Shakira Got Chumped
Hips don’t lie, but Gerard Piqué does.
Shakira — “Queen of Latin Music,” multiple platinum-selling global artist, with a reported net worth of $750 million, IQ of 140, this hip-shaking polymath, philanthropist, and all-around stunningly beautiful woman — was cheated on.
By her partner of 11 years, Gerard Piqué. A guy who hits balls with his head for a living.
Perhaps there was brain damage. You think you can do better than Shakira, Gerard Piqué? You’re a lump of meat in tube socks. Your future is early onset dementia and irrelevance.
You traded this:
For what? Some college kid you met in a bar? That’s like trading gold bullion for a handful of paper clips. How many footballs hit your head? Why would you cheat on this beautiful, faithful Colombian woman?
I know a man who cheated on a Colombian woman. He left with a bullet lodged in his ass.
(True story. Do not fuck with Colombian women. My friend Maria Elena put a man through medical school, raised his children. He finally becomes a heart surgeon and announces he’s leaving her for another woman. She shot him. I don’t recommend this, but neither would I chump a woman from Medellin. Not if I wanted to live. Long story short, he didn’t press charges, but it messed up her life for years. Last month she remarried a good guy and is very happy. And the now-adult kids stuck by her, not him. LACGAL….)
Back to you, Gerard. You’re an idiot. And Shakira is merciful.
She’s already written a song about you, Te Felicito.
Don’t tell me how you feel
It seems sincere
But I know you well and I know you lieLet’s be clear, I don’t need you
You lost someone authentic
Something told me we didn’t connect
It’s going to sting you when you remember us
There’s been some handwringing on social media, that if Shakira can get cheated on, or Beyonce, what hope do mere mortals have?
Wrong way to frame it. It was never about how much perfection one person can attain and still “fail.” It’s about how stupid and entitled cheaters are. They can have the best and it’s not ENOUGH. Their loss.
So you’re telling me Shakira and Piqué separated 3 months ago and she’s been living her best live ever since?
QUEEN SHIT pic.twitter.com/5meynheFmG
— Inevitable ???? (@shamelesshak) June 4, 2022
That sucks Shakira. I am available if you ever need to talk.
“It was never about how much perfection one person can attain and still “fail.” It’s about how stupid and entitled cheaters are. They can have the best and it’s not ENOUGH.”
There’s the whole ball of wax right there.
(forcing myself to refrain from a song parody of CL’s Columbian friend to the tune of “| Shot the Sherriff”, lest I be tagged for minimizing violence)
I love your song parodies, UXW. Your creativity is snark-tastic.
Oh, what the hell
(music by Bob Marley & Eric Clapton, lyrics by CL’s friend Maria Elena)
I shot the doctor, but I did not shoot his chatelaine
I shot the doctor, but I did not shoot his chatelaine
Raising kids and doing chores
He’s out chasing skanks and whores
He lives a life of rogue duplicity
While he gets his medical degree
And I paid for that damn degree
But I say . . .
I shot the doctor, I just hope my STD is clean
I shot the doctor, so don’t cross a badass girl from Medellin
Now Shakira’s cheated on as well
For what? For the thrill
Every time that I hear this tell
I say, “Fuck you, you imbecile”
I say, “Fuck you, you imbecile”
I say . . .
I shot the doctor, I just hope my STD is clean
I shot the doctor, I just hope my STD is clean
– UXW superfan
UXWorld I am visiting Boston for the first time next week, literally for songwriting school. I’m a big fan of your parodies ???? We should grab a coffee!
I know you hear this with every song parody, but I have to put my two cents in …. UXWorld …. You have an AMAZING gift. You are so talented. Thank you for sharing it with the rest of us.
????????????????????
Clean / Medellin
Brilliant.
And still chuckling over CL’s Tube Sock comment.
Oh, it looks to be the start of a good day…
???? Extra points for dredging up chatelain. You never see that one anymore.
Perhaps a parody of She Wolf for this asshat? (“S.O.S., he’s in disguise”)
Yeah, “I Shot the Heart Surgeon” doesn’t have the right cadence.
Just “I shot the surgeon, but I didn’t shoot the anesthetist,” might work.
“But I did not shoot the attending nurse” might work though.
He had a diamond and he chose to play with rocks. His loss, and a new and better life is her gain.
Shakira has always been the Queen of a dignified breakup diss.
Remember in ‘Objection-Tango’ when she told a cheater, ‘May heaven and your mother take care of you.’
Buuuuuuuuuuurnnnnnn.
I thought soooo much of that line in the early days. Particularly because I spent a year and a half looking after him because of an injury. That line and the one from the English version “I love you for free and I’m not your mother/But you don’t even bother”.
Correction it’s Te Aviso Te Annuncio (Tango) if you want to listen.
Yes! Love that one. It’s a great song.
Won’t lie I was so sad to hear this but CL’s comment is spot on. It’s the cheater’s entitlement and not Shakira’s lack of perfection. She is a queen.
That’s HOW we get chumped! We buy the shit sandwich that we aren’t good enough and twist ourselves into knots to prove or be good enough OR we stand up for our needs/wants and end up in constant conflict.
And the reason I hate these cheaters? They just pile on! They LOVE for you to believe you drove them to this shitty behavior/decision ..but here’s the thing, they could simply say what their wants and needs are – then we come to consensus, like adults.
But not if deception is the point !
(Probably could be expanded to include other objs: selfishness, revenge, stupidity, immaturity, etc. )
Exactly! They could just be honest! That’s what I got into it with a former friend over. She said, “Well, what was he supposed to do?!” and I was like, “be honest with me.” And she goes, “Well, you wouldn’t have agreed.”
And I stared at her and then said, “So, I don’t have the right to consent or not consent?” And she huffed and puffed and rolled her eyes. She never answered that question.
But like, seriously?! That’s like saying if the girl wont’ fuck you, just put something in her drink and rape her. You have to because she won’t agree to sex. You had no other choice, she forced you to do it. Like WTF?!
There were probably literally 3 or 4 times I actually had to say to people, “Do you realize I’m a person too?” while going through this and they always looked shocked like they had not thought of that at all. It was about him manipulating me however he had to in order to do and get what he wanted and they never thought of me as a human being for a moment through it all. Such a disgusting way to live, their karma is having to be them for the rest of their lives.
I hate this crap so much. So they couldn’t tell us because we’d dump them or set a boundary? Relationships end every day because of deal breaking differences and should end when values are this far apart. This attitude says that the liar’s need to have cake is more important than the chump’s right to consent, the truth or marriage vows. What’s crazy is how rampant this take is. And it’s mostly applied to male cheaters. Women cheaters are held far more accountable.
Ex ZACTLY!!!!
How jaw-droppingly insane that the cheater … and everyone in their camp … is like, “Oh he couldn’t have just been honest and got divorced because YOU.”
not only are chumps not ENOUGH, we’re terrifying rampaging godzilla creatures who will eat anyone for breakfast if they displease us.
My eldest son, a couple years after D-Day, countered the Himself’s poor me sad sausage line in a written exchange with, “why couldn’t you have just had an amicable separation” and Himself shoots back “Are you fucking KIDDING? Do you even KNOW your mother?”
Yes. My son does. And he knows his father too. Which is why he hasn’t spoken to one of us in over 4 years and probably never will again. And why I’m having lunch with him, his gf, my fella, my brother, his wife and my parents this Sunday to celebrate my son’s 25th birthday.
so Sunday is what Tuesday looks like. Dam I wish it would hurry up and get here
When I learned that Halle Berry was cheated on, it was like the clouds cleared.
I always think that if SHE was cheated on, I know the cheating had NOTHING to do with me. Well, except for missing some red flags. But after so many years of marriage and two kids, the red flags just didn’t seem like red flags.
“I’ve learned that when I see a flag in a relationship next time, recognize it as a flag. Don’t think ‘Oh, that’s just a shadow. That’s a flag.” And when I look back at our relationship, I saw the flags. I didn’t see flags of sexual addiction, but I did see flags of something not right.”
Add Shakira to the list of accomplished, successful and beautiful women (inside and out) who wound up in our camp.
It isn’t us!
????
Dont forget Elizabeth Hurley at the height of her career by Hugh Grant for a BJ from a prostitute.
I forgot that! She was SMOKING in Bedazzled.
Remember that Katy Perry was cheated on by that Human Hairball Russell Brand, and she wrote a luminous song about it called By the Grace of God. Then she married Legolas and has an Elf Baby.
BOOM. TUESDAY!
Really wonder what excuse he could possibly have thrown out there to explain his actions. Good riddance!
“Your excellence and independence emasculated me. I wanted to feel needed and important, the man of the castle.”
That’s what my fat, bald, nearly illiterate, under-employed ex (who smelled like rancid Fritos) told me, anyway. He went for Craigslist hookups, though. Good riddance, bud.
Sounds like he emasculated himself!
While in the grips of the RIC, klootzak said to me in counseling that I was too independent and he didn’t feel needed. When we were dating and then engaged, he said it was EXACTLY that I was so independent that made me perfect for him because he was in the military and thought he would be gone for lengths of time. He knew I wasn’t a dithering idiot and could handle myself, the house, whatever without him. I wasn’t clingy and needy. I had my own career and friendships apart from him. And when I said that to him, “Seven years ago when we got married you said my independent nature was exactly what you wanted so which is it?” he had no answer. He wanted me working and bringing in money but didn’t like the independence that gave me, either. He liked money but only if he could control it. He wanted an independent wife plus a harem of whiny hangers on clamoring for his dick pics. He blamed his cheating on my being too independent.
He is almost 50 years old and the big boy’s way of making himself feel good is to tell me I’m stupid when I ask him a simple question. I gray rock SO hard. I know that if it feels good, don’t do it. But I sometimes want to tell him that he can dream up whatever he likes about me but the reality is that I’m not a lying sack of crap with no morals like he is. But no… I hold it in and just look at him like he is messed in the head, because he is.
I know she’s talked about how close she is with her kids, so I figure she’s modeling her coolness and chill demeanor to them – ” I refuse to let your father see me swear.”
I just told my niece this yesterday- NO ONE is exempt from the actions of a crappy person.
Yeah… it took me YEARS to realize that I was more than worth respect, adoration and monogamy. That what I give, I could expect back. The endless maw of disordered need devours all – the delectable, the crap… doesn’t matter, all that matters is that their need is never-ending. It’s need in and of itself. And I am not something merely to be chewed up and spat out.
Name one beautiful, rich, accomplished woman who hasn’t been cheated on. I’ll wait.
we are a HUGE threat to most men because we hold them accountable and there are ‘consequences,’ so they think if they devalue us we will get in line where we should be…at least most boomer men I’ve experienced behave this way. BTW, ‘rich’ can just be defined as having more $$ than them…
i wonder what his excuses were?
1. why do you keep shaking your hips? it’s annoying. it’s true you have incredible core strength from belly dancing, but you’ve changed *down there* since having kids (picture this with a vague wave below the waist)
2. you’re too preoccupied with the kids, your career, and don’t pay me enough attention
3. your business savvy and math skills are great for managing the business/investment portfolios/GDP of entire countries, but you make me feel inadequate
Cheaters are vacuous, hollow, superficial, emotionally stunted people looking for a blind, deaf and dumb gymnast. Very rarely will that ever present, but their search for it is eternal.
Well said L69.
The dumbasses will never learn that their fantasies aren’t real, no matter how many times they fail at finding it.
I got the excuse “you made me feel inadequate….” It was baffling. He was making 7x my earnings at the time, had a national reputation in his career niche…. I had stepped out of a successful career to care for our four kids and run our side business. A therapist later said that his “deep inferiority issues” were the reason he behaved so terribly. Nothing to work with. Trust they suck.
Motherchumper, mine was like that too.
I’d say he had an inferiority complex, only it wasn’t a complex.
They don’t have issues because they feel inferior. They are inferior. That’s their problem. But instead of changing their ways and being better people themselves, which would involve effort and insight, they just try to tear down their betters. Power and control is their substitute for self esteem, but it’s not a satisfying one. That’s why they crave so much of it.
OHFFS,
My mother would describe this as “blowing someone else’s candle out to make their own candle look brighter.”
LFTT
MC99,
It’s interesting that therapists draw a straight line between a a Cheater’s issue (in your Cheater’s case “deep inferiority issues”) and their awful behaviour. I’m sure that Cheaters (and their apologists) will see this as excusing their behaviour, by diminishing their responsibility for their actions.
I wish therapists would say “your Cheater has some significant issues ” BIG FULL STOP END OF SENTENCE, NEW SENTENCE BEGINS “Your Cheater is also behaving like an ocean going d*ck, shows no remorse and you do not have to accept it; it is OK to leave.”
LFTT
I so agree with you. I started spackling for my now ex early on in the relationship by excusing his lapses as due to FOO issues. Thank dog I finally got to the point I could think: he has issues, yes, but it doesn’t matter why he acts as he does. The way he acts is what counts. And the way he acts is not acceptable to me.
Motherchumper99, I could have written your post. With these idiots, just the address changes…
fuck that guy.
4. You eat bagged salad! (https://www.chumplady.com/2021/08/bagged-salad-and-other-excuses/)
ha! a simple columbian side salad but not just any side salad, one with perfectly ripe avocado, sliced and fanned. and we all know that you aren’t any good at selecting avocados, let alone slicing and fanning them the proper way.
I remind myself regularly, Princess Diana was cheated on with an older, uglier woman too. If it can happen to them, it can happen to you. It rebukes the theory “You were not pretty, smart or rich enough to make them stay.”
She’s always been beautiful, but that post f**kboy glow hits different ???? Live your best life, Shakira!
Come sit next to me Shakira! Proof that cheating has NOTHING to do with us, and EVERYTHING to do with these shits of low moral character. I’m sure every single one of us can tell a tale of how we were told we weren’t “fun” enough, “sexy” enough, “thin” enough, (fill in the blank) enough, it’s all bullshit and these cheaters are playing a rigged game. I twisted myself into a pretzel trying to be enough, I didn’t realize I would never get there as he just kept moving the goal posts. Shakira will go on to be AWESOME and this idiot will only be a footnote in her life story.
Many years ago, I read a book written by Vanguard founder John Bogle called simply “Enough.” It got away from purely focusing on wealth building or retirement planning and got into sorting out what is your version of “enough” so that you stop moving the goal posts. Like Sheryl Crow sang, “It’s not having what you want. It’s wanting what you’ve got.” And the fuckwits of the world are empty vessels who cannot be satisfied. That’s why chumps are never enough for them. Nothing is.
On the flip side, I have always been satisfied with less and found happiness in what I am lucky enough to have. That used to include the FW. But after years of emotional and financial abuse, I place a very high value on freedom and taking good care of my child. My grass will have weeds in it, my entry table will always be cluttery, and I probably won’t wash (and wax!) the windows twice a year. I’ll drive my car and keep repairing it until they stop making the parts. But I will take kiddo to the planetarium, tell him stories about his grandparents, play catch with him in the yard, teach him how to cook, and be there for his games after school. We’ll have friends over and everyone will relax. I’ll take up my old hobbies again. I’ll get back to exercise that I enjoy (walking/hiking and yoga) and take time to write. Most importantly, I will be free to direct my own time and resources as I choose. And that will bring me satisfaction that FWs will never understand because they lie so regularly, they believe their own lies and think chumps are diminished without them. How pathetic to think that way.
I’ve started dating again. Two plus years post D-Day after a 40 year sham of a marriage. I just broke up with a guy I’d been seeing for 3 months because I SAW the red flags!!! I still can’t believe how great I feel this morning. I did it! My gut was screaming at me the past couple of weeks, I got still and actually listened to it. I called a very trusted friend and shared my thoughts. She verified my gut. Indeed, any one of the things would be enough red flag and I had collected about 15 flags. When I said I didn’t want to break up with him because I knew he would be angry – she jumped in and pointed out that was the biggest red flag of all.
Two of the last flags were about my looks…… him quietly pointing out I need to lose 30 pounds. Suggesting a surgery for me to make my body look better……… and telling me my bath towels all needed replaced. Hey, maybe they do. But, I will decide that, thank you! All the while him being a short, balding person, closet smoker who could also stand to lose 30 plus pounds…….who does have nicer bath towels…. but my alarm bells moved into car alarm shrieking mode!
This morning I woke up in my safe bubble, in my safe home, back in the life of independence I have worked so hard to create for myself this past two years. I did it! I can do it! This feels so awesome, maybe this whole life tragedy has a purpose and a happier ending.
Proud of you!!
That’s the way to own your gut.
We could list the beautiful chumps forever… Christie Brinkley, Elizabeth Hurley, Eva Longoria, Halle Barry, Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Aniston, … shit, even Robert Patinson was chumped (he was both BATMAN and Edward the sparkly hot vampire). Gorgeous Ali Landry was chumped by Mario Lopez (I can’t stand that guy). Have you ever looked at Tiger Woods’ ex wife Elin? She’s a freaking stunning Swedish model.
If this isn’t enough proof that it’s not about the chump, then I don’t know what is. The broken ones are the cheaters.
Seriously? How stupid is a guy that would cheat on SHAKIRA?
I once served Mario Lopez at a bar. He was an asshole and didn’t tip.
I actually think the more attractive you are, the more likely you are to get cheated on. This is because it’s more likely your partner chose you for your looks, which means s/he is shallow, a user and therefore will think nothing of betraying you.
We’ve seen it a million times how some creep with money gets a trophy wife and proceeds to cheat. The creep is often significantly less attractive than the trophy, too. It’s so common it’s a cliché.
It’s a crapshoot tbh. I’m fairly conventionally attractive & in good shape and my ex cheated on me with a lady who was overweight and not conventionally attractive. I was really surprised. When I confronted him one of his BS defenses was “how could you believe I’d ever be attracted to someone like that!”. Er…because I saw the pictures of your erect dick you sent her with my very own eyes, you asshole?? But I read some of the messages and he was praising her body and telling her she was the most beautiful woman in the world – the same stuff he used to tell me! I genuinely think cheaters are just slutty and will try it on with anyone who gives them the time of day. Also no hate for this lady, she wasn’t aware he was cheating and was grateful I let her know.
Very interesting conversation but one of the signs of a cheating spouse is change in appearance. Spouse loses wt, works out, gets cosmetic surgery…… Fw did all of this. She was always a 10 to me but my friends confided (after DDay of course) they felt she was around a 7. Then elevated asthetically from surgery.
A quote I saw once said “if your wife suddenly starts buying sexy underwear again, it’s not for you” (unfortunately it is true). That seems consistent with the gym/surgery focus.
Honestly, having been ugly young thanks to having extra teeth and a huge overbite like Freddy Mercury and then becoming beautiful and then having skin issues due to an autoimmune disease that made me ugly and then cycling back and forth between being ugly and beautiful my whole life…
I don’t think there’s any difference. I mean, if you’re a young attractive woman and you marry some gross old guy, of course he probably just cares about your looks but then you probably only care about his money.
But for the most part, it’s a wash. Bad people come everywhere on the spectrum from hideously ugly to drop dead gorgeous. The only difference I’ve ever found is it’s easier to make female friends when I’m in an ugly phase. And I get way more compliments from women while ugly. That makes me sad sometimes but it’s the only big difference I’ve seen.
I notice a huge difference just with losing some attractiveness from aging. Men are much less interested in me now and I don’t even look my age. Obviously if you have more people interested in you, it follows that you have more choice. However, the choice is usually between this asshole or that asshole, not between this quality person or that quality person. The guys who were after me in my youth were mostly jerks looking for a fuck toy and arm candy. One guy summed them all up when he literally said; “You’re good looking and you’d be good to fuck.” Those kind of guys aren’t going to want me now because they define good looking as young and nubile. So there’s that.
KatiePig
Your story resonates with me because I also have autoimmunes that set me up to be abused by my ex. I was curious… is it Celiac disease? If that’s too personal a question than I apologize (in advance). I have been following CL for almost seven years but rarely post…
Oh, I don’t mind. It’s pernicious anemia. I went untreated for a long time and it really messed up my skin, mostly on my face. It looks good now but there were years where people thought I’d been burned in a house fire or a car accident, it would dry out and swell and crack and even bleed and everything just irritated it and made it worse. I started having symptoms at 8 years old and didn’t start treatment until 38 due to multiple misdiagnosis. It caused serious cognitive issues starting in my early 30s and that’s when the abuse really ramped up because I couldn’t remember it so he could get away with it.
I’m sorry you dealt with it too. Autoimmune diseases are such a bitch because they can affect so many systems of your body. I feel like most people don’t understand that at all. I hope your health is doing well and I’m glad you’re away from that ex.
I agree with you to a certain extent. I married a very much less then average woman. I loved her personality and knew it mattered more the inner person then exterior. What I didn’t know at the time was that she was a Chamaeleon. She changed over night after we got married. Use to tell me all the time that I should be glad I married an ugly woman because she wouldn’t cheat. You can guess what she did many times. I bet those “high value” people are targeted by not honest people. He cheated on Shakira because he could and he wasn’t a good moral person. I bet it’s hard being a famous person because I would question everyone’s motive being with me…
Cheaters lie and project. My idiot FW would do the opposite of what he said a lot of the time. Total mind fuck
I thought he was such an honourable person, haaaa
The OW posted on social media (before I stopped looking and was heavily into pain shopping) about how amazing it was having an honest and true relationship. Snort, splutter
Yes very honest, after a three year affair where the idiot apparently kept refusing to leave for her
He’s still lying to her now, even over pointless things
Twu wuv though
He also used to say how disgusted he was by people who didn’t wash their hands properly. Guess who never washed their hands properly or at all. Bleurgh
You too, huh bbfw. My jerk thought rinsing his hands briefly after taking a dump was sufficient. He resented me for telling him it wasn’t and added it to all the other resentments he had about me being smarter abd knowing more than him. He used those things as excuses to cheat.
“The OW posted on social media (before I stopped looking and was heavily into pain shopping) about how amazing it was having an honest and true relationship. Snort, splutter”
A fuckwit without delusions is like a nazi without jack boots. Neither of them can stomp on humanity without their accessories.
It’s uncanny how alike they are OHFFS
SCAL, telling you how glad you should be that she didn’t cheat would be fuckwitty thinking even if it had been true. We don’t have to feel that we’re extra priviledged to be treated respectfully and kindly if we treat our partners that way as well. It’s what we should expect and it’s what we deserve. Fuckwits think it’s a priviledge for us to get that but a right for them.
I remember my brother (who believes all men are constantly horny and want to cheat) telling me I should feel lucky that my husband didn’t cheat. He shut up when I reminded him that I didn’t cheat despite have many more opportunities than FW, so by his stupid reasoning FW should feel even luckier. The concept that it works both ways seemed to confuse him.
He had to eat his words about FW not cheating a few years later anyway.
I had a student once who was one of those drop-dead-gorgeous women who could turn men into incoherent blabbers just by walking by. My daughter, OTOH, has a rare condition with significant cosmetic issues. One day my student was looking at my daughter and commented, “you know, I am aware that men are attracted to me because of how I look on the surface, but I have no reassurance they will stay with me when I start aging or otherwise changing. Your daughter, however, when a man falls in love with her, will know the love is more than skin deep.”
OHFFS, I think what you say has a lot of truth in it.
ILC, it’s hard to feel sorry for a person whining about being priviledged, and I think what she said about your daughter was passive aggressive. What kind of asshole even comments on how unattractive somebody else’s child is? Of all the nerve.
There are no guarantees either way. Gorgeous people will be more likely to have shallow people wanting to date them, but users and abusers could also target less attractive people because they think they must have low self esteem and will put up with the abuser’s crap. I suspect it’s less common than the other way around, but as Katiepig says, nobody is safe.
Ed Sheeran once said to fall in love with someone’s eyes as they don’t change over time. (I think his Grandma gave him that advice).
My FW had the eyes of a snake. It was disconcerting. But they told the story once I realized the truth.
She’s wrong though. I was having serious skin issues when I met my now ex husband. I thought he must have truly loved me because it couldn’t have been my looks and my burnt looking face he was interested in. I was wrong. He probably targeted me because I wasn’t attractive at the time. It’s still a crap shoot, she can’t count on her condition saving her from that. She could actually be targeted because of it. Nobody is safe.
Thar’s true KP. Nobody is safe. A user can find other ways of using people than to bask in the glory of having a trophy. Some of them are so deranged that they will even marry a less attractive person just in order to have an excuse to cheat.
My FW actually didn’t seem shallow. I only found out about it after dday when he described how envious of he was of couples who have high achieving children and who have a lot of material things. He had never said anything of that nature in his life. He kept it well hidden. Another reason nobody’s safe is because they can hide who they are so well. Even if you fix your picker they can still get to you. That applies to friendships as well as partnerships.
Me too OHFSS, I never had a clue of what he was capable of
Yeah, people don’t get you could be damn near perfect and a cheater would still cheat. I wish I could post pictures sometimes to show how insane it really was. I’d blur faces but a lot of them already cut their heads out of their pics on the fuck site, probably due to shame.
I remember one person I’ve flushed out of my life telling me I was jealous. And it’s like… not only are these people very much not conventionally attractive they also clearly have very troubled lives. Like the “fattrannywhore” real screen name except I changed the word whore for his protection. It was a different insult for women there. But the fat and tranny are accurate, that’s how he chooses to identify himself. 19 years old, female to male, has had top surgery. The pictures appeared to be taken in a serial killer’s basement of his victim. Forced to stand under harsh fluorescent lighting, which make every pimple and stretch mark and open sore stand out, the victim appeared to be 50 years old and approximately 450 pounds. The scars from the top surgery honestly did not help the ominous tone of the pictures. I did not know the scars were that bad but maybe the kid just had a hack surgeon. His life doesn’t seem to be ok at all from what he’s posting on the Internet.
Another one was an emaciated young woman posing “seductively” on a piss stained bare mattress is what appeared to be a rape basement to me. It was clearly a different basement than the other kid so probably not the same serial killer but who knows. Maybe he makes house calls. Hand to God, there was a dead cockroach, legs up, on the mattress in front of her. I must be jealous of all that sexiness. Lord knows a cockroach has never deigned to pose with me!
I try to make fun of it but the reality is I had to go through the profiles of a lot of his fuck buddies to make sure they weren’t victims of crimes or human trafficking or something. Their pics were that horrifying. So while his little friends were acting like I was a monster and so jealous and pathetic, I was putting myself through pain in order to determine if I needed to call the police and save some of these people. You know, because I’m such a shitty person. But they all seemed totally willing to be doing what they’re doing which on one hand sets my mind at ease but on the other hand I’m like how did I end up with a degenerate who would throw away his family for all this?
I just don’t know man, but I know looks won’t save people from this, being a great cook won’t save people from this, making good money won’t save you, being great in bed won’t save you. Chump lady nailed it again, these cheaters are going to do it no matter what. It’s who they are, who their partner is doesn’t change that.
Fuckwits gonna fuckwit.
Love “it’s how stupid and entitled cheaters are. they can have the best and it is still not enough”. A huge part of meh is internalizing it is not about me, it is about him. What is about me is putting up with his BS for way too long thinking I could make him happy if I did this or that. It still is true you can’t change stripes on a zebra. Hugs!
Good lessons here for all of us. No matter how many times the cheater tells you that you failed them in some way it simply isn’t true.
You aren’t perfect so they go looking for perfect because darn it, why aren’t you more perfect for them?
or
You are perfect and they go looking for imperfection because your perfect sucks and makes them feel inadequate.
There is, literally, no way to win that game and keep a cheater. We’ll drive ourselves mad trying and the cheater will sleep just fine at night.
When I was first out on my own, post divorce, I joined a MeetUp group of mostly women. I learned so much from those ladies. One I clearly remeber, perfect clothing, athletic, thin figure, could not decide if she looked MORE like 1970’S Linda Carter or 1980’S Courtney Cox. She was stunning. Educated, great job, seemed very friendly.
Yup, you guessed it….
Her husband abandoned her for another woman.
Another friend, who’s 18 year older husband ( trust me, he looked 30 years older than her – like her grandpa) left her – for a woman who was 22 years younger than him!
It led me to beleive that it truely has little to nothing to do with the Chump, entitlement runs thick with the cheaters. They do what they do because they wanted to. That’s about it.
What change does an ordinary, chubby, minority, single mother in her late 40s have when even someone as stunning as Shakira is chumped? I think I’d better start looking for a cave and some cats. ????
Every chance in the world. The cheater is defective, their choices are as well. Logic and reason don’t apply.
Aw, your takeaway is the opposite of what CL intended. Her point is that cheating is all about the depravity and lack of character on the cheater’s part, and it has nothing to do with how awesome the chump is. Chumps don’t cause cheaters to cheat, and the excuses as to why a cheater cheats are all bullshit.
That is the point of this story-it doesn’t matter who you are or how you look, cheating is not discriminating. It’s about the cheater not you. Hugs!
These supermodels, superstars, superwomen make a mistake (I know) in pairing with their equals. Such men have women drooling all over them. It’s easy for them to score on the side. Sucks that a woman can’t expect a solid relationship with an equal, but that’s the facts on the ground.
Elsewhere in this thread someone notes that a less-attractive woman can rest easy(er) about her mate’s faithfulness. If a superwoman ever asks for my advice in the matter, I’ll tell her to look for a mate whose status is a good bit lower than hers.
But Violet, surely the mere fact that myriads of people are drooling over an attractive spouse does not cause that attractive spouse to cheat? The attractive spouse cheats because they choose to do so due to their own bad character. They choose not to say, ‘I’ll part from my partner before I get into anything remotely sexual with this drooling person.’ Drool isn’t a good look for well-balanced adults. We are not Labrador dogs. And this isn’t an ‘attractive man’ thing but an attractive person thing. And surface attractiveness is irrelevant. I have likened it before to gold foil covered chocolate bunnies: they look pretty, but they are hollow inside and deeply unsatisfying. I find this line of thinking about attractiveness and unattractiveness disturbing. All sorts of people get cheated on. We each bring our baggage to the table. Grown ups work on that baggage and do no harm. Cheaters are not grown ups. I’m not comforted by the fact that superstars get cheated on. It’s character, moral compass, that counts.
I don’t like it either, but it seems to me that those are the facts on the ground. For every Paul Newman (“I have steak at home. Why would I go out for hamburger?”) you have dozens of David Beckhams, Hugh Grants, Brad Pitts, Lee Iaccoccas. I could go on.
On a related topic, I wonder how many chumped spouses would recommend staying away from doctors, politicians, professional athletes, wealthy bankers and such like high status individuals?
The smart money’s on avoiding these types completely.
Unfortunately, there’s some truth to what you say. I believe they have found certain categories of people are more likely to cheat: super high income earners, people in leadership roles, impulsive types…….I remember there were about 5 things and FW checked each box.
Of course it’s character, and yet…..I think you are more likely to be cheated on by certain types.
I’ve worked with many observable cheaters over decades in my life. Cheaters may salivate over beauty — but they will nail anything or body that is willing. I used to wonder about knots in trees and the risk of splinters. It is all about cheater, all the time with these FWs.
Something for CN to think about today: Taking care of yourself and protecting yourself is not selfish. It is self-care.
I had an appointment for an ultrasound this morning to check on a lymph node. As I sat, waiting, and waiting, and waiting for my turn, I watched people coming and going. May I declare, here and now, I have every intention of providing for my own care as I age. Something can always happen but start figuring out what you need and what you will need. Separate those things from your wants. I saw many parents with children my age. Don’t do that to your kids. I am trying to care for a 90-year-old with dementia, who made no plans. I am not the right person for this job. I am trying to figure out what alternate solutions are affordable and available. I do not want to do this to my kids. Their dad’s plan was to marry a much younger woman who needed a green card and have her care for him. Theoretically he would care for her postmortem. Seriously, not a good plan for her, and she knew he was a FW, but still did it. She may end up with some cash, but she paid a terrible price, and lost about a decade of her life taking care of an old sick man about 20 years her senior. After the dust settles, I think she would have been better off with minimum wage, but no time wasted feeling sorry for either of them. They made their choice.
Now, how does a FW spin I was married to Shakira, Christie Brinkley, Halle Berry … and then I cheated with Available of the day? How does that possibly make a FW look smart, or sexy? Seriously, CN, it’s not you, it is them!
As a chump without children (after a 30 year marriage) thinking about long term care was and is the most painful challenge. Even though I would have outlived FW, I resent not having a spouse to list as an emergency contact. I’m exploring co-housing and real estate closer to my siblings. I’m reading books about solo aging, but there are no easy solutions. My goals are to be active, remain a healthy weight, avoid clutter and buy one floor living.
I’m in exactly the same position Almost Monday. What happened just short of 3 years ago has focused my mind on how I manage the future. I’m 62 and do not have a close relationship with siblings (I tend to be ignored by my siblings who are very friends I used). I do have friends though, and I’m lucky to be healthy, still working, not financially secure but managing. I’m feel equally terrified and excited about the future.
Friends focused
Almost Monday, I have an s15 and I am only 4 years out from cancer with a higher percetage number than I would like of it coming back. I now think what happens if it does come back? Last trip through Chemo FW was cheating on me but I didnt know it so I thought she was there with me, eventhough she did show up for any DRs appointment. My solution is to get his college paid off then put the rest in long term care plans. I dont want to burden my son. More of the shit sandwich
Are there any books you’d recommend?
Excellent wake-up call for those of us of a certain age. Any age really, but as I near 60 I definitely don’t want my daughters to have to deal with my needs when they’re trying to get their own adult lives in order.
Portia,
I hear you. Since I retired (early) in 2019, I have been the point person for my 96 year old mother’s care. She, too, had no plans for her old age. And when she got a diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment (which progressed steadily), she still did not make plans. Then it was too late. Still, she stubbornly resisted moving from her three story condo until she could no longer safely climb the stairs (she literally had to drag herself by her arms). When she finally decided she had to move, I facilitated that move, and for the third year I continue to spend between five and six months a year away from home living in her condo so I can help her now that she’s in assisted living. (Be not deceived; assisted living is not independent living, and those in it still need family to help them.)
Like you, I do not want to do this job anymore. The move to assisted living did help take some of the burden of care from me, but as Mom declines further she needs more and more help and companionship that assisted living cannot provide. (She is also on hospice care). I, too, am trying to find a way to provide for more of her care that allows me to have more of my own life and care for myself. Neither of my siblings feel the obligation to make choices about their own lives that would enable them to help Mom.
I ask myself daily: have I chumped myself yet again? Where is the line drawn between duty/obligation/love and the psychologically unhealthy subordination of my own life to hers? Am I repeating the mistakes I made in my marriage? Is this part of fixing my picker?
(Like you, I am determined not do this to my son. Nor will I go through what my mother has/is. I am currently reading Amy Bloom’s book “In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss,” on her husband’s “accompanied suicide” through Dignitas in Zurich).
I’ve got the opposite. I’m in my 70’s and am the point of contact for an adult duaghter with a brain injury. Because of the injury I have had to be the primary person in her daughter’s life. The granddaughter is about to start college so I’ll be on the hook for at least 4 more years.
I live in a community where there are many seniors. One of the couples was a autumn/May couple where the both cheated on their spouses and left their families in order to be together 30 years ago. She spent the last five years of their marriage taking care of this old man in his dementia. She was very frustrated, she was very unhappy and asked me to babysit him so she could go out shopping. I did it once until I found out about their cheating. Now six months after he died of Covid she has cancer. It took her 25 years to develop a relationship with her kids and his children still won’t talk to her. She’s alone living with her daughter now who doesn’t really like her but she needs care. That’s a fucked up life and the future for some of these assholes.
Cheaters suck. Love stinks. Yeah yeah. I don’t know why there’s so much cheating. There’s so many emotional grifters out there. Romance is a crap shoot.
I dont believe this, I still have hope. Evidenced by my daughter having a good picker, and her picking an awesome person. He has good character. You cant teach that. That doesnt just go away. If you are of decent character it follows you through life and shows by how you live it. Our FW had reg flags, red flags follow you through life and how you live it.
It’s not how smart or hot or young or rich you are, if you’re the victim of a cheater. It’s how shallow, entitled and selfish the cheater is.
Cheater rarely “cheat up.” I’ve known too many beautiful, smart, kind women who fall for these entitled, narcissistic and morally/ethically deficient men who love bomb in the beginning to see if they can actually obtain these prized women (punching above their level) then once they hook them, do everything to knock them down pegs, deride, emotionally abuse and belittle. It’s all about THEM. THEIR deficiencies. I think when a cheater has a wonderful wife (loving, attractive, smart, attentive etc) and he trades them for a CL whore or ugly beast, it’s because what they feel they truly deserve is surfacing, only they can’t figure it out. Who knows. But as we know, cheaters cheat because they can, because they feel entitled to, and because they are lying creeps.
I think in many cases this is correct.
I confronted the fw not long after we were legally separated. I had gone down to our co owned river property to pick up my personal belongings, and my mother in laws vac cleaner.
He was there with the whore and her kid. I never said boo to the whore, but MIL was chasing her around saying “you should be ashamed of yourself” in hindsight it was funny.
I just looked at him and said why did you do this to us? He said “this is who I am”. He was hunched over looking at the floor, (never looked at me) honestly I think it is one of the rare truths he told me through out the whole mess.
He found his level and he screwed up his finances (bankruptcy due to gambling) went on to cheat on her (guess her twat didn’t stay twinkly).
The cheating didn’t surprise me, I mean he was a cheater, but when my son told me of his massive gambling debts, I still think it is just so not like him.
I endlessly admire the deep and caring chumps on this site. Common denominator: cheaters are shallow asswipes who take advantage of opportunity no matter where because they are shallow entitled sociopaths. May we hone our bullshit detectors to a knife’s edge.
When he comes hoovering back to her, and he will, I hope she listens to her own advice.
It helped me often when I felt myself slipping back towards reconciliation:
https://youtu.be/WhoPPnDiY5c
Medellin? That she shot the … person in the bum is a gentle reprimand. Don’t cry for Shakira, that lady is shrewd in business so this guy is just another (ended) business endeavor. Another thing , if ladies from Medellin are trigger happy, ladies from Barranquilla (Shakira’s hometown) are mind breakers and nuclear revenge.
I think cheating on someone like Shakira is aaaaallll about cashing out early… like early retirement.
He’s positioning to get a big payout or he will try and make her life a living hell.
This is why cheaters should NEVER be entitled to one damn dime more than whatever they brought to the marriage. That 750 mil is all hers…. The end.
I have a very strong suspicion that I know the heart surgeon you speak of. Is his name, by any chance, Dr. Enrique Gongorra? And did this shooting in the ass incident, by any chance, occur in Round Rock, Texas sometime between the years of…oh…2012-2015? You see, CL, it is a small world indeed. I tell the EXACT same story when I remind people NOT TO MESS WITH Columbian women.
Perhaps somebody mentioned her post already I haven’t read through the comments yet. I like that she’s going public with the pain the cheater caused her. Part of the problem is this type of abuse stays silent because it usually doesn’t serve the chump to be real about it.
I also saw pictures of his parents warmly greeting the 20 year old whore over the holidays, they were all on a walk together.
‘On New Year’s, Shakira wrote a post in Spanish and English. It read, “Even if our wounds are still open in this new year, time has a surgeon’s hands. Even if someone’s betrayed us, we must continue to trust others. When faced with contempt, continue to know your worth. Because there are more good people than indecent ones. More people with empathy than indifference. The ones who leave are fewer than the many who stay by our side. Our tears are not in vain, they water the soil our future will spring from and make us more human, so that even while suffering heartache we can continue to love.”