Cheater vs. Animal Karma Stories

goatChump Lady: Don’t wait around for karma! Be meh!

Chump Nation: Shoot those cheater karma stories into my veins.

Okay, you win. Today’s Friday Challenge is karma stories. AGAIN. With a barnyard twist, however…

A chumped goat farmer relates this day of reckoning…

So funny karma story. Country girl edition…

I have goats. I have one male and four females. Our females are coming in heat. The male will pee on his beard to make himself more attractive to the ladies.

Well, FW and I were walking around the pasture as I was pointing out to him how he needs to finish one of his projects he abandoned when I kicked him out. Well, Schmoopie was shadowing us (I know, don’t ask).

Well, the male goat was standing next to Schmoopie when he decided he needed to freshen his beard. I said, “He’s peeing on your boots.” (Like fashion boots, not barn boots.) She looked at me dumbfounded. I said again, “He’s peeing on your boots!”

Finally FW yells at her: “HE’S PISSING ON YOUR SHOES!” 🤣🤣

I’m trying not to lose it. But I’m giggling hard.

That ride home is gonna smell GREAT!

Look at that goat’s face. The sly smile. He knows.

GOAT goat! OG goat!

So, can anyone relate to animals as messengers from God exacting their petty revenge? Did your cat poop in Schmoopie’s shoes? Will your dog not greet your ex? Do some Manolo Blahniks reek of goat piss?

We need these stories. Please share.

TGIF!

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ClearWaters
ClearWaters
1 year ago

I sent sparkledick the things he listed in the agreement we finally reached (after my lawyers threatened to sue him for moral damages).

Piled up his brother’s paintings in the garage together with some of his cardigans and waited for my dogs and cats to pee on them. Then wrapped everything in plastic and let sit in the sun.

But I really can’t laugh because my son picked up the package for his father and he looked so sad about this. I regret subjecting him to this and should have shipped it myself.

Cas
Cas
1 year ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Technically, the sun is suppose to make the pee smell go away so don’t feel too bad. Also, sparkledick had me spitting out my water.

MichelleShocked
MichelleShocked
1 year ago

My son has always wanted a dog. FW would never let us (“allergies” and he’s also of the thought that dogs “stay outside” —- um no).

After FW left in 2015, son (age 9) almost immediately said “now we can get a dog!” Of course, I could barely take care of myself and him in the middle of it all… so I told him we’d have to wait.

Then 2020 happened. I was happy again. I could afford more. I had a boyfriend who could help. And we were finally home more. And I REALLY wanted my son (now 14) to enjoy having a dog as a kid.

But hardly any dogs to choose from. We literally took the only dog available — a “lab mix.” For anyone in the know, that almost always means a pit mix. I was a little nervous not knowing what this 2 year old lab pit had been through. But the dog showed extreme love for my son straight away and was highly trainable. We all fell in love. And he’s a great doggo.

What I didn’t know, was that Wolfy (son named him) didn’t like one type of person:Tall, slimmish men with graying hair — generally in their 50s. He went nuts every time anyone fit that description. Seriously a sweet sweet cute dog became vicious as Hell.

And that’s what FW looks like — tall, slimmish, greyish hair, 50s. So a few weeks into owning Wolfy, FW showed up to pick up son. FW would park in the middle of the street and step outside his car and lean against it — kind of his way of showing off. So son walked outside and Wolfy rushed through the door straight at FW…. Teeth bared and ears back. FW is so stupid and clueless he put out his hand completely oblivious and was saying “here Puppy puppy” 😂 I raced out and was able to get Wolfy before FW was bit. But I couldn’t help but laugh…. The dog hates FW 😂 Still does… and now FW won’t get out of his car 😂 He parks in a spot and waits inside.

Thanks Wolfy 😊

Daughterofachump
Daughterofachump
1 year ago

MichelleShocked, hilarious! And you didn’t even train the dog to do it. He knew a person of bad character when he smelled him!

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
1 year ago

Wolfy is an EXCELLENT judge of character!

Helena
Helena
1 year ago

I love this story

Debi
Debi
1 year ago

There’s nothing about this entire story I don’t LOVE!

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
1 year ago
Reply to  Debi

except that poor Wolfy never gets to bite FW

MichelleShocked
MichelleShocked
1 year ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

ClearWaters — believe me I was tempted 😂

Doingme
Doingme
1 year ago

I was denied pet ownership for years as it would tie us down. Now the Limited is a dog man on a short leash. I heard he was excited the elderly housing had sidewalks! He gets to walk his dog daily!

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
1 year ago

Jack is a hero. Makes me want to adopt a goat. Almost.

I wish I had a story of animal karma. My dog was a gentle soul. She would have been terrified to misbehave, especially to klootzak. After she passed, I consulted a pet medium. I had a list of questions I was hoping for answers to. I asked if she had a good life. The medium said “Yes, she had a good life and the only thing she really wanted that she didn’t have was to be allowed on the furniture.” Of course klootzak was the one who never allowed her on the furniture. In her last year of life, I tried to bring her up on the couch a few times because I could see she wanted to be up there by me. The medium said now she is on my son’s bed every night, watching over him as he sleeps and providing comfort.

Since she passed, my son has asked that we get a cat. Klootzak is very allergic to cats. The thought has crossed my mind that having one would ensure he would never try to come back into the house. I’m not ready for another pet just yet but when I am, I think adopting a kitty in need will be the right thing to do.

Jo
Jo
1 year ago

My old dog (who is now in Dog Heaven, I’m sure of it) was not a fan of FW. The one time he raised his voice to her, she immediately went upstairs to our bedroom, hopped up on our bed, and peed on his pillow. 🤣🤣 Love that sweet dog!

ExWifeOfSparkleDick
ExWifeOfSparkleDick
1 year ago

The day I moved out of our condo the Schmoopie moved in. One week later she left something on the stove and burned the kitchen down. All of it. Too bad I had canceled the personal property insurance at that address. They had to cough up the repairs out of pocket. Refrigerator, washer and dryer, range, microwave and cabinets aren’t covered in a condo HOA policy. Or the dinnerware, pots, glassware, etc. FW didn’t think to buy insurance after I left. Karma is a great thing.

Cam
Cam
1 year ago

This one’s my favorite.

Spaceman Spiff
Spaceman Spiff
1 year ago

I’ve never tried heroin, but I imagine the feeling you had when learning of this was damn close.

Goodfriend
Goodfriend
1 year ago

That’s hilarious. Schmoopie literally burned (part of) the marital house down. And after just a week! Because she wasn’t paying attention! Way to keep the home fires burning. Good thing they didn’t burn the neighboring condos.
Warning to readers: don’t cancel any insurance without a court order. In some states it’s a crime. My ex was ordered to get his own for his car, and refused to do so for months, forcing me to pay for his, since we’d had a combined auto/house policy, and I was ordered to pay for my car and the house. Same goes for health insurance.

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
1 year ago
Reply to  Goodfriend

Same, cost me a bundle as FW typically was uncooperative and divorce took 2.5 years

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
1 year ago
Reply to  Sandyfeet

Wish I’d been reimbursed but I received more than him in settlement. We had healthcare.gov, in our 60s, so I paid for that, the homeowner insurance (Florida), and both cars insurance and the property taxes on home and office. It sucks but it been almost 2 years since final, yay 😃

ExWifeOfSparkleDick
ExWifeOfSparkleDick
1 year ago
Reply to  Goodfriend

Excellent point, Goodfriend. I had a superb attorney that included in our separation agreement that we paid for our own insurance. I couldn’t cancel him off my health insurance until the following January but he was required to reimburse me. Did he? Yes. After he was found in contempt of the agreement. He had to pay all of it including court costs.

Attie
Attie
1 year ago

Not animal related but I love it. And just like a FW to not get around to buying insurance. If we don’t “wife” for them they’re lost aren’t they!

Orlando
Orlando
1 year ago

My ex said to my kids 2 years ago “me & Schmoopie are going to get a puppy. For the first time, your mother won’t be involved in me getting a pet. We are going to get a purebred & not those mutts your mother picked up at the rescues. Thank gawd!” FW never had pets before me & never wanted them. I’m an animal lover, wanted my kids to be so I always insisted on getting some. We had two great dogs, several wonderful cats & lovely assorted rabbits, Guinea pigs, hamsters, fish, you name it. Not all at once of course. FW rarely did anything with their care. The kids & I did it all. Eventually they all passed. Anywho, FW & Schmoopie’s “purebred” is a bundle of anxiety, they can’t leave him alone because he chews up their furniture & house (he’s taken chunks out of cupboards, couches & bannister), he barks non-stop in the car so taking him anywhere is a nightmare. And now the dog was just diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that will take a lot of care. I feel sad for the pup, but I’ve had some chuckles over FW & Schmoopie’s “purebred”.

Daughterofachump
Daughterofachump
1 year ago
Reply to  Orlando

Orlando,this is off topic, but my family adopted 1 Sheltie mix from a city shelter, and 1 mystery stray who wandered into the yard – I swear, she knew my dad was a soft touch.

I’ve adopted 3 mixed breeds from the SPCA and my city’s shelter, and they’ve all been excellent dogs. I’m currently managed by a Chihuahua (from appearance and behavior) adopted from my city’s shelter. He had heartworms, so other people were reluctant to adopt him. I was working from home, and able to pay for his treatment, so I took him. He’s a great dog! But I would never insist on a purebred; he just happened to be available when I was looking to adopt.

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
1 year ago
Reply to  Orlando

My sweet mutt had autoimmune disorders her whole life. I said to the vet, “I thought mixed breed dogs are supposed to be healthier!” She said sometimes they inherit the worst health traits of the breeds they came from. She was super sweet and rarely barked at all. A rescue dog. But I no longer assume my rescue furball of many breeds will be healthier than the purebred. Sad, but true.

But I have to laugh because it seems like FW’s pure bred dog destroying things is likely because he and schmoopie either haven’t invested proper time in training or don’t give the dog enough time and attention. Just like everything else in their lives, the dog is just for show.

Orlando
Orlando
1 year ago

Yup, MWX, I think you hit the nail on the head!

Goodfriend
Goodfriend
1 year ago

Ex denied a dog to child (who had been abused and had trauma) for years, then said yes. We searched shelters and rescues for a Golden retriever, then for any suitable dog. He nixed them all, except, inexplicably, tried to convince me to get adult Rottweilers, Dobermans and pit mixed, all of which he’d despised before. I now realize that’s exactly why he chose them, so he could blame the lack of dog on me. He did the same thing with houses, refusing what was reasonable and desirable and pretending to like those that didn’t meet our wants and needs.

At one rescue event, I was on the reserve list for one of a litter of purebred retriever puppies, with papers. While in line for them, he took child to see other dogs, convinced child a mixed Shepherd/retriever was the one, and dragged me out of the retriever line. I think he planned it so I’d miss our chance at the Retriever and refuse the Shepherd mix, making me the bad guy. I agreed to the Shepherd mix. No surprise that she wasn’t. At puppy training, the owner told me she’d raised purebred Belgian Malinois for over 25 years, and our dog might not be purebred, but she was a Belgian Malinois. They’re the dogs that can run straight up a two-story house and go in a second-floor window, or up on the roof. Incredibly athletic and totally wrong for new dog owners. Check you-tube for funny videos of Goldens vs Malinois, showing the complete contrast on temperament.

Ex hated to go to puppy trained, resented taking a turn, and spent sessions sullenly texting. Later learned from his emails that he was texting online AP.

Fast forward to he’s been gone awhile, court allows him to come back to inventory belongings. Sadly, the dog was happy to see him then. Not so much later. Later discovered ex had been trying to get kiddo to steal my jewelry, give him house security codes, etc. and threatened to send someone to kill dog, kiddo’s cat and me. Horrible stuff.

I don’t know how dog would react to him now, as it’s been a few years and per custody order he’s not allowed ANY contact. Doggo turned out to be a star. Three groups of disabled adults come weekly from 20 miles away to walk her for a half hour. Bur whenever anyone approaches the house, even a block away, she turns into a very effective guard dog. Sleeps with kiddo at night. Win, win, win.

KB22
KB22
1 year ago
Reply to  Goodfriend

I have a mali…lot of work but they are so smart. Oh and yes, they are the best guard dogs.

Attie
Attie
1 year ago

My house backs on to a small farm. FW had left and I was trying to get into shape so started taking walks up around the back of my house (on the side of a mountain) and doing a circuit. By the time I got to the highest part I was usually on my knees so would stop to “admire the horses” while trying not to regurgitate a lung. One day a man walked over and asked if I liked the horses as they were his. I recognized him as the farmer but what I hadn’t realized was that his wife had died about six months earlier. So then he asks me if I would like to go back to the farm for coffee and for him to show me around. Now he had a reputation as being a bit volatile but he was an absolute gentleman, very interesting and would have been good company – and then he asked me out!!! I nearly fainted and told him that I wasn’t looking but that I would be happy to share a drink with him any time. Well he showed me round the farm and my favourite part was the goat shed. Even now, though, I’m not quite sure how a goat manages to pee on his beard but …..! That goat deserves a medal and I think we should adopt that picture as our mascot! Well done Billy!

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
1 year ago

I know CL and Mr. CL expressly say DO NOT DO THIS… but I gave karma a nudge.

Mr. Sparkles left our family for the OW. She was shiny and had family money… great image management. She didn’t know he was married when they met as he told her we were already planning to separate and divorce (news to me of course.)

So it just seemed so unfair to me that they were trotting off into the sunset and he was leveling up with no consequences. Now, this isn’t very meh, I admit it… but I spent maybe 10 minutes on dating sites before I came across his most current personal ad (Ashley Madison)… so I made copies of the ad and mailed them to a few folks including the OW and her sister and myself. When confronted on speakerphone by them both that I did it, I said… what are you talking about… I got one too and sent them photos of it. Shut the whole conversation down. She dumped him a couple months later.

But the real lesson here is – less than a week or so later, my son remarked that Dad had met someone new at the gym (he would take are son their during visitation; my son was 10 and would play on his phone while Dad worked out). The OW was replaced – poof.

I can’t save her. But boy did it feel good when I got the “just so you know” text about the OW and the breakup. I simply replied “OK”. #winning #inmehsincethen #nomoremarriagepolice

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
1 year ago

sorry I didn’t have an animal story!

Cam
Cam
1 year ago

When confronted on speakerphone by them both that I did it, I said… what are you talking about… I got one too and sent them photos of it.

“One of your other girlfriends must’ve sent it.”

Attie
Attie
1 year ago

Good thinking to send yourself a copy too!

Lisa
Lisa
1 year ago

When I was living with ex FW, we owned a trailer (yes, I became trailer trash…) which was so tiny, we had no coat closet. We hung our coats on our kitchen chairs. Every night, when FW would look for his coat to go to work, he would find it on the floor full of poop! He even hung the coat on my chair over mine and she still pulled down JUST his coat and poop in it. (There were four coats hung on four chairs -us and our kids) I loved that cat!

ISawTheLight
ISawTheLight
1 year ago

A year or two after we split, our old dog died (poor thing, but she was 17, blind, deaf, and incontinent). FW had her put down, mostly I think because he was tired of cleaning up after her. He was so cruel to her when she’d have accidents, yelling at her and chasing her around (as I said, she was blind and deaf and had no idea what was going on when he did that, she was just scared), then manhandling her into the bath so hard she’d yelp in pain. It was heartbreaking.

After that, FW decided to get our son a puppy (mostly, I think, because he wanted our son to look forward to coming over to dad’s house because FW couldn’t bear that our son missed me when he wasn’t with me, so the dog was a sort of bribe). He told me what he was planning, and I made it clear that I didn’t want a dog, was not going to be involved with or pay for the dog, and that since our son was with me 50% of the time, FW was going to have to take care of the dog at least half the time without our kid (and it’s pretty unreasonable to expect an 8 year old autistic child to be primarily responsible for the care of an animal anyway). FW got a dog anyway, and then bitched about how much work the dog was, how it messed on itself in the house and he had to bathe it constantly (he left the poor pup in a crate for 10 hours a day because he was working, I mean…), how hyper it was, that our son didn’t want to take care of the dog, that I wouldn’t help out with the dog (I actually did go walk it a few times, out of pity) or pay for anything related to it, etc. Finally he called me one day and told me that the dog was agressive and had bitten our son, so he was going to return it to the animal rescue to be rehomed. I was horrified and said that if the dog was agressive he should absolutely get rid of it.

A couple years later, after FW died, my son told me the dog was NEVER agressive, had never bitten him, and that he liked the dog and daddy had just gotten rid of it. So FW lied to me so that he wouldn’t look like a total dick getting rid of our son’s dog. Not really “karma”, but kind of funny that FW thought the dog would be a great bribe and ended up regretting his decision completely. (I am relieved that he got rid of the dog, though. FW killed himself less than a year later because OW left him, and I shudder to think of what would have happened if he’d done so and there was a dog in the house, since I didn’t find his body for nearly a week. Also, I would have been forced to take the dog, and I don’t want a dog. I’m not a dog person, I work long hours, and pets cost extra when you rent an apartment at a time when I didn’t have extra money.)

I could never have a cat (I love cats) when I was married, because FW was “allergic” (I have my doubts). One of the first things we did when I bought a house was to get a cat. My son adores her. She is the sweetest, cuddliest kitty I’ve ever had and we love her. Cats > FWs any day.

Bright Future
Bright Future
1 year ago
Reply to  ISawTheLight

Hearing how mean he was to your first dog, I’m actually glad he got rid of it, I can only imagine how mean he was to this dog, at least now the dog has a chance at happiness

ISawTheLight
ISawTheLight
1 year ago
Reply to  Bright Future

Most of the time we were together, he was really nice to the dog (narcissists love slavish devotion, after all). But once the dog’s health started failing and she was more work than she was “worth”, he got nasty to her. Much like he treated ME really well in the beginning, until I got sick and couldn’t be 100% focused on him. Most of the time, when the dog had an accident, I’d tell FW to go outside for awhile while I cleaned up the house and the dog. FW would panic and get furious and overwhelmed any time there was a mess. It literally would take me 10-15 minutes to get everything ship shape again, but if he was in the house it took far longer and I’d have to endure his verbal abuse the whole time.

Attie
Attie
1 year ago
Reply to  ISawTheLight

FW got a dog when he retired on disability (he was diagnosed bipolar) at age 50. Poor dog spent his time never being walked and attached by the front door (barking no doubt). He had been a hunting dog and now he was reduced to 10 square feet! When FW upped sticks and buggered off back to the States abandoning his rental with just five days notice he asked me if I wanted the dog. I told him a very firm NOOOOO. I was gone working 12 hours a day and if I wanted a dog I would choose it myself. So he had my son take it back to the dogs’ home just three months after he got it. On a positive note I hear it was rehomed quickly!

Cas
Cas
1 year ago

Animals aside, huge animal lover and have way too many, I just really want karma to play out already. How long does that take?!

KatiePig
KatiePig
1 year ago
Reply to  Cas

For me it took a little less than three years. We got divorced 2020 and in 2023 he was arrested for attempting to meet an 11 year old for sex.

Surviving Day to Day
Surviving Day to Day
1 year ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Please tell us he got some prison time? Guys in Gen Pop really don’t like men that mess with kids.

This Shit is NOT My Story
This Shit is NOT My Story
1 year ago
Reply to  Cas

This is not juicy to hear but I think karma doesn’t come to some and when it does, it is often unsatisfying. Instead, I choose to believe that fuckwit and homewrecker are living their karma every day. Every time I get a passive aggressive email or text or snide comment, I realize that happy people do not act like that. Fuckwit is miserable inside even if he won’t recognize it. Homewrecker is getting her karma every day because she is with him. I remember all to well what hell it was to be married to him and she can have all of it. He is never going to change and she is a hag.
#iwin

Even so, I still pray they get hit by a bus when my kids are not with them.

TooManyTears
TooManyTears
1 year ago
Reply to  Cas

She might be stepping on her gas pedal at any moment, revving up her engine.
I had to wait 3 years. But when it came, it was awesome.
No animals involved, however.
As they say here, get your popcorn ready to enjoy the show.

ISawTheLight
ISawTheLight
1 year ago
Reply to  TooManyTears

4 1/2 years for me. But then schmoopie left FW and his life completely disintegrated. Turns out their life was anything but sunshine and rainbows. They were broke and miserable, fighting all the time, both of them depressed alcoholics. Schmoopie finally saw what FW was really like when he started abusing her very much like he’d abused me, and she realized that I hadn’t been making up stories just to “smear his good name”. She actually wrote an “apology” (though taking no responsibility for her own actions). I never responded, but it was nice to watch her have to eat humble pie. She fled the state and basically had to start her life over, as well as looking like a fool to everyone. FW ended up taking his own life a few months later, up to his ears in debt and his friends nowhere to be found. I felt vindicated, but it wasn’t as satisfying as I might have expected, mostly because my son lost his dad whom he loved, no matter how awful he might have been.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago

After Dday our dog wanted nothing to do with FW. She is an extremely affectionate dog and had adored him before that, but she shunned him. She’s unusually empathic and rushes to comfort me if I am upset, and I was upset plenty at that time. It seems she figured out FW was the cause, so his blameshifting didn’t work on the dog, either. 😁 FW’s po’ little snowfwakey feewings were hurt. What a wonderful dog.
Needless to say, I took her with me when I left. She’s enjoying the serenity of a FW life.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  OHFFS

Oh, and speaking of animal stories, get this. The other day I had to rush one of my dogs (the one who doesn’t mind FW) to the vet. FW offered to pick us up so I could stay with her in the backseat and try to comfort her. I was slightly worried that it might be the end, because she has heart disease, and I thought it was only fair to allow him to be there in case it was the last time he would see her. So as we were driving there I casually asked if he might be able to keep the dogs when Chumpapalooza is on, in case I’m able to go. He agreed, and then suggested I could “hook up” with some guy while there. He seemed weirdly enthusiastic about the idea. Gross. Anyway, I thought that was funny (in the way that stupid people are funny), so I chuckled, and in a light tone asked; “Hook up? What am I? A 20 year old in a liberal arts college?” FW, being FW, flew into a rage. He started snarling; “Do whatever you want then! I DON’T CARE! You hear me? I DON’T CARE! Next time take a taxi when the dog is sick!”
So I said; “Some advice; if you wish to convey the message that you don’t care, it usually works better when spittle isn’t flying from your mouth.”
Of course that made him even more angry, so he tried to
pick a fight about something ridiculously trivial on the way back.
This is a guy who has been in therapy for five years and who almost everybody thinks is a genteel, placid, respectful guy. 🙄 They never change. Luckily, his asinine behavior doesn’t affect me anymore. I actually find it entertaining in small, infrequent doses. It’s one of the reasons I’m LC, but not NC. He’s my court jester and he doesn’t know it.
The dog is on the mend, btw. It wasn’t her heart, just an infection. She is responding well to antibiotics. ❤🐶

P.S. If Spinach sees this, it will doubtless remind her of her similar story about her FW being an ass in the car when they were taking her dying dog to the vet.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 year ago
Reply to  OHFFS

Oh my goodness. Yes, it does remind me of my own FW being an ass in the car when we were taking our dog (already dead, actually) to the vet. He was driving so recklessly that he almost ran over our neighbor.

I can totally relate to his “picking fights” because he wanted a reason to be angry (or some such). And, like your FW, everyone believed he was a “genteel, placid, respectful guy.” When people tell me now, “Man, FW has really changed,” I point out that he was always that way.

Perhaps it’s a relief for him that he can be himself, like unbuttoning that top pants button after a big meal.

Btw, I’m NC but recently had an email interaction re alimony. At first he was mean and refused to cooperate; then he was kind and acted as if he’d never refused to cooperate: “I understand you want x. No problem.” This was followed by another email where he became mean and sarcastic…again.

In the end, he did the right thing and probably had intended to do that all along but he seemed to enjoy the unpleasant exchange of emails. Honestly, I think he got off on it. #sadisticpleasure. It was like that when we were married. Fights were a common prelude to sex, a sort of sick foreplay. I know that sounds odd, but there you have it.

That email exchange did cost me two nights’ sleep. That man still triggers me. Geezus.

So glad to be free.

p.s. Great news that your dog is ok! And good for you that you can laugh at your ex’s antics.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Oh that’s right. I got the story a bit mixed up. Sorry.

“I understand you want x. No problem.” This was followed by another email where he became mean and sarcastic…again.”

My FW does that sort of thing too. He alternates between being hateful and being nicey-nice. I think you are right that they enjoy taking us for a roller coaster ride. Little does FW know that I’m not even in the amusement park, let alone on the ride. You’ll surely get to the point where Fish Tattoo Boy no longer triggers you either.

“Fights were a common prelude to sex, a sort of sick foreplay. I know that sounds odd, but there you have it.”

It doesn’t sound odd considering the sort of person your FW is. I’ve heard some couples are both into that. The heightened emotional state gets them horny and they like make-up sex. It sounds creepy amd desperate to me.

You’ll get to the point where Fish Tattoo Boy no longer triggers you.

CheesyGrits
CheesyGrits
1 year ago

My ex surprised me with a very much wanted puppy for Christmas about 6 months before he blindsided me. She was the sweetest, nicest dog.

I could not get him to move out for about two months after he told me he was leaving, while I pick me danced and things slowly came out about his lack of character, girlfriends, etc.

One night he was berating me about something or other, and I was crying in a chair across the room. My sweet dog, who never had a moment’s aggression before or after, calmly walked up to him and bit him on the arm, not hard enough to break the skin but hard enough to send a message.

He sat there in shock, cradling his arm and saying, “she bit me! I can’t believe she bit me!”

Reader, heaven help me, but I laughed. He finally moved out shortly thereafter.

Daughterofachump
Daughterofachump
1 year ago
Reply to  CheesyGrits

CheesyGrits, good for the dog! After many years of canine service, I’ve come to believe that they’re smarter than we think.

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago
Reply to  CheesyGrits

I have an elderly friend with a very sweet German Shepherd who has never so much raised an eyebrow at me. He calls her his “asshole meter” because every so often, someone raises her alarms. Guess who she met once and lunged at out of the blue…? Yep, my ex. My friend still says about it, “She knew! She’s never been wrong.” They know.

My very sweetest pup (now dead), a gentle giant who weighed as much as I did, did love FW, who’d had him for five years before I came on the scene. Even still, when FW was an FW to me, the dog would get between us and bark and bark at him. God, I loved that. I felt loved, protected and vindicated. That alone should’ve been enough to make me leave!

PG
PG
1 year ago

My little cavalier King Charles, Cindy peed on FW’s pile of laundry. And not just once, like every time he left it out lol.

ISawTheLight
ISawTheLight
1 year ago
Reply to  PG

My in laws have whippets (they always at least 3 or 4 at a time). Once Christmas, early on in our marriage, we went over to their house and one of the dogs peed on some of the Christmas presents under the tree. Guess whose? Just FW’s.

Ginger_Superpowers
Ginger_Superpowers
1 year ago
Reply to  PG

King Charles Cavaliers the best!

Asshat and I were never dog lovers so always had cats. Somehow, someone above knew I would need a dog so when my son’s tutor suggested he needed one in April 2016, we got a King Charles. When the divorce wars commenced a year later, she and I took so many long walks. She saved my life.

I did hear through my kids that the two cats Asshat took ended up on a “farm” after the divorce because HoWorker/Wife has large dogs and is not a cat lover. Very sad. He sucks. FWs are willing to discard anyone and anything for their own ends.

ChumpedForANewerModel
ChumpedForANewerModel
1 year ago

Well I can’t beat the goat. FW and I had a dog and by the time everything was coming to conclusion (I ended up with the 16 year old dog that had health issues), he decided he wanted to see the dog one last time. The FW could not take the dog because well you know he had too many travel plans with Schmoopie plus he had other side pieces that Schmoopie did not know about. So, he came to pick up the dog for two hours to say farewell. The dog (he has since passed, the dog not the FW) decided on the way back to my house took a huge crap in FWs new car. Complete with runny stool, etc. It was great. I gave my pet plenty of treats for expressing his feelings for FW so well. FW was not happy but it was the best thing that could have happened. I laughed about it for hours after.

UXworld
UXworld
1 year ago

Kunty Kibbler grew up in a house with animals and I guess fancied herself an animal lover . . . as long as they did what they were told, showed unconditional love, didn’t interfere with whatever it was she wanted to to at any given time, and didn’t cause any havoc to the household furnishings (in short, be an appliance).

— During the first year we were dating, she got a kitten that died within a week.
— When the family moved to Minnesota, she surprised our young daughters with a 2-year old cat that eventually became “that annoying thing that won’t shut up.”
— When we moved back to Massachusetts, we agreed to find a dog as a family. After looking at two, she made the unilateral decision, when nobody was around, to adopt a bluetick beagle, because the Hounds group was her favorite whenever she watched dog shows on TV. She attempted dog training for two weeks but abandoned it after 2 weeks because Youk wasn’t learning/obeying fast enough. At that moment she proclaimed that Youk was now my dog, something for which I’ll always be grateful.
— In a rare bit of candor after yelling at Youk (for no reason, in front of our girls), she admitted to me that “I don’t think I’m someone who’s meant to have pets.” However . . .
— Throughout the first few years of marriage to the Chlorine Special, my daughters occasionally reported to me that CS really wanted to get a dog. Last fall the two of them announced to the world that “David” had joined their family, lots of ‘dog love’ posts, set up an instagram account for it. Three weeks later, my elder daughter tells me that they had to get rid of David, because he had separation anxiety, tore up furniture and 3 different sets of window blinds. So . . . maybe not Karma for her (aside from the $$$ to replace all of those blinds), but definitely for CS.

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

Eventually I would hope to hear a song parody where you work Kunty Kibbler into the chorus. Perhaps it can be sung at Chumpapalooza

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

Plus good Karma for David, who undoubtedly found a better home. Great story.

Chump no more
Chump no more
1 year ago

The nex kept telling our child he was going to get her a puppy. This was years before he actually got one. But he had to try and get child excited when he was on phone calls. Before said puppy he and his new wifey got her a hamster. I had her 60% of the time so guess who had to deal with the hamster most of the time! MEssy, stinky, loud! New wifey would complain to child about how she couldn’t sleep at night because of hamster.

Fast forward to the dog. When I was with nex I started fostering dogs. I am all about adopting animals that need a home. Well him and wifey didn’t want to do that. They decided to get a purebred puppy. As we all know puppies are A LOT of work and Nex is very lazy. Child would come home telling us how horrible the puppy is. Poops and pees everywhere and especially in NEX and Wifey’s bed! Chews everything and barks at nothing. They even hired a trainer to come to their house. I asked child if that helped and child said no. A year later dog still barks at everything, Chews everything and really wants nothing to do with my child. They got the dog on a weekend where my child was with me so the puppy did not bond with child. Dog now only wants to be with Wifey.

I feel bad for puppy as i have heard stories from child about NEX shoving puppies face to the floor when it did something wrong and child telling me how scared the puppy is of NEX.

Hamster only lasted a year. We’ll see how long dog lasts.
Last week 2 fish were added… we’ll see how long that lasts too!

Ps. I love dogs especially when they poop and pee in Nex’s bed.
Oh did I mention.. when we were going through divorce and still living together… he would threaten to put our dog down and threw him once. He said he could put the dog down because he bought the dog food. lol I bought the dog food and I bought the dog before we were even married. I still have dog and child absolutely loves and cuddles with our old dog. AND he doesn’t bark or pee on anything! 🙂

Bruno
Bruno
1 year ago

The best karma is living the good life post FW.
When our old Golden Retriever died our ten year old son was devastated. He asked if he could pick our next dog. He chose a German Shorthaired Pointer. After collecting bales of fur off the floor and endless grooming for 14 years with the Golden, the shorthair sounded easy. We brought home a cute puppy that became a velociraptor overnight. Lots of chewed up furniture and pillows drug outside and disemboweled. It got better and Buddy was especially attached to me. Our marriage grew progressively rocky however. She became argumentative, moody and disconnected from all of us. After a rough patch she declared that the dog has got to go or she will. Like a good chump I found a breed specific rescue group that would rehome him. When I told her of this plan her response was, “That will just make me the bad guy!” Her behavior got worse with drinking, unexplained absences and bizarre behavior. She told me she wanted a divorce. I of course discovered infidelity going back a few years. It was apparent her problem with the dog wasn’t really about the dog. After a protracted battle I ended up with the house and dog in the divorce settlement. Buddy was my constant companion and adventure partner. A couple years later I met a nice lady who also loved dogs and our two hit it off! After more dog adventures we married and moved to her home in Napa. Nineteen years later, we are on German Shorthaired Pointer number five and talking about #6. Now approaching retirement, we walk every day in our local off leash park surrounded by vineyards. Turns out I had the right kind of dog, just not the right wife.

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago
Reply to  Bruno

Awesome story!!

BetterNow
BetterNow
1 year ago

My cat inexplicably just started peeing on his stuff one day: in his shoes, his lunchbox….. She knew.

Leftbehindlily
Leftbehindlily
1 year ago
Reply to  BetterNow

I’d bet money schmoopie had a cat too.

Kara
Kara
1 year ago

Long ago in a galaxy far away when I was a wee 20 years old…

My mom got a kitten. Cute little orange fuzzy thing. It liked to burrow under blankets and play with your fingers by darting his paws in and out.

My boyfriend at the time (cheater of epic proportions though I didn’t know yet…) was waking up that morning and I put the kitten on the bed. Kitten was doing his usual thing of burrowing around and darting in and out. Suddenly my cheater boyfriend goes “YAH OW!”

Kitten clawed his balls.

I didn’t know he was scum…the baby cat knew…

Sameul Johnson's Tipple
Sameul Johnson's Tipple
1 year ago

I had a cat that I took in when I caught a neighbor spraying him with a garden hose. He had been cruelly put out and was justing crossing through her yard, lost and worried. After I told that bitch off, I got him cleaned up and vetted. He settled in for a life of luxury, being older and probably relieved that he left the mean streets behind. I named him Witchy, because I found him on Halloween night.

Witchy loved everyone. He tolerated the Human Wasp. Because Witchy, above all, was a little gentleman. He only woke you up with a soft tap on your forehead if he desperately needed canned food at 3AM.

Wasp had denied he was using drugs. He said the strange behavior was from low blood sugar. He said the Scabby Whores who texted him were from high school. (20 years ago.) He said the huge chunks of cash missing were due to “inflation….his mom borrowing money….lack of work.”

One night, Witchy got up from his heating pad in the bed. He jumped down, and padded right over to the Wasp’s boots, which were again, not left outside. He took his paw and turned the boot over. And there, rolling onto the bedroom carpet…was a crack pipe.

Cam
Cam
1 year ago

Wow. I love your cat. How did things work out? How are you doing now?

❤️ Velvet Hammer ❤️
❤️ Velvet Hammer ❤️
1 year ago

On the animal story front, I can report that Traitor Ex left not only me, our daughter, and all his personal possessions but our kitty as well.

As for me, though divorce crossed my mind, it would never even cross my mind to abandon our daughter or any animal I have assumed guardianship of.

I can guarantee that the money I spent on veterinarians was on the laundry list of complaints he never mentioned while miraged*, referred to but “didn’t want to get into” with specifics after DDay.

On a more practical note, PLEASE check out Sam Eaton’s Instagram page for practical mental health care tips. His page is a treasure trove of excellent soul and sanity saving tips.

https://instagram.com/recklesslyalive?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

I had a mirage, not a marriage. I tell people I was miraged.

Ginger_Superpowers
Ginger_Superpowers
1 year ago

I knew HoWorker/Wife’s neighbors during the affair and they were so upset over her locking her 3 large barking dogs up daily and working for 16+ hours that they always wanted to call the Humane Society to have them taken away from her. Fast forward a few years and I got a job working for the Census in 2020. I began talking with a fellow employee and she shared how her new neighbor had these large dogs that incessantly barked all day and night. She couldn’t stand it. I asked where she lived and wouldn’t you know, right across the street from where Asshat and Howorker/Wife bought their “dream” farm.

These people don’t change. They take their shitty characters with them wherever they go!

Squeaks
Squeaks
1 year ago

My FW bugged me for a dog forever. I declined, as I had enough on my plate — young kids, full-time work, housekeeping, finance-tracking, cooking and meal-planning… I just didn’t feel like adding a dog’s needs to my daily to-do list.

He fucked off with his AP, and immediately got an enormous dog. This thing has to be 80 lbs. AP was supposed to train it, but I mean… APs and obligations to things that aren’t themselves — we all know how that story goes.

Anyway, anytime I hear anything second-hand about this dog, it’s eating stuff (their food, their clothes, shoes, toys — anything, really) and puking/shitting all over the house. The AP’s pregnant and reportedly had bad nausea, so I can’t imagine she’s doing a whole lot of the shit-cleaning.

I’m just so grateful none of this is my problem and there is no badly-behaved 80 pound animal anointing all my porous surfaces with diarrhea.

Wormfree
Wormfree
1 year ago

I have no animal related karma story.
Hoping this counts, because technically my ex is a first class worm and yesterday this particular worm was arrested by the FBI.

KB22
KB22
1 year ago
Reply to  Wormfree

Good karma story:)

Stig
Stig
1 year ago
Reply to  Wormfree

Yikes, the FBI don’t involve themselves in petty shit, so very glad you’re no longer in the vicinity.

Wormfree
Wormfree
1 year ago
Reply to  Stig

You and me both!

20th Century Chump
20th Century Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  Wormfree

Wow! What was the reason?

Wormfree
Wormfree
1 year ago

Civil Rights violation, AKA election fraud.

20th Century Chump
20th Century Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  Wormfree

Amazing! And yes, that counts as karma. He cheated on you, cheated on democracy. That’s consistent.

Claire
Claire
1 year ago

FW had his precious classic car stored in a garage at my place. I found a dopey queen wasp at the beginning of spring and carefully placed her inside the boot of said car. By the time FW collected the car queen wasp had happily chewed through various pieces of the headlining and made a huuuuge hive.

Best day of my life. Thank you waspie 🐝

ISawTheLight
ISawTheLight
1 year ago
Reply to  Claire

Amazing.

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago
Reply to  Claire

I’ll bet we could do a whole carma challenge, too.

Chumpasaurus45
Chumpasaurus45
1 year ago

Before we knew about the cheater’s double and triple lives, the five of us ( three teens, myself and FW) were watching a movie together on our wrap around couch one evening.
FW got up to pee or text one of his many gfs how much he loved them, who really knows for sure.
When he came back to the couch, Hunter, our most beloved Brittany spaniel, was sound asleep in his spot.
Being a deeply loved and treasured family member for many years at this point and not ever having the slightest meanness in him, those of us who actually knew him would have already known he just disliked two things. Getting disturbed when he slept and being picked up. ( he was over 50 lbs, so I think it hurt him to be lifted)
So here comes intolerant, impatient and grumpy FW, back to find peaceful Hunter sleeping soundly in his spot.
FW, immediately annoyed as hell, lifted Hunter very roughly up to throw him to the floor. I think he startled him with the suddenness and carelessness of the move, so Hunter let out a sort of moan.
FW then raised his hand in a gesture to hit him because he said he had growled and showed his teeth! ( not true and we all knew that)
Every one of us immediately jumped off that couch to defend Hunter and yell at the FW for being so damn mean and inappropiate. (I think the FW was pretty shocked at the group reaction to defend Hunter over him.)
After the movie, we talked about how if we had to choose who would leave and who would stay in the family at that moment , FW would have been out unanimously!
If I could interpret that now with my current 20/20 vision, I would say there was a group knowing even before any cognitive knowing. FW was distant from all of us and on the outskirts of our lives and the loving bond we had.
He was always onto the next project, or mad about whatever, constantly distracted from the life that was passing by right in front of his very eyes.
He stayed on his own island with all his constantly created chaos, drama and as we now know. mistresses. He missed out on the deep love that was present every day in that house, his distractions kept him out of actually living. What a loss for him.
Since that was before any infidelity and betrayal knowledge,,I think it was most telling of the man we all somehow knew he was deeply, even without the cheating and abandonment.
An impatient, nasty son of a bitch who demanded respect and gave none in return and caused troubles just to hide his nefarious life from us. What a sad way to choose to live!
Hunter was always the better soul, our guts knew that, our minds do now.

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpasaurus45

“He missed out on the deep love that was present every day in that house, his distractions kept him out of actually living. What a loss for him.”
So well said. I think about how FW’s personality changed overnight from sweet to irritable. I thought it was from menopause….stupid me

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpasaurus45

I, too, notice in retrospect that my gut knew that something was terribly wrong before I was cognitively aware.

This is not animal related, but I remember having trouble sleeping one night. It was one of those situations where I knew I had to be on my game the following day, so not sleeping was especially upsetting.

I opted to read on my phone to escape my racing thoughts. I was really careful to turn the brightness all the way down and prop a pillow so as not to disturb FW.

But he did wake up at one point and yelled at me. I was SO angry that he didn’t express some sort of empathy like, “Ugh, I’m sorry you can’t sleep.”

I blurted, “Do you know how hard it is to be married to you?”

This was only a few months before D-Day. I truly did not know about the affair, but I think my body or subconscious knew something was seriously wrong. When I woke up, I carried on as usual.

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpasaurus45

“FW got up to pee or text one of his many gfs how much he loved them, who really knows for sure.”

Ha! So perfect.

dmartinigirl
dmartinigirl
1 year ago

This actually happened while we were still married. I was away on a girls’ weekend and my ex was home with my beautiful calico cat, Nala. One morning my ex was sleeping in and Nana was meowing to be let out of the bedroom. My ex ignored her. Nana, jumped up on his pillow, backed her rear up to him and PEED ON HIS HEAD. I felt bad for him at the time, but I can’t help but think Nala knew what a piece of garbage the ex was.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
1 year ago

Cheater #1 dog story: I had a beautiful red husky that was an absolute princess. She also hated C#1’s guts. Sometime during all his affairs, she started to get sick in the middle of the night. I leaped out of bed and grabbed some newspaper so she would barf on that, not the floor. At the last minute, she turned her head and barfed not on the newspaper, but on C#1’s bare foot. She knew before I did (he brought his APs home while I was out working).

Josh
Josh
1 year ago

She had to give me the old couches, and so she bought new ones. The dog decided to chew up her new couches. I laughed, then she wanted to give me the dog that did that. I said no, that wasn’t part of the agreement as you said I couldn’t ask for more stuff as you had taken on the dogs. I said I would be glad to if you paid me 150 a month to cover food, vet bills and the additional apartment fees, that ended the negotiations really quick.

Elsie
Elsie
1 year ago

My ex did NOT like animals in the house, period. We managed, but my kids talked for years about getting a dog. I didn’t even bring it up with their father. I knew the answer.

So he had been gone for some months. Our therapist had a dog that came into the office with her some days. And we loved that dog. So the therapist suggested we might get one, particularly for my youngest. Stupidly (yes, I know), I mentioned it to my long-distance husband. He thought it was a great idea and offered to help with the expense. We moved forward and fell in love with one. We started the process.

He decided that a dog would interfere with our supposed reconciliation. We would love the dog more than him, so he said. By then, my heart was into adopting the dog, and I thought it was crazy for him to think that he had to compete with a dog. He had already made our lives miserable and abandoned us (all our fault), so he had to make that right. The dog didn’t have anything to do with that. We moved forward on the dog.

He decided then that he wasn’t coming back and that we needed to sell the house. I agreed. I desperately needed a nest egg for what I considered the inevitable divorce. So we got the dog and had a blast with her. I found a place to rent that allowed a dog, and we moved out. He came to get his stuff and put the house on the market. He asked me if we had gotten the dog and told me she’d have to be euthanized if we reconciled. Later that same day at dinner in a restaurant, he said that if we reconciled, I couldn’t have any contact with our college students. Naturally, I walked out and never saw him face-to-face again.

During the divorce, the dog he never met got a whole unnecessary section that my ex wrote. My attorney said it was completely bogus because she was a post-divorce acquisition, and the agreement already outlined that we were not dividing post-separation purchases. There was some other unenforceable and unnecessary garbage about the dog and other things that we left in versus wasting yet more time and money.

At signing, while I was initialing pages, my attorney gave me a legal pad to make notes on things I had to do with deadlines and as well what I could ignore (LOL). He talked me through the whole thing while making various jokes. He was retiring the next month and thought that my case was one of the more interesting ones of his career, so the mood was upbeat. I know other people who have been through rough divorces who said they cried through initialing every page, but I LAUGHED because my case was truly so absurd. My attorney truly had a wonderful sense of humor and was such a wordsmith.

It hit me hard the next day, and then I was fine. Truly.

Cam
Cam
1 year ago
Reply to  Elsie

I couldn’t have any contact with our college students.

Am I to understand that a requirement of reconciliation for him was that you not have any contact with your own children? WTF?

Elsie
Elsie
1 year ago
Reply to  Cam

Dispatch the dog and have no contact with our children. I was to move away from every possible shred of history and support I had here and join him. Of course, he denied it all later. But that’s not something you ever forget.

Thankfully, I never did see my ex face-to-face again after that. He went back to the beach and did the whole divorce by phone, fax, and email. He had an extreme aversion to ever coming back here again, according to what his attorney told mine. That was good for me of course.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  Elsie

“Later that same day at dinner in a restaurant, he said that if we reconciled”

😡Murderous bastard! I’m happy you’re away from that whacko.

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago

I accidentally locked my ex in our cellar — dirt floor, rickety stairs, over 200 years old, light wasn’t working so he only had a headlamp — with an entire family of skunks. If I’d known then what he was up to, I absolutely would’ve left him down there.

He escaped the cellar unscathed, but later — same saga — the self-anointed “skunk whisperer” did manage to get himself sprayed. TBH, even though I was still in the dark about his cheating then, he was being enough of an FW to me at that point, and was such an arrogant over-confident know-it-all besides, that I took secret satisfaction in the episode. We actually had to move out of our house for a couple of days, it was so bad.

neversawitcoming
neversawitcoming
1 year ago

Manchild would loose his f’ing mind if my ancient blind dog had an accident in the house- we had hardwood floors and it was a small dog- so it was like less than 1/4 cup of pee. He leaves on D-day to go live with OW- they end up in an apartment building that REEKS of dog urine- the yelp reviews- found by my cousin- indicate that the elevator and hallways all stink of pet urine. And there is so much dog crap that no one cleans up that using the community pool is not even an option!

IDeserveBetter
IDeserveBetter
1 year ago

Unfortunately my cockatiel did not speak but Jackie Doe had his own way of telling me things.
One day before D Day I came home one day to see Lovebringer69 sprawled across the lounge and Jackie is his cage with the cover over.
I asked why he was shut away and was told he was in time out.
Apparently JD walked along the top of the lounge, looked down, turned around and pooped into Lovebringer’s face!

Orlando
Orlando
1 year ago
Reply to  IDeserveBetter

Is Lovebringer69 his Tinder name? Barf. Yeah we all know what he loves & there’s no love involved. Barf again.

Stig
Stig
1 year ago
Reply to  IDeserveBetter

‘Lovebringer69’ always makes me lol.

mygutfeelingisasuperpower
mygutfeelingisasuperpower
1 year ago

A while after DDay I met ex at the dog park to talk through some issues re the kids. Ex had a leg injury, could barely walk and was sitting on a park bench when the biggest dog I’ve ever seen came and stood close to ex. Then proceeded to pee onto Ex’s groin, his legs and shoes! Ex just sat there dumfounded. Didn’t move or react at all. The dog’s owners were calling and yelling from across the park at it to stop, lots of people laughing, and that big dog just kept on peeing! Biggest dog = biggest, longest pee ever! Ex’s shorts and shoes were soaked! Hysterically funny. I was laughing, crying, snorting and doing a weird dance to stop myself peeing my own pants. Afterwards my own dog just stood in front of ex barking madly at him – I like to think she was yelling at him “sucked in, you deserved that for cheating on us”. The owners of the other dog were mortified and very apologetic. Ex slowly hobbled away, dog pee shorts clinging most unfavourably and shoes squelching. I’m forever grateful for the big dog’s thoughtfulness! 😉

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago

“dog pee shorts clinging most unfavourably…”

Whew, I needed a laugh today.

Curlytwirly
Curlytwirly
1 year ago

Ex really wanted a dog; I agreed to this once kids were out of diapers. Dog really loves ex even though ex never gave dog the full attention needed- I think concept of dog ownership was more fun than reality. The dog used to do a happy dance when ex came in door. I ended up with dog in divorce, and for several years now, I have gotten the excited “welcome home” dance!

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago

I don’t know if this is an animal karma story though the AP’s cat seemed to be a symbol of the AP’s dashed hopes and and lowered expectations. According to emails and texts FW forgot to delete, the AP had originally been plying FW to buy her a $4000 purebred allergy-friendly dog. She sent him links to breeders with heart-eyed emojis but to no avail. Instead she had to settle for a free rescue cat. On the idea that fur color effects dander level, the AP made a concession to FW’s pet allergies by getting a white cat. But the fur color thing turned out to be a myth and FW spent the whole year with respiratory problems, catching every bug in circulation, developed sleep apnea and all the fun that comes with the latter– explosive snoring, chronic exhaustion, stiff joints and puppy shit breath. What a prize.

I’m sure all the binge drinking FW did with the AP didn’t help but at least some of it was allergy-related. The snoring was unbelievable. Being the actual wife I was free to be wife-like and started wearing Bose noise-cancelling headphones to bed to shut out the racket. But I don’t think Cosmo side dish pickme dance guides allow for giant, unsexy ear-gear. When the kids and I were out of town, the AP would get “the Kraken” all to herself. I also don’t think the AP felt free to make a gag face and tell FW to go brush his teeth. He later mentioned that she frequently had terrible breath so maybe she didn’t notice his fumes.

But I think the AP did notice that the sandwiches were getting progressively shittier over time. I gathered that the AP began the affair filled with hope and hubris and bragging that FW was going to dump his family, marry her and make all her expensive Instagram lifestyle dreams come true. Instead she ended up filled with anxiety, anger, frustration and pickme dancing for scraps. She underestimated FW’s masterful skills in vague future faking, playing dumb and delaying. In any case, despite all her hints and wheedling, she didn’t get FW to fork over the down payment and fees for a swank city loft. She ended up paying her own fees for a basement studio condo in a dodgy borough with a loan from her “skinflint” dad. She had to pay for her own IKEA crap instead of the Restoration Hardware stuff she kept emailing FW links to. She never got the European tour she hinted at and had to settle for a budget dirty weekend.

The affair still saddled my family with a lot of credit debt, mostly for booze and bistro pizza but, if the AP was being purely transactional about the affair, she didn’t actually profit much. I think the main thing the AP settled for is that she’d gotten FW to vaguely weigh in on decisions for certain purchases– furniture, crappy wall art and a pet– in the hopes this would make FW emotionally invested in “their life together.” But even there she miscalculated how all that domesticity would impact him. Not much. He never stopped trawling other office doorknobs and then dumped the AP the second the kids found out about the affair. He had a much larger investment in his family but that obviously didn’t warm his frigid soul. At least the AP has the consolation of a massively shedding white cat with kidney problems. It would be funny but I feel sad for the cat.

Cam
Cam
1 year ago

I shouldn’t be amazed at the stupidity of affair partners at this point, but for whatever reason, I still am.

How do these people think they’re winning a prize? How are they surprised when a liar who breaks promises and abandons their own family… does the same to the affair partner??

I know these people are stupid, but the cognitive dissonance is beyond belief.

ISawTheLight
ISawTheLight
1 year ago
Reply to  Cam

AP seemed flabbergasted that FW turned out to be abusive. She actually expected a guy who cheated on and lied to his wife to be an individual of good character? I KNOW he talked shit about me to her, so why did she think she would be “speshul” or different? He was one hell of a story teller. He blamed me for EVERYTHING that was wrong in his life, especially financially. So OW handed over about $30K to him. She never saw a dime of that again, because our financial difficulties were due to FW having no clue what to do with money. Once we separated our finances, that because crystal clear – my bank account continued to grow. I couldn’t believe how much “extra” money I had (even though my expenses didn’t really go down that much). FW continued to be flat broke, even though he and schmoopie were sharing expenses and they both had well-paying jobs. FW and I were still legally married when FW died, and he died without a will, so schmoopie got NOTHING and I got everything (it wasn’t much, but still). She had no way of recouping her money, or they money she’d spent to rent and furnish their house. But, you know, don’t buy things with a married man, because wives are entitled to at least half that shit.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  Cam

Hubris is pretty stupefying, like playing with a home lobotomy kit. And ego syntonic people are completely unreflective, really don’t perceive how demented their behavior is. It always makes me think of the Funny or Die Bath Salts clip. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63VwBodcrGY

Susannah
Susannah
1 year ago

This relates to a stupid boyfriend between husbands. He was a cheater, and wanted a dog. He had moved in with me to save money for his own place after his sister kicked him out. I had small kids.
All the dogs he wanted were large, rambunctious dogs. None of the dogs liked children, which I had. One bared his teeth at my little son. I said, no dogs. You can move out and get a dog.
Instead, he brought home an enormous German shepherd. He named the dog Max. He was going to use Max as a prop, to pretend to be some sort of militia/veteran with a highly trained ‘killer’ dog. He even admitted this to me.
Max was terrified of my slippers. He loved the kids and me, and hated my boyfriend. 😄
Max would growl and snap and bark at my boyfriend, and wouldn’t let him near me.
We broke up partly because of Max. It tore me up when my then-Ex boyfriend stole Max and did God-knows-what to him. I never saw Max again.

Cuckoo4Karma
Cuckoo4Karma
1 year ago

You forgot to include AP’s new nickname “Piss in Boots”. I cannot take credit for that—it was a comment on the OP.

Cloud
Cloud
1 year ago

Schmoopie has pet mice which she loves soooooo much that she will put in her mouth because “I love you so much I could eat you.” My daughters witnessed this, somewhat dumbfounded and very startled.
She’s gotta have at least one mouse disease, right?

Orlando
Orlando
1 year ago
Reply to  Cloud

Yowzers! Does she believe herself to be a snake?!

Linny
Linny
1 year ago
Reply to  Cloud

Oh. My. God! In her mouth? I wonder if whatever else she has in there is a communicable disease?

DobbyisaFreeChump
DobbyisaFreeChump
1 year ago

I had the most amazing rescue collie. He was the best fluffy sweet snugglenugget and was an angelbaby of a dog: quiet, snuggly, great with kids and cats and other dogs. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. One night FW came home high and drunk and was yelling and sneering at me and I was so scared. And my sweet furbaby got between us and actually nipped FW. FW was shocked and fussed, “I can’t believe he bit me.” Lots of family and friends encouraged me to leave FW and I am ever grateful for their support. But my darling dog was the ONLY being in the universe that fought back for me. He crossed the rainbow bridge right before Christmas, and I will always remember his love and protection when I was terrified of my FW… he was my guardian and my true best friend.

Orlando
Orlando
1 year ago

❤️ my condolences for losing your wonderful protector!

Chumpkins
Chumpkins
1 year ago

DIAFC – Love your name. 🙂

Dobbyisafreechump
Dobbyisafreechump
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpkins

Chumpkins-

I was literally treated no better than a house elf for so very long, but I got my sock… and now I can start to heal and rebuild. I not at meh yet at all and just starting to feel stabilized and somewhat safe. Thanks for the love!

Turquelle
Turquelle
1 year ago

Ok, not my story but too good not to share, no real animals other than the human kind, here goes (copied from another group and amazing): Warning, this is long but entertaining

My ex-husband has called and gave me a life update. Last time I spoke to him, he was about to meet some online chick but she had a bunch of crazy excuses and kept putting him off. Before it was the British girl.

He tells me that the Brit had a settlement coming but needed him to cash a check for $5500. He was supposed to cash it and send her the funds in bitcoin. He got this check and deposited it but couldn’t figure out the bitcoin thing so she suggested zelle. He couldn’t figure that out either so in the meantime he used the money to pay his taxes. The fraud department at the bank then contacts him to say that the transaction was flagged as fraudulent and they froze his account. He lost his shit and was escorted out by the police. His 90 year old mother ended up going in and paying all of the charges and covered tge check. Now the Brit has gone silent and he admitted that he has sent her 40K over the last 4 years. Holy shit. He then tells me he took a bunch of pills and was in a psych hospital for 2 weeks.

Fast forward to yesterday, the Texas nurse turned fitness instructor whose kid supposedly died “confessed” that she lied about who she is and that she is really a famous porn star. She said that she wants to make a movie with him and will fly him to Texas this weekend to do so. All he has to do is send her $3500 for filming costs. He did. He stole the money from his mother. What the actual fuck???

I have zero sympathy for this man, he has lost his fucking mind. I honestly feel nothing but pity for his mother

Whenever you hear these stories you can’t believe anyone is that stupid, but there is now proof

Cam
Cam
1 year ago
Reply to  Turquelle

JFC, your ex is stupid. I’m so sorry you dealt with this.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  Turquelle

Holy moly, Turquelle! That is one mudfuckingly dumb guy. I know what you mean about these stories sounding unbelievable. With FWs, truth is both stranger and stupider than fiction.

susie lee
susie lee
1 year ago
Reply to  Turquelle

I am amazed at the crap these folks will believe and buy in to. Not just stuff on here but stuff you hear in the news every day.

Cam
Cam
1 year ago
Reply to  susie lee

It’s weird how easily con artists get swindled, isn’t it? They defrauded us so you’d think they’d be wiser to manipulation themselves.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 year ago

FW had trouble interacting with people. But he loved our dog:

Our dog gave unconditional love
Our dog gave ex a built-in excuse for missing many social events
Our dog gave ex control over me because I had to be home to take care of the dog. Basically, I was on a 4-hour leash. It probably goes without saying that my ex did not miss any of his own hours or days long events.

About two weeks after D-Day, I couldn’t find our dog. In a panic, I posted photos and enlisted the help of neighbors. So many wonderful people helped me search the neighborhood. When she was found dead (killed by a coyote), neighbors emailed their condolences to me. Ex got really angry that they weren’t expressing their condolences to him directly. (He was living with the AP at this time.) He wanted me to write to our neighbors to tell them that he’d suffered a tragedy, too. #narcissist

Ex not only married the OW within a year of D-Day but also got a new dog. I heard that wifetress was seen walking the dog around and around the block, holding a bag of dog poop, while ex attended an indoor event.

She “won” my life.

Orlando
Orlando
1 year ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

OW won my life too. Now that the honeymoon is over, hope she’s enjoying never doing anything unless it’s going to his parents for dinner! Oh & the fact he never has anything to talk about. Ever. My parents & I occasionally talk about how glad I’m out of that marriage. The guy was a boring dolt, but sure knew how to lovebomb you into believing otherwise!!

Bluebells
Bluebells
1 year ago

My ex wanted to keep bees when we married, never something I wanted to do but I showed willing, learned all about the craft and eventually started with a serious anaphylaxis reaction so couldn’t do any hands on stuff, apart from dealing with the honey and making up equipment, so the unglamorous unseen stuff without which he’d have been stuck
He didn’t move the bees out of the garden though until next door told him he was having bad reactions to stings. I think he was hoping to kill me, in retrospect
Now he is without someone to do the year round donkey work, he has scaled right back now he has to do it for himself. She won’t have anything to do with them as when he was trying to involve her, she got stung. I didn’t get stung when working them as Imade sure I was properly protected, stopping working them was just in case of something unexpected, mostly I got stung in the garden randomly. Clever bee!

Cam
Cam
1 year ago
Reply to  Bluebells

What a fucking sociopath.

I’m not surprised by most cheater stories anymore, but it’s still galling to me how many cheaters try to physically harm their spouses in underhanded ways (like poison or deadly allergies).

DownunderSugarglider
DownunderSugarglider
1 year ago

I had a cat that never liked my ex. If he left any of his belongings on the floor, the cat would spray them. His backpack, his briefcase, his filing cabinet (not mine) his desk etc etc.
Ex goes to work in the Solomon Islands for a year. Cat and I have the house to ourselves and get into the routine where we sit on the couch together. Ex comes home to find cat sitting in his couch spot and cat refuses to budge. There is lots of growling and swiping and everyone is annoyed. Ex would go to bed every night building a more complex pile of cushions to stop cat from sleeping on the couch. But the cat would climb and sleep on top of all the cushions.
I came out one morning to see the cushion mountain with an open book lying on top. There right in the centre of the open was a big steaming pile of cat poop. Yep – cat climbed to the top of cushion mountain, to the book and pooped in his book.
Cat 1 Ex 0

Cam
Cam
1 year ago

Your ex was obviously an idiot for many reasons, including thinking he could win against a cat…

Cats may look like 10 pounds of unassuming fluff, but they might as well be immovable 600-pound gorillas. They have claws, they keep grudges, and they can be smarter than people… like your ex!

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
1 year ago

So exh had a cat when we met. I wasn’t a fan of cats, but I gave this one a try. This cat ended up changing my whole view of cats! He was really more like a dog with how sweet he was. When ex left, he left me and sweet kitty, and we were both traumatized. Well, six months later, ex moves his stuff out and comes back to take sweet kitty. Sweet kitty runs under the couch to hide from him, and I refuse to help with this process because it was breaking my heart from him to take sweet kitty. Well, he took him. Two or three weeks later, I get an email asking if I want to care for sweet kitty for a while because his girlfriend’s kitty (in another city) was sick, and it was too much to have both kitties. So I said yes because I love sweet kitty and was glad for any additional time, even if him being taken away would break my heart again. Well. He never took sweet kitty back and over a year later I ran into him and he asked if I just wanted to keep sweet kitty for good, and I said yes. So I got to keep sweet kitty. (Sweet kitty went to kitty heaven some years ago, but he was such a balm for my soul and helped me survive the hell that was recovering from exh. And my most recent sweet kitty, also recently in kitty heaven, helped me survive the awfulness of getting over my subsequent partner leaving me unexpectedly. That one was not a cheater, but the leaving was perhaps harder than cheater ex due to the additional circumstances? In any case, thank goodness for sweet pets that help and also even provide a little karma.)

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
1 year ago

When I was in crazy town I had a friend go to AP apartment where FW decided he would stay. Friend saw him and 33 years younger AP get out of car with puppy. Howorker AP came from chaos, guess this would make them a family 🤮
What she didn’t know was the beautiful, smart, Irish water spaniel I would bring to the office was trained by me, FW would show staff and patients all her tricks and behaviors like he trained her….

I get call from the office renter, potential buyer, that the dog pees all over office, gets on tables while patients were present, and jumps on people . I saw the inside of FW car when getting mileage for getting my name off, handles were all chewed up. How’s that dog working out ?(poor dog, probably from puppy mill).

ISawTheLIght
ISawTheLIght
1 year ago
Reply to  Sandyfeet

FWs love to take credit for all our hard work. In my case, FW acted like (and told schmoopie) all the good things in our life (house, cars, kid, his job, the decor, the way FW dressed [I literally picked out every piece of clothing he owned, LOL], the fact that the house and yard were fairly clean and the house was in good repair, the cars were taken care of, the bills were paid, you name it) was HIS doing, and that I was a lazy and incompetent POS. But I was the one who made all that happen . OW got quite a surprise when I was no longer in the picture and FW had to do for himself. She had to pick up a LOT of slack, and their life wasn’t quite what she had envisioned. They lived in an absolute trash heap and were constantly broke. OW wasn’t particularly good at “adulting” either.

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
1 year ago
Reply to  ISawTheLIght

Yes, I wonder if FWs really ever saw all that we did, I saw dog pee pads on his credit card statement, made me laugh, I’m sure their place was a disaster too.

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
1 year ago

Rewinding back to summer of 2021, one of my ex boyfriends (sociopathic cheater, and pathological glittercock liar and drug addict) decided he wanted to summon all of his playthings to one place. So he had the OW (a woman twice his age) come to my house unannounced to literally pick me up and bring me to her place to meet with him. I was baffled at his nerve and her ambivalent obedience, but when she showed up at my door she seemed afraid. I in a moment of foolishness felt sorry for her and offered to go back with her to make sure he was not going to physically harm her.

To make a long story short he got arrested that night for assault of the third degree and felony menacing with a deadly weapon. I was the main target of the assault though, as I jumped on the backpack he claimed had a gun inside.

Later that night after his OW and I fact checked one another to figure out he had lied to both of us about literally every single thing, I returned home to my empty house in tears. I had deputy dipshits hat, tossed it on the ground and started crying in my bed.

I had a cat named Mr Wiggles who was never into scratching furniture or any belongings aside from what I would give him. He only scratched his post, and cardboard.
I heard some racket and turned my head to see Mr Wiggled clawing and biting on fuckwits hat. He was attacking this hat so aggressively (he was the least aggressive cat ever as I’ve watched kittens back him into a corner) I just watched and smiled to myself. My cat knew the whole time, and everything made sense. My cat always did act strange around FW. I should’ve listened to my fur baby from the start.