The Affair Was a ‘Distraction’
NFL Patriots coach Mike Vrabel is under scrutiny for an apparent long-term affair, but calls it a “distraction.” The Friday Challenge is your best minimization.
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Cheaters love to minimize.
I don’t understand what the big deal is. Why are you so upset? Tis but a trifle.
Probably the most common cheater minimization is that the affair was a “mistake.” Singular. Like forgetting your car registration is due. Could happen to anyone.
In the toolkit of mindeffery, minimization is a useful tactic. It immediately makes the chump look like the idiot here. You’re overreacting. The cheater is the sane, rational adult in the room. If only you could stop being so hysterical, cooler heads might prevail.
It’s condescending, infuriating, and will likely (as intended) drive you into further fits of outrage, therefore underscoring your mental instability.
Mike Vrabel’s affair is a ‘distraction’
In the news cycle right now is the (alleged, but it sure quacks like a f*ck) long term affair between NFL Patriot’s coach Mike Vrabel and (former) New York Times Athletic’s reporter Dianna Russini. They denied it. Vrabel called it laughable. Then oops, photos emerged. Then oops, more photos emerged. And now the (alleged) affair is a “distraction.”
(I wrote a long snarky column about this yesterday, but my server crashed and my whole day was spent regretting my blogger life choices. We’re back now. Or maybe my site is on the IT San Andreas fault. I don’t know. I’m this close to taking up goat farming. )
Anyway, a DISTRACTION.
His Schmoopie got sh*t canned from her job. (He keeps his, of course he does.) His wife and family just learned about his long-term perfidy in the most humiliating of ways. But it’s a DISTRACTION.
From what? Football?
F*ck you very much Mike Vrabel.
But it does make for a Friday Challenge. What was the best cheater minimization you got? What mountain did they declare a molehill?
Distract us.
TGIF!
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Mine told me that all I had to do was stand by him while he dated publicly.The affair would have run its course and he would have come home when the excitement of no longer hiding his serial cheating wore off.
He never would have filed for divorce and our split was (is) my fault.
I do think these two in the news are typical unremarkable entitled cheaters. She did not work for him or have any effect on his job performance. She should have lost her husband, not her job. He,the same.
Unfortunately as they are married to semi public people, the two betrayed spouses found out in a humiliating public way. They did not deserve that.
There are circumstances other than an affair between management-boss and employee/direct report that also merit losing one’s job. Russini was a reporter for the NYT, and her affair with Vrabel meant her objectivity as a reporter was compromised. In my book, that means she very much should have lost her job.
I was a mountain, a monumental woman (even if I am 5 ft 1 in)that he tried to make into a molehill. The daughter of 2 highly traumatized penniless refugee immigrants who saw their families murdered, who spoke no English; I was a miracle. I flew through school, skipping a grade and then skipping senior year to attend a prestigious private university where I graduated summa cum laude in 3 years, and then went on to earn my PhD at another prestigious private university. He took years and years at numerous 2 year colleges until he finally squeaked through and graduated. Barely. I didn’t realize how he minimized me until he was gone. His countless betrayal objects were laughable, infected, alcoholic, and boasted convictions and the accompanying mugshots. Trash. Failures at life in every realm. Read “It’s Not You. ” It explains so much of what this pathetic coach, and many of our ex -FWs were about. You are mighty. These guys aren’t worth your time.
This was not my cheater, but here it goes anyway:
“I’ve only cheated once, but because [this AP] is an exception”.
The discussion after that was illuminating, as he admitted he knew exactly what he was doing, it absolutely was intentional, and that he knew he shouldn’t have been doing it. He also said he confessed to his partner at the time just because the guilt was eating him alive. He was very clear he did not confess out of concern for her and he would have shut up, had he been able to.
For me it was actually refreshing to hear this verbatim from a cheater.
It’s a pity though, because I actually like this guy a lot.
Where to start. After starting an affair ten years ago with a married junior colleague, he claimed he didn’t love me anymore because I was too harsh about insisting that he a. stop verbally abusing our son and b. not trusting him to pack for trips without forgetting things. Then he claimed he had a problem fantasizing about women in general while swearing there was no one in particular, all while the ow’s marriage blew up when her husband found out about the affair. When after years of RIC therapy I confronted him about weird text messages, he copped to an emotional affair but swore it was over and he had never touched her. Plus he claimed to have a drinking problem which sent the RIC into a tizzy. When I finally went into marriage cop mode and went through phone records he claimed he was having a NEW emotional affair all while making plans to start a new life with the same OW, who he had been stringing along with lies for years. He only admitted to the long term affair after the OW contacted me. I expect there were others as well as he started a new relationship immediately after dumping both me and the long term OW.
That all the women were just friends and colleagues. That he would never actually leave me. Why would he when he could get his shits and giggles with his double life and eat cake? why would he want to leave his beloved wife appliance? Not all of them want to leave and start a new life, we offer stability. Thats why we need to leave and gain a new life.
I do believe Vrabel needed a Distraction. Hes living the high life as a coach, getting attention, money, having his ego fed. But these cheaters thrive on chaos, even all the above wasnt enough for him. He was still bored!!!!
Good time for a PSA that cheaters will typically minimize their activities – to confuse, avoid consequences, etc. If they tell you it was one time, it was ten. If they tell you it was a month, it was years. I thought he was coming clean when he told me his cheating/h00ker habit started within the year after we got married, which was horrific enough. Looking back on it, there is a significant chance this was an always thing…like how he lived his life, treated any “significant” other. I saw hints prior to when we got married – even the feeling that I may have unintentionally cleaved some sort of girlfriend situation when we first started dating that he had described to me as a former work hookup. They lie like they breathe. I picture worms (my apologies to worms for the comparison) – perfectly happy to glide along underground, but flailing when brought to the surface. Vrabel is just as “wormy” as the rest of them.
He told me she was a lesbian……beat that one.
It was only kissing!. ” Oh he didn’t paw you all over?…. you didn’t paw him back? Please! Crickets
Every time Ex-Mrs LFTT was confronted with evidence that was not conveniently aligned with her version of the narrative (AKA a bunch of lies that painted her as the victim and me as the one who was entirely in the wrong and whom deserved every single little thing that was coming to him) she would play the “that information is personal and so I don’t have to discuss it” card to minimise her perfidy and deflect responsibility.
By way of example:
So basically, any information that emerged that she felt did not fit with her narrative was distorted so that her wrongdoing was minimised and her responsibility shifted.
I do not miss her at all.
LFTT