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UBT: The Burger-Flipping Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

I’m sure you’re all shocked to learn that HuffPo has yet another steaming heap of clickbait triumphant OW pick-me-dance winner essay. About happiness and personal growth.

(CN files its nails.)

No, no, it’s different! They get married!

(CN excuses itself to pick lint out of dryer vents.)


(CN scrapes mold from the tile grout.)

Listen, people! Sometimes love just hits you, across a table of potato peelings. And you must act on it. Right then and leave your partners and abandon small children because Ruby McConnell is just that amazing. And you all must know this.

Clearly, a few bazillion of you know this, because you sent “My Husband And I Left Our Spouses To Be Together. Here’s What I’ve Learned About Love” to the Universal Bullshit Translator. Which I had to wake from a deep poolside slumber, tanning its sprockets.

“I am in no mood for snark,” it grumped.

But she’s a geologist/dancer/adventuress with a blog! And sentences so godawful they could be the parody bastard child of The Onion + Portlandia.

It winked its periscope, intrigued.

“I wonder how many eggs each salmon mother lays, if she will ever know how many children she has. I return to the stream. I eat a stale cookie and think about Christmas.”

“You made that up,” it accused.

No! There are photos of sad birds on frozen branches. And delicious non sequiturs like:

“Rivers spill over their banks. Fields become lakes and lambs stand leg-high in the mud. Inside at the piano I keep time to its gentle waltz.”

“Okay, I see the snark possibilities,” it conceded. “Bring me the bullshit.”


I could only convince the UBT to translate portions of this screed. If you want the full assault on your literary senses, read it in its entirety. Abridged version: Girl meets man-child while working a state fair burger tent. For reasons unexplained, they return to this three-day gig for 16 years, (Do they need the money that badly? Is feeding grease to hippies so compelling?) where finally they fall madly, deeply, spouse-abandoning in love. The legal fallout takes three years. They marry and quit their day jobs. If the kids are adjusting, who cares, #happiness. 


Fair is a place where people go to search for something new in their lives, to find some kind of higher meaning, or to just find something that will shake them out of the complacency of their daily existence ― even if that’s just a good time.

Did I type “fair”? I meant “affair.”

We both stumbled into the experience as teenagers through the vast and complicated local network of underground businesses and social circles that drives the Fair.

Artful dodgers we were, in that vast necropolis of Salem, Oregon. With its subterranean sewer network and complicated social order.

Other teens flip burgers. We stumble into underground experiences.



Though working in such close quarters meant we were friendly with each other, with all the stimulation and constant rotation of staff, it was at least three years before we were actually able to remember each other’s names.

Eventually, though, we did.

If I’m going to leave my marriage on a whim, I’ll need a name.


When we finally fell in love, it was over that potato table — in one look, held so long and so hard that it stopped a teenage boy who was passing through the kitchen in his tracks. To this day, I can’t remember what triggered that look — but I do remember the way Paul staggered, nearly dropping his cup of coffee, and the way I held my hand to my throat, which had blushed so deeply it practically burned to the touch.

When we finally fell in love, it was over root vegetable detritus. In one look, it turned a passing teenager to stone, curdled the milk, and electrocuted a fry cook. To this day, I can’t remember what triggered that look. Ennui. Lust. Borderline personality disorder. But I do remember the way Paul staggered like a wounded wildebeest, before collapsing at my feet. And the way I held my hand to my throat. As if I were a demure Southern lady who blushes at the sight of fresh kill.

One thought from someplace deep inside my heart forced its way into my head: Maybe it’s Paul. Maybe after a life of trying to make it work with other people, the one I was supposed to be with had been there right in front of me for years. Maybe it was Paul.

Paul is his name, right?

We went on about our day ― potatoes and burgers ― but in reality, it was a devastating discovery. By that point in our lives, both of us were partnered, in our mid-30s with real jobs and heavy commitments. Neither of us were happy. Worse than all of that, he had children.

It was a devastating discovery — children. Sticky little creatures who require attention and money. Wives can be dispatched. Heavy commitments Children come with court orders.

Obstacles are devastating. Abandonment, not so much.


Later that week, with his wife and kids away on an extended summer vacation to visit family for the rest of summer, he invited me to meet him for lunch in a blueberry field on a rural property near his house.

Paul enjoys a classy date when his wife and kids are out of town — a field.


What we found were two ambitious people on the verge of new beginnings — I was about to publish my first book, and he was starting a new business — who were being held back by unsupportive partners, toxic friends and an overwhelming sense of duty to how life “should” be lived.

What we found was adulting is hard. We were held back by the kind of toxicity that expects paychecks and childrearing. How life “should” be lived when you bring actual human beings into existence and discover they don’t live on air.

That same week, the first night we spent together, we fell asleep with our foreheads resting side by side and woke up eight hours later without having moved at all. Hours passed by as we sat in silence, watching a blue moon cross the sky. This was not a thing we could ignore.

I mean, a MOON, people! As if anyone else has ever experienced a moon. This was not a thing we could ignore. His wife on vacation, yes. His children, of course.

(The UBT would like to pause for a moment — are you fucking him in his wife’s bed? Or erm, chastely sleeping 8 hours? Did this guy get a hotel room? Seems unlikely that the same person who takes his date to a nearby field and flips burgers is the sort to spring for hotel expenses. All to say — Ruby and Paul: you suck.)

Over the next four weeks, as we tried to figure how to do what we were going to do, my psyche and conscience screamed at me. Married men never leave their wives,

Actually, if you had a conscience, it would scream: DON’T FUCK MARRIED PEOPLE.

But then, a few days later, walking out was exactly what I did. I packed my stuff with the help of friends while my prone-to-anger partner was out of town with “the bros.”

I fuck my fellow burger flipper. My husband left town with friends. I’m prone to betraying people I purport to love and he is prone to inexplicable anger. #mysteries

We passed like ships in the night.

Ahoy, cliche!

Oregon would like its money back for that writing fellowship.


He never spoke to me directly again, and his near-total refusal to engage serving was all the proof I needed to know that leaving was the right thing to do.

I cheated on him and he never spoke to me again! And then he expected ME to initiate the divorce!

His failure to pick-me dance for my awesomeness was all the proof I needed to know that I had to line up a new sucker quick.

He had broken the news about us the moment his wife had arrived home from vacation.

A cheater told me this and I believed it.



After he talked with them and she still wouldn’t accept that it was over, he took a hard line, telling her directly that this was no affair or fling ― he intended to be with me for the rest of his life. Fifteen hours later, he packed everything from his life into his work truck, kissed his kids and promised to come back for them, and drove away from the life he had known up until that moment.

She threw his ass out.


We were dealing with Paul’s hellish legal battle with his ex, the logistics of starting a new life together, and the total lack of time and focus we desperately wanted to give to his kids.

I can’t imagine why she’s not taking this abandonment and voluntary impoverishment in the proper spirit. We just want what’s Best For The Kids! My happiness.

We worked one more year of Fair after that before giving it up for good…

Thou shalt have no other potato peelers before me.

This is the first year together that we are free from legal battles and back on our feet financially — issues that caused some early tension and arguments between us.

I can’t imagine why I’d feel the need to publicly broadcast my exhilarating blueberry field romp, family abandoning Love For The Ages given the utter security I feel about Paul. I’M THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, RIGHT, PAUL?

Our marriage is a happy one. We both changed careers shortly after marrying, and the shift to self-employment made it easier to craft our new life together.

Pro tip: Can’t garnish those under-the-table wages!

in the evenings we read a book aloud (we’re working on Laura Ingalls Wilder now).

Little Homewrecker on the Prairie

The Long Winter… of Christmas in Two Homes

On the Banks of Suicidal Ideation

It’s a quiet kind of contentment that arises from a relationship in which both partners are at peace with one another. And because of that, it’s sustainable and expansive, big enough to wrap around the kids who, to their credit, were able to see their parents’ unhappiness together and their father’s happiness with me and take things largely in stride.

It’s a quiet kind of contentment that requires a flabbergastingly narcissistic essay in the Huffington Post. To the kid’s credit, they take me publicly vilifying their mother largely in stride. And the whole part about secretly fucking their dad while he was married to their mom, and they were all on vacation, and came home, and he abandoned them? #peace #expansivewrapofdysfunction #psychoburrito

Years later, Paul and I hold steady to each other and our faith in knowing who we are as individuals and as a couple. We did the right thing, and I know I can always be brave and he will always be there.

We did the right thing, cheating on our partners, fucking in their marital bed, concealing our affair before suddenly abandoning everyone, and then quitting our jobs.

I speak for Paul when I say I know he’ll always be there. The way he was there for his kids. And his first wife. And the hungry hippies. For three days, each year, maybe, unless he’s busy with an appointment in a blueberry field. While I’m on vacation.

Ruby McConnell is a writer, geologist and environmental advocate whose work centers on the intersection of the landscape with human experience.

The UBT wishes Ruby McConnell nothing but a long intersection with a landscape. Preferably face down. After a hard rain. And a defecating moose.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • ‘What we found were two ambitious people on the verge of new beginnings — I was about to publish my first book, and he was starting a new business — who were being held back by unsupportive partners, toxic friends and an overwhelming sense of duty to how life “should” be lived.’ Oh my god, my eyes have rolled so hard they have fallen out of my head and are lost under the armoire. I hate, hate HATE this narrative particularly held back by unsupportive partners, as though their natural magnificence is being hampered by buzz-kills who expect stuff like being responsible and realistic. They obviously needed to level up to a new partner who matched and recognised their splendidness now that they were doing such fancy, impressive things. Real life is such a drag.

      • I’m just thankful that, at this time of the month, my intersection with Nature isn’t with that Unsupportive Moon that turns me into a prone-to-anger SheWolf. Though am having trouble keeping the snarl at the back of my throat.

        Wait until the “tension and arguments” can’t be blamed on the Ex with her nasty legal battles (bc she’s gone and GOT A LIFE). I give them another year or two. Then it’s back to sift through the potato peels for another batch of sustainable and expansive Love Ever After.

        • All this, MamaMeh. Particularly the second paragraph, that’s half of the excitment in these forbidden loves, making it work ‘against the odds’ aka against all the hurt people who have to detail with the fallout from their selfishness. I am almost tempted to keep a list of these twats that we can ‘where are they now?’ in five years. Paul will have run off with the nanny, or Ruby may have fallen for the UPS man that delivers her packages on the regular.

      • This UBT, CL, is one for the ages. So fucking hilarious – and also, of course, astute. It may even surpass the one in which you wrote, in a sentence I doubt has been replicated, “Those colostomy bags aren’t going to change themselves.”
        You’re a goddamn goddess. I bow down, smirking.

    • “I can always be brave” as if her staggering selfishness makes her some kind of hero.

      • Struggling No More,

        Yeah, the “I can always be brave” MY OWN UBT +


        (But by consequences, I mean other people’s…not mine).

        She’s ruining the word “brave” the same way someone steals valor by wearing a Bronze star they did not earn.


        Her writing SUCKS. It’s as sophomoric as “50 Shades of Gray” but without a scintilla of eroticism.


        • Yeah. Brave.

          The usage of the word made me puke. It’s a mockery of the women in the world who are on the receiving end – specifically the ones left with kids to pick up all the pieces of the family that was broken despite being broken herself. The ones that fight the battle alone 24/7. But what do I know about being brave? I never slept with a married man, I never cheated on anyone, I never destroyed a family, I never promoted my well-being over a child’s and ran off smoking pot while ‘glamping’
          Reminds me when my ex ran off with his OW and became #myperson on her Instagram the following day.

    • Nothing about either of these people says “ambitious” to me. It’s just two people living out their adolescent fantasies and avoiding any kind of adult responsibility.

      My fuckwit ex is just like these two. Pushing 50 and now he’s decided to be a comedian (the comedy writing didn’t pay off. Clearly his delivery was what was missing). Fortunately some other Chump is financing this endeavor.

      These two deserve each other. Who meets while while flipping burgers at festivals. 16 year olds, that’s who. I’m sure both their Chumps are well shot of these two underachieving fantasists.

      • Did you see she has “authored” a book… FOR GIRLS??? How is this immoral sl-t fit to be writing a how-to for children???? Oh but don’t worry – some proceeds are going to women’s charities. What an effing hypocrite.

        • H-chump, my ex ALSO wrote a book for kids on “how to do life” or something like that. A Bi-polar cheater who has a bankruptcy (thankfully AFTER we were divorced), has kids who can’t stand him, can’t hold down a job for more than 18 months, and lives in a crappy apartment in a bad part of town.

          Geez. What is it with these people that think they have so much “wisdom” to impart???

          If I want marriage advice, I’m going to be looking for a couple married over 40 years who still clearly do it for each other. If I want financial advice, I look for somebody who has stewarded a small nest-egg into a comfortable retirement.

          Oh, yeah. Buy her book. Tell your girls it is OK to be a cheater! Ruby approves!

      • Love ‘underachieving fantasists’. Yes, I think that pays a large role in these things: Sue and Bob have never made it as big as they thought they would, but really it’s their spouses fault for holding them back. Now unencumbered, lets see them head for the stars! Not.

        • LOL!
          Now that she’s gotten shit for this outrageously tone deaf piece, I imagine she’ll find a way to accuse Paul’s ex for shooting down her literary star.

    • Well I did support my ex in his expensive and unrealistic dreams. I let him buy the airplane that cost at least $10,000 per year to house and maintain even if you don’t fly it. Then I let him quit his high paying job that actually made it almost affordable so he could follow his dream of becoming a flight instructor. It wasn’t easy but I supported him and let him keep the airplane to facilitate his dream despite the drain on our savings. He did finally become a flight instructor with a lot of support from me. What did I get? Lots of complaints that I didn’t make enough money to support him in the style to which he had grown accustomed when he worked in investment banking and two affairs and abandonment for a selfish slut who was in the right place at the right time and willing to fuck somebody else’s husband while married herself (with 5 children). Well, it turns out flight instruction wasn’t all that so now he works for the airlines. He is out of town a lot. Now Schmopie gets to deal with his long absences and I get to invite New Guy over to keep me company. Ha!

    • Yes I heard that unsupportive crap too. No I do not support a business that lost us over 25k and had him working 7 days a week. Then I found out he was hiding money to buy a business with his tru wuv from work (which he sold a year later). Of course I did not find that out until later. He s reasons for leaving were he wanted to be alone and do what he wanted. Now he lives in the house she built with her mother. You just can’t make this shit up ????????

  • CL

    God knows I appreciate the snark, and you did make me laugh. But then I read more of this tripe. I cringed, I wanted to scream and so…

    I can’t even finish this…not on a Monday morning.

    And no, I won’t be clicking that link to encourage more of this crap. UGH

    • I couldn’t read the entire thing either. So sickeningly selfish. Blatant unapologetic narcissism. Who gives a shit if someone got hurt. What matters is I’m happy.

  • Wow the stories she tells themselves to justify their actions!! bravo ????

    Nah mate he totes won’t do it again!!

    • which is why they dont work the Fair anymore. She is going to make sure he never makes eye contact over potato pealings with another person ever again.


      • I have a different take on that. I think they went back to the Burger Booth the following year, thinking it would be business as usual with lots of hippie love and universal acceptance, but the rest of the crew treated them like a couple of assholean jerks who had abandoned their spouses/children on a lark after cheating on them. Nothing like a good shunning to convince narcs to move on to greener kibble pastures.

        But that is just me.

        • This scenario seems plausible. Otherwise why give up the place where their twu luw began?
          Didn’t they enjoy working the “fair” or was it working the “affair”?

          • Or, one or both liked a “fair”ing every year. And one or both saw this twu luv as an escape hatch from the lives they no longer wanted.

            • That’s how I read it, too. Sounds like they were both unhappy in their respective marriages, and were looking for an excuse (like an exit affair) to leave their spouses.
              I mean, they’d known each other for 16 years and suddenly, after all that time, over the potato peelings, they randomly fell in impossible-to-ignore rapturous love? That’s a bit odd.

              • How many people run off with someone they have hardly known for years? See for three days a year in an artificial environment? Very few. But, but but there was a Searing Look!

              • Actually, my money says they’d probably been cheating for years. This drivel is just the gross cover story.

  • Oh this is just brilliant! I’m hungover, feeling delicate, but this made me chuckle.

  • Fuck me, this makes me want to vomit. I seriously just threw up a bit in my mouth. What the actual fuck. Can’t believe that Paul’s ex wife was so difficult and selfish and tried to get in the way of True Love ????

    • She probably expected him to get an actual job and contribute to the family too. Bitch. No wonder he fucked someone over burger trimmings.

  • Barf! Boo hoo, sorry something so profound such as precious children and intact families kept them from each other for a time…but the sexual tension of idolatry under the guise of “happiness” and “peace” makes for a sorry 15 minutes of literary fame.

  • Oh Chump Lady, when I saw this story shared I said to the fellow group members “has anyone shared this with Chump Lady yet”. Silly me, your messages had probably already been pinging for hours LOL.

    Someone needs to get in touch with Paul’s ex and invite her to CN.

  • Yes Racheal Keyte. I wish the ex- could come here and write her story.
    You all should see the Huffpo FB page comments on this story. What is shocking is the number of posters who were ok with what they did. Many posted on there of how they diD the same. Amazing! Did you all get how they quit their jobs right after? You know what that was about! Cheater bitch failed to mention how the wife was probably left devestated besides emotional but no money to feed her kids!

    • I did read that she spent a lot of time deleting negative comments and blocking their authors, which could account for the high proportion of supporters. Still sickening though, isn’t it, that anyone at all was supportive 🙁

      • I don’t know about HuffPo, but before I’d even read the thing, she blocked me on Twitter. Happy Haus Frau, Jenny’s Porch, tipped me off to the article — she was blocked too. Then people started screen shot-ing all their blocked statuses.

        I’d tell Ruby, as a writer, learn to take rejection. If you put it out there, not everyone will universally love you.

        • So true. She obviously forgot she needed to be standing over the potato peelings to be charming…

          • No truth… I mean negativity. It doesn’t fit Ruby’s narrative of being an awesome person. In fact I’m pretty sure that her story is quite a bit of self serving fiction too.
            I wonder if the cheating potato ever went back for the kids like he promised (according to Ruby). Who am I kidding! Of course not.
            Every cheater is delusional. Every cheater is a liar. They lie to others and to themselves and they believe these lies wholeheartedly. Every cheater is selfish. They are dangerous people.

        • I feel so depressed right now. I was too focused on grooming the pig I showed at the county fair in the 6th grade. No idea my soulmate was gazing at me from the broiler chicken area.

          • This was a fair where you go to find yourself and stare at hippies. You were at the wrong kind of fair.

          • I’m blocked from her Twitter too. I guess she didn’t like my comment either.
            Rejection is hard.
            But I’d rather be on my side of that rejection fence.
            She can’t handle the truth. I sure as heck can. Cheaters suck & she is a cheater.

            • Badge on honor when a cowardly asshole blocks you for speaking the truth.

        • Yep. I saw this on Happy Hausfrau’s page. I read through the comments, they were not kind.
          My comment was deleted and I was hence blocked too.
          She’s an asshole.
          I hope Paul’s ex comes here and shares her story.

          • I also read Happy Hausfrau’s Facebook post a few days ago and clicked through to the whore’s Instagram page. Her page was 100% open for all to see. Both Instagram and Twitter are now open for people who support the adulterers.

        • She’s blocked everyone on Twitter, made her insta private and turned off commenting on her blog. Now licking her wounds while Paul reads to her. ????????

          Oh Ruby. I almost feel sorry for her.

          Wait. No I don’t. Not even a little bit.

          • Meanwhile, speaking of proud OWs who disappear to lick their wounds when the public doesn’t eat up their narrative… the woman outed as the affair partner in the projared situation (a few UBTs ago) has reactivated her social media accounts. She’s posted a series of smear campaign stuff on Twitter attacking his ex-wife, insisting that the affair was her way of helping him out of an abusive marriage. Complete with screenshots of private text conversations between projared and his chump. Seems like fruitful material to torture the UBT with.

            • What a bitch. Jared deserves Holly, but Heidi doesn’t deserve to have her name sullied by Holly or Jared!

      • I read this yesterday, and she must have gone on a deleting spree since then. I can tell you that the majority of the comments I read were not supportive.

    • I am hoping the ex’s are now at a point where they can laugh themselves silly over this tripe. If the ex wife was screwed financially, however, that might be difficult.

  • There’s a couple of lovely comments on her blog, there’s a few people not happy with her and Paul!
    Apart from her affair essay (which is boring and so typical of cheaters thinking they’re original and magnificent), her writing is as boring as watching paint dry. It’s full of the “I think I’m so sophisticated” word salad BS that makes you gag.

    • This!

      I think she spent a lot of time on Instagram yesterday deleting negative comments and blocking the authors LOL

    • Oh Tracy. Standing ovation. Cackling over my coffee. There is so much to love in this post, and so much to vomit about in hers.

      You and the UBT did not disappoint. I just wish she hadn’t blocked me so this could be shared with her ????????????

  • Yes, let’s see how much in love they are a couple years from now.

    • Sadly, they may be together for years.
      My Paul-equivalent is still with “her” and it’s been many years.
      Are they happy? Who knows. But definitely still together.

      • My ex is still with his OW after 14 years. A number of people have expressed surprise at how a relationship that started with breaking up two marriages could last. I think that they gave up so much to be together (they had to leave our church, they lost lots of friends, my ex eventually lost his children) that they kind of had to stay together whether they were happy or not.

        • I know a lot a cheaters who end up staying partner whether they are happy or not

          • It’s time-consuming to find new supply as narcs age. The pickings are slim.
            They stay until they think they have found better. If their financial situation is not good its even harder to find better prey. The other party would have to end it but they too also feel trapped.
            I don’t see many that last but those that do are often toxic. Aló of energy is often put into image management.

            • I agree. Sometimes they see the available alternatives as even worse than what they have. I am guessing ex will stick with Schmoopie indefinitely. He is getting too old and worn out for another go around. Same for her as she is the same age (not younger in this case). Now they are the ones with sunk costs.

              • I know one of these. She and her (now ex) husband both left their spouses and ran off into the sunset. They were together for over 20 years until her inheritance ran dry. Then (surprise!) he ran off with someone else (she recons AP#5) .

                Moral of the story: he was a better opportunist than she was.


            • Someone I know is the OWife to her much older husband.
              She is now stuck with an 80-year-old man with major health issues and she is no spring chicken herself, but she’s damn sure trying to stay youthful.
              She brings him to functions and bitches at him and makes him feel like shit.
              She’s a bitch and we all just ignore her.

          • @DemHoez. Agree. I’ve been told the relationship/marriage will last 3-10 years, but I believe that when cheaters leave their partners and marry the OW/OM…their pride won’t let them end the relationship because it will be an admission that they made a bad choice

            • I agree. they “fought” so hard and destroyed so many lives that they can’t admit they made a mistake! The ego would never allow it!

              • Well, those Laura Ingalls Wilder books aren’t going to read themselves!

                Guessing they read aloud because child support saps the cable money right out of the budget.

              • This is So funny to me (now) but, when I think of the X marrying a woman with not only kids, but grandkids, when he never wanted a child for all the cocaine in Columbia! (bad analogy but, yanno) She is 10 yrs younger, ripe with sexual desires no doubt, he is now 65 with a removed prostate, unable to take blue pills and not much skill with anything else in that dept. When it finally dawns on him that ALL her kids are her first priority, I see the crumbled sand hill that it is..

        • More than likely they are together because they are stuck or no one (potential affair partner) else has given them the time of day. Most cheaters hate being by themselves so they will stay in a marriage where they are unhappy and just bide their time till an opportunity presents itself.

          I know of two cheater/affair based marriages in the past 3 years that blew up after many years together. One pair was married for 14 years actually. The wife (ex mistress) hung on for dear life for years but was still dumped for another OW. What a way to live…..worried constantly about being dumped at any moment and constantly trying to please all to no avail. No thanks.

      • As my narcissistic mother used to say, “Water seeks its own level.” They know what they are. No need for the mask.

    • I think a lot of couples in this situation stay together longer than they otherwise would because breaking up would mean admitting that their twu wuv wasn’t actually anything special or worth it.

  • The stbx left us for a footloose nature-worshipping drama-loving self-employed girl too. Must be a Type. I hate the way all these articles are normalising betrayal. If only these sites would publish a Chump narrative….

    • The type is manic pixie dream girl, I think. The one in my life came equipped with a plethora of what my son called “fortune cookie bullshiat.” The kid’s got a way with words.

  • What a lot of Turd that is !

    Both of us in unhappy marriages – Yet neither one of you spoke up ! Both of you quiet happy getting all the cake at home while you were flipping burgers at a fair .

    Who the hell reads books aloud to each other in the evenings ? Well unless of course its LACGAL then that’s allowed .

    Our love was bigger than the both of us while we blow up 2 families lives , devastate extended family’s and children , but hay look i like to have sex in a field with strange so i’m happy .

    Yuk the further these people are away from us the better , they absolutely deserve each other

    • Yes, imagine that, their spouses were “unsupportive” of their cheating, lying, and narcissism!

      How curious that these fools (my ex included) only suddenly realize they have been “unhappy” for years only AFTER they begin their affairs…….

      • So true. They are so unoriginal and I’ve often said this. They (married cheaters) are usually content until someone (cheating partner) tells them they’re not. It’s like a lightbulb goes off on top of their heads because it never occurred to them before. Then they scramble for all the reasons you “made them cheat” all the while devaluing the faithful spouse and treating them like shit. I was in one hell of a bad mood, snapping all the time, the year before my dday. I didn’t realize until I left that I was responding to the awful treatment I was getting on a fairly regular basis.

        • I think most cheaters are content until their cheating is suspected or discovered. It’s the prospect of consequences that makes them unhappy.

        • “Then they scramble for all the reasons you “made them cheat” all the while devaluing the faithful spouse and treating them like shit. I was in one hell of a bad mood, snapping all the time, the year before my dday. I didn’t realize until I left that I was responding to the awful treatment I was getting on a fairly regular basis.” This so describes me. He was so belittling to me. Of course I defended myself. I told everyone how mean I was and how fun she is. He left out the part where he started fights to go be with her. Third and final DD January 2018. Divorce final June 2018. Moved her tow miles up the road from me two weeks after our divorce. Placed her kid in the same school as my two sons. Shit sandwiches dealt on a daily. Still hurts.

      • Oh, yes. Spouse-appliance doesn’t give my heart the little moths it gets when I see the OW. So unhappy. I deserve moths beating their dust-laden wings!!

        Funny that I used to get those flutters when I saw my spouse-appliance, before we were married, before we had a child. Clearly it is something SHE did, not me.

        It couldn’t possibly be anything I did (or didn’t do).

      • Lol this^^^

        Eventually she’ll grow to resent his lack of income and move on to someone she can screw in a watermelon patch.

    • Actually I think it would be nice to read out loud with a romantic partner if we like the same books. I wouldn’t want to do it with an asshole, however.

  • Ugh, the treacle and banality of it all never changes does it…

  • The worst thing is, like in my experience, it was all veiled by ‘I need to be authentic’ and ‘at last we are being honest’ (UBT: now there might be an alternative, I can vent how Unhappy I am). As if it was all a principled thing, and the banal betrayal is so obscured by the heroically being true to Twu Wuv

    • Artist, I too received that line of cheater now needing to be his “authentic self” and how honest he is…now.

  • Thanks CL! I was wondering if you would feature this article soon! I read it on Jenny’s group and was completely mortified at the actions of these two. I’m glad to see the public speaking up for the mom and the kids who were abandoned by the reckless behavior. Just like my stbx who got so bent out of shape because marriage and family wasn’t always fun and exciting.

  • The writing – godawful. And she won a prize for this?

    The peeling psychedelic painted Karma bus is no doubt heading for a bus stop near them.

  • Ladies and Gentlemen of CN, we have a winner!

    That might well be the best (a.k.a. worst) piece of utter BS infidelity-justifying tripe I’ve ever read in CN. You really didn’t need to UBT it. It was so deliriously awful I was snorting out loud. But I think I’ll pass on the full ‘article’ 😉

    Elizabeth Gilbert et al have so much to answer for

    …oh and anyone who uses the word ‘advocate’ and ‘work’ in the same sentence………hmm

    • Maybe we should start a sweepstake on how long these two Twu Wuv Birds will last before the sparkly shiny stuff disappears

      • Its a tough call. ASshat’s shmoopie still has no idea what a narcissistic liar ASshat really is because of course, ” he would never lie to her” so they are still together after 7 years ( 2 of which were in fun-filled secrecy). She is still useful to him as she pays for a lot of his bills so if she does ever find out he may have to hit the road but until then, it’s Karma bus wasteland.

        • You just gave the main reason your ex is still with his Schmoopie — she pays the bills so she’s useful to him

  • Wholly crap, I couldn’t even make it through that. Sometimes you can tell just by how a person talks (or writes) that they are just narcissistic garbage. This is one of those times.

    I would go on but people like her are not worth my time.

  • “Little Homewrecker on the Prairie” — that is awesome. ????????????????????

  • Some people have lots of class. All lower, but lots of it.

  • “When we finally fell in love, it was over root vegetable detritus. In one look, it turned a passing teenager to stone, curdled the milk, and electrocuted a fry cook.”

    This almost makes me wish I hadn’t just retired so I could take the original and this gem of a re-write to my creative writing class! Too funny all the way through.

    • I have to admit I paused in reading to laugh out loud and re-read that phrase. Perfect, Tracy, absolutely perfection.

  • Tracy you left out one of my favorite parts:

    “It’s a kind of happiness that isn’t the hard work that people claim relationships are supposed to be”

    Yeah let me know how that’s going after a few more years. Asshole

    • Even the best marriages hit rough patches. A former coworker who had a really good marriage built on trust, friendship, the desire to be with each other (they were still role-playing in their late 50s), once told me she hated her husband at the the time their boys were small. She was home and frustrated every day. Now she really didn’t hate him but those feelings happens – even in good marriages.

      • If you read interviews with elderly couples, ones who’ve been married 50, 60 years or more, they all say the same thing. That a long marriage has ups & downs, but you have to stick at it and work at it.

        Our cheaters on the other hand, just want everything easy — the ‘happiness’ statement above is a classic example of a love addict who’ll soon get bored once the day-to-day dreariness takes over

        • that was one of the last things wasband told me as he ran off with the FUN neighborhood crackhead.. .. he said “you got boring”.. .. . it messed me up for a long time. but it says a lot about wasband. Day to day life was Boring for him, taking care of bills and children were boring. he wanted to party, and drink like he did in high school. he wanted no responsibilities and i was failing at my job of doing everything. So he thought the married methhead was more fun and could take care of him better then i had for the past 15 years.. .. HA! they lasted 4.5 almost 5 years.

          of course when i reminded him that i was boring, he says he cant remember he said to me when we were splitting up and divorcing. of course he dont remember, he was too busy getting it on with her, jumping from one party to the next and trying to find a place to stay for free.

  • I read this “article” this weekend and just felt sick. I questioned whether I was being too dramatic since they didn’t drag out the affair. But then I realized this was their justification that they were, in fact, “good people.” Love CL for waking me up out of the fog!

    • No, they dragged out the divorce no doubt because the CheaterDad didn’t want to pay child support. He quit his job, after all. So it was a blindside discard for the wife and kids + financial abandonment.

      • Exactly. For fulfillment of twu wuv, discarded mom had to go to the food pantry to feed her children. #dadisaColossalAsshole

  • “Actually, if you had a conscience, it would scream: DON’T FUCK MARRIED PEOPLE”

    Priceless!! Fuckwits at their finest.

  • They cheated, started new lives and are suddenly blissful?
    Oh wait….she is an “author” and trying to sell more books.
    I would love for the spouses to write a rebuttal.

  • The Huff puff piece is a pantload. A veritable smorgasbord of soppy Hallmark channel images merged with the cheater’s forehead (and foreskin) Vulcan mind-meld.

  • Wow, I read the original and it is way too much BS for Monday morning. So glad she found “late life” love ( in her 30’s), and that it’s so simple and uncomplicated ( for her…). I would absolutely love to hear from their spouses. Hers did the right thing, acknowledge it then no contact. Imagine, he wouldn’t do the “pick me dance”! The VERY NERVE! How utterly ungrateful he was when she had gone to all that trouble to try to make him a chump and he wouldn’t play his part! At least ( for her ) his wife provided the drama she needed to feel like she was superior. Whew!

      • apparently wasband knew the troll he left me for in his 20’s and then ran into her again when he was drinking at his cousins house at age 39. AND he believed it was a sign that they were “MEANT TO BE”.. .. conveniently forgetting the women he met and married when he was 24 and had taken care of, supported and loved him for the past 15 years. he and i apparently were not “meant to be”. i am not sure what i was to him but it wasnt meant to be. 15 years together and never was meant to be. i was the only person who was there consistently every day for 15 consecutive years. not even his own mother was there for 15 consecutive years .. .. but he did not believe we were “meant to be”.. .. nope his MEANT TO BE was with a married meth head who bailed on her husband, abandoned her 4 children, and cheats on her husband. she had no house, no car, no job, sponging off the kindness of others and asking for handouts. BUT hey she could drink as much as him, knew how to roll a joint and pack a meth pipe. .. .

        YEP, THAT was his SOUL mate.. .. …

  • Does HuffPost pay for this boring BS? Does this sell newspapers?

    • HuffPo is unpaid.

      The “payment” is self promotion or traffic to your blog. The early days of this blog, I wrote for HuffPo. But we’re not talking competitive paid writing gigs here, it’s a soapbox.

      • Hey, for what it’s worth (and I for one am glad and grateful that writing for HuffPo was worth your effort), I’m pretty sure it was one of your HuffPo articles that first gave me even the tiniest glimpse of hope while desperately searching online those first couple of days after D-Day. …which led me to the blog…and the book…and help from a truly amazing therapist (to whom I gifted your book and she now frequently recommends to others). Via HuffPo, ya reached me. Regardless of the source, that first article helped me more than you could ever know. …and by reaching me, and by means of my very eager willingness to recommend your blog and book ever chance I get, you’re also reaching many more folks who desperately need your perfect combo of UBT, snark, reality checks, and nudges in the right direction…toward Tuesday.
        Writing for HuffPo? SOOOOOOO #WorthIt #ThankYou

    • Will stuff like this come to represent the prevailing morality of our time?

      I mean, if negative comments are deleted, and only support is shown, then it is made to appear that the world agrees.

      Is THE GREAT BRAINWASHING happening right under our eyes?

      Abandoned children. Abandoned spouses. Imporished. Is this made to become the accepted norm?

  • Oh, she’s not only a “writer”, she’s a dancer. Of course she is.

    Ruby is a writer, dancer, and choreographer living and working in the Pacific Northwest

    Also, Paul Kenneth Hampshire III’s business is in processing cannabis. Which I don’t have a problem with but if I had been his wife, with small children, I would also have been INCREDIBLY leery of jumping straight into that business for so many reasons.

    Paul and Ruby are cliches of the worst kind.

    He balked at paying $2300/month to his wife for spousal and child support after filing in Sept 2015. After dumping the family for the broad in the berry patch.

    Holy shit! Siobhan Roberta McConnell SUED HIS EX-WIFE. Yes, same woman. I guess she isn’t as proud of her heritage as she says she is in her blurbs.

      • Just stumbled onto your blog after reading the article in Huffcompost, Roberta’s twitter account posted an article from some feminist empowerment website detailing her struggle against the sexist townfolk protesting her Cannabis farm and photo graphs of said Cannabis extraction Laboratory.

          • Dear God, she’s a hot mess.

            She sued her husband’s exe, she’s at odds with the town council where she lives… She’s at war on Twitter… I’m seeing a common denominator here…

            • Surely you can’t be serious … And stop calling me Shirley 😀

              It’s sad, because I recognize the desperation to Make It Work At All Costs. She’s staked everything on Paul, and it simply must all work out happily ever after, otherwise it will look like she did the wrong thing and also made a terrible choice of new husband.

              So yeah, it has to be them against the world. The mean, uncomprehending world where she is not special, and things aren’t fair, and courts order her husband to pay his credit card bill from his first marriage.

              Whereas in a really loving partnership, you have nothing to prove to anyone, least of all an imaginary audience of nay-sayers. You just get on with it, take the rough with the smooth, and keep trying.

              If your relationship requires you to constantly play to the gallery – and wreckonciliation is this, par excellence – that’s a pretty good sign all is not well.

          • “We scraped together financing for the extractor and bare necessities with small personal loans, savings, and credit cards.”

            Hahahaha! Paul rang up over $13,300 worth of credit card debt and tried to stick it to his ex-wife. The judge saw through that load of shit and told him it was his debt to pay off.

            I bet that pissed off the “free spirit”/”dancer”. It’s great being a free spirit when someone else foots the bill.

          • Funny that she mentions Paul being a licensed contractor (present tense).

            He isn’t. Not anymore. Expiration Date: 9/22/2018

            • NSC I am in awe of your research skills!! Long may you uncover the truth and smack pretentious tosh like this in the face 😀

              • It’s funny how my professional and personal life intersect sometimes.

      • Court filings in Oregon. Paul also was ordered to pay off the credit card debt he rang up during their marriage and a decent chunk of change towards the mortgage. I wonder if he used their marital home as collateral for his business, or a HELOC and his XW didn’t appreciate it.

    • Thank????you???? for digging this up.
      Entitled fuckwits like these piss me off.

  • She has a website.

    With more “writings.”

    There’s a comment section on her website also. Some unpretty things were written.

  • Ah, “Fair”. Land of commitment-averse intoxicated sex, rampant infidelity, socially accepted hebephilia, “theuniversewantsmeto”isms, and all around dysfunctional times.

    If she’s a “Fair” person, her social group most definitely supports this behavior and, in a Paltrow-esque flight of fancy, believes the rest of us to be beneath them, o spiritually unsophisticated souls that we are, unable to see how they should not have consequences, because, universe.

    She wrote this because she likes attention and she’s getting attention. It’s a disgusting slap in the face to their exes, and even more so to the children who call the emotionally helpless Paul their father, to slather this story all over the internet.

    Toxic Narcissist.

  • “My parents and extended family have adopted Paul and the kids with open arms while I remain a bimbo and a harlot to his. We didn’t win all our battles.”

    My favorite part of this entire essay. Gag.

    • That irritates me too. His family likely had very reasonable concerns about their relationship and it’s effect on his kids, but as far as she’s concerned she just dismisses it all as slut-shaming. She really is quite adept at making herself the hero in her own story. And avoiding introspection at all costs beyond “what can I do to make myself happy right now”

  • The detail that shows how much damage these two selfish jackasses did? She writes: “My parents and extended family have adopted Paul and the kids with open arms while I remain a bimbo and a harlot to his. We didn’t win all our battles.” The UBT doesn’t even have to translate this one: the grandparents to these kids, CheaterDad’s parents, see their son’s NewWife as “a bimbo and a harlot.”

    • Glad to hear it. At least someone in the family can call them out. Not to mention how awkward and painful this must be for the kids. They have to live with this ugliness in their family now.

      She calls it a battle! As if it is a noble cause. She is a creeeeeeep.

    • Yeah of course her parents have welcomed him, because they will have received the most sanitised version of the truth ever know to man let’s face it.

      Had my (lovely) mother in law on the phone at the weekend for a chat. She had news but I knew already. They twue wuv pair are engaged one year after he moved out. I had found a pic of a bridesmaids dress on my daughters iPad. Said oh is Daddy getting married. No, she said it’s just a dress I like. I didn’t believe her but not fair to question her. So I could say to MIL don’t worry about imparting the news I already know but thank-you for considering letting me know. And guess what, it was posted on social media, he didn’t even ring and tell him mum and dad.

      And my response to this, nothing says true love like stealing £10K from your ex in order to buy a diamond ring for your new fiancee.

      Thank you for this steaming pile of drivel today because it’s just so bad it’s funny and I am sure exactly the kind of justification that my EX and OW come up with.

      And then to cap it all this morning, monthly payment late (again) and it comes named from both of them, not just him. Couldn’t. Make. It. Up.

      • Ugh, I’m so sorry. But those kinds of petty point-scores just remind you of who you’re dealing with. She must be sooo insecure.

      • These people are nasty. Why do we put up with it? Where is the collective correction?
        Honestly, we tell children to be good, we chastise those who are naughty but it’s the selfish shitty bullies for adults who run the real world. Not nice people.
        It’s upsetting.

        • I’ve often said to my 8 year old child ‘don’t tell lies’

          However when the cheater says it to him, it certainly shows him in such a narcissist light!

  • I need a well being update on the teenager that was mentally and physically stunned by the sonic boom of their shared love look of destiny. Did he ever recover? Has he spoken of the terrible day he was rendered unable to speak or move after being caught in the powerful tractor beam that eventually tore a hole in the space time continuum?

    • And how would she know about this stunned teenager if her eyes were locked with her Schmoopie’s?

      #centrality #INeedaWitness

      • Those kind of narcissists are all about the effect they have on other people. They’ll never get lost in a moment, only tell you how everyone else did while they watched and jizzed on the attention.

    • One thing’s for sure – if it stopped a teenager “in his tracks”, whatever the adults exchanged in that moment was surely way more than a look.

      This whole thing smacks of a narrative-controlling historical rewrite.

    • He probably just was waiting too long for his damn French fries. Hey maybe you guys could stop standing there staring at each other and finish our order!? We’ve been waiting here!

  • Well, as usual I say follow the money. She has books to sell and he has pot for sale. What better way to get their names in the public than to write this ridiculously silly article. Starcrossed lovers. When I think of a place like the fair I think of Porta Pottys. Are there horses and cattle around? Then I think of manure, or horse shit. I think of kids throwing up from too much candy and lots of people with sunburn, and falling in love over hotdogs. It’s almost as angst filled as Romeo and Juliet. Also, I would imagine their exes need to get on this site and write exactly what hell they went through. What amazingly immature people this society manages to produce.

  • Great UBT but I think I’ll skip the word, salad, enlightened fuckwit full article on HuffPo. The UBT deserves some TLC after processing that drivel!

  • (music by Paul Simon, lyrics by Maybeitz Paul)

    Are you going to Oregon Fair?
    Music, hippies, burgers and fries
    Oh please leave town, and take the kids with you
    Then you’ll get a stunning surprise

    Tell her to make me an elephant ear
    Music, hippies, burgers and fries
    She clutched my throat and I spilled my coffee
    All before a teenager’s eyes

    Tell her to wait in a blueberry field
    Music, hippies, burgers and fries
    The moon will tell us what we must do
    Just before my daddy sauce dries

    Ambitious people held back by adults
    Music, hippies, burgers and fries
    We’d steal away, but (fuck!) I have children
    Married men just don’t leave their wives

    Pity the masses who don’t understand
    Music, hippies, burgers and fries
    We’ll brave the judgement and the derision
    And we’ll win the treachery prize

  • Amazing how some people believe their lives are a melodrama romance tale. Self delusion is the best delusion.

    The spouse must be demonized for this scenario to work. It’s very sad how we are collateral damage to some selfish idiot’s self absorption.

    I think that some of these relationships ‘work’ because the fools involved are determined to show off to the world. But a cheater has a 3 fold chance of cheating again. So you never know.

  • Hey, Betrayed Spouses of these 2 nitwits, if you are reading this, Chump Nation welcomes you. This is your place.

  • “while my prone-to-anger partner was out of town with “the bros.””

    Translation: I married the wrong guy but didn’t bother to do anything about it until somebody else gave me an easy out. If I had acted on a conscious-based timeline and left before I started screwing around, I’d have had to support myself or something for awhile in between men.

    • Right?!? If the guy was so bad, why was she still with him? Mooching until someone she liked better showed up?

      • Anger prone. I read that to be she did a alot of shit that drove him nuts but expected no reaction from him. Instead he was to put up with it.
        Sorry, the only thing I believe is that they cheated. Everything else smells of bs.

        • probably because Paul wasnt her first hook up. she doesnt say whether or not she cheated on her husband before Paul but how much you want to bet she was.

          i find it funny how her going off to flip burgers every year for 3 days for the Hippie FAIR was perfectly fine but her husband “going off with his boys” is neglecting her. he goes hunting and finds she took everything and left when he gets back. and she is upset that he did not fight for her. all he says to her is “so thats it”.. . .. sounds to me there is a lot more to that story that she is leaving out. sounds to me that he was already aware that she planned on leaving him or wanted to leave him since he wasnt to surprised to find her gone when he got home.

    • Anyone else appreciate how she distances herself from marital commitments by calling him her partner instead of her HUSBAND? What a fucking piece of shit.

    • Oh, the first husband was just fine until she met the pot guy. Bet husband #1 had a job but was “holding her back” by expecting her to do her share.

      • It’s funny how when you give these cheaters what they say they want they still don’t do anything. After d day # 1 i let my wife buy a house to fix up with our money because she was bored and not fullfilling her dreams. 4 years later its a tax and code violation nightmare. And ahe of course takes no responsibility for it.

        • Shit, yes! After being married 20+yrs to an asshole who cheated the entire time, this dude is dragging it out. I mean, he was all set to run off with his true love until I discovered the dual life. Now I am giving the creep what he wants, and he is literally doing nothing in this process. Wtf.

  • #narcissist Here is her twitter …[email protected]

    This is a quote from the article I found telling.. “She forced him to tell their kids after less than a day in hopes that the guilt would be too much for him and he would change his mind.” He was forced to have consequences and a conscious, but he did not!! He still left his wife and kids!! What a great strong man!!

    They are soooo cultured. They are reading Laura Ingalls Wilder. I read that in 3rd grade!! Seriously!!

      • Hey, even in this ridiculous self-serving drivel article, the first wife comes across as a hero, her first husband comes across as a man who respects himself, and PotPaul’s parents come across as reasonably sane.

        • agreed, lovedajackass. And may I add, the “judgmental friends” comes across as friends who cared enough to be honest with her. They are the ones who deserve the title of “brave” in this shit show

  • I almost thought for a moment this was a fake post.
    Wanted to almost vomit as I was reading this self serving low class slut.
    May Karma hit both of these 2 losers because the ex wife & kids won by getting rid of their disgusting piece of crap!

  • This woman just wrote a wilderness book for young girls and is on a bookstore tour for it. There’s no way I’d let my daughter near this woman’s writing after that vapid, narcissistic HuffPo article. I wonder how the bookstores and her publisher would react? Personal values matter.

  • I feel so bad for Paul’s X in ever marrying someone like him and for his innocent children.

    This so-called woman, “Ruby” is an ugly sociopath who cannot write worth a shit.

    I refuse to click any of her sites and give her any of my attention….just as I do not stop to examine the feces my cat leaves in the litter box. Look away and throw away.


  • A. How much money, like, in actual dollars, did the Cheater XH pay to his wife for child support after he abandoned them all and “started his new career”? Let me guess – noting or next to nothing.

    B. Could this be why his divorce was so acrimonious? Chump just didn’t bow down to OW/Cheaters request for them to all just go away for them?

    C. Time to change the narrative. Time to change the narrative.

    • At one point it was over $1500/month for the kids.

      He also was told to pay off the credit card ($12,000+) and about $6700 towards the mortgage.

      Blueberry Hill eventually sued his ex-wife, mother of his kids, twice. Thank you Oregon case search.

      • What a piece of shit. He’s just a man-child trying to live life in the most honest way possible. Can’t anyone see this besides Ruby aka husband stealer? I hope that judge saw through all the bullshit.

      • What fucking bullies. I bet Ruby was his bulldog if not the person who encouraged him to do this.

  • “The UBT wishes Ruby McConnell nothing but a long intersection with a landscape. Preferably face down. After a hard rain. And a defecating moose.”
    Oh, we can at least hope, right?!

    This was great, perfectly translated. It sucks that these psycho’s, will never see what they’ve really done. Nothing anyone can say to them, if you attack them, they are the victim. If you ignore it, they go on living their life like they are better and smarter than everyone else. Still trying to accept that there’s nothing you can do in these situations.

    • Sorry, see below. My hands cannot cooperate with my brain after reading this.

  • I hate to judge people on their appearances, but I took a peak at Paul and Ruby and I can Just see Paul contemplating the moon

  • OMG, this sentence! “We both stumbled into the experience as teenagers through the vast and complicated local network of underground businesses and social circles that drives the Fair.” As a former resident of Portland, Oregon and a former owner of a couple of crappy duplexes in Kaiser (suburb (slum) of Salem), I can assure you there is nothing vast, complicated, underground, or businesslike/social driving the fair, unless you count white trash tweakers amongst your esteemed colleagues. Okay, back to reading. I needed a break after looking at her website. It was a good time to use the bathroom.

  • Time has been unkind to Paul… 3 years of being a scumbag father, married to a selfish, shallow whore, and trying to make it work for the sake of ego has taken its toll:

    2016 to 2019. All the LOLZ

      • Yup you can still take a gander at their ugly mugs (ugliness on the inside that shows through their deplorable behavior)

    • Haha, she must be a vampire. She looks better, he looks much much worse. He probably realised his mistake early on but has lost the will to live. She and her BPD run his life. I’m sure in the deepest part of the night he reflects that he was tempted by crazy strange and that choice ruined his life. I see Paul is strangely silent in all of this.

  • Wow…

    You know, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I did. I don’t want to be some sort of nut who has a pavlovian reaction to anyone who dares dump anyone else. You gotta be fair.

    I wanted to be like “ok, so you didn’t have a drawn-out affair (physical or emotional). You had one look, one date, one fuck, and went ‘well, obviously I can’t do this and another relationship at the same time.’ Further, you weren’t married, had no kids, apparently had a ‘toxic’ and ‘prone to anger’ boyfriend… maybe the relationship was already dead and just needed an Old Yeller at this point. As for him, maybe he fed you a line about how they were practically over anyways, and you told yourself ‘well, no one in their right mind breaks up a marriage and family over a look, a date, and a fuck, so this really isn’t MY doing – their marriage must be pretty much over anyway.'”

    Yeah, I really wanted to try. But then you just had to go “my psyche and conscience screamed at me. Married men never leave their wives.”

    Wait… what? I thought your boyfriend was unsupportive, toxic, and prone to anger? He’s such a jerk, but your main worry when leaving him is whether or not Shmooopie will leave his wife? Meaning that if he didn’t, you’d have happily stayed with this guy – at least until the next burger flipper came along? Really?

    Then “I got a predictably emotionless text from my newly minted ex: “I guess that’s it then.” He never spoke to me directly again, and his near-total refusal to engage serving was all the proof I needed to know that leaving was the right thing to do.”

    So… your unsupportive, toxic ex, that was so dangerous he had to be dumped from a distance… he proved you right by accepting your decision, refusing to blow up at you, or do or say anything angry or violent to you, after you.. you know… CHEATED ON HIM THEN DUMPED HIM WHEN HE WAS ON A TRIP? All he does is not beg you to come back, and then not speak to you? That monster?

    And what about his ex?

    “She forced him to tell their kids after less than a day…”

    Wait, what exactly was he planning? Making her handle that? Making her lie to the kids about how “no, Mommy and Daddy just stopped loving each other and Daddy moved in with a new roommate for entirely unrelated reasons?” Really?

    “…in hopes that the guilt would be too much for him and he would change his mind.”

    That monster? Making him tell the truth? Assuming he’d feel guilty? Hey, here’s a thought: maybe if the idea of telling the truth about what you’ve done makes you feel so guilty you might change your mind about doing it, maybe the problematic part of the situation isn’t ‘telling the truth’ bit but the underlying action!

    “After he talked with them and she still wouldn’t accept that it was over, he took a hard line, telling her directly that this was no affair or fling ― he intended to be with me for the rest of his life. Fifteen hours later, he packed everything from his life into his work truck, kissed his kids and promised to come back for them, and drove away from the life he had known up until that moment.”

    As with the ‘Had to Tell The Kids The Truth’ thing… what exactly did he think was going to happen? Was he expecting to stay in the house? Tell her “welcome back, I’m leaving you for a burger flipper I met at a hippie campout while you took the kids on a trip by yourself, now what’s for dinner?”

    Also, I can’t help but notice a certain Catch-22 going on with the exes. Accept your leaving, refuse to fight you on anything and just let you go? Well, clearly dumping that emotionless jerk was 100% the right thing to do!

    Refuse to easily believe your husband and the father of your children is leaving you for someone he locked eyes with over a burger grill while you took the kids to the beach? Be shocked and angry, and refuse to conveniently disappear? Well, aren’t you just a crazy, hellish, bitch! God, brand your name on his ass and chain him to the basement, why don’t you?

    How exactly were your respective partners supposed to behave during all this? Personally bubble-wrapping your belongings for the move out while also begging you to stay (but, like, not in a way that would make you feel guilty for leaving) and composing a story to tell all your friends about how this breakup was Totally Not Your Fault?

    “This is the first year together that we are free from legal battles and back on our feet financially.”

    Yeah… wonder how long this will last now that you can’t blame external functions for your problems?

    “We worked one more year of Fair after that before giving it up for good, content that we had both found what we’d been looking for all those years.”

    UBT: we can’t leave each other alone at fair – what if one of us locks eyes with someone else over the facepainting stand? No marriage can withstand that!

    • Traffic Spiral– Where’s the like button for this comment. So well said! I love your acerbic wit. I’d read your blog as well as CL’s. : )

          • I do but it’s about science. Not really Chump therapy. I come here for that. I was referring to your hypothetical blog. : )

    • “predictably emotionless text”
      Another blame-shifting adjectival phrase.

    • HILARIOUS!!! Love your comments

      I think the title should be “Corndogs and Love”

    • You are so on point. I loved every single word. Does anyone else hear her voice in an annoying squeaky voice?

    • I think UBT is correct in reading this as the ex-wife throwing him out. Obviously the story presented here has been heavily edited and re-edited in the author’s favor. Not only that, but we’re dealing with an inherently unreliable narrator because she wasn’t there for the scenes she describes between Paul and his first wife, and only has his unreliable word to go on. I can only assume from reading between the very predictable lines here that one or both of these people was planning to remain married and eat cake, until one or both of the spouses found out. That would explain why she wouldn’t be embarrassed publishing a piece about leaving their spouses for each other, as that narrative is probably much kinder than whatever actually happened.

      • Right, the whole “he drew a hard line with her, told her this was no fling, he was going to spend the rest of his life with me” just smacks of pure utter bullshit, doesn’t it? Like he may have told Ruby that that’s what happened… or something enough like that that she could embellish it to this level of bad-romance novel drivel….but us Chumps who have been through it, we know that’s not how it went down. Don’t we, lol…

        • Yeah, honestly this reads like her fantasy version of how it should have happened. Which of course is all the more pathetic since there’s very little romance or connection between them in the story. I’ve had deeper connections with random guys I hooked up with. Hell, I’ve had deeper connections with random guys I didn’t even end up hooking up with. I’m sure most of us have. But then, actually connecting with another person requires looking up from your own navel, too much for this kind of narcissist to handle.

          I’d LOVE to read my OW’s HuffPo description of fucking my wasted husband in my bed, the aftermath where he cried about ruining his life, and all the details about how manipulative and crazy I am.

        • “he drew a hard line with her” as if he was in complete command of the situation, she was the enemy and was to be dictated to about what would happen next. Been there…. smacks of the “OK I’ll go no contact with her for 6 months but future adventures with her are non-negotiable” line that I got.

    • “How exactly were your respective partners supposed to behave during all this? Personally bubble-wrapping your belongings for the move out while also begging you to stay (but, like, not in a way that would make you feel guilty for leaving) and composing a story to tell all your friends about how this breakup was Totally Not Your Fault?“. Omfg you are fucking hilarious!

    • Traffic spiral, that was spot on. ????

      “personally bubble wrapping…”

      Reminds me of the ex coming to collect his shit and bitching that I’d thrown all his clothes into binbags, and his para blazer was all *creased*! ????

      I’m sure fuck wit has expected me to fold everything nicely for him… ????

    • Love your take on this, Traffic. Spot on. And I love your writing ????

  • Thank you Chump Lady. I love you. You made my morning-except that I laughed so hard I spewed coffee all over my computer. So many of my pet peeves were validated in today’s blog that I feel like I “a giant weight was lifted from my shoulders.” I stole that cliche phrase from Ruby. I am so tired of the Ruby McConnell’s of the world co-opting the concepts of political liberalism, independent thinking and sexuality and turning them into some sort of justification for selfish behavior that includes: fucking married people (while also married) in the name of breaking free of the societal structure that mandates commitment; letting your children raise themselves and smoking weed all day while denying evidence that it may not be a panacea- or harmless for children. I added that last part because that’s my other big pet peeve and I guarantee you Ruby will be among those who insist that she should be able to grow a field of high-THC-containing cannabis for her “medical condition” even if her step-children have free access to it. Ruby, please return my concept of political liberalism that involves providing educational resources for inner city children, energy conservation, a love of the environment and maintaining reproductive rights for women, while still being able to honor the institution of marriage, provide boundaries for children and label cannabis as a legal recreational party substance for adults to be consumed responsibly and in moderation. Sorry for the digression. Watching my teen deal with the Ruby and Paul in my life with a THC-induced brain fog, and hearing the same people justify infidelity while poo-pooing my concern about her drug problem, puts the two issues in the same box for me. I am so grateful to CL for helping me see that I don’t need to feel like the world is against me when I read these bullshit articles that paint us chumps as clingy psychos with antiquated ideas.

    • Social liberalism should not be used to condone betrayal of the people you are supposed to love. That isn’t what it means. It means live and let live, not live and don’t worry about trampling others along the way.

    • Yup. I can just imagine the fluff-piece my OW would write about my “slut-shaming.”

  • Oh–one more thing. Found this on Ruby’s about page:
    More about Ruby
    “I’m a first-generation Irish-American and grew up straddling two cultures…”
    UBT: Like many other Americans, my ancestry is European. Unrelated to my ancestry, when I really grow up, I will stop straddling two men at the same time.

  • OMG, the UBT just rips her to shreds … love it!!!

    Does anyone know the answer to my question related to the following?

    “He never spoke to me directly again, and his near-total refusal to engage … was all the proof I needed to know that leaving was the right thing to do.”

    What is this called? They cause the injury, the victim reacts, then they blame the victim for being that way all along, justifying why they caused the injury. My ex did that with me and, and she did that with a group we all belonged to (and probably in other areas of her life, too).

    I wish I knew what this was called, the way the brain automatically protects itself against anything that puts them in a bad light … I’d like to read more about that.

    Also, “Ruby McConnell is a writer, geologist and environmental advocate whose work centers on the intersection of the landscape with human experience.” Doesn’t it go without saying that an environmental advocate deals with land and humans?

    This woman is full of shit. I’m glad she and her burger flipper are out of circulation.

    • Champ- I don’t know what that’s called, but mine did it to me and Jack White expressed this concept beautifully in the song “Effect and Cause”. Give it a listen. It always makes me feel better. I had an entire conversation with my ex where I simply quoted lines from it.
      My favorite lines are “You burned house down and got mad at my reaction” and “You seem to forget just how this all started. I’m reacting to you because you left me broken hearted. You see you just can’t take the effect and make it the cause.”

      • Thanks madkatie … I know of the artist, but don’t know the song, so I’ll look it up.

    • That one sentence is a beautiful example of distorted thinking. It’s blameshifting:
      It’s not what I did, it’s your reaction to it. I am just a woman living my life and you, YOU, are a man who refuses to engage.
      She is also playing victim – can you believe I had to live with a man who refuses to engage and never speaks to me again? I am the real victim here – that is what I had to deal with! No wonder I had to leave my X for Paul. Can everyone understand? I am the real victim and a really good person. He was a horrible non-engager!
      Complete and utter BS and it’s what we all have listened to over and over again.

      • Yeah, for sure. I was curious about the process in the brain that allows them to switch negative comments about them into positive comments so quickly. In the group we were all in, in private (but with one witness), the AP was told by the leader that she couldn’t be in the group, but she quickly, within 5 seconds, presented it to another person that she herself had decided not to be in the group.

        She had no time to formulate this in her brain … she just automatically took an instruction that embarrassed her and made it into her own decision. So that’s why I was wondering if there was an actual name for that instant flip … the processing part of blameshifting.

        It’s an automatic, built-in, hard-wired image management system they’ve got installed in their brains, I guess.

    • It’s called no contact, and it’s wonderful. Sounds like her ex was mighty.

    • I’ve heard it called the “it’s not what I did, it’s your reaction to what I did that’s the problem.”

      Also, note how both the exes are somehow in the wrong – her ex for believing it’s over and walking away, and his ex for refusing to believe it’s over and not walking away. Funny, isn’t it?

      • So my ex wife fucks aroud behind my back, attempts to cheat me out of our family home, and bad mouths me to our sons.
        15 years later she wants to collect on my SS account and needs my birth certificate.
        -First she tries to scam my 94 year old parents outof it.
        -When lies don’t work she emails me directly. “Nope you are on your own.”
        -She enlists an adult son to tell me I should be over this and he will be responsible.

        Not even an insincere apology for her behavior, it is all about how I should react.

        • Bruno- I am sorry you have to endure over a decade of that shit. : ( I wish there was a good way to let people like her know that you don’t get to drop a bomb on someone’s life and then tell them to get over it when you show up with another bomb. What an awful human. I hope your sons eventually see the light.

        • Shit, you mean I should’ve kept a copy of cheater’s birth certificate? Crap. I’m screwed, aren’t I?

    • I’ve always liked that line from Friends – “Sorry, did my back hurt your knife?!?”

    • I’d say it’s called being a drama queen who thinks so much of myself that when someone believes me when I say I’m leaving, they don’t make a big deal about it and because I live for drama I equate that with lack of love for me, instead of just them being an adult who faces things realistically and doesn’t try to dig down into the shit-mire of your fucked up emotions to try and see what you really mean and whether you’re trying to call my bluff and if I pick-me-dance and feed into the drama I might stay. Or Borderline, perhaps.

    • “Mend instead of replacing”


      • lol … and it fell serendipitously a few items down from “make eye contact”!!! Which generally leads to fucking in a blueberry patch!

      • A little way down the blog we have ‘What’s in ten minutes’ which ends up with suggestions for taking ten minutes out of your day and using it to better the world – including “How much time might you have to devote to loved ones?”

        She’s a less charming Baldrick… Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
        Baldrick: Yes, it’s like goldy and bronzy only it’s made out of
        Blackadder: Ha !

        • We know what she did during her ten minutes and it did nothing to “better” the world.

          • Amusing to note that my own comment and that of the charming unknown Dave, who wielded the sword of no bullshittery with mightiness, perfect manners and sentences, have been erased after just an hour – what a hellish time poor old Ruby must be having atm! And yes – her dancing is rather embarrassing…. it’s actually refreshing to see a cheater going through the mill, unlike so many others irl. Wonder if there will be another HuffPost about the stress and strain of dealing with public censure? Will she claim timid forest creature status along with her sad birds and frozen branches 😀

            • I can see her furiously deleting, on line for 48 hours at a time, ready to pounce on the next ‘mean thing’ that people are saying. She’ll claim she’s being bullied, just watch.

          • Oh, what??? I hadn’t seen that! GAH. Thanks TC.

            At least he is stinking rich so his wife, once she’s over the horror, can be secure the rest of her life. One hopes.

            Once again, deeply disappointed.

    • Last item on her simple resistance list: “Sit in silence, doing nothing.” Take your own advice, Ruby. Sit in silence. Please.

      • Since she keeps deleting my tart comments, here’s a link to her narcissistic display also known as “dancing” …

        Something tells me that she pretty much REQUIRED a married guy to ditch his family for her … otherwise she would not have felt adequately worshiped. (or horse whipped as auto correct prefers!!! Works for me!!)

  • “Later that week, with his wife and kids away on an extended summer vacation to visit family for the rest of summer, he invited me to meet him for lunch in a blueberry field on a rural property near his house. It was the first time we had ever seen each other outside the Fair.”

    They were together for one month and he cheated on his wife throughout. But his Chump Wife was supposed to accept it as “destiny” or some such drivel.

    “We were dealing with Paul’s hellish legal battle with his ex”

    Gee, you don’t suppose? Plus the money that the court ordered him to pay for the credit card, the home and spousal and child support. She didn’t accept what little he was “willing” to share as he launched his new happy life with you.

    “My parents and extended family have adopted Paul and the kids with open arms while I remain a bimbo and a harlot to his.”

    Pro tip: Don’t sue the mother of the grandchildren and expect them to embrace you wholeheartedly.

    What a selfish pair they are and I hope that his ex-wife is much happier without him around. I hope they fall down a crevasse one fine winter day.

    • If that crevasse thing ever happens, I volunteer to stay “inside at the piano I keep time to its gentle waltz.” Cause I play piano about as well as she writes, so I think it will work.

  • She doesn’t mention if she told her easy to anger husband that she was leaving. Did she pack up and take their stuff without telling him? Did he come home to an empty house, that he probably helped furnish? If so, she is a coward!

  • I read this last week in it’s entirety and it’s a cesspool of narcissism… Throat-punch is due to this skank.
    I seriously despise people like this. The arrogance. The entitlement.
    Fuck you, Ruby.

  • I didn’t even click on the click bait — not giving those suckers any attention whatever.
    I do however thank you CL for providing me with a reason to utter a belly laugh after a long day at work.

    • I don’t even understand why this lady would sue the ex-wife. If it is the right kind of state, the ex-wife can sue her for alienation. I admit I did not read the messy details so maybe she states some reason she had to sue. However, from what Tracy excerpted, it is telling that this lady says the kids are “largely” okay. Suggests that they were not okay. Also, what is with kissing your kids goodbye as soon as they come back and telling them he would be back later for them. The kids would have been totally undercut emotionally by that move. What a mess. At least, he copped to the affair quick and got out quick without subjecting the wife to lies. Wife is lucky and hope she has moved on well and the kids are thriving. Hope dude has to pay a good chunk of change.

      • Kale, Oregon repealed its alienation of affection laws a long time ago. It’s unfortunate, because I would have gone after my ex’s downgrade and the company they both worked for. He was her supervisor. That would have made a nice pocket to pick.

  • All I can say is WOW!! What a narcissist pile of garbage this lady and man are, I can’t believe she talked as if she were the victim, Not her husband, not his wife, and not his kids. Her, She is the victim. These cheaters are beyond belief!!

  • I am the definition of triggered since reading this stupid editorial. Because, if this bullshit is romanticized and normalized, then it seems to excuse what my husband did to me and our daughter all because he was “unhappy.” The only thing calming me down/giving me hope (in addition to CL, CN, & the UBT) are the comments on Noah Michelson’s (huffpost editor) twitter post promoting this editorial. Most of the comments are scathing and I think it’s because Ruby can’t access the comments to delete them.

    • Me too. “I was unhappy” is a particularly lame excuse. I can’t count how many times I heard that one. Sometimes the cheater literally said it over and over like a mantra.
      Cheating and risking losing your family makes you happy in what alternate universe? He’s not so happy now. ????

    • This one left me way too triggered also. I’ve spent far too much time reading negative comments about her on several sights than is healthy, I think mainly trying to work through my own terrible feelings–seeking validation. The good news is that the masses appear to agree with us here. Maybe the narrative is changing! Or, more likely, this lady just comes off as self rightously intolerable. Cause, she is.

  • I read this Huffpo article and self blinded when my eyes started rolling back into my brain…

    You, Tracy, are the undisputed Queen of Snark. Thanks for the most succinct Snark. The true Ballad of Paul and Ruby

  • I saw this on the Huff Po and have been anxiously waiting ALL WEEKEND as I was sure it would be fed to the bullshit translator.
    Chump Lady, you did not disappoint, thank you.
    I was pleasantly surprised to see the comments on the original article on HuffPo basically called out this woman’s bullshit. Nothing hippy dippy about star crossed lovers or “you do you, girl!” or any of that crap.
    Thank you UBT!

  • More trash from an unrepentant whore. What happened to shame? And the children don’t like her as much as she thinks. And if the legal battle was hellish, it was likely due to her not encouraging Paul to give his wife what she was due. As if four years is some type of milestone. Nothing brave about what they did.

  • They seem to deserve one another.

    I have not found anger easily as I have been devalued through the pick me dance and affair discovery process. I just felt despair and sadness. It’s been almost a year. I think the anger is setting in and that’s a good thing, probably.

    These people are selfish a’holes. Their personal happiness is all they seek.

    Thank you, Chump Lady for the humor and the perspective I need to see where my thinking has been wrong and how badly abused and manipulated I have been in my marriage.

    P.S. That granola freak forgot “home wrecker” in her bio.

    • I’m right there with you. D-Day #1 14 months ago, D-Day #2 12 months ago, D-Day #3 8.5 months ago, D-Day #4, 6 months ago ending with me kicking him out. “I will work hard every day to win back your love and trust”, “There is no contact, none.” All lies. Nothing but narcissism, selfishness and lies. Oh and yes, playing the victim. “But you kicked ME out”. The gas-lighting, emotional/mental abuse. 28 years. Bring on the anger. No one deserves what these people do. Good luck in your journey, know that I’m right there with you.

      • “And you screwed other people” One is way worse. The emotional and mental abuse has been the hardest hurdle for me. Realizing who they really are and how they act is hard enough. Knowing that they played us is even harder.

    • My anger took almost a year to really begin. Now I go through bouts of anger, and it’s necessary. Part of the stages of grieving, and also needed to reach a place of “forgiveness”. Anger itself is not wrong, it’s what you do with it. So, I make sure not to do or say rash things, and I process.

      Bring on the anger…it’s necessary.

  • I know, I’ve always wondered how the skank woman and cheater ex husband suddenly decided they were struck by a ‘thunder bolt’. Bwahahaha. They worked for the same institution but not in the same department. She had been divorced for about nine minutes and was on a massive hunt for ANY man who would look at her, cunting (I mean hunting) any married man who would look twice at her. I had two married men tell me how she went after them first with a vengeance. One said she was the most ‘shameless and brazen’ woman he had ever met. My idiot was the only one who fell for her ‘charms.’ If only we could post pictures here so you could see this fugly thing. My sister literally gasped and fell off her chair when I showed her the skank’s picture. I had to ask him once ‘You FUCK that thing?!’ He smirked. I guess he’s got a good supply of bags to put her over her head.

    I will never in a million years get it but I don’t have to. I don’t care anymore and I think it’s sooooo funny that he’s stuck with this mud face who gets muddier and uglier by the day. He’s old now and he’s not going to get anyone like me ever again. Meh is a beautiful land to live in.

  • For fuck’s sake…according to her blog she singlehandedly feeds the bird population around her house because there are no other bird feeders in her ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD. She and only she, feeds the poor birds who didn’t get the memo that people are too busy with their screens to pay attention to the birds outside their windows. Get it? Screens? Windows? I think…and this makes me laugh because it is so hypocritical…her point is that everyone other than her is too self absorbed to feed the birds? Hahahaha She is calling out other people for not matching her perfection because they are self absorbed. I can’t even. Insert the biggest eye roll imaginable.

    She thinks she is special when in fact, she is just another cookie cutter malignant narc. Yawn…

    • That’s rich. I guess the two parks less than two miles away are the ONLY places any birds can find food, if it wasn’t for her?

      Does she trespass onto other people’s property to monitor whether or not they have bird feeders in their backyards? If so, I hope someone sets their dog on her.

    • Oh wait, there is no one else in the city who likes to feed the birds. That is why the Wild Birds Unlimited has no customers.

      *rolls eyes*

    • Yeah, because there are no trees, flowers or insects. (big, huge eye roll)

    • Five children. That is so, so sad. And why did the article devote so much time going on about all of the Mistress’s “accomplishments”. Disgusting.

  • I may have eye-f*cked a co-worker or two in my younger years, but i never met them in a field afterward to cheat on my husband.

  • I love the junked pick-up truck featured on Google at what is now (then too?) his property. Can’t even be bothered to fix the busted headlight and bang out some dents.

    I see he doesn’t trust Ruby enough to have her listed as one of the THREE owners. Sweet.

  • I’m so saddened to read the judgment she makes about their spouses’ reactions. God forbid your husband was angry that you suddenly decided to leave for another man. How unreasonable. And that awful wife, begging her husband to stay. How desperate.

    How dare these people drag on divorce proceedings to get their fair due. How spiteful. How awful that it took time for her affair partner to make amends with his kids and be there for them. Perhaps if he hadn’t abandoned them in the first place, this would have gone more his way.

    Oh hard their lives have been, all these years of wrangling in legal battles and dealing with the fallout of their shittiness. Life is so hard.

    Today, this made me feel ill.

    • Yeah OptionNoMore, all that really pissed me off too. I imagine that’s how the OW in my situation feels. The entitlement, lack of empathy, and blatant cruelty is just staggering

      • Full on narcs, both of them. She’s getting her ass kicked on Twitter. Huffpo used this dumb rube to create controversy and get more clicks, and she delusionally believed her self-serving drivel would make her seem heroic. She probably thought she’d get a writing career out of it. Barf.

  • Hilarious UBT!

    All in all, these two skanks deserve each other, and the ex-wife and ex-husband are so much better off without a fuck wit and a whore.

    I hope they realise that now.

    She really is one self absorbed, I am so wonderful cunt, isn’t she? And totally talentless with it! ????????

  • Shitty behavior and aside, this is just a terrible piece of writing. It presents itself as an uplifting and unconventional love story, but it reads as a long-winded effort to convince the world—and herself—that marrying this guy was worth it. As far as a love story goes, all we get is that uninspiring scene where they catch a glance over the potato table, and then the part about their heads touching while they slept. Pretty threadbare. And there’s almost nothing in here about who he is, what he’s like, etc. How exhausting. It’s the definition of a piece that “tells rather than shows,” probably because these people don’t have much to show for.

  • I have to admit I’ve taken some pleasure in posting on her blog, her twitter, and the article itself today. If you’re going to publicly brag about being a homewrecker, you’re just asking for it

  • This Huffpo letter sounds like it was written by Elizabeth Gilbert, whose book “Eat Pray Love” was so maddening to me, I wanted to shred it with my hands and feed it to a vat of starving piranhas.
    (For the record: I only slogged through the first third of that book and then couldn’t – COULD NOT – continue for ONE MORE SENTENCE.)

  • What I Know About Love
    by Belinda Biggington

    Dirk and I met over a grilled cheese at Moe’s Bar and Grill. He oh so gently took his napkin and wiped the Kraft gooiness from my chin. Our eyes met. His intense gaze was like a laser beam and I felt an electric shock go straight up my keister. He lost consciousness for several moments and I cradled his sweet head, endearing bald spot and all, in my lap. People crowded in off the street to gawk at our Special Moment. Moe had to chase them off, waving his bar rag and shouting. Oh, how we laughed! Then, both of us as if in a dream, Dirk whisked me off in his 4 Ton to spend the night in his Aunt Bertha’s melon patch. The Moon was a giant canteloupe in the inky sky, and it was shining just for us. The crickets chirped, as did my womanly heart. The next day, we both told our kids we would be back for them at some vague point in the future and took off to follow our mutual lifelong dream of being carnies. Of course, we both left big careers and great success to realize this dream. But what is success when you don’t have True Love? Our unsupportive, meany-headed spouses weren’t into the idea at all, further proving that Dirk and I belonged together and that we had been wasting our lives with the Wrong People.
    This is what I know about love; when it comes along, seize it with both hands and drink it down like a bottle of Patron. Don’t let the petty things in life stand in the way of your happiness. If your family isn’t happy for you, it means they don’t love you. Cut the dead wood out of your life and find your very own Dirk before you end up dull and responsible, which is a living death. We are thrilled with our life together and have never had a single disagreement. Oh, okay, there was one. Dirk mistakenly announced my sideshow act as the Bearded Lady when I’m actually the 400 Pound Baby. I was livid, but he didn’t mean any harm. I realized I do forget to pluck my chin hairs sometimes, but I’ve learned to make the effort for Dirk’s sake. Ah, l’amour!

    -Belinda Biggington is a blogger and popular Sideshow Carnival act. Find her on twitter at @BiggCarnie and check out her blog entitled Stuff I Know A Lot About.

      • Lol. I didn’t even mean it that way. Must have been my subconscious mind at work.

  • It looks like all the comments on HuffCompost have been removed. At least I can’t read any of them now if they’re still up.

    Ruby must be really upset that so many people think she and Paul are pieces of shit.

    Paul III appears to take after his old man.

    • There’s still lots of fun on her Twitter. She’s blocking everyone who criticizes her.

      • I can still see comments on the original article…. all scathing

  • I wonder what motivates someone like Ruby to write an article like this, at this particular moment in time.

    Surely if things were so great, she would be busy having hot monkey love and meaningful other times with Paul, and would be too fulfilled and happy to have to justify the whole thing at length in the HuffPost.

    Many ancient cultures believed that powerful healing or magical talismans could be made from writing words on a small piece of parchment or paper, and then dissolving them in water or wine and swallowing them.

    The Lengthy Article About Our Happiness that cheaters feel compelled to write actually comes across to me as a bucket of industrial-strength spackle – if we write it down, it will become real.

  • Pro tip: Can’t garnish those under-the-table wages!

    Ain’t that the truth! ????

  • I read the whole article on the Huffington Post. Depressing. Enraging. I hope that everything those two touch turns to dust. What kind of man fucks a stranger, announces to his wife that he is leaving for this stranger, divorces his wife and then stops working? What kind of father does that? And what kind of other woman is okay with a wife and children, whose life she just destroyed, is okay with that?

    People talk about all the monsters in this world like political despots and terrorists. Sure, those are monsters. However, there are other types of monsters. They live quiet lives, going to Fair, and they kill all that is good in life. UNFAIR.

    I don’t know how either of these two look themselves in the mirror. I am pretty sure Ruby has started her cannibis farm as a pre-emptive attempt to make sure the children in this scenario have drugs on hand at all hours of the day so that they don’t feel their feelings. Because if they feel their feelings, they will ask Hard Questions. But, Ruby can’t face hard questions so she will be sure to get them started early with marijuana brownies and they will live their lives in a daze.

    I have nothing against cannibis. It appears to be helpful to relieve the pain of chronic and terminal illnesses. Some strains might alleviate depression and that’s great and for the medical researchers to study.

    I just have this horror show image burned into my head: little kids go away with mom for a nice, summer vacation. Kids come home to find that dad is leaving them and their mom for a stranger with evil eyes. Dad divorces and quits his job so that he doesn’t have to pay for meals or child support for his bewildered children and ex-wife. When children go visit the Monster, the Monster is busy putting together a cannibis farm. I picture the kids looking bewildered and crying and then The Monster gives them a pan of marijuana brownies and puts a book in front of them. Kids pass out on the floor while The Monster writes an article about how big love is and how the children are so happy that their mom and dad divorced.

    That’s fiction.

    The research says kids are NOT happy when their parents divorce due to an affair and kids don’t care if the affair partner makes dad happy. They want dad and mom to work out their stuff and stay together. They want a real family with mom and dad. Can you imagine the nightmare these children face everyday? That’s the kind of life where a child will pinch themselves every minute and hope it’s just a nightmare. Only it’s not. It’s their life and they have no choice in what happens to them because a couple of flakey narcissistic people followed a whim and laid waste to everything.

    Where is CPS when you need them?

  • I checked out her instagram yesterday and left some honest feedback in the middle of the gushing support messages. they lasted 30 mins (I didn’t use my official instagram account). then I was blocked and now the account is private. I think her ‘honesty’ has backfired some what.

  • His ex-wife got the marriage dissolved in less than a year. Good for her! Oregon Country Fair was July 2015, so let’s guess that she got home with the kids in August.

    Dissolutions of marriage

    March 23, 2016
    …and Paul K. Hempshire, III

  • Chump Lady,

    Can you write a column about OW who seem to think they are in some sort of feminist sisterhood? Ruby Rubes seems to think she is all about empowerment and girl power. The OW in my previous situation had the audacity to publish a piece criticizing a politician who was embroiled in a cheating/sex discrimination scandal. I’ve noticed this pattern in other places too. . .

    I mean, we women share many common experiences. But we aren’t in some sisterhood because we f*cked the same man. That isn’t how it works.

    • This drives me crazy too. OW in my situation is too politically noncommittal to actually call herself a feminist (which is ridiculous for its own reasons, but that’s another issue), I suspect because openly opposing Trump would lose her free babysitting from her relatives. But she loves sharing memes and things promoting sisterhood and strong women and overcoming abuse and sexual assault. I’m not trying to excuse my husband, since he knew where there “friendship” was going and continued hanging out with her (and fucking her) after their first romp, but this is a woman who had sex with a married man who was blackout drunk from tequila. And yet she’s all self-righteous insisting on the importance of consent? Really, it makes you terrified to trust anyone.

      • This is true. The OW in my life went on rants on IG about how I was a fake liberal, fake feminist… I didn’t really get it, given that I wasn’t the one cheating on my family. But it was an interesting insight into her mental contortions to make herself look good.

        And I am late to this column but hoooboy, this is some hilarious shit!

        • The OW had the audacity to attack YOU? (Well in ways other than undermining your marriage etc) I’m gobsmacked, ChumpYou!

    • That is hilarious. Ya I would pay top dollar for that performance. ????????

    • Ugh. Her waking persephone video under her channel is just…so…DRAMATIC and is probably around the time that she was looking to step out on her hubby in a blueberry patch.

    • I knew she was a ridiculous twit, but sweet Baby Jesus. She doesn’t have a clue as to how lame her whole hippie chick fantasy life is . . . or how stupid she looks trying to live that out. Paul Humpher’s family hates her because she’s stupidly lame, as well as being a homewrecker.

      • See, I was so completely flabbergasted by that whole ‘performance’ that I used ‘stupid’ and ‘lame’ twice in the same post. How stupid and lame of me. My apologies.

  • I’m not convinced that she was married to anyone prior to Paul. She waffles between spouse and partner. Perhaps they were registered domestic partners.

    Paul was legally married to someone else and his XW filed for a divorce not long after July 2015. Good for her.

  • Someone above posted a link to the whore’s ‘blog’.

    Cuntress has shut down the comments facility. ????????.

    Clearly potato peeler whore wasn’t getting the reactions she hoped for! ????

  • What is truly interesting is that her Instagram page is now private, when it once was open to all who cared to look. She must truly be naive to think the majority of people would support her load of crap.

  • I am so thrilled to see the UBT tackle this article. I stumbled across it on my own, and the title pulled me in (although I didn’t notice it was HuffPost until I finished reading the drivel and was astounded that that type of literary vomit got published). Then I wondered of CL had seen it. Of COURSE she had!!!! Absolutely amazing job Tracy, that was one of the most entertaining articles I have read . . . along with all of your other articles. Thank you for deciphering this trash. It made me nauseus to read, but you have brought me back to reality.