Mistress Is ‘Archaic’ and ‘Sexist’?

mistress sexist

The venerable AP style book, used by journalists for matters of grammar and style, has taken us all to task for using the word “mistress” as sexist and archaic.

“We now say not to use the archaic and sexist term ‘mistress’ for a woman in a long-term sexual relationship with, and financially supported by, a man who is married to someone else. Instead, use an alternative like companion or lover on first reference. Provide details later.”

To which I tweeted: “Does fuck puppet have a hyphen?”

(Sigh)

Your objection is misplaced

This reminds me of an episode of Playgroup Mommies from Hell in my early parenting life. It was the kind of consortium you fall into as a young parent when you only have uteruses in common. Anyway, there was one mother whose son Christopher was a holy terror. The sort of child who grinds blueberry muffins into your carpeting. Who conspires with other children, “Everybody, don’t talk to Emily! Emily stinks!” The sort of child who puts younger children in headlocks and smashes their faces into things.

And no matter what Christopher did, his mother would never correct him. She would just blather on about the evils of vaccinations, while the rest of us did damage control.

One day, when I was hosting playgroup, Christopher shouted to another child, “I’ve got a GUN, and I’m going to SHOOT you!”

And Christopher’s mother did something entirely out of character. She pulled Christopher aside. And in a hushed, gentle tone, she reminded him: “Christopher, we NEVER say ‘gun.’ Gun is a bad word.”

***

APStyle, ya got your priorities fucked up.

Mistress isn’t a bad word, it’s a useful word. It describes a condition that is sexist and archaic. Pick me dancing for men. Mate poaching. Being a dirty secret. Aspiring to be the sort of woman known as a “Do Nothing Bitch.” THAT is sexist and archaic. People who make such choices require language that reflects those choices.

The problem isn’t the word, the problem is the behavior

Also, let’s not muddy perfectly nice words like “companion” and “lover” with infidelity.

Lovers and companions don’t conspire in the abuse of others.

Besides, “lover” gives people fits of giggles every since Rachel Dratch and Will Ferrell did a send-up on lov-ahs.

If we’re chucking mistress as sexist and looking for a gender-neutral word to describe people who fuck around with married people, may I suggest:

Affair partner

Schmoopie

Fuckpuppet

Assclown

Hypentuse

(Provide details later. Is it an isosceles or an equilateral triangle?)

CN, please make your mistress replacement suggestions in the comments.

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unicornomore
unicornomore
3 years ago

I cant think of a word bad enough to describe them.

SweetChumpgirl
SweetChumpgirl
3 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I call his cow whore. Seems appropriate!

marissachump
marissachump
3 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Predator. That was my name for the longest-term affair partner.

Chump45
Chump45
3 years ago
Reply to  marissachump

But “she didn’t know…..although she was 24/7 on Facebook and he had pictures of his wife and kids and a MARRIED relationship status and he also told her to “be discreet” and not let anyone else know about their relationship. Totally something a single guy would do.

marissachump
marissachump
3 years ago
Reply to  Chump45

Yep. Exactly! All the affair partners knew because I told them myself. And they ALL took turns lying to my face and they ALL did not care except in as much as they got off on hurting me.

In your case, she knew. She definitely knew.

OptionNoMore
OptionNoMore
3 years ago
Reply to  Chump45

Strange thing…if you were to peruse my ex’s FB account, no security settings. The first puck in his fees was our family photos taken on a trip to Europe in 2016. My photos are everywhere, including an album with my name. My ex left 28 months ago, after fostering his relationship with the OW for over 21 months. He changed his profile pick when he left but left everything. I know he doesn’t use the account, although he’s accepted friends since leaving. I don’t think she has FB. But still, what woman would be with a man for four years and not question why he hasn’t cleaned up his social media to wipe out the wife? He is no where to be found on my social media. Wierd.

Langele
Langele
3 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

Yes. Schmoopie #18 moved herself into the marital house before the divorce which is this week. I’m working out of state. She’s already remodeling the place. She’s the new wife appliance to be, I surmise. The nurse with a purse that I hoped for so that’s sad sausage doesn’t leech off the adult children.
Yes my large wedding picture is up on the wall.
I was stunned, at first. However DD1 straightened me out on Mothers Day and said, “Mom, we all adore you. What he’s doing is bullshit but who’s surprised? We got your back. Just another fucking annoyance.”

These kids. Swoon.

PS (I love ” Slaggy Anne ” from another famous chump.)

Hiya
Hiya
3 years ago
Reply to  OptionNoMore

Mine is the opposite, erased me but after I found out about the OW and that he hides her I made all our pics public to torture her. LOL

Rebecca
Rebecca
3 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Mine used floozie when I got confirmation of the affair from her.
Makes me gag just to remember that.
I called her a whore which is the only word I find fitting.

Chump75
Chump75
3 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

How about “victim”…as in “victim of her own stupid horrible choices”.

Patsy
Patsy
3 years ago
Reply to  Chump75

“How about “victim”…as in “victim of her own stupid horrible choices”.”

For the WIN

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
3 years ago
Reply to  Chump75

Receptacle.

CallingSpades
CallingSpades
3 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

“Receptacle”
Yaaaassss! I was looking for an abbreviated version of my terminology, and I think you have it.

I was rolling with “homewrecking cum dumpster,” because I like alliteration, but it was a bit awkward around the kids and all.

Anita
Anita
3 years ago
Reply to  CallingSpades

I love it!

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
3 years ago
Reply to  Chump75

Victim is sometimes the most appropriate: The Python pursued a friend of his ex-wife (you can’t make this shit up) and since she lived an hour away, it was easier for him to convince her he was divorced. It took a few weeks but she finally caught him in a lie, did some digging on the internet and found he was married, and she came to the house while he was on a business trip to tell me he was cheating.

She brought a box of chocolates to me. Is that surreal or what?

So she actually had no idea he was married; both of us were his victims.

Stig
Stig
3 years ago
Reply to  Hopium4years

I’ve got to say, as horrible as that must have been for you, I admire her standup behaviour. He is a purebred asshole.

Cactusflower
Cactusflower
3 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“That poor woman”

unicornomore
unicornomore
3 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“Socially Destructive Spouse Poacher” is too long, no?

tracy
tracy
3 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

hahahahaha

Sarah
Sarah
3 years ago
Reply to  tracy

I called her tinsel twat.

Luziana
Luziana
3 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

‘Lovers’ That word bums me out unless it’s between ‘Meat’ and ‘Pizza’ – Liz Lemon

Adelante
Adelante
3 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

The acronym “SDSP” has a nice ring to it.

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
3 years ago

This is easy. A whore by any name is still a whore. I just call them whores. In my world it is gender neutral and applicable for both fucker and fuckee. Those whores are just whores.

I don’t think it matters how you refer to the people who lie to and betray you. It does matter that you take those whores out of your contacts and block them on all social media. Bump those whores out of your life.

Jay Davis
Jay Davis
3 years ago

Calling them whores is an insult to hard working whores all over the world. Call the affair partner what she is: a spraddle-legged, round heeled, husband fucking adulterous slut. Pretty straight forward description.

marissachump
marissachump
3 years ago
Reply to  Jay Davis

I feel like whore and slut aren’t appropriate terms for affair partners. I am a sex positive feminist and know there are many who self-identify as sluts. Whore I think is a slur for a sex worker, which is a perfectly noble profession, and doesn’t need to be addressed with a slur. I also don’t think the implication of either term – wanting to have copious sex with many partners – is a bad thing.

What’s bad is the way affair partners knowingly destroy lives and are predatory. Let’s call them what they are: selfish predators. Narcissistic sexual predators.

Duped
Duped
3 years ago
Reply to  marissachump

Yes!!! This!!!!

bethechange
bethechange
3 years ago
Reply to  marissachump

I agree. There is nothing inherently wrong with being a whore (sex worker) or a slut (sexually active and promiscuous) if you are honest about it and you are not married. Having affairs is a fundamental act of selfishness, evil and betrayal and should have a far more negative term associated with it than whore or slut. ‘Homewrecker’ has a nice sense of foreboding about it, but I wish there were an even more derogatory term that would fit.

unicornomore
unicornomore
3 years ago
Reply to  bethechange

yes…whores are clear and honest about it. If 2 adults choose to do that without violating their relationships, I dont have a big problem with it….its the betrayal of the relationship that bothers me.

If a woman chooses to be promiscuous and is truthful about it, I again have no trouble

Spouse poachers are far worse than whores or sluts.

Babs the Chump
Babs the Chump
3 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

But they do poach spouses. Strippers looking to get a “sponsor” go for men with wedding rings on. Because they know there is plenty of money and in some cases blackmail potential.

I don’t give them a pass. They want married guys because they know they have plenty of extra money.

Francois
Francois
3 years ago

Whore works. It works so damn well. It sounds exactly like it’s supposed to.

Recovered
Recovered
3 years ago

I save my creative name calling for the married jackass who chose to have these women. I still feel sorry for these women. Never blamed them for the choices HE made. My contract was with him not the other women.

marissachump
marissachump
3 years ago
Reply to  Recovered

Agreed that the cheater is the main culprit. But in all of the cases with my cheater ex, the affair partners all knew about me, took it as a challenge to “best” me, and got off, literally, on hurting me.

Miss Guided
Miss Guided
3 years ago
Reply to  marissachump

Yeah. Ho-ho knew my cheater was married and I was pregnant. We’d met. She was also married and cheating on her husband. They are both equally guilty.

cathy
cathy
3 years ago
Reply to  Miss Guided

I like Ho-ho! Ho-ho is an absolutely perfect name. Lol… I typically use “Mistress” because the word identifies exactly who and what she is without being necessarily vulgar. I find it similar to using the exact terms for bodily parts/functions ( Vagina, Penis and Excrement). I do add on her geographic location to the name so her full-name is: “Toronto Mistress” so everyone knows she is one of many. Ex’s name is “Sad Sausage” and “Toronto Mistresses” nickname is now Ho-ho! Thanks, Chump Nation!

Duped
Duped
3 years ago
Reply to  Miss Guided

If only we could do away with “no fault states” we could put a legal name to the woman or man who interfered with our marriage. I swear, to this day, if my ex’s affair partner did not encourage him to leave, he would still be with me. She offered him something new and it was more interesting than “same”. I will forever blame that woman. I wish I could bring her down. I will forever feel she should have been brought in as an accomplice to our divorce. I’m tired of theories of family-of-origin issues, mother-figure issues, abandonment issues and whatever the eff other issues you want to make up for a mate’s reason for cheating. Every one has issues! It’s the people who just don’t care about anyone but themselves that take advantage of a situation.

Duped
Duped
3 years ago
Reply to  Duped

I do agree that using the words ‘whore’ or ‘slut’ for female (or male) affair partners may temporarily make us feel superior like we’ve judged and demeaned them – but those terms are suggesting that a woman (or man) who likes sex has something wrong with them. Sex should be enjoyable for everyone. Our ‘real’ problem is the woman (or man) who has boundary issues with married men or women and tempt them. Men like sex. Women like sex. Let’s not shame either with derogatory comments. If someone uses sex to hurt, lure or deceive someone, we need to develop a new term. Perhaps it’s just ‘manipulator’. But, it seems to be becoming more prevalent so perhaps we need to update our terminology.

Marzy-d
Marzy-d
3 years ago
Reply to  Recovered

There is a social contract as well as a personal one. As a society we recognize that the preservation of long term relationships to raise children and support each other is a societal good. The women who sleep with married men are prioritizing their own gain over the good for society in exactly the same way a thief is. So I do blame them. They are equally guilty as the spouse in destroying a marriage.

jangledchick
jangledchick
3 years ago
Reply to  Marzy-d

100% ????

Magically Chumplicious
Magically Chumplicious
3 years ago
Reply to  Marzy-d

Agree. This behavior is a cancer on society and should be called out as such. That’s why it’s such a dismay that Esther Perel is such a thing for the RIC. Cheaters are getting professional validation for one of the most destructive acts of betrayal someone can do to another. This is a larger societal worry if we excuse inhumane treatment and indecency, which adultery most definitely is.

Mary-Anne
Mary-Anne
3 years ago

My X would send me links to her talks. She validated his behaviour. Made me so angry.

YogiChump
YogiChump
3 years ago
Reply to  Mary-Anne

Same. She helped him justify the affair he denied having. Talking to a cheater post D day really is like sticking your head in a blender.

Icanneverremembermychumpname
Icanneverremembermychumpname
3 years ago
Reply to  Marzy-d

Spot on!

Rebecca
Rebecca
3 years ago
Reply to  Recovered

That is indeed 100% true.
But I still think there is a special place in grammar reserved for this whores who pretend to be a family friend and who know your children…not to mention business partner.

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
3 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

I agree. While my REAL issue was with the one who made a promise to me, I also have an issue with people who knowingly fuck other people’s spouses. Whores, at least, receive some sort of compensation. Not certain what Schmoopie got, though I hope it is the same STD he gave ME.

Mary-Anne
Mary-Anne
3 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

My X’s both lowlifes knew me and knew we had a family. They are all lowlifes, I’m so happy I’m no longer a part of that life style, which was not my choice.

Chumpella de Ville
Chumpella de Ville
3 years ago

Garbage collector

Sisu
Sisu
3 years ago

This gets my vote. I have said, “I’m grateful for the OW… she took my garbage out!”

Just me and the puppy
Just me and the puppy
3 years ago

I simply call her skank hoe

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
3 years ago

Yep. Skank is so, so descriptive and satisfying when I call her that.

Lori Medlen
Lori Medlen
3 years ago
Reply to  Amazon Chump

Try “it” instead of “her”–more satisfying, I believe.

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
3 years ago
Reply to  Lori Medlen

“It’ is a great idea – depersonalizing is just what cheating is all about, it’s how narcs see people, too. Objects to be used for personal gratification before discard.

I chose Skank, too. It fit very well.

Lori Medlen
Lori Medlen
3 years ago

Same here. I also call “it” (I don’t dignify “it” with a gender so I always use “it”) slut, skanky. I also am able, fortunately, to put the word “whore” in its name as in “A-whore-a”.

LookingforwardstoTuesday
LookingforwardstoTuesday
3 years ago

One might suggest that they don’t like the word “mistress” because of its negative connotations and because it is in some way “judgey.” Well tough sh*t; if you don’t like getting judged the don’t do stuff that will get you (rightly) judged.

On the grounds of equality though, we should have a word that could convey a similar level of contempt towards a male AP. I can think of a few, but they are mostly Anglo-Saxon in origin and not for use in polite company.

MARCUS LAZARUS
MARCUS LAZARUS
3 years ago

Looking. There’s a great term for male APs
Que Samuel Jackson “Motherfucker”!!

Francois
Francois
3 years ago

When I talk about my x-wife’s new true love, I just tell he was in couple with his wife, who had cancer. There’s really no need to add anything, people get that he’s pure fairy tale material.

Assholes (oups)

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
3 years ago

I don’t get why finances are brought into this definition. Does that mean mistress is ok if she’s doing it for free?

CakeEater'sDaughter
CakeEater'sDaughter
3 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

I think “affair partner” is totally accurate and appropriate, and that AP would be well advised to adopt it.

“Affair partner” is IMO preferable to “mistress” (in journalism) for two reasons.

First, it is neutral regarding gender and sexual preference.

Secondly, “mistress” has more than one meaning: the word has traditionally been applied to the female partner in a committed but non-marital male-female relationship, or to the female partner in an adulterous male-female affair, as if the two were equivalent.

I agree that use of “lover” or “companion” to describe an adulterous relationship simply muddies the water. And chumps are free of course use whatever term in other contexts!

But I think in journalism specifically, “affair partner” really would be the best choice.

kellyp
kellyp
3 years ago

Just keep it simple-liar and/or cheater. True, descriptive and non-gender specific.
Mistress is just too “nice”. Whore doesn’t work because most of these people are giving it away for free.

KB22
KB22
3 years ago

Mistress also had the meaning as head of the household. Of course that term is now very dated. I believe the article was meant to give mistresses (the skanky whore definition) credibility and is preaching not to demean the skanks. Just another avenue by a bunch of fake PC asswipes to morale posture. So ok. I’ll refrain from “mistress” but my other definition options are far more insulting.

Zip
Zip
3 years ago

Many of us can’t stand affair partner. We’ve had this conversation before on this site.
Affair has many different meanings depending on the context and it doesn’t carry a punch.
CHEATER partner should be used in place of affair partner.
I also use garbage can or stupid selfish slut – or Mrs. Integrity. I also like ‘the woman who likes to fuck other peoples’ husbands if she needs to be referenced to my EX. He hates that one the most .

Please stop using affair partner. It almost sounds lovely.

Duped
Duped
3 years ago
Reply to  Zip

I agree…affair partner sounds forgiving and kind, “oh the affair partners just fell head over heels in love, isn’t that that sweetest thing?” And it suggests they have a union – like business parters – a contract. It doesn’t hint at the level of sneaking around, betrayal and backstabbing that actually happened when the interloper talked and flirted their way in between your marriage. I think ‘betrayal co-conspirator’ says it all.

Magically Chumplicious
Magically Chumplicious
3 years ago
Reply to  Zip

How about Adultery Partner? Still AP, but less lovely and more accurate of a descriptor.

I really prefer whore though.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
3 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

Many times there is no direct exchange of money, but they are always self-serving.

Carol
Carol
3 years ago

I like the term whore!

Crazylady
Crazylady
3 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Your whore or fuck buddy. Best descriptions

Marie
Marie
3 years ago

I have used the AP Stylebook for 20 years, and it’s an infuriating reference resource to begin with. They should stick to things like whether we are spelling out state names or hyphenating “e-mail” or “ teenagers.” This changes gets the biggest of eyerolls.

Chumpman
Chumpman
3 years ago

I prefer whore.
Perfect definition for someone who sleeps with married men in cheap hotel rooms.

SupineChump
SupineChump
3 years ago

Definitely “Just A Friend” with air quotes.

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
3 years ago
Reply to  SupineChump

Or “Work Friend” with real or air quotes and a sharp cough, and sly smile.

Onwards
Onwards
3 years ago

Both are more restrsined than ‘howorker’ which also applies

UXworld
UXworld
3 years ago

(Music by Queen, lyrics by the AP Styleguide)

I’ve held his hand
Fondled his hog
I’ve seen his bedroom
When his wife’s on a jog
But I’ve endured
Under duress
I can be called lots of defamations
But not “mistress’

We are ‘companions’ my friends
Cuz that’s what the A-P recommends
We are ‘companions’
We are ‘companions’
Don’t call us fuckwits
‘Cause we are ‘companions’ . . . to the world!!

Langele
Langele
3 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Fondled his hog.
Hahahahahahahahaha

RoseThorns
RoseThorns
3 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I will never be able to listen to that song the same way again! Lmao

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
3 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

All of this is hilarious, including “Lyrics by the AP Styleguide!”
????

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
3 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

You are amazing!

MovingOn
MovingOn
3 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Awesome.

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
3 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UX you are truly talented!!

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
3 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Hahahahahaha. I’m choking. Cuz tht’s what the A P recommends

this new version is going to be buzzing all day long in my head

Katiedidn’t
Katiedidn’t
3 years ago

“Mistress” is just a fancy word for “trifling ho”.

Moved On
Moved On
3 years ago

Cum Dumpster

YouCantPolishATurd
YouCantPolishATurd
3 years ago
Reply to  Moved On

I came here to write this, but you beat me to it! LOL

Seasoned Chump
Seasoned Chump
3 years ago
Reply to  Moved On

^^this^^ kinda cant get any worse.

Authentic Chump
Authentic Chump
3 years ago
Reply to  Moved On

Is “Homewrecker” too archaic as well?

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
3 years ago

self-serving service holes?

Doingme
Doingme
3 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Ha Clearwater this fits perfectly! Service holes! Love it!

Beetle
Beetle
3 years ago

Just say he finally found an anal outlet and shrug. Let them laugh at both of them.

HockeyMom
HockeyMom
3 years ago

This made me laugh this morning. Chumplady, you are hysterical.

I personally think “mistress” sounds refined and upscale. Whore is blunt. It immediately makes me think of someone disgustingly dirty with no morals and horrible life choices.

I refer to my STBXH’s whore as a “ho” cause it takes less effort than whore.. 😉

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
3 years ago
Reply to  HockeyMom

Hah, HockeyMom, you are absolutely right: mistress is too refined, a euphemism in fact.

nomar
nomar
3 years ago

“Defendant” worked for me.

hockeyMom
hockeyMom
3 years ago
Reply to  nomar

You win! LOL….

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
3 years ago
Reply to  nomar

I liked that one!

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
3 years ago

My disgusting ex called his OW ‘Honey Bee’ (oh she was the honey trap you see) so we all nicknamed her The Poison Wasp. I’ve thought lately that regardless of the name he gave you it’s just a great name anyway as they are all like poison wasps buzzing around ready to cause pain. That’s what she is like in my head and I suspect many of yours. Her busy little ways with a sting in their tail.

wasjustanotherchump
wasjustanotherchump
3 years ago

Murder Hornet now seems an apt term for a cheater’s little honey pot.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
3 years ago

I don’t like “mistress” mostly because it’s diminutive. It makes an AP who is a woman sound like a helpless little waif, an oppressed servant.

That’s a perspective, not an opinion I believe makes sense in a style guide. Your response tweet is brilliant, CL.

I like the chump nation terms we all use regularly, but a style guide should suggest things that will be widely understandable, and I don’t think most of our terms meet that goal.

“Affair Partner” is clear and direct, so I think it works well in many settings.

“Co-deceiver”, “Co-conspirator”, and “Co-cheater” are even more direct and widely understandable in my mind.

I prefer to use a term that (a) puts the person who made and broke the promise in the first seat of responsibility, (b) still refers to the sex object as a person with agency who bears responsibility for intentional deception, (c) maintains the sense that while a person with agency, the person is still an object in the cheating scenario, and (d) gender isn’t relevant or important to specify.

apolloniablooms
apolloniablooms
3 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Amiisfree and MamaMeh I think you’re both brilliant! All of your suggestions are truly good. We need to start putting them out into the world. I think I’ll immediately start using ‘co-cheater’ and ‘family arsonist.’

I will also add I hope the person or people responsible for taking actual time to contemplate and recommend this change are cheated on at some point. To those ignorant people – I guarantee you won’t view the co-conspirator as a “companion or lover” when you’re leveled by infidelity. Insult to injury for so many of us who’ve been betrayed.

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
3 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Agreed. Why the delicacy around calling a spade a digger of other people’s life partners?

It would make sense to use the agreed language around crimes and misdemeanours, most of which are as archaic as cheating, but nobody gets antsy around the terms. A case of true equivalencies.

Eg
Spouse thief
Family arsonist
Trust embezzler
Infidelity associate (‘associate’ in mafia sense of the word)
Plain old con artist works here too, maybe
Intimate relationship con artist

So the style guide would advise that:
“Camilla was the long-term mistress of Prince Charles”
Is revised to
“Spouse thief Camilla was Prince Charles’s infidelity associate.”

Taking up the Amiisfree’s idea of the players both having responsibility:
“Camilla and Charles were infidelity co-conspirators.”

Phoenix2020
Phoenix2020
3 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Whore is my go to term but Adultery Partner works when in “polite” company

Chickenchump
Chickenchump
3 years ago

Spittoon

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
3 years ago
Reply to  Chickenchump

I wrote mine this morning and couldn’t come back until now and I am unbelievably flummoxed that this was not deluged in laugh emojis while I was gone! ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Chickenchump
Chickenchump
3 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Hey, it covers all the genders either as the receptacle or the insertion item. It’s a throwback to the wild Wild West. ????????

thrive
thrive
3 years ago
Reply to  Chickenchump

????

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
3 years ago

Side piece

Newlady15
Newlady15
3 years ago

I just call both of them sluts

chump-tastic
chump-tastic
3 years ago

Agree with @Marie above that the AP stooping to gross pronouncements like this really takes their credibility down a notch.

This is another one of those prime false equivalency examples that I love when you point out, CL. I seriously live for these.

Like, certainly don’t question it when a person unabashedly embezzles money from you and your children, takes away your bodily autonomy and your right to sexual consent, and heaven knows what else, but sure, when someone refers to your schmoopie as a “mistress,” it’s “sexist.” Saints preserve us! ::clutches pearls:: ????????

(Btw, like many other commenters, I *believe* people use the term “mistress” to avoid using other, er….wayyyy more salty terms.)

CuteSmartCatholic
CuteSmartCatholic
3 years ago

I am now partial to using the recent Chump Nation suggestion of “Accomplice”.
It drove me to distraction when my attorney changed all reference to Tinsel Tits in legal documents as “girlfriend” instead of “affair partner”. This round she gets to be referred to as “wife”. To which I say, “Bless her heart” with all Southern connotation.

Lori
Lori
3 years ago

Bitch from hell too easy?

lemonhead
lemonhead
3 years ago

I had a friend who called her “slug bait”. Lower than the lowest.

Sodisturbed73
Sodisturbed73
3 years ago
Reply to  lemonhead

I call main OW a slug from the bottom of the human reject pile. XBF likes to hang out there trolling for trash.

Sodisturbed73
Sodisturbed73
3 years ago
Reply to  Sodisturbed73

She even looks like a slug btw

Kim
Kim
3 years ago

Yep. I can’t think of many things more sexist then a whore relegating herself to the role of cheap piece of ass, or one so insecure and pathetic that she can’t find an available man.

Try to call a spade whatever you want….it’s still a spade.

Bruno
Bruno
3 years ago

“Alternate Fuck” seems appropriate.
It does not suggest judgement, is not gendered and fits with our reality free political era.
You can also get creative with abbreviations:
Alt Fuck – shortened but proper
A.Fuck – ironic twist on Tru Wuv
Alternate F – rapper version
AlFuck – closer to the truth

I am sure CL Nation can come up with more.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
3 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Ooooooooo, yes!

Kintsugi
Kintsugi
3 years ago

I think whore, twat, slut and cunt work quite nicely.

Now-I-know-what-Hell-looks-like
Now-I-know-what-Hell-looks-like
3 years ago
Reply to  Kintsugi

I’m with Kintsugi 100%!
The only thing I would add is Cum Dumpster. These terms are short and directly to the point. They are also pretty universally understood for what they refer to.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
3 years ago

An affair by definition requires three people. The only innocent party without responsibility is the married/committed partner in the dark, known here as the Chump. Then there is the married/committed partner who steps outside the relationship (your nickname here). Third, whom we are discussing today, is the affair accomplice other responsible party who agrees to a relationship with the married/committed partner. I’m calling that person a hitman/hitwoman these days.

Of course the affair accomplice is not responsible
for the choices of the married/committed person. But the affair accomplice is responsible for their own choice to participate in an affair; it violates the boundaries of the chump. Both parties in an affair are abusing the chump.

Someone who agrees to carry out a hit (the affair accomplices) are just as responsible for the damage done to the Chump as the person who ordered the hit.

It’s called COLLUDING WITH VIOLENCE in domestic violence parlance. The domestic violence community regards both participants in an affair as committing violence against the chump. To regard an affair partner as a victim to feel sorry for is to collude with violence.

I am currently enrolled in a 52-week domestic violence prevention program at my local domestic violence shelter. I wish we applied the appropriate DV terms for what affairs are to our belief systems around infidelity instead of using ANY breezy innocuous euphemisms.

As long as we excuse the affair partner and only hold the married/committed partner accountable we make no progress.

WarriorPrincess
WarriorPrincess
3 years ago

So true Velvet. If individuals would have more common sense and integrity not to engage with a married or committed person there would be far less lives destroyed. Takes two people to have an affair.

BetterDays
BetterDays
3 years ago

Good for you on the domestic violence prevention program!!! I did a much shorter training last fall and it was eye-opening to my own situation (which didn’t involve physical violence but was abuse nevertheless) as well as the horror going down in so many relationships in our culture. I’m working on getting more involved with our local shelter.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
3 years ago

PS….in my class, we use the word “hitman/hitwoman”. It’s the name for the part of someone that uses forms of violence toward another person. The acronym for the forms of violence are the PEEVSSS. They stand for Physical, Emotional, Economic, Verbal, Sexual, Stalking, Strangulation.

BOTH affair participants employ many, if not all, of the PEEVSSS and you bet your ass the affair accomplice is just as guilty as the married/committed person. Please stop excusing them.

Chumperella
Chumperella
3 years ago

Love the use of Mafia terms – they are pervasive enough in pop culture that there is no confusion as the to the violence associated with them. It is way past time that cheating is directly and unequivocally called out for what it is – a deliberate and insidious form of domestic violence. I am so sick of it being painted in terms of romance in dominant culture.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
3 years ago

I usually stick with Slut Face or Schmoopie but I supposed Affair Partner would be better for formal prose. AP probably doesn’t like the idea of using the abbreviation AP to replace the term Mistress, however.

Chumperella
Chumperella
3 years ago

Hypotenuse – Right Triangles only – the side that joins the two legs – it is always the longest side,
it is the c as in a^2 + b^2 = c^2. Can’t have one in an equilateral triangle but can be in an isosceles ????
(math teacher here – couldn’t resist)

I prefer “that whore” used for both the cheater and their accomplice.

MARCUS LAZARUS
MARCUS LAZARUS
3 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

c = (a^2 + b^2) ^ 1/2
I think I have it right Chumperella

Ironbutterfly
Ironbutterfly
3 years ago

Whore still works for me

Oceanwaters
Oceanwaters
3 years ago

Puta.

BetterDays
BetterDays
3 years ago

The face that the AP didn’t suggest “affair partner” which is already in common use AND gender neutral makes me think the style committee is full of skanks, dumb little tarts, fuckwits, and lying cheating bastards.

Hope Springs
Hope Springs
3 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

I agree. DARVO by committee. Happens all the time in the “workplace”.

BetterDays
BetterDays
3 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

*fact. Ugh.

Nothing Chumpares 2 U
Nothing Chumpares 2 U
3 years ago

Limerence Lizards

Family F*cker-Uppers

Narcibitch

Flamethrower O’ The Family

Cuzchump
Cuzchump
3 years ago

I use Skankella. As for my ex all I just call him Fuckwit. I actually think Skankella is to good for her. There is no name to describe a person who knowingly sneaks around with their cousin’s husband.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
3 years ago

Either “Jackasstress” or “Penis Fly Trap” work for me.

Tere
Tere
3 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

LOL I love Jackasstress!!

Chumpers 1008
Chumpers 1008
3 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Penis Fly Trap. Bwah ha ha!!!!

ChChChChump
ChChChChump
3 years ago

Not original to me: derived from something someone else posted here-

“Spare pussy” or “spare dick”

Attie
Attie
3 years ago

Off topic slightly but talking about horrendous kids, I was great friends with a girl I knew in Geneva many years ago and ended up travelling round Australia with her for six months. She stayed in Australia and I came back to Europe. We both got married, moved on etc. and one time she and her husband came out to Switzerland with their 3 kids WHO WERE HORRENDOUS! Ages about 8, 6 and 2 I guess, same as mine at the time. But she said she had been raised with criticism so NEVER disciplined her kids and they were absolute monsters. The 2 year old I could forgive but not the other 2. They stayed with us and it was AWFUL, no discipline, kids allowed to draw on my walls, we were asked to leave a restaurant because of HER kids because of the mess, while mine were sitting quietly playing cars or drawing! I thought I was maybe going weird but other friends who had contact with them while they were here also had the same reaction,. One time when they came in to work to see people the Australian delegate came out of a meeting room and asked her to control her kids and shut them up because people were trying to work!!! But that visit broke a friendship, not just with me but with everyone they met up with and they all said the same thing – “those f…..ing kids”!!! Many years later I think “oh let by-gones be by-gones” but nobody else ever wants to hook up with that couple again even now, although they were actually a very nice couple because of the awful way they raised their kids – nobody wanted to be around them. But back on topic, for me, my ex was the twat and she was the skank, but slag works just as well for me!

LimboChump
LimboChump
3 years ago
Reply to  Attie

So no one wanted to stay friends with a “very nice couple” because of the way they we’re raising their kids? But many people will stay friends with a cheater & his AP or the new wife & think of them as “a very nice couple.” The way I see it, parents who have such lousy character that they cannot put effort into civilizing their children are not “nice. ” Enough people agree that they begin to shun them. But adultery is accepted by so many people that even when the wreckage is known, they don’t take a stand. Maybe because someone else’s adultery doesn’t affect their environment the way noisy, poorly behaved children do?

Attie
Attie
3 years ago
Reply to  LimboChump

You’re right of course. Don’t get me wrong, they really are a great fun couple, but (in my opinion) totally wrong in their way of raising kids. Maybe, so many years later, those kids are great, but the damage was done. NOBODY wanted to have them stay with them, but of course, that is easier avoided than having a cheater in the mix.

Jeff I Am
Jeff I Am
3 years ago

I just called him back door jack. I totally agree euphamism frequently diminish the significance of things. Goerge Carlan does a great routine on it. I particuly like the Do Nothing Bitch comment. Mine was near that, she was the queen of the overrated bitch cookies.

Elena
Elena
3 years ago

In real life I say she’s my HUSBAND’s girlfriend. The part where she’s a whore and he’s scum of the earth is implied.

Chumpers1008
Chumpers1008
3 years ago

Cock-Roach. They are attracted to all things dirty and scurry to hide when someone turns on the lights.

Someone on the forum (I’m sorry I can’t remember who) once referred to The Fuckwit King’s paramour as “The Foreskin-Gnawing Gutter Rat,” which is apropos as well.

Foolishchump
Foolishchump
3 years ago

Fucking a married or taken man IS an archaic and sexist business, so when the word fits perfectly, use it. Mistress is really rather polite for all the other words people use and prefer.

But if we must update it to modern times, I’d go with side chick – it’s current parlance and perfectly descriptive of the position the whore takes up willingly and knowingly….ooops….yeah I really think of them both as whores. Another vote for whore as an accurate replacement to mistress.

To call a whore a lover or companion….while technically correct, does completely dirty the common use and meaning of those words. It doesn’t make the deed any less vile though of the participants something other than whores.

The bottom line is that changing words doesn’t change the condition or the act done and certainly doesn’t change what people really think about it. Sorry. Even before becoming a chump, whores were always called whores and judged harshly in my social circles.

I’ll even go so far as to say that this constant whitewashing, trying to change reality with soft bs words doesn’t change reality, but does end in who we have in the office. People get fed and start lashing out. It sure as heck doesn’t change what anyone really thinks. A whore is a whore is a whore.

Linny
Linny
3 years ago

I still fondly recall him complaining to the therapist, “she keeps calling them SKANKS!”. Why yes, yes I did. That lovely therapist found no issue with it. I really liked her.

Happily Ever After
Happily Ever After
3 years ago

I wonder if today’s CL was inspired by yesterday’s letter to Carolyn Hax in the WaPo. A chump wrote in that her husband cheated with a co-worker. All very new and a divorce is in process. She said because of the pandemic her 21 year old son’s internship was cancelled and he might be working at a summer camp with dad and the mistress. She was wondering what to say to son. Sweet baby Jesus, most of the comments ripped the chump a new arsehole for using the term mistress and GET OVER IT ALREADY you pathetic bitter woman. Yikes. I think it was a bunch of cheaters writing in to minimize their behavior. Or the smug ones haven’t been on the receiving end. I don’t wish them to be the recipient of cheating…well, maybe just a wee bit! I bet they change their opinion on the word mistress ASAP.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
3 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Check the Carolyn Hack….oops, Hax!…marital record….she was married 1994-2002, then remarried in 2002….

Tim
Tim
3 years ago

Fuckwit says it all for me. I think I’ve even heard Chump Lady use this term once or twice. 🙂

Chumped and Pumped
Chumped and Pumped
3 years ago

How about “cum-panion?” Gender neutral and focuses on the main reason they are together.

Colorado
Colorado
3 years ago

Adore CL and CN, but I think it’s key to note a power differential is implied in this definition by “and financially supported by”. I work with vulnerable people and I’m a health care worker so my nerves are FRIED right now but I think we should acknowledge some “AP’s” are actually just abused women. If your spouse was f*cking a 22 year old with an intellectual disability who lives with her auntie and thinks he’s her boyfriend, your spouse is dirt. If the “AP” is a 33 year old illegal immigrant with PTSD and a kid to send money to in their home country, your spouse is garbage. These women aren’t *lovers* or *companions* but they also shouldn’t be kicked while they’re down… the fault in these situations lies 110% with ya creepy-ass hopefully ex spouse.

Babs the Chump
Babs the Chump
3 years ago
Reply to  Colorado

Oh they aren’t angels either. I’ve had my share of hard times, but fucking married guys wasn’t one of my ways out.

I shall think whatever the hell I want to about them. Lowlifes all of them.

thrive
thrive
3 years ago
Reply to  Colorado

right – mine was a poor single mother who wanted a sugar daddy. I don’t feel sorry for her. she knew exactly what she was doing so tramp, whore fits. the fuckwit carries the responsibility for destroying our family life, she is still a tramp.

Wanting To Be On The Other Side
Wanting To Be On The Other Side
3 years ago

The POS ???? x called (probably still does) his father’s mistress now wife a “home wrecking whore”.

Wonder if he uses the same name for his own schmoopie now wife with whom (and her 4 children) he had a secret life for 3 years before I found out!!

Oh probably not!! ????‘s schmoopie is really really wealthy!