AM Genie Out of the Bottle

cheater_overlapBoy was I wrong about the data dump. Faster than you can say “Noel Biderman is shitting his pants,” free Ashley Madison indexes have sprung up everywhere. Want to check by Ivy League school? Look here. Would you like an index cataloging the various catalogs? Visit this page. So many friendly geeks out there creating tools to find cheaters.

No one could possibly scrub this. It would be like a ginormous game of Whack-a-Mole. The best a cheater can hope for is disavowal.

Josh Duggar: “I have no idea who JesusSpanksMe57 is.”

Wife: “It’s the username attached to your credit card. On various dating sites. All with your banking information.”

Josh Duggar: “I had no idea I had a credit card!”

Yes, Josh Duggar — or someone a lot like him with his username, email, and credit card — appeared on The List — and OKCupid.

But the ones that really blow my mind are the multitudes of cheaters using their work emails. Why should this blow my mind, I don’t know. My cheating ex used his workplace email to conduct affairs. He was a lawyer who billed in 6 minute increments. I’m sure his employers would’ve been delighted to learn he spend so many billable increments chatting with OW. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

But in the moment where he wanted to conceal his activities from me? An easy choice. I didn’t have access to his work email or phone. The office was his own personal cheater Bat Cave.

I mean, you might reasonably deny the username JesusSpanksMe57, but you can’t really deny your surname and workplace.

Which all goes to underscore points I’ve made about cheaters for years:

1. Affairs don’t “just happen” — they’re planned. No one fills out detailed dating profiles for shits and giggles.

2. The exit affair or the one-night-stand are not the rules, they are the exceptions. Judging by the enormity of this data dump we can conclude that cheaters are recurrent and repeat offenders. They go back to the no-strings-attached sex well over and over again. Serial cheating is a lifestyle.

3. Serial cheating is about entitlement. Special people don’t need precautions (or condoms). Special people don’t get caught. Special people are entitled to double lives because their need for excitement outweighs their chumps’ well-being.

Special, that is, until the day they’re busted.

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Free
Free
8 years ago

I just took a look at some of these lists. It makes the numbers involved very real. I feel sick to my stomach. The pain and destruction that has ripped through our lives is now about to be unleashed on thousands of spouses and children. I can hardly stand it, what has this world come to.

Eileen
Eileen
8 years ago
Reply to  Free

I can’t seem to see anything. When I hit the link “look here” I just came up w a blank page. Has the info been taken down already?

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Eileen
tryinghard
tryinghard
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

DING, DING, DING WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!!!! Guess whose email address was on AM?? The OW!!! Shocking right??? Thank God not my husband!

freefall
freefall
8 years ago
Reply to  tryinghard

I feel bad for the chumps that dont know an email address to use to check the data base with. But if anyone sees a charge from AMDB 1209 N Orange St – That is Ashley Madison! WTF I read in the media the charges were 19.99….not true for my STBX, he must of bought into the “platinum pu##y” account. Yuck it really grosses me out!!

nicolette14
nicolette14
8 years ago
Reply to  freefall

I couldn’t find the dbags account there because the fuckwit has many email accounts that I don’t know about, however way back, I caught him on match.com and discreetaffairs.com by 2 different emails he was using, that I wasn’t aware of. I am sure he has an account there but I just don’t know the email he is using. BUT there is a guy who has been chasing me relentlessly these past 2 years, playing the real sweet, good guy and what do ya know?!?! He has an account on both AM and Adult friend! Geez no wonder I don’t date anymore and enjoying my single, happy and free life immensely! 🙂

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  nicolette14

Oh ugh, what a fucking loser.

McJJ
McJJ
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Well, the cheater’s came up. No surprise – I had found the link many years ago (first round of serial cheating discovery). But what was scary was that MINE came up too. Didn’t remember registering to stalk – I know I didn’t pay (but he did).

ExperiencedChump
ExperiencedChump
8 years ago
Reply to  McJJ

Me too – I registered years ago to check out a long distance boyfriend (with good reason) but I did not pay anything. So stupid of me! I wish there had been a communal account I could have used to check and see if the loser was on there. *Sigh* What to do?

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago

You can create a fake name and email to do things like this.

WhereisMia
WhereisMia
8 years ago

Big deal … If you didn’t do anything immoral then don’t worry. You went on there for good reason. We need to use these cheaters strategies and outsmart them in any way in order to heal and reach the land of meh IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. So chill 🙂

ExperiencedChump
ExperiencedChump
8 years ago
Reply to  WhereisMia

Agreed, but as my EH cheated on me repeatedly until I got smart and got out, I hate to even be associated with the likes of Ashley Madison. At the same time I have run “Vet (erinary) Checks” on the couple of boyfriends I had post divorce – because if they are on a site like AM there is no point in going forward. I would rather know. Current boyfriend checks out just fine – he is a fellow chump too, however.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Free

I know, I feel so sorry for the chumps whose lives are about to be changed. It sucks.

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Free

It’s pretty bad. I don’t think it’s overstating it to say that this is going to have a fairly significant ripple effect. Life as we know it has changed. (Then again, there are plenty of people who will never check to see if their spouse is on this list.)

tryinghard
tryinghard
8 years ago
Reply to  OtherChump

Somebody fill me in. I went to the links and one was already taken down/wasn’t available and the other I could’t tell head from tails on it.

For the record, I only feel sorry for the chumps.

The news is crazy talking about people committing murder and suicide, losing jobs, military commissions being taken away, marriage as we know it is over and on and on and on. Get a hold of yourself folks it doesn’t take a AM dump for all this to happen.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  tryinghard

try: ashley.cynic.al
http://www.trustify.info/check

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

YouDontSay

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

ROTFLMAO!

Drew
Drew
8 years ago
Reply to  tryinghard

Nope, it doesn’t take an AM dump “for all this to happen.” ALL it takes is ONE cheater. My entire world blew, finances were destroyed, as was my children’s, but I for one minute would never contemplate suicide because the TRUTH is far better than living a LIE. My children and I are better off without that disordered loser in our lives (I can’t imagine what his 28 year lie (life) with me was actually like. I mean who the fuck does this, right!?!? Hey, if you want strange then you can have it without a committed clueless loving spouse!

GreenGirl
GreenGirl
8 years ago

Re: Duggar. I find that people who are genuinely good people don’t generally walk around talking about how good they are. People like my cheater, on the other hand, can’t talk about anything else.

nicolette14
nicolette14
8 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

If a man has to make himself a sales man, he is dishonest and not a good man..

freefall
freefall
8 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

Greengirl, OMG yes, my stbx used to go on and on how horrible it was when celebrities were busted for cheating. He used to pat himself on the back how good he was. I have been dying to send him an email asking him what his opinion is on the data dump….oh I dont need to ask he will yammer on about how horrible that privacy has been breached. What a crazy world, I feel sorry for those people that searched, found their spouse and are hearing the BS excuses.

mom3085
mom3085
8 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

how true

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

Greengirl – Yes! In dating (or just making friends in general), I’ve always applied the rule of thumb that “If you have to say it aloud, it’s probably not true.” You’re right that it also applies to cheaters and people’s character across the board.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  OtherChump

Very true GreenGirl and Other Chump. I would love to know how the Josh Duggar’s wife will spackle this one. Also something about her doesn’t add up right. Also got me thinking about that father. I wonder if he is on these types of sites. It would not surprise me at all. Really looks like the Duggar’s cult has their days numbered. No idea how people think that they are some type of famous personality.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I don’t think the Duggars will have any problem hanging onto their fans. I know several people who already are saying that only God knows Josh Duggar’s heart, that Josh can pray for forgiveness, that “we all sin,” that we should pray for Josh to reconcile with Jesus. Some people simply don’t get it and never will.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Who would actually respond to that guy’s ad? Much less go through with anything in person. barf.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

.. aaand here it is: http://www.duggarfamily.com/michelles-blog?ID=181b81dc-471b-4bff-ae3e-7becfc87c911

he is sorry for his “failures”…

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Muse, I guess that’s Duggar code for can’t keep his dick in his pants, lol.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I have a friend who escaped from the cult that the Duggars are in; it is a scary, misogynistic, authoritarian sect.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest,

I hope your friend is doing well and so glad that they are out of that hell.

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago

This is getting serious. I wonder if we’ll see a significant spike in divorces over the next 12 months or so? I sure hope so, for the chumps’ sake.

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago

OMG, all the Boeing email addresses…my hometown! There is one that may or may not be an ex of mine, but that was so long ago and I can’t remember what his work email was. He was a piece of work. Never wanted to have sex with me, and would scream at me if I tried to instigate. Sigh…

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  OtherChump

GEEEEZZZ!!! Why are there SOOO many .k12 addresses on there??!! These are our kids’ TEACHERS, STAFF & ADMINISTRATORS!! WTF?!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago

Also, as anyone else noticed that of the dumasses who went ahead and listed their names in their emails, there seems to be like a 2-20+ to 1 male vs female whores on this site??

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago

Saddam had his affair with a elementary school teacher, she just retired and he’s still with her.

CocoVoe
CocoVoe
8 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

I have several friends that work at K12! Seriously why use your work email? Okay maybe why cheat at all?

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

That’s total trash. And these whores are entrusted to “teach” our kids?? Every person with a .k12 email who’s been busted should be fired immediately. We just had college graduations; PLENTY of new teachers needing jobs. Just sayin’…

Beth
Beth
8 years ago

Well it is getting better and better with this AM information being posted:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3204408/Millions-suspicious-spouses-crash-websites-set-names-Ashley-Madison-cheaters-interactive-map-reveals-men-women-registered-adultery-website-live.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3204259/The-shocking-moment-woman-discovers-husband-Ashley-Madison-account-live-radio-hosts-Fitzy-Wippa-type-details-hack-website.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3204335/No-smokers-s-younger-look-NO-ONE-fat-Ashley-Madison-hack-reveals-lies-Australians-tell-date-anonymous.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3204050/REPORT-Josh-Duggar-paid-1-000-multiple-Ashley-Madison-accounts-search-oral-sex-one-night-stands-sex-toy-experimentation-more.html

What I read on the news there are loads of cheaters from Saudi Arabi that are on this site and it is ILLEGAL to cheat on your spouse there and they could be put to death if found out and brought to court. Not sure how true that is.

http://www.theweek.co.uk/62723/adultery-laws-where-is-cheating-still-illegal

This is getting to be very interesting. Of course many are saying their email addresses were stolen and other sad excuses. I don’t believe any of them for one second.

I have a feeling the ex’s Schoompie was looking. Why? Because the city where they have their “perfect life” is red hot with spouses looking for information about AM data release.

This is so funny!!!!!

I just wish more countries would have laws that state adultery is illegal and some type of real punishment from it. These cheaters and their APs get away with so much and these sites that are making money for it. Cheating is abuse and the mental toll for the spouses and the children that has to deal with it.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

You are so right. Cheating is abuse. Abuse of trust, abuse by threatening someone’s health with an STD, abuse by stealing family funds, abuse by mental cruelty, abuse by gaslighting, abuse by the courts.

Until it has real consequences, marriage will always be a crap shoot.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
8 years ago

I forgot a BIG one; abuse of children through abandonment, lying and the parent version of the pick me dance.

Stupid cheating fuckers.

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

That is the wonderful thing… all of the schmoopies who are looking too… with that secret niggling feeling that perhaps they are not so special.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I live in one of the few states where adultery is a felony. The statute is short and seems pretty clear, only they rarely ever prosecute offenders. So other than getting a good, long laugh over the possible fine or jail term, it doesn’t help me.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Chumpy – couldn’t YOU push for prosecution? I don’t understand why it is rarely prosecuted….

Anyone here from Michigan??? According to that article, Adulterers could get life in prison. WOW.

Little Mighty Me
Little Mighty Me
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

Michigan chump right here! It is still a felony in Michigan. It hasn’t been prosecuted by anyone in YEARS (maybe decades?) Not a single attorney I know, nor the many I consulted after D-Day, will touch that charge with a ten-foot pole. They all say the same thing: You’ll NEVER get a conviction. Judges don’t care.

From what I understand, it can be taken more seriously by the courts if the adultery is shown as part of overall fraud – and by this, I mean big-scale fraud, like when a cheater and affair partner can be shown as purposely defrauding the chump over a significant period of time for large sums of money or big assets. But even then, tough to prove.

The courts in Michigan DO consider proven adultery when deciding issues of alimony or visitation, but it is only one portion of a bullet list of things to consider, and how much weight it is given does depend on the judge.

But I’m not a lawyer, and I may not be perfectly informed. Maybe someone from Michigan who has had direct experience can chime in.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago

I am not in Michigan but this is a fault state and adultery is still a felony here. My lawyer said it will be best to put adultery as the reason for filing but i am not convinced how much it will sway our new judge when it comes to support and visitation. I am more concerned about custody than money. Good to know how it is in MI though.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

I think it will be something to dangle over his head, like a loose chandelier, bc it just isn’t something you see. There are rare stories of people being jailed. The wider issue then becomes, what happens to Asshat’s awesome job? I am not sure you get to say you just want them to be fined and put on probation. What if he is sent to prison for three years? I think hiring the Goodyear blimp to share my story will be cheaper than him losing his income! I don’t know how to handle this one. A new friend’s husband served a short sentence for something pretty small (possibly booze related) when her son, my child’s friend, was in kindergarten and it has has some effect on him, even though the family just told him daddy went away on vacation for a few months. I don’t want to make a bad situation for my son (with ASD) even worse. If we didn’t have kids, Asshat would be nailed to the front porch and/or already in another state and I would be advocating jail time. Max sentence is three years, I think. Creep.

CocoVoe
CocoVoe
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

My ex is in the Military and they have a rule about adultery, punishment can include being demoted in rank, reprimand, loss of pay. I found that the military never enforces the rule unless it lessons moral. Basically if it is cheating among the ranks. His command knew about what he doing online which included sending naked photos of himself with his face showing (he did put the camera up to block part of his face, but his tattoos are pretty obvious) and talking about being deployed and on training sites. They said it doesn’t matter what he does on his personal time. Um okay!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  CocoVoe

They keep reminding people how seriously the military takes adultery bc of the code but you so rarely hear about people being punished over it.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I agree with you, Beth. Marriage is greatly devaluated if adultery brings no consequence. My cheater had fear of commitment. Since I have the same fear, and no children are in the equation, I have been looking for reasons to marry and did not find any. If marriage came with some guarantee it would be better than common law. But besides a vague obligation of assistance, I see mainly disadvantages: divorce is expensive and takes forever, my spouse may claim some of my finances, etc. A small example: if we were married, while our home is not sold yet I would have to pay for half of his rent, although he chose to walk out on me. As common law partners, his choice = his problem.
At the very least, marriage should forbid cheating.

GreenGirl
GreenGirl
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I admit I sometimes fantasize about that. But then I think of cases like Henry VIII who cheated on all of his wives and how two were killed for adultery because he wanted to remarry. I think of that poor woman beaten to death because she supposedly burn the quaran. It’s a crime that’s very easy to fake.

Marci
Marci
8 years ago

Only a matter of time before someone finds a way to get an injunction or something to take these pasted lists off the web. In the meantime, just googling a sampling of the names is tragic…senior executives, people in positions of trust, people with public facebook pages showing their family photos. Or this could backfire, and cheating could start to become “mainstream acceptable” for chumps who are willing to live the quiet but comfortable life of quiet desperation, trading a cheater situation for security. It’s already been going on for centuries. The only change is that today, women actually have a choice.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  Marci

I couldn’t help but wonder, will the magnitude of this revelation will water down the stigma of cheating? I mean hey, if everybody’s doing it… From the looks of it, if Boeing fired everybody on the list the unemployment rate in Washington would double overnight!! And the Vatican…. Wow!

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

*IF the magnitude

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  Marci

I have done quite a bit of soul searching these days… If I had accepted the first affair that ended anyway as a thing of the past, and the platonic presence of the second OW during a fortnight, I would still be a couple and would not face the brutal changes of the new single status. After all, as you mentioned, a century ago most couples were having affairs … BUT divorce was not an option. People would “have fun” with other adults, ignoring each other for a while if necessary, knowing that home and family life were guaranteed. This is not true today; one affair leads to another until “twu luv” is experienced and blows the family to pieces.
Anyway.. I can’t stand being lied to and gaslighted. It’s making me extremely anxious and I can’t think about anything else, my mind is kept busy analyzing events and face expressions day and night, it’s killing me. Honesty is among my strongest personal qualities and I also expect it from people. To me, unreliable people are worse than nothing.
Also, the side effects of cheating are guaranteed: indifference, cruelty, health risks, comparison with another person, derogatory comments. What’s left ? Some low quality company some days… with a sword of Damocles over the head
Definitely not for me. I had rather be alone.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

“I can’t stand being lied to and gaslighted. It’s making me extremely anxious and I can’t think about anything else, my mind is kept busy analyzing events and face expressions day and night, it’s killing me. Honesty is among my strongest personal qualities and I also expect it from people. To me, unreliable people are worse than nothing.”

ChumpFromF – this^^ is me exactly!! It’s been 2 years for me and we are finally divorced but we share a daughter so I still have to interact with him, just not as much since she is 18 now. My anxiety skyrockets when I know I have to see him and hear his constant complaining, negativity, and BS. I’m better about ignoring it though. It takes time and strength!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  ByeByeCheater

ByeByeCheater–can’t you limit all contact to emails & texts? I have found this helps me immensely (won’t pick up his phone calls).

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, yes, emails and texts mostly and I only reply to the ones that are related to our daughter or splitting up the last of our shared finances (almost done with that – yay!). Daughter moved to college last Friday and we were both there getting her set up – drove separately, of course, definitely something neither wanted to miss. He complained, was not very helpful and sat on her bed texting while she and I were unloading boxes. She was short with him several times that day and I just stayed quiet:-) She’s also an athlete so I’m sure we will both be at her games. I’ll sit away from him but still with the parent group. Believe me, in person contact only happens when necessary.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

Right there with you ChumpFromF – Affairs are as old as marriage. But today, chumps have a much better choice than they ever had. Yes, the laws are flawed, divorce are costly and require major changes in financial and child rearing expectations. But we chumps have the choice to leave the cheater, and build a better life for ourselves, without the lies, without the health risks, the anxiety, and most importantly to me, without guilt.

Having proof of what my STBX did liberated me of any obligations beyond cool civility owed because we share a child. I have all the proof I need, as well as the awareness that I probably have only uncovered one or two of the disgusting things that he was involved in. But at this point, I have enough, enough proof to walk away and keep him accountable when he will attempt to re-write history.

The leaks are the loudest Karma bullet train any chump could have asked for. This is going to expose many people’s true character, and wow. Just wow, we are going to be in for a ride.

Through this all, my heart goes out to all incoming chumps. I don’t wish anyone to live through the devastation that comes with the realization and acceptance that the life we were working so hard to spackle and believe in was all a front. It is crushing to realize that whether married or not, whether we are female or male, our SO has proven to be a lying, cheating, two faced coward.

To all of you joining CL and CN, I wish you to learn fast, to read the posts and comments as thoroughly as your clouded mind can, so that you can swiftly leave your cheater. Find a great therapist specialized in cluster B recovery or in trauma psychology. Take advantage of their public shame to get a great settlement, and use this experience as the rock bottom foundation to build your authentic, cheater-free life.

Lania
Lania
8 years ago
Reply to  Marci

Marci – thats already what is happening. There was a site which had an index and it was given a takedown notice within 4 hours of being created. Ten bucks says it was a cheater who issued said notice.
I say let the fuckers stew. If you weren’t being a deceptive foul piece of excrement – you have nothing to worry about, yeah?

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Lania

Information on the internet is like a breeding pair of rabbits–you can capture some of the progeny, but more just spring up in its place. This isn’t going away soon.

Also–the trustify site I used to verify my X’s email was in list said it came from both Ashley Madison AND Adult Friend Finder; did AFF get hacked too?

Lania
Lania
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yeah Tempest – well aware that information on the internet is a hydra – kill one head and 5 more will pop up.
I just find it fucking hilarious that cheaters are dumb enough to think they can stem the tide like that. That its ok to try and hide deceit.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Lania

Lots of adult diapers being sold this week, I would imagine.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Life is short. Crap your pants. ;O

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Whoa! Syringa! Tempest just told me in the forums that you are in the same state as me….

Syringa
Syringa
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Bwahahahaha ChumpyElf?

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I found out about my ex’s Adult Friend Finder and Fling.com involvement when I checked the cookie stash on his computer (his Zoosk involvement was revealed when he forgot to delete his browser history. I discovered he was clever enough to do that…most of the time.). Since he is selfie-savvy, but not very computer savvy, everywhere he went that was a cached website….cookies galore. He didn’t know being able to delete cookies, and disabling the cookie jar limits access to so many of his, uh, favorite websites. It was like a sucker punch when I found them. Being an open, transparent person (in other words, a Chump), I used to share anything I knew. After the sequential d-days. I shared nothing more than what I was preparing for dinner that evening, which I wasn’t eating much of those days – thanks to the wretched infidelity diet.

Looking back, (and I’m still trying to figure myself out on this one), I believe that I stayed after the first d-day because I was vacillating between wanting to believe his remorse, and that he would change as promised (hopium), and still having my doubts and wanting them confirmed by collecting hard evidence.

I even conferred with a couple of PI’s – to ask them if my suspension’s were valid (and they both agreed they were – I just didn’t have the money at the time to hire them for surveillance).

In the end, even though I will never know everything he was doing, I had enough data to know that I was dealing with a very disturbed, predatory person. I was so naïve, I wasn’t even thinking of the predatory part, until a very close girlfriend of mine – who has her degree in Psychology, told me he was, and then Tempest here confirmed it. Thank you Tempest! Big warm hugs!

By the way, I met with my new counselor this week. Though our first session was initial intake, we hit it off wonderfully! She’s very compassionate, but won’t hesitate to call it as she sees it (kind of like CL’s little Jewish lady). The next appointment is Monday, and I’m really looking to working with her, and getting healthier.

Oh, and while I was waiting to see her, the acquaintance of mine – the Police Officer who initially urged me to turn my then-husband in, she walked into the waiting room to see another counselor at the clinic. What a coincidence! I hadn’t seen her in several months. She asked if I had talked to the authorities where he still lives, and I replied I needed to get healthier before I took that on, but I was now divorced. She nodded with a wise but gentle look. “Well, if given enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves”, she replied. We parted on the understanding that, if/when I’m ready, I know where to find her for support and advice. (She can’t help directly as it’s out of her jurisdiction, but she does know some people who can.)

I can never thank Chump Nation enough, so again, thank you for helping me break away from crazy, and find my own path to healthy. I may not reply to every post I want to due to time constraints (which vary daily), but you are all in my heart.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Boudica: I’m thrilled that you like your new counselor and are on the path to chump recovery. Hugs back at ya!

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hugs Boudica and I am so very happy you found a new counselor. Sounds like your friend that you spoken to is very wise. Please keep us updated on what is going on with you. Sending you much love also! You are so damn mighty!!!!!

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yes, AFF was hacked in May 2015/ I found that out when jackasses email showed up there. I’m just sick. Literally.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  not Juliet

I’m sorry, not Juliet. It hurts. The only consolation is that you can use this knowledge against him to go lead an honest cheater-free life.

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thank you, Tempest. You are a kind and wise person. I’m so surprised that it still hurts after all this creep has put me thru. This AFF crap just seems so much worse than the email/ text crap with the slut. Hopefully it will help me trust HOW MUCH he sucks. I’m just so shocked. As stupid as that seems.

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

Not Juliet, I’m surprised it still hurts, too. With everything I now know, I’ve been wondering what is wrong with me that every new revelation still makes my stomach flip flop. The STBX is not one of the easy, dumb ones that I hear about. He works in SEO and knows how to hide, and has many email addresses that he funnels to specific accounts.

I found the AFF ad a while back. He wrote that he’s “always treating people with respect and honesty,” yet “Prefers Not To Answer” as to Marital Status. Idiot.

I doubt he paid for any membership, and specifically wants “someone who is not looking for a man to take care of them.” Translation: I’m not paying for sex.

Sometimes it’s just so ugly; but, other times it’s hysterically funny. I mean, really, respect and honestly on AFF? You have to laugh.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

Not Juliet: I can empathize. After D-day, new information about my X would be revealed to me about every months for 6 more months. The first time, it took over 2 weeks for the panic attacks and anger to subside. Next time, 12 days, then 10, then 1 week, and so on. It does get better (just never feels like it will at the time).

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Marci

Well…it’s not so “quiet” after today…I think the question is, will these women stay after they are presented with the facts? What if everyone knows the truth? One of the ways these sleazebag cheaters keep on with their serial cheating is by keeping it a secret among their friends and family. I would like to see a few public shamings come from this.

Regina
Regina
8 years ago
Reply to  OtherChump

You really begin to wonder if everyone really is doing it. What a tragic thought, that cheating is the norm now. You watch TV and even the underwear commercial for HANES has close ups of the crotch area of young women (are they even legal age?) and the commercials for adult diapers are the same with a new commercial with a woman in a dress walking confidently up to the camera and lifting her dress up for a crotch close up. She looks about 30, not your usual diaper wearing adult I am sure. You can tell they have been bikini-waxed too. Not that there isn’t much worse out there, but you can’t escape it! There have never been so many easy women either, the critical component.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
8 years ago
Reply to  Regina

I know! What is up with the ad agencies? I can NOT watch TV with my father, the commercials are cringe-inducing. Like, so many ED and “freshen up your vag” ones that I just have to leave the room!

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  FreeWoman

Can’t watch with your eleven year old daughter either

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
8 years ago
Reply to  OtherChump

Yes, and if the cheating is out in the open, the affair just isn’t as exciting any longer. The illicit aspect is what makes the sex so forbidden and naughty. Out in the open? Not nearly as much fun.

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

^^^Oh Yeah – This!^^^

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

This is it in a nutshell, Lining up. They like naughty. Secret. Exciting double life. I think there will be more limp dicks and sad vv’s moping around than not.

Party is over.

There goes the cheap no tell motel business.

Best thing that could happen is they all get together, fuck each other until they’re dead and leave the chumps alone.

N O T

Mother fuckers need our stability, trustworthiness and love. It doesn’t exist in the world of Ashley Madison and Adult Friend Finder. It’s a netherworld that they visit but do not want to live.

We have more power than we think.

It is a very sad day for the sausage…

Hope49
Hope49
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

WORD Calamity- WORD!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

CalamityJ

They don’t want to live in that world! And now the can all have it. Fuck all of them.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

Standing ovation, CalamityJ. You’ve hit the nail on the head with every sentence.

Had to laugh at this, “Best thing that could happen is they all get together, fuck each other until they’re dead and leave the chumps alone.” My sentiments exactly.

Marci
Marci
8 years ago

I have just found names of two people I know are married. One is my ex BIL. That one doesn’t surprise me. I bet the ones using corporate addresses are toast. My employer doesnt look kindly on our using our corporate ID for anything remotely personal.

Lania
Lania
8 years ago

While thousands of families are about to be destroyed – in a good proportion of them they will be given the facts they need to make an informed decision – rather than being gaslighted to high hell.
While its soul-destroying to discover the fact your partner is a deceitful piece of shit – you at least find out that s/he sucks arse, and can get on the path to ‘meh’ – rather than being led around a maze with no exit.
Feeling some serious schadenfreude at the moment though.

Lynne
Lynne
8 years ago
Reply to  Lania

Well said Lania.
While I do feel very badly for all the new chumps out there and what they are about to go through, I can’t help feeling that at least, when they find out this way, they CAN make informed decisions.
I really wish I had the information before I decided to emigrate with the ex. That decision, without knowing what the POS was doing, and continued to do in our new country. has screwed me totally as far as retirement is concerned.
Besides that, with no family and all my life-long friends left behind, I had no support system from that quarter – sure, I had made friends at work, but it is nothing like the family/friend support where there is a shared history. It was hard, really hard, once I had left, to move forward, because it was just my 2 kids and I here.
I also found that I was embarrassed that my “happy” marriage as far as everyone was concerned, was such an epic failure, so I haven’t been in contact with friends in South Africa since it happened. Now, while logically I know that the shame is not mine, I still have difficulty with this. I did made some contact with friends on Facebook and they were delighted to be in contact with me, but I never followed up with any of them.
I know, I know………. I need to reclaim those friendships back, but just doing it and explaining seems to be a huge mountain to climb. Part of it I think, is also that I don’t know who knew and didn’t tell me…. because there were people who knew (in Canada) and apparently, because I’m so sweet and was so in love with my husband, they didn’t want to tell me, So, I have no idea who knew back there and that’s another type of betrayal.

I only hope that the new chumps finds CL and CN as soon as possible.

Ninja chump
Ninja chump
8 years ago
Reply to  Lynne

Wow Lynn! I understand and relate completely, your story is mine exactly. I also moved to a new country with my piece of shit cheating douchebag. He had been living his double life for years before we moved and carried on afterwards too.

I had no idea who he really was so his lies took away my ability to make an informed decision about my life. I made a life altering decision without knowing the facts and I’m now alone in a foreign country unable to work (visa requirements) with our two kids. Moving back is such an expensive monumental undertaking and to my kids america is now home. I could move back to Europe in a year when they are both in college but then my kids would be in America and me in Europe. I feel I’m having to choose between my kids and my family/support system. Rock and a hard place. The loneliness of your marriage breaking up as an expat is excruciating.

I’m a tough chick but damn, this is hard.
I miss my family and life long friends so much. I understand where you’re at completely, sending you big hugs.

Patsy
Patsy
8 years ago

When is Bierderman going to get charged? That is a lot of money he took for failing to do something he was paid to do.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Patsy

Oh yes. Plus he has a big risk of major law suits. Looks like his way of thinking isn’t that grand after all. He said he would cheat on his wife in a heart beat.

LivingMyLife
LivingMyLife
8 years ago

I’m sure penn state will be very happy to know they have a huge group of cheaters using their education web after the Sandusky scandal

Marci
Marci
8 years ago
Reply to  LivingMyLife

That list of Penn State addresses is so long it makes me wonder if someone didnt use the list for anonymous accesses. All sorts of university employees would have access to the list of addresses.

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago
Reply to  Marci

Where are the Penn State email addresses? I’m in PA, not native, and frankly am still disgusted by the attitude of many natives still giving a pass to a certain coach, et. al.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpish

Chumpish:
Here you go: http://pastebin.com/eV6rb54y

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Marci

or there’s not much else to do in University Park.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Drink. Go Big Ten!

Lynne
Lynne
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Apparently, the number of Canadian Government address sites on AM is astounding.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Lynne

My best friend is a lawyer in provincial government. Have yet to hear from her on the matter but I saw several addresses from her Ministry. Yikes. Noel is from my hometown. Not of Toronto’s finest….

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  LivingMyLife

LivingMyLife, isn’t it funny how the old stereotypes of is still alive and running true. Professors having affairs.

Hey Chump Lady, you need to check your book sales in the next few weeks also. I’m sure you might see an increase of sales. Well I hope you do. It is an amazing book btw. I wish I had it when my first D-Day happen.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

*the old stereotypes of this kind is still alive….

bepositive
bepositive
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I want to note that college and university email addresses are held by all members of the campus community – faculty, staff, administration, alumni, and students. It should be more shocking that so many members of a campus community are participating in these activities.

chirral
chirral
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Yes, I can confirm this “stereotype” is alive and well! My ex impregnated an UNDERGRADUATE student

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  chirral

Oh, Chirral–I’m sorry. My professor X screwed numerous grad students and at least one undergrad, but no progeny of which I am aware.

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago

I think it’s worth pointing out that some of those data pastes are NOT from the AM leak. Most of them are, but I’ve already seen a few that are from online games and whatnot. So before you go accusing someone based on their email address being in a paste, make sure it’s from one of the AM pastes, not from “The Sims™ 3 High-End Loft Stuff”!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  OtherChump

trustily says it has both AM and Adult Friend Finder accounts, so that site would be [prospective] cheaters only.

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I mean the pastebin site linked in CL’s blog post. It’s a general dump site.

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago

I have a question. I did the I’ve been pawned and turd ex showed up as breached on adult friend finder. I am just absolutely appalled, literally sick. I’m wondering if there is data base where I can get more info on him. Also I used email finder .com and found the secret email I had been suspecting. It lead me to a creepy secret name. I’m sure it’s legit, it shows his age and address correctly. We are not legally divorced yet so the truth about what he’s been up to would be incredibly useful. He had me convinced all he ever did was shoot the breeze with an old road whore acquaintance.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

Not Juliet,

Perhaps I am naive. How would evidence that your STBX is on one of these webbsites legally help you? My STBX has done a lot of bad (criminal) things, and my legal team and the Court have the proof, but he’s not being punished by the Court at all as far as I can see. I may even be left holding the extremely expensive bag of MY legal defense from his false allegations of crime by me! I have not yet seen justice.

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

I guess it all depends on where you live, Rock star wife. One ground for divorce is Inappropriate Marital Conduct. It might not help legally but I’d love to see it in the permanent record of Mr. Wonderful.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

My attorney told me I needed a PI to get and present such evidence so the judge would respect it. I did it too because the law about this stuff is vague enough you can get in legal hot water yourself if you are finding and getting into accounts.

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

Not Juliet,

If someone here can’t help you, I would suggest hiring a PI (if financially possible). They would be able to get all the information you need. Especially if it’s for your divorce, it could be worthy investment.

Marci
Marci
8 years ago

Set up a profile on AFF (using a new email that is anonymous) and try contacting him as SexySue ot whatever appeals to him. I have done that in my early dating days and it was useful in observing their behaviour. As I recall, AFF sometimes lists their “contacts” as well so you might ID an OW.

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
8 years ago
Reply to  Marci

If a Chump makes a profile on one of these sites to surveil, isn’t there a possibility that this Chump could be linked to that site forever – and therefore ‘look’ like as much of a cheater as the actual cheater?

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

I think so. I was wondering if I’d be listed!! I signed up for the account to try and trap my stbxh, but can’t remember if I completed the process. I think I remember using an alias email, and definitely didn’t pay for any services. Once I started viewing profiles I was instantly ill. There will be collateral damage for sure!

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

“One Night Stands” and “Exit Affairs” are still the culmination of bad choices. Plus, we are seeing that the likelihood that they are these “one-off” scenarios with a cheater are unlikely as CL says. So many better adult decisions than either even if they do classify as one or the other! Personally, I think such labels are was to minimize and blame-shift.

“It wasn’t so bad. It was just a one night stand!”

“I was just having an exit an affair. We both know our marriage was already doomed.”

Just disgusting. Both are devastating. I suppose I don’t like granting any such minimization or blame-shifting, personally.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago

I’m so glad you brought this up DM. It really bugs me when exit affairs are minimized on this site. It conveys the message that chumps in this situation have something to be thankful for since their spouse wasn’t a serial cheater. I guarantee everyone it is just as painful when it is an “exit affair” because you think it really was you. Plus my husband had me convinced he had a brief emotional affair and then decided to abandon me. I’ve believed this for over a year and last week I just found a fresh box of condoms in his scuba stuff. They don’t expire for two more years. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. What does he need condoms for? He was keeping me “safe”? Oh isn’t that sweet. So I’m thinking I’ve found proof that my spouse who just had an emotional exit affair was a serial cheater after all. It didn’t change my pain one bit. It all is horrible. I lived with a narc, was emotionally abused by a narc, and was abandoned by a narc. Please don’t minimize this.

Also, I want to say spouses who just walk away are no better than cheaters. If they haven’t genuinely tried counseling or working on their marriage, they are just as bad as cheaters in my book.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Except of course those chumps who walk away (without trying to work on their marriage)immediately after they find out about an affair. They should be applauded for being uber decisive.

I give myself no credit for trying ‘to work it out’ for three years because that was chumpy!

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Agreed. See my post above. I will always regret that I didn’t file right away.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

A lot of similarities here NicoleS.

Instead of just admitting to OW, he emotionally abused me for months hoping to get me to pull the plug to spare himself guilt and to look like a good guy. When that didn’t work I was discarded like garbage. He actually left my picture in a pile of trash he left for me to get rid of after packing up to leave.

You totally think it’s you. I’m not sure I’ll ever completely get past it, so how can I heal?

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Lina- that’s EXACTLY what my stbx did, he emotionally abused me and our kids. It worked. I kicked him out and said he was not allowed to treat me and the kids that way. Then he said he would do counseling. What a joke. He sat there the whole time and said I was such a horrible wife. In the mean time I tracked his phone and found he stayed the night at his Sunday School teaching partner’s home (a divorced woman). I knew I was done right then because I had told him months earlier I did not like his “friendship” with her. The things that have helped me heal is going to a wonderful Christian counselor that has shown me that I was actually a very good wife (according to God’s word), I have continued to reach out to friends and asked about their marriages and found I haven’t done anything different than them, and I have really researched NPD and now understand he would have done this to anyone he married. Him and his family threw me away like garbage after 20 years of marriage. That is there loss, they have lost a kind, loving person out of their lives and they have lost the respect of their children/grandchildren. This was not my fault, this is NOT your fault. Many, many hugs to you.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

I so wish I had filed the minute the abuse/OW “friendship” began. I guess I didn’t want to believe it.

Thank you for the hugs. Back at you. X

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

I think that is perfectly normal. I kicked mine out last July but I waited for him to file which he did in December. I just refused to give in to any of his demands. I really thought he would come around and be remorseful and want to change. Never happened. I don’t regret not filing sooner. I think it happened how it was supposed to happen. Give yourself some grace- you definitely deserve it.

Finally realized
Finally realized
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

I mean, where do they get off having any demands??? Assholes!
.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Thank you Nicole.

I think each of us has to handle it in our own way according to our make ups. It’s horrible no matter which way it goes.

Cheaterssuck
Cheaterssuck
8 years ago

As someone who got the “our marriage was over anyway line” I agree DM. One night stands and exit affairs might not be as depraved as serial cheating but it still adds up to a lot of deliberate choices to hurt the betrayed spouse.

Plus I think if you feel entitled to a one night stand or an exit affair it’s likely not your first rodeo.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Cheaterssuck

I don’t believe in “exit affairs” it is just another mind game to make these disordered assholes believe in the poor thinking that the “marriage was over anyway line”.

I agree with Cheaterssuck that the cheaters have a longggggg history in cheating. They just use this excuse and many others to make their actions look better for themselves and to others that believe in this bullshit.

That also goes with the excuse of “one night stands” and “it didn’t mean anything”. It just goes to show you that these cheaters and the AP’s don’t have a clue on how much pain they caused us and they just don’t care and of course entitlement. Typically Cluster B PD relationship cycle in full force.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I don’t believe in them either because he wouldn’t admit to OW. He could have told me and maybe speeded up the process. No, he had to look like the good guy and blame me. And I got the “our marriage was over anyway” crap too Cheaterssuck.

Moose
Moose
8 years ago

Agreed completely, DM

ElectricTulip
ElectricTulip
8 years ago
Reply to  Moose

It’s usually an ‘exit affair’ after the fact. Anyway, if you want to leave a house walk out of the door, you don’t have to dig a hole under a wall or climb out of a 4th storey window and climb down a drainpipe.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  ElectricTulip

Exactly Electric.

It wasn’t only the OW, he had to try to destroy me financially. If he were any kind of man with character he would not have taken a third of what was my Dad and my house. It wasn’t that much money as our house is not worth that much. He did pay the mortgage, which was approx. half the going rate of renting a shitty apartment around here, and cable and that’s it. A decent character would have thought, “I’d have had to pay rent all these years anyway” and walked away with his good paying job and excellent benefits and retirement, not leave my Dad and I under water. But he did “wish us well”. Talk is cheap.

But then, if he were that kind of man, he wouldn’t have done what he did in the first place.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Lina,
I feel your pain (and my kids will, too). My STBX left me with bills and added some bone-crushing ones by taking me to court over and over again.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

Hugs to you and your kids RockStarWife.

X

ElectricTulip
ElectricTulip
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

((Lina))

Decency is undervalued.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  ElectricTulip

Thank you.

X

Lina
Lina
8 years ago

Thank you DM.

I’m not sure if ex had an exit affair or if there were more. I do know he had a history or what seemed EAs with co-workers. He was stuck on one a few years before he left but she switched jobs and that was that. She was also married. He hated her husband and observing my ex and her together I just had the “vibe” that he was attracted to her and vice versa.

Exit affair or not, this has been so painful and soul destroying. Devastating for sure.

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago

Thanks, Marci. I know that hacking is wrong, but it’s a blessing to find out what these fuckers really are. Does the aff charge anything?

kbchump
kbchump
8 years ago

Going to be interesting to see how the Duggar family spins this one. And I hope “pray” Josh’s wife can break the spell he has over her and just leave the sick prick.

Marci
Marci
8 years ago

Not sure but for a basic profile not likely. They apparently disabled the username search function after the security breach in May, but you could possibly still find him by putting in his physical description “looking for male, six feet tall, green eyes, etc.” and location.

Also, search the heck out of the username and email you found, on spokeo or pipl.com, or just google, and one of the dark web search engines. I found a ton of stuff just poking around once I had the basics. Just don’t click on links you aren’t sure of, pay attention to your virus scanner if it warns you, and NEVeR use you real name, location etc.

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  Marci

Thank you, Marci. I’m just so grateful for this info. My situation is that ex confessed to some stuff, dating the whore, email, text, phone. But I never found concrete evidence of anything physical.

This guy has a squeaky clean reputation. The whore is part of a group of high school/ early 20s friends that he keeps in contact with, and it just doesn’t look that bad what he has done. That i know about. Actually makes me look like a bitch to most people cause he’s not Doing Anything Wrong.. I’m just jealous and insecure. 🙁

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  not Juliet

Continued, lol. It is very difficult to divorce when you don’t have any real proof. Especially with a minor child. I’ve always second guessed myself. The AFF would put any doubts to rest. It’s just really too hideous for me to even believe. Also, he does take our daughter and her friends lots of places, and if this AFF thing is who he truly is, I plan to tell all the parents what he is capable of. Everyone just thinks he is such a Great Guy !!!

The fact that AFF is free would explain his involvement, cause he is cheap. Also his ego is huge, so he wouldn’t take to paying for Crotch, directly or indirectly. I would just love to expose this guy. Especially to whore secret friend. She would finally realize she’s not special, but just another piece of cheap, easy ass on the internet, like the sluts on AFF.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

If he admitted to “dating” someone while you were married, that is enough grounds for divorce. A man doesn’t “date” someone that he isn’t married to, while married.

It’s really that simple.

You don’t live your life according to anyone else’s principles. You live according to your OWN values of what is right and what is wrong.

You know, too, the fact that YOU feel like the bad guy in confronting someone who is plainly showing tremendous disrespect and disregard for his WIFE (his wife!!!) is part of gas-lighting.

Divorce him on the grounds that he is living a secret life that involves another woman (or more?)

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Miss Sunshine. I know. You’re right. That’s just an example of how warped our thinking comes as a result of the cheating. I don’t think any relationship can ever be right after that. It’s a marital death sentence. The people who stay after adultery just seem so desperate. He loves me!!We have sex every day!! I get gifts for no reason!! And guess what, he’s probably still screwing a whore on the side. And I’m not trying to insult anyone, it’s just sad, really.

When I think back on how I allowed my ex to treat me, I feel sick. Always. Over some Whore. Incredible.

freefall
freefall
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

Not Juliet, yes I understand that “how did I allow so much crap to happen, ugh over and over!!” I like Tracys word hopiam instead of desperate. People look at chumps like we are some weak individual. Bull crap it takes a hell of alot of strength to navigate through these messed up relationships. It takes alot to live on hopiam, trying again and again. So dont beat yourself up. You are super strong, you have lived through an incredibly trying relatioship. You have the strength to do anything!!:-)
You are MIGHTY!!

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  freefall

Thank you, Free fall! You are mighty too!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  not Juliet

Hire a PI. I wish I had, just for concrete evidence of more wrong-doings.

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago

Oh how the tables of life can turn…after surviving cheating hell with deadhusband, I might have been the least stressed woman in the universe in the misdt of all this. My husband of 32 days was single during all of AMs run and my deadhusband got his adulterous boinking for free (I did run like 4 of his email addresses out of sick curiosity and they weren’t listed).

Maybe CL could to do some sort of “Chumps 101” post for all the newbies who will be coming along soon…bless their broken little hearts : (

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I love that idea. “To Catch a Cheater,” hosted by Tracy Schorn.

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago

I know its akin to watching a train wreck, but I did peruse a list of .mil addresses some folks will be safe who had more anonymous addresses, their spouses may not look but some people’s addresses are SO specific to them…first, middle, last name and suffixes…their address may as well be Im.so.fucked@usmc.mil

Like CL said …why on earth would you use a work address for something like this? I did learn that OWs employer read her work email to thenhusband and she was fired (vendor having sex with military purchaser – made them look VERY bad). Deadhusband followed that up with using much of his hard-earned work influence (that was supposed to get HIM a good job after retirement, something we both invested years in) to get OW a new job. It was in the same city as the job he took, so I was in DC and her fiance was in Seattle and they ate cake in SF. He swore to me that by then their relationship was over, and I was such a sucker-chump, I took his word for it. I deserve some sort of superchump prize for that bucket of spackle.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Saddam started using his work email for his affair because if I hacked it I would be arrested for sure, not that I would ever, ever hack anyone’s email. But of course he would so he assumed I would…

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

in the List by Category, there’s a section for Vatican emails. Can’t imagine the current Pope is going to put up with that nonsense.

Lania
Lania
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Religious or not, there are people with shit character even in the Vatican. You just have to reference the child sex abuses that occur in the Catholic church and know that if they’re disgusting enough to do that, cheating is 100% likely too. So no, its not surprising one bit.
People use their work emails because they know that their partner (usually) can’t have access to said email, for various reasons. All the better to hide something they’re not doing, right? You’d be seriously stupid to do that though, but then again, cheaters are a few French fries short of a happy meal.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Lania

Mmmm, french fries. The depraved are everywhere as we all well know…. Like Tempest said earlier, I doubt il Papa is going to be happy about this!

Lania
Lania
8 years ago
Reply to  Lania

They shouldn’t be doing* rather.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I could not avoid talking Asshat this morning and I could NOT contain my amusement. I briefly mentioned last night I saw Josh Duggar was on the list but nothing else. He didn’t say much. So I told him I heard there are tons of Vatican, Boeing etc email addresses. I would think he would usually be a lot more entertained by this. He did say, “Well not everyone who works at the Vatican is clergy.” Huh? We aren’t religious, I told him I was just shocked so many people would use work addresses for something like this. He has been a bit subdued at my skipping around the house. Maybe he senses a giant anti-cheater revolt coming on. I had a dream that CN led a little revolution. Better than dreaming about Florence locking me in a greenhouse without my inhaler (which I just got for the first time last month).

FMT
FMT
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

That’s the part of the list that had my jaw dropped. The Vatican. And it was soooooooooo long, too.

startofsomethingood
startofsomethingood
8 years ago

This might be a silly question but is there a place to search for Ontario and Canadian emails/credit cards or is this all coming out of the States?

Lulu
Lulu
8 years ago

AM is international and there were a ton of Canadian e-mail addresses included in the dump.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Noel is from Toronto :facepalm:

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

on this link there is a subcategory of Canadian emails: https://haveibeenpwned.com/Pastes/Latest

Lulu
Lulu
8 years ago

A lot of cheaters are going to get busted, but a lot of innocent people are getting unfairly accused of cheating, too.

AM didn’t require people to verify their email addresses, only provide an E-mail address that was valid. Therefore, someone could easily provide the email address of someone they know or an email address available on a public web site (which is probably why you’re seeing some many employer and .gov emails on the list).

My friend freaked out because her husband’s email was on the list. I looked at hacker’s data associated with the account and checked the IP address from which the account was registered. It was in Turkey (quite a long ways from NJ). There was no other profile or credit card information available. But she was just freaking out and ready to blow up her marriage without knowing the facts.

OtherChump
OtherChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Yes, I agree it’s very important to verify the truth before you blow up your marriage/relationship. Although for those chumps who “have a gut feeling” already, I think once you find the email address on this list, it’s probably enough.

Lulu
Lulu
8 years ago
Reply to  OtherChump

Oh absolutely. If you already suspect your husband is cheating, this could be a smoking gun.

But in my friend’s case, the only thing her husband cheats on is his diet.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Lulu sadly there are ways to hide your ip address. There are loads of ways to do it.

Lulu
Lulu
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

The Turkish IP address combined with no payment or profile information was a pretty clear indicator that it was just a dummy profile.

Considering that she had no reason to suspect her husband before this happened and only checked the list because everyone in the office was gabbing about it, I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Sadly, in my case, Asshat cheats on his diet and his family 🙁 I hope she is able to straighten it out peacefully. I bet a lot of cheaters will get away with legitimately being on the list. Making shit up is what they are good at, unfortunately.

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
8 years ago

“So many friendly geeks out there creating tools to find cheaters.” Love this!! We might declare this Chump Day of Independence.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Love it, LiningUpDucks! Break out the fireworks and bubbly.

sephage
sephage
8 years ago

No sympathy.

None.

You fuck with people’s lives, eventually someone is going to burn you. Those that think otherwise are, frankly, idiots.

Anyone who is legitimately outed as a result of this beach deserves every fluid ounce of the shitstorm that is unleashed on them.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

I love that suggestion Liningupducks! It’s a feeling of victory and validation for a lot of us chumps! I had to put up with a number of sanctimonious “friends” and family during some of the most horrible days of my entire life! Lord help me, I enjoyed the vision of all these pious people shaking in their shoes while they tapped out their “loving spouses” email to see if they were on the list! The difference between me and them, if they should suffer the soul crushing that I suffered, is I will be there to actually HELP them! Not to hand out some condescending BS! But for their sake, and the sake of their families, I’ll hope they find nothing! I don’t think some of them have the grit to survive the storm!

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

I agree Roberta but if they are searching then somewhere in their sanctimonious hearts is a fear that is not so sanctimonious.

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago

Its a good day to be a divorce lawyer. Cha…. ching!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

No joke. My family lawyer is one of only a few in town. Last night, I thought, Shoot, I should have called to ask him my question last week!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

I wonder how many employers are checking these lists today?

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

Looking at the dump with some of the usernames. It’s sick. These people are complete sickos.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

How did you find that?

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

The link Tracey posted above, second one, I am looking at Combo List #1.. it looks like emails and user names or screen names, not sure I am interpreting that wrong.. maybe I am.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

LOL. Here is one cheater’s email & screen name: badger.butt.ok@gmail.com; canthackme

Can’t hack me, eh, buddy? K.a.r.m.a.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

badger butt – really??

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  ByeByeCheater

Perhaps he’s a Wisconsin fan?

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

At first, I kept trying to figure out what would be so sexy about a badger’s ass then I remembered two of my family members went there…. Maybe it’s Bucky the Badger out hunting for a piece of *ss ;O

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

LOL

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

Snap! the link CL mentioned above, with various categories of cheaters, has email lists for tons of universities, but the one for my X’s university has been taken down. That U has a major law school; wonder if threats were made to the list generator?

Truth will out; these guys/gals will get caught eventually.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

One of the pastes shows more extensive individual data: email, on-line nickname (The one I saw was “comecheckoutmyvan’), location plus latitude/longitude and DOB. Some people are going to fall…..

sunshine
sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, Do you know if there’s a way to search by credit card info, or by address? That seems a lot more involved to fake than just setting up a false email address…

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  sunshine

I don’t think that info has been released on the regular web yet (but the hackers have it).

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Gross! I guess there’s no need to sugar coat anything if you are that morally compromised. Still you would think you might take the time to select at less depraved sounding username!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

“Comecheckoutmyvan”.. SO GROSS. It’s amazing how many people used emails with their NAMES in them. Idiots.

TP
TP
8 years ago

Morals seem to be going to hell in a hand basket these days. So very sad for the good people who have values and live by them. This along with other world events makes me want to live in the high mountains with a shot gun, dog and great survival skills and Bear Grylls.

Kate50
Kate50
8 years ago
Reply to  TP

I’m in! I was scared before about the state of the world, now I’m horrified learning I couldn’t trust even who I was living with!!!!!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  TP

I was momentarily quite excited, but he’s married ;O

TP
TP
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Just want him to teach me survival skills then off he goes!!!!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  TP

I have lots of room, he could just move in 😀

namedforvera
namedforvera
8 years ago

I am very entertained this morning. So many Harvard folks! (I’m local, so..) I especially enjoy the fine employees at Children’s Hospital…like the guy who raised funds for his cancer run, and had posts on that site from nieces and family about how much they adored their wonderful uncle. ::cough::

PF
PF
8 years ago

Not surprised I found my ex-wife on Ashley Madison, kind of wish I didn’t look, but there she was. I guess she’ll have some explaining to do with her new husband.

Namaste Y’all

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

I want to hang out with the chump who hacked AM, buy him a beer, and hear about his experience that inspired this act. He founds fucking awesome

Ali
Ali
8 years ago

I also found my soon to be ex on the site — maybe from his first marriage, maybe from his marriage to me — maybe both? Since I left him eight months ago
after discovering that he spent $8,000 in 18 months on bdsm sex workers during lunch, the AM reveal is only an aftershock.

igotthesilver
igotthesilver
8 years ago

Remember there is an error margin on some of the “enter the email” searchable lists. Forgot where I read that. I put my boyfriend’s in all three I could find and got zero hits on two, one on one of them and checked 3 more times and it didn’t show again. Yes, I am a little paranoid! Don’t want to get chumped again!!! Can’t believe the ex hubs wasn’t on there…

TiredChump
TiredChump
8 years ago

The fact that Ashley Madison operators Noel Biderman and his wife Amanda were not pariahs, rejected by all rather than admired by most for the “business savvy,” says a lot about the world today……………Hugh Hefner and “Playboy” look saintly by comparison….

Ninja chump
Ninja chump
8 years ago

Hi chumps. Can anybody tell me how to try to find my cheater on the AM list? Serching by email address is pretty pointless in my case as he has always had lots of secret new address, he’s a covert skunk/squirrel with decades of practice. Any way other than an email search? And how are you all browsing by category? Anybody have a link?

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Ninja chump

link to some categories: https://haveibeenpwned.com/Pastes/Latest

There are sites you can pay for to see all email accounts listed under a particular person; then check those emails in the trustily.info/check site

igotthesilver
igotthesilver
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Trustify is $67 an hour if you open a case

Ninja chump
Ninja chump
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thanks Tempest

TiredChump
TiredChump
8 years ago
Ninja chump
Ninja chump
8 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Thank you tiredchump

TiredChump
TiredChump
8 years ago

Two free sites, both posted in NYDaily news link above (means they are probably vetted as legit and not trying to steal your info are:

http://www.trustify.info/check

or

https://ashley.cynic.al/

t

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Problem is you need to know their email addresses, I have no idea what address jerk was using so it’s hard to find.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Me neither. I know it doesn’t matter but now I wonder if he is hiding something. He seems slightly nervous and isn’t his usual judgy self. Oh, yes, he is judgy about cheaters! Fucknut.

Chumpion
Chumpion
8 years ago

After being gaslighted and suckered for years, I hacked my ex’s email to finally get the truth about her long term affair. Yuck. Anyway, this brings back memories.

So, I am a tech person and downloaded this whole multi-gigabyte dump… and I mean a big nasty dump… from Ashley Madison. Wow. This is the whole thing, the whole database dumped to text files and I started going through them looking for people in my area and generally basking in the narcissistic entitled fun. The best part so far is not the actual info on people, it is the side stuff I think Chumps would really love…and that is what usernames people chose and what kind of nonsense persona .

A side note, the people who did happen to live close to me who were on it, all so far very successful business people. Also folks, it looks to be 90% male in general in these files, so Ashley Madison was doing some scamming on the dudes. Not sure our Duggar friend actually found any action.

Anyway, more spelunking for me ahead! By the way, nice work Ashley Madison!

Ninja chump
Ninja chump
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpion

I second that idea! I would happily pay. I’d be surprised if it told me anything I hadn’t already found out about Satan and his extra curricular activities but every little helps. Plus, how much easier is it to explain to people what happened to your marriage with a simple “ever heard of Ashley Madison?” So much easier than explaining years of trickle truth which can make us sound crazy.

PF
PF
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpion

Chumpion

I agree the hilarious silver lining is the side stuff, the user names and nonsense persona. It’s comedy gold.

CL…how about a topic on user names and nonsense persona on cheater sites.

If I was forced against my will to sign up on a cheater site, I guess my slimy user name would be Mr. Manscape Balls washroom Selfie Bald Guy. My persona would be…hey looking for butt tickle action and mutual Anal and stocked up bulk Prep-H from Costco…oh and I’m spiritual and sing in my church choir….anal had done wonders for my soprano sotto voce. …oh….and I love my kids ,bonus marks for being a great dad, cause us cheaters just love the little kiddies and they sure do admire the way I crave a turkey on thanksgiving.

Hope49
Hope49
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

PF, I guess Mr. Manscape Balls washroom Selfie Bald Guy looking for butt tickle action and mutual Anal would CRAVE a turkey on thanksgiving 😉 Ba HA! HA!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

LMAO at your imaginary profile!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpion

Chumpion: You should set up a new chumpion@gmail account. Most of us would happily use our Paypal dollars to find out our cheater’s code names, listed sexual proclivities, etc. You could use the spare cash to take a lovely trip to the Bahamas.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago

Here’s a weird thing.

Last week and yesterday, my ex’s e-mail showed up on haveibeenpwned as having a AFF account. Today the website is showing that his e-mail is all clear.

Hmmm….

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Miss Sunshine, the guy who does the I was pwned site said earlier today he was removing the AFF, making it private to protect the sluts. Luckily I saw ex on there yesterday and made a photo with my digital camera.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

Yes, don’t use that! If you enter an email address, a message will be sent (for verification) to the per