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Boris Johnson’s Lady Friend(s)

Boris Johnson
The Prime Minister Boris Johnson Portrait

I don’t know what to make of British Prime Minister Boris Johnson. He seems to be a creature constructed entirely of pomposity and paste. His self-regard could be a renewable energy source. A famous philanderer, one of his former Schmoopies, Jennifer Arcuri, made headlines this week for confirming, that yes, she had an affair with Boris from 2012-2016.


Okay, Jennifer and this makes you special how exactly?

I don’t get the sense that a man built like a human gummy eraser is particularly discerning.

But hell hath no fury like an Other Woman forgotten. Jennifer has broken the silence. On Boris Johnson’s pasta skills. The Mirror reports:

She described the pasta dish as “perfectly inedible”, and added: “He can barely find his socks, let alone cook dinner. It was horrible. It was soggy and limp. This man was completely useless in the kitchen.”

Overcooked noodles aside, it was a classy affair, Jennifer is at pains to tell the British tabloid. They read Shakespeare to one another. And then she sent the “arty topless photos.”

Boris Johnson, father of numerous (as yet uncounted) children, was married at the time to his long-suffering wife and former affair partner Marina.

Jennifer recounts that she and Boris hooked up frequently at the family home. Eating their flaccid cheesy pasta together, reciting Macbeth (When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain? When the hurly-burly’s done…) before getting to the “good stuff” moments before Marina arrived home from work.

(It’s unclear what Jennifer does for a living. Nebulous description of business woman, many mentions of the stripper pole in her Shoreditch flat.)

Anyway, Jennifer is a Different Woman Now.

“I could have handled things very differently. I’m a different person now. All women have experiences in their lives and not all of them are the best memories, but all of them make a mark on who you are, how you learn and how you develop.

“I’ve had to step back and look at exactly what happened here and I don’t want to be defined by this. I was never defined by Boris Johnson.”

I’m sure your disassociation will be complete with a splashy tell-all in the Sunday Mirror.

These days Jennifer is a married mother. She told her husband Matthew Hickey about the cheesy pasta.

But she said she has always been open with him about her affair with Mr Johnson.

Arcuri added: “I said, ‘Look, there’s something about me you need to know. I’m a very open book here.

“I’m not trying to play the two of you, but this has been the most consistent man in my life, given the -circumstances. Feel free to show him up.’ And he did.

Feel free to pick-me dance, Matt, with the British prime minister.

Does Boris care? Last seen he was egg beating his thinning blonde strands to wear as a soufflé upon his head. Brushing up on his Shakespeare, and against any woman not repulsed enough to let him.


Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I wonder if she told her husband about Boris before she married him.

    • Amazon….very good question. As a dude with an normal ego I’d have to assess my place in the que. I’d wonder am I less hideous? Do I have better hair? How’s my bangers and mash stack up? Has this chick been to a therapist or at least an optometrist? I think the poor bastard got after the fact information and a fair dose of trickle truth

    • Wow, when you come out to say that you used him, just wow do you look stupid and used….

  • “I don’t get the sense that a man built like a human gummy eraser is particularly discerning.”

    Lol. This is what gets me about a lot of these low lifes, so many of them wouldn’t get a second glance if they weren’t waving money and power around.

    Good morning all, have a blessed day.

    • No Boris would never get a second glance without power/money/fame. I don’t get it.

      I also don’t get Cuomo (whom I once admired) but when he was INEXPLICABLY described as the sexiest man alive, I shook my head.

      Then he went to tv to have his little brother ask him about being “single and ready to mingle.”

      I don’t think I’ve ever heard a divorced woman described that way. Ever.

      Even when women truly are stunning, or powerful or rich, we are NEVER described as “extremely eligible” or “single/ready to mingle.”

      As for 63 y/o Cuomo’s age requirement that the women he wanted to date need be “over age 22” (eye roll – the YAWN cliched pseudo virility implied is laughable) – AND it is younger than at least one of his daughters…

      well, I cannot imagine a woman saying that (at all) AND OR being admired for it.


        • Hi Doctors1st wife – as I found myself back in the dating scene, I have met many women described as just that. Eligible and ready to mingle .
          The other line of introduction I have very often heard is “ after giving myself completely to the marriage , I am finally able to look after myself “
          With that one , one has to be careful:
          It can truly be the woman who was married to an asshole , who escaped from that prison.
          But the female narcissists use that line as well.
          My covert-narcissist ex tells everyone that she “ got a new lease on life “ after our divorce . Her affairs don’t play a role in her recap of the events . But she is certainly single and ready to mingle and has been described as such .
          Btw – have given up on dating , partly because of all the female cheaters out there. I definitely think it goes both ways

          • Atg, it does go both ways. Our husbands cheated with women…. many of these women were married themselves…. in my case the OW left her husband for mine.
            Anyone involved in cheating sucks… But plenty of wonderful women out there, plenty plenty plenty -keep looking if you want to be with one.

              • Yes , there are all kinds of variations on that theme.
                I gave myself nearly 3 years before considering dating, have talked to and met a number of women. I found the whole online experience very odd. I’m probably old fashioned, but the three women I actually met in person where quite open about the fact that I was one of many . And I’m sure it’s a number’s game. One woman should me her inbox on eharmony. Whilst we were having coffee , she got more than 30 messages. And happily replied in my presence. Now, not everyone is like that, for sure. But it gave me the feeling that I am just “stock” which people can “browse”.
                So I gave it all way and am much happier ????

            • I don’t claim that women don’t cheat. The DOCTOR had a schmoopie and she knew he was married. As far as I know, she’s female.

              Nor do I mean to enter a pain contest. I just note the bias from male journalists that has become much more noticeable to me since joining CN.

              It’s the way our society sees cheating that seems odd to me, and gross. Even in the face of striking stats that show damage to kids and long term pain to the betrayed.

              And Statistically speaking, wives are far more likely to tolerate a cheating husband than a husband is a cheating wife.

              I know there are economic factors involved, but there’s something else about it that strikes me as part of the cheater narrative – that female cheaters are only beginning to change .

              From men calling it “playing around/stepping out” (rather than a vow breaking betrayal) it’s now “following your bliss” for women, and an “Indiscretion” for men. OR they’re “finally finding happiness” as if the rest of us were rolling in glee the entire marriage, stealing all the johy from the cheater/victim.

              To me, indiscretions were references to a minor social faux pas, such as an inadvertent belch or repeating gossip.

              But I digress…

              • I think we agree .
                “ stepping out “ is such an awful term to belittle cheating .
                I see it all from the chump perspective: paying my cheating a lot of money , leaves me with a hint of sarcasm.
                And there is also a divorce coach industry , who are there to encourage women to divorce to find themselves.
                Again, I completely agree that some people need to divorce and I’m sure it’s more often the women who endure a shit marriage to a cheater .
                But my experience and perspective is just different.
                Anyway, it sounds like we agree overall .

              • Statistically speaking I’ve read that as many women cheat now as men.
                Is society more forgiving towards men who cheat? Probably. But society seems to be pretty forgiving to both genders who cheat… It’s that narrative about there must’ve been a good reason. Are women more likely to stay? Probably.
                In my opinion, women are more likely to not compartmentalize their life. Women don’t want to be married to somebody who devalues them any more than men, but I think that voice about the family staying together, the children not having a broken home, finances, growing old and the options available to women as they age…..all ring in their head. And I think many women are more apt to make and/or believe sad sausage excuses from their partners to try to make sense of such hurtful behaviour. These are all generalizations and I’m sure there’s lots of overlap between the genders.
                In general, it’s been proven women don’t move on as quickly…. after divorce, after the death of a spouse and after being betrayed. I’ve also read repeatedly that men are more apt to visualize the sex part of the betrayal and be utterly disgusted and women get stuck on the emotional betrayal part and get stuck in hurt.
                As a woman, this is how it has played out for me.
                They all suck.

                It would be interesting to have the male chumps way in on the differences they see between female and male chumps.

              • Zip

                My male experience is the opposite- I was the one trying to keep the family together , pick-me dancing and accepting her excuses.
                Moving on quickly – I haven’t had a relationship since the divorce 3 years ago, and the ex was on tinder as soon as she moved out.
                But that’s all my personal anecdote.
                The Australian divorce laws were in her favour – she got a huge chunk of cash for her cheating and despite having 50% custody do I have to pay her a fortnightly sum which allows her to work 3 days a week. The kids are at school.
                The problem is that single dads and men are not well represented.
                If you speak out against such injustice you get pushed into the right wing camp which the men’s rights activists occupy.
                And these guys are not good company- many of them have restraining orders against them due to domestic violence . I don’t want anything to do with them.
                There is no moderate group here reviewing the whole settlement issue. Ans a consequence is that woman nowadays can cheat , but be still assured that they get a pretty good payout.
                Now this is my male chump perspective.
                I completely agree that a woman who got cheated on whilst putting her own career on the back burner for the sake of the family deserves a favourable settlement . But my case – well it sucks .

  • “Does Boris care? Last seen he was egg beating his thinning blonde strands to wear as a soufflé upon his head, brushing up on his Shakespeare, and against any woman not repulsed enough to let him.”

    I laughed so hard that someone knocked on the door of my lair to check on me.

    I hope you’re feeling well today. If you aren’t, it’s due to your immune system taking no prisoners.

    Cookie? *shakes bag enticingly*

    • Got about 10 hours of sleep last night and I feel fine. A bit yucky yesterday, but I’m made of sturdy stuff. Thanks for the cookie offer, but I save the sugary carbs for the UBT.

      • Glad you’re feeling well. Be aware that #2 may shake you like a dog’s toy.

        #1 left me feeling awful but I had Covid less than 6 weeks prior to the shot so my immune system was on the prowl and smiting everything it could spot.

        Well, I’m all about sharing with the UBT. Anytime!

        • Drink plenty of water, starting three days before the injection, and the effects may be lessened. That’s the local theory, and it worked for me.

          Immediately after my first Pfizer shot, the technician said “Oh god, lady, you’re really swelling up. Go home, take Tylenol, put on your pajamas, and climb back into bed, because you’re in for a rough time.” Because I always get golf-ball sized welts and a moderate fever from black fly bites, those were words I dreaded. However, being exceedingly well hydrated helped immensely, as my arm was only slightly sore the first day and was completely pain-free the next. On the third day, I can even poke my finger into the bruise and not feel a thing.

          Everybody else I know suffered with aches and arm pain, especially those who received the Moderna shot, and they also had horrible three-day headaches.

          • @eirene: Thanks for the advice on the Moderna shot. Had #1 about a week ago and only had a sore arm for a day or so. Will heed the hydration advice in advance of shot #2.

          • The nurse who gave me my second shot told me to move my arm all around. It helps the shot be absorbed, and lessens swelling. So, for like half an hour, I was waving my arm around like a crazy person!
            I think it worked, because my arm was hardly sore, and my reaction the next day was just some chills and tiredness. I got Pfizer.

        • Hey at least you guys can get the jab! I am (patiently) waiting my turn and still driving the kiddies to school on my bus. It can’t come soon enough and Canada is way behind thanks to the buffoons in charge. The province is going into another month long lockdown this weekend ughhhh!!

          • The WHO finds the vaccination rollout “unacceptably slow” in Europe. Same problems in first world countries-not enough doses, professionals to administer or appointments.????‍♀️

          • I am in Canada too and don’t think I’m eligible until June or July. I do NOT want the AstraZeneca one. 🙁

    • Yes, this description is so, so good. And silly. Keep rereading and chuckle every time.

    • Atg, It does suck. They suck. And yes, getting a huge chunk of anything for your cheating is an injustice to say the least. It’s nice to hear from the men. Perhaps there are more similarities than differences with all chumps. I’m sorry you had to go through that shit show.

      • Ex chump now rid of lazy cheating ex wife here. It’s important not to get hung up on notions of justice as the Universe doesn’t work like that. I supported our family financially single handed pretty much all through the marriage so the ex could be a SAHM. To be fair she worked hard when the kids were little but when the youngest was about 11 decided she was going to take the rest of her life off having ‘done her bit’ went down to the gym and never came back. She cheated with someone from the gym, I divorced her but she ended up with slightly more than half the marital assets. Definitely no justice there – BUT I’m rid of the scabby little trollop and life has never been better.

        • Monkey Love???? I’m glad that life is good for you now. That was a funny line… ‘went to the gym and never came back’????. Marriage is such a financial partnership. I think many of us don’t think about all the potential repercussions of our choices when we marry and when we work out our arrangements. Just thinking about my kids… And how I would want them to protect themselves when they get married… Because you never know!

  • Three things are infinite: the universe, human stupidity, and the miraculous ability of the OW to clutch her pearls and get all moral and out a cheating man when she’s thrown over. Think of the long suffering wife and children!!!! Sniff.

  • She needs to shut up. How disrespectful to her husband and child.

  • And the several hundred thousand pounds worth of British tax payers money that he passed on to her?

    That’s what the tabloid smokescreen is really directing attention away from.

    • Yep.

      Finding out about the slush fund (taxpayer funded) that our pols (of all parties) have used to pay off whores is infuriating. Unfortunately, not surprising; but infuriating none the less.

    • The amount of money is what I find particularly baffling. Think of it, about £120 000 in 4 years of relationship. That’s about £30 000 per year and that’s also the UK median salary – to sleep with THAT? I don’t think so, not for that money. Given how Tories awarded billions of pounds in various PPE equipment, (very inefficient) Test & Trace and various other contracts to their chums during this pandemic, I have to conclude that Mrs Arcuri is not the sharpest tool in the box.

    • I think it was in February but Boris’s wife was giving her friends high paid jobs. Think one of them was £400 per day upwards for her friend who had no qualifications nor experience in the role.

  • To each their own, I won’t descend into insulting his looks (I’m sure that will happen without me anyway), but on character alone it’s staggering to me that he has been that attractive to that many women. Even based on money and power. He is so incredibly skeevy.

    But, I suppose there’s some culture difference behind it.

    Plus, no accounting for the taste of a schmoopie. Already suspect.

    The world doesn’t really care if cheaters hold office anymore. People say to me “the person’s private life is irrelevant, none of my business.”

    Then I say, “Really, a strong patter of intentional deception of those closest to him and a willingness to cause harm to the people around him, including the public health risks inherent in STI transmission, not to mention the miscues of public funds and intentional misleading of the public that are inherent in carrying on the affair, those things don’t concern you in a decision maker who helps make laws?”


    • You don’t have to be attractive if you are a man with (what looks like) money and power.
      I point to Donald Trump as another example.

      • I know a few bus drivers. These particular men admit they are not stunning guys, yet female passengers (bus bunnies they call them) ride their routes with them, chat them up, ask them out.

        When the driver says he is married the tramps will say that is not a problem.

        Some women see a uniform, a steady paycheck, and a pension, and that is all they need to chase the man and drop their drawers. In every walk of life.

        Many men and women can be greedy grasping pigs.

        • “Some women see a uniform, a steady paycheck, and a pension, and that is all they need to chase the man and drop their drawers. In every walk of life.”

          Bingo, and they will overwhelmingly offer NSA until they get their hooks in good. Again, still the cheaters fault, but it amazes me that so many of these men think they are hot stuff vs a meal ticket.

          Meanwhile they toss the woman who married them when they had nothing and helped them build wealth for the whore.

          • ITA, Susie Lee. Dumbass Cheater #1 could never figure out that it was his union benefits and pension that the low life prosti-hoes were after, not his stunning wit and good looks (he is neither witty nor handsome).

        • I was hitting menopause just as my ex left me (I was 51). I was a bit weepy (but then, as my doctor said, “if I was married to your husband I’d be weepy too”, so I never knew if it was the menopause or the ex that made me feel like that. Anyhoo, he put me on strong HRT for 6 months (then tailored it down) and it made me as horny as hell. Great, I’d have shagged a donkey (or even Boris Johnson) and my husband just left me. But that worked in my favour because – how do I put this diplomatically – I took full advantage of having the hormones of a 15 year old boy and it was great. But back to bus drivers, you know there’s something going on when you get on a bus in Geneva and look at the fat, hairy Swiss bus driver and think “HALLOOOOOO BABY”! Damn I miss those tablets!

          • Attie, right there with you but there were no pills involved, I think it was the FREEDOM!! My libido still seems to be on overdrive, right when its hard to find a man who can do the deed( never mind being a decent man to boot). 60 is the new 40 at least for me it is. Maybe I need to find a younger man huh?

            • I’m 31 and I haven’t had sex since February 2019 (Nitwit was a sexual withholder). The instant I get the vaccine I’m hitting the town! Not Tinder though. I think Nitwit is on Twitter and if he sees my profile he’ll be vain enough to think I’m pining for him. Yuck.

          • ???????????? thank you for making me laugh out loud, this is brilliant perspective! ????????

      • Phoenix you’re right, Boris and DT are perfect examples of this principle. Ick! ????

    • Well said, Amiisfree. I hope I will be able to remember your comeback when I hear the same from others when they say, “What they do in their private life has no bearing in their public life.”

    • Infidelity isn’t the only cue of someone’s general skeeviness. There have been leaders who were maritally faithful war criminals. Though when I was really young I copped the “I don’t care what Clinton does in private” party line to reconcile my leftist politics with Clinton’s personal conduct, I see it differently now and not just because of Clinton’s ties to Epstein. Now I think of Clinton and the disaster of NAFTA, the bombing of the Al-Shifa pharmaceutucal plant that probably cost a quarter million lives, and the fact he greenlighted flights transporting weapons for the Contras when he was gov. of Arkansas. You know, the Contras– who skinned pregnant women alive and hung them from trees.

      Lack of empathy is lack of empathy is lack of empathy. These were all huge betrayals of lefty or humanitarian principles that Clinton purported. Key word “betrayal.” It’s that pretending-to-be-one-thing-while-being-the-reverse that meshes so perfectly with adultery. I don’t think adultery is just a little quirk or idiosyncracy in any case. I judge now. It’s not the only thing I judge but it factors.

      Some adultery apologists like to point out that Hitler was supposedly faithful to the bird-brained Eva Braun. Braun’s multiple relationship-related suicide attempts aside, Hitler previously screwed, drove mad and likely battered and murdered his own very young neice. So much for the prudish mass murderer concept.

      • “Some adultery apologists like to point out that Hitler was supposedly faithful to the bird-brained Eva Braun”

        How do they manage those mental gymnastics?

        “OK, I’m a liar, a cheat, but I’m not as bad as Hitler?”

        Morons. ????????????

        • My ex literally said that. I was in way over my head. How does a chump even begin to respond to statements this when pick me dancing and while cheater channels are flickering between rage and sad sausage. It’s a trap! Obviously, the response is to focus on yourself and reality and leave, but I just… couldn’t? I don’t understand what was happening to my brain.

      • Yep, Clinton’s a POS. I used to get in arguments with Clinton supporters whom I otherwise agreed with. There was a collective blindness about him and a hero worship which was frustrating to watch, especially from feminists, given his appalling treatment of women.
        Later on he tried to standard “sex addict” excuse, naturally. I’m not sure how many of the women who complainted about him were Republicans shills, as no doubt some were, but I don’t believe they all were. I certainly think he’s capable of sexual assault.

    • ^^^^^
      Well said. Like Amazon chump, I’m going to memorise that!

      It’s really not rocket science, is it. A person who is untrustworthy in one area, will likely be the same in others.

    • Argued with an ex about Sarkozy’s public affair from long ago. According to French people (so he said) they didn’t care about the affair and said he probably did it because he was tired of his life. He also didn’t see why Americans cared about Bill.

      I argued that no, cheating is about
      (lack of) character and Pointed out that both men are now being investigated for crimes that affected nations…

      The ex back down from the argument, still thinking I was a puritanical American and guess who ended up being a wimpy cheater?

      Anyway, it’s amazing to me how people think about world leaders. Apparently their duplicity towards their so-called loved ones doesn’t matter until it affects a nation. Then the defenders act surprised.

  • He currently lives with yet another affair partner and their child at No 10 .

    • He does, and some of us Brits are heartily sick of paying for his shenanigans and his current fiancee’s home makeover. His second wife, a very successful QC, was cheated on when she had cervical cancer. And was also an affair partner. Sadly many people think he’s a ‘good egg’, and love his vaccination work. His stock in the polls is riding high. England is not a happy place right now. I can’t speak for Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

  • In the 80’s I was a lowly Junior Programmer with a big computer company (HAL to those who understand).
    We came in one Monday and found that our division had about 7 new females. Rumors got about thatt a fairly high level male manager had been known to give promotions and award money for the proper sort of attention to him.
    In my mind, I was picturing a very physically fit, handsome Cary Grant/Robert Redford sort.
    I was having lunch with coworkers in the company cafeteria (nutritious cooked meals for $2 allowing the company to keep lunch to 20 minutes) when someone whispered “that’s him!” I couldn’t see him at first because I was looking around for someone to meet my standards of affair-worthy.
    It was like seeing Trump or Boris. Really older, not fit, slovenly tie etc etc. At that moment I was sure that these women had not risked their reputations for that. How naive I was.
    I was much older before I realized how much pressure can be put on someone to do in appropriate things when a job is at stake.
    Sadly, only 1 of the women managed to shake off the crapola of being instantly transferred into a new section. Our section was supporting a different area of the business they had to learn overnight to remain competitive. Long term, their promotions and pay raises and ultimately their pensions were affected.
    Nothing happened to the creepy boss. He kept his kingdom, and even got a promotion to a higher level.

    • I have a very wealthy, competitive, bitchy older cousin who– prior to my going NC with her because of her behavior regarding my mother– never missed a chance to remind me that I “failed” in the high-stakes career I started out in that was rife with what you describe.

      Failure is relative. To my mind, I never stopped doing what I set out to do, just changed mediums. And most importantly, I never once screwed any of the multitudes of pervy, power-mongering creeps (married or not) I worked under or with no matter how many carrots were dangled, declarations of twu wuv were made, supposed golden opportunies missed or threats carried out. I even prosecuted two for attempted assault and sued one.

      I torched my own career in a sense because it was obvious what happens to women who “tell.” But I wasn’t, say, a poverty stricken single mother forced under duress to play along like, say, the undocumented nannies or kitchen help employed by some of these monsters. The price of integrity wasn’t destitution, drportation to some lethal war zone, or loss of child custody for me or really any of the women I worked directly with in that industry. All had choices. I made mine.

      In an industry where few women (or some young men for that matter) get out clean or without selling out other women, I came out untainted. It wasn’t about some religious concept of purity. If life is a game, then the game was about not selling out principles, not mingling with and enabling evil, and not harming other people.

      I was thinking about this relative to being cheated on- that it probably would have been more devastating if I’d ever been a climbing side piece myself. I would hate to be like Wheeler. If you ever once internalized the cheater/betrayer/exploiter/creep mentality along with the requisite contempt for betrayed victims that cheaters and proxy cheaters tend to have, it has to be that much more scorching and humiliating to eventually end up in the victim seat.

      Nyah nyah, we win.

  • This is a quintessential example of the power a narcissist can wield with CHARM… my X, Mr. Sparkles is not what most would consider traditionally handsome. He’s tall (6’4) and he plays that up as “strength” and how he’ll wrap his arms around you and make you feel safe and protected from the world. But when he was lovebombing, I was so gaga that I thought he was as good looking as Brad Pitt. Now, almost 7 years since the discard, I see him from time to time when he picks up our son for visitation and he’s all gray, partially bald, never fixed the front tooth that needs a new crown, and has a grown a full-white Santa beard (though he is slim)… but when he walks, he STRUTS.

    I expect the same is true for Boris… Narcs attract you with honey but once you get to know them, they’re just luke warm cheesy pasta.

    • My X also literally looks like a homeless person now despite being a seven figure wage earner. He is in the throes of alcoholism and frequently has black eyes, burns on his face (smokes weed all day long and when wasted burns himself), huge grey dirty beard, balding, 80 lbs overweight, disheveled, nasty yellow crumbling teeth….smells terrible. His face is so swollen his eyes will barely open.

      It’s horrifying to watch …. my kids who are young adults, worry he will die soon — he’s in his early 50s.

      He sucks.

      • Motherchumper –
        All of that (about your ex) tells the world who was holding him together when you were married…

        I have a similar impression when seeing my STBX. The stress of solo adulting is too much for some people. I have been stressed too, to be sure, but have tried to channel it into lots of walks (either alone or socially distanced with friends) or bike rides since I moved out, which was right when the Covid shutdowns started. A few months later, STBX asked me during a custody transfer, “have you lost weight?” Which, considering her FOO preoccupation with weight, translates into “you’re looking good!” Lol, so sad, too bad! I couldn’t say the same in response. But, her health is her business now…

    • True.

      My ex was (I thought) attractive, big blue eyes, and dimples. But, once it all went down (I found out) he at one point turned into a “rat faced man whore” in my view. I would never respect him again.

      I am sure the whore thought he was amazing, not sure how she felt after he started screwing around on her. I had moved on by then.

        • – see ladies, it’s open game tearing apart the looks of entitled cheaters????. It’s done to males too – and nobody seems to be complaining! We wouldn’t be picking on him if he was a lovely and decent man.

          And ‘His self-regard could be a renewable energy source’????????????- CL is hysterical!

    • To be honest, my ex was never good looking but he had smiley eyes and I liked him (obviously), and thought he was fun (I only realized later that he was more than unstable). But I see pictures of him now and his teeth are grey and stained, his skin is terrible and he looks worse than ever – without having me pushing the dentist’s appointment and other check-ups. He also posts the most awful incoherent, racist crap on FB at what is the middle of the night for him and I can tell he’s drunk! Hope latest gf is enjoying that!

  • Oh, Chump Lady, that was so hysterically well-written!! I laughed so much! Pomposity and paste lol. That line alone would be
    perfect for the prime minister’s oral questions time. I’m wondering if her limp pasta mention was a euphemism… anyhow, delicious writing, Milady.

  • Somehow when I read this, I didn’t think she was describing Boris’ pasta prowess: “It was horrible. It was soggy and limp. This man was completely useless …”

  • I’ve never been attracted to cheaters or cheating. I’ve only been repulsed. By some weird accident of God or nature, I managed to dodge that character defect. As a pretty messed up nineteen year old away at college, I realized partway into a date that he was married and asked him to take me home immediately. At a favorite restaurant years later, the chef wandered out to my table at lunch when I was there alone. He sat down and started going on about “needing a woman.” I said, “You have a woman. Her name is Carol.” (His wife). He seemed drunk. I never went there alone to eat ever again.

    I have no idea what the attraction is but I am extremely grateful I don’t suffer from it.

    The OW (I was told) said to him “I don’t want a relationship like this”. After signing up to have an affair with him. After it penetrates her thick skull that the marriage, child, and business aren’t going to magically be deleted and wiped from his life as if it all never existed. That it would be like a jackhammer 24/7 in the background for the rest of their lives together. To me that’s like walking down the street, picking out a house you like, breaking in and trashing the joint, then walking away after completely destroying it and saying, “I didn’t want a house like this.” WTF did you think it would be like, you dolt?

    Love is loyalty and there is no bigger red flag than betrayal. Good luck, mofos.

    • VH– I always cringe when I read those AP apologist articles claiming it can “happen to anyone” and these people are just like the rest of us, maybe the “nicest people we know.”

      Uh, nope. Not like any actually nice people I know or would lend money to, hire in any capacity or let near my kids. I’ve fired friends and colleagues and even relatives repeatedly because, as it turns out, those who enable betrayal are globally untrustworthy even if the cheating betrayal wasn’t against me.

      Even before I shed my old libfem/faux-feminist view that judging other women’s sexual choicey-choices was “misogynistic,” I figured out that one common denominator among almost every woman who screwed me or others over unfairly was their willingness to co-cheat or cheat. It’s oddly reliable. Even if they just chriñonically, unrequitedly hanker and pine for committed men or sport-flirt wuth same, it’s a red flag. One of them almost killed my cat. Two others allowed dangerous people around my children, several set me up at work to be harrassed or worse, and three sided with stalking perpetrators, effectively endangering me and others. So now I judge based on that alone because often that’s an early warning to the rest. In some cases I discovered that component only after an unrelated betrayal.

      Unless they really had zero clue of the relationship status of a FW, are clinically intellectually impaired or were undocumented, poverty-stricken single parents coerced into compliance, side pieces are hybristophiliacs– another breed. They’re turned on by lisrs, felons, cheats and betrayers– basically akin to prison groupies and sick f*cks in their own right.

      It doesn’t borrow or subtract blame from FWs to put onus on proxy abusers. Culpability is not a finite pie where serving up a portion to one reduces the serving another receives. Or vice-versa. Serial killers may be more culpable than their groupies but it doesn’t make the groupies safe bets.

      • “Culpability is not a finite pie where serving up a portion to one reduces the serving another receives. Or vice-versa.”

        Well put, I get so tired of the “OW/OM didn’t make vows to you, shit” So what, she/he knew she/he was completely in the wrong (assuming they don’t know about the spouse, which is very rare).

        Plus in most cases she/he placed their nasty asses in our faces, and used us and our money, trashed us to our spouse and to other people. Just like the person driving the get away car, they both sought to share in the destruction of another unwitting person. Plenty of blame for both of them.

        • The OW is a complete nonentity to me. Of course that is easy for me to say. I have never met her, let alone counted her among my friends or family. Nitwit and I had separate finances by the time the affair started so she didn’t steal from me financially. If I met her on the street I would thank her for taking the useless loser off my hands and giving me the kick up the backside I needed to file for divorce. Maybe even pity her if he plays the same games with her as he did with me, which he likely does.

          Him I fantasize about beating to a bloody pulp. Without his looks he really is just another underemployed video game addict no woman or man would ever sleep with. Much like Boris Johnson if he were stripped of his wealth and power.

          • Oh I never gave the whore the time of day or any recognition once I knew who she was. I wouldn’t give him or her the satisfaction. Doesn’t make her innocent of her crimes against me, I am just agreeing with “Culpability is not a finite pie …”

            I also don’t assume chumps who lay blame on the OW/OM are exempting their FW. As H of C stated there is enough for both, whatever makes the chump feel better is fine with me. Assuming no laws are broken, and they don’t hurt themselves.

            If I had access to something like CL when I was going through it, I would have been so much better off. Oh I did fine, and have been blessed with a great life; but there are a couple things I would have done different. Such as that dammed pick me dancing. It only lasted about three weeks, still…

            Though I am not sure in your case if you were already separated before the affair started, would she actually be the OW? I may have read it wrong.

            Once my ex as I were legally separated we were separate entities, and both free to live our lives.

            He of course had to pay out a lot of money in a temp maintenance agreement, which was to recover money stolen from me, and to give me time to prepare for my future, just as he did (plotted and schemed) on my time and dime while we were married.

            But, he could have screwed the whole Dallas Cheerleader team after we were separated; and it wouldn’t faze me a bit.

            • I meant we had separate bank accounts. We were not legally separated and we still lived together in what I thought was an okay marriage. Sorry for the confusion.

              Basically my salary went into a joint account that paid bills and his salary went into his bank account that I was not allowed to see or touch. This bank account funded his video game habit and God knows what else.

              What was his was his and what was mine was ours. I’m still trying to puzzle out how I ever agreed to that one.

              • Oh got it.

                Our last 1.5 ish year was really bad. He got nastier and nastier. When I asked what the problem was, he put it off to work stress (good old work stress). If someone had told me like CL that when they turn into abusive assholes there is usually a woman in the wings, maybe I could have gotten out of it a bit earlier.

                I found CL just a year or so ago, when the fw blew up his relationship with our son, I was just trying to understand why after all these years the turd was still so nasty, CL popped up, and I found the funny and smart women on this site. I had long ago moved on, but it was fun to read and so the “aha, so I wasn’t crazy” thing.

                Though I don’t always succeed, I stay to try to help newly minted Chumps, so they can know that good times will come again.

                CL has provided a valuable forum for victims of infidelity abuse.

      • Hell, so many people think that! I paid to do a weekend workshop a while ago with a therapist who specializes in abandonment… and at the end she finished off by saying something to the effect that anybody could cheat and we would be surprised what anyone could do given the circumstances. I guess as a therapist she listens to sad sausage stories all the time.
        I think she was tying the statement to forgiveness or something. I can’t remember because I was triggered when she said it and I was wishing I hadn’t wasted my weekend or paid for the service.

          • No it wasn’t her. I feel uncomfortable mentioning her name! But she’s written a book.. I think a lot of therapists… because they treat OW and OM as well, have a ‘flexible’ nonjudgmental point of view -based on all the sad sausage stories they must hear? Although she herself had been chumped…
            I know the therapists I saw were hard-pressed to say anything negative about my fuckwit (they had never met him), but clearly they didn’t think it was their place to judge.
            So I gave up on therapists and decided to do this workshop only to hear the therapist say at the end that anybody could cheat – (and that we’d be surprised ) or something to that effect.

            • I understand you not wanting to name the cheater apologist. Plus we don’t want Tracy getting into legal hot water. Thanks for replying.
              Tracy’s blog is the only voice of reason about dealing with and healing from cheating, in my opinion.

              • She’s the only one who never ever says anything that could possibly offend the chump. That seems to be something very few people are able to do.
                Tracy gets it, and that’s no small thing.

  • Young gold digger AP of 6 years recently cried to my teenager (totally inappropriately): “ I never wanted this life. All my friends are getting married for the first time and having their first child, buying their first homes, and I’m stuck with this old guy and…. you and your dad’s other kids hate me…..” boo fucking hoo!

    She sent messages to X urging him to leave our family and get her a home so she could leave her dad’s basement. I found out and told him to GTFO.

    These AP’s are sickening. The cheaters are vile.

    Trust they suck.

    • I’m playing the world’s tiniest violin for AP… ???????????? But at least you know that the karma bus has hit both of them with a vengeance! ????????

      I have learned that people who feel “stuck” should probably end their relationships (as long as they do right by long-term exes and kids). Anyone who feels that stuck, without the capacity to discuss it openly with their partner, is probably too immature to be a loving and supportive partner anyway.

    • Yes, Young Gold Digger. YOU co-created the situation YOU are complaining about and are unhappy with. It didn’t just happen. YOU PRODUCED THE SHIT SHOW.

      You thought you had the Midas touch but the joke’s on you. It’s Opposite Day.

    • MC99 you know I love you and this has just blown my tiny mind .

      Whores friends and family were all getting married / having children / travelling etc and I think she thought she was missing out . She was single and from what I’ve found out hadn’t had a partner in a while . So she wanted that and my ex was more than happy to provide it . So she got pregnant to a married man from her work ( my ex)
      I too seen messages of her begging him to leave me

      Unfortunately no Karma bus in my story they are married and have 2 young babies and by all accounts very happy .

      Anyway your story rang a bell in my head

      • Karmeh – “by all accounts” means little. Cheaters are usually experts at image management. Appearances can be deceiving. Don’t buy into the idea that they must be “very happy” because they appear to be!

        Picture them bickering behind closed doors. Better to believe that than “all accounts.”

        • Well stated Hopium.

          Behind the closed doors is the reality that the Owife was begging cheater to leave Karmeh and resorted to getting pregnant to trap him as it appears he wasn’t in a hurry to leave Karmeh. Owife eventually landed cheater but has to resent cheater for dragging his feet. Now cheater is stuck with a woman that will do anything to get her way and Owife is stuck with lying cheat. No freaking way are these two happy.

      • By all accounts we were extremely happy… and then one day to the next poof he was gone with the OW. Appearances don’t mean anything …..they both suck, but you don’t.

    • Wow Motherchumper, we should start a “gofundme” for the gold-digger don’t you think. It must be gratifying to hear that all the same!

    • I would be so pissed at her complaining about this to your teenager, she sounds as disordered as your x (likely is). Your child missed out on an intact family do to her whoring around with a married man, yet this woman can only think of all she’s missing out on?! Unbelievable!! I’m no relationship expert, but this is headed for disaster.

    • “Young gold digger AP of 6 years recently cried to my teenager…”

      At that point I would have been sorely tempted to rip AP’s arm out of its socket and then beat her to death with the wet end while yelling,

      “Do not EVER complain to MY child about how unhappy you are with YOUR life after you helped blow up OURS!”

  • A quote comes to mind:

    “I may be single but I’m not as single as some of these married people.”

  • I had a boss years ago who was a very overweight balding smoker with a gravely voice that one of my co workers was interested in having an affair with. His wife worked at the same place. I did not understand the coworkers attraction other than he was very macho acting and quite charismatic. Well he lost his job after another employee reporting seeing the two of them in a patient exam room and the coworker was giving him oral sex. He was fired and she quit. I felt bad for his wife who did not leave the job.
    To me looks do not matter really all that much but some of these people are real charmers and can rope people in. My stbx is not so attractive to a lot of people but he has characteristics that sure drew me in. And he is that very kind guy who will help you and promise to fix your problems. He sells himself as being different from other men and that he can relate to young women who may have been mistreated somehow. I can imagine that some young girls would be quite attracted to that like he’s a daddy figure. I think part of his attraction may be just that… he can come across as their savior. On the other hand Ive also seen him try to strike up conversations with young college girls at a soccer game and they seemed to dodge his questions. At the time I did not think much of it but now I’m wondering if I’ve been married to a predator. I now am realizing there have been other instances when he seems to be overly focused on young girls. Well that’s his thing now that he needs to hang out with them. So he had to discard me.people keep telling me he did me a big favor…
    I used to feel very safe with him and that was a big attraction for me. And you know I’m no model either. So I don’t focus so much on looks. I’m attracted to other things. Although I know I need to seriously fix my picker because I’ve clearly not done such a great job of picking a good partner!

    • RTMO – I had to accept my STBX as a predator also. I knew there were some instances of using prostitutes & hook ups with women hanging out in bars, so he told me years ago, happening on his business trips. At home, he would often comment on girls’ body shapes and clothing. When my oldest daughter got into high school, it became so uncomfortable. This, together with his admitted continued use of porn, made him a predator in my mind. I didn’t want to run the risk of dealing with any kind of arrest. When my oldest son, who has lived on his own for more than 10 years, asked me once if “dad started drinking again, he seems so off,” I went to an attorney to find out my liabilities if he were to be arrested. That was the end of the hopium & the beginning of the real planning to separate.

      • That’s a big wake-up call isn’t it – being liable for their f…k ups. I think my ex rarely drove sober and I dreaded the day that he killed someone while drunk and we would all go down the shitter with him!

  • Boris and Jennifer are such idiots, CL didn’t need to wake upt the UBT. And even so, we got a load of laughs. What a mix!

  • Another cast off OW going public that she doesn’t want to be defined by her whorish behavior.

    Her choice to do the blonde gnocchi. Boo hoo ho

  • I wondered if the soggy and limp pasta might be euphemistic, but then I realized this self-aggrandizing twit isn’t capable.

    Bonus the Whoreis is the only politician with more offensive hair than Trump’s toupee. Fuckwit he may be, but at least John Edwards had nice hair. I feel like a fuckwit should be required to at least comb his hair once in a while, but perhaps my standards are unrealistic for the breed.

    • Edwards was definitely better looking, hair and all. However, whenever I saw him I always thought of the old Tim Conway character (Preacher character) that he did on the Carol Burnett show. It was funny. He had the big hair, and his punch line after preaching a bunch of word salad was “folks it don’t matter”

  • Girrrrrrrrrrllll,
    When the most consistent male presence in your life is somebody else’s husband, it’s pretty easy to show that up.

    A turnip abandoned on a bench in a Greyhound Bus station could do that.

    Ye Gods that’s SAD

  • I was 21 when I was first offered a 5-month contract in Switzerland. The director of one of the divisions was (I thought) pretty ugly but also quite charismatic to my 21-year-old eyes. Turns out he was known for telling young girls he would recommend extending their contracts if they “knew what to do” (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). I don’t know where I got the balls to say it but I told him “sure I knew what to do, go straight up to HR and report him” and he shrivelled like the dick he was – temporarily. I was then transferred to another division. He was never sanctioned and remained a lech until his death. As for Bojo, I think he’s intelligent but a bullshitter. He thinks he can waffle his way through anything (and usually can because he can be incredibly charismatic). But remember how Britain was going to be richer by something like £350,000/week by no longer contributing to the EU (advert on the side of the Brexit bus)? He is a great one for running with the hares and hunting with the hounds. Damn, he pushed Brexit through and yet his own dad has applied for French citizenship (although to be fair, dad was never in favour of Brexit). Bojo has at least one child that he has never acknowledged and is basically a blustering asshole. He wants the power but doesn’t want to do the actual work. I think covid took him by surprise and he ended up going from “why should I wear a mask”, to almost dying of it. If you’re looking for a showman, he can do it. If you’re looking for a real man/husband/father/politician – you need to look somewhere else!

    • Sorry, the NHS was going to be £350 MILLION POUNDS A WEEK better off, not £350,000! Either way, it didn’t happen!

    • These guys are all the same, all show and no substance. They know their best cards are likability and charisma. And likely at home he’s a monster.

  • My son’s father was never an attractive man (in my opinion) even when he was young, but he was presentable when he cleaned up, and he was smart and funny, and had a decent education and view of the world at large. He did work, often too many hours, obsessively following some notion he had, forgetting that other people lived in the world, and kept more “normal” hours. He could be charming. Later I realized he had a routine he used when love bombing, which combined humor, charm, and self depreciation, and usually plenty of alcohol. I met him when I was 24, and still pretty naive about men in general, he was 8 years older, and I thought ready to settle down and build a life. What I found out after marrying him, was that he was always selfish, and evaded responsibility whenever he could.

    My rebound Ex was more good looking, but even worse of a human being after the love bombing stopped. I always thought about him as “what a waste” because he had skills and could have been successful, but he could not keep a commitment.

    What I discovered about myself was that my maternal instincts kicked in, and I believed I could fix people who had potential. I was very useful, because I had great organizational skills, and was willing to work hard. Later, I realized I wanted a fully grown man of like mind, not one I had to develop.

    The cheating and lying were the things which killed my willingness to believe in them, and work for the relationship. I now feel like it was a blessing FOR ME that I had the sense to divorce them. I was able to work on my own values and worldviews, without the drama and distraction of dealing with an undependable mate. I needed to understand why I tolerated things that were not acceptable to me, and accept that I cannot fix another person. It is not my job to take care of their problems. Even with my children, I raised them to be independent adults. They are capable of being on their own. I feel this was a parenting success for me. Divorce was a success, for me.

    Although I have seen nepotism and cronyism in the workplace, I urge others to be careful about believing office gossip. Unless you see it, or experience it yourself, you don’t really know what motivates a supervisor to hire others. I have heard someone else disparage the character of others because they are jealous, or dissatisfied themselves. The “she slept her way to the top” is not always true. I was often the first woman in a predominantly male environment in my early days at work. I can assure you I did not sleep with anyone to get my job. Sometimes, I think that management hired me to be a token woman, expecting me to fail. They misjudged me.

    Men like Boris are able to attract women who think that he can fix problems for them. They are seeking a short cut to success, which doesn’t involve them working hard or seeking any personal growth. It is delusional relationship on both sides, bound to disappoint both sides. I’ve heard the expression, “love is blind.” Evidently love’s cousins, lust and power, are also visually challenged.

  • You know what they say, give a man a little power, first thing he does is unzip his pants. Never look up to these freaks, they are worthless. He is just another ” tosser.” Ignoble, not honorable in character or purpose. Is it any wonder women today are avoiding marriage? Cut out the middle man, save yourself the trouble and the money. Marry your mistress and you leave a vacancy.

  • She went on TV and complained about being cast aside like a nobody after keeping his secrets! You have to see it to believe it. Or maybe someone will write the transcript and post it. It’s hard to beleive she can say this with a straight face, especially one who’s made megabucks by running companies–although their procut seems to be her ability to “influence” people. Scroll down the page for her interview.

    Elsewhere: She took selfies in his kitchen, and left her stockings on the kitchen counter, and was upset she had to leave his home 10 minutes before his wife returned.

    Jennifer Arcuri shames Boris Johnson for failing to call and casting her aside like a ‘gremlin’ on ITV’s Exposure: When Boris Met Jennifer

  • People’s appearance changes once we see their real colors. For some it makes them more attractive for others less attractive. This guy looks like a cartoon veggie tale, but maybe he’s the spaghetti noodles to the veggies.. I’m not sure?!

    I used to see the naughty twinkle in my husband eyes as endearing, now I see it as demonic. A shift in my perspective once I saw more of his true self.

  • Boris Johnson, nobody knows how many children he actually has, one ow had 2 abortions. someone asked him about his amount of children and he ignored the question. there all in private education and university, some are working, must be expensive for him. The ow your talking about she was in his then family home, eating food, and doing whatever, complaining about his cooking skills, who is she kidding. if he didn’t have money would she be interested in him. I wonder how many ow he actually has. He acts like a fool but won awards at university he went to Oxford or Cambridge, hes no fool. He actually denyed one of his children from a ow, which was sad.

  • Call me superficial, but I can’t get past his hair. Aww, did mommy not comb it before you left for school? *smh*

    • who cares about hair? He was mayor of London, now he’s PM.
      It’s not the looks, it’s “how can I rub some of your fame on me”? That’s how a sociopath thinks.

  • when you mention wife and former affair partner…. I immediately think karma.

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