Now THIS is a unicorn story for the Reconciliation Industrial Complex.
Reporter leaves her marriage for a super special sociopath doing 7 years in the federal pen. She will wait for him! She’s the one he really loves!
Who are these people? The Washington Post reports:
Shkreli, you might recall, is the Brooklyn native who ran Turing Pharmaceuticals, a small pharmaceutical company that suddenly jacked up the price of an AIDS drug by 5,000 percent in 2015. Instead of hanging his head in shame, he embraced his notoriety, playing the role of an evil villain and seemingly confusing life with a reality show. “The key word in profiteering is profit,” he claimed to Business Insider, comparing himself to the robber barons. In his spare time, he harassed female reporters on social media. All this turned him into, as the BBC put it, “The Most Hated Man in America.”
Who is Christie Smythe? Just a drab, ordinary former reporter for Bloomberg News. A Midwestern gal, with a drab gray wardrobe and drab gray husband and a drab gray rescue dog — until Mr. Pharma Fraud swanned into her life. Smythe covered Shkreli’s crimes. And then she cast herself in his story as the sociopath whisperer. The one very special soul who Understands The Real Him.
Okay, so she dragged some other journalists and cheated on her husband for this dreamboat. But hang in there Christie, I’m sure a man who made a killing defrauding investors and price gouging drugs for vulnerable people is only shitty to millions of other people and not you.
And because this is a women’s magazine, for reasons known only to misogyny, they dressed Christie Smythe like a fashion model and not as the subject of a piece of long-form journalism examining her pathetic love life.
Clearly the photo editors at Elle despise this woman. In the first “styling” Smythe looks like a parade float made from psychedelic bicentennial wallpaper. How does she fit through the ship channel in those puffy sleeves?
Not content with one garish print, Smythe also sits primly in a splashy floral that screams: “I am not confident in my choices.” And when you make bad choices, you should wear them head to toe.
Sorry, I had to get that out of the way. (WHAT IS THAT? WE DON’T DO THIS TO MEN!)
Back to the Elle article. Guy chumps — Do you ever wonder if that man she left you for is better than you? Behold:
A realization hit her. In the visitors’ room, “I told Martin I loved him,” Smythe says. “And he told me he loved me, too.” She asked if she could kiss him, and he said yes. The room smelled of chicken wings, she remembers.
Smythe pressed Shkreli to let her visit him in jail, and he agreed to a November date. In the visitors’ room, unsure of what Shkreli liked, Smythe spent $30 on vending-machine snacks. When he was brought in, she hugged him, and they sat down to talk, struggling to hear each other over the other visitors. She microwaved a hamburger for him, and they talked about jail. When the hour-long visit ended, she hightailed it to the first counseling session with her husband. He had refused to move the appointment, and she wouldn’t reschedule with Shkreli. She arrived at the hour-long session 52 minutes late.
Nothing says courtship like $30 of vending-machine snacks. Why try to save your marriage when there are microwave hamburgers?
But after the chump divorced Smythe, and she got her glossy Elle spread wearing ugly dresses in defense of her ugly choices, Shkreli was there for her.
“Mr. Shkreli wishes Ms. Smythe the best of luck in her future endeavors.”
Christie, that’s the sound of bus wheels rolling over you.
Her heart will go on. She says she had no regrets.
“I’m happy here. I feel like I have purpose.”
I feel like Bloomberg News and her ex-husband are happy she’s there too. Far away from them.