Cheating Bowling Coach Dumber Than a Bag of Rocks
Unrepentant creepy predator Steve Lemke had an affair with a student from a college championship bowling team that his wife coached. He had this to say about his wandering dick:
I knew it was kind of a no-no, but there’s not a rule saying it can’t happen,” Lemke told the Sentinel. “There’s not a law saying I’m going to go to jail for doing something like this. There’s nothing in stone. I guess it’s just an ethics code, like we frown upon it, but there’s no rule, there’s no law broken.”
I’m glad you know where the line is, Steve. Yes, we haven’t codified douchebaggery yet. So much wiggle room… for your hungry trouser snake.
Amber Lemke filed for divorce. Meanwhile Steve quite literally fucked around and found out — he got shit-canned from his job as assistant coach.
Yes, this is the kind of quality individual Steve Lemke is — while his wife was leading the Stephen F. Austin State University women’s bowling team, as head coach, to win two NCAA Championships in 2016 and 2019 and a NCAA runner-up in 2022 — he was perving on her team.
Steve got handsy with the talent volunteer coached until the university hired him as an assistant coach in 2019. Now he’s unemployed. Because coaches screwing students is frowned upon. #nono
But you’ll be relieved to know that Steve still thinks he’s splendid. People magazine reports:
Lemke said his wife found out about their relationship after seeing a text message from the student-athlete on his phone. “It didn’t have anything in detail,” Lemke said. “It was just about how amazing I am, basically, in general perspective. Amber saw that and questioned me and I got to the point where it just built up so much that I basically told her the truth after she dug through my phone.”
Steve: “Amber, this has been building up. I have to tell you the truth…. I’m amazing.”
(Amber googles “divorce lawyer.”)
Steve: “It’s just a general perspective that I’m awesome. I agree. The barely legal student I’m boffing agrees. I’ve been meaning to tell you for some time that I’m fabulous, and I know you have questions — How magnificent are you, Steve? Very magnificent, Amber. Like, unemployed assistant bowling coach magnificent.”
Amber, if you’re out there reading — Chump Nation salutes you. And Stephen F. Austin State University you rock for publicly for immediately firing Steve and supporting Amber.
Personally, I’d like to push Steve Lemke into a vat of rotting fish. There’s no law against it. Kind of a no-no… Who’s with me?
Yep, I am with you, push him into a vat of rotting fish!
Do fish, even rotting fish deserve that type of contact though?
…all I have to say is: Amber, my hearty congratulations on your divorce.
I actually heard this story on a morning radio show a week or two ago… But the focus was on how FW Asst bowling coach suing the college. Because apparently it’s not in writing specifically that staff can’t “date” students. So this idiot is suing. He’s the biggest loser ever.
Steve is using the George Costanza defense, apparently.
Is he actually suing them or is he just talking big about how he’s going to sue them? In Texas, a notoriously anti-plaintiff state? Where he resigned rather than get fired? This turkey is dumber than HALF a box of rocks.
Apidae, I guess from the radio info I heard, things changed. I’m not seeing anything about a lawsuit and he’s backed down and resigned. The student isn’t returning either. The wife is staying on as head coach and divorcing his stupid ass https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/college-bowling-coach-gives-breathtaking-150349454.html
Texas is also an “at will” employment state so you can be fired for any reason as long as it isn’t illegal. Good reason, bad reason, no reason, bad hair day, whatever.
James Dator of SBNation showed no mercy in a reaction piece at https://www.sbnation.com/2023/6/21/23768355/stephen-f-austin-bowling-affair-quotes
From the article:
“I don’t think we’ve ever seen a story like this where the party who was in the wrong didn’t recoil in shame, but instead doubled-down on “hell yeah, I should have cheated on my wife!”
James Dator clearly has not spent anytime around chumps where this double-down happens all too often. For many of us this was the exact story – no surprises to anyone here. Kudos though to him for calling this cheater out and not pulling his punches.
News flash: If the best your over-achieving chump wife can do for you is arrange a position as an assistant bowling coach, you aren’t so amazing. Not sure where he lands next on his own merits, without boosting from his chump. Is Public Park Dog Poop Removal Technician Intern a thing?
I’m sure he’d do an excellent job at spraying antifungal solution in bowling shoes, but managers would probably have to keep a constant eye on him to make sure he stays behind the counter at the bowling alley.
Window-cleaner, with a twist — he licks them clean.
i’m thinking he’d be perfect at refilling the salad bar. #lettuces
That would be a useful and honorable job that does some good in the world. I’m not sure Mr. Word Salad here would qualify.
Glad he discovered unethical behavior still has consequences! Or–rather–he EXPERIENCED those consequences… to discover would mean he gained insight that I don’t think he gained in this experience.
I’m sure he’s twisted this around to make himself the victim. “It was an unfair firing! I was a great volunteer who helped my wife! I simply spread my “amazingness” to a younger woman! What’s the harm in that? Society is so gosh-darn puritanical!”
#DARVO
Yes. Total DARVO. In the article I read, he went further into describing the blame due his wife…when she was gone traveling with the team he had to care for their kids (yes, he has put children through this). He didn’t feel special enough with her. According to him, his wife took his awesomeness for granted. Classic delusional existence. Also, this guy is 38! The player on the team was what 20? Just such a d-bag.
Another guy who thinks looking after his own kids is “baysitting” them for his wife.
I read that story too. It’s sad for the kids and sad for the team. Glad the wife has a good job and sounds like a talented coach.
🤮
A typical cheater’s rationalizations. They. are. all. the. same.
There’s something in his tone which reminds me of reality TV shows. As though the behavior is being minimized in relation to his centrality. I’m concerned that the norm in entertainment, politics and (apparently) bowling is a requirement for outrageous behavior to even get noticed.
It amazes me these cretins don’t realise how utterly revolting they sound. 🙄🤮
More from Steve:
“I was the stay-at-home dad for five years with the kids while Amber got to go off and coach the team, and when she’d get back, I’d run practices on top of taking care of the kids while she was back,” Lemke said. “When they’d travel again, I would sit back and take care of the kids. Then when I got hired on, she almost forced me to run practices. I was a volunteer the entire time before that trying to help out Amber. Once I got hired on, one thing stemmed from another. I felt like I was doing too much for what I was being valued at.”
In other words, while she “got to go off” and do her JOB, he raised THEIR children. When he was hired as her assistant, she “forced” him to do his actual job. He was doing too much, y’all. Everybody knows that when you’re doing too much, you have to bang a student.
I think we know which of the two will thrive post-divorce.
FYI thanks for calling this out.
I was the one in his exact position, staying home and raising the kids and working part time and undervalued, while ex husband chased his dream job. And yet, ex husband was the one who cheated. I know I’m not the only one here that experienced this.
Further proving that cheating is a character issue and has nothing at all to do with the Chump.
“I felt like I was doing too much for what I was being valued at.”
Somebody who has to be “almost forced” to do his fucking job is doing too much. Okay then. 💩
He whined about being a stay at home parent, so she got him a job. Then he whined about having to actually do that job and cheated on her. What a piece of shit. There’s just no pleasing these assholes.
Oh poor guy. Sounds like he had to be a parent AND a husband.
Yup, Amber will thrive & later wonder WTF she ever saw in him?!
If you have to justify your relationship on legal technicalities…you’re gross. And actually yes, depending on your location actually there ARE laws against it.
That’s all he seems to be concerned about. Not his marriage, wife, or morals. Nope, the technically not illegal relationship.
Ew.
Many of them do. My ex was all about how it was business and a contract at the end. Looking back, she is devoid of ethics and morals, it was all very situational.
“…we haven’t codified douchebaggery yet.” Actually, adultery IS a crime in several states, punishable by jail time and substantial fines. Google a NYT article about how Wisconsin enforced their law for more information. (Also Illinois and Arizona, with 3 year statutes of limitations, FYI.)
“…I basically told her the truth after she dug through my phone.” 🤣
How noble of him to tell his wife the truth after she already found out! Another Mr. Wonderful! He is high on his own bullshit.
And I like how he used the word ‘dug’ as if she was snooping or violating his boundaries rather than just looking for the truth.
I like how she probably pays for “his” f’ing phone.
“Only admit to what they know.” That’s the playbook. Once he knew she’d seen it all, he admitted it.
This guy is clearly stuck in the first stage of Kohlberg’s moral development.
There are six stages and the first one is behaving in such a way as to avoid punishment, ie not doing things that are against the rules. This is where kids start, obeying their parents. Further stages refine moral thinking to include concepts such as the greater good, and the harmony of society, etc. He’s got the morality of a child.
The massive sense of entitlement, so damn typical of these cheaters world wide
I’m sure his ex-wife to be is now kicking herself for many things: not tossing him back into the vat of rotting fish years ago, getting him a job, procreating with him, expecting him to pull his weight (without resentment), trusting him around her students….trusting him. Period. He brings up ethics like it’s in the realm of “hey pass the salt”. No clue in this guy’s orbit. Sigh, just another Fuckwit fucking with fuckery. Seems to be no end to these types.
Do they snort the smell under their own armpits, get high off it, and declare utter ridiculous rot about their “amazing ness” that stemmed from a possible comment from a 19 year old? I’m really sorry she bred children with this moron.
I work in higher education. I guarantee you that Austin State has rules about this behavior. . . spelled out in their employee handbook. It’s the same book that says that’s an offense that will get you fired.
As do I and I agree. This violates every regulation in higher education.
And his wife is lucky she didn’t get fired along with him, as his supervisor.
Trouser snake, too funny.
“It was just about how amazing I am, basically, in general perspective.
This reminded me of N (OW) texting me (from his phone) that he was the best liver she ever had after DDAy.
It was more like an inch worm. A crooked one when inflated with the penis pump. I guess she believed I’d never had sex.
‘Lover’, I’m sure hid liver is shot too.
the ‘well, technically it isn’t really a problem and technically this student is legal and thinks i’m amazing and i won’t get arrested so technically cheating on my wife isn’t that bad and technically…”
GAG what an ass and i hope she get everything and his next job includes ‘would you like fries with that’
The college may have let him resign, rather than firing him, per the People magazine story https://people.com/college-bowling-coach-cheated-on-wife-head-coach-with-player-from-team-7551722:
"Steve Lemke, the former assistant coach for the Stephen F. Austin University bowling team, reportedly chose to resign rather than be fired by the university earlier this spring when the school found out about the relationship.
"SFA athletic director Ryan Ivey told The Nacogdoches Daily Sentinel on Tuesday the former coach broke the university’s ethics policy and said Lemke is “not working here anymore.” Ivey said the school began investigating the coach’s affair “as soon as we found out.”
"“We support our student athletes and obviously [Lemke's wife] Amber, with what was going on,” Ivey said."
So glad this sad sausage got what was coming to him!!
I’ve been watching Undercover Underage on the Investigation Discovery channel. It’s a reality show about a volunteer organization that catches online predators of underage children. They run into a lot of guys who are married with children. The last episode features a bodybuilder (Brian Tessneer of Oklahoma) who is engaged to be married. He has two boys and his fiancée has a boy and a girl. At the time of his arrest, his stepdaughter was twelve and he admitted to abusing her for “a few years.” The dash cam in the police cruiser captures him asking God to help him get out of going to jail. Another predator says to undercover decoy, who is pretending to be twelve, that he will pretend to date her mother, move in with them and but really be with the decoy.
If someone is cheating, I think it’s wise to consider it very possible that there is something even darker going on under the tip of iceberg.
What comes to my mind is a hike with friends years ago which included the teenage daughter of one of my friends. I think she was fifteen. At one point during the hike, I had fallen behind talking with someone and I noticed Traitor Ex up ahead, talking in a flirtatious way with this girl. I remember pulling him aside, saying, “What are you doing?! She is fifteen!” I think we were in our mid thirties at the time.
Once you find out someone is keeping secrets, you have no idea how deep and dark they may be, which is why I advocate for leaving.
Velvet Hammer, yes! Secrets! Who knows what those FWs are really up to. UGH!
Yuck. I’m not sure I have the intestinal fortitude to watch that series on my own, but let me know if you happen to see my Wasband on it.
When my then-husband was reluctant to criticize Jeffrey Epstein, I thought something weird was up. This was just before D-Day. He muttered something about how it was all consensual.🙄 Guess he was in the defend-any-kind-of-sexual-behavior mode, prepping for his big reveal.
Yeah, mine also didn’t see what was so bad about Tiger Woods. Consenting adults and all.
Mine looked very uncomfortable when I spoke of how gross Tiger Woods cheating was. HIs face was really odd…I wish I had seen that as the red flag it was
Mine went on and on about that. Spent hours analysing why Woods had a double life. He concluded (over and over again) that travelling around being treated like royalty, and then coming home to his wife asking him to do the dishes and take care of the kids would be hard. And that it would be easy to start believing your own press and thinking you’re above everyone else.
He was no Tiger Woods, but several years later he did secure a really good management job. Less than a year later, I was heavily pregnant with our second child and he was banging his secretary.
Ugh. Such a cliche.
Ex FW’s long-married best friend (a LTC in the Army) carried on for 3 years with a military subordinate that reported to him. She got pregnant and threatened to tell his wife. It was only at this point that he owned up to his entire secret shit show double life. To everyone. Including my Ex. When the Ex told me, I was both dumbfounded and horrified. Ex would NOT disavow what his best friend had done or even acknowledge what kind of lying, moral-less scumbag could even do that to his loyal and devoted wife. His flimsy response was along the lines of “he has been my friend all my life. I will continue to support him.” That was one of the biggest and heaviest red flags 🚩 that was dropped on me at the time… and yet, somehow I still thought our relationship was wrapped in titanium. Marked safe! The joke was on me…. as my Ex – the Colonel – ALSO ended up carrying on with a military subordinate which eventually got him “retired” from the Army 3 years early.
“Once you find out someone is keeping secrets, you have no idea how deep and dark they may be.” So true. But one way to guess how dark is to measure how viciously the abuser guards the secret.
Personally, I’ve wondered if most cheaters are secret pedophiles. I’ve wondered the same of most batterers. In domestic violence, weaving webs of coercion and control begins early on. At root, it’s arguably all about batterers preemptively sticking daggers through the shoes of victims to prevent victims from leaving once victims discoverer batterers’ dark secrets and secret lives. It’s an axiom that the secret has to be pretty horrendous if the abuser is willing to take such extreme and legally risky measures against the strong probability that revealing the secret is going to propel their partners to attempt escape, so victims must– in the logic of abusers– preemptively be terrorized out of doing so.
The main “dark secret/secret life” is obvious– that the batterer is, you know, a batterer. To grind it to a really fine point, the idea is that they know they’re going to eventually explode in repulsive, demented, infantile rages which could make victims run so they double down on threats and violence to send the message that the risk of attempting to escape is higher than the risk of staying put. But in my experience in advocacy, virtually all batterers cheat so there’s a chicken and egg issue: is battering the “main secret” or is it merely enforcement of the kind of double standards and double life that no partner in their right mind would tolerate?
And, again, violence is such a legally risky, exerting and extreme thing to resort to, so much so that one might guess the secrets being guarded are the worst of the worst of the worst, the types that carry the most negative social stigma, worst legal punishments, can get you shivved in prison by other prisoners merely for being convicted of it and are most likely to drive victims to run for the hills. What does society categorize as the “worst of the worst” aside from rape and murder? Hint: it’s not battering or cheating. Despite a century of awareness campaigns, etc., the public is still too prone to make excuses for batterers (and obviously for cheaters). So that leaves pedophilia. Just food for thought.
I think you’re onto something with this. I’ve unfortunately discovered that pedophilia is way, way, way more common than most people want to acknowledge. I don’t know much about batterers but I do believe that all serial cheaters would screw a child if they thought they could get away with it.
As far as I know, many experts are convinced that not all people who abuse children are pedophiles. For many of those who lack empathy, it may be just another way of feeling powerful (as awful as that sounds).
EllyB like rapists.
My ex cheater FW of a husband had seriously twisted fetishes he hid from me – for 25 years. One thing that always unnerved me was that he assumed every man was a pedophile at heart. This really angered me and I was always the one defending men. He also thought most women had fantasies of being a prostitute. He had all of these off theories about sex and gender which were annoying. It never occurred to me that it was his terrible lens he was seeing everything through. After DDay it all started to make sense that the reason he didn’t trust anyone around our daughter was because he probably isn’t trustworthy.
FKA this gives me chills that these people walk among us and are fathers to daughters. So glad you’re out & safe.
Its been almost 11 years since I was in a bed with Cheater but you reminded me that when he wanted to initiate sex, his MO was that he would start talking about other people and sex. It never turned me on, in fact I would lay there and say “Why do you talk about other people ? its pointless and gross”
I forgot to add a note about the “bitch tapes.” People who keep dark secrets from partners and who consequently fear partners may “abandon” them if the secrets are uncovered, often start mentally building cases against partners in preparation for the moment the cat is let out of the bag. Many chumps describe seeing a FW do a sudden 180– going from supposedly mild mannered normal Joe or Jane to, say, channeling Jack Nicholson in The Shining. If partners confront FWs about suspicions of cheating, cheaters may explode in false or trumped up accusations so elaborate and ornate that it makes it seem the FW had been building this case in their heads for years. Batterers do the same thing. The bitch tapes are the long buildup to violence. But I think it’s arguable that the bitch tapes first begin because the individual is keeping a secret.
Anyway, the point is that violence alone isn’t necessarily the measure of how dark the secrets being guarded are. The more vicious and elaborate the “bitch tapes,” the darker the secrets being guarded are likely to be.
Yes! This is exactly what I experienced when I confronted FW. He had lists of things I had supposedly done to him. Some went back 30 years! Some were just crazy. And they were all twisted and made me look like some crazy monster. It was incredible. Like he had been writing down lists of things to throw in my face. At one point he said, “You had your foot on my neck!” I was like: WTF are you talking about?????
“…often start mentally building cases against partners in preparation for the moment the cat is let out of the bag. Many chumps describe seeing a FW do a sudden 180– going from supposedly mild mannered normal Joe or Jane to, say, channeling Jack Nicholson in The Shining. If partners confront FWs about suspicions of cheating, cheaters may explode in false or trumped up accusations so elaborate and ornate that it makes it seem the FW had been building this case in their heads for years.”
From your alias, I imagine you’re a doctor (genius, aren’t I?). The first thing you made me think is that that’s a very, very long “fall from grace” if some domestic terrorist decides to fabricate accusations, take your legs out, destroy your reputation and engage in character assassination against you. The more you have to lose, the bigger the gun pressed against your head feels.
My batterer swore blind he didn’t do anything. I would be black and blue all over (took pictures too) and he “never did anything”!
Oh, Attie. The total erasure of the event and negation of you are really on another level of chilling. On top of the violence, the denial is so psychotic– how would anyone not be left in fear of death? You must pinch yourself in disbelief every day you wake up and find yourself still kicking. No one should endure that.
Your story is familiar to me. One month before the discard, we went on a vacation with a group of friends. One family included a 15 year old girl. I got such a weird feeling one day I ended up staying up late to make sure nothing happened. I felt crazy. There was nothing I could put my finger on though. I felt like my ex (my husband at the time) and another woman were trying too hard to impress the teen girl. It felt off. I’ve never experienced that before so I’m not a person who was paranoid about grooming.
The next day, my grizzly bear (who was also on this trip) pulls me aside and asks me why my husband and this teen girls mother are talking about “big black cock” in front of all the children. WTF?! He was a victim of sexual abuse as a toddler in foster care and he was disturbed on that vacation. But I noticed it BEFORE he said something to me. So two adults, separately, got weird pedo vibes from these people. That was also the first time I was around them after I started treatment and got healthy. So maybe that’s why I never noticed it before. I think about that a lot. It’s so disturbing. But yeah, you’re totally right. When someone has a whole secret life, it probably gets really, really dark. Why else would they try so hard to hide it?
“Another predator says to undercover decoy, who is pretending to be twelve, that he will pretend to date her mother, move in with them and but really be with the decoy.” – That is some evil sick sh!t right there! And a warning to single moms to be extremely careful when dating!
And I think you are right: It is very possible that there is something even darker going on under the tip of the iceberg. In my case, with FW for 20 years, church every Sunday for the last 12 of those 20 years. I thought he just had a thing for damsels in distress, was too nice, and didn’t know where to draw the line when communicating with female customers. Didn’t realize he was f*cking them, too. The dark stuff didn’t come out until the very end which was me testing positive for an STD (curable, thank God) and catching him coming out of a hotel with a hooker. And then later finding evidence of additional hookers. It’s always worse than you know.
ImmaChump,
When you say “a warning to single moms to be extremely careful when dating!”, I hear you loud and clear. It is part of why I have no interest in dating once the FW and I split. I have a young teen daughter and it concerns me. I already know that my picker is broken, so it just seems risky. I figure, I will spend time single, work on myself, and if years down the road I am ready to date, when she is older and I feel confidant that I am better at reading people? Then maybe. But I am not sure that I will ever want to date again. I see plenty of older singles, particularly women, that are perfectly happy without a romantic partner. I think that might be where I end up. (Also, to be clear, I think single moms can date, I think I am taking it to an extreme because I am overly paranoid…I don’t want to come off like I judge moms for dating, I truly don’t)
I heard this same shit so much. “Well, it’s not like he’s breaking any laws” When my 40 year old ex was screwing 16 year old girls. I heard that from the mother of a 16 year old girl who lived in a state where it was very illegal. But since it’s not a crime four hours away where we live, she was totally fine with it. Blew my mind.
But it also makes me laugh because I heard that shit a lot. How nothing can be done because that’s not a crime. Welp, when you dance all around the line of what’s technically legal… he was arrested less than three years after the divorce. This FW will probably do the same. They have so much fun with the barely legal crowd and then they fuck up and dip into the not legal crowd with no understanding that decent people don’t go anywhere near that line so they can’t end up “accidentally” screwing a kid. Sick fuckers.
Adultery is still a crime in many states. It’s almost never enforced (and might well be declared unconstitutional if anyone tried to enforce it) but it’s still on the books in lots of places. I can only speak for the state of GA with certainty, but here you’ll never be arrested for it and it’s rarely worth even bringing it up in civil court, but it is most definitely still on the books as a crime.
So: not a crime for practical purposes, but if someone’s defense is “technically this isn’t a crime”, I think a reasonable response is “technically it is”. (Just googled it and looks like it’s not a crime in Texas, so I guess doesn’t apply in this particular circumstance but it’s easy to check your own state if you are running into this argument in your own life)
IG– I know one fault state I formerly lived in took adultery off the “blue law” books so adulterers couldn’t hide behind the fifth amendment. I’m not sure how adulterers could misuse the fifth amendment in that case– refuse to testify about their adulterous conduct or related issues like dissipation of assets? Something like that.
“decent people don’t go anywhere near that line so they can’t end up ‘accidentally’ screwing a kid.” That’s such a common sense point that it makes it that much more bizarre that this is literally the first time I’ve ever read it in print. In all the countless articles and papers I’ve ever read on underage sex scandals, minors in porn, child trafficking, “hebophilia,” etc., not one included this simple argument.
I’ve never seen it either and it’s weird to me that people don’t acknowledge it. When I was going through my divorce people often pointed out that screwing 16 year olds is legal here so it’s fine. I’m in my 40s. I would say to them, if a friend my age showed up to a party at my house with a 16 year old date, I would tell him or her to get the fuck out of my home and never come back and that would be the end of the friendship. I asked multiple people if they would really tolerate watching someone in their 40s cuddle with their teen sex partner in their home and people got really uncomfortable with me pointing that out and most either refused to answer or stuck to “well, it’s not illegal!” Some of these women had daughters in their teens. So, your friends can date your child? Or just her friends? That’s ok? Where’s the line?
I wouldn’t care if it was an 18 or 19 year old girl or even a woman in her early 20s. Ew, gross, I’m not associating with people my age who fuck people the age of the children in our friend group. You are disgusting, get the fuck out and never come back. It surprises me that people will tolerate that. I won’t. They can do what they want within the confines of the law but I would never associate with them on any level.
By I wouldn’t care if it was an 18 or 19 year old or even early 20s, I meant I wouldn’t associate with people my age who date those teens or young adults either. It’s all still gross. Totally legal, not pedophilia when they’re legal adults but still disgusting and I want nothing to do with it. And it is just as disgusting when women do it. Just to put that out there.
“I wouldn’t care if it was an 18 or 19 year old girl or even a woman in her early 20s”
Katie, agree. ANY adult should be able to think of themselves/friends in their teens/early twenties (vs. what they know now) and see why that’s a predatory “relationship.”
This is why I like “half-your-age-plus-seven” as a rule of thumb for adults.
Excuse me– “hebephilia.” I’m not sure whether it’s necessary to correctly spell a disorder made up by pedophiles to pretend raping thirteen year olds isn’t as bad as raping six year olds and the two things are categorically different. There was a prank thesaurus video on Youtube (that I can’t find now) in which the word “hebephilia” repeatedly flashes on screen but the AI voice-over keeps enunciating, “Pedophilia.” Like that.
Steve: “I knew it was kind of a no-no, but there’s not a rule saying it can’t happen,”
Wife: (checking marital vows) Found some right here.
University HR Dept.: Hold my beer….
That’s probably exactly how it went down lol.
I saw a video titled “7 things narcissists do when they lose control of you” which included description of blackmail tactics I haven’t seen discussed often enough– how “false accusations” from a narcissist may be a shot across the bow threatening an upcoming “smear campaign” if the victim doesn’t get in line: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HneSzPXChhM
I don’t know what the certs of the life coach hosting the segment are but she clearly has first-hand personal experience because the false-accusations-as-threat-of-pending-character-assassination maneuver is all too familiar. Did anyone else experience this? In my situation it was terrifying and, at least until I gathered forces and turned the tables, paralyzing.
The thing is, even if the implied threats seem lame and eventually prove ineffectual, the intent to hold the victim hostage with social blackmail and Victorian-style “ruin” isn’t benign. I think of it in terms of nasty small dogs. A really aggressive Pomeranian might only be able to nip your ankles when you’re strong and healthy. But it could kill a newborn and, if you had a stroke or hit your head and were lying immobile on the ground, that silly little gremlin could eat your face off.
Maybe if his wife’s job was more precarious due to unfair politics at the school, he could have gotten her sacked. He’s certainly tarnished her image as far as her future dating prospects. If the child welfare apparatus and dependency court in that region are sucky and corrupt, he could be setting the stage for a harrowing attack on custody. In any case, you just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that little Stevie previously spewed (likely ragingly, abusively) into Amber’s face all the personally and professionally compromising accusations that are tucked into his statement to the press below– she wore the pants, she bullied and exploited him, she neglected her children, etc. I think the statement was also a dog whistle to radical and sometimes violent “men’s rights/Red Pill” groups so, as it stands, she may get some flak. The statement to the press is likely just follow through on previous threats against his wife’s livelihood and possibly against her custody of the children. I did my own little UBT to prevent other chumps from getting brain cancer and acid flashbacks from reading this:
“I was the stay-at-home dad for five years with the kids [I’m the more devoted parent! Please don’t download hard drives to find dating apps and porn cache] while Amber got to [‘got to’ as in privileged! But when I work, it’s ‘had to’ and was ‘forced to’!] go off and coach the team and when she’d get back, I’d run practices on top of [oh the exploitation! #MeTooWhiny] taking care of the kids while she was back [never mind that I likely lobbied to run practices for access to college girls].”
“When they’d travel again [so much privilege and child neglect], I would sit back and take care of the kids [don’t ask kids if daddy had friends over for slumber parties]. Then when I got hired on, she almost forced me [almost held me at gunpoint, almost had a van full of thugs throw me bound into a black van and deliver me to practice. Minus gun, thugs and van] to run practices [while she cared for kids, which doesn’t count ’cause it’s in her lady DNA]. I was a volunteer the entire time [that long time no one else would hire me] before that trying to help out Amber [me so philanthropic]. Once I got hired on [never my goal when ‘helping.’ Cheaters never scheme and jockey themselves into proximity to bootie], one thing stemmed [things ‘stem’ all on their own without input from me] from another [whilst coaching Lulabelle to nail her baby split, my dick calibrated angle of entry on the cheesy cakes and other bowling double entendres]. I felt like I was doing too much [me so victim!] for what I was being valued at [if, as implied, the school also undervalued, why didn’t I also cheat on the administration by selling team secrets to rival bowling teams?].”
Yep, I experienced this. My ex literally accused me of being incestuous. He tried to claim I had sex with my uncle. My son heard this and thought I was the victim of sexual abuse as a child. I had to tell him nope, it’s completely made up. I have never had any sexual contact with any uncle or any family member and I was not sexually abused as a child by anyone. That was a “fun” conversation.
I don’t know what all he said to everyone but I know there were people I trusted who looked at me with a skeptical “I know something about you and you aren’t innocent here” kind of look when I went for help. When that happened with several people I really trusted, I gave up completely and cut everybody off. He had already completely destroyed my reputation.
If someone in your shoes was just one tiny step closer to poverty, just a hair away from losing their kids to the state because of, say, a kitchen fire they didn’t cause, lost their job because of the smear, lost their insurance and access to life-saving medicine, etc., the result would be full blown Dickensian “ruin” or even death.
His intent towards you in committing character assassination can’t be measured by outcome necessarily. In this case, you survived, probably due to pure grit. But it was no thanks to him. One little unfortunate twist of fate and his conduct could have cost you everything. To me, that’s the measure of someone’s intent. How things could have turned out if the victim had hit another run of bad luck, experienced loss or tragedy on top of it, sudden health problems, etc.
Yes! FW threatened to tell my kids. Something? Not even sure what it was he was going to tell them. What a dick!!
“…the false-accusations-as-threat-of-pending-character-assassination maneuver is all too familiar.”
It is called Institutional Sexual Assault. It does not matter if the victim is an adult. When one person has power over the other -playing time on a team, prison guard, teacher, etc.-the power imbalance make is illegal. Not sure about Texas but in Pennsylvania it is the law.
Oops, the Texas criminal law against school employees having improper relations with students only applies to secondary and primary schools as far as I can see. https://txpenalcode.com/sec-21-12/
Unless the law changed recently, it seem to be a felony in Texas. https://versustexas.com/fort-worth-sexual-assault-lawyer/educator-student/
“In the simplest terms, Texas law prohibits a teacher from having sexual contact with a student. Notice that Penal Code Section 21.12 (a) says this offense can be charged against any employee, from a janitor to a superintendent. The offense of Improper Relationship between Educator and Student is a second degree felony in Texas.”
I don’t know if the student is required to file the criminal complaint or not.
The vat of rotting fish is too good for this Man Whore! I believe a vat of piranhas would be more appropriate!
Predator coaches are amongst the worst in my book. 🤬🤬🤬
My ex-douche left the players alone, but had sex with several of the mothers.
And it seems like there are so many of them!
https://www.utsystem.edu/sites/policy-library/policies/uts-184-consensual-relationships
Yeah, it’s spelled out all right since the wedding vows weren’t specific enough for this cur.
2.1 A consensual sexual relationship, romantic relationship, or dating between a university supervisor and supervisee (as defined below and includes such a relationship between a faculty member and a student), regardless of whether the supervisory relationship is direct or indirect, is prohibited unless the relationship has been reported in advance and a plan to manage the conflict inherent in the relationship has been approved and documented. Such relationships are prohibited even if only a single event. If managing the conflict is not possible, the relationship is prohibited.
2.4 Athletic departments shall develop and implement stringent consensual relationship policies that prohibit all sexual relationships, romantic relationships, and dating between any member of the coaching or athletics administrative staff and any student athlete or student assigned to or associated with the athletic department, such as interns and student employees, unless approved by the President or designee.
https://www.sfasu.edu/docs/title-ix/overview-of-title-ix.pdf For added emphasis on his entitlement and stupidity.
Ha, this one hits closer to home for me. My high school teacher ex chose to date a former student, allegedly not until she was (barely) 20. He also seemed adamant that it’s fine and that they aren’t doing anything wrong and “why can’t I date a 20 year old student.”
I will say, I knew he was cheating but I had held out hope that it was some midlife crisis. When I found this out, it was my aha moment of knowing I could not stay in this relationship, because he clearly had no sense of right or wrong or even why this type of relationship (with the creepy power dynamics it entails) is gross even outside of the cheating. I remember just laughing at him. (I know, the cheating itself should have been enough, I had already kicked him out, but this extinguished that last bit of hopium).
One of my coworkers was married to the School Resource Officer at my daughters school. He had an affair with a student. The student may have been old enough to have it not be considered rape (and the school must not have known) because he only quit because the wife insisted and a condition of wreckonsillyation.
So Officer Cheater resumed affair, wife divorced him. Last I heard, Cheater was living in AP’s parents basement and they were trudging along in a weird relationship and he was unemployed.. Wife met great guy, married, moved, beautiful home, great job
Omg that’s my school. I hadn’t heard of this but good for them for throwing him out.
My Ex FW said the same about his habit of preying on all the beverage cart girls (and pro shop girls, and catering managers, and membership directors, basically all females…) at his golf course jobs for 16 years…”I didn’t do anything illegal. Immoral, yes, but nothing illegal.” We are talking 18 yr olds here. Disgusting. And never was he fired, reported, or held accountable, at least nothing that exposed him to me.
And lucky him, we also live in Texas.
omg(osh) – – I read about this, and I had made a wish that this would – someday – appear on your site. thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou
Total moron. She dodged a bullet with this one. Welcome to the other side, Amber! It’s a sh*t free world here.
Absolutely no sense of ethics or morality.
And yes, marriage is a contract. It is legally binding
Honestly, this could be an Onion column. His response is on the verge of being hysterically funny, if it weren’t so destructive and awful
Men like this really exist – he can say with a straight face someone is texting him “just” about how amazing he is
Very similar to the mindset of my ex, as there are no “laws” broken when he takes an employee 4 managerial levels down from him for lunch, who is in the accounting dept. “to discuss marketing and foreign language”
He even told HR about it – so they knew that he wasn’t breaking any “rules”
So deliberate
Thinking they are so much smarter and they are fooling everyone
Meanwell,
No doubt your cheater believes he is both a cunning linguist too 😖
Given how stupid cheaters can be, because of what they allow to do their thinking, maybe the phrase should be “dumber than a bag of cocks“, and the headline for today’s post should be edited accordingly.
Though this guy was pretty much a loser from the start, I am still amazed at the men who have so much and throw it all away for strange ass. I am willing to bet that not a one of them at the beginning thought for a minute they would get caught, despite the multitude of men crashing and burning for the same shit in the headlines almost daily now.
There can be no reason for that but pure stupidity. Egotistical, narcissist, entitled, yes but also just plain stupidity.
We had a similar scenario at my Alma Mater. A former quarterback who was well-known had a job at the University doing sports commentary. He had it made BUT he started spending too much time with the female volleyball players on his wife’s team she helped coach. She stayed with him. He got demoted but not fired. They have kids and it is a small town. I really admired him previously. No more.
Trust that they SUCK. What a piece of trash
Every SAHM could use the identical excuse for going outside the marriage
Affairs of
People raising kids at home or working from home or part time would soar. This DARVO genius did just what my STBXH did in being” so nice” for years, hiding out and abusing family and me,then being discovered. One minute past D day my STBXH had a whole story about me and the reason for his multiple strange OW and hurting my daughter.It was like he had been writing a screen play for years
.. for that moment he would be found out. It all makes sense now. The story he made up was a twisted blaming of me for not meeting his needs due to MY job, the job I had retired from 5 years before!! It was creative and he told everyone he met. My family, everyone in church, our whole neighborhood! He read from the script he had in his head FOR YEARS.WOW! CN nailed it by saying these maggots are prepped to charm themselves and the public and are ready to Go way before D day and forward. I am so thrilled to be NC with my cheater with a divorce almost here. He hurt our family so badly and my trust was poorly place. I’m so sorry I didn’t run for the hills with my daughter . My heart goes out to the chump wife Amber who stayed too long like most of us have. Trying to keep our jobs and family intact. This cheater will not go down without a loud long sad sausage wail, and then
there are sweet kids who love their daddy. It’s all too sad and the same story all over again. But YAYEE FOR TEXAS!!
Here’s what I conclude from this story, as someone who works with college athletes:
1. What better way to diminish and devalue his wife (who is his boss) than by having sex with the undergraduate athletes she coaches? It’s not just about his wandering trouser snake; it’s also about putting his highly successful wife (and boss) in her place by undermining her career, the team, and her relationship with the players?
2. One of the common behaviors of sexual predators in school athletic environments involves getting access to people to prey on. Often these people are coaches, assistant coaches or medical personnel. Sometimes these people molest hundreds of young people; sometimes they have “relationships.” It’s quite possible that this jackass was attracted to his wife’s success, her salary, and the access he could have as first a “volunteer” coach and later an official assistant coach.
The student athletes are, of course, victims–not just of a form of sexual assault but also of emotional abuse for so many reasons: the relationship hijacks their college years, elevates them in a sick way above their peers, taints and destroys their athletic careers and more.
This sounds like some kind of ‘A mighty wind’ B story character arc, with Jane Lynch as Amber, Paul Rudd as the douchey Steve and an jump cut him/her interview. I even hear it in his voice. And hers: “What really rang alarm bells for me was how amazing Steve admitted to being. I knew that was not my experience of him as a husband or as a person. So I got to work, digging out the truth. Didn’t take much, just like bowling – hit the right pin and it all falls over. And, honestly, Steve’s never been the slickest ball in the lane. If he were coverstock, he’d be plastic. ”
(Haha, I googled bowling terminology and came up with an article by the Steve himself about coverstock. He’s touting himself as some kind of authority. https://www.bowling.com/bowling-blog/bowling-balls/coverstocks-and-how-they-perform/)
It occurred to me the other week, that if we could smell people’s souls, we’d get an awful whiff of rotting flesh of the souls of some of them, especially betrayers, which is what cheats are!
Dante wrote in his “Inferno”, that the 2nd lowest ring of Hell, the one just above Satan’s , is reserved for betrayers!
Its just “Ethics” after all. Not like, a law or anything. ****sarcasm mixed with vomit***
He’s full of shit if he is saying there are no rules in his employment contract (“laws,” ok way to split hairs 🙄) against a coach sleeping with students.
I mean he’s full of shit in general, a veritable shit sandwich. But he’s also wrong about that.