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Australia, You Need to Up Your Scandal Game

Maybe I’m jaded by reading millions of batshit crazy infidelity stories over six years, or feeding Jesus cheaters through the Universal Bullshit Translator, or living in Washington, D.C. under the Reign of the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief…. but Australia, really? Is this the best you’ve got on douchebags? Barnaby Joyce? A two-bit “family values” hypocrite who left his faithful wife and four daughters for his pregnant (much younger) staffer?

Okay, Barnaby’s dick has jeopardized a delicate political coalition between Liberals and the National Party. And that’s sad… but were there pay-offs to porn stars? With names like Misty Chinquoteague or Tempestuous Smith? How about Playboy centerfolds? Did the contents of his laptop endanger an entire global superpower? Did Barnaby tweet pictures of his throbbing boners to children? Has he been banned from area shopping malls? Or nearly elected Alabama Senator?

Australia, Australia, you really need to up your game if you want to run with the big dogs. If scandal were steak, you all’d be eating Vegemite tea sandwiches. Crustless. On fine china.

The way you guys were sending me links every day to this story, I thought OMG, what’s happened in Oz? Has the Liberal Party descended into orgies and bondage sessions? Only to find some milk toast dweeb has fucked his staffer. And won’t resign. (The Entitled never resign.)


But he’s a HYPOCRITE, Tracy! He’s against marriage equality and preaches the sanctity of marriage! And he knocked up his mistress and moved in with her!

(Pat, pat, pat. That’s me patting your head.)

Let me just spike Strom Thurmond over the net. 48 years as senator from South Carolina. Ran as a segregationist. Opposed civil rights. Lovely person. Fucked his family’s African-American 16-year-old maid when he was 22 and concealed his resulting daughter for generations! Paid for her college to shut her up. She’s now (after Thurmond died, aged 100) acknowledged as kin.

Oh Australia, you may be a former penal colony, but you’re just too decent and fair-minded to compete with us Yanks. I know you think Barnaby Joyce is upsetting, and yes, he does have a face that looks like it was constructed out of gummy erasers.  And he wears silly hats. But on any given day at Chump Lady, we’ve got better cheater copy — guys who’ve abandoned their pregnant wives for strippers, a cheating wife who “loans” her fuckbuddy $200K… a dancing Yeti (don’t ask).

Sorry Oz, you’re amateurs.

Get back to me when New Zealand has hacked your election and installed a rabid wombat as president. You’re all going to have to try MUCH harder. Go big, or get out.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Love the cartoon! Yep, it seems that the U.S. has juicier cheating stories. I guess in our environment here we feel freer to do “our own thing”! We even have the female mayors and representatives who do the “duper’s delight” thing, then stand in front of a podium acknowledging it, but refusing to resign! That takes some balls for sure! There was just one who didn’t go the “cheating” route. SHE was pawning stolen jewelry to fund her election campaign and got caught! Wonder how they will “spin” that? She will more than likely be elected knowing our luck!

  • Well, we’re crap at cheaters, but we did ace gun control !!

    Actually, we suck at cheaters too ….. Look up eg Wayne Carey – “Inflategate” but with boobs instead of a football.

    • Mic drop on the gun control. Yep. You and every other civilized nation in the world handed it to us on that issue.

      • I believe in the right to bear arms(7 million Jews lie buried in unknown graves because they had no way to protect themselves) but other than the military and police why does anyone have the right to own a rapid fire gun? Nope nope nope nope. We need to make noise folks! We need to be VERY LOUD!
        Sorry, CL, but somewhere somebody is mourning their child today and that is wrong!

        Btw, my “entertainment” has been looking at the number of tv guys in the U.K. and the US who dump their 1st wives for the newer version. And don’t get me started on politicians. If I had my way they could all have one six year term and then have to leave DC with the knowledge that if they stepped foot back in the capitol they would go to jail for committing a felony. No one could run for any office again. Aaaaahhhhh! The sound of their silence.

        • I agree. Nobody outside of the military needs a “rapid-fire” gun. How do you classify a “rapid-fire” gun? If you’re talking about a “machine-gun”, one that emits multiple bullets within seconds, then ‘yep’, no one needs one of those. However, if you’re referring to the AR-15, then it’s not considered rapid fire. A “machine-gun” (or perhaps what you refer to as “rapid-fire”) is one that when you hold the trigger down it continues to emit bullets until you lift your finger from the trigger. The AR-15 is an “automatic” gun meaning that with one press of a finger a single round is ejected and then a second round is “automatically” loaded into the chamber. No manual effort is required to move the round into the chamber (e.g., pulling back a bolt). A second press of a finger ejects that single round and then a third round is automatically loaded into the chamber. It is not a “machine gun” (or a “rapid-fire gun”).

          • AC, I don’t know anything about guns except some fire one bullet and the person has to do something to make it fire the next one. If all it takes is one action to set off rapid fire then it does not need to be available to me…….and because of my job I have been fingerprinted several times. I could pass the test but just the idea of holding something in my hand that could kill multiple people scares the hell out of me.

            For those of you with a little extra time look up Sen. Ensign. He had an affair with the wife of his best friend and then got the guy in so much trouble the poor schmuck got prison time. Ensign was found in a hotel with his twu wuv and when his religious leader called him from the parking lot he could not leave because he was so in love. His Chumpy wife has since forgiven him. He is now back to practicing veterinary medicine. In the meantime his best friend and the ow divorced. If this isn’t a good example of why not to get involved with politicians I don’t know what is.

          • Just to be a little more specific… An AR is a SEMI-automatic. Automatic weapons were banned in 1986 although they still are possible to buy but the hoops and the $$$$ to get license and registration to buy make this impossible for the everyday person. The AR15 and my Wather .22 are both semi-automatic. The difference being the size of the barrel and the size of the projectile. Both however work under the same principal. And of course, one looks more scary than the other…. (While a supporter of gun rights, the 2nd amendment, and an avid target and sporting clays shooter) I realize something needs to be done, but honestly won’t get into the debate here…. Stay safe all!

            • Can we back to the topic at hand, cheaters and fuckwits?

              Good grief, if I wanted to vent about other shit, I’d go to Facebook or listen to the talking heads of BOTH sides of an issue and get annoyed at them.

              I’m trying to stay focussed on where my anger belongs, and not deflect from it.

              That’s a pattern I’m working on – being mad at politicians or teachers or anyone OTHER THAN THE DOCTOR. And that is where it belongs.

              Interesting patterns herein.

            • The Columbine kids used cheap Hi Point pistols that I can buy for $149.00.

              Tim McVeigh never fired a shot. His weapon can be bought by anyone at Wal-Mart or Home Depot.

              Terrorists are Terrorists no matter the weapon or tactic. A bully is a Terrorist.

              The first place to start is by supporting our police, firemen, and responders. Quit voting on bond elections for Goddamned football stadiums and Downtown Beautification and replace the worn out equipment our Protection needs. And quit bashing them in the media. No one wants to pay for protection….but they sure like to dial 911 when they hear a noise in the middle of the night.

              • Thank you about the stadium. Every city gets a new one and in the meantime the money for mental health has trickled away to almost nothing. There are no places for damaged and mentally ill people to find help. Ask any city jailer who is in his jail and he will tell you the mentally ill because all the hospitals have closed and no money is available therapy.
                I support the thankless cops and other first responders. Low pay, little community support but they better not screw up.

              • Umm Tim McViegh and Terry Nichols stole 350 pounds (160 kg) of high-grade explosives and blasting caps from a rock quarry.

                Those were used to form timed charges that detonated Acetylene tanks and barrels containing Amonium Nitrate and fuel oil.

                You can’t pick up 350 pounds of high grade explosives and blasting caps from a hardware store.

      • I am only three comments in but after reading this gun comment I get the feeling that today might get a bit heated because tRUmpkins are thin-skinned snowflakes. It’s just locker-room talk, y’all.

        • Agree Doubtless. When the second amendment was written they carried muskets.
          I work in a school. We were supposed to have an active shooter drill the day of the shooting but of course, it was canceled. This is how us teachers live now. I get FURIOUS when I hear people say ‘that teachers should arm themselves.’ To the people who say that, I want to ask ‘What do you do for a living?’ Oh, you’re a beautician? A landscaper? What if they were shooting at beauticians and landscapers? Would you want to be told to put down your scissors, blow dryers, rakes and shovels and arm yourself so that you can shoot back? They won’t even pay for pencils and printer cartridges in our schools, who is going to pay for the Glocks? Ridiculous.

          • Yes, I think that the “active shooter” drills we’re doing in schools now (and in my university, too) is our current version of “duck and cover,” and about as useful. But in this case, we could actually DO something about it. And I’m a westerner who grew up in a hunting family. An AR-15 is not a gun any old civilian needs to have–and that includes to protect oneself.

  • Any chance your current carton could be turned into a magnet, mug, target practice, etc? Assface was the first name I ever called my ex and I’m not a name caller at all. I thought I made the name up, but I guess not. lol 🙂 Great cartoon! Second favorite to the old underwear dude and schoompie at the beach. 🙂

    • I agree Martha,
      The next best thing to the understanding ❤️ of CN is CL’s cartoons!
      In a world of constant struggle, the humour shared here is lifesaving!

      • Peacekeeper
        Absolutely- the humor on CL – provides comic relief for all – especially us “ humor deprived newbies navigating the hell on earth process of divorcing a narcissist sociopath“!!

    • This cartoon is too accurate!!! My XH has those exact nasty pimples on his ass! Every time I see it I laugh and cringe at the same time. ????

  • Hey CL Strewth!
    Don’t you dare malign our Beetrooter and his various families.
    He might be small fry but to Aussie CN he’s lower than a snakes belly, and Auaaie pollies are gunna prove their spineless moral vacuum by refusing to sack their “mate” and every citizen, all 27,952 of us, are gunna rent our trackidacks and tear him a new one. Beetrooter is OUR dickhead and we reserve the right to lose our shit over our half arsed balls up.

    • Too funny! Not sure what Auaaie pollies or trackidacks are though? Just using my Canuck imagination. Thank God we have Saint Justin to keep us on the straight and narrow!

        • Trackidacks are usually worn by unattractive overweight arsefaces who have no intention of working out.

          • Like retired Americans on their first trip to Europe? You can always pick out the loud track suits on the London tube.

            • In both London and Paris, people asked me for directions…I was so proud. I also was able to actually give the requested directions in the local language. There is a such a game to look like a local and I love to play it.

      • Pollies are politicians.

        ‘Trackidacks’ is an abbreviation of ‘tracksuit daks’, daks being pants – which is what we call ‘sweatpants’. Although really, ‘sweatpants’ is a much more colourful expression.

        The same demographic here wears sweatpants to the supermarket as in the US. If we had Walmart, you’d see the same things here as you do there.

        • Thanks for the translation I love all the different slang sayings each country has.

        • As in “Tracy Trackidacs and Barry Beergut were flat out like a lizard drinking down at the caravan park”

        • Love the Aussie dialect and slang!!!
          Fair Dinkum!! Trackidaks On. Long black on board. Let’s get take away. ????

          • Here’s some more for you (that have confused my international friends):

            Tosser = Jerk

            Budgie Smugglers = Speedo (men’s swimwear)

            Buggered = exhausted

            Crack the shits = get angry

            Take the piss = make fun of somebody

            Thongs = flipflop sandals (not g-string!)

            Maccas = McDonalds

            Chockers = full (of food)

            Flat White = Coffee with milk

            • “Budgie Smugglers” OMG. I’m dying. I’m picturing that poor little bird shoved in some dude’s bathing suit. Hahahahahaha that’s fantastic.

              • I spent 3 months living in Oz back in the mid 90’s – my ex’s company gave him an interim position there and the kids and I went along. One of my lasting memories was a vacation to Daydream Island and seeing all the men in their speedos NKA (now known as) Budgie Smugglers. You could tell the nationality of the male guests by their bathing attire – ‘Mericans in baggy boxer type bathing suits and Aussies strutting their stuff (or lack thereof) in those tiny little speedos. Good memories.

                P.S. LOVED your country, Aussie friends. Sydney was beautiful, the people were all friendly and the food was great (except the pineapple on pizza – never really got into that or the beets on sandwiches).

              • Budgie smugglers got me, too, Beth…lol! I’ll never look at a “banana hammock” the same way again!

              • Beth – ham and pineapple on pizza is awesome! We called it a Hawaiian pizza ???? don’t you have those in the US? You’re missing out!

              • LHATA, we have Hawaiian pizza now but back in the 90’s? That was a totally new thing to me. Still haven’t tried it. I’m a pepperoni traditionalist. I add mushroom when I want to be really crazy. 😀 What I adored about Australian food was all the lamb that was available and in different cuts than what we get here in the States. So good…

            • This reminds me of an SNL skit I saw once where a guy calls the Aussie sex hotline and can’t understand a word the girl on the other end is saying. He is just left scratching his head.

              Too bad it doesn’t always work that way and of course with today’s internet and web cams nobody even has to say anything. Advances in technology aren’t always a good thing. Sigh.

            • Dingo dollars …..australian currency

              Playing up like a second hand motorbike ….. bad behavior

              Soup bones …..skinny or slim person

              Going off like a frog in a blender …… gone

              Flat out like a lizard drinking …… busy

              Head like a smashed crab….ugly

              Going to see a man about a dog ….. going somewhere generally

      • This Auaaie pollies is probably a slight typo and should be Aussie Pollies (australian politicians) and trackidacks are trackpants or hmmm not sure what you’d call them in the US? Leisure wear? Like the long pants sportspeople wear to warm up in?

      • Hahaha. Have very good intel from party faithfuls that puffy-maned former drama substitute teacher Justin has a real soft spot (and hard on) for university girls. He might be a relatively young PM but he likes his screws even younger…

        • Thanks for the heads up. My daughter might be going to UT next fall and she thinks Justin is awesome. Eek!

            • Well there is that. Does your son like UT? She is deciding between UT and St. Andrews in Scotland where she can get hit on by royals instead. 🙂

              • My niece did a high school year abroad in Sweden. She loved it. I thought she should have stayed to have finished her high school course, since she wants to go to uni there. Now she’s investigating St. Andrews as well as Swedish universities. Sadly, by returning home she missed out on the free tuition thing.

              • Lol. He does love it. My daughter is off to Montreal in the fall. Excellent value, excellent education, fun to visit. Diversity is fantastic. Neither one could tolerate an isolated American college, so the cities are good. And they get to be adults, drinking age is reasonable, so no babysitting by the schools. They live in the city and figure it out without coddling. And guns.

        • I’m old enough to remember his father Pierre Trudeau’s antics with the ladies. Back then, it was all wink wink nudge nudge say no more. Our politicians will be like that until we crack down and quit electing people who engage in these behaviours. Voting for them is tacit approval.

          • Personally I think infidelity is part of the Politician personality cluster that they should list in the DSM. It comes with the territory.

            • Politicians need to have some kind of sparkly charisma to get elected. Looks may not have anything to do with this, but there’s that sense of the shiny thing. Who else is sparkly? NPDs, of course.

              While a few politicians may be faithful, they’re few and far between.

        • Toronto Chump
          Interesting Tidbit on “PM Justin” – just my personal observation from land of “Prez Orange” – any photo ops with “PM Justin and wife “ – IMO – has the “stepford wife” look on her face.

    • And far out CL, don’t make The Land of the Long White Cloud (for true, that’s New Zealand to you) the Russia of the Pacific. Our lovely new PM is knocked up too but we’ve got too much else going on to try and meddle with the Aussie’s election process. I’d personally prefer a Koala to a wombat, though not one of the poor ones that’s riddled with Chlamydia Fark.

  • I needed a good laugh this morning. Yes the rest of the world try as we might. just can’t compete in the scandal game! It’s quite astonishing the lengths these cheaters will go to destroy their reputation. Just mind boggling!

    • Oh but their special. They aren’t ‘cheaters’. This is the twu wuvs. All those others banging their secretaries, staffers, nannies, kids’ coaches, neighbors, or spouses best friend? Those are the cheaters of which you speak. Why they aren’t destroying their reputation, because remember they are special!

  • Awesome. I mean, a cheater is still a cheater, and leaving your wife and children for your mistress is a horrid, slimy, scumbag thing to do. But I love the snark!!

  • As an American, I attribute our supremacy in scandal to our warped and intellectually dishonest view of freedom. Our money shouldn’t read “In God we trust” but “You’re not the boss of me!” And this cancerous misconception has been used to justify such Glorious Acts of Independence as owning other human beings, selling machine guns to the mentally ill, and depriving cancer patients of medical care. So why not cheating on our spouses as well? #Ideservetobehappy #winning #WereNumber1 #USAUSAUSA

    • Sad, but true!
      It doesn’t matter who gets hurt or abused while in the pursuit of their happiness!

    • Nomar nails it, again! Remember, while Australia was colonized by “convicts,” America was colonized by ‘Pure-itans” and this poisonous idea of American exceptionalism about how wonderful we are and God shed his grace on THIS county only… well, it’s only a matter of time before these delusions and uber-hypocrisy cause mass mental illness in its citizens. And we in America are living out this insanity today. Are we “winning” enough yet? Be thankful, Australia, if you’ve been spared our level of craziness.

      • There is similar craziness everywhere but the US excells at it. Saying that the one time I went there I loved it and most people were lovely. Plan on going back some time.

    • I feel like this comment gets to the heart of many problems in America pretty quickly. I don’t know why govt paying for healthcare is an intrusion of privacy when private healthcare means people get paid to review your personal published and unpublished history in the hopes of denying you coverage or payment for care…. thats intrusion but you paid for it… so then it’s ok? As a Canadian I just get lost in the logic.

        • Me, too!!! It is downright embarrassing to be an American at present. (Gonna practice saying “aboot” in case I travel out of the country anytime soon.)

          • I get told very often in the US that I have ‘no accent’ … I have managed to maintain a solid US grounded Midwest blend, at a tradeshow last week most people were baffled that I was from Toronto and able to ‘pass’ their sniff test for accent. But y’all are very welcome
            To head up to Canuckville. It’s cold. Still full of cheaters. But yes, healthcare is a bit less weird. But come on up.

            • I live three hours from British Nelson and go there every chance I get. I always joke to my friends that I go there looking for a Canadian husband.

    • Nomar
      Comment on our US currency should read “You’re not the boss of me” – spewed coffee with that!

      Stbx – mindset at all times re everyone, even family court judge! I should have a T-shirt printed with pic of dollar bill inserting “you’re not the boss of me “ to replace “In God we trust”!!!

  • Well with the amount of pontificating coming from others of his ilk I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before some other holier than thou arseface has their mask peeled.
    He did although have ow moved on to other higher paying jobs. At our(tax payers) expense!
    Aaand, the narrative about ow being an innocent victim is sickening. But not surprising.
    Another well known Oz story is TV presenter Karl Stefanovic. Same ol bla bla.
    Last week or so his beautiful ex wife was asked about his new engagement to his ow.
    His ex wife gave a very dignified response to the question. Can’t remember it word for word so google it. But, wow, what class.

  • Hah. Well, we like it that way [eats crustless vegemite tea sandwich on fine china].

    At least we’re not slinging Esther Perel’s hash down here like it’s gospel truth.

    I was really pleased at the media backlash, because for the first time that I can remember, columnists and other media people are calling bullshit on married men with mistresses, and on cheating generally.

    Esther Perel wouldn’t dare raise her ugly head here right now; she’d have it bitten off.

    Having said that, the entire parliament is full of cheaters; most of the luminaries of both parties are on their second partners after messy breakups, and there are plenty of staffer romances.

    Barnaby is a conservative, so he makes a much easier target. That, and he glows in the dark.

    • I kind of wondered whether there might just be a different culture in the press there, that maybe the language of the article doesn’t reflect the magnitude of the actual breadth of the treachery, but I am not familiar enough with Oz culture to know anything about that. What I do know is that people tend to be more alike than we are different across the globe and I suspect there’s much more to the story than initially meets the eye.

      • I don’t know Australian culture either Ami, but I think you are right that it must be different. I think that it must be reflecting the magnitude of the breach though or all these Aussie chumps wouldn’t be in such an uproar.

        My 2 cents for what it is worth is Americans have created the circus to distract and minimize the real problem. The problem is a lack of character by the mere fact that cheaters are dishonest. We should be outraged by dishonesty period. Instead, we add in all the extraneous factors ranging from drugs/alcohol, pornography, pedofiles and on and on. These things are all problems to be dealt with but then people conveniently forget that if we gave consequences for the simple dishonesty, these other problems wouldn’t escalate. It goes back to issuing traffic tickets, reduces the overall crime rate. Doesn’t stop it but reduces it.

        I think America stopped enforcing decency long ago in a lot of realms so I don’t know how you can get it back especially in the age of the internet. I don’t know about other countries.

        On that happy note…

        • You are so right!
          There are no consequences for bad behavior anymore. Anyone trying to hold someone accountable for bad behavior is who seems gets disciplined.
          It starts in preschool when the “tattletale” is repremanded & the bully gets a sticker book! Every time they do what others are expected to do regularly they get praised & rewarded. By the time they’re in high school nothing has changed, but they’re earning designer accessories rather than stickers. They learn how to manipulate, play the blame game & victim early!

        • Dont know who said it but ‘America, the best of the best and the worst of the worst’
          Us Aussies are like naive little cousins but thats how we like it.

    • So Lola. would you please kick my X-hole in the balls for me?

      Down under, with a new harem, man of Faith, preying on young-uns, when he said he would pray with them.

      Can you Aussie’s call bullshit on this commoner cheater, please?!

      • I’d love to. (I hope this isn’t one of those things where someone in the US assumes that everyone in Australia lives in the same city …)

  • I know this is not the pain olympics but “let me just spike Strom Thurmond over the net”
    I just snorted my morning coffee.
    Keyboard cleaning time….
    Love you all.

      • He’s the idiot who had the stoush with Johnny Depp and Amber Heard over their dogs pistol and boo.
        They tried to bring their pups into Oz without going through quarantine!
        That was a very entertaining 3 way narc fight!????

  • Correction – Sorry Tracy, you don’t get to pin Strom Thurmond on North Carolina. He belongs to South Carolina just over the border. We do have John Edwards though…

    • John Edwards! That slimy piece of puffy-haired sanctimonity! You couldn’t invent a more mentally unsound OW than Rielle Hunter! Ah… fond memories….

    • Let’s not forget SCs finest – former gov Mark Sanford – and his addition to the best cheater excuse of all time “ hiking the Appalachian trail”

      • I was at a Boy Scout camp along the AT when Sanford did his Father’s day faux hike there…so memorable! I felt so sorry for his wife & boys then, ignorant that I would be a chump like her not long later….. Aaaah, memories.

  • I heard Edwards is going back to the courts again regarding finance fraud or some such. You know I feel sorry for his kids and I laws, same with Trump’s son. Imagine the teasing and cruel jokes these kids must suffer at the hands of the nasty kids. These cheating bastards are truly rotten cowards.

  • Ugh! I had all but forgotten John Edwards! Talk about scum? He denied, denied, denied, but in the end the really ugly truth came out. Where is that washed up scum bag now?

    • His beautiful wife, Elizabeth, at least had the satisfaction of divorcing him before she died. Poor thing. Imagine dying of cancer knowing that you’re leaving your 3 remaining children with THAT as the sole living parent! Shame on him.

  • I especially liked the indignant quote in the linked article about how the pregnant OW deserves her privacy because she didn’t choose to be a public figure. No, she just chose to fuck a public figure who she knew was married, so frankly she deserves every paparazzi stalker she gets. And she’s probably enjoying the attention anyway. Kibbles!!

    • Sausalito – exactly! And when he made a statement “apologising” to his wife and kids, his next sentence was that he “apologised to the OW, for her being dragged into everything”. Ummm, she wasn’t some innocent bystander. She put herself in that situation. She pursued a married man, and got pregnant by him! She brought it all on herself!! Nobody feels sorry for her.

    • Yep

      And the fact she probably got pregnant on purpose. I mean, come on! And it really shits me that the PM is defending her privacy in the same breath as his wife and children. This is just not right.

      I bet this dickhead only came out with this slapper because it was the undeniable – and serve him right. Joyce will only be remembered for being on the wrong side if history (for the marriage equality vote) and his galling hypocrisy.

      • Does this look like the kind of girl who would purposefully get pregnant?

        Let me answer my own question … YES.

          • Oh, the poor man his job is sooooooo difficult (which is what government spin kings were peddling to start with), you need to all get over that he fucked his staffer and got her pregnant while his wife and kids were living with the fact that he did not give a shit about them and the sacrifices they have mad over the years.

            What do they say about narcs bad attention is better than no attention, He is just an insatiable kibble hound, and does not care. His desire for notoriety is his only focus while making a joke out of our government. He created a ruckus over Johnny Depp’s dogs, he recently was the focus of a dual citizenship issue and now this. He is determined to hang on to his position for the publicity.

            And yes Tracy sadly he is nothing special, he is just a stock standard, run of the mill, garden variety cheater snake, he just happens to have a high profile job her in Oz.

        • And for those of you who don’t know, the leering creep next to her is Barnaby (is he looking her or her phone? Does he not trust her already??!). This picture really does tell a thousand words…

        • Yes, yes, and yes. Poor child-to-be.

          And in case y’all need further confirmation that cheaters do NOT trade up, here’s Barnaby with wife and daughters:

          • I find it especially disturbing that this man has only daughters and he was leering at his young sexy staffer.
            What kind of father is he? How would he like it if some randy old bugger was leering at one of his daughters when she gets a good job and should be building her career and her profile? How would he like it if one of his daughters blew up someone’s marriage?
            Filthy bloody hypocrite. All on the taxpayers’ dollar too.

        • She looks like Tracy’s cartoon with the OW walking her dog,- “I’m too sexy for this event, whatever it is”

        • Ugh!!!! She’s ugly af!!!!
          Dial 1-800-CHOKE-DAT-HOE to be connected to the latest form of nasty skank that willingly and knowingly f*cked a married man, big time politician or not.

        • Ugh, gross AF!!!!
          Dial 1-800-IM-A-WHOR to be connected to the latest form of skank that willingly and knowingly f*cked a married man, big time politician or not.

        • …and just look at the way she is DRESSED!! this is at an offical political conference!! Gasp!!

  • Bahahahahaha, sorry we disappointed you Chump Lady. You’re right, we’ve got nothing on Americans. You guys always do seem to do things bigger, better, and more f**ked up. Hats off to y’all in the US ????

    • Hey Left Him —

      I think your legal prostitution deserves honorable mention for degradation.

      Also honorable mention goes to an Australian national religious official for the Faith of X-hole and I: Mr. Cheaterpants ran off down there, to start a new scam. Our fellow religionist’s explanation? “In Australia we don’t make such a fuss over infidelity as you puritanical Americans do.” This, from a national religious official in Australia, who knows that the laws of her religion prohibits infidelity, punishable by public shaming. She continued: “The Bill Clinton scandal? Would never have happened here.”

      ChumpLady, look further — Aussie’s are not lightweight!! Their culture stinks too!! Please look at PM Julia!! Homewrecker among the Politicians. She doesn’t like marriage, only married men.

      • QueenMother
        I’m not sure where you’re from, but you seem very worried by legalised prostitution. And by Julia Gillard,but I’m going to assume that’s because you vote the other way to me.
        Prostitution in Australia is legal in brothels, although I think the laws vary from state to state-I’m not sure about Tasmania. Legal doesn’t mean compulsory- it’s not like the draft. In legal brothels sex workers are protected from violence- they can call the police to their workplace, for example- and can insist on condoms. They are less likely to get involved in drug use and trafficking.
        And really, none of that has anything to do with the giant dickhead that is Barnaby Joyce. If you are implying that there will be more infidelity because there is legal prostitution-there seems to be a fair bit of it in countries where sex work is illegal too. I don’t think there’s a correlation. The young lady who has taken Barnaby’s fancy is not a prostitute, just an idiot.

  • Have been sitting back with a big satisfied smile on my face enjoying seeing just one of the cheaters getting publicly humiliated. ????

  • I would love to live in a place that is flabbergasted and makes a bally-hoo over indelicate cheater behavior. That means they are not as jaded as a typical American school aged kid.

  • It’s not progress nor sophisticated nor “hip” to accept or apologize for cheater behavior.
    That is rewarding the cheater’s desires while completely ignoring the fall out to the spouses, dependent children and possible work related issues.

    How would you like to have been looked over for a raise or position because the boss gave the job to his or her schmoopie? That is a fun Friday factoid to run. The work/real life screw overs that regular people have had due to schmoopie promotions.
    The cheating does NOT end at the marital bed/finances. It is completely ingrained in our economy and work life too.

    • Apparently an employee who was screwing my STBX got perks unknown in her position – (account team support has a whole new meaning). She was able to move to Chicago (2 hours from here) to be with her fiancé, work from home, and commute back to the office twice a month (with a quick stop at STBX’s house along the way).

      Of course I found this out 2 years post separation. The funny thing is, the first time my spouse “insisted” I meet her (1 year post stripper affair) my feelers stood straight up.

      I understand STBX and his girlfriend will be attending the wedding. Awe, so sweet they will have their own private little secret while exchanging hugs and glances in the recieiving line.

      These people are fucking sick! To get your jollies from deceiving people is beyond psychosis!

  • Jeez Chump Lady what was that all about? I think they just have better standards.

    • Errrrr no Spoonriver,

      As an expat who found themselves living here in Oz post DDay nearly 6 years ago – they most certainly don’t have better standards – it’s the same old story worldwide. The Aussie media just made a ‘big drama’ (witchhunt) out of this arrogant ‘Beetrooter’. Similar to the hoo-ha over Karl Stefanovic.

      Give yourself a couple of weeks in the general workforce here and you might very well think you have regressed a few decades – Equality & Diversity my arse!
      Entitled cheating is alive n well in the lucky country but the weather is great!

  • “the Labor opposition maintained that the deputy prime minister’s personal life should remain private”

    Sorry, when you volunteer to be a representative of the people, you don’t get to pick and choose who’s voices you want to represent! My voice says don’t defraud your family on my dime! Maybe we should offer a tax discount to people who oppose political figures who use our money to conduct affairs. I wonder how many “private life supporters” would opt not to take the tax break?

    Private matter? I see… so the school teacher who doubles as an exotic dancer in her “private life” (not that I condone that. STBX 1st affair was with a stripper, so don’t persecute me for a bad example) can lose her job, because little Tommy’s dad was horrified when he realized he was giving his hard earned grocery money to Tommy’s school teacher, and not some anonymous object. The school district still doesn’t know where that anonymous report came from.

    A politician screwing a staffer (on our dime) isn’t subject to the same “screwtiny” (scrutiny). Sure, he was boinking her in the copy room, texting her on the phone we pay for, and taking her on secret Rendezvous lunches, but hey, none of our business.

    Sounds like a double standard of power to me.

  • You really should send Natalie Joyce a copy of your book. Won’t take a nickle bet that the ho-worker isn’t the first. Those that gal a bone so she can beat the crap out of Barnaby with it.

    • That’s a great idea, Janna. And this is an opportunity to raise CL’s profile in Oz for her upcoming seminar. Maybe this trip to Australia will be the turning point, since it looks like no one wants to give Tracy a really large audience in the US.

  • I have always thought history and political science would be more interesting if the truth was taught, instead of the sanitized version we teach our children in elementary school. I think many people are afraid to teach the truth, because it might encourage rebellion.

    My mother complains that I won’t let her have any hero’s. First of all, the very concept of my “letting” my mother do anything is hilarious to me. But when she starts talking about some douche who was praised for his wonderful contribution(s) to some so called patriotic cause, and what a fine man he was, I just can’t resist poking a stick at her bear in the cage, and I add juicy tidbits about how he embezzled money, or profited from slaves, or sold inferior goods to the armed services, or had a mistress / mistresses, or illegitimate children (biracial really makes her squirm). My mother is a product of her generation, and is a smart woman. However, she was taught not to ask hard questions, or look beyond the dog and pony show that was trotted out by spin doctors to get some of these douches elected. I am sure that as more women get into politics we will quickly find this is not a gender issue, but a character issue. I’ve often wondered how the statistics could be so different for male/female cheaters — who do these people cheat with? I accept that some may have actually preferred their own sex, but really, that door swings both ways too.

    We have to come to terms with having “Ideals” and being realistic. I tried to teach my sons that an ideal is what you strive to achieve, and you often have to pay a cost of some type to achieve your goal. Some times that cost is severe. Developing character is not easy, and often may not be “fun”. Believing that telling the truth is important, taking responsibility for your actions is important, having a moral basis for your life is important — these types of ideals need to be encouraged. We have to be realistic, though. If we set up our politicians, movie and television stars, athletes, doctors, lawyers , tinkers, tailors, and soldiers to be perfect, we will probably be disappointed. Perhaps we should take a long hard look at our process — how do they get into the positions of influence they do? Somewhere, we are overlooking the red flags and warnings of problems. We are saying it is better to look marvelous than to actually be marvelous. If we don’t want to be led by “lizards drinking at the caravan park”, pussy-grabbers, or butt-heads, we are going to have to do a better job of picking leaders.

      • Thanks Lola! I’m not sure I’m hero material, but a vote of confidence sure does feel good!

        I think maybe we all have a chance or two in our lifetime to be a hero for a moment. What we do then, especially if no one is looking and no camera’s are at hand, probably makes all the difference in our character development. If you choose to do the right thing, when no one is looking, just because it is the right thing to do, not because you want praise or adulation for it — then you are probably hero material. I have made many mistakes in my life, the hardest thing for me to do was to face the fact that the only person I could change was myself, and it was up to me to do the hard work to make better choices. Once I accepted that fact as true, my life became more authentic. Materially and economically I may not be “successful” in the eyes of the world at large, but I sleep well and have a peaceful life. That is worth more to me than any other type of riches.

  • I hope Barnaby’s wife finds CL and CN but maybe not today. I am sure she and the kids don’t give a fuck how much worse our US cheaters are. He has destroyed their lives well enough and he still sucks.

  • I know all of us here understand what a piece of shit this guy is, but go take a look at a picture of his four beautiful daughters. For some reason, his unoriginal choice to chase after a young attractive woman not much older than his own lovely girls makes it all the more disgusting to me. That is five women now completely disrespected and discarded. What a shit.

    • He should have been thanking God every day that his wife ever looked at him- he has a face like a potato!Barnaby Joyce is a very unattractive man !
      One of the reasons that this is a big deal is that it didn’t come out until just after an election he had to win in order for his coalition to keep the balance of power. The election was needed because he turned out to be a joint NZ citizen by descent, and thus ineligible to hold office, so he had to renounce NZ and run again. And he won- but he might not have if his electorate had been fully aware that he was shagging one of his staff. This gets dismissed because ” everybody knew”. oh really?if everybody knew, and it didn’t matter, why didn’t he come out and admit it til afterwards?

      • OW is due in april 2018. She was already pregnant when the high court judgment and by election were held – and he ran on “family values” posing with his daughters. But she wasn’t his “partner”. If she wasn’t his partner, then why did she need to have her job protected and be moved around? John Clarke would’ve had a field day with this.

        He also voted against Gardasil – cause it might make 12 yr olds promiscuous (ummm – he didn’t ANYTHING to be promiscuous); he gave the Murray Darling Water to irrigators by removing all the compliance activity, he claims loyalty to the Nats – as a back bencher he crossed the floor / voting against his party 28 times! He earns $400,000 + and all the perks and takes free accommodation from a businessman.

        • I miss John Clarke. A wise and hilariously funny man.
          I miss the Murray Darling too. Please send more water, love, South Australia
          I won’t miss Barnaby.Will he still get a pension, if he resigns?

  • I only have to look at my own beautiful children and grandchildren to realize what a horrible man I married. They were his legacy and he threw them in the trash along with me!

  • CL,
    I’m all for great and creative porn names – but don’t throw one of the great figures in children’s literature under the bus by co-opting it’s name and attaching it to a porn stars and Trump!

    I googled (fearfully) and actually didn’t see anything pop up other than the book – hoping it was a joke!

  • Gotta say I feeling a lot of love for Australia after Alexander Downer dropped a dime on Papadopoulos’s drunken treasoning (good on ya, mate), and I haven’t got a clue who this Joyce jizz is.

    Cheaters are so unoriginal; “Hey you over there – got low morals and an STI? Let’s boink.” Hope he gets deported to New Zealand.

    • Streets mate! NZ have don’t want or need him. He renounced his NZ Citizenship (along with his morals and character it seems). Seems to be a global phenomenon for too many politicians. Sadly we have more than enough of our own cheaters (attended a CN meet up with some wonderful CN folk in the city of sails who got it last spring ). What we could use are some ‘fault’ divorce laws ( ‘no fault’ yeah right) (sarcasm) and not having to wait two long years (and counting down) to divorce IMHO.

  • Really appreciate all the humour around this as I lost mine at “goodbye”. Although he didn’t actually have the courage to say it; I came home to see some clothes were missing. Anyhow I was one of those chumps who sent a link to Tracy re. Baaa-n aaaa-by. I am pleased the story is getting so much media hype. I feel that there is too much misunderstanding and ignorance, shame and blame about affairs. It’s hidden and avoided at the expense of the chump while allowing the affair partners to remain untarnished. The Bonking beetroot story is getting public dialogue going and heightening the hurt and grief experience of the chumps and their families.

  • Your cartoon reminded me of me recent business idea: customized urns for a funeral, for example: an urn shaped like an ugly ass for the ashes of my horrible cheating exhusband… from Australia (but he “wins” with Mr Barnaby- Loser big time: my ex is/was an addicted gambler, disgusting cheater, abuser etc. My fave fantasy is imagining his funeral: him resting in an urn shaped like an ass that he was and then my big entrance in the middle of the ceremony: I wear all golden clothes from head to toe ????

  • Is any finding the “#me too” campaign re abuse ( power ) of women ( men) in the workplace …..interesting to follow.

    Home or workplace…..women ( & men ) get abused……Surely abuse in the home by a cheater ( someone who vowed infront of witnesses.. to honour respect etc etc ) is right up there on the ” coalface” with the sentiment of the campaign.

    Should we all also be adopting the “#me too” or something similiar ( emotional mental financial …& maybe even physical ABUSE) to shout out “i too was abused and it aint right ” and society needs to look closely at the prevelance of abuse everywhere…

    It just that i feel usa aus gb wherever….no one views what happens in marriages like ours as abuse…..but cards on the table….thats exactly what it is…..a day a week a decade a lifetime of deceit lies gaslighting mental confusion & anxiety etc…… does not matter.

    I think we need a ” ## ? too” worldwide campaign …..

    Maybe ” # me too got fucked over by a self absorbed entitled lying cheating narcissist”

    Or maybe sell badges..”..Beware of narcissists ” ” watch out for red flags” ” just to get conversations going….

    Any other ideas?

    Sorry having a bad day….sense if humour failure

      • I absolutely LOVE the idea of a # campaign for victims/casualties/survivors/??? of infidelity. I think we should seize this moment and come out of the shadows. My manipulative husband did a methodical job of destroying my already typically low self esteem pre-DDay which resulted in my taking essentially all of the blame for his cheating due to my inability to be a good enough wife. Silence of chumps creates a misperception of acceptance and/or chump blaming which society already embraces. It took me several months to reveal even to some of our closest family members and friends what he had done because I felt (and often still feel) massive embarrassment and a sense of failure. My still married to me husband and the side piece are flaunting their “relationship” out in public and all over social media with no reservations. To top off this egregious behavior, they have a multitude of supporters as evidenced by frequent “likes” of their posts. The moral compass of the masses needs to be recalibrated. Bystanders of infidelity are perpetuating the cycle and permitting the perpetrators to carry on with their debauchery sans adverse repercussions.

        Chumps need something such as #noshamenoblame #keptmyvows #cheaterfreezone

        • “”Silence of chumps creates a misperception of acceptance and/or chump blaming which society already embraces.:””


          Absolutely…when is the tide ever going to change in such a way that….if you ever cheat on your spouse / partner is considered a form of abuse and your character is immediately called into question…It would not be regarded as something to be ” admired ‘ ‘ applauded’ or ‘ ignored’ rather ot should be a “walk of shame ” for a cheater..

          Society has made cheating “irrelevant”….yet the knock on effects to all involved – mental health / financial / social is enormous and impacts society and the mental health of children affected.

          Why why why are people not screaming “abuse” “liar” “duplitious bastard” “lowlife” from the roof tops when it happens.

          Yep. Society needs to be recalibrated in so many ways.

          #love is being honest

          • I agree completely!
            It has frustrated & infuriated me even before I knew I was a chump. What can we do to open the eyes & hearts of our society?

  • It’s flabbergasting how prevalent cheating is. During my divorce I was very sick and depressed while in the hospital. Nearly every single nurse (men and women) had been cheated on or abandoned! Their stories at times were even more gut wrenching than mine. Then I went to my financial adviser (female) who also had been cheated on in her first marriage! Her story was a Lifetime movie just waiting to happen. Cheating is far too “common” and buried in society. Where is their shame?? I’ve said it before and i’ll Say it again, the minute you know or are told you are being cheated on just get rid of these fucktards! Absolutely nothing to work with! And the OW/OM? Don’t give these useless side pieces take up one second of your time! They are worse than the POS you are kicking to the curb! Dumber than a box of rocks. Let them have the garbage! Cheating crosses all types of social circles. The upper class types think they are “enlightened” somehow and their affair is going to somehow be classier and work out for them because their better than other folks! But somehow it doesn’t matter when it comes to affairs, from the trailer park to the high mucky mucks in corporate and government, they are all just trash acting like basic animals in heat!

  • I hate politics. They all suck. Our government is corrupt from the top to bottom. Even the interns. I don’t believe any of them. They ALL lie. I hate the wall but I do think the illegals need to be held accountible especially if they get government assistance. I have my guns (and my guns do not kill anyone) ((yet)) for protection from a armed criminal coming in my house (has not happened yet) but i will shoot someone if they come in uneanted to hurt my kids. But i also think that every day civilians do not need not should they have military grade assault weapons.. . . I also soothe the hate, name calling and belittling that Americans do if anyone disagrees with them on politics

    That being said. If Australia has less cheaters, liars and betrayers.. .. I think I need to move to Australia.. .. .. Or maybe just find a single 50 year old Aussie to date.

    • Stupid phone. We need an edit button.

      *unwanted not uneanted
      *do not need NOR should they have
      *I loathe not I smooth

  • I LOVE Chump Lady and Chump Nation – it has been, like it has for so many others, a critical part of my surviving the carwreck of betrayal – but I am wondering if this post is supposed to be ironic? I have been watching the Barnaby Joyce betrayal unfold down here in Australia and believe me, the impact on his wife who supported him for his entire political career is just as devastating as the impact on those whose partners have committed what might be seen as “greater” acts of betrayal.
    I just don’t think it ever needs to be a race to the bottom.
    When it comes to cheating, and especially when that cheater is supposed to be worthy of high office, there is no “better” or “worse” examples, there is just what it is: betrayal. I, for one, am so glad to see Barnaby Joyce being called out for the duplicitous hypocrite that he really is. Go Australia!

    • I think it’s ironic. I took in in good part; I get what she’s saying, but I’m proud we are so cranky about Barnaby Joyce.

      Plus I hope he and Vicki are happy together ever after. She’s very pregnant, and his presumably soon to be ex-wife says he’s never changed a nappy in his life.

      Personally I find it galling that the media kept telling everyone Vicki’s baby is a boy, and Barnaby has always wanted a son, and Natalie and he only had girls. It’s like Henry the Fucking Eighth. I presume that if the baby turns out to be a girl, he’ll have Vicki executed and marry Jane Seymour instead.

      There are also a couple of male media commentators who would normally be having a real party at Joyce’s expense right now, were it not for the fact that they are journalist mates of Vicki from way back, and don’t want to see her hurt. This also pisses me off.

      Sometimes Australia is a very small place.

  • Believe me. Aussies can be the worst of the worst. This guy may be an ordinary cheater but my first husband was actually deported back to Australia for his shameless cheating. Underage…

  • The most popular TV program in Australia right now is the local 2018 version of “Married at First Sight”. Plenty of people acting badly and some very funny articles commenting on the shenanigans. The ones by James Weir are particularly funny but the program has also attracted serious comment.

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