If you believe the popular commentators on infidelity, unfaithfulness is an affliction that can happen to anyone anywhere anytime. All of our relationships are under the constant assault of sparkly new acquaintances and old Facebook crushes. And the only bulwark against the novel pussy/dick menace is a $399 “affair-proof” your marriage webinar.
Affairs, we’re told, “just happen.” (Which is weird. Because if cheating is so random and ubiquitous and ecumenical, how come only the RIC can save us?)
Except they don’t…. for the other half of us. Some freaky chumps actually manage to keep it in their pants, and go about their existence without Ashley Madison profiles.
And it’s not like you didn’t get the opportunity, you sexy chumps.
What? Me? Opportunity? I’m here wiping baby vomit out of my hair. What are you talking about?
You know, that time someone complimented your sweater and you said, “I must have you now. Right now. Upon this Xerox copier.”
Oh, right. That didn’t happen. Because you downloaded the RIC ebook! No? What was it then? You respect your partner? It wasn’t on your radar? Ick?
Today’s Fun Friday challenge is to tell CN about all those missed cheating opportunities. The pussy buffet that got away. The office crush that just sort of withered in your imagination and died. The thoughts you didn’t have.