An Imperfect Beginning?

Did anyone see the New York Times video tidbit this week in “Vows” — a column of people’s How We Met Stories called “An Imperfect Beginning“? HuffPo also ran it with the title “I Fell For My Husband When He Was Still a Married Man.”

Fittingly enough, the couple met at a toxic oil spill.

I guess that passes for romance these days. A single woman, a married man, a petroleum disaster… My parents met as college students on the Wabash Cannonball playing bridge. Isn’t that quaint and ridiculous? No one was married. No one had complicated obstacles to their happiness, like two kids and a clueless spouse. It was still societally acceptable in the 1960s to get married and stop dating. Of course, I’m sure some people still did fuck around on the side, but they didn’t publish their indiscretions in the New York Times “Vows” pages and pass it off as “imperfect” sophistication.

Imperfect. As if destroying two children’s home life and playing some nameless woman for a fool was a crime of imprecision. Not quite perfect. Missing the mark a bit, oh well! Who but the most judgmental expects PERFECTION?

“People have baggage, people have past relationships,” said Rebekah Gordon.

As if the existing wife was an inconvenient duffle bag. Here’s the thing with cheating, Rebekah — if he’s married, she’s in his PRESENT. Oh, but now all that is in the “past” so it’s a past relationship? Who can fault you? Heck, none of us are virgins. We all have pasts! Nicely played mindfuck there.

What’s weird to me is how Gordon appropriates all the language of chumpdom — of being hard done by, but plucky and triumphing over adversity. She wants us to know she is authentic. “Being complicated makes us ‘real’.” The relationship is worth fighting for. There is a third person in our marriage.

“That third person is Vince’s kids and his marriage and dealing with the pieces of that that are still with us and will be with us,” she says. “[But] being able to move forward as a family unit is worth fighting for.”

No, you amoral wing nut — the “third person” in this relationship was YOU. Vince Taylor, the dim-witted wood worker, seems square jawed and oddly silent on the issue of his kids. Hey, he was crazy about the OW, everyone will have to adjust. Imperfection happens!

Imperfect. Not immoral. Who are we to expect perfection? Love is messy and complicated, but it’s worth “fighting for.”

I dunno. That’s like saying you love waterfowl, so you dump a tanker full of oil into the ocean, and then take winsome photos of yourself scrubbing petroleum sludge off of half-dead ducks. Sludge you poured into their environment. Happy nuptials Mr. and Mrs. Sludge.

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Linda
Linda
9 years ago

His poor wife. They should interview her as well. Maybe the kids too. See if everyone think it was “worth it.”

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  Linda

it is only worth it to fight for THEIR love, and his kids. it wasnt worth him to fight for his marriage and his family he created with his childrens mother.

reminds me of what my asswipe told me a few weeks ago. “I left you, i did not leave my kids.” WTF does that even mean. he is not here every day, he is not raising the boys every day, being part of their lives daily, i just dont get it.

why do they fight for the woman who tore their family apart. why do they think SHE is super wonderful. and why do they not fight for the woman they promised to love, honor and be faithful too. the woman who has gave them children, a home and so much of her life to him.

Nat1
Nat1
9 years ago
Reply to  mrsvain

You know what my kids said to that one? “Fuck you old man!”

Nord
Nord
9 years ago
Reply to  mrsvain

My ex likes to chant that line but it’s just more fuckery. First, I kicked him – he wasn’t going anywhere. Second, he barely saw the kids for months and the whole focus of seeing the kids was to get them to accept final OW once it was clear I was going to divorce him. To this day the kids feel abandoned because he has made it incredibly clear that his life, his needs, his wants are always going to be first.

Pam
Pam
9 years ago
Reply to  Nord

WOW!!!! People’s ability to be unspeakably, purposely, calculatedly and viciously cruel never ceases to amaze me! I really don’t know how you keep from killing someone who says “I left YOU, not my children.” I guess because you love your kids and you are the only real parent they have. :-/ Reading this blog makes me feel less alone, (misery loves company I guess.) But it makes me feel so sad to see the deep, dark…I don’t know – there are no words for it – sociopathy? that appears to be rampant. I am painfully lonely, but the thought of having this done to me again is equally unbearable.

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  Pam

well, in my case, it wasnt really him that said it, it was the chewbacca he is living with. although i know he was sitting right next to her while she said it. she is very unhappy because i just dont think my children need to accept or be around the home wrecker that destroyed MY family and limited his visits to my house by himself, she is not invited nor are my children allowed to go to their house. she just loves to throw it in my face that he doesnt want me anymore and he is hers.

she is not worth my time or going to jail for to kill or even beat down. she really is nothing. if it wasnt her it would have been someone else. obliviously she is scared and insecure in her relationship with him, she wont even give him 10 minutes alone at the park with my boys. she was so upset she had to blow up his phone and tell him he NEEDS to tell me he doesnt need to be supervised when he has visitations. now she is not giving him a minute to spare out of her site. he cant talk to me, he cant look at me. if we are in the same area. it actually is funny as hell being as he hated when i would track him down the nights he didnt come home. she didnt even leave him alone when the boys did go visit with him. always throwing herself at him in front of the boys and interrupting when he was talking to them. pathetic that he lets her

but you know, she RESPECTS him so much.

Patsy
Patsy
9 years ago
Reply to  mrsvain

Yes, I got told that too. See, we are superfluous to ‘family’.

ChumpDad
ChumpDad
9 years ago

But as long as they are happy together, that’s all that matters. The kids are resilient; they will adjust. Sure it hurts the spouse and children now but it will be better in the future. They call all be friends too. /sarcasm

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDad

so wasnt he EVER happy with his first wife? you know the mother of his children? did he not feel some kind of connection with her? i mean he had to have felt something since he married her and connected enough with her to produce children.

oh, but the feeling changed. he just wasnt happy with her while he was a sea and she was home holding down the hatches and keeping everything going by herself. they lost that spark? oh wait, i know the mother of his children GOT BORING because handling the kids, the house, the bills, the responsibilities is just one big super party. he doesnt understand how she could be, you know, stressed, tired, not feeling like staying up all night anymore.

his XW didnt have time to sit and watch him with admiration while he played with his wood. because she was too busy doing everything else to keep his house and kids happy.

what a POS!! do they honestly believe this bullshit?

jinx
jinx
9 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDad

This story is just the newlyweds way of announcing to the world the start of the marriage without the uneasy explanation to friends and family. You don’t need outside validation if you are truly happy. At this point being married for only a week, they have yet to experience normalcy. They are still high off of the endorphins from cheating, divorce, and a shiny new wedding.

Now that the ex is out of the picture there is no more “you and me against the world.” Even the newly wed phase will be a let down from the previous drama filled divorce. Once the daily grind sets in I expect this couple to crash and burn equally as fast. Hopefully the ex isn’t involved and allow these to the full uninterrupted pleasures of their true love, kids, bills, and other eco disasters in which to engage in other tryst. Just a couple of average ordinary cheaters.

The NYT needs to drop the sappy music, cause no one buys it. Interview them in a few years if they are still together after the boys hit puberty or she has a belly full of baby and hubby is gone for a month. The roses still have their bloom a week out.

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  jinx

YES.

Just around the bend
Just around the bend
9 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDad

yeah, it seems like that word “resilient” gets tossed around a lot.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago

Most people are quite resilient. People survive all sorts of horrors and go on to live happy and productive lives.

What their probable resilience doesn’t do, however, is negate harm or trauma done to them or make those actions any less harmful, and it’s actions that tell us a lot about each others’ character (words being an unreliable indicator).

To me, when somebody downplays actions that are harmful by playing up the “resilience” of those affected, I read that as “I don’t give much of a shit about others. It’s me that’s important here”.

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

i agree!! how is it that nobody else seems to see that? they are so fake.

i can see right thru my XH wonderful married girlfriend. she is so fake. her actions and words never match up. she constantly contradicts herself. she loves my kids so much, she cares and respects everyone, she only wants the best for the kids, but then when i text him to come talk to the 12 year old who is acting out at school. i get a “HE IS MINE!!! YOU AND HIM ARE DIVORCED!!’ wtf does that have to do with him talking to his son? i try to schedule visitations and she is not invited and get “HE IS MINE!!! YOU DONT HAVE TO WATCH HIS EVERY MOVE”

XH girlfriend is crazy. she doesnt care for him, or his kids. she says she does but she really dont. she is not a good person, she says she is but she is not.

and how is it that my XH cant see that for himself.

Nat1
Nat1
9 years ago
Reply to  mrsvain

Because he’s the same Mrsvain. The real question is what took us so long to see them for what they were? You are lucky to be rid of him, they sound very well matched!

Diana L
Diana L
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Very well put, TimeHeals.

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago

and happy. lots of happy.

nobody talks to the former Mrs. Toxic Duck Cleaner, though.

Maybe we can get her together with the duck shooting and cooking guy? Wonder if he’s SINGLE?

freefreefree
freefreefree
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Brilliant!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDad

Jesus, CHUMP DAD! EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY! Don’t you know that?

And you know what they say, kids are so much better off if their parents are happy….

So you should definitely do whatever you want in that spirit. Look around you–it’s a really excellent parenting strategy, don’t you know. Do whatever makes you happy right at that moment, and then the kids will recover, because they are resilient. And, besides–the husband and wife have nothing in common. Also, happy. Remember that: happy. His happiness–everyone should be happy for him. And the OW, because she is great. So happy.

Patsy
Patsy
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

So lets all do the happy dance!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

(So worth. Fighters!)

Justine
Justine
9 years ago

That’s just dreadful – what a cow. I can’t stand people who have that “love is most important of all” mentality. Whatever happened to respect and honour – aren’t they important? Sounds to me like she wants the wife ti disappear so she can completely take over that role in the “family unit”.
What a disgusting pair of self-serving, selfish narcissists. That video makes me feel sick.

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  Justine

like my XH chewbacca told me

“they are a couple now and we just have to accept that”

after all, they love each other and every one just has to deal with it because you know “when 2 people are happy together, leave them the f*ck alone”

funny how they themselves do not accept that he was a couple and married at the time they started f*cking and did not respect that he was happy with his wife until she came along and poisoned his mind.

huh, guess it is just me right?

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Justine

Correction: *My* love is most important to all.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Justine

It made me sick, too. I can’t fathom why the two of them would think that sounds normal to normal people. There are no words.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I agree. These people, and the writer who thought this was a story for a formerly “great” newspaper (even in the Vows section) should be ashamed. But not of them are.

Diana L
Diana L
9 years ago

gross, gross, gross.

Yeah, they should run a video of the wife talking about how she and hubby fell in love and made those funny things called vows.

I really don’t see how anyone can call it an imperfect beginning with a straight face.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago

I can’t wait until he cheats on HER. I hope when it happens, her cheating heart fucking explodes and she drops dead on the spot. But it’ll be okay…. because being a “family unit” made it all worth while.

Diana L
Diana L
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

The strange thing is, people like Tori Spelling seem to think that they’ve been unfairly treated because with them, it was love and soul mates…

Arnold
Arnold
9 years ago
Reply to  Diana L

That is because people like Tori are not very bright. They cannot connect the dots. I am serious, if you spend any time with people like this, you can really tell that they are very low on candlepower.

kb
kb
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

And it will happen.

After all, she married a man who’ll cheat on his wife.

sparklykangaroo
sparklykangaroo
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

I wouldn’t want her to drop dead…far better for her to live the pain, reap what she has sown, and take a nice long ride on the karma bus.

sparklykangaroo
sparklykangaroo
9 years ago

…and lest we forget the “him” in all this, I’m sure a flesh eating disease of the penis might be in order. Can you tell this really bothers me?

Disgusted with kiars
Disgusted with kiars
9 years ago

Omg how did that even make a video , like a wife and kids are nothing more than an obstacle in the way of true love. What is wrong with society ?

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago

“like a wife and kids are nothing more than an obstacle in the way of true love. What is wrong with society ?”

Exactly. And they make him out like the divorce was just oh so hard on HIM. Poor him, HE couldn’t get out of bed somedays if it weren’t for Rebekah… did you ever even stop once buddy to think of what your WIFE is going through???! I really hope his EW finds this site, she’ll be in good company here. We already know her cheating spouse said the same old lies everyone here has heard.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  fiestypants

Yeah, and the people on the site are “bitter” and “negative” because we see this story and think of the betrayed wife (now humiliated in a major newspaper) and the poor kids whose family got blown up.

Arnold
Arnold
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

It speaks volumes about these two that they went public with this. Not even smart enough or with enough common sense to realize how they will come off.
Saw this with Weiner and Mark Sanford, as well. Edwards, too, and that nutcase he was involved with.
At least scumbags like Petraeus and that a-hole he was boning slunk off.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

I think the thing that galls me the most about this disgusting story is the anonymous idiots that are coming to this couple’s defense. I get especially annoyed when I read about how we don’t know what the ex-wife was like or what their relationship was like.

That sums up the problem with infidelity in a nutshell. People are so desperate to believe that this can’t possibly happen to them; that they need to assign blame to the betrayed spouse. I am ashamed to admit I probably thought the same way until it happened to me.

There is no excuse EVER to cheat. As a society we used to believe that. What the hell happened?

Diana L
Diana L
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Ouch, I hadn’t thought of this at first, but someday the kids will see this video. Doubt they will appreciate it.

JenXstan
JenXstan
9 years ago

So… “imperfect” is the new word for: “dishonest”

Right. Carry on.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  JenXstan

Haha! Laughing my ass off! (Um, I wish?) YES, let’s call it what it is. A DISHONEST beginning.

Rally Squirrel
Rally Squirrel
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

This is the exact sort of person for whom the word fuckwit was expressly created.

Roberta
Roberta
9 years ago
Reply to  Rally Squirrel

I second that!!

Carol
Carol
9 years ago

“Worth fighting for” got to me. What was the fighting? My guess is she is referring to the divorce. No doubt they did their damnedest to bankrupt his wife. These two probably had no desire to AT LEAST be compassionate during the divorce.

The whole thing was sickening. What says me is that these people have no shame. They do the newspaper articles (remember that NY couple a few years back?) and the videos. They think it’s a love story! Not a cheating story. These mate poaching women see themselves as savior wives, special in every way.

I can’t imagine being at their wedding and hearing this man take a vow of fidelity. I’d bust out laughing! Who could actually respect these people enough to appreciate their wedding? What must her parents think? I’d be SICK if she were my daughter.

These people never cease to amaze me with their narcissism.

blue
blue
9 years ago
Reply to  Carol

You can read about that couple, Carol Anne Riddell and John Partilla, here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/fashion/weddings/19vows.html

Linda
Linda
9 years ago
Reply to  Carol

I wonder how that NY couple is doing these days…

Diana Dollar
Diana Dollar
9 years ago

Well, aren’t they special!!! A love worth fighting for…and children worth fighting for! What a load of crap! Just think…If he’d only put forth the fight and energy into his marriage & family by honoring his vows AND his childrens mother; the kids and wifey would have never ever known just how very “special” they are! (with bitter sarcasm!)

Magicrain
Magicrain
9 years ago
Reply to  Diana Dollar

Apparently his secetary was the one worth fighting for. I am . Swallowed by envy and jealously and anger that he gets to fuck whomever he wants and has no worries or responsibility. I have to have morals, be old fashion, actually want to set a good example for my kids. What do I get for it.. Lonely nights, spit on by my ex, blamed for his affair, debt, embarrassment, humiliation, worry for my kids, worry to pay bills, worry to know the difference between a lug nut and a wing nut, But as long as there happy , which according to her he’s the best thing that ever happened to her.

I would luv to know what they say when people ask her how they met. ” oh he was my boss married 20 years 3 kids. But he abondaned them for me, if that’s not true love I don’t know what is “. And HiS response ” oh. My kids loved my wife more than me, I was just a paycheck, I needed a break, so I moved in with my secetary amd decided she was more important. Now we are both late 40 s n kids, no worries, life is good. “.

Nat1
Nat1
9 years ago
Reply to  Magicrain

You win! You “have to have morals, be old fashion, actually want to set a good example for my kids.” It’s tough and I hear you, but you get the important best bits, you win.

Ex fuck wad at 50 gets some little UGLY turd of a girl pregnant and I couldn’t say anything against her because I was being disrespectful to the love of his life. He abandoned his kids and as a result, when he recently emailed them to ask why they wouldn’t talk to him, they told to get lost by not answering him. They can’t stop him contacting them I guess, but they have chosen No Contact! The only child support he pays is the school fees. I can afford to support my kids and do the best I can but i can’t afford the school fees on top of everything else. So he has stopped paying the school fees now. This will mean we will have to struggle financially and i don’t know if we can do it. But when I think of him telling me how I’m jealous because at least he’s got someone it makes my blood boil. I’ll have no one AND no life, no dreams, nothing. But how I wish I could tell him to fuck off with his stupid games.

I aim to sue! Little slimy, sleazy bastard is going to pay!

Sandy R
Sandy R
9 years ago
Reply to  Magicrain

“What do I get for it.. Lonely nights, spit on by my ex, blamed for his affair, debt, embarrassment, humiliation, worry for my kids, worry to pay bills, worry to know the difference between a lug nut and a wing nut, But as long as there happy , which according to her he’s the best thing that ever happened to her. ”
Oh magicrain…that is exactly what I feel. Look at the crap heaped on us..but yep, as long as they are happy with their new love, all is well. Every single thing you mentioned just nails my feelings!!

Magicrain
Magicrain
9 years ago

Apparently his secetary was the one worth fighting for. I am . Swallowed by envy and jealously and anger that he gets to fuck whomever he wants and has no worries or responsibility. I have to have morals, be old fashion, actually want to set a good example for my kids. What do I get for it.. Lonely nights, spit on by my ex, blamed for his affair, debt, embarrassment, humiliation, worry for my kids, worry to pay bills, worry to know the difference between a lug nut and a wing nut, But as long as there happy , which according to her he’s the best thing that ever happened to her.

I would luv to know what they say when people ask her how they met. ” oh he was my boss married 20 years 3 kids. But he abondaned them for me, if that’s not true love I don’t know what is “. And HiS response ” oh. My kids loved my wife more than me, I was just a paycheck, I needed a break, so I moved in with my secetary amd decided she was more important. Now we are both late 40 s n kids, no worries, life is good. “.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Magicrain

A lot of people don’t care. Look at the comments section on Huff Po. SO many are defending the two assholes featured in the video article. You know, that it’s ok to end a marriage and rock your kids’ world just because you met someone you like better for now.
Eh, what can you do. Steer clear of empty heads like that.

I can say that the exact same behavior from a once-friend, and all our mutual friends who are soooo happy for the new couple (including the chumpy ex wife who is now FB friends with my once-friend) has really alienated me from that whole group. Maybe in a couple years when that new marriage goes sour I’ll come back. Or not. I’m just appalled by the behavior and the encouragement. I certainly do not like the prick who left his wife, causing economic stress, and stress for his kids who are constantly being photographed by my once-friend so all the world can see how great their new life is. I feel sorry for them. That whole romance, and the new house, new puppy, honeymoon in Hawaii, and all the time my ex-friend gets to spend with another woman’s kids? Absolutely sickening. “Hey, I get to be with your kids and husband, and post pictures of the faaaabulous time we’re all having without you! But don’t be bitter!” Ugh. And the ensuing “thumbs up!” from all our mutual friends!?

Ex-friend says it’s all ok, because she told him she wouldn’t sleep with him until he moved out of the family home. Such standards.

GAH!

Diana L
Diana L
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Sometimes I think people who won’t sleep together until someone moves out are the worst. They’re basically saying, I want to break up the marriage. Also, they probably have more luck doing it.

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

bitch cookie, there, for ex-friend….

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago

Such weird body language those two have.

Maybe one day he’ll catch an appendage in that table saw.

Don’t you think it’s weird that when one of the kids needed help, he didn’t stand up, but she did? He’s a self-centered prick. One day he’s going to get all butt-hurt that she’s not worshiping his wood, and he’ll walk out or visit Craig’s List. He’s a young guy. And so strange.

They are really weird.

Bonkti
Bonkti
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

I got a different sense from what happened when the child needed help.

I think they both made tentative, half-hearted moves to rise, but they both decided it would look better for the camera if she went.

LilyBart
LilyBart
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Yes, the body language is… off.

Lonelywife7
Lonelywife7
9 years ago
Reply to  LilyBart

I agree! I noticed that right away…really weird body language!
This couple makes me sick…to think their emotional affair was just a “friendship?” True friendships don’t have you leave your wife and kids for a ugly cow!!

Well, all I can hope for is that the statistics are right…most marriages after infidelity end up in divorce…can’t happen soon enough for these losers!

Drew
Drew
9 years ago

CL, gosh are we all on the same page or what?!? And Carol I do remember that other story. that particular couple stunk and the guy there really fucked over his wife. But perhaps the ex will one day thank that OW for taking that POS off her hands. NYTimes must have a morality issue here…who believes IT’S TRUE LOVE, or are we dumbing down our audience, see reader’s are drawn to train wrecks and freaks are normal! Don’t we all want to fuck someone else’s spouse? Hey maybe they can star in the next big reality show! Leann and her fuckbuddy still on? It made me sick to my stomach and it pissed a lot of people off. But NYTimes is not above being a prostitute. Yes, their marriage is Sparkly Sparkly. Wonder how it felt saying those vows? Cheaters, if you are going to fuck around, why marry? Oh right. Vacancy. Disordered. And CAKE.

Carol
Carol
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

In that other NY situation, the ex-husband made a public statement and called her out on her “revisionist version” of their marriage. It was BRILLIANT. He will always be my hero. I’m sure he’s made peace with it all because, truly, that ex-wife of his and the dude she married are two of the biggest narcissists ever. They belong together and it’s no wonder they hooked up. Of course, it takes narcissists to participate in sharing this sort of story in such a public way and to frame it as a positive story. Only narcissists would fail to see that it is all so very wrong.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago

I saw that and read the one sentence blurb or whatever and felt sure it must have been a story that involved infidelity, so I avoided it. Ick. Really disappointing that’s considered romance and mention of the truth is avoided…

Only way is up
Only way is up
9 years ago

Watching that video made me sad. Her saying this “That third person is Vince’s kids and his marriage and dealing with the pieces of that that are still with us and will be with us,” she says. >>>> I could almost detect the inconvenience in her of having Vince’s children around THEIR DAD. Oh what a burden for her. Those children are probably hoping and praying that dad would spend time with them without the third wheel around. I however get the impression that doesn’t happen much as she probably controls the situation, and narrative because she wouldn’t want them to say anything bad about her. He seems like he is incapable of making a decision without Rebekah being around. I could be wrong, or maybe I am projecting my own anger onto this. My children are in this situation, and my daughter told me she feels like whenever she and my son want to spend time with dad OW is always there. She is so nice to them when STBX is around, but when he’s not she is “mean, grumpy, and ignores us”.

I just can’t believe that they truly think they were meant to be together. The Cosmic power had it preordained. No Rebekah and Vince, you are just two individuals unable to keep boundaries, who think they are entitled. What gets me is they are declaring their special love on a public forum as a badge of honour. Like they didn’t have a choice. It just happened. This is so distasteful, and disrespectful to his children, and his wife, but they don’t care because they are special. Again no, just another garden variety cheater. Her saying “[But] being able to move forward as a family unit is worth fighting for.” Gosh I don’t know how old his children are but I bet they are thinking why couldn’t dad have fought for our family.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Only way is up

Here’s why this won’t work, long term, other than the obvious cheater factor. She says,
“That third person is Vince’s kids and his marriage and dealing with the pieces of that that are still with us.” Notice that the kids aren’t people, as in individuals, you know–kids, with their own dreams, quirks and needs. That are the “pieces” of the marriage “that are still with us.” After throwing the first wife and mother overboard, to use a nautical metaphor. She, of course, wasn’t even worth mentioning. She is one of the “pieces” that aren’t with them anymore. This OWife is not a nice person at all. Language always shows how people think.

Louise
Louise
9 years ago
Reply to  Only way is up

I feel for the children. To have their betrayal (and yes, they were also betrayed) publicized for all to see. Bet it is going to make for “great” playground discussions-NOT! Don’t these fucking freaks think about the ramifications to the kids??? Oh,of course not, because it isn’t important to THEIR happiness. This story just made me want to puke. Selfish, self-centered asshole freaks. Would love to read a “where are they now” article in ten years cause there’s no way this story is going to turn out well.

Deborah
Deborah
9 years ago
Reply to  Louise

You know what got me? When one of the kids needed help, they just kept going back and forth with each other about who was going to get up and help the kid. Wouldn’t a more “authentic” reaction be to just get up without looking at the other person for a cue and just help the kid?

Calculating fuckers!

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  Deborah

i caught that too. its like she doesnt even notice or care that the children are there in the background while she spews her vomit out of her mouth. i was surprised the kids were in the same room!! but you couldnt tell the way she is talking. it was him who noticed the kid needed help. “excuse me” wtf!! do you need help? looks at her. she finally turns and notices what is going on. yes, he needs help and looks at him. WTF!!! then right as he starts to move, she jumps up all sweetly. i’ll get it. because she is such a wonderful person. look how nice she is. allowing him to stay sitted while she goes to tend to his children. the same children she wasnt even acknowledging were there a second ago. and he looks on in admiration.

slaps forehead. really? are all guys this stupid?

Only way is up
Only way is up
9 years ago
Reply to  Deborah

Absolutely agree. He looks like he is incapable of taking any initiative without Rebekah giving him advice. Vince…when children are in need of help go immediately to their aid…parenting 101!!

Gaby
Gaby
9 years ago

I WANT TO THROW UP!!!!!!
Would love to break the “happily ever after” sign on her head.

So now the spouse and the kids are ‘baggage’?
“There were days when he wouldn’t have got out of bed but he did because of her (the f…whore)?” I wonder how his wife was able to get out of bed not having a boyfriend to tell her how amazing she was after he fucking left with this woman!!!! Oh boy, I am so angry.

“Fighting for the family?????” She helped destroy it and now she just wants to insert herself in like the former spouse is just an inconvenience.

What the heck is happening to our generation? I am appalled. It is shameful. It is so wrong.

But please, nobody stand between the cheaters and their true happiness. They deserve it. Oh yes, they will sacrifice anyone on the altar of their lust and their entitlement. Anyone.

ok. I vented.

Now, I couldn’t stop imagining how much I would like to hire an expensive hooker to go seduce this man and have someone take pictures of them (remember the movie The Firm?) and then sending the pics to this woman Rebekah.

In fact, that is something that I fantasize about doing to the stbx. I imagine the face of the slut looking at the pictures. But of course I won’t do it. I don’t want to do anything that would damage what my kids think about me. Curious about what other chumps fantasize about to get back to their cheater…

Drew
Drew
9 years ago

An Imperfect Beginning? How about I AM A LOSER and am not above Fucking Over My Family? Wow. I love that the camera pans across items in the room to make this seem edgily normal. The books, the photos of the happy couple, and the hat. Like being in the military lends him some honor. All the while skanky OW is breezily discussing their email and IM-ing courtship. Pathetic. It is sad. One good thing I am sure ex wife may be jumping for joy to be rid of this shallow loser.

Tonya
Tonya
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

I agree Drew – the attempt to normalise is nauseating. And the way she says ‘it was tough’, like she’s a victim and has somehow pulled through – what a fucking heroine!

Sick to my stomach watching that drivel, not to mention tacky woodwork!

Ladywithatruck
Ladywithatruck
9 years ago

Chump Lady, I read that article and could not believe they had the audacity to have that crap published. I was “what the fuck’ing” through the whole article. Yeah, there’s a 3rd person in the relationship and true love is worth fighting for. I am surprised the ex doesn’t lay her out. The self righteous bitch has a whole lot of nerve.

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  Ladywithatruck

i also was WTFing thru the whole video. but then again, it kind of opened my eyes that this is how my XH girlfriend thinks. she helped my XH thru the pain of our divorce. isnt she so wonderful? such a good person? i mean poor little XH, he couldnt have handled it by himself.

lets just not bring up the fact that if she hadnt stolen him in the first place, we wouldnt have been getting a divorce. that is not important. the important thing is she respects him, she wuvvs him, she takes care of him.

(yes, i know. real men cant be stolen. but i call a home wrecker when i see it)

Luziana
Luziana
9 years ago

I totally commented on that article days ago.Feel free to guess which ones.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago

A quick search of Vince Taylor and Rebekah Gordon provided their gift registry at Williams-Sonoma:

http://www.williams-sonoma.com/registry/2z52c2pfrb/registry-list.html

I hope they got some good stuff. Assholes.

Oh, wait, here’s their Pottery Barn registry:

http://www.potterybarn.com/registry/3475422/registry-list.html

I wish we could find his wife and give her some comfort.

Rose
Rose
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

This amazes me. You get Williams-Sonoma gifts for cheating? That’s really-really not fair. There was another member of ChumpNation on here for a while and her husband was some huge proponent of permiculture and very active in the community in more ways than one. Just goes to show that environmentalist people are not *good* although the cause is good. You can act out your ego through lots of otherwise good activities- hence Jesus cheaters.

This is apparently another subset- environmental cheaters. I grow organic beets. My carbon footprint is tiny. I’m so fabulous. I wash crude oil off of baby ducks with Dawn. My wife’s vagina is not organic enough, and she doesn’t rise at 5am to do the sun salutations. I’m not sure she even really believes in the healing power of Amethysts. I am so justified in finding a more organic vagina. Mother Earth approves.

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  Rose

so it wasnt his ship that dumped the crude oil?

diana l
diana l
9 years ago
Reply to  Rose

I doubt he believes any of what she’s saying. He just wants her body and is too dumb to see what he’s done to his life.

Looking for wisdom
Looking for wisdom
9 years ago
Reply to  Rose

HA!! Rose, thank you. The best laugh I’ve had all week! I have friends (quickly on the road to becoming ex-friends) in the New Agey, sun saluting, crystal worshiping, I-am-too-hip-to-believe-in-God subset, which is often all about *how I create my own reality.* And all too often that means I can create my own morality also…

Kat
Kat
9 years ago

Um, for the record I’m a new agey collector of stones and crystals who has done plenty of sun salutations throughout the years. I’m not too hip to believe in God but have found that I prefer representations of divinity where my gender is acknowleged. I consider myself spiritual but not religious, which I know gets a bad rap for variable morals but then I never needed religion to be the prison guard for my morality. And in fact it was an awful lot of people claiming to be moral based on their belief in God yet showing through their actions a lack of basic human decency that turned me off of religion in the first place. Of course I feel very blessed (shall I say by the goddess?) to be part of Chump Nation because people here Are moral, intelligent and compassionate. And often very funny too. But I just wanted to let you know that I will be lighting some sandalwood incense (for positive energy) and saying a prayer to bigfoot for you before I run through the forest under the moonlight, naked except for my crystal necklace. ; ) Jk about bigfoot but I am wearing one of my crystal necklaces today.

Sandy R
Sandy R
9 years ago
Reply to  Kat

My stone of choice is Tiger’s Eye! Whatever stone you’re drawn to..and that’s mine. I wear it for protection on my paranormal investigations!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Kat

Crystals are cool! No offense was intended.

Yes, we are stereotyping a subset, as Rose said above. All groups have a subset who will cheat. Cheaters come from all walks of life from the very religious to law enforcement.

Positive energy is always a good thing!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Rose

Oh, Rose, I so enjoyed that last paragraph. Hahahaha… Amethysts!

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Well, I notice a fair amount of non-stick cookware. For a non-stick marriage. Seems suitable.

(I guess Mrs. Ex Duck Cleaner got the pots and pans.) Sheesh. I hope she got the house & a hefty settlement too.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

I thought the military took a dim view of adultery. Huh.

Bonkti
Bonkti
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Yeah.

Like what happened to conduct unbecoming to an Officer and a Gentleman?

Drew
Drew
9 years ago

One stated, “Can you imagine being at that wedding and hearing him pledge lifelong fidelity?” Yeah, I thought that as well. Was this you?!

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

it is NOT until death do us part anymore.

it is until i get bored with you and find some chick that entertains me, enables me by agreeing with how horrible my life and my wife is and then has zero morals to open her legs to me after she smiles and gets my dick hard.

it really doesnt matter that the wife has taken care of him for 10, 15, 20, 50 years. all that matters is that he got bored and somehow in some make believe fantasy the wife wasnt treating him good. lets just forget all the multitude times HE f*cked up or how numerous HE DID NOT treat his wife well. And she forgave him and still loved him. and still she thought he was a better person then he actually was.

nope, he is bored, cant go off to visit crackhead cousins and stay out all night to drink even thou his wife and kids are needing him at home. he got bored so it is okay for him to slip his tiny wet willy into the first girl who truly UNDERSTANDS and RESPECTS him. cuz you know his WIFE NEVER respected him.

GAG

Uniquelyme
Uniquelyme
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Or the next one worth fighting for comes along … better save that woodwork. Might come in handy again.

I wonder if this is Vince’s first affair?

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Or, at least until the next good looking thingie walks by.

Magicrain
Magicrain
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

Yup. Until I feel like fucking whomever I want and ripping another persons heart out.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Oh, I’m sure they are one of those couples who only vow to be together “as long as we shall LOVE,” not “as long as we shall LIVE.” Because why stay together when the fun and the sparkle are gone, you know? It’s just important to be HAPPY, it’s so yesterday and boring to consider commitment or integrity.

The saddest thing is that a huge percentage of the population are just like these two, or support their actions.

ExpatChump
ExpatChump
9 years ago

Chumplady, can you please do a post on the incessant texting/IMing/emailing that goes on with these cheaters. Oh and the xrated pictures. What is up with that?! What is the psychology behind that?

Nord
Nord
9 years ago
Reply to  ExpatChump

My ex is well into his texting and messaging … and seems to be back at it these days. And xrated pictures? Not sure if he sent any of himself but he sure did get some from various women.

ExpatChump
ExpatChump
9 years ago
Reply to  ExpatChump

Here’s a HuffPo article on cheating and texting from a couple of years ago, though I’d still like CL’s perspective: http://huff.to/y2Vnvf

ExpatChump
ExpatChump
9 years ago
Reply to  ExpatChump

Here’s a HuffPo article on cheating and texting from a couple of years ago, though I’d still like to hear CL’s thoughts:
http://huff.to/y2Vnvf

Deborah
Deborah
9 years ago
Reply to  ExpatChump

It’s all about obsessive control and manipulation.

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago
Reply to  ExpatChump

That’s how I caught my cheater. His behavior started to be weird and his explanations of where he was didn’t add up. So I logged into our Family Plan on Verizon, that I paid 100%… of. The ignoramus didn’t realize I could see the numbers he was calling and texting. Make that one number, in particular… 50 or 60 times a day except for the long day long breaks when obviously he was with her. Busted!

The text, IM, and do this because its easy.

Just around the bend
Just around the bend
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

But what is so interesting about messaging of any form these days is that many people think that it is communication of an inferior quality compared to phone calling.

considering how powerful of an aphrodisiac messaging can be, I don’t share that opinion.

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

“They” not “The”

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

themuse,
don’t forget skype and facebook! and yes, they will have a fake name to keep it
hidden even further. I too wish we could get the chump on here from the article.
Wherever she is, I hope she is getting help. You guys are awesome! Thanks CL 🙂

Luziana
Luziana
9 years ago

My 46 YO spouse and his 42 YO coworker exchanged over 5000 text messages in 6 weeks before they were caught. That’s over a hundred a day. How is that sustainable or possible?

Lonelywife7
Lonelywife7
9 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Same here…hundreds of texts a day, plus 2-3 hr phone calls….but they were “Just friends!” Right!

patticake
patticake
9 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Mine did 3000 texts in 4 weeks. And that was only one month out of many. Also..5 hours of phone calls at night while I was away on business, in one month (out of many similar months). He told me he didn’t know who the number belonged to (really?). So, of course, I called it and said “Is this (insert ho-worker’s name)” She hung up. Go figure. I am sure you can imagine the outrage he had. I had “no business looking at his private information”. I was just his wife. “No business”…WTF!!!

kb
kb
9 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

It was a bit weird for me when STBX hardly put down his cell phone. He works in IT and his company does have global holdings, so I was such a total chump when he said that he was messaging China in the wee hours of the morning. Yeah, right. Anyway, one day he put the phone down and walked away before it autolocked. Yep. Got to see the texts. I didn’t tell him, though.

He’s become more and more possessive of the cell. He never, ever, lets it leave his person.

The inconsistent thing, though, is that he used to complain all the time about a staffer who was always on the phone to his wife. I guess, now that STBX is always texting Schmoopie, that he totally gets it.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

My ex was also sending well over 100, often over 200, texts per day to his married OW. And this was back when he had an actual job, can’t imagine how he ever got anything done!

Kat
Kat
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

They don’t. And it’s annoying how much they get paid for it. If you look up professional in the dictionary there’s a picture of my ex with an arrow pointing to it and a caption that says “not this guy”. But hey, don’t worry. If they get fired they can just move on to another job and get paid more. My ex was fired from two six figure jobs in a year. The first was for overuse of texting on the company phone and too much personal use of the company computer. The second job I have only guesses. But guess which moron is using his company phone to send dick pictures at his new job? I used to see him making facebook posts during work hours when we were together and sort of marvel at it. Sorry, if I’d been his boss I would have fired his ass.

Whatawaste
Whatawaste
9 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

5,000 in a billing period here, all while watching our kids. I mentioned this to my lawyer to make a custody case. He just shrugged. My advise to my kids? Don’t get married. Ever. Harsh? Yes, but this is the new mainstream. Everyone is on board. I live in a nice middle class community in NJ. Nice houses, great schools. The ex carried out his affair on a school yard with MOW. No one cared. I’m currently renovating a dilapidated shack after 23 years of saving for the dream home that I was kicked out of one year after purchase. My ex today to throwing a bday party for my 11 year old son. Parents from school all friended them up and will be in attendance. I have not received one word of support from a single soul. Not one. Everyone wants in on the party. They are tag teaming my one friend and trying to get her on board through mutual friends that neither of them even knew a year ago. Psychpaths. In time, she just might do it. Oh well. And my kids? Having a great time. Life gave me a pink slip, I may just move on and out of here. The world is different. There is no shame, bad behavior is celebrated. I actually wonder if I should just start flirting with married men around here. But I won’t. More likely to live out my days alone in a rural area, lake or coast. Nothing is keeping me here.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Whatawaste

I am so sorry this has happened to you. It really adds to the pain that so many of your friends/neighbors/acquaintances have chosen sides. And of the course the kids are being kids and love the good times and attentions when there’s a Disney Dad, as I call them.

But Life didn’t give you a pink slip. You were cut loose from a psychopath or narcissist or some other disordered POS. If your life was a movie, and the main character we are rooting for (you) was married to a no-good, lying, cheating, psychopath, how would you want that character’s life to work out? Move away to live out here days in some backwater? Or start figuring out what dreams you put aside to marry a douchebag? Or maybe having some new dreams? There is no getting around the fact that you have lost a life you worked for and dreamed for. But that life came with a giant price tag–a cheating douchebag. Don’t give him or his HoWife the satisfaction of your unhappiness. Even if at first you have to be happy just to spite him. The cheater in my life left me with a bunch of expensive house problems to solve, while he went to live for free in his parents’ old home, where he could sit and text MOW from the comfort of his mother’s recliner from a phone I paid for. She is nearly young enough to be my daughter, and at first I just felt used up. Done. But I decided I was going to have an awesome life. Just take one step at a time and make my life full of beauty. I work at this every waking minute. At first, I would plant flowers or paint my wicker and say, “MOW doesn’t have anything this cool.” I hit my goal weight and look better than I have in 25 years. At first, I did that so I could say to myself (pick me dancing in my own head) that MOW is very overweight and now I’m not. On and on. Then, at some point, I noticed I was happy. That I liked the challenges of my new life. That I love the solitude. That when I’m ready, I get to date and maybe find someone who won’t take his phone to the toilet and who can be trusted to go to a funeral home without picking up a married skank. Today my “adopted daughter” and her husband came over to mow. One of my former students is painting my house for very little money (he’s a pro painter) and he came over with a buddy to work on that. I finally got the storm windows out and the screens in–and I got a lady boner from doing the doors by myself. I was a person who never asked anyone for help, and now I ask all the time. I’ve reconnected with old friends and am looking forward to making a few select new ones. There are times that I’ve cried in Home Depot and felt small and helpless because this house is a 24/7 job But more and more I feel strong, capable, and unafraid. You did not get a pink slip from life, though I sure know how that feels, as I told my therapist I felt like a waste of space a month after D-Day. You got a do-over. Without that disordered POS who cheated on you. Fake it till you make it. That worked for me, at least.

lulu
lulu
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Whatawaste, I am so sorry that these people are such moral-less creeps! Believe me, YOUR life will get better! Hang on!

Irish
Irish
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Loved this post LAJ!!! You were spot on and the encouragement in this post is wonderful. I needed to hear this. Having a hard day today,feeling hopeless and helpless. Your post started a tiny spark of hope. Thank you.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

You get on with your big bad lady-boner self!!!

You just inspired me!! What you wrote was so kind and generous and uplifting. No twat troll was ever that nice!

Whatawaste
Whatawaste
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Thank you, LAJ. Today’s post really hit a nerve with me (obviously!). I appreciate all of the responses. Thank you, all.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Whatawaste

We all just want you to have a great, beautiful life, even if it wasn’t the one you wanted or expected. I thought about you a lot yesterday when we were working outside. Are the kids not living with you? Or are you splitting custody? The notion of moving farther from this community that is so painful would be complicated for you, either way.
* But I hope you are seeing a good counselor. (I say “good,” meaning one who understands the trauma of betrayal. I come from a background with a lot of family trauma and I would not have made it through this past year so successfully without my therapist. The feelings of despair and the sense that nothing will get better all come with the territory, I think, but it is important not to get stuck there. Your health insurance may well pay for 6 months to a year of therapy, at least in part, especially if your primary doctor wants you to be screened for depression. And I think all chumps go through depression as a stage, at least. And it may also help you to help someone else.
* Two hours a week–volunteer at a nursing home or food kitchen or community garden. Pick up litter. Read to kids at the library. What needs to be done in your community? What can you give back?
* Keep a gratitude journal. Write down 10 things you are grateful for every day. I keep mine on my iPad but a pretty notebook would be pleasing, too. This will change your life. I promise.
* Read books about living well. CL has some important books for surviving infidelity listed on the blog, but I love Brene Brown’s work, which got me through the gaslighting and early D-Day stage. Feed the good wolf.

You are alive. Your kids need their mother, no matter what else is going on in their lives. Put on your fierce Mama Bear face and get your life back. That’s the best thing you can do for them and you. I like your screen name, but only if it refers to the waste your cheater has made of his life, not yours. Sending love and prayers your way. There’s nothing you can’t do.

Only way is up
Only way is up
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Oh LAJ what a wonderful and uplifting post. Today I was feeling down. I was just feeling sorry for myself. I am going to keep this post and read it over and over. Thank you always for your honest and carefully constructed comments.

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Lovedajackass,
I love t! It is gonna be my new daily wake up mantra
“FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT”
thanks 🙂

Louise
Louise
9 years ago
Reply to  Whatawaste

School parents may be in attendance, but don’t think for one minute that the married women there have anything but disdain for the OW. Most folks see through the bullshit, they’re just not forthright enough to speak out about it. But after they leave the festivities, you can bet there will be some trash talking going on. People really don’t like cheaters, no matter how many stupid stories get written about them.

It is difficult to be alone, to feel like so much of what you have worked for is gone. And all the good advice in the world doesn’t make the pain go away. Time does help, as trite and stupid as that sounds. Four years ago, it was tough just to face each day. I never thought such pain was possible; it was worse than anything I had ever experienced. But I’m better now, if not happy, certainly content, at peace. You’ll get there, too, I know you will. Move to the coast! The ocean is my church and brings such serenity to me.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Louise

In my experience, women like that–those who condone cheating all for a good time? One or more of them has the hots for your scumbag ex and is queuing up to be next in his bed. I don’t trust bitches like them.

Roberta
Roberta
9 years ago
Reply to  Louise

They may be coming to the gathering out of a sort of morbid curiosity. Kind of like when a house burns down. Once the fire is out and the fire dept. leaves then everyone wants to see what’s left in the ashes! They will compare and tsk, tsk about what an A’hole your ex is! Just calm down, this could be a good thing! The other women want to “size up” the “threat” in hopes it never happens to them!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Louise

Meh can be beautiful.

Syringa
Syringa
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

What a Waste…I’ve felt the same as you at the time of Dday. My XH was a prominent business man in the area and employed many people over the years. Suddenly I was the pariah. Pretty much all of our ‘friends’ dumped me. Him and his sparkly new OW got all of the attention. No one even acted like they did anything wrong. While me and our little grandkids were left here crying our guts out.

XH and OW are having the time of their lives. New house on the ocean. Great new jobs. Moved far away. I always wonder what they tell people about their ‘amazing love story.’ Betcha a million bucks it doesn’t have a thing to do with her fucking a married man or him cheating on wife.

What's waste
What's waste
9 years ago
Reply to  Syringa

Syngia thank you for your reply. I’m am sorry you felt this community wide shunning too. I’m glad they moved away. I’m contemplating moving away. I literally can’t even grocery shop st normal hours for fear of the very real possibility of running onyo OW with my 5 yr old daughter who calls her mommy.

Whatawaste
Whatawaste
9 years ago
Reply to  What's waste

And lastly, ultimate irony here! I’m looked up with some suspicion because, you know, I’m a single woman in a family neighborhood. That of course means I’m a desperate loose cannon looking to take down a hubs. I have to be careful
who I talk to and keep it short and of course, no face booking any of the marrieds!

What's waste
What's waste
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I think Meh is great towards to cheater ex, but its a bit more Ray Bradbury when literally the community celebrates ( I’m not exaggerating it the toast of the town) the new couple and your kids minds have been washed in 24 months of anything from their previous family and they are very happy. Meh doesn’t quite cut it. It’s more of an existential nihilism that’s called for, but hard to achieve.

paula
paula
9 years ago
Reply to  What's waste

Whatawaste – read your posts earlier today and you’ve been on my mind.

The pain of exclusion is dreadful. That you face that coupled with the crippling agony infidelity – well that’s truly horrific.

That you can write so eloquently and thoughtfully about the deeper esoteric properties of this tremendous loss speaks volumes about your self awareness and intellect.

You have what it takes to begin anew. I hold you in my heart and am so sorry for your pain.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  paula

Yes, just when you think these situations can’t get any worse, they do. Very sorry, Whatawaste.

What's waste
What's waste
9 years ago
Reply to  Louise

Louise, I wish that were the case and maybe they trash talk her but to her face are nice, but I guess my thoughts are, same difference. Fake is as fake does. If you are going along because you like the poolside cocktails, so long as you aren’t taking a stand, even a quiet understated stand, it’s the same as condoning the whole thing an alienating the ex spouse.

lulu
lulu
9 years ago
Reply to  What's waste

Whatawaste, I am so sorry that these people are such moral-less creeps! Believe me, YOUR life will get better! Hang on!

Louise
Louise
9 years ago
Reply to  What's waste

I completely agree, which is why I am known as a bit of a trouble maker. Don’t ask me how I feel about bad behavior if you don’t want the truth! What I am trying to express, though, is that things are not always what they seem. Those poolside cocktails are laced with cyanide.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  Whatawaste

Whatawaste, I am so sorry to hear that your community has been so unsupportive and has, in fact, rallied around them. I hope that with a little bit of time, some people will come to their senses and give you the support you deserve. Do you have friends or family outside of that circle that you can turn to and feel supported by, even someone long-distance? Or maybe some sort of support group where you could attend and meet some new people that could become a support network? Maybe there is even someone from Chump Nation that lives near you that could become an in-person friend? I hope that you feel less pain with each day. Hang in there… We are here for you.

Whatawaste
Whatawaste
9 years ago
Reply to  Whatawaste

I want to add that the fact that I stay despite my extreme pain of being alienated and humiliated, out of love for my kids, makes me feel chumpy. I know that sounds fucked up but all my life, I just sit back and take it. I’m tired of taking it. I’m starting to feel jealous of sociopaths. I wish I could be like them. They are free of so many burdens. I want to be free.

beachi
beachi
9 years ago
Reply to  Whatawaste

Sorry whatawaste, really horrible they all sided with him. It must be a living hell for you. I hope you find some peace from this.

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  Whatawaste

Ahhh so sorry, whatawaste, they truly are soulless psychopaths. Someone here posted that she renovated an old trailer in which she lives in the country with her dogs and cats on a large parcel, giving her solitude and freedom. Sounded wonderful to me……

DoneNow
DoneNow
9 years ago
Reply to  Whatawaste

I totally get that. I’ve thought the same thing. And my Ex thinks life is great for him and would like the children to be just as lacking in empathy and understanding as he is because, “I’m happy and successful, so why wouldn’t I want them to be like me?” I just pull out my copy of “The Sociopath Next Door,” and that helps a little. We can’t be like them, so it’s best just not to go there. We’d feel terrible guilt eventually even if we were able to shut if off for a little while.

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

Another book that helped me understand–“People of the Lie”

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Kelly,
The fact that M. Scott Peck is a cheater kind of spoiled his books for me. 🙁

lulu
lulu
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Is he really? OMG! Ugh!

Arnold
Arnold
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Yeah,a pparently a first class NPD, Peck.

Looking for wisdom
Looking for wisdom
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

That’s true… however that doesn’t negate the value of his books or the insights he had about topics other than infidelity. I think some of his stuff is brilliant. The fact that he couldn’t live it personally is not necessarily hypocrisy.

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Oh no, really? Boo 🙁

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

An admitted serial cheater. Hypocrites make my ass want a dip of snuff.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

It

Jenny S
Jenny S
9 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

My ex was spending hours in the middle of the night calling his whore. Or texting her dozens of times while on duty. After I caught them the first time (I was a chump), they went to messaging through Words with Friends, KIK, even through ACTUAL friends! And he started doing the same thing with his sister in law. These people are sick, sick, sick!

ExpatChump
ExpatChump
9 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Exactly!

Sd
Sd
9 years ago
Reply to  ExpatChump

When I realized that my ex wife’ was getting extra special private lessons from her married tennis pro , I checked her cell phone bill on line – over 100 texts a day ,every day, for three months ( the maximum look back). That included our anniversary and our family vacation.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  Sd

No words, SD. It’s amazing how much energy and time goes into cheating. It’s a full time job! Yeah, anniversaries and family vacations take on a whole new meaning when you know/learn your spouse is/was fucking around. My ex told me that one day I will just remember the good times…Lol. Yeah like our last vacation together and the previous two years of family vacations together were anything I’d like to remember. Cheating spouses carry bad vibes, it’s impossible to have any fun with your spouse when your spouse is lying to you. I have great memories but none of them include my ex. He had a hard time relaxing and was always uptight, preoccupied, and kind of absent. Normal people enjoy vacationing with their spouses. Cheaters just suck.

Sandy R
Sandy R
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

I never understood why STBX was not excited planning our 25th wedding anniversary, which would have been this November. I’d be sharing my ideas of things to do to celebrate, and if I got any answer at all, it was a distracted response. No excitement on his part at all. And 25 years is a milestone, damn it! To be honest, knowing what I know now, he probably had no intention of spending our 25th together. It was more important to him to spend as much time as possible with the skank and her family.

tryinghard
tryinghard
9 years ago
Reply to  Sandy R

Dear ChumpLady

I hope you will write an article for the Huff Post on this sad story. I think you have plenty to support an article with all these comments from your followers. At the very least I would love to see a follow up article from the ex wife’s point of view. For all we know she may be doing the happy dance divesting herself of Officer and not a Gentleman Tim the Tacky Tool Man.

I’m so tired of people who have no clue about infidelity supporting amoral, narcissistic simpletons like these two. They are like starry eyed high school teens. These are not the actions of responsible adults. Hey folks you brought humans into the world! Children are not resilient. That is a cliche. You are fucking up their innocent lives. But hey you’re “happy” so who cares right. No wonder the kid in the background is crying for someone to come wipe his bum. Oh and wasn’t she wonderful offering to go help (but really praying she doesn’t have to) to show how invested she was with his children!

I wish there were a way to track these two into the future. But really the writing is on the wall. Bye bye Mr. and Mrs. Sludge!

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

no no no drew!!
they are not lying to us.

it is OUR FAULT because we are NOT treating them right!! even thou we are the ones who are home, feeding and raising the children, paying the bills, keeping the house, yard and vehicles. stressed out to the point of forgetfulness, (where did i put those keys again) marriage police, secret decoders, talking until we are blue in the face but yet we still “just dont understand them” and what they are going thru.

it is all our fault that they stay out all night drinking and setting up their new fix because they dont have the balls to fix what is wrong in their own house and family. besides we just arent FUN anymore, i mean with all that pressure on us, HOW CAN we be fun? of course they got bored. doesnt it say in your marriage vows, for better or until you get bored?

the thing that gets me is our last Christmas. fuktard went to church with us and there i was praying with all my little heart that me and him will work our marriage out and i could be a BETTER wife for him. he even stood in our family picture….all the time planning his escape with his new wonderful girlfriend which he put into action on news years eve… who the f*ck does that? wasnt it just super great of him to give his children one last family christmas before he blow up their world?

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

agreed! drew!
My STBX even had the nerve to ask me if I want to go on future vacations with him! Are you fucking kidding me?? No, how about I take half of the value of
that timeshare we bought?? Everything about your post brought me back to
my previous vacations with him. they all act the same. My next vacation after
my divorce is finalized, I will take with my 2 adult daughters. I’m sure I will
have a fabulous time 🙂

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  sodone

My ex asked me to be a business partner with him. If I’m not good enough to be his wife, I’m not good enough to be his business partner. No thanks.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

What?? Just THINK how great that would be! You be the responsible, capable one, and he runs off for 4-day weekends with the schmoopie. He’s sure you’ll understand and help him out. Right? Doesn’t that sound fantastic? And he knows you’ll do a good job and that he can trust you! Winner!!

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Good for you ML,
I am in the banking industry, and I cannot tell you how many “business partners” who both sign on an account, One skips out, leaving the account
very much in the negative, and it falls upon the other business partner
since it is joint. steer clear.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

That takes nerve.

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  Sd

What a pig…and how trite…the tennis pro? Really??

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago
Reply to  Sd

Sd, disgusting! what is WITH these cheaters. Who even has time to work, or do anything else when they are texting 100x a day!!?

My Ex sat next to me every night in our living room, secretly texting his OW right in front of me. On the cell phone I paid for him to have…. While watching House of Cards, Season One in which CHEATING featured prominently in the plot line.

I am sure that he was getting off on “getting away with” the same thing the guy in that show was doing while I innocently unsuspectingly and Chumpily sat next to him …. that was part of the thrill for him.

Sandy R
Sandy R
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

I’d like to know the statistics on this, although I’m not sure it’s possible. My STBX guarded his phone like it was a piece of top-secret government equipment. Gee, now I know why! And yep..he would text anywhere, anytime. And we all know who he was texting, of course. Sometimes I hate technology!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Same thing, Muse! My ex would sit right next to me, texting away. Absolutely they get a thrill from this.

lovehonorcherish
lovehonorcherish
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

OMG…stbxh thought he was so smart. Anytime we were out to dinner with family, friends or by ourselves he would disappear into the restroom for 15-20 minutes at a time… no doubt texting TwatWaffle because, God forbid, that he actually try to communicate and interact with whoever we happened to be socializing with!! Nah…he was bored with all of us, friends and family alike : ( Everybody knew what he was doing and he didn’t even have the decency to be ashamed. The one exception was the time that I sent him a text while he was locked in a bathroom stall texting the AP: “Tell your girlfriend that your wife and family say hello and that we’re enjoying a fabulous dinner while you’re locked in the shitter talking to her!” He returned to the table ASAP and red-faced with embarrasment…or maybe it was anger but who cares? My point was made. Score one for the wife!

Only way is up
Only way is up
9 years ago

Well played. What is it with the bathrooms and texting? How do you explain that one to people? Because my STBX did that alot. I encouraged him to go to the doctors as I worried about his health! Now I do not give a crap!

Roberta
Roberta
9 years ago
Reply to  Only way is up

Yeah, I agree! Both he and Schmoopie had pictures of themselves smirking and modeling in the bathroom! Wierd I think! He even took pictures of himself in the bathroom at work smiling like the idiot he is!! It’s just ridiculous!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Only way is up

Yeah, I always wondered why Jackass took his phone in there.

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  Only way is up

they know you won’t fly open the door and catch them! LOL, besides, they can’t contact them only at certain times, otherwise the jig is up. My evil twin also sent the troll a detailed list of physical and verbal abuse that both
my daughter and I have endured during all of this, with a link to a narc website! I also thanked her oh so much for taking on such a person, and wished her luck:) especially since she is a divorcee !!

sodone
sodone
9 years ago

Hilarious, lovehonorcherish!!!
I have thought of doing that so many times. He even did that shit at
family reunions and holidays. The phone in the bathroom was one of
my first red flags. I must admit I am a bit of a bitch-with horns! When I found
a naked pic on his computer, I emailed his current twat(knowing her age)
and said unless you have perky boobs, and very long nails, the boob shot
on his computer is not u!! LOL back at ya 🙂

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

me too, themuse, same story.. can anyone say narcissist? On a lighter note,
I am so happy for me today! I blocked him from calling my cell and house phone!
Yay me 🙂

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago
Reply to  sodone

I’ve been no contact for six months and it feels great! never again will I hear his screaming rages and that ugly finger pointing in my face!! imagine being called selfish by someone who was lying to me for years and cheating?!

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

I’m very impressed with 6 months, Themuse. How did you maintain it?
I am sure when he realizes (probably has), he will be over here after work banging on the door. And whats with the rages? same shit here. I think it makes them feel better. when I would ask him a question that made him
uncomfortable, he would fly into one of those rages. The best thing of all
for me tho, is not expelling my energy being marriage police. I can use the
energy I have spent on that for something positive, for me, and my girls. Time is not moving fast enough tho. i am anxious for my MEH.

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  sodone

Congrats sodone, good for you 🙂

lovehonorcherish
lovehonorcherish
9 years ago

This story truly breaks my heart. My own life, at the present moment, breaks my heart as well. Yes, there was a “third person” in my marriage too…the married AP. She started working with stbxh in September 2012, they started getting “friendly” in February 2013 and they were getting down and dirty by March 2013 (as far as I can tell…not sure I ever got a truthful timeline). After a year long false R it was very apparent that I was an outsider looking in on my own marriage. Stbxh tossed away 17 years of our lives, our family and our friends for a woman he had known for SIX MONTHS!! I don’t know how, I don’t know why…because he claims he doesn’t know the reasons himself. TwatWaffle reminds me very much of the woman in this HuffPost article…proclaiming her love for my husband, posting pictures of her children and animals living in my home, skipping her way into the sunset without a care in the world! Oh, stbxh did mention that she “feels bad” that she injected herself into our marriage but she’s happy, she got what she wanted and she just chalks it up to the fact that “something” must have been wrong if she was able to just “take him away”. Yeah, something was wrong…stbxh lacked the morals, integrity and spine to say no! His actions with the AP have destroyed every significant relationship in his life…with his wife, his parents, his sister, both our extended families and our friends. Doesn’t the AP find it odd that she has been fucking my husband for over a year but she has never met, laid eyes upon or had a single conversation with ANYONE who has ever meant ANYTHING to him? Doesn’t that say something to her about the way people perceive that “relationship”? Justify an affair any way you want. Call it true love, fate, destiny…it’s still nothing more than what it is: dark, dirty, deceitful and destructive : (

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago

lovehonorcherish, great alliteration… “dirty, deceitful and destructive” I would just note that these liars lie so frequently and easily that you’re correct in sensing you never got the correct timeline. Mine told me he only met OW “two weeks” b4 my DDay and that “in 5 minutes” he went from being “100% committed to” me to being “100% committed to her” and bam! it just happened! etc blah blah.

All lies… found an old outlook data file on our “kitchen computer” that he had forgotten to delete… he’s a remodeling contractor, and I already knew OW was having him work on her house, but from the outlook calendar he kept, I learned he knew her for TWO YEARS, not two weeks and had done 9 separate jobs at her house before their wingding whirlwind “courtship” last summer.

He madly deleted files and removed 5 PCs from our house the day after DDay while I was at work after one hour’s sleep on DDay night. But he accidentally also left behind an old copy of his email “outbox” in which I found several emails he wrote to his previous OW in 2008…. “thanks for the lovely Friday night,” “you are a warm and wonderful woman,” “thank you for letting me into your world” bla bla ick. Liars/cheaters will twist numbers and timelines to justify their actions. But the facts don’t lie.

lovehonorcherish
lovehonorcherish
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

You are so right, Muse…the facts don’t lie! All of us here got the shit end of the stick and that is so disillusioning to me. I’m having a harder time these days. First court date is on Thursday and I’m having trouble knowing I’m going to have to see my lying, cheating stbxh. It would be so like him to bring TwatWaffle with him for support and I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to keep it together if she is there. The injustice and emotional cruelty of what those two have brought into my life makes me want to vomit! Their “love” and happiness comes at my expense, unfortunately…

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago

lhc, i am right there with you… my Narc and I were not married but lived and owned house together 16 years, with my kids. I have to sue him now to get him off the deed. A year out from DDay I keep thinking I should be better now and at full Meh but it takes time. Yesterday I learned that OW skank’s house sold and they are back in my city of residence and living in her former rental house. I had the same angry thoughts/feelings, how come they get to “experience” love and happiness and togetherness till I remind myself who she “stole” from me… liar, porn addict with pedophile-fantasies, rape-fantasies, cheater, liar, moocher, so seriously what kind of “happiness” are they having together?

Even if she THINKS she is “happy” with him, she’s just his next victim. I am 100% sure he lied to her about who I even was. After all, when I met him, I didn’t know he continued fucking his previous GF for another 7 years after living with me. Again, numbers don’t lie. Liars do.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Print this out and read it if you need to: “I had the same angry thoughts/feelings, how come they get to ‘experience’ love and happiness and togetherness till I remind myself who she “stole” from me… liar, porn addict with pedophile-fantasies, rape-fantasies, cheater, liar, moocher, so seriously what kind of ‘happiness’ are they having together?” My mother (who was a major narcissist herself but also had her good moments, once said, “No one builds a happy life on the rubble of someone else’s life.”

lovehonorcherish
lovehonorcherish
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Thanks for the supportive comments, ladies. Many of my family and friends have offered to go with me on Thursday and I am so thankful that I have such a wonderful support system in place. I have decided that having my Dad and my attorney (two very intimidating men!) with me should work out just fine. If my stbxh actually shows up for court he’s just going to get crickets from me…not a word, not a glance in his direction, not any type of acknowledgment, NOTHING!! I’ll let you all know how things go.

exrepeatedmeme
exrepeatedmeme
9 years ago

lhc, I’ll be sending you good thoughts on Thursday – I’m going through the same thing right now and the only saving grace is that STBX is just not bothering to show up for anything so far. I was at a pre-trial hearing on Thursday, no STBX, and I suspect it is because his lawyer is telling him to stay away. He is getting increasingly nasty as we get closer to trial, lying about everything now including my dead mother’s will, my kids, the state of his business, his income, even when there are independent expert reports, paystubs, e-mails, that all prove he is lying. It’s hard on me and hard on the kids but you know – there will be an end to it.

Be strong! If OW woman shows up pretend she is a slug, a sowbug, some kind of lower invertebrate (apologies to invertebrates everywhere for that). Keep the mantra going that you will have these people out of your life soon, that you will be free and that your life will be so much better the day you get that decree! They are people you don’t want in your life any more, people who have proved what kind of standards they hold, and you will soon have space for new people, good people, to come into your life.

These cheaters don’t know what love is. They are not adults in any sense of the word, although they can do a really good imitation if there is something in it for them. They have no concept of the damage they have done and keep doing, and have only one concern, short term gratification – be that unprotected sex, a dozen Crispy Cremes, a hot car that they can’t pay for. In their toddler-esque worlds there are no consequences.

(It doesn’t surprise me that cheaters are feted in the media, because of course they fuel a decent chunk of the economy now. I look at the heartbreakingly huge legal bill I will be left with, the years longer I will need to work to pay it off, the household goods I will need to buy as STBX has claimed pretty much every household possession as his – of course this kind of behaviour is encouraged. It’s good for business, doncha know!)

I can’t be there in person to hold your hand and provide moral support next Thursday, but know that the invisible Chump Nation Army will be there with you every step of the way. Eyes on the prize, lhc, and as Dat would say, Jedi hugs!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  exrepeatedmeme

In PA, no one is allowed in court but the husband and wife, and witnesses, if they are called. That doesn’t mean she won’t lurk around the courthouse, but his attorney would be smart to tell him to keep her away. Hoping all goes well for you.

Sandy R
Sandy R
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Ugh you guys..this part sucks. Just a few weeks ago was my court date for temporary child support and temporary alimony. He wasn’t even paying me child support! I posted here about my experience. His attorney ripped me apart! I know that’s his job, but it was horrible. Tried to make me out as this rotten person. I’m in a no-fault state so his infidelity isn’t even admissible. As soon as the hearing was over, I went into the bathroom at the courthouse and just bawled. I barely made it..thank goodness I didn’t bawl in the halls on my way to the bathroom. Hang in there, though..it’s hard, but you WILL get through it!

Thewatcher
Thewatcher
9 years ago

An officer and a gentleman. Well, guess we have to change our ideas about that!
Did you notice how she talks? Put a few “like”s in there and I could swear she is 13, 14 tops.

Tonya
Tonya
9 years ago
Reply to  Thewatcher

I’m guessing they are both emotionally stunted. Vince could not say or express how he felt so he made her that fabulous Giants sign. What king of sign will he carve for her if he feels he can’t handle things and wants to move on?

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  Tonya

What kind of sign says “it’s over” without saying it directly? How about “Gone Fishing”?

Uniquelyme
Uniquelyme
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

LOL! Or she’ll just notice the sign has gone missing.

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago

I thought it was revealing that Vince referred to his marital status during his courtship of Rebekah as “an invisible boundary”….. no, it should have been eminently VISIBLE, you narcissistic asshole!

And seriously, “the divorce was hard… there were days I couldn’t even get out of bed if it weren’t for Rebekah!” WTFFFF??? What does he think his WIFE was going through? Oh I get it… NARC NARC NARC – he is the victim!! He left his wife at home to take care of the house and the kids and the car and the mortgage, and hey, this more sparkly thing just appeared in front of him, and it was SO HARD on him. Never mind the chump waiting for him at home while he was out acquiring kibbles. Sickening, and resonates with me because my Narc, too, portrayed himself as the Victim of his cheating on me.

Well, I guess these two narcs deserve each other.

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

i dont think the Rebekah is more sparkly. i mean they never show a picture of the wife. but i think Rebekah looks like an ugly goldfish. she is NOT that attractive, she does NOT a super sexy body. her boobies were not that impressive, nor her ass. she looked very plain. i agree about the way she talked to, like she is stuck in high school (they must have been the best time of her life and she cant get past it)

all in all, i wasnt impressed by her looks, actions or speech.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Yes —> “NARC NARC NARC – he is the victim.”

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago

Everyone here has said all of my thoughts. All the thoughts. All the feels (as the young’uns say). Just, all of them.

I will mention however that the esteemed NYT, Grey Lady (not so much a lady anymore is she??), has or had, an Ombuds-person, aka a Complaints Editor.

I humbly suggest we shower that person with objections to running stories like this for the reasons we all know so well.

Ah, here we go:

“Margaret Sullivan is the fifth public editor appointed by The New York Times. The public editor works outside of the reporting and editing structure of the newspaper and receives and answers questions or comments from readers and the public, principally about news and other coverage in The Times. …” E-mail: public@nytimes.com

diana l
diana l
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

I think it would be good if they followed up with a) the wife’s side of the story and her romantic meeting and vows and b) an article on the effects of infidelity on chumps.

Chump Change
Chump Change
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

Thanks for the link to the editor. I just sent a scathing email…. Felt good. 🙂

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago

“People have baggage, people have past relationships,” said Rebekah Gordon.

As if the existing wife was an inconvenient duffle bag.

Really? “Past” relationships don’t involve being “currently” married, do they? Good lord, the stories people tell themselves so they can remain spellbound in front of their mirrors (shaking my head)>

Einstein
Einstein
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

That one got me too. Past relationship??? The current wife? Wow…..does she even know how stupid she sounds?

She didn’t inherit baggage….she created it.

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

I know – baggage? and that is her opening salvo. She probably thought of his then-current wife as in the past because he probably courted Rebekah with that tried and true Cheater line: “we grew apart a long time ago…”

Like my cheater said to me, during the denouement, “I left you a long time ago, Muse, I just never told you about it.” I’m still wondering what part of “leaving me” including living in my house, having sex with me, eating the meals I paid for and cooked, sitting on the furniture I bought and texting, sexting and calling OW from the cell phone I paid for too. And just like this guy, I’m SURE he told OW that he didn’t have a “real” relationship with me. So like Rebekah, she felt completely justified.

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Dear God, Muse…we had the same Cheater!! (Alas.) Mine said: ” I decided I wasn’t married to you. A few years ago.”

Too bad he not only ‘forgot’ to tell me, he affirmatively kept on telling me that he loved me, he would never cheat yadda yadda, cheater pig latin. yuck.

Sandy R
Sandy R
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

muse..namedforvera..3 of a kind apparently..that’s my STBX to a “t”.

notyou
notyou
9 years ago

What bothers me the most is NYT “normalizing” their behavior and “trivializing” the honorable and sacrosanct institution of marriage.

“Marriage” has become unfairly overwhelmed and overburdened by the modern notion of viewing it as THE vehicle for personal happiness, and if it doesn’t greet us everyday with prizes, goodies, a constant “high” and the power to make us see unicorns and shoot rainbows out of our asses…then we are with the wrong person and must trade up for a “better” model.

WRONG. Something is very broken in individuals who live with those kinds of delusional fantasies…delusions that marriage is a cure-all for what ails one when one ALREADY has inherent character deficiencies . Character deficiencies that lead one to believe that all OTHERS should “haul in the happiness” and lay it at the feet of the exalted one. The one too damn lazy to do his or her “me” work–actually too damned lazy to do any emotional work at all.

Passive. Lazy. Entitled. Oh..wait… that sounds like a narcissist. Yup.

If it makes any Chump here feel better to know that “imperfect beginnings” frequently have “imperfect endings,” Mr. NotYou and Hot-Twat-Dot did NOT successfully make it. The Succubus* dumped him after a couple of years in deference to protecting her own children (as I predicted to him from the outset).

He got to do the, “Chump Walk” with NO “mile markers” and no support (not even his Mom) because he couldn’t, let the cat (pussy?) out of the bag. So, he got to start over and rebuild his life from scratch, too.

Such a painful lesson to learn:
“Whoever digs a pit will fall into it; if someone rolls a stone, it will roll back on them.” ~Proverbs 26:27
[And the last time I looked, God doesn’t give waivers to Narcs.]

– – –

*A succubus is a female demon or supernatural entity in folklore (traced back to medieval legend) that appears in dreams and takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. The male counterpart is the incubus. Religious traditions hold that repeated sexual activity with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

My ex used to say that I watched too many Disney movies while growing up. I am not sure why, maybe because I like a good romantic comedy with a happy ending and because I believed in and valued marriage? But the thing is, I seem to be the one with a more realistic idea of relationships because he is the one who left for a spark he just met and fell in love with. He didn’t have a choice and didn’t want his life to be boring (he loves the high of infatuation and I thinb equates that with love), etc.. etc. And he has a pattern of getting bored and looking for something different, perfect, shiny and new. Always thinking he is trading up, and always looking for happiness outside of himself, in the other person. So, though I am sure he would never admit it, he seems to be the one more impacted by unrealistic Disney-esque notions of love.

jinx
jinx
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

“delusions that marriage is a cure-all for what ails one when one ALREADY has inherent character deficiencies . Character deficiencies that lead one to believe that all OTHERS should “haul in the happiness” and lay it at the feet of the exalted one. The one too damn lazy to do his or her “me” work–actually too damned lazy to do any emotional work at all.”

Right here. My stbx is such a sad and miserable man looking for that person whose sole purpose is to make him happy. Once I stepped out of the picture, his sordid triangle fell apart and the OW in all her glory shined forth. I provided stability while they provided pleasure….as long as he was willing to financially support their tryst. It seems their smiles and conversations were not free after all. OW weren’t interested in him as an individual, no their interest only went as far as shallow sex and a date. With retirement, pensions, ira’s, and the high cost of viagra, outside sex is a budget item….and his ow offered no freebies.

Aging old whorish as men suffer from a bevy of illnesses. Partying and sexing around, high blood pressure, STD’s, inflatables, strokes, not many ow want the responsibility of a sickly mate getting by on a pension. Hugh Hefner wealthy free sex guru was exposed as one of his women described his viagra aided erection as flaccid at best. Aging OW don’t fair better either another topic maybe someone can expound.

Don’t envy these people chumps. I know it’s painful, but move on and enjoy life. Don’t wait for their reaping.

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  jinx

Jinx,
same here, All I have to do is sit back, and watch him fall apart. not helping…
STBX ow seems to be backing off now, I think he fed her with his ira, pension, accounts,
well, most of the ira is gone, made him pull it and pay off all debt, and you know I am
going after half of his pension. moved my money quicker than a squirrel! and i am trying to get 3yrs in the house or get it sold asap.

jinx
jinx
9 years ago
Reply to  sodone

I’m working through the legal issues also. Some of these cheaters never learn and I’m only now getting a more complete picture of his behavior.
I have a friend who’s ex has a couple of brand new toddlers he is caring for physically and financially with his pension/retirement. It seems that young hot sexy OW is only into partying and getting high. The ex even has the nerve to try and get free babysitting from his own adult kids. Life after their tryst is not so good.

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  jinx

same here, jinx. neither of my adult girls have spoken to him. It is just a shame
that the people in his life are so disposable to him. The legal part scares me to death! I know it is going to be so expensive and I don’t know how I am going to
afford it. Legal aid in my area says they do not take divorce cases. So I will
have to work it out. You are right about them never learning. Why should they?
Committing to marriage vows doesn’t allow then to have their cake. Like many of us on here, my question has always been why didn’t you call it? Will never get an answer to that question. Cake.I am no longer trying to figure the where, why, and how. it does nothing to help me. As everyone has said on here, time to focus on ourselves and our children. No one else will.

exrepeatedmeme
exrepeatedmeme
9 years ago
Reply to  sodone

sodone, as someone who has been nearly three years trying to get divorced, the one piece of advice I have is start the process as soon as you can. Yes, it is terrifying, but don’t let the money paralyse you. Every day that you don’t file is another day that your cheater will string you along, hide assets, set their lies in place at work, with the kids, with the family.

Get a line of credit, borrow on your credit card, from family, friends. Stash money from your paycheque if you are doing paid work with a direct deduction at source so it never appears as your net pay. Sell you grandma’s china, the silver, whatever you can to get that first chunk of money to hire a good lawyer. I think most of us here are good money managers and I know it just adds to the pain to think you are going into unnecessary debt. But it isn’t unnecessary – it is buying your freedom, and freedom for your kids.

The reason my divorce has taken so long is because before I found CL I believed the lies and the reasons for the delays and the “poor sausage” stories. He had time to decrease his income (he is self employed) and spin his story of the bitch wife to all our friends and acquaintances. That has made the planning for trial that much harder for me, but no more. No amount of money is worth maintaining a relationship with this asshole, who truly and repeatedly has shown me who he really is. I am counting down the days. This is the third summer I’ve spent dealing with this bullshit and it will be my last.

Don’t mean to get on a soapbox today but as you can probably tell I’m a little sensitive about this right now. But it may help someone reading, and if it does that will make me happy!

jinx
jinx
9 years ago
Reply to  exrepeatedmeme

Three years?! You would think these cheaters would be ecstatic about moving on to their new lives, not so in my case as well.

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  exrepeatedmeme

exrepeatedme,
I have my lawyer set up for sept, and you are right I will start selling stuff
like crazy. first the jewelry. I do have some credit available to me, but I will use it as a last resort. I understand the 3 year thing. My first discovery was
back in 2009, and yes after all his cries and promises, I did the reconciliation dance. U know the rest of the story..I will break my damn legs before I do that dance again! The thing that pisses me the most, is I know when he realizes I have a lawyer, he will just pick up the phone, cry to his dad, and he will get a check for his lawyer. It is bullshit! The are very close to me, but they fall for all of his lies, and there is not much
I can do about it. In my own way, I have delayed as well. I so wish I had
taken care of this 5 years ago instead of smoking the hopium 🙁 Oh and as far as your soapbox, I love it!! So helpful. you are so right on so many levels!

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

I guess affair partners with STDs May be classified as succubi? (Just guessing on the plural form.)

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

ANC,

I think your plural is correct. There is probably more than just a grammatical connection between “succubi” and “octopi,” too. 😉

But I’m getting esoteric here, and we should keep it real: These two people are shallow, self-serving assholes–dirty ones who, “stink out loud.” No amount of self-serving drivel is going to wash that stink off.

Tonya
Tonya
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Let’s keep it real – may they both get the clap they deserve.

Deborah
Deborah
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

I felt so uncomfortable watching and listening to each of them as they each seemed uncomfortable telling their story as they should. Wow, no words for this one. LIFE IS SHORT AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE HAPPY! WE LIVE IN A DISPOSABLE SOCIETY WITH RECYCLING SO NOW WE HAVE MOVED ON FROM PAPER CUPS AND PLASTIC BAGS TO DISPOSABLE PEOPLE! YAY, don’t forget to separate the adults from the kids so you can put them in the proper bins for garbagepick up.

Now it all makes sense, that’s why under the relationship button on Facebook there is the one that says “It’s Complicated” or if you don’t list your relationship it says “Ask”.

Nice, now it’s all so clear. HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY! Thanks for posting that CL.

Chump Change
Chump Change
9 years ago
Reply to  Deborah

Oh,!!! Please email your exact post to the comments editor at the NYTimes. Link is a few posts above. Its perfect!

Chump Change
Chump Change
9 years ago
Reply to  Chump Change

I was directing this to Deborah…

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  Deborah

The first thing I noticed, not paying attention to their words, was their body language. Not facing towards each other, sometimes twisted away from each other. True love!

notyou
notyou
9 years ago
Reply to  Deborah

Former Secretary of Education William Bennett recalls when one of his “radical students” at Boston University announced that he and his girlfriend were getting married for “as long as we feel good about each other.”

“So for a wedding present,” Dr. Bennett, says, “I gave them paper plates.”

Einstein
Einstein
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Been a long time fan of Bennett.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  notyou

Hahh, that’s awesome!

supersue
supersue
9 years ago

I watched the video last night and am still thinking about it this morning. How were these people raised that they believe that they are in the right? The more interesting story would be to hear from the wife who was left and hear how her life has been forever changed. But, really, she is better off in the long run if this is how her ex-husband views commitment. This story struck a chord with me because my husband of 8 years left his family in search of a shiny new romance.

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago
Reply to  supersue

I know. During the entire video, I kept thinking, Good Lord how does his ex-wife feel watching her chumping plastered all over the fucking New York Times and the Huffington Post.

I can’t imagine a crueler act that anyone could commit that what this bitch and her asshole did to his ex-wife by PUBLICIZING her chumping.

Entitled narcs, for sure.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

I respectfully disagree. I believe ex wife will see and know exactly what she is missing. Neither of those people have anything I’d want. That happy love story is all an illusion. His ex wife may be a Chump to be sure but really she could never control that lying cheating ex of hers anyway. She now has a better shot of “happily ever after.”