elliot
    I’m Not Sorry by Beyoncé
    Rise Above by Black Flag
    Burn by Andra Day (Hamilton mixtape over the original case recording, it’s not as pitiful)

    More will come to me, I’m sure!

  • This is where I am in this process now. ..realization that he was a lousy husband and an even more lousy father. So he would say this song describes the way I feel about him. Gotye- Somebody that I used to know.

    • Good choice for my cheater wife as well. Although pulls up emotions I’m currently trying to stay away from. Need anger to push me through divorce filing and process.

  • Photosynthesis Frank Turner. Kaa joined a band just before DDay and he was “learning ” this song . little did I know he was living the chorus that he sang incessantly in the weeks before he left.

    • I was going to say this one, too. I also think the cheater would identify with the Smiths: Please Please Let Me Get What I Want.

      His ho-worker posted Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance, on Facebook, in the intervening week where she had been caught and turfed out by her partner, but my X had yet to leave me, with this pulled out in the post:

      Because the world will never take my heart
      Go and try, you’ll never break me
      We want it all, we wanna play this part
      I won’t explain or say I’m sorry
      I’m unashamed, I’m gonna show my scars
      Give a cheer for all the broken
      Listen here, because it’s who we are

      So much to love in that passage. It’s who they are and they’re not sorry indeed. She was also a fan of Diamonds and Rust by Joan Baez, which resonated so much with X that he turned around and shared it with me, too, saying it was a song he always loved. And, finally, judging by our Amazon Music history, they were both huge fans of Little Talks by Monsters and Men.

      As for me, it’s Feeling Good by Nina Simone that’s my new anthem. “Sleep in peace when day is done, that’s what I mean, it’s new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life, for me.”

    • Yes, Gordon Lightfoot comes off as a perfect smarmy narc.

      But searching for those lyrics I was typing in “lyrics if you..” and up popped Jimmy Buffett’s “If You Like Pina Colatas”. Read those lyrics. THAT is a cheater’s anthem. Turns out, both partners are cheaters and by cheating they rediscover each other! Hooray! The funny thing to me is…the story it tells is exactly as cheesy-stupid as all narcs are in their self important little dramas, and like them, it had absolutely no awareness of this fact.

      • I don’t know any words to that song except ” of you like pina coladas” and I do. I do like them. So I’m going to not listen closely 🙂 hahaha

  • Songs cheaters could have written–

    Oops I did it again – Britney Spears
    Sorry seems to be the hardest word – Elton John

  • And when the cheater tries:

    Baby come back – by Player

    The chump shoul always respond:

    It’s too late to apologize – Timbeland/one republic

    • That’s what I’m talking about. Love his music. Too bad it’s now tainted (for me, at least) because he was a cheater.

  • “Pray For You”

    I haven’t been to church since I don’t remember when
    Things were goin’ great ’til they fell apart again
    So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
    He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
    Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
    Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

    I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
    I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
    I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
    I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
    I pray all your dreams never come true
    Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you

    I’m really glad I found my way to church
    ‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
    Yeah I’m goin’ take the high road
    And do what the preacher told me to do
    You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you

    I pray your tire blows out at 110
    I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos

    I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
    I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
    I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
    I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
    I pray all your dreams never come true
    Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
    wherever you are honey, I pray for you.
    I pray for you

      • I also pray for death, herpes, and many many other afflictions to befall him brit – not that Im bitter or twisted lol.
        I also thought of this one

        New Rules
        Dua Lipa

        One, one, one

        Talkin’ in my sleep at night
        Makin’ myself crazy
        (Out of my mind, out of my mind)
        Wrote it down and read it out
        Hopin’ it would save me
        (Too many times, too many times)
        Oh, he makes me feel like nobody else
        Nobody else
        But my love, he doesn’t love me
        So I tell myself, I tell myself

        One, don’t pick up the phone
        You know he’s only calling ’cause he’s drunk and alone
        Two, don’t let him in
        You have to kick him out again
        Three, don’t be his friend
        You know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
        And if you’re under him
        You ain’t getting over him

        I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
        I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
        I’ve gotta tell them to myself
        I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
        I’ve gotta tell them to myself

        I keep pushin’ forwards
        But he keeps pullin’ me backwards
        (Nowhere to turn, no way)
        (Nowhere to turn, no)
        Now I’m standing back from it
        I finally see the pattern
        (I never learn, I never learn)
        But my love, he doesn’t loves me
        So I tell myself, I tell myself
        I do, I do, I do

        One, don’t pick up the phone
        You know he’s only calling ’cause he’s drunk and alone
        Two, don’t let him in
        You have to kick him out again
        Three, don’t be his friend
        You know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
        And if you’re under him
        You ain’t getting over him

        I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
        I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
        I’ve gotta tell them to myself
        I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
        I’ve gotta tell them to myself

        Practice makes perfect
        I’m still tryna’ learn it by heart
        Eat, sleep, and breathe it
        Rehearse and repeat it ’cause I (I, I, I)

        One, don’t pick up the phone
        You know he’s only calling ’cause he’s drunk and alone
        Two, don’t let him in
        You have to kick him out again
        Three, don’t be his friend
        You know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
        And if you’re under him
        You ain’t getting over him

        I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
        I’ve got new rules, I count ’em
        I’ve gotta tell them to myself
        I’ve got new rules, I count ’em (baby you know I count ’em)
        I’ve gotta tell them to myself
        Don’t let him in, don’t let him in
        Don’t be his friend, don’t be his friend
        Don’t let him in, don’t let him in
        Don’t be his friend, don’t be his friend
        You ain’t getting over him

  • Awesome challenge :)…

    That don’t impress me much – Shania Twain
    Walk Away – Kelly Clarkson
    Hit the road Jack – Ray Charles

  • My playlist for chumps: Figures by Jessie Reyes. So good. And of course Bloody Motherfucking Asshole by Martha Wainright. I highly recommend looking these two up – they’re like Rocky’s Theme or Eye of the Tiger for chumps to pump up.

  • Sorry if I’m a downer in what should be a fun and creative exercise, but CL DID ask “what is the soundtrack of your cheater’s dysfunction?”and the way KK integrated music into the mindfucking discard is a trigger, so . . .

    Shortly after initiating the 112 Days of Hell, she sent me a link to Jason Isbell’s “Flagship” and repeatedly referred to it when I called her on her destructive behavior, engaged in pick me dancing, patiently understood as she was “figuring things out,” the whole nine yards.

    So the soundtrack of KK’s dysfunction begins and ends with this song, which includes the following exquisite mindfuck:

    “Baby let’s not ever get that way
    I’ll drive you to the ocean every day
    We’ll stay up in the presidential suite
    And call ourselves the flagship of the fleet

    You gotta try and keep yourself naive
    In spite of all the evidence believed
    And volunteer to lose touch with the world
    And focus on one solitary girl

    Baby let’s not live to see it fade
    I’ll cancel all the plans I’ve ever made
    I’ll drive and you can ride in the back seat
    And we’ll call ourselves the flagship of the fleet”

  • Johnny Cash – Gods gonna cut you down.

    You can run on for a long time
    Run on for a long time
    Run on for a long time
    Sooner or later God’ll cut you down
    Sooner of later, God’ll cut you down

    [Chorus 2]
    Go tell that long tongue liar
    Go and tell that midnight rider
    Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
    Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down
    Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down

    [Verse 1]
    Well my goodness gracious let me tell you the news
    My head’s been wet with the midnight dew
    I’ve been down on bended knee talkin’ to the man from Galilee
    He spoke to me in the voice so sweet
    I thought I heard the shuffle of the angel’s feet
    He called my name and my heart stood still
    When he said “John go do My will!”

    [Chorus 2]
    Go tell that long tongue liar
    Go and tell that midnight rider
    Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
    Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down
    Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down

    [Chorus 1]
    You can run on for a long time
    Run on for a long time
    Run on for a long time
    Sooner or later God’ll cut you down
    Sooner of later, God’ll cut you down

    [Verse 2]
    Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand
    Workin’ in the dark against your fellow man
    But as sure as God made black and white
    What’s done in the dark will be brought to the light

    [Chorus 1]
    You can run on for a long time
    Run on for a long time
    Run on for a long time
    Sooner or later God’ll cut you down
    Sooner of later, God’ll cut you down

    [Chorus 2]
    Go tell that long tongue liar
    Go and tell that midnight rider
    Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
    Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down
    Tell them that God’s going to cut ’em down

  • Friday fact: Asshat posted the song “You can’t always get what you want” by The Rolling Stones to his FB timeline after returning from his fuckfest weekend with Barbie the stripper. Intuition was on high alert, and when questioned, he of course (as always) used work as his excuse. He said he posted it because he lost a big account bid.

    Okay onto the Friday challenge. I actually have my own cheater playlist. I won’t post them all, it’s a long list. You have to listen to the first one though, it cracks me up!

    https://youtu.be/zu9QM1LQR2g

    Fighter – Christina Aguilera
    Found out about you – Gin blossoms
    Go away – Katie B
    I belong to me – Jessica Simpson
    Irreplaceable – Beyoncé
    Last drag – Tracy lords
    Leave (get out) – Jo Jo
    Say hello to goodbye – Shantell
    Sin for a sin – Miranda Lambert
    Too little too late – jo jo
    Mr. know it all – Kelly Clarkson

  • For the chumps … I’ve had this one on repeat for awhile now. 🙂

    Demi Lovato “Sorry Not Sorry”

    Baby, fineness is the way to kill
    Tell me how it feel, bet it’s such a bitter pill
    And yeah, I know you thought you had bigger, better things
    Bet right now this stings (wait a minute)
    ‘Cause the grass is greener under me
    Bright as technicolor, I can tell that you can see
    And yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this
    But it gets worse (wait a minute)

    Now payback is a bad bitch
    And baby, I’m the baddest
    You fuckin’ with a savage
    Can’t have this, can’t have this (ah)
    And it’d be nice of me to take it easy on ya, but nah

    Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
    Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
    Being so bad got me feelin’ so good
    Showing you up like I knew that I would
    Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
    Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
    Feeling inspired ’cause the tables have turned
    Yeah, I’m on fire and I know that it burns

  • When I listen to “You Got Lucky” by Tom Petty or “I Don’t Care Anymore” by Phil Collins, it always has new meaning for me, even though I loved these songs well before I even met my ex.

  • Here’s an oldie-but-goodie, from Don McLean’s American Pie album. My shithead ex’s anthem since GTFO-day.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XG6SCDUiFZs

    “Everybody Loves Me, Baby”

    Fortune has me well in hand, armies wait at my command
    My gold lies in a foreign land buried deep beneath the sand
    The angels guide my ev’ry tread, my enemies are sick or dead
    But all the victories I’ve led haven’t brought you to my bed

    You see, everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
    Won’t ya tell me what did I do to offend you?

    Now the purest race I’ve bred for thee to live in my democracy
    And the highest human pedigree awaits the first-born boy baby
    And my face on ev’ry coin engraved, the anarchists are all enslaved
    My own flag is forever waved by the grateful people I have saved

    You see, everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
    Won’t ya tell me what did I do to offend you?

    Now, no land is beyond my claim when the land is seized in the people’s name
    By evil men who rob and maim, if war is hell, I’m not to blame!
    Why, you can’t blame me, I’m Heaven’s child, I’m the second son of Mary mild
    And I’m twice removed from Oscar Wilde, but he didn’t mind, why, he just smiled

    Yes, and the ocean parts when I walk through, and the clouds dissolve and the sky turns blue
    I’m held in very great value by everyone I meet but you
    ’cause I’ve used my talents as I could, I’ve done some bad, I’ve done some good
    I did a whole lot better than they thought I would so, c’mon and treat me like you should!

    Because everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
    Tell me what did I do to offend you? (whoo, yeah!)

    Everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
    Tell me what did I do to offend you?

    Yeah, everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
    Tell me what did I do to offend you?

  • The SNL cold open Broken Hallelujah after the election a year ago made me think of ex. That was just after he moved out, I was very sad and mad, but not yet ready to think of him as just a cold hearted selfish jerk despite the evidence:

    I can’t seem to get the link to work, but it is easy to find on U-tube. It was these lines in particular that expressed how I was feeling at the time:

    I did my best, it wasn’t much
    I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
    I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool ya
    And even though it all went wrong
    I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
    With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

    • Here’s Fiona Apple, dishing it to all those hoovering narcs, with Sleep to Dream:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9Wnh0V4HMM

      “Don’t you plead me your case
      Don’t bother to explain
      Don’t even show me your face
      ‘Cause it’s a crying shame
      Just go back to the rock
      From under which you came
      Take the sorrow you gave
      And all the stakes you claim
      And don’t forget the blame!”

      “I got my feet
      On the ground
      And I don’t go
      To sleep to dream
      You got your head
      In the clouds and
      You’re not at all
      What you seem
      This mind, this body
      And this voice cannot be
      Stifled by your deviant ways
      So don’t forget
      What I told you
      Don’t come around
      I got my own hell to raise!”

  • My favorites I like to sign to to an asswipe:

    Theory of a Deadman: So Happy (I finally realized what a shithead I married)
    Ratt: Heads I Win, Tails You Lose (Dumbass)
    Scandal: Goodbye to you (MoFo)
    Eagles: Already Gone (FINALLY!)

    and finally:
    Vains of Jenna: Fuck You (I think the name says it all)

  • In the months leading up to my departure (when I left him at he airport), and while I was trying my best to fly below the radar to go undetected, I listened to these 3 songs constantly –

    Blow Me One Last Kiss (Pink)

    Rolling in the Deep (Adele)

    Ugly Heart (G.R.L.)

    The Adele lyrics were very fitting to my story, especially the part that goes –

    “Baby, I have no story to be told
    But I’ve heard one on you
    Now I’m gonna make your head burn
    Think of me in the depths of your despair
    Make a home down there
    As mine sure won’t be shared”

    He had no idea that I knew about his secret life. I couldn’t wait to drop the bomb on him months later, once I had left him at the airport and was back safe in my home country with the kids, all lawyered up and ready to kick his ass. I sure made his head spin and burn. When I dropped the bomb that I wasn’t coming back to him, and that I knew about his secret life and was leaving his sorry ass, boy did his head BURN! BURN!!!! Not long after that, he made it to the depths of despair – he went bankrupt. Then he started crawling to me, asking if I could sponsor him for a working visa in my country (can you believe this shit?!) so he could “work there and see the kids more” (which is utter bullshit, because he doesn’t care about the kids). No way, asshole! Make your home and bed where you lay in it! I’m not sharing my home down here! You can stay over there where you are and suffer in your jocks alone! Toodles 💁🏼

  • Don’t know if this fits today but these lyrics are my mantra and they empower me!

    Mended by Matthew West

    How many times can one heart break?
    It was never supposed to be this way
    Look in the mirror, but you find someone
    You never thought you’d be

    Oh, but I can still recognize
    The one I love in your tear stained eyes
    I know you might not see it now
    So lift your eyes to me

    When you see broken beyond repair
    I see healing beyond belief
    When you see too far gone
    I see one step away from home
    You see nothing but damaged goods
    I see something good in the making
    I’m not finished yet
    When you see wounded, I see mended

    You see your worst mistake
    But I see the price I paid
    There’s nothing you could ever do
    To lose what grace has won

    So hold on, it’s not the end
    This is where love’s work begins
    I’m making all things new
    And I will make a miracle of you

    I see my child, My beloved
    The new creation you’re becoming
    You see the scars from when you fell
    But I see the stories they will tell
    You see worthless, but I see priceless
    You see pain, but I see a purpose
    You see unworthy, undeserving
    But I see you through eyes of mercy

  • Beyoncé’s Me, Myself and I

    Me myself and iI is all I’ve got in the end
    And I made a vow that from now I’m gonna be my own best friend

    I Will never disappoint myself

    After all the rain you’ll see the sun come out again

    I’ve cried a thousand times but I’ve vowed to make it through

  • I found out that my STBX had recently purchased “Worst in Me” by Julia Michaels from iTunes. Here’s a snippet of the lyrics:

    “But maybe it’s the worst in me; That’s bringing out the worst in you
    I know we can fix these kinks; But the worst in me doesn’t want to work on things
    But the best of me wants to love you; But the worst in me doesn’t want to…”

    Oh boy! I can’t even comment on that…

    And the songs I like to imagine “dedicating” to him are: “I Saw the Sign” by Ace of Base, and my favorite: “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye.

  • The Coward had a playlist in iTunes that he repeated. He literally made a mix CD of it and gave it to our youngest son a few months after he walked out on him. I wanted to throw up, mostly at the meaning of the songs. I don’t remember all of them, but they included “Sister Golden Hair” because The Coward is obsessed with blonde hair, and the Rescue Twat has beautiful golden locks. It had “Take It Easy” and pretty sure it had “Ventura Highway,” and various other sounds of the 70’s, or other songs about being free and hitting the highway, that made me want to vomit.

    I don’t badmouth the ex, but when youngest tried to play that shit around me, I politely told him that his father took a lot of meaning from these songs as justification for bailing and that I’d rather not listen to it. I said it once, calmly, and it was enough.

    I was appalled that The Coward would hand this shit off to the kid. Was he trying to convey that walking out on your wife and kids is a spiritually beautiful mandate of some sort, expressed on this CD? Was he trying to send me a musical Fuck You Again hoping I’d hear the songs, or, did he want me to take pity on him because he’s just a misunderstood highway man who loves a golden haired sister?

    Ugh.

    My playlist had a whole lot of Fuck Off, You Tool, type music from Pink, Beyonce, JT. My latest fave is Big Sean’s I Don’t Fuck With You. It’s from the guy’s perspective (there you go, brother chumps) but the meaning is the same. Or it can be sung to the whorey OWs, if you like. It’s versatile.

  • Music was hugely triggering for me after DDay. I stopped listening to almost everything. We had a karaoke machine and used to sing for hours when my sons were little before DDay. I didn’t know till later how much of that shit was autobiographical or manipulative for him…
    We used to duo on Hank Williams cheating songs – that must have been a laugh for him.

    So a bit of cheater’s repertoire-
    Hank Williams “you win again”
    “Sex and candy”
    “Stand by your man” (I kid you not)
    Hives “hate say I told you so”
    And his all time anthem- “basket case” by Green Day
    After DDay and much wreckonciliation I found a video on his phone of him singing a song he wrote about all his transgressions and the chorus was something like “I’m a good guy, I’m a good guy, and if you can’t see That you’re not the girl for me.” Ugh. I watched that exactly once.

    My play list is short – some angst some F-you. I still don’t listen much anymore.

    Cee lo green F You—yes CL I love this one
    God does but I don’t- Lyle Lovett
    Ain’t nobody home- Bonnie Raitt
    Love interruption- jack white
    You fucked me right up- Sean Hayes
    I guess I showed her – Robert cray
    Who is he and what is he to you – bill withers

  • Before DDay but after she told me she was leaving (but not why) three songs were played frequently and loudly by Mme YogaPants

    “My Church” by Maren Morris
    “Walk of Shame” by Meghan Trainor
    and
    “I’m going to love you (like I’m going to lose you)” also by Meghan Trainor – which I used to listen to from around when things started feeling odd almost exactly 2 years ago now.

    These are now all “triggers” for me. It actually hurt a bit to look them up. Whenever they come on the radio I have to turn it off.

    I don’t know what her world is like these days but from about the time the affair started until she left she always had to have loud music playing especially when she was alone in her car or walking.

    Those first two songs and the glee with which she listened to them are a large part of why I know that I could never let her back. I remember writing to her in the letter I gave her begging her to reconsider where I said “you’ve become the person that you used to despise”.

    Perhaps off-topic or perhaps another discussion but I wonder how many other cheaters used to publicly disavow cheating. Mme’s father and siblings and their offspring pretty much all were cheaters. Days before her affair went physical (I believe) I remember her loudly proclaiming at a party how faithful she was to me. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”. I recall when her and her serial cheating sister suddenly became “besties” and my daughter blurted out in a phone call with me “but Mom hates Aunt (name redacted)”.

    • “I wonder how many other cheaters used to publicly disavow cheating.” Mine did. All. The. Damn. Time. We had lots of discussions over the years about how inconceivable it was that someone would give up the years of memories, the inside jokes, the milestones that no one else could share, for a side piece of ass. Every public cheater (John Edwards comes to mind) scandal came with resounding condemnation from my ex. Uh huh… Yep, flaming hypocrite.

      • Oh she always spoke of cheaters like they weee subhuman! Well she was correct! What I found out is she still refuses to label herself the same as them! They can twist anything!

      • Cheaters step dad cheated (emotional affair but not physical I don’t think) on his mum about a year before ex did it to me. He then didn’t talk to him for a period of about 7 months until his mum asked him to forgive him. The worst part about it was I listened to his Mum crying on the phone and tried to be there for her as best I could. They don’t live close so I didn’t see her during this time. When she found out ex was leaving me she was a complete bitch and told me he was unhappy and simply didn’t give a shit about me and how I felt. I won’t ever talk to that women ever again, ex is just like her and it makes me feel so stupid to not have seen it before.

        • That’s horrible!!! You’d think she’d be sympathetic to your cause because…obvious! She’d just gone through it.

          And you’re definitely not stupid. But it’s definitely an eye opener to see just how evil some people can be.

          • I have a feeling that their relationship may have started as an affair. I know she walked out on her children (my ex and is sister) and left them with their father for a year or so. There has been a lot of messed up stuff in his family, I hoped he was going to be different as he told me he would be. He is exactly like them, fortunately for my children I’m not like my family, so hopefully that will be enough to stop the cycle of abuse and divorce.

        • Pregnant Chump
          I am so sorry that you were treated in this way.
          But, YOU are NOT stupid.
          You are not like these people who have cheated, and who have been so unkind and uncaring to loved ones.
          You are a very caring, insightful, strong lady!

          ((((Manyhugstoyou))))

          • Thank you peacekeeper, you are always so kind in all your posts to me. Thank you you have helped me so much. You have a beautiful heart and although it’s awful that you are hear, CN wouldn’t he the same without you.

      • My cheater would tell me stories in disgust of his crew members who were cheating. We had similar conversations regarding famous cheaters in the news. Unable to understand how they could betray their wives, disrupt their families, throw away a lifetime of memories at this time in their lives, for a younger woman. Mel Gibson is one who comes to mind for me. We also had our private jokes.., laughed, he would never do such a thing. Being a man of integrity.
        Another hypocrite.

    • Bow Tie, Cheater was absolutely livid whenever he heard about someone who cheated or if it came up in a movie. Livid! A friend that he grew up with from birth told him of her affair, saying ‘It just happened. I don’t know how. It just did.’ Cheater’s sister also cheated on her partner. This made him so mad for so long, but I wonder if it actually normalised the behaviour. Two of the closest people in his life had affairs and were ‘good people’ in his mind. Desensitisation? Or do they just suck? We know the answer, don’t we…

      • I do believe that Mme’s sister played a part in what happened. The love-bombing that Mme got from her was intense and kept ramping up until Mme moved out (at least). Her brother (who was a “reformed” and rather nervous cheater – story for another time) also encouraged her saying that it was perfectly normal and that he knew of lots of affairs that ended up as happy marriages.

        I think in some ways what she got from her family and a number of friends could perhaps be called “confirmation bias”. They were all safe inside their secure marriages including the cheaters cheering her on. I think that no matter what action we chose to take we can find “someone” who will tell us that it was a good idea. I think that more than desensitization was a factor in her case.

        I originally blamed the people around her for her actions but she said it herself once when she was really down about a month before she moved out when she said “it’s all on me”.

        For a bit of karma – the sister had a significant heart attack a month or so later which she did survive.

  • Used to watch So You Think You Can Dance and saw this one, which I just fell in love with…the dance, as well as the song. Little did I know how poignant this song would become. Here’s a link to the video showing the dance. The song is The Garden by Mirah.

  • Hello all! Long time lurker (since the beginning of this blog); first time poster. This one is for all of you chumps who are dealing with this shit, have dealt with this shit, and are tired of this shit! 😄 Love you all! You’ve helped me too many times to count!

    https://youtu.be/VVwBC76NwNU

  • The Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHp2KgyQUFk

    Elastic Heart by Sia–this one has the lyrics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RYY0hwHIRw

    Stronger by Britney Spears (lol): if you can stand to listen to her, the lyrics are good.

    Cry Me a River by Justin Timberlake

    Part of Me by Katy Perry

    Wow. I didn’t realize I listen to so much pop. I guess that comes with having pre-teens. 🙂

    Any angry, ex-hating song works for me usually. There is a playlist on Spotify called “Move on and don’t look back,” if anyone needs a ready-made list. 🙂

  • “Fuck Apologies” by JoJo – he cheated all on his own, nothing I did (according to him) made him do it so I have nothing to be sorry for (except marrying him in the first place)
    “God May Forgive You, but I Won’t” by Iris DeMent – God can deal with him, I’m done
    “Bird Set Free” by Sia – symbolic to me as I transitioned from abused spouse, to independent woman (ROAR!!)
    “Unstoppable” by Sia – I survived life with, then the divorce from 190 lbs of loser-cheater-lying-narc-alcoholic-ASPD’d-sludge from my life, I can do anything!!

  • I know we’re supposed to be posting songs we’d find on our cheater’s playlists, but here’s a song for chumps who are in the “depths of despair” (as Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables would say). It actually aired during an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. And this song helped me so much during my first go around with the whore and STBX. It’s extremely sad, but when I just wanted to curl up in a little ball of agony and despair, it reminded me to just take everything one second at a time…one breath at a time.

  • After you walk away with a good settlement and find yourself at Meh: “All I do is Win.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGXzlRoNtHU&ab_channel=KOCHRECORDS

    All I do is win win win no matter what
    Got money on my mind I can never get enough
    And every time I step up in the buildin’
    Everybody hands go up
    And they stay there
    And they say yeah
    And they stay there
    Up down, up down, up down
    ‘Cause all I do is win win win
    And if you goin’ in put your hands in the air
    Make ’em stay there

  • May I recommend Crazy Women , by Brandy Clark, and also Stripes, by the same artist- the only thing saving your life, is that i don’t look good in orange, and I hate stripes.
    Elf Boy used to say that Nick Cave, Come sail your ships around me was our song- unfortunately he used exactly the same song for at least 2 of the OW s well. He said that My happiness by Powderfinger was how he felt about me, so there’s a band i can’t listen to anymore
    I have been know to sing Sam Smith very loudly in the car- You say I’m crazy, cos you don’t think I know what you’ve done. My eldest daughter was singing it at her dad’s place and mentioned that I liked it and the Elvish adolescent and Miss Fae Queen 1999 sniggered, and said something about how i probably could relate to it. They fucking laughed about it. I mean , he literally told me I was crazy, and gaslighted me into 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital- obviously that’s hilarious, especially to my daughter.
    last suggestion, – You Lie, The Band Perry

    • Did I mention that as of last week they have matching tattoos that say ” Always and Forever” IN ELVISH?
      How does one write out ” delusional codependency” in dwarvish? Anyone? I’ll settle for ” get fucked” in orc runes.

      • OMG. My ex had “fy nghariad am byth” engraved on our wedding rings. My Love Forever. It’s Welsh. He’s Welsh. I have no enmity for the people of Wales in particular, but way to live the stereotype, friend! Because 9 months later he’s impregnated his Howorker the Instant Pot Sluterus.

        He literally Welshed on his vows. In WELSH! I sold my ring on the day after D-Day and paid the utility bills. I burned his on the barbeque. We toasted marshmallows over it.

        You cannot make this stuff up!

        • Love you, Luz!!!!
          He took my “family heirloom” ring months before D-Day. I did burn our marriage certificate though, flame turned green.

    • Same here, with Both divorces, music saved me from insanity

      Exh1:
      Alaniss Morissette’s whole album Under Rug Swept was my lifeline. Some gems.on that one.
      Exh2 was more off “fuck off and die” songs

  • Just a glimmer of hope, as I’m sitting here procrastinating yet again on a glorious Saturday morni…uhhh…afternoon.

    Seven years ago The Coward was deep in the thrusts and throes of a fateful love affair with the blonde of his life, unbeknownst to me. It was a giant FUCK YOU for him to know something that I didn’t know. His behavior was a million red flags, flogging me across the face. But I was in a state of ignorance, which must have pleased and simultaneously confused and disgusted him, too. The Rescue Twat and he were reveling in the big, passionate secret, while I washed his underwear, looked after our teenagers, worked and commuted full time, put my sick dog down at the vet, got blamed for not having time for him–you know the drill.

    Six years ago I was an emaciated wreck–a ball of nerves, ravaged by the raw humiliation and loneliness of his joy finally revealed. And life went on. My Fuck You playlist–that was my trusty companion through lonely times. It gave me energy and mojo.

    I raised my kids and had a lot of fun and, at times, continued loneliness. Nevertheless, you know….

    Two years ago I met a beautiful man, Awesome Boyfriend. He is a good man.

    Today I am listening to a different playlist that brings joy to my heart; it’s full of romantic and sexy love songs, and I am happy again.

    I still get a kick out of “Fuck You” songs, because, fuck him and the whore(s) he rides. (Hello, AM/AFF!)

    Hugs to my Chumpy Brothers and Sisters. It really does get better. Let music be your emotional stimulant and salve.

  • The song Better Man used to make me feel uncomfortable before dday. I think it’s because I knew deep down that he was a bad person. I felt stuck because I believed in the sanctity of marriage, but apparently he didn’t!

    She lies and says she’s in love with him, can’t find a better man.

    I just bet I can!

    • Oh my!!!!! Yessssss, this song was so uncomfortable for me too to listen to when he was around, like he *knew*

  • Still working toward ‘Meh’… Thanks to this support group for helping me get there. I love all the songs. I think I’ll create a mix tape for my STBX as a gift for Divorce day coming up in 56 days!

    Some stuff I’ve been listening to:

    Brutally by Suki Waterhouse
    Fall on my Feet by Sasha
    Tough Love, Jessie Ware
    Don’t wanna be your girl, Wet
    Landfill, Daughter

  • After I divorced the perverted, porn obsessed, voyeur only one song comes to mind. In my mind the song is referring to my spousal support:

    Bitch Better Have My Money
    Rihanna

    Yayo, yayo
    Moo-la-lah
    Yayo
    Bitch better have my money!
    Y’all should know me well enough
    Bitch better have my money!
    Please don’t call me on my bluff
    Pay me what you owe me
    Ballin’ bigger than LeBron
    Bitch, give me your money
    Who y’all think y’all frontin’ on?
    Bitch better have my money!
    Bitch better have my
    Like brrap, brrap, brrap
    Bitch better have my
    Like brrap, brrap, brrap

  • I remember long ago when we first got together, The Evil One would make me mix “tapes”(CDs), full of pop and country songs, which was actually part of his chameleon facade, he actually more of a Tupac, Bone Thugs Harmony, Disturbed, Godsmack, Theory of a Deadman fan… Anyway…

    Songs for him:
    “I Hate Everything About YOU”
    “Cheater, Cheater”
    “Bad Blood”
    “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” (Peter, Paul, and Mary)
    “Call Me When You’re Sober”
    ^^^^^^ this one says it all for me^
    https://youtu.be/OCyL6pa_L4M

  • Cheaters and schmoopie-list:
    (Because is true luv…)
    Abba – gonna sing you my lovesong.
    Cloud – substitute
    Pussycat dolls – don’t cha
    Golden earring – the devil made me do it
    Rihanna – unfaithfull
    Maroon 5 – she will be loved
    Adele – hello from the other side
    Amy winehouse – back to black
    Brian adams – run to you
    Skunk anansi – secretly
    Katy perry – dark horse
    Beyonce – video phone
    Jo jackson – number two

    Chumplist:
    (Mostly to vent)
    Anouk – down and dirty
    Limp bizkit – nookie, douchebag, break stuff
    Skunk anansi – infidelity.
    Aerosmith – hole in my soul
    Lilly allen – smile, fuck you
    Pink – blow me (one last kiss), so what, you and your hand.
    Disturbed – deceiver, serpentine
    Sevendust – burn, enemy.
    Foo fighters – stranger things

  • Yes, I lived this. After 21 years of marriage…. and he met his new one and married her in 5 months. I started from scratch AGAIN later in life – and he moved on to his next one who he did this to…. oh yeah – and then he tried to come around again after their marriage failed 9 years later….

    That’s what you get for lovin’ me
    That’s what you get for lovin’ me
    Ev’ry thing you had is gone
    As you can see
    That’s what you get for lovin’ me
    I ain’t the kind to hang around
    With any new love that I found
    ‘Cause movin’ is my stock in trade
    I’m movin’ on
    I won’t think of you when I’m gone
    So don’t you shed a tear for me
    ‘Cause I ain’t the love you thought I’d be
    I got a hundred more like you
    So don’t be blue
    I’ll have a thousand ‘fore I’m through
    Now there you go you’re cryin’ again
    Now there you go you’re cryin’ again
    But then someday when your poor heart
    Is on the mend
    I just might pass this way again
    That’s what you get for lovin’ me
    That’s what you get for lovin’ me
    Everything you had is gone
    As you can see
    That’s what you get for lovin’ me
    That’s what you get for lovin’ me

    Gordon Lightfoot

  • Just found this thread. Seven weeks since D-Day. Here’s what’s helping me;

    Put Yourself in my Place – The Elgins
    What doesn’t kill you – Kelly Clarkson
    Cry me a river – Julie London
    Yes – McAlmont & Butler
    It’s not right but it’s ok – Whitney Houston
    Good Souls – Starsailor
    Your Woman – Whitetown
    18 Wheeler – Pink
    I know it’s over – The Smiths
    How Could You Break My Heart – Bobby Womack
    Didn’t I blow your mind (This time) – The Delphonics

    Enjoy x

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