And the 2026 Infidelity Valentine’s Winners Are…
Happy Valentine’s Day! The winners of the infidelity poetry contest are…
It was hard to choose. So I had to ask Monty, our golden retriever to weigh in on all this cleverness. He wanted to know which one smelled like squirrels. So I asked Mr. CL instead, because unlike Monty, he has a useless degree in comparative literature. And together we decided.
And the winning limerick is…
Team_No_Contact
He’d told me that she was a lesbian
He faked just like a true thespian
When I learned the truth —
Though I was no sleuth —
His excuses were Esther Perel-ian
You had me at making Esther Perel an adjective and rhyming it with thespian. All the stars!
And the winning haiku is…
Savlona
To fill his chasm,
His dark deep pit of a soul,
This fool tried holes.
FW are bottomless pits of need in search of orifices. You captured a lot in a few syllables.
And the runners up were!
Chump up the Jam
Exuberant defiance
An unwitting wife appliance
Grabs the blender and the Instant Pot,
Drives off without a second thought
Destination: self-reliance
Rhyming exuberant defiance with wife appliance was stellar. I hope he and his InstaPot are very happy together. He can go boil his head.
Hell of a Chump
A friend learned her husband’s bangmaid
Tried to get in the family way
So as agreed to in RIC
The rawdogger got snipped
Now he’s back in the dog park but spayed
Mr CL liked this one. Probably for the dog park reference. Monty seconds that.
ChampionChump
There was an insufferable prick,
Who only felt love through his dick
Little did I know
He fell for a ho
I now see why he gave me the ick
So much ick.
RecoveringHopiumAddict.
On a beach I asked
Will it always hurt like this?
A rainbow answered.
Beautiful.
inthepoison
I was mistaken
to think you were amazing—
I’m keeping the cat.
You know that cat is amazing. And the FW not so much.
Kudos to the infidelity valentine winners! Bragging rights all around! And slobbery wet kisses from Monty.
Hurrah for Chump Creativity! Poetic wit and profundity in the face of our nightmares.
How impressive are we, Chump Nation?
Love this MamaMeh! Exactly… ♥️💪💐
I love the creativity and wit on display every year from everyone who submits poems to the challenge. Thank you to all who took a moment to rhyme and count syllables in the service of mightiness.
And big congratulations to the winners!
Hooray! Thank you so much for my honourable mention, I’m thrilled! Well done everyone, I loved reading the entries.
And thank you to all of CN for your wisdom, solidarity, and humour, especially on days like today when the injustice and loneliness can really get to you.
May the cat of righteousness purr in forever in your lap.
Rock on, kitty. I really enjoyed your contribution.
To hell with all poetry, Monty is the clear winner!
Monty is VERY cute. Personally, I don’t know how the UBT can function with him around!😂
Oh yay! I’m very glad you liked it (and will add squirrel smells next year to bribe Monty).
It was a moment that has always stayed with me. It was one of the brightest, biggest rainbows I’ve ever seen. A beacon of light and hope at a very hard time.
And now I think of it, I’m pretty sure I found Chump Lady a few weeks later. Thanks Tracey and everyone here for all you’ve given me.
Your guardian angel called in some favors.
Yes I think so. I’m truly grateful.
Bravo and congratulations to winners and runners up! 🏆🥇🏅🥇🏅🏆 Loved these especially and loved’em all. Thanks CN for the smiles and sense of being in awe of your literary cleverness.
Also 🙏 to the trio of judges. Thank you CL for getting us to activate a different part of our brain, to rise to the challenge, and create a lighter side to the sh*t show, where lightness is hard to find. 💖🌈
I’ve been here years and years and Im wildly impressed with the depth of theme and creativity of this year’s submissions. Well done, fellow Chumps !
Hey, CL, I’ve got to ask: What’s with always calling Mr. CL’s degree in comparative literature “useless?”
I’m pretty sure that he (as well as I, a fellow comp lit graduate) has superb analytical skills and a good appreciation of a well-turned phrase. How else could he succeed as a competent trial attorney? (I’m pretty confident that he’s a stellar jurist, but I have no concrete evidence of his expertise.)
Here’s to thoughtful graduates of the study of literature who are infrequently bored or boring, and who are typically excellent conversation partners. Huzzah, huzzah!
These are all so great! What a fun and satisfying tradition this is.
These are awesome! Inspired, for my first comment on the blog, I wrote one too:
He’s such a phony
A lying liar who lies
He’s nobody’s prize