Dear Chump Lady,
I would love to read your opinion on Alice Evans and how she is handling her betrayal and divorce. I’m torn between understanding her pain and thinking she has lost her dignity. I was chumped a long time ago, before the internet. I could have used your wisdom to help me navigate my horrible first marriage.
Best regards.
Linda
Dear Linda,
Several readers asked me to weigh in on this. To anyone catching up: Alice Evans is an actress and mother of two, who is in the process of a divorce from human beard scruff, Ioan Gruffudd.
Apparently, Ioan introduced his “new” much-younger girlfriend (and coworker) Bianca Wallace on Instagram.
This came as news to Alice and her daughters. And rather than do that thing centuries of obsolete wife appliances have done before — fade into the background, accept a shitty payoff, and shut up For The Children — Alice has not gone quietly.
In a scathing post, she penned: “So, it turns out that my husband, after two years of telling me I’m a bad person and I’m not exciting and he no longer wants to have sex with me and he just wants to be on set abroad – has been in a relationship for THREE years behind all our backs.”
The Other Woman was purportedly a friend. Alice asked on Twitter who knew about this and didn’t tell her?
Alice has been excoriated for processing her chumpdom publicly. Her husband humiliating her publicly, however, is tickety-boo.
Alice’s Twitter tagline reads:
“I do not sleep with married men. I do not wreck homes. I do not ruin little kids’ lives.”
Has Alice lost her dignity?
I think it’s the wrong question. Who the hell would want to live this nightmare in the glare of Hollywood tabloids? Is she making rookie chump mistakes? Sure. Who among us didn’t?
Pick me dance pro-tip: Alice, sweetheart — Ioan is not a prize. He’s a cheater. Bianca isn’t special — she’s dim and available. And easily replaceable.
Is ANYONE asking if Ioan Gruffodd acted with dignity? He’s in a contentious divorce with small children, but out there heart emoji-ing his fuckbuddy with “Thank you for making me smile again.”
Oh you poor man. Locked in a cruel tower of monogamy for years. Unable to smile. What with your leading man millions, career, stunning wife and small children… a sad sausage. And only special snatch can make you smile again.
Everyone be HAPPY for Ioan. Virile Man Dumps Old Wife for New Model!
Alice’s mistake is not going along with his narrative. Slopping her grief all over Twitter. Telling people publicly since January that he left them and abruptly filed. Months later it seems, she finds out why he left — a long-term affair. That everyone knew about, but her.
It isn’t what he did — it’s her reaction to it.
She got angry. And the world around her gaslights her that there’s nothing to be angry about. Accept this is how it is. You’re 50. She’s 20 years younger. You’re been a good birthing vessel to two children. Thank you for your service. Here’s your pink slip. Now leave, before security escorts you.
I’m going to bed now.I have about 4 hrs to sleep.
The abject CRUELTY that the media is heaping on me is crushing.
But I will NOT give up.
Fuck you tabloids.
He CHEATED ON ME while I was looking after his kids 8,000 miles away. Of course I’m furious
Watch this space, guys
— Alice Evans (@AliceEvansGruff) November 4, 2021
She has a right to her anger and he doesn’t get to downplay his evil deeds. She is telling THE truth not HER truth. And he can fuck off and continue to fuck off.
Yep, we didn’t have internet back in my Dday. But I wish I had told the whole story to anyone who asked. But I was so humiliated, I withdrew. By the time I realized it was not my shame, it was too late.
Luckily in my situation most folks knew anyway, it was a small town scandal.
Thank you, Newlady15. “Telling your truth” is a psychobabble phrase which includes a qualifier (“your”) that unnecessarily waters down a powerful concept: TRUTH.
It’s the term liars use to gaslight people.
Totally agree!
Exactly
Newlady15, thank you. Why should Alice make it comfortable for loan? Why? Alice keep talking and do so LOUDLY!
Not So Innocent
NOVEMBER 4, 2021 BLIND GOSSIP LEAVE A COMMENT
[Blind Gossip] This pretty actress is best known in the United States for two things.
The first is her marriage to a famous actor.
The second is her role on a very popular television drama series that wrapped just a few years ago.
We’re going to tell you a story that combines those two subjects in a rather unexpected way.
But first, let’s take a little side journey to a gossip story from several decades ago.
Did you ever watch The Brady Bunch? It was a cute sitcom in the 1970s about a man with three sons who married a woman with three daughters.
There was a scandalous rumor at the time that actress Florence Henderson, who played family matriarch Carole Brady, was having an affair with actor Barry Williamson, who played her teenage son, Greg Brady.
Ewww! How could you, Mrs. Brady?
Years later, Henderson and Williamson acknowledged that they had dated, but claimed it was all very innocent and “got blown out of proportion.” Maybe. But the yuck factor remained.
Now let’s get back to the story of our Actor and Actress.
They have been married for more than a decade. There are kids and houses and lots of money. Unfortunately, their love is not going to be eternal. Their marriage is over. And not in a quiet way, either!
Actor has been having an affair for the past couple of years. He wants a divorce. And Actress is now using his affair to wring out maximum publicity and maximum sympathy for herself on the road to divorce.
Barely a day goes by when Actress isn’t wailing on social media about how Actor did her wrong. Fans have rallied to her side to decry the horrible cheater she married. How dare he hurt her like that!
However, before you throw all your support behind Actress – and slam Actor for his infidelity – you might want to hear this.
Actress is not quite as innocent as she seems!
She had been married to Actor for several years when she landed a role on that popular TV drama we mentioned earlier.
While on the series, she became very close to another cast member. A rather handsome male cast member.
Everyone in the cast and crew knew she was married to [Actor] so it was a huge scandal when she started having an affair with [Cast Member]. They didn’t even try to hide it. It was common knowledge among the whole cast and crew. I doubt if her husband knew.
How long did the affair go on?
They were together the whole time she was on the series but I don’t know for sure when they broke up after she left the series. I do know that they had broken up by the time they both appeared on [a related TV series] a couple of years later.
So the next time you hear Actress cry about how upset she is that her Actor husband cheated on her, know that Actress had a steamy affair of her own during their marriage!
Are you wondering with whom she had that affair?
Well, there’s a reason we told you The Brady Bunch story.
Similar: Pumpkin Baby
Actor and Actress:
[Optional] Your prediction for the divorce (disclosure of affairs, kids, houses, money)?
Search this
I read on the internet that the poster Jellybean spreads made-up gossip about other people. And that Jellybean also had an affair. Not so innocent. If it’s gossip on the internet (especially from a site known for its lack of fact checking and nastiness toward female celebs) it must be true.
[Sarcasm]
Thank you for this!
Brilliant!
I hope you and your girls come through this nightmare relatively unscathed. Not tolerating Fuckwits is an awesome thing to model for your girls. Wanna screw strange? That’s fine – when you are legally separated and heading to a divorce (when married) or untangling lives PRIOR to seeking the pleasures of another person (if unmarried).
Get an awesome lawyer, get tested for STIs, BE THE SANE PARENT, do NOT fall for the RIC/Esther Perel brand of bullshit and hold your head high.
Be well.
I have kept my texts, messages, pictures from my D-Day. Its interesting if you put my social media posts, his (and her) social media posts, our private messages, conversations with friends into a timeline, you can see a person falling apart, dealing with what is happening and changing through the process.
Sometimes by accident, I come across a photo on my phone or a facebook memory and I look at a snapshot of my emotions on that day and I’m quite pleased that through my confusion and pain, i remained pretty strong.
The timeline is quite interesting and if I did lay it out and publish it in a big timeline-book then I think it would help people see the other side of infidelity a bit more clearly and maybe have a laugh too because some of my anger is quite witty and his explanations are awful!
I would not want to do this because of privacy, and backlash. Maybe when I’m older. I certainly would not have done this is real time as it was happening.
Alice is sort of doing that though, laying out a live-action timeline. I don’t think it lacks dignity, i think its HONEST and bare and interesting. She’s giving away her truth and ultimately she doesn’t control what happens after it is out in the world. I think this is a small step in changing the narrative. Well done to her
I don’t know who these people are, but is he on a show called “Liar”? ????????????
Yes, he was on that show!!!
He cheated, she did not. She has a right to express her anger at the situation just like all the other Chumps in the world. Poor sad sausage, she is not doing a great pick me dance or just going deep under wraps to keep his secret. Alice s right on the money- what he did is cruel. Keep up the good work Alice and expose the cheater as he exposed you to heartache and disease.
Male chump here and I say good on her. Telling your story is the only way that this shit gets a voice. Also, I can’t understand why it gets lost in the narrative that another woman was(always is) more than willing to have an affair with a married man. Yes, he’s scum, so is she.
I also wonder to why it’s also the narrative that you shouldn’t be mad at the OM/OW who willingly participated in your abuse knowing that the person was married and had commitments. It’s one thing if they didn’t know and once found out left them but it’s another if they knew and continued to get off on screwing you over. Yes I get that shitstain of a piece of garbage “spouse” made a commitment to you however, you have every right to feel anger at the person who participated in the dissolution of your marriage.
Agreed. As a man, the one thing you don’t do is F’ with another mans family even though it obviously happens. I don’t get that same sense from the female perspective but maybe I’m wrong.
Reasons to focus on the spouse:
– the vows are between the married persons, not the somewhat irrelevant ow/om
– if it wasn’t ow/om ‘A’, it would have been ow/om ‘B’, ow/om ‘C’, etc
– getting angry at the ow/om sets up the pick me dance scenario
very true – but I could not live knowing he had no consequences. He owed me nothing but he knew what he was doing and risking.
I understand, and I have no problem with you going after him. I do believe that there’s a bias against women, however – and that women have to be more strategic about their messaging. A woman going after the ow, rather than the ex, buys into the classic ‘she’s bitter’, ‘such a hag, no wonder her husband had an affair’, ‘just move on’, ‘cat fight’ narratives. It sets up the two women pick me dance while the ex just sits back and enjoys the show.
Am I wrong? I don’t recall seeing this narrative among men.
you are right but it’s bad for both of us in different ways. Other guys look on chump men very harshly, always a bit of a snigger I think, whereas women seem to be more supportive of each other. I cant talk about it to my male friends – just wouldn’t work.
Dude-ette,
Ex-Mrs LFTT’s AP new exactly what he was getting into when she contacted him via FaceBook; he’s twice divorced and knew that she was married with 3 kids. It didn’t stop him for a second and I judge him accordingly. That said, I didn’t engage with him at all – social media or otherwise – and while it’s now been 6+ years post-D Day, I’m still yet to meet him/communicate with him. I would hope that my silence speaks volumes; he is not worthy of my engagement.
What I did do was use the content of both of their social media public profiles to prove in court that Ex-Mrs LFTT was lying over a number of key areas that were in dispute and holding up the Divorce being finalised. I got a very favourable settlement (and custody of the kids amongst other things) as a result.
While it would have been satisfying in the short term to have gone after him on social media (or perhaps with a cricket bat), I took a more strategic/long term view and it paid off in spades in my case.
Anyway, they now live together and I’m confident that she’ll do to him what she did to the kids and I at some point; I don’t need to get even with him, as she’s bound to do it for me at some point – and it will probably be far worse than anything that I could inflict on him. If he’s not nervous, then he should be, because (as I found out to my cost) she is a very accomplished liar, very manipulative and – shall we say – financially creative to a quite astonishing extent.
LFTT
My moral compass and knowledge of boundaries/etiquette/appropriate behavior means
1) cheating on my partner is wrong.
2) being an affair partner is wrong.
If I’m in a relationship I don’t cheat.
If someone is in a relationship they are unavailable and off limits to me.
Period.
Well, I’m one of those that puts full blame on BOTH my STBX and his Troll of a whore because she purposely goes after/gets with married men, fully knowing their relationship status. STBX even told me that she told him she “wasn’t getting with anymore married men” then proceeded to fuck around with him.
It was during all of this amazing discovery that STBX also admitted to fucking multiple married women prior to our relationship. He said a friend of his told him to not feel guilty about it because he wasn’t the one cheating on anyone. Apparently, being complicit in destroying someone else’s relationship is just no biggie. A “whatevs”, if you will. It’s not *your* marriage so fuck it!
I hold no grudges when the AP genuinely had no idea and then ends their part in the fuckery. Someone who knowingly goes along with it, however, deserves any ill feelings and contempt that they receive.
I still fully blame STBX 100% for being the piece of garbage that he is.
His Troll whore is just that and that’s obviously all she’ll ever be as my STBX wasn’t the first and definitely won’t be the last. She’ll get hers eventually.
yup they are both to blame. Doesnt diminish the guilt of the spouse but no-one can think the AP doesn’t deserve what’s coming. Best revenge is actually if they get together. Can you imagine how dysfunctional that relationship would be? They need to turn a fantasy into reality. Let me know how that works out!!
Amen. Not saying that female-cheater-male-chump situations are any less awful but in he-cheater/she-chump/she-shmoop circumstances, the money usually goes one way: out of joint marital accounts into the gaping yaws and grasping paws of Shmoopies.
It’s defineably embezzlement. As in cases where someone is receiving stolen property, playing ignorant won’t legally cut it since the recipient “should have known” the origins of the stolen assets. I think it should be a sue-able offense. Then femsle chumps can say (while batting their eyes and snickering behind a lacy hanky) “Oh I’m not mad, y’all, just replenishing the kids’ stolen college funds…”
Witting co-cheaters are always proxy abusers. I think it’s absolutely fine to despise them. Starving narcs of attention is always good clean fun so that’s a solid option. Calling them out publicly is fun too. I don’t blame the actress chump a bit.
It is often possible to recover funds spent on the affair. This requires discovery and documentation, but in many places the money spent on the AP is not considered a “legitimate marital expense” and is excluded from division of the marital assets at the time of divorce.
I didn’t encounter this personally, but AP spent a fair amount on my spouse and his wife got that money excluded before they divvied up their assets. Of course, the funds are recovered from the cheater’s share of the marital assets (not from the OW).
That’s the issue I had with it– that dissipated assets are recovered from FWs, not the APs who gobbled them up. Taking them all from the FW– who are typically playing poor to begin with and tend to go deadbeat– just reduces the general joint asset pot from which to draw child and spousal support. But, in my imagined scenario, chums could sue APs outside family court with its often absurd constraints and lack of enforcement.
You’ve made me aware of the wrinkle in my imaginary scenario that the AP may also have been married and might– if the law allowed chumps to sue APs– have to drain funds slotted for their own children to pay back their share of what was spent on booze, grub, hotels, gifts, etc., in the course of an affair.
Like anything else, there are hitches and caveats. But it would certainly dissincentivize APs from accepting stolen assets a bit if the law allowed chumps to recoup. We can daydream.
I agree. Call it ‘bro code’ or whatever, I just could not imagine moving in on another man’s wife and breaking up someone’s family. I think any woman of virtue would feel the same way.
Unfortunately there are plenty of creeps out there, male and female, who have no such sense of honour or integrity. They have no idea, and ultimately don’t even care, how much pain and devastation their selfishness causes to the chumped person and their children.
Chumps can be angry at everyone–the cheater, the AP, the enablers, the fake Switzerland “friends,” and anyone who knew and didn’t tell them.
The ticket, though, is not to blame the AP for being some irresistible hunk of burning love that poor sad sausage or sausagette can’t resist. That’s the road to the pick-me dance. That’s the “wayward” spouse narrative that suggests cheaters aren’t agents making actual decisions but rather critters who can easily be led astray by magical lady-parts or man-parts.
Exactly this. It’s not “don’t be mad at the AP”, it’s avoiding the trap of being mad primarily at the AP because that’s emotionally safer than putting full responsibility on the spouse for cheating.
And then this woman posted a picture/I feel mocking the soon to be ex-wife. Sorry. But what was the reason for them both/minutes apart to post such an image at that moment? There’s a reason. I think we know the answer to that though. Remember, Alice nor their daughters knew about this girl. This is how they found out. In my estimation, the man is beyond vile, weak, and dum b. He must think this girl is with him for his talent. LOL
I know it’s not what is recommended here but as a male chump I went after him. Posted everywhere about his Ashleymadisson account and sent his dating profile to his wife who threw him out of their very nice home. Sent stuff to his HR dept. He’s coming up 60, now lives in a small apartment and life blown up. Really really not sorry.
I am so proud of you! This is what we should all be doing. Why do we let adulterers and APs walk away unscathed? One of my FW’s APs was a married woman who specifically targets married men and then tells the wife. This wife told her husband, specifically provided him with a list of all the marriages she’d interfered with that I could discover. Oh, it was satisfying!
I can imagine it was! I think this shitty behaviour continues in part because no-one stands up to it or calls it out. Im all for a new great life an all but no way am I pretending this shit didn’t happen and not speaking out. Ive got three teenage kids who just live with me now and I am sad they don’t have a proper family. Makes me mad that people think they can get away with this shit. Have a great day y’all.
” Why do we let adulterers and APs walk away unscathed? ”
They shouldn’t be able to walk away. I support anyone getting the truth out there.
That is really all they need to do, they don’t need to confront the AP or even the cheater; just get the story out there. And if they think they need to confront, as long as they are within the law and their own boundaries; go for it.
I like your style.
I have a few properties that I rent out to skiers. About 10 years ago I rented one of the chalets to professionals, teachers, lawyers, etc. (all married couples) that absolutely trashed the place and left the windows open with below zero temps when they left. The husband of the couple I had dealt with directly was a school teacher in Cambridge MA. His wife’s mother worked for a Mayor in a seaside town. So when I emailed him about the damage, he called me the “C” word and also a “country bumpkin”. Al lot of other insults were hurled as well but those two stuck out. Truth be told I took more issue with the “country bumpkin” insult. I think he was under the impression I was raised in the area which is very rural. His emails were obnoxious/vile and I stayed professional. Then I got busy. I printed out all the emails and sent them to just about everyone that worked at his school plus the superintendent. I then sent the emails to his mother-in-law at the Mayor’s office and I think a few others, can’t remember all of them. Of course the school got back to me and said they would look into it but it was a personal matter blah blah blah. Then his wife (pregnant at the time) called, very upset, offered to pay for the damages and sent a check. Just a guess but I’m betting they are now divorced. The guy was a complete jerk .
It’s not slander and it’s not liable if it’s the truth. There is a poster whose blog has been on for probably 10 years. Her husband cheated with his high school sweetheart and she found out and went public. I mean really public, like national magazines public. They took her to court trying to make her stop but she did not print one thing that was not true. She made her point and she has a good life and I guess they do.
????????????????????????????????
You are my hero.
Are you saying this will be his future? If so, know this B is an all around girl. I knew her from school days. She will not stick around. I am surprised they are 18 months in already. She must want something, acting career maybe. But she does this often, irritate wives and move right along to the next, and the next, and the next and the cycle keep repeating itself. Being doing this for years. That’s why she was available. It’s a trend with her, always.
I went to his house and handed his wife all the evidence – emails, texts, photos. They were going to go on a trip to Mexico the next day. That must have been fun!
Then a call to his HR.
Right? This defending the OW shit is ridiculous. Of course she didn’t make any vows to you/us, but vows are not required to be a decent human being. She is a low life alley cat. Same applies to OM. Apologies to alley cats, who don’t have the cognitive ability to be anything but an alley cat. The OW/OM don’t have that excuse.
Just as she owes us nothing, we owe her nothing, least of all any respect.
Thanks, Susie Lee, I absolutely agree. Particularly when they know the FW is married. His AP even complained in a text that he wasn’t dumping me and our son for her, even though they had been together for 2+ years (compared to almost 30 years of marriage). But after I found that text, things happened pretty quickly. Glad I could help, bitch.
But twu luv only lasts so long, so I’m guessing she’s out scouting for other targets to help her advance her career. Just as I was only so useful to him, he was only so useful to her. Karma.
One thing that’s funny to me in my own situation is that STBX’s Troll was triangulating him and some other guy – while he was triangulating me and her.
I’d bet my right arm she’ll want nothing to do with him now that he’s going to be single. God how I wish I could get the name of her affair partner she was with when she started talking to STBX because I’d track him down and find out who his wife is and blow his shit up on the spot.
And, yes. She was still involved with her other, married AP (multi-year affair that she bragged to STBX about) when she started fucking around with STBX. AND! The other AP isn’t even the guy she was triangulating STBX with later on! That was a totally different guy that she’d been triangulating with the previous AP, then switched it up and triangulated HIM with STBX.
And STBX had zero qualms continuing on with her.
And this is why I’m moving out and moving on. I want nothing to do with any of these people.
Yikes! Imagine the STDs going around in that cesspool! Glad you took yourself out of the equation, they’re a disordered lot!
I don’t make vows to the stores I shop in. That doesn’t give me the right to shoplift.
Vows are not a requirement of respecting boundaries.
If someone is in a relationship, they are not available to date and are off limits. A committed relationship is a boundary. It’s a boundary for all the parties in the established committed relationship.
Agree!
????????????????????
Even though he’s a scum bag I also agree that the other woman should be held accountable as well. They are both scums.
I’m a huge believer in speaking your truth and telling everyone you can think of the facts of what happened. Remaining silent only benefits the cheater. If we continue to STFU about what happened, we are buying into the narrative that it’s humiliating to be cheated on or left, and we are voluntarily reducing the price of cheating, which makes it more likely to happen. Silence = death. I think Alice Evans is a hero.
Absolutely. He wants to paint himself as a victim and have nobody say any diffrent. She is laying out what actually happened and he does not seem to like it.
And it’s not going to make a difference in her settlement. She’ll get what is rightfully and legally due. Good for Alice – my hero of the week!
Alice is so strong! She just don’t know it. Rooting for you dear. It will all be okay.
I agree with this. This is a question I pondered but how do you speak with truth without being perceived as bitter by the masses? I know some people may express empathy/sympathy for our plights but there is the other camp that feels you are bitter and to get over it because the asshole found “twu wuv”.
FreeFromW, You speak very truthfully and just lay out the facts. You avoid throwing in a ton of extreme adjectives. You maintain a calm tone. If someone says “you sound bitter,” you say “of course I’m bitter and angry that I was lied to and exposed to sexually transmitted diseases without my consent. How do you usually react to being lied to and exposed to sexually transmitted diseases without your consent?” That should shut them up. Plus, we have to stop being afraid of being called bitter. That’s how cheaters and their flying monkeys keep us in our place.
Or you don’t take up the word, “bitter”: “it’s not ‘bitter’ to be angry that I was lied to and my family broken apart. It’s not ‘bitter’ to be exposed to STDs without my consent. It’s not ‘bitter’ to be angry that my kids are suffering.”
Well said, Falconchump. I say Alice has every right to feel and react the way she does. In fact, I think she’s gracious many a times. Me, once I reached a certain stage it all out, baby.
Yes FreeFromFW people meaning friends and family will call you bitter, angry, unable to forgive and that’s where even more unbearable pain comes in. But here again you and only you are the decider. What can you live with? There are some who seem to be able to put it all behind them and move on. In my opinion they are either good actors or completely delusional. I think we are all standing on the shoulders of the giants who had the guts to be the first ones to go against all the ” proper advice for our own good ” and sing like a bird. I had no desire to cover up his serial lies, cheating, and demeaning treatment of me and our children. But you will have to cut off many who you thought loved you. I hope you find peace.
My therapist made me practice saying things to make sure they came out all right. She was looking for a calm tone, and a short and sweet sentence. She would stop me if it was too angry sounding or too long winded. But I was 4 years out by then. For example:
“I can see why you were fooled: I was married to him for 21 years and I was fooled too”
“Yes, we both made mistakes; I left the cupboard doors open and he was meeting men off of craigslist in hotel rooms”
“I am really ok I that I pay him alimony; he never graduated from college and hasn’t worked in 20 years. Completely unable to support himself…”
“Once you see photos of your husband posing in your Hanky Panky thong, you can never wear Hanky Panky’s again – so sad, and I LOVED that brand”
BITTER = Being In Totally Truthful Emotional Reality.
Yes, I am bitter. And appropriately so.
I always think of this scene from Moneyball, which I love, whenever this topic comes up.
https://youtu.be/D59Oh8sQFSM
Those who confront the narrative get attacked. Messengers get shot. The way of the mavericks and the trailblazers is light years more difficult than taking the well-worn low road.
I have a Twitter account but I don’t use it. I am a social media minimalist. But I am VERY son board with supporting Alice and am never going to criticize any chump reaction, short of murder or suicide, which is tragic and not the way to go (but having experienced the pain of infidelity I understand why it happens).
Maybe Chump Nation needs to flood her Twitter account with links to Chump Lady and LACGAL on Amazon?
Jumping into the spotlight with her seems very appropriate to me.
I may post on Twitter for the first time ever.
Once again, funny how the cheater can soul-murder you, post it on social media, and the soul-homicide victim better shut up according to the perpetrator and the public.
Fuck the conventional stupidity. I am going through the wall with Alice and any other victim of infidelity.
I am happy to be the little boy in The Emperor’s New Clothes.
I believe in a Higher Power I choose to call God and God loves the truth.
IMHO
Here’s her Instagram.
Flood it with Chump Lady’s website address.
I am very active on Twitter – I will tweet her a link to LACGAL. I won’t tweet a link to this blog; hopefully she can discover it. I don’t want us all exposed like that.
https://instagram.com/aliceevansgruff?utm_medium=copy_link
So sad… It happened to me. I don’t wish this pain on anyone.
????????????????????
New name proposal here:
Ioan Gruffuckedup.
My hero ????
Go, Alice!!!
More celebrity chumps need to speak up. In so doing, perhaps the narrative will change. Perhaps people will see the pain caused by infidelity; they’ll see that the kids get hurt, too. Cheating is not romantic or funny nor is it a victimless “crime.”
Expose the motherf**kers!
Speak of the pain.
Correction:
WTF. I shouldn’t have put quotation marks around the word crime.
Out him Alice. You say what you bloody well like and you sing it from the rooftops.
‘Thank you for making me smile again’. He needs a punch just for that. Mine had similar heart eye faceD emoji’s on insta, like a fucking 12 year old.
Alice hope you are reading these posts. I second Newlady15, he should just continue to fuck off.
PS – I am not a twitterer but anyone who is, please do send her link so she can feel the power and support of the Chump Nation.
Done!
Yeah, that part made me gag. My ex did a lot of weird, sentimental stuff like that too. Some of it covert via his YouTube channel and Instagram, before I knew anything about the long term affairs. Although, as in Evans’ case, I was the last to know, which makes this garbage all the more cruel and violating.
FW also played up the long-suffering sad sausage cheater angle. In an email to one of his “dim, available and easily replaceable” young APs (thanks, CL, for the apt characterization), he wrote, “I’ve been thinking every day for four years, why can’t I just go see her, hug her, and be happy?” I laughed (and cried) when I read that because he’s a phony slimeball. Right, he was thinking that about this random, near-stranger while he was fucking other random near-strangers. Smooth, buddy. And if he was… yikes, even scarier and more delusional.
Alice, this is the first I’ve heard of you or your situation. But I clicked the link above and while I am so sad for you and your daughter (nice Halloween costume btw!) you’re now one of my heroes! Everything you say is perfectly principled and devastatingly snarky. It’s a pleasure to read your witty dismantling of the attacks on you. My guess is that each one of them is a cheater or a cheater f*ckbuddy rationalizing their existence. Hang in there you wonderful woman and mother!
“Thank you for making me puke again.”
I’m joining Instagram so I can post support messages to her. I love what she did.
I approve! These cheaters need to be exposed, especially the women who KNOW they are pursuing a married man with children.
Sorry, but a lot of this is not accurate. They separated back in January; he filed for divorce in March. The Instagram post with the new girlfriend went up last week. He definitely did not dump Alice Evans via Instagram.
Evans herself said that she had never seen the woman in the Instagram photo; they were not friends. She also said herself that she hadn’t spoken to her ex in 11 months. She was advised by her lawyers not to tweet, etc.
We don’t know the half of what’s going on here, but those facts are established, in Alice Evans’ own words.
From what I can tell from the stories and her Twitter, yes, they separated in January and when he announced the Bianca relationship in October, that’s when she put it together they’d been having a long-term affair.
The daughter was on Instagram and that’s how she found out about the “new” woman as well. Thus her fury.
I clarified the text. She learned of the discard earlier, but of the girlfriend on Instagram.
So, if she just found out that the timeline of factual events is not as he said and that he had been cheating (a common experience for those cheated on and common behavior of cheaters) the cheaters are excused?
My understanding of the situation is that she just discovered a timeline of events that differs from what he had been telling her.
That’s happened to almost everyone here and if true does not excuse the parties in an illicit affair.
I think this thing is complicated. It’s brutal that she was cheated on, and in a very similar way to many people here.
However social media is a powerful force. People commit suicide for even for a fraction of the humiliation or shame (earned or not earned). What if the husband or Ow ever does that down the road of time because of the public excoriation? I think that should always be a consideration even during the worst of our own victimization.
While there is extremely legitimate anger, I think she’s using her use of social media to discharge her rage and hurt is imo going too far. While the husband, father should never have cheated, she’s doing harm to her kids in a way that isn’t dilutable. Even if she is 100% telling the truth, her own choices are publicly hijacking those kids into a corner.
It’s complicated because of the poor way cheating and relational abuse and court related injustices continue.
When I look at her twitter account she very much has attention seeking qualities, dominant personailty- and I don’t mean strong. I’m not so sure she is behaving like the sane parent.
It is not a condemnation of her, but the impact of misjudgements amplified by social media and the destruction of her own kids privacy may prove more costly than she thinks.
Yes I agree it’s complicated.
As Mr. CL says about court, “If it feels good, don’t do it.”
I have a whole rookie mistake section in the book about not writing manifestos.
And yet, I’m keenly aware of what happens when there’s a vacuum of chump narrative. To me, the interesting question is — why is she bearing the brunt of disapproval, disproportionately to her cheating, social media over-sharing soon-to-be-ex?
I hope she has a good attorney advising her.
I think part of the issue is that the law needs to change. A betrayed spouse should be able to sue the party at fault for the trauma imposed on their family from lying in addition of taking financial resources away. Public humiliation should not be acceptable either and people inflicting it to the injured party should get sued. Unfortunately since cheating is so widely socially accepted, and laws were probably written by cheaters in the first place, there is nothing protecting chumps at a time they are their most vulnerable. That’s what laws should do though IMHO. If there were consequences for such actions it wouldn’t so easy and widely accepted.
FuckThatShit I agree totally! You expressed it well.
“[W]hy is she bearing the brunt of disapproval, disproportionately to her cheating, social media over-sharing soon-to-be-ex?”
This is what bothers me. Some people think it’s fine for Schmoopies to put their “love” all over Facebook, Instagram and other social media sites. It’s fine for the kids to see that or learn why Mom or Dad left when they see the new partner on social media.
Such a good point. Yes, OW’s love to advertise how they were the “chosen” one.
They are so proud that Cheater left his wife and destroyed his family for them – that they need to advertise it on social media. Look at the beautiful flowers he gave me minutes after they separated, look at the beautiful vacation we took, look at the gifts he gave me, look how happy we are.
Such narcissists. And the slimy men who dump their wives for these usually 10 plus yrs younger cheating partners, are proud to be publicly adored by the ‘woman who likes to fuck other people’s husbands’.
That is the interesting question, but that’s not the part that the chump has any control over. The part that the chump has control over is stating factual information about what the cheater did. And I support that 100%. It’s like the Me Too movement and sexual abuse survivors speaking up – there is power in shining a light on the abuse and refusing to own any sense of shame about being victimized. Keep it utterly factual, literally review everything you say about it word for word as though you were going to be sued for deformation, and then let it rock.
argh, “sued for defamation”. I need to teach my autocorrect some new words 🙂
Hi Cl,
She does have a lawyer and has stated she’s locked in divorce proceedings. Don’t think she’s listening.
From looking at her twitter feed she’s getting a lot of pro truth telling support and people only seeing this only a feminist, take no shit situation. They are looking at the part of her life they can relate to. But she is abusive herself in some of responses. calling people cunts, twats at small hints of criticism. Other of her posts completely unrelated to the cheating are steeped in look at me, asshole traits. She pours love on people who praise her and dehumanizing labels on people who say anything but.
There are a few voices out there telling her to scale back becuase of custody proceedings/ perceptions and she mocks them.
I feel sorry for the kids. They don’t even have the breathing space of anonymity now.
As I wrote in my column, I can’t imagine going through D-Day in any public way, because I was temporarily deranged. I think, as hard as it is, chumps should be strategic about how and when they tell, especially when they’re in the middle of litigation and a custody battle. I absolutely understand why her anger is resonating with people who’ve eaten the shit sandwiches, and choked them down.
I agree completely with Lisa’s observations.
Alice very clearly says she will not be silenced, so she has no problem going through this so that all of Hollywood can see. Who is condoning Ioan’s behavior? Are the masses trying to silence her? I see the opposite and would bet any support of his cheating is a minority position. But if we say something enough, it somehow becomes reality to a lot of people.
Cyber-shaming can have deadly consequences…We don’t know a person’s mental state. If you’re doing it as an adult (with laughing emojis, screenshots of accounts, calling out people you think are against you), then you’re showing your kids that it’s okay…and kids are dying by suicide over this kind of shit. And for that reason, I’m not down with it. But I suppose there are people out there that don’t care.
If she thinks her behavior isn’t impacting her own girls, shes so wrong. They are young, impressionable, and developing psychologically..and this can follow them into adulthood.
Just because Ioan may have fucked-up doesn’t mean that all of her actions get a pass. But try to suggest that she be more measured and be met with insults and defiance as though you are trying to shut her up. Are you a woman and don’t agree with her approach? Get crucified by her and her followers for being a woman who doesn’t support other women. How dare we think for ourselves…
This even after you have read the article above this is your response? Say, you didn’t know the story and has only “seen some of her tweets”, which I think is well executed (with minor spelling errors here and there like “if” for “for etc.” speeding I presume), witty, and seep in raw emotion? I mean people like you never fails. It’s just boggles the mind. Really. No wonder loan treats her like crap because apparently his behaviors is acceptable in some societies. WOW!
They were fine until 18 months ago when he met this girl. I know the girl BTW, she’ll be on her next soon. But that aisde. He changed. Gaslight his wife mercilessly…. then finally told her he didn’t love her anymore. Two months before that he posted “I am the luckiest man alive to have this amazing wife”. Blocked her from ALL communication with him on ALL mediums/they used to talked three times a day up to. He failed to let her know he met someone but instead unblock her minutes before posting the photo of his new girl/the new girlfriend also post the same photo of them with love emojis within minutes. Alice is someone he lived with for 20+ years and have two young children with. I could go on and on but some people will never get it apparently, which is sad as hell. Jacked up society we live that’s for sure.
????
The commonaliites of these cheaters is frustrating and horrifying.
Folks we have to get that information out there in whatever venue we can. Women who are about to get blindsided need to know the commune plays. I could have saved myself about six months of abject hell if I had been more aware.
It wasn’t possible then, but now we have social media and it is. It isn’t for the cheaters it is for the baby chumps and those who have yet to discover they are chumps.
Think of how many of them will find out just today alone.
And just like my fw they will find out just weeks or months after the cheater has been praising them and using up the chumps last bit of use to them before Dday.
An example I will give is that my fw called me a few weeks after he left me for the whore and he had filed (at my request to separate our finances). He wanted to come back and “try again”. I was broken, hurt, humiliated and I let him come back; because in my limited world of cheating I just knew he really loved me and I would get my life back.
Man if I knew then what I know now. I know exactly what I would have done. I would have said. Ok, call the preacher and have him get you into IC, and when you have figured out why you treated me like shit under your shoe, and you figure out just what you need to do to show me you deserve another chance; the preacher can give me a call and we can talk.
But, no I was desperate, I knew nothing of cheater tactics. We can’t save them all, but we can darn well for warn and help some of them.
I let the snake back in my life and within a week; I had to kick him out for his abuse against me. He only came back to get use of our car and to present a “reconciliation” to the community. That is how much I mattered as a human being and the mother of his son.
She’s mouthy in general. She came out against Weinstein very early. https://youtu.be/6tCOgzN3XEY
As far as the kids, maybe she knows them better than bystanders. I get the bit about the optics and divorce amd custody politics but your earlier warning that FW and AP might get suicidal if exposed slides too close to supporting the typical DARVO campaigns of FWs who typically use that clinging-from-a-ledge type of emotional blackmail during affairs and play victim-to-their-victims to control and paralyze chumps. That typical threat is one of several elements that make cheating akin to battering.
I worry a bit that this actress may be having a nervois breakdown but, taken individually, I don’t see her actions as wrong.
It’s basic human regard and trying not to be a domino in a volatile situation-not a defense of Ioan or his side piece.
It’s not the same as a manipulator bringing that up to shackle/ disempower his victim. Every religion talks about foresight and consequences. Nobody gets a pass. It’s a real possibilty and nothing is lost in consideration of that
Her vlogging about Ioan being a bastard father is short sighted. Kids love both their parents fiercely, whether alchololics, depressed, abusive. Her daughter is going to read about him sticking his dick in a babe half his age. She goes off on people calling them cunts and twats who disagree. Her 12 year old and her peers are reading that shit, that’s not okay. She trolls and mocks people on subjects completed unrelated to the cheating.
Why does she get sainthood and zero reasonable expectations because she was cheated on?
I’ve seen narcissism blogs and youtubers saying they hope that narcissits kill themselves, get cancer or parkinsons’s. How does that create a better world?
I understand trauma, reactive abuse, and that is not what I am speaking of.
She’s using social media to discuss how she missed working while she stayed at home with the kids. Her kids are gonna read that think ” mommy really wished to be somewhere else all these years” Daddy doesn’t show up anymore, so who really wants us?
That’s how children metabolize things. They blame themselves. That’s why her using twitter as therapy and vomiting her own adult issues should be done in private, and not publically at this early stage. Do you think her kids want the world to know they are inconsolable? Little kids have rights, they have natures. If she has an an introvert this will be like acid on a wound.
She isn’t magically immune from hurting her own kids.
They will end up parentified, being Mommy’s therapist and warriors. 8 and 12 years old.
Narcissists killing themselves absolutely would make a better world. That would be absolutely wonderful once we cleaned up the bodies.
Even if her version is phony so is his. She has a good attorney. I think the divorce is far enough along that it’s safe to be online and she’s willing to take any slap on the wrist to put her version out there. Just like he’s trying to control his narrative.
She gave up her career. Her Instas and Tweets will never impact his earnings potential the way that quitting to raise kids have hers. Sing it sister!
For all of us middle-aged stay at home parents who never would have made that choice without the promises of a fraud.
If you a perpetrator who breaks the law, it’s sometimes in the news and part of public record. Why excuse perpetrators of the first degree trauma they cause their victims?
Not to mention the victims of infidelity who commit suicide or homicide, or at least feel like it.
I guess it bothers me to be so concerned about the feelings of those that deliberately and intentionally acted with no consideration of the massive trauma they inflicted on their families.
I think if you decide hurt someone you shouldn’t get to hide.
TYPO..
“Why shield the perpetrators from any consequence of the first degree trauma they deliberately inflict on their victims?”
Velvet Hammer,
I love your postings. You have tons of empathy, strength and wisdom. And that is the beautiful reality/ answer to your question.
It is because we were imbued somehow (God? Universe? Evolution?) with a large dose of those foundations of character. Who would we be if we weren’t so careful. We’d be just like the people who could hurt us so badly.
It matters because we are imbued with strength and decency that weaker,more shallow, and short term thinking fuckers who harm don’t possess.
And I don’t say these things of a sacchrine, fairy tale like faith, I see life as a blunt motherfucker mostly. But revenge fantasies must reside in the head . Humans are particulary adept at confusing justice with revenge. And I think Alice is doing that.
I have been made homeless, tortured by proxy for years, and live with constant food shortage. So my life costs are high.
Either Alice doesn’t have a Mr. CL in her life to wisely advise her (not just for the court aspect but to reorient to healthier choices) OR she doesn’t listen. I think the latter is the case. She has admitted she is in divorce proceedings.
The psychological, spiritual, financial damage that happens when a family unit shattered in this way needs a sea change in how it is dealt with. No question,
But it also needs a public face of decency and defensible actions. Alice is extracting vengeance not justice, using social media to triangulate her kids’ suffering as pawns
saying their father has forgotten he has them”. That will break and ossify their hearts in a different kind of way. Yes, many cheaters abandon their kids, but you don’t put that out there when they are little.
I don’t see her as a wise and ethically acting face for this. Some of the backlash may seem like apathy and people may not word it correctly or in an intellectual way with statements like “airing your dirty laundry”. Many people instinctively know that there are high costs. It is the kids.
It is also why most people comment with screennames here- to protect their kids psyches, privacy and to prevent a whole bunch of other fallout.
Alice’s particular choices seem attention seeking, and add to the bullshit emotional damge the father catalyzed and will actually entrench the old stereotypes of the aggreived partner.
And she’s clever, she knows she making some impulsive decisions but is hell bent on conflating that with a mental health issues and triangulating support. And siccing the world at large on her ex.
“it also needs a public face of decency and defensible actions. Alice is extracting vengeance not justice, using social media to triangulate her kids’ suffering”
Lisa, I respectfully disagree, 1000%. Children whose parents are in the public eye, especially, suffer from PR attempts to create that “public face of decency” when private decency is absent. Those kids then end up getting gaslit not only by their family, but by the world at large, telling them how great their privately shitty parent is. Evans is doing exactly the right thing. She is speaking the truth, not trying to sugarcoat it. That’s exactly the kind of role-modelling that’s required to raise kids with integrity.
Can it descend into nastiness? Yes. But it hasn’t at this point. The truth itself might feel nasty, but that truth was not created by Evans. It was created by three years of her husband’s ongoing choices.
Ontheotherhand,
I totally get what you are saying.
Part of the problem is thay there is truly a chump scenario here. Her husband is an asshole.
Imo upholding privacy and having discretion for the kids psychological health does equate to gaslighting, They can and should know the truth within their circle-family and friends, whomever locally. That takes care of the gaslighting. But to blow this up globally and have it tattoeed on social media, that has ramifications that aren’t worth it for the only 2 souls who don’t have agency in this situation.
Children don’t ask for the cheating, nor being potentially a weapon in divorce. The kids’ world has been shattered by the husband but the mother has blown it up to scale.
Their privacy matters more than what the world thinks or doesn’t think about either parent, or the actual unfolding of what went down. They are forever cut jn half by both parents’ immaturity.
CL rightly endorses not making the kids have to choose sides, Evans has narcissistic traits if you look further into her stuff, she’s flippant, arrogant.
Her ex has moved on in typical textbook style. She’s driving the knife into him with social media. Both are wrong.
So there’s there some deliberation confusion going on here.
If Evans had even corrected the public record, with a sbort statement, sarcastic or not tnat would be one thing. This will be a spectacle.
She’s posting things, while not even looking sober, and tweeting that he put his “d**k in a babe half hiis age. It is nasty already. Her kids should not be subject to this.
* does not equate.
correction
Him being online himself is attention grabbing and certainly not in the best interest of his children. He’s not even divorced and he’s professing his love for another woman that he recently met. Where is your disdain for him not keeping his narrative private? Why is she being held to a higher standard?
I called him an asshole who shattered his kids lives.
How does having 2 parents behaving like assholes help the kids? Mediators and judges don’t take that lightly .
Social media is powerful. It’s like a public stoning. I get her wanting consequences but they have to be comparable and just.
If some guy on the street starts assaulting another guy ( who happens to have a black belt in martial arts) The guy with the black belt can’t just maim him because he was trespassed first.
Social media influence can be deadly. She’s using it inappropriately.
Restraint isn’t a dirty word.
Exactly. And regarding the children, I applaud anyone who models to their children the reality that there are consequences for bad behavior. Public embarassment is the least of it. And I think it’s mean to kids if you just allow the cheater to spin the “we just grew apart” narrative. How fragile & scary is that? That at any moment people in their lives could just walk out for no reason? It makes much more sense to say, “Your [father/mother] broke a really important promise [he/she] made to me that’s part of marriage. We can’t be married anymore.” and explain anything further as age-appropriate to the child.
Idk, it’s like saying don’t prosecute thieves because a criminal record will shame them
You choose the act you get the consequences
People used to be made to wear a scarlet letter A when caught out in adultery
Mitz, I agree, my “exactly” was to an earlier comment in support of Ms. Evans. It got placed here after Lisa’s comments, which I disagree with. Sorry to be confusing 🙂
The facts as they were reported in different quarters were confusing. For instance, at first glance, it seems like they’re divorced. But officially they’re still married; the divorce hasn’t finished yet. What a shock it must have been to find the truth about a GF announced publicly on social media.
https://twitter.com/AliceEvansGruff/status/1455995868813807617
“Is ANYONE asking if Ioan Gruffodd acted with dignity?”
Yes, this is the frustrating part. When the world (either a bigger celebrity world or a your own neighborhood of friends and family) watches a marriage explode because there was a cheating FW involved, they’re watching for how the chump will react. Will she blow up publicly or swallow hard and weep?
Whatever she does or however she reacts, well… it’s going to be “wrong.” That’s been my experience anyway. It’s kind of freeing, knowing that.
I don’t know these celebrities and wasn’t familiar with the story, but a quick read up on the situation placed me in a time machine and took me right back to D-Day #1–holy cow! Husband who said all those things to her (check), two little kids at home (check), chump who processes her surprise, trauma, and grief publicly (check), FW goes public with younger girlfriend via social media (check), gaslighting from FW’s camp “You are nuts. Despite all objective evidence to the contrary they are totally just friends” (check).
It’s like someone wrote a screenplay of my life but changed me from being just a small town girl (cue Journey song) to being a celebrity. All the other plot points are the same.
Cheating is so maddening. It’s like a neverending story.
For myself, having been transported back in time to my first D Day which was remarkably like this one, I honestly regret the extent to which I opened up my mouth, really wide, and told anyone who would listen what my FW husband was doing and to whom he was doing it to. I knew that he had had a year ahead of me to get ahead of the narrative and create a story, so I phoned everyone we knew and told them what really happened. Many of them were shocked and uncomfortable and, in hindsight, I honestly regret my weeklong explosive binge of being the town crier. If I was more of a social media person back then, I would have done what Evans is doing here.
Perhaps it’s commendable. Here, from the safety of my couch I am applauding her. Do not go gentle into that good night, Alice! But for myself, I am a painfully, *painfully* introverted person and if I could change any one of my rookie chump mistakes from the first D Day, it would have been my very public outbursts about FW’s secret girlfriend. I’d go back in time and… just not do that.
And, I want to be clear, it wouldn’t be to protect him (he was being so transparent about his affair; he was hanging himself with his own rope) because most of our friends and family at the time weren’t stupid; they figured out that “just a friend” was not a friend because he was hilariously bad at hiding it. No, I wouldn’t go on the “tell everyone what *really* happened” tour because that’s not me. None of that made me feel better about the trauma I was going through; *it didn’t help me.* What did help me was processing my trauma one-on-one with anyone who was interested in helping me, not going on a world tour about it. For me, taking it grandly public made it so, so, so much worse; for me, the “healing” (more like “the progress of crawling out of the pit of despair”) happened in private spheres, not public spheres.
I was trying to get ahead of FW’s narrative–one that he had been crafting for a year as he had a head start. What I accomplished was getting everyone to look at me and I hate being the center of attention. After I put myself out there so publicly (lol whoops!), I retreated even further into the pit of despair so people would stop looking at me.
This isn’t advice for anyone. This is just what happened to me after D-Day #1 and what I regret about it, as inspired by Evans’s story. I am certain that there are many stories where a chump goes on the offensive (they do say that the best defense is a good offense), it works out, and they don’t regret a darn thing. As CL says, Evans is not going out quietly and I, for one, am rooting for her because I was her. But I also feel the pain of all those eyes on her now; the pressure of all that attention during one of the worst times of her life must be crushing in ways I don’t even understand.
I just want to update my thoughts. I finally checked out her Twitter feed and while I understand her rage, she makes me very uncomfortable.
It’s a great to know that she’s making some “uncomfortable” by posting what she chooses on HER twitter/and other social media pages.
There’s some truth to the fact, “Well-behaved women seldom make history”
Keep going Alice.
I’m glad to see her speaking up about the betrayal
It’s not so much that he moved on, it’s the fvcking lying for YEARS while they play their spouses for fools
Why don’t people understand this ?
It’s a bunch of disrespect, etc. and to top it all off he was lying for three years and telling her it was all her fault. He and those like him deserve to be outed whether they are male or female.
I don’t know why folks don’t get it. Likely mostly fear.
As far as not speaking the truth, I wish I had. Not in a raging way, but just the fact mam.
When the whore sat her nasty ass on my sofa, all the while fucking my husband; she became fair game.
Luckily for me, she didn’t profit much, he did marry her; then he started cheating, then he retired early at half retirement pay and gambled himself into poverty.
I only know because we share a son. He is gone now, and she is living in a trailer up to her low hanging tits in debt. She arose out of a trailer park, snagged a Captain with a good salary; and qui8ckly returned to a trailer park. I don’t really know what Karma is; but I do believe in “you reap what you sow”; and that pretty much fits the bill too.
I will second the most likely fear aspect. It was the most frightening thing to look into the face of the person you thought you knew and loved to see nothing but a black hole and the years of lies.
“Is anyone asking if HE acted with dignity”
YES! As with all abuse someone does something horrible to you yet your reaction to this torture is what’s judged. What the actual fuck? That shit needs to stop. Flood her with support and make the misogyny and double standards stop.
Even if he hadn’t cheated, which we know he did – that whole public social media ‘thank you for making me smile again,’ to a woman 20 years younger – when he dumped and traumatized his wife – one day to the next …… says everything about what a self-centred, sad sausage, narcissistic asswipe he is.
Well said Zip.
BTW. Why was that “His and Hers” photo necessary?
I’ll tell ya, to caused maximum hurt and humiliation to his wife.
And some thinks she should do the “old-fashioned” thing and keep quiet. And in these people pee brains this will make her seemed “dignified”, even though this is not what she wants to do, not how she’s choosing to handle it.
The hypocrisy is real.
I never heard of either of them before but GOOD FOR HER. I don’t see anything she has done as a mistake that she will regret. I may steal her tagline for my own Twitter account. Brilliant, I say!
And now that I researched Alice, I am just going to say that I am not 50 yet but she is and – WOW – so pretty! If she has had work done, somebody sign me up for some of that. I’m in my 40s but look like I could be her mother. hahaha This is one of those cases that clobbers me and reminds me that FWs are all about entitlement. Alice did not cause this. It wasn’t because she was not pretty enough and had let herself go. It was all about what he wanted and wanted to get away with. Thanks for birthing the kids. Bye!
Klootzak liked to tell me through our entire relationship that I might have been cute once but I was never beautiful and so he wouldn’t so much as ever give me a greeting card that said “To my beautiful wife” or something like that because it wasn’t true. Funny he could lie about all other things but couldn’t bring himself to lie just once and say he had a beautiful wife. And when first D-day hit, I was overwhelmed with the idea that I had caused everything by not being thin enough and pretty enough. I worked very hard at my career and to keep the house well so I knew it couldn’t be that. I am a great cook. If sex wasn’t so great, he certainly never hinted at it. So it had to be my looks. And when the RIC wanted to focus on how I had caused him to cheat, it was all about my lack of communication and that I wasn’t working out enough. Clearly, that drove klootzak to hook up with every possible side piece. Then when I found what the APs looked like, I knew it was all BS. These were not people who worked out more than me or had tried harder to be beautiful. Of the over 50 I have seen photos of, I have not one iota of jealously for their looks. It was all a stupid excuse by him to keep me under his thumb. More gaslighting.
Every one of these FWs trade down, not because of looks but because of morals. They hook up with APs who willingly hop in bed with married people. Oh, he is married? Has kids and a whole life he committed to another person? No concern of mine! People who think that way are moral lowlifes. They don’t deserve to breathe the same air as the committed chumps. And the FWs who want them can have them. They deserve each other.
Alice is a mighty hero. People need to be asking what an immoral pig what’s his name is for getting his rocks off with a tart and posting it on social media while married to someone else. Eff him.
You are beautiful to CN! I always thought those “To my Beautiful Wife” cards were addressing the whole wife package not just looks.
Glad you are rid of that ass.
Klootzak was hell bent on making you feel inferior and oh so lucky to have landed such a catch! He’s a special kind of asswipe. They do that so you won’t rock the boat and stay in your place. I hope you now realize what he was up to and only major insecure creeps pull that shit. If you are on speaking terms with him (and I hope you are not) you should ask him, the next time you are in his company, if he’s been feeling ok because (and say this with a concerned tone) you look terribly tired. I usually detest those passive aggressive remarks but it’s good to give it back once in awhile. He may appear to brush it off but it’ll bother him.
Your story reminds me of the bit in the silly Will Ferrell film “The Other Guys” where the clueless, geeky cop treats his stunning wife terribly and depicts her as a homely, annoying loser while all anyone else sees is a gorgeous, accomplished, charming and humble heroine.
I got the feeling that Ferrell was doing his thing of turning weird, twisted things he’d observed socially into schtick.
Yes, blowing up a family because “I’m not happy” is just bogus. As if the spouse they left behind was 100% happy all of the time, every day. As if ordinary, everyday life with normal people is inferior and awful.
After Tuesday, my life returned to that. Yesterday I had coffee with dear friends, and then I put in a full day’s work. I talked with our adult daughter for over an hour and then ran some errands to the grocery store and Costco. I did some cooking ahead and went to bed. Today is work and then volunteer work tonight. Nothing thrilling about any of that.
And yet he thought that running away would make his life better. He thought that a long, high-conflict divorce would make his life better. Only he knows if it actually did because we are not at all in contact.
Speak the truth, Alice.
My immediate reaction was that she needed to be connected with LACGAL book.
My second reaction was that she might regret her public outburst.
My third reaction was I don’t know anything about being a celebrity and how a public presence promotes – or protects – a career. I’m grateful that there weren’t paparazzi around for my trauma.
I hope that a public conversation takes place about the mindfuckery involved – she gave it dramatic voice.
I only know it from my small little world. It was public in that he was a police officer and he had recently been promoted to captain. He and I both had worked for the new mayor to unseat the old one. To that add all my volunteer work in the community for years; supporting him and his vision; well we were known.
After he got promoted to Captain, he immediately began to draw away from me. I couldn’t figure it out; (he blamed job stress) but in a few months began to realize something was horribly wrong; and in fact began to smell a whore.
Anyway it hit the public. I pretty much took my self out of the whole mess in shame and humiliation that should not have been mine. Our D took a year, because he had to pay me back stolen money.
Pretty much everyone knew about it. The mayor really had no choice but to bust him and put him back out on the street. (she was fws direct report, and it became clear that he had been lying for years). According to a city Counselman the counsel wanted him fired; but he was lucky he did get to keep his job, just not his recently acquired rank. She was moved to another job and a couple months later she screwed that up so bad she was fired.
So being known did affect him; and it made my humiliations worse. But on the bright side it also assured neither of them would walk away winners.
I’m on Twitter ( account now locked ) and have seen various threads on it .
Some absolutely sticking up for Alice saying she is 100% correct calling out his and hers adulterous behaviour . Some calling Blanca all the names we al think and say about the OW .
But as you can imagine every village let’s it’s idiot go wild now and again .
Saying well what do you expect she’s gorgeous no man would pass her (Bianca ) up ** picture of Bianca in a bikini **
You can’t help who you fall in love with
They are both happy good for them YOLO
Maybe if she took care of her man rather than him working all over the world to support her , in fact when was the last time she worked ??
That’s Twitter and infacr most social media and what non chumps actually think . It’s a loosing battle .
Until it’s fully out there and we are tying here on CL/CN that adultery is abuse then that’s what people will always think .
It’s the chumps fault for a multitude of reason from unmet needs to sexless dragon . See cheater has someone and is in love so it MUST be the chump .
I argue my point on Twitter if you didn’t want people to think bad of you then you should have behaved better in the first place . It falls on deaf ears because who can resist a bit of romance !!
My FW actually told me 12 year younger OW’s Friends said “What – she doesn’t know how to keep her man?” About me and him deciding to cheat on me with her.
She then added, “Bianca Wallace seems to be the person he has been in a relationship with for three years whilst blaming our difficulties on me. I’ve just found this out tonight. I feel like killing myself. (I won’t)”
THIS IS ALL OF US!
Funny how having an affair and focusing attention on an AP causes difficulties in a marriage THAT ARE BLAMED ON THE CHUMPED SPOUSE.
#cheaterlogic #selfservingjustifications
Put me in the same category of having history re-written by FW. It didn’t work with me, but he used it with his lawyer and family/friends.
It’s sometimes a comfort. I know he knows I know.
“I know he knows I know.”
I wish I could find comfort in that, too, but I suspect x has convinced himself of his own lies, re-writes, and justifications.
It pisses me off that others probably believe him, too.
I remember being so puzzled in the immediate aftermath of Dday when we were going through the divorce, and HIS divorce attorney suspected ME of playing around with finances etc… WTF! I was an honest chump. I hadn’t done anything suspicious, *ever*. HE, on the other hand, was a liar and fraudster. I realize she was representing him, so she probably had to make sure his interests were protected, but to paint me as the bad guy really pissed me off. Talk about adding insult to injury.
By the way, through that nightmare of a divorce, I did manage to keep my composure. My lawyer gave me an atta girl for that. I give credit to CL who makes the point in her book that chumps shouldn’t act nutty because that will only help FW’s narrative. I mounted my fucking high horse and stayed there. X decompensated and revealed himself to be a snake. He ended up firing and then rehiring his lawyer. Lol. She must have loved having him as a client. Oh, and I got more in a no-fault state. Good lawyers are worth every penny.
To the new chumps who haven’t gone through divorce yet, I say: hire the best lawyer you can afford and keep your cool. It will pay off in end.
Oh, and use this site to lose your cool. Everyone needs an outlet. And CN is here for you.
I was chumped when I had a weekly column in a newspaper. I was furious and devastated but my lawyer warned me to be very careful about what I wrote about my husband and his schmoopie because it could affect my financial settlement. I followed his advice, and got a terrific financial settlement that pissed my ex off hugely, and very much helped my kids. (And I wrote what I liked later, when all the court stuff was done.)
I sympathise hugely with Alice, and I admire her anger, but I think she needs to get as much money as possible out of her cheating ex too.
Shit. I hope Alice’s reactions don’t screw her in the divorce.
I was extolling the virtues of keeping one’s cool so that we avoid supporting any cheater narrative about our “craziness” and also to help secure a good settlement, but I hadn’t really considered (duh) that, for this reason, chumps may keep mum. It’s like an NDA for a marriage.
I’m glad Alice is expressing herself. I hope it doesn’t come back to bite her, though. Ugh. She shouldn’t have to worry about any of that.
Good for you, Lucy! I’m also a writer, and have wondered how much I can write after the court case. Did you ID him as your ex? How much did you tell?
I was writing a comic farming column, so after the court case was done I wrote up the story of my marriage as a light hearted rural book ‘A Country Wife’. My editor told me to ‘avoid sounding like a scorned wife as no one likes reading that’, so I wrote a mostly soft, forgiving version of what happened, with lots of animal stories. (He was nice to animals.) I named him, all right, though. It was a difficult legally because one of the things I was most furious about was that he had told all his friends and lovers I was frigid and didn’t like sex. After he left I discovered sex was actually wonderful with the two men I then went out with. (My ex was so selfish in every thing he did). I really wanted to say that, and the wording here and there had to be very careful as a result. Apparently you can only hint at someone’s sexual inadequacy, not state details clearly! (The whole book was combed through by the publisher’s legal department.) The most interesting thing was that I was absolutely forbidden to mention my ex’s schmoopie by name. Or say anything rude about her. I also had to go to my lovers and get them to approve every word I had written about them. (I didn’t have to get my ex’s approval, though.)
I think it would be very tough to write a book like that without a top lawyer checking everything was OK. For instance, I think it would be unwise to self-publish without legal advice. You do NOT want to lay yourself open to being sued for vast sums by your ex or his schmoopie. I wrote it because I was so furious and so miserable and heartbroken, and I was offered money I needed for my family, but I’m not sure I’d do it again. Even though it was funny, light-hearted and rose-tinted, a lot of people were very angry with me about it, and I had to cope with that, and I think now that it was probably a mistake because of my kids.
The one thing I liked was that when my ex died 7 years later his friends actually referred to some of the affectionate stories in the book in their funeral addresses.
Incidentally, this was all in the UK, which has the strictest libel laws in the world. It may be different in other countries.
Yes, the libel bar is very low in the U.S. at present. I personally wouldn’t do something like that even though friends have told me that I should.
A therapist friend of mine is preparing to publish a book based on his own disordered marriage and his experience counselling people in those situations, and the legal hurdles are indeed very high. I’m not sure where the project is now, but he probably is going to have to generalize more than not.
My attorney retired the day after the divorce was final and said that my case could take a whole chapter if he ever wrote the book that people said he should write. I told him to let me know, which of course he would have to. Last I heard he was happily playing golf in Florida, but who knows.
I get the anger, trust me, I do, but she’s vented enough. Time to button it down, get a pitbull lawyer and take him to the cleaners. That’s where the real revenge begins. He will absolutely hate her after that and shmoopie will have to hear his whining and witness his selfish ass in action for a long time.
We Are the Champions, I agree if you had to choose you would take legal success over speaking out, but why do you think those 2 things are mutually exclusive?
What I mean is that I think it’s ok to vent, especially in the beginning, but there’s a point when it’s time to shut it down before the system decides you are too “crazy” (by their standards, not ours) to raise your kids, or that maybe your ex cheating on you is somewhat justified because you’re so crazy. Some people are going to think that. I guess it depends on what you want. If you want a good settlement and to hit him in the pocketbook where it hurts, and if you want full custody or custody most of the time, then you have to play by the rule–rules you didn’t make up or agree with. If she wants a decent settlement and custody to go her way, she should probably keep her cards a little closer to her chest, and if she wants, go full dragon after getting it to work in her favor. I lived many years in an Asaian culture,. At the risk of sounding “racist” during these politically correct times, they have it figured out, its called “saving face.” Revenge is a dish best eaten cold.
But, I had my dad who lived 800 miles away calling me every night, encouraging me to hold my head high; take care of me etc.
I did pretty well, but I still wish I had told a few strategic folks what he actually said and did to me. The people who cared about me and were trying to help me, should have been told.
My humiliation prevented me from doing that.
She has more support then she thinks. He’s probably got a few friends that he put up to bashing her, but most people knows he’s a scumbag.
I agree….the tabloids can fuck right off.
I hope she comes to the conclusion that the dumb bitch who got him got a piece of shit. And Tracy is correct….she’s easily replaceable.
Let the two scumbags have each other…they have such a great foundation to start with. Alice can easily upgrade.
Exactly right. Usually the people defending the cheater have something to gain by doing so. Most people can see what’s happening, they’re not that dumb. It may seem like “everyone” is against them and for the cheater, but in reality, its often not the case.
The whore deserves him way more than she does.
Here is hoping, whore finds it out soon.
So I read a little on this story and I totally get where she’s coming from. I wouldn’t probably put it on twitter or anything but given that that’s her world, I get it. Her emotions are so familiar. And people’s response are things like “B*tches be crazy” and “I hope he gets custody” and “I had sympathy before she aired her dirty laundry.” Aw poor world doesn’t like the sad bits of story where twu luv acts like an a-hole. He wants his cake then he gets to hear how much it costs.
The reason she put it on Twitter is because he put it on everything. He’s flouting it and it’s like a slap in the face to her. I say she needs to be loud and proud.
I suppose the question is how important is your privacy? I would expect different answers from different personality types, and this cheater announcing his Schmoopie on social media is certainly provoking. I remember when the Tiger Woods debacle hit the media, and how I admired his wife. Somehow, details about his lies and cheating came out, but she just went about the business of getting him out of her life. She was a private person, and kept her dignity. He was exposed for the cheater he was, and she stayed out of the mud. Personally, this is how I would prefer to act.
Anger and provocation sometimes makes us do things that are out of character for us, and I do think it is important to tell your truth. I also believe it is important to tell your truth only to people who need to know. Expect that some of them would prefer not to know — the cheater’s family will still be related to the cheater, long term friends and work associates have ties that are not related to the cheating. These folks will be reluctant to be involved. People you do not know, like the postal carrier, or the grocery clerk, or the nosy neighbors, or nosy people at church, don’t need to know your private details. Some of them may just be looking for titillating details to gossip about. That will not help you.
I will never understand social media. Perhaps it is my age? I grew up without any of it, but my children started using computers in grade school. They have a different view — but my youngest tells me he has seen the dark side of it, and he tries to use it for business purposes only. For me, I hear about too many lies, and too much manipulation, and I have never made time for it in my life. I do enjoy being able to express my opinion, or offer assistance, to the folks of Chump Nation. I love knowing that we are everywhere, in every walk of life, and I am comforted that I am not alone in this awful experience. To me, comfort is what a chump needs in the early days. They also need help to navigate through the dangers of divorce and the RIC. Chump Lady does an exceptional job doing just that.
I suppose it comes down to this: when you go public, who are you talking to, and what do you expect to happen? Will it ultimately help you? Think before you speak, think at least twice before you act. If you consider all of these things, you should be comfortable with your decisions..
Elin Woods famously, and very publicly, took a golf club to Tiger’s car.
Yes. I think that was a symbolic gesture, and I can’t fault her for that. Personally, I think she showed restraint for not taking a golf club to Tiger. But sometimes, anger has to have an outlet. She did not hold a press conference about it, and he did not file charges against her. It might technically be a domestic violence incident — but a new car would be a small price to pay for someone like Tiger. I have no doubt he is a hollow man, concerned with image and success on the golf course, with little concern over anything else.
I personally do not like it when the private dating details of a celebrities life are sprawled all over the news cycle. I don’t care who any of the Kardashians are dating, or any of the other stars are marrying or divorcing. I find their personal lives to be none of my business, I don’t know them and never will. I realize other people find them fascinating. I would be appalled to give a press conference about any of my Ex’s antics. Talking about it here at chump nation is different. Here it is therapy. As CL notes, pain is not an Olympic event. We bleed, and hurt, and carry scars from our own experience — I don’t thinks “the stars” are special.
Tiger did not leave his wife though. This one blocked his from ALL communication with him whilst flaunting his mistress. Yeah, Tiger was a great cheat with many. I supposed though when there is not one but many, many, many as he had the hurt is not as intense because there’s no love given. At least this was what one psychologist said at the time “There is no emotional connection with him and any of these lots so nothing to be jealous of,” as opposed to him falling in love with one and prading her around. Don’t s hoo t the messenger.
“Anger and provocation sometimes makes us do things that are out of character for us”
While this is true, the shock and trauma I experienced went far beyond “anger and provocation.” I’ve been angry and provoked many times in my life. I grew up with a volatile father, and I lived with an abusive fuckwit for fifteen years. What happened to my brain/nervous system through multiple ddays and ending in scorched earth and was something different. I didn’t identify it as trauma or abuse at the time because I was in denial, and I was uneducated and inexperienced. My mental and physical responses were out of character, to say the least: insomnia, flashbacks, no appetite, rumination, avoidance and fear, hypervigilance, detachment, car crashes, suicidal ideation. The eventual venting and oversharing were the least of my problems.
Do I wish I hadn’t? Of course. It really is one of my biggest regrets, and I understand it wasn’t ideal or helpful. Could I have avoided it? I don’t know. I was trapped in a cycle of abuse, it got worse and worse, I got repeatedly pushed outside my “zone of tolerance,” and I finally snapped. I think this is extremely common, from what I read here. And I think it’s sad we all feel so ashamed about our responses to prolonged and acute stress resulting from longterm abuse, betrayal and abandonment. We want answers, justice, validation, comfort, truth, support, closure – and we’re mostly on our own.
I left and gradually reclaimed a sense of safety and clarity, and now I mainly just vent and over share here. I kind of do feel like I lost my dignity, to be honest. Infidelity is public mortification. I never lost my integrity, and after being so humbled, that’s something to be proud of.
For those of you who aren’t on Twitter, here are some of her recent tweets:
Alice Evans
@AliceEvansGruff
·
2h
Guys why is it a slur’ if she actually IS a home-wrecker? If you don’t want criticism, stay away from married men w/kids. I’m speaking up for ALL women who get cheated on.
I don’t want him back. But my heart aches and bleeds for my children who’ve lost the safety of ‘family
This wasn’t necessary. And even if it was a coup de foudre, it should have been addressed as such when it happened, rather than telling as all crazy stories for a year or more
I do not sleep with married men.
I do not wreck homes
I do not ruin little kids’ lives.
I did used to smoke though;)
It’s so odd, and I always say this is feminism and individualism gone mad.
Back in the day men were poor sausages who couldn’t control their urges and evil women led them astray. That obviously was bollocks because they have agency so of course, you should hold a man accountable. But then it all went crazy, and now the deal is that APs don’t owe you anything and it’s never their fault. Decency is something we should have towards all human beings. If you knowingly and selfishly hurt someone else to make yourself happy then yes, you’re a person who’s making shit choices.
vee, as a feminist I have to disagree.
Individualism gone mad, yes! But feminism (I forget which wave we’re on now, but I’m talking about the oldest of old school feminism) emphasizes EQUALITY.
That means it doesn’t matter if the AP is male or female, if they knew they were screwing a married person, they are deserving of scorn. They are at fault.
But I do think that the married person who cheats, male or female, as the one who made a vow to the chump (AP didn’t) and is legally obligated to the chump (AP isn’t), deserves the lion’s share of our attention and our anger. Chumps need to focus on their financial well-being as they start down the rocky road to divorce. It’s the person who has legal/financial obligations to the chump (and, if any, their children) who should be the focus of more of our time, energy, and attention as compared to the AP.
Once you get that out of the way, if it’s legal where you are (unfortunately it’s been abolished in most places), THEN consider suing the scummy AP for alienation of affection!
You are making the mistake though of assuming the AP is nothing to the chump. My ex’s APs were people who pretended to be my friends. One of them was my son’s godmother. Shit, he fucked my mother. Don’t tell me my own mother owed me nothing. She may not have made a vow to me but she damn well fucking owed me some decency.
I don’t mean to attack you and it’s a common mistake but please stop with the whole AP doesn’t owe the chump anything. We weren’t all cheated on with strangers. For some of us, the AP owed us a whole hell of a lot, sometimes even more than our spouse did.
OMG – your friends (or rather, people you thought were your friends) are bad enough, but your MOTHER??
That’s some special brand of SICK. I’m so sorry. Of course that’s worthy of righteous anger, and lots of it!!
KatieDear, I do so hope you changed his name in your contacts to MotherFucker. I suggest never referring to him as anything but MotheFucker for all eternity. Of course if there are children involved just whisper MotherFucker when referring to that MotheFucker. He is a MotherFucker.
Please tell me you have removed your Mother he fucked from your life.
This is similar to that time Ewan McGregor’s 20 something daughter was expressing her pain on social media over her dad leaving her mum for his co-star. She was vilified as well, unjustly, because her feelings were legit.
Idk why it’s always the chump the one expected to suck it up and act with dignity, even though they’re clearly struggling. Sure, handling it on social media is probably not the best way to channel your anger and disappointment, but she’s probably fed up with the guy’s continuous lies.
Good for her! I personally think that if cheaters are so bold to openly cheat on their spouses and not be punished for it appropriately anymore by the courts, then chumps should be able to speak their truth without being reprimanded. Maybe if more chumps spoke out, it will help change the fucking narrative in society especially in the court system! You know there is a whole equality movement going on in every square inch of society right now…..why should we be left out?
Oh my goodness! Another one to cross off the crush list! I used to admire Ioan Grufford. He’s a piece of shit too…so disappointed.
Alice, speak your truth!!!
To hell with Ioan!!!
Off my list – Paul Hollywood of Great British Baking Show. What a dick.
Post by Alice Evan’s:
“But, you see, I think this whole idea of [keeping] your private lives private is, well, what leads to child abuse. And domestic violence. And mental abuse,” she wrote. “I think ‘dignity’ is a way of covering up our own hurt. I think dignity is a way of others telling us to shut up, because THEY don’t want to think about our hurt.”
The Blackball actress, who married Gruffudd in September 2007, then shut down any haters who want to judge her, saying, “I’m sorry, but f—k your discomfort about my lack of dignity.”
She concluded: “I come here to share an experience that has all but broken me. Oh god, now I have worry about the morning!! Love all round, not hate.”
Polly Hudson from The Mirror posted an article re Alice Evans situation, here is a short exerpt:
She is burning with the injustice of her situation, the horrendous disrespect she’s been treated with by a man she shared her life with for two decades, the dishonest, cowardly way he’s conducted himself.
Alice Evans will not shut up.
And why the hell should she?
“ Dignity is a way of covering up our own hurt”. Such a strong and powerful statement! I don’t think it helps any of us to just continue to eat the shit sandwiches in quiet dignity as our worlds implode from such blatant abuse and cruelty.
I don’t know honestly if social media will help Alice now, too many trolls will say too many hurtful things at a time when just everything hurts. She doesn’t need that. It might be more painful for her to endure. But do I commend her for her bravery in speaking her truth and calling the FW and his mistress out on their completely absent integrity and moral compasses?! Hell yeah I do!!! No one should sit quietly in some corner gracefully twisting the pearls on their necks and let someone hurt us that bad. Silence is not golden when it comes to abuse.
No, the only way this can improve for any of us is that it is not hidden away and these a-holes are called out on their abuse. Let him and his mistress squirm in their seats a bit, if they don’t have consciences of their own volition, let society give it to them.
You are so much better off without him Alice and your daughters need you so very much. Let the fuck head go, don’t let him rob any more of your wild and precious life.
Thank you for suggesting the article in the Daily Mirror, and yeah I agree. I’m struggling with this myself, my ex just had a new baby. I’m 40, and my sister and friends tell me it’s not too late for me, that for as long as I’m not on menopause I can have another baby if I wanted, or they tell me stories of people they know who were on menopause and had babies with donour eggs, but those things are expensive… Not to mention that meeting another man I would want to date, let alone have a baby with, seems unbelievable to me.
Well, I got pregnant at age 43.5 no problem, no medical intervention.
The only downside to being an older mom is the energy level! ????
No matter what age we are all we can control is the “footwork” of getting pregnant, not getting pregnant.
As CL pointed out many times the reason why I don’t want to do this is that people will think you’re unhinged and deserve to be left, which is what I’m reading on the Daily Mail comments (But it’s the DM, so ofc it’s trash). But honestly, this also speaks volumes about how we cannot treat people who are hurting with the compassion they need.
The DM thinks it is art to show nearly naked women as news. Every time you click on their site it’s money in their pockets. The vitriol thrown at Meghan Markle is making them millions. I never look at those rags any more.
I gave her kudos, and followed her on Instagram. No idea who they are, but totally applaud her big mouth.
Getting cheated on is like someone putting a red hot poker on your heart. With no anesthesia. It seems insane to me to put any expectations on how anyone should react. I also know people who are so trained away from their feelings (my former husband included) they wouldn’t say anything no matter what happened to them.
Like many who have been cheated on, it was a LOOOONG time before I was able to think straight, consider jack shit, or stay mud free to save my life. They pulled me into the mud and and any “dignity” I showed was a miracle and proof of a God.
Having no experience as a public figure other than my 15 minutes on Oprah, I am
truthfully not qualified to tell anyone who is, and has been publicly identified as a victim of infidelity, that they should keep silent. I was on Oprah decades before social media, and my brief experience being judged and criticized by strangers made me value anonymity over fame. That being said, I support public figures speaking out about their painful experiences and if famous I’d probably fall into that category because I do so in my anonymous civilian life.
I respect someone who experiences trauma that does not want to speak up.
I respect someone who experiences trauma if they speak up.
The trauma victim decides.
That’s how I support someone who has experienced trauma.
And no matter what the facts are and the timeline is, the person cheated on is the trauma victim and the cheaters are the perpetrators.
….I am four years out from DDay, officially divorced and glad to be so, and have still not totally recovered my “right mind”. I am still healing and sometimes still reeling…
This one is yet another sign of the times we’re in.
Cultural shifts and the pendulum swing have relegated marriage to the high-risk category. A minority now view marriage as a covenant, sacrament, or life commitment. Without sanction for the institution of marriage as a higher, loftier and better societal ideal, it is now no more than an option for those that seek companionship thinking two can live as cheap as one.
We’ve lost the way. Marriage has decayed as an institution that was meant to bond love so that it may serve the partners, children, family and future generations. It’s gone the way of hedonism, self-serving ambitions, usery and abuse, and temporary usefulness based on individual desires.
It’s not marriage that needs the overhaul. Marriage works great with two growth-oriented, stable, emotionally healthy, loving and caring people. It’s humanity that needs the overhaul. Alot of societal decay will further degrade civilization unless/until people choose to embrace, promote and live with higher and better ideals.
This, 100% – but nobody wants to address that and if you speak up, well, you are a more of a problem than the amoral hedonists destroying lives, families, and our culture.
I am not against divorce –divorce has been a life saver for women–but I do view it as a last resort.
I guess that means I don’t view marriage as a life commitment no matter what. But I do view marriage as a promise to my spouse to be exclusive. If I’m married to someone, as long as I’m married to that person, then I’ve made a promise to be faithful. If I don’t want to be faithful, then I have an obligation to end the marriage. And so do/did all our cheaters.
I’m betting Esther Feral will be picking this up and bashing Alice in a minimum of 57 different ways in 3…2…
Ioan and Bianca deserve all the opprobrium they get from sane human beings. May it be heaped upon them! I know it won’t happen much beyond here, but I’ll enjoy it anyway.
Get that kick-ass lawyer and feel free to call out your husband as a liar, thief and abuser Alice. Your girls need you to demonstrate that this isn’t acceptable and no, when you lie to your partner/spouse and run away with your fuckbuddy you’re a shitty father too.
When I spoke up, other people helped me and I helped others who had been cheated on and thought they were alone in their feelings and experiences.
Of course there are people who judge and criticize me. There always will be no matter what I do.
I have to go back to the old Al Anon saying of “what other people think of me is none of my business”. It’s out of my control and their stuff. Fact vs. Opinion.
Trying to control what other people think by what I say or don’t, what I do or don’t, is an illusion and actually manipulation I’ve kept my focus on doing what I needed to do to help myself and helping others who have been traumatized by infidelity.
If I have a problem with someone telling the truth about what I did or said, that’s my problem and maybe an indicator that I was wrong and need to make amends. Making decisions about my words or conduct as if it will be public knowledge has been a litmus test for me and as a result I live with a clear conscience and peace of mind.
Nothing changes if people stay silent, that is for sure I think.
What I was taught in my domestic violence education courses is that infidelity is a form of domestic
violence. That staying silent is “colluding with violence.” And “colluding with violence” is the conventional approved response. So there’s that piece of it for me.
Also ironic are Ioan Gruffudd’s comments on his and Alice’s Harvey Weinstein experience.
He evidently perceives no similarities between himself and Harvey Weinstein but I do.
I’d read several gossipy articles about Alice’s marriage. She was with her husband a few years before marrying so I think it was an over 20 yr relationship. And as I felt and said while going through the great chump. Me saying to my ex ‘hey! It’s me! It’s me you’re doing this to, not some stranger. It’s me, the person I was poor with, afraid with, had children with, created our great family with. It’s me!’ And when that connection breaks, you just can’t believe they did this to YOU. Like, how could he forget me. Us. And they are so mean, harsher than they would be to someone they didn’t like or even a stranger. It’s really quite scary. I was much like Alice in that I didn’t keep it a secret. I didn’t use social media, though, because it’s evidence. And I needed to negotiate my fair share and I needed to make a lot of practical decisions while experiencing lack of sleep and full of fear and anxiety so I needed to get my dignity back under my control. That man was living in my brain rent free for way too long and he was now my enemy. And that’s where I think Alice needs to be. She uses her girls as the ‘we’ in ‘you left us and we are sad’. She can’t use them as a pick me dance or to guilt him back. This is about him and her – not ‘them against him’. However, she doesn’t need to negotiate their relationship with him. He’s got to do that reparation work himself. Sigh. It’s all so painful and sinful to deal with.
You’re so right – it’s complicated.
Alice has to walk the fine line between being wonderfully snarky and viewed as crazy (referencing crazy, meaning protecting herself and her family in a court system that may judge her. No fault divorce means infidelity is disregarded).
And she has to speak on behalf of her hurt children, while recognizing that they may someday want to have a relationship when Disney Dad decides to swoop in as the Prince Charming hero.
“He had the advantage always enjoyed by the inconstant parent, of not being there to be found imperfect.”
– Tobias Wolff, “This Boy’s Life”
We all can commiserate with this woman. No shame in being angry, in fact, there is power in it. It is not her responsibility to keep secrets.
If a homicide victim is married or in a relationship, one of the first things detectives ask is if the spouse or partner of the victim was having an affair.
Because it’s that significant and that relevant.
In comparison, since the dawn of
time people who cheat have peddled their propaganda that what they did is justified. They defend it in the name of love. They ignore or downplay the harm they do to their families, those around them. I am going to answer back to that bullshit every chance I get.
If homicide detectives deem it important enough to put inquiries into infidelity at the top of their To Do list, it doesn’t make sense to me to criticize anyone who has been cheated on who speaks out about the reality of what it’s like.
Asshat “accidentally” sent text with heart emojis and expressing his love for “sleeping” with his fuckbuddy. He later laughingly bent over backwards describing to me how they only “slept” together not “sexed” together. I feel like he was trying out this ridiculous lie on the kiddos.
My question: What do you think the long lasting effects are on the kiddos?
My husband of 40 years had an affair with one of my best friends. They were prominent members of our community as was/am I. I told friends of the affair including members of the Women’s Club where she and I were leaders. They quietly removed her from the board. Later the Town Council, of which they were both members and he was the President, used the affair to force him to resign. My husband blames me for the consequences he suffered as a result of his actions.
No one who has not experienced the trauma of infidelity can understand what happens to an individual. In my case I now know I had a trauma bond that was built up over decades of narcissistic abuse. I lost 23 pounds in 8 weeks. I reached out to friends and family for survival.
After she was outed from the Women’s Club she dumped him in short order. He came back here – not to reconcile, but to recover from “losing” her. I misinterpreted his motivation and ignored all the red flags believing in our ability to repair the marriage. He is finally gone-the kids had to give the final push. I am in no contact for 5 weeks. I am learning daily just how my emotional well being was sabotaged by his NPD, and working to find myself. It is hard work to heal. Infidelity is an injury to the soul and the victim is never wrong for how he/she deals with it, unless of course it hurts someone physically.
I stand with victims of infidelity. I am a changed human being because of this action. I know now that the best of my life is left (even though now late in the game) and I’m moving toward it every day.
Tell anyone you want. Tell no one. (well…tell someone – at least a therapist) Do whatever you need to do to survive.
The trouble with these cheaters and their “Ejaculation Recepticals ” is that they love an opportunity to play the melancholic put upon husband concubine role. He was forced – yes literally forced into the welcoming muff of an Affair partner. Silence on the part deprives them of their act 2 scene 1. They thrive on the drama. Calling them out on the behaviour is met with retorts of Scorned Spouse bitterness and That’s life! I get why Alice expressed what she did. I know the anger she feels. I just think your indifference to them is a more powerful message that they are two nasty crappy people you are glad to be rid of.
I get to say “we”.
If he had cheated before we had a child, I would be saying “me”. Just between me and him.
He lied to our child too.
He betrayed our child too.
He hurt our child too.
He abandoned our child too. I think moving in with the Craigslist cockroach, becoming a ghost in your child’s life, rather than at least getting a living space for you and your child, and lying about your living circumstances qualifies for abandonment.
I am an alcoholic who has been in recovery for 36 years. Their conduct directly threatened my life and . I could have easily, like many, have started drinking, using drugs, and smoking again to cope with the pain. By some miracle I have not.
My ability to function has has been severely compromised as a result of the psychological trauma. My child has a mom operating on one or two cylinders instead of eight, with the mental and emotional bandwidth I needed for raising her hijacked by infidelity.
When you’re a family there is interconnection that cannot be separated. How we treat each other affects all the others in the family. How I treat my spouse or partner impacts my child.
We all have free will and have the right to leave a relationship and pursue other people. That’s very different from cheating. Cheating is cheating. Not “leaving a relationship”. Not the injury we’re talking about here.
I would love to be able to tell my daughter that he’s a good guy, that we tried our best but we needed to part ways. I can’t.
When you don’t have children you can say “me”.
When you have children, you have the right to say “we”.
‘We all have free will and have the right to leave a relationship and pursue other people. That’s very different from cheating. Cheating is cheating. Not “leaving a relationship”. Not the injury we’re talking about here.’
I’m certain some cheaters discard their spouse for the cheating partner because they think it looks better to say “I’m leaving you” rather than ‘I cheated on you.”
I know mine gaslit me to the point of it being laughably ridiculous, he could not admit to cheating on me, even when presented with irrefutable proof. He had a much easier time saying he was leaving me for a married woman. It’s like he was proud of himself for making this big bold movement – he kept saying he made a ‘tough’ decision. Oh poor big strong cheater making such a tough decision!
Amen to that VH. (very late to this but the comments regarding we vs just me are driving me crazy and are totally unfair to the children that were also profoundly effected by the carnage that the cheater left in his/her wake.)
Lucy, I’m glad you kept your cool and didn’t write til after the case was closed. I’m also a writer, and have wondered how much I can write after the court case. Did you ID him as your ex? How much did you tell?
Hi there. I did ID him as my ex; his name was out there. I did tell it all, but in a ‘coded’ way because there was so much I couldn’t say directly without getting sued. People had to read between the lines. It was a good revenge because it was a story he definitely did not want told. I’ve since read a great deal about how narcissists care far, far more than ordinary people about the way they are perceived. He was also incapable of writing a similar book about me because he had no drive and was lazy.
I think now, though, that maybe a better way of writing about marital betrayal, and, ultimately a better revenge, would be to write a wonderful piece of fiction, like ‘The Undoing’.
As I’ve recommended before, “Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults are Affected When Their Parents are Unfaithful” by Ana Nogales. I think it’s essential reading for every chump with kids.
The most valuable part of her honesty in my mind is how eloquently she is talking about the devalue that happens beforehand. She’s being very clear that he was happy to gaslight her into thinking their problems were her fault when really he was fucking about all along. And that’s valuable because so many people see cheating in a vacuum as this ‘clean’ as in scalpel clean cut, decisive act, without entertaining all the bs that goes along with it, the lies, the gaslighting the blaming.
“Guys why is it a slur’ if she actually IS a home-wrecker? If you don’t want criticism, stay away from married men w/kids. I’m speaking up for ALL women who get cheated on. ”
—Alice Evans Twitter seven hours ago
I agree!
But the greater criticism should be against her STBX. He had opportunity to three years ago to leave the relationship rather than having cake.
I just find the whole ‘who is to blame the most,” or ‘who deserves the greatest criticism’ point not extremely relevant.
I think most people would agree that the person who made you vows wins the top medal in the Fuckwit Olympics.
However, let’s let the chumped spouse rant about their fuckwit’s cheating partner as much as they want. These co- cheaters have had it really really easy in society. The OW’s in particular often are ascribed the sad sausagette role of a lovely woman who is just not treated properly by her married cheating partner; she deserves so much more blah blah blah. Poor her, she deserves full time love. She didn’t mean to fall in love with the married father, it’s her soulmate and he wasn’t happy……
The hard truth is very rarely told about the women who like to fuck other people’s husbands.
Yep. The OW in my case was someone who got off on the ‘power’of having a guy flip out over them and leave their spouse, and set herself up in active competition to me, without me being aware of it. I had a new enfant and she seemed to be puzzled, even derisive, that I hadn’t cottoned on what was going on (I read this later in their emails), looking back it’s as though she was disappointed that the drama and excitement was being delayed by my lack of knowledge. I think she was convinced she was going to ‘win’, cheater dumped her after a couple of weeks of indecision when I’d had enough and spelled out just what the reality of our breaking up would mean financially etc, and she flipped her lid, I think it blew her mind. So yeah, they’re out there, it’s their fetish.
‘ and set herself up in active competition to me’
Even if it’s not their fetish, they all actively compete with the spouse. It’s just the spouse doesn’t know they need to ‘win’ their supposedly committed and invested marriage partner. Even if they don’t want the married Fuckwit full-time, they still want to be more desirable than the spouse.
The two it takes to tango are the cheater and the very necessary fuckbuddy.
A cheater without someone signing up to cheat with them is one hand clapping.
If you put out a contract on your family, whoever agrees to perform the hit is just as guilty.
ACCESSORY TO THE CRIME.
AIDING AND ABETTING
JOINT PRINCIPALS (my favorite term for the cheaters which can be used in polite company)
Etc.
Cheating is an inside job. He/she/they who leaves the door open is guilty. He/she/they who sneaks in and rips off is also guilty.
I think this is even more clear.
https://www.mamamia.com.au/alice-evans-ioan-gruffudd-affair/
Asshole let his wife and kids think he might, possibly, return.
God, that’s so familiar. He did the same shit mine did. Dumped me brutally and then I found out he’s been “in love” with a girl our child’s age for years. And it’s like, that’s why you blamed me for everything and made me feel like shit? Because you had another woman and instead of being a decent person you started abusing me and blaming me… for what? For fun? I know what she’s going through and it’s horrible. May he rot in hell and his new bitch deserves whatever hell she gets. They were so in love they decided to put their love on hold so he could abuse his wife and children for a few years because that made the sex spicier for them. That’s literally what happened.
“Oh baby, I love you so much but I have this opportunity to abuse my family and try to destroy my wife mentally so we can’t be together for a few years. I can’t miss this yummy opportunity to harm them, I hope you understand.”
“Oh Ioan, I totally understand and I love that you want to abuse your family! That’s so exciting! I will wait for you until you think you’ve done enough damage to them that they won’t ever recover! It will make our love stronger!”
Sick motherfuckers. If their love was so pure, why weren’t they just together? Sick motherfuckers like that will always turn on each other. It’s their nature.
THIS^
Maybe they feel that they NEED to drive the spouse away so ease their guilt???? WTF?
LIS
What I found hard was the fact that the exgfOW colluded with and encouraged the ex in his cruelty, blame shifting, and abuse of me. She did this so that the precious ‘prize’ would become ‘hers’. She knew and knows nothing about me save what she was told by someone she knows to be a liar and a cheat and who she had dumped twice before in her late teens and mid-twenties. She is a bully. And she charges unsuspecting people money for being their ‘life coach’. She should come with a ‘this person can destroy your mental health and isn’t very good at what she does’ warning on her communications material. The exgfOW has won her ‘prize’ and she deserves it for being an all round unpleasant, dysfunctional, disordered human being. She knew he was married and she didn’t care. I am entitled to express an opinion of her regardless of the fact that she didn’t make promises to me. She sure as hell expressed lots of negative opinions about me to all and sundry.
Alice Evans is being true to herself. The ex flaunted the new gf in the face of her and her girls. We all made mistakes in navigating our way through the shit storm of being abused. It is especially hard when the offenders do not admit their wrongdoing and we find out by other means at a later date. We discover lies on top of lies. I told the truth, not on social media, but to family and friends. Many people piled in and dumped me too, in consequence. More fool them.
Alice, you will be better. You are in a dark place right now. Your light has been temporarily dimmed but it will burn brighter than ever once you are out of the chaos of the ex and his fellow abuser.
She is my HERO!
Since this has happened to me, I’ve been a firm believer that it would serve society if people did not gracefully and quietly accept their chumped status.
Everything CL says about repercussions etc. etc. is true, however I still firmly believe that it doesn’t advance our cause to go down quietly… because basically there aren’t enough consequences for scumbag cheaters.
They are so sure of themselves that they feel they can publicly flaunt their cheating lives and their co- cheater.
I applaud her. I thank her.
I hope the OW is completely humiliated by this. But she probably can’t see it for what it is and can’t see herself for what she is.
I agree.
Someone always has to come along and defend the OW. As if no one should say anything against her white as know ass because she made no vows.
Yes we all know, the cheater is the problem. Doesn’t mean the co-conspirator is off the hook.
So sick of it.
Yeah, if somebody hurt your dog and I was a spectator who enjoyed it, nobody would defend me. Just because it’s about the spouse and his lack of integrity and character and not about the dim, selfish, narcissistic and replaceable OW, she’s nevertheless involved in the abuse. And she really enjoys it. She profits off of the pain of innocent people.
????
Fuck dignity. I had no dignity my entire marriage when he was cheating on me and people knew and were laughing about me behind my back. Oh, I thought I did but I didn’t. That was a joke.
But somehow shutting up about it and pretending all the abuse and lying and humiliation was cool would somehow give me the dignity I was robbed of for 20 years? Fucking how? I don’t understand how people think when it comes to this shit.
I didn’t bother being vocal about it because I chose to cut everyone out and start a new life. But I’m not famous. I didn’t have to deal with the betrayal publicly. That would have made a difference. I can’t even imagine how hard this is for her. It was hard enough for me when I could just move and change jobs and meet new people and build a new life. She can’t really do that. So yeah, what else is she supposed to do? Pretend she liked being abused and cheated on? Stay friends with the shitbags who helped abuse and gaslight her and giggled about it? Fuck people talking about dignity. Those judging her harshly for going through hell right now are the ones with no dignity. And no empathy nor compassion either.
You go girl! We’re behind you all the way.
Completely on board with the notion that the injured party gets to say whatever she damn well pleases to whomever she damn well pleases.
Unfortunately the notion of speaking the truth is not universally supported. Specifically, it is not universally supported within the legal system. Want a judge to be made to think you’re a madwoman? Want CPS to understand you as a potential child killer? Then go ahead and say whatever pops into your head. Just remember that anything you say can and will be held against you.
Moral decency says let ‘er rip, but on-the-ground practicality says keep your mouth shut until after the settlement is finalized.
I wish Ms. Evans and all enraged chumps the best.
I agree. There is this horrible “woke” pc culture that is all about “two sides to every story” and “conscious uncoupling” and “being friends with your ex”. Like these are the adult and morally correct paths to take after you have been conned and betrayed by the one person closest to you that made vows to be loyal to you.
I hate the expression “tell YOUR truth”. It’s just a new expression for “LIE to look good”. The truth is the truth – facts that don’t change depending on who is telling the story.
I applaud a woman in the spotlight, who isn’t scared to be honest about what happened to her and point out that her soon to be ex is a liar that is happy to lie to her and everyone else about how he knew his new “tru wuv” because it benefited him.
We live in a world where conmen and conwoman are protected by public opinion because “sparkles” and “acceptance”. There is a distinct lack of critical thinking for the most part. Someone with critical thinking would proceed with natural follow through that a person who lies, chests and gaslights a spouse (the person they supposedly love and are nearest and dearest to them) then they are likely to lie, cheat and gaslight anyone in business , friendships and social media if it benefits them. Such a person has demonstrated they are untrustworthy. But do you think we can say that? Not at all…because it would be perceived as discrimination on your part rather than a consequence of the actions of someone with poor character.
Right? My fw conned me into signing for a retirement property, telling me how much our grandchildren will enjoy it. (future grandchildren) What he didn’t say was that I wouldn’t be there enjoying it with them, whore would be taking my place.
He conned and lied to a lot of other folks too, so luckily for me even though I was shocked/humiliated into silence; most folks turned against him. The few who didn’t, never mattered.
They scurried out of that town fairly quickly after we were divorced.
I also think she’s also documenting this for her children. Why should she let Daddy’s tweets about his new love be the only permanent record?
Exactly.
No way their narrative should stand as the only account.
Here’s what her instagram account says, above the same photo, plus bikini shots of herself.
415 posts
6,416 followers
771 following
Bianca Wallace
????????????????????????✨????????????☀️⚡️????
Do the universe a favour, don’t hide your magic.
Ohhhhh….how many times I’ve been told by family members not to express my anger of betrayal by my ex on Facebook. And, always, I’ve thought, this topic makes those family members uncomfortable…not me! I’m SO HAPPY to see another woman come forward and speak publicly, and not hide, her pain from her husband’s betrayal! It’s time we go public with this information. If people are not comfortable, that’s THEIR problem!
I know celebrities with children and children of celebrities.
My understanding is that in that rarified social circle, the children are exposed to information about their parents in ways that children of non-celebrities aren’t, from myriad and unpredictable sources. It’s an uncontrollable unfortunate side effect of fame. What people in that position should do or not do is outside of my experience and it’s a problem I’m glad I don’t have. I do know that no matter who you are, when you cheat you’re detonating a nuclear bomb and can’t control where the radiation goes. Knowing all this, the cheating celebrity husband who has children and his affair accomplice are the villains in the social media story today. The betrayed wife who, if she feels anything like I did, is out of her mind with pain and very likely just not capable of responding like Miss Manners. I never much understood the concept of temporary insanity until my own DDay.
I’m just not going to criticize the infidelity victim. I’ve never met the chump who made faultless judgement calls when they were in that kind of pain. A lesson to cheaters, lost on them of course.
I didn’t put any details on FB about being cheated on. I shared it with people I trusted in a factual way. If a celebrity did that it would very possibly get leaked to the press and they would still be attacked. Putting the story out there yourself is one strategy used in that realm for that reason. They have secret invitation-only AA meetings for public figures and members from certain professions for this reason.
My own minor comparable experience is that the Craigslist cockroach started using our last name on her Facebook page just after DDay. Benedict OJ Madoff was told by two therapists and a lawyer to tell her to remove it as it would be very damaging if our daughter she saw it. Four years later it’s still there. He was just helpless to do anything about it, according to him. You know, rules and being told what to do and all. Fuck the impact on our daughter.
I had my fifteen minutes of fame and it left me with a desire to be a civilian for reasons just like this situation today.
“I do know that no matter who you are, when you cheat you’re detonating a nuclear bomb and can’t control where the radiation goes. ”
So true, but I would guess most cheaters think they have it all under control. I know my fw thought he did. He had been the one in control for all of our years for the most part. I have no doubt he didn’t think that would ever change.
Yes, he blew up my life and critically injured me; then his house of cards started to blaze. He and I worked side by side for years to build his image, he secured his top of the mountain; and then kicked me off the mountain. He didn’t stay atop that mountain for long, much to his surprise.
Good for her! Yes, we all make rookie mistakes cause getting chumped hurts like hell. This asshole stabbed her (okay, emotionally) in the back, and the media expects Alice to be the ‘cool girl’ take it like a champ, sit down and be a good little girl. Screw the media, and especially screw her husband and his fling of 3 years. A couple of rotten people if you ask me, what on earth moved him to put his bullshit on Instagram when he’s going through a divorce with children in the picture. Alice, you got so much more going on than these two idiots. I hope that you read Chump Lady’s book.
What I mean is that I think it’s ok to vent, especially in the beginning, but there’s a point when it’s time to shut it down before the system decides you are too “crazy” (by their standards, not ours) to raise your kids, or that maybe your ex cheating on you is somewhat justified because you’re so crazy. Some people are going to think that. I guess it depends on what you want. If you want a good settlement and to hit him in the pocketbook where it hurts, and if you want full custody or custody most of the time, then you have to play by the rule–rules you didn’t make up or agree with. If she wants a decent settlement and custody to go her way, she should probably keep her cards a little closer to her chest, and if she wants, go full dragon after getting it to work in her favor. I lived many years in an Asaian culture,. At the risk of sounding “racist” during these politically correct times, they have it figured out, its called “saving face.” Revenge is a dish best eaten cold.
Sorry, meant this as a reply to Falconchump.
This poor woman. She and her children have my sympathy. And I applaud her for calling out her husband’s horrible behavior!
I hope they had a prenup spelling out consequences for infidelity.
He and his skank are vile.
Alice Evans
@AliceEvansGruff
My husband saw this and called my nanny to tell her I was a liability to my kids because I was up late.
She told him that no, I had actually called her at 6am to tell her I had had very little sleep and would she mind doing the school run for safety reasons.
I have no way of contacting him, he barely calls his kids + he told my 8 yr old that he DIDN’T have a mistress they were ‘just friends’
Think of it this way:
I’m here, 24/7, looking after OUR kids.
He’s in the South of France, with his mistress, who is posting on Instagram that she “finally made this happen by planting good seeds” and that the “law of attraction” got him to leave his wife + fly her to France.
Meanwhile, her sister and her best friend are posting pics of them on instagram “Finally! You guys are free! You can be happy! It’s all out in the open! We’re so happy for you!”
HE LEFT HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN.
HE DIDN’T TELL US.
You know, I’m not angry. Not really. I’m in shock. I cannot believe that anyone, let alone a person I spent half my life with, can demonstrate such cold disregard for the feelings of the family he claimed to love.
I’m stunned.
Because every day it gets worse.
And if you think I’m a self centered bitch who should shut up + ‘let him get on with his life’ that’s ok. As I said, go ahead and block me. I’m not interested.
If you think I’m an idiot to share this with the world and I’ll regret it – you may very well be right. We”ll see.
But ask yourself this:
What level of desperation does a person have to be at to do what I’m doing?
I’ve been living in hell for a year + my friends will attest. I’ve been abused, threatened by lawyers, told I was unattractive and vain (both? lol) and so much more.
I tried to change. I begged to know what I’d done. I sat through awful lawyers zooms that cost 3k for 2 hours and bawled while they told me it was my behavior that had made him want to leave.
Then we find out though INSTAGRAM (+ Ella follows him too) that it’s an AFFAIR?
So:
THANK YOU for your support.
And THANK YOU to all the women who have confided in me that they have been through the same thing and been afraid to speak out. Keep them coming. I’m with you and together we are STRONG!
And to my haters?
Let’s hope it never happens to you.
PS:
To the three dear friends who cut me off completely when you heard about the split (even though all three of you met him through me)
I don’t have bad feelings towards you.
Just one thing – we were together 20 yrs. I know what he REALLY thinks about you. Oops Grimacing face
He refuses to speak to me or even let me lean in when he (occasionally) face-times his kids
He says it’s a legal thing .
I happen to think it’s his mistress that won’t let him. But I’m so confused right now I don’t know! Red heart
————————————————————————–
In addition, whoever “Alice” is who has posted on this thread – I do not believe you are Team Chump.
Urgh. Coffee hasn’t kicked in – I meant “Lisa”. There’s a whiff of the OW/OM wafting from your posts.
Thank you for putting into words what I was thinking.
I get so tired of people asking victims to be rational and look at the complexity of the situation. My granddaughters history teacher was at the January 6 terrorist attack in Washington DC. This is the same teacher that kids I carpooled had complained about her racism in prior years. I wrote a letter to the school board asking that the teacher’s grading in history be reviewed. It seemed logical to me that a racist teacher would have fewer POC / Latinas in AP History or would show a skewed grading. I did not ask for an overthrough of all the grades. I expected a letter acknowledging my viewpoint. Instead I got a letter asking for patience as they explored the complex situation. I am glad I was not holding my breath. The teacher was simply reassigned to another school in a racist friendly location.
Wow, I never once supported Iaon or his flavour of the day.
Yesterday I was in the minority opinion. But I have sound back up from people who also aren’t whores.
Chmplady-don’t editorialize. Making this public is one colossal editorialozation for Iaon as a P.O.S
Chumplady-don’t make your kids choose sides, let them find their own relationship. You think publically trashing Iaon as a father is going to help?
Chumplady-watch what you say /do online priortize litigation. Vlogging, and a media blitz while not even looking sober will not help Evans or those kids.
Mr. Chumplady -if it feels good don’t do it.
I am team 8 and 12 year old. They just want their father back. Now they have thousands of voices chastising, ganging up on that very father they primally want back. They are too young to be in the middles of a national shitstorm. Evans is trying him in the court of public opinion will backfire as poor judgement regarding child welfare.
Fourleaf today looked into her twitter feed and saw some of the persoanlity issues that I spoke of.
Evans is capitilizing on a common highly, highly painful situation of betrayal to fuck Iaon over. Judges will see that more than a blog with people still overidentifying from pain.
I was shocked yesterday when I was asked why I care so much about the potential of a suicide happening because of this public pilloring. Because I have a cosncience. It could even end up being one of Aloce’s girls in a few years if she continues in this vain. I was asked why is she being held to a higher standard. Because someone HAS TO BE FOR THE GIRLS.
Tigers woods ex made ger statement clear. Then she went on to pick up those kids.
There is heroic strength in that. The kids welfare in a shit situation was the priority.
I stated why people use screennames here, I will emphasize that again-to protect the kids pscyhes, privacy and all sorts of things going sideways. If it is so safe what Evans is doing reveal you full names.
If Evans had no kids, this would be different.
So don’t come for me with your erroneous label.
Society is addicted tp rage and oversharing for what?
What you are continually overlooking is that her daughter is the one who found the evidence that their father was cheating, lying and gaslighting all of them.
I don’t know you, nor do I trust you or your motives and I do not apologize for it.
If you actually read my statements, I never said deny the kids the truth of his cheating, I said to share it and seek support locally, friends, family. Globally no. Not this young.
That you would overlook the gravity everything I just posted including the risk to her girls of not wanting to be on this planet anymore if she continues this public escalation speaks volumes.
Some people here are okay with the involuntary martyring of an 8 or 12 year old to be the spokesperson for infidelity??
I’ve never been more proud to disagree with someone.
She found that he had a new partner on instangram.
You’re completely overlooking that his girls can see what he’s doing because he’s not hiding it and they’re not stupid. Their social life includes social media. Their mother’s article isn’t a betrayal and validates the situation.
He blocked his wife from his IG, Twitter, etc. accounts. His children can see them.
Glad not to be someone who lies and minimizes the hubris and hurt in the wake of cheating and pretending that kids are protected by such actions.
How does tell the them the truth but keep it local condone lies or minimization?
Her ex is crap. It’s not a binary situation him or her . Both parents aren’t protecting those kids, just in different ways.
That why CL repeats, with empathy be the sane parent.
Get one child psychologist to agree with Evans’ using twitter, vlogging, the Daily Mail op-ed as a therapy release for processing this.
Nobody is containing the shock and damage here.
Lisa, stop clutching your pearls. This “loving” father is not home assuring his children he loves them. He is shacking up with another woman in another country. He ain’t worth shit as we say down here.
He’s based in LA, but working for 8 weeks in France. Should he be unemployed? How can that support his family?
Letgo
Stop thinkong their is only one bad actor here. People here want a public face so badly that they are willing to overlook the fact that Alice is chumping Chump Nation. She, like all disordered people trying to exploit your pain , and feelings of injustice, You don’t want to see the red flags of narcissism flying high, She will likely even pilfer, triangulate Chumplady’s work.
Is that your Shero?
Clutching pearls when I point out salient disturbing aspects of her behaviour and it’s mental heaalth conseqences her kids, It’s binary for you. So wrapped up in emotional thinking and maybe vicarious pleasure towards Evans ex getting it stuck to him.
People wanting narcissists dead. Wtf.
Clutching pearls huh, How trivializing.
So many people here are projecting their ethics onto Evans and refusing to do the groundwork.
This is about those kids, nobody else matters.
Evans is an obstructionist to those children’s relationships with their dad. Go look deeper and think critically.
I will admit my editing is crap though .
I had to google Ioan Gruffudd, had no idea who he was until I saw his picture. He’s the lead in a series called “Harrow” here in Australia. Without exaggerating here – he is a terrible actor in that show. I thought that before I see he’s a cowardly douche bag for cheating on and gaslighting his wife. He must have done some cracking performances in other shows? Why is he famous? I feel very bad for his wife and little ones.
Alice deserves to get through this horrid explosion of her life in any way she feels helps her. She is of the generation that has lived on social media and both she and her husband are somewhat famous (although I have never heard of them). No one, that has not experienced this type of betrayal, has any right to criticize her actions. Posting the TRUTH is not a crime.
I think back to how I felt when this happened to me… the pain, disbelief, the lies, the stealing, the cruelty, the crying, screaming, the additional abandonment by people that I trusted, wondering how I am going to survive… six years ago and it still stings! Divorced five years this week.
Prayers for you Alice and your children. What happened to you sucks and everyone else needs to shut the f### up! Anyone that is on the side of your still husband is not anyone that you need in your life.
Do you remember the outrage/sympathy when Lady Gaga’s dogs were stolen and the dog walker was seriously injured?
There was not one iota of sympathy for the perpetrator or their accomplice. And if the situation had not been resolved, no one would have faulted Lady Gaga for being grief stricken and demanding justice.
Why do we, as a society, accept similar attacks on marriages and families?
Cheating is ABUSE.
Emotional abuse – living a lie and being blameshifted upon, and having no idea why.
Physical abuse – cheater’s STDs and his girlfriends, and even Covid, flu….all come back home.
Financial abuse – he’s spending family money on his affairs.
Cheaters and their ilk want silence from the ex and hoorahs from everyone else. It’s gaslighting. The media is stupid.
Narcissist abuse is ABUSE.
Can we talk about “dirty laundry?”
Many of the comments on Alice’s twitter admonish her for airing “dirty laundry” publicly.
Ioan and OW dumped a truckload of dirty laundry in her front yard. Is Alice supposed to joyfully wash it and fold it and tell her kids and the world how she looooves washing other people’s filthy underwear for the rest of her life? Fuck that.
Light that shit on fire Alice, send up smoke signals so everyone can see.
Alice has been dumping truckloads of Ioan’s dirty laundry on her twitter and instagram feeds for some years. If she had not been videoing him, taking photos, sharing them against his wishes, making jokes about how annoyed he was, continuing to invade his privacy against his wishes and continue to joke about it, etc. he may well have stayed with her. What goes around comes around.
Have a look through Alice’s tweets for the past 5 years and see all the times she invaded his privacy, took photos and vids of him without his consent, and made much of how she was stirring him up and he would be cranky. Provocation? She’s a serious narcissist and he seems to have put up with way more garbage than most other people (men or women) would have before finally having enough.
I agree, Susan. Alice has been a dreadful human and partner. Still… we know what Ioan should have done instead of cheating. Before he went out sniffing for another woman, he should have sat down Alice, told her he was ending the marriage, focused on splitting assets fairly and ensuring that the daughters were okay. No matter how awful a spouse (and I agree with you: Alice is awful), that’s NO EXCUSE for cheating.
That is what he did. There’s no evidence he was cheating before he sat her down and told her the marriage was over (August 2020). He filed for divorce (March 2021), attempted collaborative divorce, is supporting the daughters (and Alice), has the daughters in therapy, etc. Go back through the timelines. Alice claims he was cheating but no evidence for it.
Wow, I had no idea that one needed to ask permission to share photos and videos of one’s husband. #themoreyouknow????????
My husband locked down his Facebook account so that no one – including me – could share anything on it. I asked him why and never got a satisfying answer. I later found out, of course, that he was juggling several women and didn’t want them to see pictures of him and his family. Would wreck his narrative of his hated wife if his girlfriends were to see pictures of us hugging and kissing. Normal men like their families to share photos and videos. Only people with something to hide do not.
It’s about respecting boundaries and the requests of your partner. Not just permission. So if you repeatedly disregard that, how many other opinions/requests/wishes are disregarded? And i do not condone cheating in case that accusation will be thrown at me.
And I think generalizing t about people having something to hide is simply wrong. Sure there are people who want to hide impropriety, but not everyone. I make it clear to my family and friends that I do not want pictures of me posted on their social media. I don’t have anything to hide…it’s respecting my privacy in this digital world and I shouldn’t have to justify my reasons for wanting to keep my life offline. even if they don’t agree, they respect it.
That may be you. That’s fine. But seeing as Ioan has no problem posting with his new love on social media, it seems clear to me that he did have something to hide. Your wife posting pictures of you and your happy family could easily trigger your side piece, who you’ve been telling how unhappy you are. I know that from personal experience. Despite my ex’s lockdown on his Facebook page, I tagged him in a photo on my page of us celebrating a family event. Five minutes after that photo hit Facebook, his girlfriend tagged me in a photo of the two of them, inebriated and celebrating whatever. And she started writing me emails detailing all the specifics of their 7-year relationship. Mustn’t piss of one’s side piece.
I’ve always wondered how the Brown family responded with Sidney and Justin after OJ murdered Nicole. They were eight and five when the murder happened. I’m sure the children loved both of their parents. I have never been able to imagine how on earth they were going to reconcile that, and what a monstrous ungodly thing to reconcile. I can’t remember hearing anything about being careful about how to talk about OJ and what he did because of how it might affect his children.
How should have the family and friends responded? How should have the media responded? Who should say what and to whom and how? What does the tightrope between telling the truth and protecting the children look like? What and how on earth should anyone say, in private, in public, to the children, when one parent
murders or abuses or intentionally harms the other parent?
This is the position we’re forced into by cheaters in their pursuit of life, liberty, happiness, and exciting illicit multiple orgasms.
The facts and reality if one loved parent harms the other loved parent are carved on the table and can’t be denied or undone.
After DDay I came to believe that cheating is far more effective for inflicting maximum damage and pain and suffering than murder. A murder victim feels pain and suffering for an instant or a short period of time. Loved ones left behind (assuming the homicide was committed by an outsider) are at least united in their grief. No victim-blaming to deal with. Society joins you in vilifying the murderer. Prosecuting. Seeking justice. No one attacks you for talking about what happened. Saying how you feel. Universal sympathy without the masses chiming in on how you should feel, how long you should feel that way, how you should respond. No should should should should should chorus.
Cheating, like other forms of abuse, is soul-murder. Invisible wounds that make it easy to ignore, deny, minimize harm done. A socially acceptable emotional felony, like alcohol is a kick-ass destructive, addictive socially acceptable drug.
Cheating causes off the charts pain and suffering for the infidelity victim with no known end in sight. Like being burned alive but the fire doesn’t go out and you don’ t die. (I make this comparison based on personal experience with third degree burns). The wounds are invisible. The victim gets blamed. Half the planet will join in blaming the victim. Opinions and criticism and judgement and shoulds to the moon and back about how and to whom it should be spoken about. The victim is often the one vilified because cheating is about Love. (and rape is about sex, right?). ????
Maximum damage, pain, and suffering inflicted without laying a hand on your victim? Victim-blaming baked in? Way more effective than murder, IMHO.
Cheating destroys not just the future of the victim’s life but the present and the past as well.
Cheating turns the relationships of the surrounding family and friends and associates, current and future, into a permanent navigational nightmare, imposing an awkward, uncomfortable life sentence on everyone the infidelity touches. A Herculean challenge for the most emotionally mature, psychologically healthy, relationship-skilled among us, a category of people the cheaters aren’t in to begin with.
I actually think the children of the cheating parents get the worst seat at the shit show, the director and producer of which is the cheater and their accomplices.
It seems to me that opinions about the victim response are related to the opinion of infidelity as a violation/abuse….
I tweeted to Alice that she should come to this website if she wants to find a supportive group of people who won’t judge her for speaking the truth. This site saved my life and my sanity after I was chumped and dumped. I hope Alice finds her way here.
Unfortunately, I’ve spent too much time following this story and I so I’m quite familiar with the timelines. Ioan returned to LA from Australia for good in August 2020 (Harrow had finished) before he told Alice that he no longer loved her. It was then January 1st that he said the marriage was done and March1st when he filed for divorce. Bianca and he were never in the same country since August 2020 until now, when they are in France together. So… they had no romance whatsoever (even if “only” emotional) when they were living and working in the same place, but out of the blue after he ended things with Alice, a lead actor and an extra from a show that had finished somehow got in touch online when living on different continents and struck up a romance so strong she went to shack up with him for 2 months in the South of France?! Nope. Not buying it.
Sorry – this was supposed to be in response to Susan Cunningham’s comment.
The marriage was clearly in serious trouble a full year before he told Alice he was done. A wife who hurls abuse at her husband online knows full well their marriage is in trouble. It wasn’t a good solid marriage back in 2019.
He went to work in France and Bianca met up with him there. How do you know it hasn’t just started recently as a romance? What evidence do you have that it goes back 1, 2 or 3 years? Actual evidence. Not just Alice’s say-so.
Note: I’m not a fan nor do I know either of them personally. But I smelt a rat when the separation was announced and then 5 nanoseconds later Alice attacked him with claims of mental torture and gaslighting. Very odd behaviour for someone who claims to have been blindsided.
HIGHLY unlikely it started recently as a romance when they lived on different continents since the end of filming. Bianca has been posting photos from Australia, Ioan has been in LA visiting with his daughters a few times each week since Harrow ended (until he left for France). Everyone here knows well that cheaters are adept at covering their tracks, making everyone else believe we were making up stories about how Twu Wuv started only after the marriage was ended. Alice has long been a histrionic loon, but people don’t have to be perfect — or even likeable — to be true victims.
Equally unlikely that they were together a few months, then didn’t see each other for 15 months and have now rekindled their romance.
Highly unlikely that he was mentally torturing her and gaslighting her and then left her. People who do that hang around while they conduct multiple affairs. They don’t up and leave, why would they when they can stay and continue to torment their victim.
And how did he feel when she was dallying with her co-star? or does that not count because she didn’t break up a marriage then?
THANK YOU!
And not too long before he told his wife he no longer loved her he was gushing on his SM pages how much he DID “LOVE and ADORE his ANGEL of a wife.”
What changed in that short span of time?
Things heated up with his bit on the side, that’s what.
He CHEATED, he LEFT his WIFW for his MISTRESS.
It ain’t rocket science
Fascinating that anyone (“Lisa”) would think that ALICE EVANS is “chumping” Chump Nation or could somehow “pilfer” or “triangulate” Tracy’s work. This post says a great deal about the person who would make such a suggestion.
“Lisa says
November 6, 2021 at 9:29 am
Letgo
Stop thinkong their is only one bad actor here. People here want a public face so badly that they are willing to overlook the fact that Alice is chumping Chump Nation. She, like all disordered people trying to exploit your pain , and feelings of injustice, You don’t want to see the red flags of narcissism flying high, She will likely even pilfer, triangulate Chumplady’s work.
Is that your Shero?
Clutching pearls when I point out salient disturbing aspects of her behaviour and it’s mental heaalth conseqences her kids, It’s binary for you. So wrapped up in emotional thinking and maybe vicarious pleasure towards Evans ex getting it stuck to him.
People wanting narcissists dead. Wtf.
Clutching pearls huh, How trivializing.
So many people here are projecting their ethics onto Evans and refusing to do the groundwork.
This is about those kids, nobody else matters.
Evans is an obstructionist to those children’s relationships with their dad. Go look deeper and think critically.”
Have all of you nay sayers learned nothing? He began denigrating her out of the blue. Before that they appeared to have a happy marriage. The “I was never happy, you never gave me attention etc. etc. etc”. are the wonderful things Chumps hear and earnestly try to fix without knowing the truth. Someone is cheating. I said pearl clutching because I KNEW there was going to be someone on here who decided she was at fault. The woman is in pain, for crying out loud!
They “appeared” to have a happy marriage and SHE says he began denigrating her out of the blue. It’s not her fault if he cheated but what happened to getting the other side of the story?
What’s disturbing is the vilification of people that don’t believe EVERY word that she says.
I was criticizing and quoted “Lisa”, who criticized and quoted “Letgo”.
I thought it was telling that “Lisa” was suddenly all worried on behalf of Chump Nation and Tracy.
Continuously overstepping an explicitly stated boundary isn’t funny, and his detachment in the pictures and videos could just as easily be a result of the fact she wouldn’t stop doing it.
“teehee he didn’t want me to share this and here it is!” captions on photos and vids of him in his private space at home.
Only to then shame and deride him for getting mad at the thing she already knew he’d get mad at.
I’m surprised he stayed as long as he did.
Agreed. It’s a complete lack of respect for your partner’s boundaries. Unfortunately, now that the focus is on the cheating, she can choose to ignore that there may have been problems in the marriage to which she contributed.
did he cheat though – according to people on set they barely spoke to each other – is there evidence or just gossip?
Are you saying that the two magically became so close that Bianca left Australia to be with loan for 2 whole months (her words) in France?
How/and when did that relationship materialized to the point where she was willing to leave her “beloved” pet dog to live in an actor’s room in another country whom she “hardly” spoke to on set?
Don’t be fooled.