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UBT: “No One Is Perfect”

SuperDuperChump sent this missive from his ex-wife to the Universal Bullshit Translator. You’ll recall, from an earlier amazing post “Miracles Happen on Tuesdays”, SuperDuperChump’s then-cheating-wife left him for dead after surgery (while he was sleeping off anesthesia) to go fuck her Other Man, a pastor. (You. Cannot. Make. This. Shit. Up.)

Well… she’s baaaack. SuperDuperChump gained the life, the divorce, and gained a good woman too. Oh hey, his ex is “sorry” now.

Sorta.

The UBT.

Please do not be mad at Jessica for giving me your address. I am sorry that you are filled with so much hatred towards me that you always ignore my phone calls. It is unhealthy to be so angry. It will kill you.

I’m filled with so much hatred toward you that I stalked Jessica for your address. DO NOT IGNORE MY PHONE CALLS. Depriving me of kibbles could kill you.

#justconcerned

I wanted to let you know I am sorry for everything.

All the things. The nameless, unspecified things. Rain. Traffic. Gum on your shoe. People who say “impactful.” Tiny dogs in purses. The GOP tax bill. Everything! (Except those things I actually did). #notsorry

You told the judge that you wasted the best 25 years of your life, but I do not feel that way.

And really how I feel is the important thing.

I cherish those years with you.

I cherish cake.

I am sorry for being wayward.

Here’s a nice sanitized euphemism. Am I a person who fucked around on her spouse, or am I person who wanders helplessly into snowdrifts? #helpmeivefallenandicantgetup

I am sorry for all the credit cards and finances that I messed up.

I am sorry you no longer pay my bills.

I am sorry for forcing you to sell the shop. All you had to do was buy out my half of everything and I would have let you keep it. I was only doing what my attorney told me to do.

Those evil attorneys, telling people what to do. Who hired them?

I’m sorry I did this terrible thing that is your fault, but which could’ve been averted had you only done the impossible.

Oh hey, let me make it up to you! Here’s a puppy. I’m going to bash its head in with a brick, unless you guess the number I’m thinking of between 1 and 786,549.

I’m sorry, the number was 7.

Had you only answered 7, I would’ve let you keep it.

#feelmysorry

Even though it has been almost 2 years, I am still having a tough time with all of this and I want to have a clear conscience. I am going to counseling and have started going back to church. So, here goes:

Me, me, me. Jesus. ME.

I am so very sorry for never loving you.

Fuck you, you unlovable sonofabitch.

I’m so very sorry you are unlovable. I am a person capable of great love. However, your repulsiveness was just a challenge too great. My magnanimity was no match for your hideousness.

I was a struggling, single mom with 2 little girls and I had to think about about my children.

The children made me use you. Blame them.

I was a magnet to only loser men and they would just use me and discard me like a piece of trash. Then, you came along and treated us so wonderful and loved them like your very own. I still remember that kind, handsome, generous, hard working man who made us feel special.

Chump! I’ll just use you and discard you like a piece of trash.

Projection. It works for me.

I tried so very hard to love you, but the feelings just weren’t there.

Because I don’t have feelings. Just this withered husk where my soul used to be.

I really, really tried.

I made frowny faces and smiley faces. I practiced in the mirror for days! But these, how do you humans say? Feelings, they were impossible.

You were an excellent husband and father, and I should have just been honest. That is actually the reason why I never gave you children of your own.

Because you’re so excellent at being a parent, you would upstage me. Can’t have that.

I am truly, truly sorry. Sometimes I cry because our house isn’t a home any more. I wanted us to grow old together in this house and it will never happen. You worked so hard to provide us a nice place to live. Sometimes I think that I just don’t deserve it anymore.

I cry to think I don’t deserve things.

And then I remember — oh yes I do! And I sober right back up.

I appreciate everything you provided for us.

You suck. However, the material things you provided are appreciated. #ilovethings #shinytoys #andjesus

They would not be successful women if it weren’t for you. I appreciate you allowing me to be a stay at home mom. What you don’t understand is how hard it was. I got bored while you were working. That is the only reason why I started going wayward,

I never would’ve cheated on you, had you not been so generous in allowing me to stay home and be bored. You don’t understand how hard boredom is.

I credit you with the girls successfulness. Me? I was out fucking strange. Hey, someone has to do the hard work of staving off monotony.

and when you came home after work, I felt so dirty and horrible for the things I had done. I had men flirting with me everywhere I went and I was just weak. You have no idea the pressure of being a woman. Men don’t care that you are wearing a wedding ring.

I am fabulous and irresistible to men. You have no idea what it’s like to be fabulous and irresistible.

The men just find me! Home, with glue stick and posterboard making science projects, or stirring a pot of spaghetti-os, they flirt with me everywhere! There’s one under the sofa cushions now. Sssh! He might hear you. No Roderick, not tonight! I have choir practice.

K receives her (degree) on the 15th at Texas Tech and I really think you need to be there. You are still their Daddy and are the only father they have ever known. They are mad at you right now, but you still need to be in their lives.

Let me cudgel you with guilt. KIBBLES. DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!

I know that you have tried calling them and have sent them cards, but you need to try harder.

I can be a fuck-around stay-at-home mother on your dime, but you need to try harder.

(Excuse me the UBT is malfunctioning. Steam is pouring out of its safety valves. It’s making very rude suggestions about where SuperDuperChump’s ex can stick her gift cards.)

I am sorry that I told them you abused me, but I was just mad when you filed for divorce. You put a huge Scarlet Letter on my chest for everyone to see. I promise I will tell them the truth. They need you. Girls need their Daddy. They love you so dearly and miss you.

It’s okay to falsely accuse you of a crime, because… reasons. My impression management is very important to me and I look bad in Letters.

Girls need a Daddy for everyone to see. I promise I will fuck their heads with lies.

Please come to Lubbock. Please sit with me and Jessica.

Please come to this tornado afflicted backwater and sit with me.

Your Mom has still been a wonderful grandmother through all of this and I understand that she can’t travel because of her health. Even she thinks you need to be there.

If triangulating you with the children doesn’t work, how about your mom?

I know what she thinks. I’m in her head. And your head. And Roderick’s head. What’s that Roderick? I’m beautiful and you must have me right this instant? 

My imaginary sofa cushion boyfriend has spoken. #irresistible #omnipotent2

Even though you moved away and started a new life like a coward, I still know what’s going on in your life. Do not bring her with you. She has no business being there. I remember a tough man who used to face challenges head on. Not this time. You ran away in shame. Yes, in cowardly fashion.

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?! UNLOVABLE YOU?! SHE HAS NO BUSINESS BEING HERE.

DO NOT HAVE ANY OTHER GODS BEFORE ME!

I am sorry you are a coward who runs away from me. I am sorry you have a new life that does not include me. I’m sorry I must destroy you. #facechallengesheadon

Please call my parents. They really miss you. You hurt my Dad when you didn’t call on his birthday. I could see the pain and emotion in his eyes.

CALL ME OR THE PENSIONER DIES.

Again, I am truly sorry for everything. No one is perfect. Not even you.”

We are all flawed. Who are you to measure me against perfection? I said I was sorry.

#notsorry

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • …..HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I would ask who this woman thinks she is to talk to you this way after she abandoned you the way she did, but I don’t think I want to know the answer.

    I can’t tell you whether or not to go see your step-daughter, but….JESUS, I honestly think I’m going to be sick on your behalf.

    • You got it. The number of inane lines in here is too many to fathom.

      BTW, it seems cheating wives have a consistent mantra in calling their chump ex husbands “cowards” when they leave. My then-wife did the same when I moved out in her…Because I was supposed to “fight for her.” She failed to grasp that once she revealed her true colors, I realized that she wasn’t worth fighting for.

      • Yep – there was certainly an expectation (ie sense of entitlement) that I would fight for my fuckwit ex. “You have to help me get over him” she said one night.

        Nope – I have to shake his hands for taking a fuckwit off my hands (and then go and wash my hands very carefully).

        But nothing my ex did would top this letter.

        I am so sorry SuperD (and feel dsorry for her daughters) , but glad you’ve moved on and left this complete and utter dickhead behind.

        • “You have to help me get over him.” Yeah, well you didn’t ask the AP partner into your marriage….she did! Fuck her and him…..OH, WAIT, SHE DID!

              • SuperDuperChump:

                1) Print out copies of that nasty hoe’s letter.

                2) Put one in an envelope and address it to the poor x-step daughter at TX Tech.

                3) Write a note explaining that you love and miss her and are proud of her, but that you refuse to be abused by her mom ever again. That this is why you’re ready to share the truth through her mom’s printed letter, and also why you won’t be able to attend her graduation. (That idiot tells the truth about BOTH of your behavior in the marriage; who the heck could ever blame you for finally leaving that?!)

                4) Put a stamp on it and drop in the mail.

                5) Send her a separate congrats card and gift card later on.

                6) Stay sane. Be happy.

                She’s unbelievably NUTS!! I’m so glad you’re free of her abuse.

              • I love Kibble Free’s idea of forwarding the note from ex-psycho to the daughter. That way the daughter sees the truth in her own vile mother’s handwriting. And if that letter were to find it’s way to other folks involved, well that would surely be something now wouldn’t it? Her lies in her own handwriting. Classic.

                On another note-there is a special place in hell’s gutter for a sub-human fuckwit like your ex. She is a heartless, soulless psycho. Somewhere there is a Karma bus warming up with her name emblazoned on it.

                The best revenge is no response & living well.
                You are doing great SDC-You have come so far!
                Let the rest of CL/CN hate on her for you with the power of 1,000 burning suns!

              • I agree with KibbleFree, that’s the best thing to do with this letter, share it with her kids and her poor daddy.
                This UBT is the best ever. Insanity is the only acceptable excuse for this entitled drivel.

      • I will admit to thinking my ex a coward for choosing to run off with Schmoopie when I gave him the gift of the opportunity to reconcile. That would have required self reflection and facing his inner demons, however, and he didn’t have the balls for that.

        • Mine too. I gave him 8 months of the pick me dance until I caught him with naked pictures of his ho-worker on his phone when I went so lovingly in the spare bedroom to turn off the light. He had moved out of our bedroom because he needed to figure out his feelings. Gag!! Looking back, it was the worst 8 months of my life. The phone checking, work drive bys to see if he was there, isolating, nauseating, put my life on hold CRAP. 2 D-Days later, I kicked him out.

          He is a selfish, entitled, peace of sh*% whose father did the exact same thing. Guess who would ask me to stop saying that when I yelled it at him as we broke up.

          It’s like rebuilding after a hurricane and ironically both our honeymoon spot and the last trip we took as a family were devastated by hurricanes this fall (St John and Puerto Rico). Hmmm…. the irony.

          Thank god for CL, CN, and good friends and family. I’m sticking to my boundaries and the sun shines more and more on me and my two kids. The only piece left is my 8 and 10 yr old don’t know why mommy moved them out of their childhood home, 3 miles away from the their dad and the ho-worker who conveniently moved herself and her 3 kids into my old neighborhood.

          I swear my life is a Lifetime movie script begging for a Hallmark ending. Power on CN in our search for more peaceful days.

        • Attaching the coward label when cowardice was demonstrated is appropriate. Using it as a weapon against someone to be manipulative isn’t. My ex was/is a giant coward. JC is not. It’s not the word that’s the problem, it’s the false accusation.

        • On second thoughts, send the UBT version with it too, so her kids can get educated about this shit. Break the cycle for them.
          I was a good step mum to the Traitor’s 4 kids for almost 10 years, only to get shat on by the Traitor cheating with his second ex wife and the 2 of them turning the kids against me.
          She’s handed you a super weapon to set the record straight. Go for it SDC.

      • OMG. They read the same script. Mine said “I thought you would fight for me” as well. What would I be fighting for?

        • Chumpman – HOW can you ask that? You’d be fighting to fall all over yourself thanking her for being born. Thank you!! Thank you for fucking me over! I’m so lucky to be fucked over by your Awesomeness. Let me wash your feet with my hair.

          Your X is a freak.

          • Oh, I understand now! It just took 2 months of pick me Dancing and MC blaming me and more emotional and psychological abuse for me to figure it out. A stranger had moved in and I am now NC.

    • From the contents of this letter, I have to say nothing that this sorry excuse for a human being has or will do surprises me. In fact, I am worried for SDC, because his X is coming unhinged. She is capable of anything, and SDC should take any and all steps to protect himself. This letter goes far beyond victim blaming and begins to enter into stalking territory.

      It’s SDC’s fault because she was so attractive that men were drawn to her like bees to honey and yet, she managed to keep it all together because she loved her kids so much. Sure she did. And she just had to destroy SDC’s business because her lawyer told her to, and she didn’t have any say in that decision. The lies about physical abuse are justified because, darn it, she otherwise would have had to tell her daughters the nasty truth.

      “Come to my daughter’s graduation, call my dad on his birthday, ignore the fact that I FALSELY accused you of abuse, and still have not told our daughters that I deliberately lied about it. Feel sorry for me that I don’t feel right living in the home I stole from you. Yeah, I robbed you of your rightful opportunity to have your own children, but what was I supposed to do? Actually work to take care of the kids I brought into this world without you? ” And, of course, the kicker -“I am stalking you and know you have a girlfriend, who you better not bring with you to the graduation I am emotionally blackmailing you to attend. The hussy who dared to date the man I tried to kill and destroy is not invited.”

      Let’s not overlook the ultimate knife in the back,”Sorry, not sorry, but I never loved you. I just pretended to so that you would raise my daughters and I would never have to work. All the while you were building a business that I intentionally destroyed because, you know, I had no control over my awful lawyer.” And how dare he refuse to sit next to her at his step-daughter’s graduation! You know, the daughter who hates SDC because her mother has lied to her about being physically abused.

      This entire letter makes me want to puke, and worse. Tracy, please include it in your next book as an example of the lengths entitled cheaters go to justify their despicable conduct. Nothing is ever their fault, and the false narrative is constantly changing. This letter is classic cheater speak, and truly covers all the bases!

      Recently, I was at a business function and someone I knew professionally in the far distant past felt compelled to bring up my need to forgive OW! See, according to the cheater’s handbook, X and I were never really married. It was a “business arrangement” and surely, OW could not be faulted for falling in love with a man who wasn’t “really” married. OW is a good Christian, who is still being persecuted for something that wasn’t her fault! I am such a vindictive person for not giving her the forgiveness she deserves!

      There was a time in the not too distant past that I would have defended my “business arrangement”(which produced four children and lasted over three decades), but no more. Instead, I icily shut that shit down, and excused myself from the conversation. OW’s friend looked like the busy body fool she is. I have moved on, and want nothing to do with those freaks. But the need for attention runs so deep in these kind of people and they will do anything to keep you in their circle of crazy. Thanks, but no thanks.

      On a positive note, I was later told the discussion which ensued after I left was a doozy and did not end well for my former acquaintance. I think the recent Moore/Weinstein/Rose, etc., revelations are beginning to change perceptions and discussions about infidelity and the sexually predatory behavior which often accompanies it. For malignant narcissists like SDC’s former wife, though, I hold out no hope for redemption. SDC needs to stay far, far away from her, because she remains threat to his health and well-being!

      • Great points, Violet!! SDC, your ex is such a malignant bitch that she deserves a good slap in the face. This letter is so full of poisonous bullshit that even the UBT isn’t needed to see it (but we love it anyway Tracy!). Good on you for actually telling the judge that you wasted 25 years of your life on this POS, that’s priceless—and you can tell it still bothers her.

      • violet – Good God. A “business arrangement”? Did I forget to make 4 babies with my last boss? Maybe that’s why I didn’t get that promotion.

        Good to see OW friend is just like her!!!

      • Interesting, my mother in law also defined my marriage as a ‘business arrangement’
        I wish I had know that’s what it was, I would have charged for my time!

    • As Chump Lady says, it all circles around and around and around to ENTITLEMENT. That’s who she thinks she is: an entitled, splendid person because, after all, she’s not perfect. Her imperfections entitle her to be an asshole.

    • So many times I’ve read CL posts, and think we’ve finally hit the bottom of the barrel. Then one like this comes along and, Nope, she’s dug a hole in the bottom and discovered a new level of hell.

      • McJJ – Gad, I feel the same way exactly! This is totally the bottom, it has to be. I’m still upset 3 hrs later that somebody could be that viscious or crazy, or both.

        • Right? The first part made it feel like my hair stand was standing on end, and then I got to the part where she called him a coward. What???

          It still does not compute that someone could go on and on about how shitty a person they are, and then call someone a coward for no longer wanting do continue living that hell. Unreal.

    • Mine cheated on me told these girls the side whores that he was divorced. Now I’m divorcing him he cries every day tells me I’m destroying him and if I could’ve just helped him things would’ve been fine. This loser was screwing guys and girls on craigslist and I should help him sick bastard

      • Takingbackmyname,
        Can you believe these people?? I can’t believe what you endured. Mine does the same thing – he expects me to help him figure it all out – like distinguishing right from wrong. Really? You’re 64 fucking years old – if you don’t know by now, NO ONE can help you! I resigned from helping the disordered. Now I’m helping myself & my kids…MUCH better!
        This POS takes the cake, though – literally. And is seeking more. UNbelievable. It’s like opening the back of a grossly disfigured brain model and trying to make sense of its mangled workings. Sick. Inhuman. Cruel. ENTITLED!

    • At first I thought an abacus would help me keep track of the number of “TOO NARCISSISTIC TO NOT NOTICE” comments. But I then needed a calculator to keep track.

      THEN my internal UBT exploded. (Where are my eyes? They came out of my exploded head, after the “DO NOT BRING HER” and that YOU “moved away like a coward”.)

      I can understand (for your girlfriends sake), not bringing her. Okay, that’s for YOU and she to decide. Not Ex whore.

      But who the fuck is this insane whore ex wife of yours, the QUEEN OF NARCIA to dictate ANYTHING to you?

      Okay I gotta go put a bandage around my head due to it exploding…oh good, I found my eyeballs!!

      I leave it to other, better people, people with working eyes and unexploded heads to help you with your response.

      My divorce hearing is next month and 2 of my 3 kids told me to be ready to “meet schmoopie” AT OUR TRIAL….and you know what, after reading shit like this, I bet they are right.

  • Wow. I wonder what the girls would think of that letter. I am so glad you got away from her SuperDuperChump!

    • I think SDC should send the letter to the girls or at least the part where dumbass confessed she lied about the abuse.
      This letter is perfect mind-blowing incredible mindfuckery. SDC should get a restraining order.

      • Yes, I too think it should be sent to those gas-lighted adult daughters. I sure hope it is in her handwriting and not typed…. no chance for her to lie later!

        • but the adult daughters have not ever been told the truth. Just that “Bad step daddy is a coward and FLED the area for no reason”

          and also he made me lonely and bored…. SO how can a letter help NOW? How about the whole fucking (literally) story? THAT Letter would be helpful, if done in a calm “explanatory” way.

          Dear stepdaughters, I always loved you and never stopped. As I’m sure your mother has told you by now, I never abused her but she did break her vows to me, several times.

          I could not bear the thought of running into her and her paramours and seeing you at risk, while knowing I had no legal rights to you.

          But I’m so proud of your achievements…etc etc #IamaGreatGuy #Yourmomsucks #SheusedABUSEDherNukesonMe #DoNotJoinHerinNarcia

          where she rules as QUEEN OF NARCIA….

    • My first thought was that SDC should show this letter to everyone…maybe even publish it in the newspaper because it’s just too long for a billboard. BUT, to respond in any way is to encourage her. NO CONTACT!!! NO CONTACT!!! NO CONTACT!!! NO CONTACT!!! NO CONTACT!!! NO CONTACT!!! NO CONTACT!!! NO CONTACT!!! NO CONTACT!!! NO CONTACT!!!

      And NO CONTACT!!!

      Disengage, block, ignore. Shake off the dust and never return. Two benefits: 1) She’s out of your life. 2) It’ll drive her nuts. WIN/WIN.

      • This. Exactly! It’s the perfect immunity against narcs. Just starve them from what they want – attention.

        I’ve been NC for close to two years now and I have recovered much of my own energy and I trust this will pave the way towards full healing.

  • My eyebrows went to the back of my head when she starts the abusive tirade of admitting how she never loved him, used him, etc. Oh-my-effin-golly. I have appreciated many posts on the forum by SuperDuperChump, I hadn’t connected him until know to the story of the man left alone after the anesthesia. So it must be true that the worse the cheater, the better the chump!! Sending so much love your way, SDC. She is pure evil and I’m so glad your survived her.

    Sorry if I’m mistaken, but is it SDC also who met his new partner at the pizza store? Because I love that story!

    • Love this—eyebrows went to the back of my head. Yes. I never thought I’d use the expression, “I think my head just exploded,” but it’s true. I also never thought I’d read of a female Narc that could outdo KK. But this one has captured the crown through sheer unbelievably vile lies and twisted, corrupted blameshifting.

      I’m so, so sorry, SuperDuperChump, that you loved, supported, and endured this horrible, horrible woman. When caught, she said you abused her? Now she’s calling you a coward? Telling you what you should do? Still thinks she controls you? It is mind-boggling. And sure, she’s going to church now. Well then, we’re all good right? Next victim coming up!

      You deserve your beautiful new life and relationships free of this flaming evil, disordered excuse of a woman.

      • I think my eye is twitching, reading this. She is a piece of work.

        Be glad you are rid of her. Block her or change your email.

        This whole letter was all about her, a narcissist to the core.

        #sorrynotsorry

      • SDC- wow! Palm smacking forehead! She is nuts! I mean really bonkers. This “invitation” to a graduation of a daughter who is not talking to you because adulterous mother lied to her about abuse is surreal. As said earlier you can’t make this shit up. I’m guessing you have your bags packed and are raring to go. LMAO. At least it is good for a laugh! 🤪

    • No, he met her when he jumped her car or fixed it somehow in a grocery store parking lot. He would not accept any money so she insisted that she come to his home and make him or bring him muffins or cookies or something. It was so sweet, and she adores him and he adores her. He so deserves it! I am sooooooooo FUCKING ANGRY after reading that complete HORSESHIT!!! I want to throat punch this bitch into reality. HOW DARE SHE CALL HIM A COWARD, HOW DARE SHE USE HIM THE WAY SHE DID??? She is a dirty, disgusting WHORE who is only reaching out because she found out he has a new girl and its killing her! She knows now that she fucked up the best thing that ever happened to her. GOOD! Stay NC SDC, and know that you are a wonderful man and person.

      • Yea….What Chumpapalooza said!!!!

        And I deeply love all the rest of this fine Nation for coming to the support of our very beloved and precious SuperDuperChump

        I have read thru Tracy’s amazing dissection, as well as everyone’s comments and I know I am beyond blessed and honored to be amoungst the best of the best

        I love that I have found a ‘tribe’ so devoted as all ya all

        So grateful as we ForgeOn! together

    • Unknown, I met my fellow Chump wife at a pizza place, so thank you. I know when you are just filing for divorce and after how it seems that you are in a deep pit of misery that you can’t get out of. I want my fellow chumps to have hope because after a few years there IS a brighter happier future for you and SDC and I each found happiness.

      Unlike SDC’s Ex, mine loves to totally rewrite history and she would never admit that she ever did anything wrong. If you asked her about me, you would get a 15 minute tirade of what a SOB I am.
      The different sides of the disordered cheater coin.

  • Oh. My. Freaking. God. I’m….utterly speechless… This is beyond cruel… What an unbelievably terrible person. I mean they’re all terrible, I know this is typical narc shit but DAMN my jaw is on the floor…

    “Sometimes I think that I just don’t deserve it anymore…” Sometimes? Really? As in, sometimes she thinks she DOES deserve it?

    SuperDuperChump, hope you’re out there somewhere rocking your awesome narc free life. Thanks for sharing this. Nothing like gob-smacking reminders of how much better off we are all without these so-called people.

  • Hey, just a thought, if the ex in laws miss you so much, don’t phones work both ways?

    Me, I’d send that letter straight to his step daughters and let them see what mommy dearest really is and then let them decide how to proceed.

    Twatwsffle is a real piece of work. And if you do decide to go to Lubbock, bring your fabulous new partner. She deserves that respect from you. Twatwaffle can fuck off.

    • Ehhhh I have a feeling a woman who is prepared to waaaah to her children about how their evil, evil stepfather abused her when he nearly died because she was out fucking strange would find a way to con them into thinking she’s the victim if Super sent them this letter. She wouldn’t send something admitting her lies and making threats without a backup plan. The only way to win is not to play.

      • Agree. Disordered always have the advantage in their sick game. Not only that, but obviously, she doesn’t like being ignored. If SDC breaks contact for any reason, it’s kibble and validation. Finally, she’s played the abuse game, so that makes any interaction with her dangerous for SDC.

    • I don’t agree with sending the letter to kids…yet. Kids who grow up with Narc parent tend to be CoD or traumatized/damaged in some way. If the girls still don’t see their mom for the Narc she is, this letter is unlikely to open their eyes.

      I grew up with one NPD parent and one abusive alcoholic parent. I couldn’t see or understand the damage to my psyche and boundaries until a bit later in life.

      Do the girls deserve to know the truth, especially if they’ve been longing for him and are confused or not clear on why they divorced? Absolutely yes, but dropping this letter on them out of the blue isn’t the way. Showing up, being living in ways they will allow him and letting them find their path back to him on their own terms is the way to do it.

      • Well, of course no one’s perfect, certainly not you SDC.., remember SDC, all the things you did wrong when we were married?
        For example, remember when you left that cup in the sink? see, you’re not perfect now are you?

        We learn from our mistakes, if I can forgive you for leaving the dirty cup in the sink, it’s only fair that you should forgive me. Let’s put all that childish nonsense behind us..,

        • Ah yes, the metaphor of the ledger! I am well-familiar with this use of this method of justification, unfortunately.

          His Ex: I’m trying to minimize the horrific crap I’ve done by claiming that the good things I’ve done balance out the bad. Everyone’s got some plus’s and minus’s in the columns of their ledger, right? Especially you, SDC, what with your cowardice and allowing yourself to be forced to sell your business and dating some new WHORE. Oh, and for not dying in the 100 degree spare bedroom after your surgery which would have brought me a fat life insurance dividend. But I forgive you. No one’s perfect.

          Aaand a false equivalency (a logical fallacy where one attempts to equate two unequal things)

          You didn’t die in the guest room, and I banged a pastor because I was bored. Let’s not split hairs here. We have mistake-making in common, we silly impetuous humans! I forgive you for the not dying thing. No one’s perfect.

          If I can sink you down to my level through both of these crazy-making tactics, then you have no moral superiority over me and I don’t have to face what a waste of skin I really am. Get down here on my level! Do you hear me? I know where you live!

          P S Y C H O…

    • I’m with you Special Snowflake ha. Superduper Chump – Take a photocopy of that letter, staple it to a print out of the UBT version and mail it to each of the daughters and your ex’s parents with no explanation. DO IT!

      Reading today’s column made me feel sick to my stomach. We all know that these f**kwits behave with great deliberation but it took my breath away to read a letter from someone who admitted that she purposefully betrayed, manipulated and abused her husband. That woman is terrifyingly disordered and she’s reaching out to get more kibbles. Her supply of strange dicks must have dried up.

      Superduper Chump – consider this letter to be ongoing validation that you needed to get away from that freak. No second thoughts about this narc. I am so sorry that you were taken in and used so badly by this pathetic excuse for a human being.

    • I do agree in sending it to the girls. She would shit her pants wouldn’t she? She did not think this through on the fact that he could and should do just that! Fucking bitch.

  • CHUTZ-PAH

    ˈho͝otspə,ˈKHo͝otspə

    shameless audacity; impudence.

    synonyms: audacity, cheek, guts, nerve, boldness, temerity
    “It took a lot of chutzpah for her to walk in on Owen’s bachelor party.”

  • Holy. And here I was bitching this am that my ex lied to me about having monster spray at his house when I asked on behalf of our child. I mean that’s a stupid thing to lie about but.

    I bow at the altar of this mighty chump. Wow. This woman.

  • When I was a kid, I was taught there are no such things as monsters. No boogeyman, werewolves, vampires. Nothing hiding in the closet, or under the bed. No demons or ghosts hiding in the dark.
    But there are. This bitch is one of them. My STBX is one of them as are so many of your cheaters.
    That letter made me sick to my stomach.

    • See, that’s not even fair to the classic monsters because in a lot of the lore, they’re just creatures bound to their nature trying to make their way fairly in the world – you certainly can’t say the same for our set.

  • Dear Super Duper Chump –
    I wish you a lifetime of happiness.
    Your ex takes the cake for the most character disordered I have read @ CL
    An “apology” letter that spends most of the time blaming you for your shortcomings (thereby minimizing her own) is SIMPLY OUTRAGEOUS.
    And the things she admits are APPALLING:
    25 years of using you even though she “couldn’t feel love”…..
    Forcing you to lose your business because of the “lawyers”…..
    “TELLING PEOPLE YOU ABUSED HER” so she didn’t have to be embarrassed by the truth and wear a scarlet letter A….
    and worst of all…..Letting your stepdaughters believe this lie & ALIENATING THEM FROM YOU AFTER ALL YOU DID

    Oh Super Duper Chump – there is a chair in heaven for you – monogrammed – extra thick cushions – luxurious upholstery – down filled – with a wonderful view – YOU ARE MIGHTY – and i hope you walk in joy all the rest of your days.

  • Oh… my… goodness!!! I feel billious.

    Well supadupa, if any of this shittyness (and there’s a lot of shittyness of different variations and flavours) has any benefit at all – it’s put my problems into perspective. I now hate your ex more than I hate my ex, damn!

    Apart from all the surface provocative stuff (which you can ignore cos you is clever) on a deeper note, I think she’s trying to deepen the rift between you and the kids by implying they are in on this “using daddy” shit.

    If it was me I’d send/give the kids a copy of the letter.

    only go to that thing if you start speaking first and gently explain that you don’t have restrictions put on who you can bring to places etc. And talking about the kids not that crazy lady. Only thing I’d say to her is “fuck off”**

    **sorry you feel that way, hope you’re feeling better soon, love to your dad, I’ve been a bit forgetful lately, bye

    • I agree. This letter makes my ex look like a saint. All he did was cheat, devalue and discard. Still, with some of the cheaters on this site it’s a pretty low bar to get over to be a lesser asshole.

      • Haha. A race to the bottom! SDC- I hope you walk away and do not engage with this loser. She is irrational and will come up with more stupid shit. I suggest stay NC. Hugs!

    • MidLifeBlast – that’s how I felt too after reading this post…. I think I hate SDC’s ex more than I do my own! She makes mine look like just a naughty little boy.

      The lying about being abused, that is just, wow….DESPICABLE!! SDC needs to talk with the daughters about this, pronto! It’s not fair to him OR the girls that they’ve been torn apart (by the sounds of it) all because of a despicable LIE! This should be a crime. Defamation much?

      The ex is melting in her boots (Wicked Witch of the West comes to mind… “I’m MELTiiiiiiiiing!!!”) because SDC has moved on and is happy. Meanwhile, she still has to live with the fact she’s a shitty person. She must sleep like a baby. Not.

      She’s coming apart, you can just feel it in her desperate words. She’s desperate for SDC’s attention. Hahaha, don’t give her any, it will kill her (I’M MELTiiiiiiiiing!!”).

      SDC, I hope you get the chance to talk to the girls and give them the opportunity to learn the truth. All the best to you in your new life 🎉

  • Wow!! This is some fucked up thinking. And she is in counseling???? Sorry, it, and hanging out in Church again, is not helping this crazy twat waffle. Send a copy of the letter to the girls. They are old enough to see how much of a wacko their mother is. It is not fair to them or you, that they have been lied to and are missing out on a relationship with their dad.

    • I have a hunch Counselling told her she’d get over her issues and feel better if she wrote ‘a letter’, so she dished out this *shit*. Of course, it won’t be her fault, it will be the Counselor’s fault because they told her to do it.

      And she’s angry!!!! Super-duper angry. How dare SDC be a coward and not hang around to be twatwaffle’s ATM machine!!! How Dare He! You can’t possibly imagine the inconvenience of having your ATM taken away. How Dare He Move on! And then to find that some unworthy female has gone and taken it!

      “Mine, mine, mine, so what if I cheated a tiny bit! Still mine (which is why I have issues, and needed counselling).” See, SDC, it’s your fault she needs counselling! (sic!)

      To me it seems that she wants you to attend graduation – especially alone – to prove to herself that she still has some power over you. And I feel that if you do go, you’ll get more of this hate. You’re well rid. I hope your new lady gives you all the love you deserve.

      • After all she “tried” to love him (by leaving him to die). How dare he not appreciate that. Why is he so ungrateful? After all, it’s the thought that counts.

      • I’d say SuperDuper should send some flowers to the daughter if he wants to, but no way should he subject himself to crazy’s drama on graduation day.

  • Oh. My. F-ing. God. Unbelievable! What a horrible human being. I’m so glad you got away from that, SuperDuperChump! This letter made me sick to my stomach as well.

  • OMG, what a horrible person!

    “Even though you moved away and started a new life like a coward….. ” there she is, there is the shark beneath the water. There is the cruelty, selfish entitlement, grandiosity, lack of empathy, manipulation and all round shitty character, hanging out in full glory for all to see.

    • Super Duper Chump, I am so glad you not only survived but thrived and dumped that colossal waste of space. Sounds like her karma bus has arrived and she is royally ticked that she can’t con you anymore.

      I wish you every good thing that disgusting creature robbed you of times a hundred. You are a testament to strength and courage, not to mention resilience and you deserve every bit of happiness comes to you in your new cheater free life.

      Speaking of that cheater free life, I’m glad that horrible creature is choking on your newfound happiness. She earned that in spades. Love me the smell of karma in the morning!

      • Yeah, calling him a coward and trying to shame him is definitely a great way to convince him to go to graduation alone.

  • Wow! Where do you even begin with that one?!?

    Big hugs to you, SDC! Stay mighty and don’t leave the State of Meh!

  • Wow. Looks like that therapy is just working wonders. 👀

    It is a perfect reminder of what they are and will always remain. And that is its only value.

    Glad you got away.

  • Good LORD, this woman is disordered! I cannot believe the amount of gas lighting and blame shifting going on in that letter! The NERVE to place any blame on the chump here!! WOW. I had so much to say, but honestly …. I feel speechless.

  • Give that woman a trophy – its right up there in the top 5 – she must deserve some sort of award for being top narc adulterer of 2017

    Congrats on being a coward – that probably saved your life!!

  • She makes a solid case for bringing back flogging in the town square.

    1. She needs money.
    2. She got dumped.
    3. No one will take care of her anymore.
    4. She’s bored.

    To let someone support you for 25 years, take half their business and then state they never loved you?

    Superduper I’m glad we got to see the letter. But put up concrete boundaries with this one. She is very dangerous.

  • I’m 51 and you’d think that nothing could surprise me anymore. I am wrong yet again. I can’t even. Glad you got away from that mind fuck SuperDuperChump. Keep the remote control on mute for that one and keep ignoring her calls. Better yet, block her from your phone!!

    • She has no idea what love is. They know the words to the song but not the actual tune. She is mimicking back words and concepts she has heard in life in order that she sounds human.
      She is using her manipulative code sentences and words to extract more value from Super.

      None of these disordered cluster B cheaters are capable of love. And not in some sad sausage way that they need help understanding how to empathize or love.

      Just think of a Komodo dragon ripping apart a goat.

      That is how they think of love. Satisfying their base and craven lusts. No one else’s pain is on their radar.

      • “Just think of a Komodo dragon ripping apart a goat.”

        Hell, I can’t even imagine that but it does make my imagination work overtime.
        Love your analogy.

  • Truth is stranger than fiction. You most certainly have the makings of a psychological thriller here.

    She referred to you as a coward which I googled the definition of coward and the first one that comes up is a person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things. In your case I would say this is common sense.

    I laugh at cl’s spot on translation but I wonder if you ought to be worried. She doesn’t sound harmless. This letter sounds threatening and she has a history of leaving you for dead.

    I think you should stay as far away from her as possible. Can you get a restraining order? That might just make her madder.

    Anyway, she sounds like a scary stalker. All I could think reading this was fatal attraction. Consider all your options. She sounds like one who would snap. Take care and stay safe. I hope no contact and grayrock works. So sorry you are in this position.

    • This is the right response.

      As a male chump you may *not* respond in anger or *you* will be in jail (or worse). Do *not* send this letter to her kids. Get a restraining order, pronto. Protect yourself, SDC.

    • In the book, “The Gift of Fear”, the author advises not getting restraining orders. First, it’s a form of attention which they crave. Second, malignant narcissists (the worst kind) are highly entitled and vengeful. When their entitlement is stripped from them, their vengeance can turn to murder. This letter proves his ex is a malignant narcissist (she destroyed his business, lied to her kids about him, etc…). The author instead recommends strict No Contact and I agree.

      • I 100% agree. No restraining order unless she really does something that deserves one (harassment at his home/work, threatening him, etc.). No reason to get the narc even angrier! Also, I don’t think he should send the letter to the daughters. His ex will find a way to gaslight and blameshift about it. I’d just tuck the letter away in a safe place and maybe one day his stepdaughters will reach out to him and he can set them straight. I would not respond to her letter in any way. I wouldn’t call anyone or attend anything. If his stepdaughter wanted him there, she would have reached out to him. If he felt compelled, he could send a nice card for graduation with maybe something written about shared memories or whatever.

        It’s really creepy she’s stalking SDC. If I’m remembering correctly, he moved away and is no contact? Like how does she know he’s got a girlfriend? She’s sick.

        SDC, I’m so happy for you that you have moved on from this woman and have a new love in your life. I wish you and her the best for 2018!

        • I agree with these responses to avoid responding or contacting this woman’s kids. No contact and grey rock will keep you safe. Reading her letter freaked me out on your behalf. Remain distant. Protect yourself. Hugs to you!

  • This is truly appalling. This woman tells slanderous lies and ruins her daughters’ relationship with “the only father they’ve ever known,” and then proceeds to call him a coward for moving on with his life? Disgusting. Despite the UBT’s perfect translation, this letter made me want to vomit. I hate the word impactful, but I hate this woman more.

  • Send a copy of that letter to both of your stepdaughters, your mother and your former father in law. They deserve to know the truth. Especially, your daughters.

    I’m sorry she’s such a waste of skin. It’s hard to imagine people like that really exist.

    • I agree, great idea. I would do that too!

      I’m so sorry of the pain you went through with this waste of a woman.

  • SuperDuperChump I am so sorry that you were ever connected with THAT! You were a great husband, father and provider and she is so twisted. Great love and luck in your new relationship.

  • SuperDuperChump

    She flat out came and said she just used you???? #NoWords

    Just a phrase that used to help me: your behaviour does not determine my worth

    Words: there. is. something. seriously. wrong. with. that. woman.

  • Holy Crap, this crazy entitled selfish bitch! An apology letter that also includes calling him a coward, making him feel guilty. Admitting that she lied to her daughters about him abusing her.

    I can’t even…

    I Love UBT! It needs a few days of rest after this one.

  • Wow. The definition of cluster b right there in every sentence. Why don’t these people come with warning labels?!
    How painful to have lived around that messed up of a brain, SDC! You are mighty!

  • Well that is quite an “apology “!! So much blame and So much to hate about this self centered narc. Lying to your step kids saying she was abused! Only wanting to tell the truth if you do what she says. x told his family and our kids I was a drunken slut, but if I took him back he would tell everyone the truth. If not, he wouldn’t retract it. Blackmailing….can you feel the love? Love the part about blaming chump for the scarlett letter on her chest LOL…she was screwing her pastor, does she think she is a character from great literature?? I agree, send this to the kids.

    • She worked hard to earn that letter, she should be proud to wear it. I do think pastor should get a matching one, however. He did his part and deserves some recognition for that.

  • Super Duper Chump, so happy that you found someone that truly appreciates your worth. Best wishes!

    This woman used you, and actually admitted it. Wow, just Wow!!!

  • My X sent me an email missive about how Schmoopie was his soul mate, I shouldn’t malign her, their special bond, we grew apart blah blah blah. I hit reply and used the largest font I could and wrote “FUCK OFF YOU IDIOT” then I put the house up for sale and got lawyers up. These people are so transparent and stupid it’s actually comical. I was angry at the time if I had a do-over I’d now add “HA HA HA BEST LAUGH I’VE HAD TODAY”

    • Oh shit, your awesome.
      I got a feel sorry for me email recently saying he had a hereditary heart condition, hasn’t been confirmed by the doctors yet, but shit facts get in the way. Hasn’t mentioned it since then and I didn’t reply but should have taken a tip from you with the screaming caps.
      Had to reread this disordered crap as my eyes and brain couldn’t believe it! Fucking nut bag she is!

        • Lady B,
          I also got one that said he had a brain tumor, they lie so much how can you believe them? At any rate, he negated the ‘through sickness and in health” bit when he he said “I want a divorce”. Consequences are hard. Hope Schmoopie is as good at nursing as she is at blow jobs! Not my concern anymore!

  • Wow. I don’t even know what to say to this.
    SuperDuperCHump, what a great thing you have done to be away from her. She really is a sick person.

  • Soooo… in her world coward and survivor are synonymous?

    Or…. why is he a coward for leaving when she admits she didn’t love him and admits to spreading lies. What else should he do? He should… ‘fight’ for a woman who fucks men because she’s bored and lies to her children and has no actual feelings for him? Sounds like leaving shouldn’t actually matter to her. This is ridiculous.

    This is nonsense.

    • This she didn’t love him for 25 years is bullshit! She is comparing “the tummy tickles,” to a deep, loving bond with another. AND, how dare she call a person with honor and integrity a coward. This person is a WACKO!!!

  • I love how cheaters are “heroes “ for putting up with us and chumps are cowards for leaving and not putting up with their crap. SuperDuper, your x is challenging KK for the title of worst xwife ever!

    • I think she has knocked kk off the throne! Can’t you just get a picture of the two of them fighting over the Throne Of Kibbles……. ” I’m Best!” “No you aren’t, you bitch! I’m better than you, everyone is paying attention to MEEE!!!!”

      • Yup I had this thought today: If being a disordered narc was an Olympic sport, then SDC’s ex just edged KK out for the gold. I think KK still gets the silver but this here bitch takes the ever loving cake!!

  • Ok, now I know what batshit crazy means. This woman is totally off her rocker. I hope you and your new woman had a good laugh over this one. Send along a copy with the next card you send the girls. And yes, you should show up to support the girls, with or without the girlfriend, but don’t sit with their mom.

    So she fooled around on you, left you for dead, told the girls lies about you so they don’t like you much but you need to try harder to be a good dad to her kids? No wonder the UBT is blowing a gasket.

    Sometimes I wish ex or Schmoopie would send me some crazy missive to send through the UBT for the amusement of all, but although they both have some serious flaws in their characters, stupidity is, alas, not among them.

    • Yeah I’m pretty sure that if you look up bat shit crazy in the dictionary or Wikipedia, her picture would definitely be there!

  • I wonder if the kids suspect the truth or something. Because this looks like a trap. You show up at graduation and she makes a big deal of How Dare You Show Your Face, Ruining Daughter’s Special Day With Your Drama. I’d show this letter to your mother, SDC, but not the girls. This… creature will find a way to spin it to make you the bad guy again.

      • I just read the letter again and yeah, this is definitely a trap. It sounds like SDC’s stepdaughters are not in communication with him at all. If that’s the case, I guarantee Ex-Creature will huff and puff about How Dare He Show Up Uninvited, Look How He Disrespects Your Boundaries, That’s Exactly What He Did To Me All The Time.

        SDC, only go to graduation if K reaches out and asks you to be there.

    • My 7 year old knows there is something…different about her dad…These people can be obviously disordered like this lady.
      I’m lucky because she is not around his chaotic mind all that much. I believe (hope) it will make things easier on her.
      If the kids have an opportunity to live around “not crazy” which is hard when the crazy is a stay at home mom, then they get it…sometimes is takes years, sometimes they cannot face it and pretend everything is fine, even as an adult, but they know. At the end of the day I just feel so badly for all the kids of these types.

  • Words escape on the disorder of this one. She is a special extra crazy kind of disorder. GEEZ!

    But CL, your # comments had me laughing out loud!

    TRUTH!

    SDC – wishing you happiness and blessings in your new life!

  • “You hurt my Dad when you didn’t call on his birthday. I could see the pain and emotion in his eyes.”

    Super Duper, it’s YOUR fault that cheater’s father is suffering? It’s not the shame for his daughter’s “wayward” actions?

    After reading this shit I feel so relieved for you! Meh on a Tuesday!!

  • Not that I’m telling you anything you don’t already know SuperDuper, but obviously this woman saw you only as somebody good for being a walking ATM and a source of stability to help her raise her kids (these are basically the functions I served for 15 years). You were looked at as being useful to her – until you weren’t. Yeah, but you were a good “provider,” so you’ve got that going for you……..

    She “tried” to love you, but couldn’t? WTF does that even mean?

    She was bored at home…..ok, go get a hobby, go pursue something that interests you, or better yet, go get a job and help pay for your daughters’ education. Adulting can be very hard for some people.

    And falsely telling her daughters that you abused her? Again, where do you even go with this?

    All I see here is a case study in sociopathy. You’ve got some entitlement, a dash of selfishness, lack of empathy, and a whole lot of blameshifting all wrapped up in a mental pretzel that only a true narcissist could enjoy.

  • O.
    M.
    G.
    My mouth is hanging open in shock, utter shock!
    Gosh, WHO could pass up an invitation (summons) like THAT?
    Still. CANNOT. Believe this.
    UBT will need some maintenance after this.
    Holy fuck!
    SuperDuper, your MIGHTY is fabulous – the polar opposite of “coward” (which could be defined as lying about abuse to cover her own sorry ass).
    Send the grad this leeter for her grafiation gift. She needs to see that POS mother for what she is – NOT a mother.
    Thank you for the cold water narc reality check.
    Holy shit.
    Still smh.

  • This wayward hoe needs to take a flying leap off the nearest cliff.

    I actually can’t believe what I just read.

    Congrats Super Duper Chump on getting away from her #evilbitch #shedidyouahugefavor

  • This letter right here.

    This should be required reading for anyone considering wreconciliation. Know the nature of the devil you are taking on. Even though I STILL don’t want to believe it, I absolutely can see my XH saying things like this, IF I’d ever give him the time.

    Holy sh@t, this woman needs and exorcist, not a therapist.

  • Newbies to Chump Nation – this is why NO CONTACT is so important to your recovery and freedom. You can’t see the crazy when you’re in the middle of the storm – just read this letter.. can you hear the blameshifting ( I never loved you, so I cheated)… can you hear the pity channel (I only dated losers before you, so I cheated)… can you hear the charm channel (my Daddy misses you and the Girls do too, so what if I cheated)… can you hear the rage channel (you’re a coward for moving on with your life without me).

    Sweet Jesus, SDC, you’ve got a stalker in the making here. Keep yourself safe.

    And, while I understand why folks would say to send this letter to your stepdaughters, I’m going to disagree. Just say NO TO TRIANGULATION. They are adults, you can establish a healthy relationship with them, should you desire… but don’t have their Mom involved.

    And CL – this made my fucking day: “Am I a person who fucked around on her spouse, or am I person who wanders helplessly into snowdrifts? #helpmeivefallenandicantgetup” I’m sure you could draw the hell out of this idea!

    Go have a great day SDC… the UBT has given you a gem of sanity. No Contact… it’s what’s for breakfast.

  • Oh CL,
    “There’s one under the sofa cushions right now.”

    I read the post topic, your translations, not all the responses yet, I have to get to work here, but, YOU, CL, your writings, your creativity, like just WOW.
    I am gonna smile all day.
    I know CN is serious business and I respect pain, really I do, but mixed with your humour, in your everyday reading, well, you just make life bearable.
    Thank you for being YOU!
    Rock on CN. You are the truth and the light!
    🙌👏🙌

    • Peacekeeper, I wasn’t ready for CL in the early days of Dday#2. I knew he was shit person. I knew I was done with the marriage. But I didn’t think I had the kind of cheater I saw in these posts. Well I sure did and then some!

      Thank goodness I’m 20 months out from Dday #2 April 2017, divorce was final Oct. 2017. I was initially devastated to find my then husband almost 50 years old pursuing DD14’s 20-something year old assistant sports coach while he was volunteer coaching. Really? He thinks his desires are more important than not only your wife of almost 20 years but your kids? You don’t even consider how this would affect your daughter and how embarrassing for her with her teammates, her other coaches, her friends, other parents? We are in a private, Christian school to teach our kids our values? I converted to his religion! And our teenaged son has all the same friends and issues. Wow, just wow.

      The humour now gets me through the freaking day! I feel like CL is walking us through See One, Do One, Teach One with the UBT. I have finally been able to look back over my situation and freaking laugh! Not when I think about my kids, but at the audacity of the freak I was married to.

      #sofacushionsmakemelaughnow #dirtyoldmanisanex #hopeyoungschmoopieisworthit #2schmoopielimitforme

  • Long time reader and first time poster. This site has been helpful to getting me to happier and healthier places.

    Wow what a letter. I think the trigger is seeing / hearing that SDC is building his life and happiness without his ex that is the trigger to this letter.

    #nomorekibbes

    Stay away from this person SDC.

  • WHAT.IN.THE.HELL,?!!?! There is no way around this. That is the silliest letter I have ever read from someone who professes to be an adult. How in the world that woman thinks that you ever want another thing to do with her is beyond me. You know, every now and then we really do have to deal with delusional people. She is delusional and she’s dangerous as hell. We here at CL/CN are so glad you are in another life with another love. I hope you bring this letter out once or twice a year and laugh your head off. Oh, by the way, those two girls knew you. They lived in the house with you. They know you are not that kind of person. It is up to them to reconnect with you. I am guessing that she’s having trouble financially and is hoping you will come through with a little moolah for the graduate.

    • AMEN!! The last sentence explains the crazy ex’s real motive for reaching out. And I completely agree it is on the daughters to reach out to him now, not the other way around.

  • OMG. That is the most F’d up non apology I’ve ever seen! My two favorite parts:

    1. “YOU put a huge Scarlet Letter on my chest for everyone to see.”

    2. “Even though you moved away and started a new life like a coward, I still know what’s going on in your life. Do not bring her with you. She has no business being there. I remember a tough man who used to face challenges head on. Not this time. You ran away in shame. Yes, in cowardly fashion.”

    This woman is psychotic. It’s good she’s going to a counselor because she’s lost touch with reality. Her double- speak makes my head want to explode. I hate the way cheaters always say, “I’m sorry you made me do this.”

    SuperDuperChump, I’m so glad you’re away from this delusional person.

  • I am sitting here with my jaw dropped and speechless. This letter takes EVERY narcissistic tactic to a new level. And the things she did to you…from cheating to telling you she never loved you to lying to the kids about you and everything in between. Just wow. She may be the master at the mindfuck of all time.

    Too bad you even opened and read the letter. You will never be able to wipe those words from your mind. I would recommend never opening another letter again.

    And I’m sorry about the girls. What she did was beyond cruel and unfair. I just hope someday, they come to you on their own for the real story. Right now, she is completely controlling their narrative. She wins the prize for “Trust they suck.”

  • Wow! She’s so sorry she wrote you a letter full of insults, minimizing, “should’s”, and gloating about her desirability. “Hey, everyone else thinks you are doing it wrong! I know because I gave them my sanitized version of the story… has the guilt made you feel obligated yet? While I’m at it I’ll beat you down some more, because you know I’m really sorry. Can’t you tell by my stalking that I’m just trying to help you move on? You know, had you stalked me a little more I might have loved you, but let’s not dwell on that! I need you to come back into my life so I can lie about you some more. I’m sorry my lies last time were so big, this time I’ll keep them a little smaller – I’ll probably tell everyone I’m so desirable you just can’t let go. I’ll tell them how you used my daughters graduation as an excuse to see me, because of course I’m such a catch! Don’t you agree? If you show up, I want to make it clear that everyone thinks you are wrong (they are on my side), I love being in control of that narrative! Make sure you walk on eggshells and don’t get too self righteous, you know I’ll lie if I get angry! That’s why it’s important for me to beat you down into your place, I wouldn’t want you to think you are worth anything. I want to be in control, and by god (he loves me BTW – see everyone does) if you get self-righteous I will use everything in my arsenal to take you down buddy…. but let’s just be friends shall we? You know no one is perfect, not even you!”

    I got the post apocalypse “I didn’t love you” line as well. “Hey, I’m sorry I was using hookers, but it just made me realize I didn’t love you! I tried really hard, but you just aren’t lovable. Hey, by the way, you should probably love yourself, because maybe then I could have loved you too! You know my behavior was a direct reflection of that right? Your pick me dance was so entertaining, yet it repulsed me. I prefer to tell myself that women who sell their bodies for a living are the ones with high self esteem, and your conservative morals are merely a reflection of how much you don’t love yourself”

    PUT DOWN THE LETTER AND STEP AWAY FROM THE MINDFUCK!

    • Oh, and she’s so concerned about HIM doing what’s right for HER girls, but that’s not something she’s responsible for? Guess she should have thought of that when she was trolling the neighborhood for kibbles!

      The entitlement runs deep in this one!

  • Simply WOW

    The end of that letter really surmised what this woman was really thinking.

    The entire point of the letter was to try and control him again.

    First, those are her kids (NOT HIS)
    Second, thats her father with the teary eyes (NOT HIS)
    Third, thats her daughters graduation (NOT HIS)
    Fourth, thats his wife/girlfriend that she is telling him not to bring (NOT HERS)

    Who the fuck does she think she is?

    It is creepy as hell that she knows where he is etc… she needs to find another one of those guys that treats her like crap and just wants sex from her and leave SuperDuperChump alone. She seems to enjoy that.

    No Contact, don’t even respond to that stupid letter. You have no reason to.

    • The two kids (NOT HIS) who are mad at him for supposedly “abusing” their mom and being a “coward” for leaving them. The woman who blames him for being bored as a stay at home Mom.

      What really got me is the audacity of her demanding he show up to her kids graduation but forbidding his new gf from going. If another woman is busy making him happy it will interfere with the she-wolf making him miserable. I think she just wants nice graduation pictures to put in a frame.

      I lied, what really made me want to strangle her was the “I suppose this is why I never gave you children of your own.” This is disgusting and vile. Shes cruel. She’s cruel to cheat, she’s cruel to falsely accuse you of crimes, she’s cruel to turn children you raised against you, and she’s cruel to use the kids as leverage to force you into playing “family” and then disparage the woman you’re with.

      I can’t imagine reading a letter like this, it’s really sick and I’m sorry you received it. I don’t know how you didnt kill her.

  • Sweet goodness that’s a tough read! When you are new to this crap, it sort of seems like an apology. You want so badly for these cheaters to see life through your chumpy, loving lens. Thank the heavens above for CL and CN. Now the UBT feeds this dead branch through the chopper and throws it away forever.

    I am so glad you are away from this one SDC. She is some piece if work. Initially I wondered as I was reading through it: Did she get dumped? Is she broke? Is she pissed SDC has moved on and dating? Then I realized I’m trying to untangle and that would still make her central and that she mattered in this!

    This big of a flaming narc must’ve been a joy to live with seeing this level of self absorbtion and entitlement. And honestly for her girls to believe ‘abuse’ claim having lived in the same home with both parents (and yes SDC was a dad to them). Don’t let her squirm her way back in. She is using her girls, her dad, the future faking cause it sounds like she kept the family home to hoover SDC back in. Thank goodness for the UBT but I’m guessing SDC saw the message for the crap it was!!!

    • It’s because at least one of the daughters (maybe both, if this is the youngest one) is finishing college and how will she take centre-stage in their lives now? Why, by carping forever about how their horrible horrible neglectful/boundary-trampling stepfather didn’t even come/showed up uninvited to K’s graduation (delete as necessary).

  • My first thought was OMFG!!!! I’m still trying to pick my jaw up with all of the comments she made and how fucked up this woman is.

    CL you rocked it again! Well done.

    SuperDuperChump you are mighty and freaking awesome for finding your way to Meh after going through 25 years with that crazy woman. Thanks for being willing to share this so others can learn and grow.

  • Holy cattle… I got the ‘I tried’ thing too! That one really hurt deeply.

    I got:
    “I tried for many years to make things work and to be happy. I really did” and also:

    “For several years, I have fought myself in order to convince myself that we could find long term happiness together.”

    All those things made me feel was shame. Shame that I must have been such a crap partner that my ex had to force himself to be with me. He had to fight himself! Honestly, can I have been that awful?? Why did he fight himself? Why did he stay with me for so long?

    And bewilderment – he tried? Really? How come that didn’t involve talking to me about what he was feeling or experiencing?

    Any one else experience the same, or any words of wisdom? I STILL to this day worry I must be a crap partner, because my ex had to TRY to be with me. Why would he say such things, or even do such a thing??

    • He said those things to you because those are the rationalizations he told himself. He gave himself permission to be a cheater. And surely he couldn’t be a low life cheater. Surely it had to be someone elses fault. And it is purely cheater think. This is why you shouldn’t reconcile with a cheater–EVER.

      Another site that helped me (and references CL site as a go to source too):

      https://www.infidelityhelpgroup.com/understanding-infidelity/cheater-think/

      https://www.infidelityhelpgroup.com/2014/06/25/once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater-2/

      This is blameshifting at it’s finest. It has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. As chumps, we hear this shit and take it to heart. We want to do for others. We think “wow, was it me? Did I try hard enough?”.

      My own personal theory is the worse the cheater, the better the chump. It’s not you, it’s them. Once you stop untangling that skein and start taking care of yourself, no contact, time and distance from the cheater, the clearer this becomes. You probably put up with shit for years. You just may not quite realize it yet.

      • I’m raising my hand too, off the crazy train. You are not alone. Twice a chump is spot on.

        Just this week I was contacted by a former subordinate of asshole. As far as I know she never participated in fuckfests with asshole. As I look back, I do know she was someone he was attempting to cultivate. Anyhow, she reached out to me (I helped in a few yrs ago with her startup) wanting to get together; her and her spouse, asshat and I for a holiday dinner & drinks.

        Asshat is a very skilled covert narc, Mr.NiceGuy. When I told her doing couples things involving asshat was impossible and gave her the reason, she was naturally shocked. As my neighbors. As my friends. As my family.

        You did NOTHING to cause your creep to cheat. You are NOT responsible for your creep imploding your life and the lives of your kids. Do NOT drink the cheater’s Kool Aide. These people suck. Do not get fogged by cognitive dissonance.

    • I got the same crappy lines. The only words of wisdom I have to offer is that they did NOT try. Those are just words to make them feel better. The reality is that trying would have meant being an honest and REAL partner. Trying would have meant making the loving choices even when they did not feel loving. Love is a choice you make every single day to do what is best for the other person. Screwing someone else is not trying. Lying to you is not trying. Hiding things, including their feelings, is not trying.

      Stop giving their words validity. They have shit for integrity and character. That is the only reason that you were treated as you were. It really has nothing to do with who you are or what you did. You could have been absolutely perfect (and many of us strived to be so we could be loved and valued) and they STILL would have done what they did.

    • It’s not you, it’s him.
      He’s trying to convince himself that he’s not to blame. If he makes you doubt yourself, you’ll stop doubting him. That’s what he wants.

      Stay mighty.

      Step away from his words. They don’t mean anything.

      Hugs.

    • Yes, Off the crazy train, I too still struggle with that shame. Match Girl, on the other hand, has no shame. I now see my shame as an indicator that I am a normal human raised in a society that uses appropriate amounts of shame to keep me from committing heinous acts against other humans. It’s good to have some shame. It’s my body telling me not to fuck people I am not married to or who might be married to another person. Simple.

    • Offthecrazytrain, my son told me his dad told him “this has been coming for years.” This caused me to have massive panic attacks in the middle of the night for months because I kept wondering how I never saw it coming!! My son sounded so confused when he told me, like he didn’t see it coming either.

      Also, my ex told me, “I tried to make it work. I looked on the internet for ideas but nothing helped.” So…he looked on the internet for answers to problems he wouldn’t discuss, so it was my fault I didn’t know what he wanted.

      Everything that comes out of their mouths leads back to, “my crappy decisions are all your fault.”

    • Look at your story together: did he really try? Try doesn’t mean just having a thought or brainwashing himself. No. He tried if he talked to you about the things that were making him unhappy. Try is at least having ONE honest discussion about ANYTHING that was not working. If he is like mine, he did not try, not even once. Mine chose not to talk to me, and then he claimed ‘you did not give the space to talk’. Yeah, as if there was some way I could have stopped a conversation. I never had to run from home because I did not want to talk to him. But the coward probably is telling everybody how hard he tried to make things work with me. His cousin-whore can have the prize now.

      Actually, if it’s not too painful, google about how to repair a relationship, how to reconnect, and how to fix things. Read what it try actually means. You’ll see he never did any of that, because he didn’t need it. You were never a horrible partner. He was.

  • Send a copy of this letter to the Sheriff where she lives and where you live.

    She will cycle to rage when you don’t respond. It is a preemptive strike about any lies she comes up with when she realizes the jig is up.

    And lying about abuse? If a police report was involved, that’s a felony. They need to know this.

  • Oh my, this is quite the letter. What are you going to do Super Duper Chump? I think I’d send the girls each letters, congratulating the one graduating, include an explanation of why you won’t be there and express how much you want to be in their lives – include the exes letter as an attachment and end with “if you ever need me, I am here” because I’m pretty sure with a mother like that they are going to need you.

  • somehow reading this all my synapses in the brain fired at one time and yet I am paralysingly speechless, this must be how a migraine feels

    • Zell UBT that blaming missive and know that “imperfection does not justify cheating” and “normal Run-of-the-mill imperfection is not equivalent to cheating nor does it ever justify cheating”. Disordered X also ran the “you’re not perfect” line, sure but I was perfectly faithful. #betteroffnow #movingon

  • “It’s my fault……but also your fault…..but my fault…..but really your fault because nobody’s perfect…”
    I’m car sick from reading that……or just sick in general.
    The only thing I can really say about that is HUH?????

    I love you…..I’m sorry……coward.

    • Oh….and one more thing.
      You should of called my dad on his birthday.
      W.T.F????
      My mother in law thought she deserved some respect too. She lost the right to any respect from me when she welcomed the mistress and her kids a hot second after my ex dropped the bomb and endorsed his cheating.
      No happy birthday for you.

  • A) don’t think of going anywhere near that graduation. Dont send any more cards, no more calls, nothing.
    Your children will come to terms with what a shit their birthpod is, in good time, and seek you out after the revelation.
    B) on the days leading up to, the day of and for a few days after the event please fill your social calendar with activities like movies at a theater, dinners with your SO, art galleries, etc…do things in public that provide you with receipts and record your face on camera.
    She’s one dangerous bitch and i wouldn’t put it past her to file harassment charges, saying you showed up at the house or the ceremony or wherever…think she wouldn’t? She already did once!

    C) cut contact with Jessica and whoever else you think may be supplying this witch with info. You and your SO need to whittle down your friends lists on social media. These fuckers have loads of boredom freetime, make fake profiles and weasel themselves in…they vould even be operating under someone’s name that you DO know. So go through every friend’s page. Tedious, but useful.

    D) consider moving further away, if possible, if you can uproot your job or start another one somewhere else, say like 5-6 states away.

    E) do not think of everything you left behind, keep concentrating on the future. Your SO sounds like a doll. Keep nc and do your thing!

  • I hope that my journey can be a tribute to the blueprint of “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.” If you are on the fence about a new path, hopefully my journey is one of the examples that catapults you.

    Every step of CL’s blueprint is exemplified in this letter. Everything. You can’t reason nor use logic. Cheaters are screwed up. That’s why they cheat.

    I also recommend after gaining a new life to receive your mail at a P.O. box. Just for your own sanity and safety and helps the No Contact strategy.

    Also, the RIC Wolf community likes to use the word “Wayward” to dilute CHEATING so it doesn’t sound so terrible. If you and Love Muffin have decided to try and reconcile, and your MC uses “Wayward”…..get up and walk the hell out. You are playing poker with a marked deck.

    I won’t be attending graduation. Not allowing any drama to ruin my daughter’s day. She earned it. That day is her day. I had a wonderful phone call this morning with my princess. We are getting together at Christmas and leaving all the drama behind us. A new start.

    THANK YOU Chump Lady for what you do. YOU are THE inspiration.

    Carry on, Chump Nation. As Detective James “Sonny” Crockett of the Miami-Dade Police Department always said back in the 80’s:

    “If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem.”

    • Super, I got sorta stuck on “wayward” too. “Hey, there is a fork in the road and I will take that one. Oh, how waywardly wayward of me!” It is the most benign word for horrendous behavior and shows so clearly that you are well out of the life of a nut case.

    • SuperDuperChump — I wasn’t going to comment at all, so that you can let CN release their justified wrath on your behalf unencumbered. This is truly your day to feel the love.

      But since you’ve updated, I’ll just say — EVERY, EVERY, EVERY bit of head-shaking mindfuckery exhibited by your ex in this letter is EXACTLY what KK did in the letter I received 5 days after the divorce was finalized. Tracy may print it on the blog someday (I UBT’d it myself), then all current and future visitors can have concrete and pathetic examples of how extreme narcissistic disorder attempts to express itself.

      I’m honored to consider you a brother in struggle, and would love to raise a toast to you in person someday.

      • I think KK and SDC’s ex have made the final round in the disordered competition. Who’ll be the final champion? Stay tuned…

      • “I hate you, don’t leave me” they are both classic examples of BPD with a heavy sprinkling of the other three disorders. I’m happy for both of you that you escaped!

      • As a fellow brother in struggle, I would love to get in on that in-person toast. You two are my heroes, along with everyone else who has had to go through this mind-fuckery.

      • YOU…UXWorld are “The Man” and always will be.

        Had I not be in the Land of Meh, this letter would have hurt to the bone. But, it didn’t. I actually laughed when I read it. It was so pathetic it was hilarious.

        Keep carrying the torch, my friend. I take my hat off when I read your posts.

    • I’m glad you have a relationship with your daughter! I was a little confused initially about the status of this. The kids will have to deal with her for the rest of their life. As the daughter of a cheater that my mom divorced and he married his latest, young schmoopie, the older I got the crazier the situation was to me. I could really see the dysfunction of my dad and the normal, sane parent my mom was. I’m not sure how my mom weathered that shit storm. Hopefully with time, your girls will see the truth. And what a good man you are.

    • So happy for you SDC! What a beautiful shining example you are to us all, that it’s possible to come back from the depths of hell and lead a life filled with love, self-respect, and happiness!

      (And nothing underscores the depths of hell you were in more than that letter… god almighty that woman takes the top disordered prize, but enough about HER,)

      Thanks again for sharing!!!!

    • SDC……you are a SUPER DUPER CLASS act! I applaud your control and your knowledge of your self worth. It takes every ounce of strength sometimes for me but I try hard to exercise my self control when I have to. Your daughters are very lucky. Any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy.

      Way to go!!!! You are amazing!

    • If that letter is an accurate example of the drivel you must have lived with everyday for 25 years, then I am shocked you didn’t kill her. I wouldn’t have that kind of self-control.

    • I am SO glad to hear that you are establishing a relationship with your daughter(s) completely outside the sphere of your ex. I thought that was the most heartbreaking part of the letter that you shared.

      When they include the kids in their crap, it enrages me more than the actual cheating.

  • And change your handle. You arrived at meh, so instead of SDC you should go by SupaDupaFly. You know the bitch is mad, so just imagine buying her a cape and telling her “you mad? here, this is for you. Now you can be Super Mad.”

  • Allow me to parse the differences between #Sorry and #NotSorry:

    #NotSorry: I never loved you. Being a stay-at-home-parent was hard. Men found me irresistable.

    #Sorry: I have poor character and I made bad choices.

    ————–

    #NotSorry: I will tell the girls that my filthy affair with a pastor was the reason for the divorce and that I lied to them when I said you abused me.

    #Sorry: I did tell the girls that my filthy affair with a pastor was the reason for the divorce and that I lied to them when I said you abused me.

    ————–

    #NotSorry: I want you to be at my daughter’s graduation, but your new girlfriend is not welcome there.

    #Sorry: I’d appreciate it if you came to my daughter’s graduation, but understand if you don’t feel comfortable with that after what I did. Your girlfriend is welcome to attend with you. You can sit where you want, I’ll keep my distance.

    ————–

    #NotSorry: You painted a scarlet letter on my chest when you divorced me, how dare you!

    #Sorry: You painted a scarlet letter on my chest when you divorced me—and I deserved it.

    ————–

    #NotSorry: My dad was hurt when you didn’t call him on his birthday.

    #Sorry: My dad was hurt when you didn’t call him on his birthday, but I reminded him that the divorce was 100% my fault and that it’s my fault you’re not in his life anymore.

    ————–

    Cheaters: see the difference?

  • Holy shit…that was the Grand Canyon of cheater letters. Her kibble must be near depletion. Maybe it was a Saturday alone and she has to blame someone for where she ended up. “Gosh, this house isnt a home without a chump. I’m so sad and mad cake is over.”

    I’m sorry you wasted time reading that but proof you survived a relationship with a she devil and no longer are wasting years with her.

  • I thought the pressure in my sinuses was due to a cold, then I read this and my head feels like it’ll explode.

    I am speechless to be honest. Absolutely speechless. Everything else is covered it.

    The only thing I can add is you should send this letter to your attorney. In the event she starts to kick it up with harassing you.

    If she is truly a cluster B sociopath narcissist, they never really tend to go away. This actually is a little scary the letter that she wrote in the fact that she look you up. And she’s delusional. So send it to your attorney. You may even want your attorney to send a communication to your ex right now to nip it in the bud.

    • Absolutely splendid idea. Preemptive strike that shit with a cease and desist letter straight from the lawyers office.

    • That, and, there’s the court proof that she lied to the kids about abuse. Affording a lawyer is a luxury, so, if or when Dude finds courage and finances to face this monster, to be in his daughter’s lives; hopefully he has all the documentation she gave him to hang her. If the girls are older and almost into adulthood, perhaps they will see their mother’s twisted ways through life experience. (Going to court with the disordered is extremely intimidating.)

  • I seriously don’t have words (well I do but there would be so many swear words the internet would implode). It started off how you’d expect “poor widdle cheater and all her hurtzzz” but then where she admitted to lying to the girls that he had abused her…oh hell no, that piece of shit needs to be publicly taken down (I would even advocate assassination for someone who lies about abuse).

    SuperDuperChump, you are so much better off in your new life without that batshit crazy pos.

  • Not too long ago, I found out what my XH tells the women he dates about our divorce.

    He tells them that I was verbally and emotionally abusive to him. (He accused me of this twice in our 11-year marriage, and both times he was having an affair.)

    He tells them that I starved him sexually. (What?? I had a higher sex drive than him. He was the one who was always turning me down.)

    He tells them that I asked for a divorce when our newborn son was one-month old. (Technically true, but he neglects to mention that I was at the end of my rope because of his cheating throughout the pregnancy, and he’d just had another mysterious unaccounted for day out.)

    He tells them that he never really loved me, he only married me because I cried a lot whenever he tried to break up with me. (Funny, I remember breaking up with him and him aggressively redoubling his pursuit of me.)

    In no way, shape, or form does he ever tell them that he cheated on me repeatedly.

    Why?

    Because he’s not sorry, even though he’s pretty good at acting sorry when he’s actually around me.

    This is who these people are. Believe them.

    • Rarity, if you ever decide to change your name, may I suggest using “Clarity?” Your message and your writing are always so pertinent, and I always look forward to reading your comments.

      Thanks for always being a sane voice out there in the wilderness for all of the still-floundering chumps desperately trying to suck a little air into their tortured lungs.

    • Hugs, Rarity. It breaks my heart that you needed protection from your own husband when you had a tiny newborn to care for, and were so vulnerable to his abuse… Gah, these disordered freaks are all creepy as hell.

  • What the everloving fuck? She wants to clear her conscience not by making anything right but by dumping any remaining guilt and responsibility onto you. She wants to ease her burden by giving it to you. Fuck that, and fuck her.

    You already know these things, but they’re worth validating:

    – You were a rock of a stepfather. (For the record, I adore my stepdad, he is one of my favorite and most beloved people. Good step parents are the unsung heroes of the universe.) You did all of the adulting, and your ex is a horrible, rotten, black-souled beast for lying to them that you abused her. If she really meant any part of her apology related to the girls, she would have already come clean with them. She’s dangling a manipulative and evil carrot in front of you: “Give me kibbles and in exchange I’ll tell the girls you didn’t abuse me. But not until you emotionally flagellate yourself for my pleasure.”

    – You are worthy and lovable. People who are not capable of love accuse others of being unlovable to cover up for their faults. (“It’s not me, it’s you.”) She’s full of shit.

    – You are NOT a coward. You spent your marriage demonstrating your strength, resilience, and commitment to your wife and stepdaughters. You showed up. You did the work. You provided. You came through. She’s looking for emotional leverage by calling you the opposite of what she really knows you to be because she hopes it will hurt. She is awful.

    – You deserve a stable and emotionally available partner. Unbelievable that she has her nose out of joint about you being with someone else after she twisted herself into knots trying to justify her extramarital relationships. I’d love to see her reaction if you told her you’re with your girlfriend because you were bored and because you never loved her (your ex) in the first place. Despite the fact that she used those same reasons to justify her affairs, her head would explode with narcissistic rage.

    Please let us know what comes of your relationship with your stepdaughters. She lied so that she could take them away from you like possessions and like your business as part of the divorce, and that is every flavor of fucked up. If you choose to respond, I hope you’ll tell her that she can demonstrate her remorse by telling your daughters the truth. NOW.

    Good luck and go on with your bad self!

  • OMG!!! Tracy, this is pure genius! When I read the UBT it is so outlandish that it is laughable but then it exactly describes what is really being said. This is the best UBT I have read. Although I guess I must give some credit to SuperDuperChump’s ex who gave you this material. Thank you SuperDuperChump for sharing it. When I read stuff like this it brings back all of the awful things my ex said and did. It makes me very happy to know that I am far away from having that in my life. Thanks to everyone here for the supportive community. Thank you Chump Lady for your devotion and continued work on this site. You are a blessing.

  • Dumbfounded. The outrageousness of CN stories is already sky high but this just broke the scale.
    Much admiration to you SuperDuperChump for surviving and thriving.
    I had a pretty garden variety cheater and it still put my soul through a blender. I cannot imagine 25 years with someone as disordered as your ex. I guess the silver lining is that she’s putting it all on display. All the hate, manipulation and lack of humanity. No need to wonder if there was anything that could have been saved.
    How dare she expect you to give more than she already conned out of you? And boy does she love triangulation and control. If her daughters or parents want a relationship with you, that is between them and you. It’s not something for her to mediate and arrange and badger you into.

    One of my siblings has a history of making terrible decisions and then expecting others to bail her out. Some family members are worried about a situation that seems to be developing. I’m not. I’ve been working on my boundaries for years now. Stories like these vividly paint the limitless depths of the need and what kind of thanks one can expect. This UBT also makes my sibling’s shenanigans look mundane by comparison. So she doesn’t scare me. Not when I know there are people like your ex out there.

  • SuperDuperChump,

    Jaw-dropping letter. OMG. The distorted thinking BLOWS my mind.

    You are my new hero. If you can reach meh, I can too – we all can. Your X’s letter cycles through the charm, rage and self pity that my X’s emails do. His are just 100 times subtler. But they do all work from the same script.

    Thank you Chump Lady for the fantastic UBT!

  • I had to read the “thing”again to really digest it. Right there in black and white is the “pastor” screwing the wife while Super was literally dying. What fucked up world do we live in that religion, which should have our best interest at heart, draws these pieces of shit into the ministry? My husband says when you put the words “organized” and “religion” in the same sentence you have nothing but trouble. This letter certainly makes that case. So, Super, when she got her scarlet letter what did the preacher get? Probably another church.

    • Disordered people are drawn to power, control, and admiration. You find some in any profession that will offer some version of that. Physician, professor, police, lawyer, judge, firefighter, military, and yes–ministry. It isn’t the profession’s fault. It’s like the fact that lots of pedophiles become teachers and coaches. It isn’t that teaching and coaching is inherently bad–it’s that predators go where the prey is. It isn’t that Police, military, and ministry is bad–it’s because narcs go where the kibbles are.

  • You know how Time Magazine gives a person of the year award? Well, this letter gets my nomination for Fucked Up Cheater of the year award. And we all know how stiff the competition is for this one!

    I think the word that finally did it was “coward.”

    I also would like to know who built the engine in the UBT and whether they make cars. I’d like to have a car that could take as much abuse and keep chugging along as the UBT!

      • A UBT is about the only engine I haven’t worked on. I’ll order a manual online.

        I’m still gathering up new tools at pawn shops and car shows, so it may take a while to overhaul it. My boss has a policy about not allowing dealership equipment to be used for outside, non-company purposes.

    • I wanted to punch her in the ovaries. I can’t believe she felt the need to twist the knife by “hey, remember when I denied you the ability to have your own kids” while you raised mine? I hate her for this. HATE her.

      • Cheaters are thieves. They steal from you. They steal health, safety, money, love, children, futures, whole LIVES–then they say “sorry/not sorry.”

  • I am relatively new to this site.
    Wow!
    It is so helpful to know crazy exists in other relationships not just mine.
    “Who wanders helplessly into snowdrifts ” — funny, funny stuff.

  • “I am so very sorry for never loving you.”

    ” You have no idea the pressure of being a woman.”

    “I am sorry that I told them you abused me, but I was just mad when you filed for divorce.”

    SuperduperChump–your X is EVIL. E.V.I.L. Manipulative and EVIL. There are no words, there is only this:
    munch

    .

    • Hold on now … SDC’s ex has a full extra year head start. I am pretty sure that KK will use the next year to her advantage and pull to the front of this race. The path to becoming “what you were always meant to be” is not pretty and always has collateral damage.

      So glad you are free of her, SDC!!

  • “I am sorry for forcing you to sell the shop. All you had to do was buy out my half of everything and I would have let you keep it. I was only doing what my attorney told me to do.”

    What a conniving whore! I want to slap her myself. So glad you are rid of her.

  • She’d probably clog a garbage disposal and a wood chipper. She’s that toxic.

    All she wants for the holidays is centrality. Don’t discuss her with your mom, your girl, or friends. Ignore all of them, children included.

  • It’s hard to believe this letter is real! This chick is out of her mind, and I’ve read thousands of stories on this site.

  • SuperDuperChump, I am so sorry you fucked this psycho bitch. And now she continues to try and fuck you. What a worthless waste of human flesh she is.

    DDid you get this screed on paper? Did it smell? Did she put perfume on it it, or crocodile tears, or… or something else? Ewwwww 😷

    Then-wife of mine, Match Girl, immediately went to domestic violence accusations too. It’s many female cheaters’s go-to defense. It’s a window into the hate and violence in their psyche.

    And she has the temerity to call you a coward? What a see-you-next-Tuesday woman.

    Lubbock and leave her.

    • Fucking hell, bro. I keep getting more pissed for you.

      She’s actually trying to say she got bored at home? What a huge pile of shit. And believe me, I know as well as you that a man with a wedding ring is catnip to the disordered female cheaters out there. I’ll bet you were out there being a decent guy, bringing home the bacon, and more than a few ladies were offering you their goodies. Did you partake? NO! But she was a delicate flower who needed a few spare stamen on the down low. I hope you still fucking hate the fuck out of her.

      So you took one for the team and helped be a daddy to her kids? That didn’t work out too well either, huh?

      I wasn’t around here to see your arrival, but I know that if you were anything like me it was none too pretty. Having a woman you love fuck another dude is like a kick square in the nuts. Long nights of agony filled with mind-movies of the two of them having the best fuck-fest any two humans ever had. Comparing your wallet, your truck, your job, your penis to him(s). It’s a miracle any guy has the sand to get back in the saddle and expose our soft underbelly to another woman after that kind of painful discard. “Here I am lovely, please don’t hurt me like she did.”

      Man, that whore ain’t worth a grain of your powder.

      • We woman are stuck with the same recurring mind-movies and questions about our own desirability as you men. Either way it just totally sucks.

        • Also women are also called “abusers” by cheating men – especially the conflict avoiders. “I was afraid to talk to you about our marriage, because you’re abusive and mean.” My XH filed a restraining order against me – at schmoopie’s urging when I threatened to tell their manager.

          I think the disorder spans both genders.

          • Did I offend because my comment somehow missed the mark? My then-wife battered me, threatened to kill me by shooting me, and all the while she was threatening to kill my dog and herself.

            • You didn’t offend me. One thing I appreciate about CN is we hear from men chumps. Keep telling your story!

            • No offense was taken at all, we were just expanding on your comment. We can relate to your previous comment regarding being blamed for abuse and having “movie reals” in our heads.. I am fortunate that I can’t relate directly to this most current comment regarding being physically abused yourself. Your ex can join the bottom feeder competition for the seriously disordered.

            • I wasn’t at all offended. I just wanted to let you know that female chumps understand the domestic violence allegations as well and that male cheaters use it too. It’s a horrible thing for cheaters to do to their faithful spouse.

              • I tend to have a crass writing style, but I am still healing up. I share the details when they seem relevant.

                I need a different therapist. This dude I am working with doesn’t get it. Thanks, y’all.

    • Yup, always with the physical abuse. Schmoopie told ex her then husband physically threatened her when he found out about the affair. He was a cheater too, so who knows, but I have to take that with a grain of salt coming from her.

  • SuperDuper OMG Please NC and protect yourself from that stalking – your X sounds so disordered and entitled. Respect to you for all you have gone through and good wishes to you for a much better future.
    Thank you Tracy for yet another awesome insightful LOL UBT.

  • This woman is a heartless entitled bitch, right up there with KK and Yo-Yo Knickers. That’s bad. As bad as it gets.

  • PLEEAAAZZZZE! Karma-bus, relieve the world of this disgusting POD “person”!

    Seriously, chumpmen, I feel shame for my gender based on how the monster acts.

  • What, in fuck, was that?!? This doesn’t even need UBT-the blatant arrogance and disregard is nauseating!
    I’m fucking flabbergasted. Especially words used, like ‘I LET you do such and such…’ (Oh, that gets on my last nerve;)
    or the part where she admits she has no choice/self-control, is powerless to say no to encroaching men, but let’s just blame it on being a woman….omfg, I wanna slap this CUNT so hard!!!
    Then she calls him a coward after she made it impossible to stay.
    This is amazing-this is exactly the type of shit my ex says…wow, just, plain, fucking, wow…(There’s my William Shatner ;P)

    • Also the part where she straight up lied to her children to make them think their dad would hurt them….no words…what is she, four years old? Shit, I know four year old’s with a stronger moral compasses. I commend the father for getting far the fuck away from her, and I hope he gets his mighty day of reckoning with his daughters. Good for him for having strong boundaries.

  • I think you ex absolutely fixated on this:

    “You told the judge that you wasted the best 25 years of your life….”

    That shit must have been perculating around her brain all this time. If you do not respond, it will certainly continue to fuck her already fucked up mind.

    What a jag.

    • My cheater said this: “The last time I slept with her was a long time ago. It’s over. I’m sorry.”

      Yeah, the last time I slept with someone besides him: 21 years ago.

      It’s amazing I wasn’t aware that people like this walked the earth for real.

  • I think SDC deserves some kind of reward for staying as long as he did with that trash….this letter made me want to punch the wall. What a waste of space.

  • Dear SuperDuperChump

    This woman is a wacko monster. Lose her now. Forget her name. Don’t respond. I am happy that you have a new life and a woman who deserves you.

  • This isn’t mine, someone here posted before, but this made me think of this exactly.

    The Narcissist Prayer:
    That didn’t happen
    And if it did, it’s not a big deal
    And if it was, it’s not my fault
    And if it was, I didn’t mean it
    And if I did
    You deserved it

  • I can’t handle this one. She couldn’t get TO the apology before the sanctimonious venom spilled out. FOH with her self-serving spineless horse cock of an apology letter. Fuck this bitch’s whole life.

    Shit like this makes it a bit harder for me to see the good people in the world, even though there are so many. I hate that I struggle with this but I understand why I do.

    FUCK

  • SDC- You don’t have any pet rabbits, do you? Big cooking pots?

    Holy hell. That woman’s cheese is sliding off her cracker.

  • No time at work to read the 156 comments above mine.

    Holy fucking shit.

    SuperDuper, I just want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your kindness, courage, and generosity that you have shown in responding to all of us broken, confused people. My GOD, your new woman is lucky.

    I feel sick to my stomach thinking about how she stole a father from her girls through her lies. I hope time will bring healing.

    I have had a crisis of faith for many years, but if there is a God, may that divine presence shine down on you and your life, and if such a thing exists, may the karma fucking bus pull up in front of your Ex’s disordered house pronto.

  • SuperDuperChump! Why don’t you believe her when she says she’s sorry? Get ye’ to Lubbock, you Coward. But umm, don’t bring ‘Her’ with you. LMAO!!!
    Who’s the Coward now, beeyotch?

  • Thank you for posting these letters. They help validate the mindfuckery I experienced…
    Here’s a little Worm gem. His response to my divorcing him and closing our joint bank accounts. Enjoy!

    “I understand this is being done to embarrass and humiliate me since I lost my job.
    Not in my control, however, referring to your actions.”

    Don’t you just love how they make everything our fault?

  • “You have no idea the pressure of being a woman. Men don’t care that you are wearing a wedding ring.”

    I have no words…

    It’s taken me 5 or 6 attempts to read this all the way through. This letter is on another level.

    It’s not even possible to pick everything out. There’s too much! How did the UBT survive that onslaught?!

    What about the bit where she calls him cowardly for getting away from her?! Or is critical of him for telling the truth about her (‘scarlet woman’ indeed!)?! Or tells him that he has to try harder with her daughters, even though she lied to them about them (and even worse – she hasn’t even told them that she lied! Instead she PROMISES that she will tell them… yeah, right!), or how she attacks his new woman, as if she is an affair partner?! The way she says “I still know what’s going on in your life”… creepy as HELL! Or the way she says SHE has been having a tough time with it all… She calls him a coward TWICE! And her last sentence is to criticise him AGAIN!

    Oh my. If she is not a full on narcissist, I will eat ALL OF MY CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!

    • Right? How about – “I just didn’t care that I wore a wedding ring. No real “pressure” unless you’re a soulless slut bag.

  • Wow, I thought my cheater was the queen of mindfuckery. SuperDuperChump’s ex is at a whole new level. WOW!! My cheater said this to me the other day, “It’s been a year now and I think you should be moving past this”. WTF I decide when I’m ready to move past it. I’m still processing what happened during those 8 months of infidelity abuse. Just the other day I realized how abusive she was, she would purposely plant evidence of her cheating around the house for me to find just to fuck with my head, to drive that knife deeper in my back. I can’t believe I’m trying to make this marriage work.

    • Dude….

      I am dating a vegan who bought a new grill and surprised me with a ribeye on Father’s Day.

      Is anti-gun, but went with me to a gun show last weekend.

      Hates sports, but invited me over to watch OU vs. TCU last weekend….and made buffalo wings for me.

      Good luck with your reconciliation. I am going to look at Christmas Lights and sit through a Chick Flick Saturday night.

      • Thanks, I’m trying really hard to swallow that nasty ass shit sandwich but I keep spitting it out which is not helping me progress towards forgiveness. Dday and the following multiple d-days hit so hard you can’t think clearly. Now that the dust has settled and things are calming down I’m beginning to piece together and understand the abuse.

        • Always remember that only YOU get to control YOU.

          Never forget that. Best wishes.

          #acountryboycansurvive.

      • Super – I can’t get the image of Glenn Close out of my head while reading the letter.

        “I will not be IGNORED”

        So glad you’re happy now!

    • You need to save yourself and your kids. Your cheater is still abusive. Big red flag is telling you how you not gettting over it after a year is realllllly inconveniencing her.

      Once a partner decides to napalm their relationship/marriage, there is no going back to where it was prior to DDay. Reconciling with someone who is inconvenienced by your trauma is a slow death.

      • Yeah cheaters just dont get it. I’m hoping my cheater will eventually get it. I know that is a pathetic place to be, however she honestly wants the marriage to work and a divorce would break our child’s heart. We have only one child and it would break our child’s heart if we split up. So I’m willing to hang in there and hoping for a miracle and the return of the unicorns.

        • Your kid isn’t going to do too well growing up in a household where you’re trying to Stepford Smile your way around the fact that your spouse fucked someone else. Divorce is better than married dysfunction.

          How will you feel if your kid grows up learning that adultery is ok because that’s what his parents modeled to him?

  • That is positively one of the most INSANE letters I have ever read! The entitlement! The complete and utter selfishness! The insults! These people are so crazy. I’m completely dumbfounded.

    SuperDuperChump – I can’t even imagine what you put up with from this woman in your marriage. I’m so glad and happy for you that you are free from this nut job and have found someone new to share your life with. Your X sounds worse than a prison warden. Cheers for gaining a life free from this dysfunction.

    • Awesome name “marriagedetective”😁 Yeah many of us chump’s learn how to be a pretty damn good detective. I learned all about smart phones, messaging apps, secret emails, checking history, phone camera, hiding folders and apps, storage devices, GPS, voice activated recorders ect ect. I should have been a detective I think I have a talent for that kind of work.

      • You’re on this site so that’s a good start TxDude. I did three years of wreckconciliation and finding this site catapulted me to leave a cheater and gain a life. It took the better part of a year and reading here every day. Here’s a few thoughts about what I’ve read in your comments so far.

        1. If you’re eating a shit sandwich then you don’t have a unicorn, you have naugahyde remorse. Read about it in CLs archives.

        2. Your daughter maybe heartbroken if you and your cheater divorce but it’s better for children to be from a broken home than to actually live in one and your child lives in one.

        3. Being on the marriage police force is a shit job with no pay or benefits. Quit the force dude cuz it ain’t worth it.

        4. Finally-Giving a cheater a second chance is a bit like giving them another bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time. Just a matter of time dude. Ask me how I know.

        Hope you find your way out of that mess!

  • Wow, Steven King could use this letter as source material. Kind of eerie and weird and suddenly it’s revealed she’s stalking him!

    • Also she was BORED??? Seriously that’s just stupid, so it must actually be true. With narcs the lies are somewhat believable but the truth is just plain stupid.

    • Stalker is about right:

      “I still know what’s going on in your life.”

      Feck. Why would she even SAY that to him?! It smacks to me of… control.

      • Stalking. SD should be cleaning up all loose end that his sociopath may have available to keep tabs on him. Clearly, she is using his own mother to get info, and of course her own kids.

        Consequences. She can’t handle the truth.

        • The whack job cheater woman turned her kid against him. The kid is “mad at him” for fleeing from the cheating, lying, money grubbing pig!

          I feel sorry for her kids.

  • My cheater : ‘you act like youre the only person on the planet to be cheated on. It happens. Im not prefect. You’re not FUCKING perfect’
    So at least she admitted she wasn’t prefect . I was just less so i guess.
    Classy ladies these ones

  • SuperDuperChump, please block all of her phone numbers so she can’t text or call you.

    Please block her email address(es), or put a rule on them, so any from her immediately go into your ‘trash’ folder, and you never, ever see them.

    Please, please talk to your mom. Show her this letter. Ask your mom not to have contact with Cheater anymore.

    Please block Cheater off all social media. Get rid of the photos. Everything that you have that makes you think of her.

    As Chump Lady says, don’t give her any mental real estate at all. Once you’re divorced, don’t talk about her anymore – unless it’s with a therapist.

    Your ex is unbelieveably toxic. I only a fellow chump like you, but I think you have to go cold and hard no-contact with this woman. That includes your thoughts and your words to other people.

    Don’t pay a single amount of heed to anything she says. I’d shake your hand for moving on – moving away and meeting someone else – if I could. Keep up the good work. You’re getting your life and getting you back. xxx

  • I’m falling all over myself laughing at this drivel.

    I’d be making photo copies and generously distributing to this woman’s work, gym, church, family, therapist etc. “Here’s one for you! And you! And two for YOU!!”

    What a SICK PUPPY!! This can’t be real. Oh wait. I almost forgot we’re talking about a REAL victim – SuperDuperChump! I want to start a Victim’s Rights group just for you. You should sue this evil person for emotional distress and violence for this letter.

    SDC – I appreciate you shared this with us. I hope you are happy in your new life. Stay there.

  • I’ve been a long-time reader, but this is my first time posting.

    I discovered this site before my separation and divorce, but it helped me from the first moment I began reading. I’ve been slowly working my way through the archives and comments, and while I would say my experiences haven’t been as severe as some, I definitely recognize that I had (and still have to deal with, though he’s now an ex) a narc on my hands.

    That said, even after reading through archives and comments going back a couple years, and having boggled at the experiences everyone here has had, this letter was the one that totally astounded me into finally posting. This crazy narc is so over the top and unbelievably self-entitled in her letter that it rang alarm bells with me. I believe she’s dangerous, and I also believe she’s trying to lay what she thinks is a clever trap.

    I realize for some that losing the kids is a heartbreak, and since I have kids of my own I know it feels crushing at the thought, but as crazy as this narc is, she’s already thoroughly poisoned them against SDC. Sending them her letter would already be a part of her plan; she will have planned for that with some bullshit story that makes her look like the crushed one. And god forbid he shows up to the graduation, with or without his healthy deserving lady. I’m sure Narc’s planned a drama to outshine the entire graduation ceremony, her daughter, AND her parents.

    I may be crediting her with far too much in the way of skills, but after this letter, I would accept the screaming red flags and warnings for what they are. Stay far, far, away, absolutely maintain NC, and greyrock the ever-loving daylights out of her.

    Perhaps one day, her daughters’ eyes will be opened, and they’ll come looking for SDC, to get his side of the story. But that has to be their decision. Some people you have to gently let go, so they can find their own way. Or, as Ms. Batshit-Insane Narc has done, crash their own ship on the rocks they threw in their own way.

    I’d print out a physical copy of the letter and burn it while recording it. Then let the ashes blow away on the wind.

    You deserve happiness in your new life, SDC. Don’t let her make any more marks.

    • Welcome, VorpalKitten, to the Nation where no one applies for citizenship!
      So glad you found you way here!
      Totally agree with your ‘take’ on matters.

      SuperDuperChump has, thankfully, posted that he will not be attending. Also,he let us know that his precious daughter has contacted him & they will be spending some quality time together, away from the bat-poo crazy maternal pod & her attempt at graduation drama.

      So glad you found the same love, guidance & support here as all of us have.

      Love to you as you ForgeOn! with your cheater-free life

  • There once was a narcissist lass
    Who thought she deserved a hall pass
    But she was dropped by her honey
    And lost all her money
    And karma gave her a kick in the ass.

    • There once was a psycho ex-wife
      Who hated SDC’s awesome new life
      She baited a letter
      But all it did get her
      was stone cold No Contact.

    • There once was a wife who got bored
      So she fucked a man of the Lord
      Chump was of use
      and blamed for abuse
      but gets the most loco ex spouse award

  • WOW. Crazy bitch much? This woman is so disordered she could compete with Trump and KK in the Cluster B Olympics. SuperDuperChump, RESPECT to you for putting your life together after someone like this. So happy for your new life without this nutcase. She must think she’s some kinda special to lure you back with this stinking pile of crap. Isn’t it great that their shit no longer even lands? It’s just so transparent.

  • “….They would not be successful women if it weren’t for you. I appreciate you allowing me to be a stay at home mom. What you don’t understand is how hard it was .*****I got bored while you were working. ****That is the only reason why I started going wayward, …..”

    Super Duper, I am the same gender as the idiot who wrote that crap above ^^^^

    There are a few things that come to mind slogging through her abusive, manipulative letter.

    *First, thanks for sharing. And CONGRATS for getting rid of the trash.
    *Second, the “ I got bored”bullshit. There, and in itself, defines the emotional maturity of this moron,. Someone who still tries to make you responsible for her shittiness. So glad you recognize this blameshifting crap.
    *Third, the ‘ (sic) you demanded perfection!’ the sad sausage last ditch dig to press some buttons. Here’s what I told my whorenado when he attempted that crap on me; “ Honesty, Fidelity, respect and caring are the perfection points everyone demands from their partner. That IS how I define perfection from a partner. So yea, you failed.”

    Stay NC with her. Reach out only to your kids. Be frank. I think you can let them know their mother is tooo toxic for you to deal with in person.

    • The “thanks for letting me stay at home but I got bored” but was great. Like, if staying at home was that awful, how’s about going back to work? No? Gotta fuck strange? Right.

    • He probably didn’t “demand perfection.” As a stay at home wife with a boredom/cheating problem……she didn’t have the time to clean the house or wash a shirt for the man.

      With so little time in between her cheating and being ogled at by all the men in the world- it would have been unreasonable for him to expect a clean house, dinner and a clean shirt. A stay at home…..who did nothing at home!

  • Hey now, CL! I live in this “tornado-afflicted backwater” where the graduation will be happening.

    Side note: maybe we can hook up my narc with this one so they’ll leave us alone. This could’ve been written by mine, only a few years in the future.

    Second side note: he took me to court today asking for me to pay him something like $438 a month, and it backfired on him BIG TIME. I got standard visitation, no extended summer time for him, and he will be paying nearly $600 a month to me. Consequences, sucka!

    • You Red Raiders need Mike Leach back.

      Kind of ironic that he was falsely accused of abuse, too.

      #airraidoffense

  • It is quite shocking how selfish these people are. Really shocking.
    I am do glad you are able to look her tactics squarely in the eye Super duper chump.
    Good for you.
    Your children will find you, I am sure.
    Just because they are not yours genetically means very little . You were there for them, and they know that.
    These weirdo’s, like your ex, need to be left in the dust. How dare she tell you what to do.

  • Unbelievable! Until I remembered some of the same crap my ex spewed. These disordered jerks must share the same playbook. And yes, there are perfect people out there…perfect assholes

  • I am tougher than I ever thought.

    I survived the excruciating pain of “The Notebook” and “Me Before You.”

  • Perfect example of a nutter doubling down on nutterness. She may be the most nutter of all nutters.

    Chump is of use to her! She will use dingy sparkles to attract, and shame to repel him from her competition. She has all the tactics!

    I can’t imagine the total mind fuck of living a life with someone like that. Takes a long time to untangle one’s own mind from years of bending and twisting. When you start with the premise that most people are good, deep down, you can really end up way down the rabbit hole.

    Wowee. Easy for US to see. Good for us to see, too, so we can recognize the patterns in even our own situations, where it’s hard for us to see the forest for all the trees. When you’re intimately involved, all the nuances and distorted memories make it hard to understand. That’s why NC is vital–you have to re-set the bullshit meter, take off the filters and let the eyes, ears, heart and mind adjust to what is REAL.

    Sheesh. She’s crazy!!

  • {Pats the UBT gently and lovingly} there, there UBT…here’s some WD-40 and oil to ease your pain after churning through that mind-fucking full of shit letter…

    @SuperDuperChump :
    Kudos to you and new woman!!! You are mighty!!! So happy for you!

    I agree with @Tempest : SDC’s ex just unseated UXWorld’s KK!!!

    I have no words for this letter…. I read through it shaking my head at how vile she must be. I would love to find a man as wonderful as she describes SDC was and just she just shit on him…

    I read our stories and get so angry that there are so many good people in this world that would be great partners for each other, and we get cheated in, lied to, viciously betrayed, for what????

    Ugh. I need a nap.

  • I wanted to barf over all of it, but especially the part about how it wasn’t her fault because she is so stunning men crawl out of the woodwork to screw her. I’ve got news for her, ALL women encounter men who crawl out of the woodwork. You know what else crawls out of the woodwork? Cockroaches… But even cockroaches can only gain entry with people who are too dirty to care. And that’s just the caliber of men she attracted with a ring on, no doubt.

    Same goes for married men, who think they are so fabulous that beautiful women throw themselves at them. A lot of strippers can be considered beautiful, but they’ll only dance for cash — and they don’t care if you’ve got a ring on either. And I apologize to any strippers out there I may have offended, but I still don’t want them raising my children…

    Grrrrrrr……

  • Scum of the earth whore. Plain and simple.

    In case anyone was ever in doubt, she spells it out here in black and white, in her own words!

    “Thanks for the money and assets, Coward, now give my kids some graduation presents!”

  • “I was a magnet to only loser men and they would just use me and discard me like a piece of trash. Then, you came along and treated us so wonderful”

    Many BPD/NPD resources I’ve read have said that it is common for a BPD woman to tell her current nice-guy victim at the beginning (during the idealization phase) that her previous boyfriends/husband were violent or abusive or losers or users, and that these are often just lies.

    My bpd cheater told me a few stories along these lines and I was about to go look them up and pay them a visit and beat the crap out of them. Glad I didn’t do that because now I don’t know how much truth was in those stories.

    Any how, that is a red-flag if you are dating someone and in the first few month they start telling you stories of how they were abused and how you are so sweet and great, etc.

    (now in cases where your courting a partner who really was abused, and isn’t BPD/NPD – well, I’m not sure how to distinguish between the two)

  • The thought that I might even get a letter like that after a few years makes me feel angry. I’m dating a wonderful fellow chump and I was warned by caring friends that as soon as they found out my ex (and his) would hit the “how dare you move on” button and sure enough, just as soon as my ex heard I was happy in a relationship he begins gazing at me with wistful eyes and tries to touch me while my new love’s ex is vacillating between hitting the furious button and the helpless button (she called him while we were together to ask him how to change a light bulb. Seriously – you can’t make this shit up.) But the bottom line is that it’s all abuse – pure and simple. Abuse is about power. It’s about silencing victims, delegitimizing their feelings and stealing their voices and their decisions. When abusers apologize and truly want to change, they need to accept full responsibility for their actions, which means zipping their mouths for once and respecting their victims choice to completely end the relationship. But most abusers don’t have the capacity to respect others which means the respect must come from us, for us and that begins with no contact (or as limited as possible) and moving forward.

    • They especially don’t have the capacity to respect those closest to them – like their chump spouses.

      It always amazed me the respect my before-i-knew-she-was-a cheater would show to others, especially those with status, but disrespected me as fully as is possible, and be perfectly fine with that.

      I just don’t get it. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

  • SuperDuperChump,

    So glad you are getting together with your “princess” and kudos to dropping step to refer to your daughter. It is heartening to hear how you have survived this woman’s shitstorm and gained a life. I hope you and your daughters can maintain a strong healthy relationship because honestly “bio mom” seems to have a few issues with bonding successfully. I fear for the reciprocity of their relationship with your ex.
    And especially congrats to moving on with your lady friend!
    OMG that letter…….:(

  • I just had a chance to comment on this Missive from the Insane Asylum and I only have a couple of things to say.

    SDC, you are made of some stern stuff. My ex is your ex’s ugly cousin and spending 25 years with this kind of mindfuckery and coming out sane on the other side is no easy feat. I have always considered you kind and compassionate. You have now risen to super hero status. These disordered fools are constantly attempting to play the victim of their own crime spree.

    Your Ex is some kind of crazy bitch. Thank God for rescuing you from that hostage situation you mistakenly assumed was a marriage. Maybe she and KK can do some type of Crazy Women of Infidelitytown Reality Show and they can scream, fight and pull each other’s hair out. They seem uniquely qualified to star in such a show.

    I wish you and your new, loving lady friend all the best. You deserve the best life has to offer from now on. You’ve already survived the worst.

    • Thank you for the kind words.

      Actually, when I was in the hospital recovering and trying to figure out “what the hell am I going to do now?” I actually said these words out loud:

      “My God, this is an episode of the Jerry Springer Show”

      • I almost said the same thing verbatim. When I found out my ex was having an affair I called my sister and as I’m telling her the story through my sobs I realized that the OW’s then husband and my ex had the same first name ( I met them both at the ex’s work events). So I said to my sister “At least she won’t get them confused when she says their name in bed” First I laughed at my own joke and then I said to my sister: “When the hell did my life become a Jerry Springer episode.”

        I think all chumps have that moment.

  • Oh, man, this is one of those cases of, “wow, my fuckwit looks like a great catch compared to yours!” Like many of today’s posters, my first (vengeful) thought was, “copy and send that letter to everyone!” But it does feel like a set-up, and she’s desperate, so stay away from this mess. Wishing you the best in your new life!

    • Perhaps “our” fuckwits are just as bad as this one, but just a little more sophisticated in hiding the abuse and manipulation, and not dumb enough to spell it out so blatantly in a memo like this.

      • Honestly that’s what I was thinking. Perhaps a little less forthright in verbalizing, but the rationalizations and persistent entitlement is just under the surface. This one just gives us insight because she has no filter. She’s just all out there.

  • “Please do not be mad at Jessica for giving me your address.”

    She even started the letter with blameshifting. In other words, if you don’t like that I wrote you, it is not my fault but Jessica’s fault for giving me your address.

    I know that it is hard not to read the letter. I probably wouldn’t be able to resist either, but this woman can bring absolutely nothing to your life in any way, shape, or form. No contact. And that means don’t read.

    Keep the letter (but do not open again) just in case the girls ever come to you to try and understand what happened. You could simply show it to them. I would only do that though if they seek out answers. I know that letting them go must hurt horribly. But right now, trying to play that game with your ex is not worth the emotional abuse that goes with it.

    Stay strong. Stay no contact. And NEVER let anything that woman says make you question what is right and wrong. She is the devil.

  • SDC, I agree with Kettle… this sounds like a trap! I would not go to the graduation unless your daughter specifically invites you herself.

  • Well, I was trying to take my allergy pill as I was reading this…and unfortunately during the paragraph about men coming onto her while she was sing glue sticks and poster board and had a hard time not spitting the coffee all out! The UBT was hilarious! But….SDC’s ex is SOMETHING ELSE. Wow. Her entitlement is absolutely mind-blowing. So glad SuperDuperChump got away from her and and has rebuilt a new, better life.

  • This is not that pain Olympics (medal podium would be crowded; Tessie gets something heavy and shiny), but that has got to be one of the most horrible UBT submissions ever. Like, EVER. Maybe Tracy has a stack of them, and this is normal drivel, but it took me 24 hours to let even a fraction of it sink it.

    The pressure of being a woman? I tell ya, honey, no one hits on me. In fact, most of us chumps are left wondering if anyone will ever look at us that way again, worn out as we are from a decade or three of devoted labor on behalf of our family.

    What strikes me most is how often Ex tells SDC how to feel, what to do. Astonishing, if you go back and count all the people he’s supposed to interact with, the places he’s supposed to travel, the actions he’s supposed to take to reconcile with children that she is still lying to. DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE.

    SDC says no. No is a complete sentence.

    • I agree that there are many here who object to the ramblings of a cheater being published, but I am here to tell you that this is the type of content that really woke me up from my spackle induced slumber.

      I had to read the unfiltered thoughts of the “Great Entitled Ones”, GEO’s to actually get my kick in the pants down the “trail of Meh.”. I find it stunning, funny and eye opening.

    • I’m not at all complaining that this was published. I’m just still picking my jaw up off the floor at the content! The specific self-published examples of blameshifting, gaslighting, and entitlement are very, very helpful. Like the examples in Lundy’s “Why Does He Do That,” these help clarify what abuse is when perpetrator/cheater isn’t physically smacking someone. Agree on the stunning and eye-opening; still sad and horrified that SDC had to experience that. The GEO thoughts are very helpful, aren’t they, to understand that people really do think, speak, write, and live out these attitudes? I can hardly wrap my mind around it, because my mind does not work that way!

  • WAYWARD!?!?! WAYWARD?!?!?

    If she said “wayward” one more time, I was going to need to kick her in the baby-maker.
    God, what a quaint word for boning strangers behind your back.

    And also – “I am going to counseling and have started going back to church.”

    Soooooo…she’s looking for new strange, yeah?

  • That dumbass narc’s letter is even more horrifying when you go back and re-read SDC’s “Miracles” post. He relates how he spent a YEAR in wreconciliation trying work this out with this entitled, lying bitch. And yet she has the nerve to act like he ran for the hills the moment there was even the slightest Disruption in the Force of her Awesomeness. And she calls him a coward for picking up his life and moving on! And then tries to dictate what he shall and shall not do! I want to stomp on her in the name of Chump Nation.

    A coward is what my fuckwit is- a guy who moved out of our home while I was away on a business trip, and then sent me a goddamn e-mail informing me that my life was over, after 31 years together. He ran away physically because he couldn’t face me. He lies and he cheats and he abandons. That, my friends, is a COWARD.

    SDC is a super hero, pulling his life up by its bootstraps after getting worked over by this unbelievable tramp.

    Ugh, I have to go wash my eyeballs out after reading her crap, and yet this was such an important post to remind us all what narcissism looks like, up close.

  • How is the UBT still working after translating that utter bullshit?

    PATHOLOGY RIGHT HERE FOLKS.

  • SDC you are amazing and mighty! Congratulations on escaping and being free. Thank you for sharing this letter. Such an important reminder how narcissists live and are unable to change. She is very disordered! Steer clear and step away from the crazy!

    The UBT helps me realize my ex is disordered and reminds me to keep NC as much as possible (I co-parent with a fuckwit)!

    I’m happy to hear that you’re in contact with your daughter. Nothing but best wishes rebuilding your relationship with your daughters. They’ll figure things out. Just answer their questions honestly and be patient. Happy you have a new love in your life. You deserve to have someone who appreciates you. Stay mighty!

  • A coward is NOT a man who picks up the pieces of his life- destroyed by a cheater. He’s a super hero- not a coward! This woman is either nuts or stupid. Which is it?

    She was bored (as he was paying for her and her children)- so she cheated? Men adore her everywhere she goes? Sicking idiot! Good riddance! Blood sucking cheating leech of a woman!

    Looking into the inner workings of the cheater’s mind is very revealing! Almost always you will find a self centered, immature, overly entitled buffoon- who thinks too highly of themselves- and too little of others. You can bet the farm on that!

  • Oh…”nobody’s perfect”- which translates to: You left your socks on the floor…..and I screwed other men behind your back……we are equally “imperfect.”

    Fuck that…fuck her. The woman has NO business in a church- immoral scum bag. She needs to hang out the corner dive bar (where she can be adored)- NOT the church!!!!!

  • Dear Coward Man- good for you! That woman was nothing more than an immoral, blame shifting, self centered “pig.” Keep on keeping on- never look back……….and ignore the Bejesus out of the “pig.”

  • Oh. My. God. She. Is. Unreal. How dare you actually MOVE ON with life and get girlfriend??!! That must surely prove you are a coward!! This, coming from someone who was too cowardly to tell you how she really felt and instead cheated on you repeatedly. If that ain’t the Oxford dictionary definition of ‘projection’!! What a nut job! Thank GOD you didn’t have children with here!

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